Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast
Episode 591 – M-A DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS (Mall)
Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Release Date: December 23, 2025
Episode Overview
This episode is a quintessential Matt & Shane ride: riffs about airport meltdowns, mall nostalgia, accidental racism, pinworm infestics, and the camaraderie of road life as comedians—punctuated by meandering tangents and unapologetic observational humor. Anchored by stories of awkward travel encounters, musings on malls' golden age, and a heavy dose of real-life absurdity, Matt and Shane blend personal anecdotes with larger social commentary, all in their trademark irreverent but authentic comedic style.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Viral Hot Mic Moment & Accidental Racism
[00:00 – 02:33]
- Matt opens with a story about a principal in Delaware County leaving a hot mic voicemail about a Jewish parent—“probably controls all the banks or whatever”—and getting fired.
- Shane calls it a “worst nightmare,” especially if you’re caught saying something not quite malicious, but still inappropriate.
- Both mock the situation, quipping about how gym teacher energy is better for blurting questionable things, and riffing on the absurdity of what gets you fired these days.
"That's gym teacher energy. He should be a gym teacher. Principal's crazy for that type of thing."
— Matt McCusker [01:30]
2. Airport & Airplane Etiquette Fiascos
[02:33 – 21:38]
- The segment shifts to airport adventures: Matt confesses to phone screen-spying on a horny old man during a flight, and both recount attempts to rack up “good boy points” (GBPs) through random acts of kindness.
- Shane shares the story of his uncle ripping apart a woman’s suitcase at JFK by mistake, showering the floor with her underwear.
- Matt describes an airport incident where a traveling companion, Nate, draws negative 500 GBPs for a desperate, rule-breaking sneak into the TSA priority lane and then accidentally topples an angry cowboy’s precarious luggage.
- The discussion expands into the misery and stress of air travel, the vibe of early morning flights, and the unspoken rivalries and anxieties of frequent fliers.
“He just deadlifts this thing and rips it apart at the seams. Her laundry, her panties go everywhere… and he just stands next to me like, oh.”
— Shane Gillis [05:39]
"Nate comes up and accidentally bumped his luggage. And dude, this guy's luggage was stacked like that high. It fell and hit a lady."
— Matt McCusker [14:45]
3. Mall Nostalgia & Destiny USA
[21:38 – 24:42]
- Matt sings the praises of Destiny USA Mall (“the sickest mall ever”) with its go-kart track, Dave & Busters, escape rooms, and more.
- Shane explains that many malls are struggling, sharing that parental escort rules ruined the free-roaming teenage experience.
- Riffing on mall demographics: from teenagers causing a ruckus to old folks doing morning “mall walks.”
- Both lament the loss of chaos in public spaces and debate whether malls are truly dying or on the rebound.
"Malls are fighting back. Everyone wants to say malls are dead. Yeah, right."
— Matt McCusker [22:10]
4. The Pinworm Epidemic
[24:42 – 28:20]
- Matt confides that his family is going through a pinworm crisis, leading to stories about taking banana-flavored dewormer, and shines a comedic light on the nightmare of dealing with children’s parasites.
- Shane admits to parasitic nightmares, spiraling into a bit about asking his mom to check his butt for worms on Christmas.
"Literally, what you have to do... you got to find the creepy crawlers. You got to hit them with the flashlight and just wait."
— Matt McCusker [25:08]
5. The Comedic Road Life & Generational Gym Mogging
[28:21 – 32:08]
- Weekend recaps: Matt details working out in a hotel gym, mogging (“dominating”) a group of fourth graders while their chaperone apologizes.
- Shane and Matt reflect on how life gets weird on the road, especially as aging dads and comedians.
6. The Jake Paul Fight & The Manosphere Crisis
[32:09 – 36:44]
- Recap and takeaways from the Jake Paul vs. Anthony Joshua fight. Shane and crew commend Paul’s tenacity and reflect humorously on the collapse of “manosphere” role models like Paul, Andrew Tate, and Wes Watson.
- Discussion on “fixing” masculinity and eagerly awaiting new influencer guidance.
7. Candace Owens, Nicki Minaj, and the Biggest (and Most Controversial) Podcasts
[36:45 – 41:01]
- Bouncing from manosphere failures to the ascendance of Candace Owens’ podcast and Nicki Minaj’s supposed shift to right-wing hero status.
- Speculation on what makes for a blockbuster podcast (“blaming the Jews is hot right now”) and mutual self-congratulation about just doing a regular, funny show.
“But nah, I just want to do a comedy podcast, dude, I’m telling you. Of course it is. The biggest pods… the biggest pods. Every single one of them.”
— Matt McCusker [39:05]
8. More Airport Spaz Watching & Social Meltdowns
[41:02 – 42:10]
- They revisit Matt’s fascination with “spazzers” (people who lose it in public): following the angry cowboy, delighting in observing melt-downs, and the nuances between grumbling and full-on growling in public.
9. Local Weirdness: Masked Bikers, “Queer Kids Fight Back”, and Lawn Drama
[46:35 – 53:27]
- Shane describes seeing a grown man biking with a KN95 mask and grumbling about it.
- Spotting mysterious and increasingly larger “Queer Kids Fight Back” posters in his local park—Matt speculates on whether this is activism or overzealous signage.
- Gossip about neighborhood drama: someone spray paints “adulteress” and a woman’s full name on a fence—“Austin Housewives” edition—the guys riff on small-town scandals, cheating spouses, and adult life in suburbia.
10. Riffing on Geopolitics: Ukraine, Venezuela, Bananas & the CIA
[59:46 – End]
- Shane tries to unravel the confusing history of the Spanish Civil War and segue into war in Ukraine, referencing brutal PBS documentaries about the conflict.
- The hosts riff about US-Venezuela tensions, “banana republics,” oil and CIA shenanigans—including the infamous Dulles brothers’ fruit company regime-change playbook.
- Matt lampoons the absurdity of fighting wars over bananas and oil, with a final philosophical note about how ridiculous modern warfare can seem.
“It does become embarrassing at a point… you have a bunch of guys just shooting each other in the face. Like, don’t make an exception—be like, well, you can settle that, but then someone shoots you in the face, you shoot him.”
— Matt McCusker [66:34]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
"I'm not even kidding. At least four times just full, dead weight a bag onto somebody."
— Shane Gillis [05:11] -
“The man’s luggage was stacked like that high. It fell and hit a lady… I could have been happier.”
— Matt McCusker [14:45] -
"Parental escort thing—if you’re a teenager of any kind, nobody cares; you need your parents."
— Matt McCusker [22:45] -
"Take a flashlight to your kid’s ass at night. Look for worms."
— Shane Gillis [25:03] -
"I went into the gym, you know, not the hotel gym, and there was a basketball team full of like, fourth graders… so I went in there and mogged them."
— Matt McCusker [28:58] -
"All my worm girls were gone. I almost didn’t take it. And I like, was talking to… forgot, she had the medicine… she goes, that’s your dewormer. Take it right now."
— Matt McCusker [28:23] -
"We're just good boys, gbps around here. Also telling ourselves I was wrong at the airport."
— Matt McCusker [40:27] -
“It was a nationwide spaz.”
— Matt McCusker, on the Spanish Civil War [60:44]
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 00:00 – 02:33: The Delaware County principal hot mic scandal
- 02:33 – 21:38: Airport tales, “good boy points,” and the angry cowboy incident
- 21:38 – 24:42: Mall rabbit hole, Destiny USA, generational mall culture
- 24:42 – 28:20: Pinworm epidemic at home; coping with parasites as a family
- 32:09 – 36:44: Jake Paul fight analysis and manosphere collapse
- 36:45 – 41:01: Candace Owens, Nicki Minaj, podcast success formula
- 46:35 – 53:27: Local oddities, sign and graffiti gossip, and small-town drama
- 59:46 – 66:34: Ukraine documentary, Venezuela saber-rattling, and banana republics
- 66:34 – End: Philosophical musings on war, power, and the absurdity of global politics
Tone & Style
Matt & Shane’s energy is brisk, irreverent, and mischievous—peppered with self-effacing asides and bits that blur into real talk. Their perspectives are always observational, often playfully antagonistic, and occasionally sneak in sincere reflections among the relentless comedy. The vibe is conversational and confessional, with lots of callouts to shared bits ("good boy points," "mogging"), and playful one-upmanship throughout.
Takeaway
For listeners, this episode encapsulates the art of riff-fueled storytelling and the joy of living for the minor dramas and petty victories of life on the road. From travel humiliations and worm outbreaks to pop culture phenomena and geopolitical absurdities, Matt and Shane find the comedy in life’s annoyances and the relief in shared laughter.
Episode is available on Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts.