Podcast Summary: Modern Love – "Bridget Everett Says A Best Friend Can Be Your Greatest Love (Encore)"

Date: August 20, 2025
Host: Anna Martin (The New York Times)
Guest: Bridget Everett

Episode Overview

This episode of "Modern Love" features a heartfelt conversation between host Anna Martin and actress, comedian, and writer Bridget Everett, centering around the power and depth of platonic friendship. The episode dovetails reflections on Everett’s HBO show Somebody Somewhere—particularly the central friendship between Sam and Joel—with Everett’s personal experiences and a reading of Victor Lodato’s Modern Love essay, "When Your Greatest Romance Is a Friendship". Themes include challenging common narratives about romance, the transformative nature of close friendships, and the importance of staying open to new connections at any stage of life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining Somebody Somewhere and Its Heart

• The Challenge of Genre
  • Anna struggles with categorizing the show: “I wanna call it a romantic comedy, but it's also sort of like an ensemble slice of life. At times it's a musical.”
  • Bridget responds candidly: “I have a terrible time describing it too… people say dramedy, but kind of just a slice of life. Some tender moments, some, you know, and maybe a fart.” (03:45)
• Realism and Humor
  • Bridget calls out the blend of humor and rawness, referencing the show’s infamous "diarrhea scene": “Because that's real life... maybe not for you, but for people I know.” (04:05)
• Inspired by Bridget’s Own Life
  • The character Sam, played by Everett, shares both a love of singing and struggles with self-worth:
    • “I kind of plug into life when I'm singing... There's a way that I can connect to my emotions when I'm doing that that I can't sometimes do otherwise. And I also struggle with self worth. Like she does.” (05:06)
• Personal Growth Mirrored in Art
  • On learning from her character: “We sort of see her trying to push through some of that. And I've learned a lot from her. Like, sometimes we write the scenes and I'm like, man, I wish I could be like Sam.” (05:48)
• "No New People" and Letting Others In
  • Bridget resonates with Sam’s early “no new people” (NNP) mantra but says she is trying to open up more, inspired by her own character:
    • “Especially in season three, [Sam] is allowing more people into her life and into her heart. And I think that I have honestly been trying to work on that myself.” (06:33)
  • On the vulnerability of new connections: “If you're somebody that does struggle with self worth, every time you meet somebody, you're like, they're gonna see the cracks.” (06:47)

2. The Radical Primary Friendship

• The Sam–Joel Bond:
  • Bridget describes the Sam & Joel dynamic as radically central:
    • “Her friends are her people. And it's not like she's looking for a romantic love. She's looking for her person. And that's kind of what she's…finding in Joel.” (10:21)
• Platonic Love as ‘Your Person’:
  • Anna: “It's a really…kind of radical reframe, the idea that your person can be a friend.” (10:30)
  • Bridget: “It was really important that this show be about the friendship and not about, like, girl meets boy in the way that you meet a guy and all of a sudden he thinks you're beautiful. This is a different kind of love.” (10:54)

3. Memorable Moments from Somebody Somewhere

• The Love Song at the Party
  • Bridget recounts a poignant scene where Sam helps Joel’s boyfriend, Brad, write and perform a love song for Joel, even though it’s hard for Sam to share Joel’s attention:
    • “What I love about it is, like, that Sam is right there with him. And she's like, I'm gonna help you get through this. Because she knows what it's gonna mean to Joel.” (12:48)
• Bridget Sings on Air
  • Bridget performs a few lines from the love song (13:14):
    • “I wake in the morning and I see your face
      I'm the luckiest guy in the entire human race
      A cup of coffee or a trip to the store
      I'll take forever and then I'll take some more...”
  • Anna’s reaction: “Don't do this to me right now. I don't know. It is so…God. And you wrote these lyrics? It is so simple, and it's perfect.” (13:53–13:59)
  • Bridget: “It's also Sam's love for Joel in… the way that she's looking at him.” (14:10)

4. Modern Love Essay Reading: "When Your Greatest Romance Is a Friendship" (Victor Lodato)

• Essay Summary
  • Bridget reads the story of Victor, a younger man, and Austin, his octogenarian best friend, whose deep, platonic bond challenges conventional ideas of ‘romance’. Their relationship is characterized by daily companionship, mutual emotional support, and a profound intimacy—which persists even as Austin nears the end of her life due to illness. (16:26–26:04)
• Key Quote from the Essay:
  • “Some of the greatest romances of my life have been friendships. And these friendships have been, in many ways, more mysterious than erotic love. More subtle, less selfish. More attuned to kindness.” (quoted during reading, approx. 25:00)

5. Bridget Reflects on Friendship vs. Romance

• Why She Chose the Essay

  • “When you read about great loves, it always seems to be about a romantic relationship. And I just love that these are two people that have found each other and they’re the one for each other. I want that.” (26:13)

• Staying Open after Loss

  • “You can always find somebody. They may not look like what you think you're gonna want or what you’re gonna need. It reminds me to stay open.” (26:55)

• The Hard Parts: Change and Jealousy

  • On missing an intense friendship that changed after her friend got into a serious relationship:
    • “I was really reactionary and immature. But he…they kind of disappeared together. And that's also okay...I’ve always kind of been like, she'll be there. And after a while, it affects you.” (32:13–33:11)
  • Anna, reflecting: “It's accepting that you might not always be as primary to someone as they are to you.” (34:01)
  • Bridget: “I also don't think that just because somebody's in a romantic relationship, that means that you can't be a focal…a focal point in their life…But sometimes you need to know that you matter.” (33:26–33:56)

• Letting Love—and Friendship—In

  • “It’s also up to me to hear it, you know... I have to be able to take it in, and it’s, you know, it’s challenging sometimes.” (35:58)
  • Anna: “It’s just looking someone in the eyes and saying, you matter. You matter to me. You will always matter to me…that feels to me like what friendship is.” (34:59)

6. Cultivating Life-Long, Central Friendships as Adults

• On Making Time and Space

  • “How can we cultivate close friendships in our adulthood when there's so much else competing for our time…?” (37:14)
  • Bridget: “I don't know…my dream is to have a…be central in a friend’s life again…When my friends are making me a priority, it matters.” (37:23–37:57)
  • “It is like all those things you say—like, there's just life sweeps people up, and sometimes the friendships, you know, they become a backseat. And it's not that way for Sam and Joel. And that's what I love. I feel like it’s fantasy.” (37:57)

• On the Language of Friendship as Romance

  • Anna: “What do you think about the idea of using romance to describe a friendship? That word. Does it work? Do we need better words?” (39:05)
  • Bridget: “No, I love it. I say that all the time. I'm like, you know, with Sam and Joel, they fall in love with each other, and it is a romance…You can get swept off your feet by a friend…you are in love with them in some degree.” (39:27–39:48)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bridget Everett on Friendship:
  • "I think what's so great about this relationship is they just sort of slip into kind of a life together, and... I just. I want that." (26:13)
• On Letting Someone In:
  • "If you're somebody that does struggle with self worth, every time you meet somebody, you're like, they're gonna see the cracks." (06:47)
• On Being Seen:
  • "Sometimes you need to know that you matter." (33:56)
• On Platonic Romance:
  • “You can get swept off your feet by a friend. And you don't have…just because there may not be the sex involved, you are in love with them in some degree.” (39:48)
• Song Lyric Sung by Bridget:
  • “I wake in the morning and I see your face / I’m the luckiest guy in the entire human race…” (13:14)
• On Why Friendship Matters:
  • "It's just looking someone in the eyes and saying, you matter. You matter to me. You will always matter to me." (34:59)

Notable Timestamps

• 03:45 – Bridget describes the challenge of labeling Somebody Somewhere’s genre – “slice of life…some tender moments, some, you know, and maybe a fart.”
• 05:06 – On Sam’s self-doubt and learning from her character.
• 06:33 – Bridget on consciously opening up to new people, inspired by her character.
• 10:21 – Anna and Bridget discuss the concept of having a friend be “your person.”
• 13:14 – Bridget sings the love song from the show.
• 16:26–26:04 – Bridget reads Victor Lodato's essay, "When Your Greatest Romance Is a Friendship".
• 26:13 – Bridget reflects on why the essay resonates with her.
• 33:56 – Bridget on needing to know you matter in friendship.
• 39:48 – Bridget expands on seeing platonic friendship as a genuine romance.

Conclusion

This episode delves deep into the idea that friendships can be primary, transformative, and worthy of the same reverence culturally reserved for romance. Bridget Everett’s reflections—from her show’s platonic love, personal experience, and her emotional reading of Victor Lodato’s essay—invite listeners to rethink what ‘romance’ can mean and to cherish the friends who are, in every sense, our greatest loves. The conversation strikes a warm, vulnerable tone—affirming that love, in all its forms, deserves celebration.