Ep 591 - M-A DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS (Mall)

Summary

Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast

Episode 591 – M-A DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS (Mall)
Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Release Date: December 23, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode is a quintessential Matt & Shane ride: riffs about airport meltdowns, mall nostalgia, accidental racism, pinworm infestics, and the camaraderie of road life as comedians—punctuated by meandering tangents and unapologetic observational humor. Anchored by stories of awkward travel encounters, musings on malls' golden age, and a heavy dose of real-life absurdity, Matt and Shane blend personal anecdotes with larger social commentary, all in their trademark irreverent but authentic comedic style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Viral Hot Mic Moment & Accidental Racism

[00:00 – 02:33]

• Matt opens with a story about a principal in Delaware County leaving a hot mic voicemail about a Jewish parent—“probably controls all the banks or whatever”—and getting fired.
• Shane calls it a “worst nightmare,” especially if you’re caught saying something not quite malicious, but still inappropriate.
• Both mock the situation, quipping about how gym teacher energy is better for blurting questionable things, and riffing on the absurdity of what gets you fired these days.

"That's gym teacher energy. He should be a gym teacher. Principal's crazy for that type of thing."
— Matt McCusker [01:30]

2. Airport & Airplane Etiquette Fiascos

[02:33 – 21:38]

• The segment shifts to airport adventures: Matt confesses to phone screen-spying on a horny old man during a flight, and both recount attempts to rack up “good boy points” (GBPs) through random acts of kindness.
• Shane shares the story of his uncle ripping apart a woman’s suitcase at JFK by mistake, showering the floor with her underwear.
• Matt describes an airport incident where a traveling companion, Nate, draws negative 500 GBPs for a desperate, rule-breaking sneak into the TSA priority lane and then accidentally topples an angry cowboy’s precarious luggage.
• The discussion expands into the misery and stress of air travel, the vibe of early morning flights, and the unspoken rivalries and anxieties of frequent fliers.

“He just deadlifts this thing and rips it apart at the seams. Her laundry, her panties go everywhere… and he just stands next to me like, oh.”
— Shane Gillis [05:39]

"Nate comes up and accidentally bumped his luggage. And dude, this guy's luggage was stacked like that high. It fell and hit a lady."
— Matt McCusker [14:45]

3. Mall Nostalgia & Destiny USA

[21:38 – 24:42]

• Matt sings the praises of Destiny USA Mall (“the sickest mall ever”) with its go-kart track, Dave & Busters, escape rooms, and more.
• Shane explains that many malls are struggling, sharing that parental escort rules ruined the free-roaming teenage experience.
• Riffing on mall demographics: from teenagers causing a ruckus to old folks doing morning “mall walks.”
• Both lament the loss of chaos in public spaces and debate whether malls are truly dying or on the rebound.

"Malls are fighting back. Everyone wants to say malls are dead. Yeah, right."
— Matt McCusker [22:10]

4. The Pinworm Epidemic

[24:42 – 28:20]

• Matt confides that his family is going through a pinworm crisis, leading to stories about taking banana-flavored dewormer, and shines a comedic light on the nightmare of dealing with children’s parasites.
• Shane admits to parasitic nightmares, spiraling into a bit about asking his mom to check his butt for worms on Christmas.

"Literally, what you have to do... you got to find the creepy crawlers. You got to hit them with the flashlight and just wait."
— Matt McCusker [25:08]

5. The Comedic Road Life & Generational Gym Mogging

[28:21 – 32:08]

• Weekend recaps: Matt details working out in a hotel gym, mogging (“dominating”) a group of fourth graders while their chaperone apologizes.
• Shane and Matt reflect on how life gets weird on the road, especially as aging dads and comedians.

6. The Jake Paul Fight & The Manosphere Crisis

[32:09 – 36:44]

• Recap and takeaways from the Jake Paul vs. Anthony Joshua fight. Shane and crew commend Paul’s tenacity and reflect humorously on the collapse of “manosphere” role models like Paul, Andrew Tate, and Wes Watson.
• Discussion on “fixing” masculinity and eagerly awaiting new influencer guidance.

7. Candace Owens, Nicki Minaj, and the Biggest (and Most Controversial) Podcasts

[36:45 – 41:01]

• Bouncing from manosphere failures to the ascendance of Candace Owens’ podcast and Nicki Minaj’s supposed shift to right-wing hero status.
• Speculation on what makes for a blockbuster podcast (“blaming the Jews is hot right now”) and mutual self-congratulation about just doing a regular, funny show.

“But nah, I just want to do a comedy podcast, dude, I’m telling you. Of course it is. The biggest pods… the biggest pods. Every single one of them.”
— Matt McCusker [39:05]

8. More Airport Spaz Watching & Social Meltdowns

[41:02 – 42:10]

• They revisit Matt’s fascination with “spazzers” (people who lose it in public): following the angry cowboy, delighting in observing melt-downs, and the nuances between grumbling and full-on growling in public.

9. Local Weirdness: Masked Bikers, “Queer Kids Fight Back”, and Lawn Drama

[46:35 – 53:27]

• Shane describes seeing a grown man biking with a KN95 mask and grumbling about it.
• Spotting mysterious and increasingly larger “Queer Kids Fight Back” posters in his local park—Matt speculates on whether this is activism or overzealous signage.
• Gossip about neighborhood drama: someone spray paints “adulteress” and a woman’s full name on a fence—“Austin Housewives” edition—the guys riff on small-town scandals, cheating spouses, and adult life in suburbia.

10. Riffing on Geopolitics: Ukraine, Venezuela, Bananas & the CIA

[59:46 – End]

• Shane tries to unravel the confusing history of the Spanish Civil War and segue into war in Ukraine, referencing brutal PBS documentaries about the conflict.
• The hosts riff about US-Venezuela tensions, “banana republics,” oil and CIA shenanigans—including the infamous Dulles brothers’ fruit company regime-change playbook.
• Matt lampoons the absurdity of fighting wars over bananas and oil, with a final philosophical note about how ridiculous modern warfare can seem.

“It does become embarrassing at a point… you have a bunch of guys just shooting each other in the face. Like, don’t make an exception—be like, well, you can settle that, but then someone shoots you in the face, you shoot him.”
— Matt McCusker [66:34]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "I'm not even kidding. At least four times just full, dead weight a bag onto somebody."
  — Shane Gillis [05:11]

• “The man’s luggage was stacked like that high. It fell and hit a lady… I could have been happier.”
  — Matt McCusker [14:45]

• "Parental escort thing—if you’re a teenager of any kind, nobody cares; you need your parents."
  — Matt McCusker [22:45]

• "Take a flashlight to your kid’s ass at night. Look for worms."
  — Shane Gillis [25:03]

• "I went into the gym, you know, not the hotel gym, and there was a basketball team full of like, fourth graders… so I went in there and mogged them."
  — Matt McCusker [28:58]

• "All my worm girls were gone. I almost didn’t take it. And I like, was talking to… forgot, she had the medicine… she goes, that’s your dewormer. Take it right now."
  — Matt McCusker [28:23]

• "We're just good boys, gbps around here. Also telling ourselves I was wrong at the airport."
  — Matt McCusker [40:27]

• “It was a nationwide spaz.”
  — Matt McCusker, on the Spanish Civil War [60:44]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00 – 02:33: The Delaware County principal hot mic scandal
• 02:33 – 21:38: Airport tales, “good boy points,” and the angry cowboy incident
• 21:38 – 24:42: Mall rabbit hole, Destiny USA, generational mall culture
• 24:42 – 28:20: Pinworm epidemic at home; coping with parasites as a family
• 32:09 – 36:44: Jake Paul fight analysis and manosphere collapse
• 36:45 – 41:01: Candace Owens, Nicki Minaj, podcast success formula
• 46:35 – 53:27: Local oddities, sign and graffiti gossip, and small-town drama
• 59:46 – 66:34: Ukraine documentary, Venezuela saber-rattling, and banana republics
• 66:34 – End: Philosophical musings on war, power, and the absurdity of global politics

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Tone & Style

Matt & Shane’s energy is brisk, irreverent, and mischievous—peppered with self-effacing asides and bits that blur into real talk. Their perspectives are always observational, often playfully antagonistic, and occasionally sneak in sincere reflections among the relentless comedy. The vibe is conversational and confessional, with lots of callouts to shared bits ("good boy points," "mogging"), and playful one-upmanship throughout.

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Takeaway

For listeners, this episode encapsulates the art of riff-fueled storytelling and the joy of living for the minor dramas and petty victories of life on the road. From travel humiliations and worm outbreaks to pop culture phenomena and geopolitical absurdities, Matt and Shane find the comedy in life’s annoyances and the relief in shared laughter.

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Episode is available on Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts.

Transcript

[Matt McCusker]

The wild, wild west.

[Shane Gillis]

All right, here we go.

[Matt McCusker]

Yo, speaking of hot mic.

[Shane Gillis]

All that venom out.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true speaking. There was a. There was a principal at some school in Delaware county that was leaving a voicemail for a parent, and he didn't realize the thing was still going. And just kind of like he got in trouble because it was a Jewish parent and he was after. Like, he thought he'd hung up. I think someone was like, who was that? And he goes, this guy's a. He's like a big hothead. I think he mentioned. He's like some Jewish guy. He's like. He always wears sweatpants all the time. He comes in here, oh, my God, Wearing sweatpants. And the lady goes, what does he do for a living? He goes, I don't know. Controls all the banks or whatever they put. This guy's funny as the. The comments are half split between, like, this man is a scumbag, needs to be removed. And people being like, I'm signing my kids up for this.

[Shane Gillis]

That is like. That's like the worst nightmare.

[Matt McCusker]

I know.

[Shane Gillis]

Especially if somebody was, like, not really bashing you.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You know, I mean, if you, like, overheard a voicemail, they're like, dude, he just wear sweatpants all day. Kind of like, smells like he's like, nice. But he's like, just a gross.

[Matt McCusker]

He'd have been totally fine if he didn't do the. I don't know, probably controls the banks or whatever.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, he had to hit that home run. Home run, dude. There's nothing he could do about it. Somebody lobbed one right across the plate.

[Matt McCusker]

He's the principal, bro. He's going to have to become a gym teacher now. He's going to demote him to gym teacher.

[Shane Gillis]

Gym teacher will be good, though.

[Matt McCusker]

Five year. That's. That's gym teacher energy.

[Shane Gillis]

That is gym teacher. He should be a gym teacher. Principal's crazy for that type of thing.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

But, yeah, he got busted. But, yeah, you know, whatever. That's what. You always got to hang up before you talk shop about the Jews at work.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. If you decide. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And then a lady, too. She, like, a total Delco lady. Like, what does he do? What it. Just firing away the.

[Shane Gillis]

Probably controls the banks or something. Just.

[Matt McCusker]

All right, so that was a fun. That was a fun thing to see.

[Shane Gillis]

That's great.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I thought it was funny. It was a funny.

[Shane Gillis]

It's without a doubt funny.

[Matt McCusker]

I. I guess he's gonna get fired. He has to get fired. There's no way he's out I believe he's out on the Main line. He might be Chester county boy.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, if he's mainline, that's Trouble Yellow. Yeah, that's literally the home of. Yeah, that's BB.

[Matt McCusker]

That's where BB's from.

[Shane Gillis]

Bibi's chilling out there.

[Matt McCusker]

True. I'm surprised. Yeah, you can't have a goy principal popping off like that. No, you can't have the goy popping off on the Voice, dude. I don't like leaving voicemails, like, at all. The thought of having it run unnecessarily long.

[Shane Gillis]

I listen to everybody when some. When people call me and it stays on, I listen to the whole thing. I know this motherfucker's talking. I know it's my mom. So I'm like, no, just like. I know they're saying something up about me.

[Matt McCusker]

I always spy like that if someone calls me, doesn't realize or just. I. I'll sit there for an hour and just wait. Yeah, some stuff I. Dude, I was.

[Shane Gillis]

It's usually just in their pocket. Can't really hear anything.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true. You just. You don't get much good stuff. I was. Phone screen. I'll be honest, this isn't good, but I was on the plane yesterday, phone screen, spying.

[Shane Gillis]

So hard not to, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

I was catching, like, crazy on this dude screen next to me. So it was like. I don't want to say, but it was.

[Shane Gillis]

What was he hitting it? Sexual stuff?

[Matt McCusker]

Love stuff?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, some nice sex stuff that happens up there.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's kind of nice.

[Shane Gillis]

You get up in the sky. It's.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Man was horned up, but, yeah, it was pretty tight. So I was like, kind of just like. I, like, caught one thing. I went, what the. And then I kept looking over, and I was watching him go back and forth between, like, some lady. And then there's a guy asking about some late.

[Shane Gillis]

It was like, this guy's having fun.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude was being a beast.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

He was an older gentleman, too. I was surprised.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a big font. Were you able to see it?

[Matt McCusker]

I could see it. I could. I could read everything. And I was just. I would stare straight ahead and just.

[Shane Gillis]

Literally just go, oh, he's next to you.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I thought he was in front. No, I was.

[Matt McCusker]

I was going next to me. I know. I thought at one point I was ready for him at one point to be like, could you not please? Because I just kept being like. But now you're not.

[Shane Gillis]

You're not very sly either. You're not slick, dude. You were definitely like, dude, I literally.

[Matt McCusker]

I was. Hit him with a haunted mansion painting.

[Sean Gardini]

Just going.

[Matt McCusker]

I couldn't stop. Once I caught one juicy detail, I.

[Shane Gillis]

Went, you're gonna need the deets, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

It was. Yeah, it was pretty sweet, man. I was loving that. I also. I had. I had a nice flight. On the way home, I got a million good boy points because we got on the plane, and I put an old lady's bag up for her. So I'm like, all right, cool. So that's good boy points for the day. And then I sat across from her, and then a mom and daughter got on, and the mom sat next to me, and the daughter sat over, and they were kind of, like, talking. I was like, do you guys want to swap seats?

[Shane Gillis]

Sorry.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm just thinking there's so much. Because I get hammered on these flights. I try to get the good boy points. I've smashed people with bags. You got the blue ones. Yours. I got. You hit some lady in the shoulder that's sitting down. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. They all watched me get 10 vodkas the entire flight. Sorry.

[Matt McCusker]

All right. No, you gotta get the GBPS on the.

[Shane Gillis]

I try to get the gbps, but sometimes there's too many vodka sodis.

[Matt McCusker]

No, but an accidental smash of the bag is totally.

[Shane Gillis]

I've done it. I'm not kidding. At least four times. Just full. Just let go. Dead weight a bag onto somebody.

[Matt McCusker]

Nate got negative 500Gbps flying out. It was. It was an. It wasn't his fault. I had kind of set him up. But the whole. Well, the long story short is the lady. I just kind of switched seats, and I sat next to the old lady whose bag I helped. Get up, dude, for, like, five minutes. You're such a nice boy. And I was like, thank you.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, man.

[Matt McCusker]

It was the best. She's like, it was amazing.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm sorry.

[Matt McCusker]

One more.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm thinking of the worst GBP I've ever seen at the airport. My uncle. I've told this story before. It kills me. I love thinking about, we just land. We're in jfk. And so this lady tried to pick up her suitcase. A girl tried to pick up her suitcase, but it was stuck, and my uncle thought she just couldn't lift it. So he goes and literally deadlifts this thing and just rips it apart at the seams. And her laundry. Her panties go everywhere. And then he just walked back and stood next to me, like, oh. And then you watch it come back around to the lady. And her bag just got ripped apart. Anyway, it was great. It was so fun to watch him do it. Oh, anyway, that's. I'm. I'll stop cutting you off.

[Matt McCusker]

No, that's hilarious.

[Shane Gillis]

So it's just immediately in my head.

[Matt McCusker]

Just coming back, coming back and going.

[Shane Gillis]

Just ripped that lady's bag in half. He did.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know how he did it.

[Matt McCusker]

Shout out to him. That's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he's a beast.

[Matt McCusker]

What a animal, man.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know why he did it, though.

[Matt McCusker]

I know. Cuz every time if a woman's struggling, it's the best thing in the world.

[Shane Gillis]

No, what I'm saying, like, you feel a little like, oh, this thing's clearly stuck. He must have thought the bag was 800 pounds.

[Matt McCusker]

I think he just. I've done this before. You got. He probably went up and was like full steam ahead. He might have just been like, why? Because I'll do that every now and again when I'm like grabbing my bag down. I'll like one hand it and pull it down. So sometimes you pull with like too.

[Shane Gillis]

Much force when you hit people.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true. Or the baggage claim. When I'm there and I get a bag, I'll try to really like, just beast it. That's strong, boys.

[Shane Gillis]

And strong points at the baggage claim is. You're gonna want to. But it. Because it's always. You're so nervous like, dude, I gotta get this thing quick.

[Matt McCusker]

It's moving.

[Shane Gillis]

It's moving a little fast.

[Matt McCusker]

Yep.

[Shane Gillis]

This thing's heavy as hell.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It's not Ever you go up and lift it over your head like a. I get.

[Matt McCusker]

True. Well, the problem is, though, I'll fly when me and Brittany fly with the kids. We'll do one combined suitcase. So both of our stuff's in there. Dude, it weighs like 65 pounds. So that thing can get kind of beefy, but yeah, usually it's my. Yeah. If it's just yours, it's not that heavy. But Nate got negative 500 good boy points at the airport. It wasn't. It wasn't your fault.

[Shane Gillis]

We.

[Matt McCusker]

So we. We go in there. First of all, we were flying out. Nate was. He was running a little late and the airport was slammed, so he almost missed the flight, which. That's not. That's not your fault. That's not. You know, they were. I think they were racist against Nate. They wouldn't let him in the priority lane. He had. He had priority, but it wasn't on the boarding pass. So he went up. I'M like, just go through priority. It'll be faster. They're like, no. And then he tried to go to clear. Nothing doing. Back to priority. They're like, no. And then he. I was like, dude, we're gonna board in like five minutes. He just beasted under the line, snuck in cut. It was like a sneak in cut, which is that got right through. You had to do that. Why are you making that face? No, that was survival. That was no choice.

[Shane Gillis]

If I saw that. If I was standing in line and just saw that. Three weeks of racism. Three weeks.

[Doug]

I saw people.

[Shane Gillis]

Three weeks straight of racism.

[Doug]

People peeking out the clear lie or hitting that. Like, no, he's not. I can see him behind me, like, watching me get through successfully. Like, gosh.

[Shane Gillis]

Although you had to do it.

[Matt McCusker]

I had no choice. It was survival. All those clear scumbags looking at you. I don't know why. I hate clear.

[Shane Gillis]

So do I.

[Matt McCusker]

Might be pre, man.

[Shane Gillis]

I used to be clear. Now I've switched up on them. Yep. You had to pre check all. Also, the clear would set you up for failure big time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, man.

[Shane Gillis]

If you hit clear at jfk, you got to walk past a thousand Indians that are in line that I. They don't know what clear is. They get furious.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, they get in and then they.

[Shane Gillis]

Get started the line. And then you're going through clear and somebody's just going like, get out of the way. You gotta walk through their line.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

And they're like, no. They try to stop you, and you're like, dude, get off.

[Matt McCusker]

Get out of here.

[Shane Gillis]

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[Matt McCusker]

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[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you like stacks?

[Matt McCusker]

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[Shane Gillis]

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[Matt McCusker]

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[Shane Gillis]

That's what happens. What happens if. What's an injury reboot?

[Matt McCusker]

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[Shane Gillis]

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[Shane Gillis]

It's good to be, right?

[Matt McCusker]

Yes. Yeah, dude. So he goes. He gets through. He, you know, he beasts his way through. I was like, all right, good job on that. But then I had already been in there, and, dude, the airport was mobbed. So I go in and I'm at, like, the very, very far end of the airport at like, 36, where it's just like, there's nowhere to be. And I'm like, man, you know, it was like, we're about to board, and I'm like, I'm gonna get. I wanted to get on first because we had a connection. I was in group one, so I'm like, let me, like, get up there. I don't like to butt, but I was, like, peeping out screens, and I.

[Shane Gillis]

Would see 3, 4.

[Matt McCusker]

I keep kind of popping up. I just wanted to be in position. And I. I like, there's nowhere to go. But I finally weasel next to this guy. He's got, like, a cowboy hat on. He's just standing there with his bag. And I. My plan was to stand, like, they have, like, a little market there, but that was roped off. So I was like. So I just stood right next to this guy, and I just heard him start going.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, of course. I think I'd be so mad.

[Matt McCusker]

Hold on.

[Shane Gillis]

God damn, you guys are pissing me off. He was. I'd be so. Dude, if somebody stood right next to.

[Matt McCusker]

Me, there was nowhere to go. I would have. For boarding, I would have had it. We were about to board.

[Shane Gillis]

Who cares? Wait till everyone else boards. You're in.

[Matt McCusker]

No way. Here's the thing. Because then people fill up the overhead slots. We're in a small plane. People fill the overhead slots. Now I got to put my bag five rows back. But then I have to jump off and get a quick connection. Our connection was tight, I think. Yeah, it was tight. I think on the way there. And we were delayed. So I Was like, bro, I got to get on this thing, get my stuff, and be ready to get off this plane. But I still. I wasn't bugging. I. I've got, like. I've, like, started bugging about that. I was chilling, but I was like, let me just get in a position. Everything's cool. Sand next to this guy. Dude literally starts like, I'm not. I'm not exaggerating. Starts making that noise.

[Shane Gillis]

I would do that. I would do that.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, then I stop, and I, like. I just.

[Shane Gillis]

I would say something. I would be like, oh, hello.

[Matt McCusker]

I turned. Well, he was. I think he was working that up. I didn't touch him. I didn't. I just got next to my clothes.

[Shane Gillis]

Are we talking?

[Matt McCusker]

I was right. Everyone was right next to each other. Dude, get the out of here. You're crazy. He goes like, I stopped. I'm like, bro, are you okay?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, really?

[Matt McCusker]

Not even.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, that would help.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, are you okay, dude?

[Shane Gillis]

Like, for real?

[Matt McCusker]

Like, what's going on? He was just like, everybody's bumping into each other. Full. Full spaz.

[Shane Gillis]

He's totally correct.

[Matt McCusker]

But I was like, dude, he's totally correct. I was like, there's nowhere to go. I was like, there's nowhere to go. Of course there is.

[Shane Gillis]

Just stand in the back until they announce your group.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, but then you got to push out. You got to get up there anyway. So I'm like, I'm not gonna stand all the way there and then have to, like. Because then you try. I've done that before. Or then they go, okay, now it's this group. I'm like, wait. I didn't even get on. It's just like. Then I have to, like. I just. I'm like, let me just get in a position, and I'll like. I. I try not to ever, like, butt where I'm like, in front of you, but I'll try to get to the side by myself. It's a whole, like, system I have. So this guy's just like. Everyone's just bumping into each other. I was like, dude. I'm like, oh, man, everything's fine. He literally goes like, what are you even talking about? I didn't touch the guy. He was like, I don't want to talk about it. I'm like, all right, fine. Like, dude. But it's like, whenever someone's about to spaz, I'm just like, I have to push him. I was like, laughing, like, what's the matter with you?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's good stuff.

[Matt McCusker]

And Then so I'm sitting there, all of a sudden, here comes Nate. I go, oh boy, oh boy. I got a red faced guy in a cowboy hat who's already brewing.

[Shane Gillis]

He's ready to swap. He's going to swap that hat. Be mad. He's going to break out that b.

[Matt McCusker]

You know, I was like, when Nate comes up, I was like, date him up for years. I'm watching Nate come through, by the way. No one else had a problem. Nate comes up and I go, this guy is. I might pop the top, dude. This guy might go. Nate comes up and accidentally bumped his luggage. And dude, this guy's luggage was stacked like that high. It fell and hit a lady.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh my.

[Matt McCusker]

Just watch him go. And I'm sure it bothered him a little bit that Nate was black. Cuz it's like you're like, how could this get any worse? A black guy bus in front of you and knocks your luggage over into a. The lady was like, oh, dude, I could have been happier.

[Shane Gillis]

I. Yeah, you guys, I'm. I'm fully with the cowboy. I'm fully with the cowboy. This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. Every year I like to watch a holiday movie. And I like it because it's a holiday classic. But we have to keep in mind whether whatever film you like to watch. It took a team of remarkably talented individuals to create every film you. Every film.

[Matt McCusker]

Every film.

[Shane Gillis]

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[Matt McCusker]

The number one hiring site based on G2. ZipRecruiter works fast to deliver results. Even faster than Santa delivering presents around the world in one night.

[Shane Gillis]

That's not true.

[Matt McCusker]

Check that through legal. Yeah, that's not immediately after you post your job.

[Shane Gillis]

We're sorry, Santa.

[Matt McCusker]

Santa, they're paying us to read this.

[Shane Gillis]

Santa, we're sorry. God, we're gonna get cold now. Thanks.

[Matt McCusker]

This is bull crap.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Trash Santa.

[Matt McCusker]

Immediately after you post your job, it's matching technology will start connecting you with qualified candidates in your area.

[Shane Gillis]

Mm.

[Matt McCusker]

Make your hiring a little.

[Shane Gillis]

I always get tricked by that. You ever get on a website and they say there's qualified people in your area? Yeah, I'd love to find one of those qualified.

[Matt McCusker]

Make your qualified milk.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Where we at. Make your hiring.

[Matt McCusker]

Yep. A little merrier.

[Shane Gillis]

Make your hiring a Little Merrier with ZipRecruiter. 4 out of 5. 4 out of 5 Employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Imagine that. Matt, what you need to do is just go to this exclusive web address right now to try ZipRecruiter for free. ZipRecruiter.com MSSP Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com MSP SSP Zip Recruiter.

[Matt McCusker]

The smartest way to hire.

[Shane Gillis]

The smartest way.

[Matt McCusker]

Clear. Clearly.

[Shane Gillis]

That'S when you got. You gotta start hitting the Eminem right away. If you're the cowboy, you just go, I'm not afraid.

[Matt McCusker]

Hey, we dished. I dished out. That was my bad. I dished out a double dose of punishment. And it was like. And he was already fuming. I think the security was crazy. So he was completely fumed out. And he was like, prior. What was it called? Concierge Key, where they're like, the very, very.

[Shane Gillis]

He's a top flyer.

[Matt McCusker]

Total top flyer. And he was, you know, surrounded by the hoy ploy of group one and two. So I don't think he was very happy.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, he's still talking about it. He's going to. At Christmas, he's going to be like, you know what? The airlines in this country have just gone to hell. What happened?

[Matt McCusker]

His bag fell and hit, like, an older lady, and she was like, oh. He, like, couldn't even talk. He was so mad. And then I kind of, like, followed him at the next airport. I was praying he'd be on our plane. Yeah. Because I just wanted. I was just like, damn, this guy's gonna freak out.

[Shane Gillis]

Where was your connection?

[Matt McCusker]

Where did we go to Doubt? Oh, yeah, we went to dc.

[Shane Gillis]

He was headed to dc.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, we went to DC and then he was. We were going to Syracuse. He was still in our little wing because we all, like, split off. But he came to our thing. I'm like, dude, is he gonna be on our flight? That'd be awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And. And I was. I was observing it, but at one point, we made it all the way.

[Shane Gillis]

That's also in my head. If that's going on with me, I'm going, is somebody. Are they with me? And you were. There was actually a malevolent force around him. Like, what's wrong with you, bro?

[Matt McCusker]

I was laughing because I was like, dude. He was literally going, yeah. I was like, bro, are you okay? Just, like, laughing. Be like, like, what's going on?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't want to talk about it.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't want to talk about it.

[Shane Gillis]

It's totally fair. What time was this flight? I know you guys Love. I know you guys love 5:00am 6:30 in the morning. This guy couldn't be more correct. You guys are the ones that are wrong.

[Matt McCusker]

We made it all the way to Washington, D.C. and I had been, like, kind of following him. I hope he's on our plane. And then we went to the Red Plum market in the airport, and I got some chicken. And then at one point, because I had been, like, kind of tailing them, and I was like, damn, I lost them. I go to the Red Club market. I'm getting my chicken. He comes around market. It's just like a little. It's like a little place in a bunch of airports. I've been growing at airports so hard lately. Red Blood market's good. They got some good chicken. But I grabbed my tray and I was like, damn, I lost him. I turn around, who is it? But the cowboy right in front of me. And I went all like, oh, I was so happy. Like, there you are. And he just was like, I just kind of. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

He wasn't excited to see you?

[Matt McCusker]

No, not at all. I don't think so.

[Shane Gillis]

At all.

[Matt McCusker]

I ruined his day. I didn't mean to, dude. I got plenty of space. I didn't bump. I know I didn't bump this guy, but I saw Nate coming. I. I did. I'll be honest. I was that evil. Part of me is like, here it comes. Here we go. Here we go.

[Shane Gillis]

Here it comes.

[Matt McCusker]

Moving my knight to f7, please.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, 5:30 in the morning, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

It was. Yeah, I could. I had my red light glasses on. Just be like, were you wearing red light glasses? He got hit with the whack back first thing in the morning. Imagine if you were genuinely mad at some dude was laughing next to you going, dude, are you okay?

[Shane Gillis]

I know. And he's wearing red glasses. You're in a cowboy outfit. And Nate was sweaty from sneaking in. I know. You're dripping sweat. I know. He's dripping sweat. Yeah, you're dripping sweat.

[Matt McCusker]

He was so sweaty.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, that's such a gross ass sweat. You didn't shower in the morning at 6am that was the first thing man.

[Doug]

Said when I walked up after he told me about the guy. Sweaty.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

You're sweating yourself. Yeah, that was. That was my Friday morning. I. I was. Man, I was on just cloud nine. It's been like, this is a funny.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's. It is a treat.

[Matt McCusker]

It was. I love seeing spat dude once people spaz at the airport. And again, it could be me. It could be anybody. I could spaz for sure. But it was like, when I see someone else spazzing, there's just a part of me. It's like, bro, I want to see. I want to see how far you can go.

[Shane Gillis]

You want to see a real spat? Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I want to see what you can fully do. Just. I doctor X them. I'm like, you have lots of potential. Well, let's see. But, yeah, he kept it in. Good for him. He didn't fully spaz, maybe. True.

[Shane Gillis]

Who knows? Wherever the he went, the middle of.

[Matt McCusker]

The next flight is like, Man. The weekend was good, though. We had a good time.

[Shane Gillis]

Syracuse, good start to the weekend.

[Matt McCusker]

Great start to the weekend. Good club, too. Was not bad. Dude, the mall. The mall. Dude, that is the sickest mall. It has a Dave and Busters. It has a dick Sporting goods. What else have escape room.

[Shane Gillis]

I think that's every single mall.

[Matt McCusker]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

That's every. Every single mall has a David go kart track that. Now you're talking. Now you're talking.

[Matt McCusker]

Next level in the mall, though. Dude, I never seen it in the mall.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait till you go to the Capital City Mall in Harrisburg.

[Matt McCusker]

True. Christ. What are you talking about?

[Shane Gillis]

That's the Capital City Mall, Drew.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't.

[Matt McCusker]

I've never seen. I only just seen, like, retail malls with, like, a food court. I didn't know they're putting the good stuff in there now. Malls are fighting back. Everyone wants to say malls are dead. Yeah, right. Dude, you got to see the. What was that place called? Destiny USA Mall malls got hit with.

[Shane Gillis]

A bit of the same thing that happened to water parks. They did, dude. The Capital City Malls. Not. Not my Capital City Mall. It's changed.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, they did. They did the. They did the whatchamacallit, parental escort thing.

[Shane Gillis]

What's that?

[Matt McCusker]

If you're a. If you're a teenager of any kind, nobody cares if you're a teenager.

[Shane Gillis]

If you're a yt. If you're just a young teen, your.

[Matt McCusker]

Teen, your parents have to be with you. So they crack down on the cheering running around.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, that kind of. That kind of ruins them all.

[Matt McCusker]

I know. Kind of stinks, but I don't think they really enforce it. I think it's there. If they need to drop the hammer, they can go, hey, teenagers aren't allowed in here by themselves.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You know what I mean? Teenagers dress in sports jerseys and sneakers are not allowed in here by themselves.

[Shane Gillis]

Old people used to go and walk the ball. Yeah. You ever see it?

[Matt McCusker]

I've seen old people hit the Shuffle back in the day.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I think they would just bring, like, old folks homes and be like, here. Just walk around.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah, there was. Yeah, I think a lot of old people, too. They would get, like, coffee at McDonald's in the morning and then just stretch, like, for exercise.

[Shane Gillis]

Just walk through the mall, hit the.

[Matt McCusker]

Ma L. But that thing was. That mall was nice.

[Shane Gillis]

M a double hockey sticks.

[Matt McCusker]

See, it was victorious, man. But I did not eat well, man. This weekend. Nothing but fried wings and flatbreads from the mall. Dropped a pile, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

That's a pile.

[Matt McCusker]

PI. Hockey sticky, dude. Yes, Big time. I woke up this morning, dude, first thing in the morning, just pull.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean. Yeah. You put together a recipe.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I did. That's why. Yeah. I was telling you earlier. Goddamn family has pinworms right now. So.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's good to pile out if you got. If you got a pinworm epidemic going through the house.

[Matt McCusker]

I was telling my wife, and she was like, you got to take the. I was like, bro, you think these things are hanging in here?

[Shane Gillis]

What. What. What is the. You gotta take.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like. It's like this. It's like banana flavored. It's like a chalky syrup. You gotta just. I had to chug, like 3 tablespoons of it before I came here. That. It kills. If I have anything. I mean, I could have. Who knows? I could have other parasites. It'll kill whatever's in your body.

[Shane Gillis]

It's good.

[Matt McCusker]

Then you gotta wait a week because pinworms lay eggs.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, my God.

[Matt McCusker]

So you gotta wait a week, and then you have to take it. So in case the eggs hatch, you kill those.

[Shane Gillis]

And then I really hope you don't have any pinworms because I really sit in that chair a lot.

[Matt McCusker]

We don't. I don't. I don't think they, like, come out. They come out of your butt at night time, too. Yeah, during the. During the day, my little wormies are sleeping.

[Shane Gillis]

I. Yeah, I've heard a lot of stories about this. You gotta take a flashlight to your kid's at night.

[Matt McCusker]

Yep.

[Shane Gillis]

Look for worms.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, man. That literally what you have to do.

[Shane Gillis]

You got to find the night crawlers. You got to.

[Matt McCusker]

You do.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Got to find the creepy crawlers. You got to hit them with the flashlight and just wait.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And they come out.

[Matt McCusker]

Little guys are like, yeah, man. Yep.

[Shane Gillis]

That's really up my cat out worms. And I was sad about it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Watch him crawling out of his butt. I was going, no, tibble.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, man. Would you wait? They say you can put tape over your butt when you sleep and wake up. I swear to God. And then you wake up, you check.

[Shane Gillis]

The tape, cast the tape off. That's pretty. That's like a fun thing to do. I might start doing that.

[Matt McCusker]

Anyway.

[Shane Gillis]

Anyway.

[Matt McCusker]

Or do it like. You know, people do that with a door to see if anyone's been sneaking in your room. Just put a piece of tape over your butt, wake up still. There you go. Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Good.

[Matt McCusker]

Nobody's access accessed me while I was sleeping.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn the flashlight into a butt and wait.

[Matt McCusker]

Just waiting.

[Shane Gillis]

Waiting to see if your kids got worms.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, man. But I was. I was at the Destiny mall at the time, so I didn't have to deal with that. But yeah, shout out to Brittany for holding down the fort and taking care of all the worms. Worm situation. She was freaking, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, of course.

[Matt McCusker]

And I get it.

[Shane Gillis]

It's the grossest thing possible.

[Matt McCusker]

It's disgusting. Yeah, it's truly disgusting.

[Shane Gillis]

It's my nightmare.

[Matt McCusker]

She's scared of bugs. Like, she's scared of regular bugs.

[Shane Gillis]

You know, I got a thing.

[Matt McCusker]

I know you don't like them.

[Shane Gillis]

Whatever. These types of bugs are parasites. There's something wrong with me. It's a very. Yeah, it is like a sign of like schizophrenia.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know. I think it's pretty normal to have like.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it's always like, there's bugs.

[Matt McCusker]

There's bugs on you.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I thought that I. I think there's bugs.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay, that's not now, but now I'm gonna be worried about pinworms. Yeah. I'm laying in my parents basement for Christmas. I'm gonna go, mom, I'm gonna have. I'm gonna have enough drinks to work up the courage to go. Mom, when I fall asleep tonight, I need you to come in here with.

[Matt McCusker]

A flashlight, check my butthole and just.

[Shane Gillis]

Check my butt for worms.

[Matt McCusker]

Your mom would do.

[Shane Gillis]

No, you have worms. My son has worms. You're 40, you have worms. It can happen to anybody.

[Matt McCusker]

Mom, she would check for sure.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know if she would.

[Matt McCusker]

She would check your butt if you were like, mom. If you came to her in earnest and was like, mom, I really need you to check for me. They would do it in a heartbeat. I guess she would. Honestly.

[Shane Gillis]

Not just like, we don't have that.

[Matt McCusker]

What do you mean?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think she's one of those ladies like enjoys that.

[Matt McCusker]

Like what?

[Shane Gillis]

Like gross with their kids.

[Matt McCusker]

Not like that. But I'm saying just like, you know, she just probably remembers you as like a little Tiny baby.

[Shane Gillis]

She's like, probably she would find out the hard way. I'm all man now. She'd be staring down the barrel of a man's ass with worms. Sarlacc pit coming right at you.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, America does have this thing where like the rest of the world, like, constantly takes dewormers and all this stuff. We. We think that we don't have, like, parasites and shit. And I think we. I think a lot of people have parasites. So I can give you some. A dose too. You can take some of the banana flavors just in case. Yeah. What the. Why not? It's not gonna hurt you.

[Shane Gillis]

I hear you.

[Matt McCusker]

It's not gonna hurt you. Probably stop covet too, if you get code.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it does. Probably does.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. My immune system's on fire. Right. Now that I've taken a dewormer, I believe it. Yeah, that was nasty. But, yeah, so that was. That was my deal, dude. Just flew home to an empty house. All my worm girls were gone.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

Where's my worm girls?

[Shane Gillis]

The worm sisters.

[Matt McCusker]

All my worm girls are gone. I almost didn't take it. And I, like, was talking to a FaceTime and I'm like, I forgot she had the medicine. Like, what is this? It's like, that's your dewormer. Take it right now. I was like, chugged it. I'm. I'm paranoid about taking a new thing. If I take, like, a new medicine for the first 40 minutes, I'm like, oh, dude, what if it has a weird side effect with just me and I just die? Right? So I had. That was like my half an hour before I left. Just being like, am I feeling this right now?

[Shane Gillis]

That didn't do. I'm taking another one. I'm not even high.

[Matt McCusker]

Dewormer sucked. That was our weekend, man. We just. It was. The spaz was a highlight. Then we just had two fun shows, and I don't think anything else really fun happened. I think we just kind of had a good old time. Yeah, it's just freezing cold. I did work out in a. The gym. I went to the gym, you know, or not the hotel gym. And there was a basketball team full of like, fourth graders with one adult. So I went in there and mogged them. They were like, kind of playing around with all this while this one guy was just like, oh, oh, can Be careful, Be careful. And he was just like. I walked in.

[Shane Gillis]

You should have. You should. Oh, are you still powerless? And you should have been screaming in there.

[Matt McCusker]

I wanted to. It. All they had was slam in place. 50 pound dumbbells.

[Shane Gillis]

I couldn't even have slammed them on the ground.

[Matt McCusker]

I should have. I don't want to grab one of these kids. I did mog them with the treadmill. I put it on 14 inc.

[Shane Gillis]

You became the cowboys. There's little kids, little kids running around the gym. You go, I don't want to talk about it. Especially you juiced up your body.

[Matt McCusker]

I shouldn't be in here. No, I didn't even care. The guy was. The guy was super apologetic. And I'm like, bro, I need my little corner. And then I hit the 15 in 15 incline on the treadmill. And I was running sprinting hills on the treadmill.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn.

[Matt McCusker]

Just mogging the kids, of course. Just letting them know. But you guys think shit's sweet. Bro, I'm about to turn 40 at Worms. I'm running.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, life sucks. I mean, Syracuse on a treadmill with worms in my butt.

[Matt McCusker]

This episode is brought to you by Monster Ultra. Everyone knows the white Monster.

[Shane Gillis]

Yep.

[Matt McCusker]

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[Shane Gillis]

All right.

[Matt McCusker]

But Chain Ultra doesn't stop there. There's a whole lineup now. Vice, Guava, Blue Hawaiian, and the new Wild Passion.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, Wild Passion.

[Matt McCusker]

If you're loyal to the white can. Cool. Just know you've got options. Visit monsterenergy.com to learn more.

[Shane Gillis]

I will visit monsterenergy.com to Learn more.

[Matt McCusker]

This episode is brought to you by Viori.

[Shane Gillis]

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[Matt McCusker]

The core short is the short that started it all for Vuori Fitness Versatility. One short. Every sport, guys. They're ideal for fitness, running and training, but also stylish and comfortable. That's important.

[Shane Gillis]

That is important. I want to be stylish.

[Matt McCusker]

I want to be stylish and comfortable. Some of their stuff is like borderline erotica. So if you feel my shorts right here, I'm actually wearing them right now. I'm actually wearing them right now. Dude.

[Shane Gillis]

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[Matt McCusker]

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[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I'm trying to think. What. I don't even know what I did this weekend. I had a nice weekend off.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you chilled.

[Shane Gillis]

Swat some football. It was a good time.

[Matt McCusker]

Nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Watch the Jake Paul fight, dude. You guys get to watch that.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I didn't know was going on until I woke up the next morning. I said, jake Paul got knocked out. I said, so what?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Why do you fight that guy? That guy's enormous.

[Shane Gillis]

Probably for $100 million.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I mean, that's really what people wanted to see is him get knocked out.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he. It looked like he was. It looked like Anthony Joshua was kind of letting it go a little further.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

But he also could have just been waiting to tire him out.

[Matt McCusker]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

And then.

[Matt McCusker]

But I saw the highlights.

[Shane Gillis]

I gotta give Jake Paul some credit. He was fully gassed, like, falling on the ground constantly. Kept getting up. Good for him.

[Matt McCusker]

It's also.

[Shane Gillis]

People love hating on that guy. And I get it. He's. Yeah, he acts a fool.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. He's like a YouTube guy. But it's also.

[Shane Gillis]

He did stand up, I think, with a shattered jaw.

[Matt McCusker]

And. Dude, I mean, fighting that guy. That guy is. That guy's terrifying, nasty boxer, but he's also way bigger.

[Shane Gillis]

He was a heavyweight champ.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, dude, that's what I'm saying. It's like, yeah, you got to give credit where it's due. Even if they were like, we had an agreement to not do a lot of damage. It's like, dude, if I blocked a.

[Shane Gillis]

Body shot, you started going for damage.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he broke his draw.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

If I were to block one of that guy's body shots with my arms, I would still quit the fight.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, kill.

[Matt McCusker]

It would hurt so bad. It would. I'd probably fall.

[Shane Gillis]

Punch in the arm.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

Everybody that doesn't know how to fight in these fights just turns around and tries to walk away. You get a hit, you're like, okay, that's it. Hooked in the back of the head.

[Matt McCusker]

It was seriously just like. Yeah. I had to give credit where it was due. I was like, bro, just even fighting that guy. Because I guess everyone was being like, you know how to real boxer, dude. Fighting that. Just fighting somebody at that skill level is crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

And that side, the size.

[Matt McCusker]

The size was crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

That dude mogged Paul.

[Sean Gardini]

It was interesting to me because before they signed this deal, he was supposed to fight Javante Davis, who's significantly smaller than him.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Sean Gardini]

So maybe that had something to do with it. Trying to fight someone bigger than him after he got a bunch of backlash for trying to fight a small guy.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, I was thinking about Javante would be a problem.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah, he would be a big.

[Shane Gillis]

He'd be a real problem for him.

[Sean Gardini]

But that was an interesting. They called it off. Like Gervonta was alluding to there being like shady business going on and stuff.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Sean Gardini]

I think so.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think that's every single boxing match.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

True. Ever.

[Sean Gardini]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Every single time.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that. That's. That was like kind of the rumor stuff I heard online that they. They believe there was like a, you know, a contract clause to like not do a lot of damage.

[Shane Gillis]

I think they at least let. Let it go three or four rounds before you start sweating.

[Matt McCusker]

Before you start. What do you mean?

[Sean Gardini]

Bet on how long the fight lasts. Like my friend. Bet on it to go over two and a half rounds and like that's a lock. If you know that they're doing that sort of like it. It's pretty shady.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Sean Gardini]

When you bring the sports book into it.

[Matt McCusker]

True. I mean that was. Yeah. Credit. Credit to him for even just taking the damage because that was like he was whaling them, bro. But they said he never throwing straight right the whole time. I think he hooked him. Was that a hooker? I think it was a hook. I think. I think he just hooked him. Yeah, he. That was crazy. All my heroes fell, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Paul fell, Cobra Tate fell. I might have to step up into the manosphere. WES Watson lost 80 pounds of muscle. I was telling you about that. I don't know if it's 80, but he lost a lot of muscle. And there's a guy who makes. There's a dude on YouTube on Wes Watson's his ass, bro.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

His name is Johnny something. I forget his name. But he. Dude, he makes like real time documentaries. Like he doesn't have any muscle anymore. Those little twerp just attacks him the whole time. Yeah. Wes Watson is even about muscles anymore. He doesn't even care. He's on the other.

[Shane Gillis]

He's too busy.

[Matt McCusker]

He's way too busy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

So. But yeah, the guy's on his ass right now. He's like, you're not even jacked anymore.

[Shane Gillis]

All I saw was cover taken hit with uppercuts.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Kind of just wild ass uppercuts.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I mean it happens, bro. You step into the ring, obviously, you know, who am I to even talk? Of course I don't have any dust. I'm the. You know, I'm not the man in the arena, but no, my heroes have fallen now. I don't have any idea what to say to girls.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't think about that exactly.

[Matt McCusker]

I gotta hit with that guy who beat him up. I need to hear what he thinks about.

[Shane Gillis]

What does he think about how to approach women? I don't know. I'm waiting to probably throw a drink on him and spit on him. That's usually the message.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm awaiting instructions for my new sensei.

[Shane Gillis]

We'll find him. We'll find a new sense of who's going to be.

[Matt McCusker]

Show me. One guy in the manosphere is still standing strong.

[Shane Gillis]

Milo Yiannopoulos.

[Matt McCusker]

True. Yeah, I guess he could. He could talk about what to say to girls too, now. Yeah, he's straight as a arrow. So talk to. Yeah, we talked to Milo about girls. I don't know. That'd be nice. He knows about girls. What are you talking about, dude? He's a YouTube celebrity. You don't think he gets a ton of girls?

[Shane Gillis]

Relax, Sean. I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

Or maybe it could be Nicki Minaj might be my new hero. Oh, that's a good hero.

[Shane Gillis]

That's a good one.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, she's. I. I don't know. I. I believe her. I think she's been super right wing this whole time, I think.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I mean, when Lil Wayne met Trump, she was probably okay.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. And again, she. She was a absolute. You know, she broke the story about her cousin's gigantic balls from the COVID vaccine.

[Shane Gillis]

So that would probably. Yeah, that would. Red pillar. Because everyone's like, shut the up. You can't. You can't go against the VAX badge.

[Matt McCusker]

I know she went against it. She was the only person. But I don't know. I don't know what that's all about, though. I'm kind of curious. What?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know if it's like a rebranding thing. I don't know if she's seeing. Peeping the Candace bag. Candace's bag is up, right? Sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Nicki Minaj has a substantial bag. Probably still has the bag.

[Matt McCusker]

Probably has the bag for sure. But, dude, the Candace bag is crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Is it?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, bro. I think. I think her show is, like, enormous. I think I could be wrong. Yeah. It's like she has, like, one of the biggest shows.

[Doug]

Her podcast is like, for real. One of the biggest podcasts.

[Matt McCusker]

That makes sense. Yeah.

[Doug]

Since I think since Charlie Kirk died, like, she's been talking about it a lot, and it's blown up since then.

[Matt McCusker]

She also has.

[Shane Gillis]

I watched a couple of those episodes.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, she adds a little. She's got her secret recipe. She has a secret ingredient she's been adding to her show right now. Just being, like, blaming the Juice or everything. That shit's hot right now.

[Shane Gillis]

It is hot.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, bro, you give me the word, we can take this show to the top. And it's hot. It's so hot right now to be. Just go crazy to go dumb on the. On the Jew W's. But nah, I just want to do a comedy podcast, dude, I'm telling you. Of course it is. The biggest pods.

[Shane Gillis]

The biggest pods. Every single one of them.

[Matt McCusker]

It's crazy. I mean, we're just leaving money on the goddamn table.

[Shane Gillis]

We are. We got to get in there. We got to do our. We got to do independent research.

[Matt McCusker]

True. I don't know. I. I'll just make stuff up, too.

[Shane Gillis]

Like what?

[Doug]

She's number one. Like, in the. At the end of this year, she hit number one globally for downloads and views with 3.6 million daily streams.

[Matt McCusker]

People want to know.

[Sean Gardini]

I looked up her net worth though. It. Well, I guess you can't really. I don't know what you mean. True. It is.

[Shane Gillis]

Those things are wrong.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah, it says, like, 20 mil for Candace Owens and Nicki Minaj is like 150 million.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay, well, I'll shut the up then. You're probably right about Barbie, bro.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah, she had a lot of hits.

[Matt McCusker]

You're probably right. Yeah, you're probably right.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

And she was on Lil Wayne's music label, too, so. Yeah. You know.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, probably. I mean, Young money. Come on, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

Yo.

[Shane Gillis]

Come on, bro. How big?

[Matt McCusker]

Let's.

[Shane Gillis]

What are we talking about?

[Matt McCusker]

True. I guess it's not on. Yeah. Why is it not on Spotify?

[Shane Gillis]

Peep number nine. Oh, Peep number seven.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, true.

[Shane Gillis]

And we don't have to be nasty like that.

[Matt McCusker]

That's true. We're Summer seven.

[Shane Gillis]

We're just good boys. Good boys.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. We're just getting gbps around here. Getting gbps, you know, Also telling ourselves I was wrong at the airport. That's my bad.

[Shane Gillis]

I knew you weren't wrong. You weren't wrong.

[Matt McCusker]

I wasn't wrong initially, but the amount of glee I was taking and following this man.

[Shane Gillis]

And peep.

[Matt McCusker]

I was peeping on him, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

I would have also followed him. I'd like to see what he's doing. There's nothing else to do at the Airport. If you're watching a potential spaz, it's so nice because I see him online all the time. I rarely get to see him in person.

[Matt McCusker]

He kept it. I'll be, you know, I'll give him credit where it's due. He did keep it contained pretty well. Yeah, I saw one other good spaz. What do you disagree?

[Doug]

I mean, when I bumped his bag, he hit it out loud. Like, that was what I pulled up to. I didn't even like, see the other.

[Matt McCusker]

But dude, if you're. If you're hitting audible grumbles, Sweaty dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Comes and knocks your over.

[Doug]

He had the biggest bags.

[Matt McCusker]

It was. His bag was crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

It was.

[Doug]

They were like stacked up, like for real, for almost as tall as me.

[Matt McCusker]

It was crazy. It was just nailed. But. Oh, man. Yeah, I just, you know, I didn't push the envelope any further, but I was trying to get as close as possible to. You can't spaz like that. I mean, you really should.

[Shane Gillis]

And grumble, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

You could. No, dude, this was a grab. You can grumble, but you can't grab headphones on. No.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, so. All right.

[Matt McCusker]

No, no, I know what you're saying. Yeah, he was like. He didn't realize how loud he was talking. This was a growl, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

This is a headphoneless grumble.

[Matt McCusker]

Headphoneless grumble growl.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, man, that's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

So, so funny, dude. I literally. I'll just. It's such a joy in my heart.

[Shane Gillis]

I become like a. Like a mask wearing liberal in there. I'm very passive aggressive. Oh, that's nice. Oh, knocked over my back. Great, thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

I guess I'll pick it up then.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I'll pick it up. No problem. You know what time it is, Everybody at home, it's time. This episode is brought to you by Rocking Money. Matt, I need you to riff for me, daddy. On how much what? You know, what do you do with rocket money?

[Matt McCusker]

How much time were you spending each month trying to manage your finances before rocket money? What do you do with that extra time now?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, what do you do with that every day?

[Matt McCusker]

Once I got my. It took me a while. When I had my budget all over the place, I didn't have a lot of time, you know, to just like, do the stuff I needed to do, take care of my own.

[Shane Gillis]

Personal stuff.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, personal health, reproductive health. And now that I've organized my budget with rocket money, let's just say I've been launching some rockets of my own.

[Shane Gillis]

And it's fun. I'll tell you this, man, when you launch. When you launch a rocket, it's fun to go. Here comes the rocket money.

[Matt McCusker]

Your babe walks, in you go. What are you doing?

[Shane Gillis]

Rocking Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Take it away with rock and you.

[Matt McCusker]

Can see all of your transactions automatically categorized across accounts and set up customizable categories and tags to reveal your spending patterns. You can use it to set budgets and goals, get personalized insights and regular reports, and even receive real time alerts for large transact transitions.

[Shane Gillis]

Sometimes. Sometimes? Oh, I thought it was transactions.

[Matt McCusker]

So did I.

[Shane Gillis]

Large transactions Joke. What did you say? Sometimes you got to give somebody a real personal alert for a large transaction that's headed their way. You know what I mean? You got to go. Get out of the way. It's a big rocket money.

[Matt McCusker]

What do you want me to do with this rocket money? Upcoming bills, refunds and low balances. And Rocket money can even automate savings to grow towards your goals with adjustable amounts and frequency. Just set it up and let it do its thing. Shane, give me one more. You do the rocket money the best.

[Shane Gillis]

Help you reach your financial goals faster. [e-mail] that's Rocking Money.com MSSP RockingMoney.com SSP.

[Matt McCusker]

Hey guys, please catch me doing stand up. I'll be In Houston, Texan January 16, I'll be in doubt. Did I. What the.

[Shane Gillis]

That'll be inside of a Houston, Texan.

[Matt McCusker]

Hey guys, it's me. January 16th, I'll be at Houston, Texas at Performance Hall. January 17th I'll be at the Majestic theater in Dallas and then on to Hartford, Connecticut, Albany, New York, Las Vegas, Denver, Boise, go. And a bunch more places. Go to matt McCusker.com for details. Also Tuesday the day this is out at the creek. I'll be doing the show algonauts where we go through people's cell phones.

[Shane Gillis]

This is the debut. Yeah, it's gonna be good.

[Matt McCusker]

It's gonna be fun. So we're. If you're still around in town, come to that. The Creek and cave. I believe it's at 8 o'. Clock.

[Shane Gillis]

It could be a hit new show.

[Matt McCusker]

I think it could be fun.

[Shane Gillis]

I think it could be a hit.

[Matt McCusker]

Go through people's cell phones, project their algorithm onto a screen and then see what the algorithm says about them. And you know, I'll show. We'll show our own algorithms too, so.

[Shane Gillis]

So nice. Yeah, I just added Chicago, Nashville, Charlotte and Boston. So check those Out. And then, of course, the show at the Link in Philadelphia. Please go to that.

[Matt McCusker]

Let's go.

[Shane Gillis]

I swear it's gonna be good. Thank you.

[Sean Gardini]

Hello. Sorry for the interruption. I'll also. This is Sean Gardini, and I'll be in Atlanta.

[Shane Gillis]

But.

[Sean Gardini]

Sorry. Hello. Sorry for the interruption. I. I just wanted to let you know I'll be in Atlanta on. In January 22 and 24, and we have the Noctis January 6, and then the third Tuesday of January as well. Please come if you can.

[Matt McCusker]

Thank you.

[Shane Gillis]

I. I saw a guy riding his bike wearing a mask yesterday.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

And it pissed me off. And I was like, I was just on my constitutional, saw a guy riding a bike wearing a M95.

[Matt McCusker]

That's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

I was. I wanted to. I wanted to yell.

[Matt McCusker]

Unless he was trying to get.

[Shane Gillis]

I grumbled.

[Matt McCusker]

You think he was trying to get his VO2 max up? No, that's crazy to worry. No, he definitely wasn't. The K95. It's crazy, man.

[Shane Gillis]

They're putting up some wild signs around here in my part.

[Matt McCusker]

What'd you get?

[Shane Gillis]

They just keep posting these signs that say, queer kids fight back. Whoa. They're getting fired up.

[Matt McCusker]

Quirkies fight back.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And then it's a picture of a dog, like, biting someone. I guess queer kids are dogs, and.

[Matt McCusker]

I guess that's the message. Was there an event that kicked this off?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know. No, they keep popping up. They're getting bigger.

[Matt McCusker]

Kids fight back. I'm not. I don't know about this. Yeah, man. Hold on a second.

[Shane Gillis]

They're making signs for Nate.

[Doug]

I was about to say, we're tired of getting called zesty. We're about to start biting people. Start growling and bite people.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, okay.

[Shane Gillis]

What is it?

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know, honestly.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, this is. This is at my park.

[Matt McCusker]

Grew kids fight back.

[Shane Gillis]

Isn't that wild?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. It just includes various forms of activism from grassroots organizing and protests, illegal challenges, and working with supportive organizations. Well, how about, say, queer kids get political? You know what I mean? Queer kids are cool.

[Shane Gillis]

There's also. There's a house by me that somebody spray painted adulteress on the fence. And then a little further down, you see her full name is a spray painted somewhere else.

[Sean Gardini]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

Some drama.

[Matt McCusker]

A little drama amongst the Austin housewives. Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Adulterous. Real big. It's like, get out there and paint over that. True in there for two weeks.

[Matt McCusker]

Maybe she likes it.

[Shane Gillis]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

Might get her off.

[Shane Gillis]

I stopped by, I hit the old Wilson. Go right over the fence.

[Matt McCusker]

I go, hey, Heard there's an adulteress in these bars.

[Shane Gillis]

A slut in here. Saw the sign out front. I'm here for the slut.

[Matt McCusker]

Go spray paint your phone number, right?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, call me, slut. Yeah, that's pretty wild, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

How far is it from here?

[Shane Gillis]

I can walk there, so pretty close.

[Matt McCusker]

Take a gander at that. Between the episodes, I like to see this.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Just knock up and be like, you know, you have a disparaging message on your. On your thing, dude. We were. We were driving recently, and someone had the. You know, like, the windshield gets dusty, and people write. Someone had just wrote the N word on this person's car. And so me and Brittany are driving back from the gym, and Brittany pulls.

[Shane Gillis]

Up and is like, hey, it was funny until then. Sorry.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, it's two Mexican ladies in the car. Because I was like, I want to see whose car this is. And then we pull up and didn't.

[Shane Gillis]

Even know what to say.

[Matt McCusker]

I just want to see, like, what are we working with here? Just two Mexican ladies just sitting there. And Brittany, like, try to tell them you have the end. And then they were like, no, Indianas. And then she, like, Google translated to them. They went, oh. Just kind of kept driving. They couldn't give a. I was like, so I just want to tell them, yeah, yeah, go ahead. Knock yourself out.

[Shane Gillis]

I think that's a reasonable thing to tell someone.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. You have the N word on.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should get a car wash. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Really? Or just wipe it. Yeah, Someone pranked them. They got punked.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a classic prank that happened to.

[Doug]

My parents, like, right after we moved here. That was, like, the first thing my mom told me is, like, because they're old, they don't be taking their car out all the time. But it's like somebody got them with it on the block, too.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, no.

[Shane Gillis]

In Reading.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Doug]

There's probably a Puerto Rican person, like, just, damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Doug]

Or one of you guys. Not taking.

[Shane Gillis]

You guys, no offense. I'm not trying to claim innocence without knowing anything. Seems like it wasn't us in Reading.

[Doug]

Yeah, y' all in there.

[Matt McCusker]

Y' all are there.

[Doug]

Y' all in red.

[Matt McCusker]

Never even been to Reading personally.

[Shane Gillis]

There's, like, 12 white people.

[Doug]

It's about.

[Shane Gillis]

It's about y', all, like, yeah, there's a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

How big? How big? We're talking on the back windshield.

[Shane Gillis]

That's crazy.

[Doug]

I didn't. I didn't. I didn't get. My mom didn't give me the details. Yeah, she Waited for, like, a while before she even told me, apparently.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Doug]

She was like, yeah, we got.

[Matt McCusker]

It's all.

[Doug]

It was all done and said. You know, said and done when I heard about it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, but. Rough start. Yeah. Yeah.

[Doug]

That's what's nasty.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That's crazy hard R. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

How'd they write it?

[Doug]

It was the same way, like in the dirty. On the.

[Shane Gillis]

On the.

[Doug]

On a dirty car hit a dirty part of the car.

[Shane Gillis]

They're old. No, I'm not mad that they are dirty.

[Doug]

I thought you made the face.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm more upset about the slur against your parents.

[Doug]

I thought he would just be a funny.

[Shane Gillis]

No, I wasn't like, oh, yeah, yeah, something's gonna happen. My bad, My bad. The dude.

[Doug]

My bad.

[Shane Gillis]

I like to joke around. You think I'm actually racist.

[Matt McCusker]

No, but they won't, man.

[Doug]

It's kind of funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, dirty car. Someone tagged you up. Yeah, man. Because also, that's like, you really gotta. You can't just wipe with your hand. Your hands get all dirty and so then you gotta, like, just drive with that on there. And then you gotta.

[Shane Gillis]

You gotta go get a paper towel or a towel.

[Matt McCusker]

True, I guess. Yeah, you're right. I'm thinking about a paper towel. I'd have. You'd have to drive, man. You have to drive. But you have to go to the gas station thing and dunk that thing every one second.

[Shane Gillis]

You'd go squeegee. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Maybe I should just keep this on the back of my car. It's my car.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm gonna do it. It's a free country.

[Matt McCusker]

It's a free country. I do whatever I want.

[Shane Gillis]

But, yeah, I can do anything.

[Matt McCusker]

No, he doesn't. Wipe that off, stat.

[Shane Gillis]

I feel bad for the adulterous lady.

[Matt McCusker]

Why?

[Shane Gillis]

I just feel bad, the whole situation.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I mean, dude, that's. Look, dude, it gets. It does get. That's what happens. That's the drama and the burbs. Dude, get the ladies. They do a lot of yoga. They get a little horny, you know, Married to an engineer. What would it be like to have sex with an architect? Switch it up.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, same thing.

[Matt McCusker]

Oops, now you're busted.

[Shane Gillis]

Exact same thing.

[Matt McCusker]

Oops, now you're busted. An architect's just kind of a gay engineer. I couldn't even get hard for me. Now I have slot on my fence.

[Shane Gillis]

Slot on your fences. Not great.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, lady. And tramped a soft noodle. Now I have slut on my slurp.

[Shane Gillis]

The nude slurped it.

[Matt McCusker]

It Is funny to be like a 45 year old lady and cheat on your 45 year old husband with a 45 year old man. It's like, bro, just use a vibrator. Like, what do you think? What do you think this other 45 year old man's about to do to you?

[Shane Gillis]

Not a lot. It's probably so swab though. At the bar it was probably like, oh, man, you and me could do something special.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, the guy's phone. I was peeping. He was a bit of an elder statesman. I said, man, I know you guys are getting all freaky like that little freaky diggy. I'm over here getting gbps. I should have told on him to the lady next to me texting about people. I think he was. Might have been texting a stewardess. Not going to say anything more, but.

[Shane Gillis]

You know, is it true that Nate was taking a nap and then the male stores came over and woke him up and he tried to kiss him when he woke up straight out of his sleep?

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, it's every time.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he tapped on the shoulder, my jacket over the shoulder, and they went, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry, daddy. That's all right. You don't have to. We don't have to keep the bit going.

[Matt McCusker]

You can defend yourself.

[Shane Gillis]

You did try to kiss a guy on the plane, but that's it. Can't believe you bumped into the cowboy.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude. It was. I mean, it's just so early in the morning. It was just, man, amazing.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I had a good night last night.

[Matt McCusker]

What'd you do?

[Shane Gillis]

Me and the ocon man got on hell, let loose for a while.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, it's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Got a little tank crew and o' Connor was the driver, I was the gunner. We had a good time as we were. We were, we were doing well. And then I realized his driving was a little erratic.

[Matt McCusker]

I was just waiting. I'm like, there's no way this lasted.

[Shane Gillis]

I realized his driving was erratic. And then I was like, dude, are you drunk? He was drunk, dude. He was hammered. I was like, you're getting us killed, dude. We're getting like, no, no. He was like, yeah. No, he. I go, dude, are you drunk? He goes, no. I go, did you drink today? He goes, yeah. I was on a flight, I had, I had a couple drinks. I was like, you're wasted, dude. We're getting killed out here.

[Matt McCusker]

It's so funny to be on a tank. Just like, whoa, what the hell?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, the driving was a little erratic. And then I'd be Like, oh, stop, stop. Because I'm trying to aim the thing. Yeah, there'd be another tank. I'd be like, dude, stop the tank. He'd be, I couldn't get a shot.

[Matt McCusker]

I was like, I can't get a shot.

[Shane Gillis]

Chris had the headset on. I was sitting right here. It was great.

[Matt McCusker]

That's so funny.

[Shane Gillis]

We probably played for, like three or four hours. It was awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

That is amazing. Yeah, Tank crew is nice too.

[Shane Gillis]

Tanker's very.

[Matt McCusker]

How'd you guys do overall?

[Shane Gillis]

We. We had some really good games and then some towards the end. The last game was terrible.

[Matt McCusker]

The pizza probably came for Oconnor.

[Shane Gillis]

I will say Chipotle came for me at one point. There's a couple times I had the mic off. I was grubbing. Be like, tank.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm like, oh.

[Shane Gillis]

It'S good time.

[Matt McCusker]

True. That is. That sounds really fun, though.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it was wholesome.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Very nice.

[Matt McCusker]

We also. We finally have to clear the record for Amy's ice cream. Oh, yeah, Amy's ice cream does rule. I'm sorry we made fun of the ice cream cake. It was just a simple mistake. They sent us a tiny.

[Shane Gillis]

Told you. I took some bites of that. It was delicious.

[Matt McCusker]

Yep. Yeah, that was funny. To get the report. I got the report a day later. He was like, shane actually liked the cake.

[Shane Gillis]

The cake was so good.

[Matt McCusker]

So I was. Delicious cake.

[Shane Gillis]

I was on the telephone and I was trying to throw it out, and I was like, I'm not just gonna waste it. I'll take a bite. So while I'm talking to somebody, I was like, oh, yeah, man, for sure. Just ate, like half that thing in 20 seconds. Standing, eating ice cream cake on the phone with Tony Yayo. It was with G Unit. I was on the phone with him.

[Matt McCusker]

It was your birthday too, and it.

[Shane Gillis]

Was my B day.

[Matt McCusker]

It was your B day.

[Shane Gillis]

Tony called me on my B day. It was nice.

[Matt McCusker]

So nice.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Hello, Mr. Yayo. Yeah, that's. I wanted.

[Shane Gillis]

Pretty awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

I felt bad. We just smacked an Amy's ice cream cake.

[Shane Gillis]

That was all you. I can't believe I followed through with your nasty plan. I should have.

[Matt McCusker]

I feel.

[Shane Gillis]

I feel so guilty about slapping.

[Matt McCusker]

That was such a funny thing to just smack your birthday cake out of Sean's hand.

[Shane Gillis]

It is funny, but, you know, it was hilarious. That's what. That's what keeps me up at night. What the man Just snappy. An for 10 seconds, your friends hate you, and then I get a text that says, it's Tony Yayo. JJ G unit. I go, this is how he texts.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes. This is awesome. That's so tight.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, I was pretty excited about that.

[Matt McCusker]

I need CG unit. Come back. 50 star has re risen.

[Shane Gillis]

Another great black Republican.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah, True. That's true.

[Shane Gillis]

Nick Minaj. 50 Lil Wayne.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. What the. Think Kodak Black.

[Shane Gillis]

Kodak Black for sure. He loves Trump. That's his unc dude. This is Gemini twin.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

[Shane Gillis]

He loves it. We got.

[Matt McCusker]

There's a good black Republicans might rule.

[Shane Gillis]

Obviously. The only way. We gotta get Jay Z. He's the ultimate damn though.

[Matt McCusker]

He is, bro. Morphed into a damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he's like an Anderson Cooper.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. But he's like become a Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

He's.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he's damn. Here.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You got the Basquiat. Isn't that there?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I'll be. Yeah. Oh, I don't want to trash some of his art, but I just. I don't like that crap.

[Shane Gillis]

Basquiat, not a fan. I don't really know much about it.

[Matt McCusker]

Just like, cool. I don't. It's like pop art. I don't like pop art. I should say. I shouldn't fairly attack Busquiat. I don't like pop art or whatever the. I don't even know what I'm talking about. But that, like, very modern looking art.

[Shane Gillis]

Like Warhol. Like Andy Warhol.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I'm not a huge.

[Shane Gillis]

It's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

But I. Dude, I like a beautiful. I have heard though that those guys that do that stuff can usually technically.

[Shane Gillis]

Like are like the other stuff.

[Matt McCusker]

Perfect technical painters, they just get bored and do that stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

They're like all comics. Yeah. Like, we could do comedy, but I'm just kind of. Kind of trash the form. You know what I'm saying?

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm just here to trash the whole thing.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know if those guys could technically.

[Shane Gillis]

Of course they can't.

[Matt McCusker]

But I. I've heard because I was like talking to someone. I was talking to my friend Ray about that and I was like, like, dude, like, how do people not recognize, like there's a beautiful landscape painting and you have this and you're like, oh, they can do that. They just. Yeah. Choose to do something else.

[Shane Gillis]

I like that.

[Matt McCusker]

But it's like, why don't you. That's what I'm saying.

[Shane Gillis]

Give me some goya, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

I love that. But I don't know. I'm not gonna sit here and just be a Debbie Downer about anything.

[Shane Gillis]

Try to watch a documentary on the Spanish Civil war. I still don't understand it. What? I've read so many books about it. I've done it. I've done the research. I can't figure it out.

[Matt McCusker]

Was it north and south still or east and west?

[Shane Gillis]

O little north and south? It was kind of the whole country, like just random parts, but everyone just beefing. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What year was this?

[Shane Gillis]

Late 20s, early 30s.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, this was like 19.

[Shane Gillis]

It was like they were testing out World War II in there. Like, the Germans were giving the fascists some weapons and.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

So they like, try. Everybody was kind of trying to. Russia was helping the commies.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. So it was a fascist versus commies.

[Shane Gillis]

A little bit.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

But then that's where it gets up because then there's like a bunch of different factions, like anarchists, communists, were kind of on the same team.

[Matt McCusker]

All the political parties just attacked each other, basically. That sucks. Well, it wasn't.

[Shane Gillis]

Occasionally they'd turn on each other.

[Matt McCusker]

What?

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know what the happened.

[Matt McCusker]

I think it was a spaz.

[Shane Gillis]

I still don't know what happened. It was a Spanish spat.

[Matt McCusker]

It was a nationwide spaz.

[Shane Gillis]

It was a full spaz for. I don't know. I still don't know what happened.

[Matt McCusker]

That's crazy. I, like, have vague. I'm like, vaguely familiar with it. I like, didn't even really. No, they had a big civil war.

[Shane Gillis]

But they were just massacring each other all the time. Yeah, it was pretty vicious in the Village. You'd be like, yo, that guy's a fascist. Let's go rip his head off.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

What the hell you think that was about? When was TV invented? After the 20s? I don't know. You think they saw a couple John Wayne flicks and we're like, no, John Wayne.

[Shane Gillis]

It was later, but it was close.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. 20s is way early.

[Shane Gillis]

20S is TV. They might have, like, real early TVs, but not in Spain, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

No. Yeah, right. That was also like. They had radio. So. So that was. Big band, was a soundtrack. It was a swing.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. The Roaring twenties.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, man, that stinks.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that's. I don't. It's weird to. This is a jump, but did I talk about that Ukraine video? The doc I watched? No, bro, it's terrible.

[Matt McCusker]

What it like, just.

[Shane Gillis]

What about called 2, 000 meters to. I forget the name of the town to pbs. Pbs, Doc.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

They just follow these Ukrainian fighters and it's all like body cam. Like, you see them all fighting. It's. And then it was last year.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, really?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. I mean, it was like.

[Matt McCusker]

It was just war footage.

[Shane Gillis]

You're watching it and you're like, damn, I was at a Notre Dame game during this. Oh, what are these?

[Matt McCusker]

What the.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, it's. I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

Is it pretty brutal?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's really brutal. Jesus. Early. Very early on in the documentary, a guy gets shot. You hear him screaming. His boys just drag him into a trench.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

And they're like, we got to get out of here. And he's like, dude, just leave me. They're like, don't blow yourself up, dude. You promise? He's like, yeah. They're like, we're coming back. He was like, don't come back. And then you see his body cam footage from the trench he's laying in, just, like, looking up at the shitty sky. Oh, yeah, it's really terrible.

[Matt McCusker]

Just blows himself up, up.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know if he did, but.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, he just chills.

[Shane Gillis]

He was kind of talking like he was about to. Which he did get shot through the arms and legs. So he was.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It's either that or you wait for a drone or they come over and stab you some.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, God.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a really terrible. Obviously, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You don't like. It kind of died down. The Israel, Palestine stuff took over on that front. You don't hear it now. Like, you're still hearing about. I guess they're, you know, going to be talking about peace. Be nice little piece for Christmas.

[Shane Gillis]

That'd be nice.

[Matt McCusker]

That'd be a nice little piece for Christmas.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Give it a watch. 2000, what's it called? And Drivka.

[Matt McCusker]

It's a tough one, dude. I. Yeah. I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

2000 years.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Rugged stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy. Like, the battlefield's crazy. It's like two sides of it are fields that are covered in mines, so you can't go through it. And then there's this little stretch of forest that's just a straight line to the town that's 2,000 meters. So they're on one side, they're on the other side.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You just got to keep sending guys through this forest.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh.

[Shane Gillis]

But they always do, like, five on five. It's very weird. You never see, like, a major battle there. It's always like, 10 guys and it looks like paintball.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

It's weird. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Because I know that was a big worry from Russia. There's those, like, open planes that you can easily go from Ukraine, right. To, like, one of their capital cities. That's, like, their weak point as a Country. So they got that just loaded with mines now. So it's like kind of takes care of that problem.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And it's all cratered out. It looks like World War I.

[Matt McCusker]

It's.

[Shane Gillis]

It's weird. It's weird that it's just going on right now.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what I've said it before. It's like. I know.

[Shane Gillis]

That's a eighth grader's brain. No, like, it's crazy. Wars are happening.

[Matt McCusker]

There is. As technology increases, it does become kind of embarrassing where it's like, well, you could just all blow ourselves up. Like, we could just, you know, it's like, this is kind of crazy. We're still murdering each other to be like, these five miles are ours. It's like split it or something. I don't know. Split it in half. Don't shoot each other, you psychos. It's just. Just seems like an insane way. It's. It's the way we handle it. Literally is the highest court in the land.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like, you know, you go through everything and nothing works. It's like, I'll shoot this guy.

[Shane Gillis]

They're talking about some with Venezuela right now, and I think they're supposed to make an announcement today.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know why they're beefing with Venezuela right now. Oil.

[Shane Gillis]

She's talking about oil. Cooking trail.

[Matt McCusker]

It's going to be the Earl's.

[Shane Gillis]

They better. They better not.

[Matt McCusker]

Better not. Better not attack.

[Shane Gillis]

Go to war with Venezuela.

[Matt McCusker]

Is that even like. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

What's that called? Gunboat democracy or gunboat. We just park a bunch of outside of a countries. We pull up on the coast. Oh. And go. Let's. Let's talk.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Let's negotiate. Oh, those. It. Don't worry about those.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, those are our. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Hopefully this goes well.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, is that even a like, remotely fair fight? U. S versus Venezuela.

[Shane Gillis]

It would be shitty for us.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It'd be like Vietnam. It's in the jungle and there's all these.

[Matt McCusker]

I forgot. Yeah, yeah. Vietnam was bad.

[Shane Gillis]

You get bogged down there very easily.

[Matt McCusker]

That's also crazy, dude. Be like, let's. Let's repeat Vietnam. I'd like for somebody to give me like a case why we should start aggressing Venezuela. Is it. Is it the oil or are they saying they're like a communist country?

[Shane Gillis]

They're saying the communists. And bro, they're. Who gives a. About the drugs? They're. That's. That's kind of an excuse, I think.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, bro, get out of here.

[Shane Gillis]

I think they're Maduro. That's his name, right? Maduro. I think he's starting to deal a little with Russia and China instead of us. We're trying to maintain our sphere of influence.

[Matt McCusker]

He's on that bricks. He's on that bricks thing talking some. Dude, dude, I told you before, we should join Bricks as America. Like, we're in bricks, too now. You guys are with us. Yeah, it's collapsing, dumbass. Wow. Dumbass. Now you're part of my coalition. Tricked you.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, we're. Now we're bricks.

[Matt McCusker]

And then they leave bricks.

[Shane Gillis]

What do you think of that?

[Matt McCusker]

They leave bricks, and you go back to the dollar. I knew you'd get out of bricks. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

New bricks sucked. You guys knew brick sucked?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's. I mean, I don't know. I just wish this. It's just. It is. It does become embarrassing at a point to be like. Like, you have a bunch of guys just shooting each other in the face. It's like, dude, you're just not allowed to do that. Like, don't. Don't make an exception to be like, well, you can settle that. But then someone shoots you in the face. You shoot him.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, shoot him. What the.

[Matt McCusker]

I know.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, whatever we are, we're, like, commandeering oil tankers.

[Matt McCusker]

Why? He's pulling them over.

[Shane Gillis]

We're going, these are ours. We're just stealing their oil tankers, bro. We're going, no, you know, let's do that.

[Matt McCusker]

Maybe they're like, Yeah, I guess they're going to say they're probably, like, maybe using them to smuggle stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it's funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Be like, no, they're just smuggling.

[Shane Gillis]

With oil tankers, it's fully just us stealing their oil.

[Matt McCusker]

What the hell?

[Shane Gillis]

Is there, like, a Trump and the Secretary of War speech tonight? Oh, it's happening right now.

[Matt McCusker]

Sometime today.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I guess oil, too, is like.

[Shane Gillis]

So hopefully that's nothing.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that'd be. That'd be nice if it stops it. But it's because. It's like, if you can. Because oil is, like, the one commodity you really can just start, like, blowing people up over. So you don't really. Usually. Don't fight people over, like, bananas. And so I think there is that one. I know there was. Yeah. I knew there was that one. What was that called? It was like a. It was a horrible thing the government did that had just. It was like the banana company or whatever.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah. The Dulles were helping the.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

What is it called? The fruit. The fruit company. It was like. But there's banana Republics. That's what that's about. Yeah, like, they would try to, like, nationalize their own.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's what United Fruko.

[Shane Gillis]

They would try to nationalize their own, and we'd be like, nah, that's ours. Yeah, we need a regime change.

[Matt McCusker]

Your bananas are gonna go, all right.

[Shane Gillis]

Put in this insane guy who promised us to give us the bananas.

[Matt McCusker]

That's so crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

Should be the bar, like, the ball. Big banana boss.

[Shane Gillis]

There were some big banana bosses. Donkey Kong. Yeah. We installed Donkey Kong as their dictator. Yeah, get him, Donkey. Get him, dk. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Be the president of a banana company. Kill that guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Think of the dumbest product you can think of. That's what was like, sugar.

[Matt McCusker]

That's crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, bro, we need to kill a million people for this sugar.

[Matt McCusker]

Bro, imagine. Imagine getting a tanker of already freckled bananas. And you're the banana boss. You go, someone's got to pay for this. Someone's got to pay.

[Shane Gillis]

We need our bananas.

[Matt McCusker]

Two days to sell these nanners. Call the papers. Like, do some articles about banana bread. All right. We're going to use ripe bananas for banana bread. Get that going. We're going to kill this guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. That was like, the foundation of the CIA.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I remember those brothers.

[Shane Gillis]

They were lawyers in New York. They were corporate lawyers who worked for the United Fruit Company.

[Matt McCusker]

Me.

[Shane Gillis]

And then they were like, I guess still boys with them. So they're like, we're gonna found the CIA. And then like, bro, you got problems.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Now we can do about it.

[Matt McCusker]

Get some bananas flying.

[Shane Gillis]

We'll get the bananas going.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, heck freaking.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, whatever. I could be wrong about all that.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I think you're right. It was. I remember as I said that, I was like, oh, yeah. I remember hearing something like a United Franco thing.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, that's a good episode.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes. One hour.

[Shane Gillis]

Merry Christmas, everybody.

[Matt McCusker]

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret podcast on Spotify.

[Sean Gardini]

Do it.

[Shane Gillis]

And Doug, here we have the Limu.

[Matt McCusker]

Emu in its natural habitat, helping people customize their car insurance and save hundreds with Liberty Mutual. Fascinating. It's accompanied by his natural ally, Doug.

[Shane Gillis]

Limu is that guy with the binoculars watching us. Cut the camera.

[Matt McCusker]

They see us. Only pay for what you need@liberty mutual.com savings. Very unwritten by Liberty Mutual Insurance Company affiliates. Excludes Massachusetts.