Maxwell Leadership Executive Podcast
Episode #383: Rules of Resilience with Valorie Burton (Part 2)
Date: February 12, 2026
Host: Perry Holley and Chris Goede
Guest: Valorie Burton, author and executive coach
Overview
In this engaging follow-up episode, the Maxwell Leadership team continues their conversation with resilience expert and author Valorie Burton about her new book, "Rules of Resilience." Building on their previous discussion, the hosts and Valorie dive deep into the practical application of resilience—both in leadership and everyday life. This episode explores the ten "rules" of resilience, how leaders and teams can develop them as learnable, actionable skills, and why resilience is more important than ever for organizations, families, and individuals navigating today’s challenges. The discussion is candid, energetic, and packed with real-world examples, memorable quotes, and actionable takeaways.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
The Personal Resilience System
[02:53] Valorie Burton:
- Resilience is a skill that can be learned and strengthened at any stage; everyone already has some level of it.
- The personal resilience system is built on three pillars:
- Adaptive Skills (internal attitudes/strategies—how you think and adapt)
- Protective Resources (external resources—people, training, support)
- Preventive Measures (proactive choices to reduce potential adversity)
“Whether you have been intentional about cultivating those or not, you still have a personal system of resilience. It just, you might have a weak one or you might have a strong one. Wherever you are, you can always strengthen it more.” – Valorie Burton [03:02]
Teaching Resilience Early and at Home
[04:32] Valorie Burton:
- The origins of resilience research start with children; resilience should be taught young, in schools and at home.
- Practical for executives, leaders, and families: “Your six-year-old needs resilience too.”
“I really believe resilience should be learned in schools. It should be taught at a very young age so that we're practicing and understanding and not so surprised by the unexpected.” – Valorie Burton [04:47]
- The same principles apply across levels—it’s about translating and communicating them appropriately.
The Ten Rules of Resilience
1. Expect the Unexpected
[08:54] – [10:34]
- Foundational rule: Don’t let yourself be shocked by challenges, and be prepared for opportunities.
- Resilience isn’t just for overcoming setbacks, but also for seizing unexpected opportunities.
“Stop being so shocked by the unexpected. Be ready for it when it happens.… We need resilience for the unexpected opportunities that happen.” – Valorie Burton [08:55, 09:38]
2. Choose Thoughts that Strengthen You
[12:47] – [14:35]
- Raise your awareness of your self-talk; your thoughts drive your feelings and actions.
- Challenge unhelpful thoughts (“I can’t do this,” etc.) and replace them with ones that move you forward.
“…if you would become aware of your thoughts, you would realize how ridiculous the thought is that you're having.” – Valorie Burton [13:28]
“We’re going to have an immediate thought but we don’t have to stay in that thought.” – Chris Goede [15:50]
3. Focus on the Vision, Not the Obstacle
[23:51] – [25:47]
- When obstacles appear, it’s easy to focus on them and let them crowd out your vision—don’t lose sight of the goal.
- Use the vision as a magnet to pull you forward.
“When we focus in front of you, they start feeling bigger and bigger and bigger. So much so that the obstacle can start to crowd out the vision.” – Valorie Burton [24:00]
- Ask: “What do you want?” to redirect focus from problems to goals.
4. Control the Controllables, Accept the Rest
[17:23] – [18:49]
- Focus stress and energy on what you can control (attitude, strategy, choices).
- Accept that the rest is outside your locus of control.
“The most successful people have an internal locus of control. They look at what can I control.” – Valorie Burton [17:35]
5. Rally Your Resources
[19:13] – [21:11]
- Intentionally cultivate and value relationships, mentors, knowledge, and even money as resources—protective and supportive.
“Rallying your resources is also about being able to show up with authenticity right when there is a need. Sometimes rallying your resources means finding somebody who's already been there and done that.” – Valorie Burton [20:18]
6. Close Your Growth Gap
[26:05] – [27:36]
- In addition to performance goals, identify the personal growth required to achieve them.
- Don’t avoid areas of necessary growth—stretching a little can open paths to goals.
“If you didn't need to grow, in some ways, you probably would already be at that point.” – Valorie Burton [26:47]
7. Don’t Pretend, Don’t Defend
[28:17] – [29:08]
- Authenticity is key: Don’t ignore or defend problems—confront them honestly, both as an individual and a leader.
- Highlighted by an aviation example: safety improved dramatically when pilots could honestly report mistakes.
“You cannot conquer what you won’t confront. So it’s really important to notice where you might be pretending there’s not really a problem.” – Valorie Burton [28:17]
8. Find the Opportunity in the Challenge
[21:18] – [22:42]
- Practice realistic optimism—see problems as chances for growth, creativity, or new paths.
- Ask: “What’s the opportunity in this challenge?” even if you wouldn’t have chosen it.
“It means that if you’re dealing with it, you’re going to glean a lesson from it, you’re going to get some wisdom from it.” – Valorie Burton [22:09]
9. Know When to Grit, Know When to Quit
[30:33] – [32:27]
- “Never give up” is not always wise—sometimes, quitting is the best choice if purpose or benefit is lost.
- Evaluate when perseverance serves your vision and when letting go is healthier.
“Sometimes quitting is the best option…doesn’t mean you’re quitting on seeing your grandkids, of course, but right now might not be the right time.” – Valorie Burton [31:44]
10. Close Your Energy Gap
[33:41] – [37:45]
- Assess the “energy gap”: Are your energy reserves sufficient for your challenges?
- Happiness and positive energy lead to success (not the other way around).
- Leaders must manage their energy and its effect on the team (“leadership is contagious”).
“It’s not our success that causes long-term happiness, it is our happiness that actually causes us to be successful.” – Valorie Burton [36:25]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “Resilience is not a plaque on the wall. Leaders, we’ve got to live this out. We have to model it. And especially when we’re under pressure…because then our team, it’s contagious.” – Chris Goede [39:14]
- “You get so many opportunities every day to practice it…there’s no lack of time to practice this.” – Perry Holley [40:03]
Lighthearted Moments
- [02:06] Valorie corrects the usage of “preventive” vs. “preventative,” bringing levity with a grammar tangent.
- [22:42] Perry humorously references college breakups leading to meeting his wife, showing how setbacks can become opportunities.
- [22:49] Chris cites Garth Brooks: “the great philosopher Garth Brooks once had a song that said ‘unanswered prayers’…” tying pop culture to resilience.
Timestamps for Major Segments
| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|----------------------------------------------------------| | 02:53 | The Three Pillars of Personal Resilience | | 04:32 | Teaching Resilience to Kids and at Home | | 08:54 | Rules of Resilience Begin: Rule 1 “Expect the Unexpected”| | 12:47 | Rule 2 “Choose Thoughts that Strengthen You” | | 17:23 | Rule 4 “Control the Controllables, Accept the Rest” | | 19:13 | Rule 5 “Rally Your Resources” | | 21:18 | Rule 8 “Find the Opportunity in the Challenge” | | 23:51 | Rule 3 “Focus on the Vision, Not the Obstacle” | | 26:05 | Rule 6 “Close Your Growth Gap” | | 28:17 | Rule 7 “Don’t Pretend, Don’t Defend” | | 30:33 | Rule 9 “Know When to Grit, Know When to Quit” | | 33:41 | Rule 10 “Close Your Energy Gap” | | 37:45 | Emotional, mental, and relational energy in resilience |
Flow, Tone, and Takeaways
The episode is conversational, practical, and encouraging. The hosts bring humor and authenticity, while Valorie offers actionable insight and relatable examples. Rather than presenting resilience as abstract or innate, they highlight it as an accessible, learnable skill relevant for leaders, teams, parents, and anyone managing real-world stressors and opportunities.
Listeners walk away with:
- A framework for personal and organizational resilience (three pillars + ten rules).
- Ways to shift mindset and behavior to increase adaptive capacity.
- Insight into making resilience part of leadership culture and daily practice.
For Further Learning
Listeners are encouraged to:
- Download the learner guide for this episode [see website].
- Reflect on and apply the ten rules to their personal and professional challenges.
- Bring resilience conversations to their teams and organizations.
Contact & Resources:
Visit maxwellleadership.com/executivepodcast for guides, training resources, and further coaching.
Episode’s Core Message
Resilience is not just for major crises, it’s an everyday, learnable skill that enables individuals and teams to thrive amid both adversity and opportunity. By cultivating adaptive skills, building protective resources, and taking preventive measures—all underpinned by ten practical rules—everyone from executives to children can increase their capacity to navigate life’s inevitable ups and downs. Leaders must model this, as resilience (like leadership) is contagious.