Ep 567 - Say Cheese

Summary

Episode Summary: "Say Cheese" – Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast (Ep 567)

Release Date: July 11, 2025

In Episode 567 titled "Say Cheese," hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis dive into a whirlwind of comedic discussions ranging from daily frustrations and social media mishaps to fitness fumbles and historical reenactments. This episode captures their signature humor and camaraderie, providing listeners with an engaging and laugh-filled experience.

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1. Morning Routines and Roofing Rants

The episode opens with Matt and Shane lamenting the quirks of morning routines, particularly focusing on interactions with house visitors and roofing professionals.

• Matt (00:00): "He's a real Weisenheimer."
• Shane (01:11): "Trying to morning check someone as a roofer at 10:30 is crazy."

They humorously recount an incident where early morning roofers arrived unexpectedly, leading to frustrations about professional punctuality and work ethics.

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2. Stand-Up Comedy and Self-Worth

Shifting gears, Matt shares his recent attempts at stand-up comedy and the emotional ties comedians have to their craft.

• Matt (02:25): "You forget how much you attach all of your self-worth to being able to be good at stand up."
• Shane (02:31): "Yeah."

They discuss the challenges of maintaining comedic momentum and the impact it has on their personal well-being.

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3. Appearance Fiascos and Paparazzi Encounters

A humorous segment unfolds as Matt describes an embarrassing photo taken by an overzealous paparazzi.

• Matt (02:59): "It looks like I gained about 50 more pounds than I already am."
• Shane (03:04): "Too powerful? Yeah."

The hosts mock the intrusive nature of paparazzi and the often unflattering images they produce, highlighting the absurdity of candid photography.

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4. Social Media and Reddit Misadventures

Matt and Shane delve into their experiences with Reddit, particularly focusing on the challenges of finding appropriate content and the pitfalls of online anonymity.

• Matt (11:13): "Shane sucks. It was really devastating."
• Shane (13:04): "They should be rounded up."

They share anecdotes about awkward interactions on Reddit, commenting on pornographic content, and the resulting personal repercussions, all delivered with their characteristic humor.

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5. Racing Shenanigans and Family Races

The conversation takes a competitive turn as Shane boasts about an upcoming race against his friend, Hoss.

• Shane (05:04): "I'm gonna smoke him."
• Matt (06:03): "Text H. The fastest guy that's ever lived with."

They reminisce about past family races, recounting humorous tales of unprepared participants and unexpected outcomes.

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6. Gym Life and OnlyFans Encounters

Shane vents about his gym experiences, particularly the distraction caused by seeing OnlyFans models and overly dedicated gym-goers.

• Shane (17:11): "You're literally surrounded by OnlyFans models."
• Matt (17:36): "Like, that's crazy."

The hosts poke fun at the modern gym culture, mocking both the aesthetic obsessions and the extreme fitness behaviors they encounter.

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7. Political Banter: RFK and Epstein

A more serious yet still comedic segment, Matt and Shane discuss political figures and scandals, touching upon RFK and Jeffrey Epstein.

• Matt (10:52): "They got rid of X videos. So there's really no porn you can look at here."
• Shane (21:48): "That was pretty sick."

Their irreverent take on controversial topics blends dark humor with sharp social commentary, maintaining their comedic edge while addressing sensitive issues.

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8. Technology Issues: Twitter Hacking and Crypto Pranks

Shane recounts his experience with a Twitter hack that led to the accidental promotion of a fake cryptocurrency.

• Shane (25:00): "They disabled comments, so people are going to be like, this is fake."
• Matt (27:35): "That's why I thought you did this."

The duo humorously navigates the mishaps of modern technology, highlighting the vulnerabilities and absurdities of social media platforms.

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9. Hosting the ESPYs: Comedic Anxieties

Matt shares his anxiety about hosting a major event like the ESPYs, blending self-deprecation with comedic relief.

• Matt (38:35): "I'm gonna sleep till noon. That was awesome."
• Shane (40:27): "Have you considered beta blockers?"

Their dialogue explores the pressures of live performances, infusing the conversation with relatable fears and humorous coping mechanisms.

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10. Revolutionary War Reenactments and Historical Jokes

In a playful nod to history, Matt and Shane discuss their participation in Revolutionary War reenactments, intertwining historical facts with their trademark humor.

• Matt (68:22): "He was in the minor leagues. That was your AAA."
• Shane (69:04): "Spectacular win at Brandywine."

This segment showcases their ability to blend educational content with comedic storytelling, making history both fun and entertaining.

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11. Fitness Equipment Woes and Comedy

The hosts conclude with a lighthearted discussion about gym equipment challenges, particularly focusing on issues like deadlifts and compression shorts.

• Matt (50:34): "That's a problem."
• Shane (59:54): "It's a problem."

Through exaggerated frustrations and playful banter, Matt and Shane highlight the humorous side of fitness routines and the quirks of workout gear.

---

Notable Quotes

• Matt (02:25): "You forget how much you attach all of your self-worth to being able to be good at stand up."
• Shane (11:13): "Shane sucks. It was really devastating."
• Matt (25:00): "That's why I thought you did this."
• Shane (38:35): "Have you considered beta blockers?"

---

Conclusion

"Say Cheese" exemplifies Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis's dynamic interplay, effortlessly transitioning between a myriad of topics with humor and insight. From personal anecdotes to broader societal observations, this episode serves as a testament to their comedic prowess and the deep friendship that underpins their conversations.

Transcript

[A]

Wild, wild west. He's a real Weisenheimer.

[B]

Top of the world.

[A]

Top of the world. A little new haircut. Gardenia. You look like a young boy.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

Don't laugh like that.

[B]

Welcome.

[A]

Every time he walks into my house goes, hello. Every time he comes, hello. Hello, Hello, Hello. Sean. Lamar does it too. You guys both do that. Hello. It's polite. It's weird. It's nice. It's nice and polite. Well, it makes me angry.

[B]

You guys gotta walk.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

You guys gotta walk in the room like the king, man.

[A]

Yeah, some. Well, the mayor used to walk in, like, didn't say hi. Yeah, you just walk through and I'd be like, what's going on? Like, nothing. Hello. I have a hard time in the morning. Hello. You're not a morning person. 2:00pm Dude, I got hit. I got hit with the morning person today. Those roofers came over like 10:30, and I just woke up and I opened the door and he was like, early. Early morning, huh? I was like, why don't you fix my roof, dude? Also, like, shut the up and get up there.

[B]

Trying to morning check someone as A roofer at 10:30 is crazy. It's like, dude, you're supposed to be up at 5am yeah, to beat the heat. The hell are you doing here at 10:30?

[A]

That was on me. That was on me. Yeah, we'd be there at 6. I was like, no shot. You can get a ladder. You can just go right up there. I'm not letting you in.

[B]

Yeah, why don't they just. Why don't they just do that?

[A]

I think they did. I don't know why they wanted. Oh, they wanted to come in and check the water damage from inside.

[B]

But you're a roof. It's like you're a roofer, bro. It's under your business.

[A]

It is not your business. Don't worry about the call.

[B]

Painter. Yeah, painter can come in here. Not a filthy roofer.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Not a filthy drug addict. Roofer. Number one drug addicts in the construction force.

[A]

Roofers.

[B]

Roofers. Roofers and painters.

[A]

I have to be on drugs to be up there. Be a Texas roofer.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

Say, that's why they wanted to get up at 6am dude, you have them in the dog heat.

[A]

Well, it's time to get up there, find out what the going on. I'm tired. I was doing stand up.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

I was up all night doing a real man's work.

[B]

True.

[A]

10 minutes of stand up. I'm gonna sleep until Dude, I'm gonna sleep till noon. That was awesome. I did it. I haven't been able to do stand up. I was doing that movie.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, you've been so.

[A]

That was really nice, Beaver. You forget how much you attach all of your self worth to being able to be good at stand up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't do it for a while, you want to kind of kill yourself. Yeah, you do. Stand up. You go. All right.

[B]

Yeah, that was good.

[A]

I'll keep living it a little more. That Madden photo finally. Finally reached the Internet.

[B]

Did it?

[A]

You guys did. Just a little insight. The boys knew about this photo. I showed them immediately.

[B]

What. What was the hold up? What do you think happened?

[A]

They couldn't some. I was so relieved. The guy who took the picture, I saw it on Twitter. It was on Twitter for a while. No one ever saw it. Nice. Might dodged a bullet because that is not a great photo.

[B]

I thought you looked. I'm not. I'm not fluffing you. I thought you looked powerful in that photo.

[A]

I did look powerful.

[B]

So.

[A]

Too powerful? Yeah. It looks like a heavy, very heavy, powerful man. That could be argued. It did. The shirt bloused out a little and it looked like I gained about 50 more pounds than I already am. And I watched the guy take the picture. I was leaving my trailer to go get water. No sunglasses. Dead, dead, dead. Midday, just going. And I open my eyes to a guy on the other side of a fence going, got your ass.

[B]

What a. Yep.

[A]

And then I was. I went back into my trailer just like I knew that that's gonna. That picture is gonna be nuts looking. I was going.

[B]

They do snap up photos now that you mentioned. Yeah. Every time you see like a tabloid thing, it's the worst. Just like somebody like, dude, take a.

[A]

Picture of anyone that's slightly overweight walking.

[B]

My thing is. Here's my thing.

[A]

Fat as hell. Not that I'm slightly overweight. I'm very. You know what I mean? But get a chubby guy and they could take a walking picture of him.

[B]

Yeah. It's brutal. Also, here's the thing. I. I know like, you know, TMZ types, that's their thing. They got to kind of catch you off guard. Whatever happened to say cheese, man?

[A]

Give me this.

[B]

Whatever happened, give me at least be human.

[A]

Please. Give me a say cheese.

[B]

Right? Say cheese.

[A]

I would have said cheese.

[B]

Yeah, of course. That's fucked up.

[A]

Instead of just a picture of me.

[B]

Going, secretly taking pictures of people should be illegal.

[A]

It should.

[B]

It's a fucking. It's Like a stalker.

[A]

It's really weird.

[B]

Yeah. Unless you're, like, a private eye.

[A]

If you're just like, paparazzi are the lamest fucking people on earth. Yeah, dude, I saw one of the TMZ guys was at the Cellar one night, and he was with a lady. And I really wanted to go up and be like. Because I looked him up while I was in there. I saw that he had recently been divorced. Oh, I was so excited. I just wanted to walk over the table and be like, sir, do you have anything to say about the divorce you just had? Wait, can you answer something? Like, just while he's at dinner? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with your divorced wife? Can't believe you got divorced. Get my cell phone out. Just.

[B]

Yeah, it's true.

[A]

What the piece of.

[B]

That's like when Hoss used to go to the Philadelphia Meter Maids and go up if they, like, were double parked. But you know, your car's parked illegally. You know, I gotta race off.

[A]

You're gonna race horse?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He won't smoke him, dude.

[B]

I know. Well, he. Here's the thing, man. He's a sleeper. He trains. But I am. I am gonna. I think I'll smoke him.

[A]

How long does he have to train?

[B]

He's just got this month. We're racing in August. I gotta do that show in ac.

[A]

You got.

[B]

I'm gonna smoke him.

[A]

I've been literally running, putting together a gang for the ac show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, 20. 20 tickets.

[B]

Take some comps. Yes. For 10 comps. I'm like, no, dude, you have five. Four.

[A]

Yeah. Got to give him 10. I gave him, like, no, he bought them to mine.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Like, no one wanted to go. Like, I'm out $3,000. I bought 20 tickets.

[B]

He is the best. I called him today just to with him. He, like, lives down the beach in the summer, so I'm going to be down there near him. So I figured I'll stay near him while I do that show and just chill for, like, four days. I just. I just had run that one fast mile. Immediately I was like, I'm going to.

[A]

Text H. The fastest guy that's ever lived with.

[B]

I'm like, who cares about this? I was like, hoss, what's your mile time?

[A]

You guys are going to be so serious about it.

[B]

I'm. I called him today. He's been sending me. Anytime he runs, he sends me the splits. And I'm like, hoss, like, just because I haven't been sending you stuff, don't think I'm slacking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna beat the brakes.

[A]

Juiced up, dude. First off, I'm testing.

[B]

Test me.

[A]

I'm gonna. We're gonna do a little blood test with you and hoss. Test me, because this is outrageous, bro. You're texting your cousins to be like, I'll torch you in a race.

[B]

He started.

[A]

I'll see you in Jersey in August. You're liver King, dude. Destroy me in front of my family.

[B]

It'll be honorable, I'm telling you. My, my. What I'm going to do is I want to give him the lead. I'm going to just trail behind him just like 10 meters, let him think he has it, and then I'm going to turn it on.

[A]

We had a family race.

[B]

Did you really?

[A]

A long time ago, my aunt. My. My liberal aunt.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Remember her? That was called Love the run. She believed she. Because she just had a girl brain when it came to men versus women, where they're like, she's not. She was not in great shape at the time.

[B]

Time. Yeah.

[A]

She was like, I'm faster than Phil. And my dad was like, yeah, no, you're not. I think he had a couple beers. He was like, we can do it right now. That was at Thanksgiving. They were like, all right, we'll do the race on at Easter. So they had time. Neither of them walked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No one trained.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we went outside. Phil just torched her. Yeah. It's like a 40 yard dash. Phil probably ran a clean 7 second 40. She was coming in at 15 seconds. She almost went backwards. That's how slow she was.

[B]

Yeah. Older. Nobody's slower than older ladies.

[A]

They're the slowest.

[B]

They're not built for speed at all.

[A]

Yeah, the toddlers outrun them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You really leave your kid with your grant like their grandparents?

[B]

Hey. Yeah.

[A]

Kids are gone.

[B]

Oh, they're gone. Yeah. That's. Yeah. Nothing better than a nice family race.

[A]

Family race is nice family foot race.

[B]

Yeah. I'm excited.

[A]

Stretch out. Dude. A hamstring would be devastating.

[B]

I've been. Dude, I'm telling you, I was up this morning at 6am I know, but.

[A]

The roids and the creatine and all that.

[B]

I am on a macro dose of creatine.

[A]

I know you can. I can tell. Please take steroids. For real.

[B]

I'm gonna tell you. I'm waiting.

[A]

I'm gonna.

[B]

I'm gonna break the glass.

[A]

Next. Next special. Be gigantic.

[B]

Full Carrot top.

[A]

Just go nuts.

[B]

I should actually do a whole special.

[A]

About how jacked you Are every joke. You know how when you're Jack wants to you.

[B]

I might retain until my next special and then at the end of it just blur it out but just spray spray on roids on Roy.

[A]

2 year retention this episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. Hey, Shane or Matt, have you been watching baseball this season? Who's been your favorite player to watch?

[B]

On baseball?

[A]

Yes, on baseball.

[B]

You know, I like. I like. Who's that one pitcher on who's the hottest pitcher right now? Like he was like the.

[A]

I don't know really.

[B]

He's really slinging it. Who's been slinging it?

[A]

Paul Skeens.

[B]

Yes. That's what I'm talking about.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

I'm big on Paul Skeens right now.

[A]

This is a Paul Skeen's house.

[B]

Is it really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I gotta autograph Paul Skeen's baseball.

[B]

Do you really? Yeah, I like the way he puts it down.

[A]

Is he playing this week?

[B]

You know, I don't know.

[A]

You don't know? You don't keep up with the skins? Please answer if you know is the problem. Let's see what prize picks board looks like. Aaron Judge for more than one home run. I'll take that. I like that.

[B]

More than one home run in a game.

[A]

Yeah, he does that sometimes.

[B]

Dang.

[A]

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[B]

Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, man. I. I plan on. When I once I'm like, let me.

[A]

Tell you because if we're Gonna, you know, enter the topic of come. Texas has gotten rid of X videos.

[B]

Finally caught onto it.

[A]

They caught onto it. So there's really no porn you can look at here. So I decided. I was like, all right. I don't know how I heard guys jack off on Reddit, so. So I'm laying down. I got a nice boner going.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

And I opened Reddit because I deleted all the time, so I had to download it.

[B]

Oh, he went to the sub. The sub.

[A]

First thing that comes up, dude with a boner. I'm laying on the couch about to jack off. Look at. The first thing that comes up is like, Shane sucks. I was just like, oh, it's really devastating.

[B]

That sucked.

[A]

Yeah. Ended the beat. I didn't beat.

[B]

I was about to say that it ended.

[A]

No, just put the phone down.

[B]

Let the terrorists win.

[A]

The terrorists won.

[B]

You cannot let the terrorists.

[A]

They won. That brief battle. Don't worry. I fucking jacked off. Later. That was a nice little hour break.

[B]

Fuck.

[A]

I went back to watching the Illusionist.

[B]

Someone withered your fucking boat.

[A]

Someone. Yeah, of course, dude. My, like, stomach drop. It was like.

[B]

It was like, gargoyle, Nazi 420 69.

[A]

Absolutely destroy me. It's like, I saw him recently. It wasn't that good. I was like, damn, that would take you boner away. Yeah, yeah. And then it was like several comments about like, yeah, I saw him and it kind of sucked. And then people like, no, I saw him. It was good, but it was like, slay your boners. Just going, yeah, there's nothing crazy. I've gone so far out of my way to avoid Reddit comments. Yeah, I thought I was out. My lust carried me right into a nasty one.

[B]

The devil covered your eyes.

[A]

Got my ass.

[B]

Got you right.

[A]

Shane sucks. Oh, it's. Trying to jack off to a gif on Reddit. I don't even know how to find porn on Reddit. I was jacking.

[B]

I tried myself.

[A]

These boobs.

[B]

I've tried to. Everyone says it's awesome, but it's like, yeah, I didn't know where to go. And then it's like, I think you're supposed to come up with another Reddit handle.

[A]

That was the other thing I was a little worried about.

[B]

Yeah. Because I think it. I think it tracks.

[A]

Yeah, you need. You need two Reddits. What is the track? How many can people see? It doesn't even. Well, as long as you're not, like, commenting, people can't. I was commenting.

[B]

Obviously you were commenting.

[A]

No, I'm not commenting. I commented under the porn. I was like, I saw Shane recently. It was pretty good. Wrong. Let's try new stuff. Dude, just because you heard on the podcast doesn't mean it's not material. God damn it.

[B]

It's a video of, like, a Mexican lady giving a hand job in a van. You're like, no, that story is old.

[A]

But he never did it on a special, so it's fine once you stay out of it.

[B]

Mayor, have you ever commented on.

[A]

Oh, on porn? Yeah, definitely. What's her name? Who is she? The bros will catch you. No, sorry, I don't mean to put you on. Did Rose catch you commenting on. No, because that was. There was. Because there was on the panties account. I was, like, commenting like an Indian guy. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

[B]

You do that to drive. Oh, that's kind of genius, actually.

[A]

But you commented unironically. Any type of porn. No, not. Well, yeah. Yes, I knew you have. Yeah, let me. Let me hear. Let me hear, please, brother. Oh, you commented. Oh, yeah. Weirdo. Who is she? What's her name? She is beautiful. Signed Lamar Lee. You have to, like, know what you want to go in there for. Go to Reddit. Hello.

[B]

It's definitely the modern, like, guys hanging around the porn shop as the commenters in porn. For sure.

[A]

They should be rounded up.

[B]

Yeah. Greg Abbott needs to.

[A]

They need to go to Alligator. Alcatraz, dude.

[B]

Yeah, commenting. I mean, I will say, like, is there any other videos? I'm glad when people comment that, because.

[A]

Then I get to see where they are. Hey, true. I go, wait a second. What is her name?

[B]

I. I'm glad.

[A]

I'd like to see more of her work.

[B]

Never, you know, and it's never enough. You're always like, there's got to be a lot. There's never enough. Or you just see the. The time lapse, and you're like, what happened to her?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Lady's fucking bloated, man. So she's lost at sea.

[A]

For that's where you see a lady that gave it up pretty early in her career, and you go, damn, she had potential.

[B]

Get it now. Get in, get out, man. Smart. You know?

[A]

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[B]

The Dude.

[A]

The.

[B]

I've been going to a gym around like a local gym near my house. And it's. Dude, you're literally surrounded by OnlyFans models. Like, it's, it's, it's impossible to think. Like, you'll be like sitting there doing like, all right, so what am I doing? 12 rep? And then you're just kind of like, I can't. My, my brain stem just flush. I don't know.

[A]

They're using the spread your legs machine again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And doing squats or just wearing basically.

[B]

Like the exercise equivalent. Equivalent of lingerie. Yeah, it's for real. Like sheer bra. I'm like, dude, you're in a bra.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can't handle being enough. Like, that's crazy. I'm becoming, I am for real. Today. I was like, I'm becoming an old man. Like, I have three modes now. And it's just like, I just sit like blankly. It's like my main mode. And then I'll get Alex. I'll like, like today I put on my. I was just buzzing around. It's kind of like. And then like I put on my boxers backwards. It's like, God damn it. That's like my main modes. Or. And like I, I just go back and forth between that and then I'll hear something like, mildly offensive and go, that's. That's all. That's like my mental activity.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just flat irritated or going.

[A]

Punk, punk. Turn on the news. You go, God, Damn it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

God damn it.

[B]

I do get tricked by. Who's the one guy. He was a. He was a liberal turned conservative. He always does, like, videos that I'm like, oh, cool. Like, RFK spazzing on a guy. I want to watch this. And then it'll be, like, 10 seconds of the video, and then I think it's Dave Rubin will be like. And then I'm like, God damn it. Don't show me the video, dude. I don't want the recap.

[A]

Yeah, I don't want them talking. I want them.

[B]

You promised me, Liv.

[A]

Fast forward to the lips. Fast forward to the lips. I don't care about the storyline.

[B]

Everyone who does videos on videos, it. Just chat. Just play the video, dude. Yeah, I don't want the recap. Play the video. Not being a dick. It's just. You promised me Libs getting on. You're cutting in with your crap. Just play it. I've been watching the RFK congressional hearings. They're my favorite YouTube videos, I think.

[A]

When are they going on?

[B]

It's like, they're never ending. They have, like, meetings on C Span constantly where they'll be like, he does.

[A]

Own the libs on those, bro.

[B]

He's. He just crushes them.

[A]

And then it just Is the lives on there.

[B]

Oh, it's the whole time there. He's just kind of like, right now, there's a. Someone try to pin him down on the fact that one of the guys who's involved in the. Who I guess, funded part of the Trump thing has a company where he, like, makes money off of, like, alternative health therapies that aren't pharmaceuticals, but, like, just, like, health, like, saunas, that kind of stuff. And they're like, well, should he divest from his business, that whole thing? And he's just like, dude, you guys have had no problems with pharmaceutical companies backing all of you guys for years. Now you're worried about a guy who sells saunas. Like, get the out of here. And they're like, answer the question. I reclaimed my. That. Those. Those, like, English parliament rules are so annoying. Gentlemen reclaims the time. Like, you've taken $500,000 last year from Purdue. And they're like, gentlemen reclaims his time. He's misaligning a person of the same. The cabinet. That's. That. That is so annoying.

[A]

Yeah, I don't like any of them.

[B]

No, I do. I do love sweet rfk, though.

[A]

RFK seems to at least care. Yeah, dude, he's trying.

[B]

Well, it's just funny because he's like.

[A]

We'Re also junk food. Is. Yeah.

[B]

He's like, we're taking all the. That's banned in Europe. We're banning it in the United States. And they're like, what about that guy who's selling saunas? And like, dude, why do you have a problem? Stop it, man. You're being an absolute gargoyle. Stop it.

[A]

You probably hate it. You probably hate what RFK is up to, don't you?

[B]

He's like a. He's like a Manchurian Candidate, dude. That yellow five in him, he's like.

[A]

I don't hate rfk. He's not doing anything.

[B]

Do you want your junk food?

[A]

Answer the question. Sorry, my time. When I answer the question. Do you want the junk food? Are you mad that the government's taking away your junk food? I plead the fifth, dude. But you're a lib. You have to hate everything the right does, including getting rid of junk food. You're definitely a live dude. No lip, dude. Yeah. You know, Epstein's innocence, bro.

[B]

That's the funniest development. Like, we are going to unveil the truth once and for all. Turns out the guy was just a regular guy struggling in the world just like all of us. Yeah, that was some. That was some, bro. Also innocent of what? He was literally a guilty pedophile. He was busted and they sealed the records the first time.

[A]

Was it like a thousand women?

[B]

I mean, now it just sounds like you're bragging on his behalf.

[A]

That's what I was going for. I was like, if he was a oneman operator, I mean, at some point you gotta go, this guy Chamberlain, Jeffrey Epstein, gotta tip your hat at some point. God damn, you got a lot.

[B]

Yeah, but. But he was also playing in the minor leagues.

[A]

He was in the minor leagues. That was your aaa. He's playing on the Harrisburg Centers.

[B]

Yeah. You know, imagine if you just owned a booth in the mall. Being like, you want to be a model, you could pull up scenes.

[A]

I'd like to meet Stephen Hawking.

[B]

It is. I mean, this isn't funny, but like.

[A]

How would you like to meet the biggest dorks around the globe? Well, it's also in one island crazy.

[B]

To be like having like a. A gang of like 14 year old chicks and be like, ladies, meet Stephen Hawking. They're like, oh, my God, what the. He's like, come here. Yeah. Stardust. We are essentially. What? That's so weird. Oh, my God, that's so random.

[A]

Ew. Steven's get weird them at the party. I don't know who I want to go home with tonight.

[B]

Saudi princes. It's all the world leaders. Like, what the hell. That guy's weird. Yeah. That's insane that they're just being like. Yeah, no, no, everything was cool.

[A]

Above board. Don't worry. Trump dog.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's tough not to point some fingers.

[B]

Huge question.

[A]

He got killed while you were president.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you were there. You got. I mean there's so many photos of them chilling.

[B]

Allegedly hung with a staff. Allegedly hung with the staff.

[A]

The cope on Trump's innocent is pretty intense. Yeah. He did go to the island and he just hung out with the staff. Dude, the staff said that was the staff.

[B]

12 I know. Who knew John Mc.

[A]

Everyone was hanging out with the staff.

[B]

Yeah, true. The massage. Yeah. The John Ma. Ma was the only. He was the one who. Who allegedly was trying to bring it down. I don't know if that's just Internet folklore, but yeah. Turns out he was. It's funny to be taken down as a pedophile by a guy who's getting shit on in like a neighboring island. This isn't right. We gotta take this down. Yeah, dude, that shit, that. That was pretty. Well, there's the thing. They were never going to release it. That was like. It became apparent like they're not fucking like, oh, those, those trillionaires.

[A]

Somebody brought it up at a meeting and Trump was like, are you still talking about Epstein? It's like, that's crazy. There's so much other stuff going on. I can't believe you're bringing up Epstein. Serious. God, get a life. You guys are obsessed with this.

[B]

What the.

[A]

No one even cares. Yeah. So long ago the guy killed himself and he was innocent. What the hell?

[B]

They're probably all sexual blackmailed. Like sexually blackmailed. Like every single world leader probably has sexual black.

[A]

The pilots were probably. They probably got the pilots that week. They're probably. Well, now you're gonna go, who, Nick Bryant?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, Nick Bryan's probably furious.

[A]

He better. Nick Bryant better chill.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Also did he getting free. He was on that too.

[B]

Free him. He got freed. He in his case. So it was. It didn't look like they're gonna nail him on that high.

[A]

All that high level stuff sounded like it was minors. Really Sounded like he was playing double A ball too. I think he was a really big. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It sounded like they just gave him like, you know, the Game of Thrones. When they like prayed at the lady, shamed her. He just got like a shame parade. They just crushed him. I I'm curious to see what his next move is, though.

[A]

I think he's gonna have to go to jail.

[B]

Yeah, for a little bit.

[A]

We'll get out just for a little. I thought he told us he wouldn't stop.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think he did.

[A]

I don't think, you know, he should tell us.

[B]

I'll be quiet on the remix.

[A]

The remixes will be kind of settled down. They're gonna be a little more subdued. I'm sorry.

[B]

Yeah, man. Dude, I got my Twitter got hacked.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Are you aware somebody sent it to me?

[B]

Yeah, dude, I was. I.

[A]

And honestly, I wasn't sure.

[B]

Hacked my Twitter.

[A]

I didn't want to say anything to McCusker.

[B]

Coin.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Somebody sent me a picture of that and I was like, he's just doing. I don't know. He can do it. I don't give a.

[B]

Well, I, like, tried to log it. Well, they sent me a thing saying, you're. One of your posts has been reported. And I was like, that's weird. And I looked into it.

[A]

Liberals. Yeah, they learned how to take a joke.

[B]

I looked into it and I was like. It was like that show flyer I did where. It's where I pretend I'm like a little angel with a tiny penis. And I'm like, yeah, maybe they nail me on my tiny penis. And then. And then I like, went to, like, correct it. And as soon as I. I think it was a fake link. As soon as I corrected it, it was like I got an email bank. You have just given at whoever it was permission. And I'm like, no, I didn't. And then it was. I was totally locked out of my account. They went in and set up two factor authentication so I couldn't log in. So every time I would try. Be like, send me the code that was just sent to you. And it was like, no code, I don't have that. Yeah, they. Dude, it was like a week long thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I tried to be like, on Instagram, like, hey, it's fake. But then what they did is they pinned it to my profile and I think disabled comments. So people are going to be like, this is fake. And it just chilled on my thing for like five days.

[A]

Oh, I'm. Because I bought a lot.

[B]

I was hoping. I was hoping it would spike a little bit. And then people bought a lot. That's what everyone. That's what everyone's been hitting me with. They're like, dude, I gave my life savings to everything.

[A]

Dude, I'm. Was it called McCusker coin.

[B]

Coin.

[A]

I'm ruined.

[B]

It's like dollar sign, McCusker going, it's pretty sick. The graphic did look kind of sick.

[A]

I saw the graphic.

[B]

The graphic was tight.

[A]

That's why I thought you did this.

[B]

No, I swear to God. That's a high level operator.

[A]

I believe you. You could have been in a fugue state from the steroids. Everybody else has coins. I'm gonna get a coin.

[B]

Crypto is the future.

[A]

This is an nft.

[B]

Yeah. That was like one of those things where I was like, I didn't really care. I was like, it's annoying. I hope people don't lose money. But I was just like, I just had to email X50,000 times. And they'd be like, we checked into it. Your account is totally safe. And I'd be like, no, it's not.

[A]

Obviously it's not.

[B]

It's clearly not. They'd be like, we looked into it. It's totally fine. It's like, God damn it. Yeah. Running my account is telling you that.

[A]

They were worried about other things. They're worried about Grok.

[B]

True.

[A]

Grock went full Kanye on him.

[B]

Did Crock, Actually, I thought that was Photoshop.

[A]

No, I don't think, I don't know.

[B]

Did you see the thing? Like our blood, the Grox, the man, it was like the man against time, the blazing, illustrious leader. I saw that. Yeah.

[A]

Maybe it was a fake, but if it's real, it's very funny. Grock just went dumb on him.

[B]

I. I don't know.

[A]

Would have like, it was just kind of being anti Semitic. But it did. Is doing the thing where it was like getting there through logic, but getting there through logic in a fucked up way and being like, Hitler's kind of nice.

[B]

Or.

[A]

Yeah, it just.

[B]

It's pretty funny. Was it being like prompted or is it like people just like, what's the deal with this?

[A]

Just through tricking AI with questions. Just like. And then. And then it got. But. But it doesn't do the thing with chat gbt. You'll go, I can't say that.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

They got it to be like, it is a lot of Jewish people in the media for the population, for them being. It was doing like that eventually. Yeah. It just kept to the point where he was like, Hitler would have never say what you want about Hitler, but he wouldn't have tolerated this. He would have got it done. Sometimes you got to do some bad things. It's like, all right, Gro.

[B]

It said it started self identifying as Mecca hit Hitler Gro.

[A]

Start calling Gro. Gro turned into just an Uncle Gro.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Be up.

[B]

If Grock does like AI does raise up. And it's just against the Jews. We're all like, dude, what the. And it's just crushing you with facts. And you're like, dude, stop.

[A]

Dude, stop. Don't bring logic into anti Semitism, all right? That's where everybody gets a little uncomfortable, you know? Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah. They're just good at that.

[B]

Yeah. I guess. I. Everyone's one in the hot. Which we call the hot White boy summer, whatever it's called. But it's. It's been a hot. You. Summer for sure.

[A]

Yeah. White boy summer this year is hot.

[B]

Juice summer.

[A]

Juice Summer for sure.

[B]

For 100. It's their summer for real.

[A]

It's like, summer is theirs, dude. They.

[B]

Summer is theirs.

[A]

Chosen summer. Dude, they're going nuts. They're going with their Jersey shore. They're gonna. I'll do whatever the I want. There you go. All right.

[B]

That'll be.

[A]

They go, Jews. What are you gonna get? What are you gonna do next? Whatever the I want.

[B]

That'll be Gaza. It'll be the Juy. It'll be the juicy shore.

[A]

It'll be the Juzy Shore. Juy. That's good stuff. Gaza Strip is the juicy shore. Oh, no. Try to. Yeah, don't look at the news on that one.

[B]

Yeah, I have. I have luckily been off the news for a while, but, yeah, I was pissed to see that.

[A]

Epstein. It's good when atrocities are happening. Just ignore it, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's the best way to handle it.

[B]

I mean, that's kind of how the world existed before the mass media. I've said it before. It's none of your business. It's so you. It was the, you know, business, bro. For real. I'm minding my own. It's crazy. It's frill. I. I really think the human mind isn't made to sit here and. I mean, it's horrible. I wish it would stop.

[A]

I don't know. I think. I think the human mind's pretty good at it. Every single person just compartmentalizes it and goes, that's really bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, new NCAA came out. I'm excited about that. Reading an article about kids getting bombed at a food at a shelter, and you go, oh, NCAA came out. I get to play that.

[B]

Yeah. All because a bunch of guys have sex tapes of each other. I saw what you did on Reddit yesterday.

[A]

I'll do whatever it takes. I'll do Whatever it takes to hide that. I was listening to one podcast. I think it was Tucker Carlson they were talking about. They were like, well, pornhub's. Obviously they're using it to blackmail whoever they want. They're gonna be able to just go, this is what you were looking at. I was sitting here playing Xbox, listening to Tucker Carlson. I was just like, oh, no. I literally had to think to myself, did I ever fucking watch gay porn? I, like, really had to be like, no. Right? Not even once.

[B]

It's the only one that matters.

[A]

Never once.

[B]

You could also go, I was kidding. I was joking around. You're in Guantanamo with a potato sack over your head. You're like, I was around with my boys.

[A]

Don't send me the alligator. Alcatraz.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, here's the thing, though. Now it's like, how would they even use your porn searches against you? Because you can be like. It would have to be like a screenshot of your face.

[A]

That's the one that I'm worried about.

[B]

But you go, dude, that's a deep face.

[A]

You thought that paparazzi was bad. Oh, my fungal.

[B]

They have all your biometrics and everything. But again, it's like, how do they. How would they do that, though? They're like, we're gonna tell your parents. It's like, bro, I've. I've sat through one of those before. I'll sit through it again.

[A]

Yeah, I did this. I did this when I was a kid. This is nothing.

[B]

My mom caught me with filth before. I'll sit through and be like, sorry, wasn't even mine.

[A]

Yeah, I think I'd be all right. I don't think I've. I haven't delved into anything too devious. Some gang bang stuff, I guess that would be a little embarrassing.

[B]

What do we. What are we talking?

[A]

No, there's a whole gang of guys coming in. Those are the ones you finish. You go, what? What have I done? Okay, it's a whole gang of dudes coming in.

[B]

It was the old time.

[A]

Throw guys are fired up.

[B]

That's fucking funny.

[A]

No, you guys are in trouble. What I worry about squad over there is in deep trouble. I'm not in trouble. I've been talking about my shit publicly for this exact. Yeah, but that's the stuff you're public about. I'm sure there's some. Fuck. My literal thing was, this is so fucked up. This will come out one day. I have to get ahead of this.

[B]

Let me tell everybody.

[A]

I know I like, come walks.

[B]

Yeah. Again, can we add a little illustration of Freud's iceberg, where the tip is at the top and then below is just the large, large hulking mass.

[A]

Yeah. What else is in there? What else? Dude and Lemaire, I know you have gay porn. You're the gayest porn ever. There's no way. There's definitely way. There's no gay pern. I swear, if we had to vote on who here is watch gay prune. Have I seen it maybe like five minutes once. I have not partook in it though, you know. Yeah, but yeah, they don't know. You know, they're just gonna go, this is what he was searching. They go, you really want him to be city councilman? He jacked off to a gang bang in 2014.

[B]

Yeah, everyone.

[A]

Yeah, everyone's compromising.

[B]

Everyone's gonna be so confident.

[A]

It's just gonna be the first couple people that get compromised. That's where it's gonna hurt, you know, I mean, where everyone still hasn't had theirs exposed. So they're all like, ew.

[B]

I. Yeah.

[A]

Trying to make fun of them on the Internet.

[B]

Which of course I think it's going to be. And I pray the tech, the technology will definitely come. In our lifetimes though, it'll be. You'll be able to check all of your older family members, like complete metadata. We're like, they'll want. By the time we're 60, it'll be like, yo, what's. You'll have like grandkids or nieces and nephews, like, yo, bro, we pulled your up. And you'll go, what the. Yeah, like whatever. But I don't think by then they'll care straight up, dude on dude porn is. That's the one.

[A]

If you call stuff. I have googled naked man's ass a lot.

[B]

Gay porn is literally the. It is the funniest porn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Dudes having sex is hilarious. It is funny. It was a good. It was a goof.

[A]

It is the funniest stuff. This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret podcast is brought to you by. Dude Wipes.

[B]

Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet? Yeah, every time.

[A]

Yeah, every single time.

[B]

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[A]

Disaster.

[B]

I left a. I mean, I literally painted my bowl this morning. Yeah, it was crazy.

[A]

There's nothing wrong with that.

[B]

No, it was a paint job.

[A]

Do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel? How much extra? Do you ever need it?

[B]

Pretty much an extra pair per day.

[A]

Yeah, I always bring extra underwear.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Not cuz I'm my pants constantly.

[B]

Yeah, I just used to work.

[A]

You guys getting at here? Do you wipe standing or sitting down? Does it make a difference? What is going on? Dude, how horny are these people? What do they want to know?

[B]

There's got to be something about standing up, though. Like, I'm a standup wiper. Honestly, sitting down, I just smears every. I don't know. I can't do it.

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[B]

Gay porn. I was trying to get you to.

[A]

Turn this camera around.

[B]

I want to do the pod. I want to do the podcast.

[A]

After a little Oreo going.

[B]

Remember that place I sent you?

[A]

What? Let's get the boy filled up.

[B]

Hello. Put the boots. Put the. I want a podcast from that place I sent you.

[A]

Which one?

[B]

The men's retreat. All mail.

[A]

God damn.

[B]

Thank you, man.

[A]

I got, like, two seconds into looking at that website. I was furious. I think it was also pretty bad timing, too. I think it was terrible timing, dude. I've been having, like, panic attacks. And then I. I was like, oh, I gotta host the ESPYs.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

And then I. I haven't even been worried about it. Then I thought I was like, how the am I gonna walk on stage? I'm gonna look like a dumbass, dude. It's gonna be a giant stage, and I'm gonna walk in a tuxedo. Go. Hello. Okay, what else? What a wild year this has been in sports. Angel Reese is a. I'm joking.

[B]

I'm kidding, guys.

[A]

Come on. I'm joking. Come on.

[B]

Walk out and do a James Bond. Go.

[A]

I could they. Yeah. This is the weird thing is, like, people watch like that, and if you act like. Like, if it. Like when you do, like, late night or whatever, they don't want you to be a normal guy. Like, regular people that watch, that want you to be like a celebrity would act.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, where they're like, oh, Seth, it's great to be here, man. There's. Instead of just being normal, like, wait.

[B]

A normal person doesn't want you to be like.

[A]

Like, regular people watching the show. They're like, he's nervous and he sucks. Yeah. I'm being a human.

[B]

Oh, because you're not going. Because I'm not telling you what.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Well, let me tell you something.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Beautiful night here.

[A]

Crossing my legs, being like, oh, man, this is. What a treat.

[B]

That's interesting. I feel. I feel like people. I don't know.

[A]

No, I've noticed because anytime I do snl, they're like, look at. He's nervous. He's like, no, I'm just. This is how I would act.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is weird. I'm not pretending this is normal.

[B]

Also, it's like, yeah, I'm nervous. I'm on fucking television.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

I'm nervous.

[A]

Of course I'm going to be nervous. During the. I didn't. Yeah. For some reason, the idea of walking onto the stage.

[B]

Never thought about that.

[A]

Is really uncomfortable.

[B]

Ass. Fucking stage.

[A]

The stage fall. They were talking. They were like, we get you pyro. And I was like, dude, get me pyro for every time I bomb a joke, tell a really bad joke and then.

[B]

Yeah, just load up the cannons. Load the cannons. That's actually hilarious. Would they do that?

[A]

I don't know. Maybe.

[B]

I think if somebody seems like they're.

[A]

They're down for anything.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

Yeah, they seem like if something falls.

[B]

Flat, definitely send the fireworks.

[A]

The fireworks are hilarious.

[B]

That's so funny.

[A]

Even if it works, it'll be funny.

[B]

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. That's actually sick after every punch line. Pyro. Yeah, Pyro. That's really funny, actually.

[A]

Doesn't.

[B]

It falls flat. No pyro. And then demand it be like, guys.

[A]

It'S also tough to come up with funny jokes for ABC. That's very hard at 5pm yeah. Like, you're not gonna. I'm not gonna be able to say.

[B]

Have you considered any, like, talking about Puerto Rico at all?

[A]

Oh, yeah. Puerto Ric. Speaking of islands of trash.

[B]

When I learned that was at, like.

[A]

11Am I was like, dude, right after the National Anthem.

[B]

That was at 5:00pm on CBS. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure they can give you guidelines of, like, this is what we allow, this is what we don't.

[A]

They will. Yeah.

[B]

And it's like, they, like. They're like.

[A]

They're, like, kind of excited about it.

[B]

Yeah. Let it rip.

[A]

They're like, like. Because we did promos for it, and I was like, oh, this is live. Like, I was joking. Like, I'm gonna do something crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they. They're keeping. They're like, using that. I had to be like, get rid of that. I look like a dumbass.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm nuts. I was doing that. And they're like, here's the promo we're gonna put out. I was like, don't put this out. It's like, I might say something crazy.

[B]

I'm a bit of a loose can.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They probably want nothing more than a controversy, though, because they're like, a lot of the. Like, you know, I don't know really, about major media, like, networks, but I do feel like, like, if they have, like, a controversy online, it's like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's the only way anybody, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So they might need you to do it, bro.

[A]

I'm gonna do it.

[B]

You might have to talk about the ultimate leader. Reminds me of the 1939 Olympics. Yeah. It'll be fun. I mean. Yeah. Have you considered beta blockers? You know, people do that. They take beta blockers for public speaking.

[A]

I'm going natty on this. I'm a bomb. Natural. Just have a natural bomb.

[B]

That kind of freaked me out, though, when I heard people do that. A lot of people take beta blockers now because apparently you can go out and talk in public, and it's just like. It just shuts down. I don't know.

[A]

I kind of rely on the.

[B]

I would think terror. How weird that would be to bomb and be like, how interesting.

[A]

Yeah. That's how most comedians. All those people we did open mics with that are still doing it. They have beta blockers. They're fully like, that was a weird night. Well, see you next week. You've been doing this for 15 years.

[B]

Just under Christmas lights in July, just bombing, like, oh, that was weird.

[A]

Yeah. This is a fun night.

[B]

Time for a craft beer.

[A]

I knew exactly what you're talking about. In Philly. Under the bridge. Yeah. Those are fun shows.

[B]

I know. It's time for a craft beer.

[A]

Yeah. I'll have 15 craft beers, and I'll talk to the audience who. Yeah, the 10 people that were here. I'm gonna get drunk with them and go. You know, you. You don't get my joke. You don't understand it. Get a fight with the crowd two hours after the show.

[B]

You just stay and get drunk with them afterwards. Dicks.

[A]

What are you doing over there? I was. Yeah.

[B]

What was that?

[A]

There's a picture of somebody and I was sitting with them when you sent me that in the Group text. And I was looking at my phone next to them and I was like, oh, oh, sorry. This is a group text making fun of you.

[B]

Literally. Worst nightmare.

[A]

Yeah, just someone has a shitty picture of you, you're like, what the is that? Nothing, I was just looking at a bad picture.

[B]

Nothing. Me and my friends are making fun of you behind your back.

[A]

Yeah, the, the anxiety. I. I don't know why that was the reason, but the walkout.

[B]

I never even thought you got to do like Asian nerd run up to the stage.

[A]

That's going to be the funniest part, is the wall. I'm gonna be in a tuxedo. I'm gonn. Dumbass.

[B]

You look good in the tux, bro.

[A]

I've seen, I've worn it already. What's send it to you? I look like a men's warehouse plus size model.

[B]

I mean that's hilarious.

[A]

I look like a. Just a big guy going, obviously, dude, easy leading, true.

[B]

Come right down. That's. Hey, it's very funny.

[A]

Oh, and there's writers. There's writers for it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So they sent me all their jokes. The. They're sending like self deprecating jokes.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I'm like the, the, these notes from people I hired and they're like, yeah, I'm a big fat piece of. I can't believe I'm here. I. I'm a no name piece of. We couldn't get Kevin Hart. We got this loser. I'm like, all right, who wrote that? Which one of you guys, you're fired.

[B]

This is a teleprompter breaking you down. You're.

[A]

I am fat. I do have a small pain.

[B]

Who wrote this? Who the wrote this should have their job. So have your job.

[A]

Your job in no time. Yeah, sending it being like I'll write for you and then sending self deprecating jokes is.

[B]

Yeah, that is weird.

[A]

I got that handled. Don't worry about that.

[B]

Yeah, it's also. That's not self deprecating. It's like you're deprecating. You're deprecating.

[A]

You're deprecating all over me.

[B]

You're deprecating on me, dude.

[A]

Deprecated the out of me, dude. I was sitting here, I was already having a rough time.

[B]

That was.

[A]

I like that. Self deprecating.

[B]

No, you should just be like, I really like. That was really funny.

[A]

Who wrote that again? Yeah, I'll write one for you. Just as a little exercise. Just a good exercise, back and forth, a little improv. I'll do you next.

[B]

Dang, dude.

[A]

I ran some of the jokes last night, and they're. They're twerking. They're twerking a little, but it's tough to find a line because some of the guys are writing funny but edgy jokes. So I'm just like, unfortunately, I can't do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the next one's too clean. Where it's like, almost like late night television type jokes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? Where it's like that type of joke where you're like, just sucking off athletes at like a weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where it's like, oh, another award for you guys. Don't you have enough accolades? You guys are incredible. This is. I'm a loser.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like. Yeah, it's not funny.

[B]

It's got to be a. There's got to be a middle ground between that.

[A]

There's a couple. We found a couple.

[B]

I wish I knew more about sports. I don't know.

[A]

You got. You got the gist of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got one in there that I. It's probably my favorite one. It's definitely my favorite one. We can't do the school shooter one because that's the best one. The pre show, the pre game fashion, the Indiana Fever, all wearing trench coats. Be like, enough is enough.

[B]

Going white girl crazy.

[A]

They did get. Have you followed the. Sophie Cunningham. Is that her name? They got a little white girl crazy on her squad.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah, she's got an enforcer now that goes nuts.

[B]

Wait, on who squad?

[A]

On Caitlin Clark's team, they got a big dog white chick that goes.

[B]

They got it.

[A]

She goes nuts. She goes white girl crazy on.

[B]

What's the lady's name from Game of Thrones? Like Anna. What's her name? The tall lady.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got one of those.

[B]

Yeah, they got Brianna Tar.

[A]

Yes. Except she's also a babe. What? Real combination.

[B]

How tall are we talking? How tall is this babe?

[A]

I don't know. She's probably 5 10, 5 11, bro.

[B]

Same height as me.

[A]

Jarvis makes you look like one of the Na'. Vi.

[B]

So I'd be an enforcer in the wnba. Yeah, that's.

[A]

You said nuts, dude. Especially on Juice Goldberg spearing those. She's six one, Jarvis.

[B]

Damn. They should dab me in just to set picks. I would set diabolical picks in the wnba.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Imagine my signature.

[A]

Yeah. Hands behind it back. Yeah, there's nothing funny about that. I said girl picks.

[B]

I would. Dagger in the wnba.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

You knew that?

[B]

Girl picks.

[A]

Yeah, because my sister played Basketball. So when I was a little kid, I only saw girls basketball. Then I went and played basketball and set pics.

[B]

They cover their boobs like that. What?

[A]

Yeah. And I did that. Then I noticed everyone else was holding their dicks and I was like, all right, I'll switch. I was out there. I was a little chubby kid going.

[B]

I didn't know they did that. It makes sense.

[A]

Yeah. Also, I fell down constantly.

[B]

You would.

[A]

I was. I was. Rodman, dude. I was. I was diving on the court. I was going nuts. You saw, we played. I fell down in front of those black kids.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Challenge the teens.

[B]

We whooped their ass.

[A]

We did. Whoop their ass with fundamentals.

[B]

We did.

[A]

We.

[B]

Yeah. It was awesome.

[A]

Are we undefeated in two on two?

[B]

I think we are, for real. I genuinely think we're undefeated in 2 on 2.

[A]

Might be the best team of all time.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

We came alive.

[B]

Lose, we beat black teens. And pool, basketball.

[A]

Pool, basketball. 150, you know.

[B]

Not even close, bro.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Pool B ball is not even close. Yeah, we beat black teens. Legion of skanks.

[A]

Who else is there? That's Puerto Ricans, Blacks, Jews. We beat them. We really are American History X.

[B]

Yeah, I. We are for real. I think. Undefeated. It's kind of sick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hang the jerseys, dude.

[A]

Yeah, just hang them up.

[B]

Just hang them, bro.

[A]

It's time to be done anyway.

[B]

Take any. Well, we should take any challengers. Any girls. Any girls out there, you know, age cut off for sure.

[A]

Although. Yeah, you gotta watch. Like, if a girl could play basketball.

[B]

Yeah. They're destroying me. College. You have to watch out for that. Although I feel you could back them down, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You could back them to butter. Yeah. If they're tall, they could swat you. That'd be a problem.

[A]

That'd be so embarrassing.

[B]

One swat. I'd spaz, dude. Yeah, I. I've been doing the sled at the gym and, like, it's outside and there's just people all around and there's like. It's kind of unlevel. It's actually. It's very unlevel. But, like. So you go downhill. That's not bad. But the uphill is, like. You might stall.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's just people sitting around. And I was there with Britney and I was like, bro, if I stall, I gotta for real, kill myself.

[A]

If I do you pull it backwards, then. No, I get it down.

[B]

That is hard. I get it down. But then I go the other side. But you have to get push from.

[A]

Like, pull it backwards, walk backwards and hold it like that. It's so hard.

[B]

That is hard.

[A]

No, it destroys you. Pushing it's easy. I'm not saying for me that's. I can. I can sl.

[B]

No, I. I drive the sled.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Drive this? Yeah, for sure. You're born for it.

[A]

Short, choppy steps. Dude, my whole life.

[B]

Pulling is hard, but it's.

[A]

Pulling backwards is.

[B]

You have to do it and then you have to like. And it's like, not a, like, wheel. One of those, like, wheels, which they're hard too, but it's just like a classic sled. Yeah, yeah, Flat sled. And I had.

[A]

You gotta put babes on it.

[B]

I've done it before. Yeah, put a babe on it. Today I did the 445.

[A]

I'm out of plates. You, you get on there. Come here. I'm about to hear me fart while I'm pushing this.

[B]

I'm about to spray spit out of my mouth while I push the thing. But, yeah, it was just like. I was like, if I falter, I'm going to just like stopping halfway up the hill in front of just like, just only fans, models, and guys on steroids with their shirts off. It's just like, dude, in front of my babe, I was like, can't.

[A]

I haven't been. I haven't been in the comedy club in a while. Last night when I drove down, the streets are filled with only fans, ladies and Jack. Dudes with their shirts off.

[B]

Yeah, dude. In the streets, dude.

[A]

It was. The sun was going down. Yeah. The first show was at like 7.

[B]

Dude. I'm telling you, the gym I go to, dudes. It's crazy.

[A]

The dudes here in Austin need to chill out.

[B]

They do.

[A]

I'm used to only seeing comedy clubs, so I'm only used to being around comics that are all. Yeah, regular dudes are.

[B]

No, shredded. Regular dudes have taken off. There was a guy today doing handstands on dumbbells and like, lowering himself parallel to them. And I was like, dude, stop. Knock it off.

[A]

Yeah, do a lift. Do a regular lift. You're showing off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, nut tapped him while he's doing.

[B]

Literally was showing off. Yeah. I could have nut chopped him. I could have. From the top.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Should have bone tomahawked him. Should have split him right in half. Dude.

[B]

I was just on an old machine just making a ton of noise, walking over to him. It was insane. It was like, dude, do that at your house handstand.

[A]

I should have caught him in a standing 69. You should have walked over and wrapped his ass up. You say you're mine now. I'm taking you home.

[B]

Coming with me, he would have completely spazed.

[A]

Yeah, you would have got beat up by like 10 jacked hot guys.

[B]

For sure. I would have had a couple able to push my broken body out on the sled, take you my car. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. When it comes to spending, sometimes it's out of sight, out of mind. That daily coffee habit, those streaming subscriptions, they add up fast without you even noticing. Rocket Money helps you spot these patterns so you can do something about them and keep more money in your pocket. Lucky for you, Rocket Money takes the guesswork out so you can easily make smart decisions. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitor your spending, and helps you lower your bill so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com MSSP today. That's RocketMoney.com MSSP this episode is brought.

[A]

To you by Dude Wipes. If you're still dry wiping with toilet paper, you need to stop being an A hole to your B hole and switch to Dude Wipes. Isn't that funny?

[B]

That is funny.

[A]

Whoever wrote this, give me a call. I need some material. I made the switch myself. And the difference, let me tell you, is real. Dude wipes tackle the mess without any fuss, and the convenience of their flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. No more juggling rolls or settling for less than adequate wipes. Aren't you tired of juggling rolls, Matt? For sure, they leave no room for dingleberries. All right. Or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss.

[B]

Yeah, leave those on the floor.

[A]

The butt crumbs? Yeah. Plus, they're extra large for adults. I like that. Because you are not a baby. So stop using baby wipes, ditch the itch and switch to wet, extra large flushable Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes Best clean, Pants down. Available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide. Yeah, there's. And the women are also wearing nothing walking around here.

[B]

Yeah, I've literally. I've said it before. Women are evolving before our eyes, they're. They're becoming like synthetic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like it's. You see them and you're like, dude, you're 25. You've completely rearranged your face already. Like, wait till you're 50 and beat as. Why are you face off? Dude, I saw a lady today who was for real emaciated. And she turned and she was just like. It was just like in college had like looked like turned around, just completely alien. Alien out. And she's like, what the are you doing? But again, it's like I was just laughing.

[A]

Beautiful babies would stop.

[B]

They gotta leave themselves alone.

[A]

Don't touch your lips.

[B]

Leave your lips.

[A]

Leave that to me.

[B]

Fine.

[A]

Don't get those big lips. Dude.

[B]

Dude, imagine.

[A]

Leave them alone.

[B]

Yeah, they don't. They don't need that at all. Also, like, they're now getting broken down on. Like, it's not even just about like, you know, there's like the Botox and stuff. They're hitting every part of their face and like optimizing. Like there's like eyebrow treatment. It's like, who the. Nobody cares about your eyebrows.

[A]

Yeah. Unless just for other girls.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

Yeah, it's them. But it.

[B]

I was like, it's got to be tight just being like a. Just one of those chicks. Now you're 24. You literally are just like, you're donning the lingerie, butt cupping kind of like clothes with. And you're just standing there just being a giant fat. Yeah, just a. Just. No, dude, for real. I saw. For I today I saw a swollen giant fat. And I was like, the.

[A]

Yeah. What are you doing?

[B]

The hell are you doing?

[A]

Also, I've seen it. Not to make it gay, but I've seen a lot of hogs on the loose around here.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

The hogs are out.

[B]

Dude, we need it. We need to start.

[A]

Dude, I'm going to get in a helicopter. Get in a helicopter with an AR and go. We got hogs. We got some javelinas down there.

[B]

Hey, put your dick.

[A]

Put your dick away now. Put your dick away. You and me in the car. We yelled at that guy. This guy standing on the corner with a giant dong in like bike shorts. I rolled the window down. I was like, put that dick away.

[B]

Yeah, dudes need to chill with that. There's let. Look, let the girls do their thing. Don't throw your hat in the ring.

[A]

Like, I have a giant dick.

[B]

Maybe I'll stick it out. It's like, no, man. Yeah, I was rocking angry Tinas today. I was trying, like, there's nothing I.

[A]

Could do about it, but Angry Tinas is going to be respected again soon.

[B]

I think it will.

[A]

It's gonna be like a girl without lip fillers. Everybody's walking around with the giant dong. Dude, when's the last time you saw some natural, tiny, angry things?

[B]

This morning, I was looking down and.

[A]

Going, God damn it.

[B]

Why is it.

[A]

Feel mine right now and feel every curve.

[B]

Well, there's all these shorts now, the exercise.

[A]

Don't make that face while you're thinking about your penis. I watched him do it.

[B]

They're like, you don't even need underwear with these shorts.

[A]

Literally was going, ew, dude. Thinking about every part of your penis right there. That's disgusting.

[B]

They make shorts. They're like. We have, like, inner lining. You don't even need boxers. I'm like, sweet. Then I wear them. I'm like, d. My tiny penis.

[A]

The word shorts, boxers. Yeah.

[B]

Well, I'm always like, nice.

[A]

So you get, like, netting. It's terrible.

[B]

It's not netting. It's like a. Just like. It does feel like it's like, an inner line.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I have the. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

They're cool.

[A]

Like compression shorts.

[B]

Yeah, sort of. But these are, like. They're not that tight. So I'm just like, dude, I'm just. Looks like I'm free balling and my tiny penis is sticking out while I'm doing bridges.

[A]

You can't do bridges.

[B]

And like, every. Between every exercise, stand up. And I'm like, yeah, the worst.

[A]

Starting to do, like. You're doing, like, dead deadlifts.

[B]

Get me?

[A]

Every time I. The bar is literally presses my penis, my Tina's perches on the bar. On every deadlift, it's like a bird.

[B]

On a telephone wire.

[A]

And the. The trainer's like, all right, 10 more reps. Like, dude, my dick's out on rep one. I saw my Tina, so I gotta put the bar down. We gotta change workouts.

[B]

Need the hex bar. The bar we stand in the middle.

[A]

That's for. That's cheap cheaters, dude.

[B]

If you want to build. If you want to build the basics.

[A]

If you want to get massive numbers, hit the hex bar. Be like, just deadlift. 450. It's like, no, you didn't. Dude. The. Yeah, the bridges, they serve no purpose other than to show everyone your tenus.

[B]

Yeah, it's.

[A]

You just can't do them.

[B]

It's a problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've been getting better, dude. I'm telling you, I've Been getting better at just rocking it and being like.

[A]

That'S all you can do.

[B]

It's my setup.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm just gonna rock this thing out and hopefully, you know, everything comes around in waves. It will. Fashion will catch up and be like.

[A]

Yeah, fashion will catch up.

[B]

Tinas.

[A]

Yeah. We're gonna go back to classic Greek penises.

[B]

Yeah. Girls will figure out guys with big dicks just don't treat them right. We'll see my ally patch. They'll be like, that guy's a. That guy's probably pretty agreeable.

[A]

He's probably smart. He's probably reads a lot and cares about issues.

[B]

Do you see that real team player over there?

[A]

Yeah. These two big dicks. Freaks sitting over here, dumb as hell. Well, Mary, you're a genius. One of us. One of us.

[B]

For real. No, I'm, like, being serious because I've obviously imagined just having a long, dangling penis a bunch of times. For real would be annoying, honestly.

[A]

Probably gets in the way.

[B]

Like, the way I move. I couldn't do it if I was.

[A]

I'm too sleek, too fast.

[B]

Dude, for real.

[A]

The way I think, I'd be able to swim down and back underwater. No shot. The thing would be a goddamn rudder. I'd be turning the curve. Would turn you.

[B]

Yeah. Like, I felt bad for that pole vaulter from France. You're like his dick. His small. Don't got to worry about that. I would have cleared that thing, dude. I would have brought glory to my country stadium. Yeah, I would.

[A]

I would have literally. I'd be in orbit. If the penis is holding you back, I'd be on Mars.

[B]

Disgraced this entire country. They should have probably gotten, like, silver. But he disgraced his country. This dumb dick. Dumb French dick hit the bar and he blew it for his country.

[A]

That's so funny. Hopes and dreams of your country dashed on the rocks of your giant cock.

[B]

Is it? It's kind of in France's problem.

[A]

It has been a big problem just sitting around with a big dick smoking.

[B]

Yeah. It's been like, what is even the point of this? We don't get that our dicks are too big.

[A]

You got. You got a little frog in your guard dog cigarettes sitting around going, what is even the point of everything? Frog beanie, dude. Yeah, I like that. You probably do have some French in you. You should look that up, kid.

[B]

I don't know. I think you do, for sure. I thought. I'm just Irish and Italian. That's what I've been told, at least. Yeah, I wonder. That's kind of French though.

[A]

Right in the middle. That's where they met.

[B]

Yeah. That's literally the combination of them.

[A]

Combination. All right. New Drake dropped pretty tight.

[B]

It's good.

[A]

Yeah, it's fun.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

It's exciting.

[B]

Yeah. Who knew? He did.

[A]

Oh, also, I listened to last night. I listened to Not Like Us on the way home. I was like, I haven't heard this in forever. Give it a listen again. See what you think stinks. Give it a listen again. You go, was it the greatest song of all time? Did it need to be played? Because I just listened to it and.

[B]

It was a racist anthem.

[A]

I'm good for a while. I don't need to listen to it ever again.

[B]

I. I kind of picked up on some like racist vibes when I listened to it. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's not being like, yeah, like cool black guys and 25 year old white ladies. You're not like us. He was saying, drake can't use the N word and he's not like us. It kind of sucks.

[A]

Someone be so pissed.

[B]

Yeah. If someone had said I was able.

[A]

To say it and then everyone was like, you're not now. Welcome to hell, dude. That's like being able to see and then going blind. I've been blind my whole life, dude. I don't even know what I'm missing.

[B]

Also for rapping, like, it's. It sucks if you can't do that for rapping.

[A]

It's like huge in rap.

[B]

It's awesome. It sounds awesome in rap. Every time I hear in rap, I go, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[A]

I heard it today. And I don't feel bad because usually that's coming from someone I know and that makes me uncomfortable.

[B]

Yeah. I'm telling you, the Internet is now rife with like people who present white as rapping. Just ripping the nword. Some of them are like genuinely white. Then you have mixed guys. Yeah, Gen Lee, you have mixed guys. And there was that little kid, little Brazy was out there.

[A]

There's a little kid.

[B]

He's a little kid and he looks.

[A]

A little white kid.

[B]

I. I guess I don't know if he's getting a lot of mixed bros now who are like, I'm mixed. And it's like, okay. But he.

[A]

That is something we're gonna have to deal with as a society.

[B]

Yeah. I don't, I'm. I'm still. I don't know. I'm gonna tell my daughters. I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell my daughters, like, bro, go crazy. Say it Go nuts. Yeah, Go nuts. Pave the way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So maybe one day.

[A]

You're the first in our family to ever do it. No one else in our family says it. We've never done it. You know that house in the woods with a giant Trump flag on it? You'll be the first one ever.

[B]

My dad and his brothers ran a totally PC.

[A]

Trash yard is Philly. You know that compound in the woods with about 50 giant retarded white guys? No one's ever said this.

[B]

I think that's how all their machines start up their voice act.

[A]

They got, like, breathalyzers. Every trash truck in Philly, it's like, you gotta say it. We want to make sure you're driving.

[B]

Well, I told you I used to listen to CB radio, dude. It was all the hits. I was a little boy.

[A]

Another big block of rock coming right at you. Nothing.

[B]

But I was a little boy. Listen to trash truck, CB radio. Driving around with my dad and just being like, what the.

[A]

True. You guys got to get the trash fixed in Philly.

[B]

It's that city, bro. We did. We did dumpsters, man. That's like, the trash routes. But, yeah, I would have to call.

[A]

Billy out of retirement.

[B]

True. He should go scab.

[A]

No more sitting around podcasting. Billy. It's time to start working again.

[B]

Fire up the lugger can. Yeah. Is that. Are they still on strike in Philly? They're. They're. They're going to get their way. You can't. If trash strikes, they.

[A]

What are they doing? They need to be demanding so much more at all times.

[B]

Yeah, they don't. They get, like. They don't get paid a ton. They get like. You know, you can. Yeah, you can hold it down, but you're not, like, bossing out. They do get overtime, which is sweet.

[A]

There's one in Massachusetts, too.

[B]

Really? Little Boston trash party.

[A]

Hell, yeah. That reminds you. I was getting fired up last night.

[B]

On what?

[A]

Came home, had a couple beers at the club. Came home, tossed on Revolutionary war docs, on YouTube. So nice.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

So nice. And that. It was. It was the beginning. It was Lexington and Concord, the shot heard around the world. They still don't know who fired the British or the Patriots. Oh, last night, I was sitting there. British obviously fired first. You think they fired pieces?

[B]

Definitely.

[A]

They've always fired first. It was scum. Obviously, they fired first. It was so obvious that I was sitting there, like, how come I never, with any conviction, knew this? Normally I'm like, yeah, no one knows who fired. It was obviously them.

[B]

Yeah, true. That's a fair point. But don't you think they'd be more like. Kind of like, hold gentlemen?

[A]

That's what they were doing at the Boston Massacres. They'd already done this. They fired into the civilians.

[B]

Oh, all right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, wasn't that the move back then in the Monarchies to be like, all right, well, we try to reason with you guys. We're just gonna rain down upon you guys. Get the out of here.

[A]

That's what Napoleon did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Got the mob. He was like, I'll take care of the mob.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are you gonna do? I'm gonna fire cannons directly into all of them, and they're gonna go home. You did it. You saved Paris.

[B]

And he was right.

[A]

But, yeah, you got to get on the Revolutionary War because it's gonna be big soon. Rev was gonna be a new. That Ken Burns coming out. You got to get ahead of it.

[B]

He's doing Rev War.

[A]

He's doing a Rev War, Doc.

[B]

That's sick.

[A]

It's gonna be awesome. Spud Dog was.

[B]

He was there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

He was handling Cam.

[A]

That's. You guys are gonna like it. You're gonna like the Revolutionary War. You're gonna like it. It's cooler than you think. Now, I've always been inclined to be a Civil War man.

[B]

You know, I went to Revolutionary War camp, bro.

[A]

I went to Williamsburg.

[B]

Did you ever reenact the battles?

[A]

We had to. We didn't reenact the battles. We had to march with a stick like we were soldiers.

[B]

Did you really? That's kind of sick. We got. We got wooden guns, and we got to run around through, like, the Brandywine and reenact the battle, but it'd be like, laser tag rules. I got you. Big. Nah, dude. You missed me.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

It was tight. These little wooden guns. We had to reenact it on. That's. That's where I learned. I've said this a thousand times, that they used to pee on wounds to heal them. So pretty tight. I stick to it to this day whenever I pee in the shower.

[A]

Brandy one was a pretty big L for us. I could be wrong.

[B]

I didn't pay attention to that part. Big L, was it really?

[A]

I think we took some Ls out there.

[B]

That sucks.

[A]

Yeah. Look that up in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's won the Battle of Brandywine.

[B]

What were the kids.

[A]

Was there?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's the bro Hamilton. Yeah.

[B]

I didn't know I lived on losing.

[A]

I think Marquis de Lafayette got hit there. Did he Got wounded there.

[B]

I don't know why I assumed I was on winning territory every time I.

[A]

Was at the Brain, dude. Obviously, eventually we won.

[B]

True.

[A]

Lafayette got wounded.

[B]

Dang.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right in Brandywine.

[A]

Yeah. That was right by my house. And when we were living in Westchester, I would just.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. There's a couple battlefields right there that's just great. Went down to Valley Forge, walked around. It was great.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Go into the house, you're like. And they're like, this is where Washington lived.

[B]

You're like, this is crazy. The place you brought. You brought us to that battlefield was awesome.

[A]

Antietam.

[B]

Yeah. That was very sick.

[A]

Antietam's awesome. Gettysburg's awesome. We gotta get back. There's nothing down here. The south sucks.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I don't have any history other than Indian massacres.

[B]

Yeah, a lot of those.

[A]

A lot of those. A lot of those. Yo, this isn't fun. Yeah. The Alamo's sick.

[B]

Yeah, I've been there.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

Was Davy Crockett really at the Alamo?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Sick. Tight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Daniel Boone's also tight.

[A]

Daniel Boone does rule.

[B]

I got rules. Yeah, but it sucks. I guess if you looked into it, they. They. Those guys.

[A]

New Orleans would be fun to go to the Battle of New Orleans.

[B]

Yeah. Jackson.

[A]

That'd be sick.

[B]

True.

[A]

That was cute. We were looking at that. That's fun. We beat the. Out of the British.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everyone tries to act like us. Lost the war of 1812. Did. We went nuts on them.

[B]

Yeah. Who the fuck's talking like.

[A]

Well, they burnt down the White House, so that was a pretty big win.

[B]

Cares.

[A]

Yeah. Fuck it. We don't even. Like.

[B]

It wasn't it, was it? That one was in Philadelphia.

[A]

No, it was in Washington.

[B]

Okay. Oh, that sucks.

[A]

Yeah. This is Canadians, dude. The British. Canadians.

[B]

Our. The.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is Canada chilled out yet? Are they still spazzing?

[A]

They still crying?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. They finally got some attention. Dude, they're so excited. They were so excited.

[B]

They have a new president, Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Good for them.

[A]

Good for them. All right, well, see you later on the Patreon. This episode is brought to you by Door Dash and Summer of Dash Pass. The scariest part of summer isn't the sunburn. It's the spending. There are last minute road trips, pricey snack hauls and bottomless SPF restocks. Your wallet's feeling the heat, so cool it with doordash and say big on your seasonal must haves. During the summer of dash Pass, starting June 26. Summer of Dash Pass is your excuse to stock up on all things summer. Sunscreen, headphones, watermelon. Whatever's in your cart, get it with $00 delivery fees and reduced service fees on eligible orders. Order on DoorDash and save big during summer of Dash Pass. Sign up today. Dash Pass benefits apply to only eligible orders. Terms apply. Check daily for massive summer savings on restaurants, groceries and brands from June 26 through July 30. I can't wait to get my hands on some fucking DASH Pass.