Podcast Summary: "How to Be a Better Man" – Mind If We Talk?

Podcast Information:

• Title: Mind If We Talk?
• Host: He Su Jo (BetterHelp)
• Episode: How to Be a Better Man
• Release Date: June 19, 2025

Introduction

In the episode titled "How to Be a Better Man," Mind If We Talk? delves deep into the contemporary challenges surrounding masculinity. Hosted by licensed therapist He Su Jo, this episode aligns with Men's Mental Health Month, aiming to shed light on the rising concerns of mental health issues, loneliness, and the evolving notion of masculinity in today's society. The conversation is anchored around personal narratives and expert insights, providing listeners with both relatability and actionable advice.

Conversation with John Deloney

Understanding the Masculinity Crisis

The episode kicks off with an engaging conversation between He Su Jo and John Deloney, an author, podcast host, and mental health advocate. Deloney brings a wealth of experience from his background in crisis response counseling and higher education management, alongside his work with platforms like the Dr. John DeLoney Show and the Ramsey Show.

• John Deloney ([00:02]-[01:16]): He opens up about his personal struggles, notably his difficulty in connecting emotionally with his young daughters. "I had this show that had taken off underneath all of us. No one expected this. And I'm telling people about their marriage, I'm telling people about their mental emotional health... my daughter would not hug me" ([00:02]).

Defining Masculinity Through Personal Experience

Deloney discusses the concept of a "masculinity crisis," reflecting on how generational stereotypes have shaped his understanding of what it means to be a man.

• John Deloney ([03:50]-[04:36]): He emphasizes the lack of emotional tools passed down through generations, stating, "There's just no tools in there." He criticizes the education system's failure to cater to emotional and physical needs, leading to men feeling disconnected and incapable of handling their emotions.

Challenging Traditional Masculine Traits

Deloney shares his journey of recognizing and dismantling harmful masculine stereotypes, such as the need to appear strong, unemotional, and dominant.

• John Deloney ([08:07]-[12:30]): He recounts a pivotal moment with his daughter, realizing that his attempts to assert dominance were counterproductive. "I remember sitting down with her and saying... 'God gave you and me different kinds of heads... we are especially skilled at sitting with people who have had a bad day.'" This realization led him to seek therapy, allowing him to develop new emotional tools. "That just been freeing" ([12:30]).

Redefining Fatherhood and Masculinity

Deloney discusses how fatherhood has transformed his perspective on masculinity, emphasizing the importance of being present, compassionate, and emotionally available.

• John Deloney ([17:48]-[22:20]): He contrasts his experiences in sports and traditional masculine activities with his current role as a father. "Becoming a dad... is taking on what I think is the most important thing... increasing amounts of responsibility" ([18:01]). He highlights the importance of teaching his children emotional intelligence and compassion over traditional traits like aggression and dominance.

Striving for a New Masculine Identity

Deloney reflects on his ongoing journey to embody a healthier form of masculinity, characterized by vulnerability, kindness, and continuous personal growth.

• John Deloney ([22:32]-[24:19]): He admits the challenges of changing ingrained behaviors but remains committed to choosing hope and developing new skills. "I think hope is an action... I'm going to choose hope" ([22:32]). His relationship with his wife further reinforces this new approach, as she models patience and understanding, helping him navigate his emotional landscape.

Expert Insights with David Yadish

Following the conversation with Deloney, He Su Jo introduces David Yadish, Principal Clinical Operations Manager at BetterHelp. Yadish provides professional perspectives on the issues discussed, offering practical advice for listeners.

Addressing Aimlessness and Lack of Purpose

Yadish identifies the root causes of men's feelings of aimlessness, linking them to over-investment in work and societal expectations of being the primary providers.

• David Yadish ([25:58]-[27:00]): "The feeling of aimlessness... often comes from not being able to engage in the things that you want to or that you care about."

Broadening Perceptions of Masculinity

He emphasizes the importance of diverse role models and positive reinforcement to reshape young men's understanding of what it means to be a man.

• David Yadish ([27:31]-[28:17]): "Vulnerability is strength... When you can express what's going on underneath, that expands your emotional intelligence."

Long-Term Effects of Traditional Masculine Beliefs

Yadish discusses the societal repercussions of equating a man's worth with his productivity and financial success, leading to burnout and strained relationships.

• David Yadish ([31:24]-[33:52]): "The stress of being told that you're the provider... what part of life are you missing? What can't you connect to?"

Undoing Generational Emotional Deficits

He suggests that men need to dismantle outdated emotional tools passed down through generations, advocating for the adoption of new coping mechanisms and emotional strategies.

• David Yadish ([35:08]-[36:39]): "There's a way to be assertive without being aggressive... not just breathing techniques or meditation... there are thousands of opportunities..."

Reducing the Stigma Around Seeking Help

Yadish stresses the importance of societal change and supportive peer environments to encourage men to seek therapy and express vulnerability without fear of judgment.

• David Yadish ([36:39]-[38:16]): "Encouraging men to be supportive of other men is crucial... vulnerability can be just recognizing how you feel."

Practical Coping Mechanisms

He offers tangible exercises for men to manage emotions and reduce stress, such as progressive muscle relaxation and sensory-focused grounding techniques.

• David Yadish ([39:12]-[40:14]): "Progressive muscle relaxation... focusing on other senses to take a step back from the emotion."

Key Takeaways

1. Redefining Masculinity: Traditional masculine traits like emotional suppression and dominance are being re-evaluated in favor of vulnerability, compassion, and emotional intelligence.

2. Generational Shift: There's a need to break free from outdated emotional tools inherited from previous generations, adopting new strategies to handle emotions healthily.

3. Importance of Therapy: Seeking professional help and engaging in honest conversations are crucial steps toward mental well-being and redefining one's sense of self.

4. Role of Fatherhood: Parenthood serves as a powerful catalyst for men to develop a more compassionate and emotionally available form of masculinity.

5. Societal Support: Creating supportive environments and diverse role models can significantly impact men's mental health and perceptions of masculinity.

Conclusion

The episode "How to Be a Better Man" offers a profound exploration of modern masculinity, blending personal narratives with expert advice to address the pressing mental health challenges men face today. Through John Deloney's candid experiences and David Yadish's professional insights, listeners are encouraged to embrace vulnerability, seek support, and actively work towards a healthier, more compassionate form of masculinity. This conversation underscores that redefining what it means to be a man is not only possible but essential for individual and societal well-being.