Ep 569 - A Derosa Garden (feat. Joe Derosa)

Summary

Episode Summary: Episode 569 - A Derosa Garden (feat. Joe DeRosa)
Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Release Date: July 24, 2025

---

Introduction to "Ready or Not" and Gaming Insights

The episode kicks off with Matt and Shane delving into Matt's recent gaming marathon of the tactical shooter "Ready or Not." Matt humorously describes his experience being "in a tomb," likening his intense immersion to a modern-day Lazarus resurrection (00:29). The trio, including guest Joe DeRosa, discuss the psychological impact of such immersive games, pondering whether constant mission focus is a healthy way to manage stress.

Matt McCusker:
"It might be a bad way to deal with stress because I'm just focused on that. And then you go, oh, shit. I forgot about all the problems."
(00:58)

Shane expresses his eagerness to play the game, highlighting its dark themes and realistic SWAT operations, which he finds both thrilling and hilarious.

Shane Gillis:
"This game sounds awesome."
(03:21)

Realism in Video Games and Ethical Boundaries

The conversation shifts to the portrayal of real-world tragedies in games, such as the Pulse Nightclub shooting scenario in "Call of Duty." Matt and Shane debate the ethical implications of recreating such events, with Shane reminiscing about the backlash these missions received.

Shane Gillis:
"I think, like, these games actually could be like tactical training before you're in the field."
(08:33)

Matt McCusker:
"First half, you walk around with a machine gun in a fucking airport. You're literally just going through. Killing every civilian."
(09:20)

Shane Gillis' Stand-Up Special: "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden"

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Shane's stand-up special, where he expresses pride and excitement about the release. The hosts discuss the challenges Shane faced during the creation process, including creative disagreements and the emotional toll of touring.

Shane Gillis:
"It was the hardest ever."
(46:52)

Matt McCusker:
"It's really a good special. I can't wait for the start of your special."
(47:53)

Personal Anecdotes: Travel, Performances, and On-Stage Mishaps

The trio shares numerous personal stories from their tours, highlighting the unpredictable nature of live performances. Matt recounts nearly experiencing a heart attack on stage (59:35), while Shane shares a terrifying moment during his set where he had a panic attack (58:28).

Joe DeRosa:
"I saw the way Conor was speaking. I've had that conversation with O'Connor 10 million times."
(17:40)

They also touch upon memorable encounters with other comedians and performers, such as Heather McDonald and Wendy Williams, emphasizing the camaraderie and occasional chaos backstage.

Dealing with Anxiety and Mental Health on the Road

A recurring theme is the hosts' struggles with anxiety and the physical toll of their lifestyle. Joe opens up about his battle with body acne and shares unconventional remedies that surprisingly work for him.

Joe DeRosa:
"I just cover myself in salt head to toe and just let it sit. Let it sit on me for, like, five minutes. Completely cleared my skin up."
(36:46)

Shane and Matt discuss their coping mechanisms during high-stress moments, from heavy drinking to relying on caffeine, illustrating the often-overlooked mental health challenges faced by comedians on tour.

Supporting Each Other's Work and Building Community

Throughout the episode, Matt and Shane continually express support for each other's projects. Matt praises Shane's special, and Shane reciprocates by encouraging Matt to continue his creative endeavors. This mutual support underscores the strong friendship and professional respect between the hosts.

Shane Gillis:
"I appreciate you."
(46:20)

Matt McCusker:
"I loved how spooky your intro was."
(45:45)

Closing Remarks and Upcoming Shows

Towards the end, the hosts discuss their upcoming shows and tours, inviting listeners to attend their performances. They share details about venues and dates, showcasing their dedication to reaching audiences nationwide.

Joe DeRosa:
"I'll be at the Ovation hall in the Ocean Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey, Saturday, August 16th, 2025."
(34:52)

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Matt McCusker (00:29):
  "I was in a tomb on Monday, dude. I was."

• Shane Gillis (03:21):
  "This game sounds awesome."

• Joe DeRosa (36:46):
  "I just cover myself in salt head to toe and just let it sit. Let it sit on me for, like, five minutes. Completely cleared my skin up."

• Matt McCusker (09:20):
  "First half, you walk around with a machine gun in a fucking airport. You're literally just going through. Killing every civilian."

• Shane Gillis (46:52):
  "It was the hardest ever."

• Shane Gillis (58:28):
  "I had a two-minute panic attack on stage."

• Joe DeRosa (17:40):
  "I saw the way Conor was speaking. I've had that conversation with O'Connor 10 million times."

---

Conclusion

Episode 569 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast offers a blend of insightful discussions on gaming realism, heartfelt support for each other's comedic ventures, and candid conversations about the challenges of life on the road. Through humor and honesty, Matt, Shane, and Joe provide listeners with an engaging and relatable experience, solidifying the podcast's reputation as a standout in the comedy genre.

Transcript

[Matt McCusker]

Wild wild West. Two hours. We're doing two.

[Shane Gillis]

Whatever you want to do.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Just know the page. Oh, I like that, man. I like that approach.

[Shane Gillis]

Can you guys not release this till October? I'm joking.

[Matt McCusker]

I was gonna say I thought this special.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Also, I was waiting to share it for this episode.

[Shane Gillis]

Thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

I was in a tomb on Monday, dude. I was.

[Shane Gillis]

Trust me. When you hit me back, I was like.

[Joe DeRosa]

He just did. It's in the tune.

[Matt McCusker]

I sorry. Because discussing the tomb I was just in is. The tomb was. Sarcophagus I was in. I've risen. I'm Lazarus right now. This is the third day. I'm actually.

[Joe DeRosa]

What's the tomb like? Are you. Is the tomb the bed or the couch?

[Matt McCusker]

The tomb is. I just played. There's a new game called Ready or not, and I played it for two days.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

I played the entire. I played the entire. I played every mission.

[Joe DeRosa]

Meanwhile, it's so long psychologically. What's the thought? Is it thought process all?

[Matt McCusker]

It's usually it's 100% on the mission, which is. All right. So that's one. It might be a bad way to deal with stress because I'm just focused on that. And then you go, oh, shit. I forgot about all the problems, you know? I mean, you know, you're not trying to work out any problems. We got to fucking clear this room, fellas. Breach, Breach.

[Joe DeRosa]

But while you respawn, you have 15 seconds.

[Matt McCusker]

You get killed. You get killed on some bullshit way. Then you go, yeah. Game. This game sucks. Oh, I forgot. My life sucked. The game's awesome. I.

[Shane Gillis]

Is it a war game?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's just. You're a SWAT team. Oh, you're gonna love it. And the video games are back. Dude. These guys made a wild ass game.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, man. I want to get that.

[Matt McCusker]

You're breaking into, like, child porn facilities. You break? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. It's really darked up game.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm getting that today.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Well, get ready to enter the tomb.

[Joe DeRosa]

How good to feel clear the child porn sanctuary.

[Matt McCusker]

Feels good.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. That's nice.

[Matt McCusker]

It feels really good.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, it's like. So there's a blast. I was about to say you blast everyone in there.

[Matt McCusker]

Yep. You go, what the are you guys doing?

[Joe DeRosa]

Dude, that's totally fair. If you're in like a industrial shop.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. You clear out like a school shooting.

[Joe DeRosa]

Can you run away?

[Matt McCusker]

You can hide for a while.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, this game sounds awesome.

[Joe DeRosa]

It sounds like every dude's fantasies wrapped up into one it's like obviously stopping a school shooting.

[Matt McCusker]

Obviously wearing SWAT gear.

[Joe DeRosa]

Just that alone.

[Matt McCusker]

Everyone swears SWAT tactical gear. Although ever since I saw a picture of Big Chungus at the protest during blm, I realized I could never rock the Swaggy.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

Too big to wear swati?

[Joe DeRosa]

How so?

[Matt McCusker]

When you're a big guy in SWAT here, it looks hilarious. Have you ever seen it? Have you ever seen a big fat guy in swati? Never thought about it. I'll show you Big chunk.

[Joe DeRosa]

I feel like you would look like a juggernaut.

[Matt McCusker]

There's also. There is that. Yeah, there is that. I could wear the Hurt Locker and just be Juggernaut. But Juggernaut sucks. You get out 9 million times.

[Shane Gillis]

You play games, man.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, I can't have it, man. I won't stop playing it. It's like a complete time suck. I can't.

[Shane Gillis]

You got full family too, so it's. Yeah, Yeah. I imagine there's not a ton of. But wait. Do you play with the kids, though?

[Joe DeRosa]

Not yet. It's getting there, though. There could be some Mario Kart with a five year old soon.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Can't be the jungus. Looks insane. You can't be the big Jung.

[Joe DeRosa]

He didn't have the right gear. His gear's too small.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Getting too fat for your tactical gear would be tough.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Because then it's literally life or death. You have. You have viscera exposed. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

That looks like when they brought back Boba Fett, but he was fat now. And they did it to adjust the costume. And it was like up here, some Australian dude who's been drinking for 10 years. And they're like, you want to do the role again? He's like, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Then waiting on this call.

[Joe DeRosa]

His helmets like a yamaka on his head.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't know Bofo is an Australian or he's.

[Shane Gillis]

Or he might be from.

[Matt McCusker]

Because if that's the case, he lives actually on New Zealand. Tatooine.

[Shane Gillis]

I think he's New Zealand.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. That guy. He was in that movie When We Were Kings, which I feel like is. I always.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't think I've heard of that movie.

[Shane Gillis]

As I was saying it, I was like, I feel like Shane. There's a movie Shane would love, but I'm basing that only on the title. When we were kids.

[Matt McCusker]

Every night. We was kidding. You were the fucking best.

[Joe DeRosa]

The movie takes place in a bus stop. It takes place at a bus stop in West Philadelphia.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it's about like. I think it's kind of like Slumdog Millionaire except in New Zealand. Or one of those kind of movies.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

I think. Or like City of God. Maybe. It's like that.

[Joe DeRosa]

City of God's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

I've never seen either movie. I heard they're both great.

[Matt McCusker]

City of God's awesome.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. I'm a great title. I'm a big subtitle movie guy. I like that.

[Matt McCusker]

Let's talk movies. What?

[Shane Gillis]

That's song movies. We've never seen City of God.

[Matt McCusker]

City of God rules. You'd like it.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait. I want to look up what. When we were. I'm gonna look it up at one point. When we were kids.

[Joe DeRosa]

The best movie analysis ever. I don't know what it's about. It's like two movies.

[Matt McCusker]

I've never seen New Zealand.

[Shane Gillis]

I just saw one of the shittiest movies I've ever seen.

[Joe DeRosa]

What.

[Shane Gillis]

Opus? The new John Malkovich movie. Where? All right. Let me just shoot the premise at you.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And you'll immediately know we're off to a bad start. John Malkovich plays a once famous R B pop singer.

[Joe DeRosa]

How does. How does he do that?

[Shane Gillis]

Who disappears? He was, like, big in the 80s, and he disappears and comes back 30 years later for his opus. He's putting out another album after 30 years of absence.

[Matt McCusker]

That always works.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And it's John Malkovich.

[Joe DeRosa]

Damn. It'd be nice if it was, like, late Kels. Like, yo is a buffet. I love Yo.

[Shane Gillis]

I thought they were gonna make him like a. You know, like a fucking Pink Floydy dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

When I heard the premise and I'm like, oh, no. He's like a dance singer. Like a fucking. Like.

[Matt McCusker]

Like.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, it's so. But. And then they. So all these people get invited to his big compound to listen to the record. And everybody starts dying. And it's. It's. It's. Get out. It's like the 57th time they've remade get out since. Fucking. Get it.

[Joe DeRosa]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

Sucks dick. It is a terrible movie.

[Joe DeRosa]

Who's the villain?

[Shane Gillis]

Who's. Who is.

[Matt McCusker]

He is. You're describing a pretty sick movie.

[Shane Gillis]

You'd think. You'd think it sucks.

[Matt McCusker]

Also sounds like an event that me and my squad should probably breach and.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Tie up the civilians. Make sure everybody's taken care of. I could have stopped.

[Joe DeRosa]

You could have stopped the onslaught.

[Matt McCusker]

There's going to be some people. This game's a hit, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

There's gonna be some people breaching some houses.

[Joe DeRosa]

You think so?

[Matt McCusker]

I think so. Because it does get. Gives you that.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That desire.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Your ex wife's got a new boyfriend. That would be.

[Matt McCusker]

You got four of your boys. You go. All right. Stack the door.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. They should be doing school drop on.

[Matt McCusker]

My shock on the lock. Fraggot.

[Joe DeRosa]

7:45. They haven't left yet. They should be doing drop off right now.

[Matt McCusker]

We're going in. This episode is brought to you by Dude Wipes. If you're still dry wiping with toilet paper, you need to stop being an A hole to your B hole and switch to Dude Wipes. Isn't that funny?

[Joe DeRosa]

That is fine.

[Matt McCusker]

Whoever wrote this, give me a call. I need some material. I made the switch myself. And the difference, let me tell you, is real Dude Wipes tackle the mess without any fuss. And the convenience of their flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. No more juggling rolls or settling for less than adequate wipes. Are you tired of juggling rolls, Matt?

[Shane Gillis]

For sure.

[Matt McCusker]

They leave no room for dingleberries. All right. Or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, Leave those on the floor.

[Matt McCusker]

The butt crumbs. Yeah. Plus, they're extra large for adults. I like that because you are not a baby. So stop using baby wipes, ditch the itch and switch to wet. Extra large flushable Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes Best clean Pants down. Available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide.

[Shane Gillis]

I think they. Fuck. I don't think I'm making this up. Didn't they use Forza to actually train race drivers? Didn't they actually play fucking Forza as like, a simulation before they got on the actual.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm not sure. Probably. Grant. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, Gran Turismo. That's what it was.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. That makes sense.

[Shane Gillis]

Insane, though, that games are getting like. I actually think what you're saying is, I think, like, these games actually could be like tactical training before you're in the field. I mean, you know?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Nate saw it. I would have failed. Civilian came running around the corner.

[Shane Gillis]

I was like, oh.

[Matt McCusker]

He was running right at me. Everybody saw that.

[Joe DeRosa]

Scared the out of it.

[Matt McCusker]

They do scare you.

[Joe DeRosa]

How do you distinguish?

[Matt McCusker]

There's a. Oh, the worst one. There's like a. For real. There's like a Pulse nightclub shooting. And the thing that they did in the game that always me up from the actual shooting that people described, it was everyone's phones going off. That was dead. Whoa. Like, when the cops went in to clear it out, you could just hear every phone in the building buzzing, which is so sad.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I didn't think about it.

[Matt McCusker]

And they kept that in the game. That's in the Game. Oh, it's like a up game.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that used to be. They used. That used to get a lot of backlash. Remember there was a Modern Warfare where you had to take down the airport shooter?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

There was like. People were like, this is fucked up. This is too far. And then other people were like, no, this is important.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, well, it's definitely not important. It's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

That mission was awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

Was crazy.

[Joe DeRosa]

It is important. If you just sit there and do that for hours and hours and hours, I do feel like if the real thing happened, you might on some level be more prepared.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, that's exactly the problem. Because in this mission, you are the shooters.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, no.

[Matt McCusker]

First half, you walk around with a machine gun in a fucking airport.

[Joe DeRosa]

You're an airport shooter.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

And the mission.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, I don't remember that part. The first part. You were the shooter.

[Matt McCusker]

No, you're not. You're literally just going through. Killing every civilian.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, my God.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really bad.

[Joe DeRosa]

All right. That might be too far.

[Matt McCusker]

It's nuts.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. That's not good.

[Matt McCusker]

That's why they. That's why Call of Duty, the old switch re. He's like, oh, I'm a purple woman sliding.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

All right, I see it.

[Joe DeRosa]

They hit the pinnacle. They hit the peak. They're like, we made the top of the mountain. Although in Grand Theft Auto, you're essentially doing that anyway.

[Matt McCusker]

But Grand Theft Auto, there's rumors that there is a pride parade in the city.

[Joe DeRosa]

And fellas, don't, don't, don't let me catch you.

[Matt McCusker]

Don't. Those videos are gonna be chaos.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, no.

[Matt McCusker]

Every single person that downloads the game.

[Joe DeRosa]

Although I feel.

[Matt McCusker]

I do feel like no way. No way. And they go, what would happen?

[Joe DeRosa]

To be fair, it's time the hookers and GTA get a break.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true.

[Joe DeRosa]

The hookers going to be watching. Be like, thank God.

[Matt McCusker]

Finally.

[Joe DeRosa]

Finally, we can relax.

[Matt McCusker]

They're next.

[Shane Gillis]

One of the.

[Matt McCusker]

Once you get five stars from the parade, you're headed straight to the strip club. They're really doing. I forgot about.

[Shane Gillis]

So funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, they're doing that. That's. I wonder if they'll make it off limits.

[Shane Gillis]

I think they're going to reel this game back.

[Joe DeRosa]

It'll get hacked. That game gets hacked, too.

[Shane Gillis]

I think they're going to reel this one back. I was friends with this guy Laszlo. That was one of the top developed guys. He was the guy that put us all into the games and shit. And he left.

[Matt McCusker]

I forgot you were in grand theft auto.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. 5.

[Matt McCusker]

That's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

It's wild.

[Joe DeRosa]

That is awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Faces in it. The mocap was insane.

[Matt McCusker]

Mocap's a nightmare.

[Shane Gillis]

It would suck.

[Matt McCusker]

How much did you feel like? You must have looked nuts in a Mocap way.

[Shane Gillis]

It was old school. Mocap wasn't this fucking Harrison Ford shit where they put blue dots on your face. Like I had a helmet on with a camera. It was crazy. You had to wear like a frog suit, like green man.

[Joe DeRosa]

What's your role? What did you play?

[Shane Gillis]

There's. When you go into the safe house, or the safe house, whatever it's called, there's a TV and there's shows you can watch. And there's a show with the. Whoever the action star is in the. In that series that's like the Stallone type. Yeah, it's a reality show about him. And I play his new agent and I'm like this cokehead and it's me and him. We did like, we shot like 30 minutes. We shot a full episode of this thing.

[Matt McCusker]

Whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

And it's in the game. And then we went back and did additional content later that never got released that I just had to sign crazy NDAs about. I'm not allowed to talk about it.

[Matt McCusker]

Whoa.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

But anyway, it was awesome. It was.

[Joe DeRosa]

Fucks you in this.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

The.

[Joe DeRosa]

This episode is brought to you by Vuori.

[Matt McCusker]

So there's a lot of sports out there. Obviously you've got basketball, baseball and football. But then there's running, tennis, mma, climbing, yoga, pickleball.

[Joe DeRosa]

And that's before you get into all the different ways you can train and work out.

[Matt McCusker]

Right. But the good news is that you only need one pair of shorts for all of it. The core short from Vuori. That's right. Wear one pair of shorts all the time.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's all you need to work out. The core short. That's all I do.

[Matt McCusker]

No one's going to think you stink.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, not at all. You can get two pairs. You can switch or just do morning and afternoon. The core short is the short that started it all for Vuori. Fitness, versatility. One short every sport, guys. They're ideal for fitness, running and training, but also stylish and comfortable. That's important.

[Matt McCusker]

That is important. I want to be stylish.

[Joe DeRosa]

I want to be stylish and comfortable.

[Matt McCusker]

They matter. They soft.

[Joe DeRosa]

They're pretty soft. A lot of your stuff is how much do they weigh?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Pretty lightweight.

[Matt McCusker]

The core short, is it only three way performance or how many?

[Joe DeRosa]

I'd say it's pretty multiplexed.

[Matt McCusker]

Is it a four Way performance stretch.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Definitely the fourth dimension. I can. I can stretch backwards in them for sure. Also, I, I, The. The core is a little tougher. Some of their stuff is like borderline erotica. So, like, if you feel my shorts right here, I'm actually wearing them right now.

[Matt McCusker]

Make me.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm actually wearing them right now, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

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[Joe DeRosa]

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[Shane Gillis]

But that guy, this guy Laszlo was like. He, he was. He put Burr and Bobby Kell, everybody in.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, but they had Stand up in. Was it four or five?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I think Burr. No, Gervais is doing stand up.

[Matt McCusker]

I think Cat Williams. Yeah, Cat Williams, go watch Stand Up. And it actually has a comedian. That's pretty crazy. Yeah, but he can bring your gun in there and you can shoot.

[Joe DeRosa]

Bro. Stand up special. He's too GTA animated. That'd be also a special where you're just in a mocap suit. You perform live in a mocap suit and they recreate it in GTA 5 and people can just like, shoot people. Really?

[Matt McCusker]

That's what I'm saying.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's.

[Matt McCusker]

It literally did that.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

You can walk in, there's a comedy club, and it's Ricky Gervais.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it was. It was nuts when we did it because it was. It was like early days of that. Not early, but, you know, early.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. You should do that now again.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And just put it out as a game. Yeah, Just be like, this is my special.

[Joe DeRosa]

You could shoot me.

[Matt McCusker]

It's live. Yeah. You guys, nobody hears it. 1. Nobody. Here's the first joke ever.

[Shane Gillis]

They had this every. We were in this green room and they had all these plastic, like, structures, and, like, they'd be like, that's your car. So, like, open the door and sit in it, whatever. And you would do it. Then they'd be like, okay, come over here and look at this. It was rendering in real time.

[Matt McCusker]

Whoa.

[Shane Gillis]

So you'd walk over and you. It didn't look like it did in the game, but it was like, yeah, you getting into a fucking car in a video game, immediately, it was crazy. It was fucking crazy.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

This is like 2009. This is a while.

[Joe DeRosa]

Really.

[Shane Gillis]

But anyway. Yeah, the game made $5 billion. I got paid three grand. I remember calling Laszlo and going, I want a copy of Max Payne 3. And he goes, you comics, man. Always looking for free. I go, your game just made a billion dollars. You pay me three grand. Send me Max Payne three right now. And he's like, all right, that's fair, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay, I'll send you one.

[Joe DeRosa]

Put it that way.

[Shane Gillis]

But I think it's. The point I'm ultimately getting at is I have a feeling with his absence, I feel like they're going to. They're going to reel back in this one. I don't. I just don't think it's like Eminem saying, like, look, man, times changed. Nobody wants this anymore. I'm just not doing it anymore. I feel like they're going to pull.

[Matt McCusker]

Back, ready or not. It's kind of proven everyone wants it.

[Shane Gillis]

That's a good point.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, it's a good point. It should be like. Like immortal combat. You would have put in. Then you have to put in a setting for, like. Should have settings if you want to play. Kind of like, you know, reeled back gta. You can just hit a setting if you want to go nuts. Should just be. You get to be Hunter Biden.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, there was the blood. The blood code.

[Matt McCusker]

Hunter Biden's rocking right now.

[Joe DeRosa]

He's rocking right now.

[Matt McCusker]

That fired me up.

[Joe DeRosa]

He might be, dude. He might put his.

[Matt McCusker]

Literally, the o', Connor, he's. Did you hear the way he was speaking? Yeah, I've had that conversation with O'Connor 10 million times.

[Joe DeRosa]

I saw the clip.

[Matt McCusker]

He's like, that wants to talk. I'm like, damn. This is the old comment. I just fought him at Lala's for 10 hours with this exact conversation. Idiot.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, Carter is a psycho. I've seen him get angrier. And I'm an angry dude. Oh, Connor gets hot, man.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, Conor. Yeah. And I know exactly how to do it. And it's so funny, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

You're fucking. You're Batman, dude. Remember Batman in the. In the Justice League comics? He had a way to kill every member of the Justice League just in case it went sideways. That's Shane with every one of his friends. I know exactly how to piss you off, dude. I'm gonna do it right now.

[Matt McCusker]

The Okamin's just the. I don't ever do that really to you guys.

[Joe DeRosa]

You do get the o'.

[Matt McCusker]

Connor.

[Joe DeRosa]

You get the economy. It's really funny. He also. He knows too, though. He'll. He'll feel it. You'll start hitting the but buttons and he'll go, I'm not doing this with you. And then eventually you can't, you can't.

[Matt McCusker]

He always. He's like, shame, I'm not doing that right now. There you go. Yeah, you are.

[Shane Gillis]

This is, this is. This is a classic Okada roo. Right. Ready? When he starts getting hot, he goes like this, dude, what the are you talking about?

[Joe DeRosa]

You. You've breached his wall. You've. Yeah, you've climbed his wall. At that point, you're fully. You're fully inside the stage.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, dude. We were arguing.

[Matt McCusker]

Took the Trojan horse. He fell asleep. You're cutting everybody's heads off. It's over.

[Shane Gillis]

Shane and I were arguing about Prince. I was pro Prince. Shane was anti Prince. It was our argument. Go. Conor jumped in.

[Matt McCusker]

O. Conor got so, kind of lost his mind. But hold on, hold on. That was. You want to talk about great, great drunks?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

This was one of the all time drunks. This was coming back from London back to. Back to the United States and we had like a private room. We were flying. We. It wasn't private. It was a private jet. But they have this thing. You. They're cheap as.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Everybody should be doing this. There's like a VIP thing at big airports for like a thousand dollars.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Where they just. That you have your own security. You have your own thing. And then they just put you in a room with free alcohol. And then they're like, guys, the flight got delayed by two hours and everyone in the room was just like green light. We got. We drank vodka for three hours and argued about Prince for three straight hours. Oh, come in. Was my staunchest ally. Oh, come in.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, he went nuts anti Prince.

[Matt McCusker]

He was like, play one song.

[Joe DeRosa]

Play one song.

[Shane Gillis]

And Shane was being like, appreciate your support. Chris, you gotta back it off, dude. Like, you're going crazy right now.

[Joe DeRosa]

They should have reached out to air traffic control. Like, we got to get this plane up and this is a disaster. We have a disaster.

[Shane Gillis]

Smoke in the room.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, we were smoking the room. It was.

[Joe DeRosa]

I didn't know this existed.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, either did I. I did it once. This is the second time I've done it. I did it once a jfk. And it was the biggest waste of money of all time, really. Just a woman met me at Baggage.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And walked me through and then took me to an airport lounge. And they were like. And then she left. And then they were like, you can't come in here. Oh.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, it sucks. That's the closest I got.

[Matt McCusker]

It was just a regular lounge.

[Joe DeRosa]

Someone in a wheelchair at the airport. That's. That's VIP status. Yeah, my wife was super pregnant. She got the wheelchair, and you just go through, like, a weird corridor.

[Matt McCusker]

It's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

That would be a flex, dude, if you gotta hit the regular airport, hit the chair.

[Matt McCusker]

I should start hitting the chair anyway. Blanket, blanket, blanket over my head. Get it like a blackjack dealer, poker player, visor.

[Joe DeRosa]

Just get pushed through the airport.

[Matt McCusker]

It's a move, dude. Start screaming about Prince from a wheelchair.

[Joe DeRosa]

Just get the Stephen Hawking set up for when you're blacked out. Just blink. Like, do you want another. Do you want some more penis?

[Matt McCusker]

Just go, yeah, start blinking, Tony.

[Joe DeRosa]

Get. You should get.

[Matt McCusker]

Just getting up occasionally. Be like, all right, walking up.

[Joe DeRosa]

Get towed by the cart. Have the guy. Have the Egyptian guy scream, get out of the way. Just get towed behind the chair. That would be nice.

[Matt McCusker]

Or squat up.

[Joe DeRosa]

Just have, like, six or four or six. Get biker vests. Six.

[Matt McCusker]

Or hit the Mario Kart. You're saying. You're saying turn the JFK into Toad Stern Park.

[Shane Gillis]

Isn't that insane? That. Isn't that insane, though, that somebody could get so fat they just get vip? It's crazy. It's crazy, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's like ancient times. Like, ever someone was super fat back in the day.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, yeah. I think. I think if people found, like, just vague records of our civilization, they'd be like. They worshiped fat people.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

They did everything for the fat dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

When I was reading about the Aztecs, there was one of the guys that Cortez linked up with. He was like a rival against Montezuma. He was a fat king, and he had servants literally hold his belly up for him. So he would come talking like, yo, we gotta up Montezuma. And he had two guys the whole time just.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Holding his belly while he talked. I was like.

[Matt McCusker]

So I used to be, like, doing ykwd. You'd get in there, there'd be five dudes just, yes, Bobby, yes. Like, dude, you're a punk. Crazy. Yes, Bobby. Get him.

[Joe DeRosa]

Shut the. Up, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Don't talk to me like that, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

I listen to the red. You ever listen to the regs?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's funny.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's great.

[Matt McCusker]

It's great.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's funny.

[Joe DeRosa]

The regs clips come up for me.

[Matt McCusker]

And it's so funny.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's the best.

[Shane Gillis]

The. Wait, wait. Speaking of dudes, it'll throw down the drum. Sodi's another one.

[Joe DeRosa]

So you'll get fired up.

[Shane Gillis]

So you'll get hit. They were playing college football.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I told this story a thousand times.

[Joe DeRosa]

I think.

[Matt McCusker]

I think Danny might hate it.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm sorry.

[Matt McCusker]

No, it's okay.

[Shane Gillis]

I love you, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

We all love that he spaz.

[Matt McCusker]

I've never seen a harder. I'm.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm a.

[Matt McCusker]

Obviously, obviously. I've seen you hit some hard sp.

[Joe DeRosa]

Bad video game spaz. You.

[Matt McCusker]

You hits. You hit more girl.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's girl Spaz.

[Matt McCusker]

You hit. I'm running up the steps.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. I'm like, this. This game sucks.

[Matt McCusker]

Stupid. You guys are wasting all your time anyway. D this running up the st to an air mattress. You guys are the losers.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't see why you waste your time. I literally played all day by myself. Like, I want to be chained in a video game. Got my ass handed to me. It's like, you guys are losers. Wasting time with this. And ran up the stairs.

[Shane Gillis]

I get so mad. I get so mad.

[Joe DeRosa]

Down on an air mattress. I hate these guys.

[Shane Gillis]

I get. Oh, dude, I. I play by myself and scream at the tv.

[Joe DeRosa]

Dude.

[Shane Gillis]

I was playing Last of Us, and I couldn't figure out how to get through this place. I was trying to get a ladder down to climb out of this room, and it wouldn't let me take the lad.

[Matt McCusker]

Worse. And then you walk over to it, and it's like, press a. You're like, how the did. I wasn't letting me.

[Shane Gillis]

And I. And the zombies kept attacking me, and I was dying instantly, and I was literally alone in my house in Pennsylvania, and I was going, well, it's stupid. If one bite kills you, what's the point, Dude, My neighbors must have been like, what the is going on in there? I lose my Dude. I used to bite the cable on the NES controller.

[Matt McCusker]

That's nuts. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

When I was a kid, I would get so.

[Joe DeRosa]

I've never heard the cable bite.

[Matt McCusker]

The cable bite's intense.

[Joe DeRosa]

My friends. My friend used to cable whip his little brother with the PS2. He would pull out the PS2 controller.

[Matt McCusker]

That's a cable. Whips are scary.

[Joe DeRosa]

Cable whip is crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, sorry.

[Matt McCusker]

I'll still get like, when we. Those Oklahoma kids were playing me in ufc. If it's a big game, the heart rate goes up.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

But that time you and me were playing, that might have been the most stressful video game of all time. That was just playing UFC in front of Honks. Honks.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was like Zac Efron.

[Matt McCusker]

Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson and Christian McCaffrey is literally dream threesome.

[Shane Gillis]

It's hilarious.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's real you.

[Matt McCusker]

Matt pulled the ops. I choked under pressure. He's beat me, like, four times ever. That was one of them.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Wow. I just choked.

[Joe DeRosa]

You didn't go to the ground. You could have went to the ground. That was honorable.

[Matt McCusker]

I had to get. I mean, if you go. It was too good of a fight, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was such a good.

[Matt McCusker]

Every. Every kick that landed, people in the room were like, oh, he didn't get me. He didn't get me.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, dude, that's. Do you ever. Did you ever have somebody, like, I've had friends, like, literally punch me?

[Joe DeRosa]

Probably. If I had ever.

[Matt McCusker]

Probably.

[Shane Gillis]

There's been fights when we were younger, but it's like. Like when we were 16 and Street Fighter 2 on Super Nintendo was huge. Whatever. Yeah, I remember I was playing with my friend Kevin. If you. And if you beat him, he would literally punch you and he would go.

[Matt McCusker]

I could beat the J out of you. Jay's one. That's a scary one.

[Shane Gillis]

Really.

[Matt McCusker]

He doesn't get violent, but that, like, it changes the day. If you beat him in a game, it changes, like, he gets the rest of the day a little sad. Yeah. He'll get you there. He'll start getting you. What the you being mean to me for? Oh, yeah, I forgot I beat you in Xbox last week.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm also. I'm a sore. I'm a sore winner, too. I'm better with it now. When I was younger, I was. I was always bad at video.

[Matt McCusker]

You are a sore winner.

[Joe DeRosa]

So when I win, I would do a thing where I would, like, just sit there. I grab what. I have a drink next to me and just go. And just do like that. Dude, for real, stop doing that. I'm like, this is just water. I'm thirsty.

[Matt McCusker]

It feels good drinking. Maybe.

[Joe DeRosa]

Maybe you're upset and then start being like, yeah, you know, it's just what I do. I kind of go low, and you kind of go high, too, and it's just.

[Matt McCusker]

Shut the fuck up, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Dia. I. I never. I think the only time I've ever beaten you in a video game was when we played Mortal Kombat. Every other game we've ever played each other against, you've beaten me.

[Matt McCusker]

You guys are out doing activities.

[Joe DeRosa]

MKL for sure.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm working on.

[Joe DeRosa]

You got better at mk.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm working on it. It's coming.

[Joe DeRosa]

Bring it.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm swinging swords with Conan right now.

[Matt McCusker]

It's coming. Oh, yeah. You downloaded the game and started playing it. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You actually said to me, this is. That's this was an insane thing to say. Downloaded the game and you go, I download the game and you go, don't get good at it because I'm not going to play it.

[Matt McCusker]

And I'm like, oh, I mean, I.

[Shane Gillis]

Can'T have fun because you're not going to play.

[Matt McCusker]

No, no, no. Hold on.

[Shane Gillis]

Crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

This is. This is game stealing. This is almost worse than friend stealing. Coming over going, oh, new Mortal Kombat's good. Because we were playing it together, having a nice time, because we were just as good. Yeah, go home and download it and practice.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I want to.

[Matt McCusker]

That's coward shit. Sucks. The game sucks by yourself.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it doesn't, dude. You have not played with Conan, man. It's fucking righteous, dude. It's righteous. When you win a match, he goes like this. And they recreate the poster from Conan the Barbarian times.

[Matt McCusker]

Do you get to see that?

[Shane Gillis]

I never get told seven dozen. You never gets old. No, it never gets old, dude. It never gets old. And the guy doing his voice is good. T1000's awesome.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, those quest mode sucks in Mortal Kombat. One player blows.

[Matt McCusker]

One player sucks.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, one player. I've tried it. It sucks. But training, just being just in the dojo, training and just being like, yeah, let's pop it on.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, what are you guys playing?

[Joe DeRosa]

17 hit combo. You're like, what the hell? The did I do that?

[Matt McCusker]

Combos are nut.

[Shane Gillis]

The trailer for the new movie looks all right.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, I like them.

[Matt McCusker]

Really? I thought. I disagree.

[Shane Gillis]

I like that at the end when Scorpion flew in and they did the get over here.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't make it to the end.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, really?

[Matt McCusker]

I turn it off with like 30 seconds. Like 20 seconds.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think he's a good Johnny Cage. I think it's miscast Carl Urban from. What's he on? The boys.

[Matt McCusker]

The boys.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't look like Johnny Cage. Like, Johnny Cage was kind of modeled after Jean Claude Van Damme.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And like Johnny Cage, he should be prettier. Like, he's not. Carl Urban's not pretty enough. The whole cool thing about Johnny Cage is that he's like a pretty boy.

[Joe DeRosa]

But he's a badass. Punches you in the dick.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It literally should be like Ryan Felipe. You know what I mean?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, not Ryan Felipe. Ryan Gosling.

[Matt McCusker]

I've never heard him called Ryan Felipe.

[Shane Gillis]

No, the Ryan Philippe is a dude.

[Matt McCusker]

No, no. But I always thought it was Philippi.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I think it's Felipe.

[Joe DeRosa]

Felipe. I thought it was Felipe too.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Joe DeRosa]

They should Have. They should have Kevin Spacey as Johnny Cage.

[Matt McCusker]

Hold on a second. By the way, shout out to Felipe. We were just chilling with him. He's a listener to the podcast. Felipe is going to hear that.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, I'm a big fan of Felipe. The way. The way the gun.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

He's the fucking.

[Matt McCusker]

Wait.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you know what? Actually, Ryan, if you are listening, I know that you were friends with Sean Price, and Sean Price is what to me, one of the greatest rappers in every friend still.

[Matt McCusker]

What else we got?

[Joe DeRosa]

There it is.

[Shane Gillis]

Shout out to Sean Price. Shout outs to Ryan. Yeah, but yeah, Sean Price rips.

[Matt McCusker]

Hold on. How. My first. You guys never heard of Felipe?

[Joe DeRosa]

I've always heard Felipe. Yeah, that's how I always pronounce it.

[Matt McCusker]

This is nuts.

[Joe DeRosa]

My actor database is horrible. It's like, embarrassing people, you know, Like, I'm like. I've never. No, it's got to be. It's Will Smith, Robin Williams. I'm like, A plus actors. It has to. You got to be A plus.

[Matt McCusker]

How do you pronounce it? Guys, produce the show.

[Shane Gillis]

There's four dudes.

[Matt McCusker]

This guy's just staring at us. Look at the mayor. He's cashing a check right now.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, my God. Lamar. You can't see. It's feet aren't touching the ground.

[Matt McCusker]

He's on a stool, fully.

[Shane Gillis]

Just swinging his feet. You guys got me fully charged. Talking about Mortal Kombat.

[Matt McCusker]

We can get some MK going.

[Shane Gillis]

I hate Mortal Kombat now.

[Matt McCusker]

Why?

[Shane Gillis]

It used to be. It sucks. The lore is bad.

[Matt McCusker]

I knew it was Philippi. Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, who said no, you can't go, by the way, the. The Google voice thing.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, they probably actually.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, really?

[Matt McCusker]

Everybody's always. It's Ryan Philippe. Whoa.

[Joe DeRosa]

I've been calling him Felipe forever.

[Shane Gillis]

Holy.

[Matt McCusker]

Felipe is crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Philippines. I think it's got a beautiful ring to it, Felipe.

[Matt McCusker]

I knew I wasn't wrong, dude. I knew me and Ryan were boys.

[Shane Gillis]

Dang. Damn.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn. You tried to friend steal and mispronounce his name.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, he's probably furious right now.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, I'm gonna play Mortal Kombat.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm gonna let my. I'm gonna let my bros ride on you, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

You know what?

[Matt McCusker]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna let my.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow. Wow.

[Matt McCusker]

Wes.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm gonna go find a dude that pronounces it Felipe, and he's gonna be my friend.

[Matt McCusker]

Y. This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast is brought to you by. Dude wipes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Have you left poop streaks in someone else's toilet. Yeah. Every time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, every single time.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, I did it all week.

[Matt McCusker]

Disaster.

[Joe DeRosa]

I left a. I mean, I literally painted my bowl this morning. Yeah, it was crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

There's nothing wrong with that.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, it was a paint job.

[Matt McCusker]

Do you ever pack extra underwear when you travel? How much extra do you ever need it?

[Joe DeRosa]

Pretty much an extra pair per day.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I always bring extra underwear.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Not because I'm. My pants. Constantly.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, I just used to work the.

[Matt McCusker]

You guys getting at here? Do you wipe standing or sitting down? Does it make a difference? What is going on? Dude, how horny are these people? What did they want to know?

[Joe DeRosa]

There's got to be something about standing up though. Like I'm a stand up wiper. Honestly, sitting down, I just smears every.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know.

[Joe DeRosa]

I can't do it.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, Matt, whichever way you wipe, it's time to show your B hole some respect and upgrade to Dude Wipes. Dude Wipes tackle the mess without bus. And the flushable design makes cleanup a breeze. They leave no room for dingleberries or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss. Plus, they're extra large and designed for adults, so no. So no more endless rolls or settling for a less than perfect wipe. Dude Wipes Best clean Pants down available. These guys are really funny. Amazon. It's available on Amazon and at major retailers nationwide.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hey, guys, just a quick heads up. I'll be at the Ovation hall in the Ocean Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey, Saturday, August 16th. The year 2025. Please come. You can go to mattmcusker.com for tickets. There's also a link in the show description. Please come. It's going to be a lot of fun.

[Matt McCusker]

It's going to be a hoot.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's going to be a good time. And I'm doing the new materials coming.

[Matt McCusker]

New materials.

[Joe DeRosa]

The new material is coming. So I will have a whole slew of new stuff if you see me in Philadelphia.

[Matt McCusker]

Guys, get ready the out. What are you waiting.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, it's going to be. It's ocean is a. It's a sick venue actually. Like I opened that for you.

[Matt McCusker]

It is.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

Awesome. Yeah. So, Matt, August 8th and 9th, I'll be in Louisville, Kentucky. In St. Louis, Missouri. August 8th and 9th, Louisville, Kentucky. St. Louis, Missouri.

[Joe DeRosa]

Huge.

[Matt McCusker]

Then August 15th, Detroit, 16th, Grand Rapids.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nice.

[Matt McCusker]

Come on, y'. All.

[Joe DeRosa]

Come on, gang. Just come out.

[Matt McCusker]

Get in there. You get in there. Maze. Oh, turn them around.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, everybody. August 5th is Optimum Noctis. And then Also, at the end of the month, like the 26th to the 30th.

[Matt McCusker]

Get the dates right before you come in here.

[Shane Gillis]

August 26th, August 30th. I'll be in the east coast.

[Matt McCusker]

So please come check out just on the East Coast.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll be in Philadelphia. I'll be in Baltimore. I'll be in New Jersey, the dojo of comedy and then various other bars. So please check out all that information on lamarlee Fun.

[Matt McCusker]

There you go. Nice. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

There you have it, man. That's huge. I didn't know that.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's big, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

I have actually. I've had a huge development, so, you know, I suffer from body acne. You know, I suffer in silence. My stomach breaks out, especially with the sweat, the heat down here.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm sorry.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Thank you, man. It's. Dude, I found. I. You know, I went to a dermatologist, and, like, dude, those guys. I. I. They don't do anything. Everything. I'm like, whenever I eat this.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, why don't you shower? All right. Thanks.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, they're like, well, there's no, you know, like, whatever you eat. Whatever. I'm like, no, dude, if I dairy, my whole stomach breaks out. They're like, there's no real science behind that. I'm like, dude, it literally has lived it.

[Matt McCusker]

It's a little. It happens.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. It happens every time.

[Matt McCusker]

Dare you deny my truth?

[Joe DeRosa]

So give you all these creams, and you read them and it's like, don't use this more than two weeks. It's like, why? What's gonna happen? Why should I put this on at all?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Recently, it's been for real, like, groundbreaking, because whenever you go to the ocean, you know, your skin clears up.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

So I was like, how could I recreate that? I got a bucket of dead sea salt, and I just go in the shower now I wet myself and I just cover myself in salt head to toe and just let it sit. Let it sit on me for, like, five minutes. Completely cleared my skin up.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

My wife hates it.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm gonna have to grub you, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Grub me up.

[Matt McCusker]

You better stop.

[Joe DeRosa]

I taste. I'm like you. I'm like.

[Matt McCusker]

Rubbing yourself, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Dude, it cleared it up. It's the only thing that's ever worked. And it's salt. It's. You get a big bucket of it for 30 bucks.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah. Sun and salt water are the two I had. I don't know why I forget what happened, but I had, like, an act. Like a full on acne outbreak a year ago, really? And. Or a year and a half ago. And it was in the winter and I think it was. Yeah, it was gross.

[Matt McCusker]

It sucks, dude. It sucks being our age and getting acne. It's amazing what the fuck is happening.

[Shane Gillis]

But it was. Because I was. I was still living in New York, and it was like, it was raining every day and it was dark and like, I just. It was. It was definitely related to weather. And I went and I did the Joker's cruise. And it cleared up on the cruise? Yeah, like, it just cleared up immediately as soon as I got in the sun. And there was like a saltwater pool, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

I had. I had an insane. Like a rare skin disease when I was younger.

[Shane Gillis]

That sucks.

[Matt McCusker]

Just out of now I've told you that. Pity rice.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Out of nowhere. I've never seen anything like it. It was just patches of red all over me. And it didn't itch, didn't burn. It was nothing.

[Shane Gillis]

They look like a red spot. Like sunburn first one or do.

[Matt McCusker]

There's a herald patch that comes first. I was just looking at mirror and I just had a big red mark here.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay.

[Matt McCusker]

And I was like, all right, whatever. I don't give a. And then started multiple. It was just all over me. But it was only where sun doesn't get you. So it's from your knees to your elbows. Like, it was just where you wear clothes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And then my family and I went to the beach.

[Joe DeRosa]

Cleared up.

[Matt McCusker]

Cleared it up.

[Shane Gillis]

Did it ever.

[Matt McCusker]

But I had to lay in public with a giant red skin rash.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Did it ever get, like, rashy and raised, or was it always just like your skin?

[Matt McCusker]

It was a little rashy and raised, but it still didn't itch or hurt.

[Joe DeRosa]

Skin's weird because it is an organ. It's an organ on your body.

[Shane Gillis]

You're right about dermatologist, though. Like, a dermatologist will be like, yep, that's pretty gross. You know, here's some cream. You know, like, and the cream. The reason you can't do it for more than two weeks is because a lot of it's. It will. It thins your skin.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. And you.

[Shane Gillis]

I.

[Joe DeRosa]

What I've had with the creams used a lot.

[Shane Gillis]

I have. I get a thing called sensitive ass. I get a thing called.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, also, I've had it washed down to my balls and you know, and it like my ball skin is. Would go crazy from whatever they were giving me.

[Matt McCusker]

Ball skin goes the craziest. Oh, ball skin goes the absolute when that stuff goes down, you get dried out. Ball sack, bro. That's three years.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's the exact.

[Matt McCusker]

That's not going away for three years.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's the worst, dude. Yeah, it sucks.

[Matt McCusker]

I actually dealt with an armpit rash for an entire year last year.

[Joe DeRosa]

What were you using new deodorant with alcohol?

[Matt McCusker]

No, it's the same old deodorants. I just. It was almost like I got jock itch.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

I've gotten that before and it just. Just lingered.

[Shane Gillis]

I think there's nothing worse than an armpit rash because you have never put deodorant on it and it burns and itches so bad. And you, you.

[Matt McCusker]

I was plowing through it. I was just putting anti fungal cream on it. Filming tires. It was while we were filming. It went from the summer into when we were filming tires. It was a nightmare.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't wear it. I don't wear deodorant. I put it on like once every now and again.

[Shane Gillis]

Do you not sweat, though?

[Joe DeRosa]

I do and I'll smell a little bit, but it's like, dude, my armpits get dry from deodorant. It's like, I hate. I remember Brute.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah, that, like.

[Joe DeRosa]

Dude, that stuff was flammable. I used to run it across the carpet and light it on fire and it would just go make like a lion.

[Shane Gillis]

Jesus Christ.

[Joe DeRosa]

Sick. It was the carpet. I up a beach rental when I was a little kid one time because I would make designs in the carpet and you would light for two seconds. Just like little fight. Well, I didn't do the. I didn't do the. Oh, yeah. I didn't do the swa.

[Matt McCusker]

You know, the coolest design possible to set on fire.

[Joe DeRosa]

I would do little like loop de loop tracks. The one time it did get out of control and I was like, how.

[Shane Gillis]

Did your parents not know you were lighting the carpet on?

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know.

[Joe DeRosa]

Just do it.

[Matt McCusker]

They're probably faced, but they're at one time.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, they were.

[Matt McCusker]

It was 11am they were blacked out at the beach.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. My parents never drank growing up, so they. They knew everything I was doing. I wish I had parents that just got. Robert.

[Matt McCusker]

Sorry. Has a joke about it, but it is. It is the best.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, you have a parent come home drunk, you go for sure. This is a fun day.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Yeah. I missed Drunk dad is awesome. Your dad gets drunk when you're little. Although the first time I did get scared because I read a book in the library saying, like, it was all about like hitting your Hitting your mom. So it was like the book was called, like, why does dad hit mom when he drinks? It was something like that. First time I saw my dad drunk, I was just like, he's beating the out of my mom right now. And I was just a little coward. I just sat in my room like, I hope he doesn't go too hard on her. Yeah, he didn't at all.

[Matt McCusker]

He was so frustrated, Ryan. He sat on the steps and cried.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, I should go in there. He was just literally, like. He would come in and be like, dad. I be like, well, dad, don't beat mom.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that's great. Drunk dad. Yeah, that's.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's like super friendly.

[Matt McCusker]

Drunk Phil is still vet.

[Joe DeRosa]

He gets.

[Matt McCusker]

He comes in, goes, yeah, it. Then you see him in the morning. He's like, how are you? You're a bright punk. Oh, you're hungover. You're being. I'm not hungover. He's never been hungover once.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hitting a girl with hungover is very funny. I've done it before. Like, you're just hungover and being. I'm not even hungover at all.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like, yeah, everybody loves denying a hangover.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hey, it's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

Everybody's favorite thing to do is go, I'm not. You know what's crazy? I feel pretty good. There you go.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll tell you guys right now, I'm hungover as.

[Matt McCusker]

Really.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, yeah, you played.

[Matt McCusker]

That's why you asked how long this podcast was.

[Shane Gillis]

No, no, I was just. I was literally just curious. Stop riding me, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

That's too much lotion. That's this.

[Shane Gillis]

We were London in the band, and you were with me. I was like, back off, dude. You just kept going. I'm on your bumper, boy. I'm on your bumper.

[Matt McCusker]

You're trapped. You got three days in the uk. You're not going anywhere.

[Joe DeRosa]

You're on his ass in the uk. So funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Until we got off the flight, until we landed back, I mean, we were screaming in the airport.

[Shane Gillis]

Holy, dude. We got Prime. I mean, you guys might have talked about it already, but we got Prime o' Connor video over there.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, we got some classics.

[Shane Gillis]

Him at the height of his powers.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Running through the streets of London, man. I'm from London. Oh, like, throwing. Yeah, he was a. He's a real problem. That's what I like about him, though. He turns up that hard, and then you won't see him for two weeks. He's got. He's got to mend himself. He goes home, he lays that he enters the tent.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I saw him last night.

[Matt McCusker]

Read, I gotta cook. I gotta become a good person. And you go, why don't you come out?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

His bounce backs are crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

It's pretty impressive.

[Shane Gillis]

I saw him last night. We were in the green room, we had two drinks, and I was like, what are you doing, dude? He's like, I don't know. I might go see Sadie, whatever. And he snuck out. I was like, he's dodging it. Yeah. He's trying to be good.

[Matt McCusker]

You got to respect the dog.

[Shane Gillis]

I get it. I get it, man. I get it. I'm terrible at it. I let everybody talk me into fucking hanging out. I'm the worst.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you do it just as much as you're one of the worst perpetrators of it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, take a shot. My birthday's next week. I've taken a thousand shots with you, and every time you go, you never take shots.

[Shane Gillis]

It's. It's been literally years. Literally, We've.

[Matt McCusker]

We've taken shots together. We took shots together last week at Mitzi's.

[Shane Gillis]

I did not take any shots with you at Mitzi's.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, we did.

[Shane Gillis]

We did.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. At the corner.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Well, you got me there.

[Matt McCusker]

And you said it. I remember it. You go, you'd never take shots.

[Shane Gillis]

My dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Every week, it's so funny. It is usually late.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

If I'm taking a shot.

[Shane Gillis]

I was talking to Carrie at Mothership last night about. She's like, what are you doing tomorrow, baby? I was like, I'm doing Matt and Shane, and I was just telling her about when you should start pressuring to drink. And I was like, I'm gonna be sitting on that couch. He's gonna be like, come on.

[Matt McCusker]

Come on, dude, let's get on.

[Shane Gillis]

Come on, let's go. I was like. She's like, wow. And I was like, I can't say no to the man.

[Matt McCusker]

No, we gotta.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I can't today. I can't today. Stop, dude, no. Stop, dude, no. I got spots tonight.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I can't.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, all right.

[Matt McCusker]

I can't. I've got to remain in the tomb, dude. Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Put together a run. I gotta.

[Joe DeRosa]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

But I was just.

[Matt McCusker]

Friday.

[Joe DeRosa]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

I'll make it to Friday.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't fly out till Saturday.

[Matt McCusker]

Where you headed?

[Shane Gillis]

Back up to PA Because I got to do some pods in New York and then Rhode island gigs and. And then some other stuff.

[Matt McCusker]

We haven't even talked about your special.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I'd love to talk about it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. It was great.

[Shane Gillis]

Thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

Man, I like the intro. I like how spooky it was.

[Shane Gillis]

Thanks, man. Yeah, thanks a lot. Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Matt McCusker]

And at first, I didn't like the blurry shots, and then I came around.

[Shane Gillis]

All right, thank you. I was a little on the fence about him, too, at first, but then the closer we got to, because I was. I directed it too, so I was very involved from start to finish with everything, and I was a little on the fence about it, too, but ultimately I was like, oh, no, it works. It's.

[Matt McCusker]

It's.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know. It's. It was. You know, it was a nice device, I thought, or whatever, but. But, yeah, man, I. I appreciate you.

[Matt McCusker]

I missed the actual taping. I was at the after party. I.

[Shane Gillis]

You showed up right as the party was started. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It was bummed. I missed. That was a good.

[Shane Gillis]

I was. I was thrilled you. You came down. You rolled in with six, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's. I was thrilled you came down, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

It definitely got bullied into taking a shot. It's always a special night.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's always a special guess. But, yeah, it's called I never promised you a rose garden. It's on my YouTube at joe. @joe derosa. So. YouTube.com derosacomedy but anyway, I hope people enjoy it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's good.

[Shane Gillis]

But I was. It's the hardest ever.

[Matt McCusker]

That's a really good special.

[Shane Gillis]

Thank you, dude. It means a lot to me to hear you say that, because. And, Matt, feel free to jump in with the company.

[Joe DeRosa]

I haven't seen it yet, so I always feel bad. I don't see it.

[Matt McCusker]

And I usually. And I usually go like, fuck, Fuck, watch. I watched yours a lot. I haven't finished it yet, but I've watched a lot of it.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm not blowing smoke up your ass. I did the same thing with you. Like, I was like, you're one of. No, no, no, no. I'm saying, though, like, I don't. I hear you. It's like, it's. It's kind of hard sometimes when you do comedy and you're around it all the time to jump into a special, but you're one of the guys where it's like. I'm like. I was excited, and we've done enough.

[Matt McCusker]

Shows where I know the material.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was.

[Joe DeRosa]

I was stoked. Askardini told me a special that's gonna be.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's a good special.

[Joe DeRosa]

Can't wait to see that.

[Shane Gillis]

Thanks, guys.

[Matt McCusker]

They were actually singing your Praises before you got in.

[Shane Gillis]

Thanks, guys.

[Matt McCusker]

I really appreciate how much they liked the.

[Joe DeRosa]

I heard the way it started out. I was like, awesome. The starting. The starting bit of material. I was like, that's.

[Matt McCusker]

Let's not. Let's not. I won't say any spoilers, but fantastic. I can't wait for the start of your special.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

Can't wait. No spoilers.

[Joe DeRosa]

No spoilers. But yeah, I was here and I was like, that's.

[Shane Gillis]

Thanks, brother. Perfect. Thanks, dude. It's the. It's. It's literally the hardest I ever worked on anything in my whole life.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's like.

[Shane Gillis]

It was three years of. Of touring, and I was gonna shoot it at one point, and Ari Shaffir was like, it's not ready. It's not ready yet. It's not ready, you know? And then, like, when I finally did do it, like, him being like, did it, dude. I was like, all right, that's awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

But good for him for. Because that's hard to tell someone, but, boy, if somebody told me it's not ready when I thought it was ready.

[Shane Gillis]

We argued. I mean, Ari did argue. I was just like, okay, yeah. I was like, it's ready, dude. I don't need to do it for three years. And he goes. He goes, oh, yeah, because you're the one. And I was like, God damn. All right.

[Matt McCusker]

But.

[Shane Gillis]

But yeah, like you. But I don't know. It's like. Like, it's nice having friends. Like, again, I'm not blowing smoke, but it's nice having friends who also do comedy that when they put something out, like, when you put out your last one, you're excited to watch it because it's like, yeah, it's easy to get.

[Matt McCusker]

Sucked out of a friend who sucked.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, check out this special.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I'm excited for yours, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Thank you, man.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you were talking a little bit about it last night.

[Joe DeRosa]

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[Matt McCusker]

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[Joe DeRosa]

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[Joe DeRosa]

Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank.

[Matt McCusker]

Banking services and debit card provided by the Bancorp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA members.

[Joe DeRosa]

FDIC Spot me. Eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file. Fees apply at out of network ATMs. Bank ranking and number of ATMs according to US News and World Report. 2023 time checking account required. Dude, Brittany's been getting a lot of like, people see her like, oh, four time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

WNBA star. And last night I was doing stand up and people brought it up. They're like, talk about your four time WNBA star wife. And I was just, I thought it was great. And now she's getting so much attention. I've just been like, was hacked.

[Matt McCusker]

Was a hack.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean.

[Shane Gillis]

Turn on her.

[Joe DeRosa]

He's got. Yeah, I just gotta take her down. Just be like, look like an athlete.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know. I don't know what the the joke is.

[Joe DeRosa]

I kept saying last night, I was like, he should have dressed me up, man. He should have dressed me up. I could have done that. I was like, I could have Done that.

[Matt McCusker]

I know the joke easily. So easily. Could have been NHL.

[Joe DeRosa]

I know.

[Matt McCusker]

No, no.

[Joe DeRosa]

Or black.

[Matt McCusker]

W. You mean.

[Joe DeRosa]

Let me put that on, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, then we wouldn't be talking right now, but we would be considered the greatest of all time. We wouldn't still be talking.

[Joe DeRosa]

I just showed up fully prepared for the roll. What the are you doing?

[Matt McCusker]

We can save it. Oh.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, I thought she was.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, like, the joke's about, oh, I gotta take this off. It's not coming off.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was. It was fun for me to watch it again.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm sitting next to Jalen Carter.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm just like a black lady, dude. I saw the re. Watching and seeing the people behind us, like. Like, clapping in earnest. And then it's revealed and they go. That was very, very fun to see.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

The.

[Joe DeRosa]

You.

[Matt McCusker]

We can save that one, though, huh? Maybe I'll get another hosting job sometime.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, I'm not gonna dress up as a. Yeah, just funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Save it for the Oscars.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'll be Ryan. Felipe. Felipe.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You got that in the. You got that bullet in the chamber.

[Matt McCusker]

We got that one Locked and loaded.

[Shane Gillis]

When it's time. It's time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's time to hang it. Up you go. You know what? I got one more.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes. You're in the tomb. On the comedown of setting the Internet ablaze.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes. Yes. All types of st. And also what you drank for a week. Yeah, that's enough to.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So, like, after the svs, I had to go. Do know Kansas City and Oklahoma City. Yeah. And those. You know, you're doing a show like that. That's. That. That's a lot of stress.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't know how you also. I flew home on Friday, and I for real thought I was.

[Matt McCusker]

Friday.

[Joe DeRosa]

I thought it was gonna fall down.

[Matt McCusker]

Friday sucked ass.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh.

[Matt McCusker]

But I didn't have to go. Yeah, I had a later flight.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, but, like, not that much later. I texted these guys, like, we're already there. I was walking through the airport. Like, I felt like I was, like, not getting enough oxygen, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

That's how it feels.

[Shane Gillis]

Because you were just so hung over me.

[Joe DeRosa]

I didn't have, like, the headache or anything, but I was just. I had, like, three hour.

[Matt McCusker]

We drank a lot of liquor fast.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes. I had, like, two hours of sleep and just was walking through the airport with, like, my bag just like, I for real might go down. I was, like, lightheaded, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

So bad. So that day, I woke up in the hotel going, yes, I have nothing to do today. Perfect. And I was like, oh, I gotta fly to Oklahoma and do a show. Then the next morning, I woke up, I like, finally, I can go home. I gotta go to Kansas City.

[Joe DeRosa]

God damn it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I. I don't know what's going on. I guess this is what being burnt out is, but.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Anxious. Like dreams.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And then wake up going, I don't have anything to do. Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, you just did a thing that six people on planet Earth have done.

[Matt McCusker]

It was the movie. Yeah, the movie. Filming a movie for a month and a half was. Yeah, I've never done anything like that. Yeah. And then shows and then the. Yeah, you're right.

[Shane Gillis]

You're running through a very unique time to.

[Matt McCusker]

It's time to lay down.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And. Oh, yeah, we filmed commercials that I'm seeing the edits to those, and I don't.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Love them. I go, oh, great.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. There's nothing worse than watching yourself. In a way. You're like, I don't like that.

[Matt McCusker]

While you're anxious and hungover, you see a video of yourself. You go, that sucks.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was fun. I was trying to upload all the stuff from our drunk podcast that next day in the airport. I would just watch it and be like.

[Matt McCusker]

The anxiety of that podcast. Second half. Second half's in the tomb forever.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nft.

[Matt McCusker]

Until. Until one day.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

We're sell it to Martin Shkreli for $6 million.

[Shane Gillis]

The. Yeah. No, that. That airport hangover.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

Like. Like, honestly, I. I, like, almost have a panic attack.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I carry Xanax for it. Because. Because you're. It's so. Like, your gut is related to your anxiety and all that. And when you're in that state, you're walking, you're like, you might have to take a. You don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. And then you could at any moment.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. It's hard.

[Matt McCusker]

You could. No, I mean physically, I could walk into a bathroom and take a. It while hung over. At any. If someone said take a right now, I go, no problem.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you mean like on command?

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that's great.

[Matt McCusker]

One's chambered at all times.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes, sir.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hung over. Yes, Daddy.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm like a clear gay joke.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm 103 degrees. My face is. I have, like 103 degree fever. And then I just woke up and I did the opposite. And I pounded coffee to, like, power through. So having, like, hard palpitation. It was terrible.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, heart palpitations, for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

It was terrible.

[Matt McCusker]

Nuts. When I, you know, the bdubs at the airport's Just right there going nothing without me. Coward.

[Shane Gillis]

When I did. When I did, I did. I did kill Tony. When they did the HB center down here. I did the panel and I was only supposed to do a set, and then I showed up and he's like, like, I need you to panel, buddy. And I was like, all right. And I was so hungover, and I started the same thing, dude. Dehydrated. I felt, like, sick. I felt like I had a cold. I started fucking pounding coffee to wake up. And then I was meeting it with booze to get, like, tuned up, dude. I got on stage, my gut started turning ice my hand to God, dude. I had a two minute panic attack on stage. I was sitting there. I was so. I was hitting and I was sitting there. The first bucket pull came out, the kid was talking to us, and my brain was like, it's a lot of people out there, dude. It was all lit up. If you watch the video, you see me do this. You see this is the desk and I just go like this. I just put the mic down. I just stare like, I'm gonna freak out right now. I was like. I was literally looking like, where can I run off this fucking stage?

[Matt McCusker]

That's tough.

[Shane Gillis]

And then it just. It just stopped. And I was like, oh, that's hangover. That's like, yeah, anxiety, man.

[Joe DeRosa]

I get that. Doing stand up or like, I'll like, forget the next thing I'm gonna talk about. And it's like a 32nd thing in my head where it's like, this is it, dude. You're gonna have to look at all these people and go, I can't do this. I'm sorry, guys. I don't know why. And just walk off and you just power through and you're like, all right, thank God.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, no, I've been there, dude. Maria Bamford said she used to, like. Like, she said she would, like, take comfort in knowing that at any second she. She had the option of running out of the club and never returned to it. And she was like, that's the only way I can get through it. Like, sometimes, yeah, it's like.

[Matt McCusker]

It is nice when you get on stage and you go, oh, yeah, I can do stand up.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

After the first, like, minute, you go, oh, yeah, yeah. Nice. Because for the last hour and a half, I've been back there going, what the? I can't do this. What the.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I've done the coffee pre show coffee to where I'm on stage and my heart's like. And I'm like, all right, I'm gonna. This. This might be it. And then I've done it where I'm like, maybe I have a heart attack. And I really leaned into it and powered through, and I was like, powered.

[Matt McCusker]

Through a heart attack?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I was so proud of myself.

[Matt McCusker]

I had this horrible pain in my chest. I was headlining. It was like, two years ago. It might have been two or three years ago.

[Joe DeRosa]

Had a heart attack, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

It hurt. It hurt so bad that I. I was like, I have to get off stage.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And then I was like, well, this is my last joke. Just. And I just did my last joke, got off stage. I was like, I'm pretty sure I just had a heart attack up there. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Did you? And you never got a check or anything.

[Joe DeRosa]

People have little ones. That's something.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't. I don't think it was an actual heart attack. I think people go in the doctor.

[Joe DeRosa]

Like, dude, you've had, like, three heart attacks. You're like, what?

[Matt McCusker]

I was 34, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

I know someone who got one at, like, 24 years old. I mean, they were. They were taking heavy subs and then other recreationals.

[Matt McCusker]

But, yeah, I was on zero recreationals.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

If you can have them without knowing, I've definitely had them. If that's an option. There's no way I haven't had heart attacks. There's no way.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, if I ever had one, that was it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I mean, that sounds like hard.

[Matt McCusker]

Fucking wall up there.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, I'll tell you. I'll tell you. I'll tell you a perfect formula for. I'm gonna have a heart attack on stage. This has happened to me several times. You'll be at Mothership. You'll be in the green room. You look up and realize the guy on stage in the main room only has 30 seconds left, and you go, oh, fuck. And you run all the way, dude. You get on stage. I've done that. I can't catch my breath on stage, dude. I'll do this on the stool. I'll lean like this. And I swear to God the whole time, like, I think I might have a heart attack right now.

[Matt McCusker]

That is a labyrinth back there. Yeah. You gotta go up and down five flights of steps.

[Joe DeRosa]

I felt bad last night because we're all backstage, and I like when people are backstage. Like, you were backstage and you had. You probably had, like, four minutes.

[Matt McCusker]

I'll say so.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was eight.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, I always go, bro.

[Joe DeRosa]

But I feel like it did, because I'm like, hey, Darosa, you're up next, right? He's like, yeah, I'm going down. I'm like. I feel like an. Like, I'm like, dude, you better get down down there.

[Matt McCusker]

I do it. I do it on shows I'm not even on. I get nervous like, yo, that guy's.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, dude. I get nervous on other people's behavior.

[Matt McCusker]

You never know when someone's gonna just go, that's it.

[Joe DeRosa]

I know. It was Gdeney Dougl Obviously. Luckily, he's a big stagehog. Doug his heels in.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah. You actually probably were like, oh, Jeannie's always gonna go long.

[Joe DeRosa]

I was. No, I was nervous. When it's like eight minutes in, I see the clock and I'm going like, dude, it's a while to get down there.

[Shane Gillis]

Do you ever go on stage there and you realize you forget the dude, you're bringing on his last name for sure.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

And you're like, I forgot the headliners.

[Matt McCusker]

I forget Joe Rogan.

[Joe DeRosa]

Joe, his podcast is an experience. He's got an experience.

[Shane Gillis]

Fig. Heart attack.

[Joe DeRosa]

The Heather McDonald clip me up. Did you ever see her go down?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah. I think about that.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. I watch it.

[Shane Gillis]

I go.

[Joe DeRosa]

Cuz I. You know, I've obviously laughed about it publicly. So it's like, I'm like, that's going to happen to me now.

[Matt McCusker]

It's going to happen, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

There's. There's a. There's a trilogy. There's a Perfect trilogy. Heather McDonald, Wendy Williams Gallagher.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, and you're forgetting the goat. Pablo Francisco.

[Joe DeRosa]

He went down.

[Shane Gillis]

Did he collapse on stage?

[Matt McCusker]

No, but he has that.

[Shane Gillis]

That's a wild meltdown.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that's a wild.

[Matt McCusker]

That's the. That's the number one for me.

[Shane Gillis]

He burns well.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, we've had to. You've heard me say it a million times. You don't think I can get out of this?

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, okay, so. Oh, no, you're in good.

[Matt McCusker]

You're in safe hands with Alton.

[Joe DeRosa]

Get down.

[Matt McCusker]

Get to the chopper. You don't think I can get out of this, folks?

[Shane Gillis]

There's some of the videos that cuts and then it cuts. Them being.

[Joe DeRosa]

Cuts.

[Shane Gillis]

Are being wheeled out of the stretcher.

[Matt McCusker]

That's the best one. That's. Dude, that's the one that me and dj. Yeah. You don't think I can get out?

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, no, he got locked in a bit.

[Matt McCusker]

He got locked in the bit.

[Shane Gillis]

He's in like a K hole with a bit.

[Joe DeRosa]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, like he can't get out of this bit. And he's going, I can. I Can't. But, like, wait, hold on. This is. This is funny.

[Joe DeRosa]

He's at the hospital. Like, it's not funny. Let it go. He's like, no, it's funny.

[Matt McCusker]

I can get to the end of the. Just let me finish the bit. Just keep interrupting.

[Shane Gillis]

Top three.

[Joe DeRosa]

So that's.

[Shane Gillis]

That's.

[Matt McCusker]

I swear.

[Shane Gillis]

Meltdowns. That's a different category, though. But that's right. That's the number one of meltdowns. Two. Two might go to Schwarzon. The Swartz was awesome. He's just, like, so. All right.

[Joe DeRosa]

He's so high, he can't even makes sense.

[Shane Gillis]

And the lady just comes out and pulls him off stage.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, Dude, I.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's in the background of my head the entire time. So you're about to. Here it comes.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

You're about to start rambling incoherently.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, my God.

[Matt McCusker]

I thought the Okan man was going to have one. He. When we did the Chicago theater, he went out with Santino during the day, and they day drank. I went out. I met him. I had, like, one beer, and I was like, we got.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Chicago theater tonight.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I left. I. They show up. They didn't. They didn't leave. He never went back to the hotel. They went from the bar straight to the show. Okan man walks in the green room, like, what's up? I was like, holy, dude, you're blacked out. And I was like, fine, dude. Get the. Out there. Go out there.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

He killed. That's awesome. God damn. That's pretty impressive.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, dude, he's from a another dimension, man.

[Matt McCusker]

He is.

[Shane Gillis]

O' Connor should be in the next Mortal Kombat.

[Matt McCusker]

He might be the drunken master.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's insane.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait.

[Matt McCusker]

Third.

[Shane Gillis]

But wait. I got a number three best meltdown. The Lampanelli one is wild. Do you remember that one?

[Matt McCusker]

No.

[Shane Gillis]

It happened where people are walking out and then people are helping her. People are going like. She's yelling at somebody. And then people are being like, it's okay, Lace. And she's like, shut the fuck up. I don't need any fucking help from you. And she's, like, turning on people, people supporting her, and, like, it's a. I'm not throwing any shade at any of these people.

[Matt McCusker]

This could happen to any of us.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Yeah. We're just. It's just funny. Like, I've.

[Matt McCusker]

I've.

[Shane Gillis]

I have. I've been banned from clubs. I've freaked on stage.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you're a psycho. Yeah. Yeah. You're a wild dog.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I got banned from the Laugh Factory in New York.

[Joe DeRosa]

Did you really?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, because I told the audience, I said, I hope you all get AIDS and die in a car accident on your way home tonight. You're a bunch of animals. I got banned.

[Matt McCusker]

It's probably during, like, a decent set. At the end.

[Shane Gillis]

They were. It was so rowdy, dude. It was crazy how rowdy it was.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And then I went back to the club, like. And I was like, I don't understand why you won't book me anymore. And the booker was like, because you told the audience, I hope you get AIDS and die in a fucking car. Do you think that's okay? I was like, well, they weren't. They were shitty. I don't know.

[Joe DeRosa]

What was I supposed to do?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I've freaked. Have you guys ever freaked? I've lost my. I did.

[Joe DeRosa]

I've spazzed.

[Matt McCusker]

I've never spazzed. The only one, Fort Wayne was. I was just like, all right, that's good.

[Shane Gillis]

Good.

[Matt McCusker]

It's the end of the show.

[Shane Gillis]

I haven't done it in 15 years. Like, I learned my lesson.

[Joe DeRosa]

I did it.

[Matt McCusker]

Bakersfield. That was a tough one.

[Joe DeRosa]

Spaz.

[Matt McCusker]

They were. They were wild.

[Joe DeRosa]

I. In Phoenix, Arizona. I, like, kind of just started traveling headlining, and the weekend wasn't going well. Ticket sales weren't great. And then there was, like. In this. One of the rooms was a. Copper Blues was a. They have, like, multiple ones. I think there's one of those rooms where there's, like, you know, like, seating, but then they have booths to, like, the right of the stage.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

So it was just a guy in a, like, leather jacket talking so loud.

[Matt McCusker]

The Tempe. The. What was it called?

[Joe DeRosa]

It's not the. It's around there.

[Matt McCusker]

It's.

[Joe DeRosa]

They have something multiple. But this guy was talking and it was just like, you know, I was like, whatever. Like, shut up. But then at one point, Britney went up to him. She was there. It was like, he. Be quiet. And he said something to her. And I, like, just stopped mid joke and was like, shut the up. And like, bass. It was like a fight.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was bad. And I was like. Anyway, I was just around guys.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, pure.

[Joe DeRosa]

Pure red face. Spaz had him. I was like, eventually, I think I had him come up on stage and he just called me gay without a microphone. I'm like, it just backfired on me. And I was like, I'll be up here. He's like, you're just a gay. And I'm like, damn. Nice jacket. Get off the Stage. This isn't working.

[Matt McCusker]

It's just a ghost straight gay guy. Well, your Jack is disgusting.

[Joe DeRosa]

He told me I had an Uber drive. You have an Uber driver jacket. Dude, get the out of here. It was just.

[Shane Gillis]

They're always right around.

[Joe DeRosa]

He was getting louder, though. He was winning the debate. I'm like, get the out here. He's like, you're gay.

[Matt McCusker]

That was. I. That was. It wasn't really a spaz, but in that tempe improv, that was where that gremlin from high school got me. Oh, you remember that? This kid from high school showed up and he was like, after the first show, he's sitting in the green room. He's like, I would give that like a C. C minus. And then he spent an hour in between shows talking about how I sucked at football and his class was better and then stayed. It was crazy. I mean, other people were looking like, yeah, what. What the going on?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know how you didn't choke him.

[Matt McCusker]

And then he stayed for the second show and I killed. And every time I had a good joke, I just looked directly at him, just going, yeah, yeah. Every single joke for an hour. I was just every time going, what do you think of that? What do you think of that? You. He was like that nothing to him. He was like, that was good.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that was. Now that was good. I love how people like that. Flip it. Now that was good. See go yourself.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm like your coach.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Baz is always right around the corner. I've. I've without question in recent year when I. I'm speaking way too liberally when I say I learned my lesson because I. I'll still yell at an audience, but I figured out somehow to sometimes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Make it of kind.

[Shane Gillis]

Kind of funny to like beat them in to get. But like, I. I could easily see having a full. Having a full freak at any. Yeah, you know, it's. It's, it's. It won't take much, dude. It doesn't take much. It takes a couple annoying people.

[Matt McCusker]

We'll start getting to your shows, you know.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, what's that?

[Matt McCusker]

I'm gonna start hanging around the back of your shows.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, I just.

[Matt McCusker]

That sucks.

[Joe DeRosa]

The. The ultra.

[Shane Gillis]

I just want to be clear that I stand with Pablo Lisa.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, for sure, for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm not making fun of. It's funny to see, though.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm con. I'm convinced it will happen. I'm like, it's. I'm gonna join the pantheon of dudes who freak out one day, just completely break and be like, I don't know why I do this. I'm sorry, guys. Please refund everything. It's. I'm fighting it the entire time I do anything.

[Shane Gillis]

The. But wait, you never saw Gallagher having the heart attack on stage.

[Joe DeRosa]

He had.

[Shane Gillis]

It's during the watermelon. He walks over. This is so up to laugh at it, but it's hilarious. Yeah, no, he goes over to Watermelon, he picks up the hammer and he goes.

[Joe DeRosa]

He goes down.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, he goes down.

[Joe DeRosa]

He goes down.

[Shane Gillis]

He has a hard.

[Matt McCusker]

He's a real one.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, dude, that's what I was saying. There was two categories. There's collapse on stage versus meltdown.

[Matt McCusker]

I made a prop. Yeah. Because Heather McDonald's was pretty elite.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hers was crazy because she was like, I got all the vaccines.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, sorry, go ahead.

[Matt McCusker]

Prop guy going down.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, it's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

With a hammer, a mallet in your.

[Shane Gillis]

Hand over his head.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, the watermelon finally won. Dude. The watermelon was like.

[Shane Gillis]

He'S literally doing a thing that would give any human a heart attack. He's doing it on stage as it's closer. Yeah, dude, exactly. Time was finally like, that's enough, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, take it easy.

[Shane Gillis]

But wait, did Heather McDonald ever explain what happened to her?

[Joe DeRosa]

I haven't seen the explanation. No. I'm sure she talked about it somewhere, but I never. I've never saw it addressed at all.

[Matt McCusker]

She just fainted.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, but it was like she just.

[Matt McCusker]

Happened to be talking about how boosted she was.

[Joe DeRosa]

That was the worst part.

[Matt McCusker]

Just jinxed it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, true.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, what was she talking about?

[Joe DeRosa]

She was talking, she was bragging.

[Matt McCusker]

Her last lines were like, how many boosters and how many times she's gotten the vaccine. Then her last lines, like, so. Yeah, Jesus loves me.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. And the worst part was the crowd thought it was a bit and they.

[Matt McCusker]

Were like, yeah, timed perfectly.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, it was up.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that's a great bit.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's true.

[Matt McCusker]

But yeah, I think she really got hurt.

[Joe DeRosa]

She. I think she hit her head, dude. She got up.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. She had a school fracture.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, yeah, she got up and it was just like these idiots who didn't get the vaccine. Haha. I've gotten all of them. Aha. God loves me. I've never even gotten.

[Matt McCusker]

Literally got killed. God was just like, yeah, yeah, enough of that.

[Joe DeRosa]

Holy Jesus Christ.

[Shane Gillis]

The Wendy Williams what happened on tv.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, yeah. By the way, she was sick. Wendy Williams rules.

[Joe DeRosa]

She does.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't know Wendy Williams ruled.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know I don't know much about her.

[Matt McCusker]

Watch clips. She's hilarious.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, she is funny. She used to do. She used to do a show at Comics in in New York. Were you around when Comics was there?

[Joe DeRosa]

Pee my pants.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm going to pee my pants too.

[Joe DeRosa]

We take a. I can't move, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

We'll see you later.

[Joe DeRosa]

Are we in an hour?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Oh, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Let's slide to the page. I've been fighting it for like 10 years.

[Matt McCusker]

That could have been page right there. We'll see.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, true.

[Matt McCusker]

There's a lot of standup talk. Okay, we'll see.

[Joe DeRosa]

All right.

[Matt McCusker]

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