Ep 599 - Weed Wench (feat. Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee)

Summary

Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast

Episode 599 – "Weed Wench"
Featuring: Matt McCusker, Shane Gillis, Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee
Date: February 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode of Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast, the hosts are joined by comedians Nate Marshall and Lemaire Lee for a classic, freewheeling conversation that’s all about the chemistry of long-term friendships and the chaotic hilarity of adult life. Topics fly from animals with big heads to bedroom mishaps, sex toys, strip club etiquette, and absurd scientific trivia. There are philosophical musings about the Matrix, internet fame, and a uniquely comedic take on relationships—especially the oddities of love, weed, and sex. This one’s as irreverent and laugh-heavy as the show gets.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Big Heads, Big Brains…and Dolphins?

• Opening riff on head sizes:
  • Is a bigger head a sign of intelligence?
    • “Big forehead means big brain.” —Shane (00:16)
    • Animals discussed: giraffes, elephants, dolphins.
• Swimming with dolphins:
  • Shane recalls actually being scared by a dolphin's size.
  • "Dolphins are huge, dude… They’re fucking scary." (00:56)

Notable Story

• The scientist who tripped and researched dolphins:
  • John Lilly's outlandish NIH-funded dolphin projects and ketamine experiences.
  • "By the way, ketamine rules. Dolphins are sick as hell." —Shane (02:28)

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2. Scientists and Drugs

• Harvard/Columbia professor who does heroin with his wife:
  • “And my wife do heroin. It's beautiful. Sit by fireplace and we snort a little heroin.” —Shane (03:08)
• Philosophical tangent: Could the country use “mo opiates”?
  • “Maybe we need mo opiates in this country.” —Shane (03:59)

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3. Family Visits and Adult Life

• Sleeping in another man’s bed:
  • Shane describes the horrors of sleeping in a stranger’s bed (“his musk… this sucks”). (05:50)
  • George admits years of shirtless bed-crashing; Matt jokes about washing sheets just for his mom’s visit.

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4. Sleeping Naked and Emergency Fears

• Arguments for/against sleeping naked.
• Shane’s theory: If a fight breaks out mid-sleep, being naked makes you quicker.
  • “If your dick’s out in a fight, you’re gonna move with a… you’re gonna be 50% faster.” (08:46)
• Historical/tribal "dick grabbing" fights—absurd philosophical riff:
  • “I think the Chinese traditionally grab each other's penises.” —Shane (09:35)
  • “Should be in the Geneva Convention, you grab dick, time out.” —Matt (09:59)
  • “I’m gonna come.” —George (09:57, comedic callback)

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5. Old-School Gender Divides & Night Out Stories

• The group recounts a dinner party split into "boys table" and "girls table"
  • “80 years ago, this is what you’d have done. Classic lunch table.” —Shane (10:34)
• Shots sent back and forth; failed attempts at “blowjob shots” and redheaded slut misunderstandings.
  • “We don’t have the stuff necessary for blowjob shots.” —Shane, quoting the server (12:37)

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6. Drinking, Relationships & the ‘Weed Wench’

• Matt debates whether his partner should start drinking again after years without alcohol.
  • “I haven’t had, like, a lady be drunk around me and it’s a problem in years.” —Matt (17:12)
  • Shane shares annoyance at “drunk edge” during rideshare rides.
• Weed Wench as domestic bliss:
  • “There’s nothing wrong with a weed wench at the house… Cooking up a storm, gotta keep the sack fat.” —Shane & Matt (19:26, 19:43)
  • “If anything, [weed] is gonna lock the back door…” (19:47)

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7. Valentine’s Day & Bedroom Calamity

• Matt recounts a hilarious bedroom injury:
  • Sprained his MCL with “a hard dick” en route to bedroom play.
  • “I yelled ‘Oh, fuck’ with a hard dick!” —Matt (21:31)
  • They eventually “got the deed done” despite injury.

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8. Live Shows & Onstage Marriage Proposal

• Shane’s tour adventures:
  • Orchestrating a proposal in Denver—detailing the “HH/88” row, awkward stage moments, and fan reactions.
  • “It was an absolute love mog on the scale that I’ve never seen.” —Shane (29:48)
  • Musings on ‘mogging,’ Twitch streamers, and who is really “in the Matrix.”

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9. Prediction Markets, Epstein, and Wild Theories

• Panties segment: George’s “million dollar idea” to rig Kalshee/Polymarket by betting on Bill & Hillary Clinton “shapeshifting into lizards.”
  • “You against the world on the lizard bet.” —Shane (35:42)
• Philosophical riff on email privacy, AI, old ‘horny emails’ (36:26–37:20).

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10. Medical Handjobs, Fleshlights, & Sex Toy Ethics

• Would you let your partner use a Fleshlight on you? (“I think I have before.”—Shane, 40:00)
  • Discussion of “nugget” (torso) sex toys for couple play.
  • “I would like to watch my lady play with these fake titties while I have sex with my lady.” —Matt (41:00)
• The Freshlight afterglow: “A dark cloud just settles inside of you…there’s something knows inside of you, like, this is wrong.” —Shane (44:53)

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11. Strip Club Etiquette With Your Partner

• Debating couple’s strip club visits, etiquette, and the realism of fantasy.
  • “It’s really put the gentleman in gentlemen’s club.” —Shane (48:19)
  • “You give them the dollar, they put the titties in her face…” —Matt (48:34)
  • “I keep saying it on podcast, hoping she just listens to the episode [about the torso].” —Matt (49:13)

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12. Body Pillows, Torso Transport, & Practicalities

• Debating logistics of transporting sex toys (“torso”) for road gigs.
  • “I’ve been diddled so many times [by the TSA]…now you got to do.” —Matt (54:07)
  • “Another thing stopping me from buying the torso is exactly that [Amazon account alerts family].” —John (54:43)
  • “You can just get plush boobies…as a joke.” —Shane (52:11)

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13. Cardi B, Love, and Strippers Who Rob

• Cardi B’s stage presence and her infamous days of drugging and robbing people.
  • “She was a stripper, dude.” —Shane (56:29)
  • “That’s what strippers do. That’s like, I say, about 30% of them.” —Matt (56:52)

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14. Fitness Humility & Physical Ordeals

• Half-marathon humility:

  • “When you do, like, half a thing and then put a sticker on your car like, yo, I did half a thing.” —Shane (58:36)
  • “I think a girl can throw half marathon, which is impressive, run that with tits!” —Shane (59:10)

• Olympic lore: using HGH/Botox to make their dicks bigger for aerodynamic advantages.

  • “That way, when they get fitted for the suit, it’s bigger, but then when they compete, it goes back down.” —John (61:09)
  • “Turtling is when your dick retracts and it’s like wrinkled due to retraction.” —Shane (61:29)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the reality of adult relationships:
  “If I get her boozing again, it might unlock…the back door has been locked for a long time.” —Matt (17:54)
• On the philosophy of sex toys:
  “You can’t have the back door thinking like, oh, and everything’s gonna be great. There’s gonna be battles.” —Shane (19:52)
• On being caught with a torso by TSA:
  “All my toiletries would be exactly 3 ounces. I’m not f---ing around at all.” —Shane (53:38)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Big heads and animal intelligence: 00:00–01:40
• Swimming with dolphins and John Lilly’s experiments: 01:40–03:01
• Scientists and drugs/human discipline: 03:01–04:10
• Family visits, sleeping arrangements, and clean sheets: 04:25–07:07
• Naked sleeping, emergency fighting, “dick grabs”: 07:08–10:03
• Gender-segregated dinner stories: 10:08–13:48
• Weed vs. booze relationships (“weed wench”): 19:26–19:56
• Matt’s Valentine’s knee injury sex mishap: 21:00–22:49
• Live show marriage proposal (“love mog”): 27:10–31:11
• Prediction markets and Epstein lizard theory: 34:07–36:10
• Fleshlights, “nugget” sex toy debates: 40:00–44:53
• Strip clubs with your partner, etiquette: 46:44–49:13
• Torso transport; Amazon & TSA logistics: 53:02–54:52
• Running with “tits,” half-marathons: 59:10–60:29
• Winter Olympics, HGH, “turtling” and suit hacks: 60:29–62:20

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Closing

The episode is a vintage Matt & Shane odyssey—raunchy, candid, weirdly wise, and relentlessly hilarious.
If you missed it, you missed everything from sex toy philosophy to dolphin lore, from emotional strip club dynamics to the purest expression of “bros just vibing.”
And as always:

“You gotta keep everything alive and the juices flowing.” —Shane (50:00)

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For more: Catch new episodes on Spotify.

Transcript

[Matt]

Wild Wild West.

[Shane]

All right, let's start. Now we're talking phonology, which. Not a subject. I don't think the sponsors like me. Talk about phrenology.

[Matt]

Classic.

[George]

Doesn't bigger, bigger head mean bigger brain?

[Shane]

Yeah. Big forehead means big brain.

[George]

Yeah, that's what I thought.

[Shane]

Big forehead means big brain.

[Matt]

What about the animals with big ass heads, though? Little ass brains?

[George]

Like which ones?

[Shane]

That's giraffe.

[George]

Giraffe. But it got. It got that big body, so, you

[Matt]

know, it's a lot of brain.

[Shane]

A lot of brains just bouncing that thing.

[George]

True.

[Matt]

Yeah. When you get a better braiding a head size to body ratio, you do get a smart animal. Elephant.

[George]

Elephant.

[Shane]

Elephant. Smart as hell. Dolphins, Smart as hell.

[George]

But they got little heads, though.

[Shane]

Talking about, you ever see a dolphin? They're like, you haven't even swim. I can't let that go. Do you ever swim with a dolphin?

[Matt]

No.

[Shane]

I have.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Dolphins are huge, dude.

[George]

Really?

[Shane]

Yeah. I thought they were like tiny little cute things. I was terrified of it.

[Matt]

It's like couch sacks, right?

[Shane]

Like, yeah, dude. Easily as big as his couch. I mean, I didn't get to ride on the. I did get to hold the fin and get pulled a little bit, but like, that thing would come near me and I was like, yo, they're scared. They're like. And they're like. When I watch the trainer, like, constantly feeding it really fast, I'm like, oh, if you don't feed this guy, he'll probably ram me with his nose.

[George]

Get pissed.

[Shane]

Yeah, dude. I thought. I thought for sure we were just like, you know, you just like, chill with a dolphin. It was like hanging with a dog. They are fucking scary.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And they. They like disappear since they can go in the water. So, like, you're like, where to go? And it pops up. You're like, whoa.

[George]

You know about the lady who jerked off the dolphin for science?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

John Lilly's research partner.

[George]

Yeah. Can you imagine finding like your partner just jerking off a dolphin? It's just like, it's for science.

[Shane]

I don't think. I don't think Lily was all that John Lilly. I don't think he was all that surprised. That guy was one of the most far out fre. Yeah. Did you ever see any John Lilly interviews? No, but I think he'd wear like a Davy Crockett hat and like, sit down and talk on tv. He was. That guy was nuts.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

He wrote a book. I forget what the book is called, but it. He was. He had gotten funded by the I think the nih, National Institute of Health. And he wrote this book, and he purposely set it up so the book, in the very first five chapters are, like, heavy scientific jargon. And then if you get through that, it's just freaky theories about dolphins and how, like, you should just take ketamine.

[Matt]

What, was he tricking the publishers?

[Shane]

He just. He just, like, got the nih, gave him all this money because he's a respected scientist, but he was just, like, tripping his balls off in a sensory depth tank, and he had to, like, I guess show something for it. And he just was like. He just came up with this, like, cocking maim theory. He's like, it kind of doesn't even make sense, but he's like, by the way, ketamine rules. Dolphins are sick as hell. They came through and they're like, you fucking asshole. They gave him, like, millions of dollars, and he just started. He just started partying.

[Matt]

Did his career just start taking after that? I feel like you start getting shit.

[Shane]

I mean, yeah, he just. I don't. He definitely got no money from the nih.

[George]

Isn't there, like, a Harvard scientist who does, like, heroin every day?

[Shane]

Oh, that's a guy's from Columbia.

[George]

Columbia. Yeah.

[Shane]

He's. That's like the drug guy. He's a black dude. He has, like. I think he has dreads, little dreads. But yeah, he's a guy who's like. And my wife do heroin. It's beautiful. Sit by fireplace and we snort a little heroin.

[Matt]

It's crazy.

[Shane]

Just like. I mean, it's. It's one of those things where it's like, that's cool. It's. It's such a weird thing to be like, no, guys. It's actually good.

[George]

Yeah, it's like.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's bad for most people.

[Matt]

You got lucky.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[George]

Yeah. You guys have tremendous discipline.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

If I. Yeah, I could use a little H right now, for sure. That would be so nice to come off the road and just have, like, a gentlemanly fire, snort some H and just fall out for a little bit.

[George]

Yeah, with your honey, though.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[George]

Cuddle your honey. You guys doing H together?

[Matt]

Ooh, a nice cuddle on H. It's

[George]

probably nice and warm.

[Shane]

Maybe that Columbia professor's right. Maybe we need mo opiates in this country.

[George]

We don't have enough mo opiates.

[Shane]

Mo opiates. Yeah. The country is. People are w out right now.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Saw the thing about the Goddamn. Well, first of all, before we talk about the Trans Maga shooter, Which I. Hey, look, that's terrible stuff.

[George]

That's bad stuff.

[Shane]

That's terrible stuff. It's a. Politically, it's an absolute puzzle I don't think anyone knows how to handle.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Your mom's in town. We talk about that.

[George]

Yes. Yeah.

[Shane]

Is she. She's sleeping in the house with you.

[George]

What.

[Shane]

What room? Sleeping in? She's sleeping. Shane's bed. That was an inside joke for. We were. We were talking about before the camera started showing. Fucking jumped all over it. But no, where is she gonna sleep? I'm actually genuinely sleep.

[George]

One of the side rooms.

[Shane]

One of the guest beds.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Why not give her the master bed? What the hell?

[George]

Oh, Shane. But she was like, no, don't ask.

[Shane]

Just take a picture of her laying down. Take a picture of her laying down and go, is this cool?

[John]

Do you remember when you slept in Shane o' Connor's bed at our apartment? And I did that? I took a picture of you in

[George]

the bed since 12 years.

[John]

Well, I didn't send it to him. This might be the first he's hearing of it.

[Matt]

Oh, I thought that was a deep secret.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[John]

But I felt like airing it out on the podcast.

[Shane]

Damn. So let me. How did. How long ago was this?

[John]

Probably like three years ago.

[Shane]

How'd you feel sleeping in another man's bed as an adult?

[John]

I have a picture.

[George]

You know, I didn't. I kind of didn't mind. I was really. It felt like his bed was cheating.

[Shane]

What do you mean?

[George]

I don't know. You know, it's not my bed.

[Shane]

I thing. Could you smell him, though?

[George]

No, I. I don't have a good nose.

[Shane]

I got a. I got a keen nose.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I slept in a guy's bed when I was in college as my brother's roommate. And I like crash at their house. He's like, oh, Carl's out of town. And I crashed in his bed and I could just smell him the whole time. It felt like we were like face to. I just. It was just like his musk. It was so. I remember just being like. And I was like drunk enough to be like, whatever. But I remember just being like, this sucks. I'm never sleeping in a man's bed ever again.

[George]

I've been doing it for so long now.

[Matt]

That's your bed, though.

[Shane]

Wait, what do you mean? What do you mean?

[George]

I. I don't know. Just like.

[Shane]

Yeah, you're laying. You got sent down on that bed. I'm talking about a bed that a guy especially like back then. Like something like just post graduating. College. No one's watched. I didn't know you had to wash sheets. I used to wash sheets, like once a year, if ever.

[George]

If that.

[Shane]

Yeah, if that.

[George]

I just washed these yesterday.

[Shane]

Did you really?

[George]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Because your mom was coming. You got your sheets clean for your mom.

[Shane]

You cleaned your own shoes.

[George]

Clean my sheets? Yeah.

[Shane]

You cleaned your own.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Oh, because you're about to have to do the like. This is my play. And it just would have been just. Or did you just have a spider attacked by spider man?

[George]

I had to wash everything.

[Shane]

Clean it all up.

[Matt]

You have a freaky Valentine's Day.

[George]

Oh, it was a nice Valentine's Day.

[Shane]

He didn't ask that. He said, you have a freaking Valentine.

[Matt]

You need a lot of sheet. You got to wash sheets after Valentine's Day?

[George]

I. I needed to wash the sheets anyway. It'd been about a year.

[Shane]

When was the last time you washed them? That's the picture of Lemaire. That's a good pick.

[John]

Yeah, I love the pick. I'm sorry, Shane. I should have told you the truth,

[George]

but I forgot I was wrapped in his covers, Bro.

[Matt]

You're shirtless.

[George]

Yep, I was. So you didn't keep your T shirt on? Oh, no, I was on top. I was on top. That's a blanket.

[John]

He was on top of his and I gave him my blankets to use as well.

[George]

I was on top of his blankets. I was respectful.

[Matt]

He still was shirtless, though.

[George]

I had.

[Shane]

Oh, you had to go to sleep.

[George]

I gotta sleep shirtless.

[Shane]

You can't sleep.

[Matt]

T shirt, one night.

[George]

No, no.

[Shane]

That's crazy. I'm with you on that.

[George]

He's lucky I had my underwear on.

[Shane]

Yeah, I've had to start wearing boxers to sleep again. Cause I have kids and I'm. I'm none too pleased about it.

[George]

No, it's brut, dude.

[Shane]

Sleeping naked is such a treat. I don't like it.

[George]

It's prime.

[Shane]

Why? Why not?

[Matt]

I. I think it's. I can't get comfortable. I'm like, keep making big dick jokes at me. It's crazy. But

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Matt]

I just don't.

[George]

What if you have an emergency?

[Shane]

In the middle of the night?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Dick out.

[Shane]

Like, that's when you attack.

[Matt]

I'm scared of that, though.

[Shane]

Really?

[Matt]

What you made your mid conflict. Dude just grabs a hold.

[Shane]

That's exactly where I want a mid conflict. That's my point. I'm gonna tantalize him. Sweet genus.

[Matt]

But he gives you a. He gives you a dick crank. Mid fight.

[Shane]

Dude, if some. I would instinctively knee Someone in the face. You would never move faster. If your dick's out in a fight, you're gonna move with, like, a. You're gonna be 50 faster. Exactly. If someone goes towards your naked penis, you're gonna move, like, speed. Always gonna snag you, and you're gonna hold up. You're gonna be working a zipper. Like, hold up, hold up, hold up. Try to get him. There has to. There's definitely been. I mean, that must have happened thousands of times throughout history of just, like, a brutal fight that ends with, like, two guys each holding each other's dicks. Talk about, like, tribal warfare.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Like, you know, you had, like, a little shawl around you. There's probably, like, the weapons go down. People are tired. Someone grabs their dick, you grab. You use both. Just squeeze till the best man wins.

[George]

I think that's a Chinese thing. It's like karate.

[Shane]

I think the Chinese traditionally grab each other's penises.

[George]

Well, because, dude, in karate, you do, like, you are supposed to hit, like.

[Shane]

Yeah. It is kind of crazy to. Yeah. To, like, have, like, all these. It must be the real fight to the death is the dick. You grab the dick.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yank. It's like, all right, checkmate.

[Matt]

I call it truce. Time out.

[Shane]

Time out.

[Matt]

You grab my dick. Time out. It should be, like, a rule.

[Shane]

Time out.

[George]

I'm gonna come.

[Matt]

Should be in the Geneva Convention.

[Shane]

Time out.

[Matt]

You grab dick.

[George]

Time out. I'm about to bust.

[Shane]

Yeah, you'd have to time that out for sure. I had a nice night last night.

[Matt]

We went out.

[Shane]

It was my. A friend's birthday, and something happened with the reservation where, like, there wasn't enough seats, so we had to divide it. Boys table, girls table. And it was just the bros at the one table, and the girls were, like, all the way in the other side. And, you know, first we're all laughing like, oh, man, whatever. And then, like, I was, like, telling everyone. I'm like, yo, this rules. I was like, dude, for real. Like, 80 years ago, this is what you would have done.

[Matt]

It's classic lunch table.

[Shane]

Yeah, classic lunch table. It was, like, kind of tight. Just back in the day, like, you would go out to a restaurant, you'd

[John]

be like, all right.

[Shane]

Like, the women would sit over there, and there was just guys just vibing. And there was, like. I got so charged up in, like, the part of the place we were at, there were girls at other tables, and I kind of wanted to start going around being like, yo, you guys got a dip. You guys can't be this is boy section right now, this boy section. Yeah, dude, it was. I mean, women just started voting not

[George]

that long ago, dude, almost less than 100 years ago.

[Shane]

Yeah, almost less than 100, dude.

[Matt]

I mean, this morning, things started falling apart. Yeah, no, it's kind of good for black people.

[John]

I'll take it back.

[Shane]

Women voting.

[Matt]

No, I just mean, I was thinking about the last hundred years in general. I said things were falling apart.

[Shane]

Voting help black people.

[Matt]

No. No, no, no, no, no. Probably not.

[George]

That's why Susan B. Anthony was like, you guys gonna let black gu.

[Shane]

I mean, she was doing what she had to do. She was doing what she had to do.

[George]

Yeah. It was literally. It was kind of like that. For real.

[Shane]

You're trying to go to bed and your wife's just hammering you. Like, did you hear who could vote today? It was fun. We had a really. We had a good boy time, girl time. And then.

[George]

Where'd you go?

[Shane]

Where's the place? Murray's. It's pretty nice.

[George]

Steakhouse place.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's like, no, it's not a steak. I thought it was a steakhouse too. It's like a English kind of pub thing. But it was nice. Since we were all there, the birthday boys started sending shots to the girls table.

[George]

Yeah.

[Matt]

What a beast move, helping all the fellas out.

[Shane]

It was kind of a sick move. But then we started. We instantly started sending them the most sexual shots we could think of. So it started. What was the first. The first one was just, like, a girl shot, like, lemon drop. And we're all laughing. Be like, all right. And then. Then they sent us back, like, a nice shot, like a nice tequila.

[George]

Okay.

[Shane]

So we try to send them back blowjob shots. And then the dude working there was like, we don't have all the ingredients for a blow job. Oh. It was like. Oh.

[Matt]

He said it that sternly.

[Shane]

Well, he was just. You know, he was. I think he was on to what we were doing, but he was. He was just like, you know, they're all, like, in a rush. It was kind of busy there.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Being President's Day and all. And he. And he was just like, we don't have the stuff necessary for blowjob shots. Then we all try to figure out, like, what the Are you missing? It's like, isn't it? We look, it's Amaretto and Bailey's with whipped cream. So you're a bar. You have to have Bailey's and Amaretto. What are you missing? It must have been the whipped cream. So we were talking about getting how I'm gonna start going to bars and just ordering blow jobs and just sipping them.

[George]

You have a whipped cream mustache.

[Shane]

Yeah, we're getting in a big pint glass. It's big double blow job. Neat. Big pint glass. And just slowly nailing the blow job the whole time. I mean, that'd be pretty powerful.

[George]

Powerful. Dude, a Guinness with whipped cream sounds good.

[Shane]

Yeah, that'd be awesome. So we ordered the blowjobs. He goes, no blow jobs. And then he didn't even consult us. Didn't even consult and just sent them red headed sluts. Oh, yeah. Angered the babes. Yeah, they got angered at the redheaded sluts. Why? Because none of them were redhead. They don't taste good.

[Matt]

Oh.

[Shane]

And they were like, well, the lemon drop was like, oh, thanks. And then it was like, here's a nice shot of tequila. And then I go, redheaded sluts. It was like the blow jobs. I think they would have laughed and been like, come on, girls. And you know, it's a blowjob shot. The blowjob shot you take in your mouth. The redheaded slut. They were just kind of like, what the fuck is this about?

[George]

That was for your side Jones. Side Jones table for the other table.

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[Shane]

Not too pleased, but I worked. End up getting a little freaky last night.

[Matt]

That's a nice move.

[Shane]

Yeah, true. I changed the sheet. I might have to change. Ms. Lee's in town. I can't have my shoes.

[George]

How close were they to you? Like the table.

[Shane]

But we couldn't even see them. They were like, completely on another side.

[George]

That's nice.

[Shane]

Yeah. It was just bros. It's just bros completely, bro. And down.

[George]

It's like husband and wife chess. Yeah.

[Shane]

Really was.

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[Shane]

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[George]

Hmm.

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[Shane]

I say basketball.

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[George]

Hmm.

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[Shane]

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[Matt]

I had a conflicted moment with my lady and drinking the other day. She, you know, she hasn't drink in like forever, but she just, she stopped in 2020, but she stopped just because she was like, I'm just going to be inside drinking. She didn't have like an alcohol problem.

[Shane]

I know what you mean.

[Matt]

And on Valentine's Day she was thinking about like we were like at the grocery store. She was thinking about like coming back to drinking. And I don't know, it had me fired up but it also had me like nervous about it. Still felt relapsy in my mind so being like, go ahead after.

[Shane]

But she's not sober.

[Matt]

She knows she smokes weed and like.

[Shane]

Well, I mean she even alcohol wasn't like, I need to quit. Yeah. Like it's just a lifestyle enhancer kind of.

[Matt]

Yeah. She's like, I just don't need it it.

[Shane]

And how about you should do just Valentine's Day.

[Matt]

I was trying to put that in her mind, but she didn't. She seemed like she was going to come back all the way.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And I was like, I don't, I don't want that. I kind of got used to this. I. Because I was thinking about it. I haven't had like a drunk like, like a lady be drunk around me and it's a problem in years.

[Shane]

Dude.

[Matt]

It's, it's the worst.

[Shane]

I remember there's, there's, there's a sweet spot. Yeah. That's why with the shots I was like, hold on now. Slow down. Yes. You know, we could be holding their hair for another reason. Too many shots. Too many shots. You're holding the ponytail for not a very fun reason.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[John]

Like.

[Shane]

Oh, it's okay. It's like,

[George]

God damn it. I did it to myself.

[Matt]

I was.

[George]

I was.

[Matt]

All I was thinking was like, if I. If I get her. If I get her boozing again, it might unlock. The back door has been locked for a long time. And I was like, maybe I'll unlock the back door again. But that's. But that was the only benefit I could have to.

[Shane]

I think I so fucking. Well, it's so funny because it is, like, a genuine accomplishment to, like, stop drinking for a couple of years.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I think about drinking again. You're like, probably butt fuck you. But. But to your. You know, to your credit, you're absolutely right.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Alcohol is.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's. I. I'm the same way. It's like. It's women drinking. And again, I'm not. I'm obviously. We're just bros here. I'm not trying to be sexist. Bros. It obviously, like, can be fun. And then there's times where it's like, ah, yeah, yeah. My babe was pretty drunk in the Waymo last night. And we. We go back and forth because, like, you know, I'm a safe driver. I drive safe. We have kids. She's a bit of a speed demon. And the Waymo was like, you know, it did some move, like, surprisingly, like, busted around this thing. And she was like, I love. And we're always just like. We're talking about how we love Waymos. And she's like, yeah, they don't drive like a. And I was just like, the. Is your problem.

[Matt]

That's one of them. She doesn't. She's not even meeting it at you.

[Shane]

But you're like, no, it's just that drunk edge. All right, all right, that's enough. It was just not pleasant to be like, wow. All right.

[Matt]

Yeah. All I get is weed chills right now, which is kind of.

[Shane]

We chill is nice. Yeah. Nice. Dude, there's nothing wrong with a weed wench at the house. Nice weed winch.

[Matt]

Just cooking up a store.

[Shane]

You gotta keep the sack fat, though. That's the problem.

[Matt]

Yeah, keep the sack.

[Shane]

Gotta keep the satchel going. Having a weed wench is decent.

[Matt]

It's kind of perfect, but. Yeah.

[Shane]

It's not gonna open the back door.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Matt]

If anything, it's gonna lock the back door. It's gonna lock the bad door.

[Shane]

The back door is locked. But there's peace in the realm.

[George]

It's safe.

[Shane]

You can't have the back door thinking like, oh, and everything's gonna be great. There's gonna be battles. Did you ever see those Instagram ladies who, like, they're like spiritual ladies, but they swear by. They're like, I like to fully throat my husband because it unlocks my shocker.

[Matt]

I love it.

[Shane]

It's pretty sick. But there's ladies being, like, actually having. Having anal sex relaxes women. It taps in. And it's like, I always try to send that to my wife. It does look like very spiritual talk, but it's just ladies like. And then my husband enters me and we are one. I always wanted. I was. That would piss me off, by the way, if you're butt and a lady's like, oh, my God, I can feel myself relaxing. Oh, my God, I'm talking to my ancestors now.

[Matt]

It was like, no, it should be

[Shane]

a struggle unlocking the back door. So funny again. Saint Nate, dude.

[Matt]

Wow. No. Yeah, I for real talked her out of. Out of wine that day.

[Shane]

You did? Yeah.

[Matt]

I had a bad. I had a bad end to Valentine's Day. I told the mayor already, but I got what happened.

[Shane]

All right.

[Matt]

So I spent like, I spent a couple hours trying to, like, get her going, just like, you know, working my way to the night. By like 8, 9 o', clock, we're about to do the D. We're going from the living room to the bedroom. I'm wearing flip flops and the one, like, slips to like the, like, just the side a little bit. And the way it slips, I roll my knee, but I roll my knee in a way that I'm pretty sure, like, I spray my MCL a little bit, man, I went down. I yell, oh, fuck with a hard dick.

[Shane]

And just.

[Matt]

Just, like, couldn't get up. Like, just like I couldn't move my knee.

[Shane]

Have you been drinking?

[Matt]

Yeah, I was drinking air, smoking. So I was like, up, did a little trip, fell, and just like, I'm wearing. I have a knee brace on, dude. Right?

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Matt]

Because of, like.

[George]

Because of how you saved her from that feet.

[Matt]

That would have been hurting me. But yeah, like, I had like.

[Shane]

It's still.

[Matt]

If I like, rub here or bend it weird. It's like, still I.

[Shane]

Did you try to be like, no, it's fine.

[Matt]

No, we. We did.

[George]

We.

[Matt]

We got the deed done.

[Shane]

But.

[Matt]

But it was. It was like after, like, she. She like ran and got me water. It was like being this close to getting some tripping, falling yeah.

[Shane]

Hitting the floor on the way to the bedroom. Definitely. Like, if you were to measure science. Yeah, Like, I hit.

[Matt]

I fell this way, and then I like,

[Shane]

Damn, you're. That's full now. You got a bad leg. Ah, my bad legs.

[Matt]

God damn, my bad leg.

[Shane]

I tried.

[Matt]

I tried to. I tried to, like, tuck it in.

[Shane]

You almost said, oh, heaven. You guys smoked a little something and drank your little drink. I smoked a little something, drank a little drink.

[George]

You were macking all day, dude.

[Shane]

Pitching a tent in the linen pants.

[Matt]

Yeah, definitely fell still hard.

[Shane]

There's a kangal hat just blown. Kangal just blew in the wind, dude. Falling. Falling in your apartment on Valentine's Day.

[George]

Yeah, you're lucky she didn't get the ick, dude.

[Shane]

Nah, she nursed him. She nursed him. She nursed him.

[Matt]

I was worried that I wasn't gonna be able to bounce back, though. Like, I was, because.

[Shane]

No, that. That is. That sounded admirable. He still pulled it off. I'm proud of that. Dang. Imagine if you had, like, chomped a honey stick or something.

[Matt]

That would have been kind of ideal because, like, after being on the ground for, like, 10 seconds, it. You know, it went away.

[Shane]

Yeah, but if I had.

[Matt]

If I'd had the stick, I would have been there, like, rock hard with one leg.

[Shane]

She just been like, take me right here.

[George]

Take me, babe. I don't think I'm gonna live.

[Shane]

I mean, you could have set off some doctor nurse stuff.

[Matt]

Damn. I didn't think about it. It was for real. Like, I got, like. It was because it hurt crazy. I had, like, a rush happen. There was a few seconds where I felt like I heard water running in the house that I didn't. I just think it was like, the cuz.

[George]

For real, for.

[Matt]

It hurt like crazy.

[Shane]

That was probably the water running back up in.

[Matt]

It was just the blood rushing back to my brain.

[Shane]

I was probably just that thing drying out.

[Matt]

Devastated.

[Shane]

I was raising mode.

[Matt]

I just tried to get. I tried to get.

[Shane]

That's inappropriate. I apologize.

[Matt]

I didn't hear what you said. Oh, the drink.

[Shane]

I was saying the water you're hearing was the water rushing back up into the woman's body. Drying up right over here.

[Matt]

Do you hear water running? She was like, no, she was just keeping it to herself. Damn, dude.

[Shane]

Here, water. Bust your knee in here. Water running.

[Matt]

It was so crazy.

[Shane]

So you, like, really. Your leg up?

[Matt]

Yeah, I for real just, like, went down and was like. I wasn't sure for a while if it. If I, like, really it up and then I gave it, you know, like, the stand check, and I had, like, a limp. I couldn't put no pressure on it at first. And then I just. This is when she went to go get me water. I just.

[Shane]

I got probably what. That's probably what. Salvage situation. You probably limp back to bed. All cool.

[Matt]

I got. I. I got. No, I was. I was up. I was up and in bed by the time she. By the time she came back with the water. So when she saw me, I was incapacitated on the ground. When she came back, I, like, had mustered up the strength, got back and hopped up.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And I think the booze was probably helping me fight through the. Through, like, the pain. It might be so. Because it was way worse the next day.

[Shane]

Well, if you don't mind me asking, how'd you pull it off then with a bum knee, Were you.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

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[Matt]

a lot of. A lot of angles where. Right leg. Right leg was all I needed. Like. Like, up on the bed, this leg, like, because I could. Once I realized I could bend it, it was cool. I just couldn't put, like, pressure on it.

[Shane]

Got you.

[Matt]

So I could have it.

[Shane]

Dang.

[Matt]

I was doing this. I thought I was telling a bear and Andy yesterday, and I was like, Just put it up on the bed.

[George]

Cartoon screaming.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I thought you just went full bottom. Like, not obviously, that. I mean, like, I had to hit.

[Matt]

I had to. I had to hit the bottom.

[Shane]

I thought you had to go slow motion for.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, I did. I had to do. I definitely. It did have me in my head.

[Shane]

Like, were your fingers slipping? Or could you grip that ass? Or.

[Matt]

Like, everything else was working. Everything else was. Everything else was top shelf.

[Shane]

Did you ever hear that song, My Fingers Keep Slipping, I cannot grip that ass.

[Matt]

Oh, that's slow motion.

[Shane]

Dang, dude. I know. I. Yeah, I was. I was gone for Valentine's Day.

[John]

Oh.

[Shane]

I was in Denver. I made the ultimate sacrifice.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Gentlemen proposed at the show.

[George]

That's nice.

[Shane]

It was very sweet. It was. Brittany set it up. I. Yeah, it was. She kept bringing it up. I'm like, all right, just, you know, tell them to, like, message me or something. I don't know. I don't know how to do that, you know? So we did the shows in Vegas. Was fun. Denver was very, very fun. And I, like, got a picture going into it. They're like. They're, like, in row H, which was. It was kind of funny because I was talking to the promoter, and she was like, they're in row H. And I was like, that's the eighth row. I know that because of white. White nationalist HH88 for hell, which is. I literally. It's a. That. That's why I've looked it up before. Why do they do, like, 88 stuff? That's why it's HH. So she was a little bit like, okay, well, yeah, sure, if that's how you want to gauge it. So that was like. My whole point being is that's they're eight rows out. So I had to finish the show and then pretend. It was pretty tricky on my part that they won. They had won like a raffle because I. I finished the show and, you know, it's like the Closer. And then I just stood there for a while. So I think people thought I was like, at the encore, like, full fan of the opera, like, yes, yes. And then people started.

[John]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And I'm like, hold on, hold on. I'm done. But, you know, thank you guys for that, but I'm done. And I was like, the club, this is really kind of annoying, but they did like, a giveaway or something, and it was, like, pretty poorly played off my part. I was like, yeah, I think you know who you are back there. Row H. You got. You won like a cruise or some. Why don't you come up here and get it? And I was like, I hate that they're doing this to me. And the guy came up, he, like, brought his girlfriend, soon to be fiance, to the very, very front. And I. I just like, on stage or. No, they stood all this. That's the thing, too. It was like a decent drop. So they couldn't like, like, climb up. That'd have been crazy. So I kind of like slid him the mic and he just gave. He kind of nailed it. He gave a sick speech in front of like 2, 000 people. And he popped and bent the knee. And everyone was like, that's sick. And then like an app, like, they got the videos, a nice video. And like a loser. Right afterwards, I picked up the mic and I was like, if you said no, I would have beat your ass later. They didn't call for that.

[George]

That guy moved you.

[Shane]

I was just. I was just standing there. I just felt weird. Yeah, it was like. That was completely unnecessary. But the. I was kidding. Obviously, I wouldn dress. I would. I would have respected her choice.

[Matt]

She get emotional?

[Shane]

Yeah. Me?

[Matt]

No, her. Does she get.

[Shane]

For sure. Yeah. There was like. There was like, women there watching who got emotional. It was vday, bro. Love was like crazy in the air. Damn.

[Matt]

I do up a couple night.

[Shane]

I mean, he was, he mocked him,

[Matt]

he mocked the whole crowd.

[George]

Yeah, he love mog.

[Shane]

It was, it was a absolute love mog on the scale that I've never seen. And it's like, yeah, it was because I was kind of scanning because I, I, I am kind of like, you know, I, I kind of am fascinated by female like, j, like love, jealousy. And I was like, just looking for signs of kind of women being like. But they were all just so happy. They were. Every woman in there was like, ah, maybe afterwards were like, are you gonna do that? But it was, it was actually kind of sick. I, I, I didn't know how it was gonna go, but it was very fun. I also in Vegas, I, I had, my whole feed has was been nothing but the ASU frat leader, mogging, clavicular. I just assumed that every single person knew what they were, what that was. So at one point during the show in Vegas, I just, I hinted at getting a brutal cortisol spike myself. I don't know if you followed at all, but it's like after he's mogged, he gets like a severe cortisol spike, which is like, you just want to avoid that at all costs. And yeah, it's just like right now no one has any idea I was talking about. I did that in Vegas. I was like, yeah, I got like a brutal cortisol spike. And like, was, I thought like at least a handful of people. The whole crowd looked at me like, are you talking about. I had to be like, yeah. And then anyway, I was like, nobody knows about clavicular.

[George]

He feels like a plant, dude.

[Shane]

Clavicular.

[George]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I don't know.

[George]

I feel like everybody, like they're streaming is like a plant.

[Shane]

Yeah, you think so?

[George]

They're all rich kids, kids.

[Shane]

Rich kids, kids.

[George]

Yeah. Because like, how can they afford to

[Shane]

just do this shrink all day?

[Matt]

I mean, especially with the. You got to have a nice computer,

[George]

nice webcam, Gotta have access to Kanye west. Like, you know, like.

[Shane]

Well, I think that came after he was streaming. He made, he was like, smashing his face with a hammer and smoking meth. So I think that'll get you some views. I mean, look it up. It was a clavicular from I, I would guess he's not from super rich people. Like, a super rich person wouldn't go so far as to smack their face with a hammer and looks nice.

[George]

I don't know, man.

[Shane]

And then super rich people, rich people

[George]

do a lot of weird things. We're discussing.

[Shane]

True, true Let me say. I don't. I don't think he's. I think he's a classic American tale. I think he's Rags. The Riches.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But no, it is. It is the. It's the weirdest corner. It's the weirdest. That whole thing where it's like the Miami Avengers. That's the thing too. Like, I bring this up like everyone knows what I'm talking about. Nobody has any idea.

[Matt]

I don't know what the Miami Avengers are.

[Shane]

Jesus Christ. I'll just shut this up.

[Matt]

That's algorithms. Oh, I know.

[Shane]

Yeah, I know. Bros. That's like when they all played guy. When they all try to play Hail Hitler and they got in trouble.

[Matt]

They played 88 in the club.

[George]

Was it Sneako?

[Shane]

Sneako was there as well.

[George]

I saw Sneako at the stand once.

[Shane]

Did you really?

[George]

Yeah, it was him and his bro. And they're eating chicken tender.

[Shane]

Hell's so funny about that? Streamers, guy. Streamers Gotta eat. You eat chicken tenders, you're basically a streamer.

[George]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't order chicken tenders from the stand.

[Matt]

I don't even think they're on the menu. I think you just gotta ask for chicken tenders. And they go, yeah, we got them. You gotta do.

[Shane]

You gotta do mega numbers on the stream.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Chicken tendies there. Yeah, that. That whole thing's been really funny, but now I've been watching now where Andrew Tate's like, handing the baton to clavicular. Being like, you're the new guy. You must break us free from the Matrix. All those guys are in. They're more in the Matrix than anybody else. Yeah, I. I would argue way more than the major.

[George]

They're Mr. Citizens.

[Shane]

What's miserable. You think they're Agent Smith?

[George]

Agent smiths?

[John]

Yeah.

[George]

Who's Mr. Anderson's Neo? Agent Smith is.

[Shane]

So you think they're Neos?

[George]

No, I think they think they're Neos, but they're Agent Smiths.

[Matt]

And there's so many strong. Keep multiplying. Yeah, multiplying. All the exact same guy. Just a little different looking.

[Shane]

Yeah, I mean, it might be right.

[George]

We're all trying to be Johnny Bravo.

[Shane]

I feel like. Yeah, if you're. If you're, like, working primarily online, you're definitely in the Matrix.

[Matt]

You can't not be.

[Shane]

You are. Your. Your whole life, most of your life, is in, like, a augmented kind of alternate reality. The Internet is the Matrix.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Sorry, guys. I'm dropping gems right now. But. Yeah, I don't know. There's that's the. I don't know. I don't know if they've escaped. I don't. I mean, that's just the Matrix. You don't know if you're in it or not. Yeah.

[George]

So, man, I had a million dollar idea yesterday on panties.

[Shane]

What is it?

[George]

We're gonna. We're gonna rig a Kalshee bet. A what? We're gonna rig it. You know, Kyle, she and Polymarket, they're like the. You can bet on, like, reality prediction markets. We're gonna rig one.

[Shane]

What is it gonna be?

[George]

Well, I'm, you know. February 27th, Hillary Clinton.

[Matt]

You can't rig this one. This is. I do like your theory, though.

[Shane]

Let's have it.

[George]

February 27th, Bill Clayton, May Hill, Claire. Hillary. They're doing a deposition on the Epstein stuff.

[Shane]

Yeah. And like, what if, like 10 days,

[George]

they just, like, hold hands and they're like, it's okay, honey. It's okay. And then they turn to lizards. They just shapeshift into lizards. I'm saying we make a couchy bet that says, will Bill and Hillary shape shifted to lizards? Yes or no?

[Shane]

But how do you cash in on the bet?

[Matt]

You can't rig it.

[George]

You don't. Well, it's not.

[Shane]

You just pick. No.

[George]

No. Creating the. Yeah, you pick. No. And creating the. Like, creating the idea can warp reality in a way that's up. I don't know. You know what I'm saying?

[Shane]

You have way more people picking. No, though.

[George]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt]

Well, you really believe they're going to shape shift? Even the lizards? So you think you gotta. You got a hundred percent.

[Shane]

Oh, so you would bet on. They are lizards.

[George]

Yes. Yeah, but a penny on. Yes,

[Shane]

A penny. Yeah. Hey, look, that is technically a million dollar idea, because if they don't, you're down a penny. If they do, you're the world's richest man. You against the world on the lizard bet.

[George]

And I think you get some of the back end of placing the bet.

[Shane]

Really?

[George]

Yeah, I think you get some of that money, too.

[Shane]

That's pretty cool. Yeah, it's like the new. What was everybody doing? What was like the digital gift thing that people are doing?

[George]

Oh, NFTs.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's like an NFT. Create stupid bets and.

[George]

And convince people to do them. Yeah, I'm.

[Shane]

I'm like bugged out now. I don't know. I'm like worried about sending horny emails to anybody right now. Dude, that's like. You don't know. You gotta. Everyone's gotta tighten up now.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Somebody in Your squad's a pedo and you send them a horny email, you're toast, dude.

[Matt]

On a whole squad.

[Shane]

Whole squad. Whole squad's down, dude.

[George]

If, like, my AI ever got mad at me, I can't turn it off because of my emails. That exists.

[Shane]

What do you mean?

[George]

There's some horny emails in one of my emails.

[Shane]

Emailing horny.

[George]

Back in the day.

[Matt]

Okay.

[George]

Back in the day, I got a couple.

[Shane]

Your AI would send your horny emails?

[George]

Yeah.

[Matt]

How can you know your email? My AI don't got access to my email. You talking about chat?

[George]

Your AI has access to your email?

[Shane]

Yeah, everything has, like, Google has it. Every, every. Every time I've converted, like, a file, I give it like, my whole life. Anytime I'm like, I need to take an MP3 out of this video, they're like, give us your entire online life. I'm like, yeah, you can have it.

[George]

Here you go.

[Shane]

I really want the sound file for my Patreon. I mean, what would it really even. That's. It wouldn't get you on anything that bad. A horny email. As long as it's not connected to a pedophile, you're fine.

[George]

Yeah. Now they're trying to. Or you have a wife. They're trying to get, like, some editors in trouble because they're like, turn your stuff off. Make it. Yeah, what.

[Shane]

Get out of your email. What do you mean?

[George]

They're just like, they're. They're getting a.

[Shane]

First of all, I've heard you say a thing halfway and go, Yeah,

[George]

I heard the rest in my head. I'm sorry.

[Shane]

You know, the other thing.

[Matt]

Yeah, we got it out. We said it all.

[Shane]

Yeah. I. I think what they should do now with the Epstein files, because again, it's like, are. Is there going to be the bombshell that really rocks the name? I mean, the nation's been rocked, I guess, just, you know. But are they going to name, like, is it going to be proof? Like, if they were to, like, get Trump red handed, if they got the Clintons red handed, is there going to be that kind of proof? I. Again, I don't think so, because I think they obviously just, like, went and took all that stuff out, but what. It would be cool if they took it. They, like, took down all, like, the free Epstein searches and they built, like, a big statue in every city and you could pay a quarter to get, like, a couple names out of the email database. Pretty tight.

[George]

That'd be sick.

[Shane]

Yeah. And the money could go to, like, the victims.

[George]

Yeah. Like Jay Z

[Shane]

could be the mediator.

[Matt]

We just need a big breach. Remember when they had that big breach for. What was that website that, like, for cheating couple. For cheater.

[George]

Ashley Madison.

[Matt]

Ashley Madison. Oh, yeah, the Big Breeze. You could just search names and be

[Shane]

like, oh, yeah, who's. I just. Oh, yeah. I saw a clip of someone talking about their dad. Them finding out their dad had been on it pretty heavy.

[Matt]

Yeah, Just solo. Not with the mom.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, you know.

[Matt]

Oh, yeah, it was a cheat.

[George]

Sometimes it's tough on a dad.

[Shane]

Yeah. I mean, dude, trust me, I know.

[George]

Dad should be able to get get jerked off at. The dad should be able to get jerk.

[Shane]

I've heard of situations like that. The problem is, is like, I wouldn't really like my wife being like, yeah, just let that lady go jerk you off. It would bother me if I had permission to do it. I would just be like, my wife thinks I'm pathetic the whole time. The whole time I'd be getting jerked off. I'd be like, you'd come back from it and she's like, how was it? And you'd be like, I feel embarrassed.

[Matt]

I feel embarrassed. We're talking about this.

[Shane]

Yeah. Like, I used to feel humiliated to do that when I was like a single young man. Yeah. Coming back to your family or wife's like, are you good? Now I'm being like, dude, I'm such a piece of. You know what I mean? I've heard that too. Like, I used to be a proponent of the medical hand job argument, but, ah, the more I think about it, it's like, you just gotta let, you know, just gotta let your dick die. I got a freaky question.

[Matt]

I was, I ran this by Lemon the other day. Freaky question about you. All right, so this is a two part question.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Matt]

First one, would you let your lady use a pocket, like a flashlight on you?

[Shane]

I think I have before.

[Matt]

Sick. All right. I think that's a universal yes. I think that's a universal yes.

[Shane]

Obviously.

[Matt]

All right, so this is. Have you ever seen, have you ever seen the sex toys? They're about like this big. They're. No, they don't have arms or legs, but they have like big tits and fat ass.

[Shane]

Yeah. Torso, bro.

[Matt]

It's just a torso.

[Shane]

Yeah, man.

[Matt]

Would you, would you have a threesome with your lady? And we were calling it another, we

[George]

were calling it a.

[Matt]

With nugget in a torso term for the scene. Nugget.

[Shane]

A nugget.

[Matt]

Just a torso nugget.

[Shane]

No, you know, I, I, I wouldn't because it'd be like, here's the thing.

[Matt]

Everybody keeps saying no, I'll give you the reason.

[Shane]

Hold on. Do they have tits?

[Matt]

They have huge tits.

[Shane]

I might.

[Matt]

Realistic tits.

[Shane]

I might kind of like that. I don't know if I would insert into the torso, because if I'm already.

[Matt]

That was my argument. I would like to watch my lady play with these fake titties while I have sex with my lady.

[Shane]

That's not bad. I was thinking of, like, banging a torso in front of your babe.

[Matt]

No, that feels.

[Shane]

That would be crazy.

[Matt]

That feels. It feels like a body in front of you lady. But like. Like a big.

[Shane]

But torso.

[George]

Be weird.

[Shane]

I mean, I would, like, suck the torso's nipples, probably, or watch her do it.

[Matt]

Watch.

[Shane]

Why? I don't know. Again, I think this is where you run into. It sounds cool in theory, but then you watch your wife suck at torsos nipples, and you go, what the am I doing? What the am I doing?

[John]

The lack of a head really ruins the stump.

[Matt]

That's what really perverted.

[John]

But.

[Shane]

But then it's like, do you really want a fake head?

[Matt]

No.

[John]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Matt]

That's like, you ever see. I saw these when I was a kid. They used to be on the show Real Sex. It was like, they're like real sex dolls. They're $10,000 for, like, a. A fake person. That's even crazier in my mind, to have a body, a real human. Like, a body.

[John]

I'm saying it's cooler.

[Shane]

I feel like you. My thing is you think that fake head is crazy until you're kissing the pillow while you're humping the torso. There you go.

[Matt]

There you go.

[Shane]

I should have sprang for that fake head. I could have been kissing a fake face instead of kissing this pillow right now. I was telling my brother today, I. I have. I've never done it, but I have, like, really strongly considered traveling from, like, place to place for, like, my road setup being torso and Oculus. And I'm like, I just can't. Like, every time I even, like, think I'm getting close to it, I'm like, dude. I would end up, like, afterwards crying into the Oculus, Dude. That's the thing with the Fleshlight. Like, it sounds cool in theory. Once you do it. Once you're like, this is just like you. The only way you can do a Fleshlight, in my. In my opinion, is that you have to just be like, I'm not going to talk to women anymore. You can't be have women in your life and use a flashlight. If you're just like, dude, I'm done with women. I'm just gonna. Fleshlight. Fair enough. But to like. Because then it's like, dude, there's something about it. Like, if you're like. If you have a Fleshlight and you're using it, you're like, oh, this is great. It's way better than jerking off. Then you try to date a lady, the. The chances of her finding that thing, I think it's kind of a Devastator.

[George]

It's 100.

[Matt]

Well, you gotta. You gotta just put it right out there. Like, hey, I have a body. I have a Fleshlight. I have a body. I have had sex with.

[George]

Hello. Hey, Mexican girl. My old girlfriend. New girlfriend, meet old girlfriend.

[Shane]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Matt]

I think it's just not like it should be. Ladies get all. Every sex toy I own is for my lady.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You know what I mean? Can I get one?

[George]

You gotta get the egg, dude.

[Matt]

The egg.

[George]

That's.

[Matt]

That's for the lady.

[Shane]

Still no.

[George]

You ever seen the Tanga egg? No, not the Tango egg. It's like the jelly thing.

[Matt]

And he's like, oh, the thing that's.

[Shane]

What are you talking about?

[Matt]

Fleshlight. But it looks like flubber, but it,

[George]

like, twists and they, like. Yeah, you gotta get one of those

[Matt]

things that's just like a flashlight. Those. Like, a flashlight that doesn't look like a vagina.

[Shane]

Yeah, bro. Hold on. Well, again, you can do whatever you want. We live in a free country.

[John]

That's true.

[Shane]

So you can get your Jelly Twister flashlight if you want. Again, I'm not against it. I'm not, you know, I'm not, like, puritanical, but about this, I'm just like, I have. Have you. You guys have used a flashlight before, I'm guessing?

[Matt]

No, I never have.

[Shane]

Yes, I have. You never have. Dealing with flashlights, you've taken down many

[George]

flashlights, multiple iterations of Fleshlights. Different types.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[George]

Different models.

[Shane]

Something of a lady's man.

[Matt]

Didn't a lady give you her Fleshlight like it's her Alexa Fox?

[Shane]

Yeah. The problem is when you. You. The moment you finish them with them, I. For me, personally, it's like a. A dark cloud just settles inside of you, and there's something knows inside of you, like, this is wrong. It's. There's like a level of sadness that. Where you finish and you're like this. Because you got to maintain them, too.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You gotta clean.

[George]

That's the worst.

[Shane]

You gotta clean Them that's like again, it's like you don't think about it till you have it and use it and you go, go, I'm not gonna clean this thing. And then it starts to either stink to where you're like, dude, I've had a for two days and it stinks. It's like, I'm telling you, man. It's like when you like eat a meal, cook by yourself and wash the dishes alone.

[John]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Cooking or just cleaning a fleshlight and trying to like, you're supposed to technically powder the thing.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

To where it's like at that point you're just on a. You're on the highway to just something terrible.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

No, dude, Powdering your fleshlight for the thousandth time. Was that all the different. Is that the.

[George]

It's a jerk off thing, right? Yeah.

[Shane]

Where'd you learn about the tanga egg?

[George]

From Twitter. Twitter.

[Shane]

So you have freaky Twitter?

[George]

I have, I have a list. I have a hidden list. I just found thick Asians and added to the list.

[Matt]

Nice.

[George]

My bad, dude.

[Matt]

Yeah. Back before we get off the. The nub subject. The nugget subject. I think I just really want to see my lady suck titties. And there's not a real way like she's not going to suck a lady's titties.

[Shane]

Gotta get it back on the bottle.

[Matt]

Gotta get it back.

[Shane]

So I didn't mean to see though, you got it back on the battle.

[Matt]

See, I feel like, I feel like

[Shane]

I. I feel the procedure. Get him yourself. Go in house. Yeah, get like some humble bees. You should go full in house and just wear, wear like, just wear some sort of garb that covers your mess, your perky little tits. Let's just dress like a stud. Or. Yeah, I mean. Or I mean, then it's like again, you have to go to a strip club with your babe, which is. That's a nightmare.

[Matt]

And it's more expensive.

[Shane]

I didn't get a lot of. I don't mean to be a negative nasty right now. I get a lot of sleep, but it's. Again, strip club with your babe. Oh, this will be cool. You do it and you go. Give me the out of here right now.

[Matt]

I've been in the strip club with my babe a couple times.

[Shane]

I've had.

[Matt]

I had fun.

[Shane]

You liked it.

[Matt]

I had fun. I think I went. Did I go with you and my babe?

[Shane]

So how. How do you.

[George]

Gianna Michaels.

[Matt]

That's when we saw G. Michaels.

[Shane]

How did you comport yourself at the strip club? Because it's like kind of a weird

[Matt]

thing because it's like, well, my baby. We. My. Me and my baby were still kind of new then, so we were just having, like, fun.

[Shane]

It wasn't like, both grabbing titties.

[Matt]

I. I had no attachments. It was like, this might be. Damn, I hope she don't care about it. Whatever.

[George]

Whatever.

[Shane]

I talked. Me and Brie went to a strip club once.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I just felt like I was there with my. It's like. It's like bringing. This is a terrible analogy, but it's like bringing your dog to a dog shelter, Not the dog park. There's something sad because I was like, we're about to go home and, like, you know, share an apartment, and these ladies.

[George]

Oh, can we bring three of them with us?

[Shane]

That's a bad analogy. But there was something where I'm like. Like, we have a, you know, a relationship. And then these ladies out here kind of like, you know, shaking their buttholes in my face.

[Matt]

I haven't been with my lady since we were still. This is before I even lived in New Jersey. So this would have been like nine

[Shane]

years ago or more.

[Matt]

So I don't even know how it would feel now. But then it just was. We got, like, a couple's dance. That was cool, just having the lady dance with both of us. It was kind of the best thing. Yeah, I wish I could go back to. That.

[Shane]

Is like. It's something weird about that. You know what it is? Because you can't, like. Can't go all out like you're at a strip club.

[George]

You gotta.

[Shane]

Now you're really. It's really put the gentleman in gentleman's club. I'm like, oh, yes. Great job. Oh, fantastic.

[Matt]

That's 100. What happened?

[Shane]

I guess I'll suck your nipple for a second.

[Matt]

They do go. Yeah, you do. It is. It becomes a spectator sport. Then, like, you.

[George]

It's.

[Matt]

They see you with a lady and the strippers just go. Like, all the attention you would get goes to her now. Like, yeah, like, you give them the dollar, they put the titties and her face. And that was like the.

[Shane]

That. You can get this. You can. You can. $1. You can do your nipple suck fantasy right away.

[George]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I don't know if I wanted to suck in a stripper's titty, though.

[Shane]

All salt. Like, you're so picky over a torso, dude. It's so much more empowering for to suck a stripper's nipple there. If you have BAE sucking on the torso, dude.

[George]

It's going to taste like metal and

[Matt]

she's going to have glitter in her mouth. Yeah, I. I haven't presented this to her either. I. I keep saying it on podcast, hoping she just listens to the episode.

[Shane]

Surprises you.

[Matt]

Y.

[Shane]

Just.

[George]

Just.

[Matt]

Just gives a torso.

[Shane]

Valentine's Day was the ultimate window.

[Matt]

I know.

[Shane]

I could have got, like, chocolates, flowers, just had the tor. You guys could have had, like, set around the torso. You guys could have had sushi off the torso. One more thing before we go to bed. Ah, my knee.

[George]

You doing body shots off the torso.

[Shane]

C. Back in the bed.

[Matt]

Just.

[Shane]

I mean, you're right. There's.

[Matt]

We were waiting.

[Shane]

The action goes on without you. He was like, no.

[Matt]

She makes me watch. I get cucked by the torso. That's crazy.

[Shane]

Yeah, no, that's. That's fun. I mean. Yeah. I mean, you should do whatever you want. You gotta. You gotta keep everything alive and the juices flowing. For sure.

[Matt]

I was just more so curious. I got such a heavy no from everybody. I was like, that can't be. But it might just be me. Maybe I'm. Maybe I'm a weirdo.

[Shane]

No. On their babe. Stuck in the torso.

[Matt]

The only. There was only Pat. George was the only one who was like, I kind of see the vision. And everybody else was like, nah.

[George]

But he's also been married forever.

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm not.

[Shane]

I wouldn't be, like, offended. I would just. My problem is, I guess there's certain things when you pull. You know, when you pull things out of Pandora's box, they can't go back in 100, so you don't know. They could suck the torso. That could be a real serious moment of reckoning where they're sucking the fake nipple and they just go, what the

[Matt]

hell am I doing?

[Shane]

What the am I doing?

[Matt]

They can't be like, baby mar this freak.

[Shane]

Awesome. This is awesome.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Be nice to rough it up together.

[Matt]

Just beat up a torso.

[Shane]

Just getting rough all the time.

[Matt]

Pretend it was like a. That bullied her in high school.

[George]

Step on his neck.

[Matt]

That's all he got.

[Shane]

Yeah. Having your wrestling buddy? Yeah, the cuddle would be nice on the road. Just snuggling up to the torso, just

[Matt]

sleeping on the boobs.

[George]

So you got to get a body pillow.

[Shane]

But true.

[Matt]

No boobs on a body pillow.

[George]

You get a body pillow with boobs.

[Shane]

Stop, dude. This isn't real.

[George]

This is real.

[Shane]

Just part of. What was that squishy thing called? Universe. You can't get a body pillow boobs, can you?

[George]

You can get A body pillow boobs. Dude, this technology exists. It has.

[Shane]

Yeah, you're right.

[George]

It has to exist. Dude.

[Shane]

Just look it up. I'm just curious. The problem, too. Transporting the torso. Yeah. Is that if they open your. In tsa. The funniest body. Is that a body pillow. Boobs.

[John]

Can't find one with boobs. You can. You can get just regular boobs, but not on the body pillow. Maybe you could sew the boobs onto the body.

[Shane]

Wait, so you can just get a set of boobs for your bed?

[John]

Yeah, you could get plush.

[Matt]

This. That might be what I mean.

[Shane]

That's plush boobies. Because as a joke.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're having sex. You put her face on the pillow like normal. But it's boobs now.

[Shane]

Loophole.

[George]

That's a good loop.

[Shane]

Okay.

[Matt]

Chocolate titties. Chocolate poo.

[Shane]

So here's the thing. You'd have to go snowbody boobs. Would you go snowboarding boobs.

[Matt]

Or like, I would try to go latina boobs, but. But I feel like that would upset my lady. Where do you keep the boobs on the bed? Like, in the middle. Like, you have the two pillows, and then, like, it's like. It's like the decorative pillow.

[George]

A boob pillow.

[Shane]

Yeah. It's not bad. I'm telling you can get it as a gag. I mean, again, if you just pull it, you might as well just pull the trigger. I don't think if you just say, hey, no judgment, but I. You know. Or don't judge me. I've had an idea in my head and just go, yeah. And then just drop the torso. You can't.

[Matt]

No judgment does nothing, though.

[Shane]

I know you can't say that for yourself.

[Matt]

If my lady hit me with no judgment, but. And then she says some like, oh, that I'm not comfortable with.

[Shane]

She said it.

[Matt]

And she's forever different in my mind.

[Shane]

You know what I mean?

[Matt]

Like, she's 100% judged true.

[Shane]

Sean had a nice John. You had a nice date, did you not wholesome stuff, too. Not like this.

[George]

Okay.

[Matt]

Come on now.

[Shane]

Yeah. Look.

[Matt]

Hey, flip it over.

[Shane]

I'm the one. I've told you. I've been trying to find a suitcase big enough. I'm like. I'm on the bleeding edge of traveling with one of those things.

[George]

Get a big Samson night double, I

[Shane]

think has to be locked all the way up. All my. All my toiletries would be exactly 3 ounces. I'm not around at all. I think in that case, you have to, like, if they go to Open your thing. You have to. I think you can, like, kind of parlay and go like, hey, there's some very sensitive stuff in there. Can we go to the back? Which is almost worse to go like a back room. They're like, bro, I would do it right there. Yeah, open it.

[Matt]

I've been. I've been. I've been diddled so many times. Right there. Like, it's. Look at my.

[Shane]

It's your revenge. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

Now you guys got to do.

[George]

You know, PSA does love to diddle you.

[Matt]

They do.

[Shane]

Also. They'd be thinking about that torso all day. They saw the torso. The rest of that shift, they'd be like, dude, I wonder where he is right now.

[Matt]

Oh.

[Shane]

What?

[John]

I looked up, I clicked on the link to the Amazon torso, and I realized that my family and I share in Amazon.

[Matt]

It's gonna be like, keep shopping.

[Shane]

Yeah. Another thing very. That's stopping me from buying the torso is exactly that.

[John]

It's 35 bucks. It's pretty cheap.

[George]

35.

[Matt]

You don't want a cheap one, though. You want to get a Honda.

[Shane]

John, it's gonna be Amazon. You're gonna get it. It's gonna be this big. You're gonna end up with, like, a neonatal torso.

[Matt]

You can't get a little torso. That's terrifying.

[John]

They have male ones, too.

[Shane]

I was just about to say, you know they have.

[Matt]

Yeah, they did. I knew that. I knew that those existed, but those are.

[Shane]

Yeah, Devil's 3 would be nice. Why don't you start with the Devil's three? Plastic polycule.

[Matt]

See, the Devil's three. No, no.

[Shane]

Or. Or what you do is you both get torsos. You get a guy, she gets a girls, and you have. Make the torsos have sex. You got a slow roll.

[Matt]

We just watch.

[Shane]

Yeah, that be kind of fun.

[Matt]

It's like, action. That one has legs. Now we're upgrading that one stick. That one's thick as hell.

[Shane]

Did you see Cardi B. Fall off the chair?

[Matt]

No. What? She.

[Shane]

Dude, her. First of all, her ass is. It's got to be final form.

[Matt]

Massive, bro.

[Shane]

She fell. Played it off like a sport. She does have a good sense of humor. Played it off like a good sport, but then, like, ran around on stage, and it was like. It's such a wild world of performance where it's like you're, you know, just basically naked. You have jacked guys just, like, humping all over you. And then, like, all of her dancers, none of them can have an ass as big as hers.

[George]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

You have, like, tiny ass dancers floating around.

[George]

Seems to be cardi b. She wants love, but everybody she loves keeps cheating on her.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's what I've. That's the word on the street.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You think she really wants love? I mean, yeah, I guess she does.

[George]

Yeah, I think so. I love Picard.

[Shane]

She used to rob people. She was a stripper, dude.

[Matt]

Yeah, she was like, drug and rob people. Was her like. Yeah, I think she said that's part of the game.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's. I remember people trying to get, like, mad at her for that. It's like, dude, she's rapping about murdering people. And then she's going like, yeah, I actually used to drug people and rob them. It's like, why are people acting like that's actually very unethical and it's not surprising.

[Matt]

Like, that's what you kind of. That's what strippers do. That's like, I say about 30% of them.

[George]

Strippers.

[Matt]

20.

[Shane]

Salt Lake City, Utah. I will be there Saturday doing standup comedy. And I forget the name of the theater, but it'll be a good time. And so, yeah, man, I'll be in Boise, Idaho, Friday, in Salt Lake City Saturday. So just kind of hanging out, prepping. Totally natch. Here. What is that?

[Matt]

Alcohol and coffee.

[Shane]

Yeah, babe, I don't do that stuff anymore. All right, I'm actually going to Salt Lake City. Where am I? Hold on, hold on, hold on. Me and my Mormon brothers also say hi to my eldest wife. That's my eldest, eldest. That's my. That's my oldest wife. I'm working on my second right now, but. Well, maybe I'll find one in Utah.

[Matt]

Stop it.

[Shane]

We're just gonna soak. It's not gonna be a big deal, you know, soaking this. So your little brother jumps on the mattress. You're taking me on him. Text. All right, guys, sorry. My oldest wife's attacking me. Smack you.

[John]

What?

[Shane]

Stop it. Wait, now. Fine.

[George]

You can be my.

[Shane]

I'll get one. Stop it. I'll get one older than you. Stop it. My young wife. You know how they get my youngest wife? Because I'll get your only wife. Keep with me. Well, hey, that used to be that way, but now, due to my new faith, I'm now more. I'm a Jack Mormon. I'm going to break bad on this bottle of rumors.

[George]

Please come.

[Shane]

Guys, out. Jesus Christ.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Guys, please.

[Shane]

Oh, all right, we back. Oh, God. Sorry. I had to pee really badly. Oh, man. Guys, I'm so sorry. I'm low energy right now. So tired. I ran 4.5 miles yesterday. I'm toying with the idea of a half marathon. Yeah, I heard the Austin marathon was in town. A half marathon is kind of weak, though.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

When you. When you do, like, half a thing and then put a sticker on your car like, yo, I did half a thing.

[George]

Isn't it only 13 miles.

[Shane]

No. Yeah. Half marathons, 13 points.

[Matt]

That's impressive.

[Shane]

Still, 13.1 is impressive. I did 4.5 yesterday, and I'm. I'm, like, dying right now, but it's just nothing to celebrate. I would say it's impressive for sure. 26. The 26.2 is the real achievement. I'm not, you know, I'm not, like, you know, taking anything away from People do a half marathon, but also, like, I'd be impressed if I did it. I wouldn't advertise it.

[Matt]

No. Yeah.

[Shane]

You can't put a sticker on your car.

[George]

It.

[Shane]

It's half. You did a half a thing.

[Matt]

What if it's a. What if you're, like, a girl?

[Shane]

I mean, that's why they made it for girls. Yeah.

[Matt]

I think a girl can throw happy

[Shane]

marathon, which is impressive. Well, it's impressive, and I'm not saying this to be a jerk. It's like, dude, run that with tits. Running 13 miles with tits is crazy, dude.

[George]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. That's more impressive to me than a full marathon. A guy doing a full marathon

[George]

marathon with balls.

[Shane]

Easy, bro. Balls are made for running.

[George]

I don't know, man. You ever, like, running and, like, accidentally smash your balls?

[Shane]

I've accidentally smashed my balls a thousand times. Never while running. Never while running. Yeah, because you can easily. I mean, I guess you can say a woman can wear a bra, because you can fix your balls from swinging around, obviously, just by. Well, you know, I could just.

[Matt]

Just.

[Shane]

I can just run, but you can, like, put on compression shorts. Have you.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Have you hit your balls while running before?

[George]

Yeah, yeah, I was just jumping and I just clinked.

[Shane]

Okay. Again, not while running, though. I don't think anyone's hit their balls while running. I actually, yeah, definitely is. Yeah. Especially if you get a good. Like, you squeeze them on accident. That sucks. Squeeze. I. I still think running with tits is so much more impressive.

[Matt]

Did y' all hear about the, like, people in the Winter Olympics that are injected, like, they're injecting HGH into their dicks to make them bigger, but they're doing it because they get bigger suits, and the bigger suits make them a little more aerodynamic. Like, if their Dicks are bigger. They get more. They get more.

[George]

But wait, does that work?

[John]

It makes them less aerodynamic to.

[Shane]

Technically, that's what I was like a

[John]

squirrel suit type vibe. They're going for like more carry because there's more fabric in their suit.

[Shane]

That's. That's what I'm.

[John]

Yeah, parachute type vibe. I think their penis shrinks up, but they have extra space in their crotch so they get more like, catch the wind.

[Matt]

So they're making their. They're making their dick smaller with the Ach.

[John]

No, they're making it bigger while they get fitted for the suit. But then when they compete, it goes back down to normal 80.

[Matt]

Understood it.

[George]

But wait, wait, it works?

[Shane]

Yeah. You can put Botox in your dick.

[George]

Oh, that's gross though.

[Shane]

What's the difference between Botox and hgh? Well, I guess they're two different things.

[George]

But Botox is poison.

[Shane]

I mean, dude, girls injected all over themselves and they're fine. Dude, don't call girls dumb. No, dude, you can put Botox. It reduces. Apparently the medical term for it is turtling. Turtling is like when your dick retracts and it's like wrinkled due to retraction.

[George]

I know what turtling is. I figured it out.

[Shane]

So you can inject Botox and you're just fully smooth and flat. You're like flaccid, but it's just like full hang.

[George]

Dude, I think I'm turtling right now.

[Shane]

I just peed. I'm turtling big time. But yeah, I mean, so yeah, you. You push it out a little bit and then when you. Are they skiers doing like ski jumping or something? Yeah, you catch a little wind, so then you have a little extra thing so you're not cutting through the air as fast, but when you hang, you have a little. You have like little wings.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Shane]

So, yeah. I wonder though, what kind of gains are they posting? I'd be interested. As an Olympic fan, I'd be interested

[Matt]

in what kind of like, is it like 22 inch gains or.

[Shane]

You mean or in the, in the flashes. I only care about gaining flaccid. Gaining hard is like whatever.

[George]

Yeah, I think there's a. There's a. There's a. Your theory of drinking water. I think that's true.

[Shane]

Oh, dude.

[George]

Acidity.

[Shane]

Yeah, I mean, being. Yeah, being well hydrated for sure. That that's verified. Gives you more headache. Yeah, Well, I mean, if you have to pee, your dick gets bigger kind of. You almost get a boner if you wait long enough. Different Pee bad enough, you kind of chop up and you're like, yo, let's go. It's all coming together now. I got to get up on this plane and walk to the back. Yeah, there's no better thing. I mean, it's such a weird thing because like, yeah, you can be like semi chubbed and popping out of the sweats and it's like, it's very powerful. Then you catch yourself, you go, what? Why? Why am I doing this? This is crazy. Nobody's paying any attention. Have a. I am in public. Let me go to the bathroom. This is retarded. So guys, before we conclude, since we're at almost an hour, is there any final words?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Words?

[Matt]

I. I would like to hear people. People think about the nugget. I want to see if I'm alone.

[Shane]

Having your babe suck on the nugget.

[Matt]

Suck on the. Babe sucking on a nugget.

[Shane]

I mean, it's.

[George]

It.

[Shane]

I don't think it would be a bad time. You know, I. I have thought about

[Matt]

it in this last few minutes. Thinking about the turn it could do in her mind though that like.

[Shane]

But you also, you can't put the nugget in bed and not. Not do anything to it yourself. You can't just have the babe sucking on the nugget. You're gonna have to plow the nugget in front of the babe. You got it. You got it, dude. I think. Yeah.

[Matt]

And that is. Yeah, that will feel hilarious.

[Shane]

I mean it's. It's gotta. I don't know, just the image would go through her brain. It would. She would just store it and just be like.

[Matt]

I mean, I would. You catch a glimpse of yourself, a nug in the mirror.

[George]

You got to cover it up.

[Matt]

You gotta cover the mirror up.

[George]

No, the nug. You gotta make it look like there's somebody there.

[Matt]

Justin. Ass poking out of the. Yeah, I like that.

[George]

Yeah, it's under the covers.

[Shane]

Porno videos. As a matter of fact. People do that all the time. Wait a second. This isn't my torso I left here. This is a person. He played a trick on me.

[George]

You goofed me.

[Shane]

Well, guys, I think we made it to an hour. Thank you guys very much. Thank you guys for slopping it up.

[Matt]

Cools freaking here.

[John]

Hey.

[Shane]

Bye. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret podcast on Spotify. Do it. Close your eyes. Exhale. Feel your body relax. And let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that it. I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts lifelock. How can I help? The IRS said I filed my return, but I haven't. One in four tax paying American has

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[Shane]

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[Matt]

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