Ep 577 - Bags On You (feat. Adam Eget)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast — Ep 577: "Bags On You" (feat. Adam Eget)

Date: September 19, 2025
Hosts: Matt McCusker, Shane Gillis
Guest: Adam Eget

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Overview

This episode blends wild storytelling, sports banter, behind-the-scenes tales from concerts, and riffing on cultural absurdities—all in the signature irreverent, self-deprecating humor characteristic of Matt and Shane, joined here by Adam Eget. The trio recounts their psychedelic adventures during an Oasis concert in Chicago, dig into legendary baseball pranks, reflect on public honey pots, and discuss a litany of misadventures, both personal and historical.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Opening Stories: Wild West and Youth Football (00:00–07:00)

• Bullying Docuseries: Shane references a true crime show where a mother catfished her own daughter. The guys riff about a bystander girl accused of being a jerk.
• Youth Football: Shane shares experiences watching his young niece and nephew play football:
  • Kids as young as 6 playing tackle, no concern for concussions
  • Absence of weight limits leads to colossal kids playing line (“There was a kid, 6’ 250 at age 7!” - Shane, 02:41)
  • Anecdote of a child threatening to “put two in your head” after being hit—a product of too much Call of Duty, not sports culture
  • Confusion and nostalgia about weigh-ins, aggression, and chaos in youth sports

2. Sports Pain and Fandom (07:00–11:00)

• The crew commiserates over tough losses (Giants, Dodgers), curses, and emotional investment in teams.
• Shane and Matt joke about how the teams they support are seemingly doomed, except for fleeting highlights like the Eagles Super Bowl.
• Exaggerated tales of NCAA Football gaming prowess: Shane describes his virtual dynasty leading North Texas to the Rose Bowl, “Obviously I’m on Heisman…” (06:28), as a tongue-in-cheek counterweight to “guys who actually have fulfilling lives.”

3. Chicago: Oasis, Acid, and Absurdity (11:51–29:40)

• Backstage with Oasis:
  • Meeting their hero, Noel Gallagher, with Matt awkwardly fan-boying (“I said ‘epic’ like 14 times,” - Matt, 12:46)
  • Billy and Shane roast Matt for his nervous blunders, drawing parallels to SNL’s Chris Farley.
• Box Suite Dilemma:
  • Watching Oasis from a box feels “contained”; the group prefers being in the crowd, so Matt sneaks down with a massive tequila bottle.
• Psychedelics Adventures:
  • Adam (ironically “Mr. Sobriety”) brings acid; Matt and Shane split a tab, then double up.
  • Hilarious details: Matt passing out tequila, visibly tripping, smoking huge joints (“Big doinks in Chicago!” - Shane, 28:32), and sweating through napkins.
  • Vivid acid experience: Water missions, reflective self-talk in hotel mirrors, feeling “like fish tanks” in their shoes, getting lost in hotel room tasks
  • KG Elephant (the band) “saves” them post-concert, providing sanctuary as the acid peaks.
• Escape from the Concert:
  • Encountering a cleaning crew parade (“40 to 50 Mexicans” - 24:39), awkward Uber escapades, and Shane “having the best moment of my life” watching the Chicago skyline (27:30).

Notable Quote:

• “Every creature gathered around this bottle of tequila on the ground…occasionally Matt would come by, pick it up, and chug it.” — Shane (16:00)

4. Legendary Baseball "Bags" — Epic Pranks of Old (33:00–41:37)

• Bob Uecker Stories:
  • Bob Uecker’s Carson Show cocaine mishap—mistaking a “mountain of white shit” for something, only to bomb his set in “30 seconds flat” (34:04).
• Baseball 'Bags' Explained:
  • A “bag” is a mean-spirited prank among players.
  • Legendary prank: Uecker tricks Dodgers’ Don Drysdale into thinking he killed a prostitute, getting police to bust in and arrest him naked, then revealing “the bag’s on you!” (36:32)
  • The bit escalates: Drysdale’s retribution reaches mafia-level “bags,” kidnapping a third baseman for digging his own grave before revealing it’s a prank.
• Modern "Bags":
  • Shane riffs about “Reddit bags” and internet catfishers pulling digital pranks and traps.

Notable Quote:

• “I walk by, I say, ‘Hey Drysdale, the bag’s on you!” — Bob Uecker (36:16)

5. Catfishing, Sextortion, and the Digital "Bag" (41:37–50:00)

• Digital Dangers:
  • Sextortion on the rise: sending explicit photos to scammers, who threaten to share with all your contacts unless you pay up.
  • General consensus: “Never negotiate with terrorists.” If they ask for money, just block.
• Personal Anecdotes:
  • Matt shares a near-miss with being set up for a robbery via Tinder, only realizing in time after searching the phone number and seeing incriminating photos.

Notable Quote:

• “If you get caught with one bad photo…that’d be crazy, to be indebted for like years and years and years.” — Billy (49:37)

6. The Epstein List, Blackmail, Deepfakes, and Absurd Paranoia (50:00–54:54)

• Notorious Names & Blackmail:
  • Joking reference to legendary figures (Stephen Hawking, David Copperfield) caught up in the Epstein web.
  • Goofs about “deepfakes” as future plausible deniability for sexual blackmail.
  • Outlandish imagery: Hawking allegedly participating in orgies, “making little people do math naked” (53:32).
  • General incredulity at how the powerful end up in such bizarre, perverse circles.

Notable Exchanges:

• “What do you mean the bag's on me?” — Matt, as Hawking (54:24)
• “They said Stephen Hawking would go into a room with midgets and make them do math naked. I heard that.” — Shane (53:32)

7. The State of "Jailbait" Culture in the ’90s–2000s (54:54–56:25)

• Revisiting how "jailbait" was once played for laughs in TV and movies, and a culture shift to today’s more serious, less tolerant viewpoint.
• Californication pilot, Pineapple Express, and other references to how casual the depiction once was.

8. The Jewish Star of David on Twix: Kanye-Style Paranoia (56:01–57:01)

• Shane recounts seeing a Star of David on a Twix container in his hotel, spinning into an exaggerated “Kanye” mental spiral.

9. Alcohol, Bukowski, and Literary Drunks (58:44–62:42)

• Billy recommends the memoir “Alcohol, Drunks and Monks,” about late-onset alcoholism.
• They riff on Bukowski, other hard-living authors (Hemingway, Faulkner), and the blurry line between genius and mess.
• Shane muses on their proclivity for getting “knocked out” in dingy bars.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “It’s just a bag.” (36:16, on pranks gone too far)
• “Big doinks in Chicago. Oasis 2025.” (28:32, Shane)
• “You gotta support Israel.” (50:32, satirical aside by Shane)
• “If you get caught with one bad photo…that’d be crazy, to be indebted for like years.” (49:37, Billy)
• “It looked like a swan. It looked like a swan.” (29:02-29:13, Matt, about the famous ‘free beer’ painting)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:00 – Bullying docuseries & youth football chaos
• 07:00–11:00 – Sports misery, video game dynasties
• 11:51–29:40 – The Chicago trip: Oasis, acid, napkins, afterparty, and escape
• 33:00–41:37 – Bob Uecker’s legendary “bags” and baseball pranks
• 41:37–50:00 – Sextortion, catfishing, and digital shakedowns
• 50:00–54:54 – The Epstein list, blackmail, and Hawking allegations
• 54:54–56:25 – “Jailbait” in pop culture: then and now
• 56:01–57:01 – Shane’s Star of David on Twix vision
• 58:44–62:42 – Drunken literary giants and the appeal of Bukowski

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Tone and Style

In keeping with Matt and Shane’s trademark, the tone is loose, brash, and unpretentious. There’s a mix of storytelling, quick riffs, and layered in-jokes. The humor is often dark, sometimes absurd, and always self-mocking—even when veering into taboo territory.

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Takeaways

For New Listeners:
This episode encapsulates why Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast is beloved: genuine camaraderie, unchecked storytelling, and hilarious, sometimes harrowing glimpses into the comedians’ personal lives and collective childhoods. Whether it’s a baseball prank gone too far, a concert on acid, or the weird dangers of modern sextortion, their frank, often shameless approach is as insightful as it is side-splitting.

Fans of unfiltered, intelligent comedy with a healthy dose of wildness (and a taste for slightly deranged tales from the road) will find “Bags On You” a quintessential Matt & Shane experience.

Transcript

[Shane Gill]

Wild, Wild West. We can. We can start on that. That was hilarious. Yeah, the show, dude. Also, that one girl who just caught astray in the middle of that, where they're like. It turns out it was the mom who was texting the girl the entire time and bullying her. But then they were like, that one girl was always a. We thought it was her interview this other high school girl. And they're like, so you were a. Right. And she was like, I guess. I guess I was mean a little bit. It was probably that Courtney. Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Nobody came out of unscathed. That was pretty.

[Billy]

Did anything happen to the kids? Did they end up, like, doing anything?

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, the daughter. It was real sad to see the daughter like that. Like, they have the body cam when the cops go to the house and be like, we've traced the number. It's. It's coming from your mom. Oh, it's really heartbreaking.

[Matt]

Yeah. Devastating.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Did they hit her with a Joe like Joe who?

[Shane Gill]

Like mama.

[Billy]

It was Joe.

[Matt]

Missed opportunity.

[Shane Gill]

That was. I was just home. That's my niece's number one joke. My niece with down syndrome. That's literally.

[Matt]

She got a great joke.

[Shane Gill]

Knock, knock. Who's there? Joe. You go, joe who? The mama. But she switched it up. Now she knows her best joke is N. N. You go, who's there? She goes, Joe. Joe who? She goes, joe Biden. Joe Biden. Good. Joe Biden's a nice joke.

[Billy]

That's a nice twist.

[Shane Gill]

Joe Biden.

[Matt]

Come on, man.

[Billy]

It's a modern twist on an old classic.

[Matt]

That's great.

[Shane Gill]

She's.

[Matt]

Coming.

[Shane Gill]

And then she claps because everyone laughs.

[Matt]

She's like, oh, dude, that kid's awesome.

[Shane Gill]

She's adorable.

[Billy]

Yeah, that's great.

[Matt]

Great.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. I got to go home and spend time with those. Those animals this. This week. It was nice. Got to see little kids football.

[Billy]

I didn't know they played that young.

[Shane Gill]

It was.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

How hilarious. Like six years old. Five and six. Yeah.

[Matt]

People pancaking.

[Shane Gill]

No one cares about concussions.

[Matt]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gill]

These kids are getting level, dude. They don't know how, so they sprint into each other, and no one has balance. So it's just hit stick after hit stick. But they break runs, dude. I bet. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah. There's, like, three kids that can run. They get the ball, they're gone.

[Billy]

That's awesome.

[Shane Gill]

They weren't keeping score, though. I was a little pissed. I kept the scores. Shamrocks1.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

Because you see the eagles. Yeah. I wish I was getting.

[Billy]

I didn't know They. I thought it was all flag until flag.

[Shane Gill]

So did I suiting him up.

[Billy]

Wait, were you doing weigh ins or what?

[Matt]

Wait, how?

[Shane Gill]

Also, there's no weigh ins anymore. I saw a kid, a unit on like a. This kid must have been £200.

[Matt]

Wait, shut the.

[Shane Gill]

It's like not there was the next. The next kids up. The next team, like ponies or pes were warming up and there's no weight limit. Now they just have to play on the interior offensive line. Got the interior line is like for real. What a kid that was like 6ft 250 using like 7. How old are these? He was huge.

[Matt]

That's crazy.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, he was just a very, very obese kid. He was bringing it.

[Billy]

I'm glad they're getting their shine. That's kind of nice.

[Matt]

Yeah, it is pretty good.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Like the greatest kindergartner right, right tackle or right guard there ever was.

[Shane Gill]

They said he threatened to shoot a kid.

[Billy]

What?

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. He had never played sports. They just got him. They just got him off the couch. And the first person that hit him, he was like, I'm gonna put two in your head. Where? His words.

[Matt]

Second grader.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. Oh, honky.

[Billy]

He's pulled him off the cod though. If you pull a kid off the.

[Shane Gill]

Cod, that's literally exactly what they said. They're like, dude, this isn't called dude. Oh, I'm gonna shoot you in the head. So I got that going on.

[Billy]

It's a lot. Yeah, it's a lot of stress. What was a flat? You get a flag? Personal foul for death threats.

[Shane Gill]

No, that was a practice. That was against his own teammate. Yeah, one of his coaches told me.

[Billy]

He'S gonna channel that to the other teams.

[Shane Gill]

It's time for him to start wailing on me. I don't mind having a little Jalen Carter on your squad. No, I mean somebody who's willing to die. First play of the game, spit on the quarterback.

[Billy]

That's great.

[Shane Gill]

Nice. That's great. You liked it?

[Matt]

I saw dad first.

[Billy]

Was there a reason for that?

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, that did spit Adam first. We didn't know. Yeah, it's like. That's the craziest thing I've ever seen.

[Billy]

Yeah, he got. He got kicked out. He got kicked out of the game.

[Matt]

Right before the first snap.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, well, the first play. Walked into the Cowboys huddle and spit on the quarterback.

[Billy]

Yeah, but.

[Shane Gill]

All right, you're out.

[Billy]

Yeah. You can't do that.

[Shane Gill]

You were fired up. I was furious.

[Billy]

Did he go for face or like right on his chest, But Dax spit towards Him.

[Shane Gill]

Dax spit from a distance towards him.

[Billy]

Cowboy.

[Shane Gill]

Which is a good move if you're gonna fire someone up.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

I think it's easy to get.

[Matt]

Yeah. Nick's on the sideline, like.

[Billy]

Okay.

[Matt]

I like it.

[Shane Gill]

I think you. Jaylen, though, that's a guy you got to target.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

If you're an opposing quarterback, you can get him kicked out of the game.

[Billy]

You can get him fired.

[Shane Gill]

If he stays in the game, you're in trouble.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

That's why he.

[Matt]

That's why he dropped so far in the draft.

[Shane Gill]

You guys always.

[Matt]

Everybody falls right in your lap. It's unbelievable.

[Shane Gill]

You guys had a good draft. Yeah, but the G men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We.

[Matt]

We always seem to have a good draft. It just doesn't pay out.

[Shane Gill]

You guys lost again this weekend, right? Uhhuh. Dude, I. And the Dodgers are on the bridge. About to get swept, huh?

[Matt]

A lot of tough losses this.

[Billy]

This month.

[Shane Gill]

I'm with you.

[Matt]

It's all right.

[Shane Gill]

I know. This is all. We're talking sports. Yeah.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

Notre Dame going on too.

[Billy]

I know.

[Shane Gill]

I'm a curse on whatever team I love.

[Billy]

Really?

[Shane Gill]

Never mind. The Eagles won the Super Bowl.

[Matt]

Phillies look pretty good.

[Shane Gill]

Phillies are good. But Notre Dame own two.

[Billy]

They're two. They're. They're, they're losses you can take, though.

[Shane Gill]

They're going to go 10, 2. I'm channeling what you did last year. So what if they just, you know, this galvanizes the team and they come back and win. I was like, matt, you're being a girl right now. You're too emotional.

[Billy]

I checked back in like 13 weeks later. He's like, they've won literally every single game.

[Shane Gill]

Every single game since you said that.

[Matt]

You just pulled off a huge upset against Penn State.

[Shane Gill]

Well, now we're talking. Now we're talking about North Texas college football dynasty.

[Billy]

You only watch so many else where you take the ball into your own hands.

[Shane Gill]

I had to with the quarterback.

[Matt]

I still can't believe I bet on Penn State today.

[Billy]

That was a good game.

[Shane Gill]

That was exciting.

[Billy]

I walked in, I rode my bike five and a half miles charged up, and then I walk in.

[Shane Gill]

Texas game winning. Screaming E. It was incredible. The mean greens, me and Green. Yeah, I mean, they look good. Taking North Texas to the promised land on Heisman. Good luck.

[Billy]

True.

[Shane Gill]

Not many can do it.

[Billy]

You're on Heisman right there.

[Shane Gill]

Obviously I'm on Heisman.

[Billy]

And you're run. You're. You're cutting through the defense like that.

[Shane Gill]

That's what I do. A lot of guys have hobbies and families.

[Billy]

Playing the computer on hard is crazy.

[Shane Gill]

I'm just playing with North Texas, focused on recruiting. You know, other guys have a fulfilling life trying to take the Mean Green. Clemson in the Rose bowl as soon as this podcast is over. And I'm just proud of my guys no matter what. I don't think it's looking good. Clemson on Heisman and the Rose Bowl. But I mean, dude, after this, the way this team came together.

[Matt]

Yeah, it was pretty impressive to see.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, I appreciate that.

[Matt]

I was hyped.

[Billy]

Coaching offers I thought were kind of a slap in the face coaching officer.

[Shane Gill]

Slap in the face.

[Billy]

Yeah. That was like.

[Shane Gill]

I took the Mean Green to the Whatever.

[Billy]

The Rose Bowl.

[Shane Gill]

Don't get started. I got a Purdue head coach.

[Billy]

Oh, it wasn't like New Mexico too.

[Shane Gill]

I am the offensive coordinator for the Mean Green. I'm not even the head coach.

[Billy]

Oh, you're o coordinator.

[Shane Gill]

Just the OC Dude.

[Matt]

My cousin was quarterback from New Mexico.

[Shane Gill]

One of them.

[Billy]

He's got two. He's like two dynasties.

[Matt]

What they're saying on. On espn.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

Jewish quarterbacks. Unbelievable.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Who knew?

[Shane Gill]

That's why it's a good.

[Matt]

They're not.

[Shane Gill]

They're not Arch Manning. They're.

[Matt]

The only shoes not running up the score are the egots.

[Shane Gill]

Well, maybe they'll play the Cumberland Valley peewee football team. Drop 40,000 on it.

[Matt]

No, but it's.

[Billy]

It's serious. Yeah, I checked. I checked the news big. Is that over yet? Not at all.

[Shane Gill]

No.

[Billy]

It's ripping. It's ripping. Just got ruled by the un like an official genocide.

[Shane Gill]

No, it's really bad. And yeah, you want to.

[Matt]

But we went to Chicago.

[Billy]

We did.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. There's some harsh videos. Yeah, whatever. Really? Really. Your day up.

[Billy]

Oh, yes.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. It's a genocide. Yeah.

[Billy]

Well, you had ruled officially.

[Shane Gill]

I've been waiting for that. To call it out.

[Billy]

Yeah. The UN ruling. Well, you don't know. I don't know.

[Shane Gill]

It's funny. Somebody was like, you don't even say Free Palestine. I looked it up. I've been saying it way too much. I said before the conflict. Me on Rogan, hammered like free power. All right, slow down. Yeah, the Jays will get you.

[Billy]

They could. They good.

[Shane Gill]

They could.

[Billy]

I mean, they literally could.

[Shane Gill]

Have you ever seen me texting any of you guys? Never mind.

[Billy]

What?

[Shane Gill]

Nothing.

[Matt]

My love.

[Shane Gill]

I was pointing for something I shouldn't even.

[Billy]

My love.

[Shane Gill]

Chicago was incredible.

[Billy]

My love. I was so excited you got back to me.

[Shane Gill]

My love. Matt. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. Man, I'm so happy we've gotten football back. Like, what was I doing before having a life. Doubt it, bro. True. Happy as I am, nothing brings down the Sunday vibes like an injury. Sure, the players that feel the pain, but the pain I feel from my picks, that hurts so much more than pain from a guy that's trying.

[Billy]

That's why you gotta play on prize picks.

[Shane Gill]

Give me that.

[Billy]

They offer injury reboots. So if one of your players leaves the game in the first half and doesn't return prize pick.

[Shane Gill]

I felt playing at Penn State won't count.

[Billy]

I got home, it has a loss. I'm gonna have a seizure, dude.

[Shane Gill]

Sorry.

[Billy]

They were the first app to offer injury reboots. I was trying to read that.

[Shane Gill]

They offer injury reboots. Okay, so that gives me some freedom on my picks. So I'm thinking more on Jalen Hurts rush yards and. And let's go with more on Christian McCaffrey's rush and receiving yards. I like the way he runs the ball. That's how white man runs. He just plays the game the right way. What the.

[Billy]

What the hell?

[Shane Gill]

Always, always like, adding a guy like that to my lineup. That's. This is how prize picks adds an extra layer of fun to the game. It's a simple way, and you can get it done in 60 seconds. What's there not to like?

[Billy]

Millions of users can't be wrong.

[Shane Gill]

Download the app today and use code Drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code to get $50 in lineups AFTER you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right.

[Billy]

Also, guys, I'm. I'm about to start hitting the comedy clubs again pretty soon. I got a bunch of stuff coming out right now. The only thing that's nailed down is off the hook Comedy club in Naples, Florida, on November 7, 2025. Be tight. I have a couple others that'll be coming out, so stay tuned.

[Shane Gill]

All right, I have Houston and Tulsa this weekend. Then I'm in Florida the 25th, 26th, 27th. Then October 3rd, Baltimore, Maryland. October 17th through the October 17th and 18th, I'm at Resorts World in Las Vegas. And then November 7th, San Francisco. November 8th, Sacramento. So go to those. Thank you. So we get into Chicago.

[Billy]

Chicago was nice.

[Matt]

Dude, that was one of the best. Seriously, one of the best weekends of my.

[Billy]

For real.

[Shane Gill]

Go see Oasis.

[Billy]

Yeah, I forgot I saw them.

[Shane Gill]

Exactly.

[Billy]

So much other going on.

[Shane Gill]

Too much.

[Billy]

It was.

[Shane Gill]

I'm with him Though I kind of barely saw it.

[Billy]

I know I saw it. I saw too much of it.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah.

[Billy]

It just got washed out. I was jamming harder than anyone.

[Shane Gill]

You were jamming.

[Billy]

I was jamming harder than anyone, dude.

[Shane Gill]

But no. No coming down saying, what's up? Before the show, taking a group picture. Maybe the fattest photo I've ever taken. Ruined the photo. I was like, no one's getting this photo.

[Matt]

You're.

[Shane Gill]

No one's have this.

[Matt]

You look like a fat gill.

[Shane Gill]

Fattest photo possible. And I ruined it.

[Billy]

I'm a huge. Like, it can't be that bad that I looked at. I was like, I can see the redaction go.

[Shane Gill]

Let's. Let's not put that one out, dude.

[Matt]

I was just praying I wouldn't embarrass myself. And I did.

[Shane Gill]

You did. I know.

[Matt]

I said epic like 14 times.

[Shane Gill]

He was full on.

[Billy]

Full on.

[Shane Gill]

Chris Farley, SNL interviews, Wonderwall, Wembley it was so epic. And I was just standing there like the. Are you. Why are you doing this?

[Billy]

That was nothing compared to the plan was. What was. What were you going to do?

[Matt]

Right. No, they wouldn't get it, but there was. He did an interview with this guy, Alan Partridge, and he says his catchphrase was, knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, Noel Gallagher.

[Shane Gill]

Aha.

[Matt]

And I was going to do that, but say Adam Ega, and it would have been infinitely worse.

[Shane Gill]

I would have been so upset. Yeah. I hit him with all.

[Matt]

Be thankful. I decided against hit him with an epic.

[Shane Gill]

Totally epic. Was sick.

[Matt]

In all fairness, the fucking shows at Wembley were epic, so.

[Billy]

Bro, I agree.

[Matt]

I stand by it.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. They were for the win.

[Matt]

I shouldn't have said it 14 times, but he was the person I've always been most nervous. I've always wanted to meet him more than anybody in the world.

[Billy]

He was so nice, too.

[Shane Gill]

That was awesome.

[Matt]

He was the coolest. Even cooler than I thought he would be. And I thought he would be the coolest man alive.

[Billy]

He was also crazy knowing he had to go to a concert that was his chill level before having to go.

[Shane Gill]

Do a concert for 80,000 people still remained pretty chill.

[Billy]

Yo, yo.

[Shane Gill]

And you see him singing and you'd be like, he was locked in. Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt]

They're the dude.

[Billy]

No, they were. That was racist rules.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. But the real thing that happened was Adam EGOT, Mr. Sobriety, our one guy who's supposed to be the soberman on the trip. Also, Matt was with me and Billions Blood.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

I figured. I was like, we're gonna drink a little bit like, for sure. This will be an easy, laid back time.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

You know, I mean, like, nobody's gonna get that crazy spud. Maybe. Yeah.

[Matt]

I don't drink.

[Shane Gill]

You don't drink? No, I don't sober.

[Billy]

My wheel. My wheels. I was. My. The boulder was rolling downhill for me.

[Matt]

At that point, for the flight was intense, man. The.

[Shane Gill]

The.

[Matt]

What do they call. What are they calling?

[Shane Gill]

Bubble buoys.

[Billy]

I was scared.

[Matt]

I'm singing the Big Bopper. That was.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, you shouldn't do that on the plane.

[Matt]

That was terrible.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, baby.

[Matt]

That's a.

[Billy]

What I like, baby, that.

[Matt]

What a lie.

[Shane Gill]

But Mr. Sobriety, we're up in a box, which. Thank you to Noel for giving us that one.

[Billy]

That was very nice.

[Matt]

Incredible.

[Shane Gill]

But it's tough. It's tough to watch Oasis. You don't want to watch it from a suite.

[Billy]

The vibe was do.

[Shane Gill]

Contained.

[Billy]

It was too contained. Yeah.

[Matt]

Even the. There was the. The plate of glass. The music would seep in through the little tiny window.

[Shane Gill]

So Mr. Sobriety goes, Hey, I got some acid. It was like, no, I'm not taking that. We have a couple drinks, we go, all right, yeah, I'll take half. Matt will take half. We'll split one. Yeah.

[Billy]

I knew it was coming down.

[Shane Gill]

And then I'll do three. Matt buys a bottle of tequila, sneaks it down to the floor where we're all standing.

[Matt]

By the way, the biggest bottle of Casa Stool I've ever seen. It's like Costco huge.

[Shane Gill]

Look like a Eiffel Tower. Half of acid had.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

And we were like, this isn't doing much. Let's take another full one. Yeah. So now we're both on a tab and a half. Yeah. Kicked in.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

And I was just. I was just standing still, watching. But Matt was going wild. He's got the cornhole, smoking weed under his shirt, full bottle of Cosmic.

[Matt]

So I look over at one point.

[Shane Gill]

And he's literally drinking. The creatures, every creature gathered around this bottle of tequila on the ground. Literally, like, six different big, fat white guys would all just. And occasionally Matt would come by, pick it up, and chug it.

[Billy]

I'd have to prove there was just the bottle on the ground. And I had a T. I had my sweatshirt over it. And then eventually my sweatshirt just got kicked. And people would look at it, and I'd go, dude, you can have some. And they think it was a trap. They'd be like, what is it? And I'm visibly tripping. Like, dude, drink that. It's totally fine. And they were like, is there Anything in it. And I'm like, no, there's nothing in it. I would show them by taking a sip, not realizing I was taking like half a shot every time. Had no effect on it.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, well, of course. Yeah.

[Billy]

I was just. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was. I smoked the bat. The bat did nothing.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Then I look over.

[Billy]

It all culminated. It culminated eventually, every time I look over.

[Shane Gill]

And then at one point, he's got this shirt over his head.

[Billy]

Smoke. You never took this. Put a shirt over your head to let it join the wind. Did you ever do that? It's a classic trick.

[Shane Gill]

It was a side of Matt I've almost never seen. It was like Matt was in 19. We kept being like 99. Woodstock, 2025, Oasis. Oh, yeah. Because I. I felt like I wasn't tripping that much because I'm not used to that. So I was just like, staring. I was definitely high as. Just staring at the wall. The graphics.

[Billy]

Graphics.

[Shane Gill]

Literal wonder wall, just. Yeah, but Matt would be like, literally Hillary with the balloons every second. And I was doing that thing where I'm like, I'm not even that up. Look at Matt. Look at Matt. Dude, that's crazy. I was the highest I've ever been in my life.

[Matt]

Every two seconds I'm like, did it kick in for you?

[Billy]

I would look back and you'd be like, yes.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. I was just. I was like this. Eventually, I was like, yo, play Wonderwall. I gotta go home.

[Billy]

This episode is brought to you by McAfee tech scams. Identity theft, data leaks. Feels like we're under siege when we're online, and that is stressful, but it needn't be. McAfee's award winning protection can help you live your online life worry free. So stop stressing and keep those scammers away. And your data and identity safe plans start at just 39.99 for your first year. Find out more at mcafee.com keepitreal Cancel anytime terms apply. The concerts, but the music was my favorite part. Yeah, I got in there and there was. When it started kicking in on me, I was like. I just noticed I was doing that same stuff where I'd be like, like, I don't know, man. Who the designed this? The artwork on the back. This shit's weird. Everything. I'd see it like, that's weird. This sucks. Why is this guy doing that? Like, damn, these guys are like, kind of old. And then all of a sudden I was like, I'm not gonna make it unless I shut down this negative thinking. And I complete. I don't know what happened. I flipped the switch, and I just. Was no negative thinking the entire time. It was so nice. Oh, exactly. Again, I got the access to my brain, and I was like, all right.

[Matt]

Every three songs, this hero, this legend goes, walks up there and gets us a big case of bottled water.

[Shane Gill]

He caught me.

[Matt]

He'.

[Shane Gill]

I went up to try to go to the bathroom and had to take a thousand photos. And then Matt came behind me with a case of. A whole case of water. And he was like, I got water. I was like, oh, my God, you're an angel. You're a complete angel.

[Matt]

He sent an email to himself at one point.

[Billy]

Yeah, that was awesome.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, that was so funny. Matt's like, dude, check out this email. I was like, he was literally in.

[Matt]

The middle of Wonder Wall.

[Shane Gill]

They were like, ladies and gentlemen, Wonderwall. Man was like, look at this email. Like, dude, please.

[Billy]

I sent it to myself.

[Shane Gill]

Sent an email about, like, we are all vibrations. Your flower is beautiful.

[Matt]

Check out this email.

[Shane Gill]

You showed me your phone. And I was like, I can't. It was just squiggly. I was like, oh, I didn't think I was that high, dude.

[Billy]

I. When I first broke off for a water mission, it was like there was a. On the. I guess, like, the ground level, there was like a little water stand line was so long, and I was in line, and I couldn't stop laughing about how much it sucks to stand in line. There's a part of you that believes you're so important. Then you stand in line. It's just like a knife just hitting that part for the whole time. Then this guy next to me was like, I don't. I don't know if he's, like, a Mexican guy or what, but he was just like, you know, I heard that we can go up the steps and get water. And I was like, nice move. That's how we found.

[Matt]

Hey, man, I heard you.

[Billy]

He seemed like he was, like, Mexican, but very American. But then he stopped. But then it came. He was just like, hey, I'm trying to score some coke, man. And I was like, oh, cool, dude. Let's go get some water and we'll talk about that. That's when I discovered you just get.

[Shane Gill]

People like, yeah, that was actually. That helped me, though, with the line. They're like, like, go, go.

[Billy]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Shane Gill]

And I was like, thank you. I'm on acid. Thank you. Hi. I'm on acid. I'm on ass. I told every single I told everyone for three straight days, I'm on acid. Hi. I'm on acid.

[Matt]

It didn't kick in for me until literally, the fireworks.

[Shane Gill]

The fireworks was where I realized how severe it was. Yeah.

[Billy]

Yeah. I didn't know. Once the fireworks, I was like, okay, this is intense. And then the music stopped and I went, oh, okay, now what's my brain gonna do?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

And that's when Cage the Elephant saved us.

[Billy]

Yeah, true.

[Shane Gill]

They literally, like, so Kg elephant opened for him, and we were hanging out with them a little, which they were very nice. Like. Yeah. When he. He, like, jumped on me, and I was like, I'm on acid. This is, like, kind of the first time I've ever taken acid. He was like, I got you, man. I was like, I don't know how much you're helping me. He's like, whoa, check out that.

[Billy]

Right?

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, it's pretty. I didn't even notice that.

[Billy]

Yeah, I didn't. I didn't care for the purposeful, like, heaviness of conversation they kept doing, which I. I would be like, I know what you guys are doing. Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

It was bringing up, like. Like rape. And somebody did what? Somebody in the room.

[Billy]

Yeah. There was like. And it was like.

[Matt]

I think they were doing it to, like, purposely with us. I don't. It was just.

[Shane Gill]

They were being really nice.

[Billy]

They were.

[Matt]

Everybody else was being super nice.

[Shane Gill]

Saved us.

[Billy]

They're being tricksters.

[Shane Gill]

We had to walk out in that crowd. That would have been. I couldn't even. My legs were like, yeah. Vibrating.

[Billy]

Yes.

[Shane Gill]

No homo. I was just. Sounds gay.

[Matt]

I just was sweating so profusely. I went through so many napkins.

[Billy]

That was the best.

[Matt]

You were dying.

[Shane Gill]

We're sitting in their greenery. They bring us. Kg oven saves us. They just go, here. Don't. Don't Just run straight back to the locker right behind the stage. So then we're sitting there. They're all being very nice. And that you were cracking me up with. Just, like, trying to be in control. Like, this is it. This is as high as we're gonna get. Everything's down from here. I was like, matt, we're gonna be high for a day. This is just starting. We're so. Oh.

[Billy]

I thought for sure it was about to wear off. Just kept getting worse.

[Shane Gill]

And I was like, two hours ago, just started. You're like, that's fine. This is as high as we're going to get. I thought it was 150 degrees.

[Billy]

My feet felt like they were like fish tanks.

[Shane Gill]

My glass. I was wearing Glasses. They were fogged up. It was. We were so hot.

[Matt]

There was, like, food.

[Shane Gill]

Trying to eat's trying to have conversation, too. Oh, this is. That's what you're saying. They were like, man, Chicago's great. Like, Chicago, what a great city. Look over, and he's got a pile of paper towels because he's sweating, just going, oh, yeah, Chicago.

[Matt]

What a town, man.

[Billy]

It's a.

[Matt]

It's a Chicago. Hell of a town.

[Shane Gill]

Hell of a town. I love it.

[Billy]

They really were, like, not exaggerating, maybe like 20 paper towels.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. Disgusting. Yeah.

[Billy]

It was so funny.

[Matt]

I really tried it for a second to hide them, but everyone was like.

[Billy]

Dude, where were they? In your pocket? Were they in your pockets?

[Shane Gill]

On the table next to the couch.

[Matt]

It was like a box of food there and a stack of napkins.

[Shane Gill]

And I used, literally, sweat napkins. All the. Were so many, dude, but it was all of his. All the KG Elephant bros are like old Kentucky guys.

[Billy]

Yeah, they were nice.

[Shane Gill]

They were old musicians. So when we were like, we're on acid. This is kind of our. This is my first time getting this high. And they were like, oh, you're gonna have a good night. They were like, real.

[Billy]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

He. And that one dude was awesome. He's like, show me. He's like, what do you got? I was like, I got one left. He's like, okay, yeah, it's gonna be about seven hours.

[Shane Gill]

He, like, told you exactly what he's like. I think. I think it was more than 7. I think it was. Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Billy]

More like the entire day leading in.

[Shane Gill]

The next day a little bit said 12. And I remember, remember sitting there being like, oh, no. Then we escaped the stadium. On the way out, they brought in the cleaning crew.

[Matt]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gill]

How funny was that?

[Matt]

That was crazy. It was like a parade.

[Shane Gill]

It was just all the. The people that come in to clean. So it looked like just 40. It was 40 to 50 Mexicans. It was.

[Billy]

It was a small door with a, like. Like a very narrow stairway where they came from, like an opening above, down a little tiny stairway. And it's like, you know, you see a cleaning crew, maybe 12 people. It just kept going. It just kept going.

[Matt]

And we just had to wait there.

[Shane Gill]

And then one was like, Shane, yo.

[Billy]

It was. Dude, it was 40. It was literally like 45 Mexicans. And then a black guy in the very end of the procession went, God damn, Shane Gill, is that you?

[Shane Gill]

And it was just like, oh, no. I think he used the N word, which was very similar, which was awesome. Which was very funny.

[Matt]

We died laughing. And then I was like, we should have used that opportunity to go up the stairs. And then they immediately turned around and went. And we had to wait for the 42 back up the stairs.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, they remember shuffling those.

[Billy]

It was like a military procession. It was like they just were showing us. And they were like, all right.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. It was a show of force.

[Billy]

They're like, back up. And they just went straight back up.

[Shane Gill]

Billy. Billy was leading the way. Oh. But favorite. One of my favorite moments of the night is we get outside the stadium, and Matt's like. Like, God damn. I'm telling you, that caffeine.

[Matt]

That coffee. That coffee.

[Shane Gill]

I shouldn't have had that caffeine. It got me all jittery, man. I just watched you party harder than anyone I've ever seen you. Chugging tequilas, smoking. It wasn't the cup of joe, man.

[Billy]

It was the second cup and a cup of joe.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, I know, dude. It was the acid.

[Billy]

That was the only thing helping me.

[Matt]

Dude, I think those oysters were off.

[Shane Gill]

Matt's diet. That. It was oysters, espresso, martini, tequila, weed, and then acid. And he was like, coffee, Tony, Coffee. Just. I stop.

[Matt]

Caffeine's not good.

[Billy]

I'm telling you, man. It was.

[Shane Gill]

I knew. Double down and be like, I'm telling you, it was the caffeine.

[Billy]

I don't. I try not to touch this stuff anymore. And we went.

[Shane Gill]

And Billy leads us. Leads us to the middle of nowhere.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

To get to the Uber.

[Billy]

Oh.

[Shane Gill]

We walked for a while until we get under the tree.

[Billy]

I tried to take a picture of a spider, and it's just.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, yeah. You're trying to identify a spider blur.

[Billy]

I'm like, oh, cool.

[Matt]

That literally was the coolest spider web in my life.

[Shane Gill]

Remember, there was a whole gang of people under the trees.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. We kept walking.

[Billy]

And then that was pretty weird.

[Shane Gill]

It was just an encampment of.

[Billy]

Yeah. And we got into, like, a crossover sedan.

[Shane Gill]

Then we just got into a regular guy's car. It wasn't even an Uber. It was just a guy.

[Billy]

Yeah, he was.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Billy]

It was huge.

[Matt]

It felt like a clown car. I don't know how we all fit in that car, but I'm in the very back with you.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I couldn't see, and it felt like he was going.

[Billy]

It was like a station wagon with a third row that you can barely, like, fit. It was. That car was.

[Shane Gill]

I had to. I had to. I sat. Shocking. And had the nicest sh. With the man I just saw the skyline of Chicago and it was all moving. Town looked like the lights were all flickering. I was like, this is the best moment of my life.

[Billy]

It's a great town.

[Matt]

Great town.

[Shane Gill]

It's a great town. It's a great town.

[Billy]

It's a great town.

[Shane Gill]

I love it here. She's really great. Oh, God.

[Billy]

Just having a nice cup of Joe in Chicago and relaxing.

[Shane Gill]

Joe got you up. I don't know what they're putting in the bean in Chicago, but God damn.

[Billy]

I still. I was like, lsd, that's what was cracking me.

[Shane Gill]

I was like. Literally, when you said it, I had a montage of what I saw you doing.

[Billy]

It was one of those joints that has, like, an eighth of weed. It was enormous. It was huge. Remember the ones, Lamar, the ones I gave you from Detroit that are just like. They're bats? Yeah, absolutely. They're for real doinks.

[Shane Gill]

Big doinks in Chicago. Oasis 2025.

[Billy]

It was so fun.

[Shane Gill]

But then we go back to the hotel. We're in my room. We're just staring at one painting. Free beer painting. I mean, yeah, the free beer painting was.

[Matt]

But it. It looked like it should have been hanging in the loo. Like, it was gorgeous.

[Billy]

I did. The dimensions and depth in it were crazy.

[Matt]

It was stunning. And then, remember, there was one. I thought it was a swan. And then Billy's like, you retard, that's a rose. She's holding a rose.

[Shane Gill]

It looks like a swan.

[Matt]

It looked like a swan.

[Billy]

Yeah. Thank God for Billy for.

[Matt]

But I'll. Maybe I can send it to you after.

[Billy]

Let me see if I can find the painting. Free beer painting. This is. Nope. All right. Yep. Nope. We're not getting this. That might be just one of a kind.

[Shane Gill]

That was probably an original.

[Billy]

Yeah, I believe so.

[Shane Gill]

But I did wake up the next day and realized it was a dull sack of painting.

[Matt]

It literally looked like it was from Marshall commercials. Like, that's. I guarantee you that's where they got it.

[Billy]

I think it's seared into my brain because Adam showed me, like, several days later on his phone. I was like, God, that's such a nice.

[Matt]

Yeah, it was epic.

[Shane Gill]

It was epic. Chicago, What a town.

[Billy]

Towards the end, I knew it. The writing was on the wall. I was like, these guys are ready to go to bed. I was keeping the chat alive.

[Shane Gill]

You're trying to keep the chat alive.

[Billy]

Because I'm telling. Dude, I'm telling you. When I have too much caffeine, when it wears off, the. I just get, like, horrible Knots in my chest. And I could feel it coming for me. And I was like, like, me alone in this room while I'm kind of tripping.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, I know. Kind of tripping.

[Billy]

True.

[Shane Gill]

We were tripping. Oh, nice. It's free beer, dude.

[Billy]

God, that painting's awesome. I still like it. I still, like.

[Matt]

Does look like a swan, though.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, of course. It does look like a swan, right? Yeah.

[Matt]

Wearing, like, a white dress.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, we'll show it. We'll show the folks at home.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

Dude, what are you doing there? M. Okay.

[Billy]

I got back to my room. It was just like, nothing. Just pack your clothes. Just normal stuff, dude. Just do normal stuff. Pack. And I started packing my clothes. I'm like, this is taking a long time.

[Shane Gill]

And I would stop and be like, what are you.

[Billy]

So what are you freaking out about, dude? I'd be like, nothing, dude. If I worry about it, I like.

[Shane Gill]

That your internal monologue is an actual conversation with yourself.

[Billy]

Oh, big time.

[Shane Gill]

It's pretty crazy.

[Billy]

It's kind of nice. It was just kind of like, dude, we got this. Everything's cool. I'd be like, dang. Why wouldn't it be cool? Dude, shut the up.

[Shane Gill]

Wait, wasn't that. Didn't you have internal monologue at the. The mirror or something?

[Billy]

Dude, I. I was like, I'm putting my stuff away, and I'm like, this is up, dude. You're overthinking this. Chill, relax. And I, like, went to go to the bathroom, and it's caught my reflection. I was like, it's all been leading to this. And I just stared at myself. And the whole time, there's, like, this. It was hard to explain. It was like a flash of just like. It wasn't even really insight. It was just like, dude, I'm gonna look myself in the eye. I'm gonna show up for myself. I'm gonna be present in my own body. And I was just like, you got this, dude. I'm finally here. And my. My first thought was like, shut the up.

[Shane Gill]

And I was like, God damn it. Yeah, I was.

[Billy]

I was in a fun house, dude. I went back to my room.

[Shane Gill]

Those mirrors like a play. I was like, oh, no, no, no, no.

[Billy]

I got caught in it, dude. I got fully caught in it. And. Oh, it was. That was. That was a rugged one. And I just laid in bed with just, like, it. It felt like my insides were completely constricted. I held off as long as I could. Finally, I was like, hey, Shane, how you making out? Dude, I'm not doing so hot.

[Shane Gill]

I just fell asleep. I'm so sorry. I was like, dude, I really. I don't care. Nothing matters. I was having such a nice time.

[Matt]

I just went and started my own shitty painting in my hotel room for about two hours. And then I couldn't sleep. And I just did some mock drafts, see Dress.

[Billy]

I tried to go to bed. That was my problem. I tried to go to bed, and it was just like. The feeling in my chest was just horrific. Just like, super tense. And then there was like. I was listening to YouTube to calm myself down. So it was like meditation. YouTubes, all this stuff. Relaxation. I'm playing. I'm just laying there. Nothing's working. And eventually they're like. Like whatever feeling you have, give it a shape. And I was like, give it a color. And I'm like, red. And it's like, give it a shape. And I'm like. I close my eyes and it's just like this amorphous shiny blob going.

[Shane Gill]

Twix. It was a Twix box.

[Billy]

The shape completely turned on me. It was just like. I was like, fuck, this isn't working. It was fun.

[Matt]

Oh, my God. We laughed so fucking hard in that.

[Shane Gill]

You need to tell the drives.

[Billy]

That was so funny.

[Shane Gill]

I don't care how long it takes to set up. I love this story.

[Billy]

Yeah, true. Please, from the very beginning, fellas, get.

[Shane Gill]

Off your phones and pay attention.

[Matt]

I can't recall.

[Shane Gill]

Somebody needs to hear this for the first time.

[Matt]

I can't recall. I feel like Norm told it somewhere. But we went to go see. Back in, like, 2007, maybe, we went and saw legendary baseball player, commentator, and act. Euchre. Bob Euchre.

[Shane Gill]

And by the way, he's in the Miller Light commercial.

[Matt]

He's in the Miller.

[Shane Gill]

Like, we're on.

[Matt]

It's where they met.

[Shane Gill]

No, I mean this. There's a new one.

[Billy]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gill]

So the next. The next day, we're talking about the. The bags on you. Yeah. And I'm in the. I'm in a sports bar, and you on tv. I'm like, dude, that's the guy. Yeah. What are the odds?

[Matt]

Yeah, he was on a famous sitcom in the 80s. Mr. Belvedere. And he was in Major League. And so that's Bob Uecker. He's a fucking. He's literally the funniest man I've ever met in my life. So Norm and I went to go visit him when I was living in Arizona, and he was doing the improv, and we went down to see a spring training game, and Euchre, for many years has been calling the brewers games. He's from Milwaukee. And he told us the funniest story I've ever heard in my fucking life. And he was saying that back in.

[Shane Gill]

I think, wait, tell him the Carson story, too.

[Matt]

Oh, the Carson story. So there was a brief time where Euchre did stand up and he did the Johnny Carson show back in the 70s. And euchre, he had like his five minute set. He kept running it and then he went to go do it on Carson and he was walking backstage before he was supposed to go up, and he's like, yeah, man, I'm fucking. And he cursed like a sailor and he has this thick accent. He's like, yeah, man, I fucking went to go do Carson back in whatever year. It was 76 or something. And the band leader for Carson back in the day was Doc Severinsson. And he's like. I walked by and fucking Doc Severinson's. His dressing room doors open and he's sitting in there with this fucking mountain of white shit on the table and he's like, hey, Euchre, come in here and fucking do some of this shit. I didn't even know what the fuck it was. I said, I don't give a fuck, I'll do it. So I go in there and it turns out it was obviously cocaine. I didn't fucking know. And then, so I'm doing my fucking seventh line, I think, at this point, and the fucking showrunner for Carson, he says, hey, Euchre, you're on. So I fucking go out there and I do five minutes of material in about 30 seconds, and they've given me the sign to fucking stretch. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

[Shane Gill]

Just seeing a pile of coke go, fuck it, I'll do it. I don't know what the fuck it is. I gotta do national television. It's so fun. I'll do it.

[Matt]

So the best story he told us in my I've ever heard was he's like, yeah, man, I used to play for the fucking brewers and we used to pull bags on each other all the time back in the day on other guys from other ball clubs. By the way, a bag is a prank. And he called them bags.

[Shane Gill]

The bag. The funniest thing. Yeah, that'll be in the. Yeah, in the language.

[Matt]

The bag is going to be in the vernacular forever. Absolutely. So he's like, so one day we decide, oh, this weekend we got the fucking Dodgers coming to Milwaukee. And we said, oh, this is a perfect opportunity to pull a bag on old Don Drysdale. So. So fucking Don Drysdale had a. He had a fucking whore in every city, but his fucking primo whore was in Milwauke, Wisconsin. So we decide. Oh, perfect opportunity for a fucking bag on Drysdale. So we decide. He didn't know. Little did Don Drysdale know, I'm friends with the fucking chief of police in Milwaukee. So he's in this fucking hotel room with his primo whore and we paid that fucking bitch off and pretend like she died and had the fucking chief of police and come up, some of his cops come bang down his fucking hotel room in the. In the fucking middle of the night and he thinks he killed this fucking bitch. And so they cuff him naked as the fucking day he was born. He's crying in the fucking hallway, thinks his life's over. And I walk by, I say, hey, Drysdale, the bag's on you. Any mini. Anyway, so 20 minutes later, I'm down in the fucking lobby having a drink and Drysdale comes down, the fucker's still mad. I said, relax, it's a fucking bag.

[Shane Gill]

Hey, Drysdale, the bag's on you.

[Billy]

Relax.

[Shane Gill]

Still pissed.

[Matt]

So Norm and I used to always.

[Shane Gill]

Do this bit where we would talk.

[Matt]

About, like, how it be great to do a. A sitcom like Candid Camera called the bags on you with Bob Euchre, where he just.

[Shane Gill]

Pulls these terrible, awful, your wife and kids are dead, the bag's on you.

[Matt]

But it's all because Mr. Belvedere. Oh my God, because he was on Mr. Belvedere. For some reason we just kept using these old obscure actors from sitcoms in the 80s. They're like, hey, this week on the bags on you, we pull a bag on Principal Belding. Like, you feel like, we tell me we got evidence that you raped a 14 year old, but the bag's on you.

[Shane Gill]

The bag's on you. Now, that's all. Allegedly. We don't know if Drysdale had a whore in every city.

[Matt]

No, it's all funny.

[Shane Gill]

It was just a bag.

[Matt]

And then Drysdale pulled the bag. He thought it was the.

[Shane Gill]

Well, I don't know. Yeah, this is one of the most intense bags I've ever heard.

[Matt]

Keeps going.

[Shane Gill]

Allegedly, the.

[Matt]

The Drysdale thought that. He's like, Drysdale didn't realize I was the one that pulled the bag. It was my idea. But he thought it was the third basement policemen. And so we didn't know that Drysdale's buddies with these fucking goombas, these fucking Italian goombas couple these fuckers and. And we're going down and we're gonna go play in. In Los Angeles. And he gets a couple of these fuckers to go take the third baseman out in a fucking limousine by gunpoint. They drive him out into the fucking middle of the desert and they hand him a shovel and they say, hey, st. Start digging. And this guy's crying, digging what he thinks is going to be his own grave. And we go, hey, now the bag's on you. It's just. Just for.

[Shane Gill]

Just for kids, the most evil pranks. Those are serious bags.

[Matt]

Just some baseball player stuff.

[Shane Gill]

So funny. 70s baseball bags. Probably 60s.

[Matt]

Yeah, probably.

[Shane Gill]

Maybe even. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

[Billy]

60S Relaxdale after that.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, yeah, it's very funny to see. Oh, yeah, it's like a Don Drysdale. I didn't realize Don Drysdale was like a man. Yeah, he was nasty.

[Billy]

He's an all American.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, no. Think of the bag getting pulled on old Drysdale.

[Billy]

He probably was usually.

[Matt]

He wasn't thrilled.

[Billy]

That hooker. Yeah, he's a. Yeah, dude, that hooker was passed down. He's probably like, oh, right, Rats, the broad is dead.

[Shane Gill]

I killed the goddamn broad.

[Billy]

Just what I need.

[Shane Gill]

This broad was sick. His broad came down with the heebie jeebies.

[Matt]

The jig is up.

[Billy]

Just your look, Drysdale, I'm going to.

[Matt]

The big house for sure.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, Drysdale, you're in a pickle this time. Real pickle, not just all baseball. Get out of it. Oh.

[Matt]

Oh, I'm gonna have to shoot my way out.

[Billy]

Just my luck. My Primo craps out on me.

[Shane Gill]

Honestly, these bags could go really, really bad.

[Matt]

Yeah, you could jump out of the hotel easily.

[Billy]

Primo is such a funny bag.

[Shane Gill]

He's gone wild. Dude, that was honestly. Probably in the Best Western in mil. Milwaukee. The bag got pulled on old Lamar.

[Matt]

Oh, is that right? You had a bag?

[Shane Gill]

A couple fellas in Reddit pulled the old bag on Lamare Lee.

[Matt]

Oh, what happened? Were you with your Primo?

[Shane Gill]

So I'm in Milwaukee, I just get off stage, I get on Reddit and I find Milwaukee's gone wild. That's a little subreddit where they're selling orgies in Milwaukee. I say, 75 bucks for an orgy? Yeah, I'll take a razor scooter over to the Best Western. I get in there, they say, hey, we're not in here. Thanks for the 75 bucks. The bag's on you. My favorite, my favorite. We're back in. We're back in New York. We're back in New York.

[Billy]

Just taking.

[Matt]

Off for the rock hard $75 slider.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, Jesus.

[Billy]

Well, you waited. You waited for how long?

[Shane Gill]

I waited like 30, 40 minutes. And they were like, we can't come down now. We're too busy. Get back. Get back to New York. And he. He tries to confront Milwaukee's Gone Wild. And they're like, actually, it's funny you ask. We have a orgy in New York tonight. Good for you. Bag's been pulled on him a couple times on the Internet.

[Matt]

Bag me once.

[Shane Gill]

Shame on you.

[Matt]

Bag me twice.

[Billy]

True.

[Shane Gill]

This time the bag's on me. Yeah, the bag. Lamar's been hit with the Internet bag.

[Billy]

Oh, they'll get you.

[Shane Gill]

Jacking off bag. Send it to your friends.

[Matt]

Jacking off bag.

[Shane Gill]

You better be careful. You're going to want to hear this. Which one? I sent my I dick to a dude on Snapchat. I thought it was a lady. Oh, yeah, it happens to the best of us.

[Billy]

True. But you, I. I admire the fact you were like, go ahead and release it to all my friends. They're cool.

[Shane Gill]

Nothing.

[Billy]

You literally.

[Shane Gill]

So they get. They get your Instagram so they see who your friends are, and then they go, this is who I'm about to send it to if you don't give me $2,000. And you go black. Well, you got to send it, cuz you can't negotiate. They're going to go, all right, here's another list. 2000 more. I'm sorry, them. Yeah, yeah, you can't negotiate with terrorists. You can't negotiate with these dictators.

[Billy]

He didn't even send it, did he?

[Shane Gill]

Oh, he sent it. He sent it out.

[Billy]

He did send it out.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, but nobody answered it. Like, everybody was like, this guy sent me a message about you. I was like, don't, don't. Look, everyone opened it. Just so you know, every single. I would open it. Everyone's opening that.

[Billy]

Yeah, true.

[Shane Gill]

We were talking about this horrible recently and a girl told me, because we were sharing stuff, stories about this, how it happens to people. And a girl was like, happened to my brother. And it got sent to every single member of my family.

[Matt]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gill]

He was like 18 when he did it. It got sent to his sister and it was a video of him jacking off.

[Billy]

Oh, my God.

[Shane Gill]

With his face in it, like.

[Billy]

But he survived.

[Matt]

People are evil.

[Billy]

Yeah, that's.

[Matt]

That's like that Black Mirror episode. And they made him do all that crazy. No, that was a different episode.

[Shane Gill]

Bags on me.

[Matt]

The bag's on my.

[Billy]

I would almost rather have like a. If it could be like a side profile the pig than like an eye contact POV of me jerking off on the stream.

[Matt]

I disagree.

[Shane Gill]

Side profile of pigs. That's pretty wild vicious.

[Matt]

That is wild.

[Billy]

We can at least deny some culpability. Be like, bro, if you're eye contact in the camera, like, I'm gonna kiss him.

[Matt]

They're both awful options. But I still go, yeah, jacking off everybody.

[Shane Gill]

Pig is nuts. Yeah, that's.

[Matt]

What an odd choice.

[Shane Gill]

A real pig, not a lady pig's dead. Oh, that's different. Well, yeah, no brainer.

[Matt]

Obviously. The dead pig.

[Billy]

It's dead pig.

[Shane Gill]

Dead pig. Who would.

[Billy]

They're about.

[Shane Gill]

You sell it anyway.

[Billy]

Yeah, a bunch of Italians.

[Matt]

We just paid that pig off to pretend it was dead.

[Billy]

The bag's on you.

[Shane Gill]

The bag's on you.

[Matt]

He's upstairs with his primo pig.

[Billy]

I didn't even have to send the video to my family. I don't even know why I did that.

[Matt]

I like that dude. Show the terrorist whose boss.

[Billy]

True. I might start sending my family just non stop trick.

[Matt]

I got to get ahead of this dude.

[Billy]

They got me again. Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

Got me. Keep sending videos of you jacking off to your dad. Dad, don't open it.

[Matt]

Dude. I got catfished terribly once back in. Yeah. I mean, 10 years ago. And my friend told. I was like, I got a bad feeling about this girl invited me over. It's late at night on Tinder or something. And I was like, I got a weird feeling about this. And I was like, dude. He's like, yeah. And something's wrong. I'm like, I could get laid, but I might be murdered.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And my buddy's like, oh, you know what you do is you can put the phone number in into the Facebook search bar at the time, and it'll show if there's a profile linked to that account. I swear to God, I typed in the phone number, and it's literally. It doesn't matter that they're black, but they happen to be black and wearing a ski mask.

[Billy]

Whoa.

[Matt]

It was literally just three prony pictures. And he definitely had a gun and another one. And I'm like, I'm glad I looked that up.

[Shane Gill]

That's really nice.

[Matt]

I still went. I still went. You know what? No, I didn't go. When you get horny, it's like, yeah, on the website.

[Billy]

Definitely been murdered.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. You got robbed for sure.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

It's a good way to rob people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

It's better than Reddit or seduce like.

[Shane Gill]

A married Guy into coming to your house. That way he can't tell on you. Oh, yeah, you just rob him. There you go. Take acid. Rob people. It's a good podcast now.

[Billy]

The horny traps. The best.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Get someone in. Yeah. And you're just kind of. You can't be like, oh, I was like, why were you there? Be like, you needed help moving stuff in the fridge. Bought a brand new fridge.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. That was an easy one to come up with.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

The government's to it.

[Billy]

Yeah. Honey pot. Yeah, it was a classic. It was literally a low grade Honey potted.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Damn, that would have sucked though, just to go in the apartment.

[Shane Gill]

Black Israelite.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's possible. I've had honey too. I literally could get honey potted.

[Billy]

Yeah, that's why they do them both.

[Matt]

No, just a guy in a. I.

[Billy]

Also feel like now if they want to honeypot you because they have your whole Internet porn search history, they can like craft a scenario out of like a porn you watch.

[Shane Gill]

Go quickly. My stepmom's stuck in a dryer. You go, seems fishy, but I gotta take this chance.

[Billy]

You got the massage written all over it.

[Shane Gill]

But what if she is stuck and she needs my help? No.

[Billy]

Having a stuck honey pot would be so funny. What? What is this?

[Shane Gill]

Going to. Going to a party. Someone be like, oh, that room. Oh, my stepmom's stuck in the dryer. Don't worry about that mirror. That looks like a camera. Could be behind it.

[Billy]

Walk up the mirror.

[Shane Gill]

I know you guys are watching. I'm doing it. Yeah.

[Billy]

My step. My stepsister's frozen in the kitchen. You can do whatever.

[Shane Gill]

It's this crazy thing. It's called free use. She's just bent over the kitchen counter. Anyway, don't mind the Jewish cameras everywhere.

[Billy]

You go home, you're like, dad. Your dad's like, shane, I got a divorce.

[Shane Gill]

Divorced.

[Billy]

This is a new stepmom. She's like a 23 year old Brazilian lady. You're like, this seems fishy.

[Matt]

I've seen videos about this.

[Shane Gill]

Keeps getting.

[Billy]

She's so nice to me. Yeah, Honey pot is the best. I mean, it is a good. It's a good trap. I'll say.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, you're gonna get trapped. You might as well get honey pot. You know, legal. Really?

[Billy]

Yeah. You know that's right. You know for sure I'm not. Because then it's like my thing is if I'm. If I got caught into the honey pot, I would start to be like, can we do another one? Can we do those?

[Shane Gill]

I Don't know if you made my mind up yet. I'll never talk. Guys keep sending chicks to suck my dick. The worst spies ever. I'm just lying. Just keep making up.

[Billy]

Because if you, if you get caught with one bad photo, that would. That'd be crazy. To be indebted for like years and years and years.

[Shane Gill]

It's gotta be a real bad one.

[Billy]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Shane Gill]

Literally has to be. Yeah, exactly.

[Matt]

It's almost like. It's almost like something like this is happening in the world right now.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

Yes, definitely is.

[Matt]

No, yeah, I'm talking about the Epstein list.

[Billy]

Yeah, yeah, dude, the letter. The letters also now though, you can just claim deep fake.

[Shane Gill]

I never thought of that.

[Matt]

You never thought about that? You ever thought of that?

[Shane Gill]

I said the bag's on you. Stephen Hawking, dude, Epstein.

[Matt]

Epstein was a cluster bag down to the beach.

[Shane Gill]

He can't even walk. Put a couple kids on him and take a picture. We go, hey, Stephen, the bag's on you.

[Matt]

What do you mean the bag's on me?

[Billy]

Enough.

[Shane Gill]

Your universe, you gotta support Israel.

[Billy]

They pulled a bag.

[Matt]

We decide to pull a bag on him.

[Shane Gill]

We're back at the. We're back at the bar. Three hours later, Hawking rolls in, he's still pissed.

[Matt]

I'm in the limbo line.

[Shane Gill]

I'm in the Congo line with 5, 10 year olds. Hawking rolls in the right.

[Billy]

Is he dead? When did he die?

[Shane Gill]

Two, three. Two years ago ago. Wait, didn't Stephen Hawking just die?

[Matt]

I think it was like three or four years.

[Billy]

Three or four years? Really? That was kind of during all the Epstein stuff.

[Matt]

Kind of, yeah.

[Billy]

That must. Have. I had to be nice to be an assassin and be like, who you got to kill today? Like Stephen Hawk. And you're like, easy, just turn him off. You just power down.

[Shane Gill]

You know, he's saying some dangerous things. How do we stop him? I got it. I broke his charger last night. Snuck into his house, broke his charger.

[Matt]

It's almost two easy. It's just crazy enough to.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. Hawking being on the Epstein on the island.

[Billy]

Yeah, yeah. That's tough.

[Shane Gill]

He was. He was probably old as too.

[Billy]

I know.

[Matt]

Oh, bother.

[Billy]

True.

[Shane Gill]

They really him on that.

[Billy]

And why did only like two people was him and like a magician that got released. There's only two people.

[Matt]

Oh, David Copperfield, I think.

[Billy]

Copperfield. Copperfield, I think. The mysterious Mr. Copperfield.

[Matt]

You wish you could make that list disappear.

[Shane Gill]

2015 email from Epstein. The email mentioned allegation from Epstein accuser Virginia Guthrey concerning A supposed underage orgy involving Hawking?

[Billy]

Yep.

[Shane Gill]

In the Virgin Islands.

[Matt]

Oh, I thought you were gonna say the Best Western in Milwaukee.

[Billy]

That's the one Lemaire got locked out of. Thank God. Stephen Hawkins, like hockey.

[Matt]

Rolled himself home $75 lighter and pissed off.

[Billy]

You promised me the mayor. They had the whole thing set up on like a 40 screen computer.

[Shane Gill]

They almost got you.

[Matt]

You. I'm on my way to NASA.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, it's funny.

[Matt]

There's actually going to be an orgy at NASA later this afternoon. 75 bucks.

[Shane Gill]

That's a deal.

[Matt]

Man.

[Shane Gill]

Sick.

[Billy]

Was that the only two people? I feel. I feel like it's. Was. I could be. I don't want to put smut on Copperfield, but I feel like his name came up. It was like a famous magician.

[Matt]

Yeah, I think I remember there.

[Billy]

Oh, it was just those two. The names I heard. I could be.

[Matt]

I don't want to get sued by David Copper.

[Billy]

Exactly.

[Shane Gill]

I don't.

[Billy]

Or his estate.

[Matt]

Maybe it was Houdini.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, damn Houdini. That's.

[Billy]

I could be wrong. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

[Shane Gill]

Hawkins were having a blast. This is him on the island. There's a photo. They said he would. They said Stephen Hawkins would like. He would go into a room with like midgets and make them do math naked. I heard that. Yeah. I don't know where else. I haven't seen any sources pick that up, but that was the rumor.

[Billy]

Naked math for midgets.

[Shane Gill]

He would make little people do math.

[Billy]

He had him in the math castle. Did you ever play that game?

[Shane Gill]

Yeah.

[Billy]

Yeah. What? Dude, the lit. The lit things are too funny.

[Shane Gill]

Oh, my God.

[Matt]

God, that's so funny.

[Shane Gill]

There's some. Really?

[Billy]

Yeah, he's got some incriminating stuff.

[Matt]

Why are the only pictures of him interesting?

[Billy]

He was just probably stoked to be at the party.

[Matt]

Yeah, he's just happy to be invited. He's just happy to get out of the house.

[Billy]

Yeah, I don't think. Because I think a lot of the other people might have been big power players. And Hawking was just probably like, you know. Do you ever see like the coming of age, like high school tales and the nerd gets invited to the pool.

[Shane Gill]

Gets invited to the pool.

[Matt]

I can't believe I'm finally here.

[Shane Gill]

Did you guys know that reverse say it's shut the up, throw him in the pool. Oh, God. It was.

[Billy]

Can't hardly wait.

[Shane Gill]

For sure. God, that's crazy.

[Billy]

Yeah, that's wild. It's also crazy to think about how that Happens like, cuz if you become like a millionaire, multi millionaire, you're like, you know, you're getting into like more and more kind of like rarefied circles. And all of a sudden it's just like, dude, I have an island. We're going to have sex with children. You're like, like, oh, what the.

[Shane Gill]

There's no way they lay it out.

[Billy]

Yeah, maybe not.

[Shane Gill]

I did. I mean, that's another one. Fool me twice.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

Second you get on this. The second jet you go, there better not be any kids here. Jeff, you.

[Billy]

Last time during the Clinton era, that was like the 90s, dude. Jailbait was like, that was like a funny, popular thing. Like, dude, she's jail bait.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah.

[Billy]

It was not like, now it's like.

[Shane Gill]

Like, pedophile that made it late.

[Billy]

Dude.

[Shane Gill]

That was during like Obama that was.

[Billy]

Like, dude, I say it all the time.

[Shane Gill]

The first jail bait was like, watch.

[Billy]

The pilot of Californication. It's the. It starts with him having sex with a high school girl and being like, oh, I'm such a crazy writer. And that's. That's the pilot episode, I think, of the series.

[Shane Gill]

Old school.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

He a high school chick. Pineapple Express. His girlfriend's in high school.

[Billy]

Yeah. What was he like? How old was he? What the.

[Shane Gill]

I wonder who wrote all those. Who's doing this to us? Why are they doing this?

[Matt]

Remember when you saw the Twix canister?

[Shane Gill]

Twix was full Star David. We were hitting the hotel Candy and I was like, bro, I'm not joking. This Twix is the Star Davis. Exactly. I saw into Kanye Westmind. Then I remembered immediately, Kanye's been ranting about Twix. And I was like, that's why, dude, the star of David. Twix.

[Matt]

Twix, Twix.

[Shane Gill]

Making Twix bigger to make us fat. Shut up. When you get exiled, that's my. That's still the best Kanye. Oh, it's like, I'm doing this alone. None of you are with me at all. And it's like, I'm with you guys. Shut up before you get exiled. If he's in someone's house, calling everybody into my hotel room to be like, I'm the only one doing it. I'm by myself. None of you are with me. Looks like the Star David.

[Matt]

Story about the one that made me laugh harder than anything. Well, the other thing that made me laugh so hard was that fun dumb Elton John meme.

[Shane Gill]

Elton John mem.

[Matt]

That is one of the best elderly couple.

[Shane Gill]

It was like a Headline news, headline.

[Matt]

And it said, elderly couple attacked at Elton John concert. And then the comment above and stay out of the pit.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, that had us. That had us crying, laughing for 45 minutes.

[Billy]

That was very funny.

[Shane Gill]

Now, what was the story you are now about the.

[Matt]

The guys that you work?

[Shane Gill]

Just say we can edit it. Oh, we've already told you that was a classic concrete text.

[Billy]

We've never. I need to get the text and.

[Matt]

Tell that it's different.

[Shane Gill]

Another episode.

[Billy]

It's crazy.

[Shane Gill]

It's so good.

[Billy]

He rattles it off like the Gettysburg Address.

[Matt]

He really did.

[Billy]

It's crazy.

[Shane Gill]

That was.

[Matt]

Yeah, it was a great night.

[Billy]

It's a classic text from just like a horrible employee. Just obviously horrible.

[Shane Gill]

High and up at four, extremely high.

[Billy]

Just a nine. It's like a nine foot text. Yeah, it's a meth test.

[Shane Gill]

It reeks of meth. Yeah, meth tax, like 30 paragraphs of just like. I would never lie to you for real. I love this job so much. Trust me, okay? I'm not a liar. Okay. What I said was going on at that time. Okay. Like, it's that 10 minutes.

[Matt]

I'm an idiot. Okay.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, I'm an idiot. Okay, we'll see. I will. Will win. I always win.

[Billy]

By the way, did you know that when you Google tips for coming down off of lsd, they give you the suicide helpline?

[Shane Gill]

Jesus.

[Billy]

I swear to God, it's crazy. Yeah. Imagine I'm sitting there, like, I wonder if there's any like, maybe tips and tricks, like. Like a blanket or a warm shower. It was like, help is available. I was like, oh, God.

[Matt]

And we're back.

[Shane Gill]

And we're back.

[Billy]

I'm reading a book, right? Alcohol, Drunks and Monks, which. It's about a guy. It's a really good book. It's about a guy who's an entertainment lawyer in Southern California. And he just. He was like, kind of killing it. His wife divorces him and he spirals for like six years, becomes. He had never drank. He had an alcoholic mom, so he never drank a day in his Life. And at 34, just starts hitting the paint harder than anybody.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, it's gotta be.

[Billy]

It was, dude, it. Well, it was.

[Shane Gill]

You remember how fun it was the first time you drank?

[Matt]

Yeah, I sure do.

[Shane Gill]

It was awesome.

[Billy]

Imagine being.

[Shane Gill]

Imagine being 34, man, being like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

I've been missing this my entire life.

[Billy]

The problem was he was showing his ass. So he was going through divorce. He would, like, go to weddings. He was like, making out and grinding on a Lady. Literally.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah.

[Billy]

And his mom was like a recovery. His mom actually then like re. His mom got diagnosed with cancer. Then she relapsed.

[Shane Gill]

You gotta hit them.

[Billy]

And got dementia. So he was like his mom. They didn't realize whether the mom was already like kind of a drunk who would like fall down. But the mom started herself all the time. Time. So at one point he gets like kicked out of his second wife's house. And he's just with his like mom who's like, you know, is going to die pretty soon. But you know, she actually rallied for like six years. And the dad would just freak out. So he was like 34 in his childhood bedroom. And he had a horrible childhood. But at 34 is in there with his m. His dad being like what the wrong with you? In your pants and like screaming and breaking.

[Shane Gill]

Something happened. Does anything good happen?

[Billy]

Yeah, I think he becomes monk. I think he eventually leaves. Okay. Yeah, I think. I haven't finished the book. Becomes. He becomes like a devout.

[Matt]

You haven't finished the book.

[Billy]

You.

[Matt]

So you're just guessing.

[Billy]

I'm pretty sure he becomes a devout Catholic monk. Cuz I watched some interviews after the last time.

[Shane Gill]

You read Bukowski?

[Billy]

Not for a couple years.

[Shane Gill]

You would really like Bukowski.

[Billy]

I like.

[Shane Gill]

I remember liking.

[Billy]

I read. I read his. I forget the one book. It was good.

[Shane Gill]

His whole. Yeah.

[Billy]

Like ham sandwiches or something. Ham on ry.

[Shane Gill]

And Post office women.

[Billy]

This is nice because it's that. But then it has kind of like a theological under text. Because he's constantly. He like gets. He just starts like singing in a choir. Like a Latin mass. It's really funny. He's just a drunk. It's really funny. It's really funny.

[Matt]

I used to drink at Bukowski's bar a lot.

[Billy]

Really?

[Matt]

Yeah, the Frolic Room.

[Billy]

That's nice.

[Matt]

I miss drinking, but not really. But yeah, I can see how you.

[Shane Gill]

Would not miss it.

[Matt]

But there's days. There's good days and bad. Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah. I just read like he had that book of shorts. I read that one about that girl. He was that like. She was like a prostitute. But he like loved. Loved her. It was. I don't know, it was kind of beautiful. It was like rules. But if you're into just a guy who's a drunk mess, that's. Yeah, 90 of the stories are him.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

It's mostly getting drunk in a bar eating a lady's post. You getting knocked out by another guy.

[Billy]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[Shane Gill]

All those great writers into someone's house getting knocked out.

[Matt]

They were all literally the biggest drunks ever.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Hemingway, Faulkner.

[Shane Gill]

He was a good drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Billy]

Until he got the Eagles gun.

[Shane Gill]

No, that was. That was. That was. I think he had dementia.

[Billy]

Did he?

[Shane Gill]

Yeah, I think he started to have.

[Billy]

Oh, no.

[Shane Gill]

Dementia or Parkinson's.

[Billy]

Yeah. But didn't, like. I think a lot of his family. It's like a family curse. There's a lot of his family kill themselves.

[Shane Gill]

Also. I think he might have been, you know, throwing some jabs at women.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

So maybe it wasn't the best drunk. Need to have a couple and go.

[Billy]

She'S drinking mojitos too. Which is funny. Yeah, Mojito. And be like.

[Shane Gill]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane Gill]

He was like a adventurous drunk. He'd be like, I'm in a war. I'm fishing or something. Yeah. Literally just like.

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Bar fly.

[Shane Gill]

Those ugly looking at me. So I was like, you, you ugly? And he knocked me the out. Then I woke up in a puddle of my own puke and blood.

[Matt]

Shakespeare.

[Shane Gill]

And then I raped a lady. Jesus Christ.

[Billy]

Yeah, that's rough.

[Shane Gill]

He's not afraid to. Yeah.

[Billy]

Jesus.

[Shane Gill]

Wow. Book.

[Billy]

Jesus. For sure. For sure.

[Matt]

Maybe the greatest writer of all time. What's a. What's some pros? Ah, he was drunk at a bar this ugly. I punched him.

[Shane Gill]

No, he puts out little gay poems. He writes little poems that I like. Yeah.

[Billy]

Yeah, it was cool.

[Shane Gill]

It's a good episode.

[Billy]

That was fun. Thank you, guys.

[Shane Gill]

See you soon on the Patreon.