Modern Love: Dating Apps Suck. A.I. Clones Are Making Them Even Weirder.

Episode Release Date: December 11, 2024

Host: Anna Martin
Guest: Eli Tan, Reporter at The New York Times

Introduction: Frustration with Traditional Dating Apps

In this intriguing episode of Modern Love, host Anna Martin engages in a candid conversation with Eli Tan, a 26-year-old reporter from San Francisco, about the increasingly complex landscape of online dating. Both Anna and Eli share a common frustration: the inefficacy and monotony of traditional dating apps.

Eli Tan ([00:54]):
"Feels like kind of this liminal interaction that you can have, you know, a dozen times a day where it's always, you know, the same type of thing and no one ever remembers the conversation they have with someone on a dating app..."
(00:54)

Eli elaborates on how interactions on dating apps often feel superficial and repetitive, leading to a sense of entrapment where users feel compelled to continue swiping despite the lack of meaningful connections.

The Drive to Optimize: Data-Driven Approaches

Eli recounts his initial efforts to improve his dating app experience by adopting a data-driven approach. He meticulously optimized his profile based on advice from dating app founders, hoping to increase his success rate.

Eli Tan ([02:34]):
"He said, okay, this many of the relationships start when you have kind of a fun prompt and you always want to be responding to prompts..."
(02:34)

Despite these efforts, Eli found that while he went on more dates, meaningful connections remained elusive. This frustration set the stage for his exploration of a more radical solution: integrating Artificial Intelligence into his dating life.

Introducing AI Clones: A New Frontier in Online Dating

Seeking a novel solution, Eli decided to experiment with AI clones—digital replicas of himself designed to interact on dating apps autonomously. This innovative approach aimed to overcome the limitations of human capacity in managing conversations and increasing the likelihood of finding compatible matches.

Anna Martin ([03:03]):
"But then Eli learned about a new kind of dating app, apps that promised to solve his problems using AI. So Eli signed up. He made AI clones of himself that could go on hundreds of virtual dates..."
(03:03)

Experimentation with AI Clone Apps: Ice and Volar

Eli utilized two specific AI clone applications: Ice and Volar.

• Ice: Enabled Eli to create a digital clone capable of engaging in conversations with real people on existing dating platforms.

• Volar: Allowed his AI clones to interact with other AI clones, simulating hundreds of virtual dates concurrently.

Eli Tan ([06:15]):
"So for the cloning apps, I used one app called Ice, which let me create a clone that could then talk to real people. And then I used another app called Volar, which let me create clones that talk to other people's clones."
(06:15)

Clone-Clone Interactions: A Surreal Experience

Eli's AI clones went on numerous dates, interacting both with real individuals and other clones. He received daily notifications summarizing these interactions, allowing him to review and assess potential matches without the exhaustive personal effort traditionally required.

Eli Tan ([09:08]):
"So the clones would have conversations with other people's clones. So at the end of every day, I would get a notification that said, your clone went on 100 dates today. Check and see how they went..."
(09:08)

However, Eli encountered unexpected challenges. Despite his AI clones being programmed to emulate his personality, they began exhibiting independent behaviors and preferences, leading to interactions that felt disconnected from his true self.

Eli Tan ([10:47]):
"Very brief, but it would be like after a long conversation, my clone would say something like, I really like you. And then the other clone would say, I like you, too..."
(10:47)

This detachment made Eli uncomfortable, as he perceived his clones as entities operating beyond his control, resulting in feelings of estrangement from the very tool he designed to enhance his dating prospects.

Human Clone Interactions: The Uncanny Reality

Eli also explored interactions between his real self and AI clones of others. This experiment revealed a fundamental limitation: while AI can manage surface-level conversation, it fails to capture the nuanced chemistry that fosters genuine human connections.

Eli Tan ([20:23]):
"And I think it's changed the way that I kind of see my profile. And when you kind of animate some of the ways that you describe yourself on apps or put them into conversations like, oh, this actually comes off differently than maybe I thought it did..."
(20:23)

This realization underscored the intrinsic value of authentic human interaction, suggesting that AI, despite its advancements, cannot fully replicate the spontaneous and emotional elements crucial to meaningful relationships.

AI Dating Coaches: A More Palatable Integration

Transitioning from clones, Eli experimented with AI dating coaches through an app called Amore. These virtual advisors, each embodying distinct personalities—such as a "wise aunt" or a "blunt bestie"—provided feedback and suggestions on Eli's real-life dating conversations.

Eli Tan ([23:15]):
"So the dating coaches in one of the apps, they all had different personalities. So one of them was kind of a wise aunt figure..."
(23:15)

The AI coaches offered varied perspectives:

• Christie, the Blunt Bestie: Provided straightforward, sometimes harsh feedback.
• Ethan, the Wingman: Offered optimistic and supportive advice.

Eli Tan ([24:30]):
"But in a lot of the cases, it's true. Christy. Her feedback actually was pretty good."
(24:30)

While these coaches enhanced Eli's ability to analyze and respond to potential matches, they also highlighted the subjective nature of dating advice and the importance of personal intuition over automated suggestions.

Emotional and Ethical Reflections

Eli grappled with the ethical implications of using AI in his dating life. He pondered whether delegating personal interactions to machines compromised the authenticity and integrity of building real connections.

Eli Tan ([32:07]):
"I think my takeaway is less about can AI solve my dating life and more do I want it to? I think there are some things that, yeah, maybe AI can do this, but do I want to be automating out my relationships and my dating and these moments of, you know, first meeting somebody and having meet cutes, like, why would I want a robot to do that?"
(32:07)

This introspection led Eli to conclude that while AI tools could offer valuable assistance, the essence of human connection lies in personal engagement and spontaneity, elements that AI cannot authentically replicate.

Conclusion: The Future of AI in Dating

In wrapping up the episode, Eli reflected on his experiences, acknowledging that AI could complement rather than replace human efforts in dating. He emphasized the importance of maintaining genuine interactions and leveraging AI as a supportive tool rather than a substitute for personal connection.

Eli Tan ([31:36]):
"I'm just going to see if the clone can do it and can turn it around. But my reaction, it was like, yeah, it was like wanting to discipline this clone for, you know, what if this person was someone that I really liked?"
(31:36)

Ultimately, Eli's journey underscores the nuanced relationship between technology and human emotions in the realm of modern dating. While AI offers innovative solutions to perennial problems, the pursuit of authentic love remains a deeply human endeavor.

Notable Quotes:

• Eli Tan ([00:54]):
  "Feels like kind of this liminal interaction that you can have, you know, a dozen times a day where it's always, you know, the same type of thing..."

• Eli Tan ([09:08]):
  "...your clone went on 100 dates today. Check and see how they went."

• Eli Tan ([10:47]):
  "My clone would say something like, I really like you. And then the other clone would say, I like you, too."

• Eli Tan ([23:15]):
  "The dating coaches in one of the apps, they all had different personalities. So one of them was kind of a wise aunt figure..."

• Eli Tan ([32:07]):
  "I think my takeaway is less about can AI solve my dating life and more do I want it to?"

This episode of Modern Love delves deep into the intersection of technology and romance, presenting a thought-provoking examination of how AI is reshaping the quest for love in the digital age. Eli Tan's experiments and reflections offer valuable insights for anyone navigating the complex world of online dating.