2547: Stop Trying to Get Your Kids in Shape! Do This Instead!

Summary

Episode 2547: Stop Trying to Get Your Kids in Shape! Do This Instead!

Release Date: March 6, 2025

In Episode 2547 of Mind Pump: Raw Fitness Truth, hosts Sal Di Stefano, Adam Schafer, and Justin Andrews delve into effective strategies for fostering health and fitness in children. The discussion emphasizes evidence-based approaches, drawing from over two decades of combined experience in the fitness industry. The episode challenges conventional methods parents often employ to get their kids in shape, highlighting why these approaches may backfire and presenting alternative solutions that prioritize long-term healthy habits.

1. Leading by Example

The conversation begins with the fundamental principle that children emulate their parents' behaviors more than they heed verbal instructions. Sal underscores, “Children listen to actions far more than they listen to words. So if you want your child to lead a healthy lifestyle, 90% of all of your success is going to be leading it yourself” (00:58). This notion is reinforced by Adam, who explains the neurological basis: “Neurons that fire together, wire together... children wire their behaviors based on their parents' actions” (03:28). The hosts agree that consistent modeling of healthy habits is crucial in shaping a child's lifestyle choices.

2. Positive Communication and Relationship with Exercise and Food

Sal highlights the importance of cultivating a positive relationship with exercise and nutrition. He shares a personal anecdote about a client whose child brought unhealthy food to a workout session, illustrating that the issue often stems from the parents' choices rather than the child's autonomy (08:00). Justin adds, “Negative self-talk about one’s body will rub off the wrong way on children” (09:03). The trio stresses that children internalize not only explicit instructions but also the subtleties of how parents talk about themselves and their habits.

3. Giving Autonomy and Choices

Empowering children with choices fosters autonomy and encourages them to make healthy decisions independently. Sal advises, “Give them options, make sure that you approve of all the options, you want to give your child the feeling of autonomy” (17:21). By presenting multiple healthy options and allowing children to select what they prefer, parents can instill a sense of control over their own health without enforcing strict mandates.

4. Encouraging Play and Active Engagement

The hosts advocate for integrating fitness into playful activities rather than imposing structured workouts. Adam remarks, “Exercise at that point for me is just like... building that healthy relationship with him that this is a time we enjoy” (27:33). Sal emphasizes that active play not only promotes physical health but also strengthens the parent-child bond, making fitness a natural and enjoyable part of daily life.

5. Managing Screen Time

Addressing the modern challenge of excessive screen time, Sal and Adam discuss strategies to limit electronic device usage. Sal states, “The only strategy I know around screens is to have a time limit” (35:01), comparing unrestricted screen access to offering children unlimited candy. They recommend setting clear boundaries and providing appealing alternatives to digital entertainment to encourage more active engagements.

6. Handling Picky Eaters

When it comes to nutrition, the hosts offer practical advice for parents dealing with picky eaters. Sal suggests, “Give them two or three options, one of which you know they like, the other two that you think they might like, and then let them eat what they want” (51:20). This method gradually introduces new foods while ensuring that children have familiar and approved choices, reducing the likelihood of resistance and fostering a more adventurous palate over time.

7. Navigating Dual Custody Situations

Sal and Adam address the complexities parents face in dual custody arrangements where co-parents may have differing approaches to health and fitness. Sal advises maintaining a positive relationship with the other parent to ensure that children receive consistent messages, stating, “The most important thing is having a good relationship with their parent” (40:26). They emphasize focusing on one’s own home environment while fostering mutual respect and understanding with the co-parent.

8. Dealing with Teenage Kids

Transforming habits during the adolescent years presents unique challenges. Sal recommends that parents first embody the lifestyle changes they wish to see, noting, “You do, you change your lifestyle first and then you do the shopping and you change the choices in the home” (44:17). Adam adds that consistency is key, drawing parallels to religious conversions where lasting change is more impactful than forced adherence. The hosts acknowledge the emotional turbulence of this phase but stress the importance of perseverance and empathy.

9. Healthy On-the-Go Snacks

To support busy families, Sal shares a list of healthy snack options suitable for children on the move:

• Nuts
• Cheese sticks
• Fruit
• Beef jerky
• Hard-boiled eggs
• Greek yogurt (53:00)

Adam complements this by emphasizing the importance of having these snacks readily available, allowing children to make healthy choices independently.

Notable Quotes

• Sal Di Stefano (00:58): “Children listen to actions far more than they listen to words. So if you want your child to lead a healthy lifestyle, 90% of all of your success is going to be leading it yourself.”

• Adam Schafer (03:28): “Neurons that fire together, wire together... children wire their behaviors based on their parents' actions.”

• Sal Di Stefano (08:00): “It's about being the example yourself. When you have two healthy parents in a home, the odds that the children will be healthy are astronomically high.”

• Justin Andrews (09:03): “Everything I'm talking about myself is negative. That's just gonna rub them off the wrong way.”

• Sal Di Stefano (17:21): “You give them options, make sure that you approve of all the options, you want to give your child the feeling of autonomy.”

• Sal Di Stefano (35:01): “The only strategy I know around screens is to have a time limit.”

• Sal Di Stefano (51:20): “Give them two or three options, one of which you know they like, the other two that you think they might like, and then let them eat what they want.”

Conclusion and Takeaways

Episode 2547 emphasizes a holistic and empathetic approach to cultivating health and fitness in children. By leading through example, fostering positive relationships with exercise and nutrition, granting autonomy, encouraging active play, managing screen time, handling picky eaters with patience, and navigating complex family dynamics with consistency and respect, parents can effectively instill lifelong healthy habits in their children. The hosts advocate for sustainable changes over quick fixes, ensuring that children develop a natural and enjoyable relationship with health and fitness that will endure into adulthood.

For parents seeking to create a supportive and health-conscious environment, this episode offers invaluable insights and practical strategies grounded in real-world experience and scientific understanding.

Transcript

[Aaron Manke]

Are you a lover of all things dark and creepy, of graveyards and monsters, haunted houses and spooky legends? Then welcome to Lore. I'm Aaron Manke. For close to 10 years now, I've been sharing history's darkest stories with millions of listeners around the world. Tune in each week as we explore the folklore, ghost tales and local legends that delivered the chills you're looking for. Learn more and subscribe today [e-mail] if you want to pump your body and expand your mind, there's only one place to go.

[Sal Destefano]

Mind Pump. Mind Pump.

[Aaron Manke]

With your hosts, Sal Destefano, Adam Schafer.

[Sal Destefano]

And Justin Andrews, you just found the most downloaded fitness, health and entertainment podcast in history. This is Mind Pump. Today's episode, we talk about getting your kids fit and healthy. But these are real strategies that work. Real strategies that the data and our experience shows can make effective changes for your children's health. Now this episode is brought to you by one of our sponsors from Our Place. This is cookware that lasts a long time. It is not made with any of those forever chemicals. If you want to eat with cookware that's not going to mess up your hormones or give you microplastics or weird stuff in your body. From Our Place is the best one. They're the only one we work with, by the way. If you go to their website fromourplace.com, use the code mindpump. You'll get 10% off and you get a 100 day trial. Use it for 100 days. If it doesn't work for you, you don't like it, return it. No problem. Also, we have a brand new maps program, Maps Transform. This is a 90 day transformational program. Go from before to after, from step one to the end. Fat to fit. Maps Transform is live right now. Go to mapstransform.com but because it's a brand new program, you can get it for $70 off. Use the code transform70. We will also throw in two free things. Adam's 90 day recomp journal and our Maps Transformation diet guide. One more time, maps transform.com, the code is transform70. All right, here comes the show. Parents, stop trying to get your kids in shape. You're doing it wrong. Almost everybody does this wrong and it backfires. Instead. Let's do this. Let's talk a little bit about how to get. Yes, let's start with the first one. And by the way, we're going to list, like, really effective strategies to helping your children become more healthy. And fit based on actual data, but also based on our experience, training lots of people, lots of families for over two decades and messing up a lot and then figuring out how to do it the right way. But number one is to be the example. So when a child grows up in a home that has any kind of particular behavior, even if the parents chastise the behavior or communicate to the kids, don't do this, don't do this, even though they do it themselves, the odds and the data on this is very clear. The odds that the child will follow in the footsteps of their parents is incredibly high. Children listen to actions far more than they listen to words. So if you want your child to lead a healthy lifestyle, 90% of all of your success is going to be leading it yourself. And being the example.

[Adam Schafer]

Neurons that fire together, wire together. Yeah, that was in the book that I'm reading right now with Raising Children. And that's one of the things they talk about is that if they. A kid sees a pattern in a behavior and then makes that connection, it is now wired. If. Especially if it's a first experience. Example they gave in the book is like, you know, your. Your kid gets done with their first sporting event, or they did something and you take them to ice cream. It's like the first. Now every time. Yeah, they do that. They will.

[Justin Andrews]

Drives me crazy.

[Adam Schafer]

They will expect it because they. That's what they. That's the first connection they've made is, oh, after volleyball practice, I get ice cream. And I'm not saying, I'm not using that as an example to make, to say that's per se. But just keeping that in mind, that when we introduce things to our kids or we show things to our kids when it's the first connection or the first thing they make, or, hey, let's we're go out to dinner this Friday, and the first place you take them is McDonald's. You now have wired that of like, oh, Friday's a fun night. We go out there. It's that experience. And it's now solidified that this is a behavior they expect going.

[Sal Destefano]

That's right now. Now. But to get even more, to make it even more important, or should I say to really hammer this home that what you're communicating. Adam, I think a lot of people on the surface would get that, like, okay, don't take my kids to eat certain foods or don't reward them with certain things or activities that are not necessarily healthy, which makes a lot of sense. I think a lot of people would say that Makes a lot of sense. But what a lot of people don't realize is that, let's say you don't even do that, but you yourself eat particular ways or inactive in particular ways, and they observe your behaviors. In fact, when you look at the data on body image issues, for example, they have some data on girls and body image issues and eating disorders. One of the strongest connections. There's a lot of things that can contribute to it, but one of them is how mom talks about herself. So it's not about how mom talks to her daughter. That's an obvious one. I think everybody knows if you tell your kid or you that you can very much impose a body image issue on your child or cause them to have poor self image by the way you talk to them, that's obvious. But a lot of kids will internalize what you say about yourself. So mom looking in the mirror and saying, you know, even under her breath, oh, my God, I'm so fat, or looking at a picture with her family, oh, my God, look how fit I was there. I'm so gross now, or whatever. The child hears that and starts to adopt it. And the same is true for your behaviors with activity with nutrition. I remember having this conversation with a client myself. This woman had hired me, and I had been training her for maybe three or four months, and she had come in with her kid. And oftentimes I would have clients bring their kids to their workouts. I used to own a private studio, and he never wanted that to prevent people from exercising. It was my studio. I didn't mind it. I love kids. Anyway, it was small, so it never didn't really get in the way. So I tell my clients, hey, if you need to bring your kid, you can go and bring your kid, and we'll set them over here and I'll make sure that they have fun while we work out, type of deal. So she brought her son, who was, I think it was like 10. And then he. And he comes in with, you know, chicken nuggets from McDonald's, which I didn't even think twice about. It's like I'm not watching it and judging. A lot of people think trainers judge everybody. That's not the case. She just brought him in. He was sitting there. But she came to me and she said, sal, can you now please tell my son why he shouldn't be eating this? And she put me on the spot. And so I looked at the kid and I said, you know, there's. There's other good options. And then I kind of changed it. I said, you like those? They taste good, right? He's like, yeah. I said, okay, cool. And so changed the subject, moved away. And then I looked at the mom and I said, who bought those for him? And she said, I did. And I said, this is not an issue with your child making the wrong decisions. He's being provided these options. And so, and you know, she saw, she looked at me and kind of understood it. But really it's about being the example yourself. When you have two healthy parents in a home, the odds that the children will be healthy are astronomically high. When you have two unhealthy parents in a home, the odds that the children will be unhealthy are also astronomically high. And this is why they try to say it's genetics. Well, obesity is genetics, which is actually false. There are genetics that can contribute to whether you gain more or less weight, but obesity as we know it is not genetic. It's a relatively modern phenomenon and it follows families because of the behaviors of the people that lead the families, the parents.

[Justin Andrews]

Yeah, if you're really trying to get buy in and you're really trying to get them to be excited and embark on eating healthier hab, like eating healthier options and, and you know, moving around and, and asking about working out. We can't have these negative self talk moments where because they're, they're always listening. It's, it's like what you do is really what they're watching, observing. And so if, if I'm constantly there, you know, judging myself and, and man, I'm fat. Man, I need to, to lose weight. Man, I need, I really could, you know, I could, I could lift some more weights to, to build muscle. And everything I'm, I'm talking about myself is, is negative. You know, that's just gonna rub them off the wrong way. And it should be a fun experience. It should be something that's inviting, should be something that's positive. And you know, we should be, we should be trying to, to really model and show them that this could be a fun embarking adventure.

[Adam Schafer]

Unfortunately, I more complicated than just that. I think that also seems kind of obvious to people that like, you know, oh yeah, I probably shouldn't call myself fat in front of my child or beat myself up. I've had 11 conversations, I'm sure you guys have too, with actually parents that are making healthy and good choices still communicating it wrong. For example, how many times you've had to talk to a parent who is weighing and measuring their food to Track their macros and the kid is curious to what they're doing. And then simply how the parent responds could also set them up like, oh, mommy needs to lose weight. Oh, why do you need to lose weight? And you position it like you need to get in shape or I need to lose weight. And that's why you're doing these things. You gotta be even careful in a situation like that. And that's a family making healthy, good choices. Because this is a new behavior. I see mom doing or dad doing, and then they, their answer is, oh, yeah, because I'm fat. Or they say something like that. You gotta be very careful.

[Sal Destefano]

I'm so glad you said that. Because dysfunctional eating and poor health, mental health actually is relatively high in fitness maniac households, just like it is in households that, you know, don't regard health at all because of the obsession component. In fact, that's the next point. The next point is the most important thing you can do with your child when it comes to health and fitness. More important than the food that they eat, the exercise they do, and we'll get to all that, right? But more important than the actual x's and o's or ones and zeros is the relationship they have with exercise and eating healthy. What you're trying to do is you're trying to raise a child that has a good relationship with exercise where they view it in a healthy way, they view it in an enjoyable way, and they view eating healthy in a good way with a good relationship, because that's what's going to last for the rest of their life when they're out of your house. So how do I do that? Well, number one, when we're exercising, the most important thing is my kid enjoys the experience. That's more important than the workout itself. In fact, if we only do five minutes of exercise and they don't want to do anything else, that's okay. Because my goal is to create a relationship or help them create a relationship with exercise. Where as adults, they look back and they're like, man, I used to have great times in the garage with my dad or when we were on the, you know, out in the field, you know, throwing the ball or whatever. My dad wasn't, or my mom wasn't on me saying, you got to do five more and you got to work out and you got to do this thing. Now you can force your kid to work out. And I've seen parents do this where you force your kid to do the exercises. You force your kid in a tyrannical way to do these things. But what the relationship that you will create or help them foster around exercise is one that will probably turn into rebellion later on when they're out from under your thumb, when they grow up and say, I'm not doing that anymore. You see this with a lot of behaviors, right? You see this with. With church, for example. You see adults who don't ever want to go to church again. Well, why? My parents forced me and hated it, so I never want to go back. You know, type of deal. Yeah. Or why don't you play sports anymore? God, as a kid, he used to play all these sports my. My parents forced me to do and hated it, and so I never want to do it again. So the most important thing you can do in regards to fitness and health is create an environment that fosters a good relationship. And it's. It's more important than what you're actually doing in your garage, gym, or out in the field. It's literally the most important thing is, is my kid enjoying this experience? Even if they're just sitting there because they don't want to do it, but I'm talking with them in between sets and we're having a good time. That's more important.

[Justin Andrews]

It's a tough line because, you know, the importance of it. And, And I came from a household where it was like, everything was forced, like, just like you said with church and with this and, you know, certain behaviors, like either you're. You do this or you're kicked out of the house. And then that was like the gold standard for that. And so for me to kind of, you know, now model what are important for me and to my kids, like, for. For me, it's. I have to literally take it upon myself to show them the example of that. And then it's. It's uncompromising. So, you know, also too, to be very clear and communicate, like, the importance of movement, the importance of fitness, the importance of, like, making those right decisions with eating habits and education of, you know, without that infusion of force. But. But show them. This is why I do this all the time. This is why, you know, this is helping my body and like, the reason and the rationale with it have that open communication instead of it being so closed off, black and white, like, you do this or you don't do this, and you get fat.

[Sal Destefano]

Yeah.

[Adam Schafer]

So I, I think it's important that we share what that sounds like. I mean, I. You guys, what you guys are both saying obviously, is right with a healthy relationship with exercise and with also a healthy relationship with food. What I think is important is, what does that sound like when you talk about when. Because I think people that listen to this podcast, for the most part, I think, are either already on a health and fitness journey or embarking on one. And probably a lot of them have kids, and they're probably going in their gym and working out on their house. They're probably making good food choices, weighing and maybe even measuring and tracking their macros. And so what does it look like when my son goes, daddy, why are you weighing your food? Or why are you tracking that? What are the. What are the words that you're communicating to them that shows them that you have a healthy relationship with it and not that it's the unhealthy version of that look like.

[Sal Destefano]

Yeah. So, dad, why are you doing that exercise? Oh, man, I love it. Feels really good.

[Justin Andrews]

Yep.

[Sal Destefano]

And then you wait and then they'll ask you another question. What do you mean it feels really good? I feel stronger when I do it or makes my shoulders feel good. Hey, dad, why are you eating? Why do. Why are you eating those foods? I love them. They taste so good. They make me feel good. What do you mean? How do they make you feel good? First of all, they probably won't ask that second question, but sometimes they do. Well, how does it make you feel good? Well, this food has a lot of X, Y and Z, and that's how it affects the body. And I really like the way it makes me feel. That's how it's. Why are you weighing your food, dad? Well, I love eating this food, but sometimes I weigh it to make sure I'm getting the right amount. But don't worry, I know how to give you the right amount of. Of your foods, and your body will tell you when you're eating the right amount. You know, that's kind of how. It's how it's communicated, but it does come from honesty, and it comes from a positive communication and positive behaviors around it. Not why do you work out? I don't want to be fat. Why are you eating that way? I don't want to be unhealthy.

[Adam Schafer]

No, no. I think, I think I love the idea of, you know, energy, sleep, strength, feeling better. These are the words that I'm using of why I'm doing the thing, why I'm exercising, why I'm weighing, measuring food is because when daddy does these things, I, I get the food that my body needs. I feel the best. I'm the strongest. I am. I'm more productive at work. I'm a better daddy for you. I'm. I'm communicating. And then the next layer or level to that is, how can I relate that to his life where he's currently at? You know how sometimes you get frustrated when you're doing your logos and you feel like you can't or Legos and you can't figure it out? Like when Daddy eats well and I pay attention to what I'm eating, I'm sharper, I'm better at work because I have the same thing, too. When I'm at work. Sometimes I'm communicating on the podcast and Daddy forgets a word.

[Sal Destefano]

I'm like, oh.

[Adam Schafer]

I'm like, of course I didn't feed my body the right nutrients that day. And when I feed my body good and I pay attention to those things, Daddy's better at these things at work. Similar to how you're better when you play that sport or you do that thing. I think helping them connect the dots to how. How it can also help in their life. It's like a subtle way of you dripping that to them to allow them to go really well, what would I eat? Or what should I do if I want to be better at basketball or I want to be sharper with my Legos? Now you're inviting them in a way without really inviting them. You're just communicating to them why Daddy does it, and then they can make that connection.

[Sal Destefano]

Now, what's. What's important to understand, though, with what we're saying is very little of what they're going to do comes from this conversation that we're having right now of us telling them. It's actually not as important as you think. It's more important to not say the wrong things, but it's less important. You don't need to say necessarily the right things because they just watch. Yeah, they watch.

[Adam Schafer]

That's 90%. 90% is just you being consistent with your business.

[Sal Destefano]

And they might ask you a question, and it's just an honest answer, but it's not about. Because I made this mistake early on as a parent where I was like, oh, I'm going to teach my kids. I'm going to teach them, I'm going to educate them. That's not going to make that big of a difference. Make some kind of a difference, but not a big difference. Big difference.

[Adam Schafer]

What you do, what you do.

[Sal Destefano]

It's just them watching you, what you're doing. And what's the relationship around food like when we eat is my mom and dad Stressed out? Are they counting everything? Are they worried? Are they saying to themselves, oh, my God, I'm so hungry, I could eat more, but I can't. I'm going to stop. I'm going to push that away. Or is eating this great experience where we're connecting together, we're enjoying it? It's not the stress thing. It's not this rush thing. It's not this finish everything on my plate thing. It's just this good experience that's the most important thing. That's also the most important thing with exercise. Now, the question that always comes from that, from people when you. When you communicate this is, well, how do I give my kids what to eat? What do I put in front of them, and what if they don't want to eat it? Well, this is something I learned as a. As an older parent, later on with my younger kids, that was so much more effective than my. Than my earlier approach with my older kids. And I learned this from an expert who communicated how the relationship with food was the most important thing that you could teach your kid. It's more important than actually what they're eating. What they're eating is important as well, but more important is the relationship, because they're gonna grow up and at some point be adults in a modern society where they have access to everything. And so what they need to learn is how to navigate this access to everything. So the relationship with the foods that are around them is the most important thing to foster. So this was the strategy that I learned, and it's a really effective one that I came up with or that I. That I've been utilizing. And what it is, is you give them options, make sure that you approve of all the options. You want to give your child the feeling of autonomy. Like, I can choose to eat these things and I can choose not to eat these things, and I have choices in front of me. So you're essentially choosing the choices, but you're giving them the choices to pick from. Now, what do you put on the plate? Well, you want to put a protein on there, because that's essential. You want to put something new on there because it's important that you foster a little bit of, you know, exploration, you know, because especially when they're really little, you don't want to get stuck in a pattern of eating the same things. You want them to kind of explore new things, and you know that they probably aren't going to eat it. They'll taste it, but they probably aren't going to eat it. And then you put something on there that you approve of, that they love that you know for sure they're going to eat. So they always have a choice that they're going to eat that you approve of. So you give them three or four or five options and the plate typically looks like a little bit of this, a little bit of that, little bit this, little that. Then you put it in front of them and then they choose to eat and you let them pick, and you let them pick. And what's going to happen here's the frustrating, challenging part for fitness parents is your kid is going to pick. Although you approve of all the options, they're going to pick the options that you approve of the least, and they're not going to approve the ones you want them to eat the most. And you have to be okay with that because it's the long game, what you're playing here, the game that you're playing with your kids here is the long game, not the short game. Not that let's eat as perfectly healthy as possible today, but rather I want to encourage you and help you learn how to eat healthy for the rest of your life. So you give them the options and they pick and they eat. And what typically happens most of the time is they eat all of the thing that they love and they eat a little bit of the stuff that you really want them to eat. But then over time, what happens? And again, I've done this and there data on this, they'll slowly start to experiment, pick other things, and they'll develop a nice wide breadth of, of, you know, things that they enjoy that are all within that category of foods that you approve of. This was very challenging for me growing up by, you know, I had two immigrant parents who this. The way that I was, you know, taught to eat was that's your food, that's what you're eating. And if you don't finish it, you're going to sit here until you finish it. That's how I was brought up. So to tell to do this to my kids and put them, you know, five options in front of and watch them leave four of them untouched or barely touched and eat all of one. And then to let them go, okay, I'm done. It like ate inside of me. It was like this storm inside of me. But I stuck with it. Stuck with it. And it's really resulting in some really, really good behaviors.

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah, this is an interesting one because I think there's so many unique situations for people. I think every. I think we can all tell it Like, I bet we all are different with how we do this. Like, I don't do it like that at all. It's very simple. Well, it's what Katrina and I eat. Max eats. And the way I portion it on the plate is the priority. So it's very meat heavy. It has a good portion of vegetables, and then there's a starch or a carb or an apple slices or something that you like. You're saying that maybe he loves. And it's the smallest portion. And it's like you. You eat your plate. We eat together, and we all sit here. He's asked questions in the past about. About why he has to eat his meat and talked. I've already taught him that this is what makes you strong and healthy and build muscle like daddy does. And like when you want to pick up your toys and run and play. Like. So we've made that connection of why the protein is valuable and never had a problem with this. And it's never been this hard for some. Never. Yeah.

[Sal Destefano]

Yeah. I think that's the most important thing, right?

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah, it's because. But it was. And I think it goes back to your original point, which that's been consistent since day one. Yeah, we didn't. We. We never strayed away from that. Now, what's cool is that once you lay that foundation, we're coming up on six years. Right. So by no means am I expert daddy through teenage years yet. I'm not there yet. But so far, I've now been able to allow him to introduce other things that I would not consider a great food choice. But because we've been so consistent with what is normal and what we eat every day, it's never been a battle. It's never, I want more. I only want that or refusing to eat something, it's like, this is what we eat. I think a lot of parents are afraid to not let the kid eat much. Like. Like, I. If you. If Max tells me he's done eating and he's done eating, and I'm like. And then if he gets hungry again, it'll be in the microwave and we can reheat it and you can have it again. You don't get to go have a ice cream or a snack or something else like that. It's like, this is what we eat for dinner, and if you're full, you don't want anymore, Daddy will put it in the microwave. And if you get hungry a little bit later, we'll finish it.

[Justin Andrews]

This is a new generational thing that could because as we were brought up similar, it's like, you know, you have to finish your plate or otherwise you're gonna eat it in the morning. And like, I'm like, ew, no, awful, like, and so you're just sitting there staring at it forever. And then I'd find ways to get rid of the food through, you know, that's. I knew that already. I knew my behaviors around it. And, you know, initially I was trying to kind of balance that with my kids. Like, you know, we're all eating the same thing. This is just how it's done. And. And, you know, all of it was like, accounted for, same thing, portions, all that kind of stuff for. In terms of optimizing health. And, you know, it was all kind of understood and everybody had this understanding. And then there was fighting and pushing back as they got exposed to more foods out there, but in one kid's more particular than other, and it kind of switches. And so the one kid that's the most particular, I started to kind of have this, which I didn't really like, and I didn't like this as an option, but now I understand it's. It's probably the best option is we. We'll all eat. It's the same food. But then if you seriously protest this food, you're not going to eat it. You got to go make yourself your own dinner. And so this has already been happening, and my youngest has had to do this many times, and he only is allowed, like, the. And it's a healthy option. It's like eggs or it's like some kind of, you know, meal that we already have that he knows how to make. He knows how to turn the oven on. He knows how to do all these things, but he has to be involved in acting because it's disrespectful to, you know, his mom that had put together this. This amazing meal for us all. And he knows that. But, like, he's. He. He's very particular about, like, his tastes and, and flavors and whatnot, but, like, understands the importance of why, you know, this is all structured this way.

[Sal Destefano]

You know, what's cool about this is that we all have, on the surface, different strategies, but there's one most important thread or piece that is consistent, which is autonomy and choices. Yeah, it's what you'll notice. They're all different options or different strategies, but none of them are forced and eat in bad relationship. Right. The relationship they're developing is a good relationship with food where they have some autonomy, they feel some control. That's what stays with you as you become an adult. What you don't want staying with your kid as they become an adult is, I was forced this way. I hated it. It was a bad experience. I'm gonna go rebel and do my own thing. All right, so exercise. Let's talk about exercise now. Okay, they're interested. They want to try some exercise. What are some of the best options? Some of the best options, besides what they like doing the most, are bodyweight and suspension trainer type exercises. They teach body awareness for kids. Better than free weights or especially machines. These are known as closed chain movements where I'm moving my body around rather than moving a weight around. Now, both of them are good, Both of them strengthen the body, both of them improve body awareness. But when you're a kid and you start to develop kinesthetic skills, they stay with you for a long time. So this is a really important time. Like if you do gymnastics, for example, as a child, you'll have more athleticism as a, as a sedentary adult than you ever did than you would as an active adult who never did any of these things as a kid. Because these are learned behaviors that stay somewhat permanent in the body and the brain and body weight and suspension trainer exercises are excellent for this. Plus, children seem to enjoy them more generally. They just seem to be more fun, especially suspension training.

[Justin Andrews]

It makes so much more sense. And really the highest priority is getting them to learn to understand their body and control their body because of the fact that, you know, they're, they're on this crazy growth spurt like, and who knows, you know, what stage are in development, but they're always going to be able to be in tune with their body. If we can have them do these specific movements where they understand their limitations, they're understanding the challenges that they're applying to themselves through their own body weight movements where we start adding load and then it turns into a different type of experience for them.

[Adam Schafer]

I really think that this point blends with your next point. To me, it's like the, at this point, at this stage of their life, the exercise, body weight, suspension trainer, weight training is part of play. It's all, it's all play. To me, it's this. I'm not trying to get my kid to have great squat mechanics right now. Or do I? He's like so young and little that, that's so beyond him right now. I just want him to have a good relationship with, oh, the family comes in the garage and we lift weights and that could look like him coming over and just seeing if he could pick a dumbbell up or not, or put. Hold something over his head or can he hold on to the bar and how long can he hold his grip on? It's more play than it is. Exercise at that point for me is just like. And just building that healthy relationship with him that this is a time we enjoy, that we like doing that we get together as a family sometimes and do that. Daddy or mommy are consistent with it. So I. He just sees us doing all of it. But I don't ever find myself, say the same way that I have with the sports. I. I would love my kid to play sports, but I know better than to force him to do that. It's like, if he wants to play and kick the ball around, I'm there to do it. We do it for a little bit, and then he decides he doesn't want to do it anymore, and it's like, that's it. You know, I'm saying it's not. There's no, we got to do more or let's try this, or, hey, do you want to do this? It's like, I'm going to do it. Hopefully he joins in a little bit. When he does, we're going to make it more like play and in a time of enjoyment. And then hopefully that lays the foundation for the deeper, bigger questions as he ages.

[Sal Destefano]

What's crazy about this? And this is a tough one, I think, for parents to just reconcile because we get tired, we get, you know, overworked or whatever. But your kids, especially when your kids are under the age of like, 10, right? When they're. When they're little, your kids will play with you until you decide to stop. For the most part, like, like, they just want to hang out with mom and dad. Now they become teenagers. Different story. But when they're little, if you want your kids to be active, it's far less effective to go tell them to be active. Far more effective than to be like, let's go play. Let's go ride our bikes. Let's go throw the ball around. Let's play hide and seek. Let's play chase. Let me throw the Frisbee. You go get it, and you can come up with strategies. Look, I'm a dad. I'm the expert at this. I can come up with strategies require less activity for me and more activity for my kids. When I get real tired, you know, like wrestling, I lay on the ground, you try and hold me down. It requires very little for me with my. My really little ones. But your kids will play with you as long as you. As long as you want. So playing with them is a wonderful way to get them to be active. It's also a wonderful way for you to be active. You see so many parents, you know, counting the steps on their pedometers and, oh, I got to make sure I hit 8,000 steps or 10,000 steps, and I got to make sure I be more active. You know what you could do with that? You could just go play with your kids. You don't have to worry about walking their treadmill because you just went to the park for an hour with your kids and chased them around and look for sticks or whatever. So playing with your kids a wonderful way for everybody. And it's not just the health aspect, the fitness aspect, like the bonding time and just the spending time that you have with your kids.

[Adam Schafer]

I think you're doing pissing people off, but whatever. I mean, I think you're doing a disservice to your family if you get on a treadmill and you walk for an hour and you have kids at the age of 10. Yeah, you got a kid. You've got kids ranted about that.

[Justin Andrews]

Yes, bro.

[Adam Schafer]

I'm serious. Like, if you're, if you're a parent and you get on a treadmill and walk for an hour or run or elliptical or whatever you do and you have kids under the age of 10, like you're doing a disservice to your family, that's an hour more you could have spent engaging with them. That is going to, is going to.

[Sal Destefano]

Give you just as much.

[Adam Schafer]

It's going to give you way more in return. You're going to get the exact same amount of calorie burn that you're going to get for what you're selfishly doing that for. But more importantly, it's going to continue to build that relationship with your kid and encourage this healthy relationship with movement and activity. Yeah, that's like a shame on you if you do that. Because your kid, like you said, if they're under the age of 10, I don't know a kid, one that will turn down some sort of activity and it doesn't. Don't over complicate. Yes, you might not have the kid who wants to go play soccer or basketball. Like, I don't, but absolutely, my son will not turn down running up and down the stairs or, you know, chasing, wrestling, jumping off the couch in the bean bag. Like, he definitely loves to do physical things, even if he's not an athlete. And Loves that stuff. And so I, I absolutely have to be doing that with him first before.

[Justin Andrews]

I'm choosing to do that same exact, you know, ramp. But like two, even besides fitness and, and trying to kind of promote that as well, like showing them that you could have fun doing hard work and. Yeah, so for me it's like, you know, we're gonna load up the wheelbarrow and we're gonna move some rocks and you know, and we're go out and, you know, saw some, some logs, we're gonna dig some holes like it. And this is all rigorous hard work, but it's, but I'm having a great time, you know, and so it's just a, it's a mentality. You're trying to, to sharpen this and you're trying to show and model that like you don't have to suffer. And this is so horrible.

[Sal Destefano]

Totally. Lastly, this is now, this is new. This is relatively new. In the past, when we were kids, okay, so. Which wasn't that long ago, when we were kids, activity wasn't competing with something that was better competitor. These days, screen time. IPhones, iPads, video games, they're so well engineered that given the option, many kids, most kids would pick the screen time over activity. Now when I was a kid, that was rare. It was rare that kids would pick screen time. There had to be something exceptionally good on tv, which was rare for a kid to be like, no, no, I'd rather watch this cartoon than go outside and play. We used to get grounded by getting sent to our room. These days it's the opposite. A kid gets kicked off electronics and gets kicked out of the room to get grounded. So we are dealing with a different monster. And the only way that I can think that is effective around this is to put structures and time limits around screens. You cannot, you're not going to out compete them. That's the bottom line. Now you might have that rare kid who doesn't like them, and it's like, I'd rather go outside and hang out with you. But if you give them the choice of going on the iPad and playing these addictive video games that have billions of dollars of engineering put in them to make them super, super addicting and you give them the option of going outside or doing that, you're gonna lose. It's just like if you give your option, your kid the option of candy and healthy food here, what would you rather have, kid, A bowl of strawberries or a bowl of skittles? You're not being a good parent by Giving them two choices. One irresistible, the other one not so hard to turn down in comparison. So the only strategy I know around screens is. Is to have a time limit. And there's a lot of different ways you could do this. The way I do this in my house, my wife is really good at this, is our kids get 20 minutes, and they have a timer, and you get 20 total minutes a day. And you can choose to use them however you want. And there are choices that we approve of. So you can't choose whatever you want to do, and then when it's done, it's done. And after that, we do other things. But if you leave it up to your young kids to choose, here's what's gonna happen to you. Hey, buddy, you wanna get off the iPad and go play outside? They're gonna hurt your feelings. Nah, I wanna keep playing video. You're not gonna win. It's gonna turn into this. Like, you have to. So time limits, set them. And then based off of that, rather than competing, oh, you wanna use your 20 minutes, that's fine. Go and do that. And then when they're done, hey, what do you wanna do? Let's go hang out.

[Adam Schafer]

I mean, it was almost seven years ago that I was getting teased on this podcast. We're talking about a book called Irresistible. And so this has been, like, super passionate in a major conversation in my house. And I think it is. I think of all the things we've talked about, I think it's the most important. I think it's the most dangerous thing that is out there for children today. And once the toothpaste is out, it's so hard to get it back.

[Sal Destefano]

Super hard.

[Adam Schafer]

You know, we had a weekend, just this last weekend, we were up at the Truckee house. We invited a new couple that I'd never hung out with before. And it's my son's, like, new best friend. And the kid's, like, about six months, six or seven months younger than Max. And so it's great because he's definitely at Max's speed. Max is normally with older, bigger kids. And so first seeing a kid like that, he actually seen my kid tackle and wrestle. Kid is, like, weird, you know what I'm saying? Because he's not that kid, right? So it's been really. It was really cool. And we were on the. We were. They were up there four days with us, and I think it was a third day when I was sitting with the dad and I finally said something to him. I said, you know what? I noticed this Whole Tripp, I've never seen your kid ask for an iPad or anything like that. Is that something that you guys have actively chosen to do? And he's like, oh, yeah, no. He's like, he doesn't have one. And we. We're not giving it to him yet. And I'm like, I love that. I said, because so many parents default to that right away because they know what a powerful, useful tool it can be. And I said, I'm such a fan of delaying that for as long as you possibly can, because I don't care how good you are, time limits or not, once that toothpaste is out, it's out. Once those kids get a taste of that, what it does to their brain.

[Sal Destefano]

It'S such an uphill battle.

[Adam Schafer]

It is such an uphill battle. And so if you're a parent and you're listening and you haven't opened Pandora's box, don't and wait. And when you think it's time, wait longer. Like, that is my advice when it comes to this. Because the longer you wait and the more restrictive you are early, the easier this conversation is. If it is one of those things where they've gotten unfetter.

[Sal Destefano]

It's a lot of parents right now. It's a lot of kids.

[Adam Schafer]

That's why it was so apparent to me. I was like, I've not met another kid that my son has hung out with that didn't get some sort of iPad break. I'm like, you guys have been with us for three days, and I've never. The iPad has yet to be out for any of the kids. I love that because my son's cool because he. Even though we do allow him some of that time, he gets so little of it that he. If he's playing and having fun, he doesn't even think twice about it. But I've also seen him with other friends where that is such a regular thing in their life. Even if the kids are playing, the kid ends up wanting a break for an iPad, which that blows my mind, is like, these kids are playing and engaging, having a good time, and because that other kid is so addicted to the iPad, he ends up wanting to have an iPad break from playing, which is, like, crazy. So it was so unique to see another parent. By the way, the guy works for Netflix too. So that's the reason why. Very in tune. Very, very in tune.

[Sal Destefano]

He knows what goes into that.

[Adam Schafer]

Exactly what he said to me, he says, oh, man, I know how addictive those series. I know how addictive they are for me and I'm a grown adult who's aware of it. That works for the company.

[Sal Destefano]

That's the self awareness part, is if you're a parent or you're going to become a parent and you struggle with your. Your time on your phone.

[Justin Andrews]

Yeah, I should say.

[Sal Destefano]

And you waste a lot of time on it, you think your little kid is going to have the ability to stop when you can't? It would be. It's no different than allowing your child unfettered access to candy. What do you think your kid's going to do if you just give them candy? If you just put candy in front of the whole time, they're going to eat that and they're not going to eat anything else. And that's the thing, let me tell you.

[Adam Schafer]

I see that being paired all the time is candy or not candy, Cheez Its and just processed snacks with the iPad. It's like, you have no idea.

[Sal Destefano]

That's a dopamine storm. Yeah.

[Adam Schafer]

And you see the. I see kids and this is what's tough. Because you get parents that want to get their kids into exercise because they can tell they're already overweight at a young age. But that's not why they are. It's not because they need to go weight train or do something or run to lose weight. It's that some point in their life they've probably got unfettered access to food like that. And more than likely it's also been paired with inactivity because most kids at this age, if they play like crazy and they don't sit in front of a screen, even if they have Cheez Its and some of these processed snacks, they're fine.

[Sal Destefano]

Yeah.

[Adam Schafer]

They burn so many calories and stuff like that if they're playing. But where you get in trouble as a parent is when not only do you allow unfettered access to the iPad, but you also allow unfettered access to these highly processed nets. What a good perfect storm.

[Sal Destefano]

What a good point. Because our generation was actually for food. It was common for our generation to have unfettered access to garbage. As kids in the 90s, it was very common for you to just have total access to snacks, processed foods. I mean, that was odd. Like most kids lunches was that. But the difference was because the obesity rates with children in the 90s was significantly lower than it is today. Chronic diseases were significantly lower in the 90s than they are today. Even though we had tons of processed food and garbage. The difference was we were active as hell. It was rare to see a kid sit down all day long unless they were sick. I mean, you walk, you drive through a neighborhood in the 90s after school, and you had to be careful with how you drove because kids were all over the place. You don't see that anymore. So what a great point. And you combine two of them together. Perfect storm. So dangerous health.

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah.

[Aaron Manke]

Got some questions here. The first one is I have dual custody, and my ex doesn't agree with my approach to health and fitness. How do you suggest navigating this?

[Sal Destefano]

This is really hard.

[Adam Schafer]

Hard, hard.

[Sal Destefano]

This is really hard. You know, I have dual custody with my older kids, and although we mostly agree with nutrition and stuff like that, there are other topics we don't. So I know exactly what that's like. This is like. So here's what the data shows, and here's to the best of my understanding, from what I've learned, the most important thing that you can do in this situation is have a good relationship with their parent. That's more important than you having a bad relationship with that parent and forcing them to do all these other things. Yeah, it's more important for your child's health. Okay. So that. Keep that in mind.

[Adam Schafer]

Not only that, Sal, but they're more likely to buy into your strategy if you approach it that way.

[Sal Destefano]

That's right.

[Adam Schafer]

Right. If you. And you know this. Right. If you're pushing back with your ex, arguing and fighting or telling her how she's parenting is wrong, she's definitely not going to buy into you. Versus if you have a good relationship with her and she sees what you're trying to implement. Maybe you get some.

[Sal Destefano]

Or. Or. Adam, I. I know people like this. These are horror stories where mom forces dad through the risk of losing custody.

[Adam Schafer]

Oh, wow.

[Sal Destefano]

Because she disagrees with certain things that he's doing. And what she wants him to do is important. It is a big deal. But it's less important than her having a good relationship with the dad. So that's number one. Number one is having a good relationship with the parent. Number two, if you can have some influence, then do so. If you can't, then you do your best at your home. And then they go to the other home and then they do that over there. And then what you hope and what probably will happen is although 50% of the time your kid is eating garbage, your kid is inactive, your kid is on technology and iPads all the time when they're over there and when they're little, they're comparing. This is what little kids will do. I Love it at dad's house more. I love it at mom's house more. She lets me do whatever I want. You're so strict. You're so whatever, but you show them love. I'm sorry, this is the way we live with it. Whatever. As they get older and become old enough to start to abilities, see things, they start to look back and go, oh man, Mom's house was healthy. I like the way mom, when you.

[Adam Schafer]

Get older, they will interpret that as dad loved me more.

[Sal Destefano]

You are 100% correct. It's actually neglect. And you can look again at the data on this. When mom and dad don't put parameters around their children, even though they say, though, this is what I like, I can do whatever I want, mom doesn't bother me when they're adult, talk to any adult from a situation like this, they'll tell me, I thought my dad didn't care.

[Adam Schafer]

Wouldn't you agree that this is, this is another conversation I was having with this dad. This new dad that I met, he also, they have a blended family and so he has an, he has a daughter from a previous marriage who's older and he, he was, we were talking about this and he was saying this is the one of the biggest challenges. But he's like, you know, it took me years to realize that the biggest challenge was not so much the kid at hearing it was my own stuff. It's probably like you've talked about this before. Like the hardest part is you feel like I don't want to be the dad who's with all the rules. That's strict.

[Sal Destefano]

I don't, I don't want my kid to like me.

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah, I want my kid to like me. So really the hardest part is less about the adherence from them and less about them following the rules. It's more about your own shit about how you feel. And you know, once I got over that and realized like she didn't really care that much, it wasn't a big deal.

[Sal Destefano]

But it sucks to be the parent where the kid's like, oh, you got all the rules, oh. And you're like, oh my God, they enjoy it tomorrow. But it's funny, with my daughter, my 15 year old daughter, I finally really got strict with parameters and my relationship with her grew because she feels cared for. So even if they don't say it by the way, they might even express it to you. But that's the case. So be good with your side, have a good relationship with their side if you can, if you can have influence, great. But if you can't, the relationship with them is most important. But if you can't even do that, then just do the best job you can on your side.

[Aaron Manke]

How do I turn the ship with my teenage kids?

[Sal Destefano]

This is where it gets tough.

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah.

[Sal Destefano]

So you're listening to this. Your kid's 14. Like, okay, we need to change things first and foremost because teenagers have, they're rebellious like a two year old, except they're smarter and they, you can't, they'll call your bluff more effectively than your two year old will. Right. So dealing with a teenager is a completely different monster. And so it starts with this. You do, you change your lifestyle first and then you do the shopping and you change the choices in the home. And that's how it starts. Now when it comes to electronics, you have more power than you think. The difference is this. With a 2 year old, taking something away will turn into a 30 minute tantrum. With a teenager, taking something away will turn into a 30 day tantrum. Okay? So be prepared for your kid. You gotta weather the storm to act like they hate you for weeks, usually a week, but sometimes longer. Be okay with it. Make sure you communicate it with love and empathy. I know this sucks. I know it's been one way for so long and now it's different. It's difficult for change. I totally get it. I understand why you're upset. But stay consistent is the best advice I could give. But this is hard. Like once you, once you were living one way so, so long and then you got to switch. Just know that you're going to deal with, this is going to be like a, a process. Probably a six month process.

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah.

[Justin Andrews]

And it's a constant battle for, you know, a variety of different things that you know, get presented. But it's, it's just the consistency and if you're just you know, starting with that same kind of energy. Well, this is what we do in this house and, and I think you know the rules and, and we just remind and reiterate and then just consistent, consistent, consistently deliver and then you know it when it comes up and then the pushback happens. It, it quells quicker.

[Sal Destefano]

Yeah. Each time. Yeah, you're right.

[Justin Andrews]

So just think about that. Like it's initially really tough for that initial impact, but if you just keep consistently delivering the same message with the same energy and love and, and, and they understand that, then you know, the definitely goes, you're right.

[Sal Destefano]

I did so with my, so just personal story with my, with my daughter, I was probably now two or three months ago I decided, I decided I got to get even more, I got to put more boundaries around her use of her phone. She already had limits on what she could see what she could do. And it was, it was, you know, she was, didn't like that already. But then I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to let her use her phone anywhere in a closed room. It's going to be always, it has to be in a public space. So she's no longer allowed to be on her phone, in her room or anywhere where the doors are closed. Whereas before she had limits on things, but I would allow her to go in her room and use her phone and stuff like that. So you can imagine a 15 year old girl who previously was allowed to do this. Now suddenly I dropped the hammer. I'm like, you're not allowed to use your phone. So you can imagine the pushback that I got. And she was mad at me for weeks. She was mad at me, but I was consistent. And she pushed testing to see if there was any weaknesses, testing to see if there were. And I stayed consistent, consistent, consistent. And now a few months later, it's not even a question and it's not a problem and it doesn't get raised anymore. And she's much more, less likely to rebel as strongly now when I bring up other things because she saw my. But you have to weather the storm, gotta stay because you'll get that storm.

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah, I, this, I think this is by far the hardest and I don't think I even have great advice for this. I do have an opinion on what I think is the most important thing of all the stuff that we're talking about. I still think this kind of goes back to some of the other stuff that we're saying where this really, you have to be consistent first. Because what comes to mind when you think about a parent who lived an unhealthy lifestyle, eating whatever, not exercising, way overweight, then all of a sudden decides to make a lifestyle change and then you want to make your whole family buy in. Yeah, you got to remember that they saw the other version of you for much longer than this. Such a good new version of you. Same thing goes for the person who was unsaved, they were atheists or they did all these bad things and also they become a Christian. And now I want to make my family all go to church and be a Christian.

[Sal Destefano]

They're gonna wait to see if it sticks.

[Adam Schafer]

That's right. And so in the here, this is what you're trying to Do. Now, all of a sudden you care about tech. Now all of a sudden you care about what we eat. But my whole life, you never said anything about it. So to me, all the strategies you guys said sound great, but number one has to be, you got to be so consistent. And my goal, if I'm that parent is, can I. And just like, it would be for trying to win somebody over to Christianity or win somebody over into fitness is like, can I be so good and so consistent that they ask questions, that they go, man, dad is just different. Like, ever since you started exercising, dad, and eating, like, you were just so, like, can I exude that so much? Right. Same thing goes for, like, someone trying who's become a Christian. Like, I don't want to try and tell them what they need to do. I'm just going to live that life. And hopefully they see the light from that and they ask the question, like, God, dad, you've just. You're so different.

[Sal Destefano]

You know what's funny? You know, what's important about that is, so what's. What goes along hand with. You know, hand in hand with that is choose to make choices you know, you can stick to.

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sal Destefano]

So don't make crazy choices that you're like, am I gonna be able to do this in two months? Because your teenage kids will be watching. They're. Yeah. And they're. They're. So you're trying to weather the storm. So are they. Oh, Dad's doing this new thing here. I'm sure in 30 days you got.

[Justin Andrews]

To adhere to it.

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah.

[Sal Destefano]

So maybe don't change everything all at once. Maybe it's like one, we go on a family hike on Sunday or whatever. Or I'm doing this one small change that I know I could stick to because the worst possible thing you could do is waffle back and forth. Because then you're.

[Adam Schafer]

I mean, you're trying to close them, right? You're trying to close them on your ideas. And we teach this when we teach trainers sales. Like, the best way to close somebody is to get them to ask you questions, to ask you, what does it cost to be a personal. Get a personal trainer. Like, I don't want to have to try and sell them on why they need me. And so my goal is always, can I do a better job of showing them how valuable I am or how valuable this way of life is? That's the way to go. Because if I can, I can always improve on myself. I can be more consistent. I can do more of these things. I can Be a happier, better dad. All this stuff. And then eventually get them to go, what is different about you? Or what's going on? And then I have the opportunity to be like, well, you know, son, this is what I've done in my life lately that I didn't realize how much. All that time on Instagram and all the stuff and like, it. It was bringing my mood down. And I tell you what, if it comes from that way and you. And you present it like that, I bet you they can. Don't. You can't. I don't know. A teenager, one who has been on social media and has not allowed social media to affect them emotionally. And so if they hear from their dad that he recognized that in his own life and is now making changes in his life, or if they see.

[Sal Destefano]

It, more importantly, that is better.

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah, exactly. Or they see it and feel it, they're far more likely to follow your lead than if all of a sudden, you know, you're on week one of this new life and you're like, here's all the rules. You know, we're. None of this, none of that. Yeah, good luck with that.

[Aaron Manke]

My kids are picky eaters. Do you have any strategies?

[Sal Destefano]

Yeah, you know, pick. Try to give them options that you think they might pick from and slowly move towards new options. So now this can be really hard if they've been quote, unquote, picky eaters for 10 years and they've always eaten chicken nuggets and, you know, you know, whatever, forever. But this is easier when they're. When they're younger. But give them two or three options, one of which you know, they like, the other two that you think they might like, and then let them eat what they want and then take it from there, slowly introducing new things. But here's the challenge with the picky eater thing. Well, if I don't give my kid all of what they want, they won't eat. That's not true. Your kid's not going to starve. They're not going to start.

[Adam Schafer]

And you know what's crazy about this? Yeah. I mean, how many times have you guys experienced this? How many times have you been so hungry that the Brussels sprouts are so good? Yeah, like the, the dish that you thought wasn't that good all of a sudden is amazing because you're hungry. You know, you allowed yourself to get that way. So I think, I think a lot of that too is parents always fear that, like, oh, God, if they don't eat this meal, they're gonna Starve. It's like, no, they're not gonna.

[Sal Destefano]

This is a generational thing, because, you know, in a couple generations ago, this was a real thing. Like, it was a real thing that my kids might starve. So if you don't eat all this, then they're not gonna be food in it for a few days. So I think that's where we get that from. Yeah, but I mean, look, here's the deal. Look around. You live in a modern society. Look around. Are people dying from starvation? Are they dying from too much?

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah.

[Sal Destefano]

So they're not gonna starve. So you give them a little bit of what they want. You know, maybe start to restrict a little bit. Instead of five nuggets, you get two nuggets. I want more. Oh, that's all we have, buddy. I'm sorry, but we got these other options. I don't want those. Okay, well, if you're hungry, you know, let me know. We'll eat more of them, whatever. And, you know, after a few days or a week or whatever, they tend to change a little bit.

[Aaron Manke]

What are some healthy snack ideas for on the go?

[Sal Destefano]

Oh, my God. Nuts, cheese, fruit, beef jerky.

[Justin Andrews]

That's like, kind of protein.

[Sal Destefano]

They're great, especially fruit. Like, kids. Most kids like fruit, but fruit, nuts, cheese.

[Justin Andrews]

Cheese sticks, jerky.

[Sal Destefano]

Yeah, dude, it's like hard boiled eggs. My kids love hard boiled eggs. Anything that stays in a package for a while.

[Adam Schafer]

Greek yogurt. My son loves Greek yogurt.

[Sal Destefano]

Oh, yeah, Yogurt.

[Adam Schafer]

Greek yogurt. Yeah. I mean, I think this is important. Again, I have friends that. I mean, Katrina and I, we have. We have meal times and. And there. If he's hungry between a meal and wants a snack, he has certain snacks that he has access to. And there's. We've created those options.

[Sal Destefano]

We do the same thing. We have, like a little fridge.

[Adam Schafer]

Yeah. He has a low. He has a low basket in the pantry that he can go reach and get. And even then, like, we're even. We're even mindful of, like, how much that we're like, okay, you can have. You can have one of those before we eat in an hour. Or mommy can make you dinner now if that hungry. If you're that hungry, we can eat dinner now or you can have one of your snacks that you have over there. And so that's kind of how we manage this. But again, it's. It's the options. It's. The option is choosing those good. All those options you guys said and having them. The ability to have access to that. The thing that gets dangerous is the Lays, Doritos and Chips, Cheez Its and these snacks that are so palatable, these kids can just.

[Sal Destefano]

Especially if you're eating them and you're giving your kid the cheese.

[Justin Andrews]

Can't have them in the house and.

[Sal Destefano]

They'Re seeing you eat the, you know, candy or whatever. Yeah, that's tough too.

[Justin Andrews]

Powerful thing to fight.

[Sal Destefano]

Look, if you like the show, come find us on Instagram. Justin is at Mind Pump Justin, I'm at Mind Pump to Stephano and Adam's at Mind Pump Out.

[Aaron Manke]

Thank you for listening to Mind Pump. If your goal is to build and shape your body dramatically, improve your health and energy and maximize your overall performance, check out our discounted RGB super bundle@mindpump media.com the RGB Super Bundle includes maps, Anabolic maps, performance and Maps aesthetic. Nine months of phased expert exercise programming designed by Sal, Adam and Justin to systematically transform the way your body looks, feels and performs. With detailed workout blueprints and over 200 videos. The RGB Super Bundle is like having Sal, Adam and Justin as your own personal trainers, but at a fraction of the price. The RGB Super Bundle has a full 30 day money back guarantee and you can get it now. Plus other valuable free [e-mail] if you enjoy this show, please share the love by leaving us a five star rating and review on itunes and by introducing Mind Pump to your friends and family. We thank you for your support and until next time, this is Mind Pump.

[Adam Schafer]

I am Christopher Titus of the Titus Podcast. I am Rachel and I'm Ken Hyland, AKA the Highlander. When the rest of the world is screaming insanity, we scream sanity. We do a satire comedy news and events podcast.

[Justin Andrews]

First and foremost.

[Adam Schafer]

Funny first. Whatever's happening in the world, if you want to hear it in a way that doesn't rip your soul out, we'll make you laugh with it. At the end of the day, we just scream sanity. That's what we do.

[Justin Andrews]

Can we just talk sanity?

[Adam Schafer]

Because they have to screen sanity.

[Sal Destefano]

Nobody's gonna hear it.

[Justin Andrews]

So tired of you guys screaming, I talk stupidity. Well, that's true. The Titus Podcast on all major streaming platforms, YouTube and at Christopher Titus.com Titus.

[Sal Destefano]

Podcast, it's time to scream sanity.