Ep 562 - Goonicide (feat. Billy, Charles Blyzniuk, & Jon Delcollo)

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast: Episode 562 - "Goonicide" with Billy, Charles Blyzniuk, & Jon Delcollo

Release Date: June 4, 2025

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1. Weather Catastrophe and Its Aftermath [00:00 - 06:09]

The episode kicks off with Matt recounting a severe weather event his neighborhood recently endured.

• Matt [00:00]: "The wild, wild west. Holy, dude, we're here."

• Discussion Highlights:

  • Microburst Details: Matt describes an intense microburst that brought hail the size of apples and strong winds, leading to significant property damage.
  • Personal Impact: Matt shares personal anecdotes, including broken windows and the fear of having the roof collapse.

• Notable Quote:

  • Matt [05:00]: "It was literally raining golf balls for 15 minutes."

2. Matt's Home Depot Adventure: LARPing as a Contractor [06:10 - 14:39]

Following the weather discussion, Matt narrates his unconventional trip to Home Depot to secure materials for boarding up his windows.

• Key Points:

  • Preparation: Matt purchased plywood, circular saws, and other supplies, humorously trying to portray himself as a contractor.
  • Family Intervention: His uncle intervenes, urging him to return the excess materials, leading to a comedic exchange.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Matt [07:22]: "I'm at the Home Depot. He's like, dude, put all that stuff back."
  • Shane [08:08]: "Just. Dude having a tape measure on your hip. Here's the, here's, here's how deep the LARP went."

3. Navigating Personal Habits: Gooning and Sobriety [14:40 - 31:28]

The conversation shifts to personal lifestyles, particularly focusing on "gooning"—a term the hosts use to describe abstaining from sexual activities to harness energy and improve relationships.

• Key Discussions:

  • Matt's Journey: Matt shares that he's been eight days sober from gooning, noting significant mental and emotional changes.
  • Impact on Relationships: Discussions revolve around how abstaining affects interactions with partners, emphasizing open communication and emotional connection.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Matt [02:48]: "I'm eight days and I'm... completely off the goon."
  • Matt [30:27]: "Now if we're at any, at odds on any, like, by any means, I have to hash it out because it's like, that's the teat, bro."

4. Exploring Adult Entertainment and Cultural Norms [31:29 - 46:38]

The hosts delve into topics surrounding adult entertainment, including live sex shows and the cultural implications of such venues.

• Key Topics:

  • Live Sex Shows: Charles recounts experiences at birthday parties where live performances included explicit acts, leading to humorous yet cringeworthy memories.
  • Stripper Coffee Shops: The group discusses the feasibility and absurdity of integrating striptease elements into everyday establishments like coffee shops.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Charles [19:28]: "Have you watched Twin Peaks?"
  • Matt [22:48]: "You think that's the biggest dick in show and tell, it might be 14 inches."

5. Music Industry Insights: Rap Metal and Celebrity Behaviors [46:38 - 60:58]

A segment is dedicated to the intersection of music genres and the behaviors of well-known artists within the industry.

• Key Points:

  • Rap Metal Discussion: The hosts touch upon the rise of rap metal, referencing bands like Linkin Park and discussing the legacies of artists like Chester Bennington and Chris Cornell.
  • Celebrity Critiques: Conversations include critical takes on celebrities such as Eminem, Machine Gun Kelly, and references to conspiracy theories involving Glenn Greenwald.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Matt [35:00]: "If you've got it, you're gay."
  • Charles [35:49]: "He's like getting all he did."

6. The Role of AI and Online Interactions [56:13 - 58:30]

The podcast addresses the growing influence of artificial intelligence, particularly Chat GPT, and its implications on human behavior and online interactions.

• Key Discussions:

  • AI Dependence: The hosts critique how individuals rely on AI for personal issues, preferring digital interactions over real-world conversations.
  • Misuse of AI: They explore scenarios where AI could be exploited for negative purposes, such as generating harmful content or manifestos.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Matt [56:13]: "People are like, there."
  • Charles [58:30]: "I'm not saying he does look like. I'm just saying."

7. Electric Vehicles and Modern Transportation [60:00 - 65:45]

A lighter segment focuses on the evolution of transportation, specifically electric vehicles and the quirky designs of modern cars like the Cybertruck.

• Key Points:

  • Cybertruck Opinions: Mixed feelings are expressed about the Cybertruck's aesthetic and functionality, with humor interspersed about its perceived lack of practicality.
  • Alternative Transport Solutions: The hosts discuss alternatives like electric bicycles designed to mimic dirt bikes and the idea of abandoning personal cars in favor of services like Uber.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Matt [62:15]: "I hate your. I shouldn't do it. It's... irresponsible."
  • Shane [63:28]: "Luke Belmar's brother might be my favorite kind of, like, crazy web guy right now."

8. Communication Styles: Texting and Social Media [65:00 - 68:11]

The conversation turns to the nuances of modern communication, particularly the use of punctuation in texting and the influence of social media.

• Key Discussions:

  • Texting Habits: The hosts humorously critique each other's texting styles, such as the overuse of periods and semicolons, linking them to perceptions of personality traits.
  • Social Media Behavior: They briefly touch upon the behavior of public figures on platforms like Twitter, highlighting instances where inappropriate comments led to personal repercussions.

• Notable Quotes:

  • Charles [67:53]: "Fuck."
  • Matt [67:12]: "Why do you say haha? And at the beginning and the end, I was like, haha."

9. Concluding Remarks and Future Episodes [68:11 - End]

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the discussions and tease future content.

• Final Thoughts:

  • Encouragement to Support on Patreon: The episode concludes with an invitation for listeners to join their Patreon for extended conversations and content.

• Notable Quote:

  • Matt [68:11]: "Hello, everybody. That's the end of the regular episode. If you'd like to hear the next hour of conversation, please join us on the Patreon."

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Insights and Themes

• Balancing Humor with Serious Topics: The hosts adeptly intertwine humor with discussions on serious subjects like weather disasters, personal habits, and the impact of AI.

• Camaraderie Among Hosts and Guests: Billy and Charles add depth to the conversations, providing diverse perspectives and enhancing the dynamic between Matt and Shane.

• Cultural Commentary: Through their banter, the hosts offer commentary on contemporary issues in entertainment, technology, and societal norms.

Conclusions

Episode 562 of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" offers a blend of comedic storytelling and candid discussions on a variety of topics ranging from personal lifestyle choices to critiques of modern technology and celebrity culture. The inclusion of notable quotes with timestamps provides listeners with memorable moments, while the structured sections make the content accessible to both regular followers and newcomers alike.

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Note: Advertisements and promotional segments have been excluded from this summary to focus solely on the core content of the episode.

Transcript

[Matt]

The wild, wild west. Holy, dude, we're here. Charles Bliznick, John delcalo. Hello. Thank you guys for joining me on this program.

[Shane]

Thank you for having a special guest.

[Matt]

Popping in as well.

[Shane]

We do have a special guest coming.

[Billy]

Which is gonna sit right there, I think.

[Matt]

Sit right there.

[Billy]

You're gonna stand around them or you can stand.

[Matt]

You could stand on the chair.

[Shane]

We could do like. I don't mean to bring this up again, but we could do like an Usher style thing.

[Matt]

Bowl of cherries.

[Shane]

I just think serenade. But if you have cherries on hand, sure.

[Matt]

What do you think about Usher's bowl of cherries? Because you resist it. You think everyone talks. Big game.

[Shane]

I don't think. Never again.

[Matt]

Imagine him holding what looked like child's testicles in front of your face.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Imagine you're a 40 year old black lady. Could you not lick the simulated child's testicles if it was your biggest crush?

[Billy]

And there's male testicles. There's grown up testicles that look too, buddy.

[Matt]

Like steroid heads, dude. No, there's dude, cherry guys out there. I'm by no way a sack king. And I'm not. I'm not the cherries. I can comfortably be like. That's not a flex to be like.

[Shane]

Cherries, but it's like nice. Did you ever see the video of.

[Matt]

The bodybuilder checking my nuts right now? Yeah, dude.

[Billy]

I can't check you hard. I think I have.

[Matt]

Mine are like robin's eggs, you know, like the candy.

[Shane]

Yeah, mine are like.

[Matt]

Yeah, mine are like robin's eggs.

[Billy]

Like that.

[Matt]

Nice about that.

[Billy]

Yeah, I know.

[Shane]

It's like, yeah, robin's egg. Or like a Jordan almond. Yeah, for the. For the. For the people who are a little bit more refined.

[Matt]

A Brazil nut.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Oh, you nasty. You freak.

[Matt]

Jerry, I'm a bit freaky right now.

[Shane]

Freaky.

[Matt]

My freak is all inside me.

[Shane]

Brazil nuts are freaky as hell. Brazil nuts are so good.

[Charles]

What?

[Shane]

I like them.

[Matt]

Dude. They're the worst nuts.

[Shane]

I've only had them.

[Matt]

I'm not trying to come at you.

[Shane]

No, no, I get it. Pause. I've only had them salted, but that's when they're tasty.

[Matt]

Okay. Yeah, I've had them raw. Pause. Yeah. They say if you eat one brazil nut a day, it's supposed to be like super good for you.

[Shane]

Yeah, I don't think it.

[Matt]

I mean, I don't read raw, unsalted Brazil nuts. And they are. There's a huge jar on my counter. I was like, I'll put them here. I'll eat one every day.

[Shane]

Right? It's a chore.

[Matt]

They're gross, dude.

[Shane]

Yeah, I think whatever I'm doing with my life is probably canceling out anytime I eat a Brazil.

[Billy]

I think it's safe to say I'll never see a Brazil net in my entire life.

[Matt]

Really?

[Billy]

I'll never be able to identify a Brazil nut now.

[Matt]

Yeah, they're not. I mean, look, they're not the best, but look, this is what I want to talk to you guys about.

[Shane]

I mean, he gets carried away on perversions. Right at the beginning we didn't get.

[Matt]

We didn't get that perverted I can get right now. I could get deep into my personal kink, but I'm just chilling on that right now.

[Shane]

It's cool.

[Matt]

I want to talk about the fact I'm. I. Well, I, I'm edged right now, but I'm currently. I'm not gooning. I'm totally, totally still off the goon.

[Billy]

How many days?

[Matt]

Eight days.

[Billy]

Huh?

[Shane]

You can probably chew a hole through the wal.

[Matt]

I'm eight days and I'm. Dude, I'm telling you, you're gonna pop, brother. I turned a corner, man. I don't know what happened. I'm. I'm completely. And again, I'm sorry to talk about this every single time. Complete. It kind of is. I'm completely. I'm off the knock. I turned the corner where it's just like before, like I'd. I just like be wanting to look at it and now it's like I don't even. I don't want to look at this stuff.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I've somehow in my head just been like that feeling when I get like sexually charged. I, I, before I'd be like, this is like. I would get mad at my wife.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I, I would real be like this lady. Now I've gotten into it where I like that I get into the charge and I talk to her all the time and she charged me up this morning. I said, bro, just charge me, man. I was like, we're not, we can't do anything right now because you know, we like, we survived a microburst, by the way, so. You know what a microburst?

[Billy]

Is that a pre com?

[Matt]

No, it's gonna, there's gonna be a micro burst later today if all things go well. But we have no. We should have worn such light shorts. We had like a semi tornadic hailstorm.

[Shane]

Yes. Okay, wait. Y. Uber. I took an Uber here as soon as I Got in the. The guy was like, the weather's been crazy here. A couple people died yesterday. Oh. Oh. But yeah, apparently the weather wasn't even crazy yesterday.

[Matt]

Oh, it was hot. You can heat struck.

[Shane]

He was. He was kind of on one. He was may. I mean, maybe he was just in like Twilight Zone, but he said.

[Matt]

You mean like an immigrant? Is that what you're trying to say? If that's the case, dude, I. I'm afraid I have to put you in the red, my friend.

[Shane]

Yeah, put me in the red because I about to go off. He was.

[Matt]

Dude, a couple people got like drowned in the. In the floods. Like homeless guys got washed away in the water.

[Charles]

Really?

[Matt]

What were they sweeping up Obama's backyard? We're back in the green.

[Shane]

Thanks, man.

[Billy]

Got us back in the green.

[Matt]

What? Wait, who? When it flooded, maybe that's what. Oh, not yesterday, but like.

[Charles]

Like Saturday.

[Matt]

Remember those.

[Charles]

The.

[Matt]

The micro burst. The m. That was on Monday. Monday. Yeah, on Monday, dude, people definitely died. If you were outside, dude, they're. They're claiming apple size hail. That's.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's.

[Matt]

And it was 15 straight minutes. It was crazy. And the wind was, from what I saw, swirling because people thought it was a tornado.

[Billy]

Damn.

[Matt]

It was 80 miles out of nowhere. I got an alert on my phone. I was watching A New Hope with my kids. We're watching Star Wars. The first one.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Just chilling. All of a sudden it's like, you know, you get the Amber Alert thing or whatever.

[Billy]

That's not the same.

[Matt]

Yeah, true. My bad. You just get like your phone.

[Billy]

It's a real wet pervert coming to.

[Charles]

You.

[Matt]

About to get diddled by the weather. We got diddled by the way. It broke two of our windows. Whoa. My. Dude, My neighborhood got smashed, dude.

[Shane]

Oh my God.

[Matt]

Like, if you walked afterwards, did you.

[Billy]

Go outside in it?

[Matt]

Hell no, dude. We were in. Dude, I thought like my. I was. Had my kids away from the window. My sweet wife just left in an Uber moments before and they had to pull into like a car wash for shelter in an Uber. It was. It was. I've never been scared in a storm. This is the first time I was looking at my roof being like this thing might come down on us.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Billy]

Is that the craziest storm you've ever seen with your eyes?

[Matt]

Easily, dude. Easily. Wow. It was just literally raining golf balls for 15 minutes.

[Shane]

Damn.

[Matt]

Just going on the roof. Took out my kids, went two of my kids. Windows just side by side.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Billy]

What about car windows?

[Shane]

It might have been a.

[Matt]

Unfortunately it didn't storm. It was a bit of a purpose. Only my kids rooms and it. Dude. And they hit like if you want outside. After I went out afterwards when it settled down, I went to. I went to Home Depot after and just larped as a contractor.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's nice.

[Matt]

For like 30 minutes. I had. I just literally would.

[Billy]

I was genuinely as swinging it around.

[Matt]

Literally. That's exactly what I did. But I. I brought a tape measure with me. So I had the tape measure and. And like I knew it. It was like, bro, don't do this. But I like hooked it onto my belt clip and I was fully larping as a contractor the entire time.

[Billy]

You had a Netflix. All of a sudden, next cell phone. All of a sudden I. Dude, I would have.

[Matt]

I think I was pretending on my iPhone.

[Billy]

I was like, go troops.

[Matt]

Dude. I was in the aisle of just the duct tape aisle and I was trying to flex.

[Shane]

Yeah. Buying corn nuts.

[Matt]

Because there was all these couples. There's all these couples just walking around with that like lost. It was like we got. It was like genuinely a up event.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Did you just go to people watch and see what people are like severe.

[Matt]

No, don't go. I can't. I wouldn't go. Just people watch. I was fixing my damn house.

[Billy]

What were you going to get? Boards for the windows.

[Matt]

I need. I was looking for some pre cut. She not sheetrock. Some plywood. Look at some pre cut. 32 inch window. Standard 32 inch window. So I went there to go get some plywood. But you and I. You know, this is kind of a embarrassing but I was hoping they. Their saw would be there so they could cut my. From me.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So I go there. Dude, the Home depot was flooded itself so they couldn't cut for you. So I'm like looking around. I. You know what? I ended up buying some. Some pre cuts. They weren't big enough, but I put some other stuff on there. It was.

[Shane]

You got the process.

[Matt]

I had a. A shopping. Not a shopping cart. A big bed. Flatbed.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Load it with saw horses, a circular saw, sheets of plywood. My uncle called me who lives here and he was like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm at the Home Depot. He's like, dude, put all that.

[Billy]

I'm about to drop 10.

[Matt]

He's like literally a car. He's like literally a carpenter. He's like, dude, I can do that faster than you can go back and forth. Please put all that stuff back. And I was like, God damn it.

[Shane]

It's. It Feels good though, to almost. Dude, be like ready to buy that stuff.

[Matt]

I might do that.

[Shane]

I'll have to use it.

[Matt]

Just. Dude having a tape measure on your hip. Here's the, here's, here's how deep the LARP went. It's just like he got me when I was in the self checkout and I had a cart loaded 400 on the last item.

[Billy]

And then you're like, I actually have to return all this.

[Matt]

Well, you know what I said so come on in. Come on. Secret guest. Secret guest. Come on. You actually. You would love this. Come in. See the mayor.

[Charles]

Pass.

[Matt]

Pass in the mic. Oh, my God, there he is.

[Billy]

What up do?

[Matt]

Oh my God. Hold on a second. If you guys can't see the listeners at home, the lights are all blinking. Billy McCusker, welcome to the mother. You can set, you can sit, you can stand, whatever you want.

[Shane]

Would you like to take the standing?

[Billy]

We're going to sink.

[Matt]

Yeah. Last time his leg was broken. Look at it now. John, if you're. Didn't see you. If your legs fail, you get.

[Billy]

Yeah, they're feeling pretty good right now. But my ego just took a hit from you.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

You guys have the cherries ready?

[Matt]

Bowl of cherries?

[Charles]

No.

[Matt]

All right. Anyway, I don't even know. You know we got hit by a microburst, right? I told you that solar flare. No, no microburst. In terms of the hail. We had apple size hail and also tell me about hello. At least learn about the culture. So we got smashed. I told them I went immediately afterwards. Once the weather settled I went to Home Depot to get supplies to board the windows up. Fully larped as a contractor and it had a tape measure on my waist and then like I had all this shit at the plywood. I had a circular saw. I had some blades. How many what? Teeth blades do you prefer on the circ saw.

[Charles]

I mean yeah, I think I had.

[Matt]

Like 30, 30, 52 teeth. I forget.

[Charles]

I didn't want to Home Depot with the state measures either an immigrant or fake because they can't read.

[Billy]

Yeah, real contractor just eyes it up.

[Matt]

I think they know the matches well it's funny because they do have. They had like four by two or two by and I'd have to be like what's that an inches? So then I loaded up this flatbed because I had to board up my windows.

[Charles]

Dude, why did you have to do it?

[Matt]

Because I'm the man of the house.

[Charles]

That's like a no brainer the whole.

[Matt]

What are you talking about?

[Charles]

Just pay someone to do that.

[Matt]

Yeah, but dude, it was like you don't understand man. Like the whole neighborhood we had probably 25 windows out on our block. So like everyone was slammed.

[Billy]

All the handyman.

[Matt]

I could have gotten care of it easily also too. I was kind of stoked. I was like now I always wanted like saw horses and like circular saw.

[Charles]

My bought it all.

[Matt]

I had my cart in the self checkout. Uncle Joe called me and was like bro, put it all back. Because he had talked to Brittany and Brittany's like please help, please stop him. I would have cut my finger. I have I guess like a little pitch thing behind My yard, I would have been on like a long levels. I would have cut my arm off. So I had, dude, I had. I was deep in the LARP and I had my tape measure on my hip. I'm in self checkout and I get the. It's just my uncle calling me. I put it back loser. And I was like, I put it down. I had all this on my cart and I went to the lady, I was like, job just got cancelled.

[Billy]

Did you put it back or did you leave it?

[Matt]

I bushed it into the dial and his bed.

[Charles]

I mean you steal from self checkout. He's not returning cars.

[Matt]

I don't steal from self checkout anymore. But I'm just following the the noble Eightfold way. But the dude, I, I, I found out you can't steal even if you're a Buddhist. I'm like, damn, that's nobody wants you stealing.

[Charles]

I don't think any religions like you stealing.

[Matt]

They don't. I've checked it. I'm trying one that does.

[Billy]

If you find it, let me know. Until then I'm atheist again.

[Shane]

I guess this would be, this is rude to suggest, but isn't the Church of Satan. Maybe they would do without will. Yeah, don't. Aren't they like.

[Billy]

No, they're like, they're nice. Yeah.

[Matt]

But no, you could steal, but then they could destroy you. Oh, so that's natural law, brother.

[Shane]

Yeah. So you don't want that hanging over your head.

[Matt]

I don't want to get destroyed.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

But I did beach the thing. That was easy. I beach the car and I was like, I'm not dealing with this.

[Shane]

How do you. Because that does feel. Were you charged, if you don't mind my asking, were you charged when you were leaving? Like when you were at when this was going on?

[Billy]

Like how you're charged up right now, bro.

[Matt]

I thrive on the chaos, brother. I love, I love.

[Billy]

He was putting energy on the grid after that.

[Matt]

I'm just, I know that was I. How many days have I retained my seed?

[Shane]

No, I'm just thinking like leaving, leaving Home Depot to like come back. Must feel good. Like still in the mindset.

[Matt]

Well, here's the thing. I still got the necessary supplies. I got a pre cut piece of plywood, some. I got some gorilla that was, I was still. I'd been completely just crushed by my uncle. Sonned by my uncle. Just him and my wife teamed up on me like put it back you freaks. And then I went to the duct tape aisle and there was a couple.

[Shane]

You gotta punch A window out.

[Matt]

I literally got, like, handicucked by my uncle. Just devastated. But then I had to still. She's like, just get some duct tape and we'll like, oh, my God. Good call.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Good call, boss. And then I was in the duct tape aisle, and I saw a couple, and I still kind of duct tape cooked. Nice, dude. Because they were looking at. They're looking at painter's tape. And I was like, brother, you're gonna want some gorilla tape on that. I still had it. I was like, at least I gotta still hold up a little bit.

[Shane]

Yeah. Be like, yeah, I can tell you're about 2 inches in pants.

[Charles]

Have you seen Twin Peaks?

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Charles]

Have you watched Twin Peaks?

[Billy]

I have not.

[Charles]

Dude, right now, from this angle, you remind me of the giant from Twin Peaks. Look at the giant from Twin Peaks. It's just like, Bliss is crazy.

[Billy]

I do get that reference from this angle.

[Charles]

Looks just like the giant's a beast. Just crazy. Also, watch her. No offense, Gavi. You look identical to Joaquin in that.

[Matt]

What's he look like?

[Charles]

Her. You ever see Joaquin her me up when he.

[Matt]

Is that when he has sex with.

[Charles]

Like, Alexa, he falls in love with the os.

[Matt]

What's the os?

[Charles]

Operating system.

[Matt]

Oh, really?

[Charles]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

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[Matt]

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The Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA Members FDIC Spot Me. Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file.

[Billy]

Fees apply at out of network ATMs. Bank ranking and number of ATMs according to US News and World Report 2023.

[Matt]

Time checking account required.

[Charles]

It's. It's nuts. What is. Yeah, that looks like blitz. That's a giant for fucking twin Peaks. It looks identical.

[Matt]

But yeah, I got completely crushed, man. In that storm. We got. Dude, we got up. I mean, I was waiting. I don't want to be the first person to say it, but. But we're all Austin Strong.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Hashtag.

[Billy]

So wait, did you convince that guy who was clearly about to paint his house to get gorilla tape instead?

[Matt]

Oh, he got his wife trying to get in. Well, they were like, thanks. Like, oh, thanks. And I was like, yeah, man, this and there. His wife kind of gave me a look like, okay, man, that's enough of your duck. Please get the out of my face.

[Billy]

Next time you need to go in there with the tape measure on and the wireless head set. But it's clearly not plugged into anything. It's just dragging on the floor behind you. I think you're going to want a different kind of tape, actually.

[Shane]

You guys still sell hot dogs?

[Matt]

Gotta try the sausages outside.

[Charles]

Brocco's is atrocious. I will never eat.

[Matt]

Places suck.

[Charles]

Have you never had it Rocco's? I've never had it.

[Billy]

It's not bad.

[Charles]

That's what everyone says.

[Billy]

It is not bad. It's a fine sausage and pepper sandwich.

[Matt]

You can't it up. Yeah, it's a hot. It's a hot dog. Yeah, it's a hot dog for adults.

[Billy]

And they make a half hot, half sweet too, dude. So if you can't decide, best of both worlds.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's.

[Matt]

That's kind of weird. I think that much about a sausage sauce.

[Billy]

You don't spend a lot of time thinking about sausage, bro.

[Matt]

No. Be like, I want it hot but sweet too. No, I'm kidding.

[Billy]

One bite, turning around.

[Matt]

I'm joking.

[Billy]

My lady's driving and I'm in the fucking passenger seat like this.

[Matt]

You're eating them both like this.

[Charles]

You ever been to show and tell?

[Billy]

Huh?

[Charles]

You ever see a live girl sex show?

[Billy]

Unfortunately, yeah, they have that.

[Charles]

It's like a double dildo.

[Matt]

I've seen the dough battle.

[Billy]

Crazy. Yeah. That's why rockers made the double sided.

[Matt]

Rocco should sponsors that brought me there for my birthday.

[Charles]

My 21st birthday was me, Matt, my cousin. We want this show and tell.

[Billy]

Oh, that was my 18th birthday as well.

[Matt]

Yeah, I groomed Billy and my younger.

[Charles]

Cousin put me up on stage. I got whipped and like an Asian woman put like whipped cream up my nose and I thought it was funny, like, snorted it. But then I woke up and like my nose just smelled like curdled milk. No, not the tranny. Don't try that. Never mind.

[Matt]

Sorry.

[Charles]

Never mind. Ally.

[Matt]

She was not by the way. She was not by the way.

[Charles]

She. I know, but allegedly, that lady, my.

[Matt]

Boy, that, that was. That wasn't true.

[Charles]

My boy Cookie got a laugh. He said, she's told me I had the biggest dick she's ever seen. And we were like 18. I was like, yeah, dude, they're strippers. He wasn't hip to the skit.

[Matt]

She was telling him.

[Charles]

She was telling us, this is the biggest dick I've ever seen.

[Matt]

Oh, dude, really? He believed it.

[Charles]

100 Italian.

[Billy]

Have you seen his piece?

[Shane]

Definitely.

[Billy]

Have you seen his piece? And you know it's not true. You know the woman's lying on his piece.

[Charles]

No. Yeah, okay. He's not some freak show. If you go. If you're the biggest dick in show and tell, it might be 14 inches.

[Matt]

Yeah, true.

[Charles]

There's some.

[Matt]

There's probably strippers of bigger dicks. Show and hell is crazy. I would say people go to Philadelphia. It's like, definitely.

[Charles]

I don't even know if it's open anymore.

[Matt]

Maybe got closed down.

[Billy]

It is. Can confirm. I went. They took me.

[Charles]

It's an 18 year old party.

[Billy]

18 year old birthday party for me. Because you only have to be 18. Yeah, other side.

[Charles]

21.

[Billy]

Yeah. And I was just like, don't. Just don't put me on the stage. And then they say John Doe color to the stage. And it's the woman with the biggest hits I've ever seen that have ever existed. And she's doing the whipped cream. I eat the whipped cream off her. Off her butt and her fart. And. And then I. And then I'm like this with my belt, holding my hands back and I'm like, why do they call you Bubbles? Because I like to blow. And I was like, oh, God, they.

[Matt]

Beat the shit out of you too.

[Shane]

Yeah, they really did.

[Billy]

Well, it's on me.

[Matt]

They really hurt you.

[Shane]

They really, like.

[Matt]

Have you been to show and Tell?

[Shane]

I've actually never been.

[Matt]

Dude, they do. Imagine. Okay, so imagine, you know, like, you ever see like ladies in like Kensington, like dipped out in the bus stop? Imagine them naked.

[Charles]

Not that sucking.

[Matt]

No, dude, when I went there, it was. These women were like pure Austinian dude. Huh?

[Charles]

Elite. It's not that bad.

[Matt]

No, dude, when I was there, they were for real. Skeletor. They waved. They were. I don't want to be Crass on this, but they were like inserting vaginal insertion.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And they waved it out in the crowd. They were so bad. Dudes went like.

[Charles]

Well, whoever's going to do the live sex show probably is pretty rough. But not every one of them was.

[Matt]

Not everyone but the live sex workers.

[Charles]

I'm an ally. So true.

[Matt]

Obviously.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I mean, that's your business. I don't. The deepest bits of hell.

[Shane]

But you remember one time you and I drove by the Pennsport club in Philly. They shared their butthole in there.

[Charles]

They do.

[Matt]

I was whispered on a lane, by the way. Yeah.

[Shane]

No, that's what you.

[Matt]

I had heard.

[Shane]

There's a selling point.

[Matt]

Look again. Someone. I was curious. I obviously was on my mind, but we passed. My boy said someone, a stripper showed them his butt or butthole and yeah, look, that's cool. They show be hole in the bed. I think that's like a putty on the tits place too. I don't want to mess their license up, but I think a stripper accidentally revealed her butthole.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah. It was an accident.

[Charles]

There's a loophole or not loophole. There's a thing with like serving food. Yeah.

[Matt]

You serve food, you can't show your titties.

[Charles]

I don't think it can be full nude.

[Billy]

No. I think it's if they serve alcohol. If it's byo, they can get completely naked. If they serve alcohol, they can't take their bottoms off. And I think they have to have the pasties on a lot of pleasure domes as well.

[Matt]

What's up?

[Billy]

Delilah's serves beer so they don't get fully naked.

[Matt]

Yeah, but what's like the worry about, like, genitals and food. It should be like hair nets in the latex gloves.

[Billy]

We'd have to ask our forefathers about that.

[Matt]

True.

[Billy]

That's an antiquated law.

[Matt]

Make them dress like lunch ladies.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's true. It's. It's like. It's that and then like liquor stores closed on Sunday. It's like those are the two Quaker laws that still exist.

[Matt]

You gotta put those ladies pussies away if you're serving corned beef. Yeah, they should. That'd be a cool strip club. That was just like a high school cafeteria.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And it was just like stripper lunch ladies serving you food.

[Shane]

That'd be nice. And they were.

[Matt]

You like, grab their titties and get like mashed potatoes.

[Charles]

Real situations. That would actually be real. Yeah, like you just have a whole warehouse of real situations. You can walk an alley or what? An alleyway or like a grocery store.

[Matt]

Yeah, just ladies.

[Shane]

And everyone. Everyone has to wear like the other electrician little like boots over their. Over their feet.

[Charles]

That's a good idea.

[Matt]

Oh, they're little like home booties.

[Shane]

Yeah. Because they serve food.

[Matt]

True.

[Shane]

It's a grocery store.

[Matt]

10. A slutty grocery store would be nice.

[Shane]

That's. That's a very tantalizing possibility.

[Matt]

There's a coffee shop that if you want to stand. I don't know.

[Shane]

Wait, this.

[Matt]

Where is it? In Florida. Yeah, it had my dad up.

[Charles]

Bro, that's called gun aside. It's not gunasad. The guy who went through the baristas, dude.

[Matt]

He got busted on the first recorded case of Gudus side.

[Charles]

That's for real. He went through his pants down. The chick was like, what are you doing? He's like I'm sorry. And then drove off and killed himself.

[Shane]

She was filming it. Yeah, he was. He pulled up in the Hellcat too.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Which was also. It's supposed to be a like a coffee shop that has like scantily clad women.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Billy]

But you can see in the reflection of the guy's car, the woman is fully clothed.

[Charles]

Yes.

[Billy]

Like she's trying to beat his dick to a lady in a full on jeans and a T shirt. And then she catches him on video and he drives to another parking lot and blows his head off.

[Charles]

And then they all say that laughing. But they like all these people went and like started screaming I can't goon. And like taking a knee. They protested outside of it. I swear to God. I swear to God. This is a while ago.

[Matt]

Wait, so he mayor might have been.

[Charles]

In charge of Facebook group. He was a brother.

[Matt]

Damn. So he pulled up on the stripper coffee shop.

[Billy]

Yeah, I just trying to get a quick beat in while he gets a hot coffee.

[Charles]

They're asking for it. Dude. Not the athletic. You can't be naked. Can't go morning boners getting coffee. It's like kind of.

[Billy]

Yeah. If I don't have to get out of my car, then I don't have to stop masturbating. That's the rule at a coffee shop.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's like kind of on you. I thought you're on a headset behind a screen like wizard of Vosta.

[Charles]

Yeah, I didn't know the more you'll take clothes off.

[Matt]

What?

[Charles]

Allegedly. Supposedly.

[Matt]

What's the place called again?

[Charles]

Baristas. But it's no longer there down in Florida.

[Matt]

What happened?

[Shane]

They put up a statue.

[Matt]

They put a statue of the Gooner.

[Charles]

They put a wall. They tore it down, put a water fountain in the ground as a memorial. No, I have no idea. They. I probably just closed. Probably tough to run one of those. What stripper coffee place. Like baristas are already brutal and strippers are already brutal. You put it together and it's probably like.

[Matt]

At least in that case it would make sense if they're like not even gonna tip. It's like, dude, bust out your tits like 100.

[Billy]

You don't even have perky. Ariela. Like, what's going on? What is wrong with you today? You wore a bridal work. What is wrong?

[Matt]

I'm all about the Starbucks uniform. They're on strike right now because they're.

[Charles]

Gonna let their freak flag fly.

[Matt]

They can't wear Crocs and they're like, we deserve them Karl Marx status. Like put. Take your Crocs off. You're 40 years old. You have a college degree. Where's the slacks, man? You're. You're working for a giant corporation.

[Shane]

It's a service job.

[Charles]

Philly Food is unionizing or trying to.

[Matt]

Who is.

[Charles]

The Philly holds Whole Foods.

[Matt]

They're trying to union the parkway. Yeah, they've been trying to do that forever.

[Charles]

Yeah, I stand.

[Matt]

You know that there's a coffee shop in Philly in Fairmount. They try to unionize and the dude shut the entire. Closed all of them down. Ocf. Oh yeah.

[Billy]

Well, they're like also a scumbag realtor.

[Charles]

Yeah. Aren't they worst of both worlds?

[Matt]

Yeah, he's a developer. Look, hey man, allegedly. I've heard he's a bit of a motherfucker.

[Shane]

That's pretty. I mean that's.

[Matt]

It is kind of evil.

[Shane]

It's all brand that shit down.

[Matt]

It's on brand for an evil developer just unionized. Yeah, that's fine. I'll take away everyone's job.

[Billy]

No one gets coffee now.

[Shane]

Yeah, well, anyway.

[Matt]

True.

[Shane]

Shut it down.

[Charles]

I was at a birthday party for a kid and there was a dude with a neck brace at the birthday party. And my uncle called it a Jewish turtleneck. It's the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. I've been telling that everyone I know. Jewish turtleneck is the funniest shit I've ever heard in my life.

[Shane]

Wait, just. Also everything around this and you just say the guys names. That's like the. You have to.

[Matt]

What kids party were you at?

[Charles]

Our one cousin's daughter.

[Matt]

Oh, right, right, right.

[Charles]

Yeah, it was her second birthday.

[Matt]

Who was wearing the jt.

[Charles]

It was like his father in law or something.

[Billy]

The Jewish turtlene.

[Charles]

I've been laughing about ever since. Oh, it's.

[Matt]

I mean, that's pretty great. Dang, that's, that's embarrassing going out with one of those.

[Shane]

I know.

[Matt]

Yeah. Pretty much stay the home.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

If you can't look behind you. Huh.

[Charles]

I had to be in Austin for a week with a knee scooter. Dude, I hate talk like that.

[Matt]

You can still look around.

[Charles]

I couldn't, I could not turn.

[Matt]

You couldn't turn your neck like that?

[Charles]

No, I couldn't turn my body.

[Matt]

Yeah, but you can still look me if you do. That's okay. Fair enough.

[Charles]

But like, like I'd rather have my legs.

[Shane]

There's like something too debilitating about the neck brace.

[Matt]

Exactly.

[Shane]

It's like Frankenstein. Yeah. It just makes you so like cumbersome.

[Matt]

Also, I don't know a single person who's ever actually needed one of those things. They're for like when you're laying in traction in a hospital bed, right?

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You're not supposed to like put that on.

[Charles]

Could be for like spine surgery.

[Matt]

True. Could be. But if that case, stay the.

[Billy]

Yeah. If you're coming off a spine surgery, do you need to go to this two year old's birthday party?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Charles]

Fever, you know?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Charles]

You want to get outside and chill with people.

[Matt]

True, true. Let's see what the chair runner up to.

[Charles]

That's all I got.

[Matt]

Damn, that's pretty good.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That was a lot of podcast that crashed it down. It was so good.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

How many. Not to get personal. How many days you have in you in terms of like, you're not. We're, we've made a pact as brothers.

[Charles]

Me watching porn or jerking out, like not watching. I come.

[Billy]

Coming.

[Matt]

Everyone's journey is different. But I'm, I'm no, I'm no. Pmo. Porn, masturbation, orgasm. I have broken this. February. Since February. Yeah. All right. I can't wait to get some time.

[Billy]

I'm sorry, you're saying you haven't orgasmed?

[Charles]

No, no, no. Jerked it. My sheath takes care of that. Dude, I, I'm good.

[Billy]

Are you saying the same thing? It's been eight days since you've. I have exploded.

[Matt]

Only I've, I've been trying to do this for like seven years.

[Charles]

Is like a testosterone spike. Allegedly.

[Matt]

Hey, I'm on eight right now. It's pretty clear. But yeah, yeah, dude, I, I now.

[Billy]

It'S punching the brick wall. Before you got here.

[Matt]

It's It's. I'm just like, it's only my wife can release me. I. I cannot bear to masturbate myself.

[Billy]

I like the game of saving it for mommy for sure.

[Matt]

Did you get to tell her too?

[Billy]

But every once in a while, she's in a work call, and this has to happen now. That's.

[Matt]

That's when you have to sublimate the energy and learn. Once you flip that switch, where you go, like. Like, this energy is good. Before I'd go, this is bad. I shouldn't feel like this. Now I'm going, like, this is how I am supposed to feel.

[Charles]

Clean. So, like, clean out your car.

[Matt]

Yep.

[Charles]

That'll really, like, just take the edge off a little bit.

[Billy]

Okay.

[Matt]

All right, dude. And then a lot of. I just tell her, I wake up in the morning, I say, babe, I don't know if today's the day. It's okay if it's not, but just feel it, see where I'm at. She goes, my God. I go, yeah.

[Billy]

Oh, my God. Well, let's see if it gets bigger.

[Matt]

I. On a serious note, it's like, I think the best thing you could possibly do in a long term relationship because you. If you have the goon escape latch, it. Your whole. You can't exist like that.

[Billy]

It is. It can be rough. There can be. It is months of like, oh, wow. I just. I guess I just have been beating off and forgetting that I live with a lady for a few weeks here.

[Matt]

Or if you come to. If you come to, like, conflict, if you have the escape latch, it allows you to just be like, whatever and, you know, you just. You slowly drift apart.

[Billy]

Yes.

[Matt]

But like, now if we're at any, at odds on any, like, like, by any means, I have to hash it out because it's like, that's. That's the teat, bro. I'm like a baby on the teeth. That's my only. That's my lifeline. So. And it makes you like, dude, after like seven days, your babe just becomes like a goddess. You're just like, oh, my God.

[Billy]

I mean, after three days, if you, like, brush against her in the kitchen, you're like, put the baby to bed. We have to come back now. They have to go.

[Matt]

Three days. They're the enemy. You gotta get through that. Three days ago, why the did you do this to me? Do you not care about me at all?

[Billy]

You're doing this, Juice.

[Matt]

I'm telling you, I've matured. I flipped the switch. Now I just go, babe, dude, I had her Literally the morning I said, just charge me up, Charge me up. I'm your toy soldier. Spin my top, dude. Send me right out of the world.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Matt]

Again. I hit the Home Depot parking lot like I'm a contract, dude.

[Shane]

You were, like, living out, like, a. Like a romance novel.

[Matt]

It's kind of sick.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Honestly, I feel like if I watch.

[Shane]

One of my wife's, like, half sweet.

[Matt]

Half hot sausage, dude, I feel like at this point, I could watch the Notebook with my wife and be like, babe, this is so good right now. I would do that. I would build you that house even though you're having sex with that other guy for 10 years. Yeah, dude, it's been. I. I can't. I. I mean, I can't recommend it enough off the goonage. Just totally off the go.

[Charles]

They say if things are free, you're the product.

[Billy]

Don't look at me like that again, man.

[Matt]

Write that down.

[Charles]

Simply too good. Now, you look at chicks having sex, hot ones, and nothing happens. Something happens, bro.

[Matt]

Yep.

[Charles]

You have to deal with that.

[Matt]

Usually just them dying.

[Charles]

You know what?

[Matt]

Those ladies die all the time. Those porn star ladies.

[Billy]

Yeah. They're like young rappers now. It's like I never. Never even heard of Busky Bunny, but boy, were her tits nice. Rest in peace.

[Matt]

Yeah, they also died in a mall parking lot. Sorry, that's terrible.

[Billy]

Shot by rival porn stars.

[Shane]

That'd be actually. If you could stand it. You become, like, the no jumper of. Of just insane young pornosaurus.

[Matt]

I would never put myself in that position. Or maybe jail, huh?

[Charles]

Is he in jail?

[Matt]

Who?

[Charles]

Adam22.

[Matt]

Oh, he's not in jail. No.

[Shane]

He's rebuilding his business, right?

[Matt]

I think so. I think he made some systemic change month. I think he. I think he made some. I think they reversed the DEI stuff, and he was like, all right.

[Charles]

Probably got a tax credit for letting that dude hit.

[Shane]

Bring in a few more guys with crew cuts.

[Charles]

Like mine.

[Matt]

I watched an interview with him recently. It was. I just saw pieces of it, but there was a. You know Jin Lee, the rapper from the Dallas based rapper?

[Billy]

You just tell me about him.

[Matt]

White guy. He.

[Charles]

Is that the one Drew Ski just made fun of?

[Matt]

No. Drew Ski came at my bro, Belly Gang Kush. Well, he goes by Belly again. Pushing Tin was his name, but I saw him correct. Someone like. He just called me Kush.

[Shane]

Okay. Thanks for Kurt.

[Matt]

Yeah. Put some respect on him.

[Shane]

But, yeah, my bad.

[Matt]

Belly Gang Kush is half black. He was great. He just. He was just raised by a black family. Okay. Jin Lee is a White boy. Certified white boy. But both have raised a stir by their use of the N word in their raps. Yeah, it's a debate. It's a controversy.

[Charles]

Yeah, you guys are losing your chokehold on that.

[Matt]

It's slipping, dude. White. White rappers haven't powered up. They found the stone and they've powered up with it. It's crazy.

[Charles]

Just know, you let this happen. You stood by Idol mentally.

[Matt]

Hold on.

[Billy]

When Eminem says it is over.

[Charles]

Yeah. He never.

[Billy]

We won. We finally won rap.

[Charles]

He's a purist.

[Matt]

Yeah. He won't. It's too late for him to do it. It's gotta kill him.

[Billy]

Being like, it's gonna be on his last album.

[Matt]

You think so?

[Billy]

He's gonna be 80 years old on his deathbed. Like, it's time to say it.

[Matt]

I don't think so. Like Hillary Clinton or something.

[Shane]

Yeah, maybe now. I mean, he's like, Machine Gun Kelly's like, pop now, but he's probably a little ticked off if you want to.

[Charles]

Put him in a box. I hate Machine Gun Kelly with the passion. Ate him.

[Billy]

Bop. Honestly, I think.

[Matt]

Look, I don't. I. Yeah, I. I hear you. It's not. It's not for me. I do think he's the perfect celebrity. He, like. He wears, like, Frankenstein boots and just kind of, like, does weird stuff. He's like. He's like. He's at least filling the celebrity archetype perfectly. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Just like a disastrous private life with dresses like a complete freak.

[Billy]

Hot guy makes bops. Love him.

[Charles]

It's like you throw it on playlist.

[Billy]

I've only heard the Twitter clip where he's, like, doing, like, beating.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Billy]

It's all right.

[Matt]

It's all right.

[Billy]

It's got that emo vibe from the mid 2000s.

[Matt]

I didn't listen to emo back in the day. I was rap metal.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I couldn't rap metal. Rap metal.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

311 executioners. What do you think I was talking about?

[Charles]

I didn't know what you were talking about, honestly.

[Matt]

You don't know what? Rap metal? Lip biscuit. I was like, break stuff. Obviously, I would get charged up, but.

[Shane]

About Lincoln park for sure.

[Matt]

Some my feelings, I'd put on the lp.

[Charles]

Chester speaks to you?

[Matt]

Chester does speak to me. Dude.

[Charles]

Rip him. And Chris Cornell.

[Matt]

What happened to Chris? He died, too.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

How do you die?

[Billy]

It was a murder suicide. With Chester?

[Charles]

Yes. That's what they say. They say that they were, like, doing a documentary on pedophilia and they iced them.

[Matt]

What? Chester? N. You Ever look up the pictures.

[Charles]

Of John Podesta and Chester Bennington?

[Matt]

No.

[Charles]

Not to get off track, but it's crazy.

[Billy]

Also involved in that. Who's an hashall and Hash. The lady that.

[Charles]

Oh, yeah, that, like, popped up, like, the undertaker.

[Billy]

Wasn't there also a rumor that she was involved in?

[Charles]

Yeah, that. That came and went. What the. I was thinking about something else that was. That had something to do with that the other day. I can't remember.

[Matt]

You know who's. You were telling me about? Glenn Greenwald's. Yeah, I'm all about when dudes get outed for, like, crazy sexual stuff. Whenever they're like, yeah, that's what I do.

[Billy]

Lift him up.

[Matt]

I kind of like that. I'm being honest. Even Destiny, when Destiny was like, even Destiny, you have to root for a guy.

[Charles]

He's literally a pedophile. He's, like, getting Destiny the online, like, Adderall out. Twitch Streamer.

[Billy]

Okay.

[Charles]

He was, like, sexting young girls.

[Matt]

What?

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. If you have that on, you have that.

[Charles]

No quarter.

[Matt]

Otherwise, you got to say. Allegedly.

[Charles]

Allegedly.

[Matt]

How do you know this?

[Charles]

I'm on the Net, bro. I've seen this.

[Matt]

Fair enough.

[Charles]

Yeah. Destiny is. I mean, he is a sexual deviant, much like Glenn Greenwald. The only thing I like when there's a totally.

[Matt]

It was a two adults. If he wants to lick up loogies from his daddy. That's right. What's your problem?

[Shane]

Oh, I didn't know what he did.

[Matt]

Dude, the picture's so funny.

[Charles]

He's having, like, spun fun with his boyfriend friend. What's that, like, getting cloudy and rowdy? Meth. He looks like he's meth out.

[Matt]

You can't just keep saying all this stuff. You have to. Have to run this.

[Charles]

I'm not saying he does look like. I'm just saying.

[Matt]

You said he was having sponge fun.

[Shane]

You're allowed to say this if you're not standing at the podium.

[Billy]

If you're standing at the podium, you can say anything you want without saying.

[Charles]

His eyes are dialing.

[Matt]

He looks spun out for sure. Yes, but have you ever been under total control by a daddy?

[Charles]

No.

[Matt]

He could just be charged up.

[Billy]

Not yet.

[Shane]

Daddy. Wait, what's the guy from Euphoria?

[Matt]

Domination.

[Shane]

Daddy.

[Matt]

He was being. Being dumb, dude. He was in the throes of being domed.

[Charles]

Yeah. In her Joaquin's Phoenix sexting username is big guy 4x4. It's great.

[Shane]

He's cosplaying.

[Charles]

He was having phone sex with the girl at the beginning. He's like, what's your screen names? Like big guy 4x4.

[Matt]

Hold on. So the Glenn Greenwald situation, that was. It was a video guy.

[Charles]

They say he released it on some real dom.

[Matt]

Oh, his dom released it?

[Charles]

Allegedly.

[Matt]

I think. Yeah. He might have gotten down by the Israeli government if I'm that.

[Charles]

That's what. That's what they say. Yeah. But I don't know. I mean I just couldn't imagine what the post not clarity to getting domed and putting the video up on Twitter and then finally jerk it after like a two day edge and just be.

[Matt]

Like, that's why I'm off the board. Dude, that's a pornhole. Yeah, the pornholes beyond. I mean, dude, to put the video.

[Shane]

Up after my brother.

[Matt]

I was talking to my brother Tom about this. He's also porn sober and he was like reading about like how far dudes take their pornholes. Dude, like you think you know, he was like talking about how he's like, yeah, you think you're bad and you research with some other people. Oh, dude, it's crazy. Dude. There was. What the did? He was like, he said this guy came out of a pornhole by his wife finding like he had like ordered butt plugs for himself. And his wife was just like, what are these? And he was like, bro, I was goon.

[Billy]

I was completely good boy, pacifiers. Put one in your mouth.

[Matt]

They calm me down. I got my. I was like telling my wife again, I'll be talking about everything now, but I was like telling her best friends. I was just like, dude, I was like, bro, I'm off the nog. Just trying to like, she'd be impressed. And she was like, why do you even have to look at it anyway? It's like, what are you talking about? She's like, why don't you just masturbate? And I was like, what are you talking about?

[Charles]

Why.

[Matt]

Why do I have to explain this?

[Shane]

Like, speak on the. It's a lifestyle.

[Matt]

Yeah, well, think about it. Because it's a bunch of naked ladies. Stuff I'll never ever see in real life. Yeah, but she's right. Why the would I need that?

[Charles]

Have you ever tried to find your dick twin?

[Matt]

My dick twin?

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

In porn?

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I don't if I see anyone. Even like, if someone's. If someone's not, it's like an apple.

[Charles]

H and only fans.

[Billy]

Wait, are you out there actively searching for your dick?

[Charles]

I'm just curious.

[Billy]

You don't find I'm a total size.

[Matt]

Dude, if someone's even close to me, I'm going, brother. What are you doing? Get it.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Become a electrician, dude.

[Shane]

Make to the site. Pass the model.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yo, bro, I hate to break it to you. I think you don't have what it takes, kid. I think you need to.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Get a new job, brother. Yeah.

[Shane]

Are you gonna be. Are you gonna be using a toy at any point? I don't think this can get done.

[Charles]

Could be a Mugsy Bogues out there just waiting to come through. Come to porn goat.

[Matt]

True. Could. That could be. I mean. Yeah. You'd have to make it up in passion, though. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Shane]

Yeah, that's true.

[Charles]

Be a channel monster.

[Matt]

But I. I have a feeling.

[Shane]

What?

[Matt]

No, no. I might be. Yeah.

[Shane]

Can you become, like, a star for, like, the ladies?

[Matt]

If you did, you could do, right. You could do, like. Yeah. You could do, like, passionate, like women's porn. Kind of that point. Just become, like, a actor.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Billy]

Yeah. Just go to Hollywood. Get an SNL dude.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Or like a soapy vampire.

[Charles]

Write a hit song.

[Shane]

That'd be cool.

[Matt]

Yeah. So I. Speaking of which, I. I have a. I have like, a feeling that might be my dick twin. The guy. The red hair guy is like, who? Anthony. Oliver Anthony.

[Charles]

Oh.

[Matt]

Oh. I feel like we probably are addicted to it, if I had a guess. Yeah. I don't want to. You know. Not bad. We're average.

[Billy]

We need to see that guy's piece.

[Matt]

There's no way. That guy's a huge piece. You don't. You can't rally against the right. I think you can't really get a bourgeois. Yeah.

[Shane]

Not everything's.

[Billy]

He's wearing pretty tight jeans in that performance, that famous performance. I think we would have. Somebody would have zoomed in on his. On his piece if it was something that. To write home about. Write a song about, you know, he's.

[Matt]

Got a working man's piece. He's a working man through and through.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So I think if you had to get. If someone had it. That's probably my addiction. So unless he releases his next tape, it's not bad.

[Charles]

He's.

[Shane]

You know, I think that's probably, like, pretty good.

[Matt]

It's probably 6:1.

[Billy]

You can probably get his personal information, and then you guys can probably exchange pictures of your hard penises with a. A certain can or bottle next to it to make sure you're both sized up equally.

[Matt]

True.

[Billy]

And we don't even have to do this in public. You know, you just be private.

[Matt]

The Gauntlet Stone. He's got a pretty busy schedule. I Might DM him. What are you working on? Curious. Love your stuff.

[Shane]

Love your new song.

[Matt]

Love your message. Like, what are you working with, bro? I think we might be dick twins.

[Billy]

Gonna be an Austin anytime soon. I'm at a urinal right now, and there's nobody next to me.

[Shane]

That'd be nice to just develop over years, just develop a relationship with this guy and then eventually, like, a cult sort of thing, you know? And then just eventually be like, can I show you my penis? Just for research purposes.

[Matt]

I might start doing this to everyone who features just getting hammered and me like, bro, let me see what you got. If it's bigger.

[Charles]

It'S bigger.

[Matt]

You can't open for me?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Charles]

That is Diddy.

[Matt]

That is Diddy. Guys. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. You might not realize it, but guys face tons of pressure. Talk about any stigmas. Men face tons of stigmas. We can't express our emotions, dude, and it's just not fair. We need a therapist to teach us how to do that. That speak on the difficulties men face when seeking help with mental health. Yeah, you know, sometimes you. You feel like a weak little girl, but you gotta, you know, overcome that and be a man in therapy. And outside of therapy, real strength isn't about bottling everything up inside and hiding your faults. It's acknowledging that you need help and doing something about it. If you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world, talk to someone. A friend, a family, or a professional. BetterHelp has. Has over 35,000 licensed therapists you can connect with. Yeah, I think it's a good thing. You should definitely do it, guys. Millions of people rely on BetterHelp. And based on the many reviews and 4.9 ratings in the App Store, it works. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with BetterHelp, our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com MSSP that's BetterHelp Help. H E L p.com MSSP well, you think Diddy was doing that?

[Charles]

I heard he was on cleanup. I was on some Glenn.

[Matt]

Why? I just want to see. I just want to know.

[Charles]

I can't say Glenn Greenwald's name without getting all he did.

[Matt]

He owned it.

[Charles]

Did he? Allegedly was cleaning up the decks.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Billy]

Like, slurping out the old juices off the.

[Charles]

Check out the holes, crevices, whatever.

[Billy]

That guy really, really likes it both ways, it seems.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

What do you mean?

[Shane]

Bad life?

[Matt]

Yeah, he's just.

[Billy]

He likes lady juices and guy juices, it seems like. Yeah.

[Matt]

He. According to the court documents. Yeah. You could draw the conclusion that he was just. He. He had transcended like sexuality. Sexuality. Yeah.

[Billy]

Well, there's the thing. Once you. Once you every hot lady, the next thing is boys.

[Charles]

It's like David Bowie, guys. David Bowie? Yeah. Yeah. They say David Bowie did that every so many checks. I was like, I'll fuck dudes on care. Yeah, but he had a swag about him. Daddy likes angry. You can't be angry and do that if you're.

[Billy]

If you haven't 1000 ladies. 4 digit ladies. And you guys, you're gay. You a thousand ladies. And now you start. Guys. You're just the man.

[Matt]

Yeah. You're just.

[Charles]

You've transcended modern day Maro Vespucci.

[Billy]

I'm more of a DeSoto guy myself.

[Shane]

The. The. Because they did it in like hotels, right? Like the freak offs man show. Oh, they did it. Okay. So they like. It was just in homes.

[Billy]

Was it his own personal.

[Shane]

That's what I was trying to figure out.

[Matt]

Okay, so there were a couple venues.

[Shane]

They were like ghost hunt with like a. One of those machines.

[Billy]

Yeah, Everything is the color of gum.

[Matt]

Well, there's. There's the freak off. Then there's Wild King nights. Wild King Nights. A little more low key. Wild King nights were like if we all got a hotel room and just kept it low key.

[Charles]

I've been hit with that on Instagram.

[Matt]

And no chicks lights.

[Charles]

Just like swingers vlogging.

[Matt]

You're on. You're on the swinger algorithm.

[Charles]

I'm on. My algorithm is destroyed.

[Shane]

I've seen the. This. The one swinger that you go. She like, travels.

[Charles]

Yes.

[Shane]

Okay. She like travels and like I said.

[Matt]

Me and Bliss saying gay algorithm.

[Charles]

Yeah, I'm in there.

[Billy]

Wait, the thing. The swinger chick is single. Don't you have to be a couple to be a swinger? I don't think.

[Charles]

You probably just can't bring dudes.

[Shane]

Dudes.

[Charles]

You know what I mean.

[Billy]

Okay.

[Shane]

No, it's not Sub girl. It's like a different lady who the content. Yeah. Shout out. I didn't know she was still rocking. That's what's up. Wait, hold on. Actually, now that we.

[Charles]

Who is sub Girl?

[Matt]

Yeah, who's sub girl?

[Shane]

Lamar May, can you.

[Matt]

America, you approach the bench.

[Charles]

She's just a lady who's willing to take on all channels challenges. Like Bonnie Blake.

[Matt]

No, she's like, no size no, Credence is too. She'll take all challenges. Any guy.

[Billy]

Oh, fellas, too. She's including the old guys. That's nice. They're all including the old guys nowadays. That's very nice.

[Matt]

Really. That. That's the one thing, man.

[Billy]

I don't like seeing it, but I'm very happy for the guys.

[Matt]

True.

[Shane]

Yeah, she's like. I guess she kind of. I forgot about her. She's like the originator of all this stuff. A little bit.

[Billy]

Sub girl. She got her cloud stolen, I think.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Stand up.

[Matt]

Dude. I have plenty of room.

[Billy]

Him.

[Matt]

Take it. Yeah, take him, boy.

[Shane]

But yeah, she kind of shades.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

She kind of, like, led the charge and then now it's. There's two ladies who are, like, losing their wait.

[Charles]

Usually anal prolo.

[Billy]

Well, there's three, like, there's three really running gunners. You got Bonnie, you got Lily Phillips, and you got Wisconsin Tiff. Who's in the mix now.

[Matt]

Wisconsin Tiff. What is this, like the slut presidential primary?

[Billy]

Yeah, she. Apparently, from what I've heard from a friend who's into this kind of thing, she's banned from a bunch of old homes because she was going in and all the geezers and now they're like.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's like the Joker.

[Matt]

If you're going to be a giant disgusting, might as well.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I shouldn't speak badly about her, but she. You are, actually. That's being a giant.

[Shane]

I think she's. I think she's like.

[Matt]

I think that's spot on.

[Shane]

Yeah, I think she's like, in. She's like. Like, I am a giant, disgusting horror. Yeah, they're all pretty approach. Yeah, she's like, No, I. Yeah, you're right. Like, if you called her that.

[Matt]

I know you are, but what am I kind of. I mean, going through the nursing home is like. That's kind of nice. In a weird way. I feel like that's.

[Billy]

It's philanthropy.

[Shane]

It's like a reward for being locked up during Company.

[Matt]

I mean, imagine you're just sitting there.

[Charles]

Put on a ventilator.

[Matt]

You're just like, where's my family? I haven't seen them. And it's. A lady comes in. In and blows you.

[Shane]

It's like, why are they.

[Matt]

Who's. Who's kicking her out?

[Charles]

I would think I'd die.

[Billy]

Also the orderies that she wasn't.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah. More some big. The Jamaican orderly. What the hell you doing, girl? Get it out of your mouth now. Oh, that be sick.

[Shane]

Yeah, I think I'm gonna eat Your. You must be mad.

[Matt]

I love that.

[Shane]

I love that mad ting.

[John]

This episode is brought to you by Dude Wipes. If you're still dry wiping with toilet paper, you need to stop being an A hole to your B hole and switch to Dude Wipes. Isn't that funny?

[Matt]

That is fine.

[John]

Whoever wrote this, give me a call. I need some material. I made the switch myself. And the difference, let me tell you, is real Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss. And the convenience of their flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. No more. Juggling rolls are settling for less than adequate wipes. Are you tired of juggling rolls, Matt? For sure, they leave no room for dingleberries.

[Matt]

All right.

[John]

Or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss.

[Matt]

Yeah, leave those on the floor.

[John]

The butt crumbs?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[John]

Plus, they're extra large for adults. I like that. Because you are not a baby. So stop using baby wipes, ditch the itch and switch to wet extra large flushable Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes. Best clean. Pants down. Available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide.

[Matt]

This episode is brought to you by Degree Original Cool Rush deodorant.

[John]

So remember last year, people got really mad when Degree changed their Cool Rush formula. One dude even started a petition. Guess what? ° listened, admitted they messed up, and are bringing back the original Cool Rush scent. They're bringing it back.

[Matt]

You've got to love it when a brand can own its mistakes, right?

[John]

And it's in Walmart, Target, and other stores now for under $4. So you'll soon know why it's been the number one men's antiperspirant for the last decade.

[Matt]

The OG degree cool rush is back.

[John]

Hey, Matt. Smells like a victory for all of us.

[Matt]

Couldn't agree more.

[Charles]

I know you're with a rock that hard.

[Matt]

Here are the Project rocks. Yeah.

[Billy]

Damn, dude.

[Matt]

Yeah. This is Project rocks.

[Billy]

I wouldn't wear pants either if I was you.

[Matt]

What are you talking about? Oh, no. You're saying my project rocks. I'm wearing my bathing suit right now. I'm going swimming after this.

[Shane]

It's like a nice, like, pause. This is like a nice set you got on. Like a gray.

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm grayed out.

[Shane]

It's like a good, nice summer.

[Matt]

I. I got the buttons going.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's good. I.

[Matt]

Thank you, bro.

[Shane]

Sorry, I got distracted. Something about the rock.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah, dude. His shoes from Under Armour. Shane hooked me up.

[Shane]

Honestly, under armour, all the YNs. I want to be a YN dressed like a YN. They all wear like. They all Wear like, Under Armour tracksuits. It's cool.

[Charles]

A young nuisance.

[Shane]

Yeah. In Philly, there's like a particular uniform and it's like, it looks. Yeah, it's like Under Armour.

[Charles]

No, that's Baltimore. Baltimore with. I know what you're talking about.

[Matt]

I'm not gonna.

[Charles]

On the whole city of Baltimore.

[Matt]

I'm not just saying this. I'm giving you an honest, unbiased opinion. Shane hooked me up with Under Armour sneakers. And they're my favorite shoes right now.

[Charles]

You used to beg to suck them on Twitter.

[Matt]

Oh, the Rock. Yeah, I used to. I. A long time ago. I didn't suck them. I said. I said we were gonna jerk off together. I used to sit in the ro. Totally different. I used to send the Rock gay tweets.

[Charles]

Like Dutch Rudder or just together?

[Matt]

Just the around. I thought it was funny to send him gay tweets. And I would send them to people. I tweeted the Rock and my mom found them and called me furious.

[Shane]

Yeah, What. What are you.

[Matt]

What are you doing online? Damn. She found.

[Billy]

What are you doing on Twitter, Mom.

[Matt]

Yeah, Three follows my all the time. I, like, call every now and again. I saw that one thing. It was not very nice. But you said. I'm like, I don't know.

[Charles]

What.

[Matt]

What did I say? You're using not nice language.

[Billy]

You told the Rock you were going to tie his hands behind his back. That is not a nice thing to say to Dwayne Johnson.

[Matt]

I was like, dude, it was like 10 years ago. I was a boy. I was a boy and I would send the Rock. I thought it was hilarious.

[Shane]

He probably just a kid.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's coming off a divorce.

[Shane]

Yeah. Dude, come on. That's gooned out.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

That was huge news.

[Billy]

The Rock just made the cool ass movie. God. Rewind. Cut that out. San Andreas. That's what I was trying to think.

[Matt]

He's been sleeping, man. When's the next big hit coming out?

[Billy]

You didn't see the Christmas movie that cost $250 million on Netflix? Yeah, red one is actually pretty good.

[Charles]

Oh, it's like his Marvel movie. Yeah.

[Matt]

For real.

[Billy]

It was a big. It was $250 million to make. And you know how much the Rock got paid for that?

[Charles]

That 150.

[Billy]

But I still thought that was a lot, you guys.

[Charles]

That was probably made for the ccp, though. Yeah, they probably like, oh, it was a flop button China. Everyone's like, that's what I was thinking.

[Matt]

What was it about?

[Charles]

No clue.

[Billy]

It was. It was like. It Was like, the Rock is a secret service for Santa Claus.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Billy]

So if people are trying to attack Santa Claus.

[Charles]

Marvel movie.

[Billy]

No.

[Charles]

Is he a Marvel dude too?

[Billy]

Yeah. He's Black Adam.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Charles]

That one flopped.

[Billy]

I think he's D.C. and I think.

[Matt]

It was their biggest Black Adam flopped. Yeah.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That's funny. They're trying to get in on that Black Panther thing. Like, we'll just have a black guy named Adam.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Charles]

It just sounds like a Chichester nickname for a black kid. Every black kid in Chichester was black. Whatever their name is. It's insane. So that's Black Kev. It's crazy.

[Matt]

What was Black Adam's superpower?

[Charles]

No, slow.

[Matt]

What the Was Shazam. Superpowers.

[Charles]

He was a genie. His every power is super. That's so lazy.

[Billy]

I mean, not even excited about saying the power. So it must not be great.

[Matt]

So he can see through things. He can freeze with his breath. He has super strength.

[Charles]

Super speed.

[Matt]

He shoots lightning.

[Charles]

No lighting was big.

[Matt]

The wisdom of Solomon the wizard man.

[Billy]

Oh, so he was willing to cut a baby in half to find out who the right mother was. So wise.

[Matt]

So he was a. He was a king. Yeah, he was a king.

[Shane]

I'm an Israelite. Super Israelite.

[Charles]

I'm actually an Israelite. A plus blood type. Huge in Israel.

[Matt]

Really?

[Charles]

Yep.

[Shane]

Huh.

[Matt]

You have the A. You have the Rh.

[Charles]

No. A plus.

[Matt]

What the. What does that even give you blood powers? Is it like universal donor?

[Charles]

No. Not even close. It's like three or four them.

[Matt]

What?

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You just start when you. When, like, I might be part. You just kind of get a 6 sense of a plane's about to fly into a building.

[Charles]

You're like, hold on, I'm gonna be late today.

[Shane]

I had that migraine earlier. I should have paid attention to it.

[Charles]

I guess someone instant messaged me not to come in.

[Matt]

I don't know. I don't know my blood type.

[Shane]

Wait. The guy's name in her.

[Charles]

Which one? Big guy.

[Shane]

4X4 4.

[Billy]

You don't come to Norton.

[Charles]

Dude. Her is rough. Dude. That's crazy. I hate cucking. And that's pretty bad.

[Matt]

Wait. What are you talking about?

[Shane]

That's gonna.

[Matt]

Why is he getting. Is he getting cucked?

[Charles]

He gets cooked by his os.

[Billy]

Yeah. He finds out. He finds out that she also is the operating system for millions of other men.

[Charles]

Yeah. It's like how much of them he loves? Like641. What the. It's pretty bad.

[Matt]

Dang. That movie was kind of ahead of its time. Because people are happy.

[Charles]

It's like, way ahead of its time. It's like, scary to watch now.

[Matt]

Yeah. Cuz people are having, like, serious crises around chat gbt and AI people are like, following it like a religious cult and stuff.

[Shane]

Whoa, really?

[Matt]

Yeah, people are like, there.

[Shane]

People who, like, who are like, tremendously insecure, who, like, ask chat GPT for, like, advice. It's like, dude, just call me. I guess I'll talk to you.

[Matt]

Yeah, that is pretty cool. You could do brutal honesty and be like, dude, what do you think of me? Here are some pics. Shoot you straight. Great. Destroy me. It could Jordan Peterson. You the chat gbt.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

But yeah, you can do it. It's like, to step up from googling yourself. You could be like, yeah, scour the web for anything I've ever done. My pictures. What do you think of me, man?

[Billy]

And destroy me. I want to come.

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm trying. I got nine days in me and I'm trying to.

[Charles]

I was thinking about the. The white version of south side Chicago. Just comment section. Senseless violence and horrendous things constantly for no reason.

[Matt]

You know I go there, right?

[Charles]

I know, yeah. I'm just saying, like, it's bad there.

[Matt]

It's chill.

[Charles]

I go there and I can relate because sometimes you go online, you see horrible things written about you and it's senseless. Honestly, I'm about to start concerts or something, trying to end this stuff.

[Matt]

Yeah, they do have to end the word violence online. It's not nice. Are you still stuck in the comments?

[Charles]

No, dude, I don't read anything borderline illiterate.

[Matt]

Really?

[Charles]

Lord of the Rings is the only thing I'm reading.

[Matt]

So you have no idea what your haters are up to?

[Charles]

No, none whatsoever.

[Matt]

Get someone. Get someone. D. Just go to chat GBT and be like, bro, scan the comments, give me honest report.

[Shane]

Zero in on one guy.

[Billy]

Yeah. Get a. Get a real diluted sense of. Of everything at once.

[Charles]

Both things you're thinking about.

[Matt]

All right, that would be nice. On if you're just a commenter. Just be like, yo, explain why this guy is the gayest guy ever. Yeah, Huge paragraph.

[Shane]

Yeah. And then can you write like a manifesto for me and, like, put his name on it?

[Charles]

Definitely gonna have a manifesto at some point. Dude, Chat gbt. Those ones, they turn out every time there's a shooting, whatever.

[Shane]

Oh, true.

[Matt]

No, you can't do GBT won't do that. If you're like, write me a manifestation.

[Charles]

You can hack Chat gbt.

[Matt]

How? What do you do?

[Charles]

And they could do whatever the. You Want. Allegedly. I have no idea.

[Matt]

Lamar hacked it, I think.

[Charles]

I bet he did.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah. It's not a hack.

[Billy]

Why would you not be allowed to do that chat?

[Matt]

GBT is, like, gay.

[Charles]

No.

[Matt]

It'll, like, flag you if you, like. If you're like. It'll be like. Just so you know, this up. This violates our user policy. But then it could. It'll. It'll, like. It'll delve into certain things.

[Billy]

I just wanted you to call something gay.

[Matt]

Gay.

[Billy]

What is the big deal?

[Shane]

Grok.

[Charles]

Much light.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Charles]

If you put in super crazy mode. Elon's based. Yeah, I tried.

[Billy]

GRA called me gay when I did that.

[Charles]

Not to talk on Elon in his own state, but.

[Matt]

True.

[Charles]

Dude, apparently.

[Matt]

Wasn't he crunk at a dinner or something and everyone.

[Shane]

Yeah, he was on one.

[Charles]

Oh. And he had the four forks and he was, like, flying them.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Charles]

I don't know. That's crunk, but that's, like, cool. It's a mental disorder.

[Matt]

True. I think he just up. Yeah. They're trying to say he was on ketamine. He might just be.

[Billy]

And ecstasy.

[Shane]

Might just be trying to impress, which.

[Billy]

Is, like, a very funny thing to be on around Trump.

[Charles]

Yeah, it's like a speedball kind of thing.

[Billy]

Yeah. Like hippie flipping, but crazier.

[Matt]

Yeah, that would be kind of weird.

[Charles]

I don't think he was. I think that was just.

[Matt]

I think he was just being.

[Charles]

I think he was just being severely autistic at dinner.

[Matt]

Just trying to plan his new company. Just like four forks of the Vector 9. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone hates on him, man. I. I get it. I get. I know he's, like, a nerd, but I don't know. I still don't know why people, like, hate the guy.

[Charles]

Trust him.

[Matt]

The passion.

[Shane]

I don't care.

[Billy]

He's annoying, and he's very lame on Twitter, I think.

[Matt]

Yeah, he's a. He's a giant dork. He's in charge of rocket ships.

[Billy]

I think the cyber is cool, though.

[Matt]

Cybertruck.

[Charles]

The Swastikar. No, thanks.

[Billy]

I thought it was cool two months.

[Charles]

Ago, dude, they call it the Gen Xler mobile.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Someone, like, tweeted a picture of a cyber truck work at Kanye west, and he was like, elon, how can I get this version of the cybertruck?

[Matt]

I don't want what I don't like. I think it's a form of weakness when people have the Tesla and have the bumper sticker.

[Billy]

It's like, got it before he was bad.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I think that's the weakest you can possibly.

[Billy]

Yeah, just draw a swastika on the back and man up. Get what you deserve.

[Shane]

So tough.

[Matt]

Yeah, exactly.

[Shane]

The bus.

[Charles]

You could easily trade your car. Car in. Yeah, like you were really trying to hit them in the pockets.

[Matt]

Although to be fair, they. They say that it reduces your T by 18 to drive your vehicle. Yeah. So that could.

[Charles]

That is kind of low T6 diesel pre emissions, brother.

[Billy]

I just keep a cup of gasoline in my test.

[Matt]

Oh yeah, you have a Tesla.

[Billy]

You have a test, have a car. Does my girlfriend have a Tesla then? I don't.

[Charles]

What did. Oh, you got an Uber Back to. Yeah. Okay, never mind. Uber drives longer now. Oh yeah, commute's longer.

[Matt]

I've been, I've been pitching my wife on the idea of trading in both of our cars so she can get something for herself. And I don't, I'm like, I just won't have a car.

[Charles]

Get a side by side. Those like off roading cars, yo, they're street legal. Really?

[Billy]

Oh, just like the roll cage. Yeah. All the time.

[Charles]

Or a slingshot.

[Matt]

Slingshot would be tight.

[Charles]

Slingshot be crazy.

[Matt]

I want to get one of those electric bicycles but make it look like a dirt b. Dirt bike. So an electric. Dirt electric bicycle it looks like.

[Billy]

Yeah. Those things are sick. They sell them now for like 5 GS that just already look like it.

[Matt]

I could trade my car and get like three of them. Three different colors.

[Billy]

I'll just buy your car, dude. If that's how cheap it is.

[Matt]

Yeah. I'm trying to pitch my wife on the idea that I'm just like going to stop driving all together.

[Billy]

An Uber everywhere.

[Charles]

Just Uber?

[Matt]

Yeah. Just ride Ubers.

[Billy]

Yeah, why not?

[Matt]

And get like a electric bicycle.

[Billy]

I don't really like driving that much anymore. Anymore.

[Matt]

I hate your. I shouldn't do it. It's. It's like irresponsible. I don't pay attention to anything I'm doing. I'm not paying attention at all.

[Charles]

Get a self driving car.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Emf. So low on my tea. Although if I have got a gas.

[Charles]

One, make it happen.

[Matt]

Gas self driver.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Do they have. They don't have that.

[Charles]

No. Well maybe they do. The Chevys and stuff have like drive assist and not full blown auto. Like automated driving. But I don't think the electricity is the reason that it's self driving. Driving.

[Matt]

Yeah, but I mean like, I don't know. I don't want a self driving Chevy Cruz. It's gonna crash.

[Charles]

Get a side by side.

[Shane]

What about the. Aren't the. The new Hummers are electric, which is.

[Matt]

Are they really?

[Shane]

Yeah, I. My Uber driver earlier was, like, geeked on him. He was like, can't blame him. Yeah. One drove by us, and then, like, whole minutes later, he's like, did you see that car? I was like. Like, no. He was like, it was the Hummer. It was the new Hummer. He was very excited, but apparent. I don't.

[Matt]

But electric Hummer would be sick.

[Shane]

Electric Hummer would be sick. But I Wonder if the EMFs. If there's, like, some device I could wear.

[Matt]

Like an X ray shield.

[Charles]

Yeah, Square one of those lead things from the dentist.

[Matt]

That's what I'm saying. Wear like an X. Wear an X ray shield on your crotch, though.

[Billy]

It's got to be on your crotch.

[Shane]

Maybe it comes with it. It's, like, bulletproof.

[Matt]

True that. I. I saw that one podcast, and now I'm up on Electric cars. I'm just like. It was like a clip on Instagram.

[Shane]

Luke Belmar's brother.

[Matt]

It could be.

[Charles]

Dude Dud split in front of the dates. Yeah. Guy's a freak.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Luke Belmar's brother might be my favorite kind of, like, crazy web guy right now.

[Shane]

I don't know, dude.

[Matt]

He kind of spits facts. Dude, he does spit facts. Yeah, bro. If you're driving. If you're driving, it's a. It's the most, like, unrelatable. He's like, look, man, because I drive a Lamborghini, I want my body to be shredded to match my car. We should all be matching our car.

[Shane]

Yeah. And then he just goes into, like, Denny's and Sons, the waiter, he's like, I actually can't do anything here because it's all cooked in seed oil.

[Charles]

We're all good here, bro.

[Matt]

Gotta bounce, brother.

[Charles]

Did you watch the Sorry Brother Liver King Untold?

[Matt]

No. What is that?

[Charles]

The Untold. Like, you know, like ESPN Untold or whatever the it is.

[Matt]

What was that on?

[Charles]

No one's watched it.

[Billy]

No.

[Charles]

Netflix?

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Charles]

It's Liver King's, like, whole backstory. It's crazy.

[Matt]

What?

[Charles]

They just hire dudes that come in. Like, rich dudes will hire, like, a marketing team.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Charles]

Like, pump up their Instagram for no reason.

[Matt]

Yeah. You get a pr. Oh, it's like a PR firm.

[Charles]

You're like, belmar still.

[Billy]

So did he not need to eat all that raw meat?

[Charles]

No, he did okay. He was on insane pain.

[Billy]

He's not doing good, right?

[Charles]

No, he's losing an eye.

[Shane]

Oh, wow.

[Matt]

Oh, why is he losing his eye.

[Billy]

Because he hasn't had a proper meal in the past three years.

[Charles]

He got like hit or something in his eye and it like deteriorated his corner.

[Matt]

Who struck who? Who committed regicide against the Liver King?

[Charles]

Either Rad or Striker.

[Matt]

What?

[Charles]

Liver Rat or Liver Striker. He's like one of the Liver Boys.

[Matt]

Hit the father.

[Shane]

It's like biblical.

[Billy]

Deliver.

[Charles]

Princess Stryker has a new song. Give him. Give me a minute.

[Matt]

Striker.

[Charles]

Striker. Liver King. Son.

[Billy]

What are the Liver Boys Live in a different part of liver.

[Charles]

Radical liver. Stral.

[Shane]

I didn't know.

[Matt]

Wait. His name sounds Radical.

[Charles]

Rad and Striker. The untold's amazing.

[Matt]

He was so close to doing it. Dude.

[Shane]

I know.

[Charles]

Doing what?

[Matt]

Just being the absolute.

[Billy]

Changing the world.

[Charles]

Family annihilation. That's my theory. That is my theory. I'm standing on that. Until it happens at some point. As a joke. Joke. Liver King's going to annihilate his family.

[Matt]

You think it's going to be annihilation of a liver nation?

[Charles]

Yes. 100.

[Matt]

His wife's going to turn around, see the wreckage and turn to a pillar of salt.

[Charles]

She told him to lie. What? When all that came out, she's like, just lie.

[Matt]

It kind of a beast. Liver Wife. That's your. That's a Liver Queen.

[Charles]

Literally. Liver Queen.

[Shane]

Isis bride. Stay down. It's really awesome.

[Matt]

Just lie. I mean, she was right. Right? Definitely. You've been lying about steroids this whole time. Don't come out now. It did ruin him to come out back. I'll be honest.

[Charles]

I mean, he didn't come out. He got exposed.

[Matt]

Who by? Plates, dates.

[Charles]

More place. More dates. That's some respect, Derek. Yeah.

[Matt]

Dick. I'm saying. I'm just.

[Charles]

Bro, when you want to abbreviate, it's NPM Day.

[Billy]

When you're.

[Matt]

When you're eight days in, like me, it's just like I send those texts, like, be there.

[Shane]

The article.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's too much. That's actually, that's. That's kind of like Bill Marish. What to be like. I don't need the article. I can get my point across without it.

[Matt]

Yeah, exactly.

[Shane]

Lose frame.

[Charles]

You should see. You have Apple intelligence on that.

[Matt]

What's that?

[Charles]

It can like. You can highlight a paragraph and make it sound better.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Matt]

No.

[Charles]

Yeah. If you like send an email, you can.

[Billy]

It'll help your email ratings.

[Charles]

You should try to see if you can make it get worse. Just so you know, you're being a alpha.

[Matt]

Yeah. Keep restructuring this paragraph so I retain frame. It's like, why are you doing lol? You. Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

You're not supposed to laugh at anything anyone ever texts you.

[Matt]

I can't help it. I've been trying to do that and I still have to send like a haha.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Charles]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I feel like a psycho and I'm just saying. Yes. Yeah. Okay.

[Charles]

I realized I was doing that in freshman year of high school and a chick called me out, like, why do you say haha? And at the beginning, I was doing. At the beginning and the end, I was like, haha. Nothing. What's going on?

[Matt]

You lol.

[Charles]

Fuck.

[Matt]

Yeah. That crushes you.

[Billy]

Tell you what's not going on. You're dick in my body.

[Charles]

Did. Not at all. Not even close.

[Matt]

I do. What was I. Oh, I used to send. I used to have periods in my text. It'd be like, yeah, I'll be there, period. And I remember our sister was like, why do you have periods in your text? Like a psychopath.

[Shane]

Yeah. People get upset about.

[Charles]

I have periods.

[Shane]

People, like, read into it if I.

[Billy]

Have a second sentence.

[Matt]

Commas are crazy. Why?

[Shane]

Sometimes I use a semicolon, like a.

[Matt]

I still don't understand what the point of a semicolon is.

[Shane]

It's just.

[Matt]

It's just two sentences.

[Billy]

I think so, yeah.

[Charles]

I thought it was just for like, suicide.

[Matt]

Suicide?

[Charles]

No, like those tattoos or whatever.

[Billy]

Oh, yeah.

[Charles]

Happens.

[Billy]

And chicks got those suicide queen or king hard thing.

[Matt]

Hold on. What?

[Charles]

It's like people get semicolons? Like, it means it's not over or something like that. I don't know if it's. I have no idea.

[Billy]

They get like, behind their ear, right?

[Charles]

I'm just getting in a tattoo lore right now. Medusa means you were forcefully taken by another man.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Matt]

What?

[Charles]

Medusa tattoo.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah. Why would somebody get that on themselves?

[Charles]

Take it back. Their power.

[Matt]

Hello, everybody. That's the end of the regular episode. If you'd like to hear the next hour of conversation, please join us on the Patreon on. Thank you. Goodbye. Have a nice weekend.