Ep 598 - Night Shadow (feat. Dan Soder, Chris O'Connor, Billy)

Summary

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Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast

Ep 598 – Night Shadow (feat. Dan Soder, Chris O’Connor, Billy)

Date: February 12, 2026
Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Guests: Dan Soder, Chris O’Connor, Billy

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Episode Overview

In this lively episode, Matt, Shane, Dan Soder, Chris O’Connor, and Billy run the comedic gamut from disgusting childhood memories and bodily mishaps to deep dives into pop culture, political commentary, and video game obsession. It’s an episode marked by spontaneous tangents, the group roasting each other, and memorable stories including tales of falling, angry gaming, arena gigs, and the psychology of sending memes. If you crave a natural, rapid-fire hang with four comedians riffing at their best, this episode is a prime cut.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Bodily Gross-Outs and Childhood Stories (00:00–03:38)

• The episode opens with memories about gross things from childhood, like tonsil stones and “raunch” (ranch/sriracha) on the phone.
• Derosa shares a story about a friend with bad tonsil stones and the disgusting curiosity of smelling one:

  "It didn't smell like anything. And I broke it and it was like, oh, my goodness." (01:27 - Derosa)

• Shane and the gang riff on adolescent awkwardness—puffy nipples, fathers giving their kids HGH, and The Rock’s supposed nipple surgery.
• Shane’s confession:

  "I've been a puffy nipple since I was a boy... at the public pool, you do a side tickle. Get them things down." (01:55 - Shane Gillis)

• Quick detour into pro wrestling aesthetics and body image.

Austin vs. New York Comedy Scenes (03:39–04:46)

• Matt and Shane briefly discuss the widely memed “Austin vs. New York” comedy beef. Shane values dismissing the rivalry:

  “It’s the gayest thing. I hate it.” (03:43 - Shane Gillis)

Lemaire, MSNBC Brain, and Twitter Habits (04:47–06:35)

• Jokes about Lemaire having “MSNBC-brain” and watching The View at dangerous volumes.
• Matt describes monitoring housemate Lemaire's food pickups on the Ring camera:

  "On my ring camera, I see him pick up his Grubhub… I get to talk to him and go, put the Twitter down, bro." (05:54 - Matt McCusker)

• Contemplating making Lemaire the “Austin Sasquatch” by posting his food runs online.

Drinking & “Squad” Antics (07:12–10:00)

• Drinking stories: the squad isn’t used to not drinking on weekdays, leading to heavier Fridays.
• Derosa recounts Matt pulling a classic Irish goodbye and leaving Derosa to day drink solo:

  “You gave me every indication you'd show up. And then I just started throwing them back. I was sitting alone.” (07:41 - Derosa)

• The group recalls the Flyers game, afterparty drinking, and “performance enhancers” (Adderall) changing the drinking game:

  “Dude, Adderall hitting the drinking scene was like steroids in baseball in the late 90s.” (10:02 - Shane Gillis)

Legendary Drunk Falls & Family Mishaps (10:33–15:32)

• Shane and others share memories of embarrassing and sometimes dangerous drunk falls—Vegas casino incidents, snowbank tumbles, and elderly relatives falling at home.
• Shane reflects tenderly:

  "You're lucky if you get old and fall like that. That means that's a good life." (14:35 - Shane Gillis)

• Matt’s story of his grandma falling behind a bush and terrifying neighbor kids.

Homeowner Woes: Leaky Hoses & Frozen Yards (15:33–16:33)

• Matt updates on personal life: frozen backyard thanks to a hose left running, broken water sensors, and the challenges of being a suburban dad.

Internet Privacy & Meme Sharing Panic (19:38–20:58)

• Paranoia around potential Instagram updates that could publicly reveal who shares content.
• Shane voices comic dread:

  “No, if they start showing you who shares... Let us have fun. Let us have fun.” (20:34 - Shane Gillis)

Political Tangents: Trump, Epstein, Bannon, and Chomsky (20:59–24:27)

• A rapid fire segment:
  • Trump’s relevance, QAnon rabbit holes, Epstein’s social orbit, Bannon’s “culture war,” and Noam Chomsky’s withering public persona.
• Jokes about reverse-outs for public figures caught in scandals:

  “I do any of that. For the record, I’m gay.” (22:32 - Matt McCusker, lampooning Kevin Spacey’s scandal defense)

Guns, the “Balanced O’Connor”, & Pop Politics (23:27–24:32)

• Debate over centrist politics; Chris O’Connor gets playfully grilled as the “Balanced O’Connor” for his blend of progressive and conservative tastes.

Punisher, Pop Culture, and Male Fantasy TV (24:33–26:01)

• The group riffs on cops idolizing The Punisher, Punisher’s actual PTSD, and the unrealistic male fantasy of TV gigolos (“Hung”).
• Iconic Shane take:

  “All his clients were just sexy ladies… it’s not like old gross gay dude fem cells.” (25:43 - Shane Gillis)

Early Sexuality / Coming of Age Anxiety (26:02–29:39)

• Hilarious flashbacks to discovering masturbation and the confusion, panic, and Catholic guilt.
• Chris O’Connor:

  “I got immediately scared. Thought I was going to hell. So I just sprinted outside and started playing basketball.” (28:30 - Chris O'Connor)

• Discussion of weird adolescent snacks, nocturnal habits, and digestive issues.

Sleep Disorders: Sleep Paralysis, Hiccups, Nightmares (29:40–31:19)

• Group shares anxiety-riddled overnight experiences—sleep paralysis, waking with hiccups, and ghostly presences.
• Shane:

  “Waking up with the hiccups for the first time… you feel like you’re drowning on dry land.” (28:41 - Shane Gillis)

College Struggles & Academic Fails (31:33–34:15)

• Chris and Shane reminisce about missing labs, failing classes, and biting off more than they could chew in college.
• Shane’s philosophy department disaster:

  “I needed a class… I’ll do philosophy. I’m a pretty philosophical dude. …I was just rereading sentences…” (33:03–33:40 - Shane Gillis)

Heroin, Classic Literature, and Fairy Tales (34:16–34:52)

• Theorizing that heroin or other drugs inspired classic stories (Grimm, Shakespeare), and how modern-day addicts might compare.

International Talent Shows, Pro Wrestling, and YouTube Rabbit Holes (41:14–43:06)

• Matt discovers the joys of “Sri Lanka’s Got Talent”—the basic acts, quirky judges, and the thrill of low-lift talent.
• Shane on “African pro wrestling” and unique regional sports entertainment:

  “African pro wrestling is what’s up… those power bombs in the mud look cool as hell.” (42:05 - Shane Gillis)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Drunk Falls and Elderly Resilience

  • “You're lucky if you get old and fall like that. That means that's a good life.”
    (14:35 - Shane Gillis)

• On Instagram Paranoia

  • “No, if they start showing you who shares... Let us have fun. Let us have fun.”
    (20:34 - Shane Gillis)

• On Comedy Arena Shows

  • “I've never seen someone get a comedy club pop at an arena like Louie, where Dave Attell went, ‘Louis CK,’ and everyone went ‘YEAH’… it was crazy.”
    (45:02 - Shane Gillis, on the Garden show)

• On Coming-of-Age Confusion

  • “I got immediately scared. Thought I was going to hell. So I just sprinted outside and started playing basketball.”
    (28:30 - Chris O’Connor)

• On The Group's Academic Prowess

  • “I did a thing where I had a dream about this, that I was going to somehow miss a class...”
    (32:05 - Chris O’Connor, exemplifying college struggles)

• On Twitch and Trolling Friends

  • “I’m a mod in Gabe’s Twitch. Yeah. I just kick everyone out to talk.”
    (57:23 - Matt McCusker)

• On Red Dead Redemption and Horse Names

  • “[Shane] has my controller unpaused, and he’s aiming my gun at my horse’s head. And I was like, ‘dude, what are you doing?’ He’s like, ‘I’m going to kill your… I’m going to kill Night Shadow.’”
    (58:07 - Matt McCusker)

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Gaming Obsessions and Online Antics (54:28–59:56)

• Everyone discusses their favorite shooters and roleplayers: Hell Let Loose, Arc Raiders, Red Dead Redemption 2, Fallout.
• Matt and Shane reminisce about griefing each other in Red Dead—Shane threatening to kill “Night Shadow,” Matt’s beloved horse.
• There’s a sidebar on Twitch culture, donating money to obscure streamers and flooding chats with odd requests:

  “I get in there, I say, show hole, show cheeks, show your feet. He’s like, what the is wrong with you?” (57:52 - Matt McCusker)

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Arena Comedy: Madison Square Garden Show (44:51–48:53)

• Shane and Matt reflect on the thrill (and nerves) of performing at MSG alongside Dave Attell, Louis CK, and others.
• Shane describes the energy:

  “It was me, Che, Attell, then Louie. But I’ve never seen someone get a comedy club pop at an arena like Louie…” (45:02 - Shane Gillis)

• Matt notes the supportive vibe of having a lineup with heavy hitters and the relief that “the crowd gets a show, it’s less pressure on me.” (48:53)

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Closing: More Video Game Tangents, Ski Jumping Dick Tricks, Figure Skating Admiration (59:57–END)

• The group descends into a final spree of ADHD topics:
  • Olympic ski jumpers injecting their penises to get extra distance (60:22).
  • The scoring weirdness of male figure skating and the athleticism of “quad god” (61:36).
  • Childhood dizziness and the frustration of physical limitations (“If I do a neck roll, I gotta sit down.”) (62:39).
• Episode closes with dinner plans and a tease for future hangs.

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Bodily Gross Outs: 00:00–03:38
• Austin vs. NY Comedy: 03:39–04:46
• Lemaire & MSNBC Brain: 04:47–06:35
• Squad Drinking Tales: 07:12–10:00
• Drunk Falls & Family: 10:33–15:32
• Instagram Paranoia: 19:38–20:58
• Epstein/Politics: 20:59–24:27
• Punisher/Pop TV: 24:33–26:01
• First Sexual Panic: 26:02–29:39
• Sleep Disorders: 29:40–31:19
• College Disasters: 31:33–34:15
• Heroin & Classics: 34:16–34:52
• Sri Lanka’s Got Talent: 41:14–43:06
• Arena Comedy, MSG: 44:51–48:53
• Red Dead, Twitch, Gaming: 54:28–59:56

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Episode Tone & Vibe

The tone is rapid-fire, irreverent, and effortlessly funny. It’s a blend of nostalgic storytelling, raw confessions, inside jokes, and quick opinions on pop culture. The camaraderie and brutal honesty among the hosts and guests make for an episode full of “you had to be there” laughs that listeners will want to revisit.

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For New Listeners

If you haven’t heard Matt & Shane’s Secret Podcast before, this episode is a perfect sample of their off-the-cuff wit, rotating topics, and the kind of camaraderie that feels like hanging with your sharpest, rowdiest, least self-censoring friends.

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Transcript

[Shane Gillis]

Wild, wild West. Ew, dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Ew. What is that? Ew, dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

That is Reggie's on a wawa rat, baby.

[Derosa]

Did you spit that onto your phone?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, no. I. I was eating earlier and I. I had it like this. So maybe a little raunch dipped on.

[Matt McCusker]

That is what it is.

[Chris O'Connor]

A little patina didn't hurt anyone.

[Matt McCusker]

You got some sriranch on your phone, dude. It smells.

[Chris O'Connor]

It smells like raunch.

[Derosa]

Do you ever split up that stuff that was like, as a kid?

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Derosa]

You ever spit up, like a ball of just.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, like phlegm or what?

[Derosa]

No, it was like. I think it was like a thing that my buddy had it real bad. He had to have, like, surgery. It was like something wrong with his tonsils or something. But, like, I think there's a period during your adolescence where you can cough up. It's just like a solid hall.

[Chris O'Connor]

Stones of tartar you talking about?

[Derosa]

It's like a pocket in the back of your throat. Yeah, I guess it's a tonsil stone.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, like a gumball machine.

[Chris O'Connor]

They smell like.

[Shane Gillis]

Do they really? Oh, what is it? It's just gunk.

[Chris O'Connor]

And your tonsils, they, like, it's little, like, deposits of. I don't know.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn it just like.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you do that? Is that what's happening?

[Derosa]

It only happened, like, once, but my buddy had it so bad, he had to get, like, surgery.

[Matt McCusker]

You smelled it? I did smell that.

[Derosa]

Yeah. When it came up, I like, I.

[Shane Gillis]

Was like, did he one. Did he. One time it turned to off tag and thr load.

[Derosa]

It's like an alien egg, dude. Because I smelled. It didn't smell like anything. And I broke it and it was like, oh, my goodness.

[Matt McCusker]

You're a curious man.

[Chris O'Connor]

I mean, dude, if you got one of those.

[Matt McCusker]

He tried to. He did general alternate. He gender altered. He tried to poke his nipples when they were getting puffy as a boy.

[Chris O'Connor]

I know a kid who did that, but his dad had him on HGH and his nipples started lactating. And then he put a pin in it and squeezed it.

[Shane Gillis]

Can I tell you? It was a puff nipple guy. That's crazy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Forever.

[Shane Gillis]

Listen, I've been a puffy nipple since I was a boy. But here's. Here's what you do at the public pool. You do a side tickle. Get them things down.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, really?

[Shane Gillis]

And you look great.

[Chris O'Connor]

This gets your nipples down.

[Shane Gillis]

You just go like, you tickle. You get like. You get like. Yeah, hard nipples.

[Matt McCusker]

Hard before you get cool.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, why not? I'm not walking around puffy. Nipples. Puffy nipples always dog. Not like crazy puff, just like a little puff. Just like pillow.

[Derosa]

And you never thought about getting rid of him?

[Shane Gillis]

What am I, the Rock? You know, the Rock had nipple surgery.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. When he was like, rocking my Ava and he came in, he had, like, big puffy nipples. And then you see him a couple years later, and it like, looks like.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you gotta do that. Yeah. If you're a pro wrestler, you can't have that. That's a disaster.

[Shane Gillis]

That's crazy. That's like elbow pads on your tits.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. You're just definitely a heel. There's nothing you can do.

[Shane Gillis]

You have to have straps. That's straps.

[Matt McCusker]

If you're pro wrestler, you in the Vader suit, sometimes you got to get.

[Chris O'Connor]

A surgery because you're like. If you take steroids, you get like gyno and like, you get, like, fluid build up in your nipples. Wouldn't know.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, I'm natural, but you are lifetime natural. Matt's Juice to the.

[Chris O'Connor]

I saw a picture of him the other day, dude, he's like, actually, like, big. Looks like Jocko Willock.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

I saw a picture of the bells.

[Shane Gillis]

Can't make my birthday party. Good. Don't want to make me a call on my 40th. Good.

[Matt McCusker]

The. Yeah. Mass Juice of the girls. We pray for him. We pray.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, I hope. I hope he just takes over Austin when you're gone. I mean, you come back and there's gates built.

[Matt McCusker]

He's fully. Yeah. This is the Austin lifestyle. He's juice, dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

Biohacking.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You got to go down there. Get. Get Giant with hot dog Mick. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That's good stuff. Well, I'm glad you're here, dude. I want to settle this Austin, New York beef once.

[Shane Gillis]

It's the gayest thing. I hate it. Did it. It's like. It is like a. With dimension. Yeah. You go Hinchcliff.

[Derosa]

The deadliest game.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. The lair thing was like, I didn't even know. I got told, like, Bush got told. The towers got hit.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I sat down for the regs and they whispered into my ear, and I was like.

[Matt McCusker]

Said the mayor got attacked. May got crushed.

[Chris O'Connor]

We put his tweet at the end of our intro this week. Do you. Did you see it?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Listen.

[Chris O'Connor]

No.

[Lamar]

So.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, my God, Lamar's got it. Is my favorite, favorite tweet.

[Matt McCusker]

MSNBC brain.

[Chris O'Connor]

I mean, I don't know. It's.

[Matt McCusker]

It's wonderful.

[Shane Gillis]

MSNBC brain is crazy because now that means you also have stuck through the. Shifting through the.

[Chris O'Connor]

Through the.

[Shane Gillis]

The Trans surgery that the network went through where it's like, that's my dead name. My new network name is sn.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he's all about that shit.

[Shane Gillis]

Really.

[Matt McCusker]

Any. I swear to God, if it's on the View. He agrees he could be this sixth chair.

[Shane Gillis]

Just to let you know where Lemaire's brain is. My grandmother's greatest affair. My great. Yeah, he's the guardian. He's the guard of the mantle Chimera. He. My grandmother, before she died. I want to say, like, 93 to 97 would just. She'd wake up and just blare the view at like, 73 volume. So it. I'd be in her.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what's happening in my house right now.

[Shane Gillis]

I just wake up and hear, like, Joy Behar being like, I'm sorry, he's not okay. And you're like, wake up grandma's guest bedroom. Like, what the fuck is that? Let me see.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's me. I'll tell to. Alex Jones might be the biggest victim of this Epstein shit. Because, like, he tried and then he fell for the Hillary shit. And then he kept falling into Epstein traps. Joe Rogan, too.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. Fully concise thought.

[Matt McCusker]

It makes. I can't even. I can't even decipher what that means. I love.

[Shane Gillis]

I think.

[Matt McCusker]

What do you think it means?

[Shane Gillis]

I think it's one of those things where you look at it backwards and.

[Matt McCusker]

See the pattern speaking to us strictly in code.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like listening to Led Zeppelin backwards.

[Shane Gillis]

It was Dershowitz the whole time.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, that's high level.

[Matt McCusker]

The only time I talk to the.

[Derosa]

Man now is NATO undercover in a suit.

[Matt McCusker]

Just my.

[Shane Gillis]

My hair is a character.

[Matt McCusker]

My ring camera. On my ring camera, I see him pick up his grubhub. So I get to. Anytime the thing. I get to talk to him and go, put the Twitter down, bro. Dude, delete your Twitter. He's like, okay, I will.

[Shane Gillis]

So funny.

[Matt McCusker]

I got some good photos of him scratching.

[Shane Gillis]

Like that GEO camera of La Mercury. It is.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like those live cameras of falcons on skyscrapers, you know? Oh, he's eating again. That's him. That's him picking up.

[Shane Gillis]

That's so funny.

[Chris O'Connor]

You should put it on that, like, fate. Local Facebook group. Like, has anyone seen this man at the front film?

[Matt McCusker]

I film him collecting. Collecting his pizza.

[Shane Gillis]

Please turn him into Austin Sasquatch.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, no.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, that's so make a highlight.

[Matt McCusker]

I gotta call him to wake him up to order. Who order a grubhub and fall asleep?

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

And I'll just keep checking the ring camera and be like, dude, your food's still outside. It's been outside for two hours. He's like, oh, I fell asleep.

[Chris O'Connor]

Gotta do a highlight video to I'm a Boss by Rick Ross.

[Matt McCusker]

And picking up all. Pick it up.

[Chris O'Connor]

Grubhub.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that's. That's what he's up to. Excuse me.

[Chris O'Connor]

What?

[Matt McCusker]

Why'd you touch my leg, bro?

[Chris O'Connor]

Companionship, okay?

[Matt McCusker]

Nothing more.

[Derosa]

I did that the other night. I ordered McDonald's for the first time in a long time.

[Matt McCusker]

Which night Arch has called your name?

[Derosa]

I think it was Friday. Could have been Saturday.

[Matt McCusker]

Was I with you? Because you've been putting together some performances.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

Comment? Yeah.

[Sean Gardini]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, I will say the whole crew because we got to work Monday through Friday. So then Friday rolls around, you go.

[Shane Gillis]

We'Re going to use Gil.

[Matt McCusker]

The squad's not used to not being able to drink during the week.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, you got something.

[Derosa]

You pulled a dastardly trick on Saturday where you were like, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm going to go across and watch the Flyers game. And you were like. You gave me every indication you'd show up. And then I just started throwing them back. I was sitting alone.

[Matt McCusker]

I showed up to the bar like 9, 9:10pm he was already back in bed. He went back to sleep.

[Shane Gillis]

You ripped.

[Matt McCusker]

Ripped by himself in a dive bar.

[Shane Gillis]

I didn't blame you.

[Matt McCusker]

He was like, where were you? I didn't told you I was going.

[Shane Gillis]

I sat down, started drinking. Why didn't you? Why were you there?

[Matt McCusker]

It would have been nice. I feel like I had something to do.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't think so.

[Matt McCusker]

I couldn't have gotten day drunk.

[Derosa]

No, you were thinking about going. The Sixers.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

They'll double header. Well, yeah, it would have been nice. It would have been nice. But you. You. Your pants. We can't go. We can know we can't go to day Flyers game.

[Derosa]

Yeah, we can.

[Matt McCusker]

That was another disaster.

[Derosa]

No, that was fun.

[Matt McCusker]

Took him Derosan Beezer to a Flyers game.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a crew.

[Matt McCusker]

It is a rough group.

[Shane Gillis]

That's crazy. That's like a bank heist group. That's a bad. That's just all the bad guy from Heat. This is the whole crew. The whole crow is what? Lingro. You guys are all bad.

[Derosa]

Well, Derosa was the. He was the. The key to the fall.

[Chris O'Connor]

Give it how you fall down. So I swear, he's always doing shots.

[Derosa]

He's always suggesting.

[Matt McCusker]

I wasn't drinking at the game.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

I might have had three beers yeah. So then we go to a bar after. I'm talking to Chris. I turn my head for 15 minutes. I look back, he's like asleep. It's like, what the happened to you? He's like, derosa.

[Shane Gillis]

How is he sleeping?

[Matt McCusker]

I look to my right and Derosa's over.

[Derosa]

Just a head. Head in the hands.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Do you do the. Do you do the heads up, seven up sleep on the bar?

[Derosa]

Probably do.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you do little kid pictures.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes. He's like a sleeping dog. You like, that's funny.

[Shane Gillis]

You're watching his eyes close. Dude. Taking a little day siesta from booze at a bar. That's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, we went hard.

[Derosa]

We went hard the night before.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Derosa]

And then I made it through the. I made it through the game and.

[Matt McCusker]

Into the night game. You were great.

[Derosa]

And people were taking performance enhancers.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Derosa]

I refused the performance.

[Shane Gillis]

Great. Dude, Adderall. Hitting the drinking scene was like steroids in baseball in the late 90s. You were like, were hitting dingers in ways that you were like.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's probably responsible for like 75% of the DUIs.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm absolutely fine to drive.

[Shane Gillis]

You find that data, you'll see a spike.

[Chris O'Connor]

You're 100% there mentally, like, I'll drive right now.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, you're totally fine. He's witnessed. He's witnessed me and my, my body shuts down. So I'm like, dude, I'm ready to go if you are.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like, I can't walk.

[Matt McCusker]

We're. We got to stay here.

[Shane Gillis]

One of the most embarrassing drunks I've ever been was. I did an all nighter in Vegas when I was like in my 20s and friend and I were gambling late and I was so drunk, I dropped a chip. It was $100 chip. And the. And the guy was like, Jesus Christ. And I was like, I can't find it. It was just like. Well, I. He goes like, I was looking for it. I just remember him going like this. Well, I can't help you look for it. And I was going, it's $100 chip. And I. And I want. I needed to write something down and I couldn't write. And I was like, this is.

[Derosa]

I found the chip leans get dangerous at that hour too, to lean over.

[Shane Gillis]

Because you're your vector.

[Matt McCusker]

Whatever is much smaller.

[Shane Gillis]

And I'm not joking. I want to put a time at around 6:30 in the morning in Vegas.

[Matt McCusker]

That's terrible.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a terrible way to go.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, that's like the all pro kick in Madam.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You're like, this could go good. Probably not. When you're falling into the moment of acceptance, there is, like, a little, like, much time. Dude, you go.

[Matt McCusker]

When you drunk fall, there's so much time to be like, no way. I'm falling. And it kills.

[Shane Gillis]

Back in the day, Artie Fuqua would just have women with them at the Cellar. So you'd, like, finish a show at the Cellar and already be like, oh, you don't know my homegirl. And it'd be like, two Swiss women that you'd be like, hey, nice to meet you. I was blackout, and Artie was like, oh, my Australian friends. And they're like, we got into our tile and drinking. You want to go? And I was blackout, and I was on the patio smoking a cigarette, and I came in and didn't see a table and took a chop block on my. On my right leg where I fucking. Dude. I still remember how long that. Because I was like, whoa. And just ate, but got up quick. It was like. It was the thing where you check your shin later and you go, oh, just busted. But, dude, I remember that just. But. And they're like, are you all right?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

What. What did you not see?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. Being in Westchester, in the recovery.

[Shane Gillis]

Did you see the recovery?

[Matt McCusker]

It's bringing it back for me big time. I used to bite it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Every. Every. Yeah, I'll be here in college. There's no but. There's snow and ice. There's. Everything's a brick sidewalk. It'd be frozen. I'd just be, like, trying to leave a bar. I'd fall, like, 10 times just into snowbank. Just like, it's tough to get out of. It's like a beanbag chair, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Getting up hammered on a slippery substance.

[Chris O'Connor]

Use the original brusque time back to the house because.

[Matt McCusker]

No, it was the original brusky tumble.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Spade had, like, blew his eyebrow open or some.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, when blood's involved, it's so. It makes it funnier.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, my pop Pop used to do it. Like, every, like, three months.

[Matt McCusker]

I was taking briskies.

[Chris O'Connor]

Dude, he's a beat. Like, he would just watch the Phillies. We go over there Sunday. And then like, every, like, five to six months, the ambulance would come because he'd be out back, and he just eat. And he was, like, 72, so he would just, like, be bleeding out of his.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm okay.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm okay. And they just bring him to the hospital and bring him back.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I forgot. Phil took a brewski tumble recently. He gets up on the lawn as. Dude, he fell on the deck. So it was loud as hell.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh my.

[Matt McCusker]

Everyone in the house heard it. He came out and he was laying on the ground laughing like, get up.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it is like my grandma was in like when she started falling in her 80s. They are. They're less worried about it than you are. My grandma, my grandma called me one time was just like, yeah, I fell in the garage. She lived by herself. And I was like, how long are you down there for? And she was like, it's like 20 minutes. And you're like just on this like garage floor that she's like just getting up.

[Matt McCusker]

Not today.

[Derosa]

Every trip to the basement's 127 hours.

[Shane Gillis]

Lives her life. I'm ready to cut it off.

[Lamar]

I'll cut it the off.

[Shane Gillis]

Man. That's. Yeah, you're lucky if you get old and fall like that. That means that's a good life.

[Matt McCusker]

That must be crazy. Constantly taking. Basically the equivalent of drunk falls. You're 80, you go, this can be tough getting out of this chair. Oh, dude, I'm gonna fall and die. You just shatter my arm.

[Shane Gillis]

And you just think back to every Christmas on the whole fall. Be like, oh, I wanted. 96 was real good. Heading for the ground.

[Matt McCusker]

I've talked about before. My grandma was falling a lot before she died. Yeah, One of them, she went to turn the faucet on behind her house. She fell behind a bush and got stuck behind her house for like she had to wait till the neighbor's kids came home from school. Was laying over the under the bush like, hello. Boy, I probably thought it was a witch. They're probably like so scary that pushes, dude. And then you see an old woman's face, like so scary. Dude sprinted inside.

[Shane Gillis]

Help. Help me, dude.

[Derosa]

Turning off a drippy hose. Scary as little kid.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Derosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

You never know which way to turn it. Turn it on. Full bladder mud.

[Derosa]

When the mud. The mud's all wet.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, we had that going on jump through the sprinkler. It's been going on in my house.

[Derosa]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, the water kept shutting off because of they. It was like suspected leak sensor. So it just keeps shutting the water.

[Shane Gillis]

Off so they don't blow the pipes.

[Matt McCusker]

Our hose was on for like four days.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn, you had a swampy ass backyard.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. No, it's frozen. It was just a sheet of ice.

[Shane Gillis]

This is a kid standing on the back.

[Matt McCusker]

So I got that going on.

[Chris O'Connor]

Now you know.

[Matt McCusker]

Now you know. That's something. You know, I've never been in a house where the water shuts off like that.

[Derosa]

Will it kick on if you take a long shower?

[Matt McCusker]

No, you gotta. I bet it actually would.

[Chris O'Connor]

You'd have to take like three hours.

[Derosa]

Yeah, bro.

[Chris O'Connor]

Same guy. Is that the same. I just want to reach for you down there.

[Matt McCusker]

Relax. Right.

[Chris O'Connor]

That happened this weekend.

[Lamar]

This episode is brought to you by Price Picks. Shoot your shot on Prize picks and get $50 instantly in lineups when you play your first $5. That's right. Prize Picks is giving you $50 in lineups when you sign up and play your first $5. Prizepix makes every dunk, every dime and every board that much more exciting. So don't miss a chance to get started on America's number one app for sports picks. How did you feel about the super bowl game?

[Sean Gardini]

Kind of boring. And every. Every decision I made, I was wrong. I was going for, like, high numbers, you know, a lot of touchdowns, stuff like that.

[Shane Gillis]

That.

[Sean Gardini]

I was real wrong on my choices, but I feel like I'm gonna be. What about you? What'd you think about it?

[Derosa]

I don't know.

[Lamar]

I mean, I. I didn't. I barely watched it. Yeah, I was in and out, kind of like messing with the kids and stuff. I did one of those, like, block pool things.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Lamar]

And all the numbers, you didn't even know what they were. Yeah, it was all like, random. And I. I didn't do well on that Double.

[Chris O'Connor]

Double loss.

[Lamar]

Yeah, it was a double loss for sure. Discuss what sports you're excited about now the NFL is over.

[Sean Gardini]

I mean, I'm hype on. I'm hype on basketball. I've been hype on basketball. I was trying to get in the hockey this year. The Flyers were looking really good to start the season. They stink now, so. So kind of a bummer.

[Lamar]

How about the hockey in the Winter Olympics? That'll be fun.

[Sean Gardini]

That'll be US vs Canada.

[Lamar]

Awesome.

[Sean Gardini]

Hopefully we got them this time.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Lamar]

Well, I'll tell you something. The reason I choose Price Picks is. Price Picks is simple to play. Just pick more or less on two to six player stat projections. If you get your picks right, you could cash in, pick from all your favorite sports. Anything from basketball, baseball, hockey, ufc, soccer, college basketball, tennis, golf, esports, and more. Join millions of users and sign up for America's number one sports picks app. Download the Prize Picks app today and use Code drench to get $50 in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. That's code drench to get $50 in lineUps after you play your first five Dollar lineup up price picks. It's good to be right.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. So that's. That's basically what's been going on with me. I know I haven't done the podcast.

[Shane Gillis]

In two months, but that's the update.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what's going on.

[Shane Gillis]

Backyard's flooded. Like, I'm.

[Matt McCusker]

So Matt's carrying the load right now.

[Shane Gillis]

Yo, Matt's got it all.

[Matt McCusker]

It's probably juiced up. He's got to carry it. Yeah, I mean, you show me. He's got to carry the boats for what?

[Chris O'Connor]

You guys have Peter Day on.

[Matt McCusker]

I wasn't there. That was Matt's. Matt's boy. Dude, It's Matt's boy.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, we had one of the major Epstein bros on. Yeah, I don't know anything about it.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's like a dude who charged you $250,000 to live forever. And he was like, I. I don't really know much about Epstein. Like, I talked to him a few times and like, there's just all these correspondence. And allegedly, like, his kid was dying. In his memoir, he talks about it and then he was actually just in New York and he's like, yeah, I'll go, I'll come, Jill. And his book is like, dude, I was just. I was drowning in work.

[Matt McCusker]

But he's just.

[Chris O'Connor]

He said he was enamored by famous people and he really didn't mean it. He doesn't know about any of the pedophilia stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

So that getting caught, like your email. Oh, yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Getting leaked text messages got leaked, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

Somebody was telling me they were gonna add the future of who share what you share on Instagram to explain how it's a joke, like, to each other.

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, somebody mentioned that to me. I hope that's not true.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, that's the destruction.

[Matt McCusker]

An Instagram reel. It'll say who shared it. It.

[Shane Gillis]

No, don't do that.

[Matt McCusker]

Which if that happens, we're in trouble.

[Shane Gillis]

Don't do that.

[Matt McCusker]

What do you mean?

[Shane Gillis]

It says, like, you know how they do. Who liked it or who follows you.

[Matt McCusker]

They're.

[Chris O'Connor]

Who shared this, Maybe to the person, but is that.

[Matt McCusker]

No, no, no, not yet. Don't worry, I'm with you.

[Shane Gillis]

I'm telling you right now, that's the only thing that dude kissing is a joke.

[Matt McCusker]

No one can see that. Dude's kissing is a joke. Dude's kissing is a funny. I think aggressive. I think I say yes one to all you guys.

[Shane Gillis]

But yeah, the juicy booty one. Yeah, that's what I sent Back to you was the why.

[Matt McCusker]

Why you gay?

[Chris O'Connor]

Gay.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I'm not worried about the gay stuff.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, dude, but that would. That might be the only thing that would clip.

[Chris O'Connor]

What emails?

[Shane Gillis]

No, if they start showing you who shares do that between us. Let us have fun. Let us have fun.

[Chris O'Connor]

I thought you said if he got on the epine file.

[Shane Gillis]

No, that won't get you in troubles.

[Chris O'Connor]

It all just be like 111-1000 you're.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, how you feel? Your boys on the hill. Your boy trump you both wrong twice.

[Derosa]

All.

[Chris O'Connor]

You know, what are you gonna do?

[Matt McCusker]

Could have.

[Chris O'Connor]

Could have called that one. But you know.

[Matt McCusker]

All right, we don't have to. I had. We don't want politics here.

[Chris O'Connor]

They say that, but at the same time it's like there's other people I like way worse guys are trying to make America great again. And that would happen the. Sometimes you had a speed bump.

[Matt McCusker]

I hear. I hear you. Tiny speed bumps.

[Chris O'Connor]

People have been like messed me that. I was like, dude, I fell for QAnon.

[Matt McCusker]

Like what did you expect?

[Chris O'Connor]

Obviously this shit's going to happen and it's going to get me every time. That is a nasty little batten's on there.

[Matt McCusker]

He's like boys with Epstein.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, they like cultivated the culture war. They like created it. You read it and you go, I knew it.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I knew someone smarter than all of us was behind this guy. Like, you two should fight, right? Yeah. Yeah. God.

[Derosa]

Dude, there's like a four hour long interview with him on like pbs. That's like incredible.

[Shane Gillis]

Really? Bannon. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh yeah. America just watched all this rock rocks.

[Derosa]

He's.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like starts talking about like cincinnatus and like that.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Derosa]

The kind of thing that you like turn on to be like this guy.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Derosa]

And then you're like, oh.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh man. He's a really good.

[Derosa]

And he's pretty.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he's good at.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

You listen talk though.

[Matt McCusker]

He's a little effeminate a little bit.

[Shane Gillis]

Is he?

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, dude, there's like he's showing his private eyes. Like this is my beach. It's private. So no one can come on here. This is my pool. It's like very.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Might be the ultimate reverse.

[Matt McCusker]

He might have.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'm not a pedophile. I'm just gay.

[Matt McCusker]

Might hit the old spacey.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I do any of that. For the record, I'm gay.

[Shane Gillis]

That was the best rock. What a move. What a Houdini out of cuffs. How could I be raping women when I like men?

[Matt McCusker]

I think they Were all male accusations.

[Shane Gillis]

There's still guys. He's like, right, but I'm gay.

[Matt McCusker]

Should have caused your so. So this should have crippled. Yeah, he should have done the reverse after he got caught. He'd be like, actually, I'm up.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, no. I actually have a limp. You can't come after me.

[Chris O'Connor]

How's that with Noam Chomsky? Noam Chomsky's all over.

[Matt McCusker]

He just oldest balls.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's like. He looks like something a cat spit out.

[Matt McCusker]

He's all over it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Everyone's ye.

[Matt McCusker]

Himself, boy.

[Derosa]

That's not my boy. I hate that guy.

[Matt McCusker]

You love that.

[Derosa]

I hate that.

[Shane Gillis]

Chompaholic.

[Matt McCusker]

Yes. He loves liberal.

[Derosa]

You guys. You guys wish you were as center as I am. I hate Chomsky.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Chris O'Connor]

It's centrist. Yeah.

[Derosa]

I'm so in the center, it's unbelievable. You guys wish.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you mean Chris the balanced o'? Connor? Well, sure, he's for guns, but he's also for universal health care in a way that's pretty taxpayer friendly.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, now you're talking. The actual balanced.

[Chris O'Connor]

All right.

[Matt McCusker]

Guns. This guy screams and cries about guns. Maybe you've changed your mind.

[Chris O'Connor]

This is great.

[Derosa]

Oh, you know, haven't we shotguns together?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

You guys went to the range.

[Matt McCusker]

You've always got to cry pro guns.

[Derosa]

Yeah, when did I have a problem with.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, okay. That's new.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn.

[Derosa]

I think we should do something to keep him.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, well, that for sure. Yeah, it's one way to put it.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, you one of those Uvaldi liberals? I bet you think cops shouldn't have punisher logos on their phone too while they're waiting for the free country.

[Matt McCusker]

It became cool for the libs to like guns. I'd say five years ago.

[Shane Gillis]

No, dude ice flipped everybody. Now liberals are like, dude, I'm no.

[Matt McCusker]

Now. Well, that was now Punisher skull.

[Shane Gillis]

But the teeth are the rainbow. The lgbtq.

[Chris O'Connor]

Have you ever watched the Punisher logo with Brenthol or Benthal Harris?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Sick.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's great. He's got ptsd, which is what he should have. Yeah, he's just a full vigilante with ptsd. And I. Yeah, the. The scene where, like, it's check spots for me.

[Matt McCusker]

I was done watching that once he.

[Chris O'Connor]

Put the skull on his chest. I was like, holy, cops think this is them.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, there's cops out there.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like, that's pretty much it.

[Shane Gillis]

They don't understand that he's in so many edits that cops share on Instagram. It's like. Like, it's like him putting the thing on hitting the Punisher at it.

[Chris O'Connor]

Punisher is a good season one.

[Shane Gillis]

Good as it's great.

[Derosa]

I gotta watch it. I never watched it.

[Shane Gillis]

Season he did with Daredevil was great too.

[Chris O'Connor]

I didn't see that one.

[Shane Gillis]

Season three. Daredevil or where Punisher comes in Multiverse, that crossover.

[Derosa]

I used to love the Punisher that had like. What's the guy from Hong in it? What's that guy?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah, that one's great.

[Chris O'Connor]

Aaron.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Derosa]

Is that Aaron Eckhart? No, it was kind of looks like him, though.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, but I know what you're talking about. That was awesome.

[Chris O'Connor]

Was Hong about to do with a big dick?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, he's about a gigolo.

[Chris O'Connor]

Okay.

[Shane Gillis]

I remember. I tried.

[Matt McCusker]

I never watched that.

[Shane Gillis]

He. And by the way, that's how this. How it was. All of his clients were just sexy ladies.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It's not like old gross gay dude fem cells.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. It's obviously. That's every Juggalo. Juggalos. I want to watch you.

[Shane Gillis]

I want to watch you play with your bill. Dudes, you're almost Jane.

[Derosa]

Yes.

[Shane Gillis]

Thomas James is beating off for, like, a dude that looks like the guy that put together NSync.

[Chris O'Connor]

I won't touch that.

[Shane Gillis]

Should have been the pilot. Is the guy. What's that guy's name? Lou Whitzky. No, no, that's Shout Out, Bonfire. Don't do that.

[Matt McCusker]

Pedophile. Louis Pedophile.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah. That's such a funny edit. Retard.

[Matt McCusker]

Mental retard.

[Shane Gillis]

Trader.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. I used to watch TV Guide, like, at night at my cousin's house. I would just sit there and watch TV Guide, wait for HBO to come up. CFOs TVMA. And then it would say hung. And I put it on like, this is gay.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then even Sex in the City, I would turn on, like, at what point did they get naked?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, dude, you turn it off Rarely. Yeah. You missed the golden age.

[Matt McCusker]

It was tough to catch a beat to Sex in the City. I got it done. It was tough.

[Chris O'Connor]

Mad Dog on. What's the flashing one?

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, infomercials go wild. Well, that was. That was a. That's a guarantee. Rock hard. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Because I had no idea what jerking off was yet.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, man. Those are the years. All those years. Are you just going to bed with a full tank?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I don't know what this is.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, my God. But then the first disease after you pull it where you go. I think I've just reached a different state of life.

[Derosa]

No, I. I was panicked, kicked Because I had no idea what was going on.

[Chris O'Connor]

I freaked the out.

[Derosa]

That night of sleep was like the.

[Shane Gillis]

First night you busted. Yep. After I lost it, I was like.

[Derosa]

I was like, do I need to tell my parents? Did I break something?

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Derosa]

I just. I just laid in bed and I.

[Chris O'Connor]

Was like, I hope the same.

[Shane Gillis]

But you had brought.

[Derosa]

I hope I didn't do anything. If I wake up tomorrow and everything's fine.

[Matt McCusker]

I know it's a different topic, but. First time I got a calf cramp while I was sleeping. I was like, great, my season's over. I just tore everything in my leg. I don't know. I don't know what that was, but I'm done.

[Shane Gillis]

Wait, were you dead? Cuz you know what's funny is, were you dead asleep?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it was morning. It was in the morning and I got a calf cramp. It was my felt the go fired up. It was either my sophomore year, going into my junior. Junior. It was the offseason. It was right before football started. And I was genuinely like, season's done. I just tore everything. That's the most painful thing I've ever had.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

My. My was atrocious because I did have older brothers and I had a portable DVD player and I found one of their porno DVDs, which was busting up my butt volume.

[Shane Gillis]

Shut up.

[Chris O'Connor]

And I would. There was like a bunch of tries, but nothing happened. Then one day it happened and it was like kind of nighttime. Got immediately scared. Thought I was going to hell. So I just sprinted outside and started playing basketball.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes. Sweat out the sin.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was tired. I was so scared. I was like, what the. Did I just.

[Shane Gillis]

The only time I've ever been afraid like that from waking up is waking up with the hiccups for the first time. Do you feel like you're drowning on dry land?

[Derosa]

Terrifying.

[Shane Gillis]

You're like dead asleep and you wake up and you go.

[Matt McCusker]

You woke up with a hiccups.

[Shane Gillis]

I've done it.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, you have like, terrible indigestion.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

And you just started grubbing before sleep every night. I was basically living with you. I saw the way you grow.

[Shane Gillis]

I would eat big Mac and cheeses.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, he was like 50 high chews.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, dude. I used to walk through high.

[Matt McCusker]

Eat 10 pounds of camera as well.

[Chris O'Connor]

Eat that curtain. Eating a high chick.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude. For real. Just Japanese rubber that they sent over here. But I would order these suckers, like big tins of Mac and cheese and dump hot sauce on it. And then just like three in the morning, be like, you wake up and you're like, dude, it's terrifying. I try to go to sleep. You, like, sleepy, but scared.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's the worst waking up a lot lately. I'll just start having, like, crazy running thoughts. My dude, what the. Is going on?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Today's the day you die. You're gonna die right now.

[Matt McCusker]

Here we go.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like, dude, I was having a completely fine day.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I think I had sleep paralysis this week.

[Chris O'Connor]

Same here.

[Matt McCusker]

When you guys get it, are you so scared?

[Shane Gillis]

You're just scared and can't do anything?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, at this point, I can. I can see it. Hat, like, I'll be having a dream and go, like, I'll wake up, try to go back to sleep, and I start having a dream where, like, I'm get. I'm about to, like, fall over. I was like, you. I'm about to have sleep paralysis. Don't have sleep paralysis. I can, like, feel it coming on and go, you damn.

[Matt McCusker]

I didn't have the full. I just woke up scared as from something. I don't know what that was. It sounded like something was in my room screaming.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, because you'll, like, think like, you always kind of dream a little.

[Matt McCusker]

Like, two minutes.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It was terrifying.

[Shane Gillis]

You're so terrified, but then immediately. That's so funny. Whatever.

[Derosa]

Nothing we haven't seen before.

[Matt McCusker]

Just in the middle.

[Shane Gillis]

But then you're like.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

You ever have the knock where you're going to sleep and you literally thought someone knocked on the door, and you're, like, looking around like, no, that would scare the. My scares.

[Matt McCusker]

I was.

[Shane Gillis]

I'd much rather wake up with the cups.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Than a. A castle door knock. Just like.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's like a cop knock.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm like, what the.

[Chris O'Connor]

But I'm just dreaming.

[Matt McCusker]

I told you. I had one where somebody walked across my room, and it was so real. I thought it was my dad. I was like, no one else is here. I was like, phil, get the out of my room, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

He just walked and stood in the corner where it was really dark. I couldn't see anything. And then it took me, like, two minutes to be like, no one's there. This is. That was a. I saw a ghost walk across.

[Shane Gillis]

That's when the fears.

[Matt McCusker]

But for some reason, I wasn't scared at all, really. I don't know why. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Even after the realization. Yeah. You're like, no one's in the room.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, no one's in the room.

[Chris O'Connor]

Probably from that time in the service, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

Probably skeleton the closet.

[Shane Gillis]

You're the Punisher.

[Matt McCusker]

If you guys saw what I saw.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn, you're Frank Castle.

[Matt McCusker]

You guys have no idea. You guys were fucking around in college.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, I was at the Point.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, you were.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, you were.

[Shane Gillis]

What year was it?

[Matt McCusker]

07.

[Chris O'Connor]

Brother graduating 8th grade, my friend.

[Matt McCusker]

Okay? I'm talking about your time in the.

[Shane Gillis]

In college.

[Matt McCusker]

You went. You off. They said, this is not a man for higher education.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, no, no.

[Matt McCusker]

He's not ready for books. Where'd you go? Time for podcasts.

[Chris O'Connor]

I went to Delaware County Community College for a year. D. President's list. No big deal. And then Temple. I quit after a year for two years. And I was like, two years. It was like, three Cl. I was like, you can take three classes.

[Matt McCusker]

It's sweet.

[Chris O'Connor]

So you took three classes? I was like, physics is. I did a thing where I had a dream about this, that I was going to somehow miss a class. And it was like some, like second semester, some MLK day was on that Monday, and I was like, I'm taking a screenshot of my courses. So I can just use this every week.

[Shane Gillis]

Week.

[Chris O'Connor]

And then in physics, they kept talking about this lab that I had no idea what the they were talking about. It turns out I was. I took a screenshot of MLK day, which we were off that day. There was no class. So I missed a construction safety class and a physics lab for about a month and a half. And then I came to the construction safety thing. I was like, I had no idea. I had this class. I passed that one, but I just dropped physics because that physics is impossible.

[Shane Gillis]

You're missing all that time that are coming in and being like.

[Chris O'Connor]

They kept.

[Shane Gillis]

You've learned basic things that I have no concept.

[Matt McCusker]

They kept talking about it in class.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was like, beetlejuice in classes.

[Shane Gillis]

Okay. No clue what's going on.

[Matt McCusker]

The lab in class.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, yeah. I went to one lab and I was like, I gotta drop this.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, dude, when you. When you out kick your coverage in college, you go to. I was like, I needed a class. And I was like, I'll do philosophy. I'm a pretty philosophical dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I was like, what is it? Rationalism. Let's fucking go. I didn't realize Arizona has one of the top philosophy departments in the fucking country. And I took like a 400 and it was Rene Descartes. And it was so hard that I was just rereading sentences and I had to go to the teacher. Like, I was retarded. I was like, I don't understand any of this. He's like, well, you Took a couple one hundreds and two hundreds. I was like, no. Anyway, how are you able to sign up for this class? I was like, I don't know, brother, but we're here.

[Matt McCusker]

You said I signed up, therefore I am.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, yeah. There you go. Different between body and mind or is this there? I don't know. Yeah, I'd get. I would just smoke Camels before I'd go in there. And he just like always looked at me like, get out of here. I think I got a D. So I passed.

[Chris O'Connor]

That's good.

[Derosa]

Those books are.

[Shane Gillis]

Anyway.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Derosa]

I've tried to read them. It's nonsense.

[Shane Gillis]

Just a French heroin addict. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And they don't.

[Shane Gillis]

Being like, am I alive? Are you alive?

[Derosa]

And they don't. They don't like write it in a way that it's like building an argument.

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Derosa]

And they say that from like the jump.

[Matt McCusker]

Drugs.

[Derosa]

Yeah, yeah, just say drugs.

[Shane Gillis]

They didn't even know they were drugs. They thought they were just inspired.

[Chris O'Connor]

Supposedly all those grim fairy tale people are on heroin and all that. They were just up on heroin and made all these scary ass dudes.

[Shane Gillis]

That is. That makes so much sense. If Shakespeare. 214 year olds falling in love to the point of suicide is just a guy working out heroin.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's like, I was in love yesterday.

[Shane Gillis]

And now I'm fucking sweating. I kill myself. So she killed herself. All this. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I wonder if homeless or heroin guys are still hitting scary stories.

[Chris O'Connor]

Absolutely not. In those camps.

[Matt McCusker]

In those tents.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, dude, that's. Those are the.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Around the trash campfire.

[Shane Gillis]

I was in a three bedroom. Too bad. A year ago.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I had a family.

[Shane Gillis]

I had a family. I was trusted and loved.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, this is too scary. I'm going to bed.

[Shane Gillis]

Hold on. I gotta go before the sun bakes me under this highway. Time is valuable. That's why Lowe's blueprint takeoffs turn blueprints into quotes faster. Bring us your plans and we'll generate itemized material lists to make quoting easier so you can get back to Building Plus. At the Lowe's pro desk, you get access to thousands of building materials not sold in store. And when your order is ready, we'll deliver everything to the job site. Improving is easy at Lowe's.

[Chris O'Connor]

Have you played stalker too?

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Chris O'Connor]

Very good game. You should try it.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I'm all about arc raiders right now.

[Chris O'Connor]

I haven't played that. I've been hearing a lot about arc raiders.

[Matt McCusker]

There's a. Sorry, it just reminds me of. Did you see Liver King? Went to Whataburger you got.

[Chris O'Connor]

You saw the video, though. Redemption. There's a.

[Matt McCusker]

There's like, one moment of silence on a podcast. Billy. Billy tried to hit a new topic out of nowhere. He just goes, great. Yo. Did you guys see Liver King go to Whataburger with his family and order, like a huge meal? I did.

[Chris O'Connor]

I didn't start with that much authority. I was very tired. But if you watch it, is it not crazy?

[Matt McCusker]

It was. It was fun.

[Shane Gillis]

How? What was the total cost, do you think?

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't know. He orders everything. But I think it was, like, when he was going through, like, a psychosis.

[Matt McCusker]

So he's having a breakdown.

[Chris O'Connor]

It was nuts. And he just kept, like, saying the weird, weirdest to people.

[Shane Gillis]

What do. Do you think anybody in his family, like, when you know anybody you've known, people go crazy. When he locked in on Rogan, where people like, hey, why don't we just shift off?

[Matt McCusker]

I don't think, dude, they were riding, like, in caravans. They were. Yeah. They're like multiple cars together.

[Shane Gillis]

It's crazy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Driving Super Mario Kart all together in a pole barn and they each have a 65 inch TV this close to their face. I would do anything that if that was my dad, but I will die.

[Shane Gillis]

Liver King does.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yes. Family bonding time. They all have 65 inch TV' literally like a foot away from their face. By Americard. You would get in a Jeep and go and flip.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll take out entire podcast networks. Went to whatever. I go through an Austin killing spree for 65 inch Mario Kart.

[Chris O'Connor]

He went to Whataburger and ordered everything those kids will probably murder someone for.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, true.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. That is like, is he allowed to.

[Derosa]

Get toppings on stuff? Is that against his mantra?

[Chris O'Connor]

3.0. 1.0 was all about that shit. 3.0. Holy Trinity.

[Matt McCusker]

You can do whatever you want.

[Chris O'Connor]

You can do whatever you want. Just gotta be happy.

[Matt McCusker]

Just got to lock it down. Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

And do HGH. $30,000 of it a month.

[Shane Gillis]

A month.

[Chris O'Connor]

It was something wild. Like he was doing like 20 grand of HGH a month. And then he had people like, like, I think I'm going to turn my life around, honey. And buy liver and eat it all.

[Shane Gillis]

That's the first. It's always the first guy. Yeah. This sounds like a great idea. This guy looks fantastic.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Liver's so hard.

[Shane Gillis]

Not going to make me sick. No pain, no gain. He's like, we're trying to gut it down. He's like, I'm gonna look like you. All right? This guy's just like, dude, could liver king hit a baseball? I doubt it'd be fun if he just.

[Matt McCusker]

That'd be awesome if you got fingers.

[Shane Gillis]

He's just hitting, like 530. He's just shotan. He's like.

[Matt McCusker]

That'd be sick.

[Derosa]

N. He's. He's not a fine motor skills guy.

[Shane Gillis]

No, but I'm just saying, running with.

[Derosa]

Weights, It'd be good.

[Matt McCusker]

You never know, dude.

[Derosa]

There's no way the cat, the king.

[Chris O'Connor]

There's no way not to be confused with the.

[Derosa]

But he couldn't. I bet he could throw a dart.

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't think his fine motor skills are all there. And he also has a hurt eyes.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, he does have a hurt.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, he actually is good.

[Matt McCusker]

Like the superhero.

[Chris O'Connor]

Is that the eye? Yeah, like Hawkeye. Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Least favorite person, he just throw.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Just got the bow now.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, he pissed me off. I just watched. I'm. I'm going through the multiverse. Incorrect order right now. So I just got to Hawkeye fighting with Thor in that time.

[Shane Gillis]

It's pretty good with the bow and arrow, though.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, Just people up. But all you got is by Loki.

[Matt McCusker]

But does he do anything other than fire a bow and arrow?

[Chris O'Connor]

No, he just got that Hawkeye, he's security.

[Matt McCusker]

No, I don't got the Hawkeye.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's security, but also wants to die.

[Matt McCusker]

With a bow and arrow.

[Chris O'Connor]

But he's got wild. I think he's like some sort of freak ninja or something like that.

[Matt McCusker]

Wait, somebody should fight him. That just has a gun.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, they go, hey, cool bow and arrow.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I have an AK47.

[Shane Gillis]

Look at this. Hey, Hawkeye.

[Derosa]

No, he's like the comanche dude.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

How'd that turn out for them? Ran into some guns.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, they ran into iron.

[Derosa]

It's got next level movement, I'm sure.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Can he move it fast or something?

[Chris O'Connor]

I don't know. Honestly, I really don't.

[Matt McCusker]

It's just a guy with an archer.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like a gun, said Jared. I mean, yeah. No offense to him. I just don't like hawkeye. Nothing against J. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Jaren Renner kind of rules.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, he's cool. I think he got up for a while.

[Matt McCusker]

He did. He got. He got smushed by, like, a snowmobile.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, that would kill the one.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you ever see the size of it?

[Shane Gillis]

Do those cats got rolled up all right.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

What he got rolled up on got.

[Chris O'Connor]

Like, actually smushed everything he could. You could take a car rolling over your foot.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

Think about almost every time a car backs up next to me, I just want to put my foot quickly.

[Shane Gillis]

You'd be fine. I think. I think they would just go like. But like, I think if it stopped on your foot, you're in big trouble.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, they're in trouble.

[Shane Gillis]

That pressure, I don't know.

[Chris O'Connor]

Something to think about.

[Matt McCusker]

This week I've been watching Sri Lanka's Got Talent on Instagram.

[Shane Gillis]

Who?

[Matt McCusker]

Sri Lanka, the island nation. That is good. So good.

[Shane Gillis]

Who are the judges?

[Matt McCusker]

One of them was, I don't know, just whoever. Like three fat guys from Sri Lanka.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

They're like, dude, you're fat. You must be so powerful.

[Shane Gillis]

You have a Warren shirt on.

[Matt McCusker]

Certain.

[Shane Gillis]

Can you judge this dance competition?

[Chris O'Connor]

Who's a dude is from Street Fighter. He's from Sri Lanka.

[Shane Gillis]

Sagot.

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, is this aot the crazy mullet? That's like Blanca.

[Shane Gillis]

What? No, Blanca is from Brazil.

[Chris O'Connor]

He's from Brazil. I thought he Blanca. Maybe they just Blanca.

[Shane Gillis]

I just know from the map selecting Street Fighter.

[Matt McCusker]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Shane Gillis]

It looks like it's filmed in the parking lot of America's Got Talent. Like, it looks like they were like, you guys can go outside side.

[Derosa]

His talents.

[Shane Gillis]

This is crazy.

[Matt McCusker]

That's his talent.

[Chris O'Connor]

Wheels flat, bro.

[Matt McCusker]

It gets run over by a tractor. How do you think he discovered this talent? Over his cheeks.

[Shane Gillis]

Damn.

[Matt McCusker]

You got to tune in to Sri Lanka's Got Talent season three.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You never think about how third, how worse. Worse countries have way better talent shows because it's like basic necessity.

[Matt McCusker]

You got to see how bad these talents are. There's like four dudes roller skating. That was one of them. God, this is incredible. How the did you guys get roller skates?

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. What?

[Matt McCusker]

I like the act.

[Shane Gillis]

Roller skating.

[Derosa]

Non potable water.

[Shane Gillis]

Look at this. Look at this cloudy cup.

[Matt McCusker]

It's honestly like a fifth grade. Kids have talent. That's what the moves are. It's like when kid goes outside, he goes, yeah, I got a bike. I'm going to jump over one trash can and go, holy. This kid's unbelievable. He goes, I bet you I. I'll eat that.

[Shane Gillis]

I'll eat. He goes, see these two worms?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Don't give me an X. Sucks.

[Chris O'Connor]

I've been getting hit with African skateboarders, like on dirt roads. It's sick.

[Matt McCusker]

That's nice. It's very good.

[Shane Gillis]

African pro wrestling is what's up.

[Derosa]

Really?

[Shane Gillis]

You've seen those guys in Ghana? No, I don't think I'm doing the mud ring. They do some crazy. Those power bombs on the mud look cool as Hell, they're hitting like hell. They're hitting like cool ass moves. And you're like, these guys aren't doing it with like a ring with any break in it.

[Matt McCusker]

You're like, it's a big mud splash.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Huge mud.

[Matt McCusker]

Like a big Indian guys fake wrestling, whatever that is, Right. Slap each other's chests.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't understand what this going on there.

[Chris O'Connor]

That kills.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, that would hurt.

[Chris O'Connor]

Get slapped in chest hard as a digging chops.

[Matt McCusker]

They like jump occasionally. They throw like Superman slaps.

[Chris O'Connor]

I seen a. My cousin Ajax, he's huge. And he was up on a ladder, on an extension ladder and he either hit a power washer or something like that. Like pressed it, fell back from the top, hit the ground. I saw him make an imprint in the grass and dirt and got the up.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Chris O'Connor]

It was the crazy I've ever seen.

[Shane Gillis]

Was it like, do you think he has like drunk driver brain where he was just like relaxed and just went like.

[Chris O'Connor]

No, Ajax is just like, like a, like an animal. He's like, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

It'S crazy to watch him hit and then watch him get back right up.

[Matt McCusker]

Wait, didn't he crush a burrito? What was that?

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, he used to crush burritos all the time, but he used to like he'll eat a drink a whole pot of coffee cold.

[Shane Gillis]

What?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Lamar]

Hey guys, really quickly, please, for the love of God, come out this weekend. Las Vegas, Nevada. The Palazzo Theater. You guys are a last minute town. You do this to me every time I come there and you just, you buy tickets like two days before and it makes me nervous. Please come. And that's, that's this Friday night. 2 13, 20, 26, 2 14, Valentine's Day. I'll be at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado. It's looking pretty solid, but you know, just come out if you. If you don't know about it, you're hearing about it. If you want to come, come. And then after that I'll be in Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City, Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, St. Louis, Indianapolis. I'll be in a bunch of places. Go to Matt McCusker.com for tickets, please.

[Sean Gardini]

And just please come to optimal Noctis me, Lamar, Sean, it's always a good time. The next one is February 17th at the Creek in the Cave. You can get tickets on creekintecave.com please.

[Matt McCusker]

And Lemaire's mom will be at this next one.

[Chris O'Connor]

I mean, come what?

[Matt McCusker]

Mrs. Lee will be at the next optimal practice if that sells you.

[Derosa]

And I'll also be in Salt Lake city with Nathan.

[Matt McCusker]

March 27th and 28th, I believe. Tickets are@Sean Gardini.com. this is Sean Gardini. Thank you so much.

[Shane Gillis]

Much.

[Lamar]

Also, go to Lincoln Financial Field for Shane show.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah, Go see Shane.

[Lamar]

That's going to be very, very sick. And, hey, guys, I'm looking at the seat map right now. Don't think like, oh, I'll get around to it. This is going to sell out. I'm looking at it. It's pretty close to sold out, so you better go.

[Matt McCusker]

ShaneMgillis.com.

[Shane Gillis]

That'S awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

All right. And we're back.

[Shane Gillis]

What a wow. What a great wow.

[Matt McCusker]

What a great audience. Wow. Oh, I haven't talked since we did the Garden. That was fun.

[Shane Gillis]

Awesome.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Thanks for having me. That was so fun. You were Saturday, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was Friday.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Derosa]

I heard the Friday was bananas.

[Matt McCusker]

Saturday, I lost my voice. But Friday ruled.

[Shane Gillis]

Friday was crazy because it. It was me. Che a tell then Louie. But I've never seen someone get a comedy club pop at an arena like Louie, where Davitel went, louis ck. And everyone went, yeah. And then they saw him, and they were like, it was crazy. Like, they didn't believe it. They went like, yeah, Louis CK's here. Then you see him walk up the steps, and everyone's like, it was awesome.

[Derosa]

Holy.

[Shane Gillis]

It was really cool.

[Derosa]

We also both went Thursday for scouting report.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, we both watched. Funniest was Santino was going first on Thursday, and I got coffee with him because originally I was supposed to go second on Friday. And I'm like. I had like, I'm going second confidence where I talk with Santino on Thursday. I go, dude, going first is fine. You just go up there, lay on the jokes. You'll be great. Santino's like, all right, all right. Then I go there. And Shane goes, hey, you're going first on Friday. And I was like. Immediately walked down and saw Santino, and I was like, how was it? He's like, he was good. He's like, after he went, you go for something.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, and you had to stretch. Did you know?

[Chris O'Connor]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

I laughed it off. Did I tell you that Natalia came and went like this? And I went, yeah. No, because I was like, you're in the round.

[Matt McCusker]

And you're like, yeah, there's no chance. If somebody. If somebody walked out while I was on stage at the Garden, was like, do more time.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. And I was like, just finished the joke. And I went, no. And then I came back around, and she was like.

[Chris O'Connor]

And I Was like, I would be.

[Derosa]

In my head too, being like, that has to be a bit.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you guys see Living King?

[Shane Gillis]

I thought he was with me. There was where I was like, what kind of joke is this? This is where Ali fought Frazier. What are we doing here? It was cool as Che.

[Matt McCusker]

Old Mikey Che.

[Shane Gillis]

He was hilarious. An animal. I know.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, the. The show up late.

[Shane Gillis]

Shows up late in the dips.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Showed up late, killed, and then left.

[Shane Gillis]

I went after. When you went up, I was watching you for a while. Then I was like. Came back and I was like, where the Is Jay? They're like, he left after a second.

[Matt McCusker]

Crazy.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, my. He's dropping through a segment.

[Derosa]

It's got another spot.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, I did New York comedy club, the garden, and then the stand late. But it was. Dude, that was awesome. That was. That was. Can I tell you my favorite part was Kath and I were watching from one of the secret hallways. And it was when you were talking Sarah and you were like, she terrorized me. And then I see Shane go, that is here tonight. He says it on stage. And he goes, and he brought her daughter, that little. With her. He's talking. And then Sarah walks up as we're standing there, and I go, did you hear him talk? And your sister went, oh, we deserve everything. He's like, we were horrible to him.

[Matt McCusker]

They suck.

[Shane Gillis]

He was so funny watching her go, yeah, whatever. Let's talk to the whole garden.

[Derosa]

I knew it was coming. I didn't think it'd be this, but I knew it was coming.

[Shane Gillis]

Hey, what sweet revenge to watch it click in your head to go. I used to see that.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, yeah, you giant fat.

[Shane Gillis]

It was crazy. That was very fun to watch.

[Matt McCusker]

That was. It was awesome. Voss, man.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Big Voss out there. That was great.

[Shane Gillis]

It was great, dude. Colin Quinn.

[Matt McCusker]

It's fun to see Voss be nervous.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Before this, he was so nervous.

[Shane Gillis]

Should I tell you something that I don't know if he'll admit, but in a good way? Louie was nervous.

[Matt McCusker]

Everyone was. Everyone was nervous.

[Shane Gillis]

Everyone was nervous. It was crazy to watch Louie, though. But like, I was standing there, him being like.

[Matt McCusker]

Especially like a. Tell was killing. Tell was killed.

[Shane Gillis]

Was killing.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah.

[Chris O'Connor]

That hurt.

[Shane Gillis]

Tell called the subway. Lord Choo choo, he must be fed. Was so funny. It's like if you're a tourism go down, ride the subway, get assaulted. Lord Choo Choo needs blood. He was just like. He just looked like a homeless guy that went up there and killed. So s. Yeah, dude. He was the man. But then Louie went Up. It was. It was great. It was really cool.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, I just. I like having all those guys. People like, how do you. Aren't you worried to follow all those guys?

[Shane Gillis]

It's like, no.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, they're going to bury me.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

It's just. I want the people to pay to go to an arena. Be like, that was cool. Yeah, it's less pressure on me.

[Derosa]

Did a tell hit the record quarter?

[Shane Gillis]

No, he did it.

[Matt McCusker]

He hit a quarter of the Garden. Would have been nice.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, dude, I used to hear him playing that during COVID while we were doing outside shows. I swear to God. You would take a corner and you're like. And you'd be like, hotel's near. If I was like, tracking them, you'd like. You hear him like, that tells near the corner.

[Matt McCusker]

It's like Grand Theft Auto when you hear a mission. Yeah, I'm not doing it yet.

[Shane Gillis]

No, that. I don't want to do that one. That was cool as man. Three nights at the Garden.

[Matt McCusker]

That was sick.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it did suck.

[Matt McCusker]

I got sick on Saturday.

[Derosa]

Yeah, you couldn't tell.

[Matt McCusker]

Everyone said you couldn't tell. I can tell. And I was in my head the whole time. I forgot how many impressions I do. I'd start a joke and be like, great. I scream in this. I scream in like 10 jokes.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude. There's nothing funny.

[Matt McCusker]

Doesn't make any.

[Shane Gillis]

There's nothing funnier than a gay act out getting killed by you being like, no voice, Jim. Like, I really. In that moment, you go, I really am gay. In those moments where you're doing a voice and you can't because you're sick.

[Matt McCusker]

You're like, it's just any anytime bombing an act out. You're like, I am the gayest dude alive right now.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, my God, dude. The funniest that I used to love watch on YouTube was comics bombing with act outs and then having to get off the ground.

[Matt McCusker]

So they like go like, yeah, laying down joke.

[Shane Gillis]

And then they get up and they go. So anyways, that's just kind of. That's what that's like. That always kills.

[Matt McCusker]

People laying on their back and talking into the mic and no one laughing and then having to stand up.

[Shane Gillis]

Stand up.

[Matt McCusker]

I've seen it. We've seen it a million times.

[Derosa]

Not knowing the floor is dusty as just covered.

[Shane Gillis]

Especially like. Like a black comic doing, like an act out where he's like. And then I get popped. It pops up and then it's on his easy. How y' all doing tonight?

[Matt McCusker]

A lot of beautiful women Here.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, ladies, y' all look beautiful.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I saw a guy hit the lay down bomb at Magoob movies getting heckled while laying down Jesus laying on his back getting heckled. Get up, dude, you suck. Yeah, yeah. All right, Mr. Whatever, you.

[Chris O'Connor]

Dude.

[Matt McCusker]

Just laying down on the Goobies.

[Shane Gillis]

Just looking up at a ceiling of a comedy club.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah. I'm gonna kill myself in Timonium. Never thought I'd blow my head off in Timonium, Maryland.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, last time. One of the last times I was in high school night, I tried finding a PS4 controller. This was like a couple years ago. And I drove all over Timonium looking.

[Matt McCusker]

For that mall there.

[Shane Gillis]

Went to the GameStop. Yeah. Got into it with the guy. I was like, I need a PlayStation 4 controller. He's like, we don't sell them. And I was like, how? How? You're GameStop. And he was like, sir, you're cursing at me. He hit the. Don't curse at me in the store.

[Matt McCusker]

I mean, how your fucking GameStop is. It's a little aggressive.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I would have gone, was it like.

[Chris O'Connor]

PS5 out or like, why?

[Shane Gillis]

It was like PS5 was not out yet, but they like, only had the controller. It was one of those times where you couldn't get a PS5. Like, I think that might have been out, but only in stores were like, the controllers for them. And I was trying to get a PS4 controller and I was like, dude, I need a PS4.

[Matt McCusker]

Did you break the other one?

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Matt McCusker]

You throw a pick?

[Shane Gillis]

No, I don't break stuff anymore. After. After I moved out with the punching table. I don't punch stuff. Actually, you know what stopped me from.

[Matt McCusker]

Punching this table was terrifying. You got a glass table?

[Shane Gillis]

No, Katie. Katie bought these IKEA tables and I put my hand through one and her reaction from the other room was so I was so embarrassed. I think it might have been Madden. It might have been Madden. And I think I threw a pick six to end it. And I fucking. I came down with a hammer fist off it. It just broke the table. And just her from the other room going, what was that? Struck me in a way as an adult that I was like. I went on IKEA and ordered one immediately. They were 12 bucks, so it wasn't that bad.

[Matt McCusker]

It was 12 out table.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Eventually you're going to put a cup down on it. This thing is going to explode. I just wor.

[Chris O'Connor]

Swell up.

[Shane Gillis]

Just that, like hearing your groan, it like snap me back to reality. That was like, oh, my.

[Matt McCusker]

Oops, that goes gravity I mean, but.

[Shane Gillis]

Just happen to hear your grown woman go, I watching you guys watch me spaz out didn't affect me at all.

[Matt McCusker]

I've said it 10 million times. Your spaz on Derosa is my favorite spaz.

[Shane Gillis]

I think he's the only person to be able to get me to that. He can get anyone to go, like, which is this far as, stop.

[Chris O'Connor]

My nephew just did this to my niece.

[Matt McCusker]

Really?

[Chris O'Connor]

They were playing. I got him Super Nintendo for Christmas. Christmas. And they're all playing. He died. And she laughed at him. He just went, you're in the hair.

[Matt McCusker]

You break him off.

[Chris O'Connor]

I was like, bro, you gotta chill out.

[Matt McCusker]

And he immediately got even more pissed off.

[Chris O'Connor]

So I didn't hit her. Like, dude, we just saw you. Mario gets you so angry video.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's a different anger.

[Matt McCusker]

It is.

[Shane Gillis]

It's a different. I've hit a new anger.

[Matt McCusker]

I just rage quit.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I just hit home screen immediately shut the thing.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, they're throw a pic.

[Matt McCusker]

I go, I'm done.

[Shane Gillis]

The way that people cope for most of their life is they go, the computers.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's crooked, dude.

[Shane Gillis]

I remember Big Jay would hit me with that when I'd be beating him in Madden. He'd go, computer likes you more. You're like, what, you think this is a popularity contest with a computer?

[Derosa]

I had a meltdown the other night in hell at Loose. I got into building.

[Matt McCusker]

I got.

[Derosa]

I got into building, like, fortresses.

[Matt McCusker]

I'd love to learn how to do that.

[Derosa]

Yeah. So I was just running supplies for like, 20 minutes to just dump a million supplies in this. I was like, starting to build a fortress, and then all the other engineers came and started building. And this guy just put a piece of barbed wire fence and, like, butt it so hard. And I was like, no.

[Matt McCusker]

That isn't a lot of work, though. And it's not.

[Chris O'Connor]

Probably ran for like an hour.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's not.

[Shane Gillis]

No.

[Derosa]

I was driving supply truck.

[Chris O'Connor]

Damn.

[Shane Gillis]

Yes.

[Matt McCusker]

It's also. That's crazy to play that game and be like, I'm going to be the supply truck guy.

[Shane Gillis]

That's wild.

[Matt McCusker]

See? No action, dude. You just literally just drop.

[Chris O'Connor]

Start dressing up in the regalia.

[Shane Gillis]

I know, it's a perfect.

[Matt McCusker]

Good point.

[Derosa]

I could, like, I could. I was building sick bunkers and everywhere. Like, we had the whole thing defended. We just needed to close off this one side and this just put. And you can't dismantle barbed wire. You have to, like, blow it up.

[Chris O'Connor]

And it was like the game then.

[Derosa]

Yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, that guy. And that guy knew what he was doing. He was like, yeah, watch this.

[Matt McCusker]

That's always frustrating when we get in a tank. You got to drive the length of the battlefield. It ends.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, I just did that in Call of Duty. I just been using Bazooka over and over. I don't have my headset set. And the dude was just like, why don't you stop shooting and stuff and take down the uav? You. I just went over, got him with.

[Shane Gillis]

I did that.

[Derosa]

I had an officer try to steal a supply truck and I shot.

[Chris O'Connor]

Really?

[Derosa]

Like, get your own dude. Talk to the commander. Get another.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, Vietnam's gonna be nice. Yeah, it's gonna be nice. Hell at lose Vietnam.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Matt McCusker]

Me and the.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't do war. I mean, I'll play. I, I. It's weird. I get into video games, but I have to be like recommended them.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah. I have to be Stalker 2. You'll play the show.

[Shane Gillis]

All right. I mean, arc Raiders was the thing I got at New Year's and I love it. But just camp out and kill you when you're about to leave in the elevator, they just rat your ass.

[Derosa]

I heard it's awesome. I got recommended that game about getting it.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, it's great.

[Derosa]

Yeah, you can team up, right?

[Shane Gillis]

Go in team of threes. Go trios, bro.

[Chris O'Connor]

Gabe's doing.

[Matt McCusker]

That would be nice.

[Chris O'Connor]

Tarov on Twitch.

[Matt McCusker]

Gabe Davis. I got into Twitch. I never got Twitch. It's hilarious.

[Chris O'Connor]

It's so.

[Shane Gillis]

Oh, watch people play.

[Matt McCusker]

I watched it last night. Twitch is nuts.

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah, I just watch games.

[Matt McCusker]

You can watch all types of. Nobody's watching it. There's like people with zero views. It's awesome.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude. You know how much you can with someone if you just go to their thing and then give them like a hundred bucks, and they'd be like, Shane Gillis just give you 100 bucks. There you go. Anyways, you guys are going to see here. It's a zero views.

[Matt McCusker]

It's. I've looked at it last night. A lot of it's girls doing like asmr. I clicked one report. Almost entered the. I think I entered the chat. Oh, but I don't think. I don't think it shows your name, but I panicked. Wow.

[Shane Gillis]

Wow. Oh, there he is. Welcome back.

[Matt McCusker]

It's. It's fun, man.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

On Twitter. I never even knew that thing existed.

[Derosa]

Yeah, I, I, I set it up. I was trying to stream on it for a while.

[Matt McCusker]

That would have been fun.

[Derosa]

Stream.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm. I'm a mod in Gabe's Twitch. Yeah. I just Kick everyone out to talk.

[Shane Gillis]

I like that.

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Shane Gillis]

Get the.

[Matt McCusker]

Kick his brother out soccer. Yeah. Yeah. Because Gabe keeps saying he's gonna beat me up. I said, gabe, I'm gonna. Literally, I'll pay someone to kill you.

[Shane Gillis]

He was.

[Matt McCusker]

He was banned. People that like, Gabe, that's River. He was playing.

[Chris O'Connor]

He kept just messaging Gabe. Remember our time in Cleveland? That was so much fun. Remember what we did in Cleveland? He's freaking out.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

He doesn't. He doesn't take kindly to it. I get in there, I say, show hole, show cheeks, show your feet. He's like, what the Is wrong with you?

[Shane Gillis]

Also with the lighting. Yeah. Headset is very.

[Matt McCusker]

I'll just try to get him to kill his teammates.

[Chris O'Connor]

He won't shoot.

[Shane Gillis]

I mean, one of the hardest you've ever made me laugh was when I started playing red Dead Redemption 2. And I went to the bathroom, and I come back out, and Shane has my controller unpaused, and he's aiming my gun at my horse's head. And I was like, dude, what are you doing? He's like, I'm going to kill your. I'm going to kill Night Shadow. He's like, I'm going to kill Night Shadow At a black horse. Like, don't you kill my black horse. He came in and yelled, a hostage.

[Matt McCusker]

You get. It's a custom name. He named it Night. He sat tight in Night Chat.

[Shane Gillis]

What a cool name for a horse.

[Matt McCusker]

That's why I wanted to kill it.

[Shane Gillis]

No, what a cool name.

[Matt McCusker]

Destroy something beautiful.

[Shane Gillis]

No, it's. It is beautiful. So you admit it's beauty.

[Matt McCusker]

Night Shadows. No, it's a white man high as queens and naming your horse Night Shadow.

[Shane Gillis]

Take me back.

[Chris O'Connor]

True.

[Shane Gillis]

Take me back.

[Matt McCusker]

I agree.

[Shane Gillis]

Take me back to innocent time of riding around. Night shots. Shout out to St. Denis.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, old St. Denis. Yeah, we had some times back then. Yeah, dude, Find the vampire in St. Denis.

[Shane Gillis]

I would. I would love to. Yeah, I love to.

[Derosa]

That game, but I feel like I get swallowed by it.

[Matt McCusker]

You should.

[Shane Gillis]

Redhead Redemption.

[Matt McCusker]

It's awesome. You never played it?

[Shane Gillis]

No. Yes.

[Derosa]

Yeah, but I really want to do the thing where I. I just want to, like, open a general store and, like, run.

[Shane Gillis]

You get to that.

[Matt McCusker]

You get to that.

[Chris O'Connor]

You can.

[Matt McCusker]

You can do some like that.

[Derosa]

I want to do just be a good businessman in town.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm with you. I get. I'm trying to play Fall. Anytime a new season of fallout comes out, I just play the game. And I forgot. I don't play the game. I just scrap Metal and try to build forts. Crack it. I'm literally on the first level, on the first convers. I just get under for real. I just scrap metal barrels. I can build a gun turret.

[Shane Gillis]

You just play meth. Head the game. I could get in that soul house.

[Matt McCusker]

You can take meth. You can take.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I get addicted. Yeah. And then you have withdrawals if you can't find it.

[Shane Gillis]

Really? Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

I'm addicted to jet and scrap metal.

[Shane Gillis]

So fun.

[Matt McCusker]

I play it for hours and then I go. I didn't beat one level on arc raiders.

[Shane Gillis]

You can hit yourself with stimulant. So you, like, don't have it, but the other players are you. So they'll run ahead of me. And you hear me going. Just me being like. Or just hopping up and down. And they.

[Derosa]

It's like.

[Shane Gillis]

Every time I hit it, every time I hit the stimmy.

[Chris O'Connor]

Were you good at that cyberpunk game?

[Shane Gillis]

No, I never played it, though, because it came out. It was too shitty.

[Derosa]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Dongs.

[Chris O'Connor]

Choose your dong size. Yeah. Nuts.

[Shane Gillis]

Do you know what I found out about the Olympics? Do you know those ski jumpers. Yeah. Do this where when they're getting fitted for suit, they, like shoot something in their dick to make their dick bigger. Yeah. And then they get fitted for their ski Joe. So they have extra floor flat, so it carries them farther. Carries them like nine feet farther.

[Derosa]

They were like, necessary.

[Chris O'Connor]

Make that a little bigger.

[Derosa]

You're. Because it's illegal.

[Shane Gillis]

It's illegal. You got to go in and you.

[Matt McCusker]

Gotta have a fake dong.

[Chris O'Connor]

Is that a sock in there?

[Matt McCusker]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane Gillis]

Can only be. You know, it's clearly two rolls of socks.

[Derosa]

Be so much bigger than your actual.

[Shane Gillis]

A remote.

[Derosa]

It's a cucumber and tinfoil.

[Matt McCusker]

I see. You gotta have a big dick to be. I mean, just one more hurdle from me becoming a great ski jumper. Yeah, I know gravity was bad, but if dick side, there's no injection.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, no, what they do is they inject it to me, make it puffier, puff out. And then when they're competing, they're getting normal again.

[Chris O'Connor]

I'll just go inside my body and not make my dick bigger. Just have a huge.

[Shane Gillis]

Like, just go get super embarrassed and have your dick tiny.

[Derosa]

Well, can't you just crap your pants and have it sag?

[Matt McCusker]

It's probably cut weight. That's supposed to just gain a ton of weight for the suit fitting.

[Shane Gillis]

And they have the opposite of it. Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

Very cut for the event.

[Shane Gillis]

Fitting in the game.

[Matt McCusker]

Weak as hell. Flying down that thing.

[Chris O'Connor]

Take it out I like it. That's a good ass idea.

[Derosa]

There's.

[Matt McCusker]

I don't know about you guys. I've been watching some figure skating and some of those guys have nice asses. Every single one of these little twinks that gets up everywhere. I watched the quad guy today.

[Shane Gillis]

Dude, he looks great. Yeah, he looks like he can fly. Like, he looks like if you were like, his mom's a fairy, you'd be like, oh yeah. His backflips and he landed one footed.

[Matt McCusker]

His big. His number one rival is just this little tiny Japanese man who is battle.

[Shane Gillis]

I don't know if you watched their short program. I did today on the team.

[Matt McCusker]

The Japanese man took a little stumble and they didn't penalize him for.

[Shane Gillis]

I was talking about.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, not the team one.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah, team one. He was flawless. Quad God though. Hitting those backflips.

[Matt McCusker]

Well, apparently those don't do for you.

[Shane Gillis]

Really?

[Chris O'Connor]

Yeah.

[Matt McCusker]

That's not part of the.

[Shane Gillis]

He just wants you to know for.

[Matt McCusker]

A while it's part of the. There's like. Because of how gay the sport is. Half your points are like dancing.

[Shane Gillis]

Yeah. You have to.

[Matt McCusker]

And like presentation and one of them. And the moves are just half.

[Shane Gillis]

Here we're watch sense.

[Matt McCusker]

Who's gayest?

[Chris O'Connor]

Spinning anytime. How are they not busy? As I went on a beer. You go round type thing at a park the other day.

[Matt McCusker]

Dude, if I roll. If I do a neck roll. If I do a neck roll. I'm just eating. Yeah, I gotta sit down.

[Shane Gillis]

Holy.

[Chris O'Connor]

I got my nephew. They put me on, started spinning around. I got off. That's hilarious. Like, oh, dude. It was like three minutes of dizzy.

[Derosa]

They always try to say do that thing. You look at a spot spot. Like you like snap your head around and come back to the spot. It's like that makes it worse. Spinning my head.

[Shane Gillis]

Did you feel the whole world? That's when you. That's when you take a long tumble.

[Matt McCusker]

Take a brusque.

[Shane Gillis]

Here we go. We're going in.

[Matt McCusker]

Oh, all right.

[Shane Gillis]

Well, it's great seeing you.

[Matt McCusker]

Great time to go eat dinner. So what do you guys think about getting some dinner? You want.

[Chris O'Connor]

He wants it.

[Matt McCusker]

You want some lemon meringue?

[Shane Gillis]

I'm gonna up some lemon meringue.

[Matt McCusker]

You want some meatloaf?

[Shane Gillis]

Where.

[Derosa]

Where's the lemon meringue spot?

[Chris O'Connor]

One out of two ain't bad.

[Matt McCusker]

Don't worry about it. About it. All right.

[Chris O'Connor]

Sick.

[Matt McCusker]

See you guys soon. I'll try to do this again. Sorry.

[Lamar]

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify.

[Chris O'Connor]

Do it.

[Matt McCusker]

Lifelock. How can I help? The IRS said I filed my return, but I haven't.

[Shane Gillis]

One in four taxpaying Americans has paid the price of identity fraud. What do I do?

[Matt McCusker]

My refund, though.

[Derosa]

I'm freaking out.

[Lamar]

Don't worry.

[Matt McCusker]

I can fix this.

[Shane Gillis]

LifeLock fixes identity theft guaranteed and gets your money back with up to $3 million in coverage. I'm so relieved.

[Matt McCusker]

No problem. I'll be with you every step of the way.

[Shane Gillis]

One in four was a fraud. Paying American. Not anymore. Save up to 40% your first year. Visit lifelock.com podcast terms apply.