Ep 572 - Gabriel (feat. Gabe Davis)

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast - Episode 572: Gabriel (feat. Gabe Davis)
Release Date: August 14, 2025

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Introduction and Guest Welcome

In Episode 572 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis kick off with their signature high-energy banter, welcoming their special guest, Gabriel Davis. The trio immediately immerses listeners into their lively dynamic, setting the tone for an episode filled with humor, personal anecdotes, and candid conversations.

Matt (00:02): "Hey, we're live. Welcome to Matt and Shane Secret. We're here with special guest Gabriel Davis."

Race Week and Comedic Banter

The conversation quickly veers into the chaos of race week, where Matt and Shane humorously dissect their interactions with friends and the quirks that arise during such intense periods. They reminisce about the excitement and awkwardness of running in races, interspersed with playful jabs at each other's fashion choices, particularly Matt's hat.

Shane (01:03): "I just thought about him on a couch being like, yo, that's..."

Matt (01:17): "Yeah, but if you give someone a compliment and smile while you're doing it, it's clearly an insult."

Interactions and Relationships

Delving deeper, Matt and Shane share funny and sometimes cringe-worthy stories about interacting with others, especially in the context of relationships and social settings. They discuss the nuances of giving compliments, navigating friendships, and the humorous mishaps that occur when intentions are misinterpreted.

Shane (05:01): "I told you I got drunk and told my cousin how beautiful she looked at her wedding."

Matt (05:08): "Right? You look so beautiful up there. That was just... a low point."

Rehabilitation and Athletic Challenges

Guest Gabriel Davis opens up about his recent struggles with a torn PCL meniscus, providing a heartfelt and informative segment on the challenges of athletic injuries and rehabilitation. The hosts express genuine concern and offer supportive advice, highlighting the resilience required to overcome such setbacks.

Gabriel Davis (20:58): "I tore my PCL meniscus. Yeah, so I tore it the 17th game in 2023 in Buffalo..."

Matt (21:29): "You your ratings high as. Dude, you're dangerous, scary, psycho."

Stand-Up Comedy and Open Mic Experiences

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to Matt and Shane's experiences in the stand-up comedy scene. They recount tales of bombing at open mics, interacting with demanding club owners, and the relentless pursuit of honing their comedic craft. Their stories are laced with humor and relatable challenges faced by aspiring comedians.

Matt (51:00): "I scouted ahead for like a year. For a full year. I was going to the Comedy Zone by myself..."

Shane (58:27): "The best is when I got... he likes Omar to the... invisible peace and get drunk."

Upcoming Events and Performances

The hosts discuss their upcoming performances, revealing plans to perform in various locations, including Atlantic City and Grand Rapids. They express excitement about engaging with new audiences and experimenting with fresh material, demonstrating their commitment to evolving their podcast and comedic endeavors.

Shane (32:31): "August 16th. It's coming up. It's next week. It's huge."

Matt (34:09): "To Atlantic City. After that. Fly right back to Atlantic City."

Humorous Discussions on Animals and Lifestyle

Towards the end of the episode, Matt, Shane, and Gabriel engage in a light-hearted debate about ferrets versus weasels, intertwining factual information with their trademark humor. This segment showcases their ability to pivot seamlessly between topics while maintaining an entertaining and engaging conversation.

Shane (64:12): "They're mischievous though. They are mischievous."

Matt (65:03): "Ferrets have to be wild animals."

Closing Remarks and Final Banter

As the episode wraps up, the trio reflects on their conversations, reiterating their camaraderie and mutual support. They share final humorous exchanges about fashion choices and personal anecdotes, leaving listeners with a sense of warmth and anticipation for future episodes.

Matt (68:34): "Sometimes when you're staring out to these. There's 10 guys in here just looking at you."

Shane (68:57): "You broke my heart today. You broke my heart today."

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Notable Quotes

• Matt (01:17): "Yeah, but if you give someone a compliment and smile while you're doing it, it's clearly an insult."
• Shane (05:01): "I told you I got drunk and told my cousin how beautiful she looked at her wedding."
• Gabriel Davis (20:58): "I tore my PCL meniscus."
• Matt (51:00): "I scouted ahead for like a year. For a full year."
• Shane (64:12): "They're mischievous though. They are mischievous."

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Conclusion

Episode 572 of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and engaging conversations. Hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis, alongside guest Gabriel Davis, navigate through topics ranging from race week antics and athletic injuries to the intricacies of stand-up comedy and humorous animal debates. The episode exemplifies the podcast's vibrant energy and the hosts' ability to connect with listeners through relatable and entertaining dialogues.

Transcript

[Matt]

The wild, wild West.

[Shane]

Yeah. Let's do it.

[Matt]

Hey, we're live. Welcome to Matt and Jane Secret. We're here with special guest Gabriel Davis.

[Gabriel Davis]

Yes, sir.

[Matt]

Yep. So how are you?

[Gabriel Davis]

I'm good. Doing good.

[Matt]

Good.

[Shane]

Nice. Energy in here is a energy.

[Matt]

Wild, crazy energy is uncomfortable.

[Shane]

It's like.

[Matt]

It's like entourage.

[Shane]

I know. It's sick.

[Matt]

Entourage. There's seven guys here. You guys, all day just kept being like, yo, is it cool if another guy comes over?

[Shane]

It does feel like a grade school dance. One of the boys are lined, but there's just other boys on the other side. It's an all boy dance.

[Matt]

The dorks are nervous. The podcast dorks are nervous. It's the dorks and the jocks. Dude, we're gonna get wedgied. Yes.

[Shane]

Dude, it's gonna be sick.

[Matt]

Dude, you made fun of my hat a minute ago.

[Shane]

No, I didn't.

[Matt]

That's crazy.

[Shane]

I said I like.

[Matt]

I was nervous about the hat. I almost gave it to Nate right away.

[Shane]

Why?

[Matt]

Because it's a cool hat and I don't like wearing cool hats.

[Shane]

Why do you think I was about said, that's a sick hat?

[Matt]

No, you smiled when you said it.

[Shane]

I smiled going, the beezer would love that hat. That's why I smiled.

[Matt]

The bees is gonna get his hands on this hat. I'm giving him this hat.

[Shane]

I like. I genuinely like the hat. And then I thought of how much the bees would like that hat. I. I smile. That's all.

[Matt]

Yeah, but if you give someone a compliment and smile while you're doing it, it's clearly an insult. Those are cool shoes.

[Shane]

I just thought about.

[Matt]

I know it's race week. I know it's race week and your test. Dude, you're Roy raging again.

[Shane]

I just. I. I can sign. I can like a hat and laugh about how much the bees would come in a hat.

[Matt]

Bees would go nuts for this.

[Shane]

That's what I thought about him on a couch being like, yo, that's.

[Matt]

I missed the bees.

[Shane]

I know.

[Matt]

Miss the bees. You've. Have you ever met the beezer?

[Gabriel Davis]

No.

[Matt]

He might have been in Buffalo. No, he wasn't.

[Gabriel Davis]

I never met him.

[Shane]

No, he might have flashed.

[Matt]

He's the man.

[Shane]

He bees around. He flash right by. You would even. He's like a hummingbird.

[Matt]

He's apparently. He's post. He's posted up at Bonners now. You can find the bees? Yeah.

[Shane]

You find him at Bonners?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's nice.

[Matt]

Go down to Bonners. Meet the bees.

[Shane]

Little bees. They have a little Bees house, dude. He just buzzes by in there, dips his beak and leaves.

[Matt]

Bliz, was it you? No. Somebody was just telling me about Blizz. Blizz and him were gonna go get lunch. He was supposed to meet him there and he. Blizz was riding his bike and he rode past Bonners and he was. Blizz was late and he drove past Bonners and Beezer was out there just smoking a cigarette in front of the bar. He was like, aren't we supposed to meet for lunch? He's like, yeah, I'll be there. What the hell? He wasn't going. He just wasn't gonna go. He's gonna stay at Bonners. We gotta get you to Bonners.

[Gabriel Davis]

What is that?

[Matt]

It's just a nice bar in Philly. It's a good time.

[Gabriel Davis]

Philly?

[Matt]

Yeah, Philly rules. What are you hinting at? You gonna go to Philly? What are you doing there?

[Gabriel Davis]

They got enough out there. Yeah, I can't do that. Those boys are all paid and making plays.

[Matt]

I can't. Yeah, those guys are great.

[Shane]

Could do it again this year.

[Matt]

Nah.

[Shane]

I can't believe he turned on me at the beginning of the episode.

[Matt]

You made fun of my hat and you Juice. He didn't make fun of juice to the gills. And it's. It's affecting everyone. It's race week and you Juice. The cycle must be crazy this week.

[Shane]

Dude, it's just a sheila jeep, man. It's just a sheilajit.

[Matt]

Sheilajit.

[Shane]

It's like this. I don't know. I feel like Muslim guys get it from, like, mountains or something.

[Matt]

Well, they're always jacked.

[Shane]

I know they're jacked. That's high.

[Matt]

That's the most high T religion there is, religiously.

[Shane]

Yeah, probably most high T religion for sure. Can't do anything.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's hot.

[Shane]

Too high to you, dude, Making women cover themselves up like that. It's high, too.

[Matt]

Amish is good high too.

[Shane]

Super high, too.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Amish is crazy. Amish is so high tea that, like, you might around and marry your cousin.

[Matt]

That is the highest form of tea. Only dudes with high te thought their cousins were hot as growing up. Only your te is so high. You're like, yo, my aunt, I would my a. That's high te, dude.

[Shane]

Get up a lot of tea to, like, kiss your cousin and be like, what?

[Matt]

You have hot tea, bro. You definitely want the ant. You didn't have a hot ant? No. Yeah. You? No.

[Shane]

Hell no. Dang. You do have.

[Gabriel Davis]

Probably only got like one ant. I don't even know my other aunt.

[Matt]

So you're saying she's not hot? That's just gonna see this? So mean.

[Gabriel Davis]

No, she's not that she's not hot.

[Matt]

She's just.

[Shane]

She's my hand.

[Matt]

That's wild. True. There's some hot ants kicking around.

[Shane]

There are?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Davis]

Is your aunt?

[Matt]

Huh? No.

[Shane]

What about ants that marry into the family? There's aunts that marry into the family. All my aunts that marry in the family. I like, call them every now and again. I'm like, yeah, you look so beautiful. I almost said, you know.

[Matt]

Right? Yeah.

[Shane]

Uncle Blank is so lucky. Almost said his name.

[Matt]

I told you I got drunk and told my cousin how beautiful she looked at her wedding. Right? You look like Helen of Troy. They're like, all right, man, let's get him out of here. You look so beautiful up there. That was just. That was a low point.

[Shane]

We are getting to the age, though, we can start telling women how beautiful they are. And it's, like, not that big of a deal.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

If you see a woman dressed up at all, I'm like, you look beautiful.

[Matt]

You look stunning.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You go to. Yeah, you're at Applebee's.

[Shane]

Some guy, some, like, old man just hit Britney with that. He like, I have no agenda. I just want to say beautiful. No, it wasn't. Bust a bus.

[Matt]

Bust a bus. But.

[Shane]

I leave the room for one second, comes back in. She's like, oh, my God. Busta Rhymes kissed my hand. I was like, one of my.

[Gabriel Davis]

One of my homegirls had a. Had a running with Busta Rhymes, though.

[Shane]

He did.

[Gabriel Davis]

He did the same thing, like, in the club. In the club. He, like, walked up to him, was like, I just want to tell you, the most beautifulest girl in here.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt]

I've seen autistic dudes.

[Gabriel Davis]

He's on that.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's sigma grind. It's total sigma grind to be like, I have no. I don't even care what happens. I just want to tell you you're beautiful.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane]

It's a good move.

[Matt]

It's a good move.

[Shane]

I told my wife I'm gonna start. She told me about. I was like, I'm starting with every lady I see. Then if it's such a nice thing. It's such a nice thing.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's my plan for 2026. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna try to get a ton of female friends just so I can be, like, laying in bed and be.

[Matt]

Like, oh, dude, Samantha, dude, she's so, so funny.

[Shane]

You sent me this thing. It's so you guys. You guys should hang out.

[Matt]

It's a really great move. Yeah, just do everything your girlfriend says. Is not a big deal. Fine, we can do this.

[Shane]

Dude, Kimberly just sent me a meme. You guys have, like, a similar sense of humor. You guys love each other. We should all hang out.

[Matt]

I'm gonna go to the beach with my friends from college. Of course, a couple of them are guys. It's gonna be fun. We're gonna get a beach house.

[Shane]

Do you know who actually does this?

[Matt]

Who? Trash dog in the press.

[Shane]

He called one time.

[Matt]

Before the fight.

[Shane]

He texted Brittany one time, and he goes, I'm on a girls trip. And she was. He must be talking to his wife. And h. Like, no, it's just like, my friends from college. It's like a girls trip, but I.

[Matt]

Go on it too. Jesus Christ. What an animal.

[Shane]

He's a b. He's it.

[Matt]

He's the highest T you can have.

[Shane]

Going on the girls trip.

[Matt]

Girls trip. What? We were friends. That's crazy. You would. You go on girls trips.

[Shane]

Hello?

[Matt]

And we're back. Deleted.

[Shane]

I always.

[Matt]

Oh, you gotta bring the mic up.

[Gabriel Davis]

Oh, my bad.

[Shane]

What? Do you ever, like, come across those dudes or, like. Yeah, I was just kicking it with my homegirl last night. It's like, what are you talking about, dude? Your best friend. Your girl best friend. It's like, what are you doing, man?

[Matt]

Unless you're having sexual intercourse.

[Shane]

Yeah, obviously. But at that point, you can't call them your homegirl. That's crazy.

[Matt]

I had a guy call a male called a girl a buddy last night.

[Shane]

Yeah, I don't like that.

[Matt]

I don't like that.

[Shane]

I don't like lady friend. Sean said that one time.

[Matt]

That's my lady friend.

[Shane]

The.

[Matt]

Who the hell do you think? We gotta get out of here. Everyone's mean, dude.

[Shane]

It's stranger, girlfriend, wife.

[Matt]

This is a complete stranger to me. That's what I say about all of them.

[Shane]

Never met.

[Matt]

So I introduced my girlfriend to people. I go, this is a complete stranger. I just met her earlier. This episode of Matt and Shane's Secret podcast is brought to you by. Dude Wipes. Matt, take it from there.

[Shane]

Well, let me tell you something about these dude wipes right now, man. I'd love to take it right here. Here we go. I am your butthole. Yeah, me. The most overworked, underappreciated part of your body.

[Matt]

Name two or three poor choices that your butthole never appreciates. For example, buffalo Wings, iced coffees, Gas station sushi.

[Shane]

Yeah, there's. I mean, all of those.

[Matt]

What's going on? This is. This is disgusting stuff.

[Shane]

Yeah. Jalapeno poppers, root beer floats. That's a weird one to tie to your butt. I don't know what that would do.

[Matt]

To my root beer floats.

[Shane]

Yeah, they also, they put in here two foot double ended dill.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's bad for your butt.

[Shane]

Corner store chili cheese dog.

[Matt]

I'm the one dealing with your poor choices. That's from the butthole.

[Shane]

What?

[Matt]

And then you drag a dry ass tissue across me like you're sanding a piece of shit coffee table until I'm a throbbing red balloon knob. Who the fuck wrote this ad, dude? Wipes. Available at retailers nationwide and Amazon. Look, they do rule. You don't have to. You don't have to write that ad. Read. Yeah, they're good for your butt. It feels good.

[Shane]

It's. I meant traveling with them is for real. Like my.

[Matt]

Traveling with them is great.

[Shane]

First day of traveling, my ass falls apart, turns, it's just completely blistered.

[Matt]

You get a. You get a oil slick.

[Shane]

Exactly.

[Matt]

And these are designed specifically.

[Shane]

Then irritates the skin. If it was just an oil slick, fine. But then your skin gets all irritated. But having these to come back from and just. Yeah, like after, like a warrior in battle, just kind of dabbing it, you know? But yeah, they're extra large with scents like mint chill and shea butter. Stop being an A hole to your B hole. We take it all back. That's cool. Yeah, that was great, dude. Wife. Available at retailers nationwide and Amazon.

[Matt]

Yeah, we support this product for sure, dude.

[Shane]

Speaking of strangers, I. I recently got. I got like accepted into a spider league or invited to a spider league.

[Matt]

What's that?

[Shane]

I. I didn't know what it was at first, but I was like, what? It's basically, you take pictures of spiders you see around, submit it to chat GBT saying like, hey, what is this? Identify the spider and rate 1 from 100. How dangerous it is to other spiders. Submit the chat GBT with the picture and then you're in like a tournament bracket where you're fighting spiders against other people.

[Matt]

Dude, that's awesome.

[Shane]

Just found a false widow today. Danger rating 75. I've had a couple. I've had two picks so far, 85 and 75.

[Matt]

It's like, it's real life. Pokemon Go.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's fucking awesome.

[Matt]

Fucking awesome. It's the false dogs.

[Shane]

Huh?

[Matt]

Do a dog.

[Shane]

Dogs would be tight too.

[Matt]

No, I'M joking about that. Come on. My bad. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that.

[Gabriel Davis]

What my rating be though?

[Matt]

You your ratings high as. Dude, you're dangerous, scary, psycho. I've seen him talk to like you and Spencer. That was when you would talk to Spencer Brown. I was like, gabe, chill. You're like, nah, I'll beat the out. I mean they're joking, but no, for sure.

[Gabriel Davis]

No. I got something against Spencer.

[Matt]

Like, you think you can beat up Spencer?

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah, because he's so big and he thinks because he's so big he can like beat people up. But I feel like.

[Matt]

I think that's he can be soft.

[Gabriel Davis]

No, Spencer. Spencer's soft. As though.

[Matt]

I don't know. Dude playing football. He's pretty.

[Gabriel Davis]

No, I'd beat his ass.

[Shane]

How. How big is this guy?

[Matt]

Like gigantic?

[Gabriel Davis]

Six, six? Nine? Like 300, bro.

[Matt]

He's huge.

[Shane]

It's like the Undertaker.

[Matt]

He's literally the undertaker. He was the one who was play the Dave and Busters. I was on mushrooms watching him play video games and I was just like, he was terrifying.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah. That would be kind of scary on mushrooms. Seeing giant guys.

[Matt]

Seeing a giant guy play a kids game. Oh, I was like, damn, dude. We used to have Vikings. Now they're just at Dave and Buster's. It's crazy. That guy should be burning a village. So he's hanging out with Lemaire and Dave and Buster's buffalo.

[Gabriel Davis]

That was a great time.

[Matt]

That was the best.

[Gabriel Davis]

That was an awesome time.

[Matt]

That was literally the best time. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. I saw the one guy, I think it was the SNL after party. He tried to grab like your jacket or something and that was. You had some pretty quick movements. Remember at your SNL after party there's a guy with a backpack who was trying to make everyone do drugs or pretty much make Shane do drugs with him. And it was like, go away. Go away.

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And you were like, dude, get out of here. And he tried to unzip something on your jacket and he grabbed this guy's arm with a pretty alarming and terrifying speed. Cranked it up. He was like a drug nerd. He's like. And he like got away. And I was like. I was watching like, dude, you would have for sure died. It would have been.

[Gabriel Davis]

We had that one time where we were hanging out.

[Matt]

Yeah. The same night you were saying you're going to fight. Dispenser came up at the bar.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

He was tripping. Yeah, he was.

[Gabriel Davis]

He was tripping.

[Matt]

Yeah. I don't know if I don't want to go into it too much. No, no, no. You were. You were. Some things I do. What did I see Right to it. You pressed the button immediately.

[Gabriel Davis]

As soon as I saw him, I already knew.

[Shane]

It is weird. I. I know. I've known a couple of guys like that who do have like a weird. Who will go up to like the tallest, biggest guys and be like you.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

At the bar, it's always like, as I have like, tall family members and people will try to like, fight them and it's like a. It's like a weird fetish.

[Matt]

Horses, dude. The dudes, they're giant freaks. In your family.

[Shane]

Yeah. Like 66.

[Matt]

They're.

[Shane]

They're massive. And dudes will come up and be.

[Matt]

Like, you think you Philly would beat the. Out of you, McCusker? Yeah.

[Gabriel Davis]

Nah, I'm taking him and Spud on.

[Matt]

You can't. You can't take the spot.

[Shane]

Not the duo.

[D]

No.

[Matt]

Davis going to beat up War Mode. It's official, Adam. War Mode. Report this.

[Shane]

The duo would be too.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Spud will come in. Suicide bomb at first. He'll come in.

[Gabriel Davis]

Oh, 100.

[Matt]

He's just a torso.

[Shane]

No defense.

[Matt]

He'd have no defense. He's a problem.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. He'll get you. He's got noggin, too. He'd be tough to hit. Both those boys have some big ass noggins. Oh, brother.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Matt]

So you got. You got a show tonight. I was.

[Shane]

I'm a little slow. It's all right.

[Matt]

Thinking about it.

[Shane]

10 o'. Clock. I. Dude, I forgot it was a 10 o'. Clock.

[Matt]

10 o' clock's tough.

[Shane]

Yeah, but we'll see. It'll be fun, man. Brand new stuff. So we'll see. Trying to. Trying to come up with the new stuff. It's pretty fun.

[Gabriel Davis]

It's like an hour is like a full show. Or is it.

[Shane]

I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try to do like 45 minutes of all new stuff of like, you know, newish. So we shall see. They see. It's really just a test for Atlantic City because it's like, I don't know. I feel like a lot of people from Philly are going to be there who have seen the old stuff. So it's like, let me try to give them the new. Just want to bomb in Atlantic City. I'm gonna bomb.

[Matt]

If you lose the race and bomb, dude, you have to just. You have to walk into the sea. You have to just go straight into the sea. Bomb and lose the horse, dude, he would be a. In the races before the show.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. You can't bomb. You can't lose the race and then. Yeah, think of him after the show.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I just feel like your new stuff's not good.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Don't just say that.

[Shane]

Yeah. Just fly home quietly. I would change my flight secretly. Like I said. I just wouldn't fly home with my family. I'm like, what the hell? They bumped me off the flight. This is crazy. I'm flying first class tomorrow by myself.

[Matt]

This is crazy.

[Shane]

Yeah. I couldn't go. I couldn't face my family after that, honestly.

[Matt]

Or.

[Shane]

Or it would just charge me for, you know, the next victory. I would train harder. Yeah, just train harder.

[Matt]

You're not gonna bomb there. And your family's gonna be there. You're gonna. You're gonna do great.

[Shane]

It's like 20 out of.

[Matt]

That's a lot. They'll be 20 family members.

[Shane]

Backstage is gonna be a problem.

[Matt]

Backstage is gonna be nuts.

[Shane]

Ye. To Brittany already. It's going to be those hotel rooms I give you. Gone. Yeah, they're all. They're completely gone. But yeah, it'll be. It'll be fun, man. It'll be a nice little trip. And I'll take the kids to the beach just before they start school. So, you know, that'll be. We have. We have real school now, like M's in kindergarten. So I gotta like, get up at 6:30 every morning. It's gonna be. It's gonna be.

[Matt]

That'll be nice. Yeah, you're gonna like that.

[Shane]

Yeah, I. I do like the.

[Matt]

You didn't put the dots on the calendar for real though.

[Shane]

I put one on.

[Matt]

Picture you sent me. I was like, no.

[Shane]

Oh, I did. I put one. But then I. She ran it back on me so fast, I was like, just kind of defeats the purpose. The dots would be too connected right now. She probably. She knew.

[Matt]

She knew what she was doing, I think so. That's a good method though. It worked.

[Shane]

It did. Yeah, it did. I mean, dude, I was. I mean, my wife's also. I've learned. She's a geronophile.

[Matt]

What's that?

[Shane]

She's. She's attracted to older, like elderly men. So I have the gray goat.

[Matt]

It's not.

[Shane]

The goat's.

[Matt]

Nice goat.

[Shane]

She's real. I told her. I'm like.

[Matt]

First thing I noticed when you walked in, I was like, damn, the goat's getting strong.

[Shane]

It's a yin yang.

[Matt]

Maybe I'm black and white. Gerona phobe. Dude hate old attractive guys.

[Shane]

Yeah, I've learned about Drile was a nice one. Did you ever hear of a basophilia? It's people who are attract. Try to guess what it is.

[Matt]

Basophilia.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's like a. A basophilia. Babies or something. No. Good guess. They're called pedophiles.

[Matt]

No. I don't know.

[Shane]

I wonder. There's got to be a different term for like straight up baby attraction. We were like, nah, man. Teenagers. I need the. I need a little. I need the Hershey kiss.

[Matt]

That's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Just baby. I think there's no real term for it.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Just called a baby.

[Shane]

Call him like governor.

[Matt]

Yeah. True senator.

[Shane]

No, Basia. Basio files are people who are attracted to pretty much like neck braces, orthopedic boots.

[Matt]

Holy. Oh, no. That's correct. Neck race is the funniest thing you can have.

[Shane]

I was. I was research. I was deep in researching King for my radio play, so I came across Basio files was like. It was. I. It was like a. A through Z.

[Matt]

You just like list hurt people.

[Shane]

It was just. I don't. I think you're just attract. Yeah, you're attracted people who are like bound in medical device.

[Matt]

Neck race is the funniest thing. It's the funniest way you can look if you have a neck brace on. You are a loser. You can't go out public.

[Shane]

You know.

[Matt]

I was in a neck brace at a casino. It made me die. A Basio file needs to head to the casino. Everyone in there is dinged up. Everyone's got a cast on.

[Shane]

Yeah, true. That would be a good place at a casino.

[Matt]

Is Rock Bot. I can see the bees, man, rocking the neck brace at the casino with this hat.

[Shane]

That should be his merch neck. Did you personalize neck. Yeah.

[Matt]

Shut the up. Go in the bar. Shut up.

[Shane]

Yeah. Where'd you get that hat?

[Matt]

What?

[Shane]

That car. Heart.

[Matt]

It's sick.

[Gabriel Davis]

Dude, is Bees, the main guy from.

[Matt]

No, that's. Who's that from tires?

[Shane]

Yeah, that's.

[Matt]

That's Gerbies. Oh, gees. Bees.

[Gabriel Davis]

Well, I remember him talking about killer bees.

[Matt]

Kylo's boyfriend, the girl in the show.

[Gabriel Davis]

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

[Matt]

He's a. He's a comedian and he's back in Philly. Can't wait to see him.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah, I might. I don't know if I'll see. I don't know if I'll be.

[Matt]

Maybe you might make the track. You never know. You really just honestly see him there that's true. The neck brace in a casino. Yo, yo, you're racing horse, dude. Horse is so gay.

[Shane]

Only person I've ever met in the world who whispers like a deaf guy.

[Matt]

Yes. He tries to be quiet. He just goes straight down.

[Shane]

It's crazy.

[Matt]

Every time he'd be like, dude, because we all live together, so somebody be upstairs. He'd be talking on me like, dude. I told him, like, don't with that. Do not with that. And he did it. Dude is incredible.

[Shane]

He really is.

[Matt]

Never is. Never swam once.

[Shane]

I know.

[Matt]

It's crazy. Yo, he gets so mad if you bring up swimming.

[Shane]

This is how he dressed at the beach. Just genius T shirt. Yeah. Like 6pm where were you all day?

[Matt]

All black. All black with shoes.

[Shane]

We visited him at the beach, and he just never made it to the beach.

[Matt]

Where are you bees?

[Shane]

Dude stands in jeans, like, yo, it's beer.

[Matt]

It's hot out here. Jeans.

[Shane]

Yay. Rules. Oh, man.

[Matt]

Oh, bro. Yeah, dude. What do you got going on?

[Gabriel Davis]

Just rehabbing. Got some visits lined up. Go to some games, see what we got going on.

[Matt]

You don't have to break the news, but what do you know? Say what you want up to the.

[Gabriel Davis]

Northeast a little bit.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah, I like that.

[Gabriel Davis]

Little out west.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Nice, man. You're rehabbing? What. What's. What's your injury?

[Gabriel Davis]

That tore my PCL meniscus. Yeah, so I tore it the 17th game in 2023 in Buffalo and then signed with Jacksonville and the just never got back, right? Yeah, so I was just running, like, week 10 and just took a cut and then felt the pop in my knee and went to go try to walk to the sideline. I was just like, bro, I can't make. So then my meniscus and then my PCO end up fully. My PCO was already partially torn. Ended up fully tearing, and then I tore my medial meniscus.

[Shane]

So how do you actually rehab that.

[Gabriel Davis]

Quad sets? I mean, it was a lot. I was on crutches for, like, 12 weeks, and then I got a blood clot in my calf. So then I had to be on blood thinners for, like, three months. But literally, like, you just have to get that flexion back. Like, bending and. Yeah, like, that's, like, the worst part. You have to get that. Get that bend back or.

[Shane]

That's crazy, dude. If I run for, like, two days in a row, my knees are. Yeah.

[Matt]

Like, if I told him they were talking about running, I was like, I don't think I've sprinted in a decade.

[Shane]

It's dude, it's the cr. When you, when you do it again. Did you run track at all in grade school? No, I ran it and I wasn't good at all in grade school. And I remember my like 100 meter time, but I can't even touch it. I can't get close.

[Matt]

You're flying.

[Shane]

I mean, I'm not that fast right now. I'll run 100 meters and like I think I got like 13, 5. 13.5, but it's not. Dude, I think I used to get like. I know 10, 10 seconds was like crazy in grade school and I think I used to get like 10.

[Gabriel Davis]

10 seconds is crazy now. Yeah, like heist. Yeah, that's like high school, guys.

[Shane]

Okay, never mind. Like, maybe I get the same. No, maybe I'm just 14 seconds all the time. There was a couple kids who ran like close to 10 and there was.

[Matt]

14 seconds is kind of moving. I could be wrong.

[Shane]

13.5, but yeah, 13.5 is great. But it's, it's not bad for when I first started sprinting again. After a while my, like I, my, my fingertips become numb. Like half my fingers are just completely lose feeling. And I'd be like, this is not good. I might die out here.

[Matt]

Yeah, definitely.

[Shane]

But your body figures it out.

[Matt]

Yeah, you'll see. When you're geezed up, you do anything, you go, I didn't, I didn't know that could happen to me. Yeah, certain things start with, dude, my arms, my hands will fall asleep. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Circulation is up.

[Gabriel Davis]

I got a long time for that.

[Matt]

It's coming.

[Shane]

But here's the thing though. When you, when you do cardio to me about aging.

[Matt]

No, I'm not doing that.

[Gabriel Davis]

It sounds like something that my body wouldn't do to me, brother.

[Matt]

I was like you when I was your age. I was jacked and had abs. And trust me, dude, I took perfect.

[Shane]

Body from then until this, all my tattoos disappeared too.

[Matt]

Your tattoo fade off?

[Shane]

Well, the dude cardio I always thought was pointless because I was like, cardio is pointless. I thought it was.

[Matt]

No, it's definitely the most important.

[Shane]

I know, but when I was younger, I was like, I'm just going to bench press and get a bigger chest. Why the would I run? And then like when you run, your body grows like new veins. You just can't see them. But as soon as I learned that.

[Matt]

I'm like, oh, yeah, it's the coolest thing.

[Shane]

Yeah, you just think about your veins growing, your capillary spreading. You're like, this is sick.

[Matt]

Yeah, so.

[Shane]

Especially when you get like, out of breath, like when you were a kid. I haven't done that. Like, I did that recently this week. And it was just like. I used to do this, like, 10 times a day.

[Matt]

I used to do it all day.

[Shane]

Just like, for whatever reason, I like, thought I was going to die. I laid down. I was like, around 400.

[Matt]

400 sucks.

[Shane]

400, brutal.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

400, I think. 115. Sorry. I keep talking about track times now.

[Matt]

That's. That's solid. Yeah, it's not bad.

[Shane]

It's all right. 40. I mean, I'm gonna be 40 in January, so that's pretty good, dude.

[Matt]

What would you run 100 meters in?

[Gabriel Davis]

Probably like 100 meters. I don't know. Probably like a 11 maybe.

[Matt]

Oh, Matt might burn you, dude.

[Shane]

Now 13, 13 5.

[Matt]

Neck and neck.

[Shane]

True. I just started working. We can have a race right now. Well, how's it. I don't wanna.

[Gabriel Davis]

I'm running.

[Matt]

That'll take you into deep waters. You're not ready. You gotta keep rehabbing before you go at my boy. I'm good, Secretary. He's fast. You're. He's fast.

[Shane]

As for 13 vibes, my anaerobic capacity is definitely my strength. So, yeah, all I've said it before. All I gotta do is follow him the whole time. I'm gonna give him a little leash. I'm gonna give him a little lead. Make it think like, oh, I'm really beating this guy. Close the gap. As soon as I see that finish line just gone. Hit the nos.

[Matt]

Where are you guys? Yeah, that's gonna be tough, dude. A mile on sand.

[Gabriel Davis]

Gotta be close to the water.

[Shane]

We'll be close.

[Matt]

Yeah, we'll be closer. You got draft behind them.

[Shane]

That's true. I'm. Let him block the wind for me.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But, yeah, it's gonna be hard sand. I'm gonna. I'm not gonna go barefoot because I. Last time I ran barefoot, I. My toe up, so. But it'll be cool. Friday. It'd be Friday. It's kind of. I gotta fly all day Thursday and then get there. But when you're running, how do you.

[Gabriel Davis]

Know who gets to the mile first, though?

[Shane]

He's. I'm trusting he has some sort of marker. It'll probably. If I'm guessing, it'll be a street sign on the beach. That'll be the marker. So we'll see. It'll be fun.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's gonna be awesome.

[Shane]

I might just try to do a Film.

[Matt]

You should please film it.

[Shane]

I have to figure out how to.

[Matt]

Do it and if you lose, delete it.

[Shane]

But I might just do it. I might just do a chess. Do a Chesty with my phone. Yeah. And just. I also. I talked to a cop recently and he said he. He's. His body cam footage, a lot of the times is our podcast as like the soundtrack to it. I'll just be listening to the podcast.

[Matt]

It's making me like I've been watching nothing but body cam footage last years. Yes, it's been pretty great.

[Shane]

Body cam footage is nice.

[Matt]

Pretty funny. It's a little sad. It's a lot of schizophrenic people.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. That sucks when they start yapping. It's kind of funny.

[Shane]

Yeah, they're all.

[Matt]

It's heartbreaking. But yeah, they start hitting numbers and like, I'm actually 727. All right.

[Shane]

Yeah, I love those guys.

[Matt]

Yeah, they hit names and numbers. That's how you know they're pretty impressive. Like, Frank is coming here and he's going to be pissed at you and people like you talking about. It's like, you'll see.

[Shane]

Have you hit any, like, completely schizophrenic Instagram videos?

[Matt]

For sure.

[Shane]

They're the best.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Or your first year. Like, what is this guy? And they're like, oh, yeah. It's making a lot of sense at first. You're like, damn, this guy is. Cracked the code.

[Matt]

There's one good one. There's a good body cam. This guy, this old dude shot a drone out of the sky and they came to talk to him. And while he's getting cuffed, he goes, I can't breathe. I can't. But he makes a George Floyd joke. And the cops are like, dude, he was the man, though. Other than the George Floyd joke, I.

[Shane]

Don'T approve of that schizophrenic guy hit the GF joke.

[Matt]

He was not schizophrenic. He was just a bro.

[Shane]

He was just brown.

[Matt]

He's literally a 72 year old guy that a drone was over his house. So he shot it. They all called the cops on him. They were like, we're not going to arrest you. And he was like, I can't breathe. They're like, all right, come on, man, get in the car. God damn it, dude. Yeah, so I got that going. It's really funny. Yeah, I'm working on that.

[Shane]

Can't believe those cops are being such snowflakes. Dude.

[Matt]

They were. The camera did shift away because I bet those Cops laughed. Those cops probably loved that joke.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure they were like.

[Matt]

That'S a good one.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt]

Yeah. What else is going on?

[Shane]

Tell you this, dude. I had to run in with firefighters recently.

[Matt]

Whoa, what'd they do to you, bro?

[Shane]

These guys were hunks, man.

[Matt]

What?

[Shane]

No, I swear to God. We had. We had like a back to school party for Maya. Our friends came over, friends from the neighborhood. And Brittany.

[Matt]

I saw that on Brittany's story. You guys put together a.

[Shane]

It was hard. It was. It was just. That was crazy. It was fun. But she called. She. The fire department's, like, near our house. She went up there and she's like, hey, if we're having a party, just come by. Bring the trucks. Kids will spaz. And I had to run out for a minute. I come back, there's just two gigantic fire trucks, bro. Hunks just walking among Austin hunks.

[Matt]

Dude.

[Shane]

Dude. Like six, three, six there is mad.

[Matt]

I could have told you. The awesome fire department was definitely Jack. Dudes.

[Shane]

It's ridiculous.

[Matt]

Jack Hawkeyes that do jiu jitsu and shit.

[Shane]

I'm like. I'm like, oh, cool. Like, the fire department's here. The kids are here. This will be cool. The wives are just being horny perverts the entire time. Being like, did you call them for the kids or for us? And right away I'm like, fuck these guys.

[Matt]

That's crazy.

[Shane]

Talking to husbands.

[Matt]

I'm like, again, you got to do what they do. You make those jokes back.

[Shane]

I know.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. I should have been like, I'll suck.

[Matt]

One of these fucking guys. What if I sucked one of them? How would that be?

[Shane]

Just really loudly, like, what do you want? Like a devil's threesome with these two guys? It's fucking crazy. And peeing your butt. It's crazy. But no, I was. I was hating. I was. Right away, I was like, these people. Get these guys out. And then I talked to one firefighter. Like, yeah, we love the cast. I'm like, these guys are awesome.

[Matt]

These guys are great. Yeah.

[Shane]

I went from being like, I'm gonna start a fire down the street to.

[Matt]

Get these out of here. These hot guys off my law.

[Shane]

They truly were sick. They got the jaws of life out, and they were just crushing beers with. Making them explode. They were truly. Yeah, dude, it was so tight. These guys are awesome, dude. They're. We're. They're blasting the hydrant. They blasted me with the hydrant. I was like, that's kind of funn. Really? Yeah.

[Matt]

I Just had fun.

[Shane]

They were the best.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I was like. It was. At first it was just hooked up to the trucks. There wasn't a lot of psi. And I was like stepping in it, like, showing the kids, like, yeah, I don't give a. And then they hooked up the hydrant. I was like, oh, God, it hurts. Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. That fire department, they need to head down to that homeless encampment by Nate and just blast those. They cleared out?

[Shane]

Yeah, they got ready. They cleared it out.

[Matt]

They're coming back, dude.

[D]

I don't think so. They put a fence up now what?

[Matt]

The fence.

[Shane]

That kind of does them in. Yeah, you put a fence.

[Matt]

Yeah, they do. It's over.

[Shane]

The dreams.

[Matt]

They respect fences.

[Shane]

Fences.

[Matt]

They do respect fences.

[Shane]

They did that in Philly. They had that whole. It was near my old house. They had a big baseball field and playground. And like, it just became like a genuine homeless encampment. It was big and all. They kicked them out and put up one measly chain link fence. And they were like, I can't. Yeah, they just put the handkerchiefs on the sticks. They cannot with fences at all. The simplest fence, they're like, well, show's over, guys.

[Matt]

It was over. I guess we're gonna have to find a house. Can't be homeless anymore.

[Shane]

Looking at some first time home. Yeah, it's funny. It's crazy.

[Matt]

The camp he had near his house was right next to his house. Was.

[Shane]

Dude, his friend was there.

[Matt]

Weren't they like welding at night?

[D]

It was just barrel fires.

[Matt]

I was there. Like blacksmiths.

[D]

Like multiple barrel.

[Matt]

Barrel fires. They were literally smithing, making swords and just a foundry. Yeah, they were going nuts in there. Yeah. No, I'm driving by and seeing them, the silhouettes and the flames. Must have been terrifying.

[D]

It was. It would be like 3am but you.

[Matt]

Got a fence around your apartment complex. They can't get in.

[D]

Wait, what'd you say?

[Matt]

Don't you have a gate? They respect the gate.

[D]

They don't. They don't respect gates. They respect fences.

[Matt]

True. They wait till the gate opens.

[D]

That was my theory. When south by was down here, they moved them all from under the bridge.

[Matt]

They do, yeah, they do that. They do sweep them away over by the creek. Yeah. I think they love that fucking bridge under there. I guess. Yeah. The shade would be nice.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[D]

I was trying to get you for parking. Like, you park and then they stand there like, I helped you get that spot. You got some. And then you're like, he's going to break into my car if I know. Yeah, they were fake high vis like they work.

[Matt]

That's good. They're trying. They're doing something.

[Shane]

It is a tight hustle.

[Matt]

This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. Matt, Shane, what was your favorite part of last football season? What are you most excited about in the upcoming season?

[Shane]

Super Bowl.

[Matt]

Super bowl was very exciting.

[Shane]

That was awesome.

[Matt]

Notre Dame beating Penn State was also a big highlight for me.

[Shane]

That was huge. They spanked them, didn't they?

[Matt]

No, it was a great game.

[Shane]

Last second. Oh, yeah, Georgia.

[Matt]

They spanked.

[Shane]

That's what I'm thinking.

[Matt]

Georgia was a shocker. Please talk about your thoughts on the upcoming football season. I'm excited about it. Philadelphia Eagles are going to be great.

[Shane]

If they become a genuine football dynasty. It'd be the fun. It'd be the probably the worst thing that ever happened in the city.

[Matt]

But hey, man, do you know the Ashton Aston Jenny Genti. Jesus Christ. Running back stance. Is he going to be better than Saquon?

[Shane]

Not going to be better, but I'm.

[Matt]

Do you like his stance?

[Shane]

I like his stance a lot.

[Matt]

Just stands straight up.

[Shane]

Does he really?

[Matt]

Yeah, it's pretty sick. He's a running back.

[Shane]

He literally just stands like in 1920s football player.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's crazy. It's awesome. All this football talk is getting me pumped. Thankfully, the football season is already underway on prize picks. Prize picks is offering season long stat picks that we can take right now before the season even starts.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Matt]

That's pretty cool.

[Shane]

Yeah, Matt. Dude, I feel like it's pretty simple to play. Dude. Just pick more or less on athletes stat projections. If you get your picks right, you can cash in and win up to 2,000 times your money.

[Matt]

That's crazy. So just download the app today and use code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drench to get $50 in lineUps after you play your first $5 Lineup. Prize picks. Run your game, guys.

[Shane]

August 16th. It's coming up. It's next week. It's huge.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's huge. Van Andal Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan. August 16th. It's gonna be big. And then take fly also. Yes.

[Shane]

To Atlantic City. After that. Fly right back to Atlantic City. Ovation Hall Ocean Casino Resort.

[Matt]

I wouldn't go to that. I would go to Grand Rap. No, that's good. Ocean is going to be nuts. Oceans will be sick. And this is gonna be before or after the race?

[Shane]

After.

[Matt]

Oh, nice. You get to talk about the race on the true. That's gonna be. Yeah, it's gonna be a big one.

[Shane]

Think about that. Oh, I better. The whole time I run, I'm gonna try to get a nice five minutes.

[Matt]

You get five out of that, you definitely will.

[Shane]

It'll be nice. It's all. It's. It's slated to sell out. It. It might not.

[Matt]

We'll see. That'll sell.

[Shane]

It's very close. It's close. It's close.

[Matt]

That thing's going to sell out.

[Shane]

I hope it will. I think it will. And, you know, even if it doesn't, we're all going to have a Good time, guys. 8:00pm Atlantic City, New Jersey. August 16th. Go to where. Where'd you say you're playing?

[Matt]

Oh. 8:00pm Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. It's not as good.

[Shane]

I was going to do the Atlantic City arena, but I was like, you know what?

[Matt]

You know what? I'm not going to do that to my fans.

[Shane]

Whatever. Go to everyone you want. I don't even care.

[Matt]

August 15th, Little Caesars in Detroit. 16th, Grand Rapids. 23rd, Milwaukee. Oh, Milliwaukee. And then. Oh, never mind. September 6th, Notre Dame Stadium.

[Shane]

That'd be sick.

[Matt]

That's gonna be a bomb and a half. It's gonna be so bad. But I'm just gonna be happy to be there.

[Shane]

That'll be tight.

[Matt]

It'll be really uncomfortable.

[Shane]

But that's actually. Yeah. So now that you say that, that's actually amazing to perform at the stadium. You're gonna wear. Pat, you should wear pads, bro.

[Matt]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna be at Notre Dame this weekend or tomorrow. I go to Notre Dame tomorrow.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[Matt]

I gotta strap the pads on. Line them up.

[Shane]

Oh, you should wear them for your set. If you came out in pads, dude. And slowly took them off.

[Matt]

Took the pads off.

[Shane]

Just.

[Matt]

Just wore football pants. Sleeve. Sleeveless Under Armour.

[Shane]

Put a locker room bench on stage and just sit on it every now and again, guys.

[Matt]

Dude, this is what it's all about. The house that Rockney built. All right, Go see our shows. August 16th in whatever you want, Atlantic City. Check it out.

[Shane]

And one last thing. Matt's new animated short, the Papa John Paradox, is out now on his personal YouTube channel. And there'll be new animated shorts every Monday on Matt's personal YouTube channel. So check those out, please. Thank you. Link is below. Now, let's get back to the show. I did. I was the valet one time, but I did do something similar where I just didn't park anyone's cars And I'm like, yeah, I'll take that. And then I just left with all the money. It was like, peace out. This is a restaurant.

[Matt]

I was like, peace.

[Shane]

Someone hired me.

[Matt]

And then you didn't park any of the cars?

[Shane]

I had, like, one stick shift car, and I couldn't drive stick, so I was just lumping that thing around. And I was like, dude, can you park this? I had to get another car, and I had, like, the guy do it himself. And then I started going, like, I should just direct traffic in here. And they were just handing me money. I was supposed to, like, give it to some guy, but he never showed up. So I just like, later.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And he called my friend. I was like, just don't tell him I talked to you. Made like, 300 bucks.

[Matt]

That's awesome. Did you ever have a job?

[Shane]

It's tight.

[Gabriel Davis]

No, never.

[Matt]

Never had a job.

[Shane]

That's so tight.

[Matt]

Yeah, I figured. You've been playing football the whole time.

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah. Full time? 24, 7.

[Shane]

Dang. It's pretty cool.

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah. Since I was, like, 7.

[Matt]

I remember those days.

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. Second, I quit. My dad got me a job at a factory. He killed me. Second, I quit football. He was like, I got a job for you. You know what? You want to be a. And quit football? Here. Here's a job. And it sucked. It was worse than football.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Davis]

No, I wanted to quit. When I was nine, we started put the pads on. I was, like, scared and.

[Matt]

Really?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Davis]

Then my mom was like, you quit now, you quit the rest of your life? And I was like, yeah, I got.

[Matt]

Hit with that a lot. And I. That was kind of right. I kind of quit everything I've ever done. Yeah. Yeah. They were right. Yeah. Good for them.

[Shane]

Yeah, I was so. The pads were the. I just.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I for sure thought I was, like, the best football player in the world. Then I meant I went to high school and was like, all right, well, figure something else out.

[Matt]

I'm gonna run.

[Shane]

I'm start smoking weed, actually. Yeah, that shit's hard, man. Although they should have. I wish I had better coaches, man.

[Matt]

Yeah, they should have got you.

[Shane]

I wasn't. I wasn't D line material.

[Matt]

Yeah, you're lying.

[Shane]

Clearly.

[Matt]

You're clearly a linebacker.

[Shane]

Yeah, we'll see. I mean, wasn't it, though.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Middle linebacker, 510 outside. Probably Matt Milano style.

[Matt]

Yeah. You got some. You're a heady player. You'd be like, Keakley.

[Shane]

I couldn't do that.

[Matt]

I understand that. You'd get it.

[Shane]

True. Yeah.

[Matt]

You'd Figure it out.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'd figure out the game.

[Matt]

That's what I. Honestly, I thought I would in college. Did not figure it out.

[Shane]

I couldn't figure out. I couldn't figure out.

[Matt]

I don't need to read this playbook. I'm gonna figure out the offense.

[Shane]

I couldn't figure out one play. Basketball is impossible.

[Matt]

Basketball. You come down, pick here, immediately run straight into another guy.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'm gonna set a pick and hopefully that's what I gotta do. I will get the ball in basketball and just throw it away immediately give it to someone. Yo, get this thing the out of here. Dude.

[Matt]

It's the worst.

[Shane]

I don't need this pressure.

[Matt]

It's the worst. It's funny you still see that in the NBA, though. Like, I remember, like, trying to break a press and it's like, dude, I can't dribble. Don't throw me the ball. If I get trapped, we're. If I get the ball. Trying to break a press, it's. It's straight in the air. You still see it. The NBA, though, guys will bring the ball up the court. And passing somebody who clearly can't dribble at all.

[Shane]

Yeah, they're like.

[Matt]

They panic.

[Shane]

Yeah, the. Away from panic. Yeah, that.

[Matt]

Who was that? Was it Harden towards the end with the Sixers that just suddenly couldn't dribble? I swear to God, it was Harden hard handled.

[Gabriel Davis]

The whole.

[D]

He's still.

[Matt]

I feel like the last, like, playoff.

[D]

He just.

[Matt]

He, He.

[D]

He kind of fizzles out in the playoffs. Allegedly. I don't even put that on him. But he. I can't. I'll never on his handle. He's always.

[Matt]

Good. Diplomatic answer.

[Shane]

First.

[Matt]

James Harden.

[D]

I'm a James Hart guy. I go.

[Matt]

I swear to God, I remember the end of the. His run in Philly, of him just falling down constantly. The ball.

[D]

I mean that.

[Matt]

It was nuts.

[D]

He's an old man now, though. He does tumble sometimes.

[Matt]

But, yeah, we got that going good.

[Shane]

This year in basketball.

[D]

The east is ass. It's gonna be probably the Thunder again, is my guess. The east, everybody got hurt on the East. Halliburton, Tatum, The Knicks might be the best. And that true.

[Gabriel Davis]

The magic, huh? The magic.

[D]

The Magic. Yeah. The Magic are probably gonna be good too, actually. Too. I think the Sixers are gonna.

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Matt]

I think the Cavs will be good again.

[D]

The Cats might be good. I forget about them. I even see what they did last year coming.

[Matt]

They were great. And then they. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

Playoffs.

[Matt]

Ass all right, that's been our NBA talk. What else is going on, Cameron? There you go. That's. Honestly, that's the meanest thing I've ever heard anyone do.

[Shane]

What?

[Matt]

You can explain it better.

[D]

He was beefing with Cuba Gooden's brother, Omar Gooden Jr. From, like, Baby Boy Famous.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[D]

So he called him. Like, he was trying to say something, like, respectful about him. He was trying to say that, like, not popular actors don't get enough money. And he mentioned him, and he called him Omar Gooden Jr. But he's not a junior. So he got, like, butt hurt about being called a junior with, yeah, super dumb reason to get mad and made diss tracks at cam that aren't for real for their kind of fire.

[Shane]

But.

[D]

But this. Okay. I'm. Instead of, like, doing any, like, rapping with him he likes. He got him for, like, a movie that doesn't exist. He booked them for a movie and had him, like, film, like, scene for a movie. Flew him out to Miami, paid him for it. The movies in Spanish, the people are talking shit about Omar Gooden in Spanish. Like, in the scenes, they called him.

[Shane]

Like, a fat.

[Matt]

Bitch evil.

[D]

Cam in, like, a room where he can see everything film, but he's like, look at this fat with his titties out. Just saying the meanest.

[Shane]

He punked him. Did he reveal the punk at the.

[D]

End or he just not. Not to. Like, he revealed it, like, yesterday.

[Shane]

He just showed it on.

[D]

Yeah, he tweeted. He tweeted. He did, like, a video on Twitter where he's like. Because he did another diss track like, like, unprovoked. And he was like, see, I wasn't even gonna put this out. I did that. I did this for me. I was just having fun doing this. But I bet he's got him signed in the paperwork where it's like, you know, it's his footage, so he could do whatever with it.

[Matt]

It's so really mean. It's really funny, though.

[D]

He's like, use on the dollar menu. I got you for nothing, kid.

[Matt]

Might be the funniest. Yeah.

[Shane]

And it is Omar. I didn't know Cuba Gooding Jr. Had a brother.

[D]

He keeps Omar to the. He doesn't let everybody know. Like, I didn't know that was his brother.

[Shane]

For real. For real. I didn't know that. I know exactly you're talking about. I know that's Cuba Gooding's brother.

[D]

I had no idea either. He doesn't like the junior. He should associate with him more.

[Shane]

It might help that's a crazy reason to get butt hurt. I think he was more so. I think he was getting butthurt over, like, lesser known actors than Junior.

[D]

Yeah, probably. But Cam was trying to say, like, he's a good actor. He's a little bit more of a bag, but. And then he turned on him and.

[Shane]

He was like, well, if you'd called him Cuba Gooding junior Junior with the double juice, that would piss me off.

[Matt]

Junior is a high insult.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

What are you looking at? Junior? Junior, I'll fly to Miami. Of being your movie, you piece of.

[Shane]

So you can get any. You can trick any actor with that. Like, we have a. We have an incredible opportunity for you for sure. Yeah. What was that documentary they did where.

[Matt]

They got Windy City when you said.

[Shane]

He got.

[Matt]

To a guy? He's. He's the man. He's a very funny guy. He's a crazy guy. Little at the Comedy Store and these other guys made an entire fake movie. They told him it was the star of an action movie and just filmed a movie of a guy that thinks he's in a movie. And everyone. It's called Windy City. Everyone else is in on the joke. They're with him the whole time, doing, like, stunts, throwing them in trash cans. And it's incredible. And he never really got it. They show him the video at the end. They go, this was all kind of a joke. And he loves it.

[Shane]

He's just like.

[Matt]

He just laughs along with it.

[Shane]

That's it. Yeah, that would. I'm trying to think that would. I mean, what's his next move? What's Omar Gooding's next move? What's Omar Gooding Senior's next move?

[Matt]

He. He committed violence. You have to resort to violence.

[Shane]

Yeah, no, like, diss tracking.

[Matt]

Top that.

[Shane]

He has to.

[Matt]

He.

[D]

He threatened to diss track, which is not going to be better than that. And he did. He did try to play it cool and be like, I don't care. I got. I had a free trip to Miami. Like, you gave me 3, 500 and. But like, nah, that doesn't. He was trying all the tricks. It wasn't enough, I think.

[Matt]

Yeah, you gotta walk away. That's his next move. He should have been like that alone.

[Shane]

Like, I knew it the whole time. I'm. If I was just around.

[D]

Cam also said he was like. I guess he was trying to do comedy. And he was like. He was. He said he was. He had a show booked at an Olive Garden. Like, he's. He's saying the meanest to him.

[Matt]

Yeah. You gotta leave him alone.

[D]

Yeah, you gotta leave camp alone.

[Matt]

Somebody fakes and puts you in a fake movie, you gotta go, that guy won.

[Shane]

Yeah. Sky will stop at truly nothing to.

[Matt]

Yeah. You say you'll never join the Navy.

[Shane]

Never climb Mount Fuji on a port visit or break the sound barrier. Joining the Navy sounds crazy.

[D]

Saying never actually is.

[Shane]

Learn [e-mail] America's Navy forged by the.

[Matt]

Sea packages by Expedia.

[D]

You were made to occasionally take the hard route to the top of the Eiffel Tower. We were made to easily bundle your.

[Matt]

Trip Expedia made to travel flight inclusive packages are atoll protected.

[Shane]

Dang.

[Matt]

What's the meanest thing you've ever done to somebody, Gabriel?

[Gabriel Davis]

The meanest thing. I'm not a mean person.

[Matt]

Yeah, you are.

[Gabriel Davis]

No, I told you looking in the hat earlier.

[Matt]

Yeah, everybody's making fun of the hat, dude.

[Gabriel Davis]

You look good in the hat.

[Matt]

I lashed out against you when you complimented me, and I like, that goes with the front. I was like, shut the up, dude.

[Shane]

Hey, dude.

[Matt]

And he went on my hats wearing the dumbest hat I've ever seen, dude.

[Shane]

It's a great hat, right? He was ready for battle.

[Matt]

Yeah. I'm just nervous about trying a new hat, dude.

[Shane]

I feel you on that, though. You know, I have two hats I can wear. If I put it. Try to put on another one. I just. I like, get not even out of my bathroom, and I'm like, that's what.

[Matt]

I literally did that. I put it on, looked in the mirror, and took it off. And I was like, nate, do you want this? And they're like, it actually doesn't look bad on you. I was like, all right, I'll try. Maybe I'll try something different today.

[Shane]

You ever don't stand.

[Matt]

Maybe it'll be different. Who knows?

[Shane]

Did you ever do stand up with the hat on?

[Matt]

Yeah, I've tried.

[Shane]

I can't do it.

[Matt]

I've done it actually, like, because I was doing a podcast and wearing it all day.

[Shane]

Oh, you rolled out.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's sick. I can't do it. I've tried it. I wish.

[Matt]

I wish I could be a hat man on stage.

[Shane]

All the great stuff.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Hat on stage is power move, swap, roll through them. But, yeah, I'm just trying out some new.

[Gabriel Davis]

What makes it different with a hat on stage, though?

[Matt]

Can't I rely heavily on how dumb my face looks? You can't see your face, so I.

[Shane]

Feel like it is reserved for goat status. You have to be, like, almost trying to, like, hide. Yeah, I kind of pulled the trigger prematurely, like seven years ago.

[Matt]

It's nothing compared to my blazer at the open mic.

[Shane]

The Blade.

[Matt]

It's one of the most embarrassing. I wore jeans and a blazer and a T shirt under it.

[Shane]

You gotta bring back the look.

[Matt]

I thought that's how comedians dress.

[Shane]

That's how they dress.

[Matt]

No one dresses like that.

[Shane]

I looked.

[Matt]

I haven't seen it since.

[Shane]

Sorry. It's how they dress.

[Matt]

Yeah. That was tough. Thank you. You guys weren't around yet. That was at the Comedy Zone.

[Shane]

I was in Harrisburg.

[Matt]

It's the Harrisburg Comedy Zone. Rocking a blazer off the highway at a truck stop, just bombing hbz. HBZ is nice.

[Shane]

That place is nice.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

The murals are crazy.

[Matt]

They can't give me a mural.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Everyone else got a. Voss has a mural. Shrek. Shrek's up there.

[Shane]

They got.

[Matt]

Well, Crocodile Dundee. I can name the whole mural. I stared at it so many times.

[Shane]

Dude, they gotta ice somebody to give you your mural.

[Matt]

They got Raymond, the Amish comic. Earl David Reed. Liz. Kevin Hart's up there. Chris Rock. They're just tossing random people. Oh, the Chappelle is like a racist caricature.

[Shane]

That's what I remember. I remember Chappelle. They didn't do him justice at all. Yeah, that one was rough.

[Matt]

Yeah. What the. I can't get one.

[Shane]

They can't erase Shrek.

[Matt]

It's just paint Shrek white and go, that's him. That's Shane. He started it. Crocodile Dundee being up there is nuts.

[Shane]

I mean, that's. At that point, they're hating on you.

[Matt]

I swear to God, dude, every club.

[Shane]

I'm at, you're on the wall.

[Matt]

They put, like, serious. Isn't there, like, non comedy actors up there?

[Shane]

Jane Fonda on there?

[Matt]

Just like regular movies. They just toss up.

[Shane]

Some.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Although the guy who painted that wall is definitely dead now.

[Matt]

So they gotta follow Everyone that's from there is dead. True. No, they're all alive. Against all O. Every single one of them. Heat the queef. Still going. Thought for sure he was really. Yeah. He almost died. Like, while we were with him. He fell asleep under his trailer. He got stuck under his trailer. Blizzard.

[Shane]

What?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

How'd he get stuck?

[Matt]

Eat the queef. I don't know. He's down there. He went under his trailer and frozen. He crushed every time. He came back with a. Oh, it's a Baraka baby home run. He said Barack Obama's parents had an Asian doctor and that's how they named him. And he goes, oh, It's a Barack, baby. And he was just. He was a beast, dude. Yeah, him and his partner. Remember his partner? Were you there? Yeah. Big D, the cops. The cop. The cops came. Big D. The squad we put together in Central PA was crazy. It was homeless people, the truck stop. This is a real comedy. I'll show you real comedy. You're following a guy, homeless guy who's killing.

[Shane]

Oh, you gotta bust out the blazer.

[Matt]

I might have to bust out the blazer.

[Shane]

It's time. Yeah, it's time to do the blazer.

[Matt]

Blazer with a V neck. T shirt. God damn, dude, that would suck so bad. Yeah, it was a black V neck. That's not. It's not.

[Shane]

It's got to be the third smash. It has to be.

[Matt]

You gotta be nuts, dude. When you're starting stand up, you literally have to be an insane person.

[Shane]

That's true.

[Matt]

To just go, I'm gonna go to this. I don't even know one person here. I'm just gonna get on stage.

[Shane]

Did you go and scout? One night.

[Matt]

And then I scouted ahead for like a year. For a full year. I was going to the Comedy Zone by myself, watching people bomb. And I was just like, I'm better than them. I know it. And I got up there and couldn't.

[Shane]

Talk, just couldn't speak.

[Matt]

Got in my car because I was like, I don't need to write. I'm just funny. I got on stages left. I was like, next time I'm gonna write like two years later, I went back.

[Shane]

Yeah, I feel like my first time doing stand up. I wasn't even supposed to go on, but they, like called my name and I just like, killed.

[Matt]

Just killed.

[Shane]

I'm just doing Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey's like, I went out there and I killed for an hour. And they said, you got to come back here.

[Matt]

I never. Guard dog, when was your first show? When did you get up there?

[Shane]

I tried it once when I was 20 in like a coffee shop on temples. It was tough, but it was very fun. And I have a nice memory cuz Chris Marel was there.

[Matt]

Nice. He was hilarious.

[Shane]

He was so funny. He had a sunny D bottle filled with water and he pretended that it was his penis and he was squirting it at everybody drinking coffee.

[Matt]

Yeah, he was. He was not afraid to use props. It was awesome. It was very funny with those problems.

[Shane]

Also funny when he disappeared for a year and he came back, I was like, what happened? He goes, I got chased by the cops on a dirt bike and got Arrested.

[Matt]

He also made props. Other people's props go into his bag at the end of the night.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

He was not afraid to find some extra props lying around, like iPhones. I think Meki Beast, the funniest kid to get. Yeah. So funny.

[Shane]

Yeah. That. He was the man.

[Matt]

Yeah. Oh, man, I miss those Harrisburg Comedy Zone days.

[Shane]

Yeah, it is fun. Especially the first, like, couple years once you're like, I'm about to get 40 bucks to do 10 minutes at a winery. It's going to be sick.

[Matt]

Winery shows were awesome.

[Shane]

Yeah, they're sick.

[Matt]

Yeah. That was. Especially when you start doing good in the open mic scene. You're like, I'm the coolest guy that's ever lived. On Thursday night, I get to go to one place where I'm actually cool. You get to be mean to all the new people getting sucked.

[Shane]

Or if somebody's good, you're like, he's a. Yeah.

[Matt]

That guy's a. I don't even like him. He sucks, dude. He's stealing everything right there. That's a Daniel Tosh joke. Just so you know. Yeah. You just. Everyone stand up pretty.

[Shane]

It's a real cauldron of hatred.

[Gabriel Davis]

I'll go up there and do it for $40.

[Matt]

That's a good dude. You'd be really stoked to take that. 40 is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I think you saw me do that last night. No, no. Yeah, I think that was 40 or 50 bucks.

[Shane]

Where'd you cop 40 from?

[Matt]

Probably the mothership. What's that? I just.

[Shane]

At the lb. The big boy.

[Matt]

Big boy. Oh, really?

[Shane]

Yeah. Pump it up, bro.

[Matt]

Nice.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's. It's generous. Yeah.

[Gabriel Davis]

That's way more than $40.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah, it's Rogan does that every other. Like this.

[Shane]

Yeah, true.

[Matt]

The seller. The seller's, like, on a weeknight, probably 50.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Rogue.

[Gabriel Davis]

So it's like the. The process then, like, in the comedy world to get, like, to the top. Like, I don't.

[Matt]

You just keep backstab.

[Shane]

Everyone backstab. Can I start a podcast?

[Matt]

Get fired from snl. That's the only way.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's what I tell every. Every time. Like, a host has asked me, like, yo, for, like, I started podcast. Like, how do I get traction? I'm like, dude, here's what you gotta do. I was like, do it for, like, five years and then pray to God your co host becomes really famous.

[Matt]

And they're like, yeah, just find someone you think is funny and just go, dude, I hope you make it.

[Shane]

So you watch the light just drain out of their eyes.

[Matt]

They're like, yeah, that's it. That's all you can now. You gotta. Yeah, you just get lucky. You keep doing it.

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah.

[Matt]

But, yeah, at first, you got to be. Yeah, I. Me, personally, I had to be, like, depressed and shameless because.

[Shane]

When did you start?

[Matt]

It's really embarrassing.

[Gabriel Davis]

When did you start?

[Matt]

20. I was 21. 22. Yeah, it's 21.

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah, same thing.

[Shane]

Yeah. Around 22.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Gabriel Davis]

Around, like, your 30s?

[Matt]

No, the whole time. It's fun, though, because, like, you get little.

[Gabriel Davis]

I'm saying, pop off, like.

[Matt]

Yeah, I was like, yeah, I'd say 31. Yeah, 30. Yeah. But, like, the whole time, there's like, a little 30. Like, you get to host this weekend, and you're like, holy.

[Shane]

Oh, it's crazy.

[Matt]

I'm getting 25 bucks. And then you can tell everybody around like, yeah, I get paid. Technically. I'm a professional.

[Shane]

Yep.

[Matt]

It's just little things all the time. Then you're like, I'm gonna be a feature someday.

[Shane]

Yep. You get to do that the first time. You have to drive anywhere. You're like, I'm on the road trip.

[Matt]

I blew it, dude. Earl David Reed took me to Pittsburgh to Mars, Pennsylvania. And I was like, bro, we did it. I was watching, like, Entourage. I was with my boys. I was like, yo, you guys are coming with me on the road. I got a hotel room in my Mars, Pennsylvania. Got out there. Four Locos had just come out, got a blip. Literally blacked out before the show. Crashed a wedding that was at the hotel. They hated us. They tried to fight us.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Then they saw my face on the flyer, and they're like, this guy's at the hotel. He's. He's in this bar. He's doing stand up. A bridal party showed up. It was like, you piece of. And I was wearing a suit that I wore to. I was wearing a suit again. I'm a suit. I'm a suit comic, dude. No, I was wearing a suit that we got. We all got suits from Salvation army so we could crash the wedding.

[Shane]

Oh, my gosh.

[Matt]

So I was still in his. I was in an unbuttoned suit, covered in red stains from Four Locos. Just died. Literally bombing as hard as you can bomb, dude. Because they were like, the host didn't show up. Can you feature? I was like, yeah, for sure. Can you do 25? I was like, no problem. I bombed so bad that the guy who ran the club was like, what do you do? I was like, I go to college. And he was like, what are you studying? I was like, history. I could be a teacher. He was like, yeah, you should do that. He's like, don't do stand up's not for you. Just become a history teacher.

[Gabriel Davis]

You know where that guy is now?

[Matt]

I know the club's gone, and he's probably dead. He probably died knowing I should have been a history teacher. He didn't know it was gonna work. Yeah, he was. Yeah. That was kind of up. Yeah, but I get it. If there's so many young. Young comics and we see him in there. Dude. If a kid. This is my first show.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Showing up drunk in a suit.

[Shane]

He should have known. If he knew anything about comedy.

[Matt]

Guy rules.

[Shane]

All those, like. More. A lot of the places you got paid initially were like, very old crowds, and they were run by the most serious ever. And they were so mean. They really would be, like, lording over you.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And handy with an envelope of, like, 40 bucks at the end of the night and be like, yo, don't ever make fun of the host ever again. If you want to work in this town. And you're like, dude, yeah.

[Matt]

They hit you. They tell you how to do it. I did Uncle Vinny's.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And that guy got on my ass. I don't even know if it was the main manager, but somebody. There was, like, four people in the club. It was literally four old people eating just at an Italian restaurant. And I was lying. I was like, this is new material. I'm just messing around because I was bombing. Yeah, I was bombing so badly that I was like, this is. I'm just trying out stuff. It was my best stuff. And then I get. He's like, come outside. Talk to me. I was like, all right. He was like, don't ever use this as a workout room. This is a club. I was like, okay, there's four people eating spaghetti. The.

[Shane]

Yeah, the best is when I got. I used to do the comedy. Do you ever do the comedy cabaret? Yeah, it was raw. It stunk pretty bad.

[Matt]

Wait, where was it?

[Shane]

It was all over. It'd be like, yeah, there's a bunch restaurants, hotels. And I remember I did a night, I finally. I was like, all right. I feel like I did okay. The guy's like, here's your pay. Good job. And I like, something told me, like, open it in front of him. I opened the envelope. It's just completely empty. And I was like, yo, bro, where's my money? And he was like, what the hell it's empty.

[Matt]

Dude, fall out of here.

[Shane]

I was like, you.

[Matt]

That's great.

[Shane]

What the hell?

[Matt]

That's good. Yeah. You got to be of kind of a scumbag to be run. And those shows were not, like, lucrative. It's crazy.

[Shane]

There was the one guy. He used to. I forgot he. I forget his name. He would book all these shows almost near, like, the Poconos.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And, like, he just. He didn't have a phone. He would book comedy shows. You have to, like, call his girlfriend and, like, yo, is I forget his name. See there? And then she'd be like, hold on a second. He'd just be whacked out on perks like, yo, dude, your shit's killer, bro. You're looking cross. Never.

[Matt]

Actually, I guess those guys did probably make some money. Some of those you get, like, 200 people.

[Shane]

You can make. Yeah. You make 10 bucks, you make a nice 800 and just kind of. Yeah, some of There was really. There's a. There's, like, a level of it that's completely run by the meanest, oldest, fattest.

[Matt]

Italians and then literally schizophrenic depressed kids. It's a crazy industry. Yeah. But you get. You get little things the whole time that make it, you know?

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah, of course.

[Matt]

That was a big one for me.

[Shane]

That was the best.

[Matt]

It's, like, the first time I ever headlined. We drove up to the coal region in Pennsylvania, did, like, a empty church.

[Shane]

It was.

[Matt]

It was byob, dude. We got hammered in there with them. It was nice.

[Shane]

I remember there was a puddle outside of it that was huge. And I jumped the puddle, and I was like, it. That's all I remember. That was fun, though. That was. That might have been one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

[Matt]

That was a good one.

[Shane]

Just going off the cuff of. For the Coho people.

[Matt]

Yeah. The cold people loved it. I was talking about, like, Jewish golems. Yeah, I remember that. I was like, I'm a Jewish golem. If you put a note in my mouth, I'll fight you. You tell me what to do. The call, the coal miners were like.

[Shane]

Yeah, they loved it. Oh, yeah.

[Gabriel Davis]

Coal miners, for sure.

[Matt]

Great town.

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I think that was Jim Thorpe. I was up there. Yeah. Great town ruled. Yeah. We need factories back, dude.

[Shane]

We do. We need something. We need it. We really do need to start, like. Because offices are lame, man. Yeah, that's the new factory. Like, everyone's crammed into this office. We do. We got to figure out what to do with people who are the bros. Yeah.

[Matt]

The factories.

[Shane]

Yeah. Just like, people need to be thrown somewhere every day and just whistles and stuff.

[Matt]

It's a good life.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You're paid and you go. You go.

[Shane]

That's the problem is the standard. Yeah. Giving someone enough money to live. Because I feel like now it's just like, you give them enough to get access to debt.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And it's like, yeah, dude, you can get a house, but you're going to be in debt till you die. And then, you know, wipe it.

[Matt]

Yeah. We can't just all play games all the time. Some of us have to work, bro.

[Gabriel Davis]

Today.

[Shane]

Today.

[Gabriel Davis]

Was a nut day.

[Matt]

That's how you work.

[Gabriel Davis]

We got in the pool together right now.

[Shane]

Yeah. We all hung out.

[Gabriel Davis]

We watched him play.

[Matt]

But, yeah, you're working World War II games.

[Gabriel Davis]

I was like, there's no way he does this every day.

[Matt]

Playing the pool for a while. Yeah. It's a good day.

[Shane]

You're a. You're a. He's a mental worker, dude. You never.

[Matt]

Whole time I'm playing the game, I'm going, oh, that's a good bit. Got another one. I'm not thinking. I haven't thought once. I haven't thought once today.

[Shane]

Yeah. I wish someone would blow the whistle and stop me from thinking. That'd be nice.

[Matt]

That's what. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. True.

[Matt]

That's all it is. That's what sports are.

[Shane]

That's why I like sprinting. When you sprint, you just stop sprinting. And I like being underwater.

[Matt]

Being underwater.

[Shane]

Being underwater, dude, you stop thinking completely.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Just lay on the water.

[Matt]

It's quiet. You go down. There you go.

[Shane]

Dude. I hit. I give it to my kids all the time. I'll be in the pool with them. I go, disappear. 30 seconds pop up. I'm like, yo, that was awesome.

[Matt]

The pool was ruined today. There were some wasps. The wasps were getting what?

[Gabriel Davis]

Killing the vibe.

[Matt]

They harshed it.

[Shane]

They were killing the kind of wasps you working with.

[Matt]

There was. There was little tiny guys that they always drink out of my pool. They're okay.

[Shane]

All right.

[Matt]

Yeah. Then there was a. A monster.

[Shane]

What color was it?

[Matt]

It was black.

[Shane]

Black. And it might be a mud dauber. They're not really aggressive. They're scary.

[Matt]

Then a big. The biggest I've ever seen showed up.

[Shane]

Yikes.

[Matt]

And I don't think it was a wasp, but it was.

[Gabriel Davis]

I don't know what that thing was.

[Shane]

A horny.

[Matt]

It's like a locust football.

[D]

Ah, yeah.

[Gabriel Davis]

That's huge.

[Shane]

That's kind of up.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I have Those mud daubers in my house, and I looked them up. They're not real. They're like the black wasp with like the super detached, like, body. And they're like. They're not aggressive at all.

[Matt]

Yeah, it was that guy. He seemed to grow. He was getting in everyone's face.

[Shane]

No. Yeah, maybe so. They're just big.

[Matt]

They're huge.

[Shane]

They're okay.

[Gabriel Davis]

No, I wouldn't horn it.

[Shane]

Skinny boy.

[Matt]

Yeah, Long skinny.

[Shane]

Yeah, the detached, thorough.

[Matt]

You're right.

[Shane]

And usually they only attack if you with their nest. We have them in my, like, attic.

[Matt]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Shane]

They like, get lost and they end up in my house every now and again and they're. You should open the door and they fly right out. Okay. They're dumb asses, dude.

[Matt]

Yeah, them.

[Shane]

Yeah, they like. What do they. Oh, they like, eat bugs and then feed them to their, like, babies in their little nests. So they're good for. They're good for pest control.

[Matt]

They're having a good time.

[Shane]

I can't believe the mud daubers get in your face.

[Matt]

They were. Yeah, they were on us, dude.

[Shane]

I had dreams last night. I had two ferrets. I woke up salty. That wasn't the case. They were so sick. I had a mom and a baby ferret and I all night just played with ferrets in my dreams and woke up and I even showed my daughter. I was like, you ever see a ferret before to see if you start getting. She's into them. Dude. There are the ferrets rule. That's what you should get, is a ferret.

[Matt]

You think? Yeah, I could get like six or seven ferrets. Yeah.

[Shane]

And what you do is, you know, like the tubing that hooks up to like your dryer vent?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You just like put that all around your house and they just go nuts in your house, bro. I'm telling you.

[Matt]

Five tubes on in this ceiling.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

10 to 15 ferrets.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Just going crazy the whole time. Can't sleep at nighting through my room.

[Shane]

They would chill my schedule. You could lock them down.

[Matt]

They get on my schedule, they would.

[Shane]

They'd be so stoked.

[Matt]

Chilling on the couch watching. Hold fast, bro.

[Shane]

I'm telling you. Watch some ferret videos. I lived one. I lived one for like a night last night. It was awesome.

[Matt]

That is awesome.

[Shane]

I don't know. Yeah, I was like, I don't know where it came from. I haven't been thinking about ferrets. No difference between a ferret and a weasel.

[Matt]

What's that?

[Shane]

Weasel's Wild, same animal.

[Matt]

You're crazy. I swear to God, I never knew that.

[Shane]

Yeah. Weasel.

[Matt]

Is a wild ferrets just a domesticated weasel or is it just in the weasel family? Isn't that.

[Shane]

I think they're the same thing. I looked it up today because I believe you. I didn't know if I wanted a ferret or a weasel and I looked it up. I was like, no, that was a ferret.

[Matt]

Isn't it a weasel? Is it a weasel family? Is that all those things?

[Shane]

I'm not sure. I guess that's what I saw.

[Matt]

What's a fink? Isn't that a fink? Is it mink? Yeah, idiot.

[Gabriel Davis]

Mink. Mink coat.

[Matt]

Minko.

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah, Minko.

[Shane]

What is it?

[Gabriel Davis]

Mad?

[Shane]

I regret to inform you that they are related, but they are not the same.

[Matt]

Well, that's oh, the same thing. I'm sorry.

[Shane]

No, you're right. This AI summary me, dude. It's not my fault.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's not true. That's. AI.

[Shane]

Sorry. What's the. What's the difference? It's. It is pretty much the same. But they said it's like a domesticated cousin. So they're slightly different and I see. I see you're saying. I see you're saying.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

They're not the exact same species. Can you put them up next to each other? Because I feel like they look exactly the same.

[Matt]

Ferrets have to be wild animals.

[Shane]

You're pretty.

[Matt]

You are right though.

[Shane]

Doesn't count now. You just told me I was fucking dumb as hell.

[Matt]

But I'm taking a look at some pictures of ferrets and you're not wrong. Matt.

[Shane]

Cutie pies.

[Matt]

Be nice to have these guys running around.

[Shane]

That's what I'm saying.

[Matt]

Yeah. Wouldn't you like that?

[Shane]

You can put them on a leash too.

[Matt]

You don't want that guy. Yeah, that's good.

[Shane]

Look at that guy.

[Matt]

Young ferret.

[Shane]

Dude. They just chilled that guy around.

[Gabriel Davis]

Killing looks like a good time.

[Shane]

Yeah. They're mischievous though. They are mischievous.

[Gabriel Davis]

It makes me think of the. The gerbil video.

[Matt]

He's got gerbils in his pants. This guy broke into a pet shop. They found him on a bench as a sleep. They like rip him off the bench. They have to cut his pants open. And they're like, there's gerbils. He's got gerbils in his pants. He passed out with gerbils.

[Shane]

What did they do with the gerbs? They catch him or let him go.

[Matt]

They. Yeah, they were all hold them. I Don't know. We didn't get that far. But store there was just animal. There's puppies outside. There was parrots. And on the sidewalk he broke. Yeah. He threw a rock through the window and got in there and freed all the animals and fell asleep. He referred to himself as Mr. Pancakes. So get ripped off. The bench is rewarding the. What he was. It was watching and watch cops ripping a homeless guy off a bench that just broke into a pet shop. Pretty great. I think he was on a bench like right next to it.

[Shane]

And I guess that guy just goes to crazy house.

[Matt]

I don't even think they have crazy houses anymore.

[Shane]

That's not.

[Matt]

Just let them out on the street.

[Shane]

Whose idea was that?

[Matt]

Liberals. Liberal. Liberal liberals. Turns out having mental hospitals might have been a good idea.

[Shane]

Yeah. The problem is we sane asylums in like the 90s. They used to like kick their ass.

[Gabriel Davis]

That's the problem.

[Matt]

You're nuts. We gotta lock him up. Dude.

[Shane]

He's a sicko.

[Matt]

He's just. He's a real sicko when you get to know him for real.

[Shane]

Don't look at.

[Gabriel Davis]

I just keep thinking of last night.

[Matt]

That's why it was a fun time.

[Shane]

It was chill. Chill session. Yeah.

[Gabriel Davis]

Good Chill.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Gabriel Davis]

Yeah, it was good.

[Matt]

We had killer sash chill.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Shane]

Wait.

[Matt]

All right. We're back on the record.

[Shane]

Back on the wreck. Joe Sesh could probably wrap it up. Yeah. We're at an hour.

[Matt]

Yeah. This is good. Chill session today. Cool.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

No one's. No one really got less uncomfortable the entire show.

[Shane]

No, we. I thought we were. For sure.

[Matt]

We're gonna break through.

[Shane]

Hey, man.

[Matt]

Sometimes when you're staring out to these. There's 10 guys in here just looking at you.

[Gabriel Davis]

I know. I didn't like looking over there.

[Matt]

Everyone's just quiet.

[Shane]

I keep looking this way.

[Matt]

Look at interrogation. Yeah. Well, Good stuff, Matt. I wish you the best in the race. You're going to torch him.

[Shane]

I. Dude, I think I do my best. That's all I can do.

[Matt]

And if it turns out you're lying about this hat and I find out that people were making fun of me for wearing.

[Shane]

This is not my fault.

[Matt]

That is definitely your fault, dude. I've never worn it.

[Shane]

I think it's a good hat.

[Matt]

It's going to the bees no matter what. But you broke my heart today. You broke my heart today. Obviously it's a bee's head.

[Shane]

I was giving you a compliment. And I thought about how much the bees would love the head. Simple. Simple and plain.

[Matt]

Simple ass. All right. Gabriel, do you have anything to tell us?

[Gabriel Davis]

No. I appreciate y' all having me on.

[Matt]

Yeah, it was fun. It's a long time coming.

[Gabriel Davis]

It's good. Yeah.