Ep 564 - Cuddle Puddle (feat. James McCann, Tim Butterly, & Egan Robinson)

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Episode: Ep 564 - Cuddle Puddle (feat. James McCann, Tim Butterly, & Egan Robinson)
Release Date: June 18, 2025

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Introduction to the Cuddle Puddle Concept

The episode kicks off with Matt and Shane delving into the intriguing concept of the "cuddle puddle," drawing historical parallels to Gandhi's practices. Matt recounts an amusing take on Gandhi's interactions, jokingly suggesting that "Homer and Marge have a very sensual relationship" (27:05). Shane humorously interprets Gandhi's actions, likening them to a modern-day "temple of the flesh."

Male Enhancement and Health Supplements

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around male enhancement supplements and health regimes. Shane shares his experience with various supplements, stating, "I'm just going. Just kind of male enhancement all around" (02:00). The hosts discuss the challenges of maintaining supplement routines, with Paul questioning the sustainability of "load maxing" and its long-term effects on personal health and motivation.

Social Media Algorithms and Dating Strategies

The hosts explore the impact of social media algorithms on personal lives, particularly in the context of dating. Matt discusses his attempts to reset his social media algorithms to avoid unwanted content, humorously noting, "I was getting women making sourdough with huge breasts" (06:14). Shane and Paul share strategies for minimizing exposure to provocative content, such as unfollowing certain accounts and adjusting personal settings to create a more filtered online environment.

Ancient Sex Culture and Modern Interpretations

Drawing from historical texts, the podcast touches on ancient sex cultures and their modern interpretations. Matt references the "Epic of Gilgamesh," highlighting how ancient societies intertwined spirituality and sexuality. He humorously connects this to contemporary strip club dynamics, stating, "At a strip club, that is the vibe of the men. At a woman's strip club, usually just very sad, lonely guys sitting there" (15:31).

Relationships and Celibacy

The conversation takes a personal turn as the hosts discuss celibacy and its effects on relationships. Shane shares his decision to retire his "sexual offense" and prioritize his wife's comfort, saying, "I've completely lifted my off. My, like, sexual offense has... retired it completely" (03:22). Paul adds his perspective on maintaining celibacy since 2020, exploring the emotional and psychological challenges that come with such commitments.

Personal Hygiene and Social Perceptions

Personal hygiene becomes a topic of humor and concern, with the hosts sharing anecdotes about deodorant practices and body odor. Shane recalls a memorable experience where his no-deodorant phase led to an uncomfortable situation on a plane, humorously stating, "We sat next to each other, like I said next" (30:09). The discussion highlights societal expectations around cleanliness and the awkwardness that can arise from neglecting personal hygiene.

Aviation Experiences

Aviation experiences are shared with a comedic twist. Matt reveals a hack about using the airplane bathroom before takeoff to avoid the rush, humorously noting, "Someone's left an awful mess in here" (62:28). The hosts exchange funny stories about dealing with bathroom mishaps and the lengths they've gone to prevent uncomfortable flight situations.

Pop Culture References

The episode is peppered with references to pop culture figures and media. Chris and Shane discuss the impact of movies like "The Accountant," praising Bernthal's portrayal of complex characters. They also touch upon the antics of celebrities like Chris Brown, exploring how personal flaws are often overshadowed by fame. Shane muses, "He's gonna be dancing on me," referencing Chris Brown's notorious reputation (43:52).

Music, Movies, and Celebrity Behaviors

The hosts delve deeper into the realms of music and movies, discussing the tragic demise of Juice WRLD and the controversial actions of Shia LaBeouf. Matt reflects on Juice WRLD's struggles with substance abuse, saying, "He flew private and... he was out" (48:15). The conversation shifts to the insecurities and pressures faced by celebrities, highlighting the thin line between persona and personal struggles.

Global Politics and Future War Scenarios

Shifting gears, Matt and Shane engage in a speculative discussion about global politics and potential future wars. They humorously speculate on a hypothetical conflict involving Iran, Russia, and the United States, with Matt asserting, "USA officially joins war. It's just happened" (50:31). The dialogue touches on the absurdity of modern warfare tactics and the unpredictable nature of international relations.

Conclusion

Throughout the episode, Matt and Shane maintain a light-hearted and humorous tone, navigating through a myriad of topics ranging from personal hygiene to global politics. Their candid discussions, replete with witty banter and memorable quotes, offer listeners a blend of comedy and insightful commentary. Notable moments include Shane's humorous take on celibacy (03:22) and Chris's reflection on personal hygiene mishaps on flights (62:28). The episode encapsulates the essence of Matt and Shane's comedic synergy, making it a standout installment in their podcast series.

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Notable Quotes

• Shane: "I'm just going. Just kind of male enhancement all around." (02:00)
• Paul: "What's like, the ideal amount of time to, like, load max before." (02:18)
• Matt: "I was getting women making sourdough with huge breasts." (06:14)
• Shane: "I've completely lifted my off. My, like, sexual offense has... retired it completely." (03:22)
• Matt: "Someone's left an awful mess in here." (62:28)
• Shane: "He's gonna be dancing on me." (43:52)
• Matt: "USA officially joins war. It's just happened." (50:31)

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Note: Timestamps are approximate and based on the provided transcript.

Transcript

[Matt]

Wild, wild west.

[Shane]

Dude, can we start over? My voice crack, dude.

[Chris]

Leave it in.

[Shane]

Hey. Hey, guys. Hey, guys. Thank you, guys. Thanks for coming, man.

[Chris]

Thanks for having me.

[Shane]

Thank you for coming. I. Yeah, I did wear a tank top. I wasn't. You know, it's not like a thing. I'm just trying to.

[Paul]

I had a mog on us.

[Shane]

I'm not mogging at all.

[Chris]

I really.

[Shane]

I'm humbly asking for notes from the viewership, like, doing nothing. You guys, I need to work on. Just let me know. You know, Arnold used to wear belly shirts when he was bulking just to give himself the motivation.

[Paul]

Is that, like, it cuts off, like, right here?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Paul]

Oh, that's kind of nice.

[Chris]

I think laid back jacked is such a statement that it's almost overpowering how nonchalant you're trying to be about.

[Matt]

I saw you at the pool two weeks ago. Your back is out of control.

[Shane]

Are you serious?

[Matt]

You've got a huge muscular back. Everybody noticed that. You turned around. People I was with said, oh, from carrying.

[Chris]

It's from carrying this goddamn podcast.

[Matt]

I don't even think they knew about comedy. People were going, you know, a guy with a big back.

[Shane]

You serious? I never. I never got to check my back. Is it going like cobra. Like, cobra style or like.

[Matt]

No one's spontaneous. I've seen earlier pictures of you. No one accidentally gets a huge.

[Shane]

I swear to God. It's just Maka. My stack is just Maka and Sheilajit.

[Paul]

Yo. I just. I just got on the Jeep today.

[Shane]

Did you really?

[Paul]

The first time. It's gross. It tastes.

[Shane]

It tastes nasty. It's like. It's, like, scary how bad it is.

[Paul]

Well, I was sniff. I got it also from, like, a sketchy, like, like, online web store, and so I was like, I don't even know. It's just like a black, like, tar in a. I don't even know what it is. I'm like, it smells like. I guess I put it in water and just drink it, but it was really nasty.

[Chris]

It's gross.

[Shane]

You got to kind of put it in coffee. I feel like, okay.

[Paul]

Yeah. It said to put it in milk. People put it in milk. I was like, that sounds like a weird.

[Shane]

Yeah, I've tried to put it right under my tongue, and it's just like.

[Chris]

Yeah. Me and the guys at the gym, we just go raw.

[Shane]

You've load maxed for a while.

[Chris]

Oh, is that why you're doing it? For load?

[Shane]

I'm just going. Just kind of male enhancement all around.

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm going to say big come supplement.

[Chris]

Yeah. Zinc is a big.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

L. Arginine.

[Shane]

Arginine.

[Chris]

And I'm doing two more that I forget the name.

[Shane]

Are you still lm?

[Chris]

I haven't since I started the move, but yeah, I was doing it for about a month or two.

[Matt]

I don't understand.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Paul]

What's. What's like, the ideal amount of time to, like, load max before. It's like, now I'm gonna let the load out. Like, you know, it's.

[Chris]

I'd say you're probably not gonna see any results until like. Like, probably a week or two in.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Chris]

Like, the first day you take it, it's like, who gives a. And then like two weeks in, you're just like, I can never go back. And then you fall off one day and you go, I'll get back to it. And then you never take it again. And then all the supplements expire in your cabinet. You did get that one experience with logo.

[Shane]

You get that one time.

[Chris]

Yeah, you got it kind of like, I don't. It's not sustainable. You're not going to be impressed by your look because then you're just like, well, now I need to go bigger.

[Paul]

Rais the bar for your load.

[Matt]

The secret to a large amount of ejaculate, not just to wait a couple of days. If you just wait a couple of days, don't you have a lot of.

[Chris]

Who has time?

[Paul]

But if you do both of those things in conjunction, you just.

[Matt]

Every day a huge.

[Shane]

Not every day. You. You save it for, like, this. This is what I do now. I just go, like, I've started telling my wife. I. I've talked about this before, but it's like, I have completely lifted my off. My, like, sexual offense has. I've. I've retired it completely.

[Matt]

Offensive game now.

[Shane]

Yeah, no, I just. I'm. I told her, like, look, I'm just here. I'm not going to pressure you about it. I was like, I'm trying to retain. If you need to break the glass, you go right ahead, but try not to do it more than once a week.

[Chris]

And now is this having the reverse psychological effect that you're hoping it does for sure, or are you just withering away?

[Shane]

No, dude, I'm just retaining seed. And it's getting.

[Paul]

That's what's up. That's what's up. I'm. I'm. I'm full the full year.

[Chris]

Are you.

[Paul]

Oh, not a full year. But since I haven't. I haven't J. Off since 2020. 4. Because I. I love to tell people, like, oh, you jerk off at. So 2024.

[Chris]

So you're.

[Shane]

You've been off the nog since. Yeah, 2024.

[Paul]

Yeah, I've been off the nog. Off, no porn. No Jane off, no pmo. What's pmo?

[Shane]

Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm.

[Paul]

Definitely been off of that. I will say, the amount that I.

[Chris]

Think about Cycle, I thought it was pissed me off. My daughter's been saying pm.

[Shane]

That's what she means.

[Chris]

She keeps saying tspmo.

[Shane]

And now.

[Chris]

Now I'm rethinking this. Pissed me off.

[Shane]

Oh, it's probably pissed me off.

[Matt]

I thought transsexual. It should be transsexual. Transsexual pornography, masturbation.

[Shane]

You might want to dig it.

[Chris]

I went wrong somewhere, maybe six years ago. No, we'll be okay.

[Paul]

But, yeah, I'm so far past. I don't even. I mean, I. I think about it.

[Chris]

You ever feel the urge? You ever get. Feel the pole?

[Paul]

Just constantly. Well, it's really mainly like. It is kind of nice because I feel the urge only when I'm in my apartment not doing anything because it's literally just an indication that I should go out and do something. But only when I'm like, yeah. When I'm just like, hog. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

The hotel rooms on the road are very scary.

[Paul]

I just download. I just download like, a dating app and just swipe to see, like, is someone sexually interested in me at all? And like, it's. Yeah, it's crazy. I'm just like, basically gooning on Tinder just, like, who wants to fuck me?

[Chris]

If you. If you're completely resisting the urge, what are. What are your social media algorithms looking like?

[Paul]

So I have been. I will say I'm the type of guy that I have been slowly, like, unfollowing, like, any kind of like, hot girl account. And then if anyone even posts anything that is like, go ahead, sorry. Like a girl, like a bikini or anything, I'm just like, I don't need to see this filth on my timeline. I just unfollow it. So it's a lot more. It's basically my. My algorithm is all just like. Just like anime videos, like, Catholic. Basically, I was.

[Matt]

I was following no Fly Honeys, and the algorithm found me out.

[Chris]

Yeah, they tried salvos into your timeline.

[Matt]

All the time, but I found. You can reset it. You can fully default.

[Shane]

What's no fly honey? What is that?

[Matt]

I wasn't following any fly honeys on my babes.

[Shane]

I think my babes are going to get off the ground. I'm like, that's what you say. So you have no fly babes.

[Matt]

No. But then the algorithm still goes. You've lingered on this. You like. Obviously you like this.

[Shane]

And then.

[Matt]

Yeah, but I found you can. You can do a hard reset on it where you go, yeah, just take me back to day one of the algorithm before you knew anything about me.

[Chris]

So you're throwing the baby out with bathwater.

[Matt]

Then I was getting women making sourdough with huge breasts.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And wow, that's crazy. We were just watching that on panties in the mouth.

[Matt]

I mean it's.

[Shane]

Yeah, that there was like porn warm up girls. I'm always kind of like sketched out. Like, is it like, do they stop? Is that like a woman dipping her toe in like sexual entertainment?

[Paul]

Like, oh, all my Instagram and stuff?

[Shane]

Yeah. The ones who aren't doing like Port only fans. Yes. Digital fluffers.

[Matt]

Sometimes they part of the ecosystem of flesh.

[Paul]

I feel like they make like soft ecosystem. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

I think they. Yeah, they try and butter you up. They try and calm you down. Try and go, this is all right, well that gets you going. They know they're trying to. I believe on the X. I had to get off the X. Cuz then that's all porn. It was all porn. But then I would find that at other times when I was. I think they geotag it as well. I noticed the algorithm was different when I was out and about in public. I was getting different things recommended to when I was alone. People in a room. Yes.

[Shane]

What do you mean? You're just walking down the street. Like, fuck.

[Matt]

I was like, there's nothing erotic here.

[Shane]

Really.

[Matt]

This is nice. And then I was alone in a room and it was very erotic and they know where I am and they.

[Shane]

You might just be in a room getting horny too, though to be fair, you could be right. You could be right. But that could be. I know that because I get in a hotel room and I'm like, I look like Britney Spears from like an early music video. I'm just laying on the bed.

[Paul]

Like.

[Shane]

I'm just gyrating my hips on the bed. I'm bound in chains. Like the algorithm's crazy right now.

[Chris]

I did.

[Matt]

I've bought a new phone though. I'm trying again with a dumb phone.

[Shane]

Oh really?

[Matt]

I've got the minimalist phone. It's a normal chrome phone. No, this. It just has an E reader kindle screen so you can do everything on it. But it looks terrible. It's black and white.

[Shane]

Going to text you 80085 you up. That's not bad. You're going for the kind of like somewhat dumb phone, but it'll give you maps and stuff, though.

[Matt]

Maps, Uber, Spotify.

[Shane]

That's all you need.

[Matt]

And then I think I'm safe. And then I think I can just.

[Chris]

Live a normal life in the world. Set of grayscale tits. And it's going to change everything now. You're going to be like, I'm going to get a.

[Matt]

But I'll be chasing that device. I'll start wearing weird glasses in the.

[Shane]

Bedroom, start getting ET Sketches, ship from Vietnam, an artist down there. You plug down there.

[Matt]

Hello? No, it's my egg rolls.

[Shane]

Oh, your egg rolls. Hell yeah.

[Matt]

Thank you.

[Shane]

Time out. Paul's the podcast we got finally got your egg rolls.

[Matt]

No, no, I can wait. I can hold off. I can delay gr.

[Paul]

You.

[Matt]

Seriously, if you can go without ejaculating in almost a year, then I can.

[Shane]

You have. You're soft mode, basically.

[Paul]

What's. What's soft?

[Shane]

Soft mode is when a woman can get it out of you.

[Paul]

Oh, no. So I'm. I'm trying to do I'm hard mode. I mean, I'm hard all the time mode. Basically.

[Chris]

You're celibate.

[Paul]

Yeah, I'm trying to be. Because I'm trying to be like a good, like, cat. Good Catholic man.

[Shane]

Desert, I would say. Desert. Catholic desert.

[Paul]

Yeah. I'm like a desert. Yeah. Desert father right now. Just. Yeah, Just. Just in my exodus, just roaming around the desert, getting lost, but getting jacked as well. What?

[Matt]

You've.

[Paul]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought you meant I was getting. No, I'm not. I'm. I'm. I've been.

[Matt]

You're gonna get jacked one way or the other, dude.

[Paul]

Well, that's the thing. I've been trying to.

[Shane]

My back is just full of. Come. Just nut.

[Paul]

What's your secret? I was like, well, you gotta. You gotta jerk off for six months that you start there.

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[Paul]

But, yeah, man, I wouldn't. I wouldn't suggest it to everybody, but it's been. It's been good. I.

[Shane]

What do you. What do you do if you're walking down the street and you see, like, an attractive woman?

[Paul]

I just fall in love immediately.

[Chris]

My tongue on rolls. And God forbid I'm wearing glasses because those eyeballs. I've.

[Shane]

I've read you. You're supposed to. From desert Catholic training. You're supposed to just see them. And as soon as you feel your, like, body chemistry change, you just wish them the best. You go, I just really hope she has a tail.

[Paul]

Hail Mary. My brain, it's like, I can't think of her like that.

[Matt]

The two. I think it's two monks walking along and the old monk and the young monk. And they see a beautiful woman. And a young monk shields his eyes and looks away, and the old monk is able to look at her. And the young monk's like, oh, are you a pervert? You're able to look at a woman and the old monk's like, I'm so ordered. I'm able to look at a woman and just move on with my day. I don't have to hate myself. I don't have to hate God's beautiful creation in that woman's huge, lovely breast.

[Paul]

And that's what I do when I see women. Like, I'm so ordered, I don't even think you're hot.

[Matt]

Gandhi was sleeping in a bed with.

[Chris]

Girls, sleeping in bed with young concubines. I guess because he could avoid the temptation. He never even.

[Shane]

Weren't they his, like, nieces? Yeah. You know, you had to take what you get. Small village. Yeah, for sure. I heard Gandhi did that. Yeah.

[Chris]

He would lay in bed and not do anything.

[Paul]

I just cuddle, puddle, cuddle.

[Chris]

He probably went arms at his sides, completely rigid, just like. I'm not even. I don't even feel anything about this. I don't feel your flesh.

[Matt]

We need you to write legislation for the country. You've got a job to do. No, I have to be in the bed with the needs.

[Paul]

Just starving. Starving in a cuddle puddle.

[Shane]

I mean, zooming out, you know, he didn't know people would know about that. He Was just. It was just. How old was he when he did that? That's the question.

[Chris]

He's older, right?

[Matt]

Well, when he was younger, I think his. I might get this wrong. I think his father died, and he was having sex with his wife at the time. Like, he was meant to be in there with his dad, but he said, oh, I might have sex with my wife and then go and visit dad. But first sex with the wife. And then he died, and he felt so ashamed that he stopped.

[Shane]

Oh, his father died? Yeah.

[Matt]

Like, it was some. Something like he could have seen his father one more time if only he.

[Shane]

Hadn'T laid in six wives.

[Chris]

That was why I never jacked on holidays as a child, because I thought my grandparents were going to die on a holiday on, like, Thanksgiving or something. And it would be like, oh, man, I. God, was busy watching me jack off instead of saving my grandmother's life for Thanksgiving dinner.

[Matt]

That's true.

[Chris]

I avoided it every single time. And they think eventually I broke, and then it was just every day for the rest of my life.

[Shane]

Yeah. I used to torture myself over the Easter beat. That was the one that, like, really. I would. I'd be like, come on, dude, don't do it. And it was just. I'd be on autopilot with the Kohl's catalog bra section. Like, forgive me, Father.

[Paul]

It was also rough because then you actually have to go to, like, mass and be like, I just.

[Shane]

I was post mass.

[Paul]

Oh.

[Shane]

I used to get torqued at east, like, wildly. So it was crazy.

[Paul]

See everybody in their Sunday's best.

[Matt]

Beautiful.

[Paul]

Oh, my God, I'm so horny.

[Matt]

Summer dresses.

[Shane]

Spring has sprung. Yeah.

[Chris]

Styles, you know, the girls are trying out new. New looks that you don't. Not really getting in the.

[Shane]

Dude. I mean, genetically, I was a pagan. I was just the goddess Freya. Dude was just.

[Matt]

You really interpret. It's Oster for you. You're having the full pagan fertility festival.

[Paul]

What's Auster?

[Matt]

Osta was the. Was.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Once the original. But that's the. That's, like. That's all. Whenever Dan Brown's like, did you know that Easter was actually a sex festival? It was called Austin the Vikings.

[Paul]

I don't like that. I don't believe that.

[Matt]

Dude neither.

[Shane]

The Aphrodite is crazy. The temple of Aphrodite.

[Matt]

I don't know anything about the temple of.

[Shane]

It was when. It was, like, around the time when Paul was riding around, being, like, trying to get everyone to become Christians.

[Paul]

Oh, he's sending his letters.

[Shane]

Yeah. When he Sent all his epistles. And. And they were like. He's like, come to a church with us. And they had. There was one place. I forget where it was, but they were like, we have a temple that just sells meat. And then there's just. It was like literally only fans in real life.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It would just be a temple of maidens.

[Matt]

This is a big thing in the ancient world. Was the priestess whore.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

Because I know in Gilgamesh there's the. Ah, this might not be exciting.

[Shane]

No, I like to hear it.

[Chris]

I'm all ears.

[Matt]

Gilgamesh is too powerful and the gods want to crush him. So they sent for him. A. I think his name is Eridu or something. But he's a big hairy guy who's crazy and. And he's. The whole town is ruined by this hairy man who's meant to get in Gilgamesh's way. He's too powerful. It's a very strange introduction. But then the townspeople get together and they go take him to the priestess hooker.

[Shane]

Yeah. The slight place.

[Matt]

And he'll have sex with her. And then he'll be civilized because he'll be ashamed from having.

[Paul]

Oh, the. The hairy guy will be.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Paul]

He loses his.

[Matt]

And then he comes and then immediately goes, what have I been doing? I got to get my life together. That's the start of the Epic of Gilgamesh.

[Paul]

He lost his strength.

[Matt]

But that they would. The strip club and the temple were one.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Which also at a strip club. That is the vibe of the men. At a woman's strip club. Everyone's hooting and hollering and they're going, woo. And they're trying to bite people. And at a men's strip club, usually just very sad, lonely guys sitting there alone staring into.

[Paul]

It's a temple of the flesh oblivion.

[Shane]

Yes, very true. That's true. And it's a lot more Reverend, I would say. Except. Yeah. But then you get. Like when you're throwing money at them, I guess. I don't know.

[Matt]

Different races, different strip clubs, I would.

[Chris]

Say would be it.

[Shane]

You never. You never tossed bills?

[Matt]

Oh, no, in Australia we don't.

[Paul]

That's a regular.

[Shane]

Really? That's America. I mean, you. I'm, you know, sorry we don't have dollar bills.

[Matt]

Might be a big difference. Throwing a big fiver is. How long am I going to be here for? It sounds like. Got a college tuition to prepare for.

[Shane]

Yeah. We thoroughly throw money at my. I saw someone throw a quarter at a stripper one time. That was you getting coins. Are like, no go.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Shane]

Yeah. You get in trouble for that.

[Paul]

I. I had a dark time back when I was like a wee lad. I used to. I did the. The fold on the. On the head. They clap their ass. Chicken.

[Shane]

You made a little mousetrap.

[Paul]

The mouse trip, dude. The whole time the DJ was like, yo, give it up for Bieber.

[Shane]

Hold on. So you would put it on your face full.

[Paul]

I' a lipsticks, three X's lipsticks.

[Shane]

And then you just try to catch. You try to catch the.

[Paul]

They would catch it with their ass.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Paul]

I just got pink. Ey. Or something.

[Matt]

What?

[Shane]

Does sound like you were playing, like, claw game.

[Paul]

Yeah, but they're very accurate. Claw game.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Paul]

Yeah. And the prize was pink.

[Matt]

Did you ever go to Thailand?

[Paul]

No.

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[Shane]

That is fine.

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[Shane]

For sure.

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[Shane]

All right.

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[Shane]

Yeah, leave those on the floor.

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[Shane]

Yeah.

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[Paul]

Or the Japanese or the Japan only.

[Matt]

I'll never make it to Thailand. There's nothing.

[Chris]

Why?

[Shane]

Are you trying to go to.

[Matt]

No, I just. I always wonder about the. You know, people have. And the whole bird came out of there. You know, the Thai is sex. You know, the Thai, they have the weird sex show. Maybe this is just the thing we know about in Australia, because that's where everybody goes. But in Thailand, that's where. That's the spot. Ladies shooting ping pong balls and having live creatures come out of one of those. You know about that stuff.

[Chris]

What's the other thing about Thailand that people want to go for? Because that seems to be it.

[Matt]

Ah, the monarchy. The beautiful monarchy that we all love so much. Great rock and roll music of the late 60s, early 60s.

[Shane]

Australian. Yeah. You guys are close to Thailand, so that's where you guys go.

[Matt]

That's where a lot of our. More. Sometimes, though, often in Australia, there's a man who loves going to Thailand because you guys. Yeah, but you'll know a guy at the office. Always. You'll be working somewhere, and there's a guy who just goes to Thailand twice a year, everybody. Twice a year. I'm going back to tight. They're comedians who are like, I can't wait to get back. I'm. I start. I do my podcast in Thailand all the time.

[Shane]

It's frowned. It's frowned upon in America if you know anyone who goes to Thailand. It's kind of like if you're regularly.

[Matt]

If you are Thai, fine. You're allowed to go back to Thailand. If you're somebody going to Thailand, you.

[Shane]

Got to get over there so people can fuck you.

[Matt]

Once every four years is the absolute maximum, I think.

[Shane]

Four years.

[Matt]

Yeah, you're right. Once you go in there, one trip, full stop.

[Shane]

I'll never. I'll never go there. Yeah.

[Paul]

I can confidently say I'm never going.

[Shane]

To go to Thailand there. Or Dubai. My wife's trying to go to Dubai. And I was like, brittany, I'll never, ever go to fucking Dubai in my life.

[Paul]

Just hang out some Chicago.

[Shane]

I just have no interest. Oh, my God. It's like Atlantic City run by Muslims. And then it's like, I'm gonna. I'll get arrested if I have a vape pen in my.

[Chris]

Atlantic City 15 years in the future.

[Shane]

Yeah. Well, it's also like, I'm. Then if I have a vape cartridge in my bag, I'll go to jail for seven years. It's like, yeah, bro. No, thanks.

[Chris]

I mean, you think Brittany will observe enough, Enough decorum so that she doesn't end up in, like, an underground prison?

[Shane]

She'll be like that lady. Do you remember that one? Muscle lady to fix this country.

[Matt]

Y.

[Paul]

What happened?

[Chris]

So black lady tried to take over Pakistan for a hundred thousand dollars.

[Matt]

Nice.

[Shane]

You didn't see a video?

[Chris]

She tried to take it up.

[Shane]

There was just a black lady in.

[Chris]

Pakistan, catfished all the way to Pakistan, and then showed up and did, like, a press conference that made, like, national news. And she said, I need the government to give me a hundred thousand dollars. The roads aren't paved. I don't know if I've seen a bathroom since I got here. I'm gonna fix this. Y' all need to give me the money. And I think she disappeared for a.

[Shane]

While after That I haven't heard from her.

[Paul]

They just, like, stoned her.

[Chris]

It was a failed campaign.

[Matt]

Didn't want to solve the problem.

[Shane]

Someone must go. I think Beyonce went over there and rescued her.

[Chris]

Yeah, The Brittany Griner Defense Force extractor.

[Shane]

I did see in the clip the Pakistani dudes were kind of laughing. I didn't know if they'd be, like, spazzing. You can see them in there.

[Chris]

Like, they thought she was playing.

[Matt]

Wait, did she want the money to fix the country for them or. Yes.

[Chris]

Give it to me. I'll make it happen.

[Shane]

I. Yeah, I think she wanted money, too. I think she was wanted for herself, too.

[Chris]

I'll pay myself out, but then I'll pave all the roads and I don't know.

[Paul]

And then I'll have 80,000.

[Shane]

She needed, like three grand a week. I think she wanted. She was like, I want three grand a week.

[Chris]

And then maybe.

[Shane]

I think she was like, all right, give me a love, son.

[Chris]

I could fix Pakistan for three grand a week.

[Paul]

I think also, can anyone just, like, have a press conference? It's like, just, I need to call a press conference.

[Shane]

It was just a. They had a black lady wiling out. I don't think they've ever had a black lady wild out in Pakistan.

[Paul]

So we got to put her on the news. This is crazy.

[Shane]

It's just insane. I mean, you know what the divorce rate is in Pakistan?

[Paul]

No.

[Shane]

It's like 0, 1 or 0% respect. That's at least my Uber driver told.

[Paul]

Me that they probably.

[Matt]

That's not true.

[Shane]

I swear to God. Dude.

[Matt]

Isn't it? Because in Islam, it's usually very easy to get a divorce.

[Chris]

Yeah, they do like one hour divorce. And then you go back in Iran.

[Paul]

I thought, are they not able to have multiple. Is that not a thing that they do?

[Shane]

You can. You got to afford it. You got to prove you can afford them.

[Matt]

And you are not allowed to have a threesome. I found out the wives are not allowed to be in a bedroom together. And they get you on different days. So if you have two wives, you get to pick a four day a week wife and a three day a week wife.

[Shane]

Really? And it's a split marriage, but you can't mix wives.

[Matt]

No, the wives don't get to get up there anytime situation. They're both married to you, but they're not married to each other. I did a lot of reading about this when I was thinking about Islam really as a vi, and then I saw that, and I thought, this is not as fun as it sounds 3.

[Chris]

To 7% divorce rate.

[Shane]

Yeah, bro, it's AD.

[Matt]

What's the rate of killing your wife?

[Paul]

I don't think. I don't think they can.

[Shane]

It's probably matches the divorce rate in US 53%.

[Paul]

Probably don't have accurate numbers for that because of the way they are.

[Shane]

Yeah, I told you, man.

[Matt]

Yeah. What are the rates of freak wife accidents now in.

[Shane]

If I was in Pakistan, say I had three wives, could I have one wife where all we did is I brought her around, had a bag of toys and then I got to have like my friends have sex with her. That's what apparently Kanye west was doing.

[Matt]

I think, I think that's called a freak bag.

[Shane]

It's a freak bag for your wife. There's a term for it. It's called. Oh God, what's the name? Ah, it's like, it's. It's like an elevated cucking where it's like you're way more proactive. What's I gotta find the term for that?

[Matt]

Well, you're like you're pimping your wife out sort of.

[Chris]

No, there's no money.

[Shane]

There's no money.

[Matt]

Oh, you're a pro bona.

[Shane]

It's all play. It's all play. But you bring a freak bag. You show up and you bring a freak bag. Let me see if I can find the video. It's not hot wifing. It's a whole. Hold on, I'll give this.

[Matt]

I think Kanye's journey along the road to Christianity is taken a couple of.

[Shane]

He took a hard det.

[Matt]

Left turns.

[Paul]

He did. Yeah.

[Shane]

I'll find this.

[Chris]

Those are God's favorite.

[Paul]

The prodigal. Prodigal.

[Matt]

He's got to come back.

[Chris]

You know what greater proof than someone on a journey like that?

[Matt]

Freak bag.

[Shane]

It's called like a. Here we go, here we go. Stag vixen. It's called a stag vixen.

[Matt]

Just cuz it has a cool name doesn't make it right.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's. It's a cool name. Yeah, it's called a hoe bag. That's what you bring a whole bag full of toys and you go to a party and you just kind of like. And it's just. I don't know. That's. That's what they said Kanye and Diddy were doing.

[Matt]

I heard a rumor that he suspected she was some sort of federal agent sent to spy on him and he was embarrassing her on purpose.

[Paul]

Oh, kind of like humiliation.

[Matt]

She can push it and I. The bringing a bag. Where Other men will stag vixen. Yes.

[Shane]

Again, I. This is all. This is all. Obviously theory is.

[Matt]

It's definitely evidence in it kind of.

[Paul]

Makes sense why he spent so much time in Japan. I feel that's something they'd be. They'd be kind of into over there, you know?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Paul]

Who that kind of play?

[Shane]

The Japanese.

[Paul]

Yeah, yeah, true. They kind of had they kind of.

[Matt]

Sexually unusual before the atomic explosions or did that kick that off?

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Chris]

I think there's like ancient scrolls of like a middle aged Japanese man smoking a cigarette and with this face like a girl cries.

[Matt]

There is genuinely. There's an octopus print.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Paul]

Hundreds of years ago, like early.

[Matt]

It's a woman being entered by an octopus.

[Shane]

I think. I think they have. The Hawaiians have that with like an eel. There was a giant eel that was ladies in like the Polynesian culture.

[Paul]

Where's the Hawaiians?

[Shane]

Aren't they Maui? Maui killed him.

[Matt]

That didn't make its way into Moana. That's Moana three.

[Paul]

That's like the X and XX version of it that they do.

[Shane]

Dang. You're going to like Disney cut porns, dude.

[Paul]

Sometimes it pops up. I don't look at that. Back in my early days. Back in my dark days.

[Shane]

Yeah, right, dude. Just watching it, just being like. Yeah. I remember this movie to be so much better. I never got into like the cartoon cart, like Simpsons porn. I never got into that. Never. Never.

[Chris]

Well, you missed out.

[Paul]

That was.

[Chris]

That was curiosity in the back of your mind. That kind of never goes away, no matter how old you get.

[Matt]

No, there was always.

[Chris]

Sometimes it's cool to indulge.

[Matt]

Man.

[Shane]

That was my first Homer working with Hammer packing heat.

[Chris]

I would guess they didn't hog out anybody on the real porn.

[Shane]

No.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Wait, anybody?

[Chris]

I might be thinking of Bart's boner right now, but I don't think I saw anyone with huge meat on any.

[Shane]

Oh, that's CP Broth grade. That's cp. Yeah. Well, so you're saying they all worked with kind of regular barricade myself.

[Chris]

Come and take it, pigs. It's just Marge sucking off Bart.

[Matt]

I always found that the Simpsons was fairly erotic enough. You always think that they have a good, healthy sex life in their marriage. Like a lot of shows, you can't pick the sexual dynamic of the characters. But Marge and Homer are, I think, very satisfied in one another. You never get the sense that.

[Paul]

No, I've never once thought that. I don't like Hank and Peggy.

[Matt]

I go, I don't know what they're getting up to. I don't know how the king of the hill sex life is, but I.

[Shane]

Always think Marge struck me as kind of a freak, actually.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

No margin. Homer. They have a very sensual relationship.

[Matt]

It is very serious.

[Chris]

It's communicated very clearly. There's little moments where Marge will, you know, Homer will say something like, oh, I'll do that thing where I, you know, nibble on your elbow or whatever. And Marge goes.

[Paul]

Also, Homie. The homie. That was like, that's. I kind of like her little pet name.

[Matt]

She called Homie.

[Shane]

Homie.

[Paul]

That's intention.

[Shane]

Yeah. Now that you mentioned, you think whoever.

[Chris]

Ever sucks Marge's tits.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Chris]

Got it right.

[Matt]

Well, she's given birth very recently. She'd still be breastfeeding. He's probably not allowed to touch him because for the entirety of the Simpsons, they have a. They have a one year old.

[Chris]

One year old baby, but we've never seen Marge nurse. And now this is suddenly bothering.

[Matt]

Marge doesn't breastfeed.

[Chris]

How did they not tackle that topic when that became a big thing and women started breastfeeding at restaurants? How did they not do a Marge episode where she was like whipping it out?

[Shane]

Yeah, man. Yeah. I feel like women used to, like, didn't you still hide a woman in the basement to breastfeed? Because I never saw trying to do that, actually. I feel like when I had little brothers and sisters, I feel like I might have walked into the room one time like, Jesus fucking Christ.

[Matt]

There's a lot of. I mean, at the airport they have those pods.

[Shane]

The pods are nice.

[Chris]

Which I see the Jackson featuring lactation.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Paul]

The goon pods.

[Shane]

I is what's being done recently in the airport for family bathroom. I was waiting outside the whole family and I'm like, taken for ever. And I don't hear any kids. I'm like, there. This is a mother. This is someone taking a. Yeah. And I waited and waited. It's like, oh, I'm in here. Took a sweet time. And I was just boiling, dude. Because like, my kid, like there was lit and there was like a line for the other. The girls bathroom.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So it was just like long as. And my kids were like the boys bathrooms. Disgusting. I kind of drilled in their heads. I'm like, you guys don't want to be in here. This place is up. And then I. The guy opens the door and I was like, what the dude, where's your kids? And he was like, grumbled away. Fully shamed him.

[Matt]

It's great. You got to feel Handicapped for the first time.

[Shane]

Yes, I am handicapped. I've made the argument if you have two kids in your car, you can park in a handicap spot, you're fully handicapped.

[Matt]

I.

[Shane]

It'd be easier to get around in a wheelchair. Put me in a wheelchair with this. Piece of cake, dude.

[Matt]

Too many handicap spots now in America. I went to a theme park. I went to Kings island in Cincinnati. It was a theme park. You can't get it. I paid extra for the premium parking. Well behind the handicap.

[Shane]

Handicap that's handicapped. I will say this.

[Chris]

Reduce the number of handicap spots or start checking.

[Matt]

Here's what I say is the number of handicapped.

[Shane]

Well, if it should be. If you want the classic blue and white logo, you.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You have to have, like, some sort of proof on your windshield of, like, what you're working with. If you're just fat handicapped, there should be a handicap with a. Just a small fat. So just. There should be regular handicap and then just purely fat handicap.

[Chris]

They should make you watch ads, too, for fat. No ads.

[Shane]

She's a Carl's Jr.

[Matt]

To help you change. It should be a slightly smaller part.

[Shane]

They do that on. What is it? Southwest Airlines. Because you can pay to get on first to try to get those first four seats. We have super leg room. But then it's like, you want people in wheelchairs, and it's like, whatever, you know, I don't think they're even allowed in those front seats. But then you'll get fat handicap, and you're just like. You son of a. I know you're taking those two front seats. You just standing there. No, nothing. Just. No wheelchair, no cane. Just. Just crushing some new balances. Leaning forward.

[Chris]

Have you actually had the experience of getting stuck next to a, like, significantly obese person on a flight?

[Matt]

No.

[Shane]

I've had people complain about my back being too big.

[Matt]

I've discovered a Southwest trick.

[Chris]

I've been buying two seats just in case.

[Matt]

I've got a move on Southwest. Now that I do.

[Shane]

What do you do?

[Matt]

Because you're walking down the aisle and everyone's window seat. Aisle seat in the middle. You look for people who look like they know each other, who are spread out, and you sit in between them. And then they feel uncomfortable with the stranger sitting between them that they will give you either the aisle or the window. Usually. Yes. This is my move.

[Paul]

I do. I do late. I do like. I. I don't ever upgrade it. I purposely do late, like boarding group C or whatever. Because single man. I'm trying to. I go in there and just, like, scope out. There's like a totally nice. Whoa. That's so crazy. We sat next to each other, like I said next.

[Chris]

You go to Tulsa a lot?

[Paul]

Last time I flew, I didn't mean to do this on purpose, but I said it's like a pretty, like. Like Latin lady, which is kind of my favorite. And I have, like. I carry a rosary with me usually. And I had in my pocket. I thought I left it. I thought I, like, dropped it. I was like, very loud. Did I drop my rosary? Oh, no, it's in my pocket. Thank goodness. Oh, hey, what's up?

[Matt]

I'm sorry if that's uncomfortable. Pushing up against your enormous Latina ass.

[Chris]

You drop my rosary in Magnum condom. Excuse me, I have to get on.

[Shane]

Did you just let it drop out of the side of your hands like this? What is this? Roofer's tattoo?

[Paul]

Yeah, I just have it kind of like dangling out of one pocket, like. Oh, what's. Oh, rosary.

[Shane]

What'd she say?

[Paul]

Oh, I didn't. I didn't. I. She didn't say anything, but did she.

[Shane]

Give you a Dios meo?

[Paul]

No. No. I wish that would have. That would have been it for me. I would have probably.

[Chris]

Thank God she didn't tempt you.

[Shane]

Yeah. I'm gonna go to southwest and just stand next to the stewardess the whole time, like, oh, I'm sorry. I thought we could just sit anywhere. Wherever you wanted.

[Matt]

I'm sitting in the cockpit. I'm going to the true. I want. I want to finally get. I wonder if I dress my son up or one of them, like a little pilot, and I say, he loves this. Oh, he loves pilots.

[Shane]

They wouldn't let you fly, though?

[Matt]

No, but maybe they'd let him in there and I'd get to accompany him into the cockpit.

[Shane]

You can do that if you're bored. You can be like, my kid wants to look in.

[Matt]

That's my plan.

[Paul]

They don't. You in there, just him. It's like, whoa, what the hell?

[Matt]

I wouldn't allow that.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt]

I'm not letting those pilots with all their.

[Shane]

Dude, every pilot looks exactly the same. For the most, I would say 80% of pilots look exactly the same.

[Chris]

Same haircut, same pepper, same build.

[Shane]

It's crazy.

[Paul]

Same voice on the. On the intercom.

[Shane]

Same exact talk. Exactly the same. There must be some sort of, like, thing they learn to do for air traffic control, cuz they talk.

[Chris]

You guys watched the rehearsal, right?

[Matt]

I loved it.

[Paul]

I haven't seen it.

[Shane]

I've heard it's Good.

[Chris]

All right. So there's, like, kind of an explanation for it, and, like, if you express any kind of, like, personal shortcomings, people start to look at you because it's like that leads down a path of like, is this guy suffering from, like, a mental health thing? Spoiler alert.

[Matt]

They're all very autistic, dude.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

Maybe it attracts a certain type, or maybe you mold yourself into the right type. But in the last episode, Nathan actually does a. I guess a commercial flight in a 737 with an actual pilot as his co pilot. And the guy completely goes like, normal spongebob and, like, seems to not even have a thought the entire time.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Chris]

And they. Yeah, they're showing him, like, try to talk to him. The guy's like, what? And they're just doing what? Back and forth. And Nathan was like, yeah, I thought you were about to say something. And the guy goes, no, if I think anything that I have to say, I'll say it out loud. And then just eyes forward the entire flight. There's no, like, what's up, man? You see the game?

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

None of that. They do. They either do not think or they are able to suppress every thought that they have.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Chris]

Pretty weird, dude.

[Shane]

I. I've been watching the Accountant one and two.

[Paul]

Dude, how's two? I want to see it real.

[Shane]

It's pretty sick. It leans into kind of like the bromance between him and his brother a lot. But I'm. I've been wondering if, like, autists are kind of like an adaptation to live in kind of a more like computerized society. Because in the. AND two, they. They are using the autist kids from the academy as, like, kind of like, like their own little powerhouse, like, gather information. I'm like, dude, we're gonna be. These guys are gonna be hot.

[Chris]

We need farms for these people.

[Shane]

Yeah, these guys.

[Matt]

That's why Bill Gates is vaccinating Africa.

[Shane]

He wants his own little autistic army. He wants the autistic squad.

[Matt]

If we're gonna finally turn this into a techno futurist regime.

[Shane]

He'S got to be careful, because then they can hit. They can hit him with a little Dragon Ball Z, take the whole place down, drop the power grid. They'll be in there trying to move water bottles with their mouths.

[Paul]

I watched that video last night of the dude like, like, showing his progress of, like, moving water bottles and stuff. And I was like, how is he doing that?

[Shane]

This episode of Matt and Shane Secret Podcast is brought to you By Dude Wipes Riff prompts. When you wipe, are you sitting or standing? I started out sitting today, and then I actually. Actually, I'm not lying. I got saved by Dude Wipes today. I was in the bathroom taking a dump at Shane's house, and I had. You know what? It, like, clings to the side of your butt, kind of. I had a large deposit cling to my butt, and it, like, literally. You don't have Jeffrey get it on your hand at all in your life. I don't aggress you guys out has, like, accidentally. Have you. Have you ever got it on your hand? I did it. It literally happened to me today. Like, I got it just a tiny bit on my hand. I was like, well, that's the joy.

[Matt]

Of the Dude Wiper XL Wipe for xl, man.

[Shane]

No, it was. It came in handy. I would have had it gone home. It was such a disaster. That came in. God, I did that. Guys, whichever way you wipe, it's time to show your B hole some respect and upgrade to Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss. And the flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. They leave no room for dingleberries or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss. Plus, they're extra large and designed for adults. So no more endless rolls or Setting for less or. Sorry. So no more endless rolls or settling for less than Perfect Wipes. Dude Wipes Best clean Pants Down. Available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide. But yeah, the. I've been going around for the last, like, three days pretending I'm the accountant pretty much the whole time. It's pretty sick.

[Chris]

The accountant's such a big W. For white guys.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

For white dorks.

[Shane]

It's huge. It's crazy.

[Paul]

Bro movie with Bernthal. I like. He's really good in that role.

[Shane]

He's great.

[Paul]

Like Fury. That was. I. I rewatched Fury pretty often, too. That's a great bro movie. If you guys have never seen that.

[Shane]

He's Bernthal's. Yeah. I was. I was trying to tell Brittany. I was like, dude. He's like, maybe. He's, like, the best. He's really good. Everything I've ever seen him in. Yeah, Just spazzing does a good job. I don't like the lollipops. And they counting, too. That's my one gripe.

[Paul]

What's.

[Shane]

He just has lollipops in his mouth all the time. It's like a. Just a thing. I'm like, come on, lollipop out. It's like a toothpick I wonder if.

[Paul]

He made that as his own. Like, like, oh, I'm a method.

[Shane]

I wondered if he met.

[Paul]

What if he. What if he sucked lollipops the whole time?

[Shane]

That's what I was thinking about. I'm like, dude, if he put this in himself, I'm pissed.

[Chris]

I was wondering if. If Bernthal is. Well, all right. You remember when, like, the shia buff stuff happened?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And Bernthal was like, his bro in his corner the whole time.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And he was doing, like, podcast, like burn. Bernthal actually thinks he is the Punisher in real life. I know he thinks he is, like, the hard, hard nose, like, grit man.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And not just like a thespian, bisexual theater kid.

[Matt]

Well, no one else is. Is a mask actor. There's a big absence of masculine. Timothy Chalamet is the leading man for everything. He's a woman.

[Shane]

He's not that mask. Yeah. He's a wave.

[Matt]

Who's the spider man now?

[Paul]

Tom Holland.

[Matt]

Tom Holland.

[Paul]

I'm fond of Tom.

[Matt]

He's British.

[Shane]

Yeah. Bernthal's mask.

[Chris]

Honestly, these guys are all the same.

[Shane]

Well, here's the thing. To be fair, every movie I watch, I'm like, yeah, I'm that guy for at least two weeks and it wears off. If I was the character that it would. I would warp me, dude. I would completely think I'm a Navy seal. So I think it's a hazard of the industry.

[Paul]

He's been so method for so long.

[Shane]

He's lost in the role. I think he's tough now. I guess so.

[Chris]

Man.

[Shane]

I swear to God, I'm still watching the. The rest of the account too. I haven't finished it yet. So in my head, I'm like, no, he's tough as dude. Like, you have no idea. He could beat up a whole room of people.

[Chris]

Probably could.

[Paul]

It's basically perfectly manifesting in his brain. Just him doing these, like, tough guy roles is just like, became like his inner monologue. He's like, I'm the tough guy.

[Shane]

Well, we watched the podcast. You were talking about him and Shy LaBeouf. They do talk like, I don't even like. It's like a mix of, like, Navy Seals and, like, cholo.

[Paul]

It's a different. It's a whole different language. Huh?

[Chris]

Yeah, Brother, Brother.

[Shane]

Let me tell you something about this, brother. They talk like macho man.

[Chris]

You have to think about yourself, brother, you know, as a man, and I'm coming to you as a man, and you're. You're a man. And they just. The only word they're saying is man for, you know, upwards of three minutes.

[Shane]

How long have we been brothers for, brother? Let me tell you something, man. I don't know, brother. Let me tell you something about, brother.

[Chris]

About as long as I've been a man. It's one of the all time great relatively recently.

[Shane]

It's one of the greatest podcasts ever recorded. Look, I'm not down with you hitting you and pushing your wife, brother, but I get it, brother. I'm here for you in the corner. I'll grab you when you go to hit your wife. I'll be. I'm that kind of guy that's grabbing your arms, driving my dick into your back. But I'm not. I'm not right with that. If you want to punch your wife in the face, look, man to man.

[Chris]

I get it, brother, brother, that's a different story.

[Shane]

I'm gonna jump in front of the fist and if my head hits her head, that's on her. She's gonna move.

[Chris]

Do a pool shots on a guy's life.

[Shane]

Clink me in the corner, maybe I'll bounce off and catch her in the nose. But look, brother, yeah, it's the best those two.

[Chris]

You want to jack off in a chair while I punch her in the face, brother, that's. That's your prerogative, man.

[Shane]

I actually tombstone my ex wife and killed her.

[Paul]

It was an accident.

[Shane]

It's a tragic accident.

[Chris]

I threw my wife off of hell to sell, brother.

[Shane]

I was actually thinking about that. I think yesterday I was thinking about. I was thinking about Shia LaBeouf and you know, I like Charlotte Booth.

[Paul]

I like Shy a lot.

[Shane]

I like him a lot. But I was thinking like, I think he's still with that lady. I don't know. I. I could be wrong.

[Paul]

The. The fk, The Twigs.

[Matt]

No, he got back with his. His wife.

[Shane]

Oh, so that wasn't his wife. He didn't. He hit his girlfriend.

[Matt]

He did. He.

[Paul]

Was FKA Twigs.

[Shane]

That he. Yeah. And again, I don't know if it was like a push. I don't know.

[Matt]

He intentionally gave her a sexually transmitted disease.

[Paul]

I think that's also.

[Matt]

And then she wrote a great album about it called you sexual, which is. No, maybe it's not even. It's about movements. It's a great album. Great art has come out of that intentional stuff.

[Shane]

Yeah, I don't. Okay, so that's on the record that he just didn't tell her.

[Matt]

I don't know.

[Shane]

She.

[Matt]

He apologized, but he was very vague about it. It's not clear What?

[Paul]

He's fully converted. Fully converted to Catholicism. Apologized. I kind of like his arc so far.

[Matt]

He was. But he was out in. He came to the club. He was at the Mothership, like, a couple months ago, really was the show. He was lovely and he had his dad there. And then I was looking him up on the Internet and I think the night before he was arrested for jaywalking because he kept calling a policeman silly. Like, he went across a main road and the policeman said, you can't do that. And he said, you're being silly. You're a silly policeman. He said the word silly.

[Shane]

That'll piss off a cop. Call cops silly. They're not going for silly. Yeah.

[Matt]

I think silly is one of the. I mean, it's a great thing to call a cop, isn't it?

[Shane]

Yeah, it's. It's literally the last thing they want to hear.

[Matt]

Don't be silly.

[Shane]

Oh, you're being silly, man. Because they're not silly at all. They're serious. It's the most serious men, usually.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's much better than pig.

[Shane]

Yeah, they've.

[Matt]

Everyone has pig. Pig.

[Shane]

At least there's, like, anger behind pig. If you're like, dude, you're being a.

[Paul]

Little silly, they're like, also, pigs is such a standard. Like, go to. Silly is like, wow, this guy has some beef with me for sure.

[Shane]

This guy's with my head.

[Paul]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But, yeah, I just knew something went down. I don't know what happened, but I just thought about. My thought was like, say you did say you were on record, though, because, you know, people. The details come out. People just assume. They hear there was any sort of, like, assault or aggravation there. They assume you, like, beat the hell out of her.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Shane]

You know, court of public opinion kind of thing. When you jump back into the dating pool, I wonder, like, if. If a girl dates you after hearing publicly that you're switch a lot, or is it like, what's up with that? Like, you know, is it like, are they like, okay, well, I know what I'm signing up for. Like, are there girls out there being like, oh, she was being a. Of course your boyfriend shows you. That's what I was wondering about. There's got to be girls out there that are like, yeah, for sure.

[Matt]

It's Italian women.

[Shane]

Yeah. That was all. It was just a stupid thought in my car.

[Chris]

I'm sure there's girls that are about.

[Shane]

It like that, though, getting shoved.

[Chris]

Yeah. And they'll give it back.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Chris Brown's reputation has not been Hurt with his woman.

[Shane]

There you go. That's a good one.

[Matt]

Ladies love Chris Brown. And his Wikipedia page is nuts. If you go to the controversies page on Chris Brown.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That wasn't an isolated Rihanna incident. Heaps of ladies, really.

[Chris]

They're so horny for him, though.

[Paul]

He's like. Have you seen the videos of him, like, just, like, at his show, just humping girls on stage.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

The meetings. Crazy, by the way, taking pictures with Chris Brown. They love that he's socking girls because it's like that means eventually enough of these girls are going to get socked and dropped out. Then I'm gonna come next. Yeah. I'm like 230,000th in line. If he could just. All I know through all of them, I gotta just be able to take one good one and I'm set for life. True.

[Shane]

He's gonna be.

[Chris]

He's gonna be dancing on me.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's his lawyer. Must have, like, the. The fund that. Like just one savings account just for, like, smacking a lady.

[Paul]

Fund the smack fund.

[Shane]

Smack funds he was smacking.

[Chris]

Getting kind of low, Chris.

[Matt]

It wasn't even just girls he was dating. It was like someone who was looking after his dog. Someone who did his hair.

[Shane]

Wait, what?

[Matt]

Have you read this?

[Shane]

He beat his dog.

[Chris]

Everyone can get it.

[Matt]

Chris Brown is his dog.

[Paul]

Or like his dog? Like his dog.

[Matt]

Allegedly. Sorry, Allegedly. I have to keep saying allegedly, but it's a big controversies Wikipedia page and it's almost.

[Shane]

What is the controversy? What's the alleged controversy?

[Matt]

There's one after another. No, there's like 20.

[Shane]

Oh, assault.

[Matt]

Like, allegedly.

[Shane]

Really? Oh, yeah. He just got rearrested recently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a big one. It was like one of those. I think it was fat square boys. I could be wrong. It was either tall and long or fan.

[Paul]

At this point, if you piss off Chris Brown, isn't it kind of your fault? You know what I mean? It's like, obviously he has a history of being a bit of a hot head. You know? It's like, maybe just keep your distance from him. I don't know.

[Shane]

That would suck. You're just recording, like, very sexual R B. You're, like, kind of chubbed up. You're like, this is kind of weird. The guy just beat your ass. That'd be good. Getting your ass kicked as a sound engineer to R B would be crazy. Yeah, that would suck, dude. Imagine if boys to men just stomped you. Dude, just dpj. They had to think boys and men were stomping. Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

You're getting punched with, like, very extravagant rings on their hands. And that sucks.

[Shane]

That one guy comes into the back.

[Chris]

You'Re kicked with a loafer that's softer than anything you've ever felt before.

[Shane]

Like, damn.

[Chris]

Grab one from my. Like, my pillowcase.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah. I never, never thought about that. That sucks. So hopefully Chris Brown figures it out. Man.

[Chris]

Can't be doing pretty sure recording studios see a lot of fights. I think a lot. And it's like a guy comes in for, you know, maybe a verse or maybe, you know, he brought in a beat.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And then, like, another guy doesn't like him, and it just. It just turns into like a Kai Sonat stream.

[Shane]

True.

[Chris]

Probably pretty frequently.

[Shane]

It's a good point.

[Chris]

There's just girls tweak, twerking, and guys screaming, and no one understands what's going on.

[Shane]

It's got to be such a stressful environment.

[Chris]

You get a platinum record out of it. It's like the formula worked.

[Matt]

Once you make diamonds, it's true.

[Shane]

Huh?

[Matt]

Pressure makes diamonds.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt]

You gotta have. You have a cool, easy recording studio.

[Shane]

Yeah. I've always wanted to be in the studio like that. I've never been. I never got the bean stew.

[Paul]

Cook up the stew.

[Shane]

Cooking the stew. Yeah.

[Chris]

You got all your jewelry on. You're wearing sunglasses. You got, like a cup of something, and you're just, like, vibing to the beat. And no one is sure if they like the song yet or not. But everyone's just like, we gotta keep up. We gotta keep the vibe going.

[Shane]

True.

[Chris]

That's a lot of pressure.

[Shane]

Yeah, man.

[Chris]

If you're the guy who's like, this is kind of ass, you might get turned on by everyone else in the room.

[Matt]

I saw a video of Tupac blowing up because he thought there was too much of this going on in the green room. This was recently on a reel. He comes in and goes, quit messing around. We got girls dancing. We've got people popping champagne. Let's make some music. We're gonna do it one at a time. You can produce it later. Get my verse now. And it was sort of prophetic because he had so many verses recorded when he died, he didn't know how much time he had left.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's. Dude. Apparently rappers now, all of them have, like, hundred and hundreds of songs.

[Matt]

Until you provide for your loved ones, after you take too many drugs on a plane to Australia, rest in peace.

[Chris]

They should just release all those songs as, like, podcasts. Like, if you're just rapping that much, you might as well. Just do podcasts.

[Shane]

Yeah, exactly. Well, a lot of rappers are. Juice WRLD had a bunch of songs.

[Matt]

Juice World's had, like, three albums come out after.

[Shane]

And he. He died on a plane to Australia.

[Matt]

I think he was worried about a drug dog and he had some drugs on him, so he took all of them to get off the plane. Very sad.

[Shane]

What?

[Paul]

Yeah, I've done that, but never had more than like, one Xanax.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

Seriously, how he died.

[Matt]

Yeah, I think that's how he.

[Shane]

Wait, so he had a ton of drugs on him and he goes. He's already gotten through. Nervous.

[Matt]

I think he flew private and he came down and they said, this country's very uptight about drugs. He went, well, I better have every pill that's on me right now. And then he took them, and then he was out.

[Shane]

What?

[Matt]

Australia strikes again.

[Shane]

They weren't. I don't know. I went there that one time. I had a fake, fake vax card. You guys didn't catch that? Probably had a weed pen, if I had a guess. Australia. You can get anything through Australia.

[Matt]

We put up a bit. Our signs are very spooky. I think it's easier to get things in than. Yeah, we have a whole TV show about it, which is Border Patrol, I think it's called. Where we get. It's a whole TV show about Chinese.

[Shane]

People coming into the boat at the ocean. Like, they're at the airport and they're.

[Matt]

Just go through, like, Chinese people's bags. Like, what is this? You can't have this fish.

[Shane]

Yeah. You can't bring a lot of fruit. I didn't notice that. Like, fruit and all that other contraband.

[Matt]

Very big on fruit.

[Shane]

I accidentally brought a stick home from Australia.

[Paul]

Did they say something about it, or were you able to bring it with you?

[Shane]

They can't. It passed, bro. I've got those things through, dude. My stick in my pocket. I forgot it was in there. It was a cool stick. It was like a bare, very bare, smooth stick. And I brought it back from Australia. Probably crippled the U.S. excuse me, that's my hoe bag.

[Matt]

This would sound silly, but the first time I was in America, I did see a cool rock and I brought it home. I wanted to bring home a piece of American rock.

[Shane]

Did you. Are you allowed to bring rocks from America?

[Matt]

No one questioned the. It was like a pebble. It was like a nice.

[Paul]

I. I brought a pebble. I brought a nice pebble from Italy back to America. It was weird. You see a handsome rock, you're like.

[Matt]

I'm gonna bring this back with an energy here.

[Shane]

There's a lot of accomplished geo smugglers around.

[Chris]

You're not supposed to take them from Hawaii, though. I heard the kapunas or something like that.

[Paul]

What's kapuna?

[Chris]

What's the spirits?

[Shane]

You.

[Chris]

You take nothing from Hawaii.

[Paul]

I would take it to be like, I don't believe in kabunas.

[Shane]

You'd be. Then Zuckerberg must be in trouble with the Kabunas right now. Doesn't he have, like, a giant volcanic bunker in Hawaii?

[Chris]

I hope so. I don't know.

[Shane]

He does. I think so. Yeah. He apparently scored a lot of property over there.

[Matt]

There's the underground cities that the richer built building to keep them safe from whatever's happening right now.

[Chris]

Yeah, I'm gonna be a top side.

[Shane]

You got to put your topside mutant. Will be.

[Chris]

Cannot wait to be a topside mutant and torture the underground rich people banging on the manhole covers. We're gonna come down there.

[Shane]

So fun.

[Matt]

I think America might be going to war now.

[Shane]

You think so? With Iran.

[Matt]

I think it's happening now. Yeah. USA officially joins war. It's just happened.

[Shane]

Oh, man. Against Iran.

[Matt]

Against Iran.

[Shane]

What the freaking hell? Hope they don't use any dirty bombs. That's what I'm worried about. This goddamn bioweapons.

[Chris]

Also them. Also them. You mean? I mean, none of them.

[Shane]

You want to say Covid doesn't break out again.

[Matt]

This is so much worse than the Declaration of. I mean, like, Churchill gets to go, we will fight them on the beaches. Trump's going, well, these guys have defensive.

[Chris]

Equipment and plenty of drones.

[Matt]

It doesn't compare to American manufactured stuff. Yeah, nobody does it better than the good old US of A. In terms of war.

[Shane]

I mean, dude, we would absolutely smash Iran, obviously, but it's like, can we just say we're not going to war and then just kind of send like, secret agents to do it or whatever.

[Matt]

The way we've been doing it for?

[Shane]

Yeah. Can we just destabilize their economy like gentlemen?

[Paul]

Use, like a proxy. Be like, be polite, use proxies.

[Shane]

So wait, why are we doing it? Not just having Israel do it and being like, God damn.

[Chris]

I don't think Trump got too excited. I think the playbook was obviously just provide Israel everything they need to destabilize the part of the Muslim world that we don't like forever.

[Matt]

He thinks, maybe I could win a.

[Chris]

War just like Ukraine and Russia.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

And then he was just like, we should actually jump in there and see what's Up.

[Shane]

What if Bibi just has crazy Riz and nobody knows about it? Just, he's like, come on, Trump.

[Advertiser]

Come on.

[Matt]

He's very charismatic, bro.

[Shane]

It'll go so sick.

[Paul]

It is funny that a dude named BB, like, started a giant.

[Shane]

Possibly World War Three.

[Paul]

Bibi.

[Shane]

I mean, who would join Iran? China's not joining with Iran.

[Matt]

Russia. Russia.

[Shane]

Russia. God dang it.

[Chris]

I think China recorded, but China's so tied up with Africa right now.

[Shane]

Are they?

[Chris]

Yeah, they're. They're going to milk Africa. They really need to stay focused. They don't want to get into a war. Yeah, they're not set up for it either.

[Shane]

Good. Well, that's good. So it'll be Russia, Iran. What a screen.

[Chris]

You know who I mean? If they turned the lights off and played their music, it would get a big pop in the main event. If North Korea woke up right now.

[Shane]

Off the road, you forgot all about it.

[Chris]

He was out with an injury. You know what I mean?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Chris]

WrestleMania comes.

[Shane]

It's like North Korea. I just don't think their missiles can reach.

[Chris]

I don't think they can do anything, but who cares?

[Shane]

It'd be sick if they just dropped in Fortnite style.

[Matt]

Is the Rey Mysterio small guy. You don't think he should have an impact?

[Shane]

It could be, in theory, Iran and Russia versus Israel in the United States.

[Chris]

United States.

[Paul]

Well, then, like, also probably, like France and, like, kind of EU countries are probably going to join.

[Chris]

Oh, you mean all of our pets?

[Paul]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane]

I don't. You think? Yeah, I guess they. They'd have to. I. I would assume the. Yeah, yeah. Germany. All those guys.

[Paul]

The classics.

[Matt]

They can send their 15 bicycles.

[Shane]

Fire up Egypt, because what countries are we tight with that are in that area? It's Egypt. Saudi Arabia is huge.

[Chris]

They just gave us a golden jet.

[Matt]

Yeah, I think you've probably got a rock. What's left of Iraq is probably.

[Shane]

Isn't Jordan on our side, too? I think Jordan. It's always the king of Jordan, I think is, like, chilling.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So I think it will be. That's. Dude, that'll be crazy.

[Chris]

I've been thinking about how badly if I was leaving high school this year, I'd probably. And my circumstances were the same as when I actually graduated high school. I probably would find a way to enlist and become a drone operator. I think it's. Yeah, it's the same. I actually. It sucks that I didn't get to fantasize that. The same way I got to fantasize about being an army sniper. Where it was completely unrealistic and would have never happened.

[Matt]

But now they've seen your rocket league.

[Chris]

Abilities.

[Paul]

Like Xbox controllers.

[Chris]

Yeah, I, I, and, and then the reality of it is also cool where you're like kind of just in the back of a truck wearing a headset and all. Like the actual grunts are laughing at you and no one respects you, but it's like, yeah, whatever dude. I'm locked in right now.

[Shane]

And you can twitch it.

[Paul]

Yeah, you're like one of those, one of the guys. Let's go check like the dudes and do with like the pink, I mean the blue eyes like.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Paul]

The navigators, like the clones or whatever.

[Shane]

That's probably happens. Every professional twitcher that gets caught saying the N word on the stream, the.

[Chris]

Government knocks up like we got two options.

[Shane]

Come here now put me in the.

[Chris]

Back of the truck and let the guy the squad humiliate me while I drone strike people.

[Shane]

That would be so sick.

[Chris]

It's nothing but kill streaks. It's got a rock, man.

[Shane]

Awesome.

[Paul]

You got the cold, you got the cold blooded perk on. You're like all my perks. I just prestiged actually. You have your gamer clan just like xx whatever.

[Chris]

Yeah man. You mad is actually the, the clan tag.

[Shane]

I think we did an hour, dude. Regardines. All right, I get a P. I can tell. Oh, 53. Let's, let's power through. 53. I have, I've had a pee for the last 30 minutes.

[Chris]

I smell really bad. Do you smell?

[Paul]

Yeah, I made sure to go. I, I thought when you told me to come by I was like, I gotta immediately go shower. I can't smell bad.

[Chris]

Really. Well, no, I showered, I did everything and I'm, I'm on a new kick. I'm trying to take care of myself. I'm trying to make. I've started sleeping.

[Shane]

Well, dude, sleeping with a TV on for 40 years. 40 years.

[Chris]

40 years. So I've taken the television out of our bedroom.

[Paul]

Oh, nice.

[Chris]

And we're on. I haven't even completed a week of it yet, but so far so good. And then I got a mattress topper. It turns out my bed was very uncomfortable and that was probably a part of it. So now I'm sleeping like a fucking kid.

[Paul]

How's your stack?

[Chris]

I haven't got, I haven't gotten to the tupperware bin full of supplements yet. Still being unpacked.

[Shane]

That'll be there. Yeah.

[Chris]

But I was at Walmart and I grabbed the same deodorant I get, but aluminum Free. It's not working at all. I smell so bad right now.

[Shane]

I'd rather wear deodorant at all than the aluminum free. I'm sticky.

[Paul]

It bleeds in shirts and stuff.

[Shane]

Yeah, dude, I don't wear. I rarely wear it in the summer. I'll, like, slap it on every now and again just because, like, yeah, one of my kids will be like, dude, you stink, but this is my pheromones.

[Paul]

Just blast going raw.

[Shane]

I swear. I think you are, man. I go, I pretty much remember when Sid stopped wearing deodorant and everyone. I was just talking about this.

[Chris]

What a psychopathic move he did. Sid did six months, no deodorant, and was in complete denial about how bad he reeked. It was filling rooms.

[Matt]

I was doing that.

[Chris]

He was changing shirts mid conversation levels.

[Paul]

Like, though, you know. Did he get his data grades for deciliters checked?

[Shane]

They're probably high. If I had to guess. Sids are probably off the charts, dude. If I had to guess.

[Chris]

Judging from the. Just the smell, we drove to Atlantic. We drove to Atlantic City together to do a podcast, and it was like the windows in the car were bulging out from the smell.

[Shane]

It was so bad.

[Chris]

And you'd be like, yo, dude, you stink. He'd be like, I don't think it's me. And we. We. It went nowhere.

[Shane]

So fun. It was like a can of soup. People just started to, like, back away from him.

[Chris]

People started to leave his personal life.

[Shane]

No, it was. It was the green room in helium. The one time, like, people were coming up to him, like, dude, you stink in this green room. And he was. He finally accepted it. He was like, all right, I stink. I. I stink. I've been stinking for six months. Well, I'll give it to him because he wanted the no deodorant life so bad, which I can respect. But he, for real stung. He was kicking off a stink.

[Chris]

There's no excuse.

[Shane]

Which is. Which is alpha.

[Paul]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm ashamed by the fact that I.

[Chris]

Don'T like if he powered through. Yes, I do stink.

[Shane]

That's what I'm saying.

[Chris]

That's a completely different story.

[Shane]

Hey, that's your. Yeah. He could have said, hey, that's your problem, man.

[Chris]

Yeah, deal with it.

[Shane]

I love every aspect of myself.

[Paul]

Sometimes I feel like the stink comes, but I don't rock theater. And I feel like when I'm really stressed out, that's when the stink comes. I feel like it's a response to, like, the way that I am inside.

[Chris]

You stink outside.

[Paul]

Exactly.

[Shane]

If you lose frame, you just start to stay.

[Paul]

Sorry. I'm super sorry. I smell guys. I'm super anxious right now.

[Shane]

That'll definitely. Dude, sit down on the plane. Bust out the rosary boots. Like, hopefully I don't smell. I've been worried all morning.

[Paul]

That is a big word. I keep a stick of deodorant whenever I fly because, like, dude, you didn't notice when we were, like, going to, like, Sacramento and I was hitting.

[Chris]

Hitting the.

[Paul]

I was in the do, like, just on a. In the waiting area.

[Shane]

Were you really?

[Paul]

Yeah. Anytime I get on the plane, I have to reapply because I just get so worried that people are like, what's up with that? That guy's deodorant, dude.

[Shane]

I sit. I don't wear deodorant on the plane. I fart the entire time. I don't. If I. I'll give myself.

[Chris]

Someone told me you told a story about me farting on an airplane.

[Shane]

It was the. The little kid turning around and at Butterly was. It was so. They were so bad.

[Chris]

And this kid would have the sound.

[Matt]

Of the jet engine.

[Shane]

No, no, the smell. The smells were horrendous. And this little boy in front of us would smell them and get so excited and turn around and just wide smile between the seats. And I couldn't stop. And he was, like, telling his mom or dad, and they kept me, like, dude, stop. It's like they did it again.

[Paul]

Mom was who. It was like, specifically from. Just like, we were blaming each other.

[Shane]

We were both blaming each other the entire time. And even the. The mom in front was laughing pretty hard. I saw her shoulders quaking. It was. What a good sport the mom was.

[Chris]

Probably started a lifelong perversion for that child.

[Shane]

This kid couldn't have been happy. He was the only one on the plane. Couldn't have been happy.

[Paul]

That's a core. Core memory of his.

[Shane]

He was.

[Paul]

Dude farted a core memory into his. Into his brain.

[Shane]

Just sitting in the smell being like, no, no, no, it's cool. It's cool. And then you see that smile. You're like, mom, Mom. They.

[Paul]

I don't know what he's talking about.

[Chris]

Ma' am, could you shut your child up?

[Shane]

No. I give myself, like, 10 farts, and then if I have to, I'll. I'll take a dump in the plane's the number.

[Paul]

It's too much time to give a.

[Shane]

If I'm sitting next to a lady. Guys. Infinite. I'll fart next to lady. Okay. I'll fart 10 times next to a lady.

[Chris]

And then it's a crabby lady. Farts are the worst punishment she can receive.

[Paul]

Leave.

[Chris]

I'm not allowed to strike her or raise my voice at her, but I can almost my pants at her.

[Shane]

I have. I've had some times recently where I'll be like, you know, end of the night, Britney's in the bathroom doing whatever, and I'll be like, naked. And, like, there's. She's in the bathroom. I'm in the bedroom just naked, farting in the bed. And I'll be, like, sitting there, like, she has to hate me. She must just be disgusted. There's literally just a creature.

[Matt]

Well, the rage has to come out somewhere. You know, they don't say this about Chris Brown. He never farts in front of a woman. Ah, that's where he starts.

[Paul]

Now we know that.

[Shane]

We know.

[Paul]

Yeah, that might be what all the farts come from.

[Shane]

He just rips. Oh, my God. He's like, shut the up.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Chris]

The big one was in the car with your hand.

[Shane]

Yes. Whoa. Just crushed the car. Steam. The glass.

[Paul]

The glass was melting under the shitting.

[Matt]

On a. On a flight, there is a. There's a hack, I've found. I didn't know if people know this. You're allowed to use the toilet before the plane takes off. They're doing that. I didn't know it for years. I thought you had to wait until you were in the sky and the seatbelts off. If you're on the tarmac, you can.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And no one's in there. No one's ever contesting for the first poop on the plane.

[Paul]

But then everyone knows, like, if you do stick it up the rest of the flight, if you.

[Shane]

If you take a brutal dump and they're, like, waiting to take off, and then you gotta walk out the whole plane, like, what? The.

[Matt]

Flight?

[Shane]

What?

[Matt]

We've had to cancel the flight.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Someone's left an awful mess in here.

[Shane]

Brittany told me. She's like, go ask the stewardess for some coffee to bring into the bathroom with you. It'll kill the smells. Like, I'm not.

[Paul]

I'm gonna get fecal matter in the coffee. That's gross.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'm not wasting the coffee. And B, it's like, no, I'm just gonna take a. I'm not gonna be like, hey, it's gonna smell really bad when I poop. Can I have some coffee, please? It's like, absolutely not.

[Matt]

Also, does coffee drive out the smell of poop, or would it just smell like poop and coffee the way it might cut it.

[Shane]

But yeah, you need a lot. You need some strong beans.

[Chris]

And you should peel an orange while you in the bag.

[Shane]

That's not a bad idea.

[Matt]

It's like a yuck.

[Shane]

The match and toilet papers, obviously. Or just lighting a match and throwing it in that for real crushes the smell.

[Paul]

They should let you vape on the plane. Just in the bathroom though, like to cover up the. The with like blueberry over the. Yeah, yeah. Little dreamsicle.

[Shane]

All right. We made an hour. I have to pee so bad.

[Matt]

My gross.

[Paul]

Sick.

[Chris]

Thanks for having.

[Paul]

Thank you for having me.