Ep 588 - Horse Life (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)

Summary

Podcast Summary: Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast

Episode 588 – Horse Life (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Date: December 4, 2025
Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Guests: Lemaire Lee, Nate Marshall, Dan, Sean

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" is a characteristically wild, freewheeling conversation that covers everything from hygiene quirks and diarrhea tales to musings on aging, relationships, international age of consent laws, and the declining mental activity of middle-aged men. The tone is unfiltered, irreverent, highly comedic, and at times, surprisingly introspective—classic Matt and Shane. Sprinkled throughout are hilarious confessions, peculiar observations, and moments of genuine camaraderie.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Air Travel, Hygiene, and Pajama Policies

• The hosts open with a debate about showering schedules, particularly around flying, and the etiquette of wearing pajamas in public.

  • [00:14] Shane: “Spirit banned PJs on the airplane. You can’t wear PJs anymore.”
  • [01:25] Matt: Shares a story where wearing pajamas in public cost him a romantic encounter.

• The hosts riff on airport fashion, signaling a lack of respect for oneself and others when dressing too casually in public.

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2. Parenting, Farts, and Family Hygiene

• Shane recounts a hilarious parenting moment: his daughter scratching her butt and openly enjoying the smell. This spurs confessions of his own nocturnal fart releases due to cheese and raw milk bingeing.

  • [02:22] Shane: “Asses smell bad…But then here’s the thing. A big old hypocrite that I am…”
  • [06:35] Shane: “I got away with absolute murder.” [after deadly fart wakes his wife].

• Raw milk, cheese, and meat diets lead to a discussion on gaseous consequences and the etiquette around “changing the atmosphere” of a shared bedroom.

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3. The Joys and Sorrows of Diarrhea December

• Discussion turns to gastrointestinal issues:

  • [07:54] Dan: Declares December “anal health awareness month.”
  • [09:01] Shane: “Four days [of diarrhea]—yeah, I get alarmed. As you should, too. Don’t lower the bar.”

• Dan shares a wretched Thanksgiving spent sick with his girlfriend’s family, recounting both the embarrassment and the kindness he received.

  • [11:34] Matt: “That was like your first time meeting most of them, right?”
  • [11:39] Dan: “It was the most embarrassing thing ever.”

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4. Teachers, Nurses, and Naughty Nostalgia

• The group swaps stories of alluring teachers and debates OnlyFans ratios in teaching/nursing.

  • [13:26] Shane: “We had a teacher in an all boys school who just had massive tits and just buttoned her shirt down…She was worshipped by the whole student body.”
  • [14:15] Matt: Remembers teachers getting fired for inappropriate behavior, noting how institutions reacted.

• They joke about the secret naughtiness of certain professions, reflecting on televised dramas and societal double standards.

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5. Horse Life: Aging, Declining Mental Activity, and Comfort Footwear

• Shane and Matt describe how entering “manhood” feels like a gradual evaporation of anxiety and overthinking.

  • [18:04] Shane: “Three weeks ago, I became a man. I don’t have any thoughts anymore. I just stare at my family and think about what I have to do.”
  • [19:09] Sean: “You live a horse’s life.”

• Shane raves about his industrial Crocs from Academy (“for women who mop up blood in slaughterhouses”), dovetailing into a stand-up bit about the quirks and comforts of “dad life.”

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6. Engagement, Marriage, and the Dreaded ‘Fiancé’ Word

• Matt and Shane lament the discomfort of introducing their partners as “fiancé” and the cringey performativity at social gatherings.

  • [22:44] Shane: “I hate the term fiancé…You just feel like a noodle.”
  • [23:59] Matt: “I love threatening to not be engaged anymore.”

• The runaround of engagement rings, diamond scams, and unconventional gemstones leads to jokes about “blood diamonds” and outrageous engagement industry upselling.

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7. Geopolitics, Race, and International Affairs (China & Africa, Age of Consent)

• The discussion veers into international relations with humor and skepticism:

  • China’s growing influence in Africa (“shipping in bamboo to smack African workers”).
  • America’s resource extraction history.
  • The problem of “rage bait” content and bots online.

• Notable quote on international hypocrisy:

  • [27:10] Shane: “Everyone always goes, ‘Well, you know your cell phone’s actually made by slave labor.’ And everyone goes, ‘yeah, whatever.’”

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8. Race Mixing and Musical Stereotypes

• A free-associative segment about mixed heritage (Blasians, Chinese-Mexican mixes), using tongue-in-cheek “RGB color theory” to riff on cultural combinations.

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9. Rage Bait, Viral Pranks, and Generational Decline

• Shane describes disturbing viral videos where elderly people are antagonized for cheap internet clout.

  • [36:08] Shane: “We’re gonna have to have a public health talk about rage bait…”
  • Discussion of AI deepfake mischief that preys on older people’s anxiety.

• The group offers sympathy for the aging population beset by online trickery and digital irreality.

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10. Predatory Behavior, Age of Consent, and International Law

• A candid (and darkly humorous) discussion on varying ages of consent around the globe:
  • Dominican Republic, Japan (finally raised from 13 to 16), Nigeria (as low as 11 according to Google).
  • Commentaries on cultural norms and the disjunction between legality and social taboo.
  • [53:30] Shane: “You can be the worst guy in the world [in the US], fly to another country and be a totally law-abiding citizen.”

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11. Modern Shaming, Cancellations, and Public ‘Internet Deaths’

• The hosts muse on digital lynch mobs and the inevitability of being “destroyed by the internet.”

  • [61:09] Shane: “Everybody gets destroyed. I know it’s coming for me one day.”
  • [61:35] Sean: “Either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

• Shane describes politicians, journalists, and public figures (“shame lords”) who have weathered explicit exposures with honesty—or at least with acceptance.

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12. Kink, Relationships, and ‘Free Use Day’

• The group riffs on “cuckold” and “queen” porn stereotypes, decentralizing online sex culture. Sean introduces “free use day,” where mutual sexual consent is on-demand for a 24-hour period—a concept met with both intrigue and laughter.

• They laugh at the logistics, boundaries, and awkwardness such arrangements would create.

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13. Political Spouses and Election 2028 Speculation

• They roast “Doug,” Kamala Harris’ famously milquetoast husband, and compare political spouses’ PR archetypes.

• Anticipation for the 2028 presidential election: “a new psycho” on each side and fatigue with Trump and Biden.

  • [75:27] Shane: “You gotta give it up—this guy was born for the role [re: Gavin Newsom].”
  • [74:49] Matt: “He was funny… but now, dude, please, new guy.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On fatherhood and farts:
  • “[My daughter] popped up and she had her pants down. Her ass was out. I was like, what the are you doing? She was like, just been scratching my butthole. And I was like, get the up and wash your hands.” (Shane, [02:22])
• On midlife clarity:
  • “Three weeks ago, I became a man. It’s pretty awesome.” (Shane, [17:58])
• On digital shame:
  • “Everybody gets destroyed. I know it’s coming for me one day. I don’t know how.” (Shane, [61:09])
• On age of consent disparity:
  • “You go to another country, you go from being the worst guy in the world to just a totally law abiding…” (Shane, [53:37])
• On “fiancé”:
  • “Fiancé feels kind of gay. It feels like girl stuff.” (Matt, [23:43])
• On "free use day":
  • “It’d be a hoot.” (Sean, [66:09])
• On Doug (Kamala’s husband):
  • “They frame this guy as the ultimate housewife.” (Shane, [71:12])
• On holidays and depression:
  • “A lot of people think about killing themselves... I get it. But also, I just lit up our Christmas tree. Makes me so happy.” (Shane, [76:54])

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Memorable Timestamps

• [01:25] – Matt tells story of losing “cheeks” due to public pajamas.
• [02:22] – Shane’s story about his daughter's candid butt-scratching honesty.
• [06:35] – Shane exposes his nocturnal farting sequence to his wife.
• [09:01] – Lengthy debate about how long is “too long” to have diarrhea.
• [13:26] – Teacher-student boundary stories.
• [18:04] – The “man switch” anecdote.
• [19:09] – “You live a horse’s life.”
• [22:44] – Fiancé introduction anxiety.
• [27:10] – The resigned hypocrisy around slave labor.
• [41:57] – The ‘old babysitter’ joke about getting in trouble for inappropriate behavior.
• [53:30] – Clash between American taboos and international legal norms.
• [61:09] – Inevitability of digital cancellation.
• [66:09] – “It’d be a hoot.” – regarding "free use day"
• [71:12] – Discussion of Kamala Harris’ husband Doug as “the ultimate housewife.”
• [76:54] – Holidays, depression, and Christmas lights.

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Tone and Takeaways

The episode exemplifies the unpredictable, taboo-busting, and conversationally chaotic energy typical of "Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast." The humor is raw, the subject matter offbeat, and the moments veer from juvenile to insightful—sometimes in the span of a single sentence. Listeners get everything from fart stories and parental absurdity to sharp, if flippant, takes on geopolitics and modern shame culture.

For those new to the show, expect irreverence and a lack of filters—and plenty of genuine laughs. For longtime fans, it’s exactly the degenerate holiday comfort food you'd expect.

Transcript

[Matt]

The wild, wild West.

[Shane]

I'm a night shower. I don't really shower in the morning. I'm a night shower guy.

[Sean]

I.

[Matt]

It depends what I'm. Well, not usually in mornings, but flights I try. I sometimes will bust out a shower. I might bust out a night shower before the flight.

[Shane]

Before the flight?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I don't even wipe my ass before a flight. Dude. You see, they. I think spirit banned PJs on the airplane. What do you mean you can't wear Spirit? Airlines kind of did pull your pants up.

Like, no PJs.

[Matt]

I kind of. For real, Frodo.

[Shane]

I'm.

[Matt]

I'm with that.

[Sean]

No, that's crazy.

[Shane]

Put on sweatpants. That's. That's what I was saying. It's like, put on some sweats.

[Matt]

Just put on sweats are more comfortable PJs.

[Shane]

No, they're not.

[Matt]

Not for real PJ.

[Shane]

No, they're. Dude wearing sweatpants and PJs in public are two totally different.

[Sean]

What do you mean? Like just the.

[Shane]

The checkered flannel PJ.

[Sean]

Yes.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Flannel PJs. It's. They're saying like, dude, no more. It's also they're like, maybe people stop wearing PJs. People act a little nicer and more courteous on. It's like, damn, dude. Dancing around.

[Sean]

They put every. They put spirit in a bus stop out here.

[Matt]

Like, it's like, you still don't wear pajamas out there.

[Shane]

I like $5 fine to wear pajamas. A policeman should write you a $5 ticket.

[Sean]

Ticket to put it on my tab.

[Matt]

I didn't get cheeks one time when I was young because it was this one. I learned that. No, I was a pajamas in public.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I'm not going to lie. And I saw this girl, like talking to. But we didn't smash. And then she saw me, like coming out of my friend's house in pajamas. But this is like 3pm you know what I mean? I clearly was in my pajamas princess the morning. And like I text her. She was like, so I saw you earlier today, your pajamas and it's over. And it was over. It was pretty much. It was more words than that, but it was like. That was. That was it.

[Shane]

She had more words for. She's like, one day you'll see. You're going to go to Spirit Airlines.

I. I've. My favorite to see at the airport is. I've noticed I've seen women just wear basically their underwear on the plane. Have you ever seen that? Yeah, it's kind of crazy when you go, what the.

[Matt]

Yeah, I mean, let's. On the plane. All these sluts on this plane.

[Shane]

That's. That's. That's been an issue, too. Ladies have got in trouble. There was one lady who couldn't board because she was just like. Her whole ass was out. And the pilot was like, now you can't. You can't bring your ass.

[Matt]

Can't bring all that.

[Shane]

Your ass onto this plane. Dude, I got my kid me up recently. I was, like, sitting there. I was doing. So. I think Brittany was watching our one kid's hair in the sink. Maya, the older ones. And then the younger one was just on the couch watching tv. And I went to, like, hooker. She was like, I'm cold. I went to, like, hit her with a blanket, and she popped up and she had her pants down. Her ass was out. I was like, what the are you doing? She was like, just been scratching my butthole. And I was like, get the up and wash your hands. She's like, I like how it smells. I'm like, dude, get up. I was, like, just completely dumbfounded. Like, no, it actually smells bad. And she's like, no, it doesn't. I'm like, yes, it does. Asses smell bad.

Just. Dude, the full surprise moon was crazy. Just casually pants down so you can scratch your ass.

[Sean]

Surprise.

[Shane]

It's so funny.

And just be like, I don't mind the smell. It's like, no, it's bad. It's a bad. And you're, like, touching my face. I know you're digging in your ass all the time.

[Matt]

That's what it was. You got to convince him. Like, no, I promise you, this is not the right thing.

[Shane]

But then here's the thing. A big old hypocrite that I am, so I'm like, yeah, dude, your ass doesn't. Nobody's ass smells good. Stop. I was like, I get how you can get tricked into thinking it's at least interesting to smell your ass, but I was like, it's no good. And then that night, dude, I. I went back on the raw milk hard in him, along with the parmesan cheese, because Egan told me parmesan reginno is made or whatever however you say it is made with raw milk as well. I know this. So I just been crushing parmesan cheese, raw milk, and a ton of steak, which apparently cooks up the most. Yeah. Insane farts.

No, literally, like, it's. They're the types of farts that, like, you get, like, mad.

[Matt]

Like, really mad because of the Smell.

[Shane]

It smells so bad that you're like, dude, what the wrong with you?

[Sean]

They got Ozempic farts.

[Shane]

Yeah, pretty much. It's almost the point where it's like almost innate where you're just kind of like, get away from me now. Because, like, you're sick. I'm scared of you. Get away from me. And like, so I lay there, I'm in bed, my wife passed out. And I'm just like laying there reading a book book. And I just start, dude, like 30 second long hot farts. And I'm going like, I have no business. If I have a hot fart that I can tell like it's coming. I will do the courtesy of getting out of bed and I go to our closet, in our closet and I chill. I do a 10, 10 second like, chill.

[Matt]

So it doesn't follow you.

[Shane]

So it doesn't follow me. Yeah, I give that much credit because sometimes I can get like. It's not all the time, but if I have like a fart attack like that it could be a good like two hours of the night where like I would completely change the atmosphere of our room. So I was like, it was one of those nights, but I wake, it's all muggy, windows are fog. But you've, you've changed the smell of a room before.

[Sean]

Yeah, of course.

[Matt]

It's like got a humidifier.

[Shane]

That's where babes get off the funny. They're like, it's not funny. And you've literally altered the atmosphere so they don't, you know. So if I have one of those nights, I try to like at least step outside or like, don't, you know, I'll like, give a little bit and see. And if it's like, however it's met, I'll be all right. I'll go to the closet. But the. Let's go fart in the walk in.

[Sean]

But the.

[Shane]

So I'm laying there, I'm so cozy in bed and my wife passed out. And I just start like, dude, just crushing like 30 second hot farts. And I was like, kind of surprised. I'm like, how does this not smell? But there was all trapped under the blanket. And the whole thing is I was like telling my daughter, like, dude, like, don't smell your ass. That's crazy. I couldn't help it. I was like, does it smell? I started for real, sipping, dude. I'd be like, take a little smell. And I was like, dude, that is. You gave your touch of K. Well, I was just, just letting a little bit out to test the waters just to see if it smelled. And it did. I caught the whiff and I was like. It was almost so. It was. It was like, so heady that I was like, this is, like, intoxicating. It was crazy. And then I like. And then finally I'm letting little. I'm letting it out more and more because I'm like, I got to get it out from under this blanket. So I started letting it out and finally, like, I got up fully to go to the bathroom, take a pee. And as I started to get out of bed, my wife woke up out of. I knew you were deep sleep. Deep sleep, dude. Out of deep sleep. It was so bad. She popped up. It was like, what the. Oh. And she like, oh. She never says, like, bro or dude, but she was so tired, she's like, what the. Bro? Oh, my God. What the.

She was like, literally being like you and she was mad at me, and then she passed back out and she. I've never checked. She doesn't know this happened. Really? She doesn't remember, dude, the fart knocked her back out. Passed back out. And like, it's been two days and I have yet to bring it up, but she hasn't said anything.

[Sean]

Did you hit her with that, bro?

[Shane]

I got away with the absolute murder.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

The bro getting like a you bro out of my wife was like, what the.

[Sean]

Hitter with the holy ghost, dude.

[Shane]

Oh, you, bro. What the.

[Matt]

Out of the.

[Shane]

Dude. I was howling, laughing in bed. She was like, you. You think this is funny? I'm like, no, I'm not laughing. It's not funny. Oh, it was literally watching her go zombie mode from like an absolute. I mean, it was like a royal. It was like a spoiled fruit for. It was just. It was. I mean, I feel ashamed even talking. I shouldn't talk about it.

[Matt]

No raw milk fart sounds like it's.

[Shane]

Got to be Parmesan, dude, is what really gets you to pinch your nose. Parmesan hits you with notes that you're like, the parmes.

[Sean]

Gives you some exquisite notes, gives you a different taste on your fart. A nice twist.

[Dan]

I was. It's okay to. I was talking about this last night. I said, December is officially anal health awareness month.

[Shane]

No, not November. And then now it's no solid log December.

Cuz I. Yeah, I mean, it's. Sorry, guys. This is going to be a diarrhea podcast.

[Matt]

Diarrhea December.

[Shane]

Hey, sorry, man. It's. I. I think the whole. The whole squad's got diarrhea. You said you did basically a sampler. Bas.

Yeah, I had one of those, too, where it's one of every type of turd. You're like, what the is my bar? It's a smorgasbord. It's shrimp, it's a log, and then it's just like, chow potatoes. That's crazy, dude. I had one of those yesterday. That was the full smorgasbord that now I'm just locked into diarrhea. I'm in diarrhea right now, which is. I haven't had diarrhea in a while, but it's like, I'm rocking it.

[Sean]

Two rums. I kind of like diarrhea better than regular poop, so.

[Shane]

Honestly, dude, so do I. I like.

[Matt]

I don't mind a p. What? It's looking at a hot pile. A hot pile? Like the true heat from diarrhea.

[Shane]

Here's the thing. It's. It's all about solid diarrhea ratio. Diarrhea is a nice treat. Yeah. If you can't be the mainstay. If you're. If you're locked in diarrhea, that's that. I'll get scared. After four days. I get start going, all right, what's going on?

[Sean]

That's it. Four days.

[Shane]

Four days. Yeah. I get alarmed. As you should, too. Don't lower the bar.

[Sean]

Four days is nothing, dude. Four days with no solid turds is nothing.

[Dan]

I had my first log today. I was really happy.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah. You had stomach problems over the holidays.

[Dan]

I struggle with the neurovirus. Yeah.

[Shane]

You had to cancel the show.

[Dan]

I had to cancel the show. I said last night at the Noctis, I was pissing out of my ass and. And out of my mouth.

[Matt]

You look for real like you lost ten pounds.

[Shane]

I did. It's a cleanse. Yeah, you probably did.

[Dan]

Honestly, I. I kind of like it. I feel, like, healthier now.

[Shane]

And you were locked up with BAE and her family.

[Dan]

Yeah. How is that?

[Shane]

You going as a guest and just. And puking the whole time.

[Matt]

You got it.

[Shane]

No. Is that too many details?

[Dan]

I don't want to talk about it because I think, like, her cousins and stuff. Listen to this. But they don't know.

[Shane]

Wait, so you were secretly throwing up and.

[Dan]

No, no. They know that I was really, really sick, but I don't want to get into the nitty gritty.

[Sean]

I want to know what happened in the turbulence.

[Dan]

It was just like, dude, I lost control of all of my faculty, and, like, I was busting out of it.

[Shane]

But you had to be quiet, though.

[Dan]

No I mean, I should have been quiet, but I wasn't. I was like, I couldn't help it.

[Shane]

I wonder if any of them thought you were toning it up. They're like, damn.

This. We invite him to our house for Thanksgiving, he's up there tearing it up.

You visibly lost five pounds. Like, yo, how much did this dude spray? This is crazy.

So they knew you were sickly. They knew you were diarrhea and vomit, but they didn't. They were. They were polite about it.

[Dan]

They didn't say they were nice about it. Yeah, one of her aunts was a nurse. She offered to get me an iv. It was like horrible. Like, I couldn't drink water. I just wanted water so bad. I was so thirsty. Every time I would drink anything, I would just puke it immediately.

[Shane]

Oh, it stinks weird.

[Matt]

I said, can you still rip cigs.

[Dan]

Or is like, that was the first time I probably won a day without a cig in years.

[Shane]

Dang. How do you feel?

[Dan]

I guess I didn't even notice. Yeah, and I went to bed at like 6pm and I woke up at like noon the next day feeling normal.

[Sean]

24.

[Shane]

24 hour bug.

[Dan]

24 hours. And one of her aunt, they're really nice. They got me like a bunch of drinks and. And one of them gave me like these nice nausea pills that help me sleep really hard. So everyone. Yeah, yeah, everyone was really nice and helped me out a lot, but it was still humiliating.

[Matt]

That was like your first time meeting most of them, right?

[Dan]

Most of them, yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Dan]

It was the most embarrassing thing ever.

[Shane]

Hello, Uncle Zach.

[Dan]

That's what it was like. I was. I was praying to God and like cursing my stomach, like, probably loudly in the bathroom.

[Shane]

I couldn't help it.

[Dan]

Like, it was. I had no control. My shit was toe up.

That's exactly what. What it sounds.

[Shane]

Did you get to eat any of the Thanksgiving meal?

[Dan]

Yeah, because it was right after Thanksgiving that I got sick. Oh, so my lady was sick on Thanksgiving.

[Matt]

You think you got the bug from her?

[Dan]

Yeah, I know I got the bug from her ass.

[Shane]

You're probably bug chasing.

[Dan]

All the little kids got it too. Yeah, it sucks.

[Matt]

How many bathrooms is in that place?

[Dan]

Well, they all went home, but yeah, I hope they didn't get it. That would be bad. I brought a plague upon. No, like, her aunt that I was staying at and stuff.

[Shane]

She's a nurse, bro. She's probably champing that if I brought.

[Dan]

A plague upon their family, that would be.

[Shane]

I've heard. I. I don't know if that's true or not. I heard after you work a long time as a nurse, you just don't throw up at all. You just take huge shits. Like every disease just flies out of your big butt.

You're a nurse and you catch anything, like they hear all covered. That's how they made it through covenant, stupid. Just remember how they say, like there's certain diarrhea cases. That was all nurses expelling germs out of their butt.

[Sean]

They put filtration in their butt.

[Matt]

It's kind of nice though. Never get a sore throat. Just a little diarrhea. You back?

[Shane]

Yeah. That's why they're so horny. They're never sick.

[Sean]

They're never sick.

[Matt]

Not.

[Shane]

No disrespect, but the nurses, you know how it is.

[Sean]

Yeah. Nurses and teachers have to be the highest per capita only fans to job ratio.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'd say that. I didn't know teachers were as naughty. I know nurses are certainly teachers teeter.

[Matt]

And they hide it, I think.

[Shane]

I mean we had a teacher in an all boys school who just had massive tits and just buttoned her shirt down and showed them to everybody all day. And you can't tell me that she wasn't completely getting off on that all the time. She was like worshiped by the whole student body.

[Matt]

We had a teacher with a. She was a white lady with a fat ass, but. And I just, I want to say her name, but I don't want to do that. But she like leaned against the chalkboard one day. She was always kind of flirty with all the students, but she leaned against the chalkboard, like just leaned back. She had chalk on her butt and she did like we told her. And then she goes, can y' all get it for me?

[Sean]

And everybody ran up.

[Matt]

It was, it was me, my boy Freddie, this boy Andre that just started so I can't hit it with that. And it was kind of the best. Then she got fired and for like, she like kicked like a girl just like play kicked her in the leg or something. Like, get your shit together.

[Shane]

Yeah, I've had weird teach like crazy teachers like that and they always get fired for like.

[Matt]

Yeah, probably because the school kind of knows and they're like, we got to get them out of here first. And then she started dating a kid after she got fired. She was like picking up a senior from. So they. They were probably like, yeah, yeah, that's.

[Sean]

Why she got fired.

[Matt]

That's. Yeah, the real reason probably.

[Shane]

Yeah. It's also funny to be a principal and be like, you have to bring, like, your council of administrators and be like, the history teacher is a giant. I don't know. She's a giant perverted whore.

[Matt]

She cannot be contained.

[Shane]

She's a pedophilia sword.

He just walked by the room and saw you guys smacking chalk off her butt. That's crazy. She did that.

[Matt]

It's for real crazy. It didn't even hit me. You know, it's one of the things when you're young, you don't realize how crazy you think about it later. Like, you know.

[Shane]

No, I had a teacher in high school.

[Sean]

I was a teacher. Do you know she was young.

[Matt]

She was like. That was like, her first real. I'm a teacher teaching job. She was, like, 25.

[Sean]

You have to give her an exc. A chance for that.

[Matt]

Yeah, but that was ninth grade.

[Shane]

Here's the thing, though, dude. Adult teach. Yeah. Adult teacher. Not even adult teachers. Adult women. And nobody ever wants to hear this. A lot of the shows, they, like, center around high school romance.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's kind of weird. Like, an adult woman will watch a high school love story over and over and over, and it's just kind of like. Like, dude, they put out Euphoria. Yeah. And that was, like, total backlash. But there's. Every other show is like. Like, a lot of college chicks watch are centered around high school.

[Matt]

I had a.

[Sean]

They're doing college now.

[Shane]

College.

[Sean]

Yeah. Euphoria is the last, like, high school show, I think.

[Shane]

Wait, they weren't like, which college. What college dramas do they have? I mean, there was, like, the sex.

[Sean]

Lives of college girls.

[Shane]

Okay. Yeah, true. Not the subtlest of touches.

[Sean]

That's a.

[Shane]

Sex lives of college. Yeah.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Huh.

[Sean]

It's all hbo.

[Matt]

Damn good to know.

[Shane]

I'm looking forward to BBC in the City. That'll be nice.

Yeah. That's kind of weird. They did. How was the show? Did you watch it?

[Sean]

I watched, like, two episodes. I wonder. It was all right. It's fine.

[Matt]

You love girls.

[Sean]

It's girl trash. No, I don't watch a lot of girl trash.

[Matt]

What was the one. Didn't you used to watch the stripper one? What, was the P World or something like that?

[Sean]

No.

[Matt]

What am I thinking of?

[Dan]

Insecure.

[Matt]

That's what I said, Insecure.

[Sean]

Oh, insecure is good, though, dude.

[Matt]

It's not that bad.

[Sean]

I like true good tv.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's fair. I don't know. I don't have time for that stuff. I. I was thinking about it yesterday. Dude, I don't have time for that bullshit.

This episode Is brought to you by Prize picks. It is the holiday season. The best time of the year for sports. Bowl games, basketball matchups, playoff pushes is all happening at once. And while you and I are out here making decisions every day, like, is it still. Is it still too early to start buying gifts? There is one place where it feels good to be, right? Prize Picks. Discuss specific players you've seen play really well that your audience can hopefully start winning with by playing with you on Prize Picks. Any specific players you've seen playing very well lately.

[Matt]

A.J. brown's been back. I mean, we, you know, still lost, but he's been. He's been.

[Shane]

You like how he's playing?

[Matt]

I like how he's playing. If you go on basketball, Tyrese Max, he looks amazing. He's. Shea. Jokic is. I would. I would always go more on those three guys.

[Shane]

Yeah, there you go. Prize picks now has early payouts. If your lineup gets off to a hot start, you may now have the option to cash out those winnings before the game even finishes. Download the prize picks app today and use Code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. That's code drench to get $50 in lineUps after you play your first five Dollar lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be, right? I would know. I should start watching tv. I'm just, dude, I like, it dawned on me yesterday. I'm for real becoming a man.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, I used to be a boy, and, like, I think, like, three weeks ago, I became a man. It's just. It's pretty crazy. It's pretty awesome.

[Sean]

What happened?

[Shane]

I don't know, dude. I just, like. You know how, like, you. I don't know if you guys have this, but, like, a lot of times I would just get, like, weird feelings all the time and be like, I don't know, man. Life's kind of weird. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. They've just gone away, and I just kind of, like, stand in my house devoid of emotions, and I'm like, what do I have to do this week? I just kind of, like, stare at stuff.

[Sean]

Oh, I think that's it.

[Shane]

Yeah. I'm telling you, I don't have, like, any thoughts anymore. I just kind of, like, stare at my family, and I'm like, I got to move you guys to this place, drop you off, and then just, like, think about what I have to do, and I just do it. And I'm like, all right, that's done.

And then.

[Sean]

You ever see a dad walk around.

[Shane]

And look at stuff?

It's kind of cool.

[Matt]

You have a chair. Do you have like your own chair? That. This is like where I sit when I'm in the house.

[Shane]

The final frontier.

[Sean]

Yeah, you've been looking at chairs. You've been looking them up.

[Shane]

I don't sit on watch tv. I mean, so I kind of just like I stand and eat every meal. I stand for the most of the day. And then I finally just lay down and I lay there and read a book for like 15 minutes and then I fall asleep.

[Sean]

You live a horse's life.

[Shane]

I really do. If I have free time at all, I take a walk. I just walk around and go, this is a nice pond.

I'm living a horse's life.

No, it's crazy. Dude. Dude, I got button down shirts now because I'm a man. I have button down shirts and I feel squid.

[Sean]

Dude, I noticed the way you. I was like, dude, Matt looks like an adult.

[Shane]

The crocs, I gotta chill with these crocs. Can't stop these crocs. But I you about these things. No, I got them from. It's a sporting goods store kind of near my house. Yeah, it's not dicks, huh? Academy, dude. But academy.

[Matt]

Academy.

[Shane]

Academy is nice. And they also have like a lot of like industrial stuff. So like, you go in there, Dick has a lot of sporting goods, outdoor stuff. Academy, from what I've noticed, has a heavy Mexican clientele.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. So like, dude, I got these crocs and these crocs, like, they're not normal crocs. You can tell by the heel of these things. These things are for like, those are working single mothers who like work in like slaughterhouses on a night shift. These are like industrial crocs. Yeah, these are for women who are like, lives are just completely spinning out of control around them. But their feet feel amazing while they're like beheading cattle. Those are mopping up blood.

[Sean]

You have to go home and wring out your socks.

[Shane]

No, these are for like, these are like nurse crocs. These are for people on their feet all day. Dude, I can't take these things off. They're awesome. It's embarrassing. I like, I literally wear these everywhere and I gotta stop. I just, I look at my shoes and I'm like, I could untie them and tie them or I can slip into my Mexican lady crocs.

So yeah, Academy sports. Dude, that's my commercial for that place.

[Matt]

I like, okay, I bumped Into La Mer Academy.

[Shane]

The store Dicks. Let's say. Let's call it the store Dicks. I'm not gonna say Dicks. Dick's roles. The store Dicks is great. I love the store named Dicks Academy. Kind of. I think academ of crushes it.

[Matt]

Dude, Academy might. I don't know. I didn't give it too much exploration. We went. I was just buying Texas stuff. Just Texas gear.

[Shane]

Yeah. Serious. You stayed towards the front, basically.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Nah, bro, you could. It's. It's amazing, dude.

[Sean]

I think. I think Richards has a bigger inventory, though.

[Shane]

You think Richard has a big. Yeah, Richard does. Richard has a bigger, more impressive inventory. But dude, if you're trying to get like waterproof hazmat boots and a basketball ball.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Academy's got you all day. You want to get like a reflective vest and, you know, hockey sticks too. It's the weirdest setup.

[Sean]

They do have all the like car heart in the back.

[Shane]

Yeah. And they have no, like, Dicks is like set up nicely where it's like. It's just white walls and just crap. Academy go. There's just white bright walls.

[Matt]

Academy feels like Kmart. Like how Kmart used to feel. Just sports.

[Shane]

Telling you, man, these. I mean, look at the heel on these Crocs. This is crazy.

[Matt]

For a second, I thought I heard you rip ass.

[Shane]

No.

[Matt]

With the way the couch when you went back.

[Shane]

I know. No, I. I literally can. If I. If I rip asses that have been.

[Matt]

Too alpha to put your leg up mid podcast.

[Shane]

Although now that I'm a man, I could have ripped ass. I don't even know. Yeah, maybe I did.

Yeah. It's kind of nice, though.

[Matt]

You're.

[Shane]

You're engaged. You're staring down the barrel of just zero mental activity and a swollen prostate. Yeah.

[Matt]

And I feel like it starts right away. Like I got engaged in it and it starts.

[Shane]

It's.

[Matt]

It's changed. I don't know, mentally, it's changed.

[Shane]

This change for everything's changed something, but.

[Matt]

I don't know what it is. Like, I can't even put my finger on it. Just does feel different. I don't like when she brings up. She's gonna hear this, but I don't like when she calls herself my. Or me her fiance.

[Shane]

I hate the term fiance.

[Matt]

I hate it.

[Shane]

Yeah. I don't like the term fiance. Especially if you have to introduce her in this next Whatever. However long you do. A year or two. There's nothing worse than like, having a sweater on at some dumb party and Be like, this is my fiance. You just feel like a, it's such a noodle.

[Matt]

It feels like it's like, like, yeah, it's.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah. We should just do like my super.

This is my super.

[Matt]

Yeah, she. She does it with too much joy, too. She'll be, she'll like, be talking. I hear on the phone and go, my fiance. And then like, yeah, I can hear like a new girl voice. And it's like, yeah, dude.

[Shane]

I mean, it's. I, I'm like haunted by memories of standing over, like a bowl of buffalo chicken dip, just like red faced in a sweater, being like, oh, this is my uncle. This is my fiance. Did you meet my fiance? It's like, God, I feel like such a. Yeah. Wife is nice, though. Once you get the same wife, it's nice.

[Matt]

Wife feels like adult stuff. Like, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Fiance feels lame.

[Matt]

Fiance feels kind of gay. It feels like girl stuff.

[Shane]

It does. Just you what? Yeah, I mean, you're gonna have to think about how you're gonna handle that. My babe. This is my babe.

[Matt]

I still say my girl. And then she'll try to be like fiance, and I'll be like, you keep saying that. Not much longer.

I love, I love threatening to not be engaged anymore.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You could turn back at any moment.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah. You have a powerful coin in your hand right now. Let's go. I don't know. I don't know. We'll see. Yeah, I don't know. Once the. That's the problem, though. Once those down payments are down.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Caterers are secured. So start calling your bluff. Yeah, I'm still thinking a loop is nice.

[Matt]

Elope seems elopem. Maybe a party. Still want to. Still want to party with the. If you, you always shake your head. You love weddings, you love pageantry.

[Sean]

I want you guys to spend money.

[Shane]

Has she thrown the engagement ring back at you yet? And, like, taking it off and like, you and throwing it at you?

[Matt]

I, I, that's a good. So shorthand short. I feel like she knows if she tried that with me, I'd return. I'd do something. But I pawn it. Like, I wouldn't. I might regret it later, but if she thr back at me, I'll go, I'm pawning it.

[Dan]

You gotta catch it in your mouth.

[Shane]

I keep. I've been telling my wife all of her jewelry is cubic zirconium. Yeah, it's my favorite thing. But, bro, why? It's like you can't tell the difference. Like, yeah. Every chance I get, I should be like, Oh, I love this ring. I'm like, you know, it's cubic zirconium. Yeah. I paid the guy to say it was a diamond. Stop. It's not funny.

[Matt]

It's the truth.

[Shane]

It's. Yeah, that's. That's a man. That's a racket. Diamonds. They can just synthetically make diamonds now.

[Matt]

They were. They actually.

[Shane]

They do it.

[Sean]

They make them pink now, huh? They make them pink now.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Steven Singer, he makes them pink.

[Shane]

I hate Steven.

Actually. I do hate that store. I do hate that store, actually.

[Sean]

Hate Steven.

[Shane]

I went in there one time, the whole engagement thing, and I just walked out of there. Like, man, this place fucking sucks so bad. Also, I. Buying jewelry sucks so bad because you look at one thing and you're like, all right, it's 12 hunch. And you go, all right, and go, what about that one? That's like a millimeter bigger. Like, that's 75, 000. You're like, what the man? How?

[Sean]

Yeah, but.

[Shane]

Oh, it's just a more flawless. That's like, man, shut up. I'm getting cubic zirconium off of Amazon.

[Matt]

I got kind of lucky. My girl, she. She literally requested not a diamond. She was like, I want a gurney.

[Sean]

It.

[Matt]

So it kind of. Garnet is big as hell, but it's like.

[Shane]

It's garnet.

[Matt]

It was a garnet, so that's nice.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah. Now that's the move. I told them. I was like, I want the most violently acquired diamond you guys have. I was like, I want. I want a little card with, like, the body count.

[Matt]

I want to see the. I want to see the child.

[Shane]

Anyone lose their hand. I want to see the naked children who cut their penises off by taking this out of their.

[Sean]

Sir, let me give you this. Boko haram ring. Has the blood of a million children on it.

Their souls as well.

[Matt]

Yeah, blood diamonds are underrated.

[Shane]

Yeah, they really are. It's just like, dude, it was good.

[Sean]

Dude, it was good. Back in the day, what? Blood diamonds. It was good stuff right there already.

[Shane]

I don't. They. I guess. I don't know, maybe all the diamonds. I think they're all got, like, mined for the most part. They just sit in warehouse. They sit in, like, De Beers warehouses now.

[Sean]

They're doing blood cobalt now.

[Shane]

Blood cobalt.

[Sean]

Blood cobalt. Blood copper.

[Shane]

The cell phone.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That is the funniest thing, how everyone always goes, well, you know, your cell phone's actually made by slave labor. And everyone goes, yeah, whatever.

[Sean]

I.

[Matt]

So I can't complain.

[Shane]

It is kind I mean, it's one of those.

[Sean]

My shoes and so are my pants.

[Shane]

Yeah, true.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's one of those things you hear about and you go, well, all right, fair enough. You know, what happens in, you know, Guam is none of my business. Actually, I'm more of a States. Right.

What happens in Guam's really none of my business.

[Sean]

They're still. China's taking over Africa like crazy right now, so. Yeah, they're almost done.

[Shane]

Really?

[Sean]

Yeah, dude. Oh, did you see the guy in Namibia? His name's, like, Adolf Hitler Nkwanko. And he got elected as president.

[Shane]

Adolf Hitler got elected in China in.

[Sean]

Namibia, in Africa, I mean.

[Shane]

Ah, man, that's pretty wild. What do they. It's pretty crazy to think about, like, do you think the Chinese, like, interlopers have set up, like, little corner stores in Africa and sell them tiny bags of chips, yelling at everybody who walks in.

[Sean]

They teach a bunch of African guys how to squat and smoke first. It's like, step one.

[Shane]

I don't know. You think Africa will rise up against the Chinese overlords?

[Matt]

No, the Chinese overlords. Mistreated. I've seen videos of them, like, smacking them with sticks at construction sites.

[Shane]

And really, like, just.

[Matt]

Just real snapping. Just hitting them with big ass.

[Shane]

Like what?

[Matt]

Not like Kindle sticks, but they look like, I don't know, bamboo.

[Shane]

But I don't.

[Matt]

They got to be shipping the bamboo.

[Shane]

Dude. What the man.

Shipping in the bamboo.

[Matt]

We need a smacking stick.

[Shane]

Is that a real thing? Are they really.

[Matt]

I saw that years ago. I haven't seen it probably since, like, it was like. It was like peak Covid time when I was. You're all on your phone. I was seeing.

[Shane]

Let me see.

[Sean]

They got the friendship out of there. Then they took over all the mines. Now they're killing us. It's technology.

[Shane]

See, my thing is. You really think America would let that happen?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

They will let China take over Africa. Or you think they're gonna let them do it and then take it from China?

[Matt]

I don't know what the plan is, because they've been there. They've been there.

[Sean]

I think we're just gonna leave them over there. We're gonna go after Venezuela. We're going to South America now.

[Shane]

You think so?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Sean]

We're about to take their resources.

[Shane]

Okay, I'll take.

[Sean]

You know, it's closer, I think.

[Shane]

What does Venezuela have?

[Sean]

Oil. Oh, yeah. Come to get that. Oh.

[Shane]

Okay. This is that where they. They raid. They trap these African nations in unsustainable debt, and then they take their natural resources. America's been doing this forever too.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Matt]

They really did just steal our playbook.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. But I. Dude, I. I just, you know, I feel like America kind of knows what's good, what getting is good. Because America's been on this for ever. Giving people being like, we'll give you loans to do infrastructure. Then they go, oh, you've defaulted. We're going to take all of your natural resources. Yeah.

[Matt]

So you think America was like, we don't even need what Africa's got.

[Sean]

We can either take your resources or put a McDonald's right here?

[Shane]

I don't know. I'd have to. I have to consult my sources high up in the government to find out.

[Matt]

I was pretty hype. We did unveil a new jet that looks better than anything I've seen. China put out like an F. They got like a hypersonic jet that took its first flight and that's pretty. It looks crazy.

[Sean]

Hypersonic's fastest.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt]

I don't know how you can have a person and it's got to be.

[Sean]

There's some guys.

[Shane]

That's pretty cool. Yeah. I don't know. We'll have to, you know, we'll have to see what happens with China and China, Africa.

[Matt]

I feel like if we did ever go to, like, you know, real tabloids with each other, it's going to be the craziest thing of everybody unveil, unveiling their secret shit. Because we just show off B2 bombers now like, it's not ours. Like, so, you know, it's old.

[Sean]

I think that's what they're waiting for, aliens. Because they're like, we got so much cool shit to take out on the aliens, dude.

[Shane]

I also, I honestly think if we wait 30 more years, China's population is going to be old as fuck. Because you don't have a lot of kids.

[Sean]

It's already old right now.

[Shane]

It's already old. So I think America's just going, yeah, guys, do your thing. Do all the work for us. We're gonna. Once you guys are old as hell, we're gonna swoop in and yeah, you guys up.

[Sean]

Dude.

[Matt]

I might be doing a thing where they're like, all right, we got. We're gonna. Crunch time too. We gotta it. But we're about to be old. This. We gotta make a move.

[Sean]

Those Afro Chinese are gonna be crazy, though. Afro Chinese, it's gonna be a lot of rui hachimoras.

[Shane]

Be tough. The BL BL are down there just creating blasions. That's going to be tough to ignore.

[Sean]

Thick Blasians.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sean]

Dude.

[Shane]

Crap.

[Matt]

You think blasions are better than just regular, like, black, white mix people? Like, like, we're talking strictly ladies, right?

[Sean]

Doing mix conversation.

[Matt]

Do a mix conversation.

[Shane]

Hot.

[Matt]

Like hotness. Blasion. Lady. Black, white lady.

Black, white lady. Black, white lady is more common over here, so.

[Shane]

Sure.

[Sean]

So here's a combination you never really thought of. Chinese, Mexican.

[Shane]

Yeah, but there's. There's a lot of crossover. There's a lot of crossover. Nice sort of guy.

Yeah, that's. That's one that you like, you know?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

If you mix yellow with rice. Well, sorry, that's a bad call. You know what I'm saying, though? It looks like yellow and orange.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You're not gonna go, what the is this? You're gonna go. Yeah, it looks just like this. It looks like yellow. That was. I didn't mean to pick that color. I was trying to think of, like green with blue, but I'm like, let's talk about race. You know what I'm saying?

[Sean]

Yeah. Red beans.

[Shane]

I'm just talking rgb. I'm trying to talk RGB primary.

Okay, so now we're going to take a short break and get into something that all you sports fans will love. The more or Less segment is brought to you by Prizepix. You and I make decisions every day. Like right now, we're all thinking about making sure we choose the right gifts. But on prize picks, being right can get you paid. There's so much sports action during the holidays. And on prize picks, whether you're a football fan, a basketball fan, or a fan of both, like me, it always feels good to be right. Now let's get into this. Who's looking good and who is looking horrible for the holidays?

Let me think who's playing this week. Let me access my database of games going on right now.

[Matt]

I know the Birds.

[Shane]

Birds for sure.

[Matt]

Birds are playing. And I. I know it hasn't been looking good, but I'm going more on Hertz. Yeah, I'm going more. Hurts for passing yards just cause I believe it. This is a bounce back. This is two bad ones back to back.

[Shane]

I think so too.

[Matt]

We're bouncing back hard.

[Shane]

I'm going more. I'm going more on Hertz as well.

[Matt]

I'm going more on Maxi right now because I think the. The. The. They still haven't caught it with how good he is. Tyrese Maxey on the Sixers. On the Sixers. Going more with him. Constantly. And right now, Jokic just. He's just nuts. Rebound specifically. Go more on rebounds for you.

[Shane]

Go more on Barkley as well.

[Matt]

Go more on Barkley.

[Shane]

You really get a lot of his.

[Matt]

More Might be kind of low right now too.

[Shane]

Like a lot of yards. Yeah. Last game I watched. So know going more on your own team can be, you know, a little heartbreaking because if they lose you a.

[Matt]

Double, man, I can't go less on my own team. I don't want to root for them to go. But sometimes I just know.

[Shane]

I also just like to pick at random. It's good stuff, you know, sometimes you pick it random. Let the universe decide, you know, I don't know anything about this. Sometimes I go, you know what? I think that guy's gonna win. I like his look, you know, exactly. I like. I like that guy's name. I think he's good.

Any personal story, anytime you're way too confident making a pick that fell apart. Nope. I've won every single time. Undefeated. Yeah. Okay, so that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours. There's no better place than Prize Picks, America's number one sports picks app. And even if your team is looking more cooked than an overdone turkey with Prize Picks, you don't have to wait until next year's draft. Prize Picks lets you play fantasy football every week, pick your favorite players and win when they hit their projections. Every week. No draft required. Download the Prize Picks app today and use Code Drench to get 50 in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. That's code Drench to get $50 lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price picks. It's good to be right, Dude, I've been. I've had a type of video that's been taken over my algorithm. Now that's just. Do you see the videos where a person in like a black bandana over their face just records, like an elderly person until the elderly person freaks out and like comes at them and they spray him with pepper spray. It's the most weird, craziest genre.

[Sean]

Who sprays the pepper spray?

[Shane]

The cameraman. So it'll be like three guys with like their faces entirely covered just like this in like a 70 year old's face. The guy like, why are you recording me? And they just go, get, get away from me. And as soon as they reach to block the camera, the guy goes, blast him with pepper spray. And they go.

And there's a lot of people in the comments. Being like, that's the you get when you try to touch people's. That's gotta be Aaron ass. And I'm like, gotta be a bot.

[Sean]

Are you sure this is an AI.

[Dan]

Maybe, I don't know, Russian disinformation, I think.

[Shane]

You think they're fake.

[Dan]

Yeah, I think it's dividing us.

[Shane]

I don't know, dude. I could see there's. I've seen a lot of rage bait. And I'm like, that does seem like a way, because I watch a lot. My whole algorithm, for the most part, is rage bait, is people going into, like, Lowe's and Home Depot and, like, bumping into an old guy shopping cart and just going, get out of the way. You. And these dudes snap. So if you put a camera in that same guy's face, he'd probably snap as well.

[Dan]

Yeah, you probably.

[Shane]

I hope it's fake. If it's fake, that would be a relief. I'm watching it, like, yeah, this is evil. This is, like, really mean. This guy's like, pre dementia.

[Dan]

I get crazy. Do you ever see the rage bait guy who goes up to people's dogs and goes, man, look at that dog. I just want to suck on its nuts.

[Shane]

He goes, man, look at the dog's nuts. I just want to suck on his nuts.

[Dan]

Screams with their dog in the park. It upsets me.

[Shane]

We're gonna have to have, like, a public health talk about rage bait because someone's gonna have to tell the geezers, like, if some young kid comes up to you in Kmart and says gay to you, like, you're probably on a viral.

[Matt]

Definitely being recorded.

[Shane]

Yeah, you're being recorded. Chill. These guys just go nuts.

[Matt]

I saw.

[Shane]

I would never kiss you.

[Matt]

I saw one just hit my algorithm. It was. It's like, the funniest thing. This dude takes two pictures of people, like, standing near each other, but, like, they can't be looking at each other. And then he'll use AI to make one of them do something weird to the other one. Like, yes, the one was. He went on. He put his hands on this guy's shoulder, like, kissed him on his neck. He's like, look, he kissed you on your neck. The other dude's like, I'm looking at the video. He's like, I never kissed him, dude.

[Sean]

That.

[Matt]

They're like, I didn't do it.

[Shane]

It kills him, man. And then there's. They do another one where they'll go up to an old man and go, oh, you're the guy from the Internet. They go, right and they're like, check it out. And they show a video of that man, but he has like a bra on, he's dancing.

That is not me.

[Matt]

Get away from me.

[Shane]

They'll do like full sprints toward them in the store. That's up.

[Matt]

What we do with the geezers right now.

[Shane]

I know, more light hearted, kind of funny.

[Matt]

But it probably does because they get so once they're getting old, they start getting worried about their mental health.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So they're probably like, did I kiss him on his neck?

[Shane]

Dude. Now that I'm an old man.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm like that by If I do 40 more years, you know, I'm already like, I can feel decline.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Physically, obviously I'm getting stronger than ever. But mentally, mentally it's just rapid decline. You get me in 40 years in a parking lot just filming my face. I'm going to cry, I'll scream, cry. And just like kick a shopping cart over.

[Matt]

I mean they could when they were born, they couldn't even imagine. You take a picture and that quick you turn it into them kissing a.

[Shane]

Man like that and you go, that's real. What's. Am I dreaming? Am I having a fucking stroke? What's going on?

[Sean]

We should let them shoot those guys.

[Shane]

You think so?

[Matt]

Yeah, I kind of like that.

[Sean]

Yeah. I saw one guy get shot. Never seen. Oh, never seen him online again. He's not dead. He just got shot. He was in the mall. He was rage baiting some guy in the mall and the guy was like, hey. He was like pushing him and the.

[Matt]

Guy was like, oh yeah. Kind of nonchalantly too. He was like wearing a hoodie.

[Sean]

Yeah, I just walked away. Just.

[Matt]

Yeah. I wonder if that guy got in trouble. The dude was like with him.

[Sean]

No, he didn't get in trouble. Yeah, he got off scot free. I think the other guy got in trouble. The guy who got shot got in trouble.

[Shane]

Rage baiter.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'm telling you, they're gonna introduce legislation. If you get caught rage baiting, it should be like a misdemeanor.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

It's really, it's really fucked up to go to people and like push their buttons like that. Although you would hope that if when you're old enough you're able to recognize rage bait and just go complete monk mode and go like some of the old men do counter gay stuff in a very funny way.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like I'll kiss you right now. The guys are like, whoa, what the. Or they just see a genuinely gay guy out there and he's like, yeah, I'm down, let's kiss.

But yeah, that's my counter.

[Sean]

Huh? That's my counter. Whenever someone's like, you're here to meet a 15 year old, I go, so what?

[Shane]

What? You want a what?

[Sean]

Nothing.

[Shane]

So what if I am?

Oh, man, that's none of your.

[Matt]

To meet a little girl.

[Shane]

So what? You know, be a really good video. Put out a help wanted flyer. Meet people in Starbucks about a job paying like 25 an hour with benefits. And once they show up, have cameras come out and be like, so you're trying to meet up with a teenager in the middle of a Starbucks and you started hitting him with pet reading. Like, just make up text my hard fat penis.

You'd have to run if that happened to you. You just run out of Starbucks.

Pedophile.

[Sean]

If you weren't in trouble, why'd you run?

[Shane]

That would be devastating. Yeah.

Never do that. That's a terrible. That's a terrible prank.

[Sean]

Yeah, dude, I missed. The old guys would give kids money to, like.

[Matt]

Now you gotta say it.

[Shane]

They'll like, take pictures of them in their underwear and.

[Sean]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that was a good industry for kids.

[Shane]

Yeah, at least.

[Sean]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

It's like, at least they're getting paid. I hear you. At least they're getting paid.

[Sean]

What, for some underwear shots? Come on, dude. Take two.

[Shane]

I mean, that's. So the problem with that is. The problem with that is you never hear the tales at the time. The guy just was like, I can't handle it, and pigged out and just completely devoured the kid.

[Sean]

Yeah, that is true.

[Shane]

Because like, how, you know, there has.

[Sean]

To be some kid who's like, completely.

[Shane]

Unless there were just gentlemen pedophiles back then who were like, well, let me not push the envelope. I'll get some pictures.

[Sean]

I think there was because, like, you know, like, there'd be a house and your parents were like, don't go to that house.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, I remember. Yeah, it was like a funny guy. Yeah, it was a funny business. We've talked about this before before. Pedophiles are just like, funny business. Yeah, it's just like, that guy's a weirdo.

[Sean]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan]

I've said this before. My dad always makes the same joke. When he went to jail, he goes, we lost the best babysitter that day.

Every single day.

[Shane]

Yeah, my. My grade school, we had a couple brushes with the big P as well.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Pretty crazy.

[Matt]

None of the.

[Shane]

None of the priests, to my knowledge, is all just like chaperones, you know? School volunteers. You should just let people volunteer for, like, grade school shit and then just. Just hire private investigators to follow them. There's, like 20 of school volunteers are pedophiles.

You should pick a random parent from every. Every school. Like, one parent from every family and just spend, like, three days tracking, just.

[Sean]

Seeing what they're up to.

[Shane]

Yeah. They see me taking my walks and God damn, this guy's not thinking about anything. His feet are sweating in his Crocs.

[Sean]

He's like, I gotta get my family from here at this time. Take him to here for this thing.

[Shane]

This guy's just thinking hard about taking a nap and regretting the fact that he drank too much coffee to take a nap and then staring at something and getting distracted.

[Sean]

My seventh grade teacher got in trouble for child porn.

[Matt]

Child porn?

[Sean]

Child porn.

[Shane]

Seventh grade teacher.

[Sean]

Yeah, I saw it on the news.

[Shane]

Damn. You know what's worse about that, too? When. When a teacher gets caught for, like, pedophile stuff, then you get to go, okay, what grade did you ask to teach? And you know exactly what his thing is.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You know the age, you fucking pervert, man. Yeah. That's crazy.

You're doing all these diversity and equity programs. You're like, we gotta diversify this population. This is.

I'm barely getting hard.

I need some Dulcetos.

[Matt]

Did y' all ever have, like, the old dude picking up the young. The. The young lady from school? All the time.

[Shane]

Like, high school, you're talking.

[Matt]

I just. For me, it was middle school. I remember this middle school, like, this. Maybe the chick I left back a year, Puerto Rican, Dominican. But, like, yeah, her dude used to come, and he had to be, like, 25 or older. He's like, pick her up from school and walk home. They would walk home together.

[Shane]

And I sure wasn't her older brother.

[Matt]

No, it was definitely. I mean, she would. She would tell everybody that was my boyfriend. Oh. Like, she would say, he snapped on me and my boy Khalil once because we were sitting at the corner store and they were walking past, and we were, like, trying to just make fun of her. Not even about. I don't think it was one of the things, you know?

[Sean]

You don't.

[Shane]

You were just like, your boyfriend's so old, man.

[Matt]

I don't even know if we were just. We were just making fun of her, like, as a person. And he just was walking with her and snapped on us. Like, it just didn't even hit us that. That he would do it. But then my boy's mom, we told right after that we told his mom and they bumped into each other at the mall and she went nuts on him. He said.

His mom, my boy said him and his mom saw her at him at the mall with his like grade school. I don't know if he saw her with the girl, but they just was like, she just was like, mom, that's a guy I told you about who did the thing. And she just, she's like, she's from Philly. Black lady that lived in red. And she went nuts on him. Apparently, from what I heard, he had him pretty nervous.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah. Well that's what happens when you, I mean he probably thought was sweet.

[Matt]

He kept picking her up from school.

[Sean]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Matt]

He's not like he didn't even drive. Like he would just walk to the middle school and walk.

[Shane]

But he was like 20 something.

[Matt]

When you're younger, you maybe he was younger than that. He was definitely out of like school age. But the youngest he was was 19. And I'm remembering him looking way older.

[Shane]

Whoa.

[Matt]

Than that.

[Sean]

That 45.

[Matt]

Like I'm remembering him looking 30.

But Dominicans are kind of. Sorry. Any Dominicans listening? But like the most pedophile I've heard in person is Dominicans. I remember being in high school and I was like, it, it's, it was like 16.

[Shane]

It's just so funny preference. I'd be like, sorry, Dominicans, but you guys are gigantic pedophiles. So they're, I mean, dude. Yeah, I, I, I mean it kind of checks out, bro. If you were like a 40 year old Dominican hat man. You put on one of those bowler hats. I could see it. You just started going, my car.

You have like four mojitos. You just see the grades, pull it out and you go.

The music doesn't help either. If you're all day long.

I would get a horny in a car if I was listening to that all day.

You psychologically.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Imagine listening to that all day long. If you ever worked on a construction site, you watch these all day long. It's just like. And you're like this has to like change your brain. Like what even mindset does that put you in?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Sean]

Right.

[Shane]

If you're working all day long and it's like.

It'S just, it's insane. It's like circus music. It's like move fast music move fast. But it is, it is nice. What I do like about specifically Mexican guys is how they'll just go. I didn't know. They just love to scream.

[Matt]

The Greedo kind Of nice.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Sean]

We introduced the Greedo into our lives this year.

[Shane]

Yeah, we had you.

[Sean]

Really? Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. That shit's just a nice power scream Amongst just like 150 beats per minute trumpet music.

And it's funny because you have just done like three days worth of work by lunchtime.

[Dan]

So.

[Shane]

Yeah, maybe that music is what we need as a concept.

[Matt]

Country just have that classic beat that's.

[Shane]

Just non stop all day long. One song for eight hours.

I'm telling you, I think it puts you in a whole different mindset.

No, that's. You're talking to many. I'm talking about hard work. Yeah, I'm still hard working. I don't know much about.

[Matt]

I gotta tell you what this one Mexican or not Mexican Dominican bull said when we were like in 11th grade because there was a middle school near us and so we was, you know, they would walk past and we're like getting out or getting out early, whatever. And he was like pointing at one of the girls and I was like, man, she's too young. And he went, man, after 12, it's lunch. And.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Crazy.

[Sean]

How old is this guy?

[Matt]

We were in 10th or 11th grade.

Yeah.

[Shane]

A lot of. I don't think a lot of those countries really do have age of consent. I think they kind of eye it up.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like we have like laws and metrics. I think they kind of.

[Matt]

They just go, boobs, no boobs.

[Shane]

You kind of eye it up. You go, I'm going to put this one on the eyeball.

[Sean]

And you see, I couldn't imagine being in Brazil and eyeballing it up.

[Shane]

They don't have laws like that there.

[Sean]

Yeah, they.

[Shane]

No, dude, I remember. So I actually went to the Dominican Republic years ago on like a little vacation and I like went to an all inclusive resort. And I remember this was like a long time ago, I was younger, but I remember they like made the staff like dance for us. Yeah, like you get there and they're like, come out. It's like a, you know, welcome night thing. And I remember being like.

Some of the staff's like, they weren't like children, but I remember they were like young enough to where I was. I was in like my mid-20s. Was thinking like, this is kind of weird. They're dancing very sexually. Yeah, yeah. Just like standing in front of us and just like gyrating their bodies and we just all get to sit there and be like, great. I remember just feeling a little weird about it. Being this kind of feels.

[Matt]

Brazil is like one of the horniest.

[Shane]

Places this is Dominican Republic. Oh, but Brazil number two.

[Sean]

Yeah, Brazil's.

[Shane]

Brazil's such a horn. It's the horniest country.

[Sean]

Country.

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It just. If you go there, you'll become horny as hell too. It's like there's nothing anyone can do about it.

[Sean]

It's in the air.

[Matt]

Yeah. I mean, I get it, though. Them ladies look so nice.

[Shane]

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[Sean]

They all do plastic surgery. They all do plastic surgery out there.

[Shane]

A lot of. Although they have like one guy in.

[Sean]

Brazil who's just getting all the money.

[Matt]

Just. No, they're just.

[Shane]

The guys look. Exactly. The women are just like.

[Matt]

You mean every.

[Shane]

Just like every type of woman you can imagine. There's just one guy.

[Sean]

Cristiano Ronaldo face kind of.

[Matt]

It's either that or black as hell.

[Shane]

He Got two guys.

[Matt]

Two guys?

[Shane]

Yeah, they have like, like dusty parking lot soccer guys.

[Matt]

The most handsome models.

[Shane]

Well, hell, that's hilarious.

[Matt]

What's up?

[Dan]

Interesting information. The Dominican Republic has a age of consent of 18, but Mexico's federal age of consent is 15 years old.

[Shane]

Federal? Holy damn. The Fed stamped that Japan is 13.

[Sean]

No, they changed it it.

[Dan]

Are you sure?

[Sean]

Yes.

[Dan]

I'm glad you're keeping up on it though.

[Shane]

What the hell, dude?

[Dan]

You have to reschedule your trip.

[Matt]

You get an anime guy. Pass on that.

[Sean]

Yeah, I'm fighting for these rights of these kids. Dude, you're watchdogging. I'm watchdog.

[Shane]

What they change it to if you're already at 13?

[Sean]

6.

[Shane]

Did they go to 18 or 16? Because that's kind of 18. You just go 14. 16.

[Matt]

14 would be so funny.

[Shane]

You go up one year, 13 and a half.

[Dan]

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Shane]

Japan was. How long was Japan 13 for? I'm basically forever.

[Sean]

They used to have on Google you'd ask what's the age of consent in Japan? And then Dennis's face from always coming like.

Side eye.

[Dan]

Yeah, they changed it two years ago.

[Matt]

That's crazy.

[Shane]

2. 16.

[Dan]

Yeah, from 13 to 16.

[Shane]

I mean that was like a multi generational plan. They're like, look, we'll go 13 now. That way when they put the, put the wrenches on us. All right, all right, we'll go 16.

[Matt]

That's crazy.

[Shane]

That's up. So it's like a. So literally a pref. A college or a high school teacher could just have sex with a high.

[Sean]

School student if he was good enough.

[Matt]

That makes sense now. No, that, that's a thing because, you know, I'll be playing them Japanese RPGs in Persona and they always have like this game I play. There's always like a way you can your teacher in it, but you play like a. You know, it's like a fantasy game.

[Shane]

I don't know, it is really weird because like, I mean, being a pedophile is up there with somewhat like one of the worst. As one of the worst crimes in the world.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And if you go to another country, you go from being the worst guy in the world to just a totally law abiding.

[Matt]

It's just a normal dude.

[Shane]

You know what I mean? It's just probably the weirdest law.

[Matt]

It could be a pedophile publicly and then go get a coffee like on the same block.

[Dan]

Yes.

[Shane]

It's such a bizarre thing.

[Matt]

You can kiss your kids.

[Shane]

Like murder is murder. Like you murder somebody. It's across the board. Everyone's like, yeah, that, that wasn't. That wasn't really called for. But yeah, in America, you can be next to be. I mean, I think you're more respected as a murderer than a pedophile. Depending on who you murder, even in.

[Matt]

Jail, you'll get way better treatment as a murderer society.

[Sean]

I like, yeah, he'll get murdered as a pedophile in jail.

[Matt]

You'll get murdered and raped until.

[Sean]

Yeah, I just been having dreams where I just like wake up and I'm like, did I kill somebody? I don't know. Why?

[Shane]

Because you're driving drunk all the time.

[Sean]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Matt]

You've actually killed people.

[Sean]

No, I just keep waking up in a panic. Like, I think I just had a dream about hiding a body. Really? Yeah. I don't know why I don't have the itch.

[Shane]

You feel murderous?

[Matt]

No.

[Sean]

No, not today.

[Matt]

Like, what kind of. What's the feeling?

[Sean]

I don't know. It's just like the scariest feeling in the world because I'm like, I'm going to get caught. Keep thinking when I wake up, you definitely get caught. Like, I'm going to get caught.

[Shane]

100.

[Matt]

I feel bad I murdered a person. It's like they're gonna be on my ass.

[Sean]

Yeah. It's like, I'm going to jail.

[Matt]

You know, murdered in the. In the.

[Sean]

No, no. It's like different people.

[Matt]

Has it ever been me?

[Sean]

No.

[Matt]

You promise?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Shane]

Just creek in the cave comedians.

You want to bump me?

That'd be sick. To do one of those like comedian movies. At the end someone gets bumped and they just shoot them in the green. Put them up. Put it there.

[Sean]

Dave Chappelle comes in and bumps you and you're like, that's my final straw.

He's going to go up there for three hours.

[Shane]

Yes, sir. Rebob.

[Matt]

Oh, man.

[Shane]

So everyone, we can all establish. We all got diarrhea. We've discussed the age of consent globally and. Yeah, is. Is Japan the lowest? I mean, I think if you hit Chinese controlled Africa, there's probably like, oh.

[Dan]

Yeah, yeah, I'll look it up. But I don't feel good about it.

[Matt]

You're definitely about to get yourself on the list.

[Sean]

Some guy just stole like, I got nothing. A bunch of girls from a building in Africa.

[Matt]

Really?

[Sean]

Yeah, they're always stealing girls in Africa.

[Shane]

Yeah, girls do get scooped up.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You know, it's one of the last countries you get an honest man can go steal some. Steal some ladies. Didn't Michelle Obama Freak out about those girls.

[Sean]

They never brought them back.

[Shane]

No, I. I don't. And then I think, what? Didn't, like, a bunch of boys at that school get, like, brutally murdered and nobody even said anything about it, did they? I'm almost. I'm almost positive that happened. Happened.

[Matt]

This is like one.

[Shane]

Bring back our girls. Yeah. Because it's like, if it. I think it was a, like a, you know, upper class school that, like, parents were kind of rich so people would be like, oh, perfect, let's go kidnap an entire class.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And I think they, like, took the girls as ransom and just like, killed. Murdered all the boys.

[Matt]

That's crazy.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Africa is looking tough. Africa. Nigeria is 11 years old.

[Sean]

11.

[Shane]

I mean, why haven't it all. Yeah.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Are you serious?

[Dan]

That's what Google says. I don't know.

[Shane]

Nigeria is 11.

[Matt]

That's devastating to find out.

[Shane]

Nigeria, that's crazy.

[Sean]

That country stinks. Anyway.

[Shane]

11'S crazy.

[Matt]

Nigerians, like, it's not even.

[Shane]

It's not even lunchtime.

Lunchtime. I mean, it's funny to be in Nigeria dating a 10 year old and they're like, you scumbag piece of. Wait, you started talking to her when she was 10, you piece of shit.

[Matt]

That's.

[Sean]

Nigeria is a bad country.

[Matt]

Is it? I always thought it was like one of the better.

[Sean]

They lie about how much money they make. A couple years ago, they got in trouble for like bouncing checks as a country.

[Shane]

Well, apparently Nigeria puts out a ton of mathletes, though. A lot of mathematicians come out of Nigeria. For some reason, Nigerians crush math. Math. So.

[Matt]

Yeah, because I figured out the age.

[Shane]

What's the square root of 18? 11.

Yeah.

[Sean]

Huh?

[Shane]

No, no. What'd you say? Coca Cola for the big. For the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers. Risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new Coca Cola for everyone. Pick up some Coca Cola at a store near you.

[Matt]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm.

[Shane]

Listening to this podcast. Smart move.

[Matt]

Being financially savvy.

[Shane]

Smart move.

[Matt]

Another smart move. Having State Farm help you create a competitive price when you choose to bundle.

[Shane]

Home and auto bundling.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

Eligibility vary by state.

[Dan]

I was going to change the subject. I just found Out. Another fun fact. Do you know the MMA fighter Khabib Nurmagomedov?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Dan]

He is married to his second cousin and they had the same surname before they got married.

[Shane]

Really?

[Dan]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Second cousin.

[Sean]

So she's.

Made off?

[Dan]

No, she just. I think she just. Yeah, sorry, that's just.

[Shane]

That's my second cousin. It's not ideal for sure.

[Dan]

I don't think they have many options in Dagestan, though.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Sean]

You go third. Third cousin.

[Shane]

It's not even a thing. Third cousins. Just like your friend.

[Sean]

Oh, no.

[Shane]

I mean, 30 cousins. I. Dude. I think like, though, when you marry your cousin, it's like chances of birth defects go up like 3%. It's not like a massive. I thought it was just like automatic. You're getting.

[Sean]

Yeah, you know, don't they do that.

[Shane]

In my Lego, guy?

[Matt]

That's still a weird one to show up to the family meet like the family reunion with, like, we love each other.

[Shane]

I mean, it is for sure. But some. Some. I mean, in history, it was like the coolest you could do. It's like you marry your cousin. Everyone was like, great choice, dude.

[Sean]

If you have a hot cousin.

[Shane]

No.

[Matt]

Well, kind of fortunate to not really have hot cousins.

[Sean]

What'd you say?

[Matt]

I was kind of fortunate to not have hot cousins. I don't have one cousin memory.

[Shane]

You didn't covet any of them? Yes.

[Matt]

I didn't even, like, in my head go like, hot cousin.

[Shane]

I was never a big cousin guy either. Thank God. I was never. Now, I imagine if that was your twist, though, and you were just completely obsessed with having sex with your cousins, there's guys out there, I'm sure. Yeah, that happens too.

[Matt]

100%.

[Shane]

What do you think about that, huh?

Your age can send Japan speed take.

Might have been. Might have been with the Delia Snapchat.

Wait, what?

That was a tough one, dude. Rip. To everyone who's gotten absolutely munched by the Internet.

It just happens.

[Sean]

Every.

[Shane]

Everybody gets destroyed. I know it's coming for me one day.

[Sean]

I'm worried about it.

[Shane]

Get destroyed by the Internet.

[Sean]

What do you mean?

[Shane]

I don't know. I just like, everyone just gets destroyed. I don't think anyone ever sees it coming. They're always going, nothing's ever been better than the Internet goes. Yeah, it turns out everyone hates you.

I mean, it's literally like a soldier's death. I'm like, it's coming for me one way or the other. I don't know how.

[Sean]

Well, in the words of Harvey Dent, either die a hero or live Long enough to see yourself become the villain.

[Shane]

True.

[Matt]

That's why you don't stop drinking.

[Sean]

I'm gonna at least see myself become a villain.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Dan]

Just.

[Shane]

I mean, you never somebody you didn't predict in high school to have to ever contend with. Like a digitized public shaming. Yeah. So I don't know. Maybe. Hopefully now that I'm a man, I'll just go. I don't know. What the hell are they saying on the Internet? Bull crap.

[Sean]

Turn it off.

[Shane]

Unplug it. God damn it. I'm going for my walk.

[Matt]

I think whatever. If whatever happens to me, I'm just going to lean into it. If it happens.

[Shane]

Just like.

[Sean]

Like.

[Matt]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Shane]

You have to, like. There's no. The guys that fight. It's literally a Chinese finger trap.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Guys that go, nuh. You guys suck. It's like you've just sealed your doom. You have to go, I am a lowly, disgusting worm.

[Matt]

Yeah. I have watched every single Come Walk video. So what? I do know them all by name.

[Sean]

It seem accepting your shame takes the fun out of it. For the Internet.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

It all depends what you did.

[Dan]

Dude.

[Shane]

Glenn Greenwald got crushed. You see his video?

[Matt]

No. What do you do?

[Shane]

Did you see that thing? It was. And again, I guess I'm gonna toss the Stanthi alleged on here, but I think. I think it was just like, kink, where, like, yeah, he's gay and he had, like, his. I guess a lover of his released a video where he was just being like a little piggy. Like a hungry little piggy. Yeah, it was like a humiliation video, but I think he was just like.

[Dan]

Like, whatever.

[Matt]

Oh, he was being the humiliated one.

[Shane]

He was being humiliated, but it was out of kink for, like, you know, he was kind of. Again, I don't know the exact details. Yeah, I'm not. If you could just maybe pull off after you're done.

That came out. And also rfk. Did you see his sex. No.

[Sean]

There's an RFK sex team.

[Dan]

No.

[Shane]

Did you see it? No. His sexts. He, like, did, like, text mess. Allegedly again, man.

[Matt]

Text message, anybody?

[Shane]

His blew over. But, dude, his texts are like. They're so horny that by, like, halfway through the text, you're like, I'm on his side still. You're like, you can't.

[Matt]

This is to Cheryl.

[Shane]

Unfortunately, it's a bit of a bad boy.

[Sean]

But I'm not sure.

[Shane]

Maybe it was the Cheryl. I don't know. Yeah, but I don't. That's not how they framed it but you know what look man, no guy's trying to get blue food dye out of the goddamn lucky charms man. Leave them alone. Yeah send horny texts to whoever my.

[Matt]

Business the only kink thing that I don't shame it but I don't get it is I mean I guess it's like people watching their ladies get plowed. I think that the cuck is but there's a thing I learned about very recently I was just telling a bear about it. There's the revert there's like cook in I forget what the queen.

[Shane]

Yeah queen I had to speed with you on that.

[Matt]

We might be the best thing that's ever existed.

[Shane]

I think cuckoon's propaganda like wait, show me one cuck. Where are they?

[Matt]

It's not an actual port lady.

[Shane]

Yeah. Where are these. This these fabled cuck. I know just being like yeah do it again.

[Sean]

I've been hanging out with and we decided we're going to have a free use day.

[Shane]

A free use day.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That's pretty nice.

[Sean]

That's pretty cool right?

[Matt]

What's your thing going to be like yeah how also how long are you going to last in a free use day? I feel like that's what you bust one out in the morning you're like well well yeah checked out.

[Sean]

I can go.

[Shane]

I thought that is a private matter.

[Sean]

Sorry guys.

[Shane]

Hey man, I'm glad for you. That sounds good Sounds fun though.

[Sean]

Yeah sure. It'd be a hoot.

[Shane]

Free.

[Matt]

Free not I like I was interested in free use day. What's your plan?

[Shane]

Yeah that's a good question.

[Sean]

Plan is to just show up, do it to hang out but here's the thing.

[Shane]

Do you get to direct you get direct her positioning because where is she going to be? That's the question. She gonna be stuck? Is she gonna be just frozen?

[Matt]

Like stuff will be nice frozen.

[Shane]

Is there gonna be a sex style on the bed and you move it and then it's her like how is this gonna go down?

[Sean]

No that's the thing dude. It's like it's just whatever you just have a day and then whatever's happening.

[Shane]

During the day you're like is it reciprocal? That's my question. Can she freely use you?

[Sean]

Oh we you get your own. Yay.

[Dan]

Really?

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

What if she takes it to like a realm of kink? You're not ready for it.

[Sean]

I set my rules.

[Shane]

You can't violate the free king.

[Matt]

Oh you're also free use.

[Sean]

Yeah, I set my rules.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Free use of a dude would Be so. I'd be so nervous.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Especially after your day of free use, Dan. That was also, like, my turn. And be like, I don't know. We should talk about this.

What are your rules? You can't be inserted.

[Sean]

No, but.

[Shane]

No but.

[Sean]

No but.

[Shane]

But.

[Matt]

What if she tries and you're just not in the mood?

[Sean]

Slapper.

[Matt]

But it's not for use.

[Shane]

No but whatsoever.

[Sean]

No but.

[Shane]

Can't even tickle you.

[Sean]

No. No but.

[Shane]

Sean, did you find any of that stuff about the sex?

It was.

[Dan]

Yeah, it was a poem allegedly sent to Olivia. Nuzzy newsy, bro.

[Shane]

It's the best.

[Dan]

It's very erotic. Yeah. Let me see if I listen to it. Okay, I'll read it.

[Sean]

Can you read it with prose?

[Dan]

I'll try.

[Shane]

Wait till you see. It's really. I, like, started hearing it, and I was like. By the middle of it, I was like, you know what, man? I kind of tip my hat to this guy.

[Dan]

I got it here. Your open mouth awaiting my harvest. Drink from me, love. I mean to squeeze your cheeks to force open your mouth. I'll hold your nose as you look up at me to encourage you to swallow. Don't spill a drop. I am a river, you are my canyon. I mean to flow through you. I mean to subdue and tame you, my love.

[Sean]

My love.

[Matt]

I'm about to copy a paste ass.

[Shane]

Say that.

[Matt]

Yeah, girl.

[Sean]

Did our RFK write the letter for the. The guy. The Kirk guy?

[Matt]

What guy?

[Sean]

My love?

[Dan]

I'm not sure.

[Matt]

I don't know what that means. I don't know what you mean.

[Sean]

It's okay.

[Shane]

Oh, that's. That's what it is. Glenn Greenwald got set up. He said it was a political takedown where he was with. This is all from Google. Reportedly depict Greenwald in intimate acts with another adult male in Brazil, which we're just talking about whom he reportedly. This is what they're saying paid for the encounter. And it's pretty much. It's just him being kind of, like, thoroughly domed and humiliated. But they confront. They, like, released his tape without his consent. They, like, you know, it's pretty rude. And then they're like, what do you say about that? And he was like, I don't regret any of that, but that was kind of a beast. It's be. It's a beast move to go. To get. Completely be a shame Lord. To be like, yeah, dude, I'm a total pig. And I did some really. It's. It's. You watch it. You're like, yeah, damn. But he just Came out. It's his political enemies try to take him down with it. And he was like, I. I don't care.

[Matt]

That makes me respect him.

[Shane]

Kind of a beast. It's kind of a beast. Yeah. Look at this. Weird. He's like, yeah, it was really weird. I did that. And your little. You know, the plan didn't work on me.

[Dan]

I'd do it again.

[Sean]

I'm gonna do it again.

[Matt]

It wasn't just some politician that got, like, exposed like that for doing, like, public with his lady. Not the lady who was giving hand jobs in the movie theater.

[Dan]

Not her.

[Matt]

This was like. Like a different. This is like a home video that got. Yeah. I forget who's telling me about it, but was it. I remember just hearing that.

[Shane]

Was there any scandal attached to it, or was it, like. I think.

[Matt]

I think same, like, takedown type.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I can't. I don't remember his name or anything.

[Shane]

So funny. Dude. All you have to. All you need is a video of a politician having sex, and you destroy their entire career.

[Matt]

The same. The thing we all.

[Shane]

They're clearly having sex. Yeah, like, weird, psycho sex, too. Yeah.

[Matt]

You want to be a politician? Like, you're going nuts in the bedroom, dude.

[Sean]

I've been aoc Dumb. That's the craziest.

[Matt]

I hope so.

[Shane]

You think so?

[Sean]

Oh, my God.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Sean]

But who.

[Shane]

Who's piping aoc.

[Sean]

She's some white guy.

[Shane]

Yeah, probably.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

She's, like, the founder of some weird tech company.

Yeah, true. Yeah, You're. You know, there's a lot of. Behind a lot of powerful women. There are surprisingly just kind of a drab white guy kind of. Kind of slide into that role really nicely.

[Matt]

Isn't. Isn't Cala Doug? Yeah, Doug.

[Shane]

Doug. Doug. Who's Doug?

[Matt]

That's Kamala's husband's husband. Yeah, that's how he, like, talks about. I think he could call himself, like, I'm Doug. Kamala's husband.

[Shane]

Doug.

[Matt]

Doug.

[Sean]

Nerd.

[Shane]

Dang, that stinks.

[Matt]

I think I got, like, a political email once that. When Kamala. That was like, this was before she was even run. I think she might have been running with Biden. And I got, like, a political email that was like, this is Doug. And then in parentheses, kamala's husband is how it started, and that's how I know his name. Like, that email.

[Shane]

The fuck does Doug do? Why would he allow himself to be framed in an email like that?

[Sean]

Well, he's the owner of the Dimmesdale Dimadome.

[Matt]

Where's that from?

[Sean]

Fairly odd parents. Doug DiMadome, owner of the dim snow dim dome.

[Shane]

Let me see.

[Dan]

He was the first Jewish spouse of a US Vice president.

[Sean]

Oh, is that his. That's what he did, Doug.

[Shane]

Dude, is that really a fucking thing?

[Dan]

First Jewish second.

[Shane]

Oh, damn.

[Dan]

He's from old Bridge, New Jersey.

[Matt]

I mean. Or it's kind of a bad look.

[Sean]

Massaddy looks like waltz a little bit. He's in Christophe.

[Shane]

No, Doug.

Doug looks like it's crazy. If I would. Damn, I would have been nervous around having my baby around. Waltz?

[Sean]

Who's Waltz?

[Shane]

Waltz is a guy she ran with. It was like, I love shooting guns. Touchdown.

[Dan]

Tim.

[Sean]

Yeah, dude. Damn, dude, she got a type.

[Shane]

Doug. Doug Mhoff does soul cycle.

At home in California. Emhoff had attended a Sunday morning soul cycle class in west Hollywood and left his cell phone in the car while going for coffee and a chat with friends in the park. Why they frame this guy as the ultimate housewife?

[Matt]

I mean, he kind of frames himself as the ultimate housewife.

[Sean]

It could be king Kamala's husband.

[Shane]

It could just be kink. Dude, that whole campaign could have been kink for them. She goes out, loses. He is just like, I'm just your sexy little boy. Your little homeboy.

[Sean]

Kamala does drink. I can see it, dude.

[Shane]

Yeah, I, I. Why as soon as one person was like, this lady's drunk. I can never unsee it. I'm like, oh, she's a drunk lady.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Honestly, her mo. One of her more likable things.

[Shane]

Yeah, she's just drunk. Yeah. She should have really leaned into that. Like, I'm hammered.

[Matt]

I don't know, bro.

[Shane]

Come on now.

[Matt]

I would have heard, like, it would.

[Shane]

I'm.

[Matt]

I'm dumb. That would have guided me. I, like, she might be.

[Shane]

Yeah. Got leaned into that little bit of George Bush action. Yeah, well, I'm just a drunk old.

[Sean]

Dude.

[Shane]

It would make me believe she could.

[Matt]

Get things done more. Get things done. They all throughout history.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

H. Get things done.

I want to see that tape between her and Doug. It's got to be the steamiest. Dude, Doug's is in, like, a little rose petal bathtub.

She's weight. You like, what's up, dog?

You ruined everything.

You. How Soul cycle. You.

Come. Hey, what do you drink?

A nice lunch with friends.

What a weird PR Angle to be like, we're just going to make her her husband total. They should have just been like. Like, they should have made him, like, because they try to make Tim Waltz a badass.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I've been so mad. If I was Doug. It's like, wait, why does Tim Waltz get to be like a hunter Badass.

[Matt]

Yeah. And I have to be.

[Shane]

I'm just a little peg boy. An at home peg boy. I'm cuck.

Beyond. I think he's almost beyond.

[Sean]

We're getting cucked by Tim Waltz over here.

[Shane]

He's basically wife play. He's going.

Tim Walter. I love shooting guns with my children and I was in the army. Army? Yeah, man. What the.

[Sean]

Yeah. Didn't he not not do any of that stuff?

[Shane]

I heard there was. You never know, man. Look, Lamar, on the campaign trail, things get dirty, so who knows what's. What I am. I'm really not looking forward to the election of 2028 because it's like 2020 and 2024 were so depressing that 2028 is going to be. Both parties are going to unleash I think a new psycho.

[Sean]

But this is the.

[Shane]

I'm going to young psycho. A double young psycho.

[Sean]

This is Trump's first year though.

[Matt]

Boo.

[Shane]

Dude. These not. He's not getting reelected.

[Matt]

That's what I keep. That's. We were just having this conversation. Getting reelected, it would make people too mad. Like that's not what.

[Shane]

He's just lost his juice. Once they hit him with the Epstein and he was like, ah, forget about that stuff. I think that he really lost a lot of his juice.

[Sean]

But I'm saying this is his first year as president.

[Shane]

Yeah, I know he could do it.

[Sean]

He could technically do it like three more.

[Shane]

Wait, why two more? He did two more? No, you do one more after this.

[Sean]

No.

[Shane]

Why?

[Sean]

He's president for four years.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

Why could he do another term if he was already present?

[Shane]

Because I think.

I don't know, but they said. I honestly don't know, but I think they said he can do another term. Technically.

[Sean]

Yes.

[Shane]

He could only do two because they're not consecutive. Because he did one there was there. We had Biden and I think for some weird reason he can do two more now they're like trying to make the political. The legal argument that he can.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But it's like, dude, we gotta move on. It's like we can't, we can't. This is going to be forever. So it's gonna dominate.

[Sean]

We have a 90 year old dictator. Yeah.

[Shane]

He's dominated a whole decade.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It's like he was funny. Yeah, he was obviously funny. But now it's like, dude, please.

[Sean]

Yeah, new guy.

[Matt]

I'm curious the moves are going to make if they're going to go back old school. Like prim and proper. Or if the new thing is just that guy.

[Shane]

That guy, bro. Or. Yeah. Maybe Mom. Donnie. Yeah.

[Dan]

I'm down.

[Shane]

He's more. Maybe more of like a. Even a Gavin Newsom gets. He's a leather jacket Democrat.

[Sean]

They're trying to make Gavin Newsom so cool.

[Shane]

He's a podcast. He's one of the normal guys like us. He has a podcast.

[Sean]

Gavin News Newsom needs to go lay the down. Like, he needs to shut up.

[Shane]

The problem is. I'll say he is the perfect politician. He's just like a weird, smiling psycho.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Who. Like, just. I'm saying, just like, I don't. You know, I'm not a fan of him, but it's also like, you gotta. You gotta give it up and like, man. Nope. This guy was born for the role.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Of California governor.

[Sean]

Yeah. He tanked the. The state and now he wants to tank the country.

[Shane]

Yeah. We'll see, man. I don't know. I think maybe they'll run Vance. Vance. They could run Vance again.

[Sean]

It feels like he's been making a play because he's been out doing his own shit recently.

[Shane]

Trump's. What's he doing?

[Sean]

He's been campaigning.

[Shane]

He's been porking.

[Sean]

No.

[Shane]

What is it?

[Dan]

I. I don't want. I feel bad for even bringing it up. Just his relationship with the. With the widow of Mr. Charlie Kirk.

[Shane]

That is a nasty thing you would say.

[Dan]

Hey, I'm sorry.

[Sean]

Forgive me.

[Dan]

Well, sorry.

[Shane]

Yeah. Final words. I think we're gonna slide into the Patreon. By the way, I got you guys a. A little gift. It's the final, final installment of the Conquistadors. And I'm gonna display a little gift.

[Matt]

This is. I'm excited.

[Dan]

I'm excited, too.

[Matt]

I'm also excited to hear how it.

[Sean]

All right.

[Matt]

I mean, I kind of know, but. But you know.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But surprisingly, it was way. There's way more. Is way more in detail. So. Yeah, we're about to slide into that right now and thank everybody. Thank you for listening and hope. Stay. Keep your spirits high. During this holiday season, a lot of people think about killing themselves.

People on Christmas want to kill themselves. But I don't know. I get it. I do get it. But also at the same time, it's like I. I. Like we just lit up our Christmas tree.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Makes me so happy. I see the lights. I go, go. It's the best. But then sometimes at night time, it's just you downstairs. It's dark. You look at the lights and you go, maybe I should kill myself. Actually, don't kill yourself.

[Sean]

Don't do it.

[Shane]

Don't kill yourself.

[Sean]

It's bad hang.

[Shane]

I'm getting an elf on the shelf. That's gonna be a big thing this year, dude. So don't get sad. Do you get sad on the holidays? Well, you're about to do free use. You know, you don't care.

[Matt]

You're having a good holiday.

[Shane]

Let's be off on the shelf.

Yeah, don't get sad on the.

[Matt]

All this knees.

[Sean]

On his knees.

[Matt]

That's gonna be you.

[Shane]

What's going to be your for use position where you. What are you going to do?

[Sean]

I don't know, dude. I haven't even. I gotta. I gotta start taking notes. You will for real be stuck though.

[Shane]

Go statue. You should do like, you know, like the little boy in the lawn where like a peeing cupid.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

See how much you can pee and sit like a statue. Just pee the whole time.

[Sean]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Well, see you later. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.