Ep 621 - Landlubbers

Summary

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast — Ep 621: Landlubbers

Hosts: Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis
Date: June 26, 2026
Theme: Two comedians riff on routines, parenthood, the strange perils of land and sea, American culture, and their own bizarre week-to-week dramas—with a dose of observations about news, animals, and the art of swimming.

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Episode Overview

This episode is a classic Matt & Shane meandering hang, with both hosts and a guest diving straight into the minutiae of their lives. They begin discussing the joys (and sanctity) of weekday routines, move through tales of disrupted home-life, childhood gaming traumas, and vacation misadventures. From there, it’s a carousel of topics: the chaos of taking care of kids, stories of abductions and Amber Alerts, the strange hazards faced by the homeless, swimming and landlubber accusations, reflections on Russian literature, and discussions of recent events at the White House and NBA Finals. The episode is—as promised—fast-moving, loose, and occasionally profound.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Joys and Rage of Routines

• Themes: The sanctity of daily habits; rage when disrupted.
• Shane reveals his love for the workweek over the weekend:
  • “If you could just trap me in glass and let me do my routine every day. Put me in the zoo. I’m fine.” (00:30)
• Guest shares how ruinous a slight routine disturbance (the search for a gamer chair) can be:
  • “As soon as an unnecessary errand disturbs the sanctity of my routine, I am… level 10 angry.” (01:44, Shane)

2. Nostalgia & Resentment in Gaming

• Themes: Pausing games in the 90s, memory card wars
• Shane still holds a deep grudge from having his Red Dead Redemption saved game erased:
  • “Someone erased my… off my brother’s video game. I remember coming, checking, and being… sad for like three days and being like, I’m never opening myself up to that possibility ever again.” (03:47, Shane)

3. Family Travel Hijinks and Childlike Repetition

• Guest recounts bringing his nephew “Ant man” to a football camp—the endless questions and energy of a 7-year-old:
  • “They didn’t shut the fuck up for one minute.” (05:04, Guest)
  • “Ant man just sits next to him and asks… what do you think Cody Woods is doing?” (05:30)

4. Parenting in Bars & Childhood Memory

• On taking kids to the bar with adults:
  • “Ant Man’s going through what I went through. I took Ant to the bar, and he would just watch me drink… I was like, ‘We’ll stay till the end of this game. All right. Halftime.’” (07:34, Guest)

5. Amber Alerts & Abductions—Texas Style

• Rapid-fire riffing on Amber Alerts in Texas:
  • “So many Amber Alerts… the lads are… Foods Go Wild. Amber Alerts, dude. For real.” (08:43, Shane and Guest)
  • “There’s just a… Ladies and gentlemen, a foo has been taking everybody, be on guard… there’s a foo on the loose.” (10:02, Guest)
• Discussion of child abduction paranoia and strategy, with an element of grim humor.

6. Tragic Comedy: The Homeless and Austin Floods

• Stories about homeless people being swept away by flash floods:
  • “Some of the bums didn’t get the alert. Just while asleep.” (12:09, Guest)
  • “You are… you, you can be like, ‘ah, you know, I can’t handle this, I...’ but it’s everyone’s responsibility to just watch out for the stormwater, man.” (14:16, Matt)

7. Bodily Functions: Farts, Periods, and Protein

• Shane is comically obsessed with how diet (protein powder, cheese) is turning him “so farty,” as well as etiquette around farting in front of partners:
  • “Dude, I’ve been so farty lately. I for real have been so farty.” (19:39, Shane)
  • Discussions escalate to farting as a sign of intimacy in medieval times.

8. Yawning: A Deep Dive

• Guest’s fascination with yawning as a contagious social phenomenon, even referencing animals:
  • “If you read about yawns, you yawn… If you look and see an animal yawn, you yawn.” (21:32–22:11, Guest)
  • Mirror neurons and evolutionary theories are debated.

9. Snakes, Lizards, and Suburban Wildlife

• Shane’s backyard is alive with lizards and a possibly friendly snake:
  • “The garter snake could be a good alliance... wait till my snake eats you guys.” (25:44, Shane)
• Jokes on how to identify poisonous snakes (“red touches yellow kills a fellow...”).

10. Swimming, Landlubbers & Masculinity

• A running theme is the “sea vs. land” debate:
  • Matt accuses Shane of being a ‘landlubber,’ to which he retorts:
    • “I’ve spent hours underwater in the last couple weeks; I’ve been swimming. I’m underwater, dude. It’s sick.” (33:32, Shane)
• Both riff on the awkwardness of watching kids’ swim meets filled with scantily clad teens:
  • “Swim dad’s crazy. You gotta have people put on pants between the races… What the hell are we doing here?” (44:41–45:17, Shane)

11. Book Talk: Dostoevsky and Naval History

• Both hosts share current reading:
  • Shane on Dostoevsky’s Devils: “It just sounds like a gossipy neighbor... it’s so fun.” (26:26–28:58, Shane)
  • Guest on The Wager (David Grann): tales of 18th-century British naval disaster and scurvy—the origin of “under the weather,” “limey,” etc.
  • “Scurvy blows. Your teeth fall out... you die. Just because you don’t have vitamin C.” (32:32, Guest)

12. Recent Adventures: The White House, NBA Finals, and NY Bar Encounters

• The chaos of being at exclusive events like the White House for fights and Medal of Honor ceremonies; reflect on the unique energy of cities like New York and Philadelphia during big sports wins.
• Observations on people getting mad online about news events:
  • “If you’re for real getting mad about a news story, you’re retarded... especially if it’s like, you know, cultural, political.” (52:54–53:11, Shane)
• Hunter Biden and Toronto’s crack-smoking mayor get affectionate shoutouts.

13. Physical Fitness & Overtraining

• Shane details his competitive calorie-burning June—no rest days, constantly checking to see if his neighbors are training.
• “Turns out you don’t really need [rest days]… sorry to break it to you guys, exercise physiologists and doctors.” (64:04, Shane)

14. Encounters with Cops and Poirier

• Shane shares a recent run-in with Austin cops (where he was absolutely not DUI), narrates his seasoned protocol for stays with police.
• They riff on what it would be like to get pulled over by MMA fighter Dustin Poirier (“I would have tased him right away, dude”). (59:07–60:11, Guest & Shane)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

On routines:

• “Put me in the zoo. I’m fine.” (00:30, Shane)

On childhood gaming loss:

• “That should be up there with treason… It’s why I don’t really play video games like that. Red Dead Redemption… erased. I was just sad for three days.” (03:37–03:51, Shane)

On odd parental bar experiences:

• “I took Ant to the bar and he would just watch me drink… stay till the end of this game. Halftime. Shut up, drink the Shirley Temple.” (07:34–08:01, Guest)

On Texas Amber Alerts:

• “There’s just a… foo on the loose.” (10:02, Guest)

On tragicomic bad luck:

• “Oh, I’m getting flushed down the toilet.” (14:02, Matt)

On being a ‘swim dad’:

• “Dead swim dad’s crazy… you gotta have people put on pants between the races… this shit’s not cool.” (44:41–45:17, Shane)

On online outrage:

• “If you’re for real getting mad about a news story, you’re retarded.” (52:54, Shane)

On fitness competition:

• “Maybe you actually don’t need a rest day. Maybe it’s all bullshit.” (63:53, Shane)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment Topic | |---------|-----------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–02:30 | Routines, daily habits, and the sanctity of calm days | | 03:15–04:11 | Childhood video game trauma & memory cards | | 04:35–08:05 | Parenting, kids’ sports, and managing endless kid curiosity | | 08:40–11:11 | Texas Amber Alerts and child abduction paranoia | | 11:55–14:57 | Homelessness, floods, Austin tragedy, and dark comic relief | | 15:45–20:08 | Farts, protein shakes, and awkward bodily functions | | 21:32–22:21 | Yawning, mirror neurons, and evolutionary speculation | | 24:03–25:27 | Backyard snakes, poisonous or not? | | 33:00–34:47 | Are you a landlubber? ‘Sea vs. land’ rivalries/lifestyles | | 36:57–37:47 | Death at sea—a doctor lost to his own fishing boat | | 39:09–40:42 | Blood pressure, stress, and awkward health screenings | | 41:03–42:34 | Swimming obsessions, sun exposure, and becoming tan/jacked | | 43:06–44:12 | Mold in the house and home repairs | | 44:41–45:17 | Swim meet weirdness: parents, teens, and awkwardness | | 50:33–51:10 | White House stories, exclusive events, and liberal fanbase | | 52:54–53:11 | The futility of news outrage, reflecting pool memes | | 63:02–64:23 | Calorie-burn competition, overtraining, and the myth of rest |

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Tone & Language

The dialogue is loose, brash, and playful, with Matt and Shane riffing, needling, and occasionally hitting on real-life pathos amidst the absurd. There’s a frequent oscillation between crude humor and surprisingly earnest asides about the stresses of parenting, responsibility, and the obsessions of modern American life.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a prime example of the show’s charm—a mashup of mundane domestic dramas, locker-room jocularity, and keen cultural observations, all delivered with matter-of-fact honesty and regular digressions into playful, sometimes irreverent, sidebars.

Transcript

[Matt]

Hello.

[Shane]

Hey.

[Matt]

Hello.

[Shane]

Come to you live on a bright and beautiful Thursday.

[Guest]

Wow. It's Thursday.

[Shane]

Thursday. Thursday might be my favorite new favorite day of the week.

[Guest]

Really? Yeah. What's that? What's that about?

[Shane]

I love the week.

[Guest]

Just getting ready for the weekend.

[Shane]

I here's the thing. Reverse. I love the reverse. I. The week is my new. That's the week's my. Yeah, the weekend is like.

[Guest]

It's cool because you're working on no weekend.

[Shane]

I'm working on the weekend. Exactly. The week.

[Guest]

You're way off in the deep end.

[Shane]

I am. Man. I have my nice little routine all week. Monday through Friday, my routine. If you could just trap me in glass and let me do my routine every day. Put me in the zoo. I'm fine.

[Guest]

I'm so excited about my routine. As soon as soon as I woke up today. What you have drove to Starbucks, hit the Xbox. Perfect.

[Shane]

Perfect.

[Guest]

I'm back. Keep an eye. See if the Rens are back. I don't know if they are.

[Shane]

Oh no. Really?

[Guest]

Got in late last night. I don't know if the Rens are back. God knows what Lemaire's done. He probably ate them.

[Shane]

He fried them up. That.

[Guest]

I don't know if he'd fry him. Matt. I'm not.

[Shane]

He's sneaking guys in for a bird fry.

[Guest]

Yeah. There's been some people here.

[Shane]

You got to look out for little signs of people's lawns. Might be advertising a bird fry.

[Guest]

I don't think he knew I was coming home. Doors locked. He parked me in. And he was in Virginia.

[Shane]

Dang. She's still in VA right now.

[Guest]

He's down Virginia way.

[Shane]

What a dick.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

He parked you. Where was this?

[Guest]

Parked me in his keys. Oh yeah. At a lady's house.

[Shane]

Oh, no. So you had to do. So your routine got disturbed. You had to go now. Run unnecessary errands. Dude.

[Guest]

Yes.

[Shane]

I'm level 10 angry. As soon as an unnecessary errand disturbs the sanctity of my routine, I am.

[Guest]

Tried to find my gamer chair. It's back at his desk. Every monitor on. Game paused. Yo. Gotta leave for a week. Just leave on.

[Shane]

That is tight though. On. On his tour. He can hold down. I paused my game for this.

[Guest]

So he did pause his game.

[Shane]

He paused his game. Pausing your game and leaving for five days is crazy. Like it's an intense auto resume.

[Guest]

Dude. It'll go back.

[Matt]

I know.

[Guest]

He's just a Christ.

[Shane]

He pause his game for this. That's crazy. Five day pause. It just. It was probably for real. Like 19 in electricity.

[Guest]

Just seven. He's got monitors. There's like three computer towers. I walk back there. I am a dad when I walk back there. I'm furious. I walk back and God damn, look at all this. Electricity bills going through the roof. If the Internet's slow at all, I blame him. Everything. He gets blamed for everything.

[Shane]

I remember my parents would bug on the electricity. It was like once a quarter.

[Guest]

They were nickel.

[Shane]

They. They pasted it to the wall one time. I'd be like, I don't give a. Like, why are you acting like I care? I remember it was on the wall near the basement steps. Like you turn off the basement lights.

[Guest]

Turn them all off.

[Shane]

Yeah, just an electricity bill. I was like, oh, okay. Just 12. Being like, whoa. Holy. I should probably think about this.

[Guest]

Yeah. I thought, I thought it was a massive CH charge. It's not. It's for real. Got to be a dollar a month. But it does piss you off when you go turn the video game off.

[Shane]

I know that's crazy.

[Guest]

But you couldn't save back then, dude. You had to leave it on.

[Shane]

Yeah, he's running old programs.

[Guest]

Everybody was pausing their game for this back in the day.

[Shane]

It's true.

[Guest]

You couldn't save who had a memory card.

[Shane]

I know. And then there's, you know, if someone racing your. Your game off the memory card, but their game, that's. That's should be up there with treason.

[Guest]

That is treasonous.

[Shane]

It's crazy.

[Guest]

That's treasonous.

[Shane]

Yeah. Tony. It happened to me. It's still to this day. It's why I don't really play video games like that. Red Damn Redemption. It was a. I was a week of hard work. 8 hour days. Someone erased my. Off my brother's video game. I remember. I remember coming, checking and being like, yeah, just being for like sad for like three days and being like, I'm never opening myself up to that possibility ever again.

[Guest]

Yeah. You have to shield yourself, dude.

[Shane]

10% in a Red Dead Redemption erased.

[Guest]

That's seven hours. Yeah. So this yesterday, I just got back from Nashville. I went down there to tight end you. It was very nice.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Guest]

I was going to take my nephew down to Texas's little kids camp, but then KD was like, let him. He can run routes with us and work out. It was.

[Shane]

It's awesome.

[Guest]

It's wonderful. Ant man was out. It took Phil and Ant man to Nashville to the tight end university and yeah, it was. But yesterday was the, the best part because we. I flew back to Texas they flew back to Harrisburg. Their flight got delayed in Chicago about five hours. Six hours. Phil and Ant man, dude, he's 70. Ant man, seven. First off, I haven't hung out with a seven year old. I didn't know. They didn't shut the up for one minute.

[Shane]

He's seven now.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah, dude, seven and a half track one true.

[Shane]

Yeah, you gotta, you gotta check that. But bro, they, they don't, they don't show up once. No.

[Guest]

I had headphones in and he just sits across from me, just talking to me.

[Shane]

What was he droning on about?

[Guest]

He, he can't believe I'm famous. It's all he talks about. And now that, now that I'm. Now that I'm friends with Cody Woods. He loves Cody. Ws Yeah.

[Shane]

They pick one thing and it just.

[Guest]

Cody, wow. And all day he just goes, uncle Shane, what do you think Cody Woads is doing? I'm like, I don't know. He goes, have you met Sami Zayn? I'm like, I don't, I don't know. He's like, have you met the USO? The USO's brother, the USOs? I think I have. What'd they say? I don't know.

[Shane]

They said, hi, you should be talking about you, man.

[Guest]

I do say that. And that's the, that's the biggest mistake I've made that. He's like, did they really? What'd they say about me? When are they going to talk about me? What do they say about me? He doesn't shut the up. And I was like, talk to Phil.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And my dad was like, don't have him talk to me, you guys. And ask him about the wrestlers. 12 hours.

[Shane]

He's just punishing you.

[Guest]

It was non stop, dude.

[Shane]

Yeah, they won't stop. Yeah, they won't stop talking. I had to, I had to cool down. Maya, she was like, dude, I'm six and a half, right? I'm like, bro, you're not even close to six and a half. Don't, don't come at me like that. You're maybe six and a quarter.

[Guest]

Not even, Definitely not six and a half.

[Shane]

You're a couple months shy. Six and a quarter. Don't, don't be.

[Guest]

I've actually had that argument with a girlfriend. Yo, I'm six and a half, right? You're not even close to six and a half. You're three, dude. A couple years ago I told the story about how I once spent my last $9 on bud light during an Eagles game at the Link Oh, I really did. I was sitting up there. It was. I went with Big J and Soder.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest]

With Jay's family in the upper decks, I had $9 in my card. I got one Bud Light.

[Shane]

Dang.

[Guest]

Anyway, my friends at Bud Light found the clip, and since then, we've been working on a way to bring the story full circle when I perform at the Link. After the show, fans 21 and over can visit participating bars in Philly for a Bud Light On Us. Fans can visit bars in Packer Park, South Philly, Logan Square, Spring Garden, and Center City after the show for a Bud Light on us. Re Bud Light. Dude, that's it.

[Shane]

Nice.

[Guest]

Yeah, but that's just. Those two. Crazy Phil and Ant man together is the funniest combo. Phil takes him to a bar. Ant man just sits next to him and asks. I mean, Ant Man's going through exactly what I went through, and then I did it to Ant Man. I took Ant to the bar, and he would just watch me drink. I was like, we'll stay till the end of this game. All right. Halftime. He's like, okay, can we please leave? I'm like, just drink the Shirley Temple.

[Shane]

Shut up.

[Guest]

Let him run around the bars.

[Shane]

That's nice.

[Guest]

Don't even. Don't even watch him. No throwing. He was. They had a papa shot. He was just launching balls around him.

[Shane]

Yeah, he eventually do give up and just let your kids just run around. You're like, I. I can't. I can't possibly dedicate every single brain

[Guest]

cell of every second somebody takes him.

[Matt]

I'll.

[Guest]

I'll be in my Liam Neeson.

[Shane]

True.

[Guest]

I'll get him back.

[Shane]

You will. They'll only be taken for a little bit.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's also. Yeah, I get. There's a lot of Amber Alerts down here. Despite it's every five.

[Guest]

The lads are.

[Shane]

Oh, dude, the lads.

[Guest]

Hit the Amber Alert left and right, dude.

[Shane]

Foods, bro. Foos Go Wild. Amber Alerts, dude. For real. So many Amber Alerts.

[Guest]

And I know it's a name, but it's also a color.

[Shane]

Amber. I wonder how you do say amber.

[Guest]

It's a good guess.

[Shane]

Yellow. Kind of like yellow, but ambar. Ambar. Damn the arm bars.

[Guest]

The armbar alert.

[Shane]

Yeah, Dude, I wonder what. What's up with the Foods Go Wild?

[Guest]

Dude?

[Shane]

Really hot potato with the ninos, Dude. It's crazy.

[Guest]

They did also. It's like three cities. Every day, somebody in Houston takes them, headed down San Antonio. They just bounce around that triangle. Silver Nissan.

[Shane]

I think that's what. You ever see the spikes that come out of the rims? That's probably to protect. Yeah, yeah. People try to take your ninos in Houston. You're like, no. Oh, you can't get close to me.

[Guest]

Yeah, the food is hot potato. The ninjas. Except every 10 minutes, seconds.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

There's just a. Ladies and gentlemen, a foo has been taking everybody beyond guard. Dude, there's a foo on the loose.

[Shane]

Their car breaks down. Never seen that many ammo alerts anywhere.

[Matt]

Anywhere.

[Shane]

I. I have heard abductions big here, though. Yeah. So we can tell.

[Guest]

Dude.

[Shane]

Well, it's also like. Dude, like, think about it. If you're in the business of snagging kids and forcing them into whatever kind of slavery you want, you're right at the finish line here.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Three hour drive. You get the bag. Do you know how easy it is to snag a kid? You just said so yourself. If you. I'm like, this is where you want to do it. I'm saying I wouldn't. I think it's terrible, obviously, but this is. You're right next to the finish. If you snagged a kid in New York, I go to Canada way, like a rumba.

[Guest]

For sure. Good luck.

[Shane]

But, yeah, it's. Dude, I. It's. I'm telling you, all the moms I talked to were always like, I swear someone was watching me. They chalked my tires in the parking lot.

[Guest]

Yeah, we've talked. I don't.

[Shane]

Yeah, I'm ready. I stay ready. I said let it happen. It's one of my. It's one of my many fantasies.

[Guest]

I can't wait to answer the phone and go, who is this?

[Shane]

I'm talking about stopping in progress.

[Guest]

Nino.

[Shane]

Hold on. Let me sound the authorities.

[Guest]

Every single person just goes, jesus Christ,

[Shane]

was it gonna rain? Oh, a kid.

[Guest]

Yeah. Oh, great.

[Shane]

Jesus Christ, that is so loud.

[Guest]

Where'd they go? There's a flood 400 miles away. Yeah, okay.

[Shane]

Which actually is stopping. Five ambulance alerts. Yeah, temporarily.

[Guest]

So that flood here, that took those bums.

[Shane]

Wait, the bums got taken?

[Guest]

A couple bums got it? No. Yeah, there's a. Like last year, what they fell in. Wasn't a couple. There was a flood here. The summer camp one. It said it was horrendous, but.

[Shane]

But some of the bums fell into the lazy river.

[Guest]

I think a lazy river took some bums. I think there's a flash, lazy. There's a flash, lazy river. Warning. Some of the bombs didn't get the alert. Just while asleep.

[Shane]

Just no that's not fun.

[Guest]

It's. It's.

[Shane]

There is something about hilarious dude being

[Guest]

wasted and then waking up in a river. I swear, some.

[Matt]

Oh.

[Shane]

Having the water creep up on the bums. I didn't. I didn't hear about that. Some of the bombs.

[Guest]

I hope the bums survive.

[Matt]

But.

[Shane]

Yeah, true. We didn't get the.

[Guest]

They got hit with it. Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah. The shoal creek flooded in about a year ago. Four individuals experiencing homelessness were caught in a Danish dangerous drainage culvert.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Matt]

So they got caught up in the.

[Shane]

It was a lazy river.

[Matt]

It was like, pennywise.

[Guest]

Did they make it?

[Matt]

Two were rescued, but a man and a woman.

[Shane]

Damn. One turned into a ninja turtle.

[Matt]

They found two of them.

[Guest]

I'm just trying to. Just finding the silver linings.

[Shane]

True.

[Guest]

Because it is a tragedy.

[Shane]

That is sad.

[Matt]

You like to imagine their lovers maybe.

[Guest]

Perhaps. Yeah.

[Matt]

Like in Pompeii or whatever. Yeah, it died in the flood. Yeah.

[Shane]

Unfortunately.

[Matt]

Tragic.

[Guest]

Sorry. Well, decent peas.

[Shane]

It is sad. Oh, man, that. Sorry. Dude. The fact that it was getting sucked into the sewer

[Guest]

and then just being homeless would be like. Life can't get anywhere. Oh, I'm getting flushed down the toilet.

[Matt]

Literally.

[Guest]

It's crazy.

[Shane]

It is. It is funny, though, because, like, there is.

[Matt]

You do.

[Shane]

You are. You can be like, ah, you know, I can't handle this. I. I don't want to have anything to do with society. But it's like, there. You have to at least stay out of the waste management, like, the water management system. Like, you at least get away from the stormwater drains. You know what I mean? It's. It is. It's. It's a. It's everyone's responsibility to just watch out for the stormwater, man. Don't be in, like, one of the channels that could lead you down the sewer. Like, you got to do that at least on personal responsibility. But it's sad. Anyway. Oh,

[Guest]

nothing funny.

[Shane]

It's not good. Oh, but yes, for sure. Someone getting flushed out the other day.

[Guest]

Their day must have been hilarious. Must have been like screaming at somebody on the street.

[Shane]

Just you. This episode's brought to you by Viori. All right, we got to tell you guys about this brand, Vori.

[Guest]

You know, another good marketing idea.

[Shane]

Go ahead. You got a marketing idea. When.

[Guest]

When the teas hit your eyes like a big pizza pie. That's me. All right. I mean, the guys hired me. I know. Matt, can you tell me something about the core shorts?

[Shane]

Oh, my God. For example, gym, couch, quick run out. They just work. All right. That's how they just work.

[Guest]

What about the Strato tech tea?

[Shane]

I would say ridiculously soft. Like suspiciously soft. Everything is the perfect combo of comfort. But still looking like we didn't completely give up.

[Guest]

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[Shane]

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[Guest]

That's void.

[Shane]

I see you.

[Guest]

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[Shane]

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[Guest]

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[Shane]

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[Guest]

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[Shane]

This is sick. Fire and Ash now streaming on Disney.

[Guest]

Rated PG 13.

[Shane]

You're making fun of me for having. I had a homeless day the other day. That was killing me, dude.

[Guest]

I was like, yeah, you had a full bum day.

[Shane]

Fell off my darn bike, dude. Right down to the white meat. Still. That was a week ago.

[Guest]

It's nasty.

[Shane]

Fell off my bike. Got chased by dogs, dude.

[Guest]

He tried to talk to. Yeah. Explain what happened. Unless you already have.

[Shane]

I talked about it last week, but

[Guest]

it was full bum day.

[Shane]

It was. Dude, I didn't.

[Guest]

I can't believe it didn't rain, dude.

[Shane]

I was primed up. Riding my bike along a culvert too. That could have gotten bad. Me. At least that bastard dog would have came with me. I would have pulled him down like, you little. You betrayed me. I thought for sure the guy seemed friendly. I'm like, here we go. I'm gonna flex with my.

[Guest]

Yeah, just wild pit bulls.

[Shane]

Just a couple wild pit bulls outside. And I was like, hey, was this

[Guest]

before or after you fell off your bike?

[Shane]

After.

[Guest]

So you're bleeding.

[Shane]

Bleeding.

[Guest]

You go, it's time for me to tame some wild pit bulls.

[Shane]

Bleeding. Did get my pump. I did get my pump, though.

[Guest]

After the bleeding.

[Shane]

After the bleeding.

[Guest]

A bloody pump.

[Shane]

Bloody pump.

[Guest]

You know, I like that. I'm not afraid to do that.

[Shane]

I got a bloody pump and then I didn't go to the cold plunge. That would have been very dastardly.

[Guest]

It would have been very mean.

[Shane]

Yeah, I was like, not doing that. So that was. I was, you know, also too. I was like, I don't want to attract any sharks to the water.

[Guest]

True. I wonder if girls do that.

[Shane]

I thought about it, dude. I. I was wondering that.

[Guest]

On their period, just getting the public gyms. Yeah.

[Shane]

I was wondering about that the other day. If they do that. I. I think they they definitely swim.

[Guest]

They definitely do.

[Shane]

They definitely swim with their periods. That's, you know, talk about that. The. Maybe some sort of check in the public pool. But the little checkpoint.

[Guest]

Yeah, you just gotta go. You being mean to everybody.

[Shane]

True.

[Guest]

You know, really, dude, I'm telling you,

[Shane]

it's really the week before. Yeah, that's.

[Guest]

Oh, boy.

[Shane]

Meanie, meanie, meanie. Before that. It's right before the period, then the period, they're just like,

[Guest]

Yeah. That week leading up, you're like, what the.

[Shane]

It's the weekend.

[Guest]

Every time it surprises me, and then there's always a moment. I go, oh, yeah, that's what this is.

[Shane]

Yep. And then, you know, you're faced with the weird task where you have to be like, you're in, like, a different dimension and I can't go into this dimension with you.

[Guest]

It's normally. It's like, you love when I play Xbox all day. You love when I don't take you out on days. You love that I never left the house and drank.

[Shane]

Hit the date night yesterday, actually.

[Guest]

Nice. Where'd you go?

[Shane]

Very hot date. Think any pacina? Actually, now they say that, but we did.

[Guest]

Must be a good date that you grubbed hard.

[Shane]

We grubbed hard.

[Guest]

Nothing worse than a girl date.

[Shane]

Grubbed very hard.

[Guest]

It's time to try to reproduce.

[Shane]

Yeah, it was. I was.

[Guest]

I'm in no condition to mate.

[Shane]

I was not fart. I've been farty late. I've been so farty lately. Dude, I've been farting, B. I've been so. I for real have been so farty.

[Guest]

It's party next door, dude. Why have you been so farty?

[Shane]

Dude, I've been going ham on protein powder and I'm farting. So horrendous.

[Guest]

And I choose the parts been around when rogies farts. It's crazy, dude.

[Shane]

I've pinned down the culprit. I'm like, oh, it's definitely four scoops of protein powder a day. And guess what? I won't stop. It's just. I've just become farts.

[Guest]

Are you still cheesing? You mean a little dairy hitting the cheese?

[Shane]

Yeah, I hit a little cheese.

[Guest]

Cheese and protein yesterday.

[Shane]

Yeah, I had a little lasagna yesterday. Cheese protein combination. I'm trying. I'm waiting for my body to just get on board with the. It's like, come on, guys, we could be so powerful if we just kind of just.

[Guest]

I think it makes you more powerful.

[Shane]

I. I think so.

[Guest]

But protein and chi farts.

[Shane]

I have them. It's crazy. Ricotta cheese isn't as bad, but, yeah, if I have some, like, shredded mots. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Some cheddar, and I do it. I. I know what's coming. I go, it's gonna be bad, but I'm gonna do it. So, yeah, I was. The other day, I was. I was eating a burger. I said, oh, there's cheese on it. She's like, just eat it. And I looked at her, I said,

[Guest]

all right, you made your bed.

[Shane]

You said it now. Farting it, you said. I sent her a thing on Instagram recently. I saw this cartoon, like, an explainer video saying, in medieval times, I don't know if it's true, but they said women would fart around guys to let them know, like, they liked them. It showed that a woman was, like, relaxing. The strict kind of, like.

[Guest]

I think that kind of holds up.

[Shane]

Yeah, I was. You know, I sent it to her. Just. I don't even know why. I just fired it off.

[Guest]

Oh, you like that Yawn.

[Shane]

That koala yawn I really like.

[Guest]

I did some research on yawn last night. On yawning.

[Shane]

What happened?

[Guest]

Well, I was watching a show or. No, I was reading, trying so hard

[Shane]

not to be reading.

[Guest]

I said, yawn, and I yawned immediately.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's you. Just.

[Guest]

If you read about yawns, you yawn.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And I. And I wanted to figure out what was going on there. And nobody knows what. No one really knows.

[Shane]

That's up.

[Guest]

Yeah, it's a contagious. It's just a weird thing. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah, it is. It's animals.

[Guest]

Animals do it too.

[Shane]

I've already. You're not yawning.

[Matt]

You.

[Guest]

Oh, yeah, everyone's yawning. Everyone listening to this is yawning now, dude.

[Shane]

Oh, you're gonna yawn again.

[Guest]

You can yawn from animals. You can look and see an animal yawn, and then you yawn.

[Shane]

My dogs get me for sure.

[Guest]

It's hilarious. Yeah, you can make your dog yawn.

[Shane]

Hold on. So there's no way. I'm actually.

[Guest]

I'll tell you. I'll tell you about it, because there's no real.

[Shane]

I thought there's one of those things they could claim, like mirror neurons or some.

[Guest]

They do say that.

[Shane]

What the. What even is that, though?

[Guest]

Exactly? They don't really know.

[Shane]

Mirror neurons.

[Guest]

Mirror neurons.

[Shane]

They make you copy people's face.

[Guest]

When you observe someone yawning, these specific brain cells fire, mirroring the other person's physical action and helping you subconsciously empathize with their State social bonding is nice.

[Shane]

That's cool.

[Guest]

Yawning is highly social. You're significantly more likely to catch a yawn from a close friend or family member than from a stranger as it acts as a subtle display of empathy and connection. Sounds fucking lame to me. I don't believe that.

[Shane]

I'm so embarrassed I yawn twice.

[Guest]

That's how much you like group vigilance. Some evolutionary theories suggest contagious yawning synchronizes the wakefulness and alertness of a group. If one person is feeling drowsy and yawns, the contagiousness spreads subtly increasing the brain arousal and vigilance of the entire group to compensate. Yo. But no one really knows.

[Shane]

Dang.

[Guest]

But if you go to Yan's Wikipedia page, there's a nice picture of a koala yawning.

[Shane]

I like that.

[Guest]

Big fan of that.

[Shane]

That was also the pool. So you hit me with the quality awning.

[Guest]

I said, where the did you get this last night?

[Shane]

Yeah, that was great.

[Guest]

I was laying in bed going crazy. This is a great picture.

[Shane]

That is a great.

[Guest]

Take a look at it. Yawn. Wikipedia.

[Shane]

That is really good.

[Guest]

You're like, no. I realized I want to watch compilations of animals yawning. I think that'd be nice. Reptiles yawn. That's fun. You ever see a snake yawn?

[Shane]

No.

[Guest]

It's pretty fun.

[Shane]

I got a snake in my yard right now. For real? I do.

[Guest]

What kind of snake is it?

[Shane]

It's either a ribbon or a gardener snake pro. I was pretty pumped to see. I saw it back there the other day and it was like. It was going pretty nuts.

[Guest]

Nice.

[Shane]

So yeah, I learned too the. Because I was like, what kind of like. Hopefully it's not a poisonous snake. It's not. I think it's. Is it a red on black friend to jack yellow on. Something kills you. So I forget. There's like a. Cool.

[Guest]

I was just trying to see if these guys were looking at the quality awning.

[Shane]

Were they really?

[Guest]

I was hoping you guys would get pumped. Snake on's fun.

[Shane]

What do they flicker their tongues?

[Matt]

What?

[Shane]

That's kind of sick.

[Guest]

Hold on.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's pump. It's terrifying. For real? For real. Yeah, they're scary. I actually had a dream about snakes last night. I'm thinking about the snake in my backyard. I had a dream about all kinds of coral snakes attacking me. It was kind of. That's terrifying.

[Guest]

In water.

[Shane]

No. Coral snakes I think can come on land.

[Guest]

I wasn't sure if you're down there. Scuba.

[Shane]

Oh, no.

[Guest]

Snakes came out of the reef to get you? No.

[Shane]

What the hell?

[Guest]

That'd be terrifying.

[Shane]

Those would be some electric eels.

[Matt]

Those.

[Shane]

They'd steal my voice. Steal my voice and give it to Ursula Trousers. Wouldn't be able to. I wouldn't be able to podcast. I'd make the Little Mermaid.

[Matt]

Red and black.

[Shane]

Friend of Jack.

[Matt]

Friend to Jack. Red touches yellow. Kills a fellow.

[Shane]

Kills a fellow. That's it. Yeah. Well, really, it's the easier way to remember if the str. If the stripes are horizontal, like, wrapping around, like, little stripes. That's a poisonous snake. If you have a long stripe down the back, typically. Friend of Jack.

[Matt]

I'm staying away from all.

[Guest]

Yeah, I don't like any of them. I don't like none.

[Shane]

The garter snake could be a good alliance, man, because that way it'd be

[Guest]

nice to have in there.

[Shane]

Yeah. Get the rodents going. Lizards, too, man. Eating all my goddamn strawberries.

[Matt]

Really?

[Shane]

Yeah. I have a million lizards in my back. I have so many lizards. Kind of sick, but it is sick. Destroy. Dude, every time I go back there, like, four of them, like, run away, and I'm like, jerks. Wait till my snake eats you guys.

[Guest]

Yeah, that's exciting stuff.

[Shane]

He did scare me, though. I thought it was a lizard. I was like, oh.

[Matt]

I was like, whoa.

[Guest]

Yeah, they're scary every time.

[Matt]

Yeah, they.

[Shane]

They get you, dude. I back RS started reading Devils by Dostoevsky.

[Guest]

Oh, nice, bro.

[Shane]

So good. And it's like. It's easy. I tried Crime and Punishment. You called it. You're like, you're gonna get bored and stop. I was like, no, I'm not.

[Guest]

I heard it rules, though.

[Shane]

Yeah. But I did get tried.

[Guest]

Couldn't do it.

[Shane]

I got bored and stopped. Devils is nice because it's written like a. It just sounds like a gossipy neighbor just being like, dude, let me tell you about this guy. And he just sits there and gives the details on every single person. And it's.

[Guest]

It's B's Mz.

[Shane]

Yeah, it is.

[Matt]

It is.

[Guest]

Bees sitting in bonners with bees. This beast.

[Shane]

It really feels like that in the. But it's. It's all about these, like, late 1800s Russian revolutionaries who are just really larping and just, like, it's really weird. It's. It's like Russian progressives and how they. They have, like, no real beliefs and how they're just really trying to, like, pump themselves up.

[Guest]

As old as time.

[Shane]

Yeah. Pretty crazy. It was. I was. I'm reading it, and it's like, dude, it's it's so fun. Just the little things in there. Like, there was one thing where like, there's a. There was a thing in Russia called like the peasant. It was called the great something where like, they started being like, yo, let's like give peasants rights. Because they were still, I guess, under like the monarchy. And they're like, no, dude, peasants, like, it was like really cool back then to be like, peasants are actually really cool. And I love peasants. But these people had like no relation, like, never even saw them. They're like, I think peasants are cool as. And they should be free to do whatever they do.

[Guest]

Yeah, that was like Marx and.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Ingles.

[Shane]

Well, that came.

[Guest]

They would try to go to factories.

[Matt]

Yep.

[Guest]

And all the factory workers were like, dude, you guys are.

[Shane]

Well, the. The peasants love the king. That was the thing though. They were like, the k. And the peasants were like, no, the king rules. It's actually the guy the advisors are. Yeah. The Russian peasants were like, they. They came to him like, yo, the king. And they were like, dude, you.

[Guest]

Yeah, beat the. Out of you, dude.

[Shane]

King rule. Why are you talking about my king like that? This guy's like, my whole life, that's all I do is work for this guy. Don't tell me he sucks. What the hell are you doing to me? But yeah, there. There was a. There's. The characters are so funny because they are just like rich, like progressive, just. Just absolute weasels constantly backstabbing each other. And there's this one part where this guy is like, this lady takes him in, just kind of puts him up to be tutor for her son. And she invites this like very high ranking military guy and he like references the peasant like, uprising thing. And the dude who's her guest goes like quietly to himself, but loud enough people can hear it. And the guy just like, the. Is your problem. This is like a big problem for him. And the end. So like, the general guy is like, him. So they go to leave, he goes, hey man, shake my hand. This is the thing they do in Russian society. If you don't, like, somebody go to shake hands. Hit him with the two finger. You hit him with the two finger. And that you make them shake your two fingers. And it lets everyone know, like this.

[Matt]

Yes.

[Shane]

It's crazy.

[Guest]

That's nice.

[Shane]

That's making me laugh so hard. And then if you don't accept, it's like, dude, you gotta shake hands. He had no choice but to be like, got me, Got my ass. It was only in front of one lady. Just was like, oh, you're not a gentleman? You're not gonna shake my hand?

[Guest]

He goes.

[Shane]

Then he would go to his room and, like, cry and write letters. It's so funny. It might.

[Guest]

It's.

[Shane]

It's really. It's been a really. It's been a treat to read.

[Guest]

This episode is brought to you by bluechew, the number one brand for better sex. Bluechew just dropped something crazy. Bluechew gold.

[Shane]

For years, bluechew has made it easy for over 5 million men to get hard. But now they make it easier to get horny, too. You want to get hard and horny?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

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[Guest]

Dude, they got 5 million dudes bricked.

[Shane]

Now we're going for 10. We're going for 10.

[Guest]

Now we need to get 10 million guys RA card. They are the. They're number one for a reason. And we've got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third free with promo code drenched. You will also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information.

[Shane]

Guys, this weekend, June 26th, 27th, I'll be in Birmingham, Alabama, at the Stardome comedy Club. Please come August 7th, San Jose, 7th and 8th, San Jose, California. Then Spokane, Washington, August 13th. Then after that, Portland, Boston, Royal Oaks, Michigan, and a bunch of other places in the fall. Go to Matt McCusker.com for tickets, please.

[Guest]

July 17 at the link in Philadelphia. Also August in South Carolina, Charleston. I've been fired up on a book. It's called the wager.

[Shane]

Oh.

[Guest]

I think it's, like, a very popular history book, but it's. You'd like it.

[Shane]

What's it about?

[Guest]

It's just this expedition of ships that left England trying to sail around to. I think their mission was to, like, blow up a Spanish port in, like, Chile.

[Matt]

Sick.

[Guest]

But it's pretty great. Goes south.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Really sucks ass. Everyone gets scurvy. You couldn't figure out scurvy.

[Shane]

Those, like, boat missions back in the day were just cursed.

[Guest]

It was unbelievable how bad it was. Every single chapter. You're like, no way.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

I found out, though, under the weather is because they would put all the sick guys under the Lower hold to get him out of the weather. The gu. He's under the weather.

[Shane]

Oh, I like every once in a

[Guest]

while I read something like that in a book and then I'm not sure if that's right.

[Shane]

Sounds pretty good.

[Guest]

Why don't you guys give me a look at that?

[Shane]

Can I? While you do that, I'm going to give you another one. Cut to the chase comes from the silent film error where before, like those Charlie Chapman films, always for whatever reason they chasing. Yep. They would always have an unnecessary, very boring, drawn out love story, which is him just like winking and raising his eyebrows. And then this one guy was like, dude, cut to the chasing.

[Guest]

Get to the chase.

[Shane]

This is. Let's just see him chase a guy around a pond.

[Guest]

Under the weather. Yeah, that's good. Also, scurvy blows. Your teeth fall out, your hair falls out, everything blows and you die.

[Matt]

Ah.

[Guest]

Just because you don't have vitamin C.

[Shane]

You have a lemon.

[Guest]

Because you don't have a lemon. Which is why they're called limes.

[Shane]

Really limey. Yeah, because they need the limes.

[Guest]

I was thinking about it. You're a land lover. You're a land. Hell you, dude.

[Shane]

Not true.

[Guest]

You're a. I've spent more time. When's the last time you went on the open sea?

[Shane]

When's the last time I went on the open sea? I was paddle boarding. I was paddle boarding the.

[Guest]

I'm talking about. That's coastal. Land lover you talking about.

[Shane]

When's the last time you were in the open sea?

[Guest]

I've been in the open sea.

[Shane]

When?

[Guest]

Couple days ago.

[Shane]

Where were you?

[Guest]

It's out at sea. Out at sea, dude. You're a land lover.

[Shane]

That's so untrue.

[Guest]

I got scurvy. That's why I got all these lines, dude. I had to start sucking limes, dude.

[Shane]

Well, you got to be careful because now they're trying to say that citrus intake increases skin cancer risk. I know.

[Guest]

I think it's when you're a salty dog like me, skin cancer is guaranteed.

[Shane]

I heard that.

[Guest]

I'm a salty dog.

[Shane]

You're a land lover.

[Guest]

There's nothing you can do about it, bro.

[Shane]

I've been underwater more than I think. I've spent hours underwater in the last couple weeks. I've been swimming. I'm underwater, dude. It's sick.

[Guest]

Underwater is the best. I love underwater, dude.

[Shane]

It's for real sick. Like when you swim laps, you're kind of chilling underwater with other people. Silent. So do I. That's what I'm Saying when you call me a landlubber, it's just, it's not even like offensive. It's just not true.

[Guest]

You're a bit of a land. You're a landlord.

[Shane]

That's not true.

[Guest]

You've never been at sea for more than a day.

[Shane]

You've never been at Steve. More than this. I know. I went on a Carnival cruise with my friends when I was 14. Dude. I was. We're out there, man. It must have been 10 days out there.

[Guest]

You went on a Carnival cruise?

[Shane]

Of course.

[Guest]

I bet. Yeah. Royal Caribbean. Everyone fights. I didn't go car where 15, 000 people are on deck fighting. I would never go to Carnival. Caribbean. Black people cruises are awesome. The parties are fun.

[Shane]

But you got. It's a couple fights. Yeah, there was, there was that big clear out in the customs. I don't know if you saw that. I just saw it this morning. Yeah.

[Matt]

Dump.

[Shane]

There was a custom, like a big brawl in the customs line and it was just like 15 people got banned from entering the country. No cruise list. You got, you can't fight in the customs. That's crazy. Dude. You have to, there's got to be a, a, a, just a. It's got to be some sacred.

[Guest]

Customs is tough, though.

[Shane]

Fighting. Actually, I almost got in a fight. I almost got in a fight one time.

[Guest]

Yeah, I got off. I, I was coming back, I think from England via ship. And when we finally docked after six months at sea, we finally docked. Dude, you'd never make it on the wager. I, I admit, but I swear to God, air Afghanistan got off the same time. Me and the bros were in line for several hours.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's tough. Yep. Now, I battled an old African guy one time in customs. He like literally just butted and shoulder checked and it was just like, bro, don't talk to me like that.

[Guest]

It's Ellis Island. You're literally right back to Ellis. It's five exact same thing our ancestors did. It is. Dude, you become Bill the Butcher real quick.

[Shane]

That's crazy. So when's the longest you've spent at sea? For real?

[Guest]

I, I don't, I'm, I'm a Landlor.

[Shane]

Are you really?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Why? You just built this whole thing up. That's crazy.

[Guest]

No, I, I, I've never been on a cruise, so. Deep sea fishing. Yeah, that's, I mean, Carnival cruise is hardly at sea, dude.

[Shane]

No, man, those things rock. I remember you're laying there, man. Took me a while to get back to land. I was so used. I was just Like I took to it. Yeah, I remember I was at the indoor mall. Just got a soft serve ice cream cone from the vending machine. And yeah, man, I had about 14 bass ales.

[Guest]

I'll tell you what, the only limey I actually know is the o' Con man's a salty dog. He's on a boat every 10 minutes.

[Shane]

Yeah,

[Guest]

you think you're a salty dog? Dude, you're a landlover.

[Shane]

Pond scum.

[Guest]

Yeah, more of a freshwater guy.

[Matt]

But all this sea talk I've been. I was thinking about my old primary care physician the other day. His name was Dr. And he actually passed away at sea last year. Oh, yeah, he died at sea. Yeah. So I was thinking about that because I got a new primary care physician and he doesn't hold a candle.

[Shane]

Really?

[Guest]

Yeah, he was really bad at sea.

[Matt]

Well, it's sort of a sore subject, but he fell off his fishing boat and then the fishing boat went like crazy and. And I mean, I wish you guys wouldn't laugh at it. Like I said, it's sort of a sore subject.

[Shane]

I'm still thinking about those bumps.

[Guest]

He's fishing.

[Matt]

He. He was ejected from his boat and then the boat kept driving and it ran him over.

[Guest]

He got hit by his own boat?

[Matt]

Yeah, he was killed by his own boat.

[Guest]

Passed away at sea's the ones closest to you.

[Matt]

He really was a great doctor and rest in peace. Oh, man, I was just thinking about that the other day because I got a new crappy primary care physician and I was just.

[Guest]

So he went out to eat some

[Matt]

fish and the fish ended up eating well.

[Shane]

Hey, man, we all do eventually prefer

[Matt]

not to think about that.

[Guest]

We brought it up. I don't think it's funny.

[Shane]

Yeah, I don't want to even tell the story.

[Guest]

Definitely block out his name because I don't want to make fun of that.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

Okay. All right. Sorry.

[Shane]

Yeah, I was thinking of that.

[Guest]

But I like the story.

[Matt]

Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt. I was just in reminding you.

[Guest]

Just thinking about it.

[Shane]

He was thinking it's a up thing to think about.

[Matt]

He's the only person I know who. Who died at sea.

[Guest]

He lost at sea.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah, Primary dude. Primary care docs now. Or it's. I tried to go to a place once and it's like. I think it's owned by like Amazon or something. It was.

[Matt]

Yeah. I went to one, they assigned me one that was attached to a church, so I went to a doctor that was attached to a church. What?

[Shane]

You're in dot. You're a. He's a doctor of the church.

[Matt]

It was. It was. It wasn't a great experience, but I don't wanna.

[Shane]

No, dude, they just.

[Guest]

What happened to you?

[Shane]

Oh, nothing.

[Matt]

I just needed a checkup, and I got insurance finally, and they gave me a BSS doctor.

[Shane]

Well, they just, like.

[Matt]

It just took forever. It was. I was, like, waiting forever.

[Shane]

And they're not. They're like, yeah, we're checking your blood pressure. And, like, okay.

[Matt]

Yeah, I could go to CVS for this.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's bull. Also. Come on, man. Blood pressure.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Gives a. Like, seriously, dude. Like, it's.

[Guest]

It's pretty high up there for me. List of concerns.

[Shane]

I feel like you can lower your blood pressure naturally.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I don't know. The blood pressure med. The window. They shrunk the window for blood pressure medication now. It used to be, like, one whatever over this. Now they're like, no, it's actually, like, 20 points. We slid it down 20 points just to be like, that way more people can get on blood pressure medication. What is. Does anyone know why that happens? Is it just stress? Is it, like, salt or, like, what. Why do people just.

[Guest]

Yeah, it's definitely, like, for me, it's like, alcohol, coffee, nicotine. That'll do it. Yeah, yeah. And if I don't do any of that for, like, two hours. Yeah, it just goes down and stress for sure.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

I had to get. I tried to get an IV at the Super Bowl. Like, they had, like, a little IV thing the day after we went out. It was. We had a pretty wild night recovery. And then I'm in a room. It was like a public room of, like, they. They have these things where they, like, just give people gifts. You know what I mean? Like, if it's like a VIP thing, they just are like, here, wear these shorts.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And so there's just tons of people, and they're like, do you want an iv? I was like, yeah, it'd be nice. And they're like, we just have to check your blood pressure real quick. And I was like,

[Matt]

why?

[Guest]

This is gonna be the craziest blood pressure you've ever seen. Sure enough, it was, what? And then they're like, just. Are you all right? Are you, like, stressed out? I'm like, yeah, this is. I'm sweating. There's famous people. And I'm laying in a chair, like. And they're like, just relax for five minutes. I was like, all right. And it worked.

[Shane]

Went down.

[Guest]

Your blood pressure goes down.

[Shane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest]

It's Pretty easy.

[Shane]

That's not bad.

[Guest]

Hell of a story.

[Shane]

That was a good story.

[Guest]

Well, it's a good story.

[Shane]

We're talking blood pressure. You delivered.

[Guest]

Thanks, man.

[Shane]

I have no blood pressure stories other than every now and again I'll go. And they'll go, you're a little on the low side. And I go pretty chill. Honest.

[Guest]

Yeah, it's cuz I'm too chill.

[Shane]

Pretty chill. I'm actually the only time it goes up when people tell me I'm a land lover.

[Guest]

Yeah, I was listening to the book hit her to land lover and I went, oh, I'm gonna call Maddalen lover. I'm gonna call it Matt a landlover tomorrow.

[Shane]

I'm telling you, I've been a quad aquatic, dude. I've been in the water almost every day, just underground. Actually, it's funny too because I'm underwater and I still like, I watch people do freestyle. You know, people can freestyle swim just like continuously for. Yeah, I, I still don't know how

[Guest]

people do that slow.

[Shane]

Yeah, but dude, like you can still do it slow, but you have to like try to time your breathing correct. It's really, really difficult. So I'm like, I'm just like watching people underwater, just trying to peep, trying to peep game underwater. So I'm just doing my old lady breaststroke and I'm just watching freestyle swimmers telling you I've spent at least a good combined couple hours underwater in the last couple weeks.

[Guest]

Very good.

[Shane]

Just chilling. Just watching people just. Yeah, like a shark down there.

[Guest]

Where are you swimming?

[Shane]

The pool near my house. Swimming at the pool down there. Just ripping the laps, dude. It's, it's the best. It also, I swear to God, if you swim, if you're in a pool for like say 45 minutes swimming, doing like laps, you get out. Your voice is deeper. It's something about all the prep. Because that water, when you're breathing in water, the water pressure is like making it harder to breathe. So something about your diaphragm. I get out of the pool, I'm like, yo. Every single time it's so funny. I get out, dude, I get, I go home right away and I'll be like, yo, what's going on?

[Guest]

Yeah, you mog. If you.

[Shane]

I'll be there, dude. Like you can't help it.

[Guest]

You're underwater maxing.

[Shane]

I'm completely underwater underwater and sun maxing.

[Guest]

You are sun maxing.

[Shane]

Sun as. Dude, I've been in the sun same. I've been in the sun just non stop. I might have to check a different box next time.

[Guest]

You're getting close.

[Shane]

Yeah. At least, you know, non white Hispanic.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I think I've earned non white Hispanic.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Guest]

You're gonna hit a Amber. You're gonna Hispanic enough, dude.

[Shane]

Sure. I'll know when I get it. When I pick up my kids. It goes. Yeah, I've been. Dude, our. I. Speaking of stress, dude, my. I found out my house has mold.

[Matt]

Oh.

[Shane]

In my house, in. In Maya's room, there's like a. We had, like, a growth come out of the thing. And so, you know, we called the builder, which, like, we bought it off someone else. But it's, like, pretty. It's a pretty new house, so we didn't have, like. I didn't realize. I didn't know how, like, the warranty worked with all that. Turns out, as a noble builder, they came out. They're like, dude, you shouldn't be dealing with that. Just fix. They're fixing it as we speak.

[Guest]

This house gets mold constantly.

[Shane]

You think so?

[Guest]

I've seen it. I mean, rose on the ceilings near the vents.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's not good.

[Guest]

It's wild, dude.

[Shane]

They. The. The problem was in the front of my house. They, like. There's a huge stretch where they did just no flashing for some reason. And then there's, like, this tape they put around the seams that wasn't there. And do. My whole front is just, like, black. The plywood is just black and just, like, completely chewed. It looks like my house was on fire. It's disgusting. So there's. The boys are out there as we speak right now. Came up. Yeah, I was punishing them this morning. They showed up at 7. I had just come back from running. Just so shirtless and completely sweaty. So I kept just trying to get close to talk to them. I could tell they're like, yo, dude, back. Yeah, back away.

[Guest]

You're true awesome back. Shirtless running.

[Shane]

Shirtless running.

[Guest]

True Austinite, dude.

[Shane]

I even did my boxer briefs in the pool recently just to get the feel of a Speedo. It was just me. I was by myself, and I was like, I just want to see what a Speedo feels like.

[Guest]

Do you roll your. So you roll them up to make it a Speedo?

[Shane]

No, I just took my head boxers underneath my shorts.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

No, I did, like, down a thigh Speedo. I'm a swim dad. I don't know if you know I'm a swim dad right now.

[Guest]

Swim.

[Shane]

My kid was in swim, so I'm a salty dog. I'm a swim dad.

[Guest]

I'M you're. I'm a salty dog. I'm a L. Me. Salty dog laying. Lover land Lover swim.

[Shane]

Dead swim. Dad's crazy. You can't. You gotta separate it. You gotta have people put on pants between the races. You can't have just dude. Chiseled boys, high school boys, it's all ages. Like Adonis's walking around in their undies. I'm like, yeah, put some pants on. You get. What the hell are we doing here? Because it's like I don't look, but it's like the whole time you're just kind of like, yeah, you have to walk around just like. It's crazy. Yeah, it's a weird. And as everyone's acting like it's normal. This is not normal.

[Guest]

It's not normal.

[Shane]

It's just weird. I'm not the only person being feeling weird around here. And everyone's acting all cool and normal and I'm going, no, guys, this is up. There's a bunch of high school boys in their underpants and everyone's acting like it's cool. I'm like, this shit's not cool.

[Guest]

Pray to God your daughters don't play volleyball. You're gonna be hitting a high school volleyball game.

[Shane]

I didn't even think about.

[Guest]

Going, what the. What's going on here?

[Shane]

What's funny too, because I think the coach of like the, our, our swim team, I, I don't know where he's. He seems like he was like an accomplished swimmer. He's got the swimmer's body. He's got a little accent too. He's yoked and it's a bit of a heartthrob. So we had, we had the end of year swim party. It's a bit of a dick throw. The end of year, we had the end of the year swim party and my oldest daughter Maya was like, we're about to go to the party. And she was like, I wonder what coach wearing. And I was like, I should blank his name out. She's like, I wonder what he's.

[Guest]

Of course his name is Guy.

[Shane]

I wonder what he's wearing. I was like, what? She's like, do you think he's wearing a bow tie? And I was like, what the. And I'm like, I don't know.

[Matt]

Went on.

[Guest]

You really put on a boat?

[Shane]

I put on a bow tie.

[Guest]

Come on, let's go. I hope he's wearing a bow tie. So hot.

[Shane]

It did make me laugh.

[Guest]

It was so really funny.

[Shane]

So funny. He's the man too. But yeah, it was. He's. He's a dude. He's a hard throb. It just is what it is, man.

[Guest]

There's nothing you can do about it.

[Shane]

I'm just a guppy in the swimming world. It's just so hard, dude, to do it. Just to come to grips with. I'm such a turd.

[Guest]

You gotta get to, you gotta get to Barton Springs.

[Shane]

I've done it.

[Guest]

I know, but that's where, that's where you build your strength. Real swim, swim laps there.

[Shane]

Down, dude. I, I want to go there and do it.

[Guest]

That would be some good underwater observations. That would be real deep. You can get down.

[Shane]

I can also see down amongst the

[Guest]

fish and look up.

[Shane]

I could see a lot. I could peep a lot of game in Barton for sure.

[Matt]

So good. So good. So good.

[Guest]

New summer arrivals are at Nordstrom rack stores now. Get ready to save money big. With up to 60% off brands like Rag and Bone, Levi's, Adidas and free people. Join the NordicLub to unlock exclusive discounts. Shop new arrivals first and more. Plus buy online and pick up at your favorite rack store for free. Great brands, great prices. That's why you rack.

[Shane]

This episode is brought to you by Google Chrome. You think you know a browser, but Gemini and Chrome, that's new. It can help you with practically anything on the web. Like restoring a vintage motorcycle from a 50 page restoration block. Or finally break down that long article you've had open for weeks. Gemini and Chrome is here for it. Ready to make anything online make sense. There's no place like Chrome. Check responses.

[Guest]

Setup required.

[Shane]

Compatibility and availability various.18 plus. But yeah, I honestly think at my skill level, well, breaststroke, I can kind of breaststroke indefinitely. That's the one.

[Guest]

But it's like that's an easy one. Easy.

[Shane]

You can do it forever.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

But the, it's. It'll still. It'll gas you. But I think I could do down, back down, back down, back, breaststroke, freestyle, halfway.

[Guest]

You'd have to go so slow. Yeah.

[Shane]

Even when you go slow, you start like running out of breath.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Take. You get one breath where you take water in panic. So yeah, that's been. It's been the high drama of swimming laps with old ladies. It's nice at 9am but it is nice. Swimming is the. It's the ultimate. Does your joints don't hurt afterwards? It's. It's like truly, it's a skill. It's a skill to pick up for life that'll carry you all the way to old age.

[Guest]

Certainly yeah.

[Shane]

What? Got any more.

[Guest]

He's just.

[Shane]

Horrible stories?

[Guest]

Well, yeah, that's what he was thinking.

[Shane]

You know, someone had a heart attack in the pool or something. Jesus Christ.

[Matt]

I'm sorry. I feel bad for bringing that.

[Guest]

No, no, I don't think you should. I think, yeah. I think we feel bad for trying

[Shane]

not to laugh, dude. It was. It's more of a situational thing.

[Matt]

I'm just worried about you. I want you to be careful out on the water. I don't want to lose somebody else

[Shane]

to the water in the pool. I think about having a heart attack in the pool every day. I.

[Matt]

Careful, man.

[Shane]

Hey, it is what it is. If I die swimming, I die swimming, man.

[Matt]

You know?

[Shane]

But I like the underworld, dude. I don't think I will.

[Guest]

You're not. You're a landlover. You get. There's. You're dying on land. I guarantee it.

[Shane]

I think I'm falling. You think I'm gonna fall into the dirt?

[Guest]

You're going straight in the mud, Dud. Dude. You're a land lover.

[Shane]

This is.

[Guest]

Dude, this is

[Matt]

man.

[Shane]

But yeah, no, I. How was last week? How was the.

[Guest]

The last. It's been chaos.

[Shane]

Yeah. I'm saying, dude, nothing.

[Guest]

It's just non stop chaos. Everything is.

[Shane]

Can't even do a goddamn fun thing.

[Guest]

Can't even do cool things.

[Shane]

No, that's great.

[Guest]

I. Oh, we're talking about the White House. I canceled. I was like, I'm not going. I shouldn't. I don't feel like dealing with this shit.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And then looked at my Instagram and they were doing dirt bike flips on the White House. I was like, I gotta see what this is.

[Shane]

Yeah, Well, I also. I don't. I don't like the.

[Guest]

It was pretty wild.

[Shane]

Yeah. Well, it's also one of those things.

[Guest]

Gaethje fight was awesome. And the troops, dude, the troops were lining the. It was. I was just hanging out, dude. And my section was like, just Medal of Honor winners. It was. A dude would come up and be like, hey, man, big fan. And then you look and he's wearing a medal of Honor and you're like, thank you, sir. Thank you.

[Shane]

Yeah, that's cool. But also the. The. The critique from people around exclusive events that they're not invited is just kind of like, you won't know unless you get. You can't. You can't. I wouldn't have went. It's like, yeah, I doubt it.

[Guest]

I mean, I was thinking about not going, but saw that flyover in the dirt bikes. I heard There was. The card was. Yeah. The second flyover scared me.

[Shane]

Stealth bomber.

[Guest]

Second one was a, like. Yeah. It was a loud bomber. And I was. I don't know if I'm allowed to say who I was with. I was with the Venezuela boys, sitting with those boys that pulled that off.

[Matt]

What?

[Guest]

Allegedly the vanguard.

[Shane]

I see what you're saying.

[Guest]

No, I was talking about the guys who grabbed Maduro.

[Shane]

I thought you're talking about the Venezuelan, like, regime.

[Guest]

I was like, bro, nice, Venezuela boys. And me. And then there was that loud fucking bomber later. Later in the night. And I was like, is that one of ours?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Make sure we're not. This isn't it.

[Matt]

That is a crazy thing to do to a bunch of veterans. Have the flyovers.

[Guest]

Flyovers.

[Matt]

All these people that could have ptsd.

[Guest]

No, they.

[Shane]

They probably knew it was kind.

[Guest]

None of them have PTSD from planes.

[Matt]

Okay.

[Guest]

You know what I mean?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Oh, I know. Is a boondoggle for me.

[Guest]

Nobody's. Nobody's hitting us with planes.

[Matt]

It would scare the.

[Shane]

Out of me.

[Guest]

And it was.

[Shane]

Go to war.

[Guest]

It was pretty awesome.

[Shane]

I just. Yeah, I had to do a lot. I had to put out a lot of fires that week. I have a huge liberal. Liberal fan base. I have, like, 5 million followers on Blue Ski. You guys don't even know about it. But I was putting out fire after fire all week, guys. Dude. Dude, come on.

[Guest]

I didn't really. I didn't give a. I mean, you shouldn't.

[Shane]

It's crazy.

[Guest]

I didn't.

[Shane]

It's crazy. It's so dumb and crazy. I. The news. Yeah.

[Guest]

I just didn't look for a week,

[Shane]

and then it's gone.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's how much. It doesn't matter. You just don't look and it goes. No. Nobody cares. Any regular person you talk to is going, oh, yeah. Either. Oh, yeah, I forgot that was happening.

[Matt]

Or.

[Shane]

Yeah, I wonder how that was. If you're for real getting mad about a news story, you're retarded. You're. No, it's true. Especially that if it's like, you know.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Of course, some. If it's like a cultural, political. It's like you're retarded. Like you're for real.

[Guest]

The one that's making me laugh the most now is the reflecting pool. Have you seen how people are? They're so upset about the reflecting pool. The algae in the algae. Trump. Trump, like, tried to redesign it or put, like, a blue face to it.

[Shane]

Too blue.

[Guest]

And now everyone's upset.

[Shane]

Why do you try to blew it out.

[Guest]

I don't know.

[Shane]

You put like that in the.

[Guest]

To make it look sick, dude.

[Matt]

True.

[Guest]

And the ellipsis. Did the ellipsis. Don't even talk to me about the dead. What happens on the ellipsis?

[Shane]

What happened?

[Guest]

Not my ellipsis. Not like this.

[Shane]

What is the ellipses?

[Guest]

Exactly. No one knows what the. The ellipsis is until now. Now all of a sudden, everyone's going, the ellipsis grass is shut up. We got bigger fish to fry than some dead grass. That will be fine.

[Shane]

Yeah, that is funny how everyone suddenly was like, it's just such a sacred space and it should never have been used for. It's like, shut up.

[Guest]

I remember what was going on in there.

[Shane]

I saw. I saw H.B. i saw Hunter.

[Guest]

I remember some old things in there.

[Shane]

Hunter Biden wrote, shout out.

[Guest]

HB Nice words.

[Shane]

But in the end, he goes, I don't think that place should be desecrated like that. And it's like, yo, let's do a lie detector about who's the cocaine, who's

[Guest]

in the White House. And then don't talk about my boy. H.B.

[Shane]

he's a man.

[Guest]

I saw the positive tweet. Now I'm HB He's a man. He was just. He said he liked me, said, no. Now I like him. HB all day, dude. Hb I forgive him.

[Shane]

Could make a run. Dude. He's. He's sensible. He did that tweet ago. Okay? This guy's sensible. He's not really inflammatory. He seems like he's. He could bridge the aisle. He really could. All this dirty laundry is out there. It's like, okay, what are you going to do? Yeah, I smoke crack. The guy in. The guy in Canada smoked crack.

[Guest]

And he's the man.

[Shane]

He's the best.

[Guest]

He was rip to a legend.

[Shane]

Oh, yeah, I know. He's dead. R.P.

[Guest]

yeah. That interviewer, he's like, yeah, smoke crack. You're just jealous because nobody wants to do cool stuff with you. Yeah. Doing a press conference. He's like, they're saying, I ate that girl's. I got plenty to eat at home. Thank you. He said, I ate her in an interview.

[Shane]

I got.

[Guest]

Dude's a man. Yeah. Plenty to eat at home. Also talking about eating.

[Shane]

His wife's also being like, plenty of it at home. Just there.

[Guest]

Yeah. He was the man.

[Shane]

She's kneading the dough for me right now. I'm about to come home and chomp on it.

[Guest]

But, yeah, I gotta be honest. Going to The White House was sick.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

It was cool.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Guest]

I kept my distance from the politicians.

[Matt]

Yep.

[Guest]

I wanted to enjoy the fights. They were good fights. It was a spectacle. Did hang out with the troops the entire time.

[Matt]

Sick.

[Guest]

The troops rule.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Before that, I went to the NBA final. I was at.

[Shane]

Yep.

[Guest]

I went to. I went to the first four games. My seat kept getting further. Last game, I was up.

[Shane]

That was crazy. That.

[Guest]

It was awesome.

[Shane]

Yeah, that was.

[Guest]

That was really cool. Completely neutral observer. It's fun to watch.

[Shane]

I was pulling for the.

[Guest]

There's. Do you see the guy? Also, I was the. The. I was. I was in New York. I didn't go to game five when they won. I didn't go back to San Antonio. And I was very excited to walk around and see the chaos. Nothing.

[Shane]

It wasn't that chaos Now, I think

[Guest]

by Madison Square Garden. It was wild.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

But I was expecting, like, I was down, like, Washington Square Park. It was just a bunch of LARPers, dude.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

There was a bunch of kids from NYU and a bunch of people that moved to New York that no one gives a about the Knicks. And they were all just standing there like, what do we do?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Guest]

How do we do this? And it reminded me I was just. Made me miss Philadelphia.

[Shane]

Yeah, true. It's instantly put, you know, right in Broad Street. It's.

[Guest]

There's somebody. People socking a horse, a police horse, right in the mouth.

[Shane]

Yeah. Well, they don't know is you're allowed to break the law for 12 hours. So go break the laws and, you know, someone will die, unfortunately.

[Guest]

Yes.

[Shane]

Yeah, that is. Yeah. That's kind of cool. You got to see that. Because I wondered, like. Because they made it look like it

[Guest]

was complete chaos up by the Garden. I think it was. And I think the parade was chaotic.

[Shane]

Yeah. And also, wasn't Trump there? So the whole. I was at the barricade.

[Guest]

Trump was at game three.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Guest]

That was fun.

[Shane]

How was that?

[Guest]

It was crazy trying to get into the stadium because they blocked off, like, blocks around the stadium. That's nuts. Yeah.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Got to hang out with the boys in blue, though. Nypd. It's tight. It's nice.

[Shane]

Yeah. Cops. Turns out nypd.

[Guest]

You're pretty chill.

[Shane]

NYPD are chill.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

They're. They're busy enough, too, where they're not, like, breaking your balls about dumb stuff. I got pulled over the other night down here in Austin. I've just literally completely.

[Guest]

So better get used to it.

[Shane]

I'm a suspicious driver here.

[Guest]

Suddenly a suspicious.

[Shane]

Also my car looks like, inside of my car. Looks like a crackhead's car. There's. There's just, like, the weirdest assortment of everywhere. There's, like, that I get mailed. There's, like, T shirts and plastic bags of basketball food containers. And the guy pulled up, he goes, like, having a good night, man. My headlights were off. He's like, sure fire dui. And I was just like, oh, that was performing. He was just like, ah. And he looked. I think he smelled the breath, too. Clean as hell. But, yeah, so I got off. I got to do all my cop stuff, turn the lights on inside, so, like, put them at ease. Window fully down. Oh, hands. Hands visible for sure. I did have a little joint. Head high, right down. Didn't even move my shoulder, but kind of proud of myself for that.

[Guest]

Not moving your shoulder is nice.

[Shane]

It was, dude. I just scooped it out, a little hand rest, dropped it on the floor right as he was walking.

[Guest]

I said, I would have panicked, dude. I've watched too much Midwest safety.

[Shane]

I was cool as a cucumber.

[Guest]

I. I, like, literally jumped in the passenger seat. But, like, a driver. Driver took off, dude. I don't even know.

[Shane]

These aren't my pants. He's my brother's. These are my brother's pants. Yeah. Jody got out and freaked the out. I would have said I was a sovereign citizen.

[Guest]

I would have hit him with the poria. See, what's good, bro?

[Shane]

Yeah, what's good?

[Guest]

It's gonna be bad for you. Great.

[Shane]

That must have been terrifying for that cop. Chill, chill, chill, chill.

[Guest]

He goes, are you dusting Poirier? Like, yeah, this is gonna be bad for you. And then he hit the.

[Shane]

I would have Tased him right away, dude. I would just. Yeah, but then if that dude pulls

[Guest]

that out and the shortslift. Do you see the short slip? He hit the shortslift. Squaring up, and it's like, oh, no. I've seen this.

[Shane]

No, man, that's. That's for real terrifying. And everyone's like, yo, do something about this guy. It's like, I'd have to train for five years.

[Guest]

I have to train, so I have to go back in time. I have to get a time machine and start training when I'm 10 years old. Oh, I have a gun.

[Shane]

Yeah, no, that would have been it. Have to be tase. He's got a tase. And just rip it, big bro. If you. If you. That's so scary. I guess, too. If he closed the distance, he would have.

[Guest]

I don't know if he clocked that Poirier's the man.

[Shane]

Yeah. It happens, dude. That happens.

[Guest]

I think everybody forgives him. Everyone's like, that was actually a sick video. It is kind of cool as that.

[Shane]

Yeah, dude.

[Guest]

Not that that's cool, but he pulled it off. Yeah.

[Shane]

Justin Timberlake did the same thing. He had a cool, drunk video. When the guy was like, what's. What are you doing?

[Guest]

He was like, it's gonna ruin the tour.

[Shane]

I'm.

[Guest]

It's gonna ruin the whole world tour.

[Shane]

I'm on a world tour.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

He's like, no, I'm actually.

[Guest]

This is gonna ruin the tour. He goes, what tour? The world tour.

[Shane]

Although then you see footage from the tour where he's just kind of like, don't care. Don't want to do this.

[Guest]

Jt, you're saying he mailed in the world tour? I haven't seen it.

[Shane]

There's a video. No. People were mad again. You never know what happens. But there was a video where he was just like, kind of, you know, the audience sings. He was just walking around on stage and just hitting this. He was kind of phoned in.

[Guest]

Phoned in the world tour.

[Shane]

But that's his. That's his business.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I want to get JT on so bad.

[Guest]

That'd be awesome.

[Shane]

So bad. I. I've. I. My strings that I could pull. I tried.

[Guest]

I had one. I think we can get HB on hb. Hunter Baht.

[Shane]

I think we get Hunter.

[Guest]

I think we get hb.

[Shane]

I think we get hb. And you know, again, I'm kidding about cocaine in the White House. Could have been anybody's, but literally could have been anyone's. If you want to. If you talk about cocaine, there's a lot that's a cocaine archetype. The whole.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Business of politics. So it was just obviously a clever joke on.

[Matt]

Of course.

[Shane]

Of course. I would love to get Hbone. HB and JT would be huge.

[Guest]

Simultaneously.

[Shane]

Simultaneously.

[Guest]

Yeah. We should start booking just random. Two random people.

[Shane]

I'll bring the clear podiums, and we'll have two people standing while we sit down, like, jt, you were drunk. Jt, you were drunk. That's so funny. Jt. Dui also, it's got to be crazy, a dui when you're JT and you're like, this isn't gonna affect me at all. This is like, okay, I'll just hire someone to drive me. This is minor inconvenience. You know what I mean?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

You know what I'm saying?

[Guest]

Yeah, for sure.

[Shane]

Can't believe I got profiled while I was driving. Tan.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's crazy. Dang.

[Guest]

You're getting too tan. Dude, I'm. Dude, I'm tan and jack.

[Shane]

I'm trying to see. You think you get.

[Guest]

If you keep getting more jacked, they're gonna go straight for the taser.

[Shane]

I feel like I'm at a plateau.

[Guest]

You're entering full threat territory.

[Shane]

I'll just be adjusting my shorts and I'll get taste.

[Guest]

You get full. Full threat territory.

[Shane]

I want to see how. How tan I can go. This is. I think I'm maxed out.

[Guest]

This is you. You can do.

[Shane]

You think?

[Guest]

I know you can do more.

[Shane]

Dude, I'm also. I think I'm plateauing. I don't think I'm getting.

[Guest]

No, I noticed how jacked you were.

[Shane]

No way.

[Guest]

When I walked in, I haven't seen you in 10 days. I was like, God damn. Well, what happened?

[Shane]

Competition's almost over. I've been doing a calorie competition.

[Guest]

With who?

[Shane]

Two of my neighbors.

[Guest]

What's the calorie?

[Shane]

My bros. Whoever burns the most calories total in the month of June wins. I'm. I'm pretty good. I'm on par to hit about, like, 35,000 for. For June.

[Guest]

It's crazy.

[Shane]

Yeah, it's been pretty. I had a 3,000-calorie day. I think it really, like me. That's why I really worry about having a heart attack. Yeah. I'm, like, really excited for this to end. I don't know why this is. This thing spiraled out of control, and now it's just complete panic. Every time I get an alert to my thing being like, blah, blah, blah, Started a workout. I'm like, bastard. I check my enemies every day. One of my enemies up there, like, all right, I gotta run four miles. It's been actually kind of fun.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Gallery off is a. It's been a fun thing. And it's honestly one of those things where they say, like, well, you can overtrain. You need rest days. I've had no rest days. It's been 30 days. It's like, maybe not. Maybe you actually don't need a rest day. Maybe it's all. Yeah.

[Guest]

Those rest days, really, they sink my battleship.

[Shane]

Yeah. They turn into rest.

[Guest]

Go to the gym for three days. I go, rest day. And then you go, I'm still sore. Double two rest days. And you go, it. I'm not going to. Back to the.

[Shane]

Yeah. It turns into rest month. Yeah. Turns out you don't really need them. They're sorry to break it to you guys, exercise physiologists and doctors. I'm definitely very healthy and I'm not going to have a heart attack because I've done like a thousand calories today for 30 days. I'm on. What's the day today?

[Guest]

Let me see.

[Shane]

Okay, dude. It's also it. I will say it's not fair in this competition because my friends have like, jobs they have to be at. So I. I'll hit like a two hour block. It's been actually.

[Guest]

Yeah, it's been.

[Shane]

It's been fun. But I will say I'm like, all right, this is. I gotta chill. This is. This is just not. It's not nice.

[Guest]

But. But yeah, stressful and negative things coming. Vitex? No, it's not that bad.

[Shane]

It never is as bad as you think, honestly.

[Guest]

I'll tell you this one.

[Shane]

What?

[Guest]

You think it's a bad one? Oh, no fair.

[Shane]

All right. We done?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it. Your next chapter in healthcare starts at Carrington College's School of Nursing in Portland. Join us for our open house on Tuesday, January 13th from 4 to 7pm you'll tour our campus, see live demos, meet instructors, and learn about our associate degree in nursing program that prepares you to become a registered nurse. Take the first step toward your nursing career. Save your spot now at Carrington Edu Events. For information on program outcomes, visit carrington. Edu Sci Fi.