Ep 578 - Post-Negativity (feat. Shawn Gardini)

Summary

Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast

Episode: 578 – "Post-Negativity" (feat. Shawn Gardini)
Date: September 25, 2025
Guests: Shawn Gardini (Mayor), Joe, and others

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Episode Overview

This episode finds Matt and Shane, joined by Shawn Gardini (“the Mayor”), in a classically raucous discussion that oscillates between mocking global travel, the perils and thrills of being an American overseas, social commentary, hunk rankings, bodily functions, and jabs at European culture. The gang riffs on post-negativity, the healing power of American truth, wild stories from Italy, swimming adventures, and hilarious observations on cultural stereotypes, all while maintaining their signature irreverent tone.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Post-Negativity and the State of Comedy

• The hosts joke about the recent “post-negativity” trend, discussing attempts to do more “positive” podcasting, and reflect humorously on the failed attempt to have a world-problem-solving episode.
  • “I think negativity's done. I think it might not be cool anymore to be negative.” — Joe (00:51)
  • Matt and Joe reflect on cancel culture, free speech, and how support systems in the comedy community vary starkly (“He was canceled for 48 hours? Mine was a couple years, but no big deal.” — Matt, 01:33)

2. Shawn’s Italian Travel Adventure

• Shawn (the Mayor) recounts his first big trip abroad as an adult, visiting Rome and Tuscany. He emphasizes the beauty, but jokes about his discomfort, missing home conveniences and dealing with language barriers.
  • “I don't care to go anywhere still. I was so happy to come back.” — Mayor (04:53)
  • Struggles with Italian customs: fake taxi scams, “ruffians,” and aggressive street sellers:
    “Italians are the worst...I did run into two, like, ruffians. I was stumbling home at like 3 in the morning...I thought I was gonna get down and molested or something.” — Mayor (05:57–06:38)
  • General theme: American conveniences and comfort trump European aesthetic for the crew.
    “Like WI fi is bad. Outlets are dumb. Stuff closes early.” — Mayor (03:57)

3. Cultural Observations & Stereotypes

• They poke fun at global travelers, the prevalence of Asian tourists in Italy, local Indian street vendors, and the tired trope of Americans being more obnoxious than Europeans.

  • “I'm tired of Europeans being like, Americans are so obnoxious. Have you talked to one person from England? It's crazy.” — Matt (07:51)

• The group discusses the differences between Italian Americans and native Italians, and jokes about how black Americans often culturally “prefer” Italians over the Irish.

  • “It's hard pitching Irish swag to black people...they're just like, bro, you're Italian guys are so cool.” — Joe (11:08)

• Riffing on airline etiquette, differences in physical build (“lack of muscle mass in Europe’s humiliating”), and how unhelpful European customer service can be.

4. Smoking, Addictions, and Local Life

• A lengthy riff about the challenges of being a nicotine addict in Europe — the scarcity of snuff, the “scary pictures” on cigarette packs, and mid-flight cravings.
  • “I just did zins and got really, really angry because they don't really help.” — Mayor (19:37)
  • Jokes about using Lucky Strikes and feeling like a “doughboy.”

5. Current Obsessions: TV Shows & Politics

• Matt admits bingeing on a Mussolini biopic and they launch into a (humorously muddled) discussion about fascism definitions, AI, and the vagaries of left vs right, all with loose accuracy.

  • “Mussolini...He invented fascism. Hitler copied him.” — Matt (15:58)
  • “I’ve looked it up this week...ultra nationalist, authoritarian political ideology characterized by a dictator, aggressive nationalism, militarism, force of suppression of opposition.” — Matt (16:50)

• Brief discussion about ChatGPT’s “memory,” after Shawn is alarmed his Xanax questions are “remembered.”

  • “It said, ‘I'm sorry, I won't do it again.’” — Mayor (19:04)

6. Plane and Travel Etiquette

• Stories about coach and Comfort Plus, switching flights, “elbow wars,” the hierarchy of who gets arm rests, and the shared misery (but also comfort) of sitting near a “heavyset woman.”
  • “There was a heavyset woman next to me whose buttocks was just pouring into my seat the whole flight. But it’s kind of comfy…an extra pillow.” — Mayor (20:04–20:11)

7. Swimming and Local Austin Flavor

• Post-Italy, the group swims at Barton Springs in Austin, Texas, with detailed stories of rough currents, cold water, encounters with topless swimmers (Austin’s “loose tit laws”), and musings on whether bare chests are freeing or just indicative of mental breakdowns.
  • “That would scare me…bear titties is scary.”— Matt (27:05, 27:57)

8. Movie Recaps & Hunk Rankings

• Joe details watching “The Kissing Booth” (called “girl TV”), Matt and Joe discuss the merits of hunks like Jacob Elordi and Aquaman for the top “hunk” slot.

  • “Jacob Elordi is the top hunk, dude.” — Matt (30:42)
  • “Aquaman is just too damn much...a mythical hunk.” (30:25-30:34)

• Debrief on the movie “Saltburn,” with particular focus on the infamous “bathtub scene.”

  • “Once one person told me [he drank come out of the drain], I was like, I'm never going to Watch that movie.” — Matt (32:11)

• Group reactions to “The Book of Clarence” (called “Sinners” throughout), semi-serious review mixed with jokes.

  • “I thought it was great…at the end where he kills all the KKK guys, I was like, all right, this was actually kind of cool.” — Mayor (35:40)

9. American Exceptionalism (Tongue-in-Cheek)

• Extended riff about the “Epcot ride” and how animatronics make you feel “there’s nothing we can’t do” as the white race; Matt deadpans this as the Disney indoctrination, and everyone has a good laugh at the jingoism.
  • “You got out of Epcot like, the white race, there's nothing we can’t do.” — Matt (37:21)

10. Homeownership Woes & Construction Mishaps

• Matt’s trash can and planter are destroyed by a construction crew; classic guy logic on how to negotiate damages and whether to claim injuries.
  • “I might claim neck injury…You guys got to redo my front porch.” — Joe (44:05)
• Segment on shoddy modern home construction, drywall shortcuts, and homeowner frustrations.

11. Food, Racial Stereotypes, and Growing Up

• Chicken, watermelon, and banana jokes are used to riff on food stereotypes, their origins, and cultural discomforts.

  • “Last night, Brian Simpson walked into the green room eating a banana...he took one bite, he was like, oh.” — Matt (50:52)

• Joe’s stories working for a “very racist” but comically memorable Korean shop owner whose idea of advice, business, and showing his gentiles was, according to everyone, “a beast” move.

12. Swimming Gags & Closing Hijinks

• Giant segment about pool games, who’s got the “power,” underwater ball taps, and how cold water makes it impossible to have a “good showing.”

  • “Yeah, I touched your penis today...He got me underwater. There's levels to this.” — Matt & Joe (57:04–57:12)

• Group discusses “Memphis pool parties,” jumping in clothed, and Black streaming game culture.

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Memorable Quotes & Notable Moments

• 01:33 – "He was canceled for what? What was that, 48 hours? Yeah, mine was a couple years, but no big deal." — Matt
• 04:53 – “I don't care to go anywhere still. I was so happy to come back.” — Mayor
• 07:51 – “I'm tired of Europeans being like, Americans are so obnoxious. Have you talked to one person from England?” — Matt
• 11:08 – “It's hard pitching Irish swag to black people...they’re just like, bro, your Italian guys are so cool.” — Joe
• 19:04 – “I said, I don't like how you remembered that. I asked you that and it said, I'm sorry, I won't do it again.” — Mayor (about ChatGPT)
• 20:04–20:11 – “There was a heavyset woman next to me whose buttocks was just pouring into my seat the whole flight. But it’s kind of comfy…an extra pillow.” — Mayor
• 27:05 – "That would scare me...bear titties is scary." — Matt
• 30:42 – "Jacob Elordi is the top hunk, dude." — Matt
• 32:11 – "Once one person told me [he drank come out of the drain], I was like, I'm never going to Watch that movie." — Matt
• 35:40 – "At the end where he kills all the KKK guys, I was like, all right, this was actually kind of cool." — Mayor
• 37:21 – "You got out of Epcot like, the white race, there's nothing we can’t do." — Matt
• 44:05 – "I might claim neck injury…You guys got to redo my front porch." — Joe
• 50:52 – "Last night, Brian Simpson walked into the green room eating a banana...he took one bite, he was like, oh." — Matt
• 57:04–57:12 – "Yeah, I touched your penis today...He got me underwater. There's levels to this." — Matt & Joe

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:51 — Post-negativity, comedy, and free speech talk.
• 03:04 — Shawn discusses his return from Italy; culture shock.
• 06:38 — Faux-panic over Italian ruffians and airport scammers.
• 13:03 — Muscle mass and masculinity comparison: Europe vs. US.
• 19:04 — ChatGPT “remembers” Shawn’s drug questions.
• 20:04–21:10 — The physical comedy of airline seating.
• 27:05–27:57 — Austin’s topless laws & comfort with public nudity.
• 30:42 — Jacob Elordi as “top hunk.”
• 32:11 — Refusal to see “Saltburn” due to its infamous scene.
• 35:40 — Reflection on movie "Sinners," its fights, and music.
• 37:21 — Epcot ride as white jingoism joke.
• 44:05 — Joe plans fake neck injury after construction mishap.
• 50:52 — Brian Simpson and the banana: food stereotype discomfort.
• 57:04–57:12 — Underwater ball-tapping prank in the swimming pool.

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Conclusion

Ep 578 is classic Matt & Shane: meandering, brutally honest, and joke-packed, with a unique mix of personal stories, cultural criticism, and constant one-upmanship. Whether it’s navigating Italy, ranking hunks, or riffing on fried chicken lore, the crew keeps things unfiltered and hilarious, making this another essential installment for fans of the “funniest podcast out there.”

Transcript

[Joe]

The wild, wild West.

[Matt]

Oh, he's a pro now.

[Joe]

Yo, let me shut it down, bro.

[Matt]

Got that gator. Clap the gator.

[Joe]

Hands that.

[Matt]

Damn.

[Mayor]

Yeah. The mayor did a fantastic job. Thank you.

[Joe]

He did.

[Matt]

Yeah, you did.

[Mayor]

You saved my bottom.

[Joe]

Yeah. You're in Italy.

[Matt]

Edited out an entire episode.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

Is that right?

[Matt]

Yeah, we did a full episode of us trying to break down all the world's ills.

[Joe]

Yeah. It didn't go well.

[Matt]

It didn't go great. We both.

[Joe]

Neither of us had it.

[Matt]

Stuttered and stammered like uncles.

[Joe]

Yeah. It's like, yeah, man.

[Matt]

I just don't like.

[Joe]

It's not nice violence.

[Matt]

Go. Yeah.

[Joe]

I just wish people wouldn't be so mean.

[Matt]

Yeah. Let's get that out.

[Joe]

Both sides do it.

[Matt]

Both sides. We hit the both sides. Do it for an hour.

[Joe]

I think. I think negativity's done. I think it might not be cool anymore to be negative.

[Matt]

We can bring it back. You already had a good plan. Matt explained his evil little plan already. He shouldn't. I don't even think he should say the plan.

[Joe]

It was just a funny thing to say.

[Matt]

It is funny.

[Joe]

It's funny. But everyone's back. Dude, you can't. You know, free speech. Comedians rule. We are the vanguards of truth. Finally.

[Matt]

Philosophers are.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

The second the government starts censoring us, you know, fascism right around the corner. No, it was good, though. It was good to see everybody stick up for him for free speech and.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I'm just glad they were all there for me back in. You know, he's my brother and being canceled now, you know. He was canceled for what? What was that, 48 hours? Yeah, mine was a couple years, but no big deal. What's the deal?

[Joe]

You had to hold tight. He had to hold tight in the. Probably a very nice kind of modern house on the hills in la. He had to sit there and just.

[Matt]

Have to lay on a mattress in Queens with two snarky roommates that were like, oh, did you write that apology? Yeah, I could tell. What the crybaby.

[Joe]

Kim, it's nice. I do like how he was. I saw a snippet.

[Mayor]

Nice.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

When he calls. He called Rogan a moderate, and one lady in the crowd thought that was a joke. She was like. You can hear it like, oh, you got that wrong.

[Joe]

Yeah. They know they can't be.

[Matt]

No one else around you laughed. It was you being a nasty library.

[Joe]

Yeah, she can't be nasty. Honey, no one can be nasty. Now we gotta knock it off.

[Matt]

Try not to be nasty.

[Mayor]

I'm Never nasty.

[Joe]

Nastinie.

[Matt]

Nastinie, dude.

[Joe]

Yeah. No more nastiness.

[Matt]

We gotta heal the nation.

[Joe]

We're healing the nation with our truth, dude. I hope the government doesn't get one of us. No more funny business. Get out of here. Clamp it down for real.

[Matt]

March information depend which government. That's what you worry about.

[Joe]

Are you talking deep saber?

[Matt]

No, I'm talking. Oh, I mean, kind of, anyway.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you're saying. I hear what you're saying, brother.

[Matt]

So you just got back from Italy?

[Joe]

The.

[Matt]

The motherland?

[Mayor]

I did just get back from the old country.

[Matt]

How'd it go?

[Mayor]

It was nice. It was beautiful. I liked going to Rome. Rome was so sick. I was walking around tripping out on that. I didn't sleep though. I never adjusted to the time difference.

[Matt]

Were you drink. Were you drinking? Cheap limbrusca wine overlooking the Janiqulouris hills. Love. Love that memory.

[Joe]

Love that memory.

[Matt]

I don't get it.

[Joe]

Video.

[Mayor]

10 years ago. Oh, sorry. But I was. Yeah, I was just drinking a lot and I never. I stayed up really late drinking, so I never adjusted to the time. And that really stunk.

[Matt]

So a little bit more the same.

[Mayor]

Exactly the same.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's what. That's what I was just saying. When I went to Spain, I was like, I'll be different over here. No, stayed up till 5am every day. I was hammered. Woke up, the sun was going down. Oh, meals.

[Mayor]

I related to what you said too, about how like America's so much better than just like convenience wise and comfortability wise. It's like, like WI fi is bad. Outlets are dumb stuff. Closes your voice.

[Matt]

Your voice changed in Italy. It would have a little bit sick. Oh, you have COVID 19.

[Mayor]

I might have Italian.

[Joe]

Like that fashion show strain that like killed all the old guys.

[Mayor]

Yeah, sorry.

[Matt]

Hope you don't have Covid because I don't think so.

[Mayor]

I feel pretty good now. But I did get a cold. I tried the travel was like. I don't know. I was telling the mayor when I was going, cuz I hadn't. I haven't really left the country since I was like a really young kid. I went to like Mexico and stuff. So I thought I was gonna like be like I didn't want to go. I was like, I like. I don't like traveling.

[Joe]

Thought it's gonna be an expansive.

[Mayor]

I was just like nervous. I don't like leaving my house, you know. So I was like, I don't. You know, I didn't. I didn't I never got why people, like, want to go places for no reason. And I was like, maybe go there, though. I'll, like, have some wanderlust thrust upon me. And I, like, want to go see the world. And, like, I couldn't have been more wrong. I. I don't care to go anywhere still. I was so happy to come back.

[Joe]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mayor]

It was so beautiful. Like, I was in Tuscany and Rome. Tuscany was, like, really rural, so that was tough.

[Joe]

Yeah, it feels. I do that. I feel like you're just like, this is a green screen behind you and now you're in, like, a different location. Feel exactly the same. Yeah. Kind of stayed in my house.

[Matt]

Feel like this took me a while. Although I like. I don't know. I disagree. Ireland rules.

[Mayor]

Well, that's what I said was saying before. Like, I think if I went to an English speaking country or even a country where I could speak the language, I know more comfortable.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

How are people speaking Italian at you? Is very anxiety and, dude, I'm like an anxious guy. But when they start speaking really fast at you, I was just like, American, American. A lot of them thought I was Australian, though. So I started lying when I got drunk and I'd be like, australian?

[Joe]

Yeah. Having those guys get in your face.

[Mayor]

I did run into two, like, ruffians, though. I was stumbling home at like, 3 in the morning. I stayed up for like, 26 hours. As soon as I got there, I landed at like 7am and like, went to the Coliseum and saw everything. And that was so cool because I was like, I'd never been on a road this old before. Like, I've never been in a place this old before. So that part was awesome.

[Joe]

Did you pretend you were like a warrior slave entering the Coliseum and you had to fight for your honor?

[Mayor]

But it does cross your mind. I think every man in that Coliseum.

[Joe]

Was like, man.

[Matt]

I would stab a tiger in here, no problem.

[Mayor]

It's so cool. The Coliseum was so cool and all, like, the old structures and stuff.

[Joe]

Was anyone in there? Like, is everyone's looking at anyone, like, around and like, everyone's just looking.

[Mayor]

I mean, it's just like a zillion Taurus. Like as many tourists as you could possibly imagine.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

From everywhere.

[Joe]

Yeah. How are they?

[Matt]

Mostly Asian, right?

[Joe]

Really?

[Mayor]

That's kind of where what I was getting, but I didn't want to be.

[Matt]

Rude in Europe was they were all like. Because remember when we were young, it was all like, these Americans or. So now they're all like, damn, we missed the Americans. It's all Chinese now. Sucks. We didn't realize how good we had it with the Americans.

[Mayor]

There's a lot of sar. There's a lot of Indians in Rome, too. Like, trying to, like, pedal their, like, water bottles. And they're like. They're Mexicans.

[Joe]

I think they got where they got lost on the Silk Road.

[Matt]

It's the end of the Silk Road. They got there.

[Joe]

Yeah. Yeah, we were. We were battling an old Indian couple on the plane recently. Went to a wedding this weekend, and it was like, just the personal space issue from the East.

[Matt]

It's a real tough one, bro.

[Joe]

Like, the. The budding is just, like, insane.

[Matt]

But again, budding.

[Joe]

Yeah. We're, like, waiting to get on the plane. Crazy old Indian couple just butted us, and I had to be like, yeah.

[Matt]

This is the train, dude.

[Joe]

Back it up, man.

[Matt]

Yeah, we're not jamming in here. Wait.

[Joe]

Yeah, chill, man. We got. We got plenty of room. Like, I was, like, front and center, ready to get on, and they're just, like, started doing it. It was just like.

[Matt]

Also, I'm tired of Europeans being like, americans are so obnoxious. It's like, dude, have you talked to one person from England?

[Joe]

Yeah, dude.

[Matt]

It's crazy. That's screaming your face. We're not singing here. I like the singing. Don't get me wrong. I like the singing.

[Joe]

I like the singing. I like the singing, but. Yeah, it is. But you get. You go anywhere, and it is cool to see a different place, but America really is. I'm not saying if you're, like, you know, in Europe or wherever. It's just your country. Like, the way you guys live is embarrassing.

[Mayor]

It kind of is embarrassing.

[Joe]

Everything's just. The outlets are up.

[Matt]

Fix the outlets.

[Joe]

Yeah. Figure, dude, it's 2020.

[Matt]

Invented electricity. Get with it.

[Joe]

Yeah, man.

[Matt]

That's from Philly. You're welcome.

[Mayor]

I know. Well, that's the thing. Like, I was telling the mayor in Italy, they all sort of like. They're not a very, like, the customer's always right thing.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

And I was telling them they all act like. With, like, a sort of air that they were around thousands of years ago when the Roman. It's like, you weren't there when the Coliseum was being built. You just.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

A guy that was. Happened to be born here. I don't know. Maybe it was all in my head.

[Joe]

They're connected to tradition. They're connected to deep tradition.

[Mayor]

That's how they operate that way. They reminded me of, like, how people describe the French, where it's like, I feel like they don't like me because I'm American. But maybe that was just in my head.

[Matt]

It's probably in your head a little. Yeah, because I. I was always told the Italians are a lot like the Spanish. And the Spanish were very. They were like, happy to see. I guess it depends where you are. You were in a very tourist heavy. I was more Montana's.

[Joe]

Yeah, true. Off the beaten path.

[Matt]

You know me, dude. I tried to go off the beaten path. I was like, I gotta get the out of here.

[Mayor]

Off the beaten path was scary. I was really scared before I met up with all my friends, I was. I felt nervous.

[Joe]

Yeah, you're gonna get attacked by a ruffian.

[Mayor]

I thought, yeah, I was gonna get down and molested or something.

[Joe]

A couple young Italian boys.

[Mayor]

Yeah, I was gonna get sexually harassed or something.

[Joe]

What?

[Mayor]

As soon as I got off the plane, I was getting a taxi. And they were like, guys that were like, trying to do fake taxis. And I guess, like, char. You know, they do that at, like, jfk.

[Matt]

Wait, I loved it.

[Mayor]

What's so funny about that?

[Matt]

You thought, you're getting on the fake taxi, you're about to get put in the back seat.

[Mayor]

Yeah, Yeah. I was scared.

[Matt]

You're about to get put in the back.

[Joe]

You're gonna get in the bang Fiat.

[Matt]

Yeah, I thought so.

[Mayor]

Stuck in the taxi.

[Matt]

The bang boost.

[Joe]

The Italian Job. Yeah. And then I heist that ass.

[Mayor]

It was like, guys with, like, neck tattoos and stuff. They look like the dirt bag Italians. And they were like, get in the taxi. Get in the taxi. And I was like, no, no.

[Joe]

Yeah, you just get in, they pinch your butt and kick you out.

[Mayor]

They kept saying, what's wrong with your head? They kept saying that to me over and over.

[Joe]

That would piss me off.

[Matt]

So what's wrong with your head?

[Mayor]

Yeah, what's a wrong with your head? Tuto, Tuto, what's wrong with your head? And I was just like, no, no, no. I just kept saying no over and over again.

[Joe]

Yeah, like, your head. Your head just sucks. It's full of dumb Italian thoughts. Yeah, I can't go to Italy. My wife wants to go to Italy. So why can't you go to Italy.

[Mayor]

Dude, the Italians are the worst.

[Joe]

And also, like, I think you're confusing. No. Black ladies love Italian guys. Oh, it's a thing, man. I always talked about. I talked to Nate about this. Black people love Italians. They sweat Italians so hard. And I ever. I'm always evangelizing like, dude, Italians suck. Irish people rule.

[Matt]

And they're like, Irish people.

[Joe]

We don't see it, but it's hard pitching Irish swag to black people. Like, now we're just quiet, and we just grumble to ourselves silently. We don't wear any cool jewelry. And they're just like, bro, you're Italian guys are so cool.

[Matt]

And I'm like, but I think Italian Americans are way different.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

Yeah, they are.

[Joe]

That's true. What are, like, the people from Italian? Are they, like, smaller over there, too? Are they?

[Mayor]

Yeah, they all. They all look like they're, like, a thousand years. They look like pygmies or something.

[Joe]

You look tiny, bro.

[Mayor]

Like, everyone there, like, they could be 20, and they still look like an old person for some reason. Maybe I'm just. I. I'm just a really dumb American. Like, I think I was, like, missing the chemicals that I'm desperately addicted to and stuff like that. Like, I was, like, cranky.

[Matt]

I ran out of school.

[Mayor]

I thought I packed enough skull.

[Matt]

When I went to Spain, I ran out right away.

[Mayor]

I packed six packs.

[Matt]

I had to go straight to six, dude. Lucky. Lucky strike, dude. I felt like a GI Doughboy. Yeah, doughboy, dude.

[Mayor]

The Sigs are different. They have scary pictures on the Sigs there.

[Joe]

Yeah, they do.

[Matt]

They love the scary pictures.

[Joe]

Yeah, I want to. I wanted a cigarette company where it's like, warning, these are so cool. You might die. But that's also so cool. If you died from cigs, it'd be so cool.

[Matt]

You could die. Anyway, dude, look cool.

[Joe]

I'm gonna do a big picture of a guy in, like, a fast car just, like, hanging out of the window. It's like, live fast, die young. Scary warnings.

[Matt]

Discotheque.

[Mayor]

No, I didn't go to disco tech. I was in Rome for a day, so I just kind of, like, drank outside. There wasn't, like, any bar bars.

[Joe]

You know, they say, what one in.

[Matt]

Rome did you do as the Romans do?

[Mayor]

I did. I drank outside. And there's a lot of, like, foreign exchange students are not, you know, like, study abroad kids from, like, a bunch of countries. Lively. It was like a city. So we just drank outside. Like, there's no bars that we went to. It was just, like, you sit at a table, and they, like, bring you drinks.

[Joe]

Yeah, I feel like the lack of muscle mass in Europe's humiliating. Yeah, they're small. They're shrimps, dude.

[Mayor]

I do have a big friend. My friend Mike.

[Joe]

I'm sorry. We're post negativity. I don't want to be negative.

[Matt]

You got to put down every other Country.

[Joe]

It's just basic American first stuff that I'm talking about.

[Matt]

Classic America first.

[Mayor]

That's right. I stayed in my hotel was next to the anti mafia building, so that was kind of intimidating. Yeah, there's like guys with silly hats with, like, rifles.

[Joe]

With the anti mafia.

[Mayor]

Yeah. I don't know what that is. Yeah, it was anti ma and they would kept, like, checking in with me when I would, like, smoke a cigarette outside the hotel because I guess, like, their politicians go there and stuff or whatever.

[Joe]

Is that like. That's like a. No mafia guys can go in there?

[Mayor]

I guess not. I don't know. It was weird.

[Matt]

So it's a police station?

[Mayor]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Joe]

Yes. They walk in the past where you have to walk in and go, don't forget about it. All right, you're in. You're good.

[Matt]

This episode is brought to you by Prize picks. Matt, let me be honest. I'm loving the football season, but I'm worried, man.

[Joe]

Sup?

[Matt]

Well, you know me, always striving for perfection.

[Mayor]

Sure.

[Matt]

And so I feel like I've always got to get my picks nailed on. Nailed on every time.

[Joe]

Well, rest easy, my king, because price picks have got you. They invented the flex play, which means you can still cash out if your lineup isn't perfect. You can double your money even if one of your picks doesn't hit. Wow.

[Matt]

Okay. Well, in that case, I'm feeling pretty confident about my picks this week. So I'm thinking Joshua Allen for more on literally any stat he's playing New Orleans. I'd straight up take him more on anything. Let's go with Josh Allen. Two or more passing touchdowns, and I'm definitely going with Jalen Hurt. That's what they wrote. They got that wrong. Prize picks is offering a max discount on Jalen Hurt this weekend. That means he only needs one passing yard for his pick to hit this Sunday. Only one passing yard to win is nuts.

[Joe]

Big man. That's perfect. With prize picks, you can win cash while watching sports. I mean, what is there not to, like, join millions of users and sign.

[Matt]

Up today, Download the app today and use code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drench to get $50 in lineUps after you play your first five DOL.

[Joe]

Lineup.

[Matt]

Prize picks. It's good to be right?

[Joe]

So I just came from the spring, dude. I'm just.

[Matt]

Yeah, we just got out of the water.

[Joe]

I've been.

[Matt]

I've been on my Italian. I've been Watching a Mussolini show.

[Mayor]

The Fascistas.

[Matt]

Yeah, the Fascistas. It's a good show. It's on some made up European network.

[Joe]

Really?

[Matt]

Yeah. I don't even know what it's called. Fake.

[Mayor]

Yeah.

[Matt]

There's a lot of attempt at tv.

[Joe]

What was it? What was. Mussolini was. He was a bad guy, right? Pretty bad, yeah. Pretty nasty.

[Matt]

Invented fascism.

[Joe]

Oh, what?

[Matt]

Yeah, Hitler copied him. Hitler was like, that guy rules.

[Joe]

That guy's cool. Okay. And that was like in. I've been trying to figure out like a good definition for fascist fascism. And I think it's just like when you love the president so much, you'll beat somebody up and the president.

[Matt]

It's kind of hard to. It's hard to like a real definition to it, but if you look up the definition, it's. That's why it's so easy to call anyone a fascist. Yeah, the definition does.

[Joe]

It's like, if you will resort to.

[Matt]

Violence, it's also, it is socialism. That's what I, that's why I always, I always struggled with it.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Because I was always like, isn't that more government? So doesn't that mean it's left? But it's not. It's. It's a far right version of Morgo. I know.

[Joe]

Yeah, I think, yeah, I think it's like military.

[Matt]

The exact definition.

[Joe]

I do. I've looked it up 100 times. It's like kind of vague.

[Matt]

It's like, yeah, I looked it up this week.

[Joe]

Force.

[Matt]

I've looked at ultra nationalist, authoritarian political ideology characterized by a dictator, aggressive nationalism, militarism, force of suppression of opposition. It's a system in which the government controls most aspects of public and private life and exalts the nation or race above the individual. Okay, so again, what the, the difference between communism and that.

[Joe]

I don't know. Ever got into. What's it called? Luxury, like automated luxury communism?

[Mayor]

No.

[Joe]

That's a big talking point. They're like, dude, the machines are going to get so cool that you could live it. Like, you know, like when you're in communism, it sucks because you only have like a little bit of bread. Like usually the economy kind of falls apart there. There's guys that are saying, like, one day we'll have such good automation. Like, everything will be on demand, but we'll be like, we'll be like, it's like luxury communism. Just like, yeah, sure, let me know when you guys figure that out.

[Matt]

A thousand years away.

[Joe]

I know.

[Matt]

Like, we're not close.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Rogan Rogan was talking about last Night. Because he loves the AI. And I'm just sitting there, like, I'm not worried about it. Is he worried or is that he's like, AIs. Yeah. And he talks to those guys.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

So they're all like, yeah, PETA.

[Joe]

I don't know. I like. I fuck with it here and there. And it's like. It just seems like super Google to me now. I'm sure if you own chat GBT and you could, like, take the blinders off, maybe you could be like, set me up a geopolitical. You know, if you took all the moral frameworks off it, you could probably do some, like, cool stuff.

[Mayor]

ChatGPT, like, infringed. I was. It freaked me out.

[Matt]

You gotta speak up.

[Mayor]

Sorry.

[Joe]

Yeah, man. We're not in Italy, dude.

[Mayor]

Oh, my God.

[Joe]

Back in America. You gotta pronounce your words.

[Matt]

You get so startled. He got startled. I'm just. Just yanking you, bro.

[Mayor]

ChatGPT. You know what? Never mind.

[Joe]

What did you say?

[Mayor]

No.

[Matt]

What is the Yank, dude, the bag's on you.

[Joe]

He was gone for that.

[Mayor]

I asked if I could take Xanax and nyquil at the same time because I wanted to sleep on my flight. And then I asked something about, like, pills yesterday, and it said, like, you can't take that with Xanax, though. Like, it remembered that I asked it about Xanax two days before.

[Matt]

It's nice.

[Joe]

You're probably in the same chat if you're in the same.

[Mayor]

It wasn't really. Yeah, it was a new chat and I said, I don't like how you remembered that. I asked you that and it said, I'm sorry, I won't do it again.

[Joe]

That's fair. Check. They checked your Zani use?

[Mayor]

Yeah.

[Joe]

How did that. How did that work? Did the zany.

[Mayor]

I didn't take the zany. I just took the NyQuil and passed out.

[Matt]

Yeah, that'll work.

[Mayor]

It was nice. Yeah.

[Joe]

Nice.

[Mayor]

The flight was brutal, though, because I'm a hopeless nicotine addict.

[Joe]

So what'd you do?

[Mayor]

I just did a bunch of things.

[Matt]

Oh, I thought that was going somewhere else.

[Mayor]

I just did zins and got really, really angry because they don't really help. Still really, really want cigarettes? Yeah, it's like nine and a half hours.

[Joe]

Dang.

[Mayor]

Yeah. Sucked.

[Joe]

How did you get first class?

[Mayor]

No, hell, no. I was a coach.

[Matt]

You gotta. You got on that one.

[Mayor]

I.

[Matt]

So expensive, but you got it.

[Mayor]

Yeah, I didn't do that.

[Matt]

It's worth every penny on that.

[Mayor]

It was brutal. Yeah. There was a heavyset Woman next to me whose buttocks was just pouring into my seat the whole flight.

[Matt]

But it's kind of comfy. You're a bit of a little humper. You probably were like.

[Mayor]

Yeah, it was kind of a nice, like, extra pill. Yeah.

[Joe]

That's for real. Not the worst case scenario.

[Matt]

Yeah. This wasn't a guy.

[Joe]

Yeah, exactly. There's a fat lady butt. I don't know. That's kind of. I feel like that's not bad, having a big, fat lady butt spill into your territory.

[Mayor]

Yeah. That wasn't the worst on the. Because I had to do to JFK and then come here from jfk. So it was like nine and a half hours to jfk and then five hours here. It sucked balls. But on the way here, there's like, a guy on his laptop with, like, his elbows out in coach.

[Joe]

That's a crazy move.

[Mayor]

My thing was, I was thinking on the plane, I was like, if you're gonna work on your laptop, you should be in first class.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

Because if you ain't making that bread, you're working. Important enough to be typing back here.

[Joe]

He's trying to get there. Dude also.

[Mayor]

Watched the Ravens were on. Just watch the Ravens game. No, I work no laptop.

[Joe]

I'm all laptop.

[Mayor]

I know, but you're in the front.

[Joe]

I. Sometimes I have to sit. I have to do coach sometimes. And I just elbows and I do T. Rex arms, and I just type, type, type.

[Mayor]

I was in the middle, though, because I had to get, like, switched because I was supposed to go to Boston and then Austin, and then that got delayed, so I would have never made it. So they switched me to jfk, to Austin. So I had Comfort Plus. I sprung for Comfort plus. But then the new flight, I didn't get Comfort plus. I got middle seat. Yeah, I was dying.

[Joe]

I rocked a middle seat. Not too long. I like to flex on my wife. She's like, you know, you're gonna fly coach. I'm like, I don't give a. Put me in there. And I was in there the whole time. Like, God damn it. I'm so uncomfortable. But there was a big dog next to me. He wasn't, like, super fat. He was just a giant guy. And he was doing this thing where you just. It's actually really alpha when you just, like, lay down on your trade like that. And he kept spilling into my side. And he would, like, wake up like, I'm so sorry, man. I was just like, bro, you can't help it, man. Yeah, yeah, you're fine.

[Mayor]

Don't Sweat it.

[Matt]

If they say sorry, it's. It's over.

[Joe]

Exactly. And I was like. And it was. It was two big dogs. And then me, medium dog. And then it was just like, there.

[Matt]

I was, middle deserves the armrest.

[Joe]

And it was like, dude, we're. There's not. You literally, there's nowhere you can go. Yeah, he was just trying to sit politely, but he was just.

[Matt]

Damn window seat coach. When you got a whiz.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Everyone has to get up. That sucks.

[Joe]

I went aisle because I just like to get up. I like to move around the plane a lot. So it's like when I have to ask people, especially when they're like.

[Mayor]

It's like, bro, get up, dude. On the Italy flight, everyone's sleeping. So I had to, like, wake the heavyset lady up to go to the bathroom. I felt so bad. And I was like. I had to, like, poker a bunch of times for like, two hours.

[Joe]

I was like, I have to find a nerve and just tickle the out of her. What did she do when you.

[Mayor]

She was so sweet. I feel bad even talking about her like this, but she was so nice about it.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

The guy on the computer, I asked too, and he was like, one second, and he, like, finished typing something, and I was like, bro, get your broke ass up.

[Joe]

I gotta take number one. Yeah, turn off the PowerPoint, dude. Let's go.

[Mayor]

I feel bad about being mean to Italy too, because my friends are gonn watch this. I was so happy to see all my friends.

[Joe]

Are they from Italy?

[Mayor]

No. But I just don't want to act like I didn't have a bad time. It was an awesome time.

[Joe]

No, I think. I think it was nice.

[Mayor]

Okay. Sometimes they all listen to this and people listen. I forget that.

[Joe]

Yeah, you don't. You want to be like, his wedding stunk. That's what his wedding was.

[Mayor]

The most amazing wedding. It was in the Tuscan hills. It was like, beautiful.

[Matt]

Wow.

[Joe]

Well, how much you gave him for a gift? You mind me asking?

[Mayor]

I gave him 300. And I felt like that wasn't. I felt like my other friend flew to Italy, bro.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

Not good. Like, I thought that was just you.

[Joe]

Or do you have a guest?

[Mayor]

Just me.

[Joe]

You give me 300American.

[Matt]

Fine, dude.

[Mayor]

300American. Yeah, but, like, my other friends gave more and I felt, like, kind of bad.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, three.

[Matt]

That's fine.

[Mayor]

There's like, dude, it costs a ton of money.

[Matt]

Would they give him a thousand?

[Mayor]

No, no, like five. Some of them gave five. Yeah.

[Joe]

No, that's fair. You Flew all the way there. 300 with the International flight, I think is kind of generous.

[Mayor]

Yeah. Joe, I love you. Congratulations.

[Joe]

That's. Yeah, that's a. Joe. Seriously, dude. And your lovely wife.

[Mayor]

Mayor. Yeah.

[Joe]

Or husband. It was a wife.

[Matt]

If guard dog was there going stag. I thought that was a guy's trip.

[Mayor]

Wait, what do you mean?

[Matt]

He was saying it was a gay marriage.

[Mayor]

Oh.

[Joe]

I didn't. I don't want to assume he was heterosexual.

[Mayor]

Yeah, he's heterosexual. Yeah.

[Joe]

Whose idea was it? His idea to go to Italy or the wife's?

[Mayor]

I'm not sure.

[Joe]

Damn, dude. What A marriage in Italy. What a beautiful thing. I hope that lady's nice to him, because I'd be really mad. They're both, like, the nicest if I did it.

[Matt]

Yeah, that would. I would hold that over her for a decade.

[Joe]

25 years wouldn't matter.

[Matt]

25 years ago. Remember Italy? That was incredible. I did that for you. It's $900,000.

[Mayor]

It was so awesome. It was crazy. We were, like, in village.

[Joe]

We're. We could have bought a house, dude.

[Mayor]

The stars, too. Like, we stayed in, like, a villa in, like, farmland. So the stars were like. I saw, like, five shooting stars. The first one I saw, I was like, that's a ufo.

[Joe]

There's a ufo.

[Matt]

Really?

[Joe]

I was like, would you make a wish? Yeah. Yeah.

[Mayor]

I didn't make any. I was so drunk and on mushrooms every night. We did a bunch of mushrooms. Yeah, that was cool. The lady who owned the village, when I met her, I had to, like, give her my passport to check in. And she was like, you have an Italian surname. Wait, what's so funny?

[Matt]

So I gotta. I. That was definitely my ring camera. And I watched Lemaire find out that the Chipotle is here. So a buzz. I was like, that's got to be the ring camera. And I saw the mayor go, have to go back to work. Chipotle's here.

[Joe]

Dang.

[Mayor]

I'm sorry. I'm going on and on about it.

[Joe]

No, no. I was at a wedding this weekend as well, and I was at a camp. It was nice. It was like an outdoor. It was like a kids camp. But they did a wedding.

[Mayor]

I saw your flip.

[Matt]

Yeah, I saw a flip.

[Mayor]

I was pumped.

[Joe]

I appreciate that.

[Matt]

And then I. I almost reposted it. I was fired up.

[Joe]

It was all right. Thank you. I appreciate the height. It's actually easier to flip from something higher.

[Mayor]

How tall was it? Like.

[Joe]

Like 10ft.

[Matt]

You were hitting flips today.

[Joe]

Flips? Yeah. This diving board.

[Matt]

I Mean down to Barton Springs and swam in the crisp water together.

[Joe]

It was a far swim, dude.

[Matt]

That was a hard swim.

[Joe]

Yeah, we swam and then we. I didn't realize there's a current in that thing.

[Matt]

Yeah, we got down. We were exhausted. We got down to one end and it was like, oh.

[Joe]

We had the current pushing us and we were. Damn, this is hard. Then we had to go back against it.

[Matt]

It was just like, dude, let's stop here. Get to the wall.

[Mayor]

Yeah. I love that water.

[Joe]

It was nice.

[Mayor]

I had only been there once, and I was like. Before I'd been there, I was like, what's all the hub of. I don't. It must not be. It can't be. That is the nicest thing.

[Joe]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna try to start.

[Matt]

Apparently there's tits there.

[Joe]

Yeah. If you go to the non freestyle.

[Matt]

No, that. No, the free side.

[Joe]

What?

[Matt]

People bust out his tits.

[Joe]

What?

[Mayor]

I could be wrong about this, but I think Austin has really loose tit laws.

[Joe]

Yeah, they do.

[Guest]

Austin does have really loose tit loss.

[Mayor]

Like, I think you're allowed to just rock him out. It's open, Carry.

[Joe]

I saw a lady in my neighborhood who didn't look like a crazy homeless lady, just had her tits out. Just walked down the street, totally tits out. And it was just kind of like.

[Matt]

That would scare me.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I would think something was happening.

[Joe]

I mean, there was something happening.

[Matt]

Obviously. Obviously.

[Joe]

It's not even. You're right, though. It's not really that horny. Making you see it. And you're Was kind of concerned, like, damn, is that Lydia?

[Matt]

All right. Really. Mentally.

[Joe]

But she didn't. She wasn't like. If she was naked, I'd be like, oh, she's like on drugs. She was just walking, just kind of pants on, looked somewhat normal. Was just headed.

[Matt]

Titties out in your neighborhood.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That's really weird.

[Joe]

It was crazy.

[Matt]

Call the cops.

[Joe]

It was like a year ago. What? Call the cops. Like, bro, I'm scared. I got.

[Matt]

I might do something. You guys better get down here, 911, quick.

[Joe]

I don't want them hard as hell. No, it's. It is kind of. It's good. They cover them up, man. You. It's. You really need to have. And I do. Bra. I wish there was a bra law. No bra me up. No bra. Might me up more than just bare titties out.

[Matt]

Yeah. Bear titties is scary.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Walking in a neighborhood, bear titties. I'd be like, that lady's having a mental breakdown.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

No bra yeah, they need to stop.

[Mayor]

That's concealed carry.

[Matt]

That is.

[Joe]

Yeah. I don't even want to see your nipples through the bra. That's too much for me too. It's like, if they're sticking out more padding, lock them away. It is chastity belt. Maybe, too chastity belt. Handmaids. We need Handmaid's Tale.

[Matt]

I've never seen it, but I'm in True. Yeah, I watch that.

[Joe]

Handmaid's Tale rock.

[Matt]

I think I watch girl tv.

[Joe]

Handmaid's Tale.

[Matt]

That's girl tv.

[Joe]

That's big time.

[Matt]

They watch girl tv.

[Joe]

They. There's nothing they love more than watching them being, like, completely suppressed and being like, this better not happen. So you guys would be happier. Just tell my wife. She's watching Handmaid. Sound like you'd actually love.

[Matt]

You'd love that.

[Joe]

No, I wouldn't. You'd love it. Yeah, I watched a brutal one. My. My wife had control of the movie. I had a movie. And then she got to do. We did the Kissing Booth. She's like, firing up movies she watched a long time ago. Be like, you're gonna love this. And then watching. She's like, oh, my God, this is so bad. I'm like, bro, this is. Kissing Booth is. You know, I don't. Again, we're post negativity, but there's an aspect of the movie where it's a. So it's about a girl who is, like, best friends with this guy, and they're, you know, they do, like, Dance Dance Revolution together, and they're just like. You're like, oh, yeah, let's go, bro.

[Guest]

And then.

[Joe]

But then her. The guy's older brother is an absolute hunk, and she obviously. Eventually, the older brother.

[Mayor]

Damn.

[Joe]

But then her. Her friend who's like, the little brother is like, I can't believe you and my brother. And it's like. Like, I thought you guys were friends. Yeah, it's like, the whole crux of the movie. It's so dumb. And he also has a girlfriend, so he's.

[Matt]

Does the little brother ever get to smash?

[Joe]

No. Never. They're. They're like. They'll be, like, hanging out in the pool. She'll begin her bra in a pool and be like, oh, what are you doing here? Oh, this is crazy. Let's go. Best friend.

[Mayor]

Kissing booth.

[Joe]

Yeah, the kissing booth. It's. It stinks. It's a bad movie.

[Mayor]

Sounds like a stinker.

[Joe]

It's a bad movie, but it's like, oh, what's the guy's name? It's the dude from Salt. Did you see Saltburn? Yeah, the big hunky guy. Yeah.

[Matt]

He's also in it for you hunk. Dude.

[Joe]

He. Dude, he's a wild hunk.

[Matt]

There's pictures of me. Wears cool clothes all the time.

[Joe]

Yeah, he's a mass.

[Matt]

He might be the hunk.

[Joe]

I think he is. He's quick.

[Matt]

Aquaman, that guy's name. Dude, he might be number one hunk.

[Joe]

I think he is. Aquaman is just too damn much. I feel like Aquaman, he's like a mythical hunk. Yeah, he's like.

[Matt]

It's all he is. He is a sick show. Aquaman is a. It's about the Hawaiian Islands. What about like. Yeah, what is it?

[Mayor]

Jacob Elordi. He is the top.

[Matt]

Jacob Elordi is the top hunk, dude.

[Joe]

Yeah. You gotta watch Saltburn. He hunks out.

[Matt]

He's Aquaman as a warrior movie in Hawaii. It's pretty sick.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Matt]

But I was watching it and I was like, we needed the British dude. We needed gay guys with rifles to show up and go, knock it off, hunks.

[Mayor]

Knock off the funny.

[Matt]

Knock off honks with sticks coming out of the water.

[Joe]

So Aquaman's from Hawaii.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Dang. Okay.

[Matt]

Or one of Pacific Islander.

[Joe]

Yeah. Somewhere.

[Matt]

I think he's Hawaiian.

[Joe]

That makes sense. He's like, from where the rock. Kind of where the rocks from. Basically just think of the rock and.

[Matt]

Aquaman running at you and Troy Palamalu and all the.

[Joe]

Yeah, you need to.

[Matt]

You need gay British guys.

[Joe]

Hold on.

[Matt]

Listen to us savages discuss the concept of land ownership.

[Mayor]

Yeah, he's from Hawaii.

[Joe]

Dang.

[Mayor]

Honolulu.

[Joe]

Yeah, they. They crank out. They'll crank out. Like, they'll like spend like every thousand years or something. Like, just like four massive hunks emerge. Some one of them just sprouts up because they. They're stocky.

[Matt]

Come out of the volcanoes. Every 150 years, it erupts and six hunks head to the mainland. And us whites have to be like, get them out of here. It's too much of a hunk.

[Joe]

Yeah, they come out the, like some Moana reference, our guys.

[Matt]

Yeah, what's that? Jacob.

[Mayor]

Jacob B. Lord, dude.

[Matt]

He's a real bad man. We got to get rid of that hunk, dude.

[Joe]

Yeah, I mean, that is a dude. Salt. You have to watch Saltburn. It's.

[Matt]

I can't. I heard somebody sucking come out of a drain. Dude. I'm not watching. Once one person told me that, I was like, I'm never going to Watch that movie.

[Joe]

It's just like, what would happen if you put the horniest gay psycho around a hunt drunk? Actually, he's more kind of omnisexual.

[Matt]

I think it's pretty funny. Doesn't he? The whole family or something?

[Joe]

Yeah, he kind of like the whole family. Drinks come out of the bathtub. I didn't know anything about it.

[Matt]

It's gone out of bathtubs. Crazy, dude.

[Joe]

And you're like. You can tell the guy's obsessed, but it like, out of nowhere, you're like, why? Like watching a guy take a. He's like watching a dude jerk off in the bathtub. And then you're going like, all right, this is a little intense. And then as like the last. The water's going down, he goes. And. Dude, literally, I didn't know that it was even in the movie. I turned around, I was like, like, Jesus Christ. It got me. I have a pretty high tolerance for, like, weird in movies.

[Matt]

Come out of a tub is devastating. Dude, that's disgusting.

[Joe]

Feeding on the shower slugs is crazy.

[Matt]

Dude, think of just the prosthetic shower slug they brought in. Even doing that was disgusting.

[Joe]

Yeah, apparently. And there's another scene. I don't want to spoil the movie, but somebody dies in the movie that's very close to him that he liked a lot. And he starts the fresh soil on his grave. And he. Apparently he ad libbed that from what I heard. Like, he just improv. They're like, you know, like, freak out and cry over his grave. And he just on set, started the dirt. Yeah, it's. It's a.

[Mayor]

There's Barry.

[Joe]

No, no, no, no. Barry is just kind of like. Barry's pretty cool the whole time, actually.

[Mayor]

Nice.

[Joe]

Kind of reminded me of myself, really.

[Matt]

The. The hunk. Sucks to come.

[Joe]

No, no, no. The hunk.

[Matt]

So Barry sucked the come.

[Joe]

Wait, who's Barry?

[Mayor]

The little Irish.

[Joe]

Okay, my bad. I thought Barry was the host. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy. He's a little. Little Irish freak. Dude came in.

[Matt]

Coming in the bathtub.

[Joe]

It is funny because again, it is a spoiler. But he, like, convinces the hunk that he comes from this poor family of criminals and it's just all made up. Like, my mother was an alcoholic. It was so bad. And then, like, they visit his parents and there's a nice middle class family, and he's like, it.

[Mayor]

He's over.

[Joe]

Yeah, Saltburn. It is funny. It's a good Bay movie. Bay's love. Bay's love. Watching, like, aristocracy movies, huh? That's in my Experience.

[Mayor]

I watched Sinners on the plane for the first time.

[Joe]

How was it?

[Mayor]

No comment.

[Matt]

Yeah, you didn't, like.

[Mayor]

Was fine. It was pretty cool. The fights were cool.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's. It was fine.

[Mayor]

I was a little. I felt a little bad because I was great.

[Matt]

Sinners was great. Is strong, dude.

[Guest]

Yeah, it was. I thought it was great, and I thought it was. I don't think it was, like, a white man movie that I went into it thinking that was going to be. And I think it was kind of like bonding.

[Matt]

It was at the end. Yeah.

[Joe]

Yeah. They bonded.

[Guest]

Yeah, they bonded. I was listening to the director or the writer talk about why he made it Irish, and it was because he was like, I. With Irish. Like, I was like, I like the music. I like the people, and I think we have a lot in common, and I think that made sense for the movie. It's kind of. Kind of sick.

[Joe]

That's tight.

[Mayor]

Whatever you say, man.

[Matt]

The Irish music did get me hyped. Yeah.

[Joe]

Yeah, it was cool.

[Mayor]

I liked it. There's the one scene where there's, like, he's playing in the barn, and then, like, a Bootsy Collins type character, like, manifests, and he's like, that part. I was like, this movie sucks. And then it slowly started winning me back. By the end where he kills all the KKK guys, I was like, all right. This was actually kind of cool.

[Joe]

Again, that's tight.

[Mayor]

Wait, so, like, he goes beast mode on the kkk.

[Joe]

How's Bootsy Collins come up in the thing?

[Matt]

It shows all of music.

[Joe]

Got you. Yeah.

[Mayor]

It was kind of the gay.

[Matt]

They got to the twerking part, which I thought was funny.

[Mayor]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Like, this is our culture. It's just a lady shaking her.

[Mayor]

Yeah. And like, a break dancer.

[Matt]

Yeah. It's just as good as old bl. Our culture is evolving.

[Mayor]

It was kind of like. Yeah, I had that part. I hated. It was. It was okay. And then that part made me hate it. And then it sort of won me back with all the cool fights.

[Joe]

Yeah, but there's some good cool fights.

[Matt]

The fights had some holes in it because, like, I don't know. Whatever. The vampires suddenly became pussies at one point.

[Mayor]

Yeah, it was.

[Matt]

They were like.

[Mayor]

Yeah, the praise and then all the praise. It kind of. I felt like it was a little overrated.

[Matt]

Of course.

[Joe]

Yeah. If you want to get into. There's a neat.

[Mayor]

It was neat flick.

[Joe]

If you go to whatever rides inside that Epcot ball. If you want to get like a. They do, like, a European history or, like, America, kind of like Western civilization. If you want to get that. It's actually, I could see it if you're. If you're black. That's probably sick to watch because I was on the like that ride in Disney World. It's just like basically European civilization and like from like the dawn of time all the way to modern times. And you kind of do get fired up like, damn, it's fire. Sick.

[Mayor]

I forgot.

[Joe]

I forgot about ancient Greece. That was sick. And it goes all the way to the modern time and literally you end. You're like, there's nothing we can't do. It's pretty sick.

[Mayor]

Yeah.

[Joe]

So. No, seriously.

[Matt]

Yeah, I know. It's just funny.

[Joe]

I mean, America.

[Matt]

I know, but it's funny to be.

[Joe]

It's.

[Matt]

There's nothing we can't do. It's like, that's what you got out of that. You went on Epcot and you got out like the white race.

[Joe]

I'm telling you that, you know, I'm the least racist guy in America, dude.

[Mayor]

It's true.

[Joe]

But if I got me, then Walt Disney's anti semitic propaganda got me. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty sick. You just start. It has like these little like animatronic puppets reenacting like all the eons of history. And it's actually pretty tight.

[Matt]

It's pretty sick. I went to Epcot once.

[Joe]

Did you?

[Matt]

My dad just got drunk the entire time, drank around the world. We didn't go on one ride. My mom was like, it's so nice you're taking him to Disney.

[Joe]

Oh, it's so fun.

[Matt]

Just watch my dad drink at Disney. Went on like two rides. He got hammered. Drove home beast.

[Joe]

That's so tight. Yeah.

[Matt]

What was funny is it's hot out here. Let's get out of here.

[Joe]

That was fun. Yeah. I went to Disney a long time ago. My older brothers were beating me up for a lot of it. I remember I ran away from them and hopped on a boat by myself as a child and like it took me to Epcot. I just walked around alone. Disney World.

[Matt]

That's pretty cool.

[Joe]

It's pretty sick. I had, remember I had still stitches in my lip and I just kind of like walked around with a big cut in my face. Just like went back home. Was like tight.

[Matt]

Yeah, no problem.

[Joe]

Yeah. A little 10 year old child.

[Matt]

What do you think about a Chipotle break?

[Joe]

Let's take a chipotle break. I gotta pee. Like I'm out. Chipotle time out.

[Matt]

This episode is brought to you by Hulu Glenn Powell is Chad Powers.

[Joe]

Coming September 30th to Hulu and Hulu on Disney. Plus, eight years after flushing his college football career down the toilet, hotshot quarterback Russ Holliday makes a comeback disguised as Chad Powers.

[Matt]

Sounds like an oddball athletic talent who walks onto the struggling South Georgia Catfish determined to once again take college football by storm.

[Joe]

Watch the hilarious new Hulu original Series Chad Powers, September 30, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers terms of block. This is huge. This is huge, guys. We have some clubs coming up. I am very excited. Here they are right now. Helium Comedy Club, Buffalo, N.Y. oct. 17 or Oct. 18 as well. Then Bricktown Comedy Club in Tulsa, Oklahoma. That's 1024-1025, and here comes the big one. Off the hook Comedy Club, Naples, Florida. November 7th. November 8th.

[Matt]

That's gonna be a good one.

[Joe]

Yeah, be a blast.

[Matt]

October 17th and 18th, I'm in Las Vegas. And November 7th and 8th. The 7th. November 7th, I'm in San Francisco. November 8th, I'm in Sacramento. And then I got December 4th, Tucson. December 5th, Phoenix. So come on, y', all, what are we talking about? Before Chipotle so rudely interrupted us, I.

[Joe]

Think we're talking about Disney World.

[Matt]

I forget Disney World.

[Joe]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Disney World does rule. I went there last year, and it's. Or two. I don't know, a year or two ago, it was. I was like. I was hating on it. I was like, it's gonna suck. And I got there and I was like, this is actually.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's got to be awesome.

[Joe]

It's pretty tight. Honestly. It just gets too crowded.

[Mayor]

But isn't there, like, a conspiracy that they traffic children out of Disney World? Probably what I was thinking of when you said you were walking around alone, I was worried you were gonna get.

[Joe]

Yeah, bro, not me, man. But no, they.

[Mayor]

Not to be negative.

[Joe]

I mean, they, like, kidnap you at this. You could really snag kids there pretty easy. I could get so crowded. I got kind of. I was there with my kids, and at one point at like, noon, it got so crowd you could hardly move. So you have to, like, really kind of hold.

[Mayor]

They have, like, a tunnel system under there, and you know what they do in the tunnels?

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mayor]

That's for trafficking kids.

[Joe]

Yeah, you. It's, you know, if you were like, a child trafficking organization. Yeah, I could see setting up shop there.

[Matt]

Be a good.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

Honestly, I got the coffee jitters right now.

[Joe]

I'm feeling weird thinking about child trafficking.

[Mayor]

Yeah, I'M feeling really weird.

[Joe]

Right.

[Mayor]

Weird that I'm talking different.

[Joe]

I go to a lot of. I go to a lot of play places, and they. They worry about that there where they. You have to get, like, this, like, a UV stamp on your hand that, like, matches your kids because if the stamps don't match up. So I think in Texas, they do have, like. Yeah, they're, like, really worried about that because you can grab kids and. Three hours gone, but, yeah. So, yeah, you got to be careful. There's even, like, a. It's an old wife sale that the target near my house is, like, they'll, like, chalk tires if they see, like, just lady. Just ladies with their kids will kind of mark your car, so they kind of wait by it and snag your kids when you come back. I've heard about this could just be ladies scaring each other.

[Matt]

Why would they chalk the tires?

[Joe]

Just like, it marks that way. You kind of like, you have someone go by market, then another guy kind of just checks and waits by the car, I guess. I don't know, to be honest. That's a.

[Matt]

Because all that would do is see if you moved. That's why you chalk a tire.

[Joe]

Really?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Joe]

I don't know.

[Matt]

That way, when you move, it's a different spot.

[Joe]

I was thinking just kind of, like, put an identifier on there. Be like, yo, if you see this someone coming back to this car tonight, that's.

[Matt]

It can't be real.

[Joe]

Yeah, well, yeah, there's. It's just ladies go shopping by them.

[Matt]

Somebody. Somebody's, like, just giving a hookup to a random guy.

[Joe]

No, I think it's, like, one guy's the chalker. Then you have, like, the kidnappers. I don't know. It's. It's just ladies freaking each other out. Yeah. They go out and drink wine. They're like. I think they just are shopping and see Mexican guys. Like, oh, but no, there's. There's been it through, like, the grapevine of, like, wives in the area. I've heard of, like, there's a couple of them that claim to have encounters where, like, a guy was walking up to the car or something like that.

[Mayor]

I've heard of that. I've had. Yeah, I've heard a few of these stories, too.

[Matt]

What's going on with the guys?

[Joe]

I just want to snag your kids.

[Matt]

I'm just walking up to the car going, you are mine.

[Joe]

Hey, can I have your child, please?

[Matt]

I'd like to take your kids, dude.

[Joe]

It's my. My Kids now, because they're building houses near my house, and my kids come out every morning and go, hola, Mexican dudes. It's really funny. It's very sweet. This one guy turned around the other day, he was like, hey, hello, guys. And they're like, hola. English is boring. Yeah, the dudes get fired up, though. They're up on the roof and there's My kids. Just stand there.

[Matt]

Hola.

[Joe]

I had a. Some. One of the guys on the construction site smashed my trash can.

[Matt]

What the.

[Joe]

It was an accident. It was with the lull. It was like that, like, big, giant forklift thing. Just smash my planner and my. My trash can. Ah, yeah. It's always. It's weird, though, because, like, I don't. I don't care. It's like, all right, we'll get a new trash can. We'll get a planner. Like, they're gonna pay for it. They're a big construction company. And like, my wife gets so mad. I'm like, yo, this doesn't. This literally doesn't matter.

[Matt]

Does not matter.

[Joe]

It doesn't matter. I had to go over and talk to him today and like, dude, we're so sorry. I was like, I don't give a. You gotta kind of. You gotta switch it up. I might claim neck injury. You should like, dude, I was right behind the trash can when you hit it, and now my neck is killing me. You guys got to redo my front Porsche. Oh, you guys are a multi million dollar construction company.

[Mayor]

I got the plumbers at my house right now, dude, there's roots in the plumbing, and I was embarrassed because I. Yesterday and today they've been there, and I went out like twice or three times, and I was like, I can, like, use the toilet, right? Like, I'm like, asking them permission to shit. They keep it.

[Matt]

Like, yeah, plumbers here for the last two weeks. Weeks.

[Mayor]

It's embarrassing.

[Matt]

I. They told me a time they were like 7am to 1pm no plumbing. Around 12:30, 12:45, I was like, it's got to be done by now. Santa dump down the plumbing. It was open. I think I got phone calls immediately. They're like, you can't use the toilet.

[Joe]

Where'd it go?

[Matt]

I don't know where the dump went. The pile might have come flying at one of those poor farms. Bucks.

[Joe]

Oh, no.

[Matt]

I mean, I thought they were gone, dude.

[Joe]

Oh, dude. It probably flew out of the side of the house.

[Mayor]

That's what I'm so worried about.

[Matt]

So Chipotle beer pile came flying right at Him. Yeah, that was. I could have sworn by 1245.

[Joe]

Where did it go? How did the hell they know?

[Matt]

They knew right away. I think it's literally an open pipe.

[Joe]

Oh, because they. They're doing like. Yeah. Outside work. Oh. They came back like, dude, I. I was outside last night before they smashed my trash can. And I was like. So I had bought a bunch of soils. I'm like planting a bunch of stuff. And there was a guy in the. Behind the fence of the construction site just going like, just. I think it was like. It was dumped.

[Matt]

They were gone, dude. No one was here.

[Joe]

It wasn't here.

[Matt]

I know, but I'm back to defending mine because I realized as a listener, you might be very furious at me. I'd be mad if I heard someone else do that. I'd be like, wait, I thought they were gone, dude.

[Joe]

Oh, the. Yeah, true.

[Matt]

That's a really evil thing to do.

[Joe]

Probably just a dump behind your wall somewhere.

[Matt]

There's been a dump in my wall for two years. They finally fixed it.

[Joe]

But don't get me started on these new houses, dude. It's criminal. Framing. Framing with two by fours alone. It's criminal. Move, dude. It's got to be two by sixes. Yeah, they. They really. They. Everybody, dude, everything's. It's. I think this is. This is wood. But a lot of the houses are just all plastic. It's like plastic composite wood. It's just basically like mushed together. It's. They. They really get away with murder. And then they just, you know, be like, this is a luxury house.

[Matt]

Yeah. How you go. It's in Austin. It's $8 million. This is.

[Joe]

They're doing it everywhere. They do it in Philly too. And it just. They build them. It's. Don't get me started, dude. Pisses me off. Really. It's a really evil thing to do to like. I mean, it's one thing to try to like save some money, but they'll like. It's gonna. There's going to be massive problems and there's like. Sue us. Look, I just spent all of my money on this house. I can't sue you.

[Matt]

You made the house $10 million. It's two bedrooms. It's crazy.

[Joe]

Yeah, it's really shitty, Especially here.

[Matt]

Yeah, they're getting fast and loose with the pool too.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I walked outside. The just. The hot tub was empty one day. Just water. I don't know where that water, bro.

[Joe]

You could have jumped in there and got hurt.

[Matt]

I know that's a big fight it's deep. It's like six feet deep.

[Joe]

Cat ball.

[Matt]

Hey. Just stuck down there.

[Joe]

We should get real litigious.

[Matt]

Could be time.

[Joe]

I'm gonna sue those builders for sure.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's time to start suing people.

[Joe]

Yeah. Ah, my neck. I should have laid by the trash can, like. Ah. God damn it. What the hell, man? Yeah, they're pretty funny. The guy was like, you got a neighbor you don't like? Maybe just switch it with your neighbors. I was like, brother, it. I won't be doing that. But, yeah, I think. Yeah, well, whatever. I do think as a guy, we're like, yo, we got it. And then I went to, like, the actual. I guess they had a bunch of their subs, and I went to the. Like, the foreman or manager or whatever. I was like, hey, I just want to follow up on this. And he was like, what? He came and saw it, and he was like, you know who it was? And I was like, describe the guys. No, he was just kind of. I described him.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Joe]

I don't want them passing the buck.

[Matt]

It's probably tough to.

[Joe]

I thought.

[Matt]

Yeah. How'd you describe him? Well, it was wearing a crazy outfit.

[Mayor]

Jeans.

[Joe]

I was like. The one guy was like, a short, kind of plump Mexican guy. You should probably find him and that. Yeah.

[Matt]

And the other one was a short, plump Mexican.

[Joe]

Now they got it on the camera.

[Matt]

With the I am Spartacus.

[Joe]

True. They got it on cam. We have one of the. They have those giant eyes.

[Matt]

Gonna be impossible. It's still gonna be imp.

[Joe]

Like a Where's Waldo picture. Yeah, true. Well, we'll see. We'll see. We'll see what they come up with. Because my trash can is up right now.

[Mayor]

That's how they even. It's plastic, right?

[Joe]

Yeah, they just ran it over. It's like giant forklift. It's sort of low, where they, like, lift. It's like a forklift that, like, can extend like a boom and go, like, up, like, three stories. It's one of those. They've been whipping those things around. And, yeah, they caught my planter. Luckily, I didn't have. I had something in it. I'd have been pissed, but it was empty. So I got my watermelons growing. I cannot wait to harvest my watermelon.

[Matt]

That's awesome. When do you. When does that happen?

[Joe]

I don't know. I think. I think in maybe a month or two. Hopefully before it gets too chilly. So I was. I'm pumped about that. I got watermelons and plant some garlic, which is about I heard like a year long process.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah, Keep the vampires out. You have a sinner's garden. You have a full sinner's garden. All right, well, if we're being racist, I was at chicken chip bingo and it was me and three African Americans.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And they feed the chicken watermelon.

[Joe]

Do they really?

[Matt]

Yeah. Get them. Yeah, I guess. And I was just standing there and I was like, don't look, dude. You'll go crazy if you see what's going on in there. You're gonna go crazy. Don't look.

[Joe]

A watermelon. Fat chicken.

[Matt]

Watermelon. Chicken. Like, don't avert your eyes, bro. Tie yourself to the mess. It's like.

[Joe]

It's like in France when they dip the pigeons in cognac.

[Matt]

Oh, man.

[Joe]

I think it's probably good eating too.

[Matt]

We talked about before. Black people get a terrible rap for that.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That sucks.

[Joe]

So unfair.

[Matt]

The most delicious foods.

[Joe]

I told you. I was working with a guy one time, and we're leaving a construction site, and I don't know how we came into this. Wherever we were working, maybe we're next to, like a supermarket and someone just, like, gave us some watermelon and some other stuff. And my black CO worker was carrying the watermelon. I could tell he was walking home with it. And he was. Or, like, walking back to the car at one point, he was getting kind of uneasy, and I was like, bro, you want me to carry the thing for you? He's like, dude, yeah. I just feel crazy. Hold this thing.

[Matt]

Last night, Brian Simpson walked into the green room eating a banana. Tony immediately was like. He took one bite. He was like, oh. And then I was like, tony, you can't eat it. It'd be gay. So funny. I was like, you tie your hair back to eat bananas, dude.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Getting crushed food stereotypes. That hurts.

[Joe]

Yeah, true.

[Matt]

Especially dude fried chicken. So good.

[Joe]

So good. And dude, meanwhile, Koreans are the real fried chicken hounds.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Koreans love fried chicken. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they've, you know, they're protected. The merchandise around you now, the Korean black connections. Strong. Korean black connection. Strong.

[Mayor]

True.

[Joe]

Well, very strong. I used to work for a very racist Korean man who was stabbed twice.

[Matt]

That'll do it.

[Joe]

Yeah, he's. He's, you know, he's got his reasons.

[Matt]

Dude. I'd be pretty upset. He wasn't even stabbed twice. I'd be like, yeah, I'm racist.

[Joe]

Yeah. The store. He was. He was in a convenience store that sold 40s. He's like, I worked in a 40 deli. Very bad neighbors. He always called it neighbors. The neighbors were very bad. Got stabbed.

[Matt]

That's.

[Joe]

I mean, someone down the 40 Deli. That's where he was wearing his very creative socks and flip flops.

[Matt]

You're gonna die in there. You gotta go down with the ship. In the 40 deli to north Philly is just crazy.

[Joe]

Polo, fleece socks and flip flops. Being like, oh, wait a minute. Getting poked for the 40. This is two silver thunders. Like, let them go, bro. They cost you $3. Let them go.

[Matt]

They do defend their wares.

[Joe]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

You're not shoplifting, dude. They're coming out. No, you with a stick, dude. They have Ninja Turtles.

[Joe]

He kept that thing on him.

[Matt]

Oh, really?

[Joe]

He used to love the show. Us. Me and my brother worked for him. He'd be like, pull it out. I'm like, dude, sick. Man up. Use it. Shoot someone.

[Matt]

You had a gun on you and you got stabbed twice.

[Joe]

I think that's. I think that's the reason why you got. Finally, after the.

[Matt]

Stabbed me twice, stab me twice, get stabbed.

[Joe]

He wasn't, like. He wasn't. He wasn't vitriolic or, like, mean about it. He'd be like, like. Because I would, like, have to deliver to, like, certain areas, and he'd be like, be very careful. Lots of bad people. He's just like, you might get stabbed. Be careful. Yeah. Was never mean, but, yeah, that was the one time he teetered on the edge when he.

[Matt]

That's fair, though. That's like, get stabbed. If you get stabbed twice and somebody's going back to that neighborhood, that would be like, somebody going to, like, Elm Street. You'd be like, there's Freddy Krueger there. So, like, Michael Myers lives in that neighborhood. So just. You might get stabbed. It's a horror movie. That's terrifying. I've talked about it before, but it.

[Joe]

Always make me laugh because he's always rattling off business ideas. And the one time he was, like, talking about pet shops, he's like, pet shops is a good business. I was in there. I was like, okay. Like, just waiting for another delivery.

[Matt]

I know what's next.

[Joe]

Black people love the pit bull. And I was like, yo, bro, come on. But he was, like, not being. He was like, no, no, no. They buy a lot of stuff at a Peterboo. And I was like. I was like, all right, so where are these going? He's like. He's like, I'll be very careful. Dude was funny as hell. I told you. He showed my brother his dick I forgot about this.

[Matt]

I'd like to hear about it again.

[Joe]

My brother's dick. He was just complaining how he couldn't get hard. He couldn't get any power. He called it power. Oh, yeah. No power.

[Matt]

I have no power.

[Joe]

No power.

[Matt]

He's gonna steal it.

[Joe]

He like, it just showed my brother as a gun. Then he goes and just flashed. I was like, yo, what the. Oh, no power. Dude was the man.

[Matt]

Yeah, it sounds like it's so funny.

[Joe]

That was a guy who told me, if. If I get my girlfriend pregnant, I lose. It's like, I'll make sure to wear a condom. You get her pregnant or you lose. He's a beast.

[Matt]

He's all over it, dude.

[Joe]

He was.

[Matt]

What he's up to now. He's probably been stabbed a third time by now.

[Joe]

He would sit. I would drive deliveries. He would sit in the passenger side Indian style and just be like. And just sing Korean songs himself. Such a beast. Yeah, he was a man. He had a Beamer, and he just eventually just started loading it with beer. Cases of beer. And just be like, taking my car and does. You just trashed his car. The Koreans are very fly. It's. They're the flyest Asians by far. So let it be known Chinese people get fly, but it's kind of like space age fly. Yeah, Koreans just like cop Beamers. Fucking crush, crushed fried chicken. Really sick. They definitely peeped game.

[Matt]

Dude, showing your dick to your boys. Those is nice. Like having no.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Having no. Any worries at all. Just be like, dude, I can't get hard. Look at this thing.

[Joe]

Nah, dude, it's crazy. It's also too, like. You can diagnose that problem by looking at a man's classic penis. Really soft right now. Yeah, dude, you're not lying. Your penis is soft as hell.

[Matt]

So small.

[Joe]

It's Tuesday at 10:00am The. We're in a chili warehouse in December to. At 10:00am it's crazy. Your dick is so soft, right?

[Matt]

I saw your face, Nate. You didn't like that? You didn't like that? I. I got away with saying that. Well, it's fine. I was like, it's nice. It's. It's nice. You can kind of show your dick to some guy and not just watch naked. He's like, and I'm zesty.

[Guest]

No, no, I'm embracing it now. I'm leaning in. It's fine. I just was. I just still had that normalize it.

[Joe]

Yo, normalize it time. Yeah, just post up and be like, what's up, guys? Do a cool handshake and go, what? Bust.

[Guest]

Sit on the mayor's egg for him. He's a dragon egg.

[Matt]

I'm going, wait, what?

[Mayor]

Excuse me.

[Guest]

He's got a lair's got a dragon egg. I'm going sit over there in the hatching for him. It's a whole thing we got going.

[Matt]

You're joking around. You sit on the mayor's dragon egg.

[Joe]

Dragon egg. You guys really don't know how to joke around about gay stuff, do you? This is crazy, dude.

[Matt]

New to them. You guys are the first generation to adopt the white way of being.

[Joe]

Like, wait, that's not how you use it.

[Matt]

What the.

[Joe]

What the. Damn. Yo, I'm going to throw up. My boy just smack his balls.

[Matt]

Yeah, I touched your penis today.

[Joe]

He got me underwater. What? Underwater? Yeah, bro. There's levels to this.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's how you do it. Well, you guys, once you master swimming, you guys are gonna get swimming and gay. Some guy. Some guy was like, you want to try these goggles? I was like, yeah, I'll try them. And I put on goggles immediately. Just went underwater.

[Joe]

Got a cold water penis in his hand.

[Matt]

There's nothing wrong with going underwater and. Yeah, giving someone a little. You can hear it through the water, which is very funny.

[Joe]

Went, yeah, I had a little. I was working with a little crappy. I had no power.

[Matt]

Yeah, true. I didn't even think about. I didn't. I didn't get a grip, just so you know.

[Joe]

I was just laughing like, dang. That was.

[Matt]

That was not a good one. Yeah. If somebody called my tus in there, caught a goldfish.

[Joe]

There was a goldfish.

[Matt]

Down there.

[Joe]

Just finding Nemo.

[Matt]

Yeah, water was cold.

[Joe]

I like. It was refreshing, man. But yeah, it was chilly. I was so. I just had to jump right in, man. I could. I can't walk in. I gotta tried.

[Matt]

Oh, dude. Godzilla walk it. That's a tough Godzilla stop halfway.

[Joe]

It's worse. It's worse doing it.

[Matt]

It got worse.

[Joe]

That was my second time swimming today.

[Matt]

Godzilla walks powerful though, in the cold water.

[Joe]

It's very tight. That is very tight. But yeah, the die landed right on my back. I tried it. I just wanted to feel out a gainer off the diving board.

[Matt]

It's hilarious, bro.

[Joe]

Landed flat. My back felt like it was on fire. It hurts so bad.

[Mayor]

Bad.

[Joe]

But whatever. So it happens.

[Matt]

It was fine back.

[Joe]

The backflips have been. I have a backflip.

[Matt]

You're over. You're going too far. Yeah, you're getting too much front flip.

[Joe]

I landed like. Yeah, right on my face.

[Matt]

Yeah, you're overextending on these flips.

[Joe]

Got it.

[Matt]

You're too powerful.

[Joe]

I gotta get to the one and a half. That'd be nasty. Hitting the one and a half would be cool.

[Matt]

You're close.

[Joe]

I could. Yeah. If I kept ripping, I could definitely do it.

[Mayor]

You ever see those videos of the African American knees jumping into the pool with all of their clothes on?

[Matt]

I think that's a Memphis thing.

[Mayor]

I love that.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's very fun to watch.

[Mayor]

We should do that at Barton Springs.

[Matt]

We could do that at Barton Springs. It'd be tough to get out fast.

[Mayor]

True.

[Matt]

You got to keep kind of cycling.

[Mayor]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Yeah. I was at a wedding recently, and I had. It was a black wedding, and a lot of people were jumping in that night, like, in all their clothes. And I was, like, kind of confused. Like, what is it? Then I saw the Internet. I was like, okay. Yeah, survival.

[Matt]

Were they doing that?

[Joe]

I wasn't there.

[Matt]

Lay flat.

[Joe]

Oh, we got. We got. We got the video. They went back, and we were at a different resort, and then they went back.

[Matt]

I don't know why I thought that was a Memphis thing.

[Mayor]

Could be. Right.

[Matt]

Will you look that up? We look into that.

[Mayor]

Jarvis.

[Joe]

Could have started in Memphis.

[Matt]

I don't know why.

[Joe]

Yeah, it's a. It's pretty crazy. I mean, it looks cool in the video when you jump in with all your clothes, but, like, what do you do after?

[Matt]

Cut a rug.

[Joe]

True.

[Matt]

Stab a crayon, go to the 40 store and go, yeah, this is mine.

[Mayor]

Well.

[Guest]

Like, you were flipping in the pools.

[Matt]

Memphis.

[Mayor]

But then, like.

[Guest]

Yeah, Yeah, a lot of Memphis. This, what YouTube is showing me. They're all like, Memphis pool parties. Look like this.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Yeah. Sick as hell.

[Joe]

I. I do like the black streaming game game. Yep, it's sick. I don't understand any of it, but there's massive fortunes being amassed.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

It's just the. The line of chat flying down. It's just dudes, like, it's pretty sick.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Joe]

I kind of want to steal it.

[Matt]

And have a great appearance.

[Joe]

Kodaks was so good. A little glitch for the twitch. Yeah.

[Matt]

Awesome.

[Joe]

I kind of want to steal the swag and for all of our episodes, has to have, like, a fake chat log flying down. Just be like, CTFU Skulls. CTFU Skulls. Firefighter beyond fort. Just chilling an apartment. Pretty type.

[Mayor]

Bishop Speed went to the stand.

[Joe]

I know that. Saw it.

[Mayor]

I didn't realize he went to the show. And those cameras have, like, a huge light on it.

[Matt]

Oh, God.

[Mayor]

While Aaron Berg was on stage, and he's just in the back filming Aaronberg with a huge spotlight on him.

[Matt]

Oh, my God.

[Mayor]

And then he went on stage, did a backflip, barked, and then ran out. Out.

[Joe]

Yeah, that's pretty tight.

[Mayor]

Yeah, it was pretty sick.

[Joe]

Yeah, that's what it's all about now.

[Mayor]

Jungle Joe made an appearance.

[Joe]

Who's that?

[Mayor]

The Jungle Joe.

[Joe]

Oh, nice, nice, nice, nice, nice.

[Matt]

We're an hour.

[Mayor]

Okay?

[Matt]

Hell, yeah.

[Mayor]

Ariva dei.

[Joe]

Yeah, there it is.

[Mayor]

Ciao.

[Joe]

Bye.