Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast – Ep 585: Son of a Governor
Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Date: November 13, 2025
Episode Overview
This episode showcases Matt and Shane’s signature blend of absurd humor and sharp banter as they delve into everything from American history and time travel paradoxes to hard drinking, awkward travel stories, and their ongoing quests for personal greatness and comic domination. Alongside their regular crew (including Sean and Lamar), the duo riff on topics ranging from George Washington’s origins and SNL behind-the-scenes tales to peanut butter prison stories, powerlifting, and awkward wedding fashion choices. True to form, the conversation is both hilarious and revealing, giving listeners a front row seat to the camaraderie, competitiveness, and chaos that defines the pod.
Key Discussion Points & Highlights
1. The Legacy of George Washington and Tall Guy Domination
- Tall equals boss: Shane discusses how being tall gives you social and economic advantages.
"Tall guys make more than short guys. Like $150,000 more over a 30 year period." – Shane [01:26]
- Why was George Washington president?
- Both agree his stature (literally) made him a natural leader.
- Matt: “He didn't even speak...they were like, dude, you're president.” [01:45]
- Was he the son of a governor?: The group ponders Washington’s American roots, leading to jokes about his family and colonial America (“bunch of wooden pikes...everyone’s in mud dying” – Matt [03:29]).
2. History’s Morality Hypotheticals & Time Machine Ethics
- Slavery vs. Hitler: Which would you stop?
- Shane proposes the difficult time traveler’s dilemma:
“If you had a time machine, would you go back in time and stop slavery? Or would you stop Hitler?” [04:34]
- The group debates methods and implications, with plenty of laughs at the impossibility of “one-time-use time machines” and the weirdness of “having to stay in the past.” [05:02]
- Mayor raises the uncomfortable economic reality:
“That was free labor...helping us grow economy-wise.” [06:00]
- Matt and Shane agree the question is unanswerable, before steering back to lighter topics [06:13–06:39].
- Shane proposes the difficult time traveler’s dilemma:
3. Memorabilia, SNL, and Pranks
- Shane recounts someone giving him a swastika penny in Florida:
“I just did Florida. Here’s a swastika penny now.” [08:16]
- Matt addresses his own desire for odd memorabilia:
“People got really upset when I said I wanted to buy a Hitler autograph. I don’t see–I really don’t see the problem.” [08:46]
- The segment lands on the distinction between collecting infamous and famous memorabilia, played for laughs.
4. Behind the Scenes: Saturday Night Live Appearance
- Shane’s SNL appearance:
- “I had to travel a lot. SNL ruled. Especially because all I had to do was the opening.” [12:10]
- He shares about nerves, sweaty hands during rehearsal:
“My hands were the sweatiest...like dripped. My hands were dripping sweat.” [13:15]
- Dodged being cut into more sketches at the last minute, watched Game 7 of the World Series instead [14:16].
5. Road Stories: Hotels, Sleepwalking, and Cities
- Led Zeppelin Hotel in San Francisco:
- Booked because of a silly name by Matt’s assistant [15:41]
- Tommy’s “sleepwalking” (really, blackout) adventure walking out of the hotel in tighty-whities [16:15]
-
“If I had to go down to the lobby in just tighty-whities, they would, like, call the police.” – Matt [16:49]
- Sacramento described as a GTA video game cityscape [17:19].
6. Embarrassing Basketball at the Warriors Facility
- Matt, after beers, airballs “30 straight threes” at the Golden State Warriors facility under the watchful eye of an AI camera [18:18].
- "I was begging them, you can't show anyone. This is the most embarrassing." [18:38]
7. D&D, Drinking, and the Aftermath
- Mayor’s whiskey/D&D-fueled misadventure leads to bathroom disasters:
- “I drank too much whiskey yesterday and had 711 wings, and that's a travesty.” – Lamar [19:50]
- Matt laughs about the “gay D&D band” reputation (“roll the dice to see what part you finish on the other guy” [20:25]).
8. Lifting, Bulking, and Masculinity
- Shane’s new goal: The Thousand Pound Club – combining totals for squat, bench, and deadlift [22:29].
- “I’m just worried my bulk doesn’t turn into the Hulk, man.” – Shane [23:53]
- Both share supplement and powerlifting methods, with plenty of jokes about “getting bricked up” on creatine [24:18].
9. Mark Wahlberg’s Prayer App & Tech Humor
- The guys riff on the concept of “pay to pray” apps:
- “Just like Christ intended.” – Matt [25:57]
- “I’d start a confession app and sell that info.” – Shane [26:19]
10. Bible as Audiobook & Old Testament Absurdity
- Both try (and fail) to get through the Bible on audio:
“Genesis is a slicer...with all those names.” – Matt [26:41]
- Discuss Lot’s wife, salt, and Biblical daughter-dad shadiness [27:00].
11. “Booty Relief” and Infamous Inmates
- Extensive riffing on felon Fleece Johnson, “the Booty Warrior,” and the wildness of prison cultures:
- “You ever watch the Boondocks? That’s a real guy. He’s out of jail and he’s a menace.” – Lamar [28:00]
- Matt on prison pranks:
“He got some booty relief, but they packed his ass with peanut butter for, like, lube, I guess.” [29:39]
- “Having your butthole filled with peanut butter is objectively funny.” – Shane [30:07]
12. Personal Life, Nicotine, and Self-Improvement
- Shane moves away from caffeine, describes addiction cycles:
“I’ve been subdued under the heel of evil. Caffeine...for me, it was like stealing my energy, man.” [35:56]
- Nicotine tablets vs. vaping as pre-show rituals [36:30].
13. Weddings, Peaky Blinders, and Male Fashion
- Skewering of Peaky Blinders-themed weddings:
- “It sucks to be the one groomsman...everyone else is doing it, so I gotta wear a trench coat and a Jeff cap and a vest with a watch.” – Matt [39:44]
- Jokes about whiskey and boners at such events [41:32]
- Italian wedding suit tropes and “Sopranos” fandom [41:52].
14. The Mob, Gambling, and Sports Fixing
- Discuss Mob documentaries, Philly mob history, and sports scandals [42:21].
- Shane: “Mob’s coming back!”
- Stories of gambling athletes, minor league crime, and the FBI’s methods [44:34].
15. Comedy Show Recaps & Challenging Audiences
- Shane’s parents surprise him at a show, much to his discomfort:
- “Surprised me at the show. It was sweet, although it was my least favorite show of the weekend.” [45:24]
- Banter about crowd work, making fun of unruly audience members and their gear [51:08–52:41].
16. Gaming, Airports, Future Tech, and Old Men
- Airport Mario Kart sessions, Switch vs. Vision Pro Oculus dudes:
- “That old man was loving it. He was 80 years old, just watching us play. Completely blown away.” – Shane [60:00]
- Contemplation of tech in public; jokes about “ball tapping” anyone in an Oculus [58:14]
- Upliftingly, the old almond farmer’s optimism about the future and space travel [60:22–61:06].
17. Competitive Video Gaming & Drunken Defeats
- UFC and NCAA video game tournaments; coping with drunken losses and “Rudy Rudiger” persistence [62:15–64:41].
- “Getting knocked out in clarity is all it is.” – Matt [65:09]
Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)
- “Tall guys make more than short guys. Like $150,000 more over a 30 year period, average.” – Shane [01:26]
- “I wonder if he had any help, because I know the Washingtons… I think he went to ZipRecruiter.” – Matt [03:57]
- “If you had a time machine, would you go back in time and stop slavery? Or would you stop Hitler?” – Shane [04:34]
- “People got really upset when I said I wanted to buy a Hitler autograph. I really don’t see the problem.” – Matt [08:46]
- “I airballed 30 straight threes.” – Matt (on Warriors court humiliation) [18:18]
- “I drank too much whiskey yesterday and had 711 wings, and that’s a travesty.” – Lamar [19:50]
- “I’m just worried my bulk doesn’t turn into the Hulk, man.” – Shane [23:53]
- “Just like Christ intended… pay-to-pray.” – Matt (on Wahlberg’s prayer app) [25:57]
- “Having your butthole filled with peanut butter is objectively funny.” – Shane [30:07]
- “You gotta eat this. But if my kid had a peanut allergy, I'd give ‘em, like, a dental dam…for peanuts.” – Matt [35:07]
- “I've been subdued under the heel of evil. Caffeine. For me, it was like stealing my energy, man.” – Shane [35:56]
- “It sucks to be the one groomsman… everyone else is doing it, so I gotta wear a trench coat and a Jeff cap and a vest.” – Matt [39:44]
- “My dad…was showing off… He was driving very fast [on the boat].” – Shane [45:46]
- “That old man was loving it… just completely blown away. Like, what is that thing?” – Shane (on playing Switch in airport) [60:00]
- “Getting knocked out in clarity is all it is.” – Matt (on video game defeat) [65:09]
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 00:01–05:00: George Washington, tall guy privilege, and president jokes
- 05:10–07:40: “Would you stop slavery or Hitler?” dilemma
- 08:00–09:30: Hitler memorabilia and “bad guy” collecting
- 12:10–14:20: SNL appearance, anxiety, and show recap
- 15:41–17:10: San Francisco, Zeppelin hotel, and blackout sleepwalking
- 18:18–18:59: Warriors facility basketball disaster
- 19:40–21:06: Lamar’s D&D goblet whiskey adventure
- 22:29–24:43: Shane’s Thousand Pound Club, bulking, and gym talk
- 25:27–26:13: Mark Wahlberg’s “pay to pray” app riff
- 26:37–27:15: Bible as audiobook fails, Old Testament wildness
- 28:00–30:31: Fleece Johnson/Booty Warrior, prison, and peanut butter stories
- 35:56–36:37: Caffeine/nicotine cycles and quitting
- 39:44–41:32: Peaky Blinders wedding attire and whiskey boners
- 42:21–44:49: The Mob, gambling, and sports-fixing scandals
- 51:08–52:41: Crowd work, “Mike Ditka” audience joke, audience pushback
- 60:00–61:22: Playing Switch at the airport with encouraging old men
- 62:15–66:10: Gaming tournaments, drunken defeat coping, show wind-down
Tone & Language:
Playful, unfiltered, and irreverent as always, the hosts take on even heavy subjects with a relentless commitment to comedic honesty and absurdity. The atmosphere is that of a high-energy hangout punctuated by relentless riffing, no-topic-off-limits honesty, and the chemistry of old friends bouncing effortlessly from one tangent to the next.
This episode is a must-listen for fans who love the podcast’s blend of history, personal humiliation, wild anecdotes, and the endless competition for laughs, dominance, and self-improvement.