Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast
Episode 599 – "Weed Wench"
Featuring: Matt McCusker, Shane Gillis, Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee
Date: February 20, 2026
Episode Overview
In this episode of Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast, the hosts are joined by comedians Nate Marshall and Lemaire Lee for a classic, freewheeling conversation that’s all about the chemistry of long-term friendships and the chaotic hilarity of adult life. Topics fly from animals with big heads to bedroom mishaps, sex toys, strip club etiquette, and absurd scientific trivia. There are philosophical musings about the Matrix, internet fame, and a uniquely comedic take on relationships—especially the oddities of love, weed, and sex. This one’s as irreverent and laugh-heavy as the show gets.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Big Heads, Big Brains…and Dolphins?
- Opening riff on head sizes:
- Is a bigger head a sign of intelligence?
- “Big forehead means big brain.” —Shane (00:16)
- Animals discussed: giraffes, elephants, dolphins.
- Is a bigger head a sign of intelligence?
- Swimming with dolphins:
- Shane recalls actually being scared by a dolphin's size.
- "Dolphins are huge, dude… They’re fucking scary." (00:56)
Notable Story
- The scientist who tripped and researched dolphins:
- John Lilly's outlandish NIH-funded dolphin projects and ketamine experiences.
- "By the way, ketamine rules. Dolphins are sick as hell." —Shane (02:28)
2. Scientists and Drugs
- Harvard/Columbia professor who does heroin with his wife:
- “And my wife do heroin. It's beautiful. Sit by fireplace and we snort a little heroin.” —Shane (03:08)
- Philosophical tangent: Could the country use “mo opiates”?
- “Maybe we need mo opiates in this country.” —Shane (03:59)
3. Family Visits and Adult Life
- Sleeping in another man’s bed:
- Shane describes the horrors of sleeping in a stranger’s bed (“his musk… this sucks”). (05:50)
- George admits years of shirtless bed-crashing; Matt jokes about washing sheets just for his mom’s visit.
4. Sleeping Naked and Emergency Fears
- Arguments for/against sleeping naked.
- Shane’s theory: If a fight breaks out mid-sleep, being naked makes you quicker.
- “If your dick’s out in a fight, you’re gonna move with a… you’re gonna be 50% faster.” (08:46)
- Historical/tribal "dick grabbing" fights—absurd philosophical riff:
- “I think the Chinese traditionally grab each other's penises.” —Shane (09:35)
- “Should be in the Geneva Convention, you grab dick, time out.” —Matt (09:59)
- “I’m gonna come.” —George (09:57, comedic callback)
5. Old-School Gender Divides & Night Out Stories
- The group recounts a dinner party split into "boys table" and "girls table"
- “80 years ago, this is what you’d have done. Classic lunch table.” —Shane (10:34)
- Shots sent back and forth; failed attempts at “blowjob shots” and redheaded slut misunderstandings.
- “We don’t have the stuff necessary for blowjob shots.” —Shane, quoting the server (12:37)
6. Drinking, Relationships & the ‘Weed Wench’
- Matt debates whether his partner should start drinking again after years without alcohol.
- “I haven’t had, like, a lady be drunk around me and it’s a problem in years.” —Matt (17:12)
- Shane shares annoyance at “drunk edge” during rideshare rides.
- Weed Wench as domestic bliss:
- “There’s nothing wrong with a weed wench at the house… Cooking up a storm, gotta keep the sack fat.” —Shane & Matt (19:26, 19:43)
- “If anything, [weed] is gonna lock the back door…” (19:47)
7. Valentine’s Day & Bedroom Calamity
- Matt recounts a hilarious bedroom injury:
- Sprained his MCL with “a hard dick” en route to bedroom play.
- “I yelled ‘Oh, fuck’ with a hard dick!” —Matt (21:31)
- They eventually “got the deed done” despite injury.
8. Live Shows & Onstage Marriage Proposal
- Shane’s tour adventures:
- Orchestrating a proposal in Denver—detailing the “HH/88” row, awkward stage moments, and fan reactions.
- “It was an absolute love mog on the scale that I’ve never seen.” —Shane (29:48)
- Musings on ‘mogging,’ Twitch streamers, and who is really “in the Matrix.”
9. Prediction Markets, Epstein, and Wild Theories
- Panties segment: George’s “million dollar idea” to rig Kalshee/Polymarket by betting on Bill & Hillary Clinton “shapeshifting into lizards.”
- “You against the world on the lizard bet.” —Shane (35:42)
- Philosophical riff on email privacy, AI, old ‘horny emails’ (36:26–37:20).
10. Medical Handjobs, Fleshlights, & Sex Toy Ethics
- Would you let your partner use a Fleshlight on you? (“I think I have before.”—Shane, 40:00)
- Discussion of “nugget” (torso) sex toys for couple play.
- “I would like to watch my lady play with these fake titties while I have sex with my lady.” —Matt (41:00)
- The Freshlight afterglow: “A dark cloud just settles inside of you…there’s something knows inside of you, like, this is wrong.” —Shane (44:53)
11. Strip Club Etiquette With Your Partner
- Debating couple’s strip club visits, etiquette, and the realism of fantasy.
- “It’s really put the gentleman in gentlemen’s club.” —Shane (48:19)
- “You give them the dollar, they put the titties in her face…” —Matt (48:34)
- “I keep saying it on podcast, hoping she just listens to the episode [about the torso].” —Matt (49:13)
12. Body Pillows, Torso Transport, & Practicalities
- Debating logistics of transporting sex toys (“torso”) for road gigs.
- “I’ve been diddled so many times [by the TSA]…now you got to do.” —Matt (54:07)
- “Another thing stopping me from buying the torso is exactly that [Amazon account alerts family].” —John (54:43)
- “You can just get plush boobies…as a joke.” —Shane (52:11)
13. Cardi B, Love, and Strippers Who Rob
- Cardi B’s stage presence and her infamous days of drugging and robbing people.
- “She was a stripper, dude.” —Shane (56:29)
- “That’s what strippers do. That’s like, I say, about 30% of them.” —Matt (56:52)
14. Fitness Humility & Physical Ordeals
-
Half-marathon humility:
- “When you do, like, half a thing and then put a sticker on your car like, yo, I did half a thing.” —Shane (58:36)
- “I think a girl can throw half marathon, which is impressive, run that with tits!” —Shane (59:10)
-
Olympic lore: using HGH/Botox to make their dicks bigger for aerodynamic advantages.
- “That way, when they get fitted for the suit, it’s bigger, but then when they compete, it goes back down.” —John (61:09)
- “Turtling is when your dick retracts and it’s like wrinkled due to retraction.” —Shane (61:29)
Notable Quotes & Moments
- On the reality of adult relationships:
“If I get her boozing again, it might unlock…the back door has been locked for a long time.” —Matt (17:54) - On the philosophy of sex toys:
“You can’t have the back door thinking like, oh, and everything’s gonna be great. There’s gonna be battles.” —Shane (19:52) - On being caught with a torso by TSA:
“All my toiletries would be exactly 3 ounces. I’m not f---ing around at all.” —Shane (53:38)
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Big heads and animal intelligence: 00:00–01:40
- Swimming with dolphins and John Lilly’s experiments: 01:40–03:01
- Scientists and drugs/human discipline: 03:01–04:10
- Family visits, sleeping arrangements, and clean sheets: 04:25–07:07
- Naked sleeping, emergency fighting, “dick grabs”: 07:08–10:03
- Gender-segregated dinner stories: 10:08–13:48
- Weed vs. booze relationships (“weed wench”): 19:26–19:56
- Matt’s Valentine’s knee injury sex mishap: 21:00–22:49
- Live show marriage proposal (“love mog”): 27:10–31:11
- Prediction markets and Epstein lizard theory: 34:07–36:10
- Fleshlights, “nugget” sex toy debates: 40:00–44:53
- Strip clubs with your partner, etiquette: 46:44–49:13
- Torso transport; Amazon & TSA logistics: 53:02–54:52
- Running with “tits,” half-marathons: 59:10–60:29
- Winter Olympics, HGH, “turtling” and suit hacks: 60:29–62:20
Closing
The episode is a vintage Matt & Shane odyssey—raunchy, candid, weirdly wise, and relentlessly hilarious.
If you missed it, you missed everything from sex toy philosophy to dolphin lore, from emotional strip club dynamics to the purest expression of “bros just vibing.”
And as always:
“You gotta keep everything alive and the juices flowing.” —Shane (50:00)
For more: Catch new episodes on Spotify.