Ep 610 - The Bewick's Wren (feat. James Mccann)

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast

Ep 610 – The Bewick's Wren (feat. James McCann)

April 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode brings together hosts Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis along with recurring guests Lamar Lee and James McCann for a rollicking and winding conversation that careens through tales of birds, broken trees, sports fandom, grilling etiquette, civil engineering, law enforcement body cam videos, criminal justice oddities, and the dark realities of human vice. The episode’s unifying thread is the ongoing saga of Shane’s “wrens”—a bird family nesting at his house—serving as both comic motif and an emblem for recurring anxieties and nesting instincts found throughout the men’s lives.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Birdhouse Saga & Domestic Life

• Shane updates everyone about the wrens nesting at his home, sharing concerns over their well-being after a tree fell due to nearby construction vibrations.
• Matt and the crew unpack the drama, likening the bird family to a “two-parent household” and joking about anthropomorphizing the wrens.
• The group riffs about the uninstalled birdhouse cam, tree climbing, and destabilized bird architecture, making broader points about home improvement procrastination and masculine household rituals.
• Notable quote:

  “You scare those wrens—I'm gonna fuck you up, dude. Don't talk to them.” —Shane (04:00)

Timestamps:

• [00:01–02:14] – The tree falls and bird update
• [04:24–05:00] – The birdhouse construction and wrens' daily lives
• [05:54] – “You love inviting guys over and grilling.”—a running joke about monogamous grilling

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2. Vibes, Vandalism, and Civil Engineering

• Shane's car was destroyed by the fallen tree, comically linking municipal construction and its unintended destructive consequences.
• Discussion segues into the difficulties assigning liability for incidental damage and the "vibrations" associated with urban development.
• Riffing on “evil developers” and “natural resources” extends the wren metaphor to local politics and gentrification.

Timestamps:

• [01:39–02:14] – Vibrations, cracks, and property destruction debates
• [02:22] – “Evil developer” bit and resource theft

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3. Bachelor House Etiquette: The Ribs Incident

• The guys dissect a minor domestic mystery: Who ate the ribs?
• Dorian, a friend, is accused of making and eating all the ribs himself after offering to cook for everyone.
• Jokes about the “monogamy” of grilling and the etiquette of bachelor hospitality.

Timestamps:

• [02:51–03:09] – “Who ate the ribs?”
• [03:40] – Grilling as a personal, male-only ritual
• [03:52–04:10] – “Ribs and cartoons” bachelor fantasies

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4. The Woes of Aging and Manhood

• Discussion of injuries plaguing their friend Tommy: rolled ankles, shin bruises, risking spousal wrath.
• The group muses about the arrival of age and the indignity of physical decline, illustrated via greying hair and shrinking self-image.

Notable quote:

“Now he's small. He's gotta watch out, ‘cause he's getting to the age where that's a fall that sits you down for a long time.” —James (06:41)

Timestamps:

• [05:56–07:00] – Tales of Tommy’s injuries and aging
• [07:04] – “You hit 40—it's just, you are declining.” —Matt

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5. Neighborhood Diversity & Pickup Basketball

• Neighborhood basketball games become fodder for jokes about racial mixing, where teams resemble “college brochures.”
• Anecdotes about confusing players, Indian guys "hooping," and the hierarchies of rec league social groups.
• Tangents on sports fashion, referencing NFL draft style, 90s NBA aesthetics, JNCO jeans, and the oddities of cultural appropriation in dress codes.

Timestamps:

• [10:07–12:50] – Basketball, racial dynamics, outfit evaluations

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6. Sports Commentary: Sixers, Flyers, and Medical Miracles

• Hype for the recent Sixers playoff win and the city’s shifting sports loyalties.
• Spirited debate on Joel Embiid’s potential return following appendicitis, reflecting on the advancement of medical recoveries for pro athletes.
• Lamar questions whether modern sports franchises prioritize winning over profits, sparking a lively dispute.

Notable quotes:

“Now I hear Embiid’s—I don’t—” —Ethan (17:16)
“The goal is to win because that makes the most money.” —Shane (20:27)
“I don’t think you have to win.” —Lamar (20:45)

Timestamps:

• [16:08–18:56] – Philly sports, Embiid’s health
• [19:14–21:27] – The “winning vs. profit” franchise debate

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7. Wrestling, Management Groups, and Trust Issues

• Lamar laments not getting to WrestleMania, connects disappointment to the loss of Vince McMahon, and disses group ownership of sports teams.
• James shares the tale of an eccentric Aussie gym owner who bought U.S. sports teams as a tax dodge, with disastrous results—a parable of the disastrous “strongman” owner.

Notable quote:

"You know who else had a single owner? Germany." —Shane (23:09)

Timestamps:

• [22:52–23:59] – WrestleMania FOMO & sports ownership
• [23:59–24:47] – The “Gil Groni” saga

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8. Airports, Flight Nightmares, Liminal Spaces

• Flying horror stories: sneaking off connecting flights, airline bureaucracy, and airport architecture designed for “atomization.”
• Matt describes almost faking a heart attack to get off a plane.
• The conversation touches on the feeling of airports as “liminal spaces”—“like a dream space where you don’t know if you’ll ever get to go.”

Notable quote:

“Airports are uniquely… all cold angles and glass and judgment. Split you up, make you feel atomized so that when there’s a delay… you don’t band together.” —James (27:01)

Timestamps:

• [25:14–28:05] – Airport architecture, travel tales

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9. Midwest Safety: Police Bodycam YouTube Deep Dive

• Matt and Shane share a guilty obsession with Midwest Safety—a bodycam cop YouTube channel.
• They detail a spectrum of police encounters: tragic, horrifying, and darkly comedic.
• Stories highlight “classic” Midwest Safety moments, ranging from suicide-by-cop to accidental car thefts, public intoxication, and the blurred lines of crime and mental illness.

Timestamps:

• [30:47–38:43] – Midwest Safety, cop stories, dark humor
• [38:00] – “There’s an undeniably erotic component…”: on female arrests and the voyeuristic appeal of these shows

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10. Pedophile Laws, Dark Documentaries, and Justice

• The group derails into a bleak, comedic dissection of Oklahoma laws restricting where sex offenders can live, leading to the creation of “pedophile satellite towns.”
• They reference the harrowing Pervert Park documentary, chemical castration’s implications, and the cyclical, tragic origins of criminal pathology.

Notable Quotes:

“That would be a good coming-of-age tale: pedophile, chemically castrated, has to find himself…” —Matt (44:10)
“Kids, we gotta break the cycle.”—James (43:01)

Timestamps:

• [39:04–44:48] – Pervert Park, chemical castration, sex offender exile

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11. Bird Discourse, Australia Edition

• James shares about noisy Indian miners—an invasive bird outcompeting native Australian species—and regulatory struggles in Australia (e.g., restrictions on BB guns).
• The group compares bird sound “regularity,” laments the loss of beautiful native birds, and riffs on invasive species as a metaphor for cultural anxiety.

Timestamps:

• [64:29–67:18] – Indian miner birds, bird conservation, BB gun laws

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12. Car Shopping Anxiety

• Shane’s car, destroyed by a falling tree, prompts comic debate on choosing a new vehicle—balancing personal taste with the pressure of public perception and insurance issues.
• Discussion includes whether to get flashy, practical, or “gay” cars, as well as the market for used cars and wacky alternatives like the Cybertruck or Waymo self-driving cars.

Timestamps:

• [69:04–72:15] – Car identity, Waymo fantasies, and van culture

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13. Comic Performance, Stage Fright, and Touring

• The last act of the episode delves into the nature of stage fright, performance persona, and the idiosyncrasies of "performing in the round."
• The hosts reflect on anxiety, audience management, and comic growth, peppered with anecdotes from the road and mutual encouragement.

Notable quote:

"I'm going to go take deep breaths… I'll be right back." —Matt, on handling panic attacks mid-set (57:30)

Timestamps:

• [53:38–61:16] – Performing in the round, live show challenges
• [61:18–63:02] – On the upcoming stadium gig in Philly

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14. Teasers: Patreon & Future Topics

• The crew teases upcoming Patreon deep-dives into the fall of Rome and the Civil War ("Sherman & Grant podcast"), displaying surprising historical chops and nerdy enthusiasm.
• James goads Shane into tackling the Civil War for future pods.

Timestamps:

• [77:25–78:49] – Rome and Civil War podcast tease

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• “You gotta be a monogamous griller. You can't profligate grill technique.” —James (03:40)
• “My Ren's being a real bitch.” —Shane (00:40)
• “Winning helps financially.” —Shane (21:27)
• “You know who else had a single owner? Germany.” —Shane (23:09)
• “I'm worried that the cardboard's not stable enough long term. You gotta buttress.” —James (04:54)
• “It's a nice compliment, dude… You do have a nice back, man.” —Shane (09:13)
• “You are in a weird position of getting to pick the car now. It's a huge identity mark diamond.” —James (69:44)
• “That's why they're screaming at the airport—they're just picking little particles out of their teeth.” —Matt (73:35)
• “Sherman and Grant are the bros. It's time for you to learn about Sherman and Grant.” —Shane (78:36)

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Overall Tone & Style

The episode is classic Matt & Shane—irreverent, rapid-fire, masculine yet self-deprecating, marked by tangents, recurring private jokes, and a willingness to tackle both the everyday and the taboo with blunt candor and surreal analogies. Their affection and camaraderie anchor even the darkest or most absurd segments, keeping the listener both laughing and disarmed.

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Summary Table of Notable Segments

| Timestamp | Topic | Key Speaker(s) | |--------------|-----------------------------------------------------|----------------------------| | 00:01–02:14 | Bird drama & tree collapse | Shane, Matt, Lamar, James | | 03:40 | Grilling monogamy | James | | 05:56–07:00 | Aging and injuries | Matt, Shane, James | | 10:07–12:40 | Basketball, race & neighborhood dynamics | Matt, Shane, James | | 16:08–18:56 | Sixers, Flyers, Embiid’s health | Matt, Shane, Ethan, Lamar | | 20:27 | Sports teams—profit vs. winning debate | Lamar, Shane | | 23:09 | “Single owner” joke – Germany | Shane | | 25:14–28:05 | Airport sociology and “liminal space” theory | James, Matt | | 30:47–38:43 | Midwest Safety cop video obsession | Shane, Matt | | 39:04–44:48 | Pedophile exile, chemical castration, tragic tales | James, Matt, Shane | | 64:29–67:18 | Australian birds, BB guns, invasive species | James, Shane, Matt | | 69:04–71:20 | Car buying, car identity | Shane, James, Matt | | 53:38–61:16 | On-stage panic, comic performance | Matt, Shane, James | | 77:25–78:49 | Teasing Patreon: Rome, Civil War | Matt, James, Shane |

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Final Thoughts

Ep 610 “Bewick’s Wren” is a quintessential Matt & Shane experience: equal parts slapstick, slice-of-life, and bracingly dark with sudden, dazzling offramps into absurdity or insight. From avian domesticity to the outer orbits of criminal justice, it’s a freewheeling, hilarious—and at times sobering—tour of modern masculinity, American oddity, and the pleasure of just hanging out with funny, shameless friends.

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Transcript

[Matt]

The wild, wild west.

[Shane]

I was told. I was told the birds hatched while I was gone. And I. I don't see any sign of it.

[Matt]

Word. Yeah. You'd see the eggshells at least you would think.

[Lamar]

But the papa comes in every so often, feeds them and then flies out.

[James]

The mom's feeding them.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Lamar]

Or the mom.

[Shane]

Yeah. They have stayed together, which I'm very happy.

[Matt]

That's awesome.

[Shane]

It's not just the mom.

[James]

There's.

[Shane]

There's mom and dad.

[Matt]

Really.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Two parent household.

[Shane]

Yeah. Yes.

[Matt]

How. I guess the one. The. The dad bird's bigger. I guess stronger. Like uses reason or whatever. How do you tell? How do you tell?

[Shane]

Yeah. He and I smoke. He meets me back outside and he goes. Yeah. Pour me a beer, brother.

[James]

My.

[Matt]

Just a thimble.

[Shane]

My Ren's being a real. But yeah. That's very exciting stuff. And I got the bird. Birdhouse with a camera on it that will never be installed. You'll see that sitting on that island.

[Lamar]

No.

[Shane]

The remainder of my time in this house.

[Matt]

Where do you. Where do you got to mount that? Is that going to be on the face?

[Shane]

I don't know. I'm up. There's that tree over there.

[Matt]

That'd be nice.

[Shane]

I'll get it out there.

[Matt]

Hey, don't. You don't got to tell me twice to clam that tree. I'll clamber up that thing.

[Shane]

I would. I would love.

[Matt]

I love clambering a tree.

[Shane]

I know. Tree broken.

[Matt]

What the hell was that about?

[Shane]

Smash my car.

[Matt]

So we thought that was an AI

[Shane]

picture Lair said sucked. Yeah.

[Matt]

That's. How the hell did it fall?

[Shane]

Especially the way lair. You know what it is? It's all that construction on the road and it's a dead tree. And finally it just. Yeah.

[Matt]

Whoa. Okay.

[Shane]

Yeah. I mean they were shaking this house.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Crack.

[James]

There's crack running through the floor in that bathroom. Do you know about this?

[Lamar]

No.

[James]

Dude, the floor is splitting.

[Matt]

Sidewalks. Sidewalks cracked out there. Those vibrations.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Up really badly.

[Shane]

Insane with that.

[Matt]

Now that's like a whole part of civil engineering where you have to like the amount of vibration coming can like break windows. And it's pretty nuts.

[Shane]

Well, it split a gigantic tree that then destroyed my car.

[Matt]

And it's. Well, it's a weird thing to like hold people accountable for it. But yo. Your vibration. Because it's hard to prove.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

But. Yeah. So they were doing stuff. Tree fell. Did it just like crack in half or did it.

[Shane]

Yeah. Like split. And Lamar, you were very. It was nice. It was a good video you sent because it was kind of a reveal. You started with the tree, and I was like, oh, a tree broke. That's fucking crazy. Thing is, sorry about your car.

[Matt]

I was like, oh,

[James]

how are the bir.

[Shane]

I was actually concerned about the birds.

[Matt]

Were you worried about Lemaire's friends kind of, like, using the fallen tree to, like, climb in up on the roof

[Shane]

and into the house? I mean, I. He had a friend here the whole time. What? Dorian was here?

[Matt]

Oh, Deeds. I forgot our week.

[Shane]

I was going to spend some time together, but I'll tell you what, when you get off the road and you just want to be alone in your house, you got Lamar and Dorian walking around.

[James]

Hey, thanks for letting me come and stay as well.

[Shane]

You're all right. You're not as big of a. As Dorian and Lamar together.

[James]

He kept offering to make ribs for everybody, and it never happened. He never gave me any reason.

[Shane]

I think he did make ribs because Lamar came home looking for him and then was kind of accusatory, acting like I ate the ribs.

[Matt]

Who ate the ribs? You didn't eat them. You didn't eat them. Dorian ate him, made rib. He did. He was true to his word. He made ribs. He just ate him himself.

[Shane]

That's what I said. I was like, damn, that's crazy. If Dorian just took your food and he was like, well, he made them. He's like, oh, that's important part.

[Matt]

But he ate.

[Shane]

You love inviting guys over and grilling.

[Lamar]

That's good stuff.

[Shane]

Just you and a guy.

[Lamar]

That's good stuff, dude. That's good, clean fun.

[Shane]

I know it. It is. If you do it, like, with. I don't know, you keep bringing different guys into my house and grilling with them and then leaving.

[James]

You got to be a monogamous griller. You can't profligate grill technique.

[Shane]

Also, it's always just one guy at a time. It's never. It's never a fellas. It's always just here, sneaking through the

[Matt]

garage, little grill and chill.

[Shane]

I got us some. Some ribs, and then we can watch cartoons. Let's get barbecue sauce all over the couch. Scare my birds. You scare those Rens. I'm gonna you up, dude. Don't talk to them.

[Matt]

Yeah. What is the smoking radius? Oh, that just.

[James]

God damn it.

[Matt]

Just went back. Damn, that's. I'm not going on, bro. Caught out of the corner of my eye, I'm like, I have, like, cat visions.

[Shane]

Think about playing Xbox and go, yeah. Oh, the Rens are back.

[Matt]

They're back. They're actually. That thing's bustling right now.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So the birds flew, but I don't know how birds work. Is that like. They'd still chill and headquarter up in there for a while, obviously.

[Shane]

Yeah, they're pretty active all day.

[Matt]

Yeah, they're rocking.

[Shane]

I went. I bought them some bird food off of Amazon. I googled. I googled what Ramsayed. I just put a little cup next to the nest. I don't. I don't know if they're taking it. I think either they're probably knocked it over or a bunch of them made it.

[Matt]

Yeah, they're probably munching that.

[Shane]

I want them to be hardy. I want them.

[Matt]

Yeah, you got. They got to have their skills.

[James]

I'm worried that the cardboard's not stable enough long term. You got to put. You got to. You got to butress.

[Shane]

That thing's stable.

[James]

I can't believe you also had bud

[Shane]

light and there's bud lights in there.

[Matt]

Yeah, you got bud lights, Structure, columns.

[James]

There's columns in there that adds the village aged.

[Matt]

That'd be funny. If you eventually betray them by, like, removing their supports.

[Shane]

Eventually. I'll go, hold on. I'm out of beers.

[Matt]

You're like the evil developer looking at the town. I could put those to good use.

[Shane]

Yeah, they do have natural resources that I might have to give them a democracy. Tommy almost destroyed the structure.

[Matt]

I know.

[Shane]

It was great.

[Matt]

I know.

[Shane]

Reached in, two of them flew out. He goes, you got. You got bats. Got bats in your.

[Matt]

Surprised he didn't get hurt. He's been injury prone a lot. He's been on toddler time lately. Every time I see him, it's a new Bruce. He's got a new boo boo. Every time I see him, he's gotta

[Shane]

hide him from his lady. I tell you, when he said, what's up to Nate? He rolled his ankle out front. Do you remember that? Yeah. This is the night after he was over here and ripped his shins on the pool. And they were like, really up. And his. His fiance gets mad at him for it, obviously, because it's brusky.

[Matt]

Doubles.

[Shane]

So then he comes in limping. I'm like, why the are you limping?

[Matt]

And he was like,

[Shane]

it's because my shins. I was like, no, it's not. It's not because you're like, I just rolled my ankle out front.

[Matt]

It was a bad one too. He touched earth.

[Shane]

Like, he went down. He said, the mama me. He lives right over to the car.

[Matt]

Right away he lost His Mario Mushroom.

[James]

Now he's small. He's got to watch out because he's. He's getting to the age where that's a fall that puts you. Sits you down for a long time.

[Matt]

No.

[James]

Jesus, dude, Tommy. I watched a video of Tommy from two years ago. He's aged 15, 20 years.

[Shane]

You'll see.

[James]

All right.

[Shane]

It happens all of us.

[James]

Yeah, it's happened to me. I've got gray.

[Shane]

Yeah. Take a look.

[James]

No, that's why my hair is like. If I cut my hair now, everyone can see that.

[Matt]

Yeah. You hit 40. That's. It's just. You are declining.

[Shane]

It's going to get way worse for me.

[Matt]

Dude. Dude.

[Shane]

It's.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

Oh yeah.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

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[Matt]

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[James]

Damn.

[Matt]

It's pretty crap. I played basketball again the other day. I still hurt. I had to do stand up last night. I was on stage like. Like Grimit. My whole back was in pain. I was like. Yeah. Anyway, guys, no, I don't believe.

[James]

I think you're probably working the back out. I remember seeing the back last summer before I left.

[Matt]

Dude, I'm still.

[James]

Your back was in a spooky place.

[Shane]

You admired.

[James]

We were at the pool. I do. I saw him.

[Shane]

He admires man's physique.

[James]

Your physique is as natural as you say it is. It's the most Impressive transformation I've ever heard.

[Matt]

I appreciate it. Yeah, I was, I was in the mirror. I was in the mirror literally two days ago, and Brady's like, what doing? I was like, james said I had a big back last summer. I'm making sure it's still big. I'm still riding high off that compliment.

[Shane]

That's a nice compliment, dude.

[Matt]

It's huge. I, I, I never seen my back. I had no idea it's you.

[Shane]

You do have a nice back, man.

[Matt]

Thank you, guys. I'm gonna be riding high. I'm gonna be riding crazy off this, dude.

[James]

I mean, guys with strong backs, secret Jack, Chris Oconnor's shoulders.

[Matt]

It's like, I mean, I've been working hard.

[Shane]

He's walking around, then all of a

[James]

sudden you go, good God, what's going on there?

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm excited for, you know, I'm still working hard. I'm trying to cut a little bit. So I'm excited for a reveal pretty soon.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah. Once the, once the pool warms up and also when the Rands leave, then we can have a pool party. But no one's, no one's allowed over here until the Rams leave.

[Matt]

I would be like a four year old with cool shoes. I'm gonna take my shirt off and be like,

[Shane]

is anybody gonna say anything?

[Matt]

Yeah, B ball was nice, dude.

[Shane]

I'm gonna be the opposite, dude. Pop the top and sprint the water. Float with just my head above the water for the entire time. Get that gator float slide right.

[Matt]

Yeah, I mean, I, it's come to my attention I'm a little aggressive for the, for the basketball courts. I talk the entire time.

[Shane]

Yeah, you are a out there.

[Matt]

Anytime someone shoot. I'm like, oh, oh, God. Watch out. Hold on. Anytime I touch the ball, I'm like, give me that, give me that ball.

[Shane]

Just honks out there with you.

[Matt]

No, we not. We had a lot of honks.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Pretty good. Pretty good. You know, my neighborhood, it's, the racial distribution is like, almost like, engineered.

[Shane]

Yeah, it is a little. The first time I went over to your house for a party, I was a little like, something weird's going on. It was just interracial couples.

[Matt]

Yeah, it does.

[James]

Look, it's mute. It's, it's a bit of a college brochure.

[Matt]

Yeah, it is.

[Shane]

Dude.

[Matt]

We had, I felt bad, an Indian guy on my team for the last game, and then he was guarding an Indian guy was guarding him.

[Shane]

Oh, nice.

[Matt]

I got the ball and just passed it to the wrong guy. And I was like the dude on my team looked at me and started laughing like, no, I get it, bro. Bro, that's fair. That's fair. It was two curly haired, same haircut. I was like, dude, I mean, I've

[Shane]

never seen an Indian guy on a basketball court ever.

[Matt]

They were hooping. They were nice.

[Shane]

Were they hooping?

[Matt]

Yeah, the one. Yeah, that one guy had a shot. But they. Yeah, it's true. When you see them, it's usually not a. It's like prison. They play with the Chinese guys. You put them over there. They're the others on the basketball, the

[James]

Div.3 in the prison.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's like you guys go do your thing over there, like hop frog

[Shane]

or whatever you guys are. I don't know.

[James]

Is there an Indian athlete outside of cricket? And is there anyone who's passed over to like. Sometimes there'll be an Asian footy player

[Matt]

in Australia, but yeah, the great Khali Asians fit first. I feel like you're like, there's like an Asian football player, right? Kickers or something. Definitely baseball? Yeah, yeah, I think so. But I never seen Indian.

[James]

Japanese and baseball are doing great.

[Matt]

Tell you what the. What is it? Hawaiian guys or whatever, they were doing

[James]

well in the draft.

[Matt]

Yeah, that's. And that's a. I feel like a Hawaiian guys. Like, you get a lot of racial. It's a very safe racial excitement. You know what I mean? So you're like, ooh, what is that? You guys, you like campfires or something. You have cool tattoos. It's like, you know, I watched some

[James]

of the draft last night, and I don't know if the economy has gotten worse, but the outfits they're wearing have become less ostentatious when they're getting picked. Last year I met there was a lot of silk double breasted people wearing Edwardian ruffs and all sorts of crazy things. And this year, normal, normal suits. The Samoans had big suits. Yeah, everyone just had a normal. Is that a fair observation?

[Shane]

I think, yeah, maybe. It was a subdued draft last year.

[James]

Everyone looked like they were in the capital at the Hunger Games.

[Shane]

No, they'll bring that back. Don't worry. They'll be dressed like idiots.

[James]

Is it because there's a war and people going, it's not appropriate?

[Shane]

No, I don't think so.

[James]

Wet lime satin, they'll break it up. Breaches.

[Matt]

That is true. So everyone's like kind of modestly or like classically dressed.

[James]

It was insane last year.

[Matt]

Yeah, that is pretty wild, man.

[Shane]

It was probably the first time you really saw It. Yeah.

[James]

And now I've just become used.

[Shane]

Yeah, we're all totally used to it. Like, a pregame NBA walk is the craziest thing I've ever seen. Every outfit's the worst outfit I've ever seen.

[James]

The cool thing would be to go back to the late 90s. Huge jacket. Huge jacket. Ill fitting pants of the late 90s.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[James]

That's the look that.

[Matt]

Yeah. Jinkos have somehow infiltrated the black community. I've seen a lot of, like, dudes wearing like super wide leg pants.

[Shane]

That's nice.

[Matt]

Yeah. So that is. That's. I don't know. I feel like that doesn't. I don't. I don't like it for him. Be honest.

[Shane]

Jenko's.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's not for them. I just think it doesn't look right. I don't know. Unless you're like kick flipping or something on the way up there. It's just kind of weird.

[Shane]

I see how you. Yeah. They're stealing your culture.

[Matt]

Yeah, true. I mean, you know, so now.

[Shane]

Now you understand that that could be a little frustrating.

[James]

They bring in the frosted tips. What else are they going to take away from us?

[Shane]

They kind of have. Yeah.

[Matt]

Oh, here we go. This episode is brought to you by no Bull.

[Shane]

Matt, Please speak for 15 to 20 seconds about the worst pair of pants you've ever had. And go.

[Matt]

Worst pair of pants I've ever had. I. I know what they are. So I had these, another brand of high end activewear. But they almost. They were so sleek. They felt almost like pantyhose. And I would get a. And this is. I'm just talking pants right now. No bullshit. I would have like a doorbell bulge. It looked like you could literally press the button and enter my house. It was. They were so tough. First of all, they were like so tight on me. And I felt like a girl.

[Shane]

You're saying your dick and nuts were sticking out?

[Matt]

Yeah, Like, I was dressed soft enough

[Shane]

that it'd probably give you a slight chub all day.

[Matt]

That's the thing. But then it goes away. I was just so conflicted because I was like, am I borderline? Am I like that one politician's husband, if you know what I'm talking about?

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt]

I felt like him.

[Shane]

Chocolate blue.

[Matt]

I felt like him a little bit. Worst experience with pants ever. And then I was hard on the fly. You're gonna.

[Shane]

You're gonna love this. No Bull has decided to put an end to our misery.

[Matt]

Thank God. All right.

[Shane]

It's. It's a training brand. Known for award winning footwear and apparel. And now they're bringing their no attitude to men's pants. What the.

[Matt]

Can you say that?

[Shane]

I guess these guys are edgy as hell. Starting with these things called the deal maker. It's basically a full on jean swap. Same look, but breathable. Stretchy and actually comfortable. No stiffness, no weird breaking in, period.

[Matt]

None of that. Like a good gene swap.

[Shane]

I love a jean swap. And then there's the game changer. Slacks made out of sweats. You ever fucking think about it? Seems impossible, but it's super soft. There's tons of stretch and they still look sharp as hell.

[Matt]

Perfect.

[Shane]

I'm going to say, mom, can you go to the store? I need you to buy me the deal maker and the game changer. She's going to go, son. That's bullshit. I'm going to go, no, mom.

[Matt]

That's Noble.

[Shane]

Exclusively for secret pod listeners.

[Matt]

Noble, you're a madman.

[Shane]

I mean, that's. I am a madman, dude. All I do is sit here and drink whiskey in this chair. Exclusively for secret pilot listeners. Noble is offering 35% off your first and. Holy. 35 off your entire first order. Visit nobleproject.com and use code secret pod for 35 off of your entire first order. That's nobleproject.com and use code secret pod. Respectfully, the jeans had a good run. Dude.

[Matt]

Me and. Me and Nate were fired up on the Sixers the other day.

[Shane]

That was a fun game, dude.

[Matt]

Dude, it was awesome. They all went up. They were on stage and I, I saw it was like the fourth quarter. That's all I saw was the fourth quarter. And I saw like the. I saw the Sixers only up by like three the Sellers.

[Shane]

And then they went on and then the Sixers.

[Matt]

Maxi came actually with the layup.

[Shane]

Probably screaming to the crowd. And one.

[Matt]

It might have been my favorite before that. Just draining those two threes and like, just like crazy.

[Shane]

Hit a three and hit that wink. Oh my dude, live. I rewind. I rewinded it.

[Matt]

Same thing.

[Shane]

I hit 10 seconds back and I go, dude, check this out. Look at this wink, dude.

[Matt]

How cool was that Nate was on stage while. Because it was like, oh, it was getting close. He went up and I'm watching just maxi ball out. And I was just looking up there like, where is he, dude? He needs to see this, man.

[Lamar]

This is.

[Matt]

We were both. We were fired up.

[Shane]

Awesome.

[Matt]

That was great.

[Ethan]

Didn't expect that one.

[Shane]

I was just getting into Philly while that was happening. And it was funny because when you get into. It was. The whole city was orange.

[Ethan]

Yeah.

[Shane]

For the Flyers. And the Flyers were playing the next night. That night the Sixers were currently playing. I was like, it's funny that the city is already like just given up.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Ethan]

Everybody except for them.

[Shane]

Then that game. That was great. Now I hear Embiid's. I. I don't.

[Ethan]

I don't know.

[Shane]

I.

[Ethan]

Part of it, I think they're trying to. With Boston and be like, he might come. So like. So they prepare for that. Cuz he is appendix. He just had. No one's come back two weeks after having appendix removed.

[Shane]

I think how many guys have gotten that during a season?

[Ethan]

It happens more. It happened a few times during the season. But the playoffs is where people are like, maybe because it's the playoffs, they'll rush them back.

[Matt]

They also do have some crazy stuff now medically.

[Shane]

Like.

[Matt]

Like I feel like ACLs now, they just. They pop you like right back.

[James]

Appendicitis. Yeah.

[Shane]

I mean, compared to how.

[Matt]

Compared to what? Yeah, I thought yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Appendicitis is like. Yeah, you're. You got to be down for like at least three weeks, dude. I would imagine. Yeah.

[Ethan]

But is that a sports. Is that like a sports recovery or is that just like.

[Shane]

I think that's just like. You can walk around. Yeah.

[Matt]

Rough and tumble play especially.

[Shane]

He's gonna play rough and tumble.

[Matt]

Yeah, sure.

[Shane]

Come on. Now he's falling on the ground every 10 seconds.

[Ethan]

If we can win one more, make it a definite like game six in it, like six game scenario. I think he'll pop back up.

[Shane]

What do you think about tonight? I think Celtics by 50.

[Matt]

What

[Shane]

usually. Usually you win a game like that.

[Matt]

Yeah. I was wondering. Usually I liked at the very end when they just put in all their white guys and they were just breaking threes the whole time. When your whites are missing threes, it's

[Shane]

like, yeah, you dug.

[Matt]

That's bad. That's bad stuff. Yeah, they. They threw in the scrub squad at the very. You tell. They're like, all right, this game, we'll get it. Next one.

[Ethan]

I think we can get one more at home. I don't know about this very next one, but we can get one more home.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's gonna be exciting.

[Ethan]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I think. I do think Boston's gonna come back strong. So when you. When you're missing like that, you're just like, all right, I got the worst over now I'm just gonna start fighting.

[Ethan]

Yeah, they never. They never shoot like that. That's. That's the Problem. That was probably our worst game all season. Shooting. But there might be defense, might be the matchup.

[Shane]

The marriage. Evil ass.

[James]

Cause he's a hater.

[Shane]

He is a hater.

[Ethan]

He's a hater. He pretends he's not.

[Shane]

He's an actual hater. Yeah.

[Matt]

That's why I don't want to watch.

[Shane]

Which is crazy for a guy who doesn't really give a about sports. He just wants, like. He's just a video game. He's a. He's an anime wrestling video game guy. And then he'll be like, fuck the Sixers. It's just an evil.

[Ethan]

We were all happy for you to see Cody Rhodes.

[Matt]

What do you mean?

[Lamar]

It's owned by a management group, right? It's not owned by one guy. It's owned by a group of people who are.

[Matt]

So that's why you don't like them,

[Lamar]

because their only goal is to make money, not to be good or.

[Matt]

What the do you think.

[Shane]

What do you think the wrestling is?

[Matt]

Huh?

[Shane]

What do you think wrestling is?

[Lamar]

No, I'm saying that's not in the spirit of sports. Still, like when it's like. When it's like Larry Ballmer owning the Clippers. The Clippers are going to try. But when it's like a group of dudes who own, like five teams.

[James]

I've never heard this before. This is exciting to me. You want. You think if there's any. If there's more than one owner.

[Lamar]

No, it's a managing group. It's like venture capitalists, like, own the team.

[James]

Yeah. Yes, but it's still the team. It's still the coach. It's still the players.

[Lamar]

They're just trying to make money. They're not trying to, like, win. They're just trying to make sure they milk money out of people.

[James]

I don't know what the Dallas Cowboys have been doing, but I think they're just trying to make money.

[Shane]

Yeah, but the goal is to win because that makes the most money.

[Lamar]

That's not true.

[Matt]

Yeah, it is. It's probably better to win.

[Shane]

It's definitely true. Get people in the seats. If you're good.

[Matt]

Yeah. And you can still be a single owner, but they probably have investors, too. You know what I mean?

[Shane]

So what do you mean? You don't think that's true?

[Lamar]

I don't think you have to win.

[Matt]

You sell more merch if you win the Super Bowl.

[Lamar]

What about the Cleveland Browns?

[James]

What about the Cleveland.

[Lamar]

They sell out every year, but they never win.

[James]

What about the Green Bay Packers? They've Got a team ownership. You know, city owns the team, but they don't have a single owner. That's. Everybody buys in. Everybody.

[Shane]

The Flyers.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

They've sucked for a decade.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Now they're back. This. Now it's like packed when they play.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And they're actually like. Even the players are like, holy. I didn't even know it could be like this. And it's like they're selling out every. Like, you understand?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Lamar]

But are they owned by a management group or are they owned by like a guy?

[Shane]

I'm not sure. There's. I'm trying to point out that winning helps financially.

[Lamar]

Yeah, I agree.

[Shane]

Winning helps financially.

[James]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But was owned by a management group.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

For the most part. There's usually. Yeah,

[Matt]

yeah, yeah, I think so. Well, that's a good theory, though. I like the idea of it, of being like, you know, I want. I want a guy.

[James]

This, you know, this isn't a.

[Matt]

Just put up. Like.

[Shane]

I don't know if I've seen reason for you to just not like to talk shit on Nate's team. You don't even have a single owner.

[James]

It's crazy. The F45 gyms, huh? Have I ever told you about the F45 gym, man?

[Matt]

No.

[James]

It was an Australian man who invented that kind of gym. And then he came out and he started buying teams. He came to America and he started buying teams, but he, like, didn't have huge money, so he bought like a rugby league team and I think like a very low level baseball team. But he named them after a cocktail that he was inventing. I think I'm getting this right. I'm gonna like. His name was Adam Gilchrist and he called them like the Gil Gronis because he was gonna come out with his own personal cocktail called, like the Gil Groni. Like a Negroni, but his name. Yeah, but then he went bankrupt and the cocktail never came out. But the team had two years of playing in Austin and they changed the name and, like, people upset who were fans of the team and everything about it. I'm not saying that he was necessarily a huge cocaine addict, but yeah, everything about it screams. He bought two teams. He named them both after cocktails that never came out. He was found to be illegally paying the players or something, and then he. And then they, like, they just weren't allowed to play in the playoffs. And now they folded and now there's no team in Austin.

[Matt]

And that's a single owner, Mayor. See, that's what happened. That was a tire.

[James]

Am I getting this Right.

[Matt]

You need the checks and balances of an organization.

[Shane]

You know who else had a single owner? Germany.

[Matt]

True. You want a strong man. I think you're just missing Vince McMahon. Honestly, I think that's what it is.

[Shane]

You miss Vince.

[Matt]

I think he's projecting his Vince loss onto the Sixers.

[Shane]

How'd you feel about mania?

[Matt]

Oh, yeah.

[Lamar]

Say something, brother. I'm kind of glad I didn't go.

[Matt]

Really?

[Shane]

What about Cody Rhodes?

[Lamar]

Cody won. That was nice.

[Shane]

Yeah, it was cool. But celeb mania, dude, there was a lot of celebs.

[Matt]

Also, Cody Rhodes kind of like, weekend dadded you. He's like, come on, buddy. We'll go to Wrestlemania.

[Shane]

He did.

[James]

Cody Rhodes never reached back.

[Matt]

Big promises. L l had his bags packed. Be like, daddy's coming to get me soon. Never came.

[Shane]

That's how the tree went there.

[James]

I didn't even want to go to Wrestlemania. It was. Wasn't even a good one.

[Shane]

He didn't say anything. And then, like, the day before, he was like, shane, can you ask Cody Rhodes if I can go to Wrestlemania? I was like, no, dude.

[Lamar]

How to get to Vegas for, like, 150 bucks on, like, planes?

[Matt]

Yeah, it's cheap as hell, dude. That's.

[Lamar]

Well, yeah.

[Matt]

No, Vegas is, like, notoriously cheaper, right? Because you they, like, are incentivize.

[Lamar]

Direct flights were, like, 800.

[Matt]

Oh, for man.

[Lamar]

Workarounds. Yeah.

[James]

I was talking about a connecting flight.

[Lamar]

Huh?

[James]

You told me about a connecting flight.

[Lamar]

No, I was just gonna. I was gonna take a flight to Burbank and get off in Vegas because it stops in Vegas, dude, that you

[Matt]

should have done your personal road to WrestleMania where you just got meta glasses and just, like, film the whole journey of, like, I'm gonna get in here one way or the other.

[Shane]

What do you mean, get off?

[Matt]

I thought a bus was

[Shane]

get off at a different stop.

[James]

No, I got it. That's smart.

[Shane]

A connecting flight. It.

[James]

No, but you get the connecting flight to another location.

[Shane]

You get off.

[James]

Get off in the middle.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Whoa.

[Shane]

You don't get back on at the connecting flight.

[Matt]

Okay.

[James]

That's very sneaky.

[Matt]

So you just get off and you're out?

[Lamar]

Yeah, Like, I'm in Vegas. This is where I want to go.

[Matt]

Smart.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I didn't even know that was possible.

[Matt]

They tried to hold me, and Nate had to do that. We flew one. We got rerouted and ended up in Cleveland. And there we had to go to Cincinnati or one or the other. And then we, like, landed in the place where we could just drive and be there and the lady was like, you guys can't get off the plane. I was like, I'm getting off the plane. I have a car rent. And she's like, it's not safe. And I was like, I don't feel safe right now on this plane. I gotta go. I was telling Nate. I was like, bro, I'm about to fake a heart attack. You're gonna have to do. You're gonna have to do it too. So I was gonna be like, oh. Nate would be like, oh, me too. We gotta go.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

But they let. The pilot was chill. He was like, yo, they can get off, man. Just let them off. I didn't tell you about this. And some guy tried to, like, flight big dick me. He's like, dude, I fly, like, 300 times a year. This is not a big deal. I was like, I'm not saying it's a big deal. I gotta. I just have to leave this plane. Like, get the. Out of my face, dude. Trust me, brother. This is nothing. All right, man. Out of here.

[Shane]

God.

[Matt]

I was like, I just have to go. Because if I went back to Chicago and then got stuck there, I would have, like, missed the show.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

It's like, this is not a big deal. Okay. It's cool, man.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Who are you? Shut up.

[Shane]

Stay out of it.

[Matt]

Get out of here, you idiot. But yeah, it was nice. But, yeah, I was. I was worried because I also thought too. I was like, yeah, who cares if I just, like, disobey the stewardess? I'll get. I'll get. I won't be able to fly United. I don't even like you so much.

[Shane]

I don't like myself. I could see myself doing that. What? That awful behavior of sitting next to somebody, being like, I take a lot of flights. This is nothing. I could catch myself in a moment of being a giant douche. Someone next to me. I don't think I would. Yeah, well, I'm saying I'm capable of that. That would be something I would regret.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But I could be like, I fly all the time. A stranger.

[Matt]

I. I say it. I'll catch myself saying it at, like, the airport, where I'll just be. Yeah, same thing. Like, yeah, I actually. I fly a good amount, but I would never, in interjecting in a person trying to gain freedom from the air airline to be like, dude, you just gotta stay here. It's like, well, dude, I'm not going to a corporate banquet where I can just not show up.

[Shane]

I would think to myself, this guy must be freaking out. If at the connecting flight, he's just like, you know what? I'll get out here. And I'.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Be like, dude, yeah, you're fine. Fly a lot.

[James]

This happens how all the airports are built is to turn us against one another so we don't unify and rise up. I've thought about this a lot as to why that. Why are airports the uniquely. There's not like a nice, traditionally designed airport. They're all cold angles and glass and judgment. Split you up, make you feel atomized so that when there's a delay or whatever, you don't. You know, you don't unify. You don't band together. They want you turning.

[Shane]

Sorry. While you're talking. The fucking Rand flew right back into that.

[James]

I'm sorry.

[Shane]

I heard.

[Matt]

I heard a theory that they're actually my house.

[Shane]

Looks like new LaGuardia.

[Matt]

I heard a theory they're thin zones where it's like people are dislocated from, like, time. You don't know. Like, you're different. Like.

[James]

Like a casino in an airport.

[Matt]

Well, they were talking more like. It's almost like a dream space where you're kind of like. No one knows. Like, you're in a different place. You don't know what if you're gonna get to go or not. The time zones are all scattered. So kind of people. That's why people freak out.

[James]

What's that music that. I can't figure out what that music is that plays when they play a liminal space on a reel. It's been stuck in my head for days. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's like Donkey Kong music. Yeah, it's like underwater Donkey Kong music. It makes me. Every time it pops up on the real, I. I don't even know. I don't even look at the. The meme. I just feel.

[Matt]

This episode is brought to you by ZIP recruiter. I'll tell you what. I had Nate opening for me this weekend. I said, that guy is really. That guy is sticking out to me. That guy is sticking out, and I love all of his jokes. Guys. It isn't always easy finding a good standout, and that's especially true if you're hiring. You have to sort through hundreds of resumes, and even then, you might not uncover what you're looking for. That's why you need ZipRecruiter. Try it free at ZipRecruiter.com secret ZipRecruiter works fast to find top talent, and its newest feature takes it a step further. Identifying candidates with the right skills who are also interested in your role. ZipRecruiter puts them at the top of your list so you can connect with them first thing. It's no wonder it continues to be rated the number one hiring site based on G2. Cut through the standard and get to the standouts with ZipRecruiter, four out of five employees who post on ZipRecruiter get a high quality candidate within the first day. And now you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com secret that's ZipRecruiter.com secret. Secret meet your match on ZipRecruiter. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Part of what makes online shopping so great is that you don't have to leave your couch. So it can be frustrating when you have to find exactly what you want. You're ready to check out. Then you realize you need to go hunt down your wallet. That's what makes Shopify so great. They're all about improving the experience for everyone. For customers, that means including the purple pay button to make checking out simple. Literally, just one tap is all it takes. For business owners like you, Shopify can get you set up with that pay button and more. They can help you design your website, write product descriptions, market those products, and manage inventory and payments. Everything you need is all in one place. So join the millions of businesses already using Shopify to make their business thrive, like Aviator Nation or even Mattel. So less carts go abandoned, more sales with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com mattandshayne that's shopify.com mattandshain Feel sad. I've been watching people get kicked off the Midwest. Safety's taking over my algorithm.

[Shane]

How good is my algorithm? Just long body cam videos.

[Matt]

It's great, dude.

[Shane]

Great narration. The guy breaks down the story.

[Matt]

Yep. The officer recap. I like the officer. He's a Philly. He was a Philly officer, by the way.

[Shane]

Was he Philly?

[Matt]

Yeah. He recaps like, this is what happens. Hey, it's very common. I'm. I'm so ready to now for civilian disturbances. I was in. I was in Phoenix recently and I saw this homeless lady. You know, she, like, went and met up with her, like, homeless boyfriend. And they were sitting outside a pizza place eating. And at one point the guy was like, that's. And I was like, I might have to intervene right now. And I looked over and the lady just went, what are you looking at? I was like, whoa, what the hell?

[Shane]

You should have said, I've been watching a lot of Midwest safety. Just so you know, I will call

[Matt]

the cops right now and pull the trigger.

[Shane]

So if you move quickly at all. Fifteen shots into your car.

[Matt]

There was one. It was sad, but there was a guy who was pretending to work on a house, and he was just. I think he was probably just, like, stealing the pipes or whatever. So the cops, like, he's like, no. He's like, I'm working here, guy. And he kept. It was. He was, like, lying, but he was pretty. He was like. It seemed like he was smooth with it in his head, but he was also, like. He would say the same thing over and over. You go, place the hole. You guys got to see. He kept trying to do, like, contractor talk, and they're like, so what. What are you doing in here? He's like, like, plumbing job. Don't. Pump job. Drywall company. And they'd be like, okay. And, you know. And eventually he's like, the lady said, you didn't get hired. He was just like, I got a gun. He ran inside. He just ran inside, and he did suicide by cop. It was sad.

[James]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Shot him in the head.

[Shane]

It's really.

[Matt]

Oh, it's pretty. It's like cops on hbo. Cops basically kill him. And then the cops come. They're like, I shot him. There's that. You get to see him talk shop. And they're sitting there, and they're like. Because he did, like, brandish what looked like a weapon at them. Him and the one cop rolled up, he goes, yo, I knew that guy. Guy. He was a boxer, man. He would have you up, dude. If you guys had a fault. That guy knocked people the sucked at Jiu jitsu. Terrible badass over his body. He's like, badass boxer, though, man. This guy was great. And then they're like, all right, we got to get him out of here.

[Shane]

He's dead. There's so many good ones. There's one. There's one. I mean, it's obviously really sad because it's a guy with, like, PTSD and clearly, like, a methroid rage type thing. But he's on the bottom floor of this, like, apartment complex. So his windows go out into, like, the courtyard part, but they're like. While they're approaching, they're like, we. We got a disturbance. And then he just. They look into the room, and you see him in the corner, like, naked. Just, like, stand up, and he's gigantic. He's like, ah. And he comes through the window to fight all the cops, and he's so big.

[Matt]

They're like, please stop, stop, stop, dude.

[Shane]

He's like, which one do you want to die tonight? Like, chases them all.

[James]

They kill this man.

[Matt]

But is this.

[James]

Is that all these videos? They trying to get suicided?

[Shane]

No, not all of them. Some of them are hilarious.

[James]

Oh, good.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, there's. Some of them are really fun.

[Matt]

There was this drunk. There's, like, a tall white dude. He got. He, like, His. He had, like, fighting with his girlfriend. So he was at, like, a work. Like a convention kind of thing where he's supposed to, like, stand at a table and hand out information. He ditched it. Got hammered in, like, a strip mall restaurant legend. So he comes outside. They, like, kick him out. He's just outside with the cops, and they're, like, talking to him. And out of nowhere, he would just go, I got that good cushion. Alcohol.

[Shane]

Was this me? That sounds like my weekend.

[Lamar]

It was.

[Shane]

I got something down I could call.

[Matt]

It was so funny.

[Shane]

I don't know what I want, y'. All.

[Matt]

And they, like. They're like, calling Uber. He's like, all right, I will. And he was like, play Spotify and be like, play Young Thug. It was.

[Shane]

He was the funniest dude, bro.

[Matt]

What.

[Shane]

What happened there?

[Matt]

He just would hit on the lady cop. The whole time. The guys would talk to me, yo, tell them to stop talking to me. I only want to talk to you. And he'd be like, yo, you're so. I love you so much, dude.

[Shane]

He was so.

[Matt]

And then they taste him, and he was like, ah. He fell down. He fell down. He got up. He goes, yo, thanks for doing that. Kind of like that. Do it again. They're like, dude, stop. Get out of here. His boss comes and picks him up. He's like, you get in the car.

[Shane]

That was. They did. Every once in a while, they have a fun one like that.

[Matt]

Yeah, it was Shad. Yeah.

[Shane]

Remember that guy? Yeah, that was Midwest Safety.

[Lamar]

I didn't know that.

[Shane]

Yeah, that was a Midwest Safety classic name Shadow. There's also. There was one guy who barricaded himself in his house. Those are always good. That one ended bad. I think he got shot.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

He put up a fight, and the cops are always so excited to break out. They're like, why do we have this military tank, this giant Bearcat SWAT vehicle, just to put a battering ram on the front of it, break down some guy's shitty front door? He's in there Throwing fucking kitchen knives out. They cast him out for, like. Like, four hours. They're like, the sun's going down. We have to go in. I don't know how he's still in there. Oh, he's just creating barricades in the house, dude. It's eventually pulled out a gun and they. Yeah, killed him. They'll get him, but he was throwing a lot of stuff for a while, which was.

[Matt]

Throwing knives is wild.

[Shane]

They try to throw a gas canister, and they'd see him throw it right back out.

[Matt]

Damn.

[Shane]

How do you. This guy's fielding these things.

[Matt]

I like when the dude slipped the handcuffs.

[Shane]

Little can of corn.

[Matt]

Women slip the handcuffs a lot.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

There was a lady who slipped the handcuffs and stole a cop car and jumped in the front and just beeline it and just drove 80 miles an hour. And then she, like, pulled off into the woods and luckily slowed down and just whacked an old stone wall. You see the inside cam? She's like,

[Shane]

yeah. I mean, it is really horrific.

[Matt]

Midwest. It's my whole algorithm now. It's just dash. And then there's the other ones that like to get. Pretty wicked, man.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

You're like, no, I'm staying Midwest.

[Shane]

You gotta check that bottom where it says Midwest Safety.

[Matt]

Yeah, I always do. There's some of them where I'm just like, yeah.

[Shane]

Because at least they blur out the carnage.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's true.

[Shane]

In Midwest Safety.

[Matt]

I saw one where a guy. It wasn't Midwest.

[Shane]

Watch any of the mass shootings?

[Matt]

No, I steer clear. I try to keep those really bad. Those ones are sad. I steer clear. I saw one that was pretty up on it. It was, like, a different thing, but it was a guy who had worked in a. I guess, like a. Some sort of care unit for, like, the developmentally disabled. And there was a lady who. I forget what she had, but she was, like, basically a vegetable. She couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't do anything, and he impregnated her. So they're just, like, doing a routine thing. And they're like, dude, she's pregnant. And they're like, what the. So they had to do, like, an investigative thing to figure out, like, who was with her.

[Shane]

It's a miracle, dude.

[Matt]

The guy was just this young kid who was a boxer. So then they, like, interviewed him. He's like, no, I never got to spend alone time. Blah, blah, blah. And everyone else they interviewed was like, check with this guy.

[Shane]

He's weird. Definitely, dude.

[Matt]

He did. And. Well, so they did a Paternity test. But they were like, they showed footage of him and he would be around, or I think they talked about it. He would walk around. All the influence, dude. Yeah, he would hand over them and just be like, just shadow box the whole time. And then, yeah, they. They, like, when they reveal the paternity test, they like, told him, like, well, you're actually. You are the father. And they just had the camera on him still. And he goes, oh, dude, Jesus, please help me. Please, I'll do anything. He's like, I'll be poor my rest of my life. I don't care. Like, dude, you're going to jail for,

[Shane]

like, you're gonna be poor. Yeah, you're gonna be poor the rest of your life.

[Lamar]

You up, vegetable lady?

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really sad.

[James]

Sorry, what is this channel?

[Shane]

Dude, it's Midwest safety.

[James]

That's not Midwest Safety.

[Matt]

No, that was you. That's like, you'll. If you start with Midwest.

[Shane]

That doesn't sound like a Midwest.

[Matt]

That is not a Midwest safety episode.

[James]

Sounds like a Maury Povich. Sounds like a dream.

[Matt]

Well, dude, here's the weird part of Midwest safety. Because they arrest women, there's a lot of female arrests, and there's an undeniably erotic component to the whole thing where it's like a lady in yoga pants. And it'll be sad. It'll be like. Like she's drunk behind the wheel. Her one year old is, like, trapped underneath the car seat, and they. They like, pull the kid out and she's just like, give me my baby right now. They have to, like, wrestle her to the ground. It's just like.

[James]

It's hot. You're saying it's an erotic.

[Matt]

I think there's an under. Well, that one wasn't very erotic. But there'll be ones where they, like, wrestle a lady down into, like, a hotel bed while her boyfriend's getting, like, beat up. And I'm like, this is kind of kink. This is. Yeah, this is kind of kink. We. Yeah, it's not mine, but I'm like, it's.

[Shane]

You can see where it comes from him. Yeah, there's a big strong guy coming in, beating your ass, beating your girlfriend's ass. They leave.

[Matt]

Your boyfriend the whole time is like, he's raping me, dude. There's one guy, he wouldn't stop. He's raping me.

[Shane]

It's quality.

[Matt]

It was great. It was so funny.

[Shane]

Quality stuff.

[Matt]

Sorry, this is my last one, but the. The one where I understand your joy.

[Shane]

For me, I'M so happy you found Midwest.

[Matt]

It's all I watch on the plane now.

[Shane]

It's the best, dude. He goes, download him for the flight. Let's see what happened then.

[Matt]

This is just the best scenario ever. Because it's two people on a work trip. It's the wife's work trip. The husband's just there, gets hammered at the bar. And it was like, I guess he was like a quarter Native American, which comes into play later. And he. So the woman just gets woken up to officers just being like, wake up. And she's like, she's also drunk.

[James]

What?

[Matt]

And the husband's like, some guy started with me, babe. I stood up for myself. Don't worry about it. He was just fighting people. This is over. Like, saying like, this is my land. You stole it from me. And they're like, shut up. And he's like, yeah, yeah. So then, oh, damn.

[Shane]

He tried to reclaim his land.

[Matt]

Tried to reclaim like a holiday in express.

[Shane]

So then a bunch of hockey dads,

[Matt]

dude, they're like, yeah, exactly.

[Shane]

Guys on a travel team getting wasted.

[Matt]

Shut up. And then so he's like, I'll stand up for myself. Never stop standing up for myself. And he kept trying to step to the cops. They tased him.

[Shane]

He must have got hit with the Native American algorithm.

[Matt]

Them? I. Dude, I think so.

[Shane]

I've seen a lot of those. Those are my favorite. It's just modern day Native Americans, like, you're on stolen land. Never forget that. And then they do a ceremonial dance. Every comment's like, you, scoreboard. You lost. You had home court advantage and lost. You so mean, scoreboard.

[James]

I don't know if what I'm about to say is true, but it's what I just found out about Oklahoma.

[Matt]

What cities.

[James]

There are rules about sex offenders that they can't live, like a certain distance from a school or other type things. So what they do in the cities is they organize. They space the schools and the other places that sex offenders can't go near so that sex offenders can't stay anywhere. They do a full city plan to like block out. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, create a force field around it. But then the pedophiles have to live in a little satellite town. It's like a town full of sex offenders.

[Ethan]

Yeah.

[James]

And that's where they go and stay because they can't also stay in one building, two at maximum. So there are like these little satellite pedophile communities.

[Shane]

Wait, pedophiles?

[Matt]

Just on the outside, pedophiles can't There

[Shane]

could be more than two pedophiles.

[James]

I know.

[Shane]

Apparently we got one more guest.

[James]

Apparently they max out at two pedophiles in the building.

[Shane]

You can only have one guy at a time. That's why he's like, I'm having a big barbecue party, but just one of my pedophile buddies. You and Dorian, they're having a courtship.

[Matt]

They both have their parole officers next to them.

[James]

Succulent.

[Matt]

Well, it's though every city. I feel like the cities in Oklahoma are all surrounded by reservations. Like the Indian reservations, too. So it's like you got the res, you got the city, and then it's pedophile, pedophile, Satellite town, Trailer park.

[Shane]

What's that?

[Matt]

Just middle earth pedophiles. Oh, dude, Pedophile park is Pervert Park. Pervert Park Florida. That. That is a sad document. If you ever want to get really sad, watch Pervert Park.

[Shane]

Pedophile Trailer park.

[Matt]

Pedophile Trailer Park Florida just drives by

[Shane]

and throws bottles at it. Then they. Then you talk. They interview the pedophiles who have all obviously had. Had the worst.

[James]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Except for one guy.

[Shane]

Yeah. There was one original vampire.

[Matt]

One original vampire.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

The rest of them tell you their life story because you're like, these better. You see bottles flying over at them. You're like, good. And then you, like, tear their story. You're like, oh, that's really bad. Then there was one guy who was like, this got horny, man. I drove. Drove to Mexico and tried to take a kid. And, yeah, they beat my ass and I drove away. But I got arrested on the boardroom. What the. You should fry that guy. He's like, I was just jammed up, man. I figured I could take a kid from Mexico.

[James]

It was a stressful day.

[Matt]

Horned up.

[James]

Yeah. Look, we've all had.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's real. But the. The documentary is just a lady who's a pedophile. And it's just like. Yeah, I was like. I was. My dad. She would like her dad on and off as an adult. It was.

[James]

It's perfect thing going. They just. She was on again, off again.

[Matt]

Yeah. Well, I think she'd been obviously vampire bitten early in life, and then she was just like, yeah, it's a new expression. You, like, break up with her boyfriend?

[James]

Like vampires?

[Matt]

Yeah, pretty much, dude. Pretty much all of them. For the most part.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[James]

Kids, we've got to break the cycle.

[Shane]

Yeah. Just don't molest kids.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[James]

Well, chemical castration.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[James]

Castrate the.

[Matt]

I think that's fair.

[Shane]

Chemical cast where are you guys getting all these Oklahoma effects? What the going on here?

[Matt]

We've actually been studying Oklahoma very closely.

[Shane]

Shane's gone.

[Matt]

We're gonna master Oklahoma pedophile law. Damn.

[James]

So it's leagues why the panhandle's so small in Oklahoma? It's for a little penis.

[Matt]

What is is it just sever your desire? Does it like your gens up? Like what is it?

[James]

It makes me unhappy to think about. I only thought about it because I watched. I watched the Begonia movie and at the start they chemically castrate each other. And from that point on I was against the movie really. Do you know what I'm. Do you know the movie I'm talking about? Yeah, I watched it on the flight. He was very good. Maybe a pedophile cop. It's sort of hinted at that he might be a pedophile, but then they.

[Ethan]

Oh yeah, no, I think they make it pretty clear. He like molested the man.

[James]

He says, I'm sorry I did that to you. I never did it to another kid.

[Matt]

Yeah. Okay. And it's.

[James]

Anyway, he's very good. You know, it upset me. The whole film upset me.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Pedophile stuff. So at least they're not glorifying it. You know, chemical castration is. I think that's a fair route for the pedophile, you know. But then it's like what the hell you do with them? What is like that'd be a good coming of age tale. Pedophile, chemically castrated, has to find himself,

[James]

get on the straight and era, call

[Matt]

his friends, barbecue one on one.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Because what do you do after that? You're a pedophile. You've been shamed.

[James]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Now you're like altered physiologically where you can't do that. You'll never do that thing ever. I would imagine. Then it's like what do you do? You got to just boss up in a fast food chain somewhere. The glow up would be crazy.

[James]

The comebacks Nobel prize. You go to college, you study hard.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[James]

Learn how science works.

[Matt]

I mean you invent AI, you're completely undistracted. You can finally just rake at your mom's leaves very efficiently forever become a cooling champion. Yeah. I mean that's got to be crazy because that's where they go. They go. Usually they live with their mom. After you get a pedophile, get busted back to mom. Yeah. Then your mom dies. Now you're alone. Pedophile. It's got to be a minute. The future, just you or the computer. You're like, let me just a look.

[Shane]

Yeah. I mean just get a glimpse for old time sake.

[Matt]

Cops come immediately. Yeah. That be bad.

[Shane]

Good stuff.

[Matt]

Yeah. Chemical cast fair. I've.

[Shane]

I've chemically cast a couple times. Yo.

[Matt]

With the, with the bls.

[Shane]

Too many bls. You go, God damn it. Nothing's working.

[Matt]

You're running Oklahoma drills on yourself now.

[Shane]

You got the Oklahoma drill.

[Matt]

That's tricky though because if you don't chemically castrate yourself enough now you're a super predator now you become the ultimate dang man. But yeah, that's. That's good stuff. I didn't know they have. They set it up to where.

[James]

This is what I got. I don't know what the other buildings are that they could talk to. This my friend who made my shirts who came down from Oklahoma, he went

[Shane]

out for Brexit piece of information that he knows.

[James]

Well, his, his. His wife works in. It was a word they used. That wasn't halfway house.

[Matt]

That was a halfway house recovery set or recovery house.

[James]

Yeah, but that's where I heard about it and she had heard about it. I don't know. Again, I don't know how true it is.

[Matt]

Pedophile recovery house. It feels crazy. Well, they do lump though. They lump. Pedophile recovery house is nuts. Dude.

[Shane]

You're all the circles being like pretty normal day. Pretty chill normal.

[Matt]

Yeah. It's all the bus the other day.

[James]

That's a new reality show they're doing. They get 10 of them in there and if they do fuck a child, they have to be removed from the house. And the last one wins. They win. They win a trip to Thailand. Free holiday to Thailand. No questions asked. All right. This is my idea for a show.

[Matt]

It's not a bad show. Hold off on the big reveal on the prize because that could turn viewers off.

[Lamar]

Off.

[Matt]

You're invested. You're like, I'm really rooting for this guy. And you're right here.

[James]

I got other ideas for sure.

[Matt]

Russell Brand just got in trouble.

[Shane]

Yeah, I think he kind of did that to himself on that one.

[Matt]

Oh yeah.

[Shane]

I mean obviously normally he's like, government's coming up with try to me on this. And he goes, I. The 16 year old.

[Matt]

What the. A while back snitches. There was allegations against him a while back that he had fully been like, this is a deep state, obviously. And then I think, I think, think the probably just grew too hard. He's like, well, yeah, there was that one time. He was. It was within his legal right. He was. It's that's, that's the whole thing.

[James]

The British were different about it, you know, until quite recently.

[Matt]

And yeah, you could back then you could just have sex with 16 year olds in England.

[James]

You still can, I think.

[Matt]

Still can, yeah.

[James]

Shouldn't.

[Matt]

Should not at all.

[James]

Frowned upon.

[Matt]

Very frowned upon. Not mine.

[James]

It's not mine.

[Matt]

Mine's a urine.

[Shane]

It looks like it's yours.

[Matt]

Looks like you need to produce yourself, dude.

[James]

Russell branded.

[Shane]

We gotta, we gotta pause anyway.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I'll be right back.

[Matt]

All right.

[Shane]

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[Matt]

Matt, we got a riff again I

[Shane]

would love for you to riff on. I don't know what, what is the official team?

[Matt]

Sixers.

[Shane]

Gotta be Sixers, obviously.

[Matt]

Yes, the Sixers. I'm going more maxi, more points.

[Shane]

Yeah, I like that.

[Matt]

Yeah. What the heck? Guy's an animal.

[Shane]

That's great, guys.

[Matt]

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[Shane]

Download the. Download the app. All right, download the prize picks app today and use code drench to get fifty dollars in lineup after you play your first five dollar lineup.

[Lamar]

Whoa.

[Shane]

That's code drench to get fifty in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup. Prize picks.

[Matt]

All right, here we go, guys. Does anyone want to go first? By the way, I don't want to pig out. Go ahead, Lamar, get in there.

[Lamar]

All right, well, everybody, I'm gonna be in Florida May 5. May 6. May 7. May 8. May 9. And they'll be back home. But also on May 5, there's Optimum Knocks at the creek in the cave. So please check that out. Lamar. League fun and everywhere else. All right, thank you, boys.

[Matt]

May 16th is all I Got right now. Toronto will be nice, but I Believe it's full. May 16th.

[Shane]

You're in Toronto on May 15th.

[Matt]

May 15th. Yeah. What's up?

[Shane]

It's a good time to be in the six.

[Matt]

Is it really? What in May?

[Shane]

May 15th.

[James]

Why? I'm in the May 15th, the new Drake release. Are you going to be there?

[Shane]

City's going to be nuts, man.

[Matt]

That's going to be awesome. Well, hell yeah, dude. We all look forward to that. And guys, the next day, there are some tickets left for the Re Riviera theater in Chicago, Illinois. And yeah, that's May. We got time. But I'll be honest, that. That one, I wouldn't lie to you. That one's going to sell out. So come celebrate the end of this part of the tour in Chicago. May 16th. That's it.

[Shane]

May 4th. I'm at the Hollywood bowl in Los Angeles. May 7th. There's still tickets available for the May 7th Thursday show at the at TD Garden in Boston. And then that's it, obviously. July 17th. Come watch me have a heart attack in front of the entire city of Philadelphia.

[Matt]

It

[James]

Albuquerque, Phoenix, San Diego, Los Angeles, Seattle, Portland, Chicago, New York, Boston, Pittsburgh, Orlando, Naples, and Tampa and San Francisco. I'm coming to you this month. It's going to be a big month.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[James]

JDFmcann.com Organ hour out now. James Donald Ford's McCann catamaran plan.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[James]

Big times.

[Shane]

Yeah. Get in there, Sean. Hello, everybody.

[Matt]

I'll be.

[Shane]

Now get in front of the camera and don't do this. Cute. Just do it. Hello, everybody. How's that now, dude?

[Matt]

I'll be in Springfield, Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma,

[Shane]

and Oklahoma City in Cincinnati, Ohio, in the month of May. Please come. Oh, my God. Sean gardini.com. why are you so mad at me? I'm not. I'm joking, dude.

[James]

Oh.

[Matt]

Oh, I gotta. I got a funny one.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Matt]

Sean's demise. They fought. A guy attacked you. We were doing. We did the celebrity. We did the celebrity theater in Phoenix. And Sean's wrapping up. You know, we're in the round. It was. It was truly just all of our skills. It's sick. Yeah, it's harder than I thought. I was all cocky. I was like, done the round for 20, 000 with Shane. Just unleash me, dude. I went up there, I was like. Because Sean was just up there. They stood pretty still the entire time. And I'm like, man, he's not moving. What the. That's kind of weird. And as. And he started, like, moving around towards the Middle. And he's doing his closer. And as he's, like, almost done, some guy just goes.

[Shane]

It was from behind.

[Matt]

Me, too. From behind the page the other day. That was like, jfk. He just blew my brains. Yeah. And he was up high.

[Shane]

He was up high. Sucks even more, dude. It's really loud.

[Matt]

Yeah, he got him. Sean got. Sean got revenge for sure. But it was. It was. Then I walked out there, I'm like, why? He was, like, so tight. I walk up. As soon as I stood up there, I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. This is kind of difficult. And it was. It was fun, but it was a lot harder.

[Shane]

Yeah. The first time I ever did that, I was with. Opening with Bert, and I literally just rotated in a circle to my left. And then I looked down. The cord was around my feet.

[Matt]

Dude, that's the thing. They gave you a corded mic. So the whole time, I was, like, trying to. It was fun, but I was like, God damn. That was. I kept slipping into, like. I felt like. I was like. At one point, I kept to myself. I'd be like. Just felt like Christopher Titus, kind of. I had to be very, like. In another thing, like, if you, like, doubt yourself at all, you feel like you. I would just fall apart. So I had to just be like. Yeah. I had to be the ultimate performer. I kept laughing myself. I was like, dude, you're the ultimate showman right now. Because you couldn't. You can't. Like.

[James]

Yes.

[Matt]

I don't know, man.

[Shane]

I'm struggling with that just in general of, like, you gotta actually start taking yourself seriously enough to be a performer. Yeah.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Like, these dudes helping me with the roast, writing the roast, like, Mullen is like, you gotta, like, you're capable of this. Like, do this the right way. You don't have to do the whole, like, disconnected, awkward.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

Like, you can do this. And I'm like, all right, yeah, I got it. No chance I'm gonna go up there and be like, dude, I didn't write these jokes. It's weird. This one's funny, though. This is. Blah, blah, blah.

[Matt]

No, you did. I thought you did good at the ESPYs. I thought that was very. It was a very clean.

[Shane]

Yeah, but I was still like, why?

[James]

You shouldn't have to give up the. I mean, it's like going to Dean Martin and going, what if you didn't have so many drinks before you went out there tonight?

[Shane]

Yeah, exactly.

[James]

You know?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I. I don't think you need to switch it up, Dean.

[James]

You don't need to be drunk.

[Matt]

I know what you mean, though, because when you're on. There is a thing, though. You're on camera and they're like, yeah, it was. I felt a similar pressure where it's just kind of. Just for some reason, being the round, really, I couldn't be like. Like, man, I don't know. I had to turn around and be like, here's another thing I'm thinking about that I. I totally believe in as a great. The whole time I had him, like, this sucks. You're retarded. And I'm like, no, be quiet. We're in the round.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Tightest mode right now.

[Shane]

It's time.

[James]

I don't know why just sits on a chair and goes, 60 of you won't be looking at me.

[Matt]

I would have a panic attack, dude.

[James]

I still believe in the lazy Susan. I think that would be good. I think the show. I think you should stand still and

[Matt]

the stage should slowly does revolve. But it didn't. It wasn't on for mine.

[Shane]

It does for bands. Ye.

[James]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That'd be so sick, dude. That's the one thing, too. When I was in there, I was like, I just want to play music so bad. I wish I could just play music in this place. It'd be awesome.

[Shane]

Yeah, Music would be so much better. To go on stage at Zack Ryan's and sing a song.

[Matt]

That's awesome.

[Shane]

Sing lawyers, guns, and money.

[Matt]

How awesome did that feel?

[Shane]

It was sick.

[Matt]

Yeah, that rules.

[Shane]

It was awesome.

[Matt]

Best fe the whole time when you're, like, doing that, you're. You're just. The whole time, like, this was awesome. Just hitting people with, like, dumb ideas about, like, vaginas are weird. You guys cool over there? All right, everyone on board. Let's go. I'm a professional.

[Shane]

Especially in the round, when you turn around, you realize everyone's kind of checked out a little.

[Matt]

Yep.

[Shane]

Like, when you turn back around, that's when people get. It's funny because they're being polite, I guess, because they don't get up to go to the bathroom when you're facing them.

[James]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So, like, I'll turn around. People be like, it's like a teacher.

[Matt]

There was one kid.

[Shane]

Sit back down. Get off your phone.

[Matt]

There was one kid who, every time I turned his direction, he would be like. He was completely spread out and his whole. And I was just like. Every time I look at him, like, punk. God damn it. Then he laughed really hard at one thing. I was like, oh, God, I got him. He's cool. He's cool. All right. That guy's great.

[Shane]

The round is nice, though, when people are yelling.

[Matt]

Yeah. There was.

[Shane]

Somebody yells. I go, all right, that corner.

[Matt]

Punished.

[Shane]

Yep. Now you're on timeout.

[Matt]

That was the other thing, too. They were. It was the rowdiest crowd I'd had in a long. So the whole time, they'd just be like, ah. And it was like, you. This is not the place for this, guys. Behave yourselves, please. But it was. It was very fun. I had a good time, but I really. I was like, dude, that was. It was difficult. It was so hard. It was, like, genuinely difficult.

[Shane]

I was.

[Matt]

You know, so my XP points. I got four XP points. I got done. I was like, all right. I leveled up for sure.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Matt]

And then I went to two. It always happens to me. I'm like, I'm going to Tucson right after this. I'm about to crush it. Literally had a panic attack on stage. I had to just completely just kind of subquel within myself. Like, yeah, dude.

[James]

I don't know, man.

[Matt]

I told you guys. I'm married. I'm like, dude, It's. It happens, like, every 10th time. I'll have a point where I'm like, seven minutes in. I go, like, would it be weird if I took a break for five minutes and came back? And I'm like, yes, extremely. Knock this off right now. And then it just goes away, and it's always a huge relief. I'm like, all right, cool. Just completely absorbed and whatever that is.

[Shane]

A break would be nuts. But while you're up there, it feels so good. Pause. I'll be right back, everybody. 10 minutes. Grab a drink.

[Matt]

I'm gonna go take deep breaths. I'm gonna do box breathing outside. I'll be right back.

[Shane]

And I definitely am not coming back. You're never gonna get me back on stage. I'm getting in a car, right?

[Matt]

I might work it as a bit and just be like, ah, guys, around my old panic attack. I'm back. I just did the round last night. You guys just saw me. I was like, titus out there. It's crazy.

[Lamar]

Yeah.

[Shane]

It could be a fun way to end a show.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

We're gonna take a quick intermission. I'll be right back. And just sprint, sprint, sprint out of the spread right now.

[James]

Building in. You build it in. You say good night early when you want to go.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[James]

Because not enough shows happen. That's where you get your standing ovation. That's where you get your little break.

[Shane]

And then you get an encore.

[James]

You get your Encore.

[Matt]

Finally. But I'm like, nine minutes in.

[James]

No, that means that you're really going to get that on.

[Lamar]

Screw.

[James]

You're going to build eight or nine encores into the show. You just keep getting to go off, have a think about it, and come back.

[Matt]

That's nice. But, guys, that's it for me. Thank you. All right, I'll come back.

[Shane]

It would not work at comedy.

[James]

No. Well, you've got to train the audience. People got to learn. They would never give them the round of applause.

[Shane]

It would never be an encore. So everyone would just start. They would riot. If I did 10 minutes.

[James]

You got to get the word out. You got to get the word out that it's going to be encore time. All right? People have to know. It's like the opera, you know, there's going to be a symphony. You got. You got to teach the audience to encore.

[Matt]

True, true.

[James]

It's not fair that we don't get to encourage encore.

[Matt]

No, I'm. When I'm done, I'm, like, so happy to get off. Never notice after 15 minutes going back out with another.

[James]

That's my plan.

[Matt]

That'd be nice. You could do it a little. You could do a little encore. But, man, it's been. I. I don't know what that does to my body when I just. When I'm, like, having. And it's just the physical symptoms, I'll be like, oh, what the. That? And I go, oh, great. I know what that is. And I go, anyway, guys. And I'm going. Going to pass out. This isn't good.

[Shane]

This isn't good.

[Matt]

And I just go, no. And my body just slowly comes back, and I'm like, that is some kind

[James]

of wearing the ring. That was telling how you would, like, what's it called? The physical ring, the aura ring. But then I said, how. What is it like when you're on stage? And you said, I take it off. I don't want to know.

[Matt]

Well, you know what?

[James]

I swing your heart right through the.

[Matt]

No, it's weird. I wore it one time. I did it for a whole hour. I was curious, like, what. I wonder what my body's up to. You know what's funny? It started out, like, the highest stress possible, and by the end, I'm at, like, completely restored and peaceful because I'm, like, so probably relieved talking. Once I get the first 15 minutes, I'm good.

[James]

Yeah.

[Matt]

But if I start, like, if something happens in that first 15 minutes, or I'll go like, dude, I think you skipped a giant chunk of material. And I go, what is it? I don't know.

[Shane]

I don't remember it, but I know I did.

[Matt]

Dude, you're gonna finish with, like. You're gonna be done with, like, 27 minutes left, and you're gonna be. And I'm like, no, I'm not. Stop. Come on. Can I take a break? I wish.

[Shane]

I wish I had that heart monitor for that chart or the Chicago Friday night with the audio.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah.

[Shane]

You seen spikes.

[Matt]

Cortisol.

[Shane]

Spikes through the brutal Cortisol roof. Dude, Anytime there was reverb, I was just like, what the. How could this be happening?

[Matt]

Yeah, that was.

[Shane]

You did this.

[Matt]

That's brutal. Because then you're like, well, maybe it doesn't sound so bad in the crowd. That was the other thing. Up on stage, all you could hear is there speakers all around you. So it's just your voice echoing in your head, and you're just like, please make that stop. Please. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard anyone say. And it's me, and it's coming around from 360 degrees. Stop.

[Shane]

Yeah, that happens.

[Matt]

But, yeah, that's. I was. I was happy to champ that every time I walk in cocky, I go like, it was so funny walking up and being like, these guys have no idea. I'm a veteran of the round. And I just walked up. I was like, oh, this is crazy. What the, dude, man. And I would start a joke here and end it over here, and I'm like, you guys probably weren't paying attention

[Shane]

to the first part that. That happens.

[James]

This takes you back to the first. It's the equivalent of, man, these lights are bright up here. This microphone's pretty loud. That's like, the first time I had sex. Yeah, it's very unnatural.

[Matt]

Hey, it gets me every time.

[Shane]

But these bros were at the show in Nashville, and they're like, how do you. Like, do you get nervous? Do you. How do you go out there? And I was like, I literally. I can't think about it. If I take once before the show, if I'm in the green room at all, and I'm like, like, there's 20,000 people, and I'm just going to have to stand there. And the entire night depends on if I do good or I just wasted all these people's time and money. It's the most people ever that anybody's done this, and I'm just going to stand there by myself.

[Matt]

I mean, you've literally affected traffic patterns in the city. Yeah, like, the city has Been altered. The whole. There's so much economy of the city,

[Shane]

like the local bars. Philly's going to be.

[Matt]

Yeah. That's gonna be wild. Well, when I open for you. I don't. It's because I. Whenever. If I'm doing something for someone else, typically it's just like there's not even room for like anything. Yeah. Because I'm like, this is great. I can't this up. But it's for myself. I'm like, oh, no, dude, this sucks. But yeah, it's. That's gonna be fun.

[Shane]

Thankfully, the roast is there to break up the. Yeah. Attacks.

[Matt]

True.

[Shane]

So I'll be focused on freaking out about that.

[Matt]

You'll be panicking about a couple months. Yeah, that's. That's a nice reprieve. But now look, the link's gonna be sick. That will be tight.

[Shane]

The link is gonna be. But every single person in Philly. If I go to. If like I was in Philly last year, every single person's like, I'll see you in July, dude. It's gonna be.

[James]

I'm like, this is the football stadium gig that you're doing?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[James]

What is the capacity?

[Shane]

It'll be like a hundred close. No, it'll be close to 80. It'll be the all time record at the stadium.

[Matt]

Because it's the round as well. Yeah, obviously.

[Shane]

Yeah. For any event. Hopefully. Hopefully it goes.

[James]

You'll have a great time.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

It's gonna crush.

[Shane]

It sounds like it's gonna suck.

[James]

Sounds like a good way to ruin every day in the lead up to the gig.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. Every day until July 17th. I'll be. I'll be staring at those Rens.

[Matt]

True.

[Shane]

Now that's nice. Those guys.

[Matt]

Dear God, make me a bird and take me flat far, far away, please.

[Shane]

I wish I could be one of

[Matt]

those r. You know what I was thinking about today? I saw. I saw a. I guess it's a crow. What are those birds at the airport that just scream at you?

[Shane]

Oh, those are like Austin Crackles, dude.

[Matt]

I. I love.

[Shane]

They are funny.

[Matt]

I love. Dude, I was. We was driv. I had to go to like PTA meetings this morning. So we're like driving on the highway, saw a grackle just chilling on, like, where like this homeless guy usually chills. And I saw he, like, he became a grackle. I think he did. He floated down this thing, like floated down so lightly and landed on this little like metal thing on the highway. Or like where you get on the off ramp and it was just like picking crumbs out of cigarette butts. And I was like, how crazy to be a bird. Just be flying like this celestial being and then you have to just land a wicked earth and you're just like picking crumbs out of. Then you fly again beautifully.

[Shane]

So as soon as I landed in Austin, I saw two of them bathing in a puddle on the road. It was disgusting. Dirt, water, dude.

[Matt]

Moments ago. They're soaring majestically and then there's nothing

[Shane]

majestic about those things. Those things blow. Dude. They are some of the shittiest birds.

[Matt]

I love them so much.

[Shane]

They're funny, but they just scream. They have no fear of people. We. They're just like mean pigeons.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[James]

We got a new bird in Australia called the. It's the noisy Indian miner. And they're an invasive species from India. I know, I know. They're these loud Indian birds that everyone goes, you got to kill. But we don't have guns and we don't have BB guns. So you got to find creative ways.

[Shane]

You guys can't have BB guns.

[James]

No, you can't have a BB gun.

[Matt]

What?

[James]

But this is the. All the bird people used to work for a bird charity. And everything's like, we love birds. We've got to protect birds. And then they'd be like, the Indian bird. Kill that bird. You guys don't even know.

[Shane]

You guys aren't even allowed to.

[James]

There's no freedom.

[Shane]

Say you're gonna shoot your ir.

[James]

The government says it's going to get large.

[Matt]

I want a red ride.

[Shane]

A BB gun. Nar.

[James]

What's one of the many problems for encountering.

[Matt]

So what's the Indian bird?

[Lamar]

There's no way you got.

[Shane]

Guys are not allowed to have BB guns.

[Matt]

Sure about in the outback, dude? What if you live in the outback?

[James]

I've never seen a BB gun in Australia.

[Shane]

What? Okay, wait, you've never seen.

[James]

No. I don't believe we're allowed to have them.

[Shane]

You must not be, because if you were allowed every. I feel like. Yeah, yeah, that's actually probably a good rule.

[Matt]

Australians should not have all that white trash DNA and no bbs. That's crazy, dude.

[Shane]

Dude, there's nothing better than your older cousin being like, dude, yeah, dude, check this out.

[Matt]

I'm so scared.

[Shane]

I don't even want to hold that. I'm too scared.

[Matt]

I remember someone. I remember the pump action. Are they allowed to have.

[Shane]

You have to be allowed to have toy guns. They're not this. It says they're just highly regulated and

[Matt]

treated classified as fire I got my BB permit.

[James]

You gotta have a license for a BB gun?

[Shane]

That's what it seems like, yeah. You need a proper license and registration. What? Or else it's a criminal offense. How are the bin chickens doing?

[Matt]

I like those guys.

[Shane]

We like those big tourists taking pictures of them. We look like morons.

[James]

There was a Vietnamese guy who.

[Shane]

Yeah, I knew we were to going,

[James]

yeah, you know this story?

[Shane]

No.

[James]

Oh, it was fun. This was a story on the news a while ago in. In Sydney where a guy was like killing them and eating them and he got in trouble and he was like a Vietnamese guy and he was going, you're allowed to do it back home. And then later on the news story, they're like, I do it back home. In the state north of. In Queensland, you're allowed to do it. Everyone thought he meant Vietnam. He's an odd Vietnamese man just killing street birds, but he meant Queensland anyway. It was a fun little language in Queensland. Apparently. You can eat them. Yeah.

[Shane]

That's nice.

[James]

They're big. Big.

[Matt]

What do these Indian birds do?

[James]

You mean? They just squawk and they. They're invasive. They push the other birds out and they work in groups. There's about 15 of them. Bullying our sweet native local birds.

[Matt]

No.

[Shane]

Damn. It's really funny.

[James]

You know, just a big gang of the Indian mothers.

[Shane]

The gang, mate.

[James]

Lonely Australian bird.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[James]

You know, on a bus or something.

[Matt]

Dang. That's crazy. Yeah.

[James]

It's not right.

[Lamar]

I was just listening to it make bird sounds for like two minutes. It just sounds like a regular bird. Like the.

[Matt]

The Indian bird.

[Lamar]

Yeah, yeah, it just sounds like a regular bird. I think this is a.

[Shane]

But how.

[Matt]

How versed are you on?

[Shane]

You're pro. You're pro.

[Lamar]

I love bird noises.

[Matt]

Dude, that's.

[James]

They get rid of our big. We got big, beautiful, strange birds that

[Matt]

they're driving out wild Cartoos.

[James]

We got kookabara if they touch the birds over there.

[Lamar]

Birds of paradise. Rifle birds.

[James]

So we've got the cassowary. They're very scary. They kill British people every now and again.

[Shane]

Those are scary.

[James]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So what does the kookaburra do again? I know it does.

[James]

It's in the old gum trees.

[Matt]

Just laughs.

[James]

That's that song.

[Matt]

You'll be birded out. We. I mean, we got to clamber up, man. We gotta at least inspect the site.

[Shane]

I would love nothing more than for us to install it and I'll share the app with you. You can also have the bird watching Apple app and we can stare at them. Together because we'll both get the notifications and I'll go out there at night sometimes. That's what the Patreon give you a notification.

[James]

Patreon is a live bird feed. Now.

[Matt]

I would love bird feed.

[James]

Yeah, it's a feed.

[Matt]

Yeah, bird feed. I like that.

[James]

Anyway, that's good. You don't have to pay me.

[Matt]

Maybe we can tweet the. Maybe we can tweet the bird feed too.

[Shane]

You guys see how much better this is than our pedophile 30 minute show? Talking birds. That's fun.

[Matt]

I forgot all about.

[Shane]

And we managed to make the bird thing racist, which I like. And of course Lair defended the invasive species. You're an invasive species. What do you guys any to say?

[Lamar]

Dude, it just seems like a nice regular bird. That's all I'm saying.

[Shane]

Get them out, lock them up.

[Matt]

Kill having to beat it. Like. Like having to kill like a bird for your government would be kind of chill.

[Shane]

Oh, God damn it. I'm the dumbest guy ever.

[Matt]

What?

[Shane]

My car that got destroyed. They were like, do you have anything in here? I was like, no. It's got my Social Security birth certificate. Every single thing I own.

[James]

Is it been made into a cube car?

[Shane]

Don't worry about it. Cuz I had to get my driver's license. Damn.

[Matt]

Someone could just steal your identity. You're gonna walk. Go up to the link some guys and be like, hey guys. Anyway, he's just crushing. You're like, get him off. Damn, this guy's good. Just murdering,

[Lamar]

huh?

[Shane]

Turns out all you do need is a Trump impression.

[James]

You are in a weird position of getting to pick the car now. It's a huge identity Mark Diamond.

[Shane]

I know. And I don't know what car to pick.

[James]

I think you get one of those Houston low ones with the big spikes coming out either side of the wheels. Really surprised.

[Shane]

I can't do that.

[James]

Why not?

[Shane]

It's crazy. It's time.

[James]

Yeah, it's time.

[Matt]

Too much attention. You got to go sleek, very sleek. You know what I mean?

[Shane]

I liked my car.

[Matt]

That was. That was a nice car for you. Yeah, I'm. I'm in the. My. My CRV is still rocking. So I gotta like, I'm gonna ride it out. But I got that every car I pick, everyone's like, that's the gayest thing ever. Jeep Gladiator. Thought Jeep Gladiator could be a cool girl dad car.

[Shane]

I thought I could get a cool car and somebody's like that's for real. So good. It's like all Right. Well then you tell me what the. Like, get a. Get a Raptor. It's like, I'm not driving a Raptor.

[Matt]

Yeah, I don't. You're not a pickup truck guy. SUV. I've seen you drive a Suburban.

[Shane]

SUVs are nice.

[Matt]

You're nice in the SUV. I've been driving trucks everywhere. When I drive for any show, I rent trucks to go from city to city. It's been kind of fun. Just been driving every new pickup truck to see which one I like.

[James]

But you know, the people. I'm back in a people. I'm making a Minivan back in 2000. Japanese Toyota. Beautiful fabric.

[Matt]

Nice.

[James]

It's got a V6 engine and I've

[Shane]

looked at the retro.

[James]

It's nice.

[Matt]

Well, everyone's saying don't buy a new car. Everyone. Everyone who's like a hardcore car guy is like, don't buy anything new right now. Get like in something old or, you know, it's been made like 10 years ago and just. I don't know why.

[Shane]

I don't know.

[Matt]

I don't. I wish I knew about cars. My brother almost convinced me to do a cyber truck. It's so easy to. Oh, I was like, yeah, I'll just do that. Is there a zero percent interest right now?

[Shane]

I'd like that.

[Matt]

That's nice.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah.

[James]

The Land Cruiser.

[Matt]

Yeah. That's nice.

[Shane]

1997.

[Matt]

That's cool.

[James]

I mean you probably. You're connected.

[Matt]

That's nice.

[James]

You could get the Waymo things on. You could buy whatever car you want.

[Shane]

You guys should just get.

[James]

Buy your own Waymo anytime.

[Matt]

James, you're onto something about that.

[James]

You're one of the only people in the world who might be able to get on the phone to the Waymo Corporation. Say I should have the world's first private wayo.

[Matt]

That would be. I. Dude, I honestly love everywhere I

[Shane]

go, everyone's with the car.

[Matt]

Also, no highway travel at all.

[Shane]

I'm drinking and driving the whole time.

[Matt]

Just like you want to with me

[Shane]

just losing my mind every trip.

[Matt]

Yeah. I was going to do a wayo to meet my kids somewhere and it was like. It was like a 20 minute drive. And I'm like, I'll get out of no Waymo. It was like an hour and 20 minutes. I was like, all right, let me just.

[James]

Maybe you custom fit your own Waymo. You get a bed put in there.

[Matt]

Oh, bro.

[James]

You just get to lie down.

[Shane]

I would like to lay down more.

[James]

Yeah. This is my idea. This is what I think Waymo should

[Shane]

Be able to, like, have not stood up for a day, dude.

[James]

Instead of flying, you fly for an hour and a half. You get to the new city. This is my idea. Beautiful bed in a Waymo. You just go to sleep. Drives you to the city, wake up eight hours later.

[Matt]

In between, between the plane and Waymo, you could have a segue where you just kind of. You get tied to it and you're swinging against.

[Shane]

Sleep on. That just takes you.

[James]

I think I'm just inventing paraplegia. That's what I'm going for.

[Matt]

You like a guy sleeping on a horse just tied to the saddle.

[Shane]

That'd be a fun thing that we should start getting the heroin people on Seg. Segways. Hit them. That. They hit that lean forward. That thing's going 90 miles an hour. Crazy.

[Matt]

Their noses are, like, right over the ground. That'd be nice, though, to be like, all right, put them on Segways and just point them north and be like.

[Shane]

Yeah,

[Matt]

yeah.

[Shane]

That's the thing. Yeah. Austin is just those shitty birds and homeless people. Those two. I. I've always seen them together. That's a very, very symbiotic relationship.

[Matt]

They do. They do they do they.

[James]

That.

[Matt]

That bird was just eating, like, homeless crumbs, basically. I was watching it just pick at. Just, like, weird.

[James]

Like, they're elephants.

[Matt]

The what?

[James]

Like, they're elephants. Like, the birds are on them.

[Matt]

Yeah. Cleaning their teeth.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

That's why they're screaming at the airport. They're just picking little particles out of their teeth. Like.

[James]

It's so weird. It's weird to see it again. We have. We don't have crack in Australia. We just have methamphetamine. It's a slightly different.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[James]

Homeless person.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[James]

For.

[Matt]

Yeah, it's way more.

[James]

Crack people are a little more. They're in a fantasy land. Slightly more.

[Shane]

There's.

[James]

The mood is improved, and. I don't know, there's a spirit of joy about it. But the meth people. It's just.

[Shane]

Couldn't disagree more.

[James]

No, meth people are skip. Spookier, I think, find.

[Matt]

Yeah, they're more, like, politically tapped, more

[James]

ready to have violence, more ready to question your ideas.

[Shane]

Yeah. I'm not saying.

[Matt]

I'm saying the.

[Shane]

The people. The people in Austin are evil. I've never walked by a homeless guy. He's having a good time. They're literally having arguments.

[James]

There's a theater about, like, that woman who wears caution tape instead of clothing. You know, she's having an experience. She's doing.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I don't know if I've seen her.

[Matt]

They're funnier. People are funnier. Remember the street joke guy in Philly who come up like, I got a joke for you guys. Yes. That was. That's messed.

[Shane]

I don't see them here.

[Matt]

You know what? Yeah.

[Shane]

Homeless people here. I see the angry.

[Matt]

That's more of a Philly thing. You're right.

[Shane]

A lot of angry.

[Matt]

Homeless Meth is pretty big here too now, though. Meth made meth kind of like piggybacked heroin cities pretty hard where it would kind of like come in. And a lot of the heroin guys got into meth as well. Jets a bad one. Meth is the worst. Phoenix is meth city, dude.

[Shane]

Yeah, Phoenix is.

[Matt]

Phoenix was bad. Me and Nate saw. Or me and Sean saw needles on the ground. Walking around.

[James]

I was like, I don't make everything about Oklahoma, but last time I was in Oklahoma, they'd cut the. When you go to fill up your tire, like someone had a flat tire, and you go to do that, and they cut the tip off at the gas station that you used. It's called the needle.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah.

[James]

And they said they cut the needles off for drugs. And I thought they were using. They were like, fucking jamming that into their arms. But they use it like a pipe. It's a perfect pipe so that they just don't have them. You can't fill your tire up in Oklahoma.

[Matt]

Should piss me off.

[James]

Off. It's not, right.

[Matt]

Yeah, that would piss me off. Yeah. Meth. I would agree. Meth is. I think one of the. If I had to move to a city, I got to pick the drug everyone's on. Meth is. Heroin's pretty chill.

[James]

A big heroin for sure.

[Shane]

Heroin.

[Matt]

Yeah. Sleepy.

[Shane]

Lay down.

[James]

Heroin's myth would be the worst, you think?

[Matt]

Yeah, I think so. Because they get, like, real, you know, it's a very like, I gotta do this thing now.

[James]

Yes.

[Matt]

Kind of drug is.

[James]

The head moves differently. We got a lot with still. Australia only got really. Heroin's gone away and meth is. But it's. The head moves like this and people get skinny and.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[James]

Sweating and the. I'm back on public transport and I'm seeing it. It's. Our buses are not as spooky as yours, but they still. That's why it's weird when you get one. No, I'm done. No comment. Can you do. You're doing the smile.

[Matt]

Can you. Can you do takeouts now? Is Australia still anti take, like, take it away food from the restaurant kind of thing?

[James]

Yeah, food poisoning. We. We sometimes we're disagreeable about it.

[Matt]

Yeah, I remember we tried to take their food home. We tried to take our food. You're like, you guys can't have that. I was like, what?

[James]

I've convinced neither of you to come back for a show.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'm not.

[Matt]

It's the flight. I liked Australia at the flight.

[James]

I.

[Matt]

It's just brutal, bro. I don't know how you bouncing back and forth, huh?

[James]

14 lovely hours. I had a great time. I watched Succession for the first time.

[Matt]

That's nice.

[James]

It's pretty good.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[James]

I'll never watch it. I watched the. I watched season four. I'd never watched any other season.

[Matt]

Oh, no. That's like the worst way to watch. It's so good, man.

[James]

I can tell.

[Shane]

It was beautiful.

[James]

I got the picture.

[Shane]

Yeah, we're gonna do it. It's time for us to take the company.

[Matt]

No.

[James]

They all suck. They're all weak. You're not serious people. And I thought. I've said this before. I've said that to people I like

[Matt]

when I don't know what season it is when the old man goes to the like liberal news station, he goes, thank you for welcoming. Welcoming us Romans into your Greek amongst your Greek city. It was just a funny, weird, rich guy thing to say, remember? I have no idea what he's talking about. I'm like, damn, that sounds so cool. Yeah, I wish I now. Now that I've studied Rome, I know what he's talking about. Speaking of dude, I.

[Shane]

You think it's time for the Patreon we get we.

[Matt]

I guess we're gonna do it this week. We already did. We did the page this week. Next week we're gonna have a dude. I have 19 pages of notes typed about the fall of row. Just like the beginning of Julius Caesar crossing the Rubicon on why he did it. What's the foundational myths of Rome? What shaped the Roman citizens identity?

[James]

I wish I could be here for that. That's my dude.

[Matt]

Yeah, you were you minor. I didn't know you had a minor degree.

[James]

But also at some point, I want to put pressure. I'm happy to do it publicly. That the Civil War podcast is.

[Shane]

All right, I'll do it.

[James]

Just you do it. Do you want to do it now? Do you want to do it?

[Shane]

Give me a minute. I'm thinking about little Sherman and Grant podcast episode. Okay, Discuss Sherman and Grant. See what they were up.

[James]

You don't want to start with the cause. You could rattle off the top of Your head. Causes of the War of Northern Aggression.

[Shane]

Oh, brother. Oh, brother.

[James]

You've got an hour in you for that.

[Shane]

Maybe

[Matt]

Blacks.

[James]

There was a dog. Industrialization. The forest of industrialization.

[Shane]

I'm all right with that. Yeah, we could. I'll do that.

[Matt]

It's nice. Be nice just to. We can just start researching stuff. Yeah.

[James]

It's time.

[Shane]

Sherman. Sherman and Grant are the bros. It's time for you guys. Nate. It's time for you to learn about Sherman and Grant.

[Ethan]

North or South?

[Shane]

These are northern guys. Okay. Ulyses. S. Grant. Okay.

[Ethan]

I'm all in.

[Shane]

William Tecumseh. Sherman.

[Ethan]

I'm in.

[Shane]

Anyway, that should be it, huh?

[Matt]

Yeah. I think we did it.

[Shane]

Great job.

[Matt]

Yeah, we tease. We tease some future. A bit of a cta, you know, Little CTA mix in there now.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Matt]

That's what it's all about.

[Shane]

Good to see you, John.

[James]

Thank you for having me, dude.

[Matt]

Thank you, man. Stoked.

[James]

Sad that I have to go away almost immediately. Yeah.

[Matt]

But, dude, we'll reunite in Canada.

[James]

Moment.

[Matt]

How cool is that?

[James]

We'll be together in Canada.

[Shane]

Wait, what are you guys doing?

[Matt]

Same place. Toronto. We'll be in Toronto.

[James]

The agent has, for some reason, put us both in Canada on the same night.

[Matt]

Kind of a wild.

[James]

But it means we'll get to hang out.

[Matt]

True, but everything's good.

[Shane]

Ethan.

[Matt]

Yeah, we're both.

[Shane]

We're both.

[Matt]

All our shows are both that capacity, so that's fine. We're good to go. Good to go.

[Shane]

That's still.

[Matt]

Is kind of weird.

[James]

Yeah, it's very strange.

[Matt]

I. I'll see it every now and again somewhere where I'm kind of like, why are we the same place? I don't like that.

[James]

Who are you bringing to Toronto?

[Matt]

Cj.

[James]

So I was gonna bring.

[Matt]

No, no, cj. Sorry, aj. Sorry, my bad. I'm getting my. My boys mixed up. Aj. I'll bring aj. Okay. Go in alphabetical order.

[James]

Hungry Jacks.

[Matt]

I'll be supply.

[Shane]

I'll be supplying these.

[James]

They're a big sponsor of the Adelaide Crows, who, by the way, season's turning around. It's gonna be all right.

[Shane]

Cry boys. I heard Big Texas, he had six kicks.

[James]

He had five goals.

[Matt]

Nice.

[James]

And it was fantastic. I can really. We. If we make it to the finals.

[Shane]

You called him.

[Matt]

Wow. Wow. Wes.

[Shane]

Whoa, whoa.

[James]

Now cut that.

[Matt]

Cut that.

[Shane]

And then James McCann said, Cut that. I said. I said, how are the Crows?

[James]

I don't need that.

[Shane]

Get old.

[James]

Cut. Didn't we have a nice, wholesome moment before we mentioned the football? That was a good place to end the pod. I do believe. Probably over time.

[Shane]

Goodbye, cry boys.

[James]

He's my hero.

[Shane]

Yeah, you would never want to do that. Trust me. All right, bye.

[Matt]

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret podcast on Spotify. Do.