Pete Holmes and Mike Make the Definitive Christmas Movie List

Summary

Podcast Summary: Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out – "Pete Holmes and Mike Make the Definitive Christmas Movie List"

Introduction

In a special holiday episode of Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out, comedian Mike Birbiglia welcomes his longtime friend and fellow comedian Pete Holmes to discuss and debate their favorite Christmas movies. Released on December 23, 2024, the episode delves into a spirited conversation where Mike and Pete argue, share insights, and ultimately compile their definitive top five Christmas movie list.

Discussion of "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever"

The episode kicks off with Mike introducing Pete's recent role in the new movie, The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, starring alongside Judy Greer. Mike shares his positive experience watching the film with his family, noting, “I watched it with my family. We loved it” ([00:06]). Pete humorously downplays his role, saying, “I laughed meekly, which is very in tone with the season” ([03:03]), highlighting the film’s blend of humor and heartfelt moments.

Analyzing "Home Alone"

Pete and Mike delve into the beloved classic Home Alone. Mike initially places the movie on his list but hesitates due to its violent undertones. Pete expresses his ambivalence, stating, “It doesn't have to be Christmas. It just so happens to be Christmas” ([08:02]), and critiques the film's repetitive violence despite acknowledging its status as a great Christmas movie. They discuss how the film balances humor with serious themes, ultimately deciding whether it deserves a spot in their top five.

Exploring "A Family Stone"

Pete introduces his top pick, A Family Stone, praising it as “a perfect Christmas movie” ([12:52]). He describes it as a tearjerker that beautifully captures the complexities of family dynamics during the holidays. Mike, who hasn’t seen the movie yet, is intrigued and agrees to watch it, acknowledging Pete’s strong endorsement: “It's my number one” ([12:52]).

Celebrating "Elf"

Both comedians express their fondness for Elf. Pete commends the film’s pure and serious take on the Santa Claus mythos, noting, “They play it as a drama” ([19:36]), which allows Will Ferrell’s comedic talents to shine. Mike adds, “It's a classic” and shares his extensive experience watching it over 15 times, reaffirming its place on their list: “Santa here” ([15:51]).

Debating "Love Actually"

The conversation shifts to Love Actually, where Pete offers a critical perspective. He appreciates the movie’s ensemble cast and nostalgic elements but points out its tonal inconsistencies and inappropriate content for family viewing. Mike acknowledges the film's cult status but remains skeptical about its inclusion in a family-friendly top five list: “I don't even think it's going to be on our list” ([26:07]).

Considering "Die Hard"

A heated debate arises over whether Die Hard qualifies as a Christmas movie. Pete challenges the notion, urging that the Christmas setting is integral to the film’s appeal: “I think it would be 17% less good if it wasn't at Christmas” ([24:44]). Mike defends his support for the film, emphasizing its thematic connection to the holiday spirit despite its unconventional categorization.

Reflecting on "It's a Wonderful Life"

Mike and Pete discuss the timeless classic It's a Wonderful Life. While recognizing its cultural significance and enduring quotes, Pete critiques the film’s propagandistic message promoting staying in one’s hometown. Mike appreciates the movie’s sentimental value but contemplates its relevance in modern times: “If you have a line that is that seminal in popular culture… I just think, like, that's an example of the kid did it wrong, but wrong is right” ([39:43]).

Highlighting "The Muppets' Christmas Carol"

Pete champions The Muppets' Christmas Carol as an exceptional adaptation of Dickens' tale. He praises its faithful rendition, stellar cast featuring Michael Caine, and the seamless blend of humor and heart: “It's a fantastic, perfect adaptation of that story” ([41:03]). Mike concurs, appreciating the film’s ability to resonate with audiences of all ages.

Finalizing the Top Five List

After extensive debate and personal anecdotes, Mike and Pete finalize their definitive top five Christmas movies:

1. Elf
2. The Muppets' Christmas Carol
3. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
4. A Family Stone
5. Die Hard

They acknowledge differing opinions, particularly regarding Die Hard and Love Actually, but ultimately agree on their selections based on personal preferences and thematic relevance.

Additional Discussions

Beyond movie debates, Mike and Pete share humorous exchanges and personal stories. Pete recounts his experience of watching Die Hard with his family, highlighting the film’s blend of action and holiday spirit. Mike reflects on his own holiday traditions and how they influence his perspective on Christmas movies.

Conclusion and Charity Highlight

Wrapping up the episode, Pete and Mike discuss their holiday-themed comedy bits and share a heartfelt moment about the importance of inclusion and the true spirit of Christmas. They conclude by promoting their chosen charity, Homeboy Industries, emphasizing the episode’s theme of giving and community support.

Notable Quotes:

• Mike Birbiglia at [00:06]: “We argue it out. We figure out our top five. We burn each other a little bit.”
• Pete Holmes at [03:03]: “I laughed meekly, which is very in tone with the season.”
• Mike Birbiglia at [08:02]: “I thought you were great and I thought Judy was great.”
• Pete Holmes at [12:52]: “It's my number one. It's the family stone. It's a perfect Christmas movie.”
• Pete Holmes at [24:44]: “I think it would be 17% less good if it wasn't at Christmas.”
• Pete Holmes at [41:03]: “It's a fantastic, perfect adaptation of that story.”

Final Thoughts

This episode of Working It Out offers a delightful blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful critiques as Mike Birbiglia and Pete Holmes navigate the festive landscape of Christmas cinema. Whether debating the merits of action-packed classics or heartfelt family dramas, their camaraderie and differing perspectives provide an engaging listen for comedy enthusiasts and film lovers alike.

Transcript

[Mike Birbiglia]

Hey, everybody, it's Mike. We have a very special episode of Working It Out Today. We've never done this one before. It's my old friend Petey Holmes back on the podcast to discuss holiday movies because Pete is starring along with the great Judy Greer in a new movie called the Best Christmas Pageant Ever. We talk about that today. It's in theaters now. Can also rent it on Video on demand, which is what I did. I watched it with my family. We loved it. So I called Pete a few weeks ago and. And I said, hey, do you want to record an episode where we discuss our favorite Christmas movies? And that's what we did today. Really fun. We argue it out. We figure out our top five. We burn each other a little bit. If you haven't heard me and Pete talk to each other before, fair warning, you can also go back and listen to the other episodes with me and Pete Holmes. But we're good friends. We burn each other a lot. So if you're like, why are these people being so mean to each other? Don't worry. We love each other and we're good. Everyone's okay. Thanks to everybody who's come out to my shows lately. I have had such a great time in Asheville, Knoxville, Nashville, and Louisville performing the Good Life. That's what the new show is called. I'm doing the final performances in New York City in March at the Beacon Theater, all of it on Burbigs.com thanks, everybody. To come out this year, I mean, it's been super, super fun. I'm doing a few more cities. I'll be in Iowa City in January. I'll be in Baltimore, Northampton, Burlington, Vermont, Ontario, handful of other places, all of it on burbigs.com and of course, the Beacon Theater, March 19 through 23. A few tickets left, but let's get to the Christmas movies list. Fair warning, we're discussing Christmas movies, but just like not all Christmas movies are family friendly, this episode is not necessarily, necessarily family friendly. Joe Birbiglia called me today and said, should we bleep out the curses? I was like, there's not that many. He goes, there are three. They're not bleeped. So it's gonna be wild. It's gonna be wild. 3 curse episode. That said, enjoy my chat with Pete Holmes and listen to his podcast, which is called you made it weird. Here we go. Congratulations. I called you a few weeks ago. I go, you're the star of a Christmas movie, and I love holiday movies. I'm guessing you do, and you know more about Christianity and Christmas than most friends I know, which says a lot about the comedy community. And so I was like, let's talk about our favorite Christmas movies. You said, sure thing. So here we are.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I'm honored that you like the movie. I laughed meekly, which is very in tone with the season. My meekness and my humility is very, you know, right on point for December that Judy Greer is the star and maybe the kids, but I'm in it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Judy is fantastic. And of course, she was in your shadow. And I say that because you're just such a large, disgusting man that you are shadowing everyone in the movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Throughout, a lot of the children were worried that I was going to eat their bones. There was a lot of, like, throwing rocks at me while I was sleeping. At one point, a hornet's nest fell on my head and I just ran around until I found a lake, or as I know it, a puddle.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's so fitting that you're in this Christmas movie. That is. I have to say, if I'm being completely honest with you, I feel like this is the place to do it. I did not think I would go for this movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, no, that's fair.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I thought you were great and I thought Judy was great. I thought the kids were great, and I choked up at the end.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, it's very religious Christmas movie, and I'm not a very religious person.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny that, yeah, there. There is, like, Jesus Christmas and then. And then love, actually. Christmas. This is Jesus Christmas for sure.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But what I love about it is it's not judgmental and it's not dogmatic, and it's not even. It's not really centering about ethics as much as it's about inclusion, which is the Jesus message that everyone can feel in their hearts. So when I read the script, I absolutely was, like, crying. I didn't know the book. I was very moved. And I think, you know, it's something that we got a lot during press, but it was like, do you think now more than ever? And I was like, yeah, kind of. Throughout all of known human history, including our time, we need more messages about, like, it's not what you look like. It's not like, do you look like one of us? Are you clean like us? Are you polite like us? Everybody needs to be folded in and included and given a shot because the kids who are ne'er do wells in the end, are celebrated. And I actually think that is not just Christianity. I think that's all of spirituality in a nutshell is you think you're this outcast with dirty, you know, dirty fingerless gloves and nothing to your name. And in the end, you're on stage and everyone's clapping. I. I really think that's the. A good way to put it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

By the way I showed. I watched this with Jenny and Oona. Jenny said, this movie is an instant classic. And then Una says, knowing, you know, we. We don't raise her in this religion. So she just goes, wait, so I don't get it is I get who Jesus is, but then what's his relationship with Santa Claus? And I'm just like, you're doing my act.

[Pete Holmes]

You'Re doing jokes. Turns out the act is hereditary. She got Jenny's eyes and she got your act.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So let's talk about our favorite holiday movies, because I thought that this would be a fun. I thought, let's debate the merits of different holiday movies as what will make the Mike and Pete top five holiday movies list.

[Pete Holmes]

The definitive.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The definitive list, which everybody's been asking for, everyone's been clamoring for a Reddit.

[Pete Holmes]

Is on fire with what are Mike and Pete's collectively agreed upon favorite Christmas movies?

[Mike Birbiglia]

And I think, honestly, I think people can only understand things in terms of lists.

[Pete Holmes]

I would agree with that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I. I think. I think you really need to say this is the top five. And then people can ingest that and go, okay, that's their top five. Now I can go on with my day.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. Well, what it. What? I'm worried we won't get to all of them the way that we are with our yam ring.

[Mike Birbiglia]

All right, Peter, why don't you hit us with some audio? Now get upstairs. I am upstairs, dummy. Third floor. Go. It's scary up there. Don't be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while. I don't want a super Fuller. You know about him. He wets the bed. He'll pee all over me. I know it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna say something. This has to be right off of Culkin's voice. Brad Pitt talks like Macaulay Culkin when he was a child. It's the same kind of. There's a cool. There's almost like. Do you have a bite of apple in the back of your cheek? I'm telling you, I'm right. You could side by side it with some Brad P. I literally.

[Mike Birbiglia]

First of all, I literally have no idea what you're talking about. I'll say. We're talking about Home Alone, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't know that? That's Home Alone.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Was this on your list? And my list.

[Pete Holmes]

Home Alone isn't on mine. But I do love Home Alone. I have a slight issue with it, and it's fun to put this to you. It's not. It doesn't have to be Christmas. It just so happens to be Christmas. Nice.

[Mike Birbiglia]

True.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's a lot of. I watched it with my daughter. We watched both 1 and 2 this year, and there's just a lot of violence to explain. And even in that clip, they're so mean to each other. They're like, what's up, dummy? Stupid. Like, you know. And then at the end of the movie, they're so mean to him. It resolves, but only slightly. All that being said, I agree. I think Home Alone is a fantastic and even is a Christmas movie.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. But I think we take. I don't think it makes the top five based on the fact, even though it was one of mine that I put forward, based on the fact that what you're saying, I think is true. Which is, I think if we create qualifications, if it has to be a Christmas movie or a holiday movie, if it's dependent on that for the movie.

[Pete Holmes]

To exist, yeah, I think it should be Christmas. Meaning Jingle Bells, I don't acknowledge as a Christmas song. That's a snow song. It's about a sleigh ride. I need either Christmas, Santa, Jesus. I need gifts, I need family I need meals I need fire. It can't just be oh, what fun it is to ride and let it snow the same. Let it snow. It's just about. It's winter. Let's just. Instead of just putting up with it, let's be glad that it's here. You know what I'm saying?

[Mike Birbiglia]

There's a series on Netflix called the Movies that Made Us. And it's essentially the making of classics, a bunch of classics. Each episode is a different one. They have a Home Alone one. And I couldn't recommend it more highly, particularly to the people who listen to this podcast and are aspiring filmmakers, because you realize, you go, oh, my gosh, this classic movie that people have watched over and over and over again basically was filmed in the suburbs of, I think, Chicago and completely shouldn't have gotten finished. Like, it was a disaster. They lost funding. They made it for no money comparative to other movies at the time. And it was just kind of a miracle of a movie to be made. So I highly recommend watching that.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll check that out. Yeah, there's also. It's one of those movies. My last Home Alone observation that you do kind of have to look the other way on the concept. Home Alone 2, that. Especially Home Alone 2. The same burglars that were in Chicago also happen to be in New York. When he's in New York, it smokes. And then they run into each other over and over and over. The big one for me is they want in Home Alone 1, which is what we're talking about. They want to rob his house. They get in his house, and then they become completely sidetracked with killing the kid, because at what point he leaves the house, he. He, like, gets on the rope and he slides off. They have free reign. They could take everything out and leave and make a lot of money. They're. They're blinded by the. And then Joe Pesci wants to bite his fingers off. These guys got what they deserved at the end. I'm not on their side. Also, the dad, when he sees Kevin. We just watched it. The mom. I cry almost every time when the mom comes in and says, merry Christmas. And then she goes, I'm so sorry. Which is really what the movie is about, is parents learning to apologize to their children, which is incredibly moving. And Kevin, with his orange lips. They're very cute, but they're kind of orangey. Forgives her, and they hug. Then the dad comes in, having caught a flight that was. She could have just waited for. He walks in and just goes like, hey, you're all right. And I'm like, that's mom and dad in the 90s. That's what it was. Hey, you're okay.

[Mike Birbiglia]

All right. Peter, do you want to play another clip? Oh, my God. No, no, it's all right, sweetie. Let's just get this off. It's gonna be fine. Pretty hair. I'm just as good as any of you. Of course you are. Better, probably. Man, I'm the kid.

[Pete Holmes]

Everett. Would I. Would I ever. Everett. Everett, come on. Hey. Oh, oh. Oh. Sorry. I don't know if we've met.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Brad.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Too late.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody's going to get hurt.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What's so great about you guys? Nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

It's.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's just that we're all we've got.

[Pete Holmes]

We're not so great.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And you. You're the worst.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm the worst. I love it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I can't guess it. I can't guess it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's my favorite Christmas movie. It's my number one. It's the family stone. It's a perfect Christmas movie. It's a perfect. It might even Just be a perfect movie.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I've never seen it. Can you. Can you pitch me the movie?

[Pete Holmes]

I'll pitch it to you in one. One sentence, and I'll say it's have yourself a merry little Christmas. Meaning, you know how have yourself a merry little Christmas. Kind of melancholy. There's something heavy about it. It touches on the sadness. Christmas is a winter holiday. It's a family holiday. It's new beginnings, but it's also endings. It's celebration, but it's also dark outside. And have yourself a merry little Christmas is that sort. Here we are. As in golden days. It's, like, very forlorn.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Keep going.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what I want.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Keep going.

[Pete Holmes]

Keep wanting. I'm just saying Elf.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No, keep going with the song. That was really wonderful.

[Pete Holmes]

Happy golden days of you. Here's my impression of Bill Murray's Christmas Special, which I really feel like he phoned in. Jingle Bells, jingle line Dashing through the line he's reading. They just shouldn't have made him do it. He didn't want to do it. He clearly didn't want to do it. So anyway, it's melancholy. Elf is Jingle Bells. You know what I mean? I want a movie about the holidays that touches on the sadness and the complications of family. And this movie is a tearjerker. It's fucking Diane Keaton is the voice you just heard. It's Sarah Jessica Parker. It's an incredible ensemble cast. It's also beautiful. The house is beautiful. It takes place mostly in a house, and it's one of those close, close families that love each other and love each other fiercely and imperfectly. And, you know, a guy is bringing a girlfriend home for Christmas, and hilarity ensues. It's incredible. I love it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

All right, well, it's not gonna. Look, it's. Look, it's not gonna make the list because I've never seen it, because it can make our mutual list for that reason. But I'm gonna see it. No, I think I. Unless you're gonna.

[Pete Holmes]

It's an interesting theory.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, you're saying that it has to make the list because it's your number one.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I'm open to the possibility that someone's number one just goes on the list. And if I hadn't seen your number one, I must say. It goes on the list. It's your number one.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But let's talk about Elf, because you were touching on Elf.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You were kind of throwing Elf under the bus meanwhile.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, no, I'm not. Elf is my first But Family Stone is my last. Last being closest to Christmas. But you start the season with the espresso that is Elf. Elf Espresso. It's upbeat. It's just positive. It's just fun. It's just silly. It's wonderful and it has some Christmas. I think it belongs on the list for sure. Okay, people, tomorrow morning, 10:00am, Santa's coming to town. Oh, my God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Santa here.

[Pete Holmes]

I know him.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I watched Elf again yesterday. I've probably watched it 10, 15, maybe 20 times in my life. Of course, it is a classic. I went to my coffee shop on the corner after I watched it yesterday and talking to baristas, I go, yeah, I just watched Elf with my daughter. She's nine. And they were just like, we love Elf. Meanwhile, they're in their 20s, the movie's 20 something years old. You go like, oh, okay, this is fully a classic.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's. What it is is so often comedians never play the part that everyone wanted them to play. You know what I mean? Like, they're too busy and God, I hope I'm not this way, but they're kind of too busy doing their own interests.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. No one's casting you in anything, so I don't think you're a great example.

[Pete Holmes]

Appreciate that. And I'm keeping in mind that you're a filmmaker, but seeing as you'll never find funding for any projects. I know I won't even hold my breath for that. But your ideas sound great. Really small, subtle, kind of like very niche. I think that's the market. Looking at the film landscape, you're in the niche market. You are an antique store of filmmakers. Like, it's. You might find, like, a quirky old metal toy that might cut you. Somebody will want that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You're the only person who's put John Mulaney in a TV series, but then no one watched the TV series.

[Pete Holmes]

This is pre big. Mulaney. Mulaney was fairly big. We made him big. It's because he was on Crashing. That's what made him big. People don't know that. I just feel like I wanted to finish my thought on Elf. You know, a lot of bands do this. They never make the record that the fans make. They just get caught in their own spiral of self exploration and they want to push themselves and challenge themselves. And every once in a while, Jim Carrey will do Eternal Sunshine and Will Ferrell will do Elf. They'll do the movie that they were made to do and you fucking lose it. So I would say Will Ferrell doing Elf. And we know all the moving parts being available, the script being written and all that sort of stuff. Just a perfect storm leading to a perfect movie. And I love it. I've heard rumors that Will Ferrell thought the movie was going to be like darker, like twisted.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that he was disappointed when he saw it. But I am like, Favreau, you salty dog. You knew what the movie had to be. Oh, yeah. And also, I don't know how true that rumor can be if he's eating cotton balls in the doctor's office. You know what I mean?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Also, like, here's what I like about Elf and we'll move on from Elf. But I just want to say one thing I really love about it. Rewatching it again. They're really pure on the Santa Claus universe. Like, it's really, it's very straight faced. Like, like Bob Newhart plays the, the, the head of the elves.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Papa.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And, and he is completely serious about it. And, and, and, and even like Zooey Deschanel, it's like she sings, she sings in the shower and it's great. Her voice is incredible. And like every single person, the guy who's his boss, who's his boss at the mall is totally serious about, dude, you're gonna be in trouble. This is really serious that you're.

[Pete Holmes]

They play it as a drama.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They play it as a drama.

[Pete Holmes]

They do play it as a drama. Which is essential to allow will to kind of tap dance on top of.

[Mike Birbiglia]

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[Pete Holmes]

Can I say this though? And I sit on stage the other day and people did not like me. Perfect.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's perfect for the podcast then.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, perfect for the podcast. It's a better podcast bit because I can't hear people reel it. I just want to say that saying with full self satisfaction that your favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard is over. It's over.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's on my list.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the same thing as correcting people when they say Frankenstein and you say Frankenstein's monster. It's the same level of smug cuteness that you're like, oh, you didn't know? Yakutami Plazas at Christmas. That's a Christmas movie, baby. Like, get the fuck out of here. It's over.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay, I hear your point. First of all, it's on my list. Second of all, why do you think? Because thematically it doesn't match up with Christmas.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it, it's a look. I are. I watched it and I'm not even saying we can't put it on there. I'm saying the small, smug satisfaction. As if you're the only person that's ever said that that's over. There was a time that it was very interesting and very cool. Now it's just someone trying to have a personality like a. Just add water. Like my favorite Christmas movie, Die Hard. Of course, like get the out of here. It can be. You just can't say with your smug satisfaction that's what's over. Because I mikey in this moment and say that's what's over. Put it on the list because I think it's fantastic. I just don't Think it's unique, cute, or oh, so peculiar that it's on our list.

[Mike Birbiglia]

If that's over, I get that take. I know what you mean, though. I mean, if I'm really interrogating it as a holiday film, I don't think it has to take place on Christmas.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's sort of a after the fact Christmas add on.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The thing I'm noticing as we're talking about these Christmas movies is that certain movies, the. The Christmas element of it is used partly from the marketing of it.

[Pete Holmes]

It is marketing, yeah. What I was just considering though, is Die Hard, I'm going to say would be 17% less good if it wasn't at Christmas. So it does help. Okay. He tapes the gun to his back with Christmas tape. Obviously there's Ode to Joy, but there's other Christmassy kind of things. So I think it is a Christmas movie.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'll say this. Well, he's trying to learn how to apologize to his wife. It's another apology movie.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

His arc is realizing his role in the problems.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You have an extraordinary memory for movies, by the way. This is absurd. This movie isn't even on your list. Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

I look quite pretty. Oh. Oh, you picked the creepiest moment. You picked the creepiest moment. You've stayed rather close, haven't you? I wonder why. Is this your wank tape? Is this your wank bank?

[Mike Birbiglia]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

This love actually, baby.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. I haven't seen it since it came out, I think.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow, that explains your cold, cold heart. That's what it is. I want to say love actually is a thrill in that it's the very early 2000s and there's just so many little Easter eggs of things that have been dated. The guy with the spiky hair when Colin Firth is going to the house. The hip hop dancers at the end of the pageant. Classic Hugh Grant. It's a great movie. And it's great because there's so many things to hate about it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I'm. Based on this conversation, I'm going to see the movie because people recommend this movie all the time. But I just. I haven't seen it since it came out.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to say it's a deeply confusing movie.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I don't even think it's going to be on our list. You're not even making a good case for it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no. The confusion is what makes it great is like there's like harsh language, like really out of nowhere, like hard fucks. There's nudity. There's like, unnecessary sex. Then there's like, the most beautiful, heartbreaking story with Hans Gruber. He's in it. Alan Rickman is in it. So it's a lot of different flavors and a lot of different tones, and they're all thrown together.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Could you watch their whole family? Like, could you watch love act with your parents in Massachusetts?

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly my point.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No, I think one of the qualifications we should consider as our holiday movie top five, which is eagerly awaited by pop culture and critics and. And film lovers alike, is that I think you should be able to watch it with your family.

[Pete Holmes]

And Lev actually is out.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay, See this. Do you think that that would be part of the qualifications?

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. I. I'm agreeing to your terms, and I'm immediately cutting. One of the weirdest things about Love actually is Martin Freeman, who's incredible, is in it. And he's playing a stand in in an adult movie, which is, like, quirky, but there's so much, like, humping and, like, weird. Like, they're practically like, in a 69 doing their lines. And it's like you just alienated so much of America, and yet love actually remains. It's an enigma. And as someone whose act this isn't, I'm not forcing this. My act. I like to talk about God and the meaning of life, and I, like, do hard sex jokes and stuff. I kind of relate to a movie that's all over the map in the same way that I am.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay, let's play another clip.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I want an official Red rider carbon ice and 200 jet range manly rifle.

[Pete Holmes]

You'll shoot your eye out.

[Mike Birbiglia]

K, Kid Classic.

[Pete Holmes]

Merry Christmas. Look, H, I want to be very careful here. 1. I agree. This goes on our 5.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's I'm ride or die for this movie.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I. I am agreeing with you. I also just want to say, with full respect to it, there's something so dark about this movie. There's something so.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's a crisp. Even the refrain that we're hearing, you'll shoot your eye out, is insane.

[Pete Holmes]

It's fermented. There's something fermented and crisped about it. There's something off about this movie in the same way, and it's one of the reasons why it rings true. The father's love affair with a leg. The way that the boy wants a rifle. That's very Freudian. His brother gets a blimp, which is also Freudian. They want to be men. The mother making the boy eat the mashed potatoes in this weirdly what is that scene? It's so uncomfortable. And the boys and leaving their mothers. There's so much going on there and there's so much hardship. There's so much like bullying and blood and like you can't get what you want and you're going to poke. Shoot your eye out. It's like a. That movie has guts. Like, it has blood and fucking. It's a real thing. And I agree. I just want to acknowledge that it is sort of got a nefarious sort of dark thing going.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The reason I like A Christmas Story is that I think what you're describing, it's a little dark. It's a little bit like. It almost feels like alt comedy made a movie.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It almost feels like Rafifi in the early 2000s got together and made a.

[Pete Holmes]

Movie about Christmas, even down to Farara. And I. I know that's like. Doesn't age well, but the way that. That would be like a hipster kind of joke. Like, I could see every joke in that movie today still happening.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. I. I will say, though, in terms of top five, I think we have to cut back so far on what would be a cliche list. Like, if you have Elf Die Hard in A Christmas Story, and that's three out of your five, I think you're not breaking any ground at all. I think the part of the list has to be opening people's horizons to new movies that they might not have seen.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's why I'm saying I need the family stone.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I think family stone actually kind of has to go in, even though I haven't even seen it.

[Pete Holmes]

Sure.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, let's play another one. Hey, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Hi. Hey, dude.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Excuse me. How's it going? I'm Isaac. Hi, Isaac. I hate to bug you. I lost my phone and I'm using my. This app to try to find it and. Yeah, kind of having a hard time. It's confusing me a little bit. You think you can maybe help me out?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, sure. Hold my cane for a second. Awesome.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll hear you. Yeah, I'll hold your cane.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, Merry Christmas, Isaac.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too, man. Ah, thanks H. I've been having a pretty crazy night. I'm going to level with you. I'm a little right now.

[Pete Holmes]

No way. You don't say.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Yeah. What's your name? Spencer. Spencer, Cool.

[Pete Holmes]

It's my family over there.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Hi, I'm Isaac.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice to meet you. Sup, man? Hey, you have dogs? Okay.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay. So Seth Rogen, but I don't know the movie offhand.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, this. This might be useful in the spirit in which we're trying to be useful. First of all, the movie is the night before. Val and I have talked about this a lot. We actually think it might be Seth Rogen's best performance. I'm not just saying that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Like, I like. I love. I love Seth Rogen. So I'm going to watch this. I'm going to watch this week because I haven't seen it.

[Pete Holmes]

You should watch it. I don't think it's a perfect movie, but I do think Seth Rogen is perfect in it. Like, absolutely perfect. Michael Shannon is brilliant in it. It just blows me away. And it's really, really funny. That scene that we just listened to, he's on mushrooms and he's talking to a nativity scene, and he's talking to Joseph. And the fact that Joseph says his name is Spencer is one of the big laughs of the movie. It's perfect.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I think I'm going to watch that for sure. And I think that maybe makes it on the list. Let's roll. Let's roll. Another one.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you want, Santa? Yeah, I'm Santa. Come on. What do you want, Barbie?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Say cheese.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, fine. Barbie. Oh, thank you. Ow. Watch the toenails, kid. Next. Next. What do you want?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Fraggle Stick Car. Is that Fraggle Stick Car?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I heard you. Fraggle Stick Car. Fine. I know what.

[Mike Birbiglia]

This isn't Bad Santa, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Bad Santa.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Bad.

[Pete Holmes]

Fucking incredible.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But I think. Okay, I'm going to throw this back at you in the state.

[Pete Holmes]

Watch it with your family.

[Mike Birbiglia]

In the spirit of burning people, I'm going to say this is a hack pick.

[Pete Holmes]

Hack pick.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's a hack. It's. No, it's a hack pick. It's a. It's the movie that everybody goes, no, what you think is about Christmas is a Christmas story, but really it's about Bad Santa. You're like, all right.

[Pete Holmes]

No, you're dragging Bad Santa because of the other bad movies, like Bad Teacher and stuff. Bad Santa, on its own, stands up. It's so funny.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No, I think it's funny. Look, I like the movie. I like the movie. I'm just saying.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's my.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's every frat boy's favorite Christmas movie. And so as a result, I'm kind of like that.

[Pete Holmes]

It's another instant personality. My favorite Christmas movie.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's that same personality.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's an instant personality. I want to say this about people because people do love bad Santa. I have one fun Fact about it, you can tell by the kid's age. The kid who looks like Fortune Fumster, she has a joke about that. That's not a burn. That child grows up during the movie because they're doing reshoots. Like, you can tell they're doing reshoots because he jumps up like a foot. And it's really helpful to see what scenes are reshoots based on the kid's size because someone gave fantastic notes to that movie. Because every reshoot is the heart, is his growth, is the warmth. And it's really fascinating to watch. Oh, my God. We have this ice sculpture of a child that's letting us know that was a reshoot and it saved the movie. It's incredible.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I like that. I like that. Okay, let's go to another one.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What happened? He hates bright lights.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, there's some things I forgot.

[Mike Birbiglia]

To tell you guys.

[Pete Holmes]

Number one, he hates bright lights. We know that, but you gotta keep him out of the sunlight.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Number one, he hates bright lights.

[Pete Holmes]

Number two, keep him away from water. Don't give him any water to drink. I can't believe Gremlins is on your list. It's.

[Mike Birbiglia]

First of all, it's. It's almost as a joke because I turned it. I'm not making a case for Gremlins. I turned it on recently because I was like, is my memory deceiving me? Is that movie any good? And I turned it on and I was. I mean, no offense to all the people involved. I think Spielberg is a producer on it, one of the great filmmakers of all time. It's terrible. I mean, it's absolutely unwatchable. The first 15 minutes of the movie are repeating over and over again. The rules of the Gremlin thing are don't have a bright light. Don't do water. Have a water. It's like this movie's just exposition over and over and over again. And then eventually there is bright light, there is water, and it's just like, get the fuck out of my house with this movie.

[Pete Holmes]

I just watched this great clip where Quentin Tarantino was talking about Gremlins and he was like, so you can't feed him after midnight? What if a gremlin is on a transatlantic flight and he's eating and we lose time and now it's past midnight, is. Is the rule, like from where he took off. Midnight.

[Mike Birbiglia]

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[Pete Holmes]

That's a Christmas present from a very dear friend of mine. Daddy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Teacher says every time a bell rings.

[Pete Holmes]

An angel gets his wings. That's right.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what, Mikey? As we're listening to that, I'm realizing with a very heavy heart, and I'm not trying to take away from you and It's a Wonderful Life because that's. That's a good choice. I feel like the way the kid says that line like that is like, remember the woman that read the verdict for OJ and she stammered like, the whole world is watching, and she's like, orenthal James Sim. Like, she messed up. That's how I feel about that kid's reading of that line. It's something. That was the best take they had.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I couldn't disagree more. I think if you have a line that is that seminal in popular culture for essentially 50, 75 years, I mean, what mo. What year is that movie even?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you're. You're absolutely right. Of course I'm joking. I feel like the first part is a little chunky, and then she really nails the landing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I just think, like, talking about a movie that is 75 years old and it holds up and people quote that line, I just think, like, that's an example of the kid did it wrong, but wrong is right.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. The problem I have with It's a Wonderful Life. It's a Wonderful Life, as far as I remember, is he feels the call to adventure. He has the briefcase, he wants it covered in all the stickers and come back with my stories because he's tired of living in this little small town. But he never goes. He never goes. And the Message. It almost feels like slightly propaganda. Like, almost like a movie that they would show in the theater in the Truman show, like, don't leave your town. Like. Like the characters in the Truman show would go and see It's a Wonderful Life. Because the message is, don't leave. Can't leave. Stay home. Christmas is at home. Stay with your parents. Stay in your town. Don't leave. And as someone who watched that movie in my twenties, when all I was doing was I was on fire to, like, live my life and express myself and go on an adventure so that I just found challenging, I. I'm at home going, like, he should go. He should go on his journey, and he keeps getting stopped and he never gets to leave. So that's what troubles me.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay. I'm not going to make a case for it, but I do think, like, we're starting to get to a point where is there anything we haven't alluded to that is in your top five?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. It's a Buppet's Christmas Carol, which is a fantastic, perfect adaptation of that story.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's actually surprisingly in line with the text, with Dickens text. And Michael Caine is incredible. And it's got great music and it's a little bit scary and it's a little bit funny. It's fantastic.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, I think that that should go on the list. It's all. And it's also. I think you mentioned this, but any audience can watch it. I think it's an underrated quality.

[Pete Holmes]

I think. I agree. I agree.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That you can have. And I think the Muppets had this. I think the Simpsons has this. You know, I think certain Pixar movies have this where it can play for different age audiences and it can be actually profound. Like, there's moments of profundity.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, I think.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I think. Okay, so I think Elf makes the top five. I think the Muppets makes the top five.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I was gonna say Family Stone is my vote, but I think Family Stone, Christmas Story.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So, okay, here's what I have. Based on what? Based on what? We're both saying Family Stone is the outlier.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Elf is the one we can all kind of agree on. Christmas Story is a classic. That it's a little on the grilled cheese.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a grilled cheese.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I think Die Hard. A little on the nose, but I think we'll let it go.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay, so we wrapped it up. Those are the five Christmas movies. And do you have any holiday themed material that you are working on or in process?

[Pete Holmes]

I sort of Alluded to it, which is like, there's. There's Christmas songs that aren't Christmas at all, like Let It Snow and Jingle Bells, which are snow or winter songs. And then I was kind of working on something about them. There's the ones that are, like, too religious, like God Rest ye marry, gentlemen, whatever it's called. But it's like, remember Christ our savior was born on Christmas Day to save us all from Satan's power. So you get Christ and then Satan in the same line, and we're all like, why are we. This one's heavy. It's a lot. The other bit, though, Mikey, that's just an observation. Is the first Christmas that I had where my daughter was old enough. We were putting out the presents. It's so fun wrapping them and just. And then Val put out the cookies and the celery for the reindeer and everything. And I started to go upstairs, and Val's like, pete, you need to eat the cookies. And I swear to you, I was like, santa eats the cookies. And then in a flash, I go. And it was very sweet. It was like a coming of dad moment. I went, oh, my God, I'm Santa. You know what I mean?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you confused by coming of dad instead of coming of age?

[Mike Birbiglia]

I didn't follow it.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I could see by your face, you're very. Your emotions in your face are perfectly synced. I could see. I just meant, like, when I ate. Those were the best cookies of my life. I was like, I'm eating Santa's cookies because I am Santa. Santa is real. And. And Santa is real and he is us is the message.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Are those two independent bits. One being in Satan's power. Ron. And then the Santa. Yeah, I think the Satan's power one makes me laugh so hard because, I mean, I've been doing a ton of bits lately on how these hymns go into my head, and I. I did it on other episodes, so I won't do it here. But basically, it's like the first 10, 12 years of my life were so much about singing hymns. That's like. It's the only thing I remember from childhood.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's like they told you that you'd have no hymns. Your modern life has no hymns. You'd be like, what? Yeah, no hymns. It's like telling a goldfish. No little stones at the bottom of the bowl.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's so confusing because I'm just like, oh, what about if I had learned Spanish? That might have been more helpful.

[Pete Holmes]

Hilarious.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, practical skills Instead you learn songs that are best sung in a castle.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Like the echo Save us all from Satan power. And my Spanish is terrible.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, that's very funny. That's very funny.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's your joke. That's your joke. I mean, I'm just trying to riff on what you were saying. But then the second bit. So you eat the cookies and Val calls you on it and you're like, I am Santa.

[Pete Holmes]

I am Santa. Well, she reminds me to eat the cookies. I was going to bed because I still sort of thought Santa was coming, even though we had just wrapped the presents. And that beautiful moment. That's more of like a. That's like a little anecdote.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No, no, but I like it. I think it's a really nice story. I just think you need to step out of it and be like, that's how naive I am. Like, you're looking at me thinking, look at this big dumb five year old who happens to be in his 40s. Like, guess what? You're right. I was gonna let the cookies stay out for Santa Claus.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Like it's a perfect example of the thing. It was funny. I was listening to Paul Reiser in an interview the other day. He was talking about how it's so hard to come up with an opening line in stand up comedy because you have to call out, what do you look like? What's the audience thinking when you walk on stage so that it matches up. And I think that that's a good example of like, I'm the guy who, when my wife and I put out cookies for Christmas, I'm like, no, no, Santa's gonna eat. You know what I mean? Like, I think that's a great example of it actually happened and it is who you are. So the last thing we do is working out for a cause. Is there a non profit that you like to contribute to and will contribute and link in the show notes?

[Pete Holmes]

I my go to is Homeboy Industries. It's probably every time.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

I've done this. It's been when we had.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. When we had you on. On. And I believe June, that was the one you. You gave to. We'll give them again and we'll link in the show notes. And Petey, I love you, buddy. Thanks for doing this. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Happy New Year. Thank you, Petey Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you, Mikey. Working it out. Cause it's not done. We're working it out. Cause there's no one. We don't have to stop making jokes though. These versions might choke they'll sum every tear.