Miracle Mentality with Tim Storey – Episode 4

"How To Ask For More: Improve Your Negotiation Skills with Alex Carter"

Date: September 15, 2025
Host: Tim Storey
Guest: Alex Carter (Author, Columbia Law School Professor, UN Negotiation Trainer)

Episode Overview

This episode features a compelling conversation between Tim Storey and Alex Carter about overcoming limits, discovering personal potential, and mastering the art of negotiation. Alex shares her journey from a shy, asthmatic teenager to a renowned negotiation expert and empowering educator. The discussion pivots from personal stories of resilience to practical negotiation concepts, including the mindset of "steering" everyday conversations and leveraging curiosity to "ask for more" in life and work.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Early Limitations and Discoveries

• Asthma as a Limiting Factor
  • Alex recounts her struggle with severe childhood asthma, which restricted her involvement in sports and affected her sense of possibility.

    "It felt like a big limit at the time… Something about me that I couldn't change." – Alex (04:52)

• Discovering Empowerment through Speech & Debate
  • Joining the debate club was a turning point, highlighting both her joy in public speaking and her gift for coaching others.

    "My best moment was … coaching other people… I think I was meant to be a teacher or a coach, and law is just the area that I chose to do it in." – Alex (03:13)

• Persistence Despite Setbacks
  • Continually asking herself, "What else might I do?" became a lifelong habit fueling her growth and willingness to try new things.

    "I kept asking myself a question: What else might I do? What else might I be capable of?" – Alex (09:42)

2. Influence of Mentors & Support System

• Mrs. Gordon – The Standard Setter

  • A tough high school mentor, Mrs. Gordon, pushed Alex to realize her potential and aimed to "call her higher."

    "She told me she was grading me against my own potential… It called me higher." – Alex (07:49)

• Family Support and Grit

  • Alex attributes stubbornness and perseverance partly to her upbringing, especially her father’s example.

    "If somebody told me I couldn't do something, I was going to make them eat those words…" – Alex (11:55)

3. Navigating Privilege, Access, and Purpose in Higher Education

• Contrast of Backgrounds at Georgetown
  • Alex describes the culture shock of attending a prestigious school alongside much wealthier peers, yet used this perspective to fight for greater access to education.

    "It showed me… a world that really didn't feel accessible to me and most people." – Alex (14:59)

  • Founded a lobbying group for student financial aid, insisting on education access for all.

4. Professional Path & Accidental Epiphanies

• From Uncertainty to Calling
  • After a Fulbright in Taiwan and a stint at Goldman Sachs, Alex entered Columbia Law School uncertain of her legal path.
  • Her trajectory changed by "accidentally" enrolling in a mediation class:

    "It was like I heard Morgan Freeman’s voice… saying, this is it, you have found it." – Alex (19:11)

• Bloom Where You’re Planted
  • Embraced opportunities as they came, trusting herself to recognize the right path.

5. The TED Talk Experience

• Behind the Scenes of Preparation
  • Alex shares the anxiety, setbacks (being waitlisted, temporary laryngitis), and immense satisfaction in finally delivering the talk.

    "Right before I went on, I just… felt this, knowing. Your voice is gonna be there, Alex." – Alex (24:55)

• Family as Motivation
  • The sight of her daughter in the audience underscored the personal significance.

    "My daughter looking up, so excited that her mom was on the stage, and I thought, this is the coolest thing ever." – Alex (25:45)

• The Importance of Humor & Humanity
  • "When I'm helping people negotiate really tough things, if we can find a moment to laugh, it reminds us of our shared humanity." – Alex (27:52)

6. Core Negotiation Principles

• Negotiation as Everyday “Steering”
  • Rather than isolated high-stakes moments, negotiation is likened to steering a kayak—a series of conversations and incremental adjustments.

    "Negotiation is much more like steering a kayak. It's a series of everyday interactions and conversations that… might lead to the big N deal." – Alex (29:43)

• Relationship over Victory
  • Approach negotiation as forming partnerships; integrity and respect are crucial for long-term success.

    "We can do well for ourselves in the process of also living with integrity, doing good, and approaching people as partners." – Alex (33:58)

• Curiosity and Asking Open-ended Questions
  • Effective negotiation starts with genuine curiosity; asking the right questions reveals deeper needs and opens paths to mutual gain.

    "Curious people make more money. When you ask questions first, you are setting up more information, a better relationship, and an awesome deal on the end of it." – Alex (35:02)

7. Mindset & Value in Negotiation

• Knowing Your Worth
  • Don’t let others define your value solely by external markers; frame your value in terms of the unique benefits you bring.

    "They have a misconception. This is an education opportunity on where value comes from." – Alex (40:27)

  • Use metrics, anecdotes, or simple math to reframe what you offer:

    "Take my fee. … How many people in the audience have to get one thing from my talk to make this a rounding error? … One person." – Alex (41:32)

• The Importance of Self-belief and Support Networks
  • Having even one person "who knows who I really am" helps counteract negative experiences or belittlement in high-pressure situations.

8. Living a Life of Meaning & Modeling Resilience

• Balancing Achievement with Presence
  • Despite success, Alex describes moments of self-doubt and emphasizes daily self-talk and focusing on integrity, resilience, and relationships.

    "It really isn't about all the shiny accolades… It's about building a life of integrity that you're proud of, and it's about your resilience." – Alex (46:29)

• Legacy and What Matters Most
  • Inspired by her grandparents, Alex is focused on a legacy of love and presence, not just professional accolades.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On discovering her calling:

  "The first day in that course, it was mediation… I heard Morgan Freeman’s voice… saying, this is it, you have found it." – Alex (19:11)

• On being persistent:

  "If somebody told me I couldn't do something, I was going to make them eat those words… Even if the person was me." – Alex (11:55)

• On the importance of questions in negotiation:

  "Questions are the superpower that nobody thinks about in negotiation." – Alex (35:02)

• On legacy:

  "There were no diplomas on the wall in their nursing homes. It was pictures of family, and it was family coming to visit them." – Alex (47:32)

• Host Tim’s stamp of appreciation:

  "Just because my background is theology, I want to throw a Bible verse at you… Do you see a person skilled at their work? They will be ushered into the presence of the great." – Tim (48:41)

• Alex on maintaining humility amid success:

  "It's sometimes hard for me to take in success. I'll allow myself a few moments, and then… I'm thinking about what else." – Alex (45:39)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Asthma and Early Challenges: 02:12 – 06:01
• Impact of Mentors: 07:49 – 08:48
• Discovering Leadership and Asking ‘What Else?’: 09:42 – 11:04
• Georgetown & Advocacy for Access: 14:11 – 15:55
• Path to Columbia Law & the Mediation Epiphany: 16:45 – 19:31
• Bloom Where You're Planted Mindset: 20:33 – 20:59
• Preparing for the TED Talk, Overcoming Nerves: 22:32 – 25:45
• Negotiation as Steering Daily Conversations: 29:31 – 31:07
• Relationship Mindset in Negotiation: 32:00 – 34:43
• “Ask For More” Book & Power of Questions: 35:02 – 37:39
• Reframing Value When Being Undervalued: 40:27 – 42:07
• On Legacy and Meaning: 45:39 – 47:32

Conclusion

This episode goes far beyond negotiation tricks—it's a masterclass in self-advocacy, resilience, and purposeful living. Alex Carter’s journey reaffirms that developing a “miracle mentality” and asking for more involves equal parts grit, curiosity, integrity, and compassion. Whether in boardrooms, on stage, or at home, her advice empowers listeners to steer conversations, honor their worth, and always keep asking, “What else might I be capable of?”

For more from Alex Carter:

• Read her book: Ask for More (Simon & Schuster, 2020)
• Explore speaking & training: [Contact via her website/social links mentioned in podcast]

For motivation and mindset inspiration:

• Subscribe to Miracle Mentality with Tim Storey