Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast Ep 581 – “Teenis Fly Trap” (feat. Lemaire Lee)

Date: October 15, 2025
Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Guest: Lemaire Lee

Overview

This episode is a wild, fast-moving ride covering everything from political banter and current events, to festival adventures, sports, and some characteristically irreverent talks about pornography, strip clubs, and suicide nets. Comedian Lemaire Lee joins in for extra laughs and energy. The hosts riff on Trump-era headlines, government shutdown woes, college football fanaticism, risky festival drug combinations, awkward fan interactions, and their singular take on the human condition. All the while, the group maintains their signature blend of authenticity, self-deprecation, and sharp-edged humor.

Major Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Allergies, Bugs, and Dust Mite Poop

• [00:08] Shane opens by sharing he’s allergic to dust mite poop, to everyone’s surprise.

  “When you’re allergic to dust mites, you’re actually allergic to their poop. That’s what gets.” — Shane [00:13]
  “You never would have even considered their poop.” — Matt [00:20]

2. Trump, Peace in the Middle East & The List

• [00:35] – [05:30]
  The guys riff on Donald Trump’s recent headlines about “bringing peace to the Middle East,” his braggadocio, and the infamous “list”—a running reference to scandals and transgressions.
  • Matt notes the media is even giving Trump some credit:

    “He’s like, I don’t think I’m ever getting to heaven, but I’m just going to try to help as many people as I can.” — Matt (on Trump, paraphrasing) [02:01]

  • Lemaire sarcastically asks:

    “How many people has Christ deported?” — Lemaire [02:14]

• They joke about the tension between public persona and private transgressions, jumping between serious and absurd.

3. Government Shutdowns & College Football Flyovers

• [03:16] – [04:09]
  The group laments that government shutdowns only seem real when they cancel military flyovers at college games.

  “I’ll tell you when it does affect me is when there’s no flyover at the Oklahoma Texas game.” — Matt [03:16]

• The hosts try to untangle Democrat vs. Republican blame, deflecting with humor.

4. Roasting Political Stereotypes

• [06:13] – [07:05] Stories about getting called “Democrats” as insults from tow truck drivers and frat kids, illustrating regional and cultural divides through playful self-deprecation.

  “A kid at Florida State said I looked like I voted for Biden a while ago, and it’s stuck with me. It’s been four years.” — Matt [06:31]

5. Festival Adventures, Edibles, and T-Pain at ACL

The convoluted journey to see T-Pain at Austin City Limits:

• [17:15] – [21:30]
  • Shane recounts eating mushrooms and edibles, getting stuck in security, and finally finding solace in portable rocking chairs during T-Pain’s electrifying set.
  • Love for T-Pain’s energy, showmanship, and humor:

    “T-Pain… is an absolute master of craft… I just got to watch T-Pain… He brought me back to life. That guy brought me back to life.” — Shane [20:07]

  • Drum circles at kids’ events are lauded for their communal energy.

6. Porn Talk: Algorithms, Racial Stereotypes, and Platform Problems

• [13:26] – [16:04]
  • Critique of current porn sites, dodgy content, and the “speakeasy” vibe post-pornhub policy changes.
  • Lemaire laments racial tropes in porn algorithms:

    “Every time there’s a porn with one white lady, there’s like, four black guys. I don’t understand. Why does she need a yard of dick?” — Lemaire [14:40]

  • The table riffs on the “barely legal” genre and changing perceptions as they get older.

7. Sports Fandom—Notre Dame, Alabama, and College Affiliations

• [08:21] – [12:09]

  • Debate about which college football teams to support, with Matt detailing the rich (sometimes problematic) histories of schools and joking about mascot dogs:

    “No, we did have a little tiny dog named Clashmore Mike, who used to rock Clash more.” — Matt [09:29]

• Shane relishes firing the cannon at games and Governor Abbott’s appearance, leading to a side-rant about Texas weed laws and “losing access to The Hub” (Pornhub).

8. Drug Use, All-Nighters, and Richard Pryor’s Crack Fire

• [31:44] – [33:05]
  • Lemaire and Shane recount failed all-nighters and discuss Richard Pryor setting himself on fire:

    “He would dip like cotton in some really high proof rum and then he would light that and then he would light the crack pipe.” — Lamar [32:19] “He started pouring the rum on himself… he went up in flames.” — Lemaire [32:33]

9. Weird Cigarette Tech and European Innovations

• [33:52] – [36:47]
  • Shane tries a European vape/cig hybrid—delivered by some Brits at ACL—and the group debates smoking styles and whether they’re “gay” or “cool.”

10. Fan Interactions & The Paradox of Comedian Fame

• [25:50] – [27:27]
  • Awkward stories about being recognized (or not), mistaking strangers for fans, and the odd boundaries with listeners:

    “It’s very embarrassing where a guy will say something…I thought you were my friend from the Internet, but you’re not. My bad.” — Shane [25:50]

11. Aging, Parents, and Existential Dread

• [27:43] – [28:39]
  • Lemaire and the crew joke—but with real feeling—about their parents aging, and the “exit velocity” as you realize time moves faster.

12. Gambling and Long Drinking Sessions

• [28:41] – [30:11]
  • Stories about Matt’s dad’s expertise in pacing himself while drinking and gambling and the perils of long day-drinking.

13. Charlie Sheen, “Tiger Blood,” and Nic Cage Out-Party-Tales

• [41:08] – [42:18]
  • Lemaire raves about a new Charlie Sheen documentary, describing war stories of weaning off cocaine and Sheen’s “tiger blood” phase:

    “I’m basically one of, like, the Papal assassins. Pure. He’s like dragon blood… Tiger blood, that’s it.” — Shane [42:09]

14. Religion, Boss Men, and Muslim Culture

• [42:56] – [44:55]
  • The dangerous appeal of ‘boss man’ religious self-help, with jokes about “white Muslims” and cultural perceptions of marriage and status.

15. America vs. China: Myths, Memes, and Tech Rivalry

• [45:32] – [47:45]
  • The group pokes holes in viral “China facts,” like gravity batteries and bone-healing sprays, noting much is meme-driven:

    “This is all made up. This is all made up.” — Matt [46:27]

16. Humanitarian Hypocrisy & The China/Israel Lecture

• [47:52] – [48:48]
  • Ironies of criticizing other countries’ human rights while benefiting from exploitative systems.

    “China was like, those kids should be working. Stop killing all those kids. You gotta put them to work.” — Matt [48:28]

17. Suicide Nets, Topgolf Mishaps, and Bridge Jokes

• [48:49] – [54:05]
  • Macabre riffs on suicide nets at factories, bridges, and Topgolf; why it’s more humiliating to get caught in a net than die:

    “Worse than a death, though, bro. Caught in the topgolf net.” — Matt [50:06] “Your ass is out to your family.” — Shane [50:52]

18. Strip Clubs, “Flaccos,” and Old Pros

• [59:38] – [61:16]
  • Metaphors of old strippers (“Flaccos”), Kelly Blue Book pricing, and the wisdom of aged pros versus ingenues:

    “An old stripper’s called a Flacco. I’ll tell you what. He still got it. Still got it.” — Matt [60:03] “Yeah, they know the playbook. Front, back.” — Matt [61:16]

19. Daydreaming—AutoTrader, Houses, VR, and “Mature Naturals”

• [61:53] – [64:48]
  • Joking about browsing house magazines at Wawa, and imagining a VR world where everyone has “mature naturals” for neighbors.

20. Final Riffs: Peace in the Middle East, Deepfakes, and Absurdity

• [58:12] – [64:48]
  • Parodying global politics, the deepfake age, and the confusion of moral credit and blame as genuine jokes about modern absurdity abound.

    “It’s like… sell arms and do, you know, diplomatic stuff… I’m trying to keep the American exceptionalism dream alive, man.” — Shane [45:42] “We could get a little mature natural island going.” — Matt [63:25]

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On Trump’s humility:

  “He’s like, I don’t think I’m ever getting into heaven, but I’m just going to try to help as many people as I can. It was like, don, you have no idea how Christ-like that actually was.” — Matt, [02:01]

• On awkward politics:

  “A kid at Florida State said I looked like I voted for Biden… It’s been four years.” — Matt, [06:31]

• On T-Pain at ACL:

  “He brought me to life. That guy brought me back to life.” — Shane, [20:07]

• On porn site problems:

  “Every time there’s a porn with one white lady, there’s like, four black guys. I don’t understand. Why does she need a yard of dick?” — Lemaire, [14:40]

• On dramatic drug stories:

  “He started pouring the rum on himself… and he went up in flames.” — Lemaire, [32:33]

• On suicide nets:

  “Worse than a death, though, bro. Caught in the topgolf net.” — Matt, [50:06] “Your ass is out to your family.” — Shane, [50:52]

• On strip club “veterans”:

  “An old stripper’s called a Flacco. I’ll tell you what. He still got it.” — Matt, [60:03]

• On VR house dreams:

  “We could just, like, walk outside and there’s, like, a white picket fence. I was like, hey neighbor, place looks great. You get to go, thanks, buddy.” — Matt, [63:23]

Episode Tone & Style

The tone is raucous, irreverent, and rapid-fire. The comedians are unapologetically themselves—crisscrossing between social commentary, absurd personal confessions, and relentless one-upmanship. Banter and teasing give the show a laid-back, locker room energy, but there is also a sharp comedic intelligence and satirical edge running throughout.

Key Segments by Timestamp

• [00:08] – Dust mite allergy revelations
• [00:35] – Trump, the Middle East, and “the list”
• [03:16] – College football and government shutdown rant
• [06:13] – “Damn” as an insult stories
• [13:26] – Porn sites algorithms & stereotypes
• [17:15] – T-Pain at ACL, festival drug journey
• [25:50] – Fan/parasocial encounters
• [27:43] – On parents aging
• [28:41] – Matt’s dad’s gambling & drinking stamina
• [31:44] – Failed all-nighters; Richard Pryor fire story
• [33:52] – Euro vape/cig inventions
• [41:08] – Charlie Sheen doc, “tiger blood”
• [42:56] – Religion & “boss man” culture
• [45:32] – US vs China meme analysis
• [48:49] – Suicide nets & Topgolf fails
• [54:09] – Foam pit and ocean rescue stories
• [59:38] – Mature “Flaccos” at the strip club
• [61:53] – House magazines and VR yards
• [63:25] – “Mature natural island” bit

Matt and Shane keep their anti-hero status alive, delivering a hilariously unfiltered take on current life—and, in their own way, celebrating small mercies and victories in a crazy world.