Re-Air: Howie Mandel: Never Too Late to Make A Change

Summary

Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown — Re-Air: Howie Mandel: Never Too Late to Make A Change

Original Air Date: October 17, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this special re-airing for OCD Awareness Week, Mayim Bialik sits down with legendary comedian and TV personality Howie Mandel for a vulnerable, insightful, and often hilarious deep dive into mental health, resilience, and the power of distraction. With candor and wit, Howie opens up about his lifelong struggles with OCD, ADHD, anxiety, and depression, exploring how these challenges shaped his life, relationships, and wildly successful career in comedy and television.

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Major Discussion Themes

Early Life, Family, and Quirks

• Canadian Roots & Family Background:

  • Howie shares anecdotes about his childhood in Toronto, his parents' hard work, and growing up with ADHD and undiagnosed OCD.
  • Quote: “Being me is a nightmare.” (05:30)

• Childhood Eccentricities:

  • Howie recalls being a self-identified pariah in school, not a class clown, often acting impulsively without awareness of consequences.
  • Memorable Story: Pranking a school with a false contracting call and watching the chaos unfold through a classroom window, a longing to recreate the feeling of inclusion he saw on ‘Candid Camera’. (07:40-11:00)

• Humor as a Coping Mechanism:

  • Comedy was initially a way to connect to his parents and others. Rather than seeking attention, Howie was just wired differently.
  • Quote: “All my writing is basically done on stage, in the moment.” (25:19)

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Comedy, Career, and the Power of Distraction

• Accidental Start in Stand-Up:

  • Howie’s first time on stage at Toronto’s Yuk Yuk’s was on a dare. Both his jitters and OCD quirks inadvertently became the foundation of his act.
  • Quote (on stage terror): “My life is so fucked up, I mean my head, that I’m always worried about what might happen... My resting state is terror.” (21:24)
  • Rubber Glove Routine: Howie's iconic glove bit was born from his mysophobia; it became his comedy closer. (23:30)

• Philosophy on Comedy:

  • Howie prefers unscripted, in-the-moment jokes and relishes awkwardness. For him, comedy is most powerful when it emerges from discomfort and reality, not contrived setups.
  • Notable Story: Calling out an unresponsive audience member, then turning the moment around when realizing the man is blind—salvaging a comedy disaster with sharp improv. (26:41-29:00)

• Distraction as a Lifeline:

  • Stand-up gives Howie “the biggest safety net,” as it forces him to be completely present and keeps dark thoughts at bay.
  • Quote: “The only place I’m comfortable, I’m in the moment.” (24:29)

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Relationships, Family, and Late-Life Diagnosis

• Marriage and Family Dynamics:

  • Howie’s long marriage is a testament to his wife’s patience; his undiagnosed OCD/ADHD put strain on those closest to him. Eventually, his wife gave an ultimatum to seek help.
  • Quote: “Living with me is the skill. Being me is a nightmare.” (05:30)
  • On Therapy: His wife finally said, “I can’t do this anymore,” prompting Howie to start therapy in his 40s. (35:43)

• Therapy and Control:

  • Learning that happiness comes from within and you can only control yourself—not others.
  • Quote (on control): “You spend a good part of your energy trying to control everything around you... The only person you really have control over is yourself.” (35:53)

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Mental Health Insights & Coping Strategies

• Misery as a Resting State:

  • Howie normalizes misery, emphasizing that success, fame, or wealth don’t equate to happiness.
  • Quote: “My resting mood is misery. It really is.” (35:53)

• Adaptive Coping (Medication & Therapy):

  • Howie emphasizes being open and adaptable with mental health treatments—no “silver bullet,” and what works may change over time.
  • Quote: “It’s just about being open and malleable to recognizing that this is an issue and being willing to be open to whatever coping mechanism.” (51:16)

• Debunking OCD Stereotypes:

  • Both Howie and Mayim discuss the frustration of OCD being minimized or misunderstood by the public.
  • Mayim (on OCD): “Stacking your shoes is not evidence.” (53:36)
  • Howie: “OCD for me... totally stops my life. When I am suffering... I can't deal with life. I've missed appointments... productions. It stops my fucking life.” (54:09-54:28)

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Cultural Identity & Spirituality

• Judaism and Comedy:

  • Howie explores how Jewish culture and generational trauma inform humor and anxiety. He shares personal experiences observing mourning rituals (Kaddish) while on tour.
  • Quote: “Culturally, we are probably to our own detriment, incredibly self-aware. That's why there's a lot of Jewish comedians.” (43:59)

• Spiritual Perspective:

  • Howie finds meaning in Talmudic teachings and the value system of tzedakah (charity and helping others quietly).
  • Quote: “As a human being, your presence on this earth—people should be better for knowing you... that's a good kind of path to follow.” (49:58)

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Ongoing Struggles, Humor, and Hope

• Pranks and Playfulness:

  • Howie continues self-amusement with prank calls, finding joy in harmless mischief, such as keeping telemarketers on the phone for almost an hour. (58:08-58:48)

• Social Anxiety:

  • While comfortable on stage, Howie shares his ongoing struggles with social anxiety—even today.
  • Quote: “If I talk to somebody, I bored them to death. I'm coming off like an idiot... And then I go home or I make an excuse or I'm out. I have social anxiety. I have horrible, horrible depression. I have everything.” (60:09-60:06)

• Podcasting as Coping:

  • His podcast with his daughter serves as connection, distraction, and genetic continuity—helping both navigate pandemic isolation and ongoing mental health struggles.
  • Quote: “That became our podcast... I don't have sponsors–we’re just doing it out of the love of doing it.” (56:31-58:00)

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On OCD and Comedy:
  “If they're gifts, I'd love to return them or re gift.” (05:57, Howie Mandel)

• On Jewish Humor:
  “If there's ten Jews at a table, you will be familiar with one of them’s bowel movements in the last two weeks.” (43:59, Howie Mandel)

• On Living with OCD:
  “When I am suffering... I can't deal with life. I've missed appointments, I've missed productions. It stops my fucking life.” (54:09, Howie Mandel)

• On Being in the Moment:
  “The only place I’m comfortable, I’m in the moment... it really makes me the most present.” (24:29, Howie Mandel)

• On Therapy and Family:
  “My wife finally said, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’” (35:43, Howie Mandel)

• On Mental Health Treatment:
  “It’s just about being open and malleable to recognizing that this is an issue and being willing to be open to whatever coping mechanism.” (51:16, Howie Mandel)

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Key Timestamps

• 04:00-06:45 – Childhood in Canada, family, and comedic influences
• 07:40-11:00 – Candid Camera, pranks, and early signs of OCD & impulsivity
• 19:28-24:29 – First steps into stand-up, accidental career, the comfort of stage presence
• 30:04-33:10 – Dating, marriage, and the impact of quirky behaviors on relationships
• 35:43-37:41 – Therapy, control, and adapting to life with diagnosed OCD & ADHD
• 42:01-50:31 – Jewish culture, mourning rituals, spirituality, and core beliefs
• 51:16-55:01 – Therapy, medication, and the mechanics of living with mental illness
• 58:08-58:48 – Prank calls as self-care; ongoing habits
• 59:39-60:54 – Social anxiety, self-doubt, and vulnerability

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Episode Takeaways

• Mental Health is Ongoing Work: Howie’s candidness drives home that living with mental illness is a lifelong process; improvement requires openness, experimentation, and support.
• Comedy Arises from Struggle: Many of Howie’s greatest comedic strengths are woven from, not in spite of, his anxieties and rituals.
• Support and Understanding Matter: Change often begins with honest conversations—within families, in therapy, and publicly, to fight stigma.
• Self-Acceptance and Service: Howie highlights the importance of striving to be a better person, to help others, and to find moments of contentment through passion.

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Listener Q&A Highlight

• Can you meditate yourself out of mental illness?
  • Mayim's Answer: Meditation is effective as a supportive tool but not a stand-alone cure. It's most helpful as part of a broad mental health strategy including therapy, medication, and other coping mechanisms. (65:05-66:36)

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a masterclass in vulnerability and levity, offering both practical advice and heartfelt encouragement for those navigating mental health challenges. Howie Mandel’s story imparts the radical message that “it’s worth the fight, it’s worth the struggle”—and sometimes, just being open to help is the bravest first step.

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For more resources, subscribe to Mayim Bialik's Breakdown and explore their Substack community.

Transcript

[Howie Mandel]

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[Mayim Bialik]

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[Howie Mandel]

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[Mayim Bialik]

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[Jonathan]

And I'm Jonathan.

[Mayim Bialik]

And welcome to our Breakdown. Today, in honor of OCD Awareness Week, we're going to revisit one of our episodes with the one and only Howie Mandel. Now, you may know Howie Mandel from America's Got Talent or Deal or no Deal or the Howie Mandel Does Stuff podcast. I know him as a stand up comedian from when I was much younger and he was too. Howie chose to come on our podcast and talk very, very intimately about his struggles with obsessive compulsive disorder and also adhd, anxiety and depression.

[Jonathan]

Howie discusses the rituals and intrusive thoughts that force him to hit pause on life, why he finally decided to seek professional treatment, and how his diagnosis has affected his path in life.

[Mayim Bialik]

And we're really, really excited to present this. It's such a perfect conversation as we have OCD Awareness Week. Also, my thesis was on obsessive compulsive disorder. So this is a topic that was very, very interesting to me and I was so grateful to have Howie talk about it. So many people know that he doesn't shake hands and you know all these things, but for him to describe the details of what it looks like, I think is a really great way for us to kind of honor this week and encourage people who might want to seek help and find res to do so for them and for their families.

[Jonathan]

Do you ever wonder what's happening in Mayim and Jonathan's head and wish you could hear more of what we're thinking? You can do so on Substack. Check us out at Mayim Bialik's Breakdown On Substack, where the Breaker community is growing, and we release content there that is very special and unique to that community.

[Mayim Bialik]

We hope to see you over there. And now we hope that you enjoy taking a look back at our episode with Howie Mandel in honor of OCD Awareness Week. Break it down. Hello. Where. Where are you, by the way? What's the fun house behind you?

[Howie Mandel]

This is my little podcast studio.

[Mayim Bialik]

What are the things behind you? Is that a. You put a coin in, you get.

[Howie Mandel]

A toy, this thing? Yes. So this was. I did a show in the 90s. In the late 1900s, I did a show, Bobby's World on Fox. It was an animated show. So these are. This was in, I don't know, like a Dave and Buster's or whatever. They had a lot of merchandise. You know, I have Happy Meals here. This was the Bobby character. There was, like, a live show that went out and they did. Somebody was in that and danced and sang. And this is just my career in toys behind me.

[Mayim Bialik]

We're really, really excited to talk to you, really, about a lot of different aspects of your life. But we'll start with the most important to Jonathan. Let's talk Canada.

[Howie Mandel]

Are you Canadian, Jonathan?

[Jonathan]

I am. We represent here. I don't know if you can see our little tiny Canadian flag.

[Howie Mandel]

Oh, that's quite a representation. This makes you seem bigger. Where are you from, Jonathan?

[Jonathan]

I'm actually from North York, and I played on the Willowdale Blackhawks, which. Your bio. Your. The little research we got sent to us says that you're from Willows, too.

[Howie Mandel]

I'm from Bathurst and Finch or Bathurst and Steele's. What school did you go to?

[Jonathan]

I went to York Mills High School for a couple years, and then I. Northview Vanier.

[Howie Mandel]

In Newton Brook.

[Jonathan]

Yeah, I had family at Newton Brook. I was at Bayview and 401. Started at Finch. Around the Finch.

[Howie Mandel]

And if you have, like, if somebody has a roadmap of Canada or ways. If you look at ways, this will be an interesting part of the podcast. We're naming streets. But I went to a lot of different high schools, unlike you, Miami, I feel very. I don't even have a ged. No, I don't.

[Mayim Bialik]

Well, we were very excited to speak to you. Also, from the Canadian perspective, Jonathan does represent here. I tease him about how he speaks all the time, so that will likely happen today as well. But no, it's really a pleasure to talk to you. I grew up knowing who you were and appreciating, loving your comedy, but I didn't realize Until I really looked at your bio, like what an incredible career you've had. You've done so many different kinds of things and you really, I mean, I don't wanna say reinventing cuz it's not like you needed to reinvent yourself, but there are so many different aspects of you and you've been married a really long time. And I was like that in and of itself. That's amazing.

[Howie Mandel]

So, you know, not for me. I'm the lucky guy. She's the one that puts in all the work and the effort. Living with me is the skill. Being me is a nightmare.

[Mayim Bialik]

Take us back a little bit. I would like to know a bit about how you grew up and what your kind of family life was like. Were you raised in an industry family? Did you have siblings? Yeah. Tell us a little bit about sort of like, are you a Howard who goes by Howie?

[Howie Mandel]

I am Howard. You know, Howard was, I have a little bit of a PTSD about Howard. Howard was. Anybody who calls me Howard was never happy with me in the moment. Howard was, you know, admonishment. Right. It was like, Howard, Howard. And I was. And there was a lot of that more than, oh, it's Howie. Because, you know, I grew up, I'm 66 years old and I grew, grew up in a time where. And that's why I love that you're doing this podcast, you know, And I believe there still is a great stigma attached to mental health, but I do think that mental health is equally if not more important than physical health. And I believe that good mental health leads to and helps with good physical health. They're, they're attached. I've actually gone and spoken on Capitol Hill to try to get insurance companies to parody the, the amount that they will invest in mental health, you know. But that being said, I've had issues from the time I was born, but they were never really. I have a really good, happy family life, really. I don't use the word normal, but kind of relatable. I grew up with my brother and I, it's, it's. We're two siblings. I grew up in an apartment building. We shared a room. My parents were really hard workers. Later in life, my mother became like the number one salesperson of real estate in Canada. No aspirations to be in show business, didn't want to be in show business. Part of the things that I personally suffer from, which has been, were diagnosed in my 40s are ADHD and anxiety and depression and OCD. And I had all of those from my earliest recollections and they don't serve me at all. People say, are they gifts? If they're gifts, I'd love to return them or re gift, you know. But the thing is that part of each one of these things is the inability to. Well, now I have ability, I'm medicated, I'm under and have a lot of therapy, but I don't think of ramifications. I just kind of act on impulse. And those impulses sometimes didn't serve me. And in fact they didn't serve me as a child in my home I was loved and supported. Outside I wasn't because I think every child wants to be like everybody else. You kind of don't want to stick out. That's not a good thing. Uniqueness. And I wasn't the class clown. I was a class pariah. You know, I'd be making, making noises or I would stand up in the middle of class and shout something out. You know. My family was very much into comedy and as far as watching it on television, my dad would buy albums and I'd hear my parents laughing in the living room and I wanted to be part of that. You know, I kind of recognized that laughter was a, was a great magnet, you know. And I. But I would go into the living room. I've talked about this many times. But I'd go into the living room and they'd be watching a stand up comic. And I was four years old. I didn't really understand anything that was being said. You know, if the guy was making jokes, jokes about a mother in law. I didn't even know what a mother in law was. I was four. And so my first kind of entree into kind of understanding a little bit of comedy was Candid Camera. Are you gonna take notes?

[Jonathan]

I like to jot little things down. Cause we circle back, I'm very studious.

[Howie Mandel]

I love that. And it's been years since I've seen a pencil. I think I forgot cursive as we sit here. You could text. But anyway, I was watching Alan Funt. Do you know Candid Camera?

[Mayim Bialik]

I actually did a. I co hosted a reboot of Candid Camera with Peter.

[Howie Mandel]

With their son. Right?

[Mayim Bialik]

Yeah. So I love that world and I think it's some of the most interesting sociological comedy that there is. But go ahead.

[Howie Mandel]

So the first time my parents were watching it and it was a staple on Sunday nights in the 50s and even in the 60s. I remember sitting down one day and I'll never forget this. Cause this kind of changed my trajectory, my whole path My whole life path, I was sitting down, I was four. And Alan Funt was this nice man who was sitting there kind of explaining to me and everybody in the audience that I'm going to pretend that this is my office and I'm the boss and we're going to hire receptionist and I'm going to tell these ladies that they have to answer the phone and their one responsibility is not to miss a phone call and to take messages. And I'm going to make that imperative. But here's what we've done. We tied a rope to the leg of the desk, and every time the phone rings, when she goes to reach for the phone, it goes through the wall. Somebody's gonna pull the rope on the other side and the desk is gonna go away. And we'll see how she. Well, that I understood, right, that you didn't have to be. And that anticipation. I remember like turning around to my parents and go, oh my God, we're all included in this. It was the best feeling in the world. It's kind of like that feeling of like when you have, we're making somebody a surprise party and they go, she's coming up, she's coming up on the, the driveway and everybody just hide. Everybody just hide. And so it was like this party. And then the first time the phone rang and she went to reach for it and the desk went away. I mean, there was this visceral, like, laugh, all of us together. And it was the first time I was included in the laughter. And from that moment on, with no aspirations to be a comedian or to be in show business, I've always tried to reclaim that moment. And that moment hit on so many different levels. Number one, it was entertaining and funny. Number two, it was relatable. Because even as a kid, you go, oh my God. If I was sitting in a room and I saw a table move away and I didn't know it was, I think I'd be scared. So it was like this relatability to humanity. I mean, I'm being more articulate than I would be as a four year old. But I know I had all these feelings and from that moment on, it was such a good feeling that I always tried to reclaim that feeling, but I wasn't sophisticated enough. Maybe I was just an idiot to know that this was a television show, number one. Number two, I don't have a television show. Number three, I don't even have a friend or an audience. But I'm going to do these things just because they're good. I'M going to plan. And I didn't have the wherewithal to even tell one other person, this is what I'm going to do. I've told some of the stories a little bit later on in my life, but whether it was phoning out of the Yellow Pages, a contracting, building, contracting company, and telling them and giving them my name, my name's Howie Mandela. Didn't disguise my voice or anything. And saying, we're thinking of putting an addition onto the library, you know, and at 3 o', clock, could you come out and give me an estimation? Knowing. Because at three o' clock, I would be sitting in math class and I could look down on the field and just me alone. Like, it would be better. I don't understand the psyche that I was working on. It would be better if I said to a friend, you know, you're not going to believe it. I called a company. When you see the guy who's going to be measuring, I didn't tell anybody. So now I'm sitting in math. There's a guy with a tape measure and a clipboard in the field. I'm just. Everybody's doing math. And like an insane person, I'm just giggling. I'm looking out the window and giggling at nothing. And if the teacher asks what I'm giggling at, the guy's there, he's measuring. And then you see the principal walk out to the guy in the field, and I know. I can only imagine what that conversation is. And then I see him, I see the guy leave, and I see the principal, like, in a huff, go back into the office. And then you hear over the PA System, will Howard Mandel please come to the office? And I go to the office, and I'm standing there, and he goes, did you call somebody to put an addition onto the library? And I say, no. He said, well, he has your name. I go, I didn't ask him to do it. I'm getting three estimates. And he did not laugh. And I just thought it was great to. I love that discomfort, you know. And he said, wait here and we'll call your parents. And they called my parents. My parents were sitting there. And he reiterated the story to my parents. And I could see my parents were, like, just biting their lip because they're supposed to discipline. But they can see the humor in it. You know, that was one of many, many, many, many things every day that I was doing that wasn't endearing me. I wasn't the class clown, you know, I was just this pariah, this weird Little man who looked like a little girl. I was 4 foot 10 years old. 4 foot 10, inc. I. My hair was past my. My voice hadn't changed. Girls didn't like me. I wasn't on any sports teams. You know, it was just like, I was just this person that would do things by myself and giggle, you know, and so that didn't get me a lot of. And then, you know, like, even the other things with my ocd, I've talked about my mysophobia, which is just the fear of germs and things. I have a younger brother. When we would fight, it was just known in the house that if he would lift the lid of the laundry hamper and hold it up, I would scream like a little girl and run. So he could win any fight. But it was just, you know, Howie's quirky, right? You know how until I was in my 40s and my wife finally gave me an ultimatum and said, you know, if you really. If you don't take care of yourself, if you don't go find out, it's just really hard to live with this for everybody. Because I was making. You know, I went and built a guest house in case the kids had a cold.

[Mayim Bialik]

Right? Okay, wait. So hold on, hold on. I want to get to it. I want to get to it. But take us like. Like, let's go. From. From. Little Howie did this shift in junior high. In high school, what was your. This was just. You. Like, this was Howie. That was your experience all the way through, so.

[Howie Mandel]

Because another thing is I can't focus, and I can't sit. You know, if they allowed me, because I have adhd, so I would get up in the middle of class and just, wow, you know, and sorry, you know, and that sounds weird, but just a kid getting up in the class and just yelling or just, you know, I would do things, and they go, who was that? It was me. Why'd you do that? I go, I don't know. I just. I just. I can't sit anymore. And they go, sit down or go to the office. So. And I'm really. That's why I'm fascinated by you. You know, I love math and science. Math and science, to me, are, like, doing puzzles. And I was really good. I'm still really good in math. You know, I didn't get to go far enough in. In science. When. Before I graduated, you know, I got thrown out of that school for the. With the contractor. They put me in another high school. I put in another high school. I got thrown Out. I got thrown out of three different high schools before. I was incredibly depressed. I was again, like 5ft tall. I got a job in a carpet warehouse. All my friends went on. They were still in school. They went to college. I didn't have anybody. I'll let you ask the questions. But I got thrown out of school. So now not only did I not have friends, I was living. I was on a different life path than anybody else.

[Mayim Bialik]

And what did your dad do? You mentioned your mom eventually got into real estate.

[Howie Mandel]

My dad was in sales. My dad was like an entrepreneur who did well. When I was little. He was a car salesman. And then he became a. He was in the stock market. And then the last thing is he bought a club, a bar and a hotel in Stratford, Ontario, Canada. And Stratford, Ontario, Canada, is famous for in North America for the Royal Shakespearean Festival. So my dad was really into counter programming and he opened a strip bar across the street. And I would go sometimes, but he had a sense of humor. I remember like, the headlining act was Princess glow, who was 300 naked woman who would take a bubble bath in a giant champagne glass. And she'd be soaking wet and soaked up, and then she'd climb not so gracefully out of the cup and walk around the room and drop her giant wet breasts on bald men's heads.

[Mayim Bialik]

Your father was an entrepreneur. That's what that word is for.

[Howie Mandel]

Yeah, I don't know what that is, but I saw that. I never saw any. I didn't see any of Shakespeare. That's the only play I was able to see. But.

[Mayim Bialik]

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[Howie Mandel]

So I went in the late 70s, in the mid-70s, disco was all the rage and I wasn't at. That's like the height of Studio 54 in New York. And as I told you, I didn't play sports, so I didn't. I couldn't go to the Y once a week and get a basketball game with friends. I don't gamble, so I didn't have a poker game or cards. I don't really drink, so I didn't go to the clubs and dance. I had nothing. They opened a club called Yuk Yuks in Toronto, and that was around the same time as Catch A Rising Star. And the Comedy Store opened and somebody said one night, do you want to go to the comedy club? And I said, okay. I'd never been to a stand up comedy club. I wasn't part of Second City and I'd never been to anything like that. And I went to the comedy club and it was the first time where I saw, I'd never seen, aside from on the Johnny Carson show, I'd never watched stand up comedy. But there were people that were like my age and from the. They seemed like ne' er do wells who were willing to share, you know, their, their experiences and the related. And it was fun. It was a fun night. And somebody. And then at the end of the night, Mark Breslin, who owned the place and it was the emcee, came out and said, you know, we also have after midnight, if you think that you have what it takes to do this, we have an amateur night and who wants to do it? And somebody at the table went, you should get up, Howie. And I went, okay. Because I always do. I always say okay. And still to this day, and that's my philosophy, which we'll talk about a little later. But it's also without any thought of ramifications. You know, this is before I formed kind of a life path, but I just said, okay. And without any thought. I didn't prepare. I didn't want to be a comedian. I didn't think about it.

[Mayim Bialik]

What did you think you wanted to do in life? Like at that time in your life, if we would have said, what do you want to do?

[Howie Mandel]

I don't have a thought. I don't have a thought of what I want to do tomorrow.

[Mayim Bialik]

Got it?

[Howie Mandel]

And I still don't have that. It's just. I just live. Try to live in the now because my mind is so. Can I swear on here?

[Mayim Bialik]

Yeah, yeah.

[Howie Mandel]

My life is so fucked up. I mean my head that I'm always worried about what might happen. I'm always second guessing what did happen. I'm just so worried. And I live in my resting state is terror. So if things happen in the moment, I just like to live in the moment. And if I thought of any joke, it was just in that moment I was going to get up on stage and if there was a joke, the joke was somebody was going to introduce Howie Mandel. There's no reason for Howie Mandel to be on the stage. And if anybody from my school is in the audience or anybody that knew me from before, it's just the moment.

[Mayim Bialik]

So what happens? So you get up there, I get up.

[Howie Mandel]

He goes, ladies and gentlemen, Howie Mandel. I'd never been on a stage before. And I hit the stage with my arms out and I've never been on a stage. And the spotlight is. It blinds you. You've been on the stage. It just blinds me. I've never been in that kind of. And I look, I could smell the microphone, the shitty beer breath, you know. And then within 30 seconds or 20 seconds, the applause dies down. And I'm standing there in quiet and I'm looking down. I could see people in the front row looking up at me like these strangers, like going, okay, okay. And then I remember it's sheer fucking terror. Just terror. I'm just. It's like that dream where you show up at a party in your underpants. I kind of, without any thought was displaying the terror out loud. I would go, okay, okay, all right. And if you watch my old videos of old, how that's just terror with nothing to back it up. So I'd go, okay, all right, okay, okay, here's what. Okay. And I was just trying to think of things or all right. And they started giggling at my discomfort. And when they were giggling, I was also got very self conscious. So I'd go. I go, what?

[Mayim Bialik]

What?

[Howie Mandel]

No, tell me what. And say things like, please don't laugh, it's throwing me off. Like, which got bigger laughs, right? And then I put my hands in my. I put my hands in my pocket and I told You. I suffered from OCD and myselfobia. I didn't want to touch things. I always had rubber gloves with me because if out I'd have to go to a public restroom. I didn't want to touch anything. And I pulled out a rubber glove and I go, look. I didn't have.

[Mayim Bialik]

Look.

[Howie Mandel]

That was it. I had a rubber glove. And the way you're looking at me right now and going, what the fuck is that? And so I don't know what came over me except the glove. I pulled the glove over my head and I pulled it down beyond my nose, and I started breathing, and the fingers were going up and down, up and down, and people were laughing even more. And I blew it up and it popped off my head, and the whole audience applauded. And I went, good night. And I ran off in the hallway. Mark comes up to me, goes, was amazing. You gotta come back tomorrow. And I went, for what? And he goes, to do comedy. I go, what am I gonna do? He goes, do the same thing. I go, what the fuck did I do? What did I do? And I started showing up at Yuk Yuk's, you know, and it was. That was my respite. That was a thing. Nothing. The most comfortable place on earth for me, even to this day, is on stage at a comedy club. And because nothing keeps me in the moment, the only place I'm comfortable, I'm in the moment. I can't worry about what's going to happen two minutes from now. I only worry about what I'm saying in that second. Right. That really makes me the most present. It's kind of like my analogy is like on a roller coaster. I love thrill rides because it does the same thing. The scarier it is, the closer to death you think you're going to become, and the adrenaline runs. You're not thinking about what you did yesterday. You're not thinking about what might happen tomorrow. As you go in that death drop. And that is exhilarating, that is. It pumps adrenaline and you feel alive and you feel otherwise quiet is not good for me.

[Jonathan]

In those early days, in those early shows, tell us a little bit about the process. Like, did you start writing for them? Did you show up the next time and it was just like that in the moment, did you realize, hey, this is my shtick? Like, when did it sort of click in that you weren't just sort of totally winging it, or did you just continue to totally wing it?

[Howie Mandel]

Well, even to this day, winging it is my favorite thing to do. So obviously I knew that if I blew the rubber glove up, that would be the closing. So I always closed with a rubber glove or, you know, I had this voice that I did, which eventually became Bobby and Gizmo and Gremlins and things like that. That was me. That was from me choking on a piece of cake, and it was halfway down my throat, you know, and I knew that that was the. You know, if I did those things, they were crowd pleasers, if not. But the best thing for me, even today, if there's a technical glitch, if something happens in the moment and I'm taken off that path, those are the best moments for me. And I don't mind, you know, the terror of quiet or having an audience turn on me. And if I could just claw myself back to acceptance, then I feel like that's the most fun. So it wasn't like I sat down and I don't have the discipline that, like, Seinfeld has to sit down and write and create and sit there like it's a job. All my writing is basically done on stage, in the moment. But after 45 years, I have a plethora of stuff that I know that wins and could get it, and people want to hear it again or they want to hear the voice. But my favorite moments that I constantly go for is trouble that I know that is unique to that moment and that that time.

[Jonathan]

Did you bomb in those early days? Like, did you. Because I'm sort of fascinated now.

[Howie Mandel]

I bomb, yes, but I don't mind it. I do. I'll get a corporate gig and, you know, try something and. And I like those moments of bombing. I tell. There was a story where you always focus on the harder standing in front of an audience. I remember being at Radio City Music hall and just killing, just killing. And once you start killing, you're on a roll. It's kind of easy, you know what I mean? You get a rhythm, and they're all laughing. They laugh at everything you do, even though each thing you say, it doesn't really deserve that. But I had the audience, except for one guy up front who wasn't focused on me, wasn't looking at me, wasn't really responding. And I don't know why, for whatever reason, I ruined the rhythm of the. Of the moment. And I just went, stop for a second, everybody. The fuck is with this? There's this idiot in the front row. He hasn't made any eye contact with me. He's not looking at me. The fuck is your problem? And the lady Beside him goes, he's blind. And I repeated, you know, because the whole audio, the 7000, I went, he's blind. And you could hear that, the joy being sucked out of the room. My heart dropped into my stomach. You know, I just ruined. I go, this is like. I guess this is whatever the opposite of comedy gold was. This moment like shit in your pants as far as in front of 7,000 people. And then, you know, there I was and I'd ruined the moment, and the moment was ruined. But then I kind of just became that knee jerk guy who just does what's on his mind. And I said. I said, let me ask one question. Listen, I'm not making fun of you. I want to ask a question. Why. Why the fuck would you buy a blind person front row seats? You could put this idiot in the balcony, tell him it's in the front row. But no, I got you good. You could lie with, what the fuck are you doing? And that got the audience back. And that's kind of like that. That's kind of emblematic of the kind of moments that I hope and pray for. Not that I purposely will do something, but when it's real. And that's why I love pranking. Because there for me, that feeling of awkwardness, of being out of place, out of fear of somebody being annoyed is so much better than. I don't like jokes. When somebody comes up to me and says, I want to tell you a joke, and they say two guys walked into a bar. Well, they didn't. Nobody walked into the bar. You don't know what happened. You're just making up a story and pretend isn't funny to me. I like reality and I like to be able to relate to it. But if somebody's in that kind of. I don't think it's mean either. I think that I would probably go along, you know, to watch terror in somebody's eyes for a moment. To walk into a dry cleaner with a shirt soaked in blood going, can I get this done in an hour? And if the cops come in, please don't tell them, give them any of my information. You know, and they think that they're an accessory to a murder and explain to me why they don't want to do my shirt. That's. I don't need an audience. You know, a lot of comedians say if they could just make one person laugh, they're doing their job for me, it just has to be me.

[Mayim Bialik]

What was it like for you to try and date? Hell, yeah, I want to know. I Want to know about it? Because, like, I'll give you an example.

[Howie Mandel]

On my wife. On the first date I had with my wife, I had a reputation, you know, And I. And I pursued it for a long time before she would even agree to go out with me. And I'm from Toronto, Canada, and I took her out on a date. The first time I dated her, I had. I borrowed my mom's car, and I remember it was a Cutlass, a 1967 Cutlass or something. I managed the middle of the winter, and I. I got her in the car. We were going to a movie or something, and I made a left turn, and I hit an ice patch, and the car started spinning, spinning like crazy. And then we hit the center aisle, and the car went up on its side and was about to turn over, but just as it did, just as it was about to turn over, it fell back and fell back on the wheels. I got to tell you that I thought I was this close to death, and I was really close. I almost cried. I was gonna cry. And my wife turned to me. She wasn't my wife. She was the girl I was dating at the point. At the time. She looked at me and she goes, very funny. It's not a joke. She goes, I know you. You're always doing crazy shit. No, I swear to you, this is. I didn't. I wouldn't. This is not so. Like, that was the. The reputation that preceded me. If I. If a girl would say, okay, and then her parents knew that she was gonna go out with me, they would discourage her, or they had to meet me someplace else so parents wouldn't see me. I had, like, the worst reputation. And I swear to you, I'm a good person. I am. But I couldn't control. There was no. I couldn't control my. My behavior.

[Mayim Bialik]

So you continued dating said woman, and did you kind of have an awareness at that time over kind of your quirks, or was it really. I mean, you got married. Like, was there. When did you sort of. Of start digging into more about the things about you that maybe weren't so acceptable to other people?

[Howie Mandel]

She did. I didn't. For me, you know, and even now, you know, there are so many people that. Because I use it in my humor, you know, when you see this two masks of theater, you know, tragedy and comedy, they're very. There's very little difference between. All comedy comes out of. Tragedy comes out of darkness. You know, even if you're at the circus and you laugh at a clown falling down, what are you laughing at. You're laughing at the misfortune of somebody you don't know. You know, a pie in the face. You're laughing at somebody getting messed up, things that would probably ruin most people's evening. So, you know, humor always comes out of darkness. That's why this is a really dark time for comedy, because we're in a dark time. But God forbid you say anything. There's no such thing in my mind. There's no such thing as too soon. No such thing as, you know, if that's what gets you through. If I'm not laughing, I promise you I'm crying. So that's my panacea to make it. But that was my, that's who I was. My humor and my quirkiness were, you know, part of the, you know, the palette that I am. So what it was, nobody really talked about it as much as just accepted it.

[Mayim Bialik]

To describe an individual whose spirit is.

[Howie Mandel]

Unyielding, unconstrained, one who navigates life on.

[Mayim Bialik]

Their own terms effortlessly. They do not always show up on.

[Howie Mandel]

Time, but when they arrive, you notice.

[Mayim Bialik]

An individual confident in their contradictions.

[Howie Mandel]

They know the rules, but behave as if they do not exist. New Team the new fragrance by Miu Miu defined by you Upgrade your laundry routine with a durable and reliable Maytag laundry paint at Lowe's. Like the new Maytag washer and dryer with performance enhanced stain fighting power designed to cut through serious dirt and grime. And what's great is this laundry pair is in stock and ready for delivery when you need it the most. Don't miss out. Shop Maytag in store or online today at Lowes. More rewards, more savings with American Express Business Gold. Earn up to $395 back in annual statement credits on eligible purchases at select shipping, food delivery and retail. Subscription merchants enjoy the benefits of membership with the Amex Business Gold Card terms applied. Learn [e-mail] Business Gold AmEx Business Gold Card built for business by American Express. Happened was with my wife and eventually three children and now my grandchildren is she realized that this is really tough and this is, she got more educated on it and said, you know, this is a problem I'm making. I'm putting the onus on my wife and my children. You know, don't touch that now. Wash your hands. No, you can't go. You know, I got a million funny stories, hysterical stories that I get, but they're not really hysterical if you, if you break them down. It's really, it was me suffering but she kind of. She goes, I'm just getting tired of doing this, watching this, removing this, not getting this, not being able to order this, giving back the food, leaving the restaurant. You know, like, it's just. It's a lot of work, Howie. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. I wore her down. She just said, I can't do this. And when I went to therapy.

[Mayim Bialik]

Wait, had you ever been to therapy before? No one ever said no. You were just operating in life, just happy as a clam or not happy as a clam, but you had never been in therapy.

[Howie Mandel]

I was miserable. I spent a lot of time miserable. My resting mood is misery. It really is. So I'd never been before. And what she taught me is, she goes, listen, Howie, you know, you spend a good part of your energy trying to control everything around you and making people try to live in your world. You know, nobody has to live in your world. You have to figure out how to live in everybody else's world. The only person you really have control over is yourself. You know, your happiness has to come, or your contentment, or it only comes from within you. You know, it's not about, you know, what other people think of you. It's not about how people act around you. It's you. You know, so that's what I've been continually, for the last 20 some odd years, working on.

[Jonathan]

Did that land for you when you first heard it?

[Howie Mandel]

Yeah, yeah. Because the biggest effort, because I'm tired at the end of the day, is it's about control, you know, and controlling the people around me. Controlling what you do, controlling how you eat, controlling what you pick up, controlling how close you stand to me, controlling what, you know, and the dichotomy between what I fell into in life, this business, and how I felt about it. Like, I'm not a people person. I'm not comfortable around crowds. I'm not comfortable around humanity. I'm really not. But, you know, I'm in show business, which, you know, the average person, if they bump into, you know, six people a week, that's a lot. They go to whatever job they have, and they go home and they see their family. And then how many times are you around people in the course of any given week? Whether it's audiences. I'm around thousands. Thousands of people a week. You know, it's. My biggest fear is kind of unfolding each and every moment of my life in front of me.

[Mayim Bialik]

I think you actually did an episode of Big Bang Theory when I was on. I don't think I was in the scene. I feel like it was the season finale of, like, I don't know, five or six. But I remember that there was conversation about, like, you know, people should, like, don't go up to him. Don't try and hug him. Like, give him his space. I remember this conversation about it. But I do have a question. This isn't like, to put you on the spot, because I completely. I feel like you're. You're such a. No, no, no. But you're. You're so articulate about your experience, so it's not like I'm trying to, like, catch you. But a lot of people who listen to our podcast and a lot of the feedback we get and, you know, kind of, you know, a lot of what my experience was. You know, for example, with depression and things like that, there's a level of misery that you describe. And, you know, you did a really, really brave article with People magazine, and you talk about this in detail. But I guess what I'm curious about. Can you tell us a little bit about what it's like or what it was like for you to be you and also still find joy? Meaning you got married, you had children. Like, you had more than one child. Was that. Were all of those things hard all along? And was it your wife that kind of kept the ship going?

[Howie Mandel]

Do you know what I mean?

[Mayim Bialik]

Absolutely. Okay. Yeah. Can you talk a little bit about that?

[Howie Mandel]

I will. But, you know, and still, even today, that's what it is. I've told you, my resting mood is still misery, you know, and I believe that success in life, you know, and I talk about this a lot, people go, how do I make it? Like, how do. How do I become successful? And ultimately. And I truly believe this from at this point in my life, you know, it's not. Fame isn't something that's going to bring you any happiness. Notoriety, money, none of that brings happiness. When you have a moment of. I'm just looking to be content one moment at a time. I just want to be happy or passionate about one moment at a time, and that's all you need. And, you know, when I found standup comedy, and I remember the day like it's yesterday, was April 19, 1978. That's the dare to get up on stage, you know, and that day, Terry was with me, and we went to a Chinese restaurant, and I have the fortune cookie, and it says, you know, tonight your life path will change. And I have it. I have it in a book. I put it in My book, I did my. And the fact that I have. That if I didn't have anything today, if I wasn't on any television show or I wasn't doing stand up, as long as I can go once a week to a comedy club, even if nobody knew who I was, that's really enough for me. That's the biggest safety net I have for myself. I would look forward to standing on stage and doing that. Nobody is happy. So success is. Which makes me unhappy in life, is find something, something one little iota of something that you're passionate about and no matter what you're suffering with, it is. I believe that one of the biggest coping skills in life is distraction, you know, and if you can distract yourself for that moment and get away, like, can you imagine that? Most of the world wakes up each and every day and we hear about hump Day, you know, which is the connotation is it's Wednesday and you're halfway through the week of doing all the shit that you hate doing. Showing up to a place you don't wanna go, being with the people you don't care about, just to get to Friday where you're just not doing that shit. It's not even like anything great is gonna happen on Friday and Saturday, you know, it's just a stuff. We live in a world where it's kind of normal to be unhappy, happy to not give yourself the gift, the passion. No matter how successful, no matter how famous you get, I promise you, in two decades, nobody's going to know your name. You know, I have grandchildren now. They're not really familiar with the Beatles, you know, and you couldn't be bigger than the, you know, but no matter how. So it's nothing. You'll never achieve a level of something where you're going to go, oh, you know, everybody is just as famous and just as rich in the graveyard. So we have this little short path of time and we gotta figure out how to enjoy a moment, a moment in life. So I'm always striving to kinda just be content.

[Mayim Bialik]

So there's something. And I don't know if this'll make it, but I have to ask it because one of the things that I most remember about knowing about you was that you were Jewish. And you know, my parents are first generation Americans. And you know, they grew up in the Bronx in the 19. They were both born during World War II. And you're kind of this like you're an in between generation, meaning you're not as old as my parents, but you're older than me, like enough. If my parents had me, let's say when I was young.

[Howie Mandel]

Your parents did have you when you were young.

[Mayim Bialik]

Well, sorry, I meant if my parents had had me younger, they would have been. Nevermind. One of the things though that I do remember about you was knowing like this is a very, like this is a comedian who's. And I don't even know if there was something specific attached to it. I just had this knowledge that like you were this like, you know, kind of representative of so much of Jewish comedy.

[Howie Mandel]

I'm very proud of my Judaism.

[Mayim Bialik]

You know, I also was raised on like Jackie Mason and like very classic, like borscht belt. And then on the other hand I was raised on, you know, the Woody Allen, which was very, very culturally Jewish but not religious and not very Yiddish. Y. But there's this kind of notion to. A lot of the things about you that do resonate very deeply with a certain kind of post immigrant sort of experience. And this notion of if you don't laugh, you'll cry, or if you don't laugh, you'll cry. And this sort of notion that we're in a constant state of vigilance and it's something that we've talked about, that anxiety tends to run very high in certain communities and the Jewish community is one of them. And there is an aspect of hypervigilance that is a survival mechanism. So I kind of wonder, you know, if you feel that there's kind of, you know, a Jewishness to your style of comedy, to your style of thinking or how that kind of factors in.

[Howie Mandel]

Well, I think culturally we are probably to our own detriment, incredibly self aware. That's why there's a lot of Jewish comedians. We, you know, Jackie Mason is one of my favorites of all time. You know, we poke fun at our culture and you know, you sit around a table of Jews and you'll know if there's 10 Jews at a table, you will be familiar with one of them's bowel movements in the last two weeks. You know, this is something Jews share that other people don't share and it's probably better not to share. So that's. But I've always been. I'm not a. I don't like organized religion, to be honest with you, but I do like the teaching. You know, I wasn't really. I was raised conservative. But you know, I lost my father in the 80s and I was. It destroyed me. And in order to show, I thought, respect for him, I decided if you're not Jewish and you're listening. We have the thing where you say Kaddish, and every day and every. Every morning and every night, you do a prayer for the dead. And in order to do this prayer to show respect for the person that has passed, you have to get what is called a minyan. And that is you need 10 other Jews or you need nine other Jews in order to say the prayer. You can't even say the prayer alone. Everything has to be catered when you're Jewish, so you need more than you. So, you know. And as a standup comic, I was touring that summer or that year. I never missed a day. I did it because I knew my father would be proud. It wasn't something that I would have done, but I wanted to make my father proud, proud of me. He loved my act. And so when they negotiated all the deals for me to go out and do these tours every night, number one, I couldn't start before sundown. I couldn't. Because you have to be there and say these prayers before sundown or at sundown. And they had to find me.

[Mayim Bialik]

Nine Jews. Yeah.

[Howie Mandel]

And, you know, it's not like I'm not. I don't. Most of the touring is not always New York and la.

[Mayim Bialik]

I said Kaddish for a year, and I found myself in all sorts of places where I was often, I thought, the only Jew in the whole city.

[Howie Mandel]

Right. So I thought it would have been a great documentary. So I would be like in the, you know, Alabama someplace, and they would have to find me. And sometimes they couldn't find. So that they would find out. They'd look at the obituaries and there was going to be a funeral that day, and I go to. I'd go to a funeral, I'd go to somebody's funeral, and I'd be back at their house, and then they would send. Put some herring in a bag and send me off to do. They didn't. And I'd go do this. But every day when you do this, the rabbi or who was ever officiating the. The ceremony does some teachings from the Talmud. And I got really kind of inspired by the teachings and the teachings of the Talmud. And this is what I truly believe. I'm not espousing this on anybody who's listening, but whether you believe in God or not, you got to believe that there is a power. Whether that power be science or whatever. There's a power greater than us. The fact that if you've ever had a child, you go, oh, my God. This is a miracle. How does this even happen? And it's like, how are cells multiple, multiplying? How has humanity ever. You probably know this is neuroscience. But, but, but, you know, in order to. Whatever this is, this universe is, it is a power greater than any one of us. And we must respect that power. And that is what I believe in. I respect that power. Whatever you want to name that, if you want to name it God, if you want to name it Jesus, I do respect that there is something greater than you and me out there. And not only that. And, you know, they always go, the chosen people. I go, I don't believe in that kind of. I don't think one part of humanity is chosen over another. But we as human beings are chosen to be there for other people. I will talk a little Jewish. There is something in Judaism that's called tzedakah. And tzedakah is the ability to give, to be charitable without taking credit for it, without which I don't think many Jews live by. Because if you've ever been in the gold sting wing of your temple, that's exactly the opposite of what tzedakah is. You don't wanna for what you've done. But what I truly believe is that as a human being, if in your periphery, you see somebody in need, you need to reach out, you need to give. That is your duty as a human being. And all the practices of Judaism, like my kids didn't wanna read or learn for their bar and bat mitzvah. And they go, why do I have to do that? And I go, listen, the reason you have to do it, I don't care if you don't understand any of the words. This is just my philosophy. I don't care if you don't understand any of the word. This is in our religion where they delineate. That's why most bar mitzvahs say, today I'm a man. This is where they delineate between childhood and adulthood or the time to be responsible. If as a child, you know, you go, we've all had this as parents. The kid walks in the room and goes, why is that man fat? Why is. You're saying horrible things and maybe hurting people's feelings, but you go, oh, it's a child. He said something embarrassing at 12 and 13 years old, that's no longer an excuse. At this point, you have to be a responsible human being. And as being a responsible human being, your presence on this earth, people should be better for knowing you. People should be helped because you're here, people should be. And that's also on the day we have the most holy day is called Yom Kippur. On Yom Kippur, what you should do do is even if it's not about fasting or saying for me, not about fasting and sinless prayer, every human should take a day and say, you know what? I've made some mistakes this year. I got to be aware of those mistakes. And how can I grow as a human being? I want to be better next year than I am today. So, you know, it's called Judaism. I don't go to temple. I'm not kosher. I just want my kids to be really good human beings.

[Mayim Bialik]

And.

[Howie Mandel]

And I think along the lines of the teaching of the Talmud and the teaching in Judaism. That's a good kind of path to follow. Parallel with. I'm not on the path, but I think as a human being, I just want. If I see that you need help and I can help you, I don't have to know you, I believe I should. It is my duty and my responsibility to help you and to just try to be the best human being I can be. And in this path to do that, I just try to be content. I just wanna not be miserable.

[Mayim Bialik]

You know, with all the years of therapy under your belt, and I know you've spoken about that, you do, you know, you do believe and use medication, what would you say are kind of the main differences that you experience in your life? Cause I'm someone. I actually have OCD as well. And so there are a lot of things that shift and change, and there are certain things medication can touch, and there are certain things medication can't touch. Also, the topic of my thesis, my doctoral thesis was obsessive compulsive disorder in a particular population of individuals. So it's a topic that's really special to me for many reasons. But I'd like to know kind of what your experience is. What are the significant differences you see either in your OCD or in how you deal with it or in kind of your general mental health since being in therapy?

[Howie Mandel]

Well, it's just about. And this is what I would say to anybody who's listening, it's just about being open and malleable to recognizing that this is an issue and being willing to be open to whatever coping mechanism, you know, even with medication. I'm not a proponent of medication. I'm a proponent of doing whatever it takes to allow you to be more productive and to be able to survive. So, you know, there's been times when I've been medicated for two, three years, and then whatever, my body chemistry has changed or. And then it's not working. And then I try a new medication which has helped somebody else, and I slide down the darkest hole you can ever imagine sliding down. And then I find that, you know, for a couple of years, it was running. I needed to run, you know, whatever. I would run 10 miles every single day until my ankle is like, worn to nothing. And I was feeling the pain, but I needed that for my head. But that was a coping skill. So whether it's meditation, whether it's exercising, whether it's just talking about it, whether it's. Whatever it is, I'm open. And I also know that it's the. Not something that there is a cure for. You know, I'm just doing the best I can today. I can't tell you that tomorrow won't be a horror show. And. And. And the medication that I'm on today will not have any effect on it. You know, your body chemistry, your hormones, everything is constantly. You know, this was your thesis. I know nothing about it. I'm just talking to you. You know, just from personal experience. It's the thing that's. Gets me through. Through is openness. And open to just, you know, to different solutions and different ideas. And if somebody told me a different idea today, I'd be open to try that. I'll try anything. My being strapped with this. I know. You know, but I don't know how many people have come up to you and go, I got a little bit of the ocd.

[Mayim Bialik]

People love saying that to me. And I get really annoyed with it when they're like, I like my shoes lined up. I'm so ocd. Ocd. I'm that annoying person who, both as a neuroscientist and someone who has OCD says, that's actually not ocd. It may be, but stacking your shoes is not evident.

[Howie Mandel]

No, but, you know, the average person is, you know, who doesn't. Who likes germs, right?

[Mayim Bialik]

I actually don't mind germs. This is a feature of me. I was thinking about this today. I was gonna say something really gross that might gross you out. Mr. Mandela, you know, your AirPod case. You know, how they build up an enormous amount of earwax. My children have never cleaned theirs. And I kid you not, I was just like, give me your cases. And they were like, ew, don't. Doesn't even bother me. Cleaned them right out. It gave me Great pleasure.

[Howie Mandel]

But that's not my issue either. The point is that, you know, what I try to explain to people is with ocd. OCD for me, whether they are rituals or obtrusive thoughts or whatever that I get, and you obviously get them that totally stop my life.

[Mayim Bialik]

Yeah.

[Howie Mandel]

When I am suffering in the midst of whatever issue I'm dealing with, I can't deal with life. I've missed appointments, I've missed productions. It stops my fucking life. And I understand why somebody like Howard Hughes ended his life at the end of his life. He was naked in the fetal position, pissing into a bottle. And I tell people, you have no idea how many times in my life I am that close to that. And it's not a joke. But as a comedian. And you're also kind of thought of as very light hearted, right?

[Mayim Bialik]

Well, you know, no, I. Sometimes people, a lot of people think I'm. Well, I think it's different. I think when, when women are.

[Howie Mandel]

You've been involved in comedies?

[Mayim Bialik]

No, I. I consider myself a comedian. I really do. But I think, you know, there's a lot of things that I think also when women say them, it's taken different than when men do.

[Howie Mandel]

And we each have our own path and our own experience. And, you know, hearing somebody, well, I have OCD too, doesn't make me more comfortable in my life.

[Mayim Bialik]

Exactly.

[Howie Mandel]

And I don't know why they're telling me that. And I always say, I hope you're exaggerating. I hope you. Because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I really do suffer, you know, And I'm not looking for pity. There isn't anybody in life, life that doesn't have, you know, some cross to bear coming from a Jew, that means a lot. And, you know, we all have our issues and things are harder for one than harder for another, but it's. It's worth it, you know, it's worth the fight, it's worth the struggle. But it is a fight. It is a struggle. Life is a struggle. Right now, the last couple of years, I think most of the world has been going through a fight and a struggle. You know, people have been making jokes about me because I'm the germaphobe. And they go, you called it.

[Mayim Bialik]

And I go, well, you're like, I can handle this global pandemic. I am on it.

[Howie Mandel]

This has been horrible for me.

[Mayim Bialik]

Yes. What can we. I mean, your, your bio. You do so many amazing things. You host so many amazing things, you produce so many amazing things. You have A podcast with your daughter. What would you like to sort of prominently plug before we let you go?

[Howie Mandel]

My podcast with my daughter, I do this thing called Howie Mandel Does Stuff. And that was a coping mechanism. So my daughter, who also, you know, a lot of this is genetic, who also suffers, like myself or like herself, and she was locked away for two years. I mean, she didn't leave the house with her kids. She has two kids. And so we used to phone each other, and I'd sit on the phone with her for hours, and we would do everything to distract herself, whether it was call friends and we would all discuss or make prank calls, you know, and just to, you know, distract ourselves or just goof around and have weird conversations about the news of the day. And my wife walked in one day and said, what are you doing? What are you doing? And I just said, I'm just been on the phone for two hours with Jackie. And she said, you should record it. Some of it sounds funny. And that became our podcast. It's called Howie Mandel does Stuff. It's with my daughter. I'd love to have you on.

[Mayim Bialik]

I would love to. Come on.

[Howie Mandel]

All right, so I'll hit you up for that.

[Mayim Bialik]

I would love that.

[Howie Mandel]

And, you know, we do. Once a week, we do a podcast. We have friends. It's just goofy. Unlike yours. Is much more. There's much more gravitas and probably does good. I don't know that we do any good, except we just have a really good time and we're enjoying ourselves. Like, I even. There was a podcast company that wanted to do my podcast. I went with them. And then there was. There was too many restrictions. We don't even have. I don't have sponsors. I don't have anything. We're just doing it out of the love of doing it.

[Mayim Bialik]

Awesome.

[Jonathan]

Make mime have some fun.

[Mayim Bialik]

Well, I have a lot of fun.

[Jonathan]

How? We have one question.

[Mayim Bialik]

Do you still about Canada?

[Jonathan]

No.

[Mayim Bialik]

Okay.

[Jonathan]

Do you still do pranks that are only for yourself all the time?

[Howie Mandel]

I make phone calls, if all. Every day. Every. Every time I get a spam, you know, with my car's warranty, an extended warranty, or I've won Marriott points. My new little self indulgement is trying to keep them on the line as long as possible.

[Jonathan]

I want to hear that recording alone.

[Howie Mandel]

I've recorded a bunch of those and. But I don't even play them. I don't put them on. I just do it all the time. I feel. I don't know, there's something about Being able to manipulate another person for good, you know, just for. It's just fun. They're annoying me with their phone call at 7 in the morning.

[Mayim Bialik]

Morning.

[Howie Mandel]

My record now is 55 minutes. I've kept somebody on, just trying to get them to spell their name because I'm writing it down really slowly.

[Mayim Bialik]

I was a huge Phil Hendry fan and also Jerky. But I was. I mean, I was. I don't know. I'm sure he's been canceled, but that was some of my favorite stuff. That and the Jerky Boys, so. Yeah, really. Really. That's good stuff.

[Howie Mandel]

Anyway, well, if you're up for it, you can come and do a prank with us.

[Mayim Bialik]

My voice, I'm told my voice is very disappointing, distinctive.

[Jonathan]

So I would love that. We should record it. We'll release it as a special edition.

[Mayim Bialik]

One of the things that's missing from your psychiatric profile, which is very present in mine, and I'm always comparing and despairing, is I have a tremendous social anxiety problem. Meaning I don't have the kind of freedom that it sounds like you find.

[Howie Mandel]

No. I'll tell you something. If I'm on stage, I. If we're doing this podcast, I have freedom.

[Mayim Bialik]

No, no, no. I mean, like, if I go on a st. Like, improv makes me cry in a way that's not healthy or fun. Like, I. I feel. I.

[Howie Mandel]

But I. But then. Then the pressure's on, you know, it's like, I will not go to. I don't go to parties.

[Mayim Bialik]

Right.

[Howie Mandel]

I don't go to. You know, I. I can't. I can't carry on a conversation. Yeah, I can't carry on a conversation.

[Mayim Bialik]

Well, that's why I bring this guy.

[Howie Mandel]

In my mind, I'm. You know, if I talk to somebody, I bored them to death. I'm coming off like an idiot. They're funny, and I can't think of anything, and it kills me. And then I go home or I make an excuse or I'm out. I have social anxiety. I have horrible, horrible depression. I have everything. I mean, we're not. Look at 2G.

[Mayim Bialik]

I was gonna say it's like a contest. And you want to win. I want to win. Okay. Okay. We're gonna let you go, Howie Mandel. Thank you so much. This was really a pleasure.

[Howie Mandel]

Set up.

[Mayim Bialik]

Absolutely. Take care. Be well.

[Jonathan]

Nice to meet you.

[Mayim Bialik]

Your father's neshama should have an aaliyah. I like Howie Mandel a lot, and I do remember when he was on Big Bang Theory, it was like this big deal. Of like, he's coming. He doesn't want to touch anyone. I really, I could have talked to him for another hour. Like, I had so many questions about germaphobia, which is distinct from ocd. It can be a feature of ocd. It's one of the things that can happen in ocd. But not all germaphobes have ocd and not all people with OCD are germaphobes.

[Jonathan]

I would have talked to him for a lot longer.

[Mayim Bialik]

Because you're Canadian.

[Jonathan]

We didn't show everyone this. But he stayed on afterwards and he was asking you questions, which not many guests do.

[Mayim Bialik]

No. And I was actually thinking, I wish. This is the kind of person I wish would ask me about myself. I want talk to him.

[Jonathan]

Do you think you're like Bev, where you thought it and then it happened? Like, she sees her.

[Mayim Bialik]

I accepted Howie Mandel to ask how I am.

[Jonathan]

I think that might've happened.

[Mayim Bialik]

You know, it's really. There's that word again. Like, it's really brave to be like, here are all the things about me that are clinically diagnosed and that I have to be in therapy and take medication for. Like, and he said he was really nervous that, like, nobody would hire him. And, you know, I envy his kind of lack of, of fear about feedback, you know, like, he's so, I don't wanna say impulsive, but he really just like, he acts, he does things and I, even though he says he's not, doesn't have a lot of, like, what do you say, foresight or what's the opposite? Hindsight or hindsight. I found him very thoughtful, you know, he's very thoughtful about the way he approaches his mental health. And it's just an amazing story, you know, to make those kinds of changes after so many years of just, just like getting by, you know, I think that's really, that's incredible. It's. I find it really inspiring. Maybe I'll finally change. Just kidding.

[Jonathan]

The story of his first standup performance and him being like, what tell. Like being so engaged with the audience, number one. I think that would just. I could see the reenactment in the 70s. It's smoke filled downtown Toronto and yuk yuks.

[Mayim Bialik]

But also tell us about downtown Toronto and yuk yuk.

[Jonathan]

You laughed harder at the funeral minion story in Alabama and that whole Jewish tint than I think you have in all of the podcasts we've done so far.

[Mayim Bialik]

I mean, that's that. I mean, first of all, just like, as someone who said Kaddish for my father and did have to try and find a minion. Also. Imagine being a woman where in many places you are not even counted as one of the top. So I remember I was in Savannah, Georgia, and I called ahead of time to try and find a place that had a regular minion. And that's the thing, is that Reform and Conservative synagogues often don't have a daily minion, but Orthodox ones always do. So that's the place that I could most rely. So I know that struggle, and I just love the idea that that's the way to find Jews is like, find out if there's a funeral and there's your ministry.

[Jonathan]

I love that he just says, okay. I mean, I wanted to make the joke that that's how we got on this podcast. We just asked him, and he said yes, and he's like, what am I doing here?

[Mayim Bialik]

How we do a lot of things, you and me.

[Jonathan]

That's how Matthew McConaughey got on the podcast. He just said, all right, who are these people? We don't know.

[Mayim Bialik]

Well, it was really very special again, you know, to get to meet someone who I really did grow up, you know, knowing as an icon. And it is. It is a really big deal. You know, he was one of the first Jewish comedians that wasn't 86 years old, knew about. And, yeah, just really, really awesome. And he does so many things.

[Jonathan]

He's on all the shows, he hosts.

[Mayim Bialik]

The Things and America's Got Talent, and. And then he produce and Deal or no Deal. Like, he does so many things. And this podcast. I can't wait to listen. That just sounds incredible. And I'm gonna make my kids listen and be like, one day you'll do a podcast with me.

[Jonathan]

I love the fact that his parents were laughing in the principal's office at the prank.

[Mayim Bialik]

I bet his parents were awesome.

[Jonathan]

That's the thing is, like, other parents would be, like, trying to change him and that his parents were just. Just, like, trying to control their laughter.

[Mayim Bialik]

Compare getting kicked out of school stories.

[Jonathan]

I never got kicked out of school. I left school.

[Mayim Bialik]

You. You dumped them before they could dump you.

[Jonathan]

Exactly.

[Mayim Bialik]

Do we have an Ask miam anything?

[Jonathan]

We certainly do.

[Mayim Bialik]

Ask my anything.

[Howie Mandel]

Yeah.

[Jonathan]

Betsy W. Asks, can you meditate yourself out of a mental illness?

[Mayim Bialik]

Well, Betsy, that's a good question. Question. Lord knows I've tried. No, mental illness is not something that we typically think of as kind of you getting rid of. There are ways to manage the symptoms of a mental illness. You know, meditation is one of those things. That certain kinds of meditation can help, you know, activate aspects of your nervous system that that will ultimately be able to calm you down and help you lower your baseline anxiety. You know, meditation has many physical benefits, psychological benefits. I think of meditation as kind of a supportive treatment. It's something to add to your toolbox. And as Howie spoke about, like, being open to, like, anything and learning different kind of things that might work. Meditation is now now kind of prescribed along with a lot of therapy for depression, for anxiety. Meditation can absolutely help. And I also don't want it to be like you have a terminal illness and you'll never get better. Meditation is absolutely helpful for really any mental health challenge or for general mental wellness, even if you don't have a diagnosis. But it's generally seen as a supportive thing to do along with whatever else you're doing, doing to work on your mental health challenges. So thank you, and we wish you the best.

[Jonathan]

Before we go, do you want to comment on my new glasses? Did you notice them? For those people who are listening, I'm trying out a new pair of specs today.

[Mayim Bialik]

Your new glasses are very nice. It's a round shape. It's a horn rim. Lot of color for you. A lot of color because it's tortoiseshell on the top and kind of a. Not an amber, but yeah, they look very nice. Brings out the gold in your beard.

[Jonathan]

Well, that's a great description of them.

[Mayim Bialik]

And a great way to end the.

[Jonathan]

Show for anyone who wants to.

[Mayim Bialik]

You can comment at bialic Breakdown on Instagram. Also, make sure to follow us on Instagram. We're enjoying building up our our fan base and sharing a lot, a lot more personal content there than I do on my Instagram page. And it's become a fun place. We're doing giveaways, so make sure to follow us there.

[Jonathan]

If you want to ask miam anything you could do [e-mail] that's B I A L A, like, hey, breakdown.com. thank you, everyone. And if you haven't already, subscribe to the podcast. Do it anywhere you get podcasts. Subscribe to Mime's YouTube channel. And thanks so much for listening.

[Mayim Bialik]

From our breakdown to the one we hope you never have. We'll see you next time.

[Howie Mandel]

It's Maya Bialix Breakdown. She's gonna break it down for you. She's got a neuroscience PhD or two, and now she's gonna break down. It's a breakdown.

[Jonathan]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now, I don't know if you've heard, but Mint's Premium Wireless is $15 a month. But I'd like to offer one other perk.

[Howie Mandel]

We have no stores. That means no small talk. Crazy weather we're having. No, it's not.

[Jonathan]

It's just weather. It is an introvert's dream. Give it a try@mint mobile.com Switch upfront.

[Mayim Bialik]

Payment of $45 for three month plan, $15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. Seaman mobile.com.