Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast — Episode 574
“War of the Butt Wipes (feat. James McCann)”
Release Date: August 28, 2025
Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Guest: James McCann
Episode Overview
In this rollicking episode, Matt and Shane are joined by Australian comedian James McCann for a freewheeling conversation spanning everything from childhood embarrassment and gaming addiction to the "war for the butt wipes" that has taken over the comedy podcast scene. True to form, the trio brings mix absurdity, honesty, and sharp comedic banter while exploring their parenting adventures, generational masculinity, sports drama, and the evolving landscape of stand-up. Notably, the comedians riff hard on the prominence of "Dude Wipes" in podcast ad wars, comedic tribalism, and the lighter and heavier controversies of both the comedy and sporting worlds.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Pale Asses and the Legacy of 'Tiny Heinies'
- [00:09 – 02:00]
- Shane complaints about a poorly “blurred” video mishap that left friends thinking his junk was visible:
- “You could have used a black blur. Black box would have been great. Fleshy blur. It looked like my...”— Shane Gillis [00:09]
- The duo shares stories about their pale “medieval dynasty” butts, with Shane joking that Sigourney Weaver shares his “pale peasant’s ass” in Alien:
- “Sigourney Weaver just has my ass for no reason. Take a look at Sigourney Weaver's ass in Alien. She's got a full-on pale peasant's ass, dude.”— Shane Gillis [01:05 & 01:13]
- Cultural observation on shifting standards of body aesthetics:
- “I don't think women can survive with an ass like that anymore.”— Matt [01:37]
- Shane complaints about a poorly “blurred” video mishap that left friends thinking his junk was visible:
2. Childhood 'Goon Boon' and Questing for Nudity
- [02:00 – 02:44]
- Reminiscence about the lengths kids went to in the VHS era to spot nudity in films like Leprechaun or music videos.
- Parental discovery horror:
- “Tits and leprechaun was the first time I got in trouble from my parents. Came into the basement at my friend's house and we had it paused on tits and leprechaun.”— Shane Gillis [02:01]
3. Gaming Addiction: The Medieval Dynasty Saga
- [02:55 – 10:15]
- Shane confesses to being late for a “big Hollywood meeting” because he stayed up until 4 a.m. playing the video game Medieval Dynasty:
- “Not because I was out partying... but because I was up till 4am playing Medieval Dynasty. I was literally chopping trees for six hours gathering sticks.”— Shane Gillis [02:56]
- Details his addictive gameplay: village-building, late-night basket weaving, cherry juice pawning, and the generational mechanics of the game—dying and continuing as your son.
- Matt is both incredulous and supportive, celebrating Shane’s massive in-game accomplishments and creative dishonesty:
- “My wife gave me as a gift, dude. I didn't want to do it, but... I'm gonna tell her I drank it.”— Shane Gillis [08:04 & 08:12]
- Shane confesses to being late for a “big Hollywood meeting” because he stayed up until 4 a.m. playing the video game Medieval Dynasty:
4. The Rising War for the Butt Wipes: Comedy, Sponsorship, and Satire
- [08:27 – 17:36]
- The episode’s meta-theme: the tongue-in-cheek “Comedy Wars” and securing coveted podcast sponsors, especially “Dude Wipes.”
- Multiple ad-reads are woven into the banter, lampshading the absurdity of toilet humor and advertising language:
- “If you're still dry wiping with toilet paper, you need to stop being an A hole to your B hole and switch to Dude Wipes. Isn't that funny?”— Shane Gillis [08:27]
- Matt as the voice of a “butthole,” lamenting dietary assaults:
- “I'm your butthole. Yeah. Me. The most overworked, underappreciated part of your body.”— Matt [13:20]
- Comedic mourning over the potential of losing sponsors due to exposure mishaps:
- “If his penis slips out, we lose all our butt wipes.”— Matt [17:12]
5. Parenting, Pools, and Museum Adventures
- [25:25 – 35:20]
- James discusses the challenges and delights of taking his kids to the Thinkery (children’s science museum) and the odd, social energy of such spaces.
- Tales of inflatable pools and above-ground pools as emblems of humble family fun vs. ‘white trash’ aesthetics.
- Riding bikes, teaching life skills, and reminiscing about helmet-less childhoods:
- “My dad took me to the top of a hill... just launched me. Went straight into these bushes.”— Shane Gillis [34:45]
6. Sport: Football Season and Aussie Rules Drama
- [35:38 – 42:13]
- Brief detour into American football season excitement, fantasy picks, and commercialization, with typical tongue-in-cheek asides about "grinding the tape."
- James laments an Australian football star’s four-week suspension for an on-field insult, the cultural context of sport, and the increasing integration/balance with women’s leagues.
7. Comedy Scene Tribalism & The Butt Wipe Economy
- [54:47 – 60:14]
- Satirical mapping of regions (Austin, New York, Philly, LA) as warring comedy “nations,” with the Austin scene cast as a rising power blockading the butt wipes economy.
- Comedians compare themselves (especially Philly comics) to “the Jews of comedy,” always migrating, hoarding, and moving on as needed:
- “We’re like the Jews of the comedies. We got kicked out of New York. Every four years, we come in, we take all the butt wipes, we go, yeah, we’re going back to Philly.”— Matt [58:52]
8. Disability, Ramps, and Comedy Inclusion
- [55:40 – 57:48]
- Mock-serious debate about the number and quality of disabled comedians in various cities, the accessibility of clubs, and how being "strapped down" creates drive:
- “You think because of the disability, this guy must be a sweetheart... This guy's a little nasty fuck.”— Shane Gillis [55:49]
- Mock-serious debate about the number and quality of disabled comedians in various cities, the accessibility of clubs, and how being "strapped down" creates drive:
9. Urban Oddities: Horses, Stables, and Cultural Differences
- [32:54 – 34:18]
- Reminiscing about growing up in neighborhoods with horses in small yards and the tradition of urban horseback riding, including the Philly “concrete cowboys.”
- “The best thing I ever saw in Austin was a black guy on a horse just in a suburb… texting.”— James [33:04]
- Reminiscing about growing up in neighborhoods with horses in small yards and the tradition of urban horseback riding, including the Philly “concrete cowboys.”
10. Jokey Observations on Slurs, Language, and Ancient Migrations
- [70:00 – 73:17]
- Closing digressions on ethnic slurs in the U.S. vs. Australia, how Nazis fled to Argentina, and musings on Polynesian migrations:
- “Lionel Messi’s awfully white.”— Shane Gillis [72:03]
- Closing digressions on ethnic slurs in the U.S. vs. Australia, how Nazis fled to Argentina, and musings on Polynesian migrations:
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Sigourney Weaver’s "Peasant Ass":
“Medieval dynasty ass. Sigourney Weaver's ass in the movie is... She's got a man's ass. She's got a nice pale Irish ass.”— [Shane Gillis, 01:13 & 01:33] -
On Gaming Addiction:
“I was literally chopping trees for six hours gathering sticks... There's no reward in the game.”— [Shane Gillis, 02:56 & 05:12] -
On Butt Wipes Sponsorship:
“Are you tired of juggling rolls, Matt? They leave no room for dingleberries... or stray butt crumbs that TP might miss.”— [Shane Gillis, 09:00] -
On Comedy Scene Rivalries:
“LA and New York need to unite to destroy the Austin comedy scene. How are they going to stop it? We have all the butt wipes.”— [Shane Gillis, 54:56] -
On Philly Comics:
“We’re like the Jews of comedy... We got kicked out of New York. Every four years, we come in, we take all the butt wipes, we go, ‘yeah, we’re going back to Philly.’”— [Matt, 58:52] -
On Disabled Comics:
“You think because of the disability, this guy must be a sweetheart... This guy's a little nasty fuck.”— [Shane Gillis, 55:49] -
On Parenting and Pools:
“Me and Maya did an inflatable pool in our front yard yesterday... My wife was hating on me. She's like, you look like white trash out here.”— [Matt, 30:23 & 30:43]
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:00 – 02:00: Jokes about body exposure and the cult of "tiny heinies"
- 02:44 – 10:15: Medieval Dynasty game obsession, virtual village-building, and comedic parenting
- 08:27 – 17:36: "Dude Wipes" ad-read riot and the "war for the butt wipes"
- 25:25 – 35:20: Parenting, kid’s museums, and the infinite quest for child entertainment
- 32:54 – 34:18: Urban horses and "concrete cowboys"
- 35:38 – 42:13: Sports banter: NFL & Australian Football League drama
- 54:47 – 60:14: Comedy civil wars, butt wipe sponsorship economy, and regional sniping
- 55:40 – 57:48: Disabled comedians and club accessibility
- 70:00 – 73:17: Closing: Ancient language origins, Nazis in Argentina, and Polynesian voyaging
Episode Tone & Takeaway
The episode is packed with irreverence, inside-baseball comedy talk, and affectionate, self-deprecating camaraderie. The conversation flows seamlessly between personal anecdotes, societal and media satire, and genuine reflections on family and ambition. While much is played for laughs, there’s a palpable undercurrent of nostalgia, pride, and loving mockery—especially when the trio reflects on shifting generational standards, the business of modern comedy, and navigating the messy, hilarious intersection between public success and private oddity.
If you missed the episode, let this summary serve as your “butt wipe”—no muss, no fuss, all the best bits from a comedic trio at their loose, raucous best.