Ep 586 - Shift Work (feat. Nate Marshall)

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast – Ep 586: Shift Work (feat. Nate Marshall)

Date: November 20, 2025
Hosts: Matt McCusker, Shane Gillis
Guest: Nate Marshall (ft. Lemaire Lee intermittently)

---

Episode Overview

In this lively post-festival episode, comedians Matt, Shane, and Nate (with Lemaire) reunite to debrief Skankfest in New Orleans, trade chaotic nightlife tales, and reflect on oddball interactions from their recent travels and daily misadventures. The energy is a mix of hilarity and exhaustion, with stories oscillating between debauchery, social awkwardness, and the strange camaraderie that emerges from immense hangovers and wild crowds.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Recovering from Skankfest New Orleans

• The crew is recovering from a rough, exhausting festival weekend.

• New Orleans’ unique “purple drank” and other local vices took their toll.

• Hangovers were epic, with descriptions of vampiric sleep schedules and bodies feeling “neon green” (00:38–04:00).

  “I went crazy on it…made me feel better, ’cause I was like neon green.”
  — Nate, recalling his wild purple drank night (01:38)

2. Festival Chaos and Strip Club Afterparties

• The “Barely Legal” afterparty club was the subject of much banter.

• Many “legal” dancers, prompting Shane to joke about class action lawsuits for misleading branding.

• ATM fees were brutal, and desperation from patrons was palpable (05:01–06:18).

  “They were like clearly legal. Undeniably legal.”
  — Nate, about the “Barely Legal” dancers (05:14)

3. Notorious Skankfest Antics

• Listeners are treated to an account of live on-stage dares involving audience members, including a “dick kissing” bet and an infamous butt-slapping contest (08:24–11:19).

• The episode also references the unique debauchery of Skankfest and its next-level shenanigans (09:37).

  “I was on the phone with your babe: ‘Well, I got double-dog dared to kiss a man’s penis…otherwise it’s going pretty good.’”
  — Shane (09:24)

4. Nudity and Comedy: Naked Roasts

• Debate on why men volunteer to do stand-up naked.

• The difference in public nudity standards for men and women.

• Amusing asides about Austin’s topless laws and the awkwardness of random nudity (14:00–17:00).

  “I have a hard enough time just doing standup with all my clothes on. Remove my clothes? I’d be like, absolutely f***ing not.”
  — Shane (15:26)

5. Domestic Annoyances: Open Windows and Skinny Dipping

• Observational riffing on suburban life, privacy, and being accidentally on display to neighbors.

• Shane and Matt commiserate over the construction of new houses that threaten their skinny dipping privacy (18:48–19:41).

  "If I’m on my property and you see me naked—look, that’s your problem."
  — Shane (19:22)

6. Streaming Sports Frustrations

• Rant about the expense and segmentation of sports streaming packages.

• Recent struggles to watch the Sixers or the Eagles highlighted (22:41–23:40).

  “They’re just basically making you buy a season pass for whatever your favorite team is…”
  — Matt (22:59)

7. Legendary Trump ‘Quiet Piggy’ Story

• The guys riff on the “Quiet Piggy” Trump headline—him shaming a journalist on Air Force One.

• Jokes about presidential dementia and political oddities ensue (23:28–24:44).

  “If you were next to her and you hated her: ’You sucked Bill Clinton’s dick. Quiet piggy.’”
  — Matt (24:09)

8. Petty Annoyances: Starbucks, Farmers’ Markets, and DMV Hell

• Matt details a near-meltdown at Starbucks over a customer sampling festive drinks and holding up the line.

• Shane relates similar rage at people over-complicating farmers’ market transactions.

• A full-segment on how convoluted DMV, car rental, and paperwork experiences have gotten, especially when spouses aren’t around to help (26:26–44:53).

  “Just buy the chicken and move, please.”
  — Shane at a farmers’ market, recounting his internal monologue (36:32)

9. Bar Spaz: Nate’s Near Brawl in New Orleans

• Nate recounts a drunken incident at a closing bar: the bartender pours out his beer after a misunderstood comment, Nate smashes a glass (“it shattered!” – 50:25), and he almost gets into it with local patrons.

• The story is a highlight of comic escalation and post-fest tensions, ending with an uneasy handshake and social media follows (49:39–55:15).

  “They had me f***ed up…I’m pretty happy I pulled off not getting my ass whooped.”
  — Nate (55:13)

  “You got your black lady on.”
  — Matt, describing Nate’s Denny’s-level outburst (51:18)

  “They’re gonna have to kill me to get me outta here.”
  — Lemaire (exaggerating Nate's defiance, 55:35)

10. Bar “Shift Work” Philosophy

• The episode’s title is explained: Matt and Shane’s deep appreciation of “putting in a shift at the bar.”

• Lingering for hours, clocking in for conversation, and feeling that blue-collar camaraderie (59:34–61:10).

  “Talk about clocking in…yeah, putting in a real shift in a bar.”
  — Matt (59:46)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Purple Drank Revelation:
  "I was like neon green…and I'm still neon green. I was like, alright, so it is the purple drink."
  — Nate (01:38)

• Strip Club Branding Logic:
  “They were clearly legal. Undeniably legal.”
  — Nate (05:14)
  “I wonder if you could do a class action suit. You guys should be perpetrating the illusion that I am committing a great statutory.”
  — Shane (05:18)

• Dick Kissing at Skankfest:
  “...she was in the crowd; the girl he proposed to...then he got his penis kissed.”
  — Matt (09:37)

• Nate’s Bar Spaz:
  “He takes my beer and goes, ‘Alright, you’re done.’ And just pours it out, looking me in the eyes like I’m a bitch.”
  — Nate (49:39)
  “You got your black lady on.”
  — Matt (51:18)

• Matt’s Starbucks Meltdown:
  “I was close to go, ‘What the f*** are you thinking?’”
  — Matt (27:09)

• ‘Shift Work’ Explained:
  “Putting in a real shift in a bar. We put in one of the strongest shifts…a monster shift.”
  — Matt (59:47–60:04)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Hangover recovery & purple drank: 00:38–04:00
• Strip club afterparty reflections: 05:01–06:18
• Skankfest debauchery & dares: 08:24–11:19
• Naked Roasts & nudity laws debate: 14:00–17:00
• Window privacy & skinny-dipping tales: 18:48–19:41
• Sports streaming woes: 22:41–23:40
• Trump “Quiet Piggy” story: 23:28–24:44
• Starbucks meltdown & petty annoyances: 26:26–27:59
• Farmers’ market & post office misery: 36:32–40:49
• Nate’s New Orleans bar incident: 49:39–55:15
• “Shift work” bar philosophy: 59:34–61:10
• Gilded Age fiction, literary side-discussion: 61:19–64:54

---

Overall Tone & Vibe

Chaotic, raw, and hilariously honest—this episode captures comedians in rare form: hungover from festival madness, delighting in awkwardness, sharing unfiltered gripes, and showcasing the unique bonds of their friendship and work lives. The tone swings from self-deprecating, to confrontational, to warmly nostalgic, maintaining the classic MSP blend of subversive wit and working-class relatability.

---

This episode is packed with festival afterglow tales, cringe-worthy social encounters, and classic barroom philosophy—ideal for anyone who’s ever clocked in for a long shift (in a bar or in life).

Transcript

[Nate]

Wild, wild west.

[Matt]

Hey.

[Shane]

Hey. Howdy.

[Matt]

Hey. How's it going?

[Shane]

Good, man. Just chilling. I got a nap. I'm. I usually. I'm a little tired.

[Matt]

I know. You got a nap. Got a nice little nap today, thanks to my extension.

[Shane]

Your extension was great. Extension. Yeah. There's a little gap in the sketch. It was nice. I was all. I was all. And I was. I was sleepy today too. I could. I did not get good sleep last night. Yeah. I was out doing stand up, so I couldn't fall asleep. So I was just back to the audiobook Bible before bedtime, which is a nice bedtime read, by the way. I'm on Jacob and Esau right now.

[Lemaire]

What's the book?

[Shane]

The Bible. Ever heard the Bible, bro?

[Matt]

I also didn't hear popular is Christian. He didn't know who Cristiano Ronaldo was.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's what I really did.

[Nate]

Kind of. I told you. I feel good about not knowing that.

[Shane]

Why do you. Can we like, like investigate why you feel good about that? I'm kind of curious.

[Nate]

It just kind of feels like the way y' all explain it. Like, it's like not. No, no. LeBron or something and that just kind of.

[Shane]

You're saying. You're saying. You're saying you'.

[Nate]

I'm kind of different out here. I'm just moving different.

[Shane]

I can see that.

[Matt]

No, I can appreciate you're doing well. I thought you'd be. I thought you'd be less active on this.

[Nate]

Gonna be. My voice is gonna go halfway through.

[Matt]

That's because you've been. You've been going too fast.

[Nate]

Yeah, no, I know.

[Matt]

Slow down.

[Nate]

You introduce us to the purple drink.

[Shane]

While we were at that bar.

[Matt]

I didn't touch one of those purple drinks at Lafitte. It's. It's in New Orleans. It's just another like a New Orleans daiquiri type. I don't know how to describe it. Just an icy, sugary liquor thing.

[Shane]

Ah, those things will get you.

[Matt]

But it's called purple drank, so.

[Nate]

Yeah, so I went crazy on it.

[Matt]

Like flies on. They said they even misspelled drink on the cup. It's.

[Nate]

Made me feel better, cuz I was. I was like neon green. And we thought for a second.

[Matt]

Gosh, I.

[Nate]

And I was telling him about it. He was like, I'm still neon green. I was like, all right. So it is the purple drink. It's not.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'm not dying, dude. Well, I ate candy is a similar trap for me a long time ago, but I ate this candy from Hot Topic one time.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And I swipe man's Drake. I was a teenager in Hot Topic and they sold this like neon weird candy. And I. I remember, ate it and I got like scared. I was dying. When I did.

[Nate]

I had play.

[Shane]

DOH was coming out of my butt.

[Matt]

Did you. No, you came with. So you stayed Sunday?

[Nate]

Yeah, we.

[Matt]

You guys must have been. That sucked.

[Shane]

So I saw them Sunday. I flew in at 5pm Sunday. I saw Nate. I was like going to the hotel. I look in the window, I see the bar. I see Nate at the bar. I'm like, oh, say hi to Nate. I'm like, what's up, Nate? What's going on, man?

[Matt]

Skank fest. Day four is fucking hell.

[Shane]

That.

[Nate]

That day I had went to bed with the sun up. And then when I finally came out the hotel, it was dark again. Like it was an ev day.

[Shane]

He was on some vamp.

[Matt]

I saw you. Some New Orleans vamp.

[Shane]

I saw him at the bar and I. He was like, what's going on, man? I was like, Jesus Christ. Jesus, man. Where are the others?

[Matt]

I don't know.

[Shane]

His voice was just gone. He was chalky. Dude, I saw him. He was chalky.

[Nate]

Yeah, I had nothing. I was. I was trying to rally.

[Shane]

I was trying to get going.

[Nate]

Yeah, I was happy to see you. I just had nothing.

[Shane]

I know you bump into someone at a bar, you're like, oh, my God, what are you doing here? Like.

[Matt]

All the time? I get to a bar, O. Connor's. Oh, man, the stuff. Island boys will hit you with one of those. Yeah, see him in a bar. They're like, I've been out for eight hours. You go, Jesus Christ, it's 4pm Go to bed.

[Shane]

Yeah. Nate wasn't drunk. He was just viciously hungover. Yeah, I think, I think going Hair the dog. Yeah.

[Nate]

One and I didn't even finish it. I couldn't. I was like, I'm not ready yet. I waited till I got to the. To the venue, to Mardi Gras world.

[Shane]

Yeah, Squad was. Squad was in rough shape. I got. I got there at a big stand up show. It's gang festival. You guys. Anyone do some time?

[Matt]

No. I mean, jeez, guys. Friday was great.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I heard Saturday, half energy. Sunday must have been.

[Shane]

Sunday was chill. It was definitely chill mode. Everyone was chill mode. Yeah, it was pizza and eagles. Everyone was just ordering. I kind of saw the Domos come through.

[Nate]

Kind of turned up by the end. I can't remember if. Oh, my fault. Yeah, I kind of turned up by the end. I went To. That was the only night I went to the after party. Was that. Well, just because I. I don't know. Want to do it once.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nate]

I wore. I wore the thing the whole way home. Just a. A badge that said Barely Legal on it the whole way home.

[Matt]

Oh, man.

[Shane]

Name of the strip club that the.

[Matt]

After party was called Barely Legal.

[Nate]

But every.

[Matt]

I didn't go.

[Nate]

Every lady there was kind of old, so it was kind of nice. Like you.

[Shane]

It's kind of a flavor. Very legal.

[Matt]

Yeah, they were like.

[Nate]

They were clearly legal. Undeniably legal.

[Shane]

I wonder if you could do a class action suit. You guys should be perpetrating the illusion that I am committing a great statutory. I didn't feel like a pedophile at all.

[Nate]

Who's helping to catch up.

[Shane]

Yo, you might be able to make some bucks.

[Nate]

What did you say?

[Shane]

I might be able to make some bucks, take some pictures of them and, like, go out to a judge and be like, do any of these look like they could be of questionable age?

[Matt]

I was fooled.

[Nate]

All my 15. ATM feedback.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's funny. Well, I guess. I guess that was. That was.

[Nate]

Oh, no. The ATM just had a super high. You know how they.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

ATM and a strip club. They watch, they see. They're like sharks.

[Matt]

No desperation from every guy in there.

[Shane]

Yeah, there's. Yeah, I think they have one by those ATMs. They have that thing when you go into a gas station. It's like when you run over the thing.

[Matt]

So all the strippers go, there he is.

[Shane]

Yeah, they're like this.

[Matt]

They go, there's our markers.

[Shane]

Yeah, I didn't. I got invited to the after party. I was like, no way, bro.

[Matt]

No shot.

[Shane]

Not going to the. Barely.

[Matt]

Those strip club on Bourbon street with Legion of Skanks.

[Shane]

Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. You and I make decisions every day, but on Prize Picks, being right can get you paid. Don't miss any of the excitement this holiday season.

[Matt]

Yeah, there's.

[Shane]

There's so much hustle and bustle, it's crazy.

[Matt]

The last thing I want to do is miss the excitement on Prize Picks.

[Shane]

Exactly. Seriously, dude.

[Matt]

Hey, Matt, make sure you download the app, all right? You got to download the app today so you don't miss out on any special offers from this holiday season. Prize Picks is always offering promos like Max Discounts, where a player would only need 1 yard or 1 point to cash your pick.

[Shane]

Wow. And here's a new feature.

[Matt]

Fuck. Sorry.

[Shane]

And here's a new feature to get hyped. On Prize picks now has early payouts. If your player gets off to a hot start. You now have the option to cash out on those winnings before the game even finishes.

[Matt]

Oh my God. That's nuts.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Matt]

Download the prize picks app today and use code drench to get 50 in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. That's code drenched to get 50 in lineups after YOU play your first five dollar lineup. Prize picks.

[Shane]

It's good to be right.

[Matt]

It's good to be right. Yeah.

[Shane]

Well, it's fun. It's a fun time.

[Matt]

It was. It was actually, I think it was probably my favorite one of those.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

In a long time. That was a really good one.

[Shane]

I was curious how like how they're going to work in New Orleans. They truly did find the perfect place.

[Nate]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So that place right on the waterfront. It was cool.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Matt]

At that thing though.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You hear story. Everybody comes in and goes, yeah, I just got jacked off on a Ferris wheel. You're like, oh, man.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's kind of nice.

[Matt]

Crazy. What's going on?

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, it is fully debaucherous.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's a buck and all.

[Nate]

I got eyes on the. The ass slapping contest. You know, I had to get there. But not just. I was there early the first night Friday, you know, we were out. We were out until like. How long were we at the casino?

[Shane]

What guys?

[Nate]

Why? Why are you attacking me?

[Matt]

Like, who were the fellas? It was guys.

[Shane]

No, no.

[Matt]

Skank fest usually tosses. Some guy did something crazy while I was on stage at the live Legion of Skank show. What happened? What do you do? I don't know. I didn't look, but I heard about it.

[Lemaire]

He kissed a dick. There was two guys that like kissed a dick and it didn't even take much convincing.

[Matt]

Like, no, they were brought it up.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Like, yeah, we'll fight. We'll fight tomorrow. The loser has to suck a dick. I'll do was like, no one's making you do that. They're like, we'll do it right now. Of course. The entire crowd's like just sitting there with David tell like, Jesus Christ.

[Shane]

It was just a dick. Whose dick was it proposed.

[Nate]

Oh, what? Yeah.

[Matt]

Sin.

[Shane]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Matt]

I know. A guy who just proposed in the room.

[Shane]

Right.

[Matt]

And also got his dick kissed by a fella. Guy's butt slapping contest.

[Shane]

I'm sorry.

[Matt]

Then he lime greens.

[Shane]

It is funny to be on the phone with your babe and be like, what are you doing down There like, oh, it's other guys. Butt slapping contest. Well, I got double dog dare to kiss a man's penis. And it's going pretty good otherwise.

[Matt]

She was in the crowd. The girl he proposed to. They did it live. And then he kissed. He got his penis kissed.

[Shane]

He got his kissed.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's kind of powerful, dude. If you just propose. You just propose.

[Matt]

Then you're also off to a terrible start. She cheated on us. Within three minutes. He got his dick by a guy immediately.

[Shane]

And it was just like a peck on the helmet.

[Matt]

Allegedly. I didn't see it. Two packs. Oh, you were up close.

[Shane]

Wait, who went?

[Matt]

You were up close and personal.

[Nate]

You had eyes on it.

[Lemaire]

I was in the balcony. I couldn't believe it was happening, but.

[Nate]

I feel binoculars shoot a bunch of beads.

[Shane]

Yeah, that is a funny. Like, that's a big thing. Like, oh, tell me the proposal story. It's like, well, then some actually kissed his penis. And then Lemaire goes not once, but twice. Twice. Two pecs.

[Matt]

Very European.

[Lemaire]

It's two different guys.

[Matt]

He went, that's very respectful.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, it was two different guys because the one guy was like, louis, you said for me to fight, I have to suck a trans dick. And I'm looking forward to that. And Lewis is like, we're gonna let that go.

[Matt]

And then you don't have to actually do that. Nah, man. That.

[Lemaire]

And then the other guy was like, that's gay. All you told me I had to do was kiss a dick.

[Matt]

And he was like, also, I'd like. I'll do that right now to prove it.

[Shane]

This is an audience member.

[Matt]

Yeah. And everyone's kind of like, you don't really have to do that. Please don't.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Nate]

And he's like, no, I'm.

[Shane]

That is nice, though. That's a good. It's a good move. Like.

[Nate]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I was asking who won that before you do it.

[Matt]

Those two fought.

[Nate]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Skynyrd versus the Ukulele Hawaiian.

[Shane]

Interesting. I missed all that. I got there. It was just like, everyone was just dragging.

[Matt]

Yeah. They were tired from that. True. Friday and Saturday.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Saturday was wrestling.

[Shane]

If I was wrestling and kissing penises all day.

[Matt]

Yeah, I would.

[Nate]

It's a full day.

[Shane]

They gotta top it. Next year on the cruise is going to be just like the cruise Human Centipede.

[Matt]

I would. It would cost more than the Riyadh Comedy Festival to get me on the Skank Fest cruise. Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Yeah, true. But. Yeah. You guys don't think I'll jerk off and in this pool right now it'll.

[Matt]

Be the poop cruise just without. Be fine. There's gonna be and homeless shelters on deck. Oh, my God.

[Shane]

They should do a cruise and just never set sail. Just be on a docked boat the whole time.

[Matt]

People are gonna be jumping off.

[Nate]

The only way you don't lose a person is if you stay docked. If they take off somebody, they will lose someone.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Oh, dude, for sure.

[Nate]

You ever see those videos where people do that? Just think it's going to be hilarious. Jump off a cruise ship.

[Shane]

And then there'd be a new, like, indigenous population in, like, the St. Peter Island.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

It's a bunch of chubby white guys.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

We were. We found here. This land came to us.

[Matt]

Yeah. They need a couple skankettes to repopulate, but they would. Although those guys might just hatch. I don't even think they. They come out of each other's backs like Nema toads.

[Shane]

They just sit on a monster energy drink hatches.

[Matt]

Comes out like, brown shop sucks.

[Shane]

Yeah. They'd have to hit, like, the. The small convenience stores take. They completely control the supply of Funyuns. Control the Funyuns?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

We control the Funyuns now. Yeah. That's sick. It was a good time.

[Matt]

It was good.

[Shane]

It was a grand old time. I was. I. I saw some of my friends there. I always see him when I'm there. Yeah. Dan the ramp man. Linda. And I'm, like, sitting there talking to them. And while I'm trying to have a conversation with him, a lady just pulled her pants down. It was just showing Zach amico her pretty gargantuan. But it was like, there's no, you know, no disrespect towards the butt. It was, like, full in proportions. It was just larger.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Larger than life. And I was like, directly in my line of vision. I'm like. And I was like, oh, there's literally a giant butt behind you guys. And they were like, yeah. Oh, okay. And I was like, I. I literally can't.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's.

[Shane]

I can't focus.

[Matt]

Am I supposed to putt? I thought they turned and have a laugh.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

There's a lot of new. It's. It's Ye. Nudity. You really don't want.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Going on.

[Shane]

This was. This was. I will say this was a pleasant giant butt.

[Nate]

I think I know exactly you're talking about. And it was a very nice, gigantic butt.

[Shane]

Yeah, it was talking.

[Matt]

Yep.

[Nate]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Beyond. It was beyond.

[Matt]

Wide load.

[Nate]

Yeah, it was a wide load.

[Shane]

It was beyond pog. That's There has to be something beyond a pog. Cuz this was like blob.

[Matt]

Blob.

[Shane]

No, it wasn't blob. It wasn't blob. Like it was fully returned.

[Nate]

Yeah. It was like shapely, but it's like, she was great. It just kept expanding, but kept everything.

[Shane]

Like a tree. Like it grew from the inside. Each year was like a ring. I would like a core sample to see the age of that.

[Matt]

But.

[Shane]

Sure. It was like a mighty sequoia.

[Matt]

Yeah. The naked roast. I stuck around for two of those.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Matt]

And I'd seen more than enough.

[Shane]

Saw a couple penises.

[Matt]

So. Yeah, that's all you see.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And then. Yeah, that was the extent of the nudity. I think I just saw a couple guys. Tiny penises.

[Shane]

Perfect. I don't. Dude, I'm still trying to figure out the, like, the why someone would do. The reason somebody would be like, yeah.

[Matt]

I can't figure that out.

[Shane]

I'll stand up there and do. Stand up and show my time. I have a hard enough time, like just doing. Stand up with all my clothes on.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Remove my clothes. I'd be like, no, absolutely fucking not.

[Nate]

I feel like I get it for ladies, especially if they're hot. Like, you stand up there, you're like, just hot. But these would do it like with their little dicks.

[Shane]

Yeah. Obviously for ladies, it's a great thing.

[Nate]

It's kind of the coolest thing. But.

[Shane]

Yeah, but they're not even really naked. I feel like. I feel like maybe there they are. But I feel like a lot of the naked roasts I've seen or the naked stand ups I've seen is like, women wear bra and underwear. Men pull out tiny flosses.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So which is. I think that's fair.

[Nate]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane]

You can't be like. You can't bar women from not being able to show their nipples in regular life and then be like, all right, yeah, yeah, bust them out. Actually. Yeah, you could now think about it.

[Matt]

But yeah, quite the opposite. Now's the time.

[Shane]

True. It's been sanctioned. That law will never change. You think it'll ever change where women can just finally go, I think we could be close to like, all topless beaches.

[Nate]

They can in Austin.

[Shane]

They can. Or they do.

[Nate]

They can, like legally in specifically Austin. Like, I'm not. I'm pretty sure in Austin you can go in springs.

[Matt]

You could.

[Shane]

Yeah. Okay.

[Nate]

But I think you can just like walk down.

[Shane]

Dude, I told you. I saw a lady one time in my neighborhood and she wasn't. She didn't look crazy, but it was just naked from the top.

[Nate]

I'm pretty sure it's. It's legal here.

[Shane]

What? Yes. So why aren't more exercising their right?

[Nate]

I feel like it's. Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

It is aggressive. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of. It's aggressive for a guy to walk around shirtless.

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm sick of that. It needs to cut that out as hell.

[Shane]

Although, dude, the sunlight hits your chest, it increases the tea.

[Nate]

Yeah, but I'm so. I'm driving around, girlfriend.

[Matt]

Six. Six dudes with abs jogging around. That's freak.

[Nate]

You're, like, trying to, like, be driving with your lady. You're, like, peeking to see if she, like, you can see her.

[Shane]

Yeah, like I dare you.

[Nate]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Dare you.

[Matt]

Look at that guy. Yeah, that guy sucks.

[Shane]

It is funny, though. Oh, you see something you like? That's cool. Why the would your eyes dart over there?

[Matt]

Same way mine did.

[Shane]

I looked like.

[Matt]

Yeah. Guy making me insecure is his problem. This episode is brought to you by ZIP recruiter Matt.

[Shane]

I'm constantly looking for car keys, phone, chapstick, glasses, headphones. There you go.

[Matt]

And I lose them all the time. That's why I use wired headphones now. Ooh, what's the longest time you spent looking for something? I usually give up pretty quick.

[Shane]

Yeah, true.

[Matt]

Someone I have a hard time shopping for. I have a tough time finding Lemaire gifts.

[Shane]

Really?

[Matt]

And I like to spoil them. It'd be nice if we had a superpower that helped us find exactly what we need at the right moment. Luckily for my hiring managers out there, you've at least got the next best thing. ZipRecruiter. Try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com MSSP.

[Shane]

Want to know right away how many qualified candidates are in your area.

[Matt]

I would love that.

[Shane]

Look no further than ZipRecruiter. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Wow. And right now, you can try it for [e-mail] MSSP Again, that's ziprecruiter.com MSSP.

[Matt]

ZipRecruiter the smartest way to hire.

[Shane]

I will say, though. It's like when you swim naked. It is a nice feeling. Same if you have no shirt on. It does hit the old. I would hope you do.

[Matt]

I'm so mad they built that house back there. I've been hitting so many dips. Solo skinny dips, dude.

[Shane]

It feels really nice. Oh, it feels amazing.

[Matt]

That's so good.

[Shane]

Yeah. Now they can. They can kind of peek in there.

[Matt]

I take up the entire pool. It's crazy. I'm furious about that house.

[Shane]

Can they see in?

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm sure the kids room's up there. There's gonna be. There's gonna be a boy looking out the window.

[Shane]

Or even a bunk bed.

[Matt]

Oh, no bunk bed.

[Shane]

It'll be like the crow's nest.

[Matt]

It's gonna be so scary. It'd be really scary.

[Shane]

That's on them, though. My whole thing. If I'm on my property and you see me naked look, that's your problem. Yeah, we're. They're building houses behind mine. Like, windows straight across, and it's. I am naked in my house a lot, so I'm like, damn, they're gonna catch me. Yeah, I've. I'm pretty sure because there's been a lot of building going on, and I just.

[Matt]

I love having just gigantic windows here.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I think you look into every single house. I go on my constitutionals. I'm just looking. I'm watching people eat dinner.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

Seeing people like, it's me again, making progress at a snail's pace.

[Shane]

I finish, look up. You're just still right there.

[Matt]

Still slowly just going. What are you guys having in there? You got any extra Hamburger Helper? I've noticed you guys eat that on Tuesdays.

[Shane]

Our house in Philly was literally like, the kitchen.

[Nate]

The.

[Shane]

Where we ate was right next to a window that was right next to the sidewalk. So people would literally just be walking by and be like, right in on us. I'll read.

[Matt]

And you'd be like, yeah, two feet from every city. Every time I'm in the city, there's nothing you can do.

[Shane]

Drive me crazy.

[Matt]

I'm looking into your house.

[Shane]

Yeah, you have to, too. If you see people at a table, it's kind of like, what you got going on.

[Matt]

What are they watching? What show is that? Fucking idiots. I can't believe they're watching that.

[Shane]

I do. I don't know why I do. Like, when I see, like, a giant TV in the window and I can see what they're watching, I'm always kind of like, damn, do you watch an Independence Day right now? It's Tuesday at 9pm I'm walking my dog rocks. I know. It's just like, damn, you just chucked on ID 4. And I was like, what am I doing with my life? Yeah. I didn't even think to watch ID4 right now. ID4 is 94 is so good.

[Matt]

It is.

[Shane]

Yeah, I do love that. ID4 Independence Day, bro. Don't act like you don't know why.

[Nate]

I was like, when did you become. This was the fourth one.

[Matt]

Purple drank.

[Shane]

Changed.

[Nate]

Purple drink.

[Matt]

You don't remember my brain.

[Shane]

The green turd Transformer.

[Nate]

My brain hasn't been working right since gang fest. I. Yeah, of course. I'm moving slow.

[Matt]

You took Monday off. At least tell me you took Monday.

[Nate]

No, we drove all day.

[Matt]

Oh.

[Nate]

Yeah. We drove for like eight hours.

[Matt]

That must be the worst hangover drive possible.

[Nate]

It was pretty bad. I did the first four. Sean did the last four. My girl, she picked me up from Sean's and like, she hugged us all. She said we all smelled like ass and we just didn't notice it in a eight hour car.

[Matt]

You guys must have stunk. Was it just you and Sean or do you pack? You packed the knees in there too, butterly. What's wrong with you?

[Shane]

Me?

[Matt]

What'd you do?

[Shane]

He left. He left early, didn't he?

[Matt]

Where'd you go? How'd you get home?

[Lemaire]

I just left it. Took an airplane.

[Matt]

Nice.

[Lemaire]

Yeah, I left on Sunday night. I always leave Sunday night.

[Shane]

How. How were the farts on the airplane?

[Lemaire]

No farts. I kept watching myself. Yeah, right. I did. I did.

[Matt]

Did you shower before the flight?

[Lemaire]

No. I mean, I showered before.

[Matt]

Somebody right now is telling everybody at work, somebody's going, I sat next to the biggest piece of. He farted. He stunk like he smelled like ass and vodka.

[Lemaire]

I didn't fall asleep this time, so I don't think I fart it.

[Shane]

That's fair. That's lame. Guarantee.

[Matt]

Yeah, I fell asleep. I don't think I farted.

[Shane]

Oh. Do you know what's that? I'm. I'm getting hip to right now is that apparently sports viewing is like. It's impossible to watch sports now. They've, like scattered all the games across different apps. They're like, how does that.

[Matt]

Everyone I talk to is like, yeah, it's.

[Shane]

That's wrong, dude.

[Matt]

It's hard to get a hold of the Sixers.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's kind of wrong.

[Matt]

They're just basically making you buy a season pass for whatever your favorite team is. Everyone has to pay like a hundred dollars a month.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's wrong.

[Matt]

And then they took ESPN off YouTube TV for like two weeks, isn't it? That was devastating. No.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Nate]

Oh, I got. Because I had changed, everybody went and.

[Matt]

Bought Disney plus all that.

[Nate]

I had, like the old legacy. My version. It was a little cheap.

[Matt]

Quiet piggy. I just remembered I wanted to break that up. Sorry.

[Nate]

Wait. Who got hit with a Quiet.

[Matt]

Some piggy on Air Force One got crushed by Donald Trump.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. I think he's getting dementia.

[Matt]

I don't know. I don't think.

[Shane]

He seems.

[Matt]

He just seems a little slower than usual.

[Shane]

But Spud said. Spud thinks he's getting dementia. Spud said his daddy got dementia. Trump, meaning Trump Senior.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You see there. There's speculation that T dog might be rocking. That's definitely not.

[Matt]

He's not at buying brains.

[Shane]

No, no, no.

[Matt]

Not yet, but he's. He's circling the drink.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Because I. Piggy was crazy.

[Shane]

It's pretty wild.

[Matt]

I just can't think of how, like, embarrassed that lady must have been. That must have been so funny to be.

[Shane]

And you're on afl.

[Matt]

If you were next to her and you hated her, you sucked Bill Clinton's dick. Quiet Piggy.

[Shane]

Yo. Got that? Yes.

[Matt]

I've been waiting for someone to kill her.

[Nate]

Yeah.

[Shane]

On the plane, too. It's stink. It's like you can't get up. You're stuck on the flight, being like, I'm gonna write about this. I'm gonna write about this.

[Matt]

Quiet Piggy.

[Shane]

Do they know. Do they identify the journalist that was.

[Matt]

I don't know. They gotta keep her name quiet.

[Shane]

Do you think it's definitely a babe?

[Matt]

Because you can't.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

He wouldn't call a guy. Yeah, it was a lady. Quiet Piggy.

[Nate]

Can you hear?

[Matt]

Although calling a guy Quiet Piggy's hilarious. Quiet Piggy.

[Nate]

Especially if it's a fat guy.

[Shane]

Yeah. Can we see who this person was? Is that. That definitely. Can I see? Can I see? I kind of want to get the visual more so than the name would be kind of meaningless to me because that's. That's a wild move, man. Lucy. Yeah, Catherine.

[Matt]

Lucy from Bloomberg. I'd like to take a look at her.

[Shane]

Yeah, I would like to.

[Matt]

She doesn't really look too big.

[Shane]

I wouldn't say she was. I was just curious.

[Matt]

She might have had a piggy's demeanor. Could have been.

[Shane]

Damn, bro.

[Matt]

That's a piggy's demeanor. Quiet piggy pointed at her, leaning over. Although, you know, if the allegations are false, I'd be furious, too.

[Shane]

What was she asking him?

[Matt]

I think it was about Epstein.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a quagmire right now. The one guy who got busted, the guy who was the. Who was the Harvard president and that sat on the board of OpenAI. Did you know, like, what his emails. What? He was.

[Matt]

I was reading a lot of them. Yeah.

[Shane]

Did you about kind of using Epstein as like a dating coach?

[Matt]

I didn't see that one.

[Shane]

Yeah, he was apparently thinking, I need a girlfriend. I'm married, but I need a girlfriend. Like, how do I talk? It was like kind of pua shit. Like, how do I talk? How do I talk to these kids? Like, what are some tips?

[Matt]

How do I reach these kids?

[Shane]

He had to neg them. He had to be like, bro, your geometry is trash, Bro, what's your SAT score? Yeah, that's tough stuff. That's the worst. To not only be associating with the pedophile, but also to be seeking romantic guidance.

[Matt]

I'm gonna scream. I almost screamed to quiet piggy yesterday when I was. I was ready to explode. Dude, I went to. I went to Starbucks and a woman in front of me. It's a pretty crowded Starbucks. It was early in the morning. There's a woman up front, she's trying samples. Oh, there's a line of people going, oh, that's a new flavor. And the maniac girl behind the register was like, would you like to try a sample? And she's like, yeah, I would. Took five minutes to get the sample.

[Shane]

What was a sample of? Like one of those foam.

[Matt]

It's like a new foamy bullshit holiday drink, bro.

[Shane]

That's crazy. Crazy.

[Matt]

And then she was like, yeah, I'll take it.

[Shane]

Oh my God.

[Matt]

I mean, it was like, that would.

[Shane]

Cuz close the Starbucks lines always.

[Matt]

I was close to go. What? What the are you thinking?

[Shane]

Oh, my God. Especially to be like, even a sample of coffee, it's like, oh, that's a new varietal. It's like piping hot. You can't even just order it. Order the drink. It's. It's sugar whipped cream. You're going to like it. Yeah, drink it. Drink it.

[Matt]

Yeah. I almost broke. Get it.

[Shane]

Get the.

[Matt]

Buy it. Get out of the way. I'm getting a black coffee. It's gonna take one second. You're up here ordering. It's 10 minutes.

[Shane]

You do feel like absolute mastermind at Starbucks when you just get black coffee. You see everyone waiting for other drinks. You go, I have a black coffee.

[Matt]

Gets you instantly. Right away.

[Shane]

Dumbasses.

[Matt]

Idiots.

[Shane]

Idiots.

[Matt]

Piggies. And then as soon as she got out of the way and I ordered, I was very relieved. I didn't have a. Oh yeah, I almost had a like an airport breakdown.

[Shane]

I'm not afraid to take a stand. It was Ariana Grande, everybody. What did she do. What did Ariana Grande do? Like, spazzed about donuts or something?

[Matt]

I don't.

[Shane]

I don't know that one. I think. I believe. I believe I should say I like it.

[Matt]

I could have bagel bossed. Good. A bagel boss.

[Shane]

Yeah, I think. I think allegedly Ariana girl, I think she's one of them. One of some pop divas spaz about donuts, like, very aggressively so. You deserve one. Come on. Give yourself one diva moment. What are you talking about?

[Matt]

I'll get a good diva moment.

[Nate]

Move.

[Matt]

Take the sample. You. You stupid. I mean, what are you thinking?

[Shane]

That'd be a nice remake of the Purge, where people just said whatever they wanted to each other. Just.

[Matt]

Just Twitter. I can tell you exactly where that goes. It's the N word in Nazi right away. Immediately. Twitter right away.

[Shane]

Holy. I never even thought about that. Twitter is just a verbal purge. It's crazy, dude.

[Matt]

Yeah, well, God damn. Yeah, that's. That was the closest I've come in a while. Have you. Have you had any spazes? Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

No. You're not afraid to spaz. I've seen you all spaz.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

When we went to Barton Springs and those two girls were like, we need cash. You were a little like, what the. What the are you talking about? I was with you kind of like, all right, I mean, I'm gonna. I'm gonna be on your side, but, man, you're really laying into this teenager with a wtf.

[Shane]

So when they went once, I was like, we don't have cash. Can I do Venmo? They want you don't.

[Matt]

Venmo.

[Shane]

I want. Oh, my God, are you serious? And they were like, no, like, you got to get an app. I'm like, I gotta download a app. Maybe I didn't have a little.

[Matt]

Trust me, I remember.

[Shane]

You know what pisses me off? I was getting chirpy for sure.

[Matt]

Yeah. Within one sentence.

[Shane]

Yes. Because it's like, you didn't give them.

[Matt]

Time to be rude. It was. They. Don't get me wrong. They were young girls working, like the end of their summer job.

[Shane]

Like, that young. That one lady. One lady was like 50.

[Matt]

No, they were both.

[Shane]

One was young.

[Matt]

The other one was definitely young.

[Shane]

Old enough to not. Dude. And it's like, there's a beautiful lake. Let me just go.

[Nate]

I was old enough to get it.

[Shane]

Yeah. I gotta go download a app. I'm just swimming a lake. It was a God created.

[Matt]

I see why. It was. It was a purple haired lady reading a book in a tent going, no, we don't do that.

[Shane]

I can't stand with bureaucrat energy. When it was just kind of, you need to download an app. And I was like, I gotta download an app to go on the thing. It was like, come on, man, let me in this lake.

[Nate]

Yeah, that's.

[Shane]

Who are you to stop me from.

[Matt]

Going this lake all the way back to our car to get some cash?

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And I was pissed cuz I didn't have my goddamn wallet on me. I forgot. I was like, yeah, pissed me off. That. That was nothing. I almost like, for real. Where was I recently was.

[Matt]

You flipped the tables at Part Springs. That was Christ. You're like, this is a natural lake. God gave us this. Be gone with your Jewry. He's like, matt, they're not Jewish. They're lesbians.

[Shane]

Yeah, that was. Yeah, that's. That got me. That got me fired up. But yeah, luckily you were there to cool me out a little.

[Matt]

I was.

[Lemaire]

I was.

[Matt]

I was along for the ride. I was. I didn't step in.

[Shane]

I. I was like, okay, no cash or no no anymore. If I can't just tap with my.

[Matt]

Phone, I'm like, cash only is nuts.

[Shane]

What are you doing? Why are you making it so hard? It's not 1985. Like, let me get in here. I have my phone. I can do Apple pay. Come on. And they were like, you need a doubt when she said, download the app. I don't know what it is. Download apps. I'm like, like, yeah, I sent you a thing. We have to download an app. I'm like, dude, you.

[Matt]

You're completely correct. You download an app's crazy.

[Shane]

I hate that.

[Matt]

I've seen another. Another person who's not afraid to go is Ari Shafir with tsa. I've never seen anything like it, dude. Some of the. A guy took his lighter out of his bag. Of course.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And he was like, oh. Oh, cool, dude. You feel good? I was like, tsa, like, you're gonna get beat up. We're gonna get arrested. Right now.

[Shane]

I'm scared of the no fly on TSA for sure. I'm just kind of like, all right.

[Matt]

Shafir went right away.

[Shane]

That's really funny.

[Matt]

Over nothing. It was like a $2 lighter.

[Shane]

It was crazy. Yeah.

[Matt]

And then we. Once we got through, he walked over to the guy and was like, yeah. I was like, stop. You can't fight at the airport.

[Shane]

Go to jail for like 10 years. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames the part. The best part of the holidays Aside from the great fooding the gifts because be honest, we all love a good gift. Love. A good gift is getting to spend time with everyone.

[Matt]

Getting to spend time with everyone. I love, I love spending time with you. And I want this, our time together to be so special.

[Shane]

True dude. Holiday season.

[Matt]

The way I make you feel special dude.

[Shane]

Around the holidays.

[Matt]

An aura frame. I sent Matt an aura frame stocked with photos of he and I.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Matt]

And you know the perfect gift this year that could be for you to share those moments. Give the gifts of togetherness with aura frames. It's a digital picture frame that can hold those memories and make them come alive again. I'd like to come alive.

[Shane]

I would love that. You can add as many photos or short videos as you want. All you need is the our app and a wi fi connection. Dang. So as you keep making memories you can add to the frame. You know what I'd add?

[Matt]

What's that?

[Shane]

This memory right now.

[Matt]

A picture of this?

[Shane]

Yeah. Of us doing an ad read. Take a picture and put it up there. It would just be just a drop in the sea of many memories that we have. Yes.

[Matt]

The high resolution photos. You know what makes me the most hard is the high resolution photos look like real prints and they really help you relive the moment. And you can try interacting with the photo right there. So you know you can get any.

[Shane]

Photos you want on the brief message like congrats.

[Matt]

When all they want for Christmas is you and everyone together. Give them aura frames for a limited time. Oh my God. Let's get a picture of that. Oh my God. For a limited time, visit aura frames.com and get $45 off. Or as best selling carver matte frames. Name number one by wirecutter. That's huge. By using promo code MSSP at checkout. That's auraframes.com promo code MSSP. This include exclusive Black Friday Black Friday Cyber Monday deal is their best of the year. So order it now before it ends. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout.

[Shane]

Terms and conditions apply. I don't think you got out of that. Yeah, I should do that, huh?

[Nate]

Oh yeah.

[Matt]

The big, big tour. The big tour.

[Shane]

The big tour.

[Matt]

When's this? Oh, never mind. December 4th, I'll be in Tucson, Arizona. December 5th I'll be in Phoenix. December 12th, I'll be in Boise, Idaho. December 13th, Portland, Oregon.

[Shane]

Guys, please come to the so like I'm the Springfield comedy club in Springfield, Missouri. Now we got it. We got to fire back up new ownership. Everything's good. Everything's smooth. I think the tickets, I know they are, actually will all be honored if you bought your tickets and didn't get refunded at the other place. Yeah, really nice stuff.

[Matt]

Stuff.

[Shane]

I'll be there 1212, 1213. That's December. Funny Bone Comedy Club, Syracuse, New York. That's 1219. And then a the big theater tour starts 116 in Houston, Texas. Go to Dallas, Hartford, Connecticut, Albany, and many more cities. And if your city's not on there, don't worry, I'll do another stretch of cities after these. So thank you. Go to Matt McCusker.com, please.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Shane]

Hello, everybody. This is Sean Guardini. I just wanted to let you know that I'll be playing. Well, I'll be doing stand up at.

[Matt]

The Comedy Vault in Batavia, illinois on Sunday, December 7th.

[Shane]

Tickets are at seangardeni.com or at the.

[Matt]

Comedy Vault website, please.

[Shane]

On December 7th, please. Dang. Yeah, I forgot all about that. There was. I don't know where I was recently, though, but there was one where someone was doing that shit where they were like, like, trying a million things or. Oh, you know, I think I was at the grocery store and someone was doing something like that where they kept just, like, asking a million questions. I'm like, dude, they're eggs, man. Yeah, that's what it is. Farmers market. So the farmers market, dude. And everyone goes there. I was getting just. I just wanted a chicken I was gonna put in the crock pot. And there's like a, you know, chicken farmer guy who has, like, you know, a tent. And this guy's like, so how do you think I should cook this chicken? I'm like, jesus Christ, dude. Put in the oven or Google it. I'm sitting there. He's like, two people in front of me. The next guys like, I don't know, man.

[Matt]

I.

[Shane]

These chicken wing. And I'm like, shut the up. Just buy this. It took me 10 minutes to buy a chicken, and there was two people in front of me, and I was just like, I. I was so close to being like, dude, just buy the chicken and move, please.

[Matt]

Yeah, you put your head up a little. You go, Yes, farmers.

[Shane]

People at farmers markets think they can, like, have a half an hour discussion with the vendor. That's.

[Matt]

That makes sense to me.

[Shane]

It's annoying. Yeah, you gotta go get my raw milk. Raw milk. I get it. Because there's. There are questions. That one is, like, understandable, but good God, it's just a story.

[Matt]

Farmers market is. Is happy and willing to chat every Single person. Every single person.

[Shane]

I always have my kids there. I'm in and out. Every second is agony. I'm trying to get my stuff. They're running. They're like, can we please get a balloon? Like, there's like a balloon twister lady. I'm like, no, they're broken. She's. I see you right there. I'm like, yeah, you can't get one.

[Matt]

That's the last one.

[Shane]

My kids are just yelling as I'm like, shut the up about chicken, dude. Please let me buy this. Please, God. They're like, we're actually out of bags. I'm like, I'm here 15 minutes into the farmers market.

[Matt]

I had a nice spaz yesterday. You would. You would have liked it. I told you briefly about it, but I. I didn't get the stickers for my registration for my car. And, yeah, I figured they did that at the dealership when they did your admissions and inspection, and they don't. So then I'm just. I was like, where the is it? And I called the dealership, and they're like, yeah, you can go to a tax assessors. You go to your local tax place. Yeah, that's crazy. And then I googled it on the Texas dmv and it was like, they also do it at hebs. Here's a list of Hebs in Austin.

[Lemaire]

You can go to.

[Matt]

And there's one right by me. I. I'm in the parking lot and I'm like, I can't go in there and go up to a register and be like, do you guys do inspections for cars? Because there's no way they do. Like, what the is going on? I drove and I sat in the spot for, like, five minutes of like, this is how this is gonna go. I'm also wearing these, like, slippers. I'm wearing this wearing slippers and socks. It's like, dude, if I go in and go, do you guys. I have my car registered, dude. Here's the paperwork.

[Shane]

Get the out of here. You think going to an agb, like, you guys make my car street legal, please.

[Matt]

And I drove home and I looked it up. I. I had to download the app to join a thing.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Matt]

And sure enough, they were like, we mailed it, and it was in my mailbox.

[Shane]

That's nice.

[Matt]

So that was a big one.

[Shane]

That's huge.

[Matt]

The day I went and searched for it, that's when it arrived.

[Shane]

Dang. Yeah, that's cool.

[Matt]

Yeah, it was nice.

[Shane]

That's really nice. Yeah, that's. That pisses me Off. I. That's. Shout out to wives for that. Because I. Yeah, it's great. Dude, I can't, man. Can't do that. If it's like you have to renew any piece of paperwork. Well, you need your Social Security cards. Like. Yeah, I don't have. I don't know where it is. I don't know where any of that is.

[Matt]

Went to the post office to ship some shit.

[Shane]

Yeah, that sucks.

[Matt]

Chaos. I have no idea what. I'm in public, I'm. I have no idea what I'm ever doing. I don't. I stand there, I wait in line. I waited in like a 30 minute line and got to the front. I was like, how do I ship this? And he was like, do you have the address written on it? I was like, no. Do you have any tape for the boxes? I was like, no. He was like, here's tape, here's a Sharpie. Write the address. I did. Huge box. And then go to the end of the line and hold a 35 pound box. It's crazy.

[Shane]

You go back to the end.

[Matt]

Yeah, I didn't want to butt.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's fair. To get to the front.

[Matt]

Do your work. Everyone has taken so long up there. Oh, dude.

[Shane]

I used to. I used to. When I used to do all the merch stuff, I used to be in the post office all the time and it sucked. Although once you get like when you're a regular at the post office, you kind of start feeling a star.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Inside a P.O. box. So if you had a P.O. box, I'll let you skip the line and go straight to the counter. But yeah. Guys, Excuse me, guys. I was feeling a little different with the PO Box. Like, yeah, you guys. You guys are doing.

[Matt]

Tape it loudly in front of. In front of the line. The whole line's watching me from five minutes easy of just taping. It's completely trying to Sharpie an address. Misspelling it sucks.

[Shane]

Yeah. That sucks so bad. I got crushed. I was getting renting a car recently, actually. Me and Sean had a nice little time in our Jeep. I ran a Jeep wrangler Jeep thing. Showing Sean the Jeep life. It was.

[Nate]

They have ducks. They got some ducks.

[Shane]

I. We could have. We stopped one time at a gas station. There were some ducks. I'm like, dude, I should line this thing up.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nate]

My brother has a Jeep. But he got like get. You know they put the ducks on the front of your car. He had like six of them up there. And then one day he was having a bad day. It just Was like, getting in the car. I was like, why do I got these ducks in here? Knock them all off. They're still, like, on the bottom.

[Shane]

I had to rent that Jeep. And I, like, got there.

[Lemaire]

Dude.

[Shane]

Car rental places, by the way, too, though. You'll show up. And I'm like, oh, I just need a car. They're like, did you do a reservation? And they're. I was like, no, I just want to see if you guys.

[Matt]

Yeah, well, we don't have anything.

[Shane]

I don't have anything. And then I. I'm like. But then I was. I had talked to Brittany before because she was like, oh, I already, like, let. I put it in the shopping cart. And I'm like, well, my wife was. Said, you guys have, like, a Jeep Wrangler. And like, yeah, we can do that for 69.99 a day. I'm like, why did you. You just lied in my face. But I. I let. That was a sp. I just went, you know what? I'm not even gonna argue with this lady. I was like, yeah, I'll have that one then. Since that is available. There's 40 jeeps in line. I'm like, why did you tell me you don't have them? Yeah, it was pretty nuts. They were trying to.

[Matt]

The how shitty running a car is.

[Shane]

Oh, it's crazy.

[Matt]

An airport and.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. Yeah, but it was the one. Usually it's all like, you know, Brittany will take care of all that stuff. She didn't that one time. I was like, like, she's like, you should rent a car. I'm like, I'll be fine. I'll just Uber. And then I got there, I was like, I want to rent a car. And she's like, all right.

[Matt]

Just.

[Shane]

She's like, I'll do. I was like, I can do it. It's like a child. I know how to do that. I get there. And I'm like, like, she just doesn't have any cards that. She's lying. There's one in my cart. I was like, yeah, you have a Jeep.

[Matt]

She's lying. That's great.

[Shane]

And then. And then I. She was like, I'm, like, doing all the paperwork stuff, and she's like, what's your. What kind of car insurance you have? And I was like, I have no idea. Just skip all.

[Matt]

Every single time. I have to email my insurance company. Be like, can you send me another card that. We did this a week ago. They're in your emails. Just send it right now.

[Shane]

I can't.

[Matt]

I don't know your name. I don't know anyone's name. I don't know how to find it in there.

[Shane]

Yeah, it almost makes it like. You hear about all this facial recognition and part of me is kind of like, whatever, man. You just scan my dumb face and get all my papers.

[Matt]

That'd be great.

[Shane]

I. I can't stand that stuff. Yeah, because I told you when I went to get my license it was or transfer my tags to Texas here. The guy was just like. I was like, thought I was going to be in and out. I'm like, here we go. And the guy was like, yeah, your license got suspended in Connecticut. I'm like, that was like 10 years ago. He's like, yeah, you missed the last payment. So now like I can't do anything. And I was just like, I had to call Connecticut. And I was just like, just full spaz. I didn't know what to do.

[Nate]

I had to get Connecticut on the phone.

[Matt]

Impossible. Getting.

[Shane]

Getting impossible.

[Matt]

Texas driver's license here.

[Shane]

I called the Connecticut state police. It was like, hello? I was like, dude. And they were just like, I don't know what to do for you. I was like, well, that's your guys fault. You're telling me. It's, it's. I did it. I know I didn't pay it. I know I paid it. And then, dude, then I spelled. They gave me my ID and it was MC Space C Us. I get home, I'm like, bang, got my id. Britney's like, why is there a gap between your letters? I'm like like, who gives a. And then she's like, no, it actually will affect stuff. I'm like, dude, will you shut up about this? I want to apply for like some sort of thing. And they're like, yeah, they rejected you, right?

[Matt]

Yeah. That's why when the, the trying to get a Texas license took forever.

[Lemaire]

Took me.

[Matt]

Took me a year of going. I would go to the DMV sometimes. I'd be like, it's time for me to get this done today.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Drive 30 minutes outside of the city to try to find a shitty one that no one's at.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

Chock full of Mexicans in there. Me and them are just getting IDs together. We're new Texas residents. They're like, the wait list is, can you come back in six months? I'm like, all right, I'll be there. Sleep right through that. I have no idea. Like I should have put that. My calendar, April 6th. I gotta go there. Dude.

[Shane]

Every, every doctor is a Type appointment I go to. They go, okay, so I'm gonna be good for you. How about six months from now? I go, perfect. And I just leave. Great. Great.

[Matt]

I'll definitely remember.

[Shane]

Yeah, I was at the gym recently. There's a chiropractor who, like, set up, and I'm like, oh, that'd be nice. It's, like, close to my house. I'll get it. And I paid for an initial appointment. Never. The lady went to hand me her business card, and I was like, I don't need your business card. So telling Brittany like, yo, I found this new chiropractor. It's gonna be awesome. And she was like, what's the name of the place? And I was like, like, I don't know. She's like, how are you gonna go to your appointment if you don't know the name of it? I was like, oh, I just missed. I just paid for an appointment.

[Matt]

Never going.

[Shane]

That's. You gotta stop doing that. I'm like, don't tell me. I don't give a. If I miss it or not. Well, that's crazy. Pay for an appointment, you don't know where to go. And I was like, yeah, I don't. Well, that's for me to worry about, not for you. Shut up.

[Matt]

People with business cards can get.

[Shane]

That's what I said. I'm like, I don't need your business card. But I don't.

[Matt]

I'm tired of people handing me a business card. It just is trash. I'm never gonna sit down and go, give me your number. Give me your number. Type it in.

[Shane]

Yeah, that was. That was my bad, though, not to verify the name of the business before. Because I was like, I'll get an email. Like an onboard email being like, hey, you have an appointment. That's what I banked on. But no such luck. I got. I got. Yeah. Down 65 bucks.

[Matt]

I'll crack your back.

[Shane]

It's all good.

[Matt]

Yeah, for you. We'll make it back of La Mer. New you.

[Nate]

Did I true.

[Matt]

Nothing.

[Shane]

You gotta fix my back.

[Nate]

Did I tell y' all about my. My bar Spaz?

[Matt]

Your ambition just met its match with Robin Hood.

[Shane]

You play for the win. Not just on game day. Every day.

[Matt]

Channel that. Drive into your money. Trade stocks and ETFs, apps, options and futures all on one platform.

[Shane]

You expect more from yourself. Expect more from your money.

[Matt]

Get started [e-mail]. your money.

[Shane]

Your money. Your move. This episode is brought to you by Monster Ultra. Everyone knows the white monster.

[Nate]

Yep.

[Shane]

That clean white can Zero sugar Crisp. It's everywhere lately. Gyms, airports, studios.

[Matt]

You name it, you name it.

[Shane]

People toss it in their bags before training or on a long drive. Oh, yeah, Big flavor, Zero sugar. Same monster energy kick. All right. But Chain Ultra doesn't stop there. There's a whole lineup now. Vice, Guava, Blue Hawaiian, and the new Wild Passion.

[Matt]

Oh, Wild Passion.

[Shane]

If you're loyal to the white can.

[Matt]

Cool.

[Shane]

Just know you've got options. Visit monsterenergy.com to learn more.

[Matt]

I will visit monsterenergy.com to Learn more.

[Shane]

Oh, I heard you almost got.

[Nate]

Yeah, I. The.

[Shane]

We were.

[Nate]

I don't remember the name of the bar, but.

[Matt]

Sorry, I was looking at your cup. Does it say Wonder Chosen? Yeah. Who wrote that?

[Nate]

That's just what the name of the drink is.

[Matt]

Wonder Chosen. Yeah, that's it. Oh, yeah. That's a great. Dude, do you remember that show?

[Shane]

That's the Purple Dragon.

[Matt]

Wonder Shows and was wild.

[Nate]

I can't.

[Shane]

What is Wonder Shows?

[Nate]

I didn't know.

[Matt]

Is it old? Like, mtv? Like, fake kids show? That was like. There's a lot of really good stuff on there.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Matt]

Check it out.

[Nate]

A lot of really good stuff in here. No, that was stupid.

[Matt]

That's more like it. That's what I wanted. I wanted you sit here and bomb.

[Shane]

That is nice.

[Matt]

I want the comments to go nuts on you. Nate.

[Shane]

Nate's on his Dr. CB right now.

[Nate]

I'm trying to recover. I'm trying to get my poop back to, like, normal green. Normal green will be better than bright neon.

[Shane]

There was a drink, bro.

[Matt]

Damn.

[Nate]

I'm all right.

[Shane]

So what happened to the bar Spass? What happened?

[Nate]

This is like 4am I probably. I. I might have overreacted a little bit, but I was saying something. I was.

[Matt]

Why are you laughing at me like that? You definitely overreacted.

[Nate]

I overreacted, but, dude.

[Matt]

So we went to a bar on Saturday that was about to close.

[Shane]

Yeah, I heard.

[Matt]

And the guy kept it open for us.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And then when I left and there was just a group of people there that were with me, he was ready. It was.

[Shane]

He's ready.

[Matt]

You know what I mean? He was like, all right, it's.

[Shane]

Yeah, let's go.

[Matt]

He never closed three hours ago.

[Lemaire]

He never.

[Matt]

It was like, I can't believe you guys stayed that way. Well, he.

[Nate]

He kept drinking. He was giving out. Well, it happened to me, but he was giving other people there, like, free drinks. He was like. Like in his own little. I think he got hammered while we were there. And at some point, he. I forget I'm talking to Chris Faga and he says something to me, and, like, I don't. I wish I could remember what I said back. Cause, like, not knowing what I said back makes it sound like I'm definitely the asshole. But he. He takes my beer and he goes, all right, you're done. And just, like, pours it out, like, looking me in the eyes like I'm. Like, I'm a bitch.

[Shane]

But you said something to him that you don't remember?

[Nate]

I don't think I said anything crazy. I think I was, like, talking to Chris and he just kind of came in, like. Like hopping into what we were talking about is how I remember.

[Shane]

You hit him with a quiet piggy.

[Matt]

Probably could have been a quiet piggy if I had to guess it was homophobic or transphobic.

[Nate]

It might have been. I don't know.

[Shane]

But he just came into the topic, and you were just kind of like.

[Nate]

That'S how I remember.

[Matt]

What do you think it was, Lemaire?

[Lemaire]

Well, I was just waiting for the. After the incident.

[Nate]

Oh, yeah, yeah. So after he poured the. Poured the beer. It did. That did make me mad as hell. I was like, what the was that about? And then I, like, knocked the empty off, which I'm saying is a spaz. It is a spaz. It's a total spaz. But then. Then I wasn't. Glass shattered glass definitely shattered.

[Shane]

Dang.

[Nate]

But still, you look somebody in the eyes and poured her beer out. Like, that's that.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Huge chance he had gone, hey, guys, wrap it up. And got ignored seven times.

[Nate]

Did he do that? I don't think he did that. Because also, what was happening at that time is their regulars were there. He was a lot of the regulars. Cuz their bar was still open. They were like, oh, my bar's open. So they were. I think literally one of them said was like, we don't know who all these white people are, but we're happy that regulars were.

[Matt]

Yeah, we're talking, like, third Ward. Nola.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Got you.

[Lemaire]

And Nate, Those guys didn't show up until after. You were like, me and fake.

[Shane]

We're not leaving. We're not going.

[Nate]

No, they were there, cuz I saw them. I definitely saw them. Cuz, like, I just. I think you were outside, but they were there. But yeah, after that happened, it was definitely like the. The locals at their bar.

[Matt]

You got your black lady on, huh?

[Nate]

I didn't get my black lady.

[Matt]

You got your black lady on. You shouted. You took something off the counter, threw it behind the counter, started screaming, oh, I'm not going anywhere. I've seen every Denny's video. When things go wrong, you start throwing plates and.

[Nate]

No, no, I did. I just did a little bit.

[Matt]

Nobody pours out my drink.

[Nate]

No, but up.

[Shane]

They had you up.

[Nate]

They have me. They did have me up. They did have me up. Laver was trying to get out. That was. It was because of how you were trying to get, like, skedaddle, skedaddle. And I didn't like the way that felt. And that's what it was.

[Lemaire]

I was like, it's. They're about to fight you. You keep. You keep slurring at the bartender to his face.

[Nate]

Did I?

[Lemaire]

Yes. You were dropping a lot. And I was like, bro, we gotta leave.

[Shane]

Hold on. He's still poured his beer out. Look it in the eye and poured your beer out. Is.

[Nate]

It's crazy.

[Shane]

But.

[Nate]

But then I. I did kind of peep dudes and started, like, position themselves in ways your dreams, huh?

[Matt]

It's all part of a plan. You go, what are you fellas going to do? Take me in the alley and rough me up? Yeah, right. None of you could wrestle me in the alley.

[Shane]

You wish.

[Matt]

You got a wrestling match.

[Lemaire]

I mean.

[Matt]

I knew there's more to it. I knew he was. I knew it was obviously unruly. You break a glass.

[Nate]

I was. I was a little. Honestly, I. I didn't. There was.

[Matt]

I was there. I would have joined their side. Let's get him fell.

[Nate]

Wait, let me. Let me. Let me tell you.

[Matt]

I didn't come up behind you going.

[Shane]

So after you smash the glass, what was. What was the next move?

[Nate]

Just so I start peeping at. There's like. Like, people starting to eye me in the ball, like. Like staring at me and, like, getting a little closer and. And I saw one of them and I. He was looking at me. I just went over to talk to him. I was like, I'm gonna just figure it out. I was like. And I said, what happened? I talked about the, like, you know, staring me in the eyes, pouring the beer out, blah, blah, blah. And he was like. He kind of just was like, ah, yeah, that's fucked up. And he probably knew that, like, this guy was hammered. They know, you know, it's their bar. They also know that he probably, like. They know he can be a dickhead and just smoothed it over. He dabbed me up. He was like, all good. Like, follow me on Instagram.

[Matt]

He followed you on Instagram. I forgot. I knew you guys get.

[Shane]

Yeah, it was probably. It was probably that. Who's that guy on Instagram right now? The. The guy with no front teeth. He's always talking about juicy booties. It's probably Fleece Johnson. Don't worry about it, young blood.

[Matt]

Talk about the guy who.

[Shane]

He probably heard you fart at the bar. Oh, my God, that's a juicy booty wet. That's nice. So you shut the bar down.

[Nate]

You left.

[Shane]

You left on your terms. You. We're good, right?

[Matt]

No, no, no, it got.

[Nate]

It gets worse. No, so I did try to squat. I squashed with everybody, like, around me that I. That was.

[Matt]

You know, man, I would love to have seen that. He was like, ah, yeah, we're good, right? Yeah, we're good. Look, we're all friend. What's your Instagram? He. They were probably like, man, you're just weird. Fucking guy out of here.

[Nate]

What happened. What happened was. I forget who else was there, but somebody else was like, nah, he's. I think other people here was like, no, he's. He's not like this.

[Lemaire]

He's.

[Nate]

This was. You know, this is a little out of character for him. He's not a dickhead. Blah, blah. And that's what the guy said to me. He was like, everybody here saying, you're cool. You know. You know that type of shit. And then I went to the bartender to apologize because I was like, you know, I did knock the thing down. Like, you know, it was glass shit out. I went to. Was like, yo, my bad. That maybe we had a misunderstanding with that beer pouring out thing, but I didn't mean to do all that. He was like, no, you saw my boys and then you coming around you. And then you got scared and, like. And then I was like, no, I didn't get scared. I'm just trying to do the right thing now and apologize to you.

[Matt]

I'll die in this part.

[Nate]

And then that's when lamaris tried to get me out. He was like, come on, Nate, you gotta go.

[Shane]

Then eventually I was like, yeah, the 504 boys on you.

[Matt]

Yeah. I mean, that's just a bad place to do that.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nate]

And I, Like, I wasn't saying it like, kill me in this bar. I was saying, they're like, no, I'm not scared. No, I didn't. I don't even talk like that, bro. You said, I'll die in here.

[Lemaire]

They're gonna have to kill me to get me out of here.

[Nate]

I don't think. I said I don't. I think lemaire is lying on me right now. Was.

[Matt]

You were close to saying exactly that until.

[Nate]

But I, But I do think I said.

[Shane]

What were you saying this whole time?

[Lemaire]

I was saying, nate, we need to go. He's time to go.

[Nate]

He was trying to get out.

[Lemaire]

Why are you spending money at a bar where the guy doesn't like you?

[Shane]

I, I, that's actually a good appeal to a drunk brain.

[Lemaire]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt]

Him.

[Shane]

I'll show it. What was, what was the takeaway? That's the, that's the most important. What's the takeaway?

[Matt]

Yeah. What you learn.

[Nate]

Not a goddamn.

[Matt]

Not a goddamn. That whole night.

[Shane]

You're been talking about Christian Ronaldo the entire night. Oh, this guy sounds amazing. I.

[Matt]

You didn't learn anything. I that I don't like your behavior.

[Nate]

I'm not.

[Matt]

I would be annoyed. I was if I was the bartender.

[Nate]

I mean, I was doing. I made some mistakes, but then I still tried to make it right in all the right ways.

[Matt]

Yeah, but after you saw his boys show up and he was right again. He. That was Sean.

[Shane]

Sean told me at one point you got up, you went. You know the, the I do a podcast with.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Do you have any idea who my podcast partner is?

[Matt]

I heard they, they poured out the drink. Cuz you tried to Coyote Ugly. You got up and said, let's go girls.

[Shane]

On the bar.

[Matt]

And they said, get him the out of here.

[Shane]

Smashing the glass is sick. It.

[Nate]

It's too much. It is too much. It's not. I really didn't. I don't think I was expecting it to like fall and shatter. I wasn't thinking ahead. I just was like, come on.

[Shane]

Ah, yeah.

[Nate]

Now we done done it.

[Shane]

Clear the counter.

[Nate]

Yeah, but pulling out. I'm pulling off, like, not getting my ass whooped. I am pretty happy. Like, I'm kind of proud of that because it survived.

[Matt]

That would have been a rough one.

[Lemaire]

It would have been a.

[Nate]

It would have been a hot. Have been hospitalized.

[Matt]

4Am New Orleans.

[Shane]

Especially after I'm ready to die. And as soon as soon as like someone cracks. I don't really want to die. When you say that. That would have sucked.

[Matt]

I mean, when we got out of the Uber to go into the bar, I was like, yeah, this is a real place. Yeah, this is the real. This is a real deal. This is the wild west. We're going to have to act right.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You have to be polite. Yeah, it was nice. It was a good time. I'm just saying when we pulled up, it was, it was. I don't Remember, Black as hell.

[Shane]

He couldn't be acting a fool.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Nate]

They'Re what.

[Lemaire]

They played a lot of Usher across the street. That's how black it was.

[Matt]

Yeah, it was very black across.

[Shane]

What was going on across the street?

[Lemaire]

It was like a. It's like clerbs.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Lemaire]

Dance clear.

[Shane]

Just ripping. Usher. Yeah, yeah. True.

[Lemaire]

Those are the only places you can hear, like, Usher and Chris Brown is like, a black dance club.

[Matt]

Yeah, certainly.

[Shane]

Although.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I feel like if you're at a true bar in the hood, it'd be plastic cups everywhere. There would be no glass to smash. A lot of plastic cups going on. Yeah. Yeah.

[Nate]

We did have bottles. I didn't even think about that.

[Shane]

There's a lot of play. When I used to go to the bars in west there, there was like, bars.

[Matt]

No, it definitely wasn't like that. It wasn't like that hood.

[Lemaire]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Matt]

The patrons.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Visibly.

[Shane]

Guys.

[Matt]

You don't want to bother growing.

[Shane]

Were they grown and sexy?

[Matt]

No, they were not grown and sexy, but they were.

[Nate]

No, they look like 17.

[Matt]

It was.

[Shane]

So you're like a little nether realm, basically.

[Nate]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You didn't just. I would. I can't even imagine doing that.

[Shane]

Wasn't for messing. Yeah. It wasn't for messing around. Yeah. So I used to go. There was, like, bars when I went to school at Drexel in West Philly that would serve, like, you could be a baby, and they'd be like, yeah, whatever. And I just vividly remember only ever drinking out of clear plastic cups. Yeah. Like, this place is the best bar I've ever been to. I've been to two bars. This is my favorite. Whatever. Two for one shot.

[Matt]

That's exactly how I am. I'm still. That's still my favorite bar. I go to the bar I worked at when I was 21 every year.

[Shane]

This is the best there is. I. I will say, there is something so fun about walking into a bar pretty much stone sober and then just kind of really digging in for, like, hours at a bar stool. Yeah. It's so nice.

[Matt]

Talk about clocking in.

[Shane]

Yes.

[Matt]

Yeah. Putting in a real shift in a bar. We put in this. One of the strongest shifts at. In Chicago. The day after Oasis. Me, Billy.

[Shane]

Oh, you guys don't.

[Matt]

Billy. Spud and Egg. It put in a monster shift. Yeah, it was really nice.

[Shane]

That's fun.

[Matt]

You could have to skedaddle because the beers were looking. Yeah, they're calling him.

[Shane]

That's. That is. That would absolutely kill me.

[Matt]

Spud's willing to put in a Shift. I was surprised how willing Billy was to put in a shift.

[Shane]

Put in the shift.

[Matt]

It was a great shift.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You people love to change bars.

[Shane]

No, it's nice to dig in.

[Matt]

You dig in, you go. We sit at this table, we talk. Then it got a little. Guys at the next table were like, you guys want some blow? It was like, shift's over. Yeah, that's how. Yeah.

[Shane]

That's the night crew coming in.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

All right.

[Matt]

You got it.

[Shane]

Yeah. That was my favorite thing. When I used to get work for an electrician. We would get paid in a bar in cash every Friday. That was a big thing. Like, we're digging in. We're gonna dig in. The whole basically, like, most of the company would just sit down.

[Matt]

Even talking about a shift is fire. I love it. Dude. I'm going to Westchester this weekend. I'll be putting in to shift. Saturday, college football, Notre Dame at 3:30.

[Shane]

That's shift time.

[Matt]

3:30. The whistle's going, oh, yeah, I got my lunch pill. My launch pill of wings.

[Shane]

That'd be a sick bar if you could just sit on iron beams.

[Matt]

True.

[Shane]

Like four feet up, have a little lunch pail, and they give you your drinks and you can pretend you're an iron worker in the 1920s.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm reading a. Speaking of. Of infrastructure in the 1920s. I'm reading a book right now called the Titan by Theodore Dreiser. Dreiser. Whatever his name is. And it's all about like the robber baron, age of like 1890 to 1920. But it's a guy from Philadelphia who does some white collar financial crime, goes to jail, but still has like, you know, a cool million bucks. And then he goes out to Chicago to like, really ramp up. It's just him and his mistress. He just abandons his family with his mistress, goes to Chicago and just starts monopolizing like gas works and railroads. And it's so.

[Matt]

It's nice.

[Shane]

It's all about like 90 I anything like turn of the 20th century high society. The vernacular is so fun. They all just attack each other and it's. It's the best.

[Matt]

Yeah. Like Greg Gatsby.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's very similar.

[Matt]

Like, oh, he's an easy sport.

[Shane]

Yeah, he's. They go quite so.

[Matt]

That's also. The Sun Also Rises is very like that.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Like, yeah, I just love. They just hate each other. They all went to Ivy League. They're all like, he thinks he's a good fighter. He's a Jew.

[Shane]

It's exactly that.

[Matt]

I'll tell you what? That dude can fight. I wouldn't want to try him.

[Shane]

The man's rotten from the top of his head to the soles of his feet.

[Matt]

How about you try this on for size? And he socked him right in the jaw. They made up and like, dude, they're.

[Shane]

His wife like bucks. He's just completely. He has not. He's like non stop mistresses. He's constantly like, he'll like meet a guy. He's like, I noticed I knew his child when she was in younger years and she turned into a beautiful woman. So I decided to bed her in the parlor. It was my business associate, but whatever, that's not none of his business anyway. And dude, the. At one point his wife obviously gets wise to one of his or is. Well, he marries his mistress as his wife now and she gets wise to it and she just attacks the lady. And he just comes and like start. He's like talking about how he's just obviously like, he's like, hold still. He's like, you've lost your mind. You've lost your mind. What are you doing? And it's like that back then he's like, he could have just committed. He could have fully been like senator to the institution. But at one point the guy was just like thinking about it and he goes, he had to like hold her down. And he was just like, in an elder day, I could have choked her to death and sewn her up in a burlap sack and thrown her in the river.

[Nate]

Jesus.

[Shane]

It's so funny to be like a three piece suit. Like in elder times I could choke.

[Nate]

This woman and kill her on the, on the way. On the ride back, I had ever had fell asleep when I was driving. So I put on Post, Post Office by Bukowski. And it was like out of nowhere. He's just like talking about, you know, going on his route and then this lady, he just like, yeah, it's a good scene. It was, it was real uncomfortable. Cause Shaw's lady's in the car, so I don't know why that made it worse, but it's like a woman in the car. Listen to that. He was like, I didn't see that coming.

[Matt]

Yeah, he had sucked by a nasty old woman.

[Nate]

No, wait, which one?

[Matt]

Everybody jacks off.

[Nate]

No, he took a lady.

[Matt]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Nate]

And he was like, he was like, I finished her off and then I left. It's like, damn. Yeah, yeah. This guy's posters on my wall.

[Matt]

Yeah, Bukowski's not great.

[Nate]

Yeah, yeah. That would caught me off guard. Usually he's just drinking and fighting.

[Matt]

Oh, it's the post office all right.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah, those guys, they really let it air out. Yeah. Now it's like you don't have any strong women of color in your book and that back then it'd be like I killed that lady.

[Matt]

This is based on my life.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

One time on my post office route I saw a lady that kind of insinuated to have sex. I went inside and raped her and anyway then I got hammered and fist fought another guy.

[Shane]

Yeah, those dudes are wilding out for sure.

[Matt]

Yeah. How are we doing on this?

[Shane]

I think we're good.

[Matt]

I think it's time for the Patreon.

[Shane]

Yeah. True.

[Matt]

So many salacious stories. Yeah, I mean this is nothing but headlines lines right now.

[Shane]

True. All right, dirty gossip. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify.

[Matt]

Do.