Podcast Summary: Mind If We Talk? – “I wish you knew… what it was like growing up low-income”

Host: Srila Roy Green (BetterHelp)
Guests: Viviana Vasquez (Financial Educator/Influencer), Javi (Viviana’s Husband), Special Expert: Sarah Close (Licensed Therapist)
Release Date: March 26, 2026

Overview

This episode of "Mind if We Talk?" dives into the experience of growing up low-income and explores how early financial hardship can deeply influence not only our relationships to money, but also our sense of self-worth, emotional wellbeing, and intimate partnerships. Host Srila Roy Green facilitates a courageous, vulnerable conversation with Viviana Vasquez and her husband Javi, who detail their contrasting upbringings, the unspoken pressures and shame that come with money differences, and how open communication and therapy helped transform secrecy and isolation into trust and collaboration. The latter part of the episode features therapist Sarah Close, who explains the psychological impacts of financial trauma and provides practical advice for individuals and couples navigating similar issues.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Viviana’s Money Story: Childhood in Low-Income, Immigrant Family

[04:22–08:07]

• Viviana describes growing up in a family of five in Manhattan in a rent-controlled but rundown apartment. Issues included unreliable utilities, mice, and roaches.
• She absorbed her parents’ financial stress early, feeling a responsibility (as the eldest daughter) to “fix” things.

  “When I was in high school, I had to fill out the FAFSA by myself…that’s when I realized we were living below the poverty line.” (A, 04:58)

• There was both normalization (because many peers had similar backgrounds) and alienation, especially in comparison to middle/upper-class classmates.
• Internalized the ambition to “save” the family: “Cuando yo este grande tolla comprehend…when I’m older, I’m going to buy us all a home. I’m going to pay for everything…” (A, 07:38)

2. Shame, Secrecy, and Relationship Dynamics

[09:02–16:35]

• Viviana and Javi discuss how their different financial backgrounds (hers: low-income and financially responsible for family; his: relatively stable, middle-class) created initial barriers.
• Viviana hid her financial struggles and debt for nearly two years out of embarrassment and fear of judgment.

  “For a really long time, I never told him that I was struggling financially…it wasn’t until maybe two years in where I told him.” (A, 00:00 / 12:45-13:44)

• The reveal was pivotal. Javi responded with empathy, not judgment:

  “I understand, but not really, and I’m here for you.” (C, 09:50)

• Javi felt both sadness for Viviana’s situation and some guilt for not recognizing her distress sooner.

3. Breaking the Silence: How Openness Changed Their Relationship

[19:04–27:48]

• Post-revelation, they shifted from “50/50” financial strategies to more collaborative, compassionate planning.

  “For her to tell me that…it made me really sad and proud at the same time, because…I wouldn’t have been able to do what she did.” (C, 14:00)

• Viviana’s reluctance to accept financial help stemmed from hyper-independence learned as the eldest daughter.
• They ultimately built a foundation of trust, regularly discussing money and supporting each other’s families as needed.
• Viviana acknowledges progress, but notes some scarcity mindset “triggers” remain (e.g., guilt about spending on “wants” like getting her nails done).

4. Tools for Healing and Growth in Inter-Class Relationships

[20:32–29:44]

• Tough but open conversations (about quitting jobs, prenups, financial plans) strengthened their unit.
• Both stress the ongoing nature of healing from money trauma and learning to “shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset.”

  “You could be in a completely different place as an adult than you were as a child and still think the way that you thought about money as a child. And I think that’s okay.” (A, 28:07)

• Advice for couples: Practice patience, understanding, and honest, nonjudgmental communication.

Therapy Segment: Expert Analysis with Sarah Close

[35:24–59:00]

a. How Early Financial Strain Affects Children

[35:40–36:30]

• Chronic financial stress impacts the developing nervous system; kids often become hypervigilant and may try to “fix” the situation (parentification).

  “The things that are not spoken out loud are often felt…that sense of stress can really impact a developing nervous system.” (D, 35:40)

b. Separation of Past & Present – Changing Money Narratives

[37:13–39:23]

• Healing is possible, but it’s ongoing. Recognize when adult reactions are rooted in a child’s fear.

  “Anytime that it comes up, we are able to ask ourselves: does this feeling or experience feel younger than I am?” (D, 37:31)

c. Therapy & Self-Compassion

[39:40–40:44]

• Therapy helps unpack money stories, slow down trauma responses, and reveal underlying fears and needs (connection, safety, worthiness), not just “the numbers.”

d. Belonging & Identity: The Psychological Throughline

[41:52–45:18]

• Childhood lessons about not belonging can snowball into perfectionism, hyper-independence, risk aversion, or hopelessness.

  “That concept of money and belonging…is literally their life or death experience. This is a survival response.” (D, 41:52)

e. Money in Adult Life: Triggers, Conversations, and Differences

[45:49–53:36]

• Money struggles and shame resurface in work, relationships, and major life choices.
• Open, heart-level communication is key to healing but especially difficult for those with a history of scarcity.
• Couples with different money backgrounds can find strength in their differences by acknowledging and balancing each other’s strengths and weaknesses.

f. Practical Advice for Couples

• Write and share your “money stories.”
• Recognize that money arguments are seldom just about numbers—they’re about safety, trust, and identity.

  “You’re not fighting about dollars, you’re fighting about what the dollars mean.” (D, 57:22-57:30)

• Shift from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem.”
• Practice slowing conversations down, pausing to self-regulate, and affirming unity (“We got this”).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Viviana, on scarcity and self-reliance:

  “As the eldest daughter…hyper independent…embarrassing to ask for help because it would just make me feel like I failed.” (A, 16:37)

• Javi, on loving through differences:

  “I understand, but not really, and I’m here for you.” (C, 09:50)

• Srila, on breakthrough moments:

  “Viviana, you had to break the dam. It’s like once the dam broke though, everything just flowed.” (B, 20:07)

• Viviana, about generational healing:

  “I feel really bad for [young me]…all of the financial and emotional stress…fell on young me…I never want any child to feel like that.” (A, 29:44)

• Sarah Close, on changing the narrative:

  “It’s not about the money. It’s about our sense of belonging in the world, our sense of connection to ourself and to others, our sense of safety.” (D, 40:32)

Key Timestamps

• 04:22 – Viviana’s first awareness of being low-income; family context
• 07:38 – Childhood promises to parents; sense of responsibility
• 12:45–14:00 – Viviana’s admission of debt to Javi; opening up
• 16:37 – Why it took two years to be honest about money struggles
• 19:04 – Shift to honest, collaborative financial conversations
• 20:32 – Hardest conversations: quitting job, prenup
• 27:48 – Advice: patience, emotional work of breaking cycles
• 29:44 – Healing for the “inner child”; desire not to repeat cycles
• 35:40 – Sarah Close: the impact of ongoing stress on children’s psychology
• 41:52 – Psychological link between money, belonging, and survival
• 57:22 – Therapist’s key insight: arguments aren’t about dollars, but their meaning

Actionable Takeaways & Pearls of Wisdom

• For Individuals:
  • Healing money trauma is a process; be patient and compassionate toward yourself.
  • Reflect: Are my attitudes toward money and help rooted in old fears?
• For Couples:
  • Start honest money conversations, even when afraid or ashamed—secrecy is heavier than openness.
  • Recognize and value what each partner brings; differences can be strengths.
  • Learn each other’s “money stories.”
  • Move from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem”—affirm unity.
• From the Therapist:
  • Money issues in adulthood are rooted in childhood experiences of safety, worth, and belonging.
  • True healing requires compassion—for our partner, our “inner child,” and ourselves.

Final Thoughts

This episode offers a rich, relatable exploration of how experiences of poverty shape adult relationships and internal narratives, and how courage, honesty, and therapeutic support can help rewrite those scripts. Whether you’ve faced similar struggles or are partnering across class lines, the episode stands as a powerful reminder: you are not alone, and there is a way forward—together.