Ep 596 - 4-Man Jamboree Slam (feat. Ian Fidance, Ehsan Ahmad, Tim Butterly)

Summary

Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast

Ep 596 – 4-Man Jamboree Slam

Feat. Ian Fidance, Ehsan Ahmad, Tim Butterly

Date: January 30, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast brings together hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis with recurring favorites Ian Fidance, Ehsan Ahmad (Sonomod), and Tim Butterly for a raucous, rapid-fire four-man “jamboree.” The group riffs on everything from immigration protests to caffeine addiction, the absurdities of modern masculinity, arranged marriage, and the economics of dowries—all while threading in their signature blend of irreverence and cutting humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Table Dynamics & Guest Chemistry

• The episode opens with classic chaos and playful banter. Ian expresses discomfort in the center seat, riffing on being on trial and cracking jokes about a “jury of blacks” (00:54–02:20).
• Tim clarifies the seating was random and pokes fun at the New York vs. Austin/Philly scene rivalry, setting the episode's casual, roasting tone.

2. Social Media & Protest Cynicism

• Ian: “I’m off everything. The only thing I do is Instagram. I don’t go on Twitter.” (02:49)
• Discussion of current protests—specifically those about ICE raids and immigrant detentions.
  • Tim: “My question is—and you know, I’m not, this isn’t even political, it’s more logistical—at least have what they did. They should have a Sparkler and be like, this is the charge...” (05:29)
• Multiple bits on not knowing all the facts, online misinformation, and the absurd experience of seeing violence on timelines intended for “jerk-off” breaks (07:02).

3. Caffeine & Creativity

• Tim advocates quitting caffeine, calling it “slave juice,” and shares personal anecdotes and pseudo-science:
  • “Coffee apparently destroys or severely inhibits divergent, creative thinking... slave juice.” (13:13–13:54)
• Ian admits, “I think I desensitized myself with how much coffee I drink. I could drink this and be able to go to bed.” (14:55)
• Group muses on varying caffeine sensitivity and routines.

4. Semen Retention, Masculinity & Ball Health

• Quick transition into “semen retention”—with Matt considering and quickly dismissing the trend:
  • Tim: “That’s a dead end.” (16:42)
• Ian shares an honest string of misadventures:
  • “I’ve had chronic epididymites. When you come, it like cleans out your pipes.” (17:05)
  • “I have to get shots in my spine every once in a while because of my epididymitis.” (17:37)
• Absurd riff on masculinity, medical oddities, and “dick-maxxing” via body modifications.

5. The ‘Manosphere’ & Online Masculinity Influencers

• Explains the “Miami Avengers”: Andrew Tate, his brother, Clavicular (a ‘looks maxer’), and Nick Fuentes—mocking their antics, club outings, and loyalty (19:16–20:54).
• Discussion of the fallout from viral Kanye “Heil Hitler” moment at a club, and TRT usage.

6. AI, ChatGPT, and Cultural Change

• Lively debate about creative AI tools:
  • “I don’t like, I hear you. It would be sad to think that... I listen to some music on YouTube for background... is this AI music?” (25:43)
• Group laments the erosion of authenticity and expresses preference for analog, handmade, or direct human engagement.

7. Ian’s New Odd Jobs Show

• Ian plugs his travel show “Ian – Odd Guy Doing Odd Jobs” on Spotify TV:
  • “All the towns I go and do standup in, I find someone to teach me to do their job... I got tackled by a bunch of police service training canines...” (26:45–27:38)
• Banter about tattooing, pizza-making, cutting hair, and “the most bitable man in the world.”

8. Arranged Marriage, Dowries & Dating Culture

Deep, Funny, and Occasionally Heartfelt

• Long, intriguing discussion on international arrange marriages, generational differences, and cultural values:
  • Ehsan: “My dad grew up in a very poor village. My mom came from a rich family in Bangladesh. But he got to America... That was the tradeoff.” (47:00–48:13)
• Reflection on the psychology of dowries, pig/barter analogies, and OnlyFans as a modern “dowry” equivalent.
  • “Girls were like, yes, this will pay off in the long run—18 years learning basket weaving... Please don’t get fat.” (46:34)
• Funny and insightful analysis of “biodata,” matchmaking, and dating as a stats-and-profile exchange.

9. Patreon Q&A – Absurd Listener Stories

• Listeners submit surreal or possibly fictitious questions:
  • “I am a Hungarian immigrant... my mother calls me the Kiss Gombok…” (33:00)
  • “I paid four grand for the Chinese kid… do you think there’s a chance he fell off the truck?” (37:05)
• The group lampoons these bits, suspects AI authorship, and riffs on adoption costs.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the “Hot Seat”

  • Ian: “I just don’t like being the center focus.” (01:46)
  • Tim: “You’re not, that's crazy you'd even say that. Look how big my podium is.” (01:49)

• On Protest Logic

  • Tim: “You don’t know what the guy did. He could just be working at Walmart, which, that’s crazy if we’re chasing guys who work...” (03:21)

• On Coffee & Creativity

  • Tim: “Coffee’s a total psyop.” (14:10)

• On Epididymitis

  • Ian: “I had epididymitis so bad that it was so inflamed... they were like, look, if this doesn’t work, we’re gonna have to remove your epididymite.” (18:17)

• On Arranged Marriages

  • Ehsan: “In arranged marriages, you’re sort of faced with the person, who they are immediately. You have to learn to love them. In love marriage, there’s passion and that fades.” (50:18)

• On Dowries, Pigs, and Economics of Daughters

  • Tim: “I was thinking people got ripped off in Medieval times when selling their daughters.” (46:09)
  • Matt: “I’ve been to parties where an entire pig was just like the meal for the night, you know, we’re gonna do one feast in exchange for your daughter’s chastity.” (45:22)

• On Dilmil and Ethnic Dating Apps

  • Tim: “Can you go on Dilmil and be like, no, I know I’m talking to the mother. I’m trying to smash you.” (62:06)

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Important Segments (with Timestamps)

• Immigration Raids & Social Media Protests: 02:45–09:10
• Coffee, Caffeine, and “Slave Juice”: 13:00–16:40
• Semen Retention, Ball Medicine & Looksmaxing: 16:39–21:22
• “Miami Avengers” & Manosphere Satire: 19:15–22:10
• Ian’s Odd Jobs Show & Police Dog Training: 26:27–28:37
• Patreon Questions / Fictional Listener Stories: 33:01–39:01
• Arranged Marriages, Dowry Economics & Modern Dating: 47:00–54:40
• Dilmil, Dating Profiles, Ethnicity, and Parental Control: 61:02–63:00

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a classic “hang” showcasing the full range of Matt & Shane’s Secret Podcast: wild tangents, brutal honesty, personal oversharing (from ball problems to family histories), relentless riffing, and a genuine curiosity about how culture, technology, and masculinity are shifting. The chemistry between the comics makes even their most absurd or borderline sections roar with energy.

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For fans of the show or comedy podcasts in general, “4-Man Jamboree Slam” is a densely packed, hilariously on-brand episode—with multiple meandering topics, deep dives into cultural oddities, and a relentless stream of jokes.

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Transcript

[Matt McCusker]

Wow.

[Ian]

Wow.

[Matt McCusker]

Wes.

[Ian]

I should be able to. I should be allowed to smoke in here if I'm in this hot seat.

[Tim Butterly]

No, I don't think you're. I. I would love for you to smoke, but I. I really don't think you're. We're allowed to, with the building and all. Because we're on their air system.

[Ian]

No, he's over.

[Tim Butterly]

Allegedly.

[Ian]

Excuse you.

[Tim Butterly]

You're using coffee. I saw you. Coffee and cigarettes. That's the drug.

[Sonomod]

That's two drugs.

[Matt McCusker]

Two drugs.

[Tim Butterly]

You're a polysubsons user. Just give me a word. Josh, my. My engine's hot right now. Eden Finance. I know you feel like we're against you. We're not at all.

[Sonomod]

Hey, guys.

[Tim Butterly]

Welcome to the podcast. We have Eden Finance, sonomod, Tim Butterley. Join us for an absolute jamboree. If I gotta be honest, that's the way the seating worked out. Dude, New York comics had to sit down for once, man. It's not, you know, that's not the.

[Ian]

Way the seating worked out. Then I get you. I mean, this is an elaborate last one here.

[Sonomod]

That's a good point.

[Matt McCusker]

Do you need anything? Can I get it for you?

[Ian]

Is that a trick too?

[Tim Butterly]

We're not tricky.

[Sonomod]

It's all above board.

[Ian]

My hackles are up.

[Tim Butterly]

So paranoid. The coffee's got you. Coffee's got you. Like Jesse from Breaking Bad right now. You're whacked, bro.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Sonomod]

What's intimidating about this?

[Ian]

Why?

[Sonomod]

You feel waxed?

[Ian]

I'm in between two normals and a gremlin. What's going on?

[Tim Butterly]

That's that chip on your shoulder everyone's talking about down here. What a great privilege. Dude. I swear to God. Dude, we were just gonna do a podcast and I didn't know you're in town. You told me, and I said, yeah, come join.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't have a Most comfortable.

[Tim Butterly]

My little brother did the same thing. He sat in the seat.

[Sonomod]

He had a.

[Tim Butterly]

He broke his foot. He sat in the seat. He's chilling. Everyone had a good time.

[Ian]

My ankle has been hurting.

[Tim Butterly]

There you go.

[Ian]

This is serendipity.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm sorry to hear that. But I mean, what a. This is very comfortable the way this.

[Tim Butterly]

Take a rest.

[Ian]

Yes. I just don't like being the center. Focus.

[Tim Butterly]

You're. Dude, you're not. That's crazy you'd even say that. Look how big my podium is, dude. I'm obviously.

[Ian]

Yeah, but I feel like I'm on. I. I feel like I'm on trial. And then there's a jury of black Judging me in the corner. What is this?

[Sonomod]

That does sound like your nightmare. Judged by a jury of black people.

[Tim Butterly]

Do you want me to turn the blacks around?

[Ian]

Please.

[Tim Butterly]

We're a little more liberal, I guess.

[Ian]

This really is a jury of my peers.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm sure I turn my blacks around because. Sorry, mine's. Well, my black and boys. You're my black and boys. I gotta turn my black employees around.

[Ian]

I liked it better when it was just blacks.

[Tim Butterly]

Eat finance. How the hell you been signing Mod? Tim, buddy, what are you guys up to, man?

[Ian]

Been good.

[Tim Butterly]

You guys are right. In these turbulent online climates. Are you guys. You guys all right?

[Ian]

I'm off everything.

[Tim Butterly]

Really.

[Ian]

I don't. I don't. The only thing I do is Instagram.

[Tim Butterly]

That's it.

[Sonomod]

Okay.

[Ian]

I don't go on Twitter. I don't go on anything else.

[Tim Butterly]

Not going to the protest. Feels good. What? Not going to the protest Live?

[Ian]

No.

[Tim Butterly]

What?

[Ian]

Someone asked. They were like, can you share this thing about taking off work on Friday? And I was like, well, I. I would, but I'm playing cap city and.

[Tim Butterly]

I need to be also, what, are they going to go to their boss and be like, ian Finance told me I can take off work so I can potentially get killed at immigration.

[Ian]

Yeah, no, I'm.

[Sonomod]

I'm.

[Tim Butterly]

Okay. You know what I think they should do, though? Here's the thing. Like, you know, you don't know what the guy did. He could just be working at Walmart, which that's crazy if we're chasing guys who work.

[Ian]

Wait, did another thing happen? What are you talking about?

[Tim Butterly]

There's been two. There's a lady in Minnesota, and then there was the guy as well.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

But, like, what did the guy do they were chasing? Because that's the big question. He could just be working at Walmart, which that's crazy.

[Sonomod]

Wait, the guy they were chasing, who were they chasing?

[Tim Butterly]

An immigrant. An illegal immigrant.

[Ian]

And that's why the guy got involved?

[Tim Butterly]

I think so. I think the ICE was out.

[Ian]

Yeah, but they weren't trying to get one. They were trying to get a bunch.

[Tim Butterly]

Okay, well, look, that's just a fish. Oh, so you're saying you don't know which one?

[Ian]

He was just at the thing. I. I really know which.

[Matt McCusker]

Which immigrant I died for would be important.

[Ian]

Yeah, it's kind of like, you know how you can adopt someone for pennies a day?

[Sonomod]

Yeah.

[Ian]

You should be able to, like, like, know which immigrant you're standing up for.

[Tim Butterly]

Which.

[Sonomod]

Which. Which Somali I'm. I'm keeping alive so I Can die.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. Well, no, that's just crazy because, like, so I didn't know.

[Matt McCusker]

How are they getting early?

[Tim Butterly]

Child care certificate first. Where are they getting a bunch of immigrants at once?

[Ian]

They're going into towns and knocking on doors and ripping people out of homes.

[Tim Butterly]

I thought they're chasing them because they caught them doing illegal activity.

[Ian]

No, they're not playing Benny Hill music.

[Tim Butterly]

There's no fish nets involved at all.

[Ian]

No, there should be.

[Tim Butterly]

You know, they're doing. That's big game.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Sonomod]

Do you think the immigrants are just chilling in the street, just sort of.

[Tim Butterly]

Milling around, working or. Or committing heinous crimes? It's one or the other.

[Ian]

No, the amount of immigrants, the information, the amount of immigrants they've gotten that are committing heinous crimes, it's, like, very, very low. But they're doing, like. What they're doing is they're. They're capturing people, detaining them for a while, and then going, all right, you're a good one. And then letting them go.

[Tim Butterly]

Okay.

[Ian]

They're, like, ripping them from homes and.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, it's a great first draft idea for how to do it. I guess I'm excited for V2.

[Sonomod]

I, too.

[Matt McCusker]

I think we're really gonna not.

[Tim Butterly]

We're honed in. I think what they should do, because that's my question. Like, what did they do?

[Ian]

You know, this feels like a debate.

[Tim Butterly]

My question is. And, you know, I'm not. I'm literally. This isn't even political. It's more logistical. Like, at least have what they did. When you're like, the ice coming. They should have, like. Like, you know, like, they do, like, VIP lounges and clubs, like, Sparkler and be like, this is the charge. That's the charge. Well, I can read it and be like, excuse me.

[Ian]

What they did was. Was just being illegal. Like that. What they did was just being illegal. It's not like they're like, you stole, so we're. We're capturing you. It's like, you are illegal. You've been here for 30 years.

[Tim Butterly]

We heard about.

[Ian]

And you didn't. Yeah, we got you. That's like the jig is up. The thing.

[Tim Butterly]

I didn't know. I didn't know. They're going multiple. I thought they're just, like, chasing a guy.

[Sonomod]

No, no, it's like. It's like a.

[Ian]

No, it's like a raid. A huge raid with, like, an invasion of masked.

[Tim Butterly]

They haven't got me yet.

[Ian]

Well, that's because we're here. It's because you have an army of Blacks protecting the impenetrable force of flags.

[Sonomod]

I will say, after having me on, they might check you out a little more.

[Tim Butterly]

How did these ladies know that they were like going and like capturing immigrants in mass?

[Sonomod]

Because they're coming in like big groups.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

They're like. And then you go, and you go, hey, yeah.

[Ian]

Like people are talking and they're like, you know, sharing.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm trying to keep informed, but the footage is so bad. It's so grainy.

[Ian]

Well now the thing is this.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm trying to form an opinion, right? And it's just, I can't. Everyone's like, oh, from this angle, I'm like, dude, I don't know who's even like, I can't tell anything. So I'm just trying to get informed. Honestly. Yeah, yeah.

[Sonomod]

I'm going to X to jerk off and you're showing me these videos of people dying.

[Matt McCusker]

Terrible.

[Tim Butterly]

Come on, man. What are you talking about? Talking about.

[Matt McCusker]

It's the perfect chaser, by the way.

[Ian]

What? After, you know, coming after watching is.

[Matt McCusker]

Like either a decapitation or a guy being executed in the streets. Dude, they should perfectly destroys the Clara, the post nut like euphoria and gets you right back to being able to work.

[Tim Butterly]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

They should.

[Ian]

They should do a thing where on like porno the next video is like an informative news story so that you get your nut off but you're also informed.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, but then you're going to be way too impressionable and they're going to be able to just put whatever they want in there. I would say make me digest the news first before I get my.

[Ian]

Oh, because you're saying you'll be more susceptible to be like, oh, immigrant are people.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Sexual brainwashing. Right? Yeah. Here's my thing though. If I was going to, you know, if I look, it's like if that's the case, you're like, they're my neighbors. I'm like, no, these are hardworking guys. Don't come and take them all out. That's if I was a 40 year old white lady. Do you think me showing up as that is going to really help or should I Me and my friends get together and work up some sort of like deception, you know, ob Like a.

[Ian]

Home alone obstacle course.

[Tim Butterly]

No, I'm saying like we all wear the gear. It's Barro poncho mountain bike, 40 of us. The, the ice sergeant goes. Okay.

[Sonomod]

Awesome. I like that Scooby Doo.

[Ian]

We would have got these immigrants if it wasn't for these Damn kids. And 40 year old.

[Tim Butterly]

I haven't picked the side yet officially. I'm just thinking like, you know, how do you maximize? And right now I'm like, that would actually work. Rather than you haven't. Because if you're just a old white.

[Ian]

Lady, you haven't picked. Picked aside yet.

[Tim Butterly]

I haven't. I can't tell from the footage. I'm looking at the footage. I need all the angles.

[Ian]

You need the footage and not just.

[Tim Butterly]

I want to look at the general.

[Ian]

Information of what's going on. Oh, okay.

[Tim Butterly]

I need to see all the angles. I've seen 270 degrees so far. Until I reach 360.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm out.

[Tim Butterly]

No, it's generally bad to shoot American citizens. I would say. Yeah, I don't want to start it up. Yeah, probably a bad idea.

[Ian]

I'm glad we finally got you.

[Sonomod]

Unless. Yes.

[Tim Butterly]

You know, they committed. I need to see the crime. If they truly are. It depends on your news sources. I especially, I. I explicitly read the Drudge.

[Ian]

Yeah, but isn't that like they're all true? I read Judge Report too.

[Tim Butterly]

I don't read any news.

[Ian]

Damn it.

[Tim Butterly]

We got, I read.

[Sonomod]

Is happening.

[Tim Butterly]

I don't know what's going on. Have an open minded conversation. It's not going to work for the numbers. You pick a side, I pick a side, then we argue. All right.

[Ian]

And my side is Drudge no matter what. I love that little guy.

[Tim Butterly]

Numbers are down. How you been otherwise? Can we be able to get into ball politics? That was my fault. I'm steering the sh.

[Sonomod]

Can we dim all the lights and get a spotlight on him?

[Ian]

I think.

[Matt McCusker]

Great.

[Sonomod]

Just make him feel more comfortable.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm serious. Right into an iceberg. I won't. It won't happen again. That's my fault.

[Ian]

I'm just waiting for you to pull out. And my next point.

[Sonomod]

No.

[Tim Butterly]

It's a treat to have you, man.

[Sonomod]

Great.

[Ian]

Thanks, man. Thank you.

[Tim Butterly]

Butterly. How you doing, man? I'll take this. Chilling. I can tell, man. You got the glasses.

[Matt McCusker]

Is it working or is it too much?

[Tim Butterly]

No, you're chilling. No, you're great.

[Matt McCusker]

No, it's.

[Ian]

It makes me wish I brought my sunglasses.

[Matt McCusker]

Why? So you can be the second sunglasses guy?

[Sonomod]

Crazy.

[Ian]

So we could be in solidarity.

[Matt McCusker]

So we could be blues brothers together.

[Ian]

Cuz you said you weren't sure if it's working. And I'm saying it's working so well, you make me want to do it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, but then you completely redirected all the focus back to yourself, which makes me think that you're not uncomfortable in the hot seat and that you're actually kind of getting a sexual thrill.

[Ian]

You put a lot of weird sex stuff on me and I think it's subconscious in your brain.

[Sonomod]

Well, I think it's been putting a lot of weird sex stuff in the air this whole episode so far.

[Tim Butterly]

Whoa.

[Sonomod]

Thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

Never been a weird sex stuff guy.

[Tim Butterly]

I think I have trashed the vibe. I'll take full responsibility.

[Ian]

Can I be honest?

[Tim Butterly]

Sure.

[Ian]

I love the vibe. All right, man.

[Tim Butterly]

You heard it.

[Matt McCusker]

Don't change a single thing about.

[Tim Butterly]

Appreciate it. I was just fishing for a compliment.

[Ian]

No, you're doing great.

[Tim Butterly]

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[Ian]

I don't know.

[Tim Butterly]

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[Ian]

Now, how long have you been on coffee?

[Tim Butterly]

About a month maybe. How do you.

[Ian]

How did you feel initially?

[Tim Butterly]

Awful. Awful. So bad. I've looked. I've looked into the. But here's the thing, though. Coffee, apparently. And again, everyone's different. I'm real sensitive to caffeine. Caffeine, there's. It's all anecdotal, destroys or severely inhibits. What's it called? Divergent thinking. So, like, creative thinking, convergent thinking is great if you want to focus on a task and get it done, it'll get you from A to B. But if you want to, like, subconsciously kind of, like, pull from, like, a bunch of weird stuff in your brain and just create a brand new idea, I swear to God, dude, I think Cat and I, I felt this personally. I was like, dude, I'm not coming up with any ideas. Got off the juice. I feel so much better. Looked it up. A ton of people said that crushes your creativity slave juice.

[Ian]

Who said this?

[Tim Butterly]

It's online, like, online forums. It's anecdotal. And then they did a Coffee. Coffee or whatever. Some company did a study.

[Ian]

I need to see all the angles.

[Sonomod]

What does the drugs report say about caffeine? That's. I think that's the most important thing that.

[Tim Butterly]

No, it's got to be Patriot coffee. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I, Dude, I, I swear to God, though, like, I was like, I just felt, like, dead, and then I, like, went off it. I have way more energy. It's. I swear to God, I think coffee. Coffee's a total psyop.

[Sonomod]

Were you, like, super irritable when you got off?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I was so mad.

[Ian]

For how long?

[Tim Butterly]

Super mean for, like, a couple days. It was all good, but I was, like, up the first day. But then I looked up the study and they were like. Because apparently there's enough anecdotal evidence where they did a study to prove that it doesn't mess with, like, you know, whatever, however your brain does creative stuff. And they were like, nope. We gave people a single dose of caffeine. They're fine. It's like, dude, that's the biggest. Like, you're coffee. Like, I don't dream when I'm, When I have caffeine.

[Ian]

I do.

[Tim Butterly]

Do you, do you have vivid dreams? Well, you might be not as sensitive. That's the thing.

[Ian]

I think I desensitized myself with how much coffee I drink.

[Tim Butterly]

Right.

[Ian]

You know, maybe.

[Tim Butterly]

I, I don't know. I mean, could be.

[Ian]

I, I, I could drink this and be able to go to bed. Really?

[Sonomod]

That's crazy.

[Tim Butterly]

Have you always been like that?

[Ian]

I've always been like a night owl, and I've always, like, stayed up super late, and then I'll, I sleep in shifts, and then I'll take, like, a nap during the day. And the coffee just helps me to, like, jog everything loose. I was on so many more cups, but now I'm maybe on, like, two cups a day. But at one point, I was on, like, five or six. And I've, like, cut back to where I'll have one in the morning, then one, like, in the evening.

[Tim Butterly]

That's crazy. Yeah.

[Ian]

But I carry. I carry a coffee with me all day.

[Tim Butterly]

I've noticed that.

[Ian]

And I do, like, sips.

[Tim Butterly]

I was worried.

[Ian]

So I don't drink an entire thing. The entire thing lasts me, like, throughout the day. You know what I mean?

[Sonomod]

So it's like a security blanket, almost kinda binky.

[Tim Butterly]

I should do the same thing. I would keep one ready at all times. And just because it's. Again, everyone's. The whole thing, I would say, is that, like, it depends how sensitive you are to caffeine. Because if I have caffeine at, like, noon, I'm up till midnight.

[Ian]

Well, I'm not slogging one. I'm, like, sipping throughout the day. You know what I mean?

[Tim Butterly]

Got you.

[Ian]

So I don't know what the effects of that are. I don't really find any, like, crazy.

[Tim Butterly]

Like, you think you're divergent. Thinking is totally fine.

[Ian]

I think I am divergent thinking.

[Tim Butterly]

Good.

[Sonomod]

I was gonna say, ironically, like, when I. Every day I wake up, go to a coffee shop and write, and I got a lot done telling you.

[Tim Butterly]

Imagine if you were disconnected, though, from the slave juice.

[Ian]

Imagine that.

[Sonomod]

Maybe the slave juice is what I need.

[Matt McCusker]

You know, I'm excited for Matt to find the perfect thing to deprive yourself of. And then as soon as the results are in, I'm gonna eliminate that from my life.

[Tim Butterly]

What do you mean?

[Ian]

I don't know.

[Matt McCusker]

I thought about doing the semen retention thing for a while.

[Tim Butterly]

That's a dead end.

[Ian]

Thanks for running.

[Sonomod]

Thank God.

[Tim Butterly]

That's all I needed to hear. All right. Back on porn.

[Sonomod]

Baby, you can't not come.

[Tim Butterly]

Turns out.

[Sonomod]

Well, it's.

[Ian]

You have to.

[Sonomod]

That's how you shoot up a place.

[Ian]

Physiologically, like, for your body. Because if you. If you get too backed up, it can. You can get epididymitis. So. I've had chronic epididymites.

[Tim Butterly]

Sean, Were you not coming when you had.

[Ian]

And when you. When you come, it, like, cleans out your pipes.

[Sonomod]

Hold on.

[Tim Butterly]

How'd you get epididymitis? He was coming all the time. Really? Were you edged?

[Ian]

No, I. I got. I. I've had a lot of ball problems my entire life. Yeah?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Ian]

I Had a testicular torsion.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Ian]

The tissue went around it, and I almost lost it. Sorry to have surgery. And ever since then, I've had, like, chronic. It's like, I have to get shots in my spine every once in a while because of my epididymitis.

[Matt McCusker]

You have to get back shots for your balls.

[Tim Butterly]

So up.

[Ian]

I'm here, doctor. I'm not a licensed professional.

[Sonomod]

I don't care. Ian, it says you're in here for.

[Tim Butterly]

A head related to your balls.

[Ian]

Oh, dude, everything is related to your spine, so. Everything is so everything. Like, if you get a lower back injury, your nut can hurt because of the certain, like, wires that go from your spine into different parts of your body.

[Tim Butterly]

What's the shot they're giving you? A.

[Ian]

Like, a steroid shot. In, like, a certain part of my spine.

[Tim Butterly]

In, like, the ball wire in your spine.

[Ian]

I had epididymitis so bad that it was so inflamed that, like, sometimes I couldn't walk. And they were like, look, like, if this doesn't work, we're gonna have to remove your epididymite.

[Tim Butterly]

Your.

[Ian]

Your epididymis. And I was like, well, that would suck. Yeah, that's, like, basically irreversible vasectomy.

[Tim Butterly]

That's, like, the carburetor for the. Yeah.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It's important.

[Ian]

Yeah, very important.

[Sonomod]

That is a funny medical condition. I have to be like, yeah, my balls are so big, I can't walk. My balls are huge, man.

[Ian]

I left my wheelbarrow at home, brother.

[Tim Butterly]

I didn't read the article. My friend sent me an article about guys I believe in Michigan who were injecting their balls with something to make them gigantic. And there were just these gay guys, check their balls, maybe, and they would just do deadlifts in, like, tight pants and just, like, a football. Like, it was insane. I think they died from that because you can. You can dick Max with, I think, Botox. If you shoot Botox in your dick, you can dick Max. I'm all. I'm Looks Max all the way right now.

[Ian]

What's looks Max?

[Tim Butterly]

Dude, it's. You got to watch Clavicle. What's Clav Lava. Yeah, I'm gonna say his name. Are you not familiar with the Miami Avengers?

[Ian]

I'm so out of your loop on so many online things.

[Sonomod]

All I know about him is that he. This is the first time I heard about him, is he went to the club, and they were playing Heil Hitler.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Sonomod]

In my. That's what I know.

[Ian]

I thought you were talking about Me? Because you're pointing down. Good song. When I'm alone.

[Tim Butterly]

Dude, the Miami Avengers are under fire right now. It's been a tough time.

[Ian]

Who are these guys?

[Tim Butterly]

You know Andrew Tate? Yes, Andrew Tate. Tristan, his brother. You don't know Andrew's brother? Come on, man. Tristan. Him and J. Waller are boys.

[Ian]

Who are these people?

[Matt McCusker]

Neo Manosphere.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, like, Manosphere guys, but it's Tristan. Tristan, Andrew Clavicular, who's a looks maxer guy who, like, hits his jawline with a hammer to make it more pronounced.

[Matt McCusker]

And he's doing, like, weighted mewing.

[Sonomod]

Oh, God.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. And Fuentes. Nick Fuentes all went out together. It's a cool night out. A couple of the influencers, sick bros to a Miami night club. Perfect. And then they blasted Heil Hitler by Kanye west and they got the whole. Everyone got in trouble for. And then they started throwing each other under the bus. Yeah, it's a bad look in a nightclub in Miami and singing Heil Hitler.

[Ian]

Yeah, Fair.

[Tim Butterly]

So.

[Ian]

All right, all right.

[Tim Butterly]

So they got in trouble. Then they started throwing each other under the bus as, like, who really put it on, who didn't like it. It was.

[Ian]

Oh, you mean guys that smash their jaws and. And talk the way they do wouldn't be loyal to each other?

[Sonomod]

That's crazy.

[Ian]

I don't believe.

[Matt McCusker]

Think the one guy was. The clavicular was left sterile from the chemical usage. Like the. Whatever peptides are steroids.

[Tim Butterly]

TRT will do it. If you're on TRT too long, you can. Your balls, your sperm.

[Ian]

Yeah, but don't. If. If you start taking trt, don't you have to be on it for the rest of your life or else you like, like, hair products and stuff, like, don't you.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm actually getting off testosterone.

[Ian]

You're on it.

[Tim Butterly]

Stepping down.

[Matt McCusker]

No, even naturally, I'm. I'm just blocking all. Yeah, it starts, like, sending signals to your brain that you need to nut. And it's just like, n. I'm not about that.

[Ian]

Really.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, well, you're medical orders. You. So how much do you have to nut to keep your epididymis?

[Ian]

It's. It's the. The shots have helped so much, so it's, like, not a issue. I have to be careful about. If I, like, tie it off. Like, if I'm having sex and I'm like, oh, God, I'm gonna come. Don't like that. Can claim it. No.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. You.

[Matt McCusker]

You're never allowed to think about baseball.

[Ian]

Yeah, bro, don't tell me you're not Thinking about baseball. I love the 90.

[Tim Butterly]

You just gotta let it fly. Doctor's orders. You gotta fly. Yeah, but I haven't been.

[Ian]

Dude, New Year, new me. Okay, no porn. I've only jerked off maybe like three times. Only to memories. And I am not doing that. So I guess maybe I'm unintentionally. Semen retention.

[Tim Butterly]

You're an sr. Like, do you ever.

[Ian]

Do you ever Unintentionally. What's that called when you don't eat till certain hours? No. Intermittent fasting. Do you ever unintentionally do that?

[Tim Butterly]

Right. Yeah, I've done it. Yeah. I actually wake up and eat every morning. Early as hell, but I know I can.

[Ian]

I feel like I'll get sick if I like. Really? Right away?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I eat for. I eat at like 6:30 in the morning. What? Yeah, I crush like a lot of food. Right. You have kids.

[Sonomod]

That's some like dad stuff. Yeah, I got the day started and all that. Yeah.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

I crush eggs first thing in the morning.

[Ian]

Really?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Ian]

You look that.

[Tim Butterly]

Dude.

[Ian]

Everyone.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, for.

[Sonomod]

You know.

[Tim Butterly]

Thanks.

[Ian]

Is it the eggs?

[Tim Butterly]

Aren't you hot?

[Ian]

Shouldn't you take that shirt off? Oh, sorry. Retention over.

[Sonomod]

Someone's looking for a new memory to turn off.

[Tim Butterly]

Did it miss real quick making memories? What prompted the sr? What are your guys New Year's resolution shoes? Oh, B.

[Sonomod]

Is very simple. Mine's just to take more pictures.

[Tim Butterly]

Take pics.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, I never.

[Tim Butterly]

I never people or selfies.

[Sonomod]

Just. Just it just of my life. I never take any pictures. And I've done a lot of cool.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Sonomod]

Like I. I wish I brought my. You had the cool glass. I have my Meta AI glasses.

[Ian]

Oh, I hate those.

[Sonomod]

I wish I got one just to take a picture of this moment from this angle.

[Ian]

But I think those are evil. Just take your phone out and do it.

[Sonomod]

Yes.

[Tim Butterly]

You know what?

[Sonomod]

I like the meta though.

[Tim Butterly]

Meta's sick.

[Sonomod]

It is sick.

[Ian]

I think it's evil. I think it's terrible.

[Tim Butterly]

What do you want to make content for rainbows?

[Sonomod]

I'm trying to get that Kelsey sponsorship.

[Tim Butterly]

Are you talking about the cripple? An entire industry.

[Ian]

I think it's terrible.

[Tim Butterly]

I feel myself pretending to swing on an old man.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, the AI is bad though. I like asking questions. It's not good. It's.

[Ian]

I've never used AI or Chat GPT.

[Tim Butterly]

I used it for my whole last special.

[Sonomod]

Did you also use it to inform your opinions on Ice at the start of this episode?

[Tim Butterly]

I literally do Ask Rock. I'm like, what's up with the News. What's the most advantageous financial position, like, I can take financially? What will make you the most money.

[Ian]

And that that helps.

[Tim Butterly]

CROC was like, use the angle. I was like, for sure.

[Matt McCusker]

I want the straight source. What are the billionaires think of the news without the advertisers getting in the.

[Tim Butterly]

There you go.

[Matt McCusker]

Give me the straight prop.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. So you've never used GPT.

[Ian]

It's crazy. And when I'm talking to friends, I'm like, I don't know. Ask chat GPT. I'm like, no, I'm asking you. Like, that's what this is. We're supposed to talk.

[Matt McCusker]

You don't talk to anybody who knows anything, though.

[Tim Butterly]

I know.

[Matt McCusker]

None of us do.

[Sonomod]

I get what he's saying. It's nice to be in a conversation. You're arguing and you're both wrong. You don't know it.

[Ian]

No, I wasn't like, I was arguing with a friend, and he just sent me a bunch of chat GPT and I'm like, no, use your own thoughts. He's like, these are my thoughts. But chat GPT makes it more organized. The argument.

[Sonomod]

An idiot.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't see the big deal about it. It's like Google. It's like being like, I'm not going to use Google. It's just super Google.

[Ian]

Yeah, but you use Google and you can discern and, like, read different things and form your own opinion.

[Tim Butterly]

How many click you click? Two, maybe?

[Ian]

No, I screenshot the first result, send that.

[Tim Butterly]

I put it in my database, which organizes and analyzes it.

[Ian]

No, I just, I, I don't know. I, I, I don't like, I, I hear you.

[Tim Butterly]

It's, it's, it would be sad to think that, like, I listen to some, like, music on YouTube for, like, background music, and I do get bummed out. Like, is this AI music? Yeah, just numbing out the AI. I kind of, I try to find videos of a dude playing the song.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Because it kind of pisses me off.

[Sonomod]

But even that could be AI at this point.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Sonomod]

How do you know? Anything's like, we're like, this close to, like, not being able to, like, yeah.

[Ian]

Dude, you should Surveillance Spotify platform that doesn't give money to artists.

[Tim Butterly]

True. Why would you do that? Dude, this is Spotify.

[Ian]

Oh. Oh, but it's convenient. And eventually they will, will make money.

[Tim Butterly]

Podcast gives money to artists. They give it to, like, five of them. They give it to five of us.

[Ian]

Oh, I just got on Spotify. I have a, I Have a travel show called Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. And we're putting it on Spotify TV show.

[Tim Butterly]

Spotify.

[Ian]

Like watch on Spotify. Spotify. You're great.

[Tim Butterly]

Spotify has a good sense of humor. They're like Swedes, aren't they? I think they're Swedes.

[Sonomod]

Swedes have good senses of humor.

[Tim Butterly]

Dude.

[Ian]

Dirty.

[Tim Butterly]

Tell me about the show. Tell me about the show. I saw this and I was kind of pumped on this.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah. So all the towns I go and do standup in, I find someone to teach me how to do their job and then I do their job. And it's called Ian doing our guy doing odd jobs. The episode's coming out next week. I got my tattoo license in Wisconsin and I tattooed a guy. And then I also made pizza in Oklahoma City. I've, like, cut hair. I got tackled by a bunch of police, like, service training canines.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, I thought you were.

[Sonomod]

Man.

[Matt McCusker]

Those dogs had a blast. I bet. Oh, dude, I'm a dog and I get to attack people. I can't imagine a better target than they.

[Sonomod]

They.

[Ian]

They literally were like on the. He really. He really bit down on. I was like, yeah, no, I'm in pain.

[Tim Butterly]

You're the most bitable man in the world. I know. That was a Malinois.

[Sonomod]

This guy has huge balls.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, damn. That's sick. You got to wear the suit. Yeah, it was cool. Did you get to like, threaten one of them, like, you're going to get them, or they just.

[Ian]

No, they had me run. But I said things like, you'll never get me coers. Or like, I want to talk to a white shirt. And then they tackled me and I didn't like it. They gave me the thinner soup, but they didn't tell me that.

[Tim Butterly]

What?

[Ian]

Yeah. So you feel it more.

[Matt McCusker]

Damn. Imagine going to your barber for a haircut and it's like, hey, just a. As a one time thing. This guy is gonna do it instead. Today you're just like, oh, yeah.

[Sonomod]

I.

[Ian]

This guy up, he walked out so lumpy. It was great.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I didn't even think about that. What was a tattoo?

[Ian]

I tattooed that S symbol on this guy's leg. You know that.

[Tim Butterly]

You'Re playing in my greatest.

[Ian]

Yeah. Oh, and this weekend I'm going to be a pit boss at Terry Blacks and I'm going to run security at the Mothership. I'm going to. I'm going to do jiu jitsu with the marines in the morning, and then they're going to put me in town.

[Matt McCusker]

Broadcast that there's going to be a security lapse for one night only this weekend. Liver King is chartering a jet right now.

[Sonomod]

Just all men coming shirtless. And there's a chance.

[Ian]

There's a possibility. We did pitch.

[Matt McCusker]

Elephant graveyard is activating his audience like a.

[Sonomod]

My women. They're all slowly marching.

[Ian]

They're going to attack me like canines.

[Tim Butterly]

But.

[Ian]

But we. We're. I. I'm still waiting back. And it will probably be no. But we're pitching to Rogan to have me be the chauffeur that takes the guest to a show. But I wear the outfit with the hat and I don't go in and I just wait outside.

[Tim Butterly]

Are you like a Serbian? It sounds like a Serbian terrorist plot. Also the show. And then next week.

[Matt McCusker]

Next week I'm piloting a commercial flight.

[Tim Butterly]

From New York to la.

[Ian]

Do you guys. Do you guys know the Iceman? I just need to get close enough to something. They'll be dead. It's great.

[Sonomod]

Also the show.

[Ian]

New York is infiltrating Austin under the guise of my travel show.

[Tim Butterly]

Like this.

[Sonomod]

Also the show for the people. Stay a block away from the.

[Ian]

I can't wait. My plan is going wonderfully.

[Tim Butterly]

The Archduke France first today. Yeah.

[Ian]

No, but it's super fun and it.

[Tim Butterly]

Gives me stuff to do.

[Ian]

Like I was just in Connecticut and I went to this place called Hard and Company. They are a. Like a jean and clothing company. Everything's handmade with like antique American machines and tools. And so I made my own jacket. It's like pretty cool.

[Tim Butterly]

You really have a longing for the past. You're very.

[Ian]

I love the past.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. You're very, very steampunk. Yeah.

[Ian]

No, I don't like that.

[Tim Butterly]

Is that steampunk? When you're act. You put like a tweed suit on like a. That you seem like. I'm not trying to be a dick. It seems like you love the past. Like handmade. Yeah, I do stitching and.

[Sonomod]

Well, he did call. He did. He did call them. The blacks over there. So I think he's definitely yearning.

[Tim Butterly]

He's definitely yearning.

[Ian]

More times, better times. Some would say those are actually the antique machines.

[Tim Butterly]

Antiquated hardware. Don't you dare come in my voice. My analog tool.

[Ian]

This one's acting up.

[Tim Butterly]

Smack.

[Sonomod]

It's. It's good you weren't behind the auction podium when you're saying this.

[Tim Butterly]

That's why I couldn't give him one. I knew you abuse the podium, huh?

[Ian]

Austin. Austin is better than New York.

[Tim Butterly]

That's our prize fighter right there. Boy. Two weeks. Lamar Vers Gomez.

[Ian]

I can't wait.

[Tim Butterly]

Podiums taking him down.

[Sonomod]

That's going to be great.

[Ian]

Wait. That'll be awesome. I'll come back.

[Sonomod]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

The comedy. The. The inner city comedy beef is so. I love that stuff. Oh, yeah. I just love division.

[Ian]

It's amazing. You do?

[Tim Butterly]

I do. I like. I thrive on division.

[Ian]

I like unification.

[Tim Butterly]

Really?

[Ian]

I love unity.

[Tim Butterly]

N love getting. Today's all about just hyper division. Bombarding people with information, titillating them, getting them freaked out, getting them into the streets, making them cl.

[Sonomod]

You don't like that.

[Tim Butterly]

You don't like neighbors smashing each other with trash can lids outside because of Facebook post?

[Ian]

It's fun to watch. It's. I'm not going to lie. It's fun to watch.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm going to show up and blow a whistle the whole time you guys are doing Lewis vs. Lamar. I'm going to get myself shot.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

I could be defending l with my life.

[Sonomod]

I'll show up in a mask and tactical gear.

[Ian]

You'll rest, lo. I'm a citizen. I'm a citizen. Show me your papers, Lewis.

[Tim Butterly]

True. Someone's gonna bring it.

[Sonomod]

We don't like New York comics around here.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, it's embarrassing. Everyone's fighting each other right now.

[Ian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm with you. I'm unification for real. I'm just around. Thank you, but yeah. Let's take it to a question from a premium subscriber.

[Ian]

Oh, cool.

[Tim Butterly]

Let me see. Yeah, that's fine. You can do that one.

[Ian]

Oh, boy.

[Tim Butterly]

This is for. This is a perk we give to the Patreon.

[Ian]

Oh, cool.

[Tim Butterly]

You know, I figured since you plugged a bunch of. I might as well.

[Ian]

Oh, yeah, no, I. I appreciate that. What do you guys have going on?

[Tim Butterly]

True.

[Sonomod]

I have a special out called soon. Yeah, check it out on YouTube.

[Matt McCusker]

I'll be in Pittsburgh February 6th and 7th. Come to it dot com.

[Ian]

Hell, yes.

[Tim Butterly]

Message from the premium subscriber. It's. They do Q and A.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay.

[Ian]

Read all of this.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, man. It's a.

[Ian]

All right.

[Tim Butterly]

Three bucks.

[Ian]

I'm a Hungarian immigrant with an eating dis. Okay, let me do the accent. I am a Hungarian immigran. Me so hungry.

[Sonomod]

That's paying Japanese laugh.

[Tim Butterly]

No, he's. That's one of the premium. That's like a shareholder, dude.

[Ian]

Oh, I.

[Tim Butterly]

He's a premium subscriber.

[Ian]

You're a good guy. Spotify is great.

[Tim Butterly]

It's not. That's not even Spotify.

[Ian]

I'm a Hungarian.

[Tim Butterly]

Multiple allegiances.

[Ian]

I'm a Hungarian immigrant. With an eating disorder. I came to this country 170 pounds, which is a good weight where I'm from. A strong weight of a man. But since getting here, the food has been very delicious. I eat and eat and eat meat. My mother tells me I am like the Kiss. Com book, which, if you're not familiar, is a popular figure from Hungarian mythology. In Hungary, it is common to store leftover pig parts in their intestines, making a sort of satchel for further eating. The Kiss gumbok is the pig intestine that comes alive, eating everything in its path. Getting bigger and bigger as more of the village is consumed. Until a pig shepherd is also eaten who slashes it from the inside of this trusty blade, freeing the village who dance and celebrating either way. I am now weighing 247 pounds. I sent shirtless picture to my mother to prove how well I am doing in America. And she calls me the Kiss gombach, telling me she loved to suckle my rich milky dip. It's the right. This is so good.

[Sonomod]

The semen retention is going to be.

[Ian]

Hard after this one.

[Sonomod]

That is a poor.

[Ian]

Oh my God.

[Sonomod]

I've heard one.

[Ian]

She tells me in jest that she wants to crawl inside my cavity and sit my belly like I once did in hers, feeding for my American goodies. Like the parasite I once was. Only my mother is very old and she tells me she wants to die in my belly. For as the old Hungarian saying goes, better to be stillborn in America than do live a whole life in Hungary.

[Tim Butterly]

I do. That's our premium subscribers. I don't even know what the fucking question. There's no question. There's piss me off.

[Ian]

He just wants us to know that his mom wants to live in his belly. Shout out. Dominic, Kansas.

[Tim Butterly]

It is a Q and A. So he just gave us an A. Yeah, yeah.

[Ian]

What way do you want to go? I want to die in my son's belly.

[Sonomod]

My favorite. My favorite part is when he goes. If you're not aware of the Kiss gumbo, we should have been like, no, we all. Now we can move on.

[Tim Butterly]

These guys are weird. They're weird. I love them, you know, out here paying the bills.

[Ian]

That was great. Great.

[Tim Butterly]

I know these guys. They're funny.

[Ian]

Do you ever do like a. Instead of a question and answer, like a Patreon, like short story contest or something? So that would be fantastic.

[Tim Butterly]

I thought it sounds like a guy with a problem.

[Sonomod]

That could have been.

[Tim Butterly]

That could have been.

[Sonomod]

That was written really well.

[Ian]

That's not real.

[Tim Butterly]

You don't think that's real.

[Ian]

That's a goof.

[Tim Butterly]

Maybe they're pulling the, you know, the wool over my eyes.

[Ian]

But do you think that's real?

[Sonomod]

Well, we could chat GPT it.

[Tim Butterly]

No, we'll go to another one.

[Matt McCusker]

I was saying we could do that. We could see if it was written by chat gbt. That would be really damning.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, okay. Oh my gosh.

[Tim Butterly]

This is a. Guys, please, just come on.

[Sonomod]

Okay.

[Tim Butterly]

It's for the subscribers.

[Sonomod]

35 year old metal worker here. My brother's been having.

[Ian]

Can I do your job?

[Sonomod]

My brother's been having a real bad go with anxiety. I wish I could help him, but I've never gotten anxiety myself, himself at least not like he gets it. He can just be sitting there doing nothing and the next thing I know he's all sweaty and freaking out. It's kind of embarrassing, especially if we're at a restaurant or something. But I try my best to understand so I can be there for him. Because after all, he is my brother. Recently he has had an episode where I personally felt crossed the line. We were at my place watching football. Me, my brother and my boys. I have three sons. Two regular and one adopted. Two regular and one I don't love. And so yeah. And so my brother starts his hyperventilating bullshit and I yell at him to stop because he was freaking out. My new son, he's a two year old Chinese kid that I literally just got a few days before, which is a whole other issue. And so I've tried tough love on my brother and told him that if I started have. If he started having one of his sweaty spaz attacks, I'd haul off on his ass, thinking I'd give him something real to be afraid of, hoping it would cancel out any weird inner weakness shit he was displaying in front of my kids. Kids. And so we get into it, my brother starts crying, which triggered the fuck out of me. And so I started screaming at him, trying to tell him having anxiety as a man and not having been in an active war zone is extremely gay and pathetic. And he yells back saying it's not helping. So I shoved his ass down into the coffee table and he spilled some wine on the carpet and now my wife is pissed. Also, I only paid four grand for the Chinese kid, which I thought was fine since I. I'd never adopted and didn't know at the prices is but one of my buddies recently told me that he had to cough up like 40 grand. Do you think there's any chance this little Fell off the truck or something, if you catch my drift, Steve from Flint, Michigan. Now, Steve, that's a question. Yeah.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Sonomod]

Steve, your brother might be anxious because he's realized you've human trafficked a Chinese baby. That seems to me.

[Tim Butterly]

Could you do a better job for real, selecting the question. Embarrassment of the program saying he had.

[Ian]

To cough up $40,000.

[Sonomod]

Yeah.

[Ian]

It's incredible.

[Tim Butterly]

How much does adoption cost?

[Ian]

A lot.

[Tim Butterly]

It's expensive.

[Ian]

Yeah. And the process is.

[Tim Butterly]

Yes.

[Ian]

So long.

[Sonomod]

Four grand makes me think, like, where did you get this kid? Like, did you go to some massage parlor? And they're like, we have some deal on some kids that.

[Ian]

That thing is not real. That's like a fake thing. That's.

[Sonomod]

That's got to be a fake.

[Tim Butterly]

You think they're pulling my chain?

[Ian]

Yeah. These are fake. These are fake. They're trying to be funny.

[Tim Butterly]

Guys.

[Ian]

Guys. To make you guys laugh.

[Tim Butterly]

Pisses me off.

[Ian]

They're nailing it, though.

[Tim Butterly]

You try to do something nice. Well, I don't know. I try to do something nice. You think?

[Matt McCusker]

You know.

[Tim Butterly]

So I'd like to offer some advice. Why not one more?

[Sonomod]

I mean, you want the last one?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Sonomod]

The misdirect from the anxiety to the. The Chinese children makes me feel.

[Ian]

I wonder why this kid has anxiety. His brother's beating the out of him. Quit crying.

[Tim Butterly]

It does strike me as a little bit over the top.

[Sonomod]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

It's 25 to 40 grand. 25 to 40. Yeah.

[Sonomod]

Yeah.

[Ian]

It's crazy.

[Sonomod]

Yeah. He got it.

[Matt McCusker]

He got.

[Sonomod]

He got a knockoff Chinese child.

[Tim Butterly]

This episode is sponsored by Better Help. Let's get real for a second here. I found that comedy is a great way to discover more about yourself. Dude. I've learned Speak on how comedy has helped you discover something about yourself or helped you grow as a person. You know, there's just something about talking in front of people, and it's really helped me kind of like, like, grow my inner child. Or more specifically, my pure Arternis, which is the forever child in Jungian terms. My shadow has been surely integrated. I mean, that goes without saying. And other than that. Yeah, I had a big. Had a big. Had a bit of an Oedipus complex that I've resolved through just, like, sick jokes and whatever. Guys, if there's one goal you should have getting into new in this new year, it should be to feel better about yourself, to feel lighter. Plus, getting started is straightforward and simple. All you need is betterhelp. Therapy can help you discover what obstacles you're facing and how to overcome them. BetterHelp has over 12 years of experience connecting people with the right therapist. They've served over 5 million people globally and judging by the glowing reviews, it works. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up to get 10 [e-mail] MSSP that's, that's better. H lp.commssb hey guys, real quick, you can catch me on the road doing live standup comedy. I have an all new hour. It's been going pretty well. People love it. I love it. Everyone's having fun, guys. I'll be in Las Vegas, Nevada the weekend of February 13th. And then on Valentine's Day there's a big one leaving my family. Guys, you know, everyone's pissed, but whatever, I'll do it for you guys. Paramount Theater, Denver, Colorado on Valentine's Day proper February 14th. I'll be there. So Las Vegas, that's a big one. I don't know what's up with Las Vegas. All these other tickets are selling great. Las Vegas is a last minute town full of gamblers. Don't be the fucking ruined gambler and lose out on, you know, show's definitely gonna sell, guys. Don't even think it's not. But right now the ticket sales are poor. So please come to Las Vegas or I will. I'll still come. Even it's like 10 people. I don't care. But so Las Vegas, 213, 214. Denver, Colorado. Then I'll be in Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City, Utah, Cleveland, Ohio, a bunch of other places get tickets@matt mccusker.com. also, the day this comes out, it'll be Friday the 31st, I believe. Or third. It'll be the 30th. Friday the 30th. All gonna algonauts at creek in the Cave. We're gonna do. I'm doing a show. Me and Tim Butterly are doing a show where we go through people's phones, look through their algorithm projected on the screen. We all laugh. It's, it's a. It's a good time.

[Sonomod]

Time.

[Tim Butterly]

So that's it. Thank you.

[Matt McCusker]

Hey guys. I have two young daughters, 2 and 5 years old. They're obsessed with the movie Frozen, which I can't understand. Not that any of those movies are great, but Frozen is the worst of the worst in my opinion. And the message is complete. Basically, you have two sisters, the parents both die and the kids are left alone in a castle. The older one is essentially a moody who moves out to an Ice castle. Symbolic of a one bedroom apartment. Cat Lady. Lady. After a younger sister, archetypal slut hooks up with the first dude she sees, Prince Hans of the southern isle. And so the archetypal slut ends up attracting the archetypal dickhead who just uses her. And so the whole thing goes on until Elsa, the older sister, froze the whole town, which I think is symbolic for a type lady's general presence comes back to save Anna. But the slut sister somehow ends up frozen, symbolic of all women, eventually just becoming mean to no matter what.

[Ian]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

And is brought back because of her own true love, not Kristoff's, who in my opinion is the movie's true hero. But they make him out to be some unnecessary side character who just has to deal with the fact that Anna the slut younger sister has been ran through by Prince Hans as if body count doesn't matter. And I know she was technically only Wait. And I know she was technically only once princess, but I think he got maybe typoed here. And I know she was technically only once prince, but for a fairy tale which typically only deal with virgins, one is kind of insane. Honestly. Symbolic of the fact that she's been run through. One in a fairy tale equals 100 in real life. Frank in Manhattan.

[Ian]

I'm just. I'm just glad this guy's a father. I mean, what the.

[Sonomod]

It feels like he was typing with one hand and jerking off this guy's daughter.

[Ian]

And he's speaking that way. Whatever.

[Tim Butterly]

We'll do better next week. That's.

[Ian]

What a monster. Again, that wasn't even a question.

[Tim Butterly]

Was. That wasn't a question.

[Ian]

There was no question. He just wanted to use.

[Tim Butterly]

That was more of an op ed.

[Ian]

He just wanted to use fairy tale body count.

[Tim Butterly]

That was fairy tale body count.

[Matt McCusker]

Are fathers of young daughters dealing with like body count issues right now? Probably more than any time in history.

[Tim Butterly]

I think so. Well, no, because I think they used to like kill them. You know what I mean?

[Sonomod]

Some parts of the world they still do.

[Tim Butterly]

You would kill your daughter or like you'd have to kill the guy if they dishonored her. Yeah. Cuz you had to basically sell them for like.

[Ian]

And women knew not to around or else there would be consequences. So of course they could he. Man, they're mar.

[Matt McCusker]

There's been barns full of, you know, hay piles going back to the beginning of civilization. You know what I mean? Girls.

[Tim Butterly]

I never thought about this. You know what's crazy? Crazy. You know what's nuts? So back in the day when you get like a Medieval Times you have a daughter. You would get like one pig for your daughter, right? One pig.

[Matt McCusker]

Can we look that up? That sounds low.

[Tim Butterly]

25 to 40,000. But here's the thing, dude. That was like.

[Ian]

Was it a Chinese pig?

[Tim Butterly]

A wife Only fans models make billions of years. Those guys, I think went dra. They got drastically lowballed if you think about it.

[Sonomod]

No, but most only fans.

[Tim Butterly]

Women's true value. It's like sitting on top of a woman.

[Sonomod]

Oil kind of. But most only fans models make nothing. Most only fans model are just showing holes to the void.

[Tim Butterly]

Even 250 bucks a month compared in pigs. Medieval pigs. That's a bad.

[Matt McCusker]

Can we get a conversion rate?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, That's a hoarder. 20, 26.

[Ian]

Yeah, but USD yields more pigs.

[Sonomod]

Food and pigs and.

[Tim Butterly]

No, you're right.

[Ian]

So like one pig yields.

[Tim Butterly]

Well, no way, man.

[Matt McCusker]

I've been to functions where a pig was barely one meal. I've been to parties where an entire pig was just like the meal for the night night, you know, we're gonna do one feast in exchange for your daughter's chastity. And potentially.

[Ian]

Yeah, but they probably also didn't eat a ton. So they could make the pig last a while, right?

[Tim Butterly]

No way. It's meat. It'll spoil.

[Ian]

But then they also get cows and like donkeys and stuff. A cow? If you're lucky.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. You get a cow. That'd be a good present.

[Ian]

Yeah, but. But also, didn't you get like a cow on some land? Like, wasn't that the dowry?

[Tim Butterly]

It all depends on your daughter, how.

[Ian]

Hot she was and probably like the area.

[Tim Butterly]

Fifty shackles of silver, huh? Okay.

[Ian]

Wow.

[Tim Butterly]

Or the equivalent in livestock, basically. Okay, so that they're. They probably had it pegged pretty well then.

[Ian]

Wow.

[Tim Butterly]

I was thinking people got ripped off in medieval times when selling their daughters.

[Sonomod]

I was like, I mean, they probably.

[Ian]

Yeah, I mean, it just. I mean, the real people got ripped off with the daughters.

[Tim Butterly]

What do you mean? They're property of their father. What are you talking about? They were the father's rightful property.

[Ian]

Can you imagine having a daughter be like, yes, this will pay off in the long run?

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, maybe it is 18 years of just like feeding her while she learns like basket weaving and.

[Sonomod]

Please don't get fat.

[Tim Butterly]

Man, that would be pretty nuts. That. That is like. Yeah, that wouldn't feel good. Honestly, if you had like a beautiful daughter and all you could think about was just selling her for like, like fat sack of gold. Yeah, that would feel you'd be like kind of. It'd be bittersweet.

[Ian]

Imagine being like a hot daughter.

[Matt McCusker]

Your retirement, by the way.

[Ian]

Really, I'm only worth a pig. Look how hot I am compared to these toothless goblins. Like, shouldn't I be worth like a two pigs?

[Sonomod]

But if you're like a peasant's hot daughter, it's still a pig. It's. I'd rather a noble toothless goblin.

[Tim Butterly]

You would get a fatten sow though. If you're a peasant's hot daughter, you probably get a fat pig. And as a girl, that they'd probably be like, that's probably cool.

[Sonomod]

See, in my neck of the woods they work with goats. So I don't know how fat goats go.

[Ian]

My neck of the woods for talking about aer Bajan is very funny.

[Tim Butterly]

I prefer a goat to a pig for sure.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, goats give you milk.

[Tim Butterly]

There's.

[Sonomod]

There's more, there's more happening with a goat. You can a goat with what.

[Tim Butterly]

You say. You said you could a goat.

[Matt McCusker]

I said you can any animal.

[Tim Butterly]

True.

[Matt McCusker]

In arranged marriage, would it ever be like if you're not like status matching, would you ever make. Make up the difference with an animal? I don't know why I'm looking directly.

[Tim Butterly]

At the shades are hiding in your eyes.

[Sonomod]

My parents were arranged marriage. And the way that it worked is my dad grew up in a very poor village. My mom came from a rich family in Bangladesh. But he got to America. So that was his trade off. Like, oh, you get to America, you get the hot girl of a rich family and then you bring her family to America.

[Ian]

That was the trade off to work harder.

[Sonomod]

Yes, exactly. So he came in, he got to America and they were like, oh, he. Here's. Oh, man. It was, it was. He had to. He had to. Like, he went to engineering school in Dhaka, which is a capital. He just rode a goat across the.

[Ian]

Atlantic.

[Tim Butterly]

On me and the goat in the Atlantic for a month and a half.

[Ian]

Onward to the be straight.

[Sonomod]

It was actually the life the life of PI was based on my dad.

[Tim Butterly]

The wife of five.

[Ian]

The wife too Pie. The life of cream. The life of cream pie. When he came.

[Tim Butterly]

So he Damn. He. That's a sick deal. Get to America. Get the babe. Yeah, you got the hero's journey.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, it's a. It's. It's something to aspire to.

[Ian]

It's like, oh, my question is, are they legal? Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Hey, thank you for asking. So he got here legally? Legally, yeah.

[Sonomod]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Damn, that's hard as hell. Why the hell couldn't she get here? She's rich.

[Sonomod]

Well, yeah, like, girls can't.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, they can't have ideas.

[Sonomod]

I have an idea. Hey, just.

[Matt McCusker]

Learn dreaming.

[Tim Butterly]

Let a poor guy dream for you. Yeah, you'll marry him.

[Sonomod]

My mom told the story about how when she was younger, she like, like, kind of dated the guy across the street from her. And then her brothers found out and they punished her by taking her out of school. Did you stop teaching her? Yeah, yeah.

[Ian]

She ended up going.

[Sonomod]

She ended up going to college, and she's a dentist now, so she figured it out. Yeah, look.

[Tim Butterly]

I mean, hey, yeah, you say that, but check that out. Yeah, yeah.

[Sonomod]

They're still together. Arranged marriages never get divorced. Yeah, almost never. It's like a 90. Yeah, yeah.

[Ian]

Are they. Are they not allowed?

[Sonomod]

No, they're allowed, but it's like.

[Tim Butterly]

Like, it's.

[Sonomod]

It's sort of like this the way the. So they call it. There's arranged marriages and love marriages. That's what they call it. And in arranged marriages, you're sort of faced with the person and who they are immediately. So you have to learn to love them. In a love marriage, there's passion and that fades over time. And then you get to know the person.

[Matt McCusker]

Right.

[Sonomod]

And that might change. So it's like you come at it with a different mindset.

[Ian]

And do you think the arranged marriage, like, the goal is to have children and bring families together so then they recognize it. Like, they kind of have to lay down there their desires for the greater good of the family and community. So then they work together as a team rather than people that very anti girl boss.

[Sonomod]

Absolutely.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Sonomod]

It's.

[Tim Butterly]

Absolutely.

[Sonomod]

Yeah. It's a. It's an Asian thing. Asian. It's like you work for the. The whole culture. It's. But, you know, the nail that sticks out gets the hammer. That's what they say in those cultures. So you gotta, like. We gotta work for everybody.

[Tim Butterly]

What about arranged divorce? That'd be sweet. You were done?

[Sonomod]

Yeah. You gotta get the goat back. Back.

[Tim Butterly]

We want the original goat.

[Sonomod]

Give us the original one.

[Ian]

Give me the goat back.

[Tim Butterly]

You're out of here.

[Matt McCusker]

Goats like 23 years old, can barely walk.

[Ian]

Kill me.

[Tim Butterly]

I mean, it is a funny idea to think you're gonna, like, as a young person, stare at a person and go, yes. This is total. This is like, you know, I know the elders obviously know better how to match you up. Yeah. And it's kind of tight, man. I don't know. I. The idea of arranged marriage, I've always thought it was cool.

[Sonomod]

Cool well, the idea, the arranged marriage is how everyone did it forever up until recently. Like, question. Even. Even, like, the American, like. Yeah, go ahead.

[Ian]

How do they decide the arrangements?

[Sonomod]

What do you mean?

[Ian]

Do they just, like, put names on dice and roll them?

[Matt McCusker]

We're talking about thousands of years of, like, culture.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Me for asking. Sorry, I didn't ask my friend their names on.

[Sonomod]

Maybe I'll be into a fire, the wind blows, and that's where they go find their wife.

[Ian]

Maybe I'll do chatgpt because there's no judgment was my question. Here's.

[Sonomod]

Here's how it works now, because there's like. It's like a vestige of that where it's not like they're not forcing people to get married anymore, but they'll give the girls something called, like, biodatas. And it's like a picture of the guy's face and all his stats. Like, height, weight, what he does, what he likes, what kind of family he's from, where. His dating profile. It's a dating profile.

[Ian]

So it's like Indian pop the balloon. Balloon.

[Sonomod]

But if you don't pop the balloon, you get married for life.

[Tim Butterly]

I thought, you know what classic is like, you would love this.

[Matt McCusker]

What?

[Tim Butterly]

I know you're an old classicist. I thought you would love this back. They did in the good days.

[Ian]

It was meant to be done. So what would they do? Prior? They would take.

[Tim Butterly]

They would grab a lady by her hair and go get the.

[Ian]

You would mean. Give me that. Clint.

[Tim Butterly]

My mom.

[Sonomod]

My mom.

[Ian]

Chop chop.

[Sonomod]

My mom walked into her wedding. This is one of those.

[Ian]

Isn't that a show on tlc?

[Sonomod]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

What did she do to her wedding?

[Sonomod]

She, like, so she met my dad. They're like, oh, we're kind of like, yeah, I like this guy like this. We're kind of compatible. And then, oh, we can get to America. All that sort of stuff. And then, yeah, she walked into the next time they met, she was like, oh, this is my wedding. She's like, realized, like, she ever been.

[Ian]

Honest about, like, her feelings in that moment? Like, was she initially attracted or was she like. Like, how did that work out?

[Sonomod]

I think at first she was like. But then, I mean, she understand.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Sonomod]

Understandably.

[Ian]

Crazy situation, but.

[Sonomod]

But, like, she loves my dad. My dad's a good man. So it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ian]

It's so nice.

[Sonomod]

He funded her dreams. So it's like she kind of lucked out.

[Ian]

That's kind of like such a better love story than, you know, like, oh.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, it's like, they're such a different.

[Sonomod]

They'Re such a cute old couple. They go, they want, they go hiking all the time. Like they do like 10 hour hikes together.

[Ian]

I want that.

[Tim Butterly]

That's nice.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ian]

Put my bio data out there.

[Sonomod]

And I will say, because they're arranged, there's more. Like those rough times, they're like, really try to make it work. Like there's no, they're not trying to like get out.

[Tim Butterly]

Also you kind of have customer service. You can just both call your parents and like, what the. Yeah, yeah. What the, dude? HR in your own way, your fault. You can just be like, yeah, what the.

[Sonomod]

Would you guys.

[Tim Butterly]

What the hell?

[Ian]

Yeah. And I bet the advice you get from the parents since they went through it is way more like on the level and just logical than going with like feelings and having like two families that have never dealt with the same.

[Tim Butterly]

Otherwise it's just you're drunk at a bar one night and you get though.

[Ian]

I think I'm gonna it. He also likes hiking.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, we're gonna make it.

[Tim Butterly]

It's just, I think it's, Yeah, I think it's just equally kind of a crap.

[Ian]

Interesting.

[Sonomod]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Sonomod]

I, I, When I was younger, I was like arranged marriages, like never. Now that I'm older, I'm like, oh, I kind of see that. I, I see the value in it.

[Tim Butterly]

Dude. Yeah.

[Sonomod]

Yeah. What's up?

[Ian]

Do you qualify for an arranged marriage?

[Sonomod]

Could you be arranged as a, as a comedian? There's not a lot of Bengali girls that would, that would be interested. Yeah, yeah. I'd have to be like famous.

[Tim Butterly]

Right.

[Sonomod]

For them to even start like, like right now.

[Ian]

Like, so do you aspire to be like Akash?

[Sonomod]

I like, I'll say this, I'm not trying.

[Matt McCusker]

Better question, do you aspire to be like Akash like a year and a half ago?

[Ian]

Yeah. Prior to like 6.

[Tim Butterly]

Nothing wrong. Stand by. He did nothing wrong.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, I'm not, I like, I'm not kink.

[Matt McCusker]

By the way.

[Tim Butterly]

Hot wife is. Hot wife is alpha. But yeah, like, brat.

[Sonomod]

Correction, I'm not like, I will say like, my, my special right now is doing pretty good. No Bengali people are watching it. And I asked, I asked my mom, I was like, they're not going to be like too.

[Tim Butterly]

Is that one of those countries where if you put like the unlicensed music, they restrict it in that country.

[Matt McCusker]

Country.

[Tim Butterly]

Do you ever do a YouTube video where you put like a song like, we're not going to show this.

[Sonomod]

No, it's not one of those countries. And you're like, it's not. It's not like Russia. Yeah, yeah, but it's like. Yeah, I would say. I would say I'm not, like, in with the culture yet.

[Tim Butterly]

Really?

[Sonomod]

Yeah. I mean, I'm literally surrounded by white people all the time and a wall of blacks.

[Matt McCusker]

If you're going, like. Have you ever gone on, like, a birthright trip?

[Sonomod]

No, not yet. I'm gonna. If I'm gonna go with my dad at one point before.

[Ian]

Are you really?

[Sonomod]

That's.

[Tim Butterly]

That's the thing.

[Ian]

Have you ever gotten dizzy and gone to a porta potty and think you've been on a birth rate trip?

[Sonomod]

Reminds me of my culture.

[Tim Butterly]

You're telling me, though. And I don't know much about, you know, Bengali, but it's like, you're what? Like, I'm an American comedian. I'm working. They need to see you, like, on TV or they're gonna make. No, I'm just gonna marry this.

[Ian]

Yeah, like, you're a doctor in Bengali, and you'll be, like, a cab driver in America. Like, I aren't. Isn't my status higher? Isn't. No, but, like, America, the.

[Tim Butterly]

The.

[Ian]

The.

[Sonomod]

The.

[Ian]

The foundational ground of, like, what status is compared to Bengal.

[Sonomod]

I'm not gonna go marry some third world chick. Like, that's not. That's not gonna happen.

[Ian]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sonomod]

I want a lady that's already here.

[Matt McCusker]

I thought, well, it's like, let's be reasonable.

[Ian]

Yo, my man, my man, you ain't never gonna get that third world.

[Tim Butterly]

You know, I'm a penny stock guy myself. Oh, oh.

[Sonomod]

Where's your wife?

[Ian]

Oh, I.

[Sonomod]

After she gets her polio shots, she'll be over here. I'm not looking for. I'm talking about bro.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, it might be like, invest. Investing in bitchcoin at $100 or something. She could blossom into a bro. You can 10x on your wife.

[Tim Butterly]

That's best case scenario.

[Ian]

Ready?

[Tim Butterly]

Third, I would be, like, no schooling.

[Sonomod]

Not a drop.

[Ian]

Just make sure they got good teeth.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, dude, you could have started asking them otherwise.

[Matt McCusker]

Ship to bayou in goats.

[Tim Butterly]

I was the third world, no schooling wife. And I would show her. I would. I would educate her myself. Like Instagram reels. How, like, mosquitoes are from, like, Satan. I would just do this house.

[Ian]

I would just do the thumb trick. I was gone.

[Tim Butterly]

Our daughter married a B. Living in America.

[Sonomod]

So much good magics over there.

[Ian]

Yeah, you're up, dude.

[Tim Butterly]

You got to go. You got to go.

[Sonomod]

Just straight village.

[Tim Butterly]

Go to the stores, bro. Go to the source Maybe, maybe.

[Sonomod]

But yeah, the. The.

[Tim Butterly]

Awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

Do they know about the JRE in Bangladesh?

[Tim Butterly]

Hit him with a link with the three links times. They have a good clip.

[Ian]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Even in America. Even like a Bengal American, bro. Like, what are you talking about?

[Sonomod]

Yes. That hasn't worked out for me.

[Ian]

Every.

[Sonomod]

Pretty much every. I dated one Hindu girl. That was. That was interesting. But other than that, it's been most. It's been all white chicks.

[Tim Butterly]

I read a book. Well, you know, life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. But yeah, I. I read a book about like older, like, you know, in India specifically wedding practices, and that was kind of like. Yeah. As a young girl at like 12, your husband would be decided and they would just be like, you got to live in their house and you just live under your future husband's mother who would like, kind of haze you and like, see what you were made of and bully you. And if you got pregnant with a son, they would finally be like, hey, we love you.

[Ian]

We love you.

[Tim Butterly]

Right? They would be like, I'll be like, hate you.

[Sonomod]

Being a firstborn son in a brown family.

[Tim Butterly]

Sick. Yeah, yeah. No, dude, they would be like, for real. It'd be like you were literally worthless. You'd be there like Cinderella style doing chores and you get pregnant. They'd be like, let's see, it was a girl. They'd be like, g. You piece of. Wow. Yeah.

[Ian]

It's like being trans in the South. Get out. I hate you.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, arguably worse. Yeah, arguably worse. Yeah.

[Ian]

If you're.

[Sonomod]

If you're trans in the south, you can, you can go somewhere. If you're just in that situation, you're just stuck with a mother in law.

[Ian]

That gets you. What about the, the women that they're born in the. Those scenarios can have. Could they like run away? Is there like a underground railroad for. I mean, like women, children?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, right. Into a brothel.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, probably. Talking about the end result is probably.

[Tim Butterly]

Not great at all, you know, Free. No. No way. You're just gonna go right into a like, you know, there's no like Bengali.

[Ian]

Freedom fighters of like trying to free the, the women from.

[Sonomod]

Well, I, I mean now, now Bangladesh is way more modern. This is. We're talking about, like older.

[Ian]

I was talking to you about your book.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, this was. Yeah, this book.

[Ian]

The book you said you red.

[Tim Butterly]

Oh, yeah, no, that was bad. That was like in the early days.

[Sonomod]

I'll say this. My mom is a third of nine brothers and sisters, and she was the last arranged marriage. So like everything after that was like more agency and stuff. Oh really?

[Tim Butterly]

Is that. Do y' all use that Dill Mills thing? Like I heard something called Deal Mill where it's like kind of arranged like.

[Sonomod]

No, that's just. That's just Indian Tinder. Like parents are on the act too though. Well, I'll say this like is Dill Mill's Indian Tinder. Basically. It's like it's for D. Oh my God.

[Matt McCusker]

Imagine the dms.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Ian]

Coming out of there.

[Sonomod]

It's all. It's crazy. All Bob's all the.

[Tim Butterly]

I'm going start a car company that just runs on those. Just a hot phone there a bunch of horny videos.

[Matt McCusker]

When you're creating your account you put in female.

[Tim Butterly]

It goes.

[Matt McCusker]

Are you sure?

[Tim Butterly]

Are you.

[Matt McCusker]

Are you ready for this?

[Ian]

So.

[Sonomod]

So D. Mill is the intender. And like I didn't know that in that there are a lot of parents. Not everyone. There's. There's but a fair amount of them are kid. Their parents are running their kids account trying to find something that's. That's part of it. But you could just be people. You could just be. You could just be in there.

[Tim Butterly]

Parents chatting each other sometimes.

[Sonomod]

Sometimes.

[Ian]

Good.

[Tim Butterly]

What you doing later on?

[Ian]

Like when those pedophile hunters act like children to catch pedophiles, Indian parents.

[Sonomod]

It's like Chris Hansen by the end you get married.

[Ian]

Come over. Come over. How to be making milk and cookie.

[Tim Butterly]

True. It'd be funny to do a Chris Hansen show where there's no age of consent and the guy shows up and you go, yeah, here you go. You're legally within your Right. There you go. I'm still going to read your text messages.

[Ian]

Not so horny now, are you? Welcome to.

[Sonomod]

To catch a husband.

[Tim Butterly]

I know Dill Mill was. I didn't know that was a thing.

[Sonomod]

Well yeah, but. But that's still mostly just regular day cp.

[Tim Butterly]

Can you go on Dill Mill and be like, no, I know I'm talking to the mother. I'm trying to smash you.

[Sonomod]

I mean most likely you're still. You're talking to the person that's like. That's what. What. What he's talking about is very rare. But does.

[Tim Butterly]

It's just like a landline on an app?

[Sonomod]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Is. What's the word? What is Dill Mill? Is Dill Mill short for something like dudes, I'd like to milk or what's the cultural significance?

[Sonomod]

I actually don't know. It's probably something he Hindi that I don't really. I don't know Hindi very well or Hindi at all.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. It's not the spice. Dill's not a real prevalent spice.

[Matt McCusker]

And.

[Sonomod]

Yeah, and they probably don't call it dill. It probably means something. We could chat GPT it. But I guess we'll just. I guess really probably a lot more fun to speculate. Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah. Just make up an answer and we'll go. Well, we'll never know.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes.

[Tim Butterly]

Those kind of meeting.

[Matt McCusker]

Hearts meeting. Hearts meeting.

[Tim Butterly]

That's hearts meeting.

[Sonomod]

Nice.

[Tim Butterly]

Hearts meeting is nice, man. I like that. When you get the elders involved, they come up with a nice. Yeah.

[Ian]

Hearts meeting is Tinder.

[Matt McCusker]

Tinder is what you use to create a fire. Yeah.

[Sonomod]

Yeah. You've.

[Matt McCusker]

Now you've been on the absent forever, and you've never once stopped to think what it means. That's crazy.

[Ian]

Not a lot going on up here. Interesting swipe.

[Tim Butterly]

Mean.

[Sonomod]

Hey, Tim, I. I retain semen, not knowledge.

[Ian]

Doctor said I need.

[Tim Butterly]

I need back shots for my mind. I think. I think. Actually, I think Grinder is based on what your parents do when you tell them they nash their teeth and weep. They mash their teeth and weep.

[Ian]

It's what they think you should do when you. How you should die.

[Sonomod]

Dill Mill is kind of the opposite of grinder, where a grinder, like, you can, like. There's, like. They'll show you, like, how many feet away you are from somebody. Dill Mill, they'll like, send you people in, like, the UK and, like, they send you people everywhere, really.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah.

[Sonomod]

Yeah. There's a big people. There's a big, like, one of the things. One of the things. One of the preferences you can state that's pretty high is, like, whether or not you'd be willing to relocate.

[Ian]

But I couldn't join Dill Mill as a white.

[Sonomod]

You probably could. Why would you know? I don't know. I don't know what brown person would be looking for a white person on Dill Mill. That's seems. But you can. You can try it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Tim Butterly]

You can also go the Trudeau route. He didn't go Trudo did go blackface, but he also went, like, brown face kind of.

[Sonomod]

No, he went brown face.

[Ian]

Yeah. He didn't do blackface. He did brown face. What about rebooting Soul man, but as a. As Brown Face.

[Tim Butterly]

Soul Man.

[Ian]

Remember that movie?

[Sonomod]

That's the one where he does blackface again. Harvard.

[Ian]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sonomod]

And he learns what it's like to be a black guy.

[Tim Butterly]

I'd have to think about that. The. The think about that.

[Sonomod]

The speech at the end is great.

[Tim Butterly]

I can't wait on that just yet.

[Ian]

I'm not asking you to fund it, Matt. How about you? Executive. Executive producer?

[Tim Butterly]

No, I'm tied up right now. I have a. I have a. A movie I want to make. I'm going to do, you know, Nollywood, Nigerian, Hollywood. You can make a movie for like 15 grand. So I want to write a movie and then have, have. I just write the script and have people in Nigeria just film star the whole thing and I'm put it out on my YouTube. That'd be pretty sick. Just like a really wild soap.

[Ian]

So wait, you would have them star in it?

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, I'm not going all the way over there. So I would.

[Sonomod]

I would just have put up on fiber or something.

[Tim Butterly]

I would send the May be a star if my knowledge they would carry him around.

[Ian]

He'd be the pig that gives someone's life.

[Tim Butterly]

Wow.

[Sonomod]

Wow.

[Ian]

You marry my daughter, you get 1 0.

[Tim Butterly]

You guys really don't mess around up there, do you?

[Ian]

Everywhere we go is like the cellar table. You never know what, mister.

[Tim Butterly]

You guys really are a different breed. Well, hot damn. I think we made it to an hour. You guys. I knew this would be such a fun.

[Ian]

This was so fun.

[Tim Butterly]

Such a fun time. This is great. You guys ruled.

[Ian]

I'm grateful.

[Tim Butterly]

We're going to do. We're going to do the Patreon next, so if you guys want to stick, stick. If you guys want to leave, totally fine.

[Sonomod]

I'm here.

[Matt McCusker]

I'd love to. La Mer, go ahead and drop the pig blood on Ian, please.

[Sonomod]

Real quick.

[Matt McCusker]

Carry up.

[Tim Butterly]

Yeah, Running out of time. I'm going to pee. Yeah, take your time. I'm going to take a pee, take a little break and we'll head into the Patreon. Thank you guys. Appreciate it.

[Ian]

Yeah, thanks so much.

[Tim Butterly]

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret podcast on Spotify. Do.

[Matt McCusker]

You.