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Daring Creativity
"Perfection is a tool we use to stop ourselves" (James Victore bonus episode)
00:10:58
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- [00:02]
A
Hey, welcome to this bonus episode of the Daring Creativity Podcast. This is where I revisit the interview published early in the week, giving me an opportunity to zoom in on a few standout moments for the extra value and meaning. And this week I released a conversation with James Victore, and this episode's been extremely popular since it's been released. And there's no wonder why. If you've ever come across James Victore, you know that he's unique in his thinking, in his expression, and his creativity and philosophies I truly cherish will be captured. And I would like to focus on four moments that caught my attention. Here's the first one.
- [00:42]
B
You have to love yourself and love your creativity so much that you will do what you can to protect it, right? And to get it out into the world. But what's stopping it is self hate. What's stopping it is doubtless and fear. You know, it's that classic story of the Native American grandfather who's telling he's talking to his son about two wolves. He says, there are two wolves fighting inside of you, and one is jealousy and anger and frustration and doubt and ignorance and fear. And the other wolf is love and compassion and creativity and empathy. And the son says, which wolf wins? And the old man says, the one you feed.
- [01:40]
A
This ancient parable reveals that creative success isn't about talent or opportunity. It's about which internal voice you choose to strengthen daily. James used this metaphor to explain why some people flourish creatively while others remain frustrated. It's not dramatic moments that determine creative outcomes, but is the accumulation of small daily choices between self doubt and self trust, fear and love. The insight reframes creative struggle from external circumstances, bad markets, difficult clients, to internal agency. Which thought do I amplify, making it simultaneously more challenging and more helpful? You can't control the market, but you can control which wolf you feed through concrete action, creative risks, and authentic expressions. For James as a coach, this provides a framework for helping frustrated creatives recognize that positive thinking alone doesn't work. You must actively feed the wolf while starving the fear through consistent creative courage. It was so easy to choose the name of the episode because daring to feed the right wolf just stood out for a mile to me. Here's the second quote I would like to feature.
- [03:02]
B
You know, when I was a kid, I was shy. I have since learned there is no genetic marker for shyness. I wasn't just born shy, I was told shy. I was shy when I was a kid and my father used to constantly do that. He Says, oh, this is because I was the boy and the baby. He was like, oh, this is Jimmy. He's my shy one. And I'm like, am I fuck, am I shy? Okay, I guess I have to be shy, right? It's taken me a long time to kind of get over that.
- [03:28]
A
If you've ever listened to any other episodes of this podcast, the topic of shyness and introversy has come up a few times and is my nosy, curious way of actually understanding people's way and seeing the subject and seeing their reality. How did it affect them? Just like we've been discussing rejection for the last few weeks and I wanted to ask more, and you would not think that James Victore has ever been shy because of who he is now, only to find out that he was told by his father, Jimmy's the shy one. And when you think about this revelation, it demolishes one of the most limiting beliefs that creative people carry, that personality traits are fixed or unchangeable. When James's father repeatedly introduced him as my shy one, it became self fulfilling prophecy that took years to overcome. Exposing how childhood labeling becomes adult limitation. And this insight shifts responsibility from well, this is just how I am to this is how I learn to be. And I can learn differently. Which is particularly crucial for creatives who avoid self promotion or public expression because they believe they are naturally shy. The moment gives people permission to reinvent themselves based on modern neuroscience, confirming that our brains remain changeable throughout life. The neural pathways creating shyness can be weakened, while new pathways for confidence can be strengthened through practice. Just like every other muscle, Right? For anyone saying, I could never do public speaking or I'm not good at networking, James proves that these are learned limitations, not generic reality. And here we've got a third standout moment.
- [05:21]
B
It's a tool we use to stop ourselves. That's it. It's a tool we use to stop ourselves. And it comes from like we were maybe as kids we were competitive and. Or we have grew up in a competitive family and we, you know, we always had to do better and we always had to prove ourselves. So we became perfectionists. I was running a. I was running one of my. One of my live workshops that I do occasionally. I have one coming up in the fall I'm very excited about. But I had a guy who was a CEO and he'd worked his way up from. He literally joined this marketing agency mopping floors and he became the CEO. Like he, he was pretty amazing and he. At this camp, I realized in conversations that he was a double major in college in chemistry and biology. Double major.
- [06:01]
A
And.
- [06:02]
B
And he runs marathons. And we went, we. I took him for a walk and we're walking around the property and I forget what his. Let's say his name was. Ken, I think. I don't remember his name. Tim, actually. And we were walking around the property and I said, tim, tell me something. Yeah. I said, what are you trying to prove? Who are you trying to prove it to? And he just broke down in tears. He just busted down. He didn't know. He didn't. He. No one had ever seen or told him that he was enough and he didn't have to constantly prove himself by running marathons and double major and being excelling all the time.
- [06:44]
A
Ha. The topic of perfection, another element, another pillar of creative life that I've been discussing for quite a while with my guests because I didn't know for a long time by my label of perfectionism. How do I see it? What do I use perfectionism as a mask. And James talked about sabotage in our conversation. Like sabotage for him was the fear of sharing things or not being able to express what he was doing. The insight reframes perfectionism from a positive trait to a psychological defense mechanism. It's rooted in childhood wounds, explaining why so many talented people remain creatively paralyzed and despite having technical skills. That story of the CEO who broke down reveals that perfectionism isn't about the work. It's about trying to prove worthiness through performance. Creating an impossible standard where no achievement is ever enough. Because the real need, and that's unconditional acceptance, can never be met externally. This explains why perfectionism kills creativity rather than enhancing it. Since creative work requires experimentation and failure. But if failure threatens you, your sense of worthiness, you'll avoid the very process that leads to breakthroughs. The moment. Often both diagnosis perfectionism is fear based sabotage and cure. Recognizing you're already worthy regardless of your work's reception. It's shifting the creative process from proving worthiness to. To expressing authentically and requiring conscious effort to separate self worth from performance. This is the fourth moment I would like to zoom in on.
- [08:30]
B
There's one word and it's to get people to allow it in themselves. That's the hard part, right? Because it's in you and it's got to come out. That's the hard part, is to allow it. And you have to let people know that it's. You know, that they're worthy. You know, have to let people know.
- [08:46]
A
That this was one of the moments where I simply stopped making any further notes in the conversation because it just felt like, I don't know, it felt like a sort of hug. I mean, I wouldn't say a light bulb, but it felt like a hug for everyone who needs that recognition and who needs just that extra step forward and say, you know what? You can allow yourself. You can break down the barriers, you can embrace your creativity. Because the moment that reveals the deepest truth about creativity itself, the problem is never lacking of creativity, but a lack of permission to express what's already there. And James reframes the entire creative development process from skill acquisition to permission granting, suggesting that creativity exists within everyone and the real work is removing barriers rather than building capacity. The insight that people need to know that they're worthy reveals the therapeutic dimension of creative coaching. Since many creative blogs are actually self worth issues in disguise. Where technical skills development becomes secondary to psychological healing, this creates permission paradox where adults wait for external permissions to create, but that permission can only come from within. Granting permission was mentioned on the season previously and it is a solution that is simultaneously simple to allow yourself to create and emotionally difficult to overcome decades of conditioning explaining why creative breakthroughs often feel like relief or rather than achievement, you're finally allowing what was always there. If you haven't had a chance to listen to the full conversation with James, I just kindly ask you to do so because it will give you so much value. The man is a one of a kind and I really treasure the opportunity to speak to him. So thank you for joining me on this episode and I will see you next week.