165: Rachel Feinstein Returns: Everything She Says Could Be a Bit

Summary

Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out – Episode 165: Rachel Feinstein Returns: Everything She Says Could Be a Bit

Release Date: April 7, 2025
Host: Mike Birbiglia
Guest: Rachel Feinstein

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Rachel Feinstein returns to Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out for her third appearance, bringing her trademark comedic energy and a wealth of personal anecdotes. This episode delves deep into Rachel’s past relationships, her marriage to firefighter Pete, her experiences living in unconventional living situations, and her ongoing journey in comedy and motherhood.

1. Relationship with Husband Pete

Rachel begins by highlighting the unique dynamic of her marriage to Pete, emphasizing the freedom and trust that defines their relationship.

• Rachel Feinstein (00:06): "That he doesn't have any notes for me. And then I have a level of freedom that I can have not had with other relationships."

Mike probes further into Rachel's past relationships to contrast them with her current marriage.

• Mike Birbiglia (00:13): "Oh, interesting. What were the notes you got in other relationships?"
• Rachel Feinstein (00:16): "Well, before him, I was with a guy that was, like, extremely jealous. Like, you know, alarmingly jealous."

Rachel candidly shares her experience with a previous boyfriend who exhibited extreme jealousy, even going as far as installing spyware on her phone.

• Rachel Feinstein (00:22): "Like, he put spyware on my phone. Is that enough manifesting for you?"

Mike humorously remarks on Rachel's candidness, appreciating her ability to blend humor with uncomfortable topics.

• Mike Birbiglia (00:36): "That is the voice of the great Rachel Feinstein. Man, I love this episode."

2. Past Relationships and Living Situations

Rachel recounts her tumultuous past relationships and the unconventional living situations she found herself in, showcasing her resilience and comedic prowess.

Extreme Jealousy and Spyware Incident

Rachel elaborates on the extent of her ex-boyfriend's jealousy, highlighting how it affected her personal and professional life.

• Rachel Feinstein (05:00): "It's hardcore. It's debilitating. You know, I'm teaming with it."

She humorously discusses how her ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) might have contributed to her ex-boyfriend's suspicions.

• Rachel Feinstein (04:50): "I'm, like, teaming with ADD. Like, I mean, I've had it since I was 11."

Living in "Squalor" with Other Comedians

Rachel shares stories about living with fellow comedians Sherrod Small and Tony Rock in a cramped, basement-style apartment dubbed "Squalor."

• Rachel Feinstein (13:06): "We used to call our apartment Squalor because we lived in squalor."

She paints a vivid picture of the chaotic environment, complete with friends frequently using her bed and the challenges of maintaining personal boundaries.

• Rachel Feinstein (13:41): "They were going to harass him and call croissant, right? Like all croissant."

3. Comedy Material and Personal Anecdotes

Throughout the episode, Rachel provides a treasure trove of comedic material drawn from her life experiences, enhancing the podcast's humor and depth.

Doctor Interaction Gone Awry

Rachel recounts a humorous yet unsettling interaction with her doctor, where he inadvertently made inappropriate jokes during a mammogram appointment.

• Rachel Feinstein (04:54): "He goes, yankees are Mets."

• Rachel Feinstein (07:57): "You got one boob."

This segment highlights Rachel's ability to find humor in uncomfortable and tense situations.

Mother-in-Law Dynamics

Rachel discusses the complexities of her relationship with her mother-in-law, who views her comedic storytelling with skepticism and subtle disdain.

• Rachel Feinstein (17:09): "She doesn't really watch me. And she'll say it to me and she... like a foul rumor she has no way of substantiating."

• Mike Birbiglia (19:21): "How do you unpack that with your own life?"

Rachel reflects on the vulnerability of sharing personal stories that intertwine with her family's perceptions.

4. Motherhood and Preschool Challenges

Transitioning to motherhood, Rachel humorously navigates the trials of managing her child’s preschool experience while maintaining her comedic edge.

• Rachel Feinstein (49:24): "One of them was because I bring her late a few days a week."

She exaggeratedly portrays the seriousness with which preschool administration treats minor issues, adding a comedic twist to everyday parenting challenges.

• Rachel Feinstein (50:12): "Who wants to fucking sit around the Magna Tiles? No."

5. Comedy Collaboration and Creative Process

Rachel and Mike discuss the intersection of their creative processes, the importance of surrounding oneself with honest feedback, and the continuous evolution of their comedic material.

• Mike Birbiglia (10:19): "You have comedians, where everything you say kind of could be a bit. And you kind of... feel like you need to surround yourself with the most amount of people who point out, actually, that could be a bit."

• Rachel Feinstein (29:58): "He's just kind of like, sure, whatever."

Rachel appreciates Pete's non-confrontational nature, which contrasts sharply with her previous relationships and facilitates a more supportive creative environment.

6. Navigating Uncomfortable Topics with Humor

Rachel skillfully balances discussing sensitive and personal topics with humor, making the conversation both engaging and relatable.

• Rachel Feinstein (08:00): "He was doing a bit. I told him I think I might be dying."

• Rachel Feinstein (17:55): "What am I gonna do? That's on you. My kids pick your nose during nap class."

Her ability to weave personal struggles into comedic narratives underscores her unique talent as a comedian.

7. Current Projects and Philanthropy

Towards the end of the episode, Rachel touches upon her current endeavors, including writing a book and her involvement with the nonprofit Friends of Firefighters, which provides mental health services to firefighters and their families.

• Rachel Feinstein (51:43): "I'm going to do a big benefit soon because it's called Friends of Firefighters..."

Mike supports her philanthropic efforts and encourages listeners to engage with her cause.

8. Closing Remarks and Future Endeavors

As the episode concludes, Mike highlights upcoming projects and provides shout-outs to Rachel's ongoing tour and specials, reinforcing the strong rapport between host and guest.

• Mike Birbiglia (52:31): "Rachel Feinstein, you're the funniest. Come back. Come back to the podcast all the time."

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Notable Quotes:

• Rachel Feinstein (00:22): "Like, he put spyware on my phone. Is that enough manifesting for you?"
• Rachel Feinstein (07:53): "He was doing a bit. I told him I think I might be dying."
• Rachel Feinstein (14:56): "You can't have croissants running up in you."
• Rachel Feinstein (29:58): "He's just kind of like, sure, whatever."
• Rachel Feinstein (51:43): "I'm going to do a big benefit soon because it's called Friends of Firefighters..."

Conclusion:

Episode 165 of Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out with Rachel Feinstein is a rich tapestry of humor, personal revelation, and insightful discussion. Rachel's ability to transform her life's chaotic and sometimes troubling moments into compelling comedy provides listeners with both laughter and a deeper understanding of her as an artist and individual. This episode not only entertains but also inspires, showcasing the therapeutic and connective power of humor.

Transcript

[Mike Birbiglia]

Joking aside, like, what's the thing you like most about your husband Pete?

[Rachel Feinstein]

That he doesn't have any notes for me. And then I have a level of freedom that I can have not had with other relationships.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, interesting. What were the notes you got in other relationships?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Well, before him, I was with a guy that was, like, extremely jealous. Like, you know, alarmingly jealous.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Interesting. Like what? How would that manifest?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like, he put spyware on my phone. Is that enough manifesting for you?

[Mike Birbiglia]

That is the voice of the great Rachel Feinstein. Man, I love this episode. I don't know if I've laughed harder at an episode during the episode as this. I actually had to stop at certain points. This is Rachel's third time on the podcast. One of the reasons I love having her on the show is she just goes and goes and goes. She's one of my friends who has that gift of comedic gab where you have to stop them and say, that's a bit. That's a bit. Which I've talked about a lot before on the show. And yeah, she's on tour right now. You can catch her this week in Key West, Florida. In May. She's in Sellersville, Pennsylvania, Vermont Comedy Club in Burlington. It's see Rachel Feinstein if you can. She is a riot. Thank you again to everyone who came out to my show, the Good Life at the Beacon Theater in New York City. There will be a special announcement about that soon. Sign up for the mailing list to be the first to know or go on my Instagram. Instagram.com burbigs Couple of new shows coming up. I'll be doing a show Aug. 9 in Portland, Maine, with John Mulaney, Nick Kroll and Fred Armisen. Wow. That is going to be super, super fun. It's sort of an ensemble show in support of the great John Mulaney, who has a talk show right now called Everybody's Live John Mulaney on Netflix. On August 10th, we're taking our little cavalcade to Garrison grounds in Halifax. I've never been to Halifax. I've been getting emails for many, many, many years from the Halifaxians. And that's also with Mulaney, Kroll and Fred armisen. And finally, September 13th, the bunch of us are going to be at Stanley park in Vancouver. Tickets for all [e-mail] Sign up for the mailing list to find out more. If there's more stuff like that. That's my voice that says, there is. There is. I love this chat with Rachel Feinstein today. I'm so glad you're listening. We talk about a lot of people she's encountered in her life. Very strange people, failed relationships, odd situations with doctors, of course. Her husband, who is a firefighter in sort of a doofus. We have a lot of fun. It's also. I don't know if I would say it's crude, but it's like. It's crude enough that my brother Joe was like, maybe tell them it's crude so they know in case there's kids in the car or something. I don't find it to be too crude for my taste, but that's a fair. That's a fair point. If there's kids in the car, it might not be, you know, a lot of loose stuff about. Whatever. I love this episode. Enjoy my conversation with the great Rachel Feinstein. You were kind enough to be an unannounced special guest at the filming of my special at the Beacon. And you crushed. And it was so funny. And you were talking about your doctor saying inappropriate things.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

On stage. And then. And then you told the story. But I wasn't backstage. But one of our producers, Mabel, was like, don't tell Mike that. Wait until the podcast. Will you tell me the story that you told me? Okay, well, maybe we should set up who the doctor is.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I'll set up the joke. I don't mind telling the joke because I feel like my jokes are all just real stories. But, okay, so I have this doctor in Queens, and I live so deep in Queens. Like, even my doctor is dumb. But, you know, very lovely guy, but, you know, like, he's not. Anyway, so I went and got a mammogram, and he's supposed to read me my results. Okay. And this is a doctor. First thing he said. First date. Just to give you an idea of how he is. First doctor's appointment. This is the first thing he said to me. Just goes, I got one question for you, princess. And then he goes, yankees are Mets.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Okay. That's the first day at the office. All right, Anyway, so. So that's him. Okay. But he's all I have because I need my Ritalin. I'm, like, teaming with ADD. Like, I mean, I've had it since I was 11. People are always like, I have ADD. No, you don't. Like, I leave a shoe everywhere I go. I'm just teeming with add.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So you're accusing all the listeners who have add that they're lying?

[Rachel Feinstein]

No, I'm just saying that some people will say that it's like this popularized trend, but I'm like, whatever I have. Call it whatever you want.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Right?

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's hardcore. It's debilitating. You know, I'm teaming with it. It's more that I think a lot of times when you say it, people are like, oh, yeah, just, like, spend a day with me. I'm shedding things everywhere. It's wild. So anyway, I go to get a mammogram, and he is supposed to read me my results as my doctor. Okay? So I go to the mammogram place, and then you get a sonogram afterwards. Okay. So you get mammogram, and then you get your sonogram, and that's when they put, like, a wand over your tittage. It's really fun if you. And they just kind of, like, look first up. And during my sonogram, there's a nurse in the room, and the nurse keeps going like. And, like, pointing to stuff, and I'm like, what the is her expression about? And then they keep sidebarring, and then she's like, but there's that. And then. And they're, like, pointing, and I'm like, what is going on with. And then. So I am trying to, like, in my own anxiety because I'm so sick, like, get them to laugh, but also get them to answer me, you know? And I'm like, I've written my will. Like, are my cans gangrenous or not? Just tell me now. I'm like, I'll do what I have to do. There's plenty of routes to go. But, like, these sidebars are really terrifying me. And they kept stopping and being like, oh, this could be like. And they were, like, talking over a chart. Like, I'm like, this is not Hunt for Red October. I need to know if I have cancer or not, so I could take the next steps. And they just kept mamming me. They kept being like, ma'am, ma'am. Like, your doctor will tell you on Tuesday. We're not allowed to tell you. But anyway, they're. They were arguing over this, you know, this tit chart. And so I was just convinced that I was like, you know, like, that I had, like, stage nine cancer at the end of this. Okay. Because it took, like, 45 minutes to do sonogram, and it's very stressful and terrifying. Okay? The only thing that was giving me pause that maybe I wasn't dying was that they kept mamming me. And I was like, if I knew somebody was dying, but, like, I couldn't officially tell her. The doc would have to tell her. I'm like, I wouldn't ma her. I'd be like, I'd be a little more gentle, you know? They were like, you know, I wouldn't ma'am and remam someone like that. I'm like, yeah, maybe I'm not dying. So anyway, so I go back, like, seven days later to see my doctor, and I say to him, I tell him about this whole experience. I was like, I've been really nervous to see you because during my sonogram, they kept stopping and pointing to the chart, and I was just convinced that, you know, I have cancer, and I just want to know so I could do what I need to do. And he says, it's exactly what he did, Mike. He just goes, oh, well, this isn't good. Oh, this doesn't look good right here.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And I was like, well, what is it? Just. Can you just tell me, please? Like, I just need to know, you know? He goes, hey, this is getting kind of dicey territory here. And it's not good. And then he goes, kathy. There's no Kathy in his office. He's right. He's like, kathy. Ah, Kathy's not here today. And then he goes, I didn't want to tell you this. You got one boob. And I'm like, are you kidding me right now? And he goes, that's good right there, though.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's fun.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You got one boo. That was his. That's what he was doing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And then your doctor was doing a bit.

[Rachel Feinstein]

He was doing a bitch. I told him I think I might be dying.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Crazy. This is so crazy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I think I have, like, a lot of stages of breast cancer, not even baseline, because they were staring at the chart forever, talking about someone who could.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Absolutely cannot read the room.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. Then I say to him, you can't do that. You can't do that. You can't tell people that they have one boob. And. And he says, you're right. I want to tell you right now, rachel, I apologize. It was completely inappropriate. And I'll tell you one thing. It's not going to happen again. And I'm like, thank you, Jesus. And he goes, but let's see what they actually say here. Let's see. And then he goes, oh, yikes. And he's like, yes. No, this is actually a thing. This is a thing, and we should probably talk about it. And I go, what? And he goes, you have three tits now.

[Mike Birbiglia]

This is. This is crazy. This is crazy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You have three. He's like, now you got three boobs.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Jesus Christ. This is horrible. This is like a nightmare. Like, truly a nightmare.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You can't do that. He goes, all right. Jesus. Thought you were a comedian. Nobody could say. And then he started woke culture. This being woke. He's like, I guess these days you never know.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's like a Monty Python sketch.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I can't believe it's. I can't believe that it's real.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Hanging out with you because it was Mabel and Gary who work on the podcast. And Ryan Hamilton came that night. Who's so funny. That was so funny.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Ryan Hamilton is the funniest comic ever, and he just bought a ticket. Mike would have, of course, put him on the list. That was the sweetest thing ever.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And then I invited him. Him to come open up the next night. And so he did the next thing.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That was so cool.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I mean, he's such a funny. He's just a wildly funny person. And it was a. But it was a great example of something I talk about on this podcast all the time, which is, like, some of my favorite people, like, you are comedians, where everything you say kind of could be a bit. And you kind of. I feel like you need to surround yourself with the most amount of people who point out, actually, that could be a bit. That could be a bit. Because Ryan was like that, and I was like that. Like it. Do you. Who are those people in your life?

[Rachel Feinstein]

You guys were really helpful. Yeah. You, like, told me things I should talk about. I don't. I don't think I'm surrounded by enough people like that because, like, my husband's not. Doesn't think like that, you know, But I do think that. And I'm. You know, I do think that I put myself in the middle of. I move into the most ludicrous situations. So. So I'm not really around comedians as much as I would like to be, because I feel like now I'm in this weird neighborhood. It's all, like, cops and foia. Foid is in the middle of.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Right. And parents and.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. So, yeah, I'm kind of put in this strange, insular world. It's like, you know, it's like if you go into my neighborhood, you pass, like, one of those. It's like an Irish bar with, like, Rudy Giuliani in the window or something. And then, like, you know, our lady of Perpetual Suffering charge, you know, it's just not by people. You know, it's like a Mets memorabilia shop next to, like, a commemorative coin store. Like, that's where I Live. I live inside of a commemorative freedom coin store, basically at this point. Yeah, that's.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's gotta be strange because you're like a very. You're an observational comedian. You're constant. So you're living in this kind of absurdly.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Rich with insane things to make jokes about, but it's almost like you don't even have enough stage time to talk about how crazy all that stuff is all the time.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yes. And I have done this to myself too. Like, I've done it. I've. I've always lived in the most crazy situations and just hurled myself into. But so I do think in that sense that like. Yeah, I get a lot of material around me and it's all true. People are always like, is that true? I'm like, yeah, that's not as only is that true? Those are exact quotes from my doctor.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The other thing you said the other night that I was laughing so hard at is that you used to live with these other. Some other comics who we both know. And then. I don't know. I don't know if you're gonna name em, but that they had women over all the time. And then when you had a boyfriend.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I don't care what name of them. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

When you had a boyfriend, they were.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like, this is Sherrod Small and Tony Rock. And I used to be roommates with them on the Upper east side. And I was still a nanny full time, and they were just getting mountains of ass. Okay. So they were just getting laid, like, so much. And whenever I would go away, like on a quick trip or something or like to go feature for somebody, they would fuck the girl in my bed. I think it was like a wacky joke. They'd be like, yo, we fucked in your bed last night. Like, it's not ironic. You just fucked in my bed. And that's. Yeah. And then you had to walk through my room to get to the bathroom where we lived. Because it was like, with this sad row building, it was just an old law tenement. I mean, the place was active like a railroad. A railroad apartment.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like our kitchen. I mean, our. Our shower was next to our kitchen sink.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, I used to live in one of those.

[Rachel Feinstein]

We live. We used to call. Our nickname for apartment was Squalor because we lived in squalor. So we'd be like, I'll see you back at Squalor.

[Mike Birbiglia]

We used to live in Squalor.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So we just like, I'll see you at Squalor too.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, we lived in. In squalor. And so that was just what we called it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And then you weren't allowed to bring your boyfriend home?

[Rachel Feinstein]

No, no, I wasn't. So they had this rule that although they were allowed to fuck in my bed, I thought it was hysterical. And by the way, I feel like they were using me as part of the oiling process. Sherrod especially to, like, make women trust him. It's like, oh, look, I have a female roommate, so, you know, we should go ahead and hook up. And I'm trying to tell them, like, with my eyes, like, no, you're still making a grave mistake. I'm here because I'm poor, not because you should trust him.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And then I'd have to, like, make, you know, small talk with these, like, girls pulling their T shirts down while they were, like, running to piss through my room.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God. But then. But then my favorite part of this story is that you had a boyfriend.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That I wasn't allowed to bring my boyfriend to sleep over. And they. And. And by the way, he was my boyfriend. He wasn't just, like, one of this string of. No, it was just. I was very monogamous. He was my boyfriend and he French and they called him croissant. So stupid. They're like, yo, croissant is not coming. Croissant's not allowed. Sorry. And they would do act outs of croissant showing up at the door and then being like, messi Croissant. But you better beat it. Like, we're your brothers. Your croissant is not going to run up in you. And by the way, that's how they refer to as sex. Can we play some soft piano music during this edit? Croissant's not going to be running up in you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Come on. We're supposed to protect you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You can't have croissants running up in you. And I'm like, you guys, he's my boyfriend. He's my long. But I. I never brought croissant.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Not even allowed to sleep over.

[Rachel Feinstein]

No croissant. I didn't bring him in the house, first of all, because if I. Unless they were out of town, I wasn't going to bring him in squalor, because first I got. First I'm going to humiliate myself with squalor itself, which I would have. Look, I would have stomached that because if croissant loved me, you would have dealt with it. I live in squalor. I'm doing my best but then I've got these two. They were going to harass him and call croissant, right? Like all croissant. Like, I mean, it's too stupid.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That is one of the weird things about living in New York when I was in my 20s and you're single and you're just like. If you meet someone, you're like, yeah, so this is where I live. It's basically, you know, like a closet.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

If it's kind of crazy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I've. I've lived in so many situations where at the time I was like, I think I've made it. And I'm looking back and I'm like, you lived in an actively dangerous situation. Not only did you not make it, but like the average person around the country would walk into your apartment, throw up and like, run like hell. Like, I was like, I think I. I was like, yeah. I was like, annie, like, I think I'm gonna make it now. Am I gonna be in the pictures? And it's like, no, bitch. You live in a fucking bunk bed with some bands called Mongrel Bitch. This isn't good.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Your special so funny. And you are really, really tough on your mom and your husband and then even your mother in law. Last time you were here, you were like, I'm a little nervous about my mother in law special seeing special. How did it go when she saw the bit about her?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Well, she didn't see the special. Somebody told her like my, my sister in law, my husband's brother's wife's father, so many people removed mentioned to her. He's like, just casually like, we were like at an Easter party last year or something and he was like, oh, yeah, I told Maria. But that voice you do from like, oh my God, you told Maria. Like, he didn't know. He's just a lovely old man. But I was like, he's like, yeah, I told her how you do the thing you talk about.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I don't know.

[Rachel Feinstein]

What did you say? Why did you know exactly what you said? Because Maria's not said anything to me.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Because the bit is basically your mother in law being like you, like, like, you make him laugh. Oh, you make my son laugh. You make him happy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

She always like, will tell me about. It always starts off. The bit was like, it always starts off good with her, but then it, it always starts out positive and then it turns into something insulting at the end. So I always have the wrong expression for what's being said to me. Like I open up my body langu. She's like, Peter is happy with you. He's a happy man. My son is happy because he needs to laugh. Peter needs to have a nice laugh in this life with his job. You have to laugh. And then it'll always turn into. He always had the most gorgeous girlfriends, Rachel. But he was bored by them. So it just always ends with something like that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Right.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And then it doesn't really hit me until I'm like on the train later that day and I'm like, what the fuck? Was that Maria? Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So did she.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So she was told secondhand about.

[Rachel Feinstein]

She was told secondhand that I told story of her. But she doesn't really watch me. And she'll say it to me and she. She tell that. She kind of talks about my job almost like it is like a foul rumor she has no way of substantiating. Like, she's like, they say you do.

[Mike Birbiglia]

All of these things.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I'm not sure. She's like, that's not my first language. And I'm like, you can turn on Netflix. She's like, I don't know. They say.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They say you're saying these things. I have no way of knowing. Which is also an insult.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Which is kind of. Except I'm like, thank God. I so much rather that that she watched my special. I mean, I think she'd horrified.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So that's how I feel about my parents with. With my special that's going to come out is. Is like, they will only be able to watch it if I fix their television.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Would they. What would they do? They would be proud, though. I saw the hour. It's a very good hour.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I appreciate you saying that. I. I'm. I would say I'm conflicted about them seeing it.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And that story is remarkable. Yeah. I could see the vulnerability of talking about some of the things that you talk about because they're personal to them as well. And being like.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Right.

[Rachel Feinstein]

That. Without saying too much about the hour I saw. I could understand that. But it's definitely like your most vulnerable hour. And it's. But I see what you're saying. It involves all of their stories too. Right.

[Mike Birbiglia]

How do you unpack that with your own life? Do you run anything by people?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Sometimes. I mean, like, my husband doesn't care. I can say anything. And the same emotional chip that's missing in him is the reason that he doesn't give a shit. So it works out perfectly. Yeah. It's like the same reason he says those things is that he doesn't care about it later, you know, like. So.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, the Same reason the golden retriever is just, like, wagging its tail is the same reason why it's like, maybe not gonna, you know.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Right.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Have deep in deep insights. I don't know. I don't know how to finish the analogy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

He's emotionally. No, he's a dog. Sorry. Firemen don't pride themselves that they're, like, emotional acuity. He knows he's an emotional desert, and so he thinks it's funny when I say how much he devastates me emotionally. Right. If I said that he was, like, a bad fireman or that he wasn't, you know, didn't get a good job or whatever, that he couldn't fight fire, he would care if I say that. You know, like, he. I told a story recently on a podcast about how he brought me home to meet his parents without telling anybody that he was bringing me for Christmas.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, he didn't tell them?

[Rachel Feinstein]

No. This is my husband, so the kind of person that's gonna do that. I bought them, like, 50 gifts. I was on my way into there, you know, and then he doesn't tell them that I'm coming. Okay. So apparently I get there, and I'm the most, like, always worried. Everybody's mad at me, people pleasing, whatever I'm. And so I get there, and they're opening all the presents, and I feel like I gave them all the wrong things. Like, they seem so annoyed with me.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

What did I get that was wrong? What did I do that's wrong? I'm thinking this guy, like, is so, like, into me. He's invited me home to see his. He told them. Apparently, they were looking at me like that while they were open the presents, because they were livid at Pete, because he told them five minutes before he was at the house bringing a girl.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Wow.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And so they were, like, furious, you know? So, like. So I'm saying, like, if you're gonna do that. And now I talk to this agent. He's like, yeah. And I'm like, but. But. Right. But did you. Why did you do that? And he's like, yeah. You know, and he'll. He'll literally. He'll literally use a phrase that has nothing to do with the story. It doesn't align with his point because he has none and no way to defend himself.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

He'd be like, it all comes out in the wash. Or like, no, you can't apply that here. There's no wash. There's bringing your girlfriend home for Christmas without telling your parents, you wild asshole. You can't Be like, you could lead a horse to water.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What is. What's the thing you like? Joking aside, like, what's the thing you like most about Pete?

[Rachel Feinstein]

That he doesn't have any notes for me. And then I have a level of freedom that I can ha. Have not had with other relationships.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, interesting. What were the notes you got in other relationships?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Well, before him, I was with a guy that was, like, extremely jealous. Like, you know, alarmingly jealous.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Interesting. Like, what. How would that manifest?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like, he put spyware on my phone. Is that enough manifesting for you?

[Mike Birbiglia]

He put spyware on my phone. Like, what the hell?

[Rachel Feinstein]

That's wild. By the way, when I dated him after we broke up, I was like. I thought I hid it from everybody, and I was like, you guys. He was actually very like, yeah, we all knew. We had impressions of him. He was. No, he was insanely jealous. And I'm the right person to put spyware on my phone because. Not that I'm advertising as soon as I'm single, but because I am so add that I won't notice things like that, you know, like. But he was jealous in a way that was really extreme. Like, we had Alexa in our room. I've never talked about this podcast. Probably, whatever, fuck it, who cares? It's been years now. But we had an Alexa in our room, and I would tell these stories on the phone in my room. And then later on, he would ask me, like, he'd be like, oh, you know, I know so and so has a crush on you. And I'm like, why would you know that? Why would that get around? My friend told me. A mutual friend of ours told me that this writer thought I was cute, which is not a story. I'm sorry. That's not a story that gets around. It's. Nothing happens in that story. Nothing occurs. Nobody blew anybody. Nothing occurs. So he was like, oh, yeah, you know, it gets around that. That I'm like, so I was flattered. She was just forwarding a compliment and nothing else, you know, like. And he's like, yeah, I heard through the old grapevine. I'm like, no, it's not a good tale. Who would pass that from one writer's rib to the next?

[Mike Birbiglia]

There's no tea. There's no tea. Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So I was like, But I never figured that out. I'm like, how does he know that? It's so strange. And then later on, I was telling this story to a friend of mine who's a little more, like, tech savvy, and he's like, do you have an Alexa in your room by any chance? And I was like, yeah, we do. And he's like, you know, you could set that the other way where they can, like, listen to you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

This is crazy.

[Rachel Feinstein]

This is crazy. I didn't expect to be telling this.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So she went into the Alexa and was basically just listening back to what happened earlier.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I don't know all the ways that. And I don't. I can't prove that that is how he knew all these things. I don't know for sure. Yeah, but he would know a lot of. Including things like my location sometimes, you know, so, like. And we didn't have. He didn't have find my iPhone on my iPhone. So. And he would know things like, oh, I heard so. And so stop. I was working on a pilot stop by the, you know, office today. And I'm just like, how would he know that? Well, the only way he would know that is that I was talking on the phone about it. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's so strange.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So it's really crazy. Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So what a bizarre relationship to be in.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It was. And he was very. I don't wanna say anything too specific, but I'll just say this. I remember one time coming home and he was like, sitting by a lamp with a cab receipt that he'd found. And I was like, oh, boy, I think I might have to do some fleeing soon if you're tracking. And he was like, you know, it just doesn't add up with you. That was kind of his note with me. And he was right. Nothing adds up with me. I'm like a quaking mess. I always have. Littering things everywhere. But that doesn't mean that I'm cheating. I've never cheated on anybody. I'm not like that. And it wasn't working because for all the obvious reasons that it active disaster. But it was also just like, I wasn't able to do my job because he was just always thinking I was just blowing everyone.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God, what a nightmare it was.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I laugh about it now because it's so many years later. But it's also so funny when a guy jumps to blowing somebody because it's like. Like, no, I wasn't blowing them. I was like in a writer's meeting. It's just so funny because it's like a guy that really is so jealous, and he thinks that every day works like a porn. Like, you're like, do you even know me? It was like three months before we slept together. No, I didn't blow somebody at cvs? Come on, man. People don't just get suddenly blown like that in life. What world are you living in? That was the silliest part about it, is, like, is he'd be like, oh, I know you. I didn't blow you. Like, it took forever. Yeah. Like, if I was a brisk blower, maybe you can cut all of this. But anyway, I'm not. I'm a very monogamous person.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You mean the best part of the interview?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I'm just saying maybe it's too filthy, but I'm saying I'm very monogamous. In what world am I just going rogue and blowing people throughout my day? It's ridiculous, absurd.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What a fucking. What a. What a weird quality in a person to be that jealous.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It was really crazy. And. But the thing is, it's like. I mean, this happened slowly over time. It's not like I met him, and that was obvious, of course. He said beautiful things to me and everything I would love for my husband to hear. So he was. It was intoxicating for a while, you know, I heard, like, every compliment that I could have written for my husband that I. You know, And I think that I. That's probably why I zoomed past. Cause I over. I kept overcorrecting. Cause the guy before that was. He really didn't accept my job. Right. And so. And, like, I kept. I had such a good time in that relationship, and we really. He was, you know, stable, except for this very important thing, which was that he didn't accept my job and I.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Had spied on you.

[Rachel Feinstein]

No, this is the guy before the spy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh. Oh, okay.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And so the guy before that, like, he didn't accept my work. And I, at this point, for whatever my own issues were, I liked him so much. I was like, well, is there some way I can maybe do less of it or do it in a different way? I just wanted the relationship to work. And he just fundamentally didn't accept that this was my job. And he took me out to dinner, which is really funny to take a woman out to dinner and then say this to her. But he took me out to dinner one night, and he was like, you're not gonna do. Stand up for the rest of your life.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's great. Oh, my God. That's great.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Are you ready to, like, court someone first?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, that's a hard cover conversation.

[Rachel Feinstein]

He didn't have to dinner very often. One time he asked for anal at dinner. I'm like, is that why we're going to dinner? Because you can ask for anal. And the other time was to tell me not to work again. To stop following my dreams. It's ridiculous.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Hey, you're not gonna do. Stand up.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Like, we've been out for salmon twice. Once for Adeline, the other ones for me to get a lobotomy. Basically. Yeah. Can a have some caviar with asking you to quit her job?

[Mike Birbiglia]

So that is someone asking you to stop doing your job. Is so.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And to say it that way too. That way like, he's like, you're not gonna. You know, it's almost better like, hey, can you. Do you want to quit your job? I'll support us. As it's so much more. That's kind of nice, but just. You're not gonna do what you love for the rest of your life, right? Sugar tits? You can move back with me. Yeah. He just kind of.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Did you date anyone worse than this?

[Rachel Feinstein]

I did it. I've. I've run through every red flag. I mean, the common denominator. All of. Obviously a mama. Yeah. I do this. I choose people that are like, more extreme. But. Yeah. So I think after that situation, I overcorrected going to the next guy who seemed to not just accept me, but just think I was obsessed. Of course. Had nothing to do with me either. And then I went from that to Pete, which is like, he doesn't. You know, he doesn't 8. He's never going to leave a party or leave a situation later and be like. Like, I. I think like this or when you did this, that, you know, he's never gonna. He doesn't need to process anything because he's repressed. Make no mistake, I'm not here to dole out advice to anyone. Like, I'm just saying that, like, that is very. Was refreshing because I came from somebody that wasn't giving me a moment of space. Like.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Right.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. So Pete was just kind of like, sure, whatever. Yeah. And he was very. You know, he didn't. He wasn't controlling. He didn't care about my job. He didn't give a shit if I was working on Christmas because he was working on Christmas.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You know what I mean?

[Rachel Feinstein]

And he didn't think I was blowing anyone. That's for sure.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He was just like, I think I relate to what you're saying because Jenny. Jenny's a poet.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And I have a joke in the special. Jenny's a poet. I'm a comedian. Together, we're a sculptor. That was a Mulaney Tag.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Great joke.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But from like a Few weeks ago. But. But yeah, I think there is something to like, if you do an unorthodox profession, you either have to have the other person have the unorthodox profession or just be super open minded to like, yeah, you're a comedian, you're a poet, you're whatever.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Like it doesn't matter. We just have to figure out how.

[Rachel Feinstein]

To make our own.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I agree.

[Rachel Feinstein]

They either have to like not be ambitious at all or be super ambitious in their own weird way and not be judging yours. Cause they want some space.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And he is. Even though he's not artistic, but he works overnight and he works three days in a row and they have crazy shifts and he just wants to get back to that firehouse that I joke about in the special. But like, I get that. Cause I'm like that with comedians. Like I want to get. Sit around the table and talk shit and be animals. They want to sit around the firehouse table, you know, and do that. So like he didn't try to. I could keep working, you know, and do what I needed to do and he wasn't going to be, you know, accusing me of whatever. You've whoring all the time.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You had a real doozy bunch of boyfriends before you got married.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Also, like, again, I did this to myself.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You did not do any of that.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I zoomed past every red flag with different people.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I see what you're saying, that's all.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I mean, those flags are so red. No, I can say this now because I'm so teemingly codependent. I've lived with and been in so many crazy situations.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Everything, Everything you're saying on the podcast today I think should be in a show. Like everything. All of the like pre being married romances, we'll call them romances in quotes. I'm not convinced they were. But like that could just be a show. I mean it sounds like.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Well, I am writing a book right now and I thought, I thought I could write some of these stories. Yeah, for sure. Like. Cause I definitely had a weird, A lot of weird situations. Like I moved in with this Bengali family that I like met on the Greyhound and then one of the guys.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What do you mean? Why, Why'd you move in with them?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Well, I. Because I needed a place to live because I had just been dubbed by this other guy. This is when I was like 17 and. And the Bengali lady was like, come live with me and my family. And she.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What are you talking about? Who meets someone on a bus and just says, come Live with me and my family.

[Rachel Feinstein]

My family. She's like, you know, we'll have good life. I remember she said, we'll take marmalade. I always remember she said, she's like, we'll take marmalade in the mornings. And I was like, I want to take a marmalade in the mornings. I think it was the marmalade.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Marmalade in the mornings. And that's why you moved in with the strangers?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yes, her day. And she was, she's a fairy tale. She was. I was being dumped by the guy I moved to New York with. I was going back and forth to D.C. or Maryland in the weekends and I would, I had just started act with this acting coach, but I'd go back and forth and I'd stay in New York with some friend on the weekends. But I need a real place to live in New York cuz I, I wanted to stay there. And I met this Bengali woman and she was, and I told her and I was weeping because this guy dumped me and she shared a croissant with me and she was like, come stay with me. Don't take. She goes, don't give tears for a man. I always remember how she says, don't give your tears for a man, please. You're young. Don't take, don't let him take tears. She's like, don't let him take tears. You can live with me. And we'll take marmalade. We'll have nice morning, we'll take yoga. We'll have good life. Don't take your tears for this man. Don't take it. So I was like, okay, so I'm like, I don't wanna take my tears with this man anymore. But she's right. So I moved with her to Woodhaven, Queens and her Bengali family, her name was Alia Sharafi and they just adopted me. And by the way, my mom, again, so liberal, no follow up questions. I'm like, mom, I met a lady on the Greyhound from Bangladesh. She was already just doing like a whore crawl towards me because she loves anything, anyone that's not white. My mom has no follow up questions. She's like, are they beige or darker? Well, I won't be needing a home address. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. So she's always on anyone's side if they're not white. Like she's rooting for them. So she's just like, of course. Terrific. She needs a roommate. Well, of course she does. Something, something systematic racism. Move in. She'd be able to support her Family and her damn own. But apparently she's not. This country isn't built in such a way that something or other. And I'm like, do you want an address? I'm 19. And she's like Matt Ness. So then I moved in with the Bengalis and then I like just live with this Bengali family and. And I would wear. I didn't have any friends in New York cause I never went to college. And so my like kind of. That was my whole social scene was. And they would, they taught me how to wear a sari and I would wear the sarees and go to their parties and hang out and.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But I. Hold on. I want to, I want to zoom out and just say like your. And maybe this is the theme that runs through the whole thing if this becomes a show is like you're extraordinarily trusting and actually at your own peril.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Right. So it's like you meet the family on the Greyhound. You're like, yeah, I'll live with you. Sure. And then you're like, you have this insanely possessive boyfriend who's like using spyware on you and then like quoting back things Alexis said and you're still with that person for some amount of like you're with like a bizarre group of people in a row. Yeah, there's a lot to unpack there.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Well, I was deeply codependent. Like take all it, you know, all jokes aside, even though this is all true. But I was like, I was just like. Didn't think that I could sort of. Yeah, I felt like it was this dirty little soiled exchange we were having. They. I would deal with their insane shit.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

If they would, then you know, I would deal with their stuff if they wouldn't get mad at me because I just lost my passport for the fourth time this week. Like, you know, so like. And they would fill out a form for me or help me. I was, I always felt like I was in the brink of being homelish cuz I was just losing everything and like real wild and so these kind of organized men I would allow to take advantage of me. And then I'd be like, listen, I. I'm not going to get too worked up about all this spy wear on my phone.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But of course, if you could just help me get my passport. Support comes from Mint Mobile. Do you say data or data? Well, at my apartment we say data. We're a data house. I make no apologies for it. Anyway, for the longest time I thought paying a fortune for my monthly data plan was normal. That was until I found out about Mint Mobile and their premium wireless plans that start at just 15 bucks a month.

[Rachel Feinstein]

What?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Say goodbye to your overpriced wireless plans. Jaw dropping monthly bills and unexpected overages, Mint Mobile is here to rescue you. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. Ditch overpriced wireless and get three months of premium wireless service from Mint Mobile for 15 bucks a month. No matter how you save it, don't overpay for it. Shop data [e-mail] perbigs that's mintmobile.com perbigs upfront payment of $45 for 3 month 5GB plan required equivalent to $15 a month new customer offer for first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Okay, this is a slow round. What is something you believed 10 years ago that you don't believe now?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of it was just believing that I could explain things to people, that I. That I could point out some family dynamic to them that would make them wake up and see why they should trust me. Yeah. So I kind of learned a little bit more to like, you know, like, I learned to not believe that you can, you know, teach anybody anything and just. Yeah, like, focus on yourself and all your own nonsense. There's plenty. So I think I started to learn that. A little more messy, but it's true.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What was the time you were caught in a lie?

[Rachel Feinstein]

This is so embarrassing, you guys. I've made myself look so crazy on this podcast.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But no, we're here for it.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Keep in mind, again, I was much younger, okay. But I was out on a date with this guy and. And I feel like. Did we talk about this? Okay. I was on a date with this guy and I was like, maybe 25, 26. And I did one of the craziest things I've ever done. I changed on the date.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So I was like, pretended to spill wine on myself cause I wanted him to see me in the other dress and I was like really hammered.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You wanted him to see you in the other dress?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Okay, keep in mind I'm really drunk. Okay? I like, I was like pretty young. Okay. Cause I think every comment is just gonna be like, this bitch is crazier than a shithouse rat. But I was. I just, I wanted. I oftentimes would put a second Dress or top in my bag. And I'd be like, ooh. If the night takes a different turn, maybe I'll be this version of myself. Like, why? There's no. There's no need. Okay, so I have one now. I always have a second outfit just in case. Like, I'm have to flee.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, yeah, I knew that. I have spyware.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So anyway, so I was like, oh. And I. And I was like, I'll bring this other red dress. I couldn't decide. And I think in my mind I thought like, oh, I'll change in the cab or something. I don't know what I was thinking. And then I kind of went out on this date and I'm a little drunk and I'm really wishing that I wore the red dress. So I was like, I'll just pretend I spilled something on myself and go change into it. And you can see, then he'll really like me because they'll see me in the red dress. And I did. And I went to the bathroom and I came back and he was like, you did all of that on purpose?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh my God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Which also kudos to him because how would he even have guessed that? So deranged.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I mean, he snuffed out that you lied about spilling the wine. Wine on yourself.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Wow. That like. I was like, oopsie daisy. I guess I'll go up and turn into the slinkier number. Disgusting.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Idiot.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, so I was very much. I was caught right handed.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Who are you jealous of?

[Rachel Feinstein]

God, no, I'm just kidding. I don't know. Who am I jealous of? Who am I jealous of? Just women with really good skin. Because I have really bad skin. I think we were talking about how I. Like, I'm really humiliated to say that because you're asking me about what I search on Instagram or. And I was like, I just search the dumbest twat stuff to search. Just this. I just searched like Meghan Markle skin care or something like that. So dumb. What a hole.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, that's what we were talking about with Ryan Hamilton the other night is. Is a slow. A new slowdown question should be what's. What is in your algorithm? What. What videos get served to you on Instagram and Tick tock.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. Because they're so embarrassing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They are so embarrassing.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And mine is usually about like skin and stuff because I always know you notice what you're insecure about. And I've always had really bad, bad skin.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's interesting.

[Rachel Feinstein]

So I'm always looking up like skin or just like, you know, My worst fear is always being on a hike or something like that with somebody that, like. Like, for a first date, obviously this is not gonna happen anymore, but just because I'm not somebody that can just be like, oh, I'm just on a dewy hike. No, I'm gonna be, like, red and gangrenous. I always had bad acne. I had the kind of acne in high school, like, you needed. Needed. Like, I need to be hospitalized. So my acne was jacked. So I look up people with nice skin.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I get that.

[Rachel Feinstein]

My algorithm is. The reason I think I look at the Royal Family a lot is because, like, the whole Meghan Markle, her nonsense aside, is because Harry Prince Harry, I'm like, why do I look at this? Why do I look at them so much? I think it's because he's very, like, protective over her in this just, like, way that's like, yeah, like, guys aren't really like that with me. Like, nobody's, like, put their hand on my lower back and, like, led me through a room. So I think that's my algorithm. Just men putting their. Their hands on women's lower backs. A guy's always like, you good to get there? And I'm like, no, it's my fucking wedding. I'm not going to get there.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You good to get there?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah. People always like, you can get there. Right? Yeah. It's my husband in a nutshell. He's like, you can make it over. Yeah. So I always look at, like, some, you know, some celebrity guy at a Knicks game that kind of, like, helps their wife through the stand. Like, you never hear that quote about me. They're never gonna be like, her husband's very protective over her because he's not. Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

All right. This is the material section. This is. I. I'm. I'm. I'm not going to say exactly who sent me this email the other day, but it's. I was asked to do a role in a movie, a small independent film. It's not a big deal, and I'm not going to do it. But. But I thought this should be a bit. But I don't know exactly what to do with it, which is. I got a letter from the director of this small independent film, and it says, Mr. Birbiglia, I'll get right to it. My name is Blah, blah, blah. I'm directing and producing a new feature called Blah, blah, blah. There's a role that only one man can play. Steve. I truly believe that man is you. And then the description of the movie is when a 40 something wild child splits from her punk rock boyfriend. And she gets over it the only way she knows how. By seducing a mediocre dad bod cuck of a husband whose wife happens to be her best friend. Oh, my God. Wait, which role? Wait, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Which role did you want me to. Did you. Wait, am I the punk rock boyfriend or am I the mediocre dad bod cuck of a husband?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Cuck of a husband is outrageous. What did you say to him?

[Mike Birbiglia]

I just. First of all, sexist. Sexist? It's a woman. Women direct too, Rachel. No, they don't.

[Rachel Feinstein]

They can't. The brains are too small. They're just holes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

There's no possibly.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's no possibly.

[Rachel Feinstein]

How could a woman do it? She'd still have to be a woman at the same time. Be completely impossible.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You're not still gonna do comedy anymore, are you, Rachel?

[Rachel Feinstein]

No, I suppose not. I'll just stay home and stir an empty bowl like God and Jesus made me to. I could always watch the clock go round and round till you come home. I supposing that's what I'll do. You know what I'll do? I'll break the buttons off your shirts and then sew them back on again. Then I'll have purpose. Sorry.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And sew them back on again on purpose.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And I won't be so perfectly pointless.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I want to go to the lobotomy factory. That'd be funny if there's a man that just took. Just kept sending his wife back to the lobotomy factory whenever she was in trouble. I don't want to go today. I was good. I didn't have no opinions or nothing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Right?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Mediocre dad, bog cuck of a husband. Yeah, so I did. I said no to that. But the.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I'll show you. I'll send you a. A caricature of me. That's going to make you feel better. You know, when somebody does those caricature drawings, I look like Sam Kenison. It's devastating.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Look like Sam Guinness.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Those have devastated me many a time.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, yeah. No, whenever I get. There's one of Mia Renz. Whenever they do the caricatures, it's always the big nose and the big ears and, you know, it's a big belly. You know, it's just like, you know, I. We don't have to do this, but.

[Rachel Feinstein]

No, they're painful, I guess. Yes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I get. I. I get what you mean, but also. But, like. Yeah. So that. The other way. And I thought maybe I would do that as a bit, like, the person asking me.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You have to.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I should. Right.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Hysterical.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's great, right?

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's hilarious.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Because it's crazy how this woman directing this movie thinks that that's gonna hook me.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's so funny. You like somebody.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The most insulting and the most insulting.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Thing you could ever hear because.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No. The way that you even. My daughter. I showed this to my daughter, and even she was like, no, no. If you want it. She's. She's not. She's 10 years old. She's like, no, if you want someone to do a part in movie, she. They should have said, we want someone funny and fun.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Somebody's really funny. You'd be able to play this ridiculous character.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Lie.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And then we'll all know that I'm dad bod. Cook.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I mean. I mean, that's ridiculous. But, like, yeah, just. Yeah, that's not. I mean, it's. It's deranged.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's deranged.

[Rachel Feinstein]

It's deranged. Yeah. If it makes you feel better, somebody told me I was doing this roast of Bert Kreischer and this comic who's really funny. Zacho. I'm happy to say his name because he wrote this, and it's hilarious and devastating at the same time. But he was like, you know, he's like, oh, if you want to hear any of the jokes about you before the roast. And I was like, sure, lay one on. I was, like, weeping, I swear to God. And then he goes, oh, this one's kind of fun. We could just. We call you the Dog that Saved Hanukkah still devastates me. I still see the dog that Saved Hanukkah when I look in the fucking mirror. And you know what hurts so bad is that I want to read that book. I want to know about his adventures.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The dog saved honey. I don't even know why it's funny, but it's so just, like, specific and bizarre.

[Rachel Feinstein]

He was like, oh, you wrote a. Your. Rachel's writing a storybook about her own life. That's what it was. Rachel's writing a children's book now that she's a mom about her own life, and the book is called the Dog that Saved Hanukkah. I called up every friend, and I was like, am I the dog that saved Hanukkah? I need you to tell me the truth, because I'm like, what if all this time I've just Been putting lipstick on a pig, like. And I didn't realize that everybody else saw me as the dog saved Hanukkah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Do you have any half bits you're working on? Anything sort of like, let me do all setups, premises.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Let me see here. This is. This is such a half baked thing. I started to talk a little bit more about like, stuff like that. Notes that I get home from preschool. One of them was. I mean, we had a meeting with our preschool. It's just very funny because you have to these meetings and they give. They tell you about your kid, but it's preschool, you know, so it's like the few things that were said to me in the meeting, one of them was because I bring her late a few days a week. I'm always like coming in wild and leaving the fucking. I'm always leaving like a USB cord there or something, you know. So I come in and they were like, just so you know, it was like my third time being late that month or whatever. And the lady was like, just so you know, this is going to go on her permanent attendance record.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, God.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And I had to look like I was just devastated. Like, I just kind of put my head down and just like, I had like. Like they, like, I was just. I got really somber and I was like, I think I'm willing to like, what? Like, she's gonna be applying for a law firm one day and they're gonna be like, is this the. That came in late for preschool? Like, her mom's a. Whatever some rag that brought her late for preschool. I mean, who gives a.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's preschool. It's not even school. It's before school. Yeah, exactly. It's take care. It's the time before school even occurs. We don't have to put anything on the permanent record.

[Rachel Feinstein]

And they told me she wasn't rotating as much as they wanted her to be. That she spent most of her time in the play kitchen and not enough time in the Magna Tile station.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I'm just like. Cause it sucks.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Who wants to fucking sit around the Magna Tile? I'm like, can you imagine being real pumped up about playing with the Magna Tiles? No. Who blasts themselves to Magna Tiles? Not that, you know, Blast.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's how I always feel.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I'm just saying Magnetos is not where the fucking party's at.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You know, I always feel whenever, like, you know, there'll be like a note about like, Una's talking in class or whatever the thing is. Yeah, it's good. Talking's good.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yeah, whatever.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Like I used to talk in class.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Me too.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Also, she talks during her nap time and picks her nose. And I'm just like, that's so funny. You know, like, and. And of course she does. I mean, she's like four, right? I mean, I. Again, I. I go, we'll work with her on that. Say, we'll work with that. But it's just like, you talked during math. I was the same. I was talking. I always was in trouble for talking.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

You think? I. You could not. I'm not saying that. If they were like, you know, she kicked me or she threw a sharp object in my eye.

[Mike Birbiglia]

There's some red lines.

[Rachel Feinstein]

What am I gonna do? That's on you. My kids pick your nose during nap class. Guess what? Have at it. Like, it's not my battle bitch.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rachel Feinstein]

I really should take out. Maybe I shouldn't call. Call her preschool teacher. But I'm just saying, like, some of the notes that I have to get really serious about it. And I'm like, come on, this is.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Going to be on your permanent record. The last thing with you is working that for a cause. Is there a nonprofit that you like to contribute to that we will contribute to? And linked in the show notes?

[Rachel Feinstein]

Yes, actually, I'm going to do a big benefit soon because it's called Friends of Firefighters, and they give free mental health services to firefighters and their whole families. A lot of firefighters don't want to get therapy through their job for all kinds of different reasons of feeling stigmatized, and they need it. They seek a lot of crazy stuff on the job, and, you know, and the families are, like, carrying all this too. So I. I'm so worried about this situation, but I'm going to. I'm going to post more about my main page, but Friends of Firefighters follow them. The. The woman who runs it, his name is Nancy Carbone. They all operate out of an old firehouse, and the guys go there. They feel comfortable there. It's the loveliest place. Place.

[Mike Birbiglia]

We'll contribute to them. We'll link to them in the show notes. Rachel Feinstein, you're the funniest. Come back. Come back to the podcast all the time. You just make me laugh so hard. And everybody, everybody watched the special. It's unbelievable.

[Rachel Feinstein]

Thank you. Big guy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Big guy. Working it out, cuz it's not done. We're working it out, cuz there's no. That's going to do it. For another episode of Working it out, you can follow Rachel Feinstein on Instagram. Rachel Feinstein. Ooh, she missed it by an underscore. Sometimes she posts these videos of her and her husband Pete shopping in Home Depot and it is so funny. So she is a great follow. You can watch the full video of this episode on our YouTube channel Ike Birbiglia. Check that out and subscribe because we're posting more and more videos. Check out birbigs.com to sign up for the mailing list. To be the first to know about my upcoming shows, our producers are working it out are myself along with Peter Salomon, Joseph Birbiglia and Mabel Lewis, associate producer Gary Simons, sound mix by Shub Sarah and supervising engineer Kate Balinsky. Special thanks to Jack Antonoff and Bleachers for their music. We did that new version of the song in the fall of Jack Antonoff on this podcast and if you didn't listen to that episode, it's a great episode from I think September or October. And I just saw him yesterday and I'm pressuring him to professionally lay down the new theme song. And so you should also pressure him. You can go on Instagram and just him and demand he finishes the song. Special thanks as always to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein and our daughter Oona, who built the original radio fort made of pillows. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. If you enjoy the show, please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts. It really helps us out. If you're new to the podcast and enjoyed this episode, we have over 160 episodes we've done since 2020. They're all free. There's no paywall. While we've had incredible guests, Nathan Lane, Seth Meyers, Rory Scoville, go on Apple Podcasts and say which is your favorite? Recently a bunch of people wrote which was not their favorite. That's helpful too. But also keep in mind there's 165 episodes, so not every guest is gonna be your favorite guest. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell your doctor. If your doctor says to you, you have one boob, you go, what? You have three boobs, you go, what? I'm just here to refill my meds. And by the way, if you do listen to podcasts, there's this one called Mike Birbigli's Working It Out, a comedian named Mike Birbigli who works out jokes and stories with other comedians. And actually, there may be a joke about you soon. Thanks everybody. We're working it out. We'll see you next time.