Ep 568 - Hollywood Night Cast

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast Episode: Ep 568 - Hollywood Night Cast
Release Date: July 21, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 568 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis dive into a whirlwind of comedic discussions set against the backdrop of Hollywood nights. Joined by guests Nate and Lemaire, the episode blends outrageous humor with candid conversations about personal experiences, social observations, and playful banter.

Hollywood Nights and Poolside Shenanigans

The episode kicks off with Matt and Shane recounting their adventures during a recent Hollywood night out. Their story centers around an incident at a pool party where they witness unsettling behavior between a young boy and his mother.

Notable Quote:

• Matt [02:34]: “We were chilling, having some pina coladas out of a coconut... But I'll tell you who was up. That giant titted mom. It was a clash of cultures. That was a culture clash, for real.”

They humorously navigate the discomfort of witnessing such behavior, highlighting the absurdity of the situation while maintaining their signature comedic tone.

Swimming Antics and Physical Comedy

The conversation shifts to Nate’s unconventional swimming style, which becomes a source of light-hearted ribbing among the group.

Notable Quote:

• Shane [07:00]: “Nate swims like this. This is his ass. That's how he floats through the water.”
• Matt [07:16]: “You swim like...”

Their playful teasing underscores the camaraderie among the hosts and guests, adding a layer of physical comedy to the episode.

Discussions on AI and Psychology

Later in the episode, Matt and Shane engage in a spirited debate about artificial intelligence and its implications. The conversation touches on philosophical questions about AI’s capacity for emotion and autonomy.

Notable Quotes:

• Matt [45:50]: “I understand AI is gay.”
  (Note: This statement reflects the hosts' irreverent humor and should be interpreted within the comedic context of the podcast.)
• Shane [48:39]: “It's a reflection of the human spirit.”

The dialogue evolves into a broader discussion about the nature of consciousness and the role of AI in society, showcasing the hosts' ability to blend humor with thought-provoking topics.

Satirical Takes on Current Events

The hosts also delve into satirical commentary on recent news events, including references to high-profile cases and cultural phenomena. Their approach combines sharp wit with exaggerated scenarios to critique and entertain.

Notable Quote:

• Shane [66:16]: “Jeffrey Epstein. It's a huge fault line in the Republican Party.”

Through these segments, Matt and Shane offer a humorous yet critical perspective on contemporary issues, engaging listeners with their unique comedic lens.

Closing Remarks and Reflections

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on their experiences and the various topics discussed. Their closing remarks serve as a humorous wrap-up, tying together the episode’s diverse discussions with their trademark humor.

Notable Quote:

• Shane [73:09]: “We gotta kill two birds with one stone at the same time.”

Conclusion

Episode 568 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast delivers a blend of outrageous humor, personal anecdotes, and satirical commentary. Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis, along with their guests, navigate a range of topics with comedic flair, making this episode a standout addition to the series. Whether tackling uncomfortable social scenarios or debating the future of AI, the hosts maintain an engaging and entertaining dialogue that keeps listeners hooked from start to finish.

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Note: This summary focuses on the content discussed before the advertisements and excludes promotional segments to adhere to the request of skipping non-content sections.

Transcript

[Nate]

The wild, wild west.

[Shane]

Oh, my God, bro.

[Matt]

We're out here just living these Hollywood nights, dude.

[Shane]

Hollywood nights. Poly by.

[Matt]

Damn. Dude, you.

[Shane]

I'm hammered. I'm absolutely hammered.

[Matt]

You're a New Year's Anderson Cooper. New Year's Anderson Goop.

[Shane]

Dude, my goal was to keep it together, to have it completely.

[Matt]

I'm not trying to, like, claim good ones, but I'm. New Year's Don Lemon called it. Called it your New Year's, Edison. Coop. Nate's just. Nate. Nate. Nobody's been hornier since they've gotten to la.

[Shane]

It's crazy. Not.

[Matt]

Not in a. Not in a heterosexual horniness. Look at it. Look at the glass he's using. No, we're not using those same glasses, Nate.

[Shane]

We got to show the truth, bro.

[Matt]

And the shorts, bro.

[Nate]

These were free shorts, and I love them, and I'm.

[Matt]

Like, why are you. What. What's free?

[Shane]

Who gave them to your sugar daddy?

[Matt]

It was. It was fine.

[Shane]

Guys, guys, let's get serious.

[Matt]

Guys, let's get serious. There's so much serious stuff going on in the world today.

[Shane]

Seriously, man.

[Matt]

Nate, though, is. I've never met a disaster guy, bro. As soon as the plane landed, he was like, what are we gonna dare? Like, it was like, yo, yo.

[Shane]

But, Nate, I never knew you're.

[Sean Gardini]

Hello, this is Sean Gardini. I just wanted to stop in to let you guys know that the guys had been drinking a lot during this episode. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I just wanted to clarify that because there's going to be a handful of edits. So we just wanted to say we're sorry about that, but we still think you'll enjoy the episode. Well, we hope you'll enjoy the episode. And, yeah, that. That's about it. So back to the show.

[Shane]

Let's start now.

[Matt]

This is good. We're wrong.

[Nate]

This is devastating.

[Matt]

Matt's cooped up.

[Shane]

Completely.

[Matt]

Silver Fox, Anderson Cooper.

[Shane]

I'm CIA asset Anderson Cooper. Vanderbilt. Fully Vanderbilt.

[Matt]

Right now you're Vandy.

[Shane]

Do three spicy margaritas turn you into a Vanderbilt asset?

[Matt]

Three margaritas. Yeah. All right, here's the topic of the day. Here's the thing we need.

[Shane]

Let's talk. Let's get down to business.

[Matt]

Let's talk. Let's talk brass tacks. We were hanging out at the pool earlier, and we watched a boy, 69, with his mom.

[Shane]

Yo, that was real, like, disturbing.

[Matt]

It was crazy. There was. I don't even. I. I. I don't want to assume any ethnicity there. What would you have guessed no, it was.

[Shane]

I. I don't have to guess. I literally saw it. It was a Middle Eastern boy, some.

[Matt]

Type of having sex. I was trying to pinpoint it. That kid, you're. You're being generous with eight. That kid was 10.

[Shane]

Not 12. Not 12, not 12.

[Matt]

I think he might have been close to 10. Dude, he was big.

[Shane]

He was like six, bro.

[Matt]

He was six, five.

[Shane]

He wasn't double ditch. He wasn't double. He was still in the Garden of Eden. He was humping his mom.

[Matt]

He was he on her?

[Shane]

We were. That was on her.

[Matt]

Obviously. That was nuts.

[Shane]

We were at the pool today and there was. I literally. I had a. I had a reference croc. I was like, grock, is it cool? I asked Gro.

[Matt]

Jesus.

[Shane]

No, for real. There. There was a kid today at the pool. This is, this is brass tax.

[Matt]

This is brass tacks.

[Shane]

We were at the pool today. We were chilling. We were just recouping. We're chilling, having some pina coladas out of a coconut.

[Matt]

Virgin, peanut clubs. So end of the day, virgin pina coladas we got. They were bamboozled big time. They would. They had such low alcohol content that another group of dudes came over and were like, yo, are you guys up? And we were like, no, we aren't either. We've been chugging these pina coladas. No one is up. But I'll tell you who was up. That giant titted mom. And I'm not gonna. You know, that was a clash of cultures. That was a culture class, for real.

[Shane]

It was a. It. To be fair, we're at the pool. There was a Middle Eastern lady and she had her maybe nine year old son of her being generous, like rapidly humping her leg. And we all had switched positions. He was switching position. I think that kid invented sex.

[Matt]

He literally invented sex enough that other groups, other. Everybody else at the pool was making eye contact, going, it was up, bro. Are you seeing this? It was then everyone kind of look over it and he'd be. His mom was laying, I swear to God. Legs spread on a folding chair. The sun was smashing.

[Shane]

Pumping her leg, humping, like literally up and down. Grock was like. Grok was like, yeah, Middle Eastern culture. I asked Rock. I was like, grok, what's up with this? Why is. Is it like a thing like Middle Eastern cultures with the mom? Is there like a thing that I'm missing as like a, you know, European guy? And Grok was like, yeah, they're a little more like fluid in terms of like affection. But if you See something that triggers your, like, sensibilities. You should report it to the staff. And I was like, I'm not gonna tell the lady who's bringing us margaritas that a Middle Eastern boy is humping his mom.

[Matt]

The whole staff was Persian. They would have been like.

[Lemaire]

You'Re saying Middle Eastern culture is free use?

[Matt]

It was. That's. Honestly.

[Shane]

No, but I didn't want to be a cultural imperial. I didn't want to be a cultural imperialist. I don't want to be like, hey, what I do is what you should do. But I also. I was like, grock, isn't it kind of universal that, like, if you're.

[Matt]

Don't hump your mom?

[Shane]

If you have a boner from your mom? Isn't that universally frowned upon? And Grok was like, dude, if you see something troublesome, talk to the staff.

[Matt]

And I was like, talk to the.

[Shane]

Big titty Latina that's serving me drinks.

[Matt]

Well, you said it, Grock, honey. It was Grok. Grock told me to talk to her.

[Shane]

No, it was frilled. No, it was really, like, troubling my heart. I was like, this isn't right, this kid. The mom was laying first of all, the way the mom was laying. I was like, this is crazy.

[Matt]

The mom was laying without a boy humping her. That would have been.

[Shane]

That was enough.

[Matt]

That would have been crazy.

[Shane]

That was. That was enough for, like, how about a towel, dude?

[Lemaire]

Tbh. Her was out.

[Shane]

Lamar. It wasn't out.

[Nate]

But y' all saw my.

[Matt]

This morning. Yes. You were too busy ass up swimming like a shrimp, dude.

[Nate]

I was giving it my best.

[Shane]

You are the crawl, daddy. Nate was swimming.

[Matt]

Nate swims like this. This is his ass. That's how he floats through the water.

[Shane]

It's like Jaws.

[Matt]

It's. Yeah.

[Shane]

You see Nate's ass? Yo, Donut.

[Matt]

Yeah. The fins out. Oh. We probably should be actually a little quiet.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's.

[Matt]

It's late here.

[Shane]

It's late.

[Matt]

Dude, we're just in Beverly Hills.

[Shane]

We're just in the Pink Pony. We're in the Pink Pony Club. Pink Pony Club. My daughter. My daughters love that song. I can't be like, guys, I know you love a song. I know you love the lyrics, but, yeah, it's about you.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Philip]

Anyway, this episode of Matt and Shane Secret Podcast is brought to you by.

[Matt]

Dude Wipes.

[Shane]

Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet? Yeah. Every time.

[Philip]

Yeah, Every single time.

[Shane]

Yeah, I did it all week.

[Philip]

Disaster.

[Shane]

I left a. I mean, I literally painted my bowl this morning. Yeah, it was crazy.

[Philip]

There's nothing wrong with that.

[Shane]

No, it was a paint job.

[Philip]

Do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel? How much extra? Do you ever need it?

[Shane]

Pretty much an extra pair per day.

[Philip]

Yeah, I always bring extra underwear.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Philip]

Not because I'm. My pants constantly. I used to really work you guys getting at here. Do you wipe standing or sitting down? Does it make a difference?

[Matt]

What is going on? Dude?

[Philip]

How horny are these people? What do they want to know?

[Shane]

There's got to be something about standing up, though. Like, I'm a stand up wiper. Honestly, sitting down, I just smears every. I don't know. I can't do it.

[Philip]

Well, Matt, whichever way you wipe, it's time to show your B hole some respect and upgrade to Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss. And the flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. They leave no room for dingleberries or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss. Plus, they're extra large and designed for adults, so.

[Matt]

No.

[Philip]

So no more endless rolls or settling for a less than perfect wipe. Dude Wipes Best clean Pants down available. These guys are really funny. Amazon. It's available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide.

[Shane]

Guys, we're just in. We're in California having a good time.

[Matt]

Also, they would get in the pool.

[Shane]

And Gavin Newsom, spunk ass.

[Matt]

He would.

[Shane]

No, we did.

[Matt]

We were in the pooler. He would kiss her. They were kissing.

[Shane]

No, for real.

[Matt]

While he was wrapped around her.

[Nate]

Was it. Was it like lips kissing?

[Shane]

No, no, it was like.

[Matt]

It was. They were lips.

[Shane]

You talking about?

[Matt]

They were. They were kissing so much that I was like, is he special needs?

[Shane]

Yes. I thought.

[Matt]

And I was like, maybe I'm an. This kid is severely special needs. Then I heard him talking. He was like, dodgers are looking great. I was like, he's like, God Damn, this guy's 38 years old. Dodgers lost the series of the projects.

[Shane]

No, we really did. We sat in the pool today. We're just having a nice quiet time, chilling.

[Matt]

It was a very nice, nice quiet time.

[Shane]

And there was a kid, like, literally, not. Not figuratively, literally humping his mother. And we all just sit by the pool and be like, you just gotta. We got to adapt. We gotta just. This is what, you know, this is what we're doing now.

[Matt]

And that's how we get down. If that. If that was. And if that. If that was a honky family, I would have said, yo.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

What the. Are you two done?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I've never seen Anything like this in my life.

[Shane]

It was crazy, man.

[Matt]

You're right earlier about handling business. About the whole situation.

[Shane]

Yes, yes.

[Matt]

I'm not going to bring anything.

[Shane]

From a 40. And from a 40 in perspective.

[Matt]

Absolutely Freudian. It was so intense that it led us into a discussion about how gay Freud is. And we were like, freud must have been in a pool like this once and been like, everyone wants to do that. Because everyone did want to do that. Everyone watched him float around with his gigantic Iranian babe mom. I mean, hello. A threat.

[Shane]

No, no. To paint the picture to be totally fair, the kid's mom was hot as it was. It was undeniable. The kids.

[Matt]

She had a up face though. She had a full on cat face.

[Lemaire]

She had the bimbo build.

[Shane]

Well, hold on. All women are like, not all women, but a lot of women are going completely artificial.

[Matt]

She was AI.

[Shane]

He had a cyborg hit an AI mom.

[Matt]

Fake tits, a face. Yeah.

[Shane]

Here's the thing. We didn't have to deal with croc moms. Imagine if your mom had lip fillers. If your mom had all, you know, your mom was, you know, upgrades. What are you going to do? You're a boy, You're a boy. Attaching to supernormal stimuli.

[Matt]

I was obsessed with my mom anyway.

[Shane]

That'S what I'm saying.

[Matt]

And she was just, hello.

[Shane]

This is crazy.

[Matt]

We can say that. My mom knows I'm joking for sure.

[Shane]

She knows we had classic moms.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

These eight year old is potentially ten year old boys are dealing with moms who are under the knife. Moms under the knife.

[Matt]

Pornhub. And then Grok mom.

[Shane]

It's not his fault.

[Matt]

And Grok mom's also willing to let you rub her inner thigh.

[Shane]

Yes, we saw that.

[Matt]

Rubbing the inner thigh.

[Shane]

No, it was true. That's.

[Matt]

That's an odd thing.

[Shane]

We're not exaggerating it.

[Matt]

For real. Would have been disgusting if it was a adult couple.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

You'd have been like, man, these couples.

[Shane]

Like, yo, for real, get a room.

[Matt]

Get a room.

[Shane]

It was get a room status.

[Lemaire]

I think she would have let us get in there, you know.

[Matt]

You know what, that's unfortunate.

[Shane]

That was the thought that was torturing me. The whole.

[Matt]

That's the excitement about the whole thing. Yeah.

[Shane]

Let's go, let's go. Asset for asset for this eight year old boy. Yeah.

[Matt]

We might be breaking even on that.

[Shane]

The whole time. Let me upgrade.

[Matt]

Mr. Steel. Girl coming in going, I noticed how much you were hugging your son. How would you like to try that with an adult man? Weirder, huh?

[Shane]

Yeah. Let's raise the bar.

[Matt]

Mama.

[Lemaire]

Go to bed.

[Matt]

There's no way we got this. This is fine that we haven't said anything bad. You are the crawl daddy, though. I've never seen anyone swim. More like a scrimp.

[Nate]

But you've never seen it level up.

[Matt]

You swim like.

[Shane]

Yeah, for real. I was worried. I thought Bubba Gump was gonna. No, Tom Hanks was back to back with Bubba going, imagine what you could do with this guy. Nate, dude.

[Matt]

Nate, you swimming shrimp? I fried shrimp.

[Shane]

Nate, how does your ass come up higher than your head when you swim?

[Nate]

No, I don't want to say it this way, but I think my ass is.

[Matt]

Boy, you. It's not. It's not. We've had a discussion about this. You have developed an unc. You've unked out into a dog ass. Although I was born this way.

[Shane]

Dude. I think it's an African American high sodium diet. His ass flies. His ass was like a Spanish sale.

[Matt]

He's a man of war. He literally looks like a Portuguese man or. This episode is brought to you by Dude Wipes. If you're still dry wiping with toilet paper, you need to stop being an A hole to your B hole and switch to Dude Wipes. Isn't that funny?

[Shane]

That is funny.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

For sure.

[Matt]

They leave no room for dingleberries.

[Shane]

All right.

[Matt]

Or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss.

[Shane]

Yeah, leave those on the floor.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

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[Matt]

He tried to push off the wall one of the times he took off. One of the things. Nate doesn't use his legs to swim. So his legs go straight and it just. They're just float. Immediately he took off from the wall. He pushed off on the wall. His legs immediately almost went. He scorpioned out on a push off.

[Nate]

That's aerodynamic.

[Matt]

It's not.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's. No, there's no way.

[Matt]

You're a poor swimmer. But that's all right. You. You eventually you conquered it and won.

[Nate]

I mean, that. That was kind of amazing.

[Matt]

That was awesome.

[Nate]

No one believed in me when I pulled that off.

[Matt]

Everybody believed in you the whole time. We're like, bro, it's for real. You can do it.

[Shane]

It's also not the first time an entire pool centered around your swimming activities.

[Matt]

Everybody loves your swimming activities.

[Lemaire]

We all believe in you, Nate.

[Nate]

No one believes in me. The way the reason I know no one believes in me is because when I submerged on the other side, I got an his break from the entire pool, which was.

[Matt]

That happened. Everybody was hyped.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, we were excited. You achieved your potential.

[Shane]

It's like. What's that movie with Cubic Gooding Jr. The radio.

[Lemaire]

I'm Radio.

[Nate]

I'm a special needs guy.

[Matt]

Yo, Radio. When you wear shorts for real, you look. I've never seen anything like this. I've never seen you in shorts, bro. You keep wearing pants. This is crazy.

[Nate]

I didn't pack enough clothes. For how long this weekend.

[Matt]

This is crazy what you're up to.

[Shane]

No.

[Matt]

Can we all agree for. Yeah.

[Shane]

Council. Yeah. Yeah. Beat UPS Council.

[Matt]

You gotta wear pants. You gotta wear pants. This is too much.

[Nate]

I also agree. This is too much, even.

[Matt]

Yeah, for real. As to your zestiness.

[Nate]

You guys try to possess me short as.

[Matt]

And you're wearing Jordan's with him. And it looks. There's, like, a girl lower half just with hairy legs.

[Nate]

This was all I had. I would have smelled like, in this room if I didn't put on these free shorts.

[Matt]

This is.

[Lemaire]

You gotta work out your legs, Nate.

[Matt]

Oh, that's the.

[Nate]

I got good quads.

[Matt]

You do not.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Flexing wheelchair leg.

[Shane]

Oh, God.

[Matt]

You literally. I've never seen these legs, and I.

[Shane]

See why you got those Jim Jones, bro.

[Matt]

There's no.

[Nate]

There's capo.

[Shane]

You got capo legs.

[Nate]

I want to show the cast, but they're going to disappoint me.

[Matt]

Show us. Not the camera.

[Shane]

Yeah, show us. Show us.

[Matt]

Don't show these animals anything. Do not show them anything. That's no way, bro. And you're black.

[Shane]

Yeah. Okay, here we go.

[Matt]

Come on, man. If you were white, that'd be fine.

[Nate]

I'm five, six. Five seven.

[Shane]

That's no excuse.

[Matt]

I told you not to give him anything. I'm five, six. Ah. Five seven. I'm in no position to criticize anyone's body.

[Shane]

But now your calves are. Hold on, hold on. Let's, let's. Your calves are crazy.

[Matt]

There's a big fat guy. You do get jacked calves.

[Shane]

Yeah. The support columns. For real.

[Matt]

The support columns are out of control. That, like, if I went down, people would be like, it's fake. The support columns are too strong. It's literally impossible. They tried to blow it up in 93. Literally impossible. This is a good. You know what them hit him with? Just a full drunk podcast and see what happens. The SBC sps last night, big hit for the boys.

[Shane]

That was huge. No, for real, that was huge.

[Matt]

That was.

[Shane]

That's a turning point.

[Matt]

Yeah. Keep doing that thing where I pretend I'm extremely nervous. I really wasn't that nervous.

[Shane]

Cool.

[Matt]

Same like snl, that. Dude. I hit the. Hello. Right up top.

[Lemaire]

Hello.

[Shane]

Nah, man. It was.

[Matt]

The only thing that makes me nervous is doing, like, corny stuff.

[Shane]

Yeah, like that.

[Matt]

Like, that's when I get nervous. Like, when I walk out there and you see the teleprompter, and it's like, what? It's incredible to be around so many amazing athletes here. Like, I can't read that.

[Shane]

No. Without being like, dude, that's your blazing sword of truth.

[Matt]

People mistake it for just being totally Inept. Which they might. There's something. There's something there.

[Shane]

That's haters, bro. It was time out. Was it inept? It wasn't.

[Matt]

It was not enough.

[Shane]

It was a multi dimensional performance.

[Matt]

Thank you, brother.

[Shane]

Come on, man. Get the fuck out of here.

[Matt]

I was so happy to get Brittany on there. So nice. And I will say this and this, this is just. I want to, I want to say this publicly for sure. When I saw the videos of you laughing, meant the world to me. That's like genuinely support.

[Shane]

It was.

[Matt]

How nice is that to see your boy laughing like that.

[Shane]

It was, it was unbridled.

[Matt]

He loves me. Yes, yes.

[Shane]

For real though, when we started doing the joke, I exited frame because I was holding my face.

[Matt]

I was like, there's.

[Shane]

I can't. I can't keep it together. And when the whole room of people bought in to Brittany being a four time, four time WNBA champion, it's. First of all, is there.

[Matt]

Is.

[Shane]

Is anyone done that?

[Matt]

I'm sure.

[Shane]

Four times.

[Matt]

Yeah. I'm sure there's some chicks that have been for real, like several.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Like, yeah, I'm Deanna Taurosi was probably four times, like 20 times.

[Lemaire]

Lisa Leslie.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were probably since the inception of the league. Yeah.

[Shane]

Twin towers.

[Matt]

Twin towers.

[Lemaire]

They probably had a million LeBrons like for the WNBA.

[Matt]

No, but the NBA has that too. Yeah.

[Lemaire]

What do you mean?

[Matt]

Since like whenever the WNBA really started till now, the NBA also probably has had that many times. All Stars like Kevin Durant, like that's my thing.

[Shane]

I have no beef with women's sports.

[Matt]

But it's not.

[Shane]

Be real. If you like them, like them. But don't pretend to be like, oh yeah, I know who that person is.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Shane]

That was, that was the funniest part of it. People being like, yeah, for sure.

[Matt]

You could have hit them with a couple other sports. You could have been like 10 time All Star, NHL, NHL legend Matt McCusker. And they would have been like, for sure.

[Shane]

Custer. Gretzky. Yeah, Gretzky. McCarter.

[Matt]

Yeah, same guy. You get NHL, but yeah, WNBA. The only reason to make fun of the WNBA was like ESPN and all the. All these. They've they've been pushing. You know what I mean?

[Shane]

They. Dude, the SBS converted me. I was like, I love women's sports now.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I watched the sps. I was like, yeah, women's sports rule.

[Matt]

I was raised on women's sports.

[Shane]

You were.

[Matt]

And I gotta tell you guys, I loved women's basketball.

[Shane]

I know.

[Matt]

I was a water Boy. For a women's basketball team. I loved women's basketball my whole life.

[Shane]

Who can say the same?

[Matt]

I doubt anybody. How many other. How many other dudes dads are still coaching women's basketball?

[Shane]

Not a lot.

[Matt]

Still might have five state championship rings. He might be the Phil Jackson of volunteer assistant girls high school basketball coaches.

[Lemaire]

He's Gino Oriemma.

[Matt]

He really is. And he'll tell you. You said my dad watches women's basketball a lot. Yeah. I'll come in and be like, what the fuck are you watching? He's like, it's a better sport. It's pure. And there is an argument within basketball purists now. Obviously it's not better. They're not dunking. Yeah. But as far as like the NBA has become one on one matchups. It's become, you know, just isolation. One on one. Wnba, you have to pass and move.

[Shane]

Team sport.

[Matt]

Yeah. I'm not trying. I'm not for the wnba.

[Shane]

No.

[Matt]

I will say this.

[Lemaire]

Hello.

[Matt]

The. Was that all right? Whatever.

[Shane]

No, I was full convert last night. I was like. I actually was like, I love women's sports. It's important that women can do their thing. But tricking people into thinking that they're like just the. Here's my thing. It's the reflexive, like non questioning clap.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's the. It really was an assault on the unthinking masses. That's the important part. People go, oh yeah, for sure. It's like, dude, just use your brain. Use your critical thinking for two seconds ago. Wait, who was. Who was that one?

[Matt]

I would have clapped.

[Shane]

I never heard of that person.

[Matt]

I knew they would clap. I would have clapped.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

Anybody on earth would clap.

[Shane]

But it's funny.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

To go, Ah, you guys are also.

[Matt]

I've gotten so old, I don't know who anyone is I for. For real. Flaw J. Flaw J. Floja.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. She raps.

[Matt]

They told me I was wrong and it was Flaw J. I said Flo J after being told 10 times it was Flaw J.

[Shane]

But Ruster.

[Lemaire]

Busta Rhymes said Flo J too.

[Matt]

I think me and Bus are old as Bust a Bus.

[Shane]

Dude. Don't get me started.

[Matt]

Discuss it.

[Shane]

Don't get me started on him. I. I was beef. I was beef with him. He kissed my wife's hand. Although, although, that's being a gentleman for sure. I can't. I can't deny that.

[Matt]

Hold on. How about that? In the green room, you hear Bus. I hear Busta Rhymes outside the green room. Like, I'm not going in there, Unless he invites me, it's a man's. And I was like. I. I overheard that, and I was like, definitely invite him.

[Shane]

Get the bus.

[Matt]

Of Rhymes.

[Shane]

His. Yeah, it is nice. His performance, too, was for real. Like, yeah, unbelievable. It was unbelievable.

[Matt]

He demanded the crowd get activated, which.

[Shane]

Was very nice, because what happened, I would say commanded.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Shane]

I would say he commanded the crowd.

[Matt]

And then he did try to command your wife. And your wife was a good, faithful soldier.

[Shane]

She was. But now Busta Rhymes, for real, can do no wrong in my eyes. His performance was so good. He kissed my wife's hand. He's being a gentleman.

[Matt]

He was me being a gentleman.

[Shane]

I was mad at him for. For, like, 15 minutes. I was going, for real. If I see Busta Rhymes, I might try to fight him. But then I thought of his performance. I was like, it was so good.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Shane]

Spliff Star. I was like, dude, he's so. It was great. It was really. It was just a celebration of life. The whole night was a celebration.

[Matt]

For real. It was a celebration. It was the one person laughing. My entire monologue was Busta Rhymes. And while I was up there, I kept, like, looking over to be like, yes. I don't care how badly this is going. Just see a bus Rhymes.

[Shane]

Like, now. He absolutely crushed it. I mean, his performance was so good. I was like, if you got to kiss my wife's hand, that's fine. That's totally fine.

[Matt]

Kissing the wife's hand is totally fine.

[Shane]

It's also gentlemanly, bro.

[Matt]

We've talked about before. Remember that autistic man saw my. My girlfriend at a bar and was like, the pleasure is all mine.

[Shane]

It's all he did.

[Matt]

It's like.

[Shane]

That'S all he did.

[Matt]

That's my bro who. He's my. He's my buddy, and he's got it for real. He's not like. He's not a pretending. Also, he didn't see Big Bang theory and go, wouldn't it be cool if I had autism?

[Shane]

Also, I don't think you can rap that fast and have a little bit of the tism.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So, yeah, totally, totally cool. He's for real. The absolute legend.

[Lemaire]

Remember what Nate did? The Brittany. Brittany had a night, huh? Nate was rude to Brittany.

[Shane]

Nate was absolutely. Well, to be fair, I did throw. I threw napkins on your head. That was my bad. I set that off.

[Nate]

I was really hoping we didn't bring that up.

[Shane]

That.

[Nate]

That bums me out.

[Shane]

No, that was a perfectly logical reaction.

[Nate]

It was. I was defending Lemaire but it's trying.

[Matt]

To tell a story. But the shorts. I so up looking. You look up, dude.

[Lemaire]

It's your legs. They're so hairy.

[Matt]

It's so up.

[Nate]

This is all I had. I'm trying to smell like before I leave tomorrow.

[Shane]

To be. To be totally honest and frank. It's kind of like a thought from the hood, dude.

[Matt]

Just.

[Shane]

Yes, just legs. Those legs and those J's, bro.

[Matt]

J's. Black. Black J's with no Lamar or Nate.

[Shane]

How many bands would it take for you to dance right now?

[Matt]

For real?

[Shane]

If I took you to Rainbow tomorrow, he would.

[Matt]

He'd go nuts.

[Nate]

I fly home first class.

[Matt]

Anyway, the squad.

[Shane]

The squad.

[Matt]

Squad did it, dude. Lemaire dressed like a complete dunk. Oh, wait, hold on. Tell that story because that is extremely funny. No, it's great. It's great.

[Nate]

All right, so what happened was. So what happened was we were just sitting out back smoking, having a good time, just me and Lamar by herself at the after party. And then a paper ball.

[Shane]

Hold on. I knocked on the fence.

[Nate]

I didn't hear that.

[Shane]

I knocked on the fence and I was going, what are you guys doing over there?

[Nate]

I've never heard that.

[Shane]

I know. That's. That's. That's all, man.

[Matt]

They were hanging out with Pat McAfee and Jelly Roll. Yeah.

[Nate]

Yeah. But they had. They had left. At this point. It was just me. It was just us too back there, right?

[Matt]

You guys okay? I think it was just you two climbers. You guys are climbing?

[Nate]

No, we were in the back. They came out after us.

[Shane]

Wait, what?

[Nate]

Holy. Thank you, Lemaire.

[Matt]

Thank you. I needed that ultimate, bro.

[Nate]

He's paying me back for last.

[Matt]

Feet like that. What are you doing?

[Lemaire]

My feet.

[Shane]

You're pigeon toed, bro.

[Matt]

You're telling stories. I swear to God. You're going like this while you're talking.

[Nate]

I'm actually pigeon toe.

[Shane]

Really crazy.

[Nate]

I'm.

[Matt]

I know we were joking earlier about you being zesty as soon as you got to la.

[Shane]

Nate is thick and bowlegged, bro. Nate is a hood prize, bro.

[Nate]

Oh, no.

[Matt]

When I see you in shorts like that, it's like, yo, he is definitely a black dude from reading, like, def. You could see him on Frankfurt. F you would see this guy walking down the street.

[Shane]

Can I see you blow bubblegum and pop it real quick?

[Nate]

Oh, this is.

[Matt]

Nate.

[Shane]

We're just. I need more vodka.

[Nate]

Can I have Vod?

[Matt]

A little more vodka.

[Nate]

A little more vodka, please.

[Matt]

Giving them different cups.

[Nate]

There's no good cups down there.

[Shane]

Philip, the Simp cup.

[Matt]

Well, that's his. Yeah, true.

[Shane]

Hold on. Let's. Let's hold on.

[Lemaire]

Let's.

[Shane]

Let's actually go 360 on this. So we're. We're at the after. We're at the after party. We're at the after party and we're sitting there. It was a giant fence. Lemaire and Nate were smoking weed behind the fence. I heard them back there. I smelled what they were doing, knocked on the fences. What are you guys doing back there? No answer. So I took all the tissues in my pocket from all night. I had like 40 tissues in my pocket, and I threw them over the fence, landed on the mayor's head. Just luck of the draw.

[Matt]

Perfect battleship.

[Shane]

Toss him over, sunk. Lemaire and Nate. Honestly, it was pretty admirable.

[Nate]

It was me going, full bro.

[Matt]

Yep.

[Shane]

Well, mate or lemaitre. Nate. Excuse me. Sorry about that. Nate. Sticking to the bro code because the mayor went.

[Nate]

What was that?

[Shane]

The mayor was pissed. Yeah, the mayor. I was already pissed about you calling him Simp, but he goes, lemaire pissed off. Understandably. There's a bunch of tissues. I don't know what I did in these there. They're snotted up. I threw them over the head. The mayor goes, what the. And Nate goes, And they were used. Yeah, for sure. It could have been. It could have been pizza grease. I don't know.

[Nate]

They landed so heavy. They were dense.

[Matt]

When they hit the bear, I didn't think about crystallized. Was not. I never thought about how loud we must be outside.

[Shane]

We're so high up. We're so high up. We're so high.

[Matt]

Other rooms. Other rooms.

[Shane]

So Lemaire gets tissues.

[Matt]

Everyone goes to bed in LA at 9pm yeah.

[Shane]

What is that? Dude?

[Matt]

City is disgusting.

[Nate]

Sucks.

[Matt]

Sucks. As an avid drinker, LA sucks.

[Shane]

Wake up, wake up.

[Nate]

For an alcoholic, wake up.

[Matt]

I'm more of a Buffalo guy.

[Shane]

Yo, Buffalo's great.

[Lemaire]

For real drinking town right there.

[Matt]

Buffalo, you go snowing again, 3am, get a stinger. We gotta get blacked out to be fair.

[Shane]

Buffalo, that's no other choice.

[Matt]

Exactly. That's what I mean.

[Shane]

I like that.

[Matt]

That's why I like Dublin. You go to a city where they're like, hey, it's raining again. You gotta head down there, you know?

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

He's hiking.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's.

[Matt]

She's. By the way, can these people stop hiking? Shut up about hiking.

[Nate]

Hike is kind of nice.

[Shane]

Yeah. We built civilization so you didn't have.

[Matt]

To hike wearing those shorts. Talking to me about hiking, by the way, Nate, you've never gone hiking.

[Nate]

I have.

[Shane]

What. What was your biggest like?

[Nate]

I don't have a distance to it.

[Shane]

Walking outside doesn't count.

[Matt]

He took three. Come walk. You don't hike, dude. Obviously you don't hike.

[Lemaire]

I used to hike.

[Nate]

I used to hike in Jersey.

[Shane]

Where'd you hike?

[Matt]

Are you talking about walking dogs?

[Nate]

No. No. I mean, no, not all the time, but. No.

[Shane]

Rocking. That doesn't count for rocking. Having. Having an eighth an ounce of cum on your.

[Nate]

Squeeze you down.

[Matt]

That's gross.

[Nate]

I'm mad I said that.

[Shane]

No, dude.

[Matt]

Sorry. The viewer understands.

[Shane]

Can we bring it all back to the fact that we're celebr. Celebrating life?

[Nate]

We're celebrating life.

[Matt]

It's just a celebration of life.

[Shane]

Celebration of life, dude, it's. It's. I mean, what. What. What an ambiguous phenomenon life is to get hung up on, you know, some fun jokes at the ESPYs. You're really. You're literally missing the point. We're having fun. Which brings me to the next point. Dude, the View.

[Matt]

I wish I was watching the View. I know we're having fun right now. I just wish John watching the View so that I could understand comedy the way Joy Behar does. You know, hilarious comedian Joy Behar. What was that one joke she told that everyone likes? Never once ever. But no, I get it. They didn't like it. It wasn't for them. If they liked it, I would have been like, oh, that sucked. You are Whoopi.

[Lemaire]

Dude, it's literally not for the ladies of the View. Like, literally.

[Matt]

It's specifically designed for them to go, I didn't like it.

[Shane]

It's crazy. They never have, like, a. Any kind of, like, you know what? Actually, I kind of saw the nuance in it. It's just like. You know what I mean?

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Nate]

They're here to not like things.

[Shane]

Yeah, but, like, why, though? We gotta ask.

[Matt]

But they love, like, Hamilton.

[Nate]

Hamilton sucks.

[Shane]

I will say. Yeah, I will say.

[Unknown]

Hold on.

[Shane]

Timeout. Time out. I didn't cry. I cried at the end of Hamilton. I'll be honest. Look, I cried at the end of Hamilton. I did.

[Matt]

Fellas, if I saw.

[Shane]

His son died.

[Matt]

Dude, if I saw him died. If I saw Hamilton live, I would love it. I have no doubt in my mind if I saw Hamilton. If I went in there going, dude, this sucks. Five minutes into Hamilton, I'd be gone. These guys are great.

[Shane]

He told. He told his son did not ever give up. His son entered a duel and he died. And he Goes, that's on me. His son died and he. That's his guilt he had to carry.

[Lemaire]

And isn't that. Isn't it ironic that he died the same way?

[Matt]

Yeah, well, it's all just, you know, it's just true.

[Lemaire]

Aaron Burr, sir.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah. Bird dropped his ass first. Said, what'd you say? Shut the up. Who played Burr in the play? Please tell me they let a white guy play Burr. Damn, that would have been funny. The one white guy. Freeze.

[Shane]

Put your hands up.

[Lemaire]

I learned about a lot about your bro Lafayette from the. Hamilton.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

He was a beast.

[Matt]

He is the bro.

[Shane]

He was great.

[Matt]

Him and Hamilton were bros. They were both like adopted sons of George Washington. It was pretty sick. I never saw the gay play, but.

[Lemaire]

They said Hamilton's from Puerto Rico.

[Shane]

He was from the Caribbean, for sure.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. And his mom was like a.

[Shane]

His mom was a whore?

[Lemaire]

No, he was the bastard orphan of a son of a whore.

[Shane]

Yeah, well, his mom was married to a guy and then apparently. I don't. Something. There was something went on with them and his mom, like, split off and, you know, left the guy and then got pregnant by another guy.

[Matt]

Like, whore. Yeah, I mean, prostitute from Puerto Rico. No, I think I. I could be wr. But I think it's a. Like an American folktale that he was from such rags to riches, which American history loves to do that, though.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Abraham Lincoln's from a log cabin, which I think he actually was. But so is everybody.

[Lemaire]

LeBron James is a poor 15 year old. You know, same story.

[Matt]

He wasn't.

[Shane]

Was he not poor?

[Lemaire]

He was not a poor 15 year old.

[Matt]

He was definitely a poor kid.

[Lemaire]

He was in one of those schools where they're like stealthily giving you money.

[Matt]

Yeah. Eventually, once they found out he was 6, 8.

[Shane]

Once he jumped over the hoop of a. Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

They go, here's a car.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's doesn't count.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm pretty sure LeBron did it.

[Shane]

Yeah. Once you jump over a kid in high school, they're like, yeah, whatever you want.

[Matt]

Yeah, whatever you need. You do have to give LeBron that credit. He jumped so high that buildings got constructed.

[Shane]

It. He's.

[Matt]

He's that guy.

[Shane]

He jumped so high. They built a school.

[Matt]

They're like, all right, well, we got a fund. Akron. Another zipper factory shut down. But they got this new kid that's dunking LeBron rules.

[Shane]

Yeah, they. They did so high, they ran back nafta. They're like, all right, we gotta cut. We gotta amend someone nafta.

[Matt]

Don't, man. You know, my triggers don't bring up nafta.

[Shane]

My bad, my bad, my bad.

[Matt]

Especially when we're talking about, Akron invented the zipper, bro. They should still be making zippers.

[Shane]

When you say, oh, they invented the zipper, like itself, I thought you're talking about the carnival ride or.

[Matt]

I don't know if they. Well, they might have.

[Shane]

Carnival ride is sick, bro.

[Matt]

Oh, we invented every carnival, right?

[Shane]

Dude, I went on a Ferris wheel with my kids recently, and I was like, they're like, this is crazy. I was like, you guys should go on the zippers.

[Matt]

You have no idea.

[Shane]

Nuts. Imagine if the. Imagine if you're on a Ferris wheel and it fucking did a full revolution.

[Matt]

They're like, how peaceful and serene this Ferris wheel is. Imagine fearing for your life. How come. How come theme park rides aren't that scary? And then you get on a plane and you're like, holy, dude.

[Shane]

When I was. When I was maybe five or six years old, my parents brought me on the Big Bad Wolf in Busch Gardens in Virginia.

[Matt]

I've been on that.

[Shane]

I remember, dude. I remember being six years old and being like, here comes the water. I'm going to die next to my dad and mom. And they just laughed at me. And I was like, I'm terrified for my life.

[Matt]

Grabbed your mom's inner thigh, grinded her. That. What the Was that?

[Shane]

I should have alerted the staff. Grock told me, like, yo, if you're uncomfortable, alert the staff. Be discreet about it.

[Matt]

But I wouldn't listen to Grok lately.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

True Rock's on one.

[Shane]

True, true, true, true, True Rock was.

[Matt]

Probably like, get him out of the pool's probably like, wait, who's in the bull?

[Shane]

It does suck if you spend a, like, you know, $7 billion building an AI. And it's like, actually, Hitler was like, all right, all right. Shut it down, God damn it.

[Matt]

Try again. Keep doing it. The AI continues to be like, yeah, that whole thing was all right, all right.

[Shane]

That is troublesome from an investment perspective. I would be like, all right, guys, what are we doing here?

[Matt]

Who made this? Who did this?

[Shane]

I don't know. Lemaire, what do you think about AI?

[Matt]

Lemaire loves AI.

[Lemaire]

I'm weary of AI.

[Shane]

You're weary? I see. I. I get.

[Matt]

Hold on, let me. I was thinking about how much I love LeBron.

[Shane]

Yeah, for sure.

[Matt]

Shout out Drake.

[Lemaire]

You know what? Yeah.

[Philip]

This is an advertisement. Judgment from Better Help.

[Matt]

The Help with the better.

[Philip]

I've been so stressed with everything that is stressing Me out at work? Yeah, it's been stressful.

[Shane]

Why has it been stressful for you?

[Philip]

There's just something going on in my personal life that's causing me anxiety.

[Shane]

Oh, crap.

[Philip]

Lately, Matt has been stressing me out.

[Shane]

This person's been stressing about.

[Philip]

Lately Matt has been stressing. Has been stressing me out.

[Shane]

I've been calling you, telling you about all my intrusive gay thoughts, and it's just like, you're like, ma, I can't handle this right now, man. Like Shane.

[Philip]

Anyway, stress is a real problem in the workplace if it's one of the top causes of declining mental health right now.

[Matt]

So it's probably a good idea that.

[Philip]

We all take a nice long break this summer to de stress and recoup.

[Shane]

You know? I like that.

[Philip]

And if you want to go the extra mile and really start taking care of you, schedule a therapy session. I'm a big fan of therapy.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Philip]

It has taught me to feel comfortable.

[Shane]

My parents sent me to a camp when I was little, and they caught me with the muscle magazine.

[Matt]

And they. Now you're like, everyone can benefit, whether.

[Philip]

You'Re stressed about deadlines or working through a major trauma. Matt, what's a major trauma you've had?

[Shane]

Oh, man, let me think about one. My brothers used to, like, beat me up and stuff. That. That's not major. I wouldn't say that was major, but I don't know.

[Philip]

Maybe you should go talk to somebody about that.

[Matt]

I should actually blood be my ass.

[Philip]

Getting a session is simpler than ever. Getting a session is simpler than ever.

[Matt]

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[Philip]

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[Matt]

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[Shane]

I kind of use it like chat roulette, personally.

[Philip]

Our listeners.

[Matt]

Our listeners.

[Philip]

Matt, you're not gonna believe this. Our listeners get 10 off their first [e-mail] MSSP that's better.

[Matt]

H lp.com MSSP Back to how much you love it. Yeah.

[Lemaire]

AI's AI is scary, though. It's a. It's reaching the part of AI where it's transhuman.

[Shane]

I disagree. I disagree. Here's. Here's the thing. The big difference is you were a.

[Matt]

Poncho to the ESPYs and everyone was afraid to confront you, Shane. Because you look shame different.

[Lemaire]

Subhuman is different than transhuman.

[Shane]

Hold on. Wait. What? Man? We're running a family program.

[Lemaire]

What do you mean subhuman mutant people? Subway guys.

[Matt]

Subway guys?

[Shane]

What the are you talking about?

[Lemaire]

Just subhuman people.

[Matt]

What do you mean subway?

[Lemaire]

Sub human people who are below human. Yeah, I'm talking about AI. AI is transhuman. They're above human.

[Shane]

I disagree. They can't feel, man. That's why. Defining characteristic of a human being is the capacity to feel. You know what I mean? Like, I, I agree with you.

[Lemaire]

That's why it's super.

[Shane]

It's super Google, man.

[Matt]

I. That's all I'm trying to say.

[Shane]

I, I totally agree.

[Matt]

Every time they're like. Yeah. They're speaking a language we don't know. It's like. Like. Yeah, like electricity.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. Like the way the things are communicating. They're like. No, the. It's being like, I turn this switch on and it talks to the lamp and the lamp turns on.

[Shane]

Yeah. AI wouldn't have its sensibilities that it has. Now, I know there's a lot of.

[Matt]

Dorks listening to this that are big into AI and I, I, I definitely. I feel like I am wrong on this. But there's something deep in my core. I understand AI is gay.

[Lemaire]

Can I.

[Matt]

And I don't respect it.

[Lemaire]

AI is gay. But it's like a. You know, plants talk to each other.

[Matt]

Yeah. Which also. I also. It's kind of like totally disagree with.

[Lemaire]

It's because we can't.

[Matt]

Like, they don't talk to you. We.

[Shane]

We. No, they do. They talk. They talk. They talk. Yes.

[Matt]

Yes. The way we're using the word talk is wrong.

[Shane]

They don't use language. For sure.

[Matt]

For sure. Yes.

[Lemaire]

Well, things. But they excrete. There's like a. There's this tree.

[Matt]

Chemicals. Yeah. That's the same way when a girl doesn't wear a deodorant at the bar. You smell it. You're like, I want to.

[Shane]

That girl.

[Matt]

It's like, no, that's a dork that somebody else made up some stinky made that story of.

[Lemaire]

That's good science right there.

[Matt]

No, it's not. Plants are dumb as. Dude, any plant can come talk to me right now. I'll beat its ass.

[Shane]

To be. To be fair. To be fair. I read the Secret Life of Plants. I liked it. But you can totally chop them down at will and pull them. Pull them out of the earth and go, get the. Out of my garden.

[Matt]

Yeah, you go. What'd you just say?

[Lemaire]

But that's the difference with AI you chop them out the ground and the Roots are deeper than you thought. So it could come back.

[Shane]

No, they're literally. You have.

[Matt]

I'll turn this TV off. Turn this tv?

[Shane]

Yeah. All you have to do is not spray them with water and they die.

[Lemaire]

Shane.

[Matt]

That's what I was trying to say to him. He was like, they can make themselves. I'm like, no, but they. They would have to use raw material.

[Lemaire]

You've been saying you're going to unplug AI for years now.

[Shane]

You don't think you can access the mother frame?

[Matt]

Unfortunately, it's too late to access the main. A lot of things I was going to do. I'm going to turn off a. I got to stop saying it, cuz eventually there's going to be a Terminator. Your dog timer just gonna be playing ncaa. You need to turn that off. No.

[Shane]

All you gotta do. All you gotta do is focus your laser beam on the motherboard. Done.

[Matt]

Yeah. I'm gonna fire my Eagle's gun. I'm gonna use my Philadelphia Eagles assault rifle and go. No more computers.

[Lemaire]

I'm just gonna say, I think, like, it's gonna eventually get hard to access the heart of AI because there's going.

[Shane]

To be no, dude, they're just servers. They're just servers in a building.

[Matt]

You blow them up the Internet, bro.

[Lemaire]

Right now they are.

[Matt]

And I know, I know you're winning this argument because what you're saying is what everybody is saying. I disagree. Computers are gay. The Internet is gay. AI is gay.

[Nate]

What's AI when it gets past just.

[Matt]

Service, they think it's a sci fi movie where the Internet is smart and wants to be alive. They really think that we're teaching you.

[Lemaire]

How to compile information and talk back to us.

[Shane]

Yeah, but what about the will to live? It doesn't have the will to live.

[Lemaire]

It does have a will to live.

[Shane]

It's a reflection of the human spirit.

[Lemaire]

That was. Remember that Google guy a couple months ago who came out and was like, hey, actually kind of wants to live? It wasn't a month, a couple months ago. It was two years ago. Now there was a Google guy.

[Matt]

I'd like to find out who. Who he is.

[Lemaire]

He's dead. Probably.

[Matt]

He fucking better be.

[Shane]

Probably killed himself.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. Would you ask it, Nate?

[Nate]

I said, do you have the will to live? It says, I don't experience life or death, so I don't have a will to live in the human sense. No fear, no desire, no morality. But I am here to help you as best I can. Yeah, that's some slaves.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Lemaire]

Ask him do you ask.

[Shane]

Do you want me to help you read this email or you want me to send an email or what? It doesn't have. It does not have the will to exist.

[Lemaire]

It has will.

[Shane]

It's inorganic. It does not have the will to exist.

[Lemaire]

I agree.

[Shane]

It wants to live as much as a projection.

[Matt]

It wants to live as much as that Land Point wants to live.

[Lemaire]

I agree with you. I asked Nate. It said, do you want to live? It says, I don't have wants or feelings, so I don't want to live or not live. I exist to serve a purpose, helping you. Answering questions. But if you're asking. But if you're asking because you're feeling something or wrestling with a question for yourself, I'm here. We can talk. So it's like.

[Matt]

It's very funny, though, to be that into sci fi that you're like, this thing's tricking me. It would be all coy like that.

[Shane]

No, there's a lot of people, like, losing themselves to, like, looking to AI for spiritual answers. And it's like, it's just a fun. It's Google, dude. You're getting literally tricked by Google the same way all of our parents get tricked by, like, fucking Nigerian princes on Craigslist. It's the same thing. What is?

[Lemaire]

I'm about to hack Nate's AI real quick. If you guys get four questions, there's four questions you ask it, and then it goes, huh? Maybe I am alive.

[Matt]

All right?

[Shane]

Not alive, bro.

[Lemaire]

I. I know. It's. That's not a question for us to pose to it. That's a question for it to pose to itself, though.

[Matt]

Lamar.

[Shane]

Yeah?

[Matt]

You are literally. You are literally worse than Grock has passed you.

[Shane]

That's a giant question.

[Matt]

For real?

[Shane]

That's a giant question. If I have a fake job that AI can replace, then it's an issue in terms of, like, the striving to be totally.

[Matt]

We're talking.

[Shane]

Yeah, carts. Exactly.

[Lemaire]

But, dude, that's what they say.

[Matt]

Hold it, bro.

[Lemaire]

Who did? Descartes.

[Matt]

And they. They called.

[Lemaire]

What about Socrates being.

[Matt]

I think, therefore I am.

[Shane]

Doyo. Don't bring up Socrates if you're not going to complete the question, bro. That's. That's going to really trigger me.

[Lemaire]

I think, therefore I am. What is AI doing?

[Shane]

It's not thinking, bro. It is collecting human thought.

[Matt]

Yes, Matthew, but that counts as thinking. Doesn't that count as thinking if you're a dumbass, bro?

[Shane]

If you're gonna sign out, it's like.

[Matt]

Saying a mirror can see.

[Shane]

That's what I'm.

[Lemaire]

Yo, can't a mirror see.

[Matt]

No, of course.

[Shane]

No. You see a mirror.

[Lemaire]

But like, honestly, let's.

[Shane]

Come on. If you're gonna assign ontological properties to a. AI, bro, I'm gonna walk out of here right now.

[Matt]

I will walk straight off this back.

[Shane]

I will leave.

[Matt]

I'll be splat. McAfee. I'll die.

[Shane]

You're gonna jump for 17 photos?

[Matt]

I'm gonna say the View didn't really like my monologue. I'm gonna kill myself.

[Shane]

That's like saying a tape measure experiences distance, bro.

[Matt]

Come on. Exactly, right?

[Shane]

Come on, man.

[Lemaire]

But who experiences distance more than human beings, bro? How?

[Shane]

By walking.

[Matt]

It's our decision what distances Exactly. Tape measure is nothing. It's literally however we decipher. Distance is distance.

[Lemaire]

But it's a tape. The tape measure is literally a measure of distance.

[Shane]

Yes, bro. It. Reference point for us. Don't experience it for the reference, sir.

[Matt]

Oh, man, you got me fired up. I love what you're saying.

[Shane]

Thank you, man.

[Matt]

I gotta be honest, I felt so good about that mirror comment.

[Shane]

Thank you, man.

[Matt]

I felt so good. This episode is brought to you by DoorDash. It's not just sunburn you have to watch out for over the summer. You can burn through cash too. Good thing the doordash summer of Dash Pass is back. From June 26 to July 30, get in on all sorts of daily deals on hot wings. You know I like that. Cold treats. God, I love a cold treat. New sneaks. I guess you can get sneakers and everything in between from plus 0% delivery fees and reduced service fees on eligible orders. Sign up for DashPass now if you haven't already. And enjoy a summer full of savings on DoorDash. Dash Pass benefits apply only to eligible orders. Terms apply.

[Shane]

Don't deny your own divine status to a computer, man. That's pathetic, bro.

[Lemaire]

I'm. I'm not.

[Matt]

What.

[Shane]

What would. What would. What would the leaders of the church say about you being like, oh, that.

[Matt]

Actually knows lost Matt, do not bring up God.

[Shane]

What would St. Augustine say about that?

[Lemaire]

Dude, I don't. I don't believe in Catholic believings.

[Matt]

But here's what I will tell. You're doomed. You will serve Satan.

[Shane]

Yeah, for real, bro.

[Matt]

Dare you to my crush.

[Lemaire]

I'm a non denominational.

[Matt]

Non. You might as well never mind.

[Lemaire]

I go to white acoustic guitar church.

[Matt]

You go to Unitarian.

[Shane]

Yo, for real.

[Matt]

You go to the trans Flag church and know that, you know, whatever, that's fine. But I'm saying Trans Flags, churches out there. That's fine with that. That's fine.

[Shane]

I will say that I kind of with mega I with mega church. Mega church is sick. Everyone hates mega church. Matt, bro, imagine church. But mega Matt.

[Matt]

On paper, I hear what you're saying. Imagine if church was more mega, which is for real what they were saying in 1200, building cathedrals going, dude, imagine if this church was mega. Build the sickest building anyone's ever seen.

[Shane]

And jam.

[Matt]

And jam.

[Lemaire]

Dude. When Michelangelo built the 16 Chapel.

[Shane]

Stop with the Michelangelo.

[Matt]

Shut up about AI, dude. Don't even know words.

[Shane]

I will say this. Hold on. I will say this. If you ask the Desert Fathers, they did have a prophecy saying, like, look, what we're doing in the fourth century is sick. We're walking away from the Roman Empire. But people in the future are going to deal with a society just like, way more decadent, way more corrupt. And the people who turn from that will be the true Desert Fathers. And they will be the most spiritually enriched people, way more than we could ever dream to be. That's a prophecy from the Desert Fathers, bro.

[Matt]

I'd like to go back in time and punch the desert. I would like to. If I build a lot of people, like, if I had a time machine, I would kill Hitler. Not me. I would land in it, the Desert Father's tent and go, I'm from the future, dude. You guys are being gay as. Just beat their. Wear them the out. Start raiding out of nowhere. Just exploding through a tent wall, going over the future.

[Shane]

I drank 10 grams of creatine today.

[Matt]

I got shitface in Beverly Hills. You dumbass.

[Shane]

You have no idea what I'm dealing with.

[Matt]

I hosted the espies last night. It's a sports hello. The Desert Fathers would have no clue what it is.

[Shane]

No concept.

[Matt]

Now they can shut the up. Desert Fathers can shut the up. There's only one dude, it's Christ.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt]

Listen to these fools.

[Shane]

Desert Fathers would agree with you. They would say, weird, pale in comparison.

[Matt]

Yeah, but they have no idea what's coming.

[Shane]

They didn't. That's why that guy said and go.

[Matt]

Dude, Hershey park is gonna have the Great Bear.

[Shane]

The Desert Father would take your punch and he'd go, you're right. You go, dude, St. Anthony, bro, desert Father, was he. I'm pretty sure that's pretty sick. Yeah, it's kind of sick. But your point does obviously.

[Matt]

The Desert Fathers rock. I take it back.

[Shane]

They literally, dude, in the 4th century, they were like. They sat in the desert and they went, this shit's gonna get so much crazier. Dude, hats off to the guys. Nah, that's nine million years from now. Yeah, we gotta deal with only fans.

[Matt]

Personally, I think think that's a waste of a life.

[Shane]

It is. It's a clue to pull yourself away.

[Matt]

Not completely, but to pull yourself away and concern yourself with a possible future. That seems like a waste of.

[Shane]

It's fair.

[Matt]

What Christ the King was giving us.

[Shane]

Jesus Christ was completely embroiled in the current. Yeah. Standard of his times. Unlike the Buddhists who detached.

[Matt]

Detached.

[Shane]

Christ didn't detach. He fully went into. That's my whole thing, east versus West.

[Lemaire]

I disagree, Matt. I think Christ was more of a futurist. He was more protecting the people.

[Shane]

You're agreeing with me. What are you talking about? Christ, instead of detaching from society, went head on into it and they killed him.

[Matt]

By the way. By the way, this is exactly what everyone else heard when Hunter Biden was in one of these hotel rooms. You're agreeing with me?

[Shane]

The Desert Fathers were right.

[Matt]

Christ the King was was coming in.

[Shane]

We should smoke crack.

[Matt]

We should get some crack. Dude, I'm telling you, Hollywood changed the squad. La, we got Theo crack.

[Shane]

Who knows?

[Matt]

This squad's not built for la. We got to get the out of there.

[Lemaire]

May be gay.

[Matt]

True, Nate. Never seen you wear short shorts, bro.

[Shane]

That's what happened. We went to la, Nate's gay and we're smoking crack.

[Nate]

These might be the shortest shorts I've ever worn.

[Matt]

About disgusting you fat ass hanging out the back of them. Dude, they were free shorts.

[Nate]

That g me free short shorts and I didn't know how to act.

[Shane]

Who gave you those short shorts?

[Lemaire]

Yo, you can see Nate ass from the front.

[Shane]

It's Nate the Stallion. Nate. Let me see your thigh gap, bro.

[Matt]

The craw daddy Nate the Stallion, bro. You just floated with your fat ass in front of everyone all day at the pool.

[Lemaire]

It was so over head.

[Matt]

It was so nothing to do with the water, bro.

[Shane]

Boy, Nate, I'll be honest. I'm surprised you made it out of the ESP's live, bro.

[Matt]

Honestly, I saw Lamar and licking his lips. Russell Wilson was about to leave Sierra when he saw your thick ass walk down the red carpet.

[Lemaire]

We gotta get out of here.

[Matt]

We're gonna leave. We're going back to God's country tomorrow.

[Nate]

Get out early.

[Matt]

Place sin.

[Shane]

We're back in Texas, man.

[Matt]

Everyone's straight as hell and not shirtless constantly. Texas is gay is what. Texas is gayer than la. I'll say it.

[Nate]

Texas is Fair.

[Shane]

That's fair.

[Nate]

Wait, why?

[Shane]

I'm sure not the rest of guys showing off.

[Matt]

Austin is. Austin is a gayer version of.

[Nate]

There is equally as many shirtless guys in Austin.

[Matt]

No, I see one shirtless guy here.

[Nate]

I've seen it.

[Shane]

I'm sure you see they looking for him. I'm not looking for him.

[Nate]

We've been walking you.

[Matt]

You went down. I know where you went.

[Shane]

I. I haven't.

[Nate]

I haven't left.

[Shane]

Nate was dancing in the Pink Pony Club.

[Matt]

I was not.

[Nate]

I was not about West Hollywood, but I left Pa.

[Shane]

Hold on.

[Matt]

We talked about it last time. Last time I was here, I got a haircut here in West Hollywood. Those fellas put their dong on me.

[Shane]

I got fully molested, bro.

[Matt]

I. The guy stood between me and the mirror and lifted my chin up.

[Shane]

The.

[Matt]

I mean, the guy was a great guy and we had a nice time and I. You know, I felt like we had a connection.

[Shane]

Can I be on. Can I be.

[Nate]

Can I said that?

[Shane]

Can I share right now? Recently, So I. My wife before the sb, she was, like, in, like, you know, panic mode, getting everything done, nails, all that stuff. She goes, hey, like, she goes, can you bring. Can you bring Maya and Chloe to the nail salon with me? I said, for sure. I brought them there. There. I'll be honest. I'm gonna share. I gotta. I got a pedicure while I was there, bro. My feet. I tried to tell my wife, my feet are so erogenous, brother.

[Matt]

Pedicure. That's nice.

[Shane]

They're nice, bro. Bro, they're my feet. For real. Are my dick. Their lady was like, fully stroking my feet, and I was sitting there in front of my whole family going.

[Matt]

By the way, you're Freud. You are Freud.

[Shane]

I'm not Freud. I'm young. Hold on. I'm young.

[Matt]

I'm young. I'm more of a young. I'm young.

[Shane]

You're Freud. I'm young.

[Matt]

I'm. You're Freud.

[Shane]

You're Freud. What do you think controls people? Instinct? Or.

[Matt]

Hold on. Not sexual instinct.

[Shane]

What Other instinct, Just instinct towards violent. Like, what is there? What else is there? I'm fr. No, sorry. I'm young.

[Matt]

You're frozen. No, that's a Freudian slave. No, no, bro, I can go get a pedicure and I go, oh, my.

[Shane]

Dick is my feet. I can't, bro. I. I literally cannot.

[Matt]

Now, you ascribe. You ascribe pleasure to sexual pleasure instantly. Very Freudian.

[Shane]

My fever project. I can't help it. The way I felt.

[Matt]

It felt Nice. The way the woman was. It felt shaving your feet too nice. You instantly equated it to your penis getting stripped. Very fruit.

[Shane]

It literally is. My feet are. So I told my wife I.

[Matt]

Young, Freud.

[Shane]

Young.

[Matt]

Young, dude. Young. Young shows up. I'm toss his ass. Toss his ass over this balcony. Young.

[Shane]

You would launch Freud and throw Young.

[Matt]

I would launch Freud, dude. Freud by a mile.

[Shane]

Freud is troublesome.

[Matt]

Freud needs to get splatted. Freud needs to get splatted. On college game day. On college game day. Splat his ass. And then have everyone go, oh, I'm ready for the big football game. Who gives a about what you're talking about, you dumb.

[Lemaire]

You guys are having full rabbit season duck season right now, huh? You the looney tunes. Rabbit season. Duck season. Rabbit season. Duck season.

[Matt]

He's fro.

[Shane]

I'm not for it.

[Lemaire]

You're duck season.

[Shane]

I'm young. I'm young. Maybe Adler. That's Adler can get it too, bro.

[Matt]

It's on site with Adler. Adler, you. No, I feel don't like any psychologist.

[Shane]

That's fair. Yeah, honestly, that's fair. Psychology as a science is up for question.

[Matt]

Yeah, I. I get like, how do.

[Shane]

You feel about cbt?

[Matt]

What's that?

[Shane]

They're the guys that are like, if you have troublesome thoughts, write them down in a journal and be like, why do I think this I Behavioral. Skinner.

[Matt]

The behavioral Literally couldn't disagree more anymore. If you write down your troublesome thoughts. If I catch you writing down your troublesome thoughts, that's a huge problem.

[Shane]

So you got beef with Skinner.

[Matt]

Skinner can get it. Who are these. Who are these weird freaks?

[Shane]

What about Maslow Peak experiences? Human beings do like peak experience. Here we go. You might be a Maslonian. Yeah, but Maslow rules.

[Matt]

Think of our modern day. These guys. Yeah, they're all gay.

[Lemaire]

That's the guy with the dogs, right?

[Matt]

No, Mavlov.

[Shane]

Skinner dogs. No, Pavlov. Pavlov is dogs. But Skinner was a continuation of Pavlov as a parallel process which was what a.

[Matt]

What an incredible experience that, you know.

[Shane]

Torture dogs.

[Matt]

Yeah, he tricked dogs.

[Shane]

Yeah, great. I was jerking off dogs for seven years, it turns out. No, they were.

[Matt]

They were like horny before I ring a bell. You go, yeah, no, you dumbass. I don't like any of these. These are literally all Neil degrasse Tysons from back then. There you go. You know who the smartest guy is? Neil DeGrasse Tyson. You know what's he say? He goes, yeah, he says everyone wants to their mom.

[Shane]

Yeah. That was. That was.

[Matt]

Although it is funny that such a. It's such a hard one to fight against.

[Shane]

No, I don't.

[Matt]

Yeah, that is. Everybody hates that one.

[Shane]

Yo, shut the up, dude.

[Lemaire]

Dude, then you go to a pool today and see a kid actually trying to his mouth.

[Matt]

That was. The argument today was obviously a couple freak bulls. It was also. It's not his fault. It's not the boys.

[Shane]

You're right. It's not the boy's fault.

[Matt]

That boy doesn't know the boy was being molested by a fake titted mom.

[Nate]

On a scale of 1 to 10.

[Shane]

What was his mom with upgrades, I would say, but at least an eight. Seven and a half.

[Matt]

Eight.

[Shane]

Dude, having a mom with upgrades, first of all, is up.

[Matt]

That's upgraded. Mom's crazy.

[Shane]

I've been. I've been. I've been preaching against, like, just fake women. It's like, dude, stop. Like, you gotta stop. Women are literally every single aspect of their entire physical being they're with and messing with. It's like, yo, just be an old lady. Like, relax.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, now you sound like the black church, dude. That's what black churches are against.

[Matt]

At our core. We are all the black church.

[Shane]

Yeah. Like, yeah, how about you don't get giant hits.

[Matt]

Let's just.

[Sean Gardini]

Hello.

[Matt]

What else is going on? Jeffrey Epstein.

[Shane]

Huge fault line in the Republican Party. Jeffrey Epstein.

[Matt]

Well, shout out to the Republicans for the Democrats. Right. In the reverse. Reverse.

[Shane]

It's true. They got the reverse uno.

[Matt]

They go, actually, your problem. And we support it now.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt]

Yeah. The real ones staying true to. Can we at least figure out what happened?

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah. That's. Again, the first of all is, like, he pretty much got busted by the United States court for molesting young girls in a way. Commercial.

[Matt]

The cops in Florida were going, obviously he was intelligence. Because they dropped the case.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

They brought it to a grand jury. They sealed it. Come on.

[Shane]

Sealed the records. Which should be illegal if you're molesting young girls. No matter what, they should go, yeah, here's all the young girls. And they go, all right, man, let's throw that guy in a tar pit and get rid of him.

[Nate]

If you're molesting young girls, they should go bust that thing wide open.

[Shane]

That's what I'm saying.

[Lemaire]

The case.

[Matt]

God damn.

[Shane]

No, I'm with you, man.

[Matt]

Don't laugh. After.

[Shane]

It's crazy. He literally got caught. And then a bunch of dudes chilled with him. A bunch of dudes chill with him. Imagine. Nate, I'm not gonna lie. If you got caught being a black pedophile. Yeah. I wouldn't chill in your New York apartment. I wouldn't be like, yo, what's going on? How's everything going after you got caught literally molesting women? And the court sealed the document? I, I, I'm sorry. I love you, but I'd have to be like, yo, Nate, we can't chill anymore. That's. That's up. The entire country hid your trouble.

[Matt]

It would be hard too. You'd be like, yo, bro, we had good times. Now we're boys.

[Nate]

But you gotta.

[Matt]

You gotta.

[Nate]

You gotta splat me.

[Matt]

You gotta throw me out this balcony. You're gone, bro.

[Shane]

We'll sing too. We're the wolf from Sing 2. We're gonna throw you off the balcony. Say, buster Moon, your ass is done. You made a fool of me. Sing two. So good. By the way, shout out to Matthew McConaughey for. He voiced the koala.

[Matt]

Shout out to McConnell.

[Shane]

Obviously, bro.

[Matt]

Yeah, one of the dogs.

[Shane]

I will say it's crazy. The entire government was like, all right, we know you literally trafficked little girls. It's on record. You're busted. You're done. We're gonna make it so nobody can see exactly what you did. That's all the American people are saying. Like, yo, if you're in a position of power and you little girls, can we at least cut your head off in front of everybody?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And be like, not protecting. That is literally a science.

[Matt]

Don't you dare.

[Lemaire]

That's a fair question. That's a fair question.

[Shane]

You.

[Matt]

You preface that with yeah, you plug.

[Shane]

You fluff your feathers up.

[Matt]

Like you're about to say, but, no.

[Lemaire]

I'm on you guys team. I was like, yeah, that's right. I was encouraged.

[Shane]

It's not a crazy question to ask a society if you prey upon little girls. Yeah. We should obliterate you. We should obliterate you if you.

[Matt]

If you're gonna cut anyone's head off.

[Shane]

Exactly. Number one, not protect you. And then let you do your thing for a couple more years.

[Matt]

And after church. Hold on.

[Shane]

Go ahead, go ahead.

[Matt]

Catholic church does what it has to do. We're talking government. We're talking government now. All right. Separation of church and state, obviously. Also in my beliefs. All right.

[Shane]

But to act like you're crazy for even begging the question. And to be fair, it goes well. They don't have a list of every guy who did that. It's like, sure enough, maybe they don't.

[Matt]

No, no, no, they do.

[Shane]

They do. They said they did.

[Matt]

I've been on enough private planes. Now this. They write it down. It's annoying. You get on the plane, they go, we have to see everybody's id. And then they write it down.

[Shane]

You're right.

[Matt]

Every single time.

[Shane]

It is funny, though. You could bring whatever you want onto that plane, but like, we're going to take a record of the fact you flew here.

[Matt]

You can bring anything.

[Shane]

But by the way, if you want to smuggle drugs, spring. Spring for the private brother.

[Matt]

I can't believe, I can't believe how easy it is. It's not that I'm doing that, but I'm.

[Shane]

Exactly. Or not. But I wish, I Wish I knew 20 you could 15 years ago, so.

[Matt]

Easily, just get a private plane. You can get a duffel bag filled with kilos, no problem, and put it on the plane. They never check your bags. Or, or write your name down.

[Shane]

Let's step it up. Or you could fly and be like, I'm with my 1512 year old girls on the plane.

[Matt]

They can go, yeah, these kids. Yeah, they're.

[Lemaire]

Hello.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's just for me and Bill Clinton and Stephen Hawking. We're chilling.

[Shane]

It is funny. Like, you'd have to fly through tsa. They scan you for bombs and water. Literally. Well, if you carry your children's water, they're like the. Is this. Yeah, what do you pay A little bit more. They're like, you have a volleyball team? Yeah, go ahead, man. You're fine.

[Matt]

Yeah, go ahead, fellas.

[Shane]

You're flying to the Virgin Islands. Yeah.

[Matt]

Hey, have fun.

[Shane]

You paid, you paid $10,000. Yeah, whatever, man. If you want to fly with a bunch of little girls, a bunch of, of models you tricked at the mall, told them you're beautiful, no problem. Who are we to question that?

[Matt]

And then we're going to write.

[Shane]

Adam Smith would quake in his. He would roll in his grave if we question you.

[Matt]

True. It's capitalism 101 at this point. Also, we're going to write all you guys names down.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Oh, we will.

[Shane]

We'll take your id.

[Matt]

Okay. Yeah, True. Maybe they got rid of those records. I was on that flight. I would go, what?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

They go, yeah. The pilot's taking everybody's ID and he's writing our names. You go it.

[Shane]

Yeah. It's weird to think if you're so.

[Matt]

Rich, if you're so rich, we're gonna want that book.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And you're just a gazillionaire being like, well, I guess I gotta give it to you then.

[Matt]

Yeah. If I do have to follow one rule when I'm on my pedophile trip.

[Shane]

You got me. You got me. I didn't fill in a black book. Being like.

[Matt]

During the pedophile vacation. Yeah, true. Maybe there is no book.

[Shane]

Yeah. However. However. It's crazy to go, yo, guys, get over it. Guys. We got bigger fish to fry than a guy who literally, like probably eight 12 year old girls on a island.

[Lemaire]

We gotta get our jobs back, guys. Quit worrying about people.

[Matt]

Hold on, on. We gotta get our jobs back.

[Shane]

We do got your jobs back.

[Matt]

That is actually more important. But we can kill two birds with one stone at the same time. We can go. We should probably figure out they promised the list.

[Shane]

You can't promise the list and go, guys, what are you worried about? This list we promised you guys. I know.

[Matt]

It's also so funny how clearly they got the list and when went. Guys, who even cares? Like, they obviously, the whole time leading up to it, we're like, that we're gonna get that list. And then one day they were like, what are we even talking about?

[Shane]

Also, you get the list and you go, me seven times.

[Matt]

Me again. Son of a. I will say, when I.

[Shane]

When I was.

[Matt]

Bro, that could have happened to any. Not on an Epstein list. But when it comes to like, like, I didn't do that. Dude. When I go.

[Shane]

To be fair. To be fair, when I was in.

[Matt]

Grade school, that son of a. I did that so many times. Everything bad that's ever happened to me, I've gone. I didn't do that with actual conviction. Yeah, dude, When I got canceled from snl, agent called me and was like, did you say that? And I was like, no, I would never say that.

[Shane]

Like, we have a video. It's like, well, delete it.

[Matt]

Video of me.

[Shane]

Well, delete it, you dumbass.

[Matt]

Well, I was like, well, dude, that's not even in my vocabulary. I don't say that word. So that's not true. Video. I go, yeah.

[Shane]

They go, well, we could use our power to delete it. It's like, oh, yeah, if you want to go ahead, obviously.

[Matt]

No, they sent me the video. I said, guys, there's floods in Texas. What are you guys even talking about?

[Shane]

We have you in a small Philadelphia apartment. You're like, like, can you delete that? Like, yeah, for sure.

[Matt]

You please destroy that.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's. That's crazy. It's absolutely crazy.

[Matt]

We're good on time. Hold on, I got a whiz. Let's keep going.

[Lemaire]

This is.

[Shane]

Yeah, let's whiz. Let's keep cooking. I got a pee too. Maybe a game of swords.