A (2:51)

I will say. Having a special on YouTube, I, I wasn't really conflicted about it, but I, I recently, like, so many people are doing stuff on YouTube. Like, YouTube is becoming a place, which means, like, bad stuff is now going. I don't mean stand up. I just mean, like, garbage is bad.

B (3:09)

Anything bad anything, of course.

A (3:11)

And I'm. I'm like that weird table at a flea market that, like, has one of Mozart's wigs. What a find. If you're into, like, Mozart Amadeus Mozart stuff, I'm a huge find. And I am. Between us, I know we're recording this, but I am glad that people are finding it. And look this, I'm in a really good mood. I'm happy to see you. So just take this with a grain of mania. I'm just like, it's nice to put something on there that I'm proud of that I'm like, my gimmick is that I'm good at my craft, but that's my gimmick. You know what I mean? And to see people finding it and. And you know, you're at the, you're at the garage, you're at the flea market, and they found something good.

B (3:53)

I think that's a great point. We're going to take it again. But don't shout at this time.

A (3:57)

I mean, everything's. You're like one of those hairless cats that can't handle light and sound. Like if the water isn't just a little bit below room temperature, you die.

B (4:08)

Okay, here's what someone wrote in the comments of your YouTube. I. In the comments of your YouTube, someone wrote, Stage right cameraman is donkey dickonette, which is a reference to the special.

A (4:18)

To the special.

B (4:19)

But also who is aware of the stage right cameraman.

A (4:26)

So Ricky Cruz, our wonderful director, had some roaming guys in the crowd, which I was really pleased with. And he got these, like, concert film. I can't stop singing Ricky's praises. It feels like a concert film. And the budget was astronomically low. It was so amazing. I don't know what he means that he's donkey dicking stage right camera. Like, donkey digging is my father's big fingers.

B (4:51)

Fingers. His fingers. An analogy. Making the special. Yeah.

A (4:54)

Which I did I cut this out of the special. But the, the, the second half of that joke is, I did that joke in front of my father and it was sheer. It was sheer terror. You don't know what it's like to be on stage being like, and my dad's donkey dick fingers mashing the screen blindly. And that was all he said. He was at. I was at the Wilbur in Boston, which is a huge, you know, for both of us. Going home to Boston and selling out the Wilbur's a big deal. You 52 times, me twice. I guess I need a Christmas theme or some gimmick. I don't, I don't know. I think people need to think they might get gifts of some sort to

B (5:35)

go, yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

A (5:37)

Mike's gonna give us some of his recessive genes or just better jokes. Oh, no, that was.

B (5:47)

But maybe yours too. No, the maybe what you're saying is true too, Mikey.

A (5:52)

That was perfect. Because what you want is for me to be going at you and try and saying recessive jeans and then you say, or better jokes. That was absolute perfection. There was this interview, you probably listened to it, these CDs called. And there's the one with Johnny Carson. And they're talking about, without naming it the way I would name it, but like, comedy justice. The interviewer on. On Comedy is like, tell me about, like a moment that sticks out in all your years. And there was a very large man, was the first guest a very heavy man. You know how George Lucas has that beard where he's telling you where his jawline might be? This guy's, this guy's belt is saying, this is where my waist could have been.

B (6:35)

Uh huh.

A (6:36)

So it's up high. His belly button's a full 3 inches below the buckle. So he's a big old man and he's rude, and that's important. This is all comedy justice. Then later, the second guest says to Carson, I thought about becoming a monk. And the big guy who had moved over one chair interrupts. It's not his time. He goes, I was almost a monk, like, rudely. And Carson goes, monk, you're a monastery.

B (7:04)

Oh, my God. Murders.

A (7:07)

Here's why we need to know this. Here's why everyone needs to know this. This is comedy justice. And that's one of the things comedy audiences are sophisticated to know without even trying. That is a fat joke. But it's in the midst of rudeness. And he's been a drag, he's been a bore, he's been a blowhard. We, we like When Birbiglia says to me, or maybe just better jokes, because I was being all of those things, and you're the host. That's comedy justice.

B (7:38)

Great example. I can give you another comedy justice example.

A (7:41)

Comedy justice, our new series on Tubi.

B (7:43)

And. And also, by the way, comedy justice is a moving target. This is what I noticed last night.

A (7:49)

Sure.

B (7:50)

I'm on stage. I'm on stage at the Cellar last night, and I did a joke that I literally wrote, like, three years ago or two years ago.

A (7:57)

Yeah.

B (7:58)

Which is, you know, I'm very liberal, but, you know, liberals, we're annoying, and conservatives are wrong.

A (8:06)

And.

B (8:07)

And last, you know, last November, everyone was like, let's try wrong. You know, And I'm like. I'm like, but that's. Why would we do wrong? And they're like, shut up. You're being annoying. You know, and then I follow it up and I go like, the thing about liberals is we. We can't take jokes and conservatives can't write them.

A (8:24)

That's good.

B (8:24)

It's fun. It's like a fun joke that I wrote, like, year or two years ago.

A (8:28)

Yeah.

B (8:29)

Now kills. Didn't kill them.

A (8:32)

Yeah, that's right. It's like. I think we go up to a big. Like I picture, it's not like a. A balloon, but you go up to this big, deflated, sort of floppy balloon on the ground, and we push it with our words. And sometimes it goes, oops, I guess that was wrong. Sometimes it makes this really fun song. That's what happened. You had been pushing, and it wasn't working, and now suddenly it's clicking. Because that balloon is culture, it's the world. Does that make sense?

B (9:02)

That's kind of why. Yeah, but I think that's kind of why it's fun. The convention of touring comedians. You tour for a couple years, you go to all kinds of cities, you go all over the world. You see what works where, when.

A (9:15)

Yeah.

B (9:15)

And eventually you're like, I'm gonna lay it down. I'm gonna lay down the best version of it and share it with everybody. And it's. I love that. I actually. I love seeing it along the way. I love seeing comics working on the hour along the way. And I love seeing the final.

A (9:31)

No, I know you do. And I'll give you a good example of that, I think, which is. I had this joke. I actually kept the joke, but I dropped this part of it. It was slowing it down. Certain places they loved it. Majority of places they didn't. And it's the Setup. I go, I was giving my nephew. And then go. I hesitate to even say my nephew because he's my brother in law's son. I feel false claiming him as full nephew. By the way, see, you like this. I swear that's an east coast feeling. I swear that's an east coast feeling. You go, I met a lady, a stranger in the wild. Just a free range woman. Just some lady.

B (10:13)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (10:13)

I fall in love with her. Well, we get married. She's like, this is my brother. Just another stranger. I'm like, okay, okay. And then he meets another woman, another stranger, a free range in the wild. They get married, they have a kid. They have the balls to come up to me and go, pete, this is your nephew. And Mikey go, I just met you. This murders based on where I am, and I'm telling you, I cut it. I'm not saying it doesn't work. I'm saying I had to take the loss. I had to take the L. Because

B (10:52)

in the Northeast, it works in the

A (10:53)

Northeast in, like, the meaner places. And I'm.

B (10:58)

Meaner places.

A (10:59)

I'm from the meaner places. I'm right.

B (11:01)

Versus, like, California, which is like a very, like, very friendly place.

A (11:05)

California, they're okay with it. It was more like if I was in Georgia, if I was in North Carolina, South Texas, even if I was in Chicago, I would get heckled. I would go, this kid's my nephew. And people would go, yes. And I'm like, what? So I dropped it. And the joke worked. 70%.

B (11:26)

Oh, my God. You'll. You'll love this. Last night, I was at the Cellar, and I have this new.

A (11:32)

I think you can just tell stories, and if you're not at the Cellar, then you can point that out. Otherwise, we'll just assume you were at the Cellar. You could be like, I had a sandwich. I'll picture you at the Cellar. You can stop saying at the Cellar.

B (11:48)

Okay, so I'm on stage, and I'm talking about how there's so many phrases on our brains that we. That are swirling around, and we have to be like, don't say that. Maybe don't mention that. You know? And one of them. One of them is Happy Endings, which we talked about, I think, last time on the show. The other one is bros before hoes.

A (12:14)

Yeah.

B (12:15)

And I go. And I go, bros before hoes. As is a cry for help.

A (12:19)

It is there. There's an inherent sadness to bros before.

B (12:22)

There's a sadness to bros before hoes. It's men who want to Hug their friend Steve.

A (12:27)

Oh, my God.

B (12:28)

And they need to dress it up in a level of misogyny that's so strong that it. It seems as though there's no emotion under it.

A (12:35)

If we could. Well, you know, we have a version of this. We. You and I. So much of our closeness has to do with being pointed in the same direction of creativity. That's just a. A very around the bend way to hold hands. Like, we just want to hold hands. And instead of. Instead of doing that, we do this podcast over and over. Instead of just being like, I love you. Although we are good friends 100%, we do also.

B (12:59)

I love you.

A (12:59)

No, no, no. We're next gen. Yeah, We. We accepted. We accepted the update.

B (13:04)

I got to tell you the story, though.

A (13:05)

Okay, go ahead, please.

B (13:06)

So I'm doing that on stage, and then I go. I take it a step further. I go, like, just so you guys know, like, the. The most upstanding man in your life has said, bros before ho.

A (13:16)

That's right.

B (13:16)

The Barack Obama of your friend group. Barack Obama himself rose before I said, come on. Okay.

A (13:22)

Come on, Joe.

B (13:23)

But amazing. And I have the video. I have the video of this. That was good. I have the video of this woman in the front row going, no.

A (13:32)

Wow.

B (13:33)

And I said to her, I go. I go, I'm so sorry to be the person to tell you this, Mikey. I go, I don't want to be the person who's breaking your world. Barack Obama 1000% has said bros before hoes. And the person with it said, held up his fist and said, I'm hesitant

A (13:54)

to give you this line, but I love you this much, because I love this line. I use it all the time. I'm going to keep using it, but I think it might work here. I'm not supposed to be telling you this. It's.

B (14:04)

Oh, that's good.

A (14:04)

It's an. It's an important. I know I do it when I'm talking about guy stuff and when you're telling secrets, which is what you're doing, Mikey, I think it's too far. I don't think you should do it, but I'm not sure. I love Jesus. Please don't get offended. I think Jesus might have said some Aramaic version of bro code or like some sort of.

B (14:23)

Well, one of mule, sir. No, of course. I mean the Bible, first of all, the Bible's bros before hoes. The nation of Saudi Arabia is bros before hoes. Huge portions of Asia are bros before hoes. America was bros before hoes before 1964.

A (14:37)

I'm dead. I'm dead. It's a place.

B (14:42)

It's a wild experience. To do a joke.

A (14:46)

Yeah.

B (14:47)

That you know for sure is true. And have someone go, no, It's a crazy experience.

A (14:54)

Without a doubt. William Shakespeare said, bros before hoes. It's just, you know why I know.

B (14:59)

Or some variation.

A (15:00)

But you know why I know is because both of us have said it. I'm not proud of that. At some point, when you're wading into the waters of adolescence, you. You parrot some shit. I'm not. I don't stand by that. But I'm sure.

B (15:14)

Well, you, like, cling to things that people cling to things when they're desperate.

A (15:19)

It's also like your girlfriend, your buddy. Remember that time in your life where only one of your friends has a girlfriend? That's when you say it. Come on, man. We're playing Unreal tournament. Michelle wants to rose before hoes. Man.

B (15:33)

Jesus.

A (15:34)

Because. But if you want to unpack it, what you're saying is relationships come and go. Friendship is forever. Basically, that's sex in the City. Sex in the city is bros before hoes for hoes.

B (15:47)

And by the way, my take is. Actually, I'm. People are going to come at me for this. I'm sure. My take is feminist.

A (15:56)

Go ahead.

B (15:57)

My take is to dismantle the patriarchy. You got to acknowledge it.

A (16:01)

Yeah. Let's not gaslight you.

B (16:03)

Let's not pretend it doesn't exist.

A (16:05)

That's why. That's what this joke might benefit is if there was a really. It's not just Barack Obama who's like, you know, classy and, you know, all that. You really want someone who's like, the mouthpiece of feminism. Like a male, which you don't want to go after these people. But, like.

B (16:20)

No, that's a good point, though.

A (16:21)

If there was a guy who was really. And I mean a good person, that guy has said bros before hoes. I fucking gunned. My head would be like, of course he said it.

B (16:33)

Let me ask Mabel and Gary. You guys have anybody? It's like, Chris Fleming. Oh, my God. Chris Fleming.

A (16:39)

That is fantastic. Mabel. Chris Fleming has.

B (16:44)

Chris Fleming is a good line.

A (16:45)

Without a doubt. Said bros before hoes.

B (16:48)

Was it with irony, maybe?

A (16:49)

No.

B (16:51)

You think he.

A (16:52)

I'm telling you, once.

B (16:53)

Shots fired. Shots fired.

A (16:55)

I mean, I think, oh, wait, Gary

B (16:57)

has a good one. Gary has a good one. Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers has said bros before hoes.

A (17:03)

Gary, I. It took my breath away. It took my breath away. It took my breath away. Mr. Grade, Mr. Rogers. I'm telling you because bros before hoses. Please don't put your girlfriend over me. Our relationship will is more important. It's a very crude way of saying it, but it's not actually that disgusting. Like, women have their version of like, look, I'm not just some placeholder friend now you have a boyfriend, you don't need me. It's make new friends, but keep the old. Some are hoes and some are bros. That's not a.

B (17:37)

That's not.

A (17:37)

That's an expression.

B (17:39)

That's not. And by the way, I feel pretty confident Mr. Roger said it.

A (17:44)

I'm certain he said it. He was married.

B (17:50)

Okay, this is another thing, is someone said in the comments of your special, oh, good. If you're not. If you're not making fun of gentle parenting, then why are you using the micropiglia voice? That.

A (18:01)

Look, Gary, I don't wanna cheapen. When I said you took my breath away, but that took my breath away because there is a moment and I'm very confused by this moment, which you're so kind to help me get the word out about my special. Thank you, Mikey. Of course it's on YouTube, which is a flea market, but I happen to be selling really good crepes. Like, there's a woman with walnuts with googly eyes, and then the next table is me making really rockin crepes. That's what YouTube is.

B (18:29)

Yeah, yeah, it's. You think it's a flea market? It's a junkyard.

A (18:33)

It's. You could also say I'm in a junkyard and for some reason I have like a chocolate croissant. Like, why do you have that? And I'm like, netflix wouldn't buy it.

B (18:44)

Wait, so, wait, so. So you're.

A (18:45)

It took my breath away, what he said. Oh, yes. I. Look, I don't want to stretch this out. My next special, which I might have already filmed, I'm. I'm really interested. You and I have been talking about this a lot, which is like, it's actually based on something Chris Fleming said on your podcast, which.

B (19:02)

On this podcast, which I thought was great.

A (19:04)

He said, my director said. So I'm Chris. When I do my special, it won't be the best show. And I actually think that's something that might need some servicing. Meaning I think Chris Fleming special, by the way, is one of the all time best specials ever made. No exaggeration. I think it's. I've seen it twice. I think it's flawless. I think it's absurd that he's the example of when you film it, it's not a magical show. So what I've been trying to do is film more shows and hope to catch the lightning in a bottle.

B (19:41)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

A (19:42)

And sacrifice some of the look because I'm seeing a lot of specialties day these days. Great specials. This isn't shots fired where the curtain is great, the lighting is great, the outfit is great, The. The makeup, the hair. Everything is perfect. And why the set? The set. You give me a steak from the Palm on a paper plate. I don't fucking care. It's the steak. It's on a paper plate. I'm just seeing too many. Not as good as the steak could have been on the most beautiful plate. And I'm like, I think we've been sold a bill of goods. We've been sold a lot of jibs and a lot of dollies. And I think we need to change what we're going for, which is a really, really good steak and not a really, really good set of silverware.

B (20:30)

I think that's a great point. We're going to take that again. But just don't shout this time.

A (20:33)

Again. Your feeble ears that can only handle the docile sounds of Enya. You're so bombarded. The docile reality is so overwhelming to you. You're the guy.

B (20:45)

It's sort of.

A (20:46)

I know. It is to me too. It is to be too. Riff over. Rip over. I'm describing myself. Rip over. Unrelated. Mikey. Saffron. Get some saffron in your life. Did I tell you about this? You and this isn't an ad. You can go to. Let me do it. Let me do it because it helped me for you. Go to kenobody.com, get their saffron. Use promo code. Weird because it gets you 20% off, but that shit changed my life. That's not an ad. I'm not being paid to say that. I want you to have the promo code because it'll give you 20% off. Shit. Changed my life. I went from.

B (21:23)

Are you doing an ad on my podcast?

A (21:25)

That is so funny that it is kind of what I'm doing.

B (21:29)

Did you just say a promo code on your podcast? On my podcast.

A (21:35)

I just realized. You are just realized up my own. I'm dead. That's when you realize you are the

B (21:43)

lowest rent podcast guest I've ever had.

A (21:46)

I'm beyond help. Edit it out. Edit it out. You have to. No way. You have to. No way.

B (21:51)

It's the best Moment. It's the best thing we have.

A (21:53)

I agree. But I want you to know, as long as it's clear that I don't care if you use the promo code. You could. You can even get your Saffron somewhere else. Go get it somewhere else. I don't.

B (22:04)

Stop shouting. Stop shouting.

A (22:06)

See, you wouldn't mind.

B (22:07)

This is a microphone. Do you even understand what.

A (22:09)

This doesn't amplify this record.

B (22:11)

It's. It doesn't know.

A (22:12)

It amplifies this. No, it's. No, this isn't a live show. If you're now your two inches away from your energy on stage and in an office is the same.

B (22:23)

If your mouth is 2 inches away from the microphone, that says though you're 2 inches from my face.

A (22:30)

That's very good. I like.

B (22:33)

It's not a joke.

A (22:33)

I like everything about you. I just want to say, since I've been taking Saffron, I was like, did I need to be on antidepressants?

B (22:40)

And what's the promo code again?

A (22:41)

No, never. I'll never what? I got a couple more ads.

B (22:47)

Oh, my God.

A (22:49)

Play that guitar music. Play that. I'm going to gently lull you out of the episode into my ad guitar music.

B (22:59)

Jack's coming on again this week. He's going to play a new version of the song.

A (23:02)

That's him.

B (23:04)

Jack Antonoff. Yeah.

A (23:05)

I really feel like he was telling you with his playing, I don't want to be doing this.

B (23:09)

God.

A (23:10)

There's something in the regardless strum that he's doing that says, why are you asking me to do this? I'm a professional musician.

B (23:18)

And at that moment, the sting is going to come on. Support for working it out comes from Aura Frames. Mother's Day is right around the corner. Take it from me, an Aura frame is the perfect Mother's Day gift. Make Mother's Day special with Aura Frames. It's like a wifi connected digital picture frame. Jenny and I have these at our apartment. We love them. Super easy to upload and share photos via the Aura app. And if you're giving Aura as a gift, you can even personalize the frame with preloaded photos and memories. It's just a really pleasant, pleasant, super personal thing that it's a perfect gift because it's one of those things you wouldn't think to buy for yourself. Named number one by Wirecutter, you can save on the gifts moms love by visiting OraFrames.com for a limited time listeners. You can get $25 off their bestselling Carver Mat frame with code WIO. That's a U R A frames.com promo code WIO for working it out. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. We really appreciate it. Terms and conditions apply. Support for working it out comes from pesti. Pesti is do it yourself Pest control. Oh, man. With pesti, you can get started at 35 bucks per treatment with a customized plan based on your location, bugs and climate. I just have to say, like, that's a lot less than I've paid for my treatments. But not anymore. Now I got Pesti. You know what's great about the pesty website? They have images of all these bugs so you can tell what it is you're dealing with. Pesty's kid and pet friendly. Thank God the pesticides they ship are fully registered and have been used in hospitals and schools all over the country. Pesty offers 100% bug free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you'll get a full refund or the bugs will. I added that. Get bugs out of your house with Pesti. Go to pesti.com wio for an extra 10 off your order. That's P-E-S-T-I-E.com wio for an extra ten percent off. You talk about how whenever you see your wife naked, you always say, what a babe. Arena.

A (25:38)

What a baby. Reno. Yeah, it's true.

B (25:40)

Is she upset that you shared that private moment from your lives?

A (25:44)

It's a great question there. I know you're with me, but there are things that I won't share. If we were talking on the phone, I would. My daughter said something recently that was gold, and I was like, I can't. It's just too. It's too private. But what a Babarino. Look, you asked, so I'm going to answer. I think there's something really valuable in seeing a man delighting in his wife of 13 years. You know what I mean? There's something.

B (26:13)

Oh, I think that's beautiful.

A (26:14)

I agree. And I like seeing it. So I like sharing it.

B (26:17)

Love it.

A (26:17)

So when I say the other one, and this is true, I've been mixing it up with pardon me, madam. I see. It's very weird. I see her naked. I go, pardon me, madam. I don't know what character I'm doing, but I just. You know, you and I grew up in a time when every joke about your wife was just like,

B (26:36)

I want

A (26:36)

to smoke a cigar in the house. But Betty Crocker over here, like, that was comedy.

B (26:42)

That's a good joke, though.

A (26:43)

It is a good joke. Or implying that you want to cheat on her or what? Or that she's annoying or that she's a nag there. I will say that I did a joke on Colbert about this little boy who we love, named Ira, hit me in the balls. And then like 10 minutes later, I pushed my daughter on a swing into Ira. It was. It was an accident, but I was also. The joke is I loved it because it was justice. It was this little comedy justice. And really the joke in that joke is that I'm so petty that I want revenge on a child. Like, I really am the joke. But the kid's name is Ira, and I asked his mom if I could do it, but I didn't ask his dad. I. And I should have asked both of them. I thought she might have asked. And this isn't talking out of school. I just learned. I was like, you do have to be careful. He was very cool about it, too, but he was just like, you know, I would have liked to know and had a vote in that one. But I did apologize. I, like, very sincerely was like, I'm sorry. I'm so. I should have called you as well. And. And we're over it, I think. But on the next special, not the one that we're promoting, which is on YouTube, which is a junkyard, but. But the one that maybe I filmed already.

B (28:04)

Yeah.

A (28:05)

I do another joke where I say another kid's name and I'm just going to bleep it. I'm not even going to do it. I'm just like, I'm done telling people other people's stories. It's not that funny. There's one or two laughs based on the name. I'm just going to bleep it. And Val was like, I think that's funny. In an age of AI slop and fucking bullshit. I see. I see the quality of a bleep. I see the quality of filming a special on a night that you didn't even know you were filming your special. I see humanity. Humanity. Humanity. Authenticity. Authenticity. Authenticity. That being the new premium. So I think there's something funny about bleeping a name.

B (28:45)

Here's an authentic joke for you.

A (28:46)

Tell me.

B (28:47)

This is new. If you kill yourself after your daughter's swim meet in the eulogy, will the people be like, he was at the swim meet? We should absolutely give him full credit for going to the swim meet.

A (29:01)

I know I keep saying that and

B (29:03)

watching all the other.

A (29:04)

All the other kids, not just his Kids part.

B (29:06)

Not just his own kid.

A (29:07)

Yeah, he stayed for the second race. Even the eulogy doesn't know what to call it. The second race. That is so.

B (29:19)

Is that anything? Is that anything, Mikey?

A (29:21)

I loved it. I am a little unsure if people will love it, but that makes it exciting. It also reminds me of this. This is very similar. I did this last night, and I've been trying to make it work. Maybe you can help. I go, you ever. You ever been doing something virtuous and you want to get caught? Like, wouldn't it be great to get caught? Like, you're. You're moving your neighbors. This is a bad example. But you're moving your neighbor's newspaper. It's a terrible example. Out of the sprinkler. And you just hope they catch you. Do it. I need a better example. That's like an example from 1942, but I'm just saying like that. So that's the first fix right before

B (30:02)

we entered the war.

A (30:03)

Yeah, yeah. Before the bombers flew overhead and we had to go in the basement with the lights off. Although that's funny if I make fun of the example. That's a good example.

B (30:13)

Yeah, it's funny.

A (30:13)

But then I tell this story. It's a true story. I was meeting my friend for dinner, and his daughter was staying at our house with her mom. And we love this kid. Her name is Lulu. She's 11 years old, and she. She has down syndrome. And this is the point where I go, please don't be weird. There are no cheap jokes coming. There's. That's not like that. There's. It just. You need to know, this is the most adorable child with down syndrome you've ever met in your life. She's like a member of our family. So I had to drive her from where we live into Los Angeles, like, an hour and a half. Just me and her. Just me and Lou, and we're close. I love this kid. We get out of the car, we park. The restaurant is across the street. Me and Lulu start walking. And something that she had never done before, she took my hand when we were crossing the street. So me and the cutest girl you've ever seen are holding hands, crossing the street. And the first thought I had, Mikey, was, please, somebody see this. Yeah.

B (31:15)

Yeah. I hope someone catches me in the act of being an awesome, please catch me adult.

A (31:22)

Just the. Look at that. The sun was setting me in this. But that's. Again, the joke is, you shouldn't think that walking with a child with down syndrome is like, A special thing. But. But the ego really will take edification anywhere it can. Valerie and I were talking about this joke because she's brilliant. And she was like. I don't know. Cause she's like, it's not virtuous. It's wholesome. And I go, no, that's the joke, is that I do think it's virtuous to. And all of it. All of this is right on the edge of stuff you're not supposed to talk about. You're not supposed to feel like a good person.

B (32:02)

Another one would be. A simple one is like. A simple one is like, you're at a coffee shop, someone's short a dollar.

A (32:09)

Yeah. And you pay.

B (32:09)

Oh, I got it. I got it.

A (32:11)

Yeah. Now. Now we're not titillated enough. It needs to be ch.

B (32:14)

No, no. I. I'm bringing it up as the first example. I see yours being maybe the third example.

A (32:20)

Please, somebody catch me. And then I. You know what really helped it last night at the store was I go, where's TMZ when you want them? Like, your dick comes out at airport security? They're there. Not here. They weren't here.

B (32:34)

Right.

A (32:34)

And I'm still working on it.

B (32:36)

I like, where was tmz?

A (32:37)

Where was tmz?

B (32:38)

Yeah.

A (32:39)

But what I like about it, because this is really in the Birbiglia. If we're not telling secrets, who cares? I told her dad what happened. He died laughing. Because people aren't usually that honest. Like, I wish someone had seen me doing that. You keep that to yourself. It's a secret.

B (32:55)

Yeah. By the way, that goes back to Bros before hoes. It goes back to. I've been talking about suicide on stage, talking about happy endings.

A (33:03)

These are secrets because.

B (33:04)

And the reason I bring those up is that it's the same swash of things in our brain that's all going around, and we're like, not going to mention that. Not going to mention that. Not going to mention that. And if. If comedians aren't bringing those things up, that. No, like what, Mikey?

A (33:22)

I say it on the stage all the time. I go, if we can't talk here, where can we talk? We literally are like a primitive people that dug, like, a mud cave. You just. It's the cellar. You descend into the cellar, into the dust where the secrets are told.

B (33:39)

Well, I'm stage when I talk. I've been talking about suicide lately on stage, and someone very close to me committed suicide many years ago. And after, I say to the audience,

A (33:52)

yeah, respect for the drive, for the Effort.

B (33:56)

Yeah, yeah.

A (33:57)

So dark, so heavy.

B (33:59)

Respect. Respect for the layup that you just.

A (34:01)

It was after a friends and family screening of the Old man in the Pool.

B (34:05)

You're. You're, you're 6 foot 3, I'm 5 foot 9. You're just hitting layup after layup and it's winners outs.

A (34:18)

My God.

B (34:21)

But I said I was talking about suicide and of course, whatever, the audience gets a little, you know, there. Some of them are way with it, some of them are not. And I just go like, I'm talking about this on purpose. I'm not.

A (34:35)

This is very accident.

B (34:37)

This isn't by accident because in the last. I go in the last 10 years, the rate of suicide is up and the amount that people talk about it is down. So I'm doing my part. What are you doing?

A (34:48)

Yeah, that's right. I'm talking about this on purpose. I think it's funny. We spend a lot of time talking about jokes. I think comedians would be better served thinking about their mission statements. I know that's so stupid, but I say it all the time. I go, everything I say is to delight you. Last night did a set, I'm yelling at them for not laughing more. And then I go, everything I do is to delight you. This is all just a joke. It's just a joke, like you're safe and that's my mission statement.

B (35:19)

No, but you wouldn't. Honestly, Pete, I'm telling you this seriously. You wouldn't have to yell at them if you were a better comedian. That's a little layup break.

A (35:26)

I liked it.

B (35:27)

That's a little. Oh, winter's outs. That's another layup. While you're bent over, you don't even speak.

A (35:33)

You know when you blow smoke rings? Like the way like you hold the smoke in your mouth and you just kind of. That's how you talk. You go, it would be a better joke.

B (35:44)

Yeah, that's.

A (35:45)

You need a lav, a Madonna mic and a boom mic for anyone to hear what you're saying.

B (36:02)

Support for working out comes from Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US get ready with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style. Get the word out. Like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create email and social media campaigns wherever customers are scrolling and strolling. Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond, Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to run email and social media campaigns. And what if I get stuck? Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24. 7 customer support. Shopify is here to help you move confidently into the e commerce space. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com wio go to shopify.com wio that's shopify.com wio support for working out comes from Mint Mobile I don't know about you. I like keeping my money where I can see it. Just like tons of cash pouring out of my pockets. Unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping my money too. After years of overpaying for wireless, I finally got fed up with crazy high wireless bills as well as bogus fees and free perks that actually cost more in the long run. I switched to Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile is here to rescue you with premium wireless plans starting at 15 bucks a month. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Ditch overpriced wireless and get three months of premium wireless service from Mint Mobile for 15 bucks a month. If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Now that's a sell. Shop plans@mintmobile.com burbigs that's mintmobile.com burbigs upfront payment of $40 for a 3 month 5 gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month new customer offer for first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Support for working it out comes from nocd. NOCD is the world's leading provider of OCD treatment. It's covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans. All their licensed therapists specialize in ERP therapy and will help you learn to take the power away from intrusive thoughts in live face to face virtual sessions. They also provide between sessions when you need it most so you're never facing OCD alone. For some people, a what if isn't just a passing thought, it's a loop that you can't even get out of. What if I did something terrible? What if my relationship is a mistake? What if I can't trust my own mind? And no matter what you do to try to feel better, reassuring yourself, replaying, researching the thought just keeps coming back. That can actually be ocd not the organizing stereotype. Real OCD is persistent, unwanted, intrusive thoughts that feel totally out of character, along with mental or physical behaviors that you feel driven to do to get relief. If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started. Learn.nocd.com Mike.

A (39:25)

Let me see if I have. I think I have some for you. There's no music for rich people.

B (39:32)

If you go to say more.

A (39:35)

A billionaire's wedding. He's also playing let's get it started in here.

B (39:41)

Isn't that funny? You can't level up with music.

A (39:45)

The music that everybody.

B (39:47)

Music. The best music is the best music.

A (39:50)

He's playing Billie Jean.

B (39:52)

That's a great point.

A (39:53)

He can't do better. In fact, the only way the rich try to be better is they'll have someone play it live, which is worse. I also tried to do a joke where I was like, rich people are like magicians. Because you know how a magician will do a trick and he'll be like, and this is your card. King of clubs. And he's like, but remember, I ripped it in half and, and I put it in my. You saw me put it in my pocket. And then, and then the, the tiger walked by. And remember, the tiger ate the card and now it's back. This is the card. Like, they have to explain why what you just saw was magic. Rich. Rich people are like that. They're like that chair. That's an $82,000 chair. You're like, just feels like a chair to me.

B (40:35)

Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot like a chair is a lot like some other chairs that I sitting in earlier.

A (40:39)

I tried for the longest time to be like, rich isn't what you think. Everybody is sitting, watching television, eating and sleeping and bathing. So when you. 100, when you stay in like a very. Like, we've all been to very. You and I, I mean, have been to very, very rich people's houses. The, the, the shower head's a bit bigger. I. And I've showered at some fucking motels. It's not that. It's not that different.

B (41:07)

Jack Antonoff said that to me once walking down the street. Fancy ass, huge house. Looks in the window. They're watching the Kardashians too.

A (41:16)

That's. That's exactly my point. And that's also, that's also my. No music for rich people. And there's no, there's no special TV for rich people either.

B (41:25)

No, this is this is to go with, you know, this joke, but this is to go with your music. Thing about no music for rich people is I'm walking down the street and a car goes by me that's blasting the song where is the Love? By the Black Eyed Peas. And I feel like that just pulsating. Just pulsating everything around it.

A (41:49)

Yeah.

B (41:50)

And I feel like that person was trying to tell me something, that they have the love. But I disagree. I don't think that's the love. I feel like the birds chirping and the peaceful silence that preceded that person's entrance. Yeah.

A (42:07)

Yeah.

B (42:07)

That was the love.

A (42:09)

I love it. And I would cut out the middle part because I think the middle part, I could be wrong, is asking too much of the audience to consider.

B (42:19)

Okay.

A (42:19)

Because if you go, okay, this guy rolled up blasting the song where is the Love?

B (42:24)

Yeah.

A (42:25)

And what's weird is before he came in, it was a beautiful, quiet day. We were all listening to the birds chirping. I was enjoying my coffee, and this guy's asking, where's the love, buddy?

B (42:37)

Yeah.

A (42:38)

You just ruined it. Like you.

B (42:39)

You're ruining the love.

A (42:40)

It was here. And then you came up in your souped up Civic.

B (42:46)

Yeah, we knew where the love was.

A (42:49)

Yeah. We were all doing just fine.

B (42:51)

We were all on the same page about the location of the love.

A (42:54)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like.

B (42:55)

And then you showed up with your thing.

A (42:57)

It was like a modern day version of when they play what a Wonderful World, but over, like.

B (43:03)

That's a great example. Awful.

A (43:04)

Awful.

B (43:05)

I'm gonna write that down.

A (43:06)

That's a great example.

B (43:08)

Blaring, blaring. What a Wonderful World.

A (43:11)

Yeah. Yeah.

B (43:12)

Oh, my God. That's always the worst.

A (43:14)

Can you help me with this one? This is real. Yeah, this is real.

B (43:16)

Please. Yeah.

A (43:17)

The beginning really works, and I just don't know where to take it. So, like, all bits aside, I need. I need help. I'm calling nine. Nine.

B (43:25)

That's what the show's for.

A (43:26)

Your. Your emergency phone number is nine. And then two mozzarella sticks. So it's not 91 1, but it's like just two. It's like bar food. I. This is 100% real. Driving on the highway. Oh. I actually preface it with this. I go, we're so aggressive as a culture. You feel it, right? Things are getting more aggressive. The Punisher flag is so close to just being part of the American flag. Like the Punisher skull.

B (43:57)

Yeah.

A (43:57)

You know what I'm talking about? Like.

B (43:59)

Yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah.

A (44:00)

Under Armour shirts. Like, somebody needs to tell these, the whites at the airport, that Under Armour is not a branch of the military. Like, everybody's going around with, like, an American flag that's, like, dripping in blood, and there's just, like, a crying child. Like, what is happening? Why are we so worked up? And everybody's on nicotine, everybody is on caffeine, Everybody's jacked. Here's an example. I'm on the freeway. I'm in the left lane. There's a car behind me. Reasonable. I don't think much of it. I wash my windshield. And you know how this happens? The windshield fluid. A little bit of the mist goes over my car and hits the car behind me. Right. It's normal in my mind. Hey, you're welcome. Everybody needs a little wash. Sure. This one's on me. This guy passes me on the right. I'm going, like, 80. He passes me on the right, going 90. Cuts in front of me with. With purpose. And he's got, like, the Punisher flag on his back. And then he washes his windshield and hits me with the spray. Mikey. No, I sprayed him. Accident. He was so. Oh, you spray me. Fuck that. I spray you, bitch. Like, that was the implication.

B (45:26)

Yeah. For me, I would go to sort of how it makes you feel, because I would be a little scared. Like, if I'm being honest with you, if someone did that to me, I would be like. All my red flags would go up of, like, what is this person capable of?

A (45:42)

Right. Where does it end?

B (45:43)

Yeah, where does this go?

A (45:45)

Comedy usually does well with the question, where does it end?

B (45:48)

Where does this end? Because if this. If the tit for tat is I did the windshield and this guy cuts me off and windshields both our lives

A (45:57)

to windshield me, then, like, I better

B (46:01)

not do anything real.

A (46:03)

Yeah. Yeah, right. You know what happens?

B (46:05)

Yeah, I know that's not the joke. It's. But. But I do think there's something there.

A (46:10)

Well, buddy, The Punisher. So that skull that people see on cars.

B (46:16)

Yeah.

A (46:16)

Is from the comic book the Punisher.

B (46:19)

Yeah.

A (46:19)

And it's weird that it has become synonymous with the American flag with a lot of people, because the Punisher is a guy whose family is murdered, and then he proceeds to murder hundreds of people to. To retaliate. And instead of this.

B (46:32)

Okay.

A (46:32)

Instead of that being some cautionary tale of, like. And he never finds peace. You know what I mean?

B (46:38)

Oh, I think this is good.

A (46:39)

That's not the point of the Punisher. It's like, I think he's awesome. He's awesome. He murders all of them. He murdered people that knew about it.

B (46:49)

I like this. I like this because I didn't know that. I'm not of that lore.

A (46:54)

America loves you with us. We with you back a million fold. Like you wash my windshield, I'm gonna wash your windshield and kill you.

B (47:07)

The final thing we do is working out for a cause. You've been on the show so many times.

A (47:11)

Yeah.

B (47:12)

You've given. We've given to Homeboy Industries in the past.

A (47:15)

You know what I'll do?

B (47:16)

I think it's a great organization. We could do them or do somewhere else.

A (47:18)

We absolutely can do Homeboy again. I. You can. I say there's another one called givewell.org and what? Give.

B (47:25)

Yeah, I think that's a great organization.

A (47:26)

Give well, there are certain causes that just don't go viral that people don't talk about. They don't spread. But they are serious and people need help. But for some reason or another, they don't capture the cultural imagination. So give. Well, is some genius figured out. Give to us and we'll actually figure out where the money should go. So I like givewell.org that's a great one.

B (47:50)

PD silly, silly fun Boy is who you are.

A (47:54)

Thank you, Mikey.

B (47:55)

It's who you are to your core. It's what your special is. If people see the special on YouTube, they will understand you.

A (48:04)

My ne. My next special is going to be in the middle of a pre flight safety announcement.

B (48:10)

I love you, buddy. And thanks. Thanks for coming on again. That's going to do it for another episode of Working It Out. You can follow Petey Pants over on Instagram at. Pete Holmes, his new special Silly Silly Fun boy is on YouTube. He'll be on tour this summer. In fall you can find his tour dates@peteholmes.com. check out Birbigla.com to sign up for the mailing list. To be the first to know about my upcoming shows, our producers of Working it out or myself along with Peter Salamon, Joseph Birbiglia, Mabel Lewis and Gary Simons. Sound mix by Shub Sarin. Supervising engineer Kate Balinsky. Special thanks to Jack Andonov and Bleachers for their music. The new album comes out in about a week and he's coming on the show which is really fun. We already recorded it came out great. Special thanks as always to my wife, the poet J. Hope Stein and our daughter Oona, who built the original radio fort made of pillows. Thanks most of all to you who are listening. If you enjoy this show, rate us and review us on Apple Podcasts. We are chasing 5,000 reviews at this point. Tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell the junkyard manager that you're there to see the YouTube special of PETA Holmes. Hey, I'm here at the junkyard to see the Pete Holmes special. They'll go, huh? It's an inside joke. Pete Holmes was on Mike Birbiglia's podcast Working it out, which, by the way, you should listen to. And while I'm here at the junkyard, cue up the Pete Holmes special. Thanks, everybody. We're working it out. We'll see you next time.