Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy Ho

A New Chapter: Join Me On Savvy Psychologist Podcast!

Hey Mental Health Bites listeners — I’m here with some big news!I’m so excited to let you know I’m back on the mic with a brand new podcast: Savvy Psychologist! I’ll still be sending out my substack newsletters weekly, but this is another way you can receive tips and resources from me via audio and video podcast!Everything you loved about Mental Health Bites podcast is still here, plus so much more. We’re diving into everyday mental health tips, cultural moments everyone is talking about, and true crime through a forensic psychology lens!Head over to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you’re listening right now and search Savvy Psychologist — hit subscribe and I’ll see you every Tuesday! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe

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A Calmer December Starts Here: My Annual Wellness Advent Calendar

Dec 100:08:51Tap to summarize

The first week of December is the time for holiday lights, long lists, and (frequently) more pressure than presence. You’ve got disrupted sleep, extra sugar, unpredictable travel, and emotional triggers everywhere.From a brain perspective, all of that equals uncertainty, and uncertainty is fuel for your threat system—the amygdala lights up, cortisol rises, and executive functions in the prefrontal cortex dip. That’s why you forget simple tasks, feel snappy, or lose motivation halfway through the day.But I have an idea: What if, instead of pushing through December on fumes, you used this month to restore your energy?Today, I’ll introduce you to something I’ve developed - a tradition of sorts over the past several years: The Wellness Advent Calendar. It’s made up of thirty-one small, science-backed actions to calm your nervous system, boost your focus, and reconnect you to yourself before the year ends. They take minutes, but they can change the way your brain handles stress.As always, for a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here or on Apple Podcasts. You can also find more short clips and helpful tips at my YouTube channel. The Science of Tiny WinsInstead of waiting for the New Year to come around to set giant resolutions, I encourage you to start building your micro-resilience now. And The Wellness Advent Calendar will help you do just that.Your brain loves small, predictable rewards. Each micro-habit gives a dopamine pulse. Even though it’s tiny, it’s enough to say “safe, controllable, achievable.”Neuroscientists call this reinforcement learning. When repeated daily, these small loops reshape your baseline stress response.The Wellness Advent Calendar rests on three evidence-based pillars:* Minimum Viable Effort. Start ridiculously small. Don’t worry. Momentum matters more than magnitude. The smaller the step, the faster the start, and the stronger the habit.* State → Trait Shift. Each quick regulation practice moves your nervous system from threat to safety. Repeat that enough, and “calm” stops being a rare state and becomes part of who you are.* Habit Chaining. Tie each daily action to something you already do. It can be your coffee ritual, brushing your teeth, or unlocking your phone. By connecting these tiny wins to something you already do there won’t be any extra willpower required.Here’s a sneak peak of what’s in store. If you’d like the full explainer of each wellness advent activity, plus access to my December 3 Day Jumpstart program, become one of my elite subscribers here.The Holiday 3-Day Jumpstart is a gentle reset to help you enter December with nervous system calm and emotional clarity. Paid subscribers receive:* A short guided video each day* A 2-minute micro-practice you can use immediately* A written breakdown of the science behind each tool* A reflection prompt to integrate the lesson* A downloadable mini-worksheet for each day* A bonus grounding audio you can replay all season* 5 Fast Body-Based Resets* 7 Hidden Cognitive Drains and How to Cope* A December “Energy Map”If you want a calmer, more intentional December — or if you want to end the year feeling connected, grounded, and proud of how you showed up — I’d love for you to join us inside the paid community.Upgrade here to get both the 3-Day Jumpstart & Advent CalendarHow to Establish Healthy Habits in 1-2-3To end this year on a high note, try to anchor this month with a simple 1-2-3 system to incorporate some of these habits into your life.* One Breath, One Action (OB-OA). Inhale through your nose for four counts, exhale for six to eight. Immediately follow with one quick action from the day’s tile; it might be a 90-second body scan or a two-minute brain dump. Taking a breath helps because it drops your arousal just enough to make action frictionless.* The 2-1-1 Rule. Two minutes. One minute. One minute. In the morning, take two minutes, choose your tile from the calendar and visualize exactly when and where you’ll do it. In the middle of the day, take sixty seconds and do a quick state check. Rate your stress on a scale of one to five. Then run a quick down-shift: a long exhale, unclench, and orient. In the evening, write out one sentence: What worked today? This primes reward circuits and improves follow-through tomorrow.* Anchor the Habit. As mentioned, attach your daily practice to an existing routine. This will help turn intention into automation. After I pour coffee → 90-second breath. After I park the car → 3-item brain dump. After I brush teeth → 2-minute stretch.When you weave these three tools together—One Breath, One Action, the 2-1-1 Rule, and Habit Anchoring—you’re giving your brain exactly what it needs: predictability, simplicity, and consistency. With just a few minutes a day, you’ll feel steadier, clearer, and more grounded as you move through the busiest month of the year.If you found this helpful, consider turning it into a shared journey. Send it to someone who might need this routine before the holiday. When you build these tiny wins together, you’re creating accountability and connection that can make these new habits even easier to sustain.Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvFCheck out my TEDxReno talkVisit my websiteTake my attachment styles quizFollow me on LinkedInFollow me on InstagramFollow me on FacebookFollow me on TikTokAbout me:Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.Dr. Judy received her bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA’s Semel Institute. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe

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If the Holidays Bring Out Your Old Wounds...Read This

Nov 2600:06:50Tap to summarize

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and reflection. But for many of us, the moment we walk through that familiar front door, something shifts.Your shoulders tense. Your heart rate quickens. You hear a certain tone in your parent’s voice, and suddenly you’re a fourteen-year-old again, trying not to roll your eyes or cry at the dinner table. You tell yourself you’ll stay calm, but within ten minutes your mom starts to criticize how you raise your kids and then you snap and feel guilty and sad for days.It may not be this exact scenario, but many people go through their own version of something like this.It can be a strange experience. You spent years building confidence, independence, and emotional regulation, yet all it takes is one holiday meal to send your nervous system into a tailspin.So, why does this happen? And why can the people who love us most also make us feel the most triggered?In this piece we’ll unpack this, and I’ll share a step-by-step reset you can use this Thanksgiving to stay calm, kind, and grounded no matter what happens.For a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here or on Apple Podcasts. You can also find more short clips and helpful tips at my YouTube channel.The Neuroscience of Family TriggersYour brain is a memory keeper. But it doesn’t necessarily remember events as you might think. Instead, it remembers states.This happens to all of us. Even if you’re 40, successful, and self-aware, your amygdala can pull up emotional “snapshots” of how it used to feel to be around your family in an instant—moments when you felt criticized, dismissed, unseen, or pressured to perform.This is because when you’re around people who shaped your earliest emotional experiences, your amygdala (the part of your brain responsible for threat detection) lights up like a fire alarm. The hippocampus, which stores context and narrative memory, works alongside the amygdala.So when your mom makes that same comment she’s been making for decades, your brain doesn’t process it as “just a comment.” Your brain links it to a cascade of similar moments. And with every eye roll, sigh, and unmet need, your body reacts as if you’re back there again.At the same time, the rational part of your brain that manages impulse control and perspective, gets temporarily hijacked. When that happens, your adult self fades and your inner child grabs the wheel. This is why even a small family comment can feel like a deep wound.The Attachment Angle: The Why Behind These ReactivationsAttachment theory helps explain the “why” behind those reactivations.If you grew up with inconsistent caregiving, such as love mixed with criticism or attention paired with pressure, your body learned to anticipate rejection even in closeness. So when you visit home for the holidays, your body sees family but also the potential for disapproval, comparison, or shame.When the family reconvenes, it’s like stepping back into a play that’s been rehearsed for decades. And everyone instinctively remembers their lines. One person becomes the peacemaker, smoothing every conflict. Another becomes the achiever, trying to earn approval through success.These dynamics can be stressful, but the hopeful truth is that awareness gives you power. While you can’t erase the past conditioning, thanks to neuroplasticity, you can rewire your nervous system’s response in the present and form new, healthier patterns.The “Table Reset” Technique: A Practical TakeawayThis is a neuroscience-based, four-step grounding method I teach to patients for use in high-stress family interactions. It helps you re-engage your prefrontal cortex, regulate your nervous system, and step back into your adult self calmly, confidently, and compassionately.* Step 1: Name What’s Happening (Silently). When you notice your body reacting, say to yourself, “This is a trigger. My chest feels heavy. My body remembers this feeling.” This is called affect labeling; it’s a technique that reduces amygdala activation. When you name your emotion or physical state it brings online the rational, calming parts of your brain.* Step 2: Engage Your Vagus Nerve. This will signal your nervous system to exit “fight or flight” and return to “rest and digest.” To do this breathe in for four seconds then exhale for six. When you make your exhale slightly longer than your inhale, that tells your vagus nerve, “We’re safe.” If you can, hum quietly or even touch your throat as you exhale; this vibration further activates parasympathetic calm.* Step 3: Re-anchor in the Present. Look around. Name one thing you can see, one thing you can touch, and one thing you can hear. These micro sensory check-ins reorient the hippocampus to now, not then. It’s your way of saying to the body:“I’m not that child anymore. I’m sitting at a table, not in danger.”* Step 4: Respond, Don’t React. Once you feel a bit more grounded, choose your next step intentionally. If you want to speak up, use calm, clear language that sets a boundary and preserves connection. You might say something like, “Mom, I know you care, but I’d love to just enjoy dinner tonight without advice.” Or “I appreciate that you want to help, but I’ve got this handled.” If it’s not the right moment to engage, internal boundaries count too. Tell yourself: “This comment doesn’t define me. I can let that pass and still protect my peace.”Every time you take any of these steps, you’re building a new neural pathway that teaches your brain that safety and self-respect can coexist.If You Want Additional Support This December…If the holidays tend to feel emotionally heavy, overstimulating, or complicated, I want to make sure you have tools that actually help you in real time, not just in theory.That’s why next month I’m releasing two exclusive subscriber resources:The Holiday 3-Day Jumpstart (December 1–3)A gentle reset to help you enter December with nervous system calm and emotional clarity.Paid subscribers receive:* A short guided video each day* A 2-minute micro-practice you can use immediately* A written breakdown of the science behind each tool* A reflection prompt to integrate the lesson* A downloadable mini-worksheet for each day* A bonus grounding audio you can replay all seasonIt’s designed for busy, overwhelmed schedules — high-impact, minimal effort.The Mental Wellness Advent Calendar31 days of simple, evidence-based practices (1–5 minutes each) to help you:* Set boundaries without guilt* Reduce stress and emotional reactivity* Stay grounded during gatherings* Find small, meaningful moments of joy* Keep your nervous system steady through the holidaysPaid subscribers get:* The full printable calendar* The digital daily version* Audio guidance for selected practices* A December “Energy Map” to track what drains and replenishes you* Extra reflection prompts + Sunday resetsIf you want a calmer, more intentional December — or if you want to end the year feeling connected, grounded, and proud of how you showed up — I’d love for you to join us inside the paid community.Upgrade here to get both the 3-Day Jumpstart & Advent CalendarRemember This for the HolidaysYou can’t control who brings the drama or which family patterns resurface, but you can choose how you meet them.Calm is not passive. It’s power. And when you regulate your nervous system, you’re healing yourself and changing the emotional legacy for everyone at that table.If you found this helpful, please share it with someone who might need it before the holiday. Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvFCheck out my TEDxReno talkVisit my websiteTake my attachment styles quizFollow me on LinkedInFollow me on InstagramFollow me on FacebookFollow me on TikTokAbout me:Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Res...

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Why Everything Feels Worse After 10 P. M.

Nov 1900:06:09Tap to summarize

Do your thoughts ever get louder the moment the world gets quiet?Your phone finally stops buzzing and you’re off your emails, but your mind starts to replay everything you tried to ignore.You think about that awkward text. You worry about your future. You begin to catastrophize every small thing.Well, if this is happening to you, you’re not alone. It happens to all of us, and powerful neuroscience is at work behind this phenomenon.In this piece, we’ll explore the science behind night thinking, and you’ll learn a practical tip you can use to make your nights restful and restorative. For a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here or on Apple Podcasts. You can also find more short clips and helpful tips at my YouTube channel.What Your Brain Does After DarkYour internal clock that governs sleep, mood, and hormones (i.e., your circadian rhythm) is tightly linked to emotional regulation. Around 10 p.m., most people experience a natural dip in cortisol. While cortisol gets a bad reputation, we need some of it to keep perspective. This stress hormone helps regulate alertness and mood stability, so when it drops too low, your emotional brakes loosen.At the same time, your brain’s default mode network, the system involved in self-reflection and memory, becomes more active. That’s great for creativity… but not so great when you’re tired or stressed. It’s like your brain opens the “file cabinet” of unresolved emotions, but your prefrontal cortex — the part that keeps things logical and balanced — is clocking out for the night.Add to that a rise in melatonin and reduced serotonin activity, and it becomes a perfect storm: your mind becomes more inwardly focused and emotionally charged. That’s why sadness, anxiety, or regret can feel amplified after dark.Research even shows that negative thoughts and suicide-related ideation peak between midnight and 3 a.m., which is when the brain’s emotional centers are active but its regulatory systems are impaired. This doesn’t mean nighttime is dangerous in itself, but it highlights how biological timing can distort perspective.And then there’s what psychologists call “revenge bedtime procrastination.” You’ve had no time for yourself all day, so you stay up doom-scrolling or binge-watching as a form of rebellion. The irony is that this worsens the very mood issues you’re trying to escape. Chronic sleep deprivation lowers emotional resilience, making those late-night thoughts even more catastrophic the next day.So if your mind starts to spin at night, relax. Don’t take it too seriously. It’s just your brain doing, well… brain things.Practical Tip: The Nighttime Reset RoutineWhen your brain shifts into “night mode,” it becomes more emotionally sensitive and less logical—so you need a routine that actively helps your nervous system downshift. This one is designed to do exactly that.Each step of this routine targets a different part of the nighttime cascade: 1) physical tension, 2) emotional overwhelm, 3) attentional loops, and 4) physiological arousal. When you address all four, your brain stops interpreting nighttime as a threat and begins to associate it with safety and restoration.* The 3R Reset: Release, Reflect, Reframe. Release: Do a quick body shake or stretch. This helps because physical tension fuels mental tension. Reflect: Write one sentence about what went well today. Reframe: If a negative thought appears, respond with, “That’s a nighttime thought — not a truth.”* Light Hygiene. Lower overhead lighting an hour before bed; blue light delays melatonin release and keeps the brain alert.* Clock Distance. Move your phone or alarm clock out of direct sight. Constantly checking the time keeps your brain in performance mode.* Temperature Drop. Aim for a cooler room — around 65°F. A mild drop in body temperature helps signal sleep onset and emotional calm.* Perspective Check. Tell yourself, “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” This phrase isn’t avoidance, it’s emotional regulation. Studies show that sleep actually helps the brain process emotional memories more adaptively.Nighttime is not your enemy. It’s an opportunity for emotional recalibration. And when you learn to protect it, your nights will become restorative instead of ruminative.If this episode resonated with you, try the 3R Reset tonight and let me know how it goes. If you know anyone who has trouble sleeping, I encourage you to send this to them. Although, if you’re reading this at night, maybe schedule it to go out in the morning.P.S. If you’d like access to even more resources, private Q&As, and my entire back catalogue of techniques and tools, I encourage you to check out my paid subscriber option.Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvFCheck out my TEDxReno talkVisit my websiteTake my attachment styles quizFollow me on LinkedInFollow me on InstagramFollow me on FacebookFollow me on TikTokAbout me:Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.Dr. Judy received her bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA’s Semel Institute. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe

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The Psychology of Time Blindness

Nov 1200:05:42Tap to summarize

Have you ever looked at the clock, only to discover that hours have flown by?Somehow you’re going to be late again, even though you swore you had enough time.If so, you’ve probably heard the term “time blindness.” It’s trending on TikTok and Reddit, with millions of people saying:“It’s not that I’m lazy; my brain just doesn’t sense time the way yours does.”And they’re not wrong.Although time blindness isn’t a formal diagnosis, it is a very real psychological phenomenon that results in a distorted perception of how time passes. It’s often linked with ADHD, but it can also show up in trauma, anxiety, depression, or chronic stress.In this piece, we’ll explore time blindness, what causes it, and you’ll learn a practical tip that you can use to recalibrate your internal clock. For a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here or on Apple Podcasts. You can also find more short clips and helpful tips at my YouTube channel.Let’s jump in.The Science Behind Time BlindnessOur brain has an internal timing system that is mostly governed by areas like the prefrontal cortex, basal ganglia, and cerebellum. These regions help us estimate durations, anticipate deadlines, and transition smoothly between tasks.But when your nervous system is dysregulated that internal clock goes haywire.People with time blindness might:* chronically underestimate how long things take,* get lost in “time warps” of hyperfocus or dissociation, or* experience the opposite, the feeling that every second drags on when you’re anxious or bored.For trauma survivors, time can feel fragmented — moments stretch or collapse without warning. In anxiety, the mind runs ahead of the present, always scanning for what’s next.And in ADHD, dopamine irregularities make it harder to feel the emotional weight of the future — which is why “five minutes” can feel like forever one moment and vanish the next.Neuroscientists sometimes call this “temporal dysregulation,” meaning the brain’s ability to track and emotionally engage with time is disrupted.When this happens, time either becomes too fluid (slipping away unnoticed) or too rigid (feeling painfully slow).So when someone says, “I’m not bad with time — I just don’t feel it like others do,” they’re expressing something very real about their nervous system.And if that’s you, take heart. This isn’t a moral failing or a lack of discipline — it’s a pattern your brain has learned, often in response to stress, overwhelm, or years of self-blame.The good news? With awareness and practice, it can be rewired.How to Recalibrate Your Internal ClockOne of my favorite tools for time blindness is something I call the Time Anchoring Reset — a simple, neuroscience-informed practice that helps your brain reconnect to the rhythm of real time.These three steps work because they target both the cognitive and physiological sides of time perception — helping you not only know what time it is but feel it again..* Ground in the present moment. Before you start a task, take 30 seconds to orient to where you are. Notice the sounds around you, feel your feet on the floor, and name the time out loud: “It’s 2:45, and I’m beginning this project now.” It might sound small, but this act of marking the moment signals to your brain, “We are starting now.” This strengthens temporal awareness and activates the prefrontal cortex — the same region responsible for planning and focus.* Externalize time. Don’t rely solely on your brain’s internal clock — give it something concrete to work with. Timers, visual countdowns, and even Spotify playlists with set lengths can become your allies. For instance, say to yourself: “I’ll check emails for two songs.”By connecting your task to an external rhythm, you train your brain to perceive duration accurately again. Over time, these external cues start to re-teach your nervous system how to feel time intuitively..* Bridge your “future self.” Before wrapping up an activity, imagine yourself 15 minutes from now. What will that version of you need? Water? Your keys? A sense of calm before the next task?This exercise strengthens prospective memory — your ability to remember to do things in the future — and helps reduce the “temporal cliffs” that make transitions so jarring for people with time blindness. You’re teaching your mind to think beyond now without losing your grounding in the present.Over time, these practices will help you internalize time cues naturally. And it will start to feel less and less like you’re living in fast-forward or rewind.So if you’ve blamed yourself for being “bad with time,” it’s time (no pun intended) to show yourself compassion. You’re not broken. You just need to recalibrate the clock inside your mind.If you know someone who you think would tell you they don’t have the time to read this, I encourage you to send it to them. Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvFCheck out my TEDxReno talkVisit my websiteTake my attachment styles quizFollow me on LinkedInFollow me on InstagramFollow me on FacebookFollow me on TikTokBonus:If you’d like access to even more resources, private Q&As, and my entire back catalogue of techniques and tools, I encourage you to check out my paid subscriber option.About me:Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.Dr. Judy received her bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA’s Semel Institute. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe

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Why You Miss Toxic People

Nov 600:06:47Tap to summarize

Have you ever caught yourself missing someone you know wasn’t good for you?Maybe an ex who caused chaos? A friend who constantly drained your energy? Or a family member whose approval you still crave, despite years of hurt?When thoughts like this begin to fill your brain you might start to think: What’s wrong with me? Why do I still feel this way?But let me assure you, if you’ve ever felt this way before, you’re not broken. Your brain is doing exactly what it was wired to do: hold on to attachment, even when it’s painful.In this post, we’ll unpack the hidden psychology behind these feelings and explore why toxic connections can feel addictive. Then I’ll share a step-by-step “emotional detox” framework to help you rewire your attachment system for peace and freedom. For a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here or on Apple Podcasts. You can also find more short clips and helpful tips at my YouTube channel.Let’s dive in.The Science Behind Missing the Wrong PeopleAttachment is at the core of this experience. Our brains are designed to bond. In childhood, that bond ensures protection and safety. But in adulthood, those same neural pathways can make us cling to relationships that recreate early familiar patterns, even if they’re unhealthy.When you’re in a toxic relationship, your body often cycles between stress and reward. It can be helpful to think of it like a slot machine where unpredictable attention, affection, and validation keep your dopamine system hooked. Although the highs might feel euphoric, the lows can be devastating.That pattern of intermittent reinforcement is the same mechanism behind gambling addiction; and it’s why your brain keeps checking for emotional “payouts.”Neuroscience research shows that heartbreak lights up the same brain regions as physical pain. This is why when a relationship ends, you can feel like you’re going through withdrawals. Your system craves that chemical cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin, and cortisol that once defined the relationship.This is why logic alone doesn’t cut it. You can know someone isn’t good for you, but your body still remembers the rush.The Attachment TrapFrom a psychological perspective, the kind of person you miss can reveal a lot about your attachment style.If you have an anxious attachment, you might idealize the connection, remembering only the good moments. If you lean avoidant, you may long for control or independence but still feel haunted by “what ifs.” And for many people, the relationship was a trauma bond, which is a deep connection built on shared pain or instability that your nervous system mistakes for love.That bond can feel intoxicating because it mirrors early experiences of inconsistent care. Part of you believes, “If I can just fix this person, maybe I can finally fix what happened back then.” So the longing isn’t really for them. It’s for the unresolved story your mind still wants to complete.A Practical Tip: The Emotional Detox FrameworkMy Emotional Detox Framework is a simple, research-backed way to break the cycle of missing someone who wasn’t good for you.* Pause and Name It. When you feel the urge to text, scroll, or reminisce, pause. Label what’s happening: “I’m having an attachment craving.” Naming it activates your prefrontal cortex and brings logic back online.* Replace the Reward. Your brain craves the dopamine hit. So give it a new source—exercise, music, social connection, or even learning something new. The goal is not to suppress emotion, rather you want to redirect your energy toward real safety.* Reframe the Story. Instead of asking, “Why do I miss them?” ask, “What did this relationship teach me about what I need to heal?” When you turn pain into insight you break the shame loop and transform attachment grief into growth.* Reset Your Nervous System. Practice grounding daily: deep breathing, cold water on your wrists, or five minutes of mindful stillness. For many people, peace initially feels foreign, and this exercise retrains your nervous system to tolerate your newfound calm.It’s important to remember that missing someone who wasn’t good for you doesn’t mean you want them back. It just means that your system is still healing from what they represented. This is something that everyone goes through at some point in their lives. And with awareness, patience, and consistent self-regulation, you can retrain your brain to attach to safety, not struggle.If you know someone who is currently navigating these feelings, I encourage you to share this with them. It might help more than you know.Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvFCheck out my TEDxReno talkVisit my websiteTake my attachment styles quizFollow me on LinkedInFollow me on InstagramFollow me on FacebookFollow me on TikTokBonus:If you’d like access to even more resources, private Q&As, and my entire back catalogue of techniques and tools, I encourage you to check out my paid subscriber option.About me:Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.Dr. Judy received her bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA’s Semel Institute. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe

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The Science of Awe

Oct 2900:08:00Tap to summarize

Think about the last time you felt goosebumps. At a concert? Staring up at the night sky? Watching a child experience something for the first time?That feeling—part wonder, part vastness, part humility—is awe.Awe is an emotional response to something vast that transcends your current frame of reference. It’s an ancient and cutting-edge emotion that usually makes you rethink your place in the world. But it is far more than a fleeting feeling. It’s a biological reset button for your brain and body, with measurable effects on your nervous system, mood, and even your sense of meaning in life.People often believe that awe can be difficult to find in daily life. But awe is all around us.In this piece, we’ll explore awe, the science behind it, and how to find more of it in your life. For a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here or on Apple Podcasts. You can also find more short clips and helpful tips at my YouTube channel.Let’s dive in.The Science of AweWe used to think awe was just poetic or spiritual. But now, scientists like Dacher Keltner and his colleagues at UC Berkeley have mapped out awe’s effects in the lab.* Awe provides a nervous system reset. Awe activates the parasympathetic nervous system. (That’s your rest-and-digest mode, the opposite of fight-or-flight.) Awe slows your heart rate, lowers blood pressure, and helps your body shift into calm.* Awe reduces rumination. When you’re in awe, your brain’s default mode network—the one responsible for self-referential, looping thoughts—quiets down. That means fewer “what ifs” and “should haves.” Awe literally shrinks your inner monologue.* Awe boosts meaning. Awe expands your sense of time and space. People report feeling more connected to others, more inspired to help, and more satisfied with life after awe experiences.* Awe promotes humility and perspective. Awe makes you feel small, but in a good way. Psychologists call this the “small self.” When you feel small in relation to something vast, you stop obsessing over little irritations and zoom out to see the bigger picture.Awe Is All Around UsThere are plenty of common myths about awe that can keep us stuck in the belief that adding more awe to our lives is impossible. These are myths like:* Awe requires travel.* Awe takes too much time.* Awe is rare.But these aren’t true.Natural wonders can spark awe, but so can art, music, or even meaningful human interactions. And you don’t need hours to find a moment of awe. Awe micro-moments, in fact, are some of the most effective. Even one to two minutes of intentional observation—like noticing light streaming through a window—can shift your mood.. While it’s rare if you don’t look for it, awe isn’t hard to find.* Awe is found in listening to a live choir or even your favorite song through good headphones.* Awe is found in watching time-lapse videos of plants blooming or galaxies expanding.* Awe is found looking into your child’s eyes when they learn something new.* Awe is found standing in front of a tall skyscraper and really noticing the scale.* Awe is found in reading or hearing a story of human resilience.I personally experience awe every time I travel by plane and see the earth from above. It never gets old.Once you train yourself to notice awe, you’ll start to find it almost everywhere.Adding Awe to Your Life: A Practical TipIf you’re caught in cycles of overthinking or worry, if life feels flat (like the days are blending into one another), if you feel disconnected from others or from a sense of purpose, or if you’re constantly in “doing” mode, with no pause to just observe, you might be in need of a shot of awe.To add more awe to your life, try an awe walk. Here’s how it works:* Set the intention. Go for a walk, but instead of focusing on errands, focus on finding awe.* Slow down. Walk at half your normal pace. This shift alone changes your awareness.* Look for novelty. Search for things vast, surprising, or beautiful. This could be architecture, trees, the sky, even patterns on the sidewalk.* Pause and feel. When something sparks wonder, stop for a moment. Notice how your body feels. Goosebumps? Chills? Maybe even tears?* Reflect afterward. Ask: How do I feel now compared to before?If a walk isn’t possible, listen to music that gives you chills, watch a documentary about the universe, or enjoy some art, either in person or online.Awe is a SuperpowerAwe is a superpower, and we all have access to it. It doesn’t require money or travel, just attention and openness.When you cultivate awe—whether through walks, art, music, or micro-moments—you give your nervous system a reset, you quiet the mental noise, and you reconnect to meaning in life.If you know someone who’d benefit from a shot of awe, share this piece with them. It might help more than you know.Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvFCheck out my TEDxReno talkVisit my websiteTake my attachment styles quizFollow me on LinkedInFollow me on InstagramFollow me on FacebookFollow me on TikTokBonus:If you’d like access to even more resources, private Q&As, and my entire back catalogue of techniques and tools, I encourage you to check out my paid subscriber option.About me:Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.Dr. Judy received her bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA’s Semel Institute. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe

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The Stories You Tell Yourself Shape Your Reality

Oct 2200:06:08Tap to summarize

You know that voice in your head that constantly tells the story of your day?Maybe you’re walking into a meeting thinking… Here we go, I’m probably going to mess this up again. Or you might be replaying a memory with a twist: See, this proves I can’t trust anyone.That’s not just idle chatter. Psychologists call this narrative identity.Narrative identity is the internal story we weave about who we are, where we came from, and where we’re headed. And this self-narration is powerful.It’s not only a description of your life, but also it creates the lens through which you experience it.In this piece, we’re going to explore self-narration and how it can help and hurt you. And I’ll share a practical tip for re-writing your narrative when it doesn’t serve you. As always, for a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here or on Apple Podcasts. You can also find more short clips and helpful tips at my YouTube channel.Let’s jump in.The Science Behind Self-NarrationHumans are wired for narrative, and our brain is a storyteller.Neuroscience shows that when we recall events, our brain isn’t replaying a video of the event, rather it’s reconstructing the story. Each time we retell it, we edit slightly, adding emphasis and trimming details. And, over time, our stories become our truths.These stories, in turn, shape our identity. Research by psychologist Dan McAdams shows that people who create “redemption stories”—where setbacks are reframed as growth opportunities—tend to have higher resilience, stronger relationships, and better mental health. In contrast, “contamination stories”—where positive events are overshadowed by negativity—are linked with depression and hopelessness.Are You Caught in a Problematic Storyline?A problematic storyline, or self-narrative, can lead to self-sabotage. Consider the storyline you find yourself in. Are you the “responsible oldest child”? The “black sheep”? The “late bloomer”? These archetypes guide how you see yourself, even if you never consciously chose them.Signs you might be caught in a problematic storyline include:* you repeat the same self-criticism daily,* your memories replay with a negative “moral of the story,” and* you notice you narrate ahead, predicting failure before things happen.However, just as your self-narration can fuel self-sabotage, it can also spark transformation. That’s why learning to recognize and rewrite your inner storyline is one of the most powerful psychological tools we have.Rewriting Your Self-Narrative: A Practical TipThis technique, which I like to call “The Story Swap,” is a great way to actively rewrite your inner storyline.Here’s how to do it:* Catch the Narration. The next time you notice your inner voice narrating something like, Of course this went wrong, I’m cursed, catch yourself, pause, and name it. Tell yourself: That’s a story I’m telling.* Check the Genre. Ask yourself: Is this a redemption story? (think: growth, resilience, meaning, etc.) or Is this a contamination story? (think: failure, shame, hopelessness, etc.)* Swap the Frame. Write a new version of the story. For example, a contamination story (my relationship ended because I’m unlovable) becomes a redemption story (my relationship ended, and while it hurt, I’m learning what I need in love and building a healthier future).* Practice Out Loud. Say your new story to yourself. Or write it down. The more you rehearse it, the more your brain encodes this as your “default version.”Try this once a day for a week. You’ll be amazed at how quickly your brain starts to reach for redemptive narratives instead of contaminated ones.Everyday Is A New Paragraph In Your Story — Make This One a Turning Point.The narratives we tell ourselves are an important part of our lives. When you start to re-write your narrative, at first it might feel uncomfortable—like you’re faking positivity—but you’re not; you’re telling the fuller, more empowering truth of your life.We all have our rough days, where a less than ideal self-narrative starts to sneak in. So, if this piece resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with someone who might need to hear it. You never know how much it might help.If this piece resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with someone you think might benefit.Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvFCheck out my TEDxReno talkVisit my websiteTake my attachment styles quizFollow me on LinkedInFollow me on InstagramFollow me on FacebookFollow me on TikTokBonus:If you’d like access to even more resources, private Q&As, and my entire back catalogue of techniques and tools, I encourage you to check out my paid subscriber option.About me:Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.Dr. Judy received her bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA’s Semel Institute. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe

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Sleepmaxxing and the Anxiety of Rest

Oct 1500:08:26Tap to summarize

You might’ve noticed a trend that’s sweeping TikTok and Gen Z culture: sleepmaxxing.It’s the idea that you can, and should, optimize your sleep in every possible way. People are building elaborate nighttime routines, buying gadgets, tracking their cycles, and sharing hacks for how to squeeze out that “perfect” night of rest, all in the name of optimization.On one level, this is great. Sleep is an important factor in brain health, mental health, and emotional regulation; however, there’s a dark side to sleepmaxxing.In this piece, we’ll explore sleepmaxxing and how to avoid its shadow. For a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here or on Apple Podcasts, and you can find more short clips and helpful tips at my YouTube channel.Let’s dive in.The Shadow Side of SleepmaxxingIt’s no wonder people want to sleepmaxx. Sleep has many benefits. It helps regulate your mood, strengthen memory, and boost problem-solving. It even resets your stress response system. However, there’s a dark side.The dark side of sleepmaxxing is orthosomnia. While admittedly it has a less catchy name, it’s just as important to your health.Orthosomnia is when you worry about your sleep to the point that it actually prevents you from sleeping.You’ve probably been there before, lying awake in bed thinking: Am I asleep yet? Am I doing it right? Will I feel awful tomorrow if I don’t hit my eight hours?That anxiety itself is enough to spike your nervous system, flood you with stress hormones, and keep you awake. And this is where sleepmaxxing starts to backfire.When we over-optimize rest, we turn it into another performance goal, and sleep becomes something to achieve rather than something to allow. This can lead to a sleep performance anxiety loop, where our worries about sleep keep us up. This happens because sleep is deeply influenced by our mindset and stress levels, and the more pressure we put on ourselves to sleep “perfectly,” the harder it becomes.One way to break this loop is to shift your goal from I need to get exactly eight hours to I’m giving my body the chance to rest. You can also try to focus more on the environment you’re creating, rather than the outcome. Consider if your room is dark enough or if you’re giving yourself time to wind down without screens.Similarly, anxiety about sleep can creep in during the morning. I use an Oura Ring, for example. It’s an incredible tool. I get to see my heart rate, my deep sleep, REM, and a whole range of other biomarkers. But I have to be careful. Sometimes I’ll wake up feeling pretty good, but once I check my Oura score and see that I only got 73 out of 100, I start to worry that I’m going to have a bad day. When this happens, if I’m not careful, I can let the data override how I actually feel in my body. To account for this, I’ve had to train myself to check in with my intuition first. I notice my energy, mood, and focus before I look at the numbers.The Three R’s Sleep Reset: A Practical Tip to Escape the Sleep Anxiety LoopIf you want to balance sleep optimization with intuition, here’s a tool I recommend. I call it the three R’s Sleep Reset.* Routine. Pick two or three bedtime cues that tell your body it’s time to wind down. That could be dimming the lights, making a cup of tea, stretching, or reading a physical book. Keep those consistent.* Relaxation. Focus on calming your nervous system, not just shutting off screens. Try breathwork, journaling, or even a warm shower. The goal is to transition your body into a relaxed state.* Reality Check. Each morning, before you check any app or device, ask yourself: How do I feel? Do I feel alert? Focused? Or do I feel sluggish? This trains you to trust your body’s signals first. Then you can look at your sleep data if you want. But at that point, the data is information, not judgment. For example, imagine you wake up feeling refreshed, but your app says you only got a “low sleep score.” Instead of immediately believing the app, pause, notice how good you feel, and remind yourself: I feel fine, and that’s what matters most. Over time, this retrains your brain to prioritize lived experience over perfection metrics.The Bottom LineTechnology can be an incredible support, but intuition is just as valuable. To improve your sleep, don’t seek perfection and beat yourself up when you (as we all will) eventually slip up. Instead, practice consistency, and while you should trust the data, you should also build trust in yourself.If you know someone who sleeps (I’m guessing you do), and if this piece resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with someone you think might benefit from a good night’s rest.Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvFCheck out my TEDxReno talkVisit my websiteTake my attachment styles quizFollow me on LinkedInFollow me on InstagramFollow me on FacebookFollow me on TikTokAbout me:Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.Dr. Judy received her bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA’s Semel Institute.If this piece resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with someone who might need to hear it. If you’d like access to even more resources, private Q&As, and my entire back catalogue of techniques and tools, I encourage you to check out my paid subscriber option. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe

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The Power of Romanticizing Your Life

Oct 800:06:46Tap to summarize

You might have seen it on TikTok and Instagram: people romanticizing their lives.You’ve probably seen the videos…someone lighting a candle before bed, sipping coffee slowly while reading a book, arranging flowers on a desk, or even turning a trip to the grocery store into something cinematic.At first glance, it might seem like nothing more than an aesthetic or even a bit of a social media performance. Underneath this, however, powerful psychology is at work.Romanticizing your life is actually about how we pay attention, how we savor, and how we find meaning in the everyday.In this piece, we look at the science behind romanticizing your life, and how you can start to do this too.For a deeper dive, you can listen to the latest episode of Mental Health Bites here or on Apple Podcasts. You can also find more short clips and helpful tips at my YouTube channel.Let’s jump in!The Science Behind Romantizing Your LifeOne reason why I think this trend is exploding right now is that we live in a time of heightened stress, political polarization, and economic uncertainty.Because of this people frequently search for small ways to take control of their inner worlds. Whether through a morning ritual or turning chores into a mindful practice, romanizing daily life is one way to do this, it’s a way to reclaim agency and create calm.Psychologists have known about this for a while. They call this savoring.Fred Bryant and Joseph Veroff, two pioneers in savoring research, define it as the capacity to attend to, appreciate, and enhance positive experiences. Their studies show that people who savor regularly report greater happiness, stronger relationships, and even better coping with stress.What’s particularly nice about this is that savoring doesn’t require big moments like a wedding or a vacation. The most powerful form of savoring, in fact, often comes from ordinary experiences— think of the warmth of sunlight streaming through a window, the crisp sound of biting into an apple, or the feeling of clean sheets at night. When you slow down enough to notice (and savor) the world around you, your brain encodes these as rich, positive memories.There’s also a neurological layer at play. When we savor, the brain releases dopamine and oxytocin (neurochemicals that boost mood and social connection). Over time, deliberately savoring strengthens neural pathways for positivity, helping shift your baseline mood upward.Finally, there’s the meaning-making element. Romanticizing your life invites you to view the mundane as symbolic or poetic. Washing dishes becomes an act of cleansing and not a chore. Walking to work becomes a ritual of transition. These small reframes add richness to our lives in a way that pure productivity never could.A Cinematic Way Forward: The 3x3 Savoring MethodOne of my favorite ways to romanticize life is what I like to call the 3x3 Savoring Method.* Step 1: Pick three micro-moments each day. Look for the small things. The smell of coffee beans, the laughter of a coworker, the comfort of a hot shower. They don’t have to be picture-perfect, just moments you can lean into.* Step 2: Spend at least 30 seconds with each one. This is crucial. Most of us rush through positive experiences so quickly that the brain doesn’t have time to register them. Linger for half a minute. Pay attention to the textures, colors, sounds, and feelings. For example, if you’re savoring your morning tea, notice the warmth of the cup in your hands, the steam rising, and the flavor on your tongue.* Step 3: Share or reflect. The research shows savoring is amplified when you share it. That could mean telling a friend, snapping a photo, or writing a quick note in a journal. By naming it, you reinforce the memory and increase its impact.These steps might seem small, but they’re deeply impactful. Mood repair doesn’t usually come from big, dramatic interventions, rather it comes from stacking small moments of joy, over and over, until they build into resilience.If you follow the 3×3 Method for one week, you’ll collect 21 distinct positive moments. Imagine doing that for a month, a year, a lifetime. That’s how romanticizing your life turns from a social media trend into a sustainable practice for well-being.You’ve got this!The next time you see someone post a dreamy montage of their morning, know that you’re not just watching a trend, you’re seeing positive psychology in action. When you romanticize your life, you’re making the choice to savor, to notice, and to find beauty in what’s already here.If this piece resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with someone who might need to hear it. If you’d like access to even more resources, private Q&As, and my entire back catalogue of techniques and tools, I encourage you to check out my paid subscriber option.Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvFCheck out my TEDxReno talkVisit my websiteTake my attachment styles quizFollow me on LinkedInFollow me on InstagramFollow me on FacebookFollow me on TikTokAbout me:Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.Dr. Judy received her bachelor’s degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA’s Semel Institute. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com/subscribe

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Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy Ho

All episodes

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The Stories You Tell Yourself Shape Your Reality

Sleepmaxxing and the Anxiety of Rest

The Power of Romanticizing Your Life