Mind If We Talk? – Episode Summary: How to Deal with Loneliness and Build Meaningful Connections

Release Date: July 3, 2025 | Hosted by BetterHelp

Introduction to the Episode

In this episode of "Mind If We Talk?", hosted by licensed therapist He Su Jo, the discussion centers around loneliness—its manifestations, underlying causes, and strategies to foster meaningful connections. He Su Jo engages with two insightful guests, Case Kenny, a writer and podcast host of New Mindset, and Monica Jiang, founder of the Oneliness Project. Their conversations delve deep into personal experiences and broader societal factors contributing to the loneliness epidemic.

Conversation with Case Kenny

Personal Journey with Loneliness

Case Kenny opens up about his personal struggles with loneliness despite outward professional success. He shares how his career in advertising and sales, which initially boosted his confidence, eventually led to a profound sense of disconnection.

[00:02] Case Kenny: "I realized loneliness as a feeling is part of the human condition, and it's not necessarily my job to rise above it. It's my job to listen to it."

Embracing Loneliness as a Sign of Growth

Case discusses how shifting his perspective on loneliness—from viewing it as a flaw to seeing it as a signal for personal growth—helped him reconnect with himself.

[05:03] Case Kenny: "Listening to loneliness has reconnected me with myself or connected me to a newer, better version of myself."

Reframing Self-Talk

A significant breakthrough for Case was altering his internal dialogue. Moving from self-judgment to self-guidance allowed him to approach loneliness constructively.

[05:03] Case Kenny: "The way I speak to myself now is more in the context of advice, like, 'Case, have you considered...?' instead of 'Case, you are unworthy.'"

Quality of Relationships

Case emphasizes the importance of having a few deep, supportive friendships over numerous superficial connections. He highlights how meaningful interactions with close friends and a playful, supportive relationship with his girlfriend have been pivotal in combating loneliness.

[11:32] Case Kenny: "I have five or six close friends who really support the mission and live it. Our group chats, where we share journal entries, are incredibly invigorating."

Metaphors for Navigating Loneliness

Using the metaphor of life as a highway with exits representing opportunities for connection and change, Case illustrates his approach to dealing with loneliness.

[13:20] Case Kenny: "Life is like a highway... there's always an exit eventually. That exit represents connection, change, something positive."

Balancing Boundaries and Vulnerability

Case shares his ongoing challenge of maintaining strong personal boundaries while remaining open to vulnerable connections. He acknowledges moments when his impatience leads him to seek validation prematurely, reinforcing the need to pause and reflect.

[16:20] Case Kenny: "I'm learning the power of pause, the power of stepping back."

Advice to Younger Self

Reflecting on his past, Case advises his younger self to embrace individuality and view emotions like loneliness as guiding forces rather than signs of failure.

[19:41] Case Kenny: "There's no right way to live your life, but there's a wrong way. The wrong way is to think that there's a right way."

Conversation with Monica Jiang

Background and the Oneliness Project

Monica Jiang introduces her background in communications and media, leading to her exploration of loneliness both as a personal and systemic issue. This journey culminated in the creation of the Oneliness Project, aimed at redefining loneliness and fostering authentic connections.

[26:01] Monica Jiang: "The Oneliness Project emerged to explore loneliness not just as a personal but also as a collective, systemic issue."

Defining Loneliness

Monica elaborates on the multifaceted nature of loneliness, distinguishing between emotional isolation and physical solitude. She emphasizes that loneliness is a deeply personal experience that varies widely among individuals.

[26:48] Monica Jiang: "Loneliness to me is that feeling of not being fully seen or heard and therefore not perhaps feeling accepted."

Structural and Societal Causes

Monica identifies modern societal structures—such as car-centric city designs, declining communal spaces, and the isolating effects of technology—as significant contributors to the increasing prevalence of loneliness.

[34:44] Monica Jiang: "We've designed cities more for cars and convenience rather than to be walkable, to be public spaces."

Authenticity vs. Validation-Seeking Connections

She discusses the importance of distinguishing between relationships based on mutual authenticity and those driven by the need for validation. Monica advises recognizing when one's actions are aimed at pleasing others rather than fostering genuine connections.

[31:12] Monica Jiang: "If you are sort of only occupied to please the other person to be there, if that anxiety or overwhelm starts to happen, probably then you start starting to lose your own footing."

Cultivating Emotionally Rich Relationships

Monica offers practical strategies for building deeper, more meaningful relationships. She suggests evaluating one's current social circles, reducing superficial interactions, and making space for more profound connections.

[42:03] Monica Jiang: "Exercise checking your inner circles and seeing what is missing in terms of the quality of relationships."

The Power of Language and Framing

Emphasizing the impact of language, Monica encourages reframing negative self-talk and using positive affirmations to manage feelings of loneliness.

[16:20] Monica Jiang: "Reminding ourselves that we're not alone and that this moment will pass can help soothe overwhelming emotions."

Tips for Soothing Intense Emotions

She recommends physical movement and connecting with nature as effective ways to process and move through intense emotions, highlighting the mind-body connection in emotional regulation.

[38:11] Monica Jiang: "Movement can be just walking, it can be sports... it gives you an invitation to process it a little bit."

Encouraging Conversations About Loneliness

Monica advocates for initiating open dialogues about loneliness to foster deeper connections and reduce stigma. She believes that vulnerability in discussions can lead to more meaningful relationships.

[44:29] Monica Jiang: "Spark that conversation of loneliness... It's the most beautiful conversations that can happen when someone dares to open up."

Conclusions and Key Takeaways

This episode of "Mind If We Talk?" offers profound insights into understanding and addressing loneliness. Both Case Kenny and Monica Jiang highlight the importance of:

• Self-Reflection and Compassion: Listening to and understanding one's own feelings of loneliness as signals for growth rather than signs of personal failure.

• Quality Over Quantity in Relationships: Fostering a few deep, supportive relationships can be more effective in combating loneliness than maintaining numerous superficial connections.

• Environmental and Societal Influences: Recognizing how modern societal structures and technology contribute to feelings of isolation and seeking ways to counteract these influences.

• Authenticity in Connections: Prioritizing genuine, mutually supportive relationships over those driven by the need for validation.

• Open Communication: Encouraging honest conversations about loneliness to build deeper connections and reduce stigma.

By integrating these strategies, individuals can navigate loneliness with intention, fostering meaningful connections and enhancing their overall well-being.