In this special monologue episode, host Derek Brown shares a personal and unflinching account of how alcohol became his coping mechanism—and how that strategy nearly unraveled his life. As a bartender, author, and former owner of one of the top cocktail bars in the country, Derek’s career was built around drinks. But behind the scenes, alcohol had become more than a profession—it was a way to manage bipolar disorder, anxiety, and the pressure to hold everything together.

Through the lens of his own experience, Derek explores the connection between mental health and alcohol use, especially when the two exist side by side—a condition known as dual diagnosis. He discusses entering an inpatient program to treat both bipolar disorder and alcohol use disorder, and the hard-won lessons of recovery that followed.

Along the way, he weaves in research and statistics that shed light on just how common—and dangerous—this intersection can be. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, nearly 8 million U.S. adults experience both mental health and substance use disorders each year. For those with bipolar disorder, the likelihood of developing alcohol use disorder can be as high as 70%.

This episode isn’t about shame or prohibition—it’s about awareness, compassion, and the power of asking: Why am I drinking? And what do I really need instead?

If you or someone you know is struggling, free and confidential support is available through SAMHSA’s helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or at findtreatment.gov.

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