Ep 585 - Son of a Governor

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast – Ep 585: Son of a Governor

Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Date: November 13, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode showcases Matt and Shane’s signature blend of absurd humor and sharp banter as they delve into everything from American history and time travel paradoxes to hard drinking, awkward travel stories, and their ongoing quests for personal greatness and comic domination. Alongside their regular crew (including Sean and Lamar), the duo riff on topics ranging from George Washington’s origins and SNL behind-the-scenes tales to peanut butter prison stories, powerlifting, and awkward wedding fashion choices. True to form, the conversation is both hilarious and revealing, giving listeners a front row seat to the camaraderie, competitiveness, and chaos that defines the pod.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. The Legacy of George Washington and Tall Guy Domination

• Tall equals boss: Shane discusses how being tall gives you social and economic advantages.

  "Tall guys make more than short guys. Like $150,000 more over a 30 year period." – Shane [01:26]

• Why was George Washington president?
  • Both agree his stature (literally) made him a natural leader.
  • Matt: “He didn't even speak...they were like, dude, you're president.” [01:45]
• Was he the son of a governor?: The group ponders Washington’s American roots, leading to jokes about his family and colonial America (“bunch of wooden pikes...everyone’s in mud dying” – Matt [03:29]).

2. History’s Morality Hypotheticals & Time Machine Ethics

• Slavery vs. Hitler: Which would you stop?
  • Shane proposes the difficult time traveler’s dilemma:

    “If you had a time machine, would you go back in time and stop slavery? Or would you stop Hitler?” [04:34]

  • The group debates methods and implications, with plenty of laughs at the impossibility of “one-time-use time machines” and the weirdness of “having to stay in the past.” [05:02]
  • Mayor raises the uncomfortable economic reality:

    “That was free labor...helping us grow economy-wise.” [06:00]

  • Matt and Shane agree the question is unanswerable, before steering back to lighter topics [06:13–06:39].

3. Memorabilia, SNL, and Pranks

• Shane recounts someone giving him a swastika penny in Florida:

  “I just did Florida. Here’s a swastika penny now.” [08:16]

• Matt addresses his own desire for odd memorabilia:

  “People got really upset when I said I wanted to buy a Hitler autograph. I don’t see–I really don’t see the problem.” [08:46]

• The segment lands on the distinction between collecting infamous and famous memorabilia, played for laughs.

4. Behind the Scenes: Saturday Night Live Appearance

• Shane’s SNL appearance:
  • “I had to travel a lot. SNL ruled. Especially because all I had to do was the opening.” [12:10]
  • He shares about nerves, sweaty hands during rehearsal:

    “My hands were the sweatiest...like dripped. My hands were dripping sweat.” [13:15]

  • Dodged being cut into more sketches at the last minute, watched Game 7 of the World Series instead [14:16].

5. Road Stories: Hotels, Sleepwalking, and Cities

• Led Zeppelin Hotel in San Francisco:
  • Booked because of a silly name by Matt’s assistant [15:41]
  • Tommy’s “sleepwalking” (really, blackout) adventure walking out of the hotel in tighty-whities [16:15]

  • “If I had to go down to the lobby in just tighty-whities, they would, like, call the police.” – Matt [16:49]

• Sacramento described as a GTA video game cityscape [17:19].

6. Embarrassing Basketball at the Warriors Facility

• Matt, after beers, airballs “30 straight threes” at the Golden State Warriors facility under the watchful eye of an AI camera [18:18].
  • "I was begging them, you can't show anyone. This is the most embarrassing." [18:38]

7. D&D, Drinking, and the Aftermath

• Mayor’s whiskey/D&D-fueled misadventure leads to bathroom disasters:
  • “I drank too much whiskey yesterday and had 711 wings, and that's a travesty.” – Lamar [19:50]
• Matt laughs about the “gay D&D band” reputation (“roll the dice to see what part you finish on the other guy” [20:25]).

8. Lifting, Bulking, and Masculinity

• Shane’s new goal: The Thousand Pound Club – combining totals for squat, bench, and deadlift [22:29].
  • “I’m just worried my bulk doesn’t turn into the Hulk, man.” – Shane [23:53]
  • Both share supplement and powerlifting methods, with plenty of jokes about “getting bricked up” on creatine [24:18].

9. Mark Wahlberg’s Prayer App & Tech Humor

• The guys riff on the concept of “pay to pray” apps:
  • “Just like Christ intended.” – Matt [25:57]
  • “I’d start a confession app and sell that info.” – Shane [26:19]

10. Bible as Audiobook & Old Testament Absurdity

• Both try (and fail) to get through the Bible on audio:

  “Genesis is a slicer...with all those names.” – Matt [26:41]

• Discuss Lot’s wife, salt, and Biblical daughter-dad shadiness [27:00].

11. “Booty Relief” and Infamous Inmates

• Extensive riffing on felon Fleece Johnson, “the Booty Warrior,” and the wildness of prison cultures:
  • “You ever watch the Boondocks? That’s a real guy. He’s out of jail and he’s a menace.” – Lamar [28:00]
  • Matt on prison pranks:

    “He got some booty relief, but they packed his ass with peanut butter for, like, lube, I guess.” [29:39]

  • “Having your butthole filled with peanut butter is objectively funny.” – Shane [30:07]

12. Personal Life, Nicotine, and Self-Improvement

• Shane moves away from caffeine, describes addiction cycles:

  “I’ve been subdued under the heel of evil. Caffeine...for me, it was like stealing my energy, man.” [35:56]

• Nicotine tablets vs. vaping as pre-show rituals [36:30].

13. Weddings, Peaky Blinders, and Male Fashion

• Skewering of Peaky Blinders-themed weddings:
  • “It sucks to be the one groomsman...everyone else is doing it, so I gotta wear a trench coat and a Jeff cap and a vest with a watch.” – Matt [39:44]
  • Jokes about whiskey and boners at such events [41:32]
• Italian wedding suit tropes and “Sopranos” fandom [41:52].

14. The Mob, Gambling, and Sports Fixing

• Discuss Mob documentaries, Philly mob history, and sports scandals [42:21].
• Shane: “Mob’s coming back!”
• Stories of gambling athletes, minor league crime, and the FBI’s methods [44:34].

15. Comedy Show Recaps & Challenging Audiences

• Shane’s parents surprise him at a show, much to his discomfort:
  • “Surprised me at the show. It was sweet, although it was my least favorite show of the weekend.” [45:24]
• Banter about crowd work, making fun of unruly audience members and their gear [51:08–52:41].

16. Gaming, Airports, Future Tech, and Old Men

• Airport Mario Kart sessions, Switch vs. Vision Pro Oculus dudes:
  • “That old man was loving it. He was 80 years old, just watching us play. Completely blown away.” – Shane [60:00]
• Contemplation of tech in public; jokes about “ball tapping” anyone in an Oculus [58:14]
• Upliftingly, the old almond farmer’s optimism about the future and space travel [60:22–61:06].

17. Competitive Video Gaming & Drunken Defeats

• UFC and NCAA video game tournaments; coping with drunken losses and “Rudy Rudiger” persistence [62:15–64:41].
• “Getting knocked out in clarity is all it is.” – Matt [65:09]

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “Tall guys make more than short guys. Like $150,000 more over a 30 year period, average.” – Shane [01:26]
• “I wonder if he had any help, because I know the Washingtons… I think he went to ZipRecruiter.” – Matt [03:57]
• “If you had a time machine, would you go back in time and stop slavery? Or would you stop Hitler?” – Shane [04:34]
• “People got really upset when I said I wanted to buy a Hitler autograph. I really don’t see the problem.” – Matt [08:46]
• “I airballed 30 straight threes.” – Matt (on Warriors court humiliation) [18:18]
• “I drank too much whiskey yesterday and had 711 wings, and that’s a travesty.” – Lamar [19:50]
• “I’m just worried my bulk doesn’t turn into the Hulk, man.” – Shane [23:53]
• “Just like Christ intended… pay-to-pray.” – Matt (on Wahlberg’s prayer app) [25:57]
• “Having your butthole filled with peanut butter is objectively funny.” – Shane [30:07]
• “You gotta eat this. But if my kid had a peanut allergy, I'd give ‘em, like, a dental dam…for peanuts.” – Matt [35:07]
• “I've been subdued under the heel of evil. Caffeine. For me, it was like stealing my energy, man.” – Shane [35:56]
• “It sucks to be the one groomsman… everyone else is doing it, so I gotta wear a trench coat and a Jeff cap and a vest.” – Matt [39:44]
• “My dad…was showing off… He was driving very fast [on the boat].” – Shane [45:46]
• “That old man was loving it… just completely blown away. Like, what is that thing?” – Shane (on playing Switch in airport) [60:00]
• “Getting knocked out in clarity is all it is.” – Matt (on video game defeat) [65:09]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:01–05:00: George Washington, tall guy privilege, and president jokes
• 05:10–07:40: “Would you stop slavery or Hitler?” dilemma
• 08:00–09:30: Hitler memorabilia and “bad guy” collecting
• 12:10–14:20: SNL appearance, anxiety, and show recap
• 15:41–17:10: San Francisco, Zeppelin hotel, and blackout sleepwalking
• 18:18–18:59: Warriors facility basketball disaster
• 19:40–21:06: Lamar’s D&D goblet whiskey adventure
• 22:29–24:43: Shane’s Thousand Pound Club, bulking, and gym talk
• 25:27–26:13: Mark Wahlberg’s “pay to pray” app riff
• 26:37–27:15: Bible as audiobook fails, Old Testament wildness
• 28:00–30:31: Fleece Johnson/Booty Warrior, prison, and peanut butter stories
• 35:56–36:37: Caffeine/nicotine cycles and quitting
• 39:44–41:32: Peaky Blinders wedding attire and whiskey boners
• 42:21–44:49: The Mob, gambling, and sports-fixing scandals
• 51:08–52:41: Crowd work, “Mike Ditka” audience joke, audience pushback
• 60:00–61:22: Playing Switch at the airport with encouraging old men
• 62:15–66:10: Gaming tournaments, drunken defeat coping, show wind-down

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Tone & Language:
Playful, unfiltered, and irreverent as always, the hosts take on even heavy subjects with a relentless commitment to comedic honesty and absurdity. The atmosphere is that of a high-energy hangout punctuated by relentless riffing, no-topic-off-limits honesty, and the chemistry of old friends bouncing effortlessly from one tangent to the next.

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This episode is a must-listen for fans who love the podcast’s blend of history, personal humiliation, wild anecdotes, and the endless competition for laughs, dominance, and self-improvement.

Transcript

[Matt McCusker]

Wild wild west.

[Shane]

Yes, Hello. Hey, what's up, dude?

[Matt McCusker]

Nothing.

[Shane]

Dude, can we all make an agreement just to, like, grow all of our hair together?

[Matt McCusker]

Damn, I look crazy. It looks so sick.

[Shane]

If you went full. If you want, like, Val Kilmer, it wouldn't be valid.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm bald up front, dude. I could get Tony Soprano. I could go slick back. I go bald, slick back.

[Shane]

It'd be nice. All right.

[Matt McCusker]

When I get out of the shower, I do it.

[Shane]

Yeah, you slick it up.

[Matt McCusker]

I go, whoa. That doesn't look so bad.

[Shane]

Yeah. I'm telling you, a slick back is Charles Medetti.

[Matt McCusker]

It looks good.

[Shane]

Yeah, like a. One of those dressy kind of.

[Matt McCusker]

But then I'm naked and I see my tinas and I go, I'll never be Tony. I'm always gonna be AJ with this. God damn it. I'm always gonna be a tiny teenage man.

[Shane]

I think. I guess Tony definitely had the.

[Matt McCusker]

Tony had a hog, dude.

[Shane]

Yeah, true. That'd be funny if that was, like, the real thing. The. The real finale of the whole season for the whole thing. It goes into the back pants at the diner. Oh, Tony. What the hell?

[Matt McCusker]

Tony, you had a tenus this whole time.

[Shane]

Got a dick like an Irish man.

[Matt McCusker]

You're not the boss anymore.

[Shane]

He just goes. Takes a pee and looks at his pants and just shows. Jesus.

[Matt McCusker]

The screen goes black.

[Shane]

Don't stop.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

No way. Tony's got a fat dick.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Tony had a fat hog. You could tell.

[Shane]

Yeah, for sure.

[Matt McCusker]

You could tell he was a boss. He's the boss. Obviously you have a fat dong.

[Shane]

He's obviously the boss. Tall guys, naturally the boss. I was researching that this week. Dude, tall guys make more than short guys. Like $150,000 more over 30 year period average. They just get paid more money.

[Matt McCusker]

Sick.

[Shane]

You just see a tall guy, you go, yeah, you're the boss. There's something inside of all of us that go. Tall guys get paid the most.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That's why they got George Washington.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

He couldn't. He didn't even speak. And they were like, dude, you're president.

[Shane]

Yeah, man.

[Matt McCusker]

You didn't talk at the first Continental Congress.

[Shane]

No, he's just tall as hell.

[Matt McCusker]

They're just like, dude, you got to be. He did wear his military uniform.

[Shane]

So everyone's like, yeah, that's kind of boss.

[Matt McCusker]

Everyone else is dressed like Quaker oats guy. Oh. Kind of gay, high socks.

[Shane]

And he rolled up.

[Matt McCusker]

He rolled up.

[Shane]

What's up, man?

[Matt McCusker]

Full military.

[Shane]

What he just been involved in before that?

[Matt McCusker]

He was in the French and Anyway, French.

[Shane]

And I thought. I thought it was some French stuff.

[Matt McCusker]

And then he was trying to become a British officer. He just kept getting passed up because he was an American. He, like, slowly.

[Shane]

Oh, he was like an OG American. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And he slowly started at them, going like, damn, dude.

[Shane]

Who.

[Matt McCusker]

Why can we never hear about discriminating?

[Shane]

Why? You never hear about his parents. You never hear about George Washington's daddy or mommy.

[Matt McCusker]

That's true.

[Shane]

You know what I'm saying?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I know.

[Shane]

Martha.

[Matt McCusker]

I think they gave. I think he was the heir to Mount Vernon. I could be wrong.

[Shane]

I never heard about his parents, man. So they must have been British.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And he was one of the. Yeah, he was like the original American. He's the ultimate patriot.

[Matt McCusker]

I think he was born in Virginia. What? Augustine Washington.

[Shane]

Yeah. Because I know his family.

[Matt McCusker]

Wait, his dad might have been born in Virginia.

[Shane]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

Damn. His dad got.

[Shane]

Wow.

[Matt McCusker]

His dad was born in 1694 in Virginia.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn.

[Shane]

That's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

Washington rules.

[Shane]

Because I feel like the. Like, that's getting close to the point where they just. Like in the very beginning, they just threw a bunch of criminals here.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

We're like, yo, figure it out. So his daddy was either the governor.

[Matt McCusker]

He might have been the son of a girl son of a governor.

[Shane]

Because it'd be like one governor. You would come here in, like the 1600s, and you'd be the governor, and you're all. Your whole town would be shitty criminals.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. It'd be a bunch of wooden pikes like, you had the one house, and everyone's in mud dying. Yeah, we need more poor guys from England.

[Shane]

Yeah. Really? They sent them prostitutes.

[Matt McCusker]

Just a planter and merchant. Whoa.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Matt McCusker]

Planter is a nice way to say it.

[Shane]

The planter. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That was just a lowly planter. Well, that's good.

[Shane]

I wonder if he had any help, because I know the Washington. I think he had some help.

[Matt McCusker]

I think he went to ZipRecruiter.

[Shane]

Powerful technology, made them an excellent.

[Matt McCusker]

I think he went to ZipRecruiter.com and found some matches across the pond.

[Shane]

Damn. Well, again, aside from that, shout out. George Washington.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Leading this country to independence. Shame on him for what he did elsewise, you know, having his slaves.

[Matt McCusker]

Whatever.

[Shane]

I would have went back in time if you had to go back in time.

[Matt McCusker]

Honestly. Whatever, dude.

[Shane]

I guess no one's ever asked a question. You guys don't have to answer this. But no one's ever asked anyone. If you had a time machine, would you go back in time and stop slavery? Or would you Stop Hitler. It's a tough choice. You do both. How so?

[Mayor]

A one time use time machine is crazy.

[Sean]

What the hell?

[Shane]

What do you have a one time.

[Matt McCusker]

Technology doesn't even one time use, dude. It's one time.

[Mayor]

You got to have throw away. You throw away, throw away time.

[Shane]

Another one multiple time.

[Matt McCusker]

No, there's just no way back out. You got to stay back at whatever time it is.

[Mayor]

What am I doing?

[Matt McCusker]

How the do you stop slavery?

[Shane]

I guess you have to go to the dawn of time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it started it like. Yeah, okay, the beginning.

[Shane]

You can stop it in America or stop Hitler.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know.

[Shane]

I know it's tough. No one wants to answer a question on record. It's kind of, you know. No, you're not going to make any friends.

[Mayor]

The worst part, I think, I think.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I think we know.

[Mayor]

The worst part of the answer though is like say you say slavery, right? And then, but then you think about like, well, will America exist?

[Matt McCusker]

Oh God, yes, obviously, yes.

[Mayor]

Is it?

[Matt McCusker]

Is it? Yes, obviously, yes.

[Mayor]

No, you say it like he's just. You think it's simple.

[Matt McCusker]

Would we exist?

[Mayor]

We would exist.

[Matt McCusker]

We'd have, we'd have more time machines. This place, this place. We'd be, we'd have flying cars.

[Shane]

Guys, we're gonna ask this question. It's a bad question. All right?

[Matt McCusker]

We'd be living on Mars by now. Dude, that's a great question.

[Mayor]

Free. That was free labor. It was helping us grow economy wise.

[Matt McCusker]

Economy wise. I'll put the bike down. No, no, no, no, no. I need you.

[Shane]

I feel like an idiot for asking, right?

[Matt McCusker]

No, that's a great question.

[Shane]

We'll never know, guys. Will never ever know. Yeah, you know it happened, right? It happened. A lot of bad stuff happened. All right, let's just look, let's just have fun. Let's. Let's go on to more light hearted topics. Let's forget about. Oh no, we'll never. Don't forget about.

[Matt McCusker]

Never forget about.

[Shane]

Let's conversationally. Let's move past this subject.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You'Re right.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. The classic which one's worse? Yeah, that's good. Good start to the day.

[Shane]

Not which one's worse. Which is your personal preference. Everyone has personal preference.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, you say which one do you prefer? So you're saying you have to stop one you don't want to stop either. You have to stop.

[Shane]

What would you be better suited to stop? You might be like, you might put me in a time machine to stop the Nazis. I'm somebody's like, I don't speak this language. I don't know how they're talking about. I can't tell who's who. You know, I would like to make myself the most useful as well, I think.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Now, if you're putting it that way. Yes. I think I could go back to the. The beginning of America.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And just run.

[Shane]

Exactly.

[Matt McCusker]

But if I went to Nazi Germany, they'd be like, get them out of here.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'm gonna. I'm telling the difference between German Jews and Germans. I'm going, I don't know. Who the hell.

[Matt McCusker]

Like this Phillies jersey. If I was wearing this way back, they'd be like, wow. Holy.

[Shane]

How do you get blue?

[Matt McCusker]

I wore this in Nazi Germany. They'd go, get him out of here. Yeah, yeah. I'd be. I might be one of the bros.

[Shane]

Well, you'd have to put on that suit. You show me before we did the podcast.

[Matt McCusker]

What?

[Shane]

You have to put on all your memorabilia.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't have any memorabilia.

[Shane]

Remember that military shirt, dude?

[Matt McCusker]

People will believe that. 100% people will believe that.

[Shane]

I tell you, after the show in Florida, someone handed me a penny, and they. I didn't know what they said. They said it has the, like, heart or something. I'm going, what? He leaves and I flip it swastik.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, you gave you a swastika penny?

[Shane]

Swastika penny. I gave it to my wife. I said, here, babe, here's a swastika penny. What the. I just did Florida. Here's a swastika penny now.

[Matt McCusker]

Ah, never mind.

[Shane]

I'm projecting because I have.

[Matt McCusker]

I was going to be real ant. That's a nasty prank.

[Shane]

I would like to apologize. No.

[Matt McCusker]

All right. This is.

[Shane]

I would like to apologize.

[Matt McCusker]

You did this. I can't stop.

[Shane]

We can start over. I like to apologize because I was projecting on you because I have memorabilia.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you have memorabilia. People got really upset when I said I wanted to buy a Hitler autograph. I don't see. I really don't see the problem.

[Shane]

When did you say that?

[Matt McCusker]

I said it, like, 10 times. I said it on here. I said it on Rogan.

[Shane]

It's historically. It's a sick.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what I mean.

[Shane]

Yeah. Dude, don't. That's crazy. People are just jealous of your Hitler autograph.

[Matt McCusker]

Autograph.

[Shane]

I'd get a. Yeah, that's. That's actually pretty cool. Yeah. And that's crazy to conflate the two things, being like, I have O.J.

[Matt McCusker]

Simpson. No one gives a. I know. That was just one lady. Allegedly.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know you can get a bad guy's autograph?

[Shane]

I think so.

[Matt McCusker]

You don't say. I like this exactly. You go, but look at this. This is crazy.

[Shane]

You put in your basement.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

There's nothing else in your basement.

[Matt McCusker]

It's just a spotlight on a. Anytime I have a first date, I go, I want to show you something. Take her down to the basement. Go. What do you think that autograph reads?

[Shane]

The lasered grid of security. Try to read that. Oh boy. Well, look, that's all my fault. I apologize for this topic. It was a terrible way to start. This episode is brought to you by Aura frames. The part, the best part of the holidays aside from the great fooding the gifts. Because be honest, we all love a good gift.

[Matt McCusker]

Love.

[Shane]

A good gift is getting to spend time with everyone.

[Matt McCusker]

With everyone. Getting to spend time with everyone.

[Shane]

I love.

[Matt McCusker]

I love spending time with you. And I want this, our time together to be so special.

[Shane]

True dude. Holiday season.

[Matt McCusker]

The way I make you feel special dude.

[Shane]

Around the holidays.

[Matt McCusker]

An oral frame. I sent Matt an aura frame stocked with photos of he and I was awesome. And you know the perfect gift this year that could be for you to share those moments. Give the gifts of togetherness with aura frames. It's a digital picture frame that can hold those memories and make them come alive again. I'd like to come alive.

[Shane]

I would love that. You can add as many photos or short videos as you want. All you need is your app and a wi fi connection. Dang. So as you keep making memories you can add to the frame. You know what I'd add?

[Matt McCusker]

What's that?

[Shane]

This memory right now.

[Matt McCusker]

A picture of this?

[Shane]

Yeah. Of us doing an ad read. Take a picture and put it up there. It'll just be just a drop in the sea of many memories that we have.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes. The high resolution photos. You know what makes me the most hard is the high resolution photos look like real prints and they really help you relive the moment. And you can try interacting with the photo right there so you know you can get any photos you want on there.

[Shane]

Brief message like congrats.

[Matt McCusker]

When all they want for Christmas is you and everyone together. Give them aura frames for a limited time. Oh my God. Let's get a picture of that. Oh my God. For a limited time visit aura frames.com and get 45 on or as best selling Carver Matte frames. Name number one by wire cutter. That's huge. By using promo code MSSP at checkout. That's Aura frames.com promo code MSSP. This include exclusive Black Friday. Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year, so order it now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout.

[Shane]

Terms and conditions apply. I don't think he got out of that.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that happens.

[Shane]

How was he? How was snl?

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, it was sick. We haven't done it. Yeah, Yeah. I was going around, dude. I had to travel a lot. Kind of sucked. I had to go New York to la, to San Francisco, Sacramento. Yeah, dang, that's. It was a lot. SNL ruled. Especially because all I had to do was the opening. Yeah, it was great.

[Shane]

All the fun.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's pretty cool. Also, they write all the jokes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I was delighted to see the Rob Zombie reference. I got a Rob Zombie in there.

[Shane]

Did you really?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's nice. Which one called him Zoltan? Rob Zombie.

[Shane]

Yes, I saw. Okay. I don't know why I was singing Dragula for some reason, but.

[Matt McCusker]

No, it was. It was sick. I just had the game seven of the World Series on in my green room. I did so stress free when all you have to do is one. Well, actually, hold on. I take that back because the rehearsal, my hands are on this podium and anytime I let go, I just did trump my hands. Every single time I let go, I was talking like I couldn't stop. So then I had to just hold the podium like as hard as I could.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And I don't know why, but my hands were the sweatiest.

[Shane]

That makes sense.

[Matt McCusker]

They've ever, like dripped. My hands were dripping sweat. No, dude, I've never experienced anything like that.

[Shane]

I. I had it when I was flying home. I was carrying a single coin in my hand. But no, that would you up.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that coin would get you.

[Shane]

I was clutching and coin tightly. But no, if you hold. Yeah, if you're like.

[Matt McCusker]

It was a plastic. It was plastic. So it was just like.

[Shane]

Forget it.

[Matt McCusker]

So sweaty and. Yeah, it was. It's. It is still extremely nerve wracking.

[Shane]

Oh, man.

[Matt McCusker]

Doing SNLs and at least it's over. Like, I was next to Rami and Miles Teller and they were just chilling. This is cool. And I was like, yeah, hey, I'm fine.

[Shane]

Oh, but at least you have to do it the whole time you did the one, then it was over. Yeah, that one thing. That's. That was like.

[Matt McCusker]

But we did have. I was going to be in a sketch at the end and it got cut last second and I was very happy.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, all right, I'm done.

[Matt McCusker]

And then I got to. Yeah, just Watch game seven of the World Series. It was a good time. Yeah. I had Ronan Sass with me.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Matt McCusker]

Finance. Finance Lingered. Impressive. Lingering from finance. He asked me to go and I was like, yeah. Which I didn't want to ask for tickets for sure. So I had to ask for tickets just for finance. And then he went to the rehearsal and then just sat in my green room for the real show and then for the after party Classic. It was a good linger.

[Shane]

That's good, actually. Yeah. He dug down.

[Matt McCusker]

I said, do you have to. Then I feel bad. Finance. Get the fuck out of it. Because it's a real small green room and like five people and there's 85 degrees in there. I'm like sweating like, fight. Get the fuck out of here. They'd be like, do you really want me to leave? I'm like, well, no. Now I feel bad. No.

[Shane]

Yeah. This is admirable. To dig in that long. Dig in.

[Matt McCusker]

He can dig it.

[Shane]

Yeah, man. That's awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. He's just like, I want to be here.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

There's nothing you can do.

[Shane]

As soon as somebody even looks at me, I'm like, I'm out, man. I'm gone for sure. I can't handle it.

[Matt McCusker]

But yeah, SNL ruled then. San Francisco was sick.

[Shane]

Really? I like San.

[Matt McCusker]

Got to goof off on the. By the way. They're not kidding. That place is.

[Shane]

Yeah, that one area is.

[Matt McCusker]

That one area is just where my hotel was. Was up.

[Shane]

You got to stay at the top of the hill.

[Matt McCusker]

We did not. My assistant booked it cuz she thought it was a funny hotel name.

[Shane]

What was it called?

[Matt McCusker]

It was the Zeppelin. It was a Led Zeppelin themed hotel.

[Shane]

It's awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I was a little like, what are we doing?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

She was like, I thought this was a funny name. I was like, you're fired.

[Shane]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

We had a nice night at the Zeppelin Hotel because me and Tommy and James went out and got some drinks after the show. And then Tommy said he was sleepwalking. I don't think so. I think he was blacked out.

[Shane]

Caught some of Roseanne's ambient.

[Matt McCusker]

He thought it was the bathroom and just walked out his front door of the hotel in his tighty whities. So he's just in the hallway in his tighty whities, no card. He has to go down to the lobby in his Heidi's and ask for another key. And I was like, dude, you're lucky it was San Francisco. They're probably like, yeah, this happens.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

This is pretty clearly a gay guy.

[Shane]

Were they blasting Zep on, like, in the. In any of the.

[Matt McCusker]

No, they did have records in the room. It was pretty cool.

[Shane]

That's cool.

[Matt McCusker]

But I was. We. We talked about it after. He was like. It was so embarrassing. I was like, dude, at least you're, like, in shape.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

If I had to go down to the lobby in just tighty whities, they would, like, call the police.

[Shane]

You'd had to go out to, like, the Mission District and just stayed outside.

[Matt McCusker]

Sprint down the street, and everyone would be like, all right, he's fine indoors. In just tidies. People would be terrified.

[Shane]

No, that sucks.

[Matt McCusker]

I would be.

[Shane]

I'd be mortified.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. He handled it well. I think he was. He was probably hammered when it was happening.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

So, yeah, that's crazy. Sacramento ruled.

[Shane]

Sacked out.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. Sacramento is. It's tough. It's very. It looks very much like a GTA video game.

[Mayor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's crazy. This episode is brought to you by Monster Ultra. Everyone knows the white Monster.

[Matt McCusker]

Yep.

[Shane]

That clean white can, zero sugar, crisp. It's everywhere lately. Gyms, airports, studios, you name it, you name it. People toss it in their bags before training or on a long drive. Oh, yeah, big flavor, zero sugar. Same Monster Energy kit.

[Matt McCusker]

All right.

[Shane]

But Chain Ultra doesn't stop there. There's a whole lineup now. Vice, Guava, Blue Hawaiian, and the new Wild Passion.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, Wild Passion.

[Shane]

If you're loyal to the white can. Cool. Just know you've got options. Visit monsterenergy.com to learn more.

[Matt McCusker]

I will visit monsterenergy.com to Learn more. Oh, I gotta say, this it the Warriors. We went down to the warriors facility and shot around. I got you beat, Nate. I think I missed. I think I airballed 30 straight threes.

[Mayor]

Do you have the footage?

[Matt McCusker]

No, but they do. And I was begging them. I was like, you can't. And they're like, right above the rim there. There's an AI camera that captures everything and captures your shooting motion, does all that. And I was like. And he was like, yeah, we might show this to the team. And I was like, you can't show anyone. This is the most embarrassing. I missed airball. 30 straight.

[Shane]

Dang.

[Matt McCusker]

It was crazy.

[Shane]

Yeah. I mean, filming and shit.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, please don't film.

[Shane]

That would. That's.

[Mayor]

Yeah.

[Shane]

No way.

[Matt McCusker]

It took me forever to work up the courage to go shoot because there were cameras around for sure.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Finally I had enough beers to go. All right, I'll take a free throw. Airball to free throw. It was all. And I Was like, please don't put that out. I swear to God, please, please, I'll do anything.

[Shane]

Oh, it's devastating.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Three with the cameras on you. That makes sense, man. That would really. That would throw me off.

[Matt McCusker]

Especially when, like, James started making threes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Doesn't even know how she's shooting underhand. My assistant hit a three.

[Mayor]

He was shooting underhand at the Warriors.

[Matt McCusker]

He doesn't know how to shoot.

[Mayor]

Put underhand is. Well, I can't talk. I'm gonna shut up.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah. It was all. It was very embarrassing.

[Shane]

Dang.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. So that was a good trip.

[Shane]

Tommy was just naked doing laughs.

[Matt McCusker]

Naked.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

Hello, Lemaire. Nice of you to join us. Why were you late?

[Lamar]

I got poop locked.

[Matt McCusker]

You got pooped.

[Shane]

You're stuck on the seat, sat down.

[Matt McCusker]

And take a dump. And it didn't take.

[Lamar]

Yeah, it took, but it. I had to. Took another one.

[Shane]

See what you had like a bad, messy ass and you couldn't leave, and you knew it was unfinished bits.

[Lamar]

No, it was. I drank too much whiskey yesterday and had 711 wings, and that's a. That's a travesty.

[Matt McCusker]

Jesus Christ.

[Lamar]

My guts.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Mayor]

Mayor went nuts on a bottle of whiskey yesterday.

[Shane]

Like, why? I'm.

[Mayor]

We were just hanging out, drinking, but he had, like, a chalice cup, and I swear. Cup.

[Matt McCusker]

Chalice cup will get you.

[Mayor]

Yeah. Chalice cup was like.

[Matt McCusker]

Chalice cup's fun.

[Shane]

Yeah. Goblet during D and D. Yeah.

[Mayor]

A goblet of whiskey.

[Shane]

Bring forth your wis. You guys still.

[Matt McCusker]

Doing gay D and D?

[Mayor]

We did it yesterday. It was.

[Matt McCusker]

No, no, no. I mean, like, literally, like, gay. Actually homosexual. Brie was here telling me all about the way these guys play. They have to, like, roll the dice to see how, like, what part you finish on the other guys.

[Mayor]

This is. That happened one. Andy did it one time as a fun bit. As a fun bit. Bad guy walked in. Andy rolled to.

[Matt McCusker]

To.

[Mayor]

To call him to death. It was a long time ago. He didn't know the rules. We take it seriously now. We were on an adventure.

[Matt McCusker]

So you blacked out. You blacked out on whiskey playing DND.

[Mayor]

It was kind of the best.

[Matt McCusker]

711 wings. And then you're late to this because you've taken a bunch of shits.

[Lamar]

My car got towed last night, too. It was a terrible day.

[Shane]

Probably for the best.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

From the report, it sounds like that was, like, the best possible outcome.

[Matt McCusker]

Where were you, at the creek?

[Lamar]

No, I was parked in my friend's house in the Pat. Yeah, Pat Deuce's place in the complex, and they took it.

[Matt McCusker]

Dang. Did you get it back?

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Shane]

All right, so what's. What's your party score on right now? Out of 10? Are you, like, out of nine out of 10 of the party or like.

[Lamar]

What do you mean?

[Shane]

If you had to, like, score your personal party right now, like, how hard your party?

[Lamar]

Oh, I didn't party that hard. Oh, it's probably like a three.

[Shane]

Four was a three.

[Matt McCusker]

I thought you drank a ton of whiskey.

[Mayor]

Yeah, that was a nine at least. Bro, we crushed, like, a case of beer and a bottle of Whiskey in, like, four hours.

[Shane]

Well, Mayor, what would your 10 be? If that's your three.

[Lamar]

What'S a 10? There has to be a fire somewhere. Like a fire, an active fire going on. That's a 10.

[Shane]

10.

[Lamar]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

All right. Fucking whatever.

[Shane]

Huh?

[Matt McCusker]

Well, that's good stuff. All right. What else is going on?

[Shane]

Not much, man. I. What the hell is going on with me right now? Oh, dude, I'm trying to get in a thousand pound club right now.

[Matt McCusker]

That's nice.

[Shane]

Thousand? You know, I never heard of the thousand.

[Matt McCusker]

I have a thousand pound club T shirt, bro. High school, dude. Deadlift squat.

[Shane]

Bench.

[Matt McCusker]

High school.

[Shane]

I probably was. Thousand.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Club in high school too, but I'm trying.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, we cheated. We had the. We had the. We had the hex bar for deadlift.

[Shane]

Yeah, look, I'm not against the hex bar.

[Matt McCusker]

I. It's. You can get way more.

[Shane]

You can. Yeah, that's true. You can get a lot more. But yeah, I'm sure that's my goal by my 40th birthday. Thousand pound club. So I'm at 750. I'll do. I'll get it for sure.

[Matt McCusker]

Get that.

[Shane]

I'll get it for show.

[Matt McCusker]

Squat's tough. Squats kind of sucks.

[Shane]

I kind of like. Dude, I'll be honest.

[Matt McCusker]

You do have thick cheeks.

[Shane]

I have.

[Matt McCusker]

You're probably good.

[Shane]

Thick cheeks and thick legs. So I kind of like it, but my back, man, like, yeah, kind of hurts. I did like 265 and that was like. I'll be able to get three plates.

[Matt McCusker]

I think that's nice.

[Shane]

Trip. If I do three plates. Three. Three plates. I don't know. I have to do a lot more because bench is not. Bench is my weakness. So it's just my. I'm like a centaur, dude. Puny.

[Matt McCusker]

That's good, though.

[Shane]

Yeah, it'll be fun.

[Matt McCusker]

It's exciting stuff.

[Shane]

It has been, man. It's been really. I'm eating now, like, I'm in the NFL. I'm eating so much.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you've joined the boys.

[Shane]

I was already eating pretty heartily, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Now instead of powerlifting, playing DND and drinking a goblet of whiskey and then going, I need more calories. I need to bulk up.

[Shane]

I'm just worried my bulk doesn't turn into the Hulk, man.

[Matt McCusker]

I hear you.

[Shane]

I'm telling you, I might turn into the Hulk right now.

[Matt McCusker]

You might turn it into the bulk, dude. I'd give anything for you to just. Just get thick as dude.

[Lamar]

Pause.

[Matt McCusker]

Pause. I want you thick.

[Shane]

I might have never lifted this heavy, so I. I might balloon out. It'd be nice.

[Matt McCusker]

Are you taking creatine?

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. You're gonna balloon out.

[Shane]

I'm taking creatine. I'm taking my natural tea booster. So I'm all endogenous, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm all in.

[Shane]

All endo. So it's not really doing anything. I'm just getting. I just wake up crazy hard. It's like tong God, Ali and all that stuff.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Just wake up. Just rocked.

[Matt McCusker]

It's nice to be ricked.

[Shane]

Yeah. Bricked up.

[Matt McCusker]

That's good to hear.

[Shane]

Sore legs. Sore legs. Stiff.

[Matt McCusker]

That's good.

[Shane]

Wake up and go, yeah, yeah. Can't wait to get the thousand pound club.

[Matt McCusker]

No one can stop me. I'm jacked. It's time to read politics on the Internet. I'm so strong.

[Shane]

But no, it has been nice. That's been a. That's been a fun one Goes to my head. If I lift for, like, two weeks, I'm just like, dude, have I. People notice how jacked I am right now? I think.

[Matt McCusker]

Immediately lifted for two weeks.

[Shane]

I can lift once and be like, dude, for real. I think people might be able to.

[Matt McCusker]

Tell right now, dude, I was watching. I had some Fox News on tv, and there's a Wahlberg commercial for the. What's the prayer app called? Here's a prayer app.

[Shane]

Does he have a prayer app?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. And he just goes, hi, I'm Mark Wahlberg. Pray with me. And then he just says a prayer.

[Shane]

It's kind of.

[Matt McCusker]

It's a television commercial.

[Shane]

That's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

What's it called?

[Shane]

Yeah, like H A L. Hello.

[Matt McCusker]

Be that name.

[Shane]

Dang. How does it work? I'd be curious to see how it works.

[Matt McCusker]

I think it starts asking for some tithes. Tithes. Tithes. Tithes.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I think eventually that's a little pay to pray.

[Shane]

Really.

[Matt McCusker]

Just like Christ intended.

[Shane]

I'd be. I might do indulgences. I Like this?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Get yourself out of hell. You pay to the church to get you out of there.

[Matt McCusker]

But it's good. He's trying to get people to pray. That's good.

[Shane]

It's nice. It is weird to try to get. Is it. Are you sure there's tithes?

[Matt McCusker]

I think there might be tithes.

[Shane]

I don't know. That'd be nuts. I feel like they would just steal your information. I'd like to know what people are confessing. I'd start an app for that.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, confession app.

[Shane]

Yeah. You can confess.

[Matt McCusker]

That's nice.

[Shane]

And I'll sell that third party information to.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes, yes. As soon as they confess one thing, you go, all right. Venmo me. That would be 300.

[Shane]

Yeah. I started listening to the Bible on audiobook.

[Matt McCusker]

Me too.

[Shane]

Did you really fell.

[Matt McCusker]

Fell asleep pretty quick.

[Shane]

Yeah. Genesis is a slicer.

[Matt McCusker]

Gets you starting with all those names. He bequeathed him and he had him.

[Shane]

I finally made it through the names to Abraham and Yeah. A lot of. A lot of debauchery going on, dude. I didn't realize. I thought that. I thought, you know, who was it lot when lots of wife turned Assault.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And then his daughters trick him and have sex with him. Get pregnant. I was just like, all right, here comes God's wrath. They're like, nah, man. They're actually doing really well. And you're like, all right, what the hell is that all about?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's where a lot's like, my daughters. Instead of this angel.

[Shane]

Yes. God offers up his daughters to the angel.

[Matt McCusker]

So sick. God's like, that's actually pretty hot ass angel came down. The whole town was like outside of last door. Like, let us. That guy.

[Shane]

We're gonna.

[Matt McCusker]

That guy. That was crazy. Yeah, they had that coming, dude. They deserved it. They. They need to be sold.

[Shane]

There's a new guy in town. I need some booty relief. Booty relief. Such a nice term. You ever see an old black guy who was in prison for a long time who's on Instagram now?

[Matt McCusker]

Somebody's talking about booty relief.

[Shane]

The.

[Matt McCusker]

Is that.

[Shane]

You guys know what I'm talking about. He's. Huh? Yeah. Fleece Johnson. I'm talking about booty relief.

[Matt McCusker]

What's going on? What is that?

[Shane]

Oh, this guy has a 12 inch penis. He's been in jail for a long time and he.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh no.

[Shane]

He just says.

[Lamar]

You ever watch the Boondocks? There's that one episode, the Booty Warrior, where the guy was like, I sees you. I likes you. He's A real guy. And he's out of jail and he's a menace.

[Shane]

Yeah, he's.

[Matt McCusker]

He's out now.

[Lamar]

Yeah, he's out now.

[Matt McCusker]

Hitting people with booty relief outside of.

[Shane]

These I'm sick of confines, dude. He said, he's like. He also holds it down. He's like, I'm not gay. He's like, I was just in jail. Then he'll be like, salt, I swear to God, some booties. Some booties are better. They're the best I ever had.

[Matt McCusker]

He needs to be turned into a pillar of salt.

[Shane]

Needs to raise his wherever he lives really bad. Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

He raise his land.

[Shane]

Someone needs to raise his 12 inch booty relief.

[Matt McCusker]

God damn.

[Shane]

Yeah, he would just say, you just like, you would tap, dude. Him explaining it is the funniest in the world. Like, I just tapped him. I said, hey, man, I'm going to need some booty relief. He's like, goes, got it. And that's all it is.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn it. Okay, just don't hit me again, please. Please stop hitting me.

[Shane]

That's all he said he did. He said he fought, gambled booty, those three things.

[Matt McCusker]

Sounds like he didn't rehabilitate at all. He's committed grievous sins the entire time.

[Shane]

He truly didn't rehabilitate whatsoever. But he is very funny. It's very funny.

[Matt McCusker]

It sounds funny.

[Shane]

Missing his front teeth. Just like, man, some booties I had. Better than any other girl ever had in the booty. I had some good booty in that jail. But he said, ever since he's out of jail, no more booty relief.

[Matt McCusker]

That's good.

[Shane]

Strictly for the ladies right now.

[Matt McCusker]

That's good.

[Shane]

Yeah. He was in jail for what, like 15 years? He's in jail for a long time.

[Matt McCusker]

It's not funny, but I've talked about it before. But I always think of me and Blizz were just dying laughing because this guy got. It's not funny. He got some booty relief, but they packed his ass with peanut butter for, like, lube, I guess. What? And we were just. He got, like, knocked out and he woke up with peanut butter disaster. It's just like. Just somebody knocking somebody out and somebody else be like, get the peanut butter. Like, it's not funny. Never mind. I'll take it back. But you know what I mean, it's funny.

[Shane]

Having your butthole filled with peanut butter is objectively funny. Lube, I'm questioning, is like peanut butter for lube. I don't know. It's like, doesn't Even go down your throat. You know what I mean? Choke on peanut butter.

[Matt McCusker]

So I wonder, maybe it was just a mean thing to do afterwards.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

It's a little prank.

[Shane]

Yeah. Maybe it was natural peanut butter. It's just the oil. Get that. Get that organic peanut butter.

[Lamar]

Quick.

[Matt McCusker]

Get the peanut butterfucker knocked out.

[Shane]

Go. Not the. With the palms. Getting packed up with peanut butter, man, that's tough. Take forever to get that out of your butt. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that'd be tough. Some chunky.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Shane]

May God smite whoever packs me with a chunky peanut butter bro.

[Matt McCusker]

Please.

[Shane]

I would cry unto him. Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Pray for. Pray for a peanut allergy and go jokes on bags on you.

[Shane]

This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. You and I make decisions every day. But on Prize picks. Being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this holiday season.

[Matt McCusker]

Prizepix has it all. Whether you like basketball, football, college football, hockey, ufc, you can find it all on Prizepix. Like seriously, even The Tank Davis vs. Jake Paul fight this weekend is up on Prize picks.

[Shane]

Prize picks is simple to play. Just pick more or less on at least two player stats. If you get your picks right, you could cash in Matt.

[Matt McCusker]

And here's a new feature to get hyped on. Prize Picks now has early payouts. If your player gets off to a hot start, you can now you now have the option to cash those winnings before the game even finishes.

[Shane]

That sounds perfect.

[Matt McCusker]

Yep.

[Shane]

Download the prize picks app today and use code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code drenched to get $50 in lineups AFTER you play your first $5 lineup.

[Matt McCusker]

Price picks.

[Shane]

It's good to be right.

[Matt McCusker]

It's good to be right. Yes. Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

I think this weekend at Madison, Wisconsin, I believe there's an early show for sale. Everything else is all sold out. But let me see here. Let's. Let's check it out, guys. Yep. Comedy all state Madison, Wisconsin. I believe there's an early show Springfield Comedy Club back on the map. Back on the map. They're gonna honor the tickets that people bought before the whole place imploded. I Springfield Comedy Club. The righteous people of Springfield Comedy Club have come and they've brought me back to Springfield, Missouri. Honoring all.

[Matt McCusker]

That's a lot of tickets.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. Funny Bone Comedy Club, Syracuse, New York. I'll be there also. Please come out, guys. Matt McCusker dot com.

[Matt McCusker]

Thank you. December 12th, I'll be in Boise. December 13th, I'll be in Portland, Oregon. And then the next. Then I'm on a little break until the January Madison Square Garden. So, yeah, hopefully those. Hopefully I don't choke and ruin it and blow it.

[Shane]

No, if you can handle. If you can handle gaming on the stream.

[Matt McCusker]

That square. Well, you guys got anything you want to say? You got any shows? What do you got, brother? I'm going.

[Sean]

We got Optimum Noctis coming up next week, and it's the first and third Tuesday of every month at the Creek in the Cave in Austin, Texas.

[Matt McCusker]

First and third. Now you guys doubled the Optimum Noctis.

[Sean]

Yes, sir.

[Matt McCusker]

Congratulations.

[Sean]

Thank you very much.

[Shane]

Optimum knock die. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Now it's optimum knocked out.

[Sean]

Yeah, I didn't think about this. And then I'm going to Chicago and Atlanta in December. I forget when they are, but they're. The tickets will be up soon, so if you want to come to that, please come. Thank you very much.

[Matt McCusker]

All right. Good job, Sean.

[Sean]

Thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

All right, thank you, everybody.

[Shane]

That's a wrap on set.

[Matt McCusker]

That's a wrap on. Sean.

[Shane]

Guardian hall set me up. He's all mad. He's. He's claiming there is a company that is selling medicine for peanut allergies. Guess what the medicine is. Peanuts. He said it's 100. They're 100 selling peanuts.

[Matt McCusker]

So it's like a vaccine?

[Shane]

Kind of. Yeah. It's how.

[Matt McCusker]

Vaccines. Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Pretty much.

[Matt McCusker]

Give him a small dose of peanuts.

[Shane]

Yeah, give him peanuts breath. All right. He was fired up. He texted me. He goes, can you believe this? It's like, yeah, for sure.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's how that works.

[Shane]

Yeah, I could definitely see them.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But, yeah, that was really the kind of solution to the whole peanut allergy was like, let them eat peanuts. Give them peanuts.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes. So are you worried about that with your children?

[Shane]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I didn't have a peanut allergy, so I was like, they'll be fine. I gave it to him super early where I was just like, see what happens? Yeah, we'll see what's good. That is annoying, dude. Like, trying to pack lunches for him. You can't have any peanut products. It's like, yeah, because then it's like tree nuts versus coconut. It's like the point where, like, bro, like, they gotta. They gotta do this.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it sucks.

[Shane]

You gotta eat this. But if my kid had a peanut allergy, I would. I would give them, like, a prophylactic tongue cover. Like a dental.

[Matt McCusker]

Dental dam.

[Shane]

Like a dental Dam. But for peanuts.

[Matt McCusker]

For peanuts.

[Shane]

For peanuts. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Of course.

[Shane]

You know, that would be the safest.

[Matt McCusker]

That's the only thing you can do.

[Shane]

I would do a mask and a dental dam.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And that would just kind of grease their whole body so that, like, they would, you know, that way if they slipped, it would fall. They'd be totally safe. You know what I mean?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm saying if someone tried to abduct your kid, if you had them covered in baby oil.

[Matt McCusker]

Cuz if they see that, if they see that dental dam, they're going to go. They're. They're. They're ready. And then you lube them up, you go. Good luck catching them.

[Shane]

Yeah. They make a bar right out of their heads.

[Matt McCusker]

Watch out. That might get them going too.

[Shane]

All right.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Anyway, I'm telling you, man, the caffeine had me up. I've been subdued under the heel of evil. Caffeine. Yeah, caffeine is. Dude, that is not where it's at. For me personally. I can't speak for everybody. For me, it was like stealing my energy, man.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you do crash, dude.

[Shane]

I crashed so hard. Then it's like, either drink another coffee, then you get bad sleep. For me, again, personally, I would get bad sleep and then I wake up and chase the dragon again. And it was like. I got to the point where I was like, dude, this isn't for me.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And I feel so much better.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, that's good. Yeah. Because I knew you were struggling with that.

[Shane]

I was.

[Matt McCusker]

And it's good.

[Shane]

Yeah. I'm free. I'm free from the clutches. Although the demon nicotine still has its hooks. I was off that as well.

[Matt McCusker]

Nicotine rules.

[Shane]

But I was crying, Sean, the whole time this weekend. I was like, man, I'd really like my nicotine tablets before the show. It's really nice having those. Just makes my mind a lot sharper. And I kept being like, yo, Chante. He was just like, I think I have one of those things you gave me before. And then he didn't. He didn't have. He built me up, slammed me down.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, You.

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Matt McCusker]

Good call, Amir. He's clearly done talking.

[Shane]

This is.

[Matt McCusker]

Hands him a mic.

[Shane]

Yeah, I might start taking seven. Oh, do you ever take that before?

[Matt McCusker]

Never even heard of it, dude.

[Shane]

Apparently there's this. It's Kratom, but they turn it into, like a super taking. I'm obviously not. This is. No, it's a bit. Dude, this is a bit. Yeah, that's the thing about me, man. You don't Know what? I'm being serious.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like.

[Shane]

It gets me in a lot of trouble.

[Matt McCusker]

I hear you.

[Shane]

Sometimes I'm just. There's a. There's like a term for that when, like, you know, you don't really know the person. Serious. And it's like a dramatic term. Something from, you know, being a.

[Matt McCusker]

This guy sucks. It's tough to talk to him. I don't know if he's with me now.

[Shane]

If that doesn't work, then I slip into a British accent. And usually the party goes crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

Party goes nuts. Let me hear that, dude. Let me hear that British accent.

[Shane]

Hello?

[Matt McCusker]

I tried to watch Pey Blinders again.

[Shane]

Oh, dude, that's all you need.

[Matt McCusker]

I used to love it.

[Shane]

Well, knowing what it turned dudes into is kind of tough as well. It's like Sex in the City. Sex in the city ruined a generation of women. Peaky Blinders.

[Matt McCusker]

One generation crushed. Sex in the City is continued.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

Still going.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Peaky Blind is probably still going.

[Shane]

Yeah. So people are still on the Peaky.

[Matt McCusker]

Blinder, the one episode. Because I remember season two being awesome. Isn't that the one with Tom Hardy?

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

So I started that. The first. They go into, like, a party in London and, like, beat the. Out of everyone in there. Of course, on the way out, the. The young one kisses one of the babes, and they're just like, let's have a night on the town, Peaky Blonder style. I was like, damn, this is. Is crazy. They're leaving Birmingham and they're in a car. The brother stands up and he's like, buy one of the Peaky Blonders. We're going on holiday.

[Shane]

It's. That's so Arthur.

[Matt McCusker]

That's Arthur.

[Shane]

So Arthur. Dude. Yeah, that. Yeah. I. I don't like the, like, constant, slow, cool walks in that show. A lot of them, they walk through industrial London, their sparks flying. They're just like, yeah, all right, we get it. These guys are the coolest guys.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, they're the coolest guys industrial London. I'll give it another shot. Because it did rule.

[Shane]

Yeah, it was fun to watch.

[Matt McCusker]

It did rule.

[Shane]

But I'm saying now that I just know. Yeah, there's dudes dressing like him. I can't watch. Damn.

[Matt McCusker]

They gotta regret that so much. Like a cool show, you go, that's what we're gonna do. The groomsmen are gonna dress like the current cool show. That show stinks.

[Shane]

We're gonna dress up all these. These Fat Tree guys. These guys.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn, it sucks to be the one groomsman that has, like, half a brain that's like, this is so embarrassing. But everyone else is doing it. So I got to wear a trench coat and a Jeff cap and a vest with a watch, a pocket watch. You got to try to talk to the women after the wedding. Yeah, some of the bridesmaids are probably hot.

[Shane]

I wonder if any of the guys ever, like, went to their head.

[Matt McCusker]

Definitely. I'm sure some of them got stuck.

[Shane]

They just get completely.

[Matt McCusker]

Put that. You put that outfit on, there's no way. You're not doing. You're drinking a goblet of whiskey.

[Shane]

You're in a wedding with your girlfriend. Oh, you're with her girlfriend at a wedding. She's. You've known her for six months. The end of night, you're like, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

There'S got to be some black Peaky Blinders.

[Shane]

Oh, for sure.

[Matt McCusker]

I'd like to take a look at that.

[Lamar]

That Sinners.

[Shane]

Yeah, Sinners was just an excuse for black dudes to do Peaky Blinders.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I never thought about that, Lamar. Good point. You're on fire.

[Matt McCusker]

Black Peaky Blinders.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, let's just show me pictures of the black guy in Pey Blinders you're.

[Shane]

Going to come across, Lamar. Yeah, let's. Let's actually.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn, these PE Outfits suck ass. They suck ass, dude. I'm actually an accountant, bro.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Matt McCusker]

In the full Airbnb apartment.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Matt McCusker]

Rocking the Pey Blind, dude.

[Shane]

Imagine popping off the Peaky Blinders garb and then you just can't get hard.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah, trust me, I can imagine that. That's why I'm not allowed to wear the Peaky Blinders, dude.

[Shane]

I would just lean. I would just lean into it, like. Oh, I've seen a lot of things.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I was in World War I, actually.

[Shane]

I breathed in muscle.

[Matt McCusker]

Also, they're chugging whiskey the whole time. There's no way any of these dudes had boners. Biggie Blinders are soft. You can't get a boner and drink that much whiskey.

[Shane]

You really can't. I'm with my brothers. Me and all my brothers are soft right now. We drank too much. Doers. It happens.

[Matt McCusker]

But I guess the WPS did the Sopranos, too. Yeah, Sopranos suits and for your wedding.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's fair. I didn't think about that.

[Matt McCusker]

I think they just don't.

[Shane]

They just dress like that anyway?

[Matt McCusker]

They kind of do, but I bet they. I bet they whop it up.

[Shane]

Yeah. Like Sopranos.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he did some things. Yeah, that's her.

[Shane]

I've said it 100 times. That's their favorite thing. I would love to just really investigate every Italian's connections to the Mafia, start a documentary. Turns out they're all lying.

[Matt McCusker]

Do you watch that? Philly versus the Mob at all?

[Sean]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

It's pretty great. The guy, the. One of the investigators at the start of it, one of the detectives, he's just like. All they talk about is how loyal and all that they are. Every single one of them is a rat.

[Shane]

Yeah. Devastating. They did all tell on each other for sure.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Who do they talk about? Like, Nikki the hat and all those guys.

[Matt McCusker]

I forget the guy's name. He's still alive.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I think he owns a steak.

[Shane]

He's.

[Matt McCusker]

He's kind of the man.

[Shane]

So I remember there was. Who's the. Yeah, there was, like, the main guy who got. Jerry. Jerry. Joey Merlino. Got busted.

[Matt McCusker]

That's him.

[Shane]

Yeah, Got busted. And then there was all these other guys.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he's out. He's kind of cool. That it's about, like, the young guys going up against the.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Sicilians. Like the OG Waps. And then the Philly Waps are kind of.

[Shane]

I remember hearing rumors in, like, 20. Yeah. Around, like, 2014, 2017. Like, the mob was coming back. Everyone kept trying to say that, like.

[Matt McCusker]

Yo, the mob's coming back is the mop. Like, whenever they bust these guys, they let them. They have to get so much on them before they arrest them.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And I never understood that. They sit there and watch them do, like, they, like, let them do pretty serious crimes. And finally, like, we got you.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You murdered 12 people. We got you on the 12th guy. You get them on the first thing.

[Shane]

I guess they're trying to go for the Godfather.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane]

Trying to get the Godfather because there was a big one when I was in college. They got a bunch of bookies, and they were all. There was like, they were saying, like, that's the last. The Mob. Mob. They all got. And they got, like, crushed on. They got caught with, like, hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash, and they just. I think, like, they were like. They were. I remember the pictures in the paper, and, like, they were just, like, laughing, getting walked out. They're like, we don't give a.

[Matt McCusker]

They're awesome.

[Shane]

Yeah. Like, we're fine. I know they kind of did rule.

[Sean]

It could be wrong, but aren't they saying that NBA gambling scandal has to do with the mob and maybe the UFC fixing fights and things like that?

[Shane]

Really? Still?

[Sean]

Yeah. There's a lot of Gambling scandals that are.

[Matt McCusker]

There's a pitcher that just got busted.

[Sean]

Oh, no.

[Matt McCusker]

And it was. He was just throwing the first pit. You can bet on the first pitch being a ball or a strike.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

They offered this guy, like, fucking 500 bucks. He got no money for this.

[Shane]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

Somebody was probably like, yeah, I'll give you a grand if you just throw a ball. He was like, all right. He got busted. Now he's facing, like, 60 years in prison.

[Shane]

How do they bust him?

[Matt McCusker]

I'm sure whoever was doing it was probably. It was like, a bigger.

[Shane]

Oh, man.

[Matt McCusker]

Scheme. But he. I think he probably, you know.

[Shane]

Yeah. You're sorry.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm trying not to cough.

[Shane]

Sorry. While you're doing that, I'm like, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

We'Re officially an old man podcast. Yeah. I guess this is obviously how this is gonna go by the end of our go. What the hell are you talking about? I don't have any memorabilia. Shut up. Don't say that.

[Shane]

Dude. My parents. Speaking of geezers, my parents surprised me in Florida.

[Matt McCusker]

That's nice.

[Shane]

Surprised me at the show. It was sweet. Although it was my least favorite show of the weekend.

[Matt McCusker]

That sucks.

[Shane]

It popped up, and I was just like, guys, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Surprise at the show. They think is very nice. It's just.

[Shane]

That was nice. We chilled Sean. We all hung out. We went on a boat. It was nice.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, I heard the boat was sick.

[Shane]

Yeah, it was pretty tight. My dad was showing off of Sean. He was driving very fast.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Shane]

Yeah. He was going very fast on the boat. Yeah.

[Sean]

He seems scared. Sean, you're smoking that cigarette like it's your last one. And he gave me some new lingo he called. He calls cigarettes hot snacks, which I love.

[Matt McCusker]

Hot snacks.

[Shane]

Hot snacks.

[Matt McCusker]

That is good lingo.

[Shane]

You step outside for hot snacks. Yeah, it was nice. We got to hang out. It was. It's very sweet. It was chilling.

[Matt McCusker]

It is nice.

[Shane]

Yeah. My dad was trying to extend the chill too long, though, and I was like, bro, I must go back and take my little.

[Matt McCusker]

How did your. How did your mother feel about your. Your material?

[Shane]

She told me to stop being fresh.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

She said, matt, stop being fresh. There's some stuff in there, man. Oh, boy. I did not know that. I'm very glad they surprised me because I would have pulled back because some of that stuff is a little blue. Yeah. Trying to clean it up. But right now, it's just.

[Matt McCusker]

Sometimes you gotta go a little blue.

[Shane]

It's a little blue. Just while I'm cleaning, you know, I'm figuring out it's gonna be Squeaky clean by the time it's done. But right now it's just a teeny bit blue.

[Matt McCusker]

Ain't nothing funnier than some blue.

[Shane]

I. I kind of like it too. It's fun.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Especially. Yeah. When you make people deeply uncomfortable about something they don't want to think about. But. Yeah, we were doing some battle. There were some geezers there. I battled, you know, drunk lady. I don't know if I even. Battle. No, I battled a big titted drunk lady a little bit. It. She was so far away.

[Matt McCusker]

It was like, what did she want.

[Shane]

To strike from afar? She just started yelling stuff out.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. I'm trying to make my new hour. I'm trying to make it more for everybody, but I just. I'm pissing girls off. I'm trying to talk about girl stuff and they're getting mad at me.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. They don't like it.

[Shane]

Trying to include them. Talk about stuff they're interested in too.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, when it's a room full of their periods. When it's a room full of mostly dudes and you're like, women are dumb as. And every dude in there is like, yeah, no, I've done that. I'm not saying you.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah. I don't do that. That. I don't do that. But I do. I do talk about stuff. I think they. They don't. They get uncomfortable. You talk about, you know, their. And stuff. Talk about their little.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you gotta talk about everybody's. Yeah. Excuse me, man.

[Shane]

I'm just trying to, like, tell everyone. Making it very, you know, trying to keep everyone engaged and talk about guy stuff. Now we're doing girl stuff and we'll go back to guy stuff.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So he had a large adoring female crowd. Still eludes me. So some. It's. It's my quest.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. It'd be nice.

[Mayor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Instead of an arena of white. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. I love my white brothers. Babes would be nice.

[Shane]

For sure, man. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I've seen there's been some babes at shows that are just from snl.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And I've seen them and I've seen them be extremely uncomfortable. Yeah. This is not that guy. He was so charming.

[Shane]

Hold on.

[Matt McCusker]

What is this?

[Shane]

You're basing that off of just seeing them?

[Matt McCusker]

They'll wear, like, shirts. Oh, like, designed, like, couple of beers shirts or like a sketch from snl. You guys are here from snl and.

[Shane]

You watch him hit the wall last.

[Matt McCusker]

I think it was Sacramento. There was just four. They weren't old they were like older women and they were furious in the front row. So I kept, like, looking over at them and going, they were like, nope. But then they started laughing at some inappropriate stuff. And I turn around, go, you like that? You like pedophile stuff? That's crazy.

[Shane]

Yeah. There was a lady I thought I could have sworn hated me like.

[Matt McCusker]

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[Shane]

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[Matt McCusker]

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[Shane]

And then I finally went to talk to her and she was like, oh, you're hammered.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

I was like. The whole time I was over here fucking worried. I thought you were pissed off. You're just so drunk.

[Matt McCusker]

I'll never forget at bananas. I had the meanest woman. She had like a. She's like a buzz cut almost. She was like an older. She had that, like, old lady, like, short hair. And she was big. Yeah, she was, like, strong, too. And her friends were a little unhappy, but she was furious. And I was like, oh, you're the one who arranged this, huh? Because you feel terrible about how bad this is. And she was like, yeah. And I was like. I just remember calling her Mike Ditka. Like I said, if you're here, who's coaching the 1985 Chicago Bears? Obviously, she didn't get it, but I was like, trust me, when the lights come on, you're gonna see how much this lady Looks like Mike Ditka, and we're all gonna have a laugh. This is like five minutes into my set. The rest of this. It was so bad, dude.

[Shane]

That's a fucking devastating.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Did the audience support the Mike Dick A joke?

[Matt McCusker]

When the lights came on at the end of the show, everyone honestly laughed. It was. It was Nate. I think you were at that. Yeah. And that was o'. Connor. O', Connor. Was that the one? O' Connor just did my jokes twice. It was really funny.

[Mayor]

I forget what he was doing, but he kept.

[Matt McCusker]

He was going, yo, you guys, like, Trump? Hell, yeah. He said something like that during the first show, and I was like, what the. All right, that's a little. It's a little close. And then he gets off stage. He's like, dude, my bad. I want that. I was just. I was just talking. I didn't even think about it. I was like, no, it's fine. I don't give a second show. Yo, what up? Hell yeah, dude. You guys love chucking beers. Blah, blah. I was like, damn, dude. It's my whole. Yeah, it was a bad show. Then got up there, called a lady Mike Ditka.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

I think I fought with the manager. I was looking at the wall, and there was, like, a good comedian. I forget who it was. I was like, damn, you guys had him here. She's like, yeah, I wish he was here tonight night. I was like, I wish I was somewhere else.

[Shane]

Yeah, the dang in the middle.

[Matt McCusker]

Different club. No, no, it was right before the show.

[Shane]

Even. Still. That's even worse.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I was in the hall, and they had, like, pictures of comedians. She's like, oh, you guys had him. She was like, yeah, I wish he was here.

[Shane]

Yeah. I actually remember you telling me that. That's. What the hell's wrong with that lady, man. Yeah, I remember back in the day, I made fun of an older lady. It was like I was doing, like, a bar show in New Jersey. I made fun of an older lady's shirt, and it was like a crazy, like, shiny shirt this lady had on. And just. I. It was. I thought it was pretty funny, but, like, she got really sad and the whole crowd turned on me. Yeah. And I was like, all right, note to self.

[Matt McCusker]

You can't make fun of older ladies.

[Shane]

Can't slam in their gear. Her gear? Yeah, like, kind of. She. I think she started it, to be fair. Then it's kind of like crushed her gear and she got really sad.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, they always start it.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You're never Just out of nowhere being like, look at this ugly.

[Shane]

No, no, I wouldn't do that. And she was. I was just making fun of her shirt. But yeah, I've been. I've been getting attacked here and there. I've been getting. I've been getting kind of. There's been some uprisings against me here these weekends. But I've been having fun. We've been holding it down.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm on a new front. Hold it down. Just go it. This show. You.

[Shane]

No, I've been having a. I've been having a good time. I honestly have. But yeah, a couple. I have a couple mutinies on my hands, couple ladies. I just have a lady spazzing on me right now.

[Lamar]

I'm.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm glad I missed it. In Sacramento, Nate Diaz was just like circling the state stage. He was like. He's like, you didn't see me out there? I was like, no, I didn't see you. And he was like, dude, I was right there. I was like, what do you mean? He was like, I walked around the stage and then he walked around the upper ring and just took pictures of people the whole time. I was like, dude, you're a.

[Shane]

That's so.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, if I would have seen him, I'd be like, oh, this is hilarious. Yeah, he's very funny.

[Shane]

That's.

[Matt McCusker]

His squad was rowdy. They were very.

[Shane]

Squad's nice. I picked them in action.

[Matt McCusker]

They were so funny.

[Shane]

Me.

[Matt McCusker]

One of them showed up the drunkest I've ever seen.

[Shane]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. And he stayed alive the entire time.

[Shane]

Dang. He showed up like.

[Matt McCusker]

And I was like, holy, dude, I've never seen him like this. And then he. He was like, what are you doing right now? And I was like, I'm about to go on stage. He's like, oh, I forgot. I was like, yeah, dude, this is the show.

[Shane]

I like. I like when that kid projectile vomited the one time. Last time I was with you, you.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, in the green room.

[Shane]

Yeah. After the show. Projectile vomited.

[Matt McCusker]

I think that was my cousin's like, nephew or some.

[Shane]

And then stayed.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Just hung the whole time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that was. That was one where people like, is it cool if he comes? And I was like, yeah, that's fine. Threw up everywhere in the green room. Came back.

[Shane]

I mean, it was. It was literally. It was a trail that was like 20 something feet long.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. No one cleaned it. Everyone just put paper plates.

[Shane]

I know. Like, be careful.

[Matt McCusker]

Just put paper plates over the vomit, dude.

[Shane]

It was like 15 foot trail that he. Then I think Just threw up into his hands. He projectiled while he was walking and then just, like, trying to hold it in his hand so it dripped all the way to the bathroom. It's long.

[Matt McCusker]

And he stayed. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. He just chilled.

[Matt McCusker]

Just walked right back in.

[Shane]

I couldn't believe it. I was like, where is the kid now? Like, oh, he's right out there. And I was like, he didn't leave. You think someone would either make him leave or he would want to leave? That was such a wild move.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Shane]

Just sit there like, oh, man. Threw up all over the party. I'm just gonna sit here. That sucks, dude. The moment. Because I. I would be in denial if I was about to throw up, I bet. Nah. Me, never.

[Matt McCusker]

Never.

[Shane]

Not at the after show, not at the green room. Not happening. No way. For, like, seven feet in front of.

[Matt McCusker]

Me, trying to run to the toilet.

[Shane]

Oh, I can still get.

[Matt McCusker]

Trying to get to the toilet. Throwing up. Yeah, That's. That's awful.

[Shane]

You should have brought him before you. Yeah, bring me that boy. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I would have paused the Xbox and said, where is he?

[Shane]

Bring me this boy.

[Matt McCusker]

Neil Rise at night.

[Shane]

Yeah, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Me.

[Shane]

Me and Gardini's goom sesh in the. And for note. G o o m. We in the airport with the switch. So nice.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you can't get. You got. You got a hold of a switch on the way to Australia and played.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

15 straight hours of Mario tennis.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'm exchanging.

[Matt McCusker]

You say anything?

[Shane]

I'm sure you don't want this.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'm all right.

[Shane]

I kept asking him, like, yeah, you can.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I could see how much you enjoy.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. I was having a blast playing.

[Matt McCusker]

I know how you get on a switch, dude.

[Shane]

True. I get that little switchy. But, yeah, we had the. We were sitting there playing, and it, like, I would be like, all right, dude, chill. And as soon as I get knocked out of, like, third place, I'm like, just packed airport.

[Matt McCusker]

How many red shells are you gonna get, dude? I'm only getting green.

[Sean]

I thought it was funny because we saw the guy with the Oculus in Austin airport, and we were both like, look at this piece of.

[Matt McCusker]

Literally wearing an Oculus.

[Shane]

Yes. And he was going like this.

[Sean]

He was scrolling with his fingers.

[Shane]

It was. Dude, I got a picture of him, but it was.

[Matt McCusker]

Lamar would have no problem hitting the Oculus. No. In public.

[Lamar]

I was thinking about it. Last time I was on the airplane, I was like, I should pull my.

[Matt McCusker]

Hidden Oculus on the flood.

[Lamar]

Yeah, it's in my seat.

[Shane]

You should do it next time. Go like this. Anytime you hit one.

[Matt McCusker]

Put the Oculus on and then just be like this little 911 simulator.

[Sean]

I was laughing, though, because then we were in Florida flying home, and I was like, these old people are looking us at us the same way for playing the switch that we were looking at that guy for now.

[Shane]

That old man was loving it.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, dude, who are you playing with? You strike me as a toadman.

[Sean]

I do like toad a lot. And I got the hamburger head in the new Mario Kart, so I really like that costume. But I like Lakitu, too.

[Matt McCusker]

Who's that?

[Sean]

He's just a little turtle guy, but I have a fisherman costume for him, so.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, nice, dude.

[Shane]

Oh, my God.

[Matt McCusker]

He's got a ball tab.

[Shane]

He was going like that. I think there's, like a function where you go like this with your fingers. You're just going to. I was like, damn, bro. Take it off. Yeah, playing a little. Playing a little Mario Kart in the airport is nothing. That was crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

Plugged into a chart, dude. He's from the Future. He's got AirPods. Yeah, he's plugged into. I know. A portable charger in his suitcase.

[Shane]

It looks like he was literally going.

[Sean]

Yeah, he was elsewhere.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, this is a future man.

[Shane]

Yeah, it was pretty crazy, man.

[Matt McCusker]

A cool vest.

[Shane]

Yeah, it was. It's pretty nice.

[Sean]

It pissed me off.

[Shane]

I think he was a military guy, though, so I was like, maybe he's like. Could have been, like, drone striking Palantir.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it could have been ready. Good for him.

[Shane]

That one was wild, man.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's.

[Shane]

And he held it for a while.

[Matt McCusker]

I wouldn't. I didn't put Inoculus on unless I locked my door and was in my room.

[Shane]

Yeah, you would. That's.

[Matt McCusker]

If anyone saw that. That'd be tough wearing a virtual mask.

[Shane]

Especially if I had one on. What I'd be doing with it, I'd have. Have to definitely lock the door.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Chris and Tommy had no problem playing it.

[Shane]

That's so funny. I mean, that is fun. It does sound kind of fun. Oh, no, he was on. These were Apple provision. So he was. He was doing Apple Pro augmented reality so he could see you, but it was just like his abs.

[Matt McCusker]

He was just. He. Yeah. If somebody's wearing an Oculus in public, you can ball tap. Yeah, you have to.

[Shane]

No, he was. These are vision pros, but, yeah, Oculus would be crazy, he being totally blind, but he would just go.

[Matt McCusker]

Jesus Christ.

[Shane]

He was just bringing his text closer.

[Matt McCusker]

Enhance.

[Shane]

Yeah, it was Tough. It was a tough look. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe there's. You know, I think there's. Might be babes that are into that kind of. If you're just completely futuristic, maybe, you know, we'll see someone. There's someone for everybody. Yeah, there is just another babe. With Vision Pro. You see each other's Bitmoji screens on each other. It'd be nice.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I didn't realize he was plugged in the whole time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he's plugged in.

[Shane]

Dang, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Connected to the grid. It's crazy.

[Shane]

Yeah. The. The. Yeah. Apple Pro or even Oculus in public, I. I would definitely steer away. That's crazy. No switch. Two player switch with the screen on a suitcase. Totally fine. Yeah, it was fine. There's an old man. He was 80 years old, just watching us play. Just completely blown away. But be like, what is that thing? We're, like, trying to explain it to him. He's like, that is so cool.

[Matt McCusker]

That's nice.

[Shane]

It was really nice. And I. We ended up sitting next to him on the plane. He was a man. He. He was like a almond farmer in. In Sacktown, actually. From Sacktown.

[Sean]

Remember when he was like, you guys got to join the Space Force because I think you're gonna be able to get to the moon pretty soon.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Sean]

He was telling us to go to the moon.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, man.

[Sean]

It's pretty sweet.

[Shane]

I was like, bro, I like his option. Yeah. Half as old as you.

[Sean]

He's very optimistic. I liked it.

[Shane]

He was.

[Sean]

The future is bright. I'm so sad. I'm not young.

[Matt McCusker]

That's why. Yeah. She's about to die.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

He's going, damn, the future's gonna be so sick.

[Shane]

I mean. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So much fomo.

[Shane]

True. He did massive.

[Matt McCusker]

He was playing Mario Kart at the airport.

[Shane]

Yeah, dude. He saw me and showing me, like, blue shell, yo. Blue shell.

[Matt McCusker]

He'd be going, what the is it? Blue shell, go. It hits the guy in first. How do they come up with this? We're gonna be in Mars in no time. Yeah.

[Shane]

Because I'd be sitting there like, dude, I hate a shortcut. And he's probably like, like, what the.

[Matt McCusker]

This guy's a freak.

[Shane]

It was so.

[Matt McCusker]

This guy must be Top Gun.

[Shane]

That was so fun. That was. Man, I was sad to be able to put that thing away. Yeah. It's unbelievable. Gotta get the switchy. Especially to the stranger. Be like, yo, take the controller. Sean was nice, too. He was, I'm sure, kind of killing it, man.

[Matt McCusker]

Is what. What you're a sweaty gamer.

[Sean]

Sweaty gamer. When it comes.

[Matt McCusker]

You get. You get. Yeah. You get serious.

[Shane]

It's just a game.

[Matt McCusker]

The UFC losses send you home every time. Yeah. Anytime we play UFC is a good. He loses, like, three.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And he goes, I have to go.

[Sean]

Actually, it's just a game.

[Matt McCusker]

Rips a hot snack and screams.

[Shane]

We do got a reestablished rank. We haven't reestablished.

[Matt McCusker]

The ranks are settled, dude.

[Shane]

I just. Just put on a power vacuum.

[Matt McCusker]

No, there's no power vacuum. It's. It's a blood bath, dude.

[Sean]

Someone at the Naples shows was asking us to pod. Pod tournament. UFC again.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, well, their. Their wish could be granted.

[Shane]

We could.

[Matt McCusker]

We could do that right now.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

No, Nate. Nate and I stayed up, had a couple cocktails on Sunday, and I might have beat him. 20 straight games.

[Mayor]

It was bad. It was a bad one. But I was. I was hammered. I showed up drunk at, like, 6. That was, like, 2:30.

[Matt McCusker]

I showed up. I was drunk. True. I was drinking on the plane. True.

[Shane]

Yeah. No handicap.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, Nice try.

[Shane]

Damn.

[Mayor]

I got.

[Shane]

Is my favorite, though, when you get drunk and someone's beating you in a video game, you go, yeah, you like. You feel good about this?

[Matt McCusker]

I did that. I got soda with that in, like, a real way. Soda couldn't beat me in ncaa. And then we came home from the bar, and I. I was hammered. He's sober.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

He just beat the. Out of me. It was like 3am I'm just sitting there. I was like, you feel real good about this? Oh, you going, yeah. Oh, run up the score. You feel cool? And he was like, honestly, no. He's like, I don't like this. And I was like, all right, let's go to bed, dude. You won.

[Shane]

I don't like this.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. He was like, dude, this sucks. You're being, like, really mean. Just losing and being so nasty.

[Shane]

It's such a.

[Matt McCusker]

You think you're tough, dude? Beat me when I'm drunk, dude. Meanwhile, I was like, yo, let's play ncaa. He did run the score of. It was brutal.

[Shane]

To have, like, your remaining faculties and just be like, you're a piece of. You can barely see.

[Matt McCusker]

Just a soda. It's so nice. You.

[Shane]

Dude, you think you're really cool. Your brain is just, like, fizzing out. It's just like, you know, you're a real piece of. The last four centers are lit up. Yeah. That's so funny. That is. Yeah. That'll get you. Yeah. If you're. You're trying to. If you're drunk, and gaming, it's not at your best.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that must have. He. You handled it well. He had. He was like. He was like Rudy Rudiger. He kept being like, dude, one more play. Run it back. Same matchup. I was like, dude, these are first round knockouts with, like, insane knockout. He would try to go to the ground, lock it in.

[Mayor]

I was. I had moments, and I kept thinking. I was like, the next one.

[Matt McCusker]

There was obviously, there's 20 games. You're gonna get, like. You're gonna get close.

[Shane]

I agree, though. If you get knocked out fast, I have the same thing. I know where. I'm like, I know what I did. I know what I did. I got your game mapped out. Let's fire it up. And then you get knocked out again. You go, what am I not thinking of right now?

[Mayor]

This is. That's what I. Maybe when I focused enough, then I, like, look hard, scrunch and do worse.

[Shane]

Getting knocked out.

[Matt McCusker]

Just see yourself. You see your guy get knocked out in more clarity. That's all it is.

[Lamar]

I know.

[Mayor]

I was real focused on getting my ass whooped.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. And then he wouldn't leave. He was.

[Shane]

He dug in.

[Matt McCusker]

He lingered. I went to bed while he was still in my house.

[Shane]

Are you practicing?

[Mayor]

I was having a good time.

[Shane]

I was watching.

[Matt McCusker]

They put on Sixers highlights, and he was like, oh, my Uber's 18 minutes away. I was like, I'm. I'm going to bed, bro. And then I laid in there, and the. It was so loud. I'm just listening to the lady announcer from the 76ers screaming, she's the best. She is actually really great.

[Mayor]

Kate's the best.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm usually. I'm usually very opposed to.

[Shane]

To.

[Matt McCusker]

To that, but she's actually.

[Mayor]

She's a man. She's like one of the.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's good. Yeah. Yeah. Kate, shut up. Oh, no, the man. Don't. Don't talk about.

[Mayor]

Like that. Don't talk about my sweet age of Kate Scott.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, no, she rules.

[Shane]

She's the best I've yet to see her.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, it's probably an hour, huh?

[Shane]

Yeah, it's got to be.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, don't worry about it, Nate. What are you gonna say? No? Where are we at?

[Shane]

Why the.

[Matt McCusker]

Would you do that? Well, actually, no, not an hour.

[Shane]

He did it. Well, now. Now the listeners gonna go, oh, that's an hour now.

[Matt McCusker]

I finished.

[Shane]

They're gonna bust at the end.

[Matt McCusker]

Everybody finished. Go fast. Right now. We need you to go fast. Don't go, oh, you're about to do it. Yes.

[Shane]

Well, goodbye.

[Matt McCusker]

Nice.

[Shane]

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret podcast on Spotify.

[Matt McCusker]

Do it.