First Love Mixtape: Side A (Encore)

Summary

Modern Love Podcast Summary: "First Love Mixtape: Side A (Encore)"

Episode Overview In the "First Love Mixtape: Side A (Encore)" episode of the Modern Love podcast, host Anna Martin takes listeners on a nostalgic journey through the melodies that have shaped our understanding of love. Revisiting a beloved essay, engaging in heartfelt conversations with colleagues, and sharing her personal anthem, Anna crafts a rich tapestry of first love experiences intertwined with music.

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I. Introduction: Revisiting a Classic Essay

Timestamp: 00:49 – 02:06

Anna Martin opens the episode by expressing her seasonal nostalgia for summer romances and first loves. She introduces the essay "What Lou Reed Taught Me About Love" by Lisa Sellen Davis, which she first featured in the podcast's inaugural episode in 2022. This essay delves into how specific songs can encapsulate and revive the emotions tied to past love stories.

Notable Quote:

"It's about all the songs that accompany our love stories, how one track can instantly take us back to a time and a place, to a feeling." – Anna Martin [00:49]

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II. Reading of the Essay: Lisa Sellen Davis's First Love

Timestamp: 02:06 – 14:03

Kristen Potter narrates Lisa Sellen Davis's poignant essay, recounting her first love experience influenced by Lou Reed's "I'll Be Your Mirror." Set against the backdrop of a challenging summer job, Lisa describes her longing for connection and the transformative impact of genuine affection.

Key Highlights:

• Summer of 16: Lisa is compelled by her father to work in Saratoga Spa State Park, enduring physically demanding tasks that leave her yearning for emotional connections.

  Quote:

  "The job paid $3.35 an hour for digging trenches, building footbridges... The work was torture." – Lisa Sellen Davis [02:14]

• First Glimpse of Love: Lisa becomes infatuated with a boy her father teaches guitar, admiring his appearance and struggling to express her feelings authentically.

  Quote:

  "I thought this would make me attractive by way of emotional depth, but he never seemed to notice me." – Lisa Sellen Davis [04:20]

• A Magical Encounter: Their first real interaction occurs by the Hadley Luzerne Bridge, leading to an intense but unfulfilled connection.

  Quote:

  "I took off my non-work clothes... I played the full tablature of Neil Young's 'Needle and the Damage Done' on the guitar." – Lisa Sellen Davis [06:07]

• Emotional Awakening: Despite never fully realizing a romantic relationship, Lisa reflects on the lesson learned from the song "I'll Be Your Mirror" about being loved for one's true self.

  Quote:

  "All that love twisted up with my records... the lesson from 'I'll Be Your Mirror' remained that someone can love me for what shames me the most." – Lisa Sellen Davis [13:01]

Quote Summary:

"Now I sing those same lyrics to my daughter before bed." – Lisa Sellen Davis [12:53]

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III. Conversations with Colleagues: Songs That Shaped Their Views on Love

Timestamp: 14:03 – 20:31

After a brief interlude, Anna engages with her colleagues Mia Lee and Dan Jones, discussing the songs that have profoundly influenced their perceptions of love during their formative years.

A. Mia Lee on Bob Dylan’s "Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right"

Timestamp: 15:17 – 17:15

Mia reflects on how Dylan's song became her anthem during a tumultuous breakup in high school. She shares a personal anecdote about recording herself singing the song, highlighting its significance in processing young love and heartbreak.

Notable Quote:

"It was about trying to mourn a relationship where you really don't know the person that well... I had this as my anthem." – Mia Lee [15:38]

B. Dan Jones on Bee Gees’ "Stayin’ Alive"

Timestamp: 17:03 – 19:27

Dan discusses the impact of "Stayin’ Alive" from Saturday Night Fever on his teenage understanding of masculinity and sexuality. He explores how the song and its associated imagery influenced his perception of gender roles and personal identity.

Notable Quote:

"It was a gender-bending experience at a time when I didn't even know what the word gender meant." – Dan Jones [17:17]

Clarification:

"I think of him only in analog... but the lesson from 'I'll Be Your Mirror' remained." – Lisa Sellen Davis [12:53] (Referenced in discussion)

C. Anna Martin on Billy Joel’s "Just the Way You Are"

Timestamp: 20:31 – 21:13

Anna shares her own story about how Billy Joel's "Just the Way You Are" taught her self-acceptance during her teenage years. Initially resistant to the song, she grew to embrace its message, which helped her overcome insecurities about her appearance and the pressure to change herself to attract love.

Notable Quote:

"I tried all of those things at age 16... In this song, I felt like Billy was saying to me, you do not need to do all that." – Anna Martin [20:54]

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IV. Conclusion: Teasing the Next Part

Timestamp: 20:31 – 23:32

Anna wraps up the episode by expressing gratitude to her colleagues for sharing their stories and hints at the continuation of this heartfelt exploration in the next installment. She encourages listeners to submit their own love stories and provides production credits, ensuring a seamless transition to future episodes.

Notable Quote:

"This episode is a two parter. Next week we'll hear your stories on the songs that taught you about love. It's a playlist with some real heartfelt bangers. You will not want to miss it." – Anna Martin [19:18]

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Final Thoughts

"First Love Mixtape: Side A (Encore)" beautifully intertwines personal narratives with the universal language of music, illustrating how songs can serve as emotional milestones in our journeys of love and self-discovery. Whether revisiting first loves or sharing new reflections, Anna Martin and her colleagues offer listeners a resonant exploration of love’s enduring melodies.

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Note: This summary excludes all advertisements, introductory, and concluding remarks unrelated to the core content, focusing solely on the meaningful discussions and stories shared during the episode.

Transcript

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[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Love now and did you fall in.

[Unknown]

Love last fella love her love but.

Stronger than anything can I love you more than anything? There's the love Love.

[Anna Martin]

From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This is Modern Love. So summer is coming soon. It's getting warmer. I'm spending more time outside. And just like every year, weather gets like this. I find myself feeling nostalgic for summer flings, for vacation romances, for first loves. It all makes me think about the Modern Love Essay what Lou Reed Taught Me About Love by the writer Lisa Sellen Davis. We made an episode about this essay back in 2022. It's actually the very first episode of Modern Love that I ever hosted, which is wild to think about, and the essay is still one of my favorites. It's about all the songs that accompany our love stories, how one track can instantly take us back to a time and a place, to a feeling. It's a beautiful, sunshiny story. So this week we're bringing you that essay again. Plus I talk with a few of my colleagues about the songs that taught them about love. This episode is a two parter, so you'll want to look out for the second part next week, but I'll tell you about all that later. For now, here's what Lou Reed Taught Me about Love by Lisa Sellan Davis, Read by Kristen Potter.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

When Lou Reed died, I got on Facebook and found out just how many friends had chosen I'll be your Mirror.

[Unknown]

As their wedding song.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

I wasn't one of them, but that song, more than any other, taught me about love. I listened to it endlessly. The summer I was 16, my father had strongly suggested if I wanted to stay in his house for the summer, as the divorce agreement had decreed, I should take a job doing hard physical labor in Saratoga Spa State park in upstate New York. My father's idea was to heal me through hard work and the grounding power of nature. The job paid $3.35 an hour for digging trenches, building footbridges, and learning about anger management and the medical uses of Jewel weed, which grew wild along the creek. The work was torture. I was cut out for songwriting, not construction. But the worst part was riding my Fuji 12 speed there with a green hard hat on the rear rack while wearing ochre colored work boots. Boy poison, I thought. I was disturbingly experienced.

[Unknown]

My older friends had introduced me to a variety of adult activities.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

I shouldn't have known for years, but I'd never had actual sex or an actual boyfriend or been in love, and.

[Unknown]

I wanted those things more than anything.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

After work one day as I pulled my bike into our backyard, a boy.

[Unknown]

Was sitting there with my dad. My father was the local guitar teacher.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

And sometimes gloriously stringy haired rocker kids arrived at the house for lessons.

[Unknown]

This one wore beige shorts stained with.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Bike grease, a yellow and blue striped rugby shirt, and very long red hair, the apogee of attractiveness for me. I had seen him before at parties.

[Unknown]

With my friends, and each time I had tried to get his attention the.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Only way I knew by speaking loudly about my stealing and drugs and temper tantrums, expounding on how depressed and in pain I was. I thought this would make me attractive by way of emotional depth, but he.

[Unknown]

Never seemed to notice me. This time he looked up, but I was desperate to hide. I went inside and stood at the screen door and watched as my father taught the beautiful boy the Travis style of finger picking. After that I daydreamed anxiously of the boy with the long red hair. At work I wore scratchy work gloves and pulled tenacious weeds from the side.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Of the creek bed, and every day I hoped to see him, but I.

[Unknown]

Feared it too, lest he see me.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

With my hard hat and work boots.

[Unknown]

And then one Saturday afternoon when I.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Wasn'T working, I saw him leap into.

[Unknown]

The water beneath the Hadley Luzerne Bridge.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

The place where the Hudson and Sacandaga rivers meet. It was a magical spot with a rope swing and swirls of black water where my friends and I spent lazy afternoons and played guitars on the rocks. He had pale freckles all over his.

[Unknown]

Chest and collarbone that formed a beautiful.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Dent below his neck. He mumbled hello to me. I knew nothing about how to interest a boy, but I took off my non work clothes tank top and cut off jeans and went in the river in my bra and underwear. I played the full tablature of Neil Young's needle and the damage done on the guitar. I put my body next to his as much as possible, standing close whenever I could.

[Unknown]

A few days later the phone rang. My father answered, his face momentarily registering confusion as he handed the phone to me. The voice was so low and mumbly that I couldn't understand who it was.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Or what he was saying.

[Unknown]

And that moment of intense awkwardness seemed.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Interminable until I realized it was him, and he was asking me if I.

[Unknown]

Wanted to go swimming at Hadley Luzerne. Somehow I managed to say yes, even.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Though I could barely breathe.

[Unknown]

He had asked me on an actual date. I had taken LSD and made out with strangers at the Holiday Inn. But I had never been on a date. He picked me up in his battered yellow Subaru station wagon and we drove north, listening to the band X.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

It started pouring.

[Unknown]

We ducked into a cafe and he ordered coffee.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

I had never had coffee.

[Unknown]

I pretended I drank it black.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

It was bitter and gross and the best thing I ever tasted because he liked it. The rain didn't stop, so we went.

[Unknown]

Back to his house and listened to the Replacements.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

He had a job fixing bikes, and he smelled like something tangy called Cornhuskers lotion, which he used to get the grease off. Nothing else happened that day, but I.

[Unknown]

Was so happy it hurt.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

After that, I kept seeing him walking downtown, going to concerts, but we never touched. Then one Saturday night we met at the radio station at the local college.

[Unknown]

Where a friend had a show.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

He and I took a walk.

[Unknown]

The night was warm and smelled of.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Jewelweed, and there were meteor showers.

[Unknown]

He had that beautiful hair and the freckly collarbone, and it was way too much. The waiting had become intolerable. I stopped, turned toward him, and said, what is going on here?

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

I was almost whining, what's happening?

[Unknown]

He grew quiet and looked down at his shoes. He mumbled again. I think he said, I like you. But then he looked me clear in the eye and asked, can I kiss you? No one had ever said that to me. No one had ever been so solicitous and gentle and kind. No one had ever wanted me that way. They had used me that way but never wanted me. I kissed him on the cheek as fast as I could and ran away, back to the radio station amid the shelves of records and their musty cardboard smell. Ten minutes later he found me there, pretending to study the COVID of Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company's Cheap Thrills. Couldn't look at him. He whispered his hot breath on my hair.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

That wasn't really what I meant.

[Unknown]

We went to his house. He sat on the couch, I sat.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

On the floor, and he made this.

[Unknown]

Awkward attempt to rub my shoulders. I was more on fire with desire and anticipation. Than I had ever been in my life. As he leaned down to kiss me, I scooted to the other side of the room. Why do you like me? I asked him. Why are you interested in me?

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

I was just stalling, but he actually.

[Unknown]

Paused to consider the question.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Okay, he said.

[Unknown]

I'll tell you. He said I was cute and funny and good at the Travis style of finger picking and had good taste in music, which among our crowd was the highest compliment. My heart seemed to break upon hearing this list, but in a good way. Everyone else in my life could rattle off a list of my faults, but the beautiful boy saw what was on the other side of my misdeeds. The lyrics to I'll be your mirror go, please put down your hands because I see you. And it seemed he was able to see the beauty in me that I couldn't. He had his face very close to.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Mine, that smell of cheap shampoo and Cornhuskers lotion.

[Unknown]

And then he said, I knew I.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Really liked you when I saw you on your bike with the work boots and hard hat.

[Unknown]

I kissed him. Then my teeth hit his and my.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Mouth was open too much and it.

[Unknown]

Was messy and delicious and terrifying. And then we fell into a rhythm. I kissed him for the entire B side of rem's reckoning. I kissed him so much I went home that night with red, swollen libs.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

I don't think I ever experienced a.

[Unknown]

Physical sensation better than that burn. It seemed to wipe clean the dirty slate of my childhood. I lost track of him years ago.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

I don't know where he lives or what he does. I don't know him digitally.

[Unknown]

I think of him only in analog.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

All that love twisted up with my records, which long ago warped and mildewed in my mother's basement.

[Unknown]

But the lesson from I'll be your mirror remained that someone can love me for what shames me the most. Now I sing those same lyrics to.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

My daughter before bed.

[Unknown]

The conservation job ended late that August.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

My soul, or my depression or anger.

[Unknown]

Management problems hadn't been repaired by it. I hadn't learned about hard work or.

[Lisa Sellen Davis]

Resilience or any of the other things.

[Unknown]

The program was designed to teach me. But I was healed, just as that love song promised.

[Anna Martin]

When we come back, the songs that taught the modern love team a thing or two about love. Stay with us.

[Estee Lauder Ad]

Support for this podcast comes from Estee Lauder. They really duped beauty sleep Estee Lauder's advanced Night repair serum helps your skin look like it got eight hours of beauty sleep, even if you didn't in just one sleep. See immediate radiance and a reduction in fine lines. It really is beauty sleep in a bottle. Get ready to glow with advanced night repair serum@estee lauder.com friends don't let friends miss a good beauty sleep dupe.

[Sam Sanders]

This podcast is supported by the Sam Sanders show from kcrw. Should the Oscars even exist? Have streaming apps made music bad? Can pop culture predict a recession? Each week, Sam and his guests ask big questions and offer hot takes about the entertainment we're obsessed with. Join comedians, journalists and celebrities as they make sense of the zeitgeist. Or at least make fun of it. Catch the Sam Sanders show wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube.

[Mia Lee]

Okay, Mia Lee, you're the editor of Modern Love projects. When you were around 16, what was the song that taught you about love?

[Unknown]

Oof. The song that comes to mind is Bob Dylan's don't think Twice. It's all right?

I ain't saying you treated me unkind? You could have done better but I don't mind? You just kinda wasted my precious time? But don't think twice it's all right.

Came across it probably on YouTube when I was splitting up with my first boyfriend, high school boyfriend. We met in poetry class. We were both pretty dramatic and much like people like subtweet, you know, we'd kind of like subtweet each other in our meaning. Like you'd write poems, you'd write poems for each other, but we didn't really get to know each other that well. And this song was about that of like trying to mourn a relationship where you really don't know the person that well. Maybe it wasn't the deepest love, but it was meaningful. So I had this as my anthem. I recorded myself singing a karaoke version of it on imovie.

[Mia Lee]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, you can't jump past that. You recorded yourself?

[Unknown]

I found a karaoke version on YouTube.

[Mia Lee]

As in just the instrumentals.

[Unknown]

Just the instrumentals with the lyrics across the screen.

[Mia Lee]

It was you in your bedroom.

[Unknown]

It wasn't even my bedroom.

I was in my communal family living room singing a karaoke version of don't think twice. It's all right. Yeah.

[Mia Lee]

Oh, it's hard to top that. But Dan Jones, hi to you as well.

[Dan Jones]

Hi, Anna.

[Mia Lee]

What about you? What's the song that tote teenage you about love?

[Dan Jones]

16 year old me was around the time that the movie Saturday Night Fever came out. Somehow I snuck in my friends and I'm sitting there, you know, and the Beginning of that movie is John Travolta striding down the streets of Brooklyn. The song Staying Alive by the Bee Gees is playing and he's walking to the beginning beat and swing the can of paint to the beat. And women walking the other way. Their legs are like, moving to the beat and he's like turning around to catch their, like, butts moving to the beat. And he was a working class guy like so many people I knew in Pittsburgh. But this whole thing was so sexualized and the Bee Gees with their falsetto voices that the whole thing was sort of this gender bending experience at a time when I didn't even know what the word gender meant. And it was just exploding with, like, sexuality and ways you can be in the world that were. That were out of the straitjacket that I've felt like I'd sort of grown up with at that point.

[Mia Lee]

I wanna talk about the lyrics though, because there's this one line where they say we can try to understand the New York Times effect on man. What does that mean?

[Dan Jones]

I know, I saw that. You know, at the time I didn't know what the word gender was. I also didn't had never heard of the New York Times. It was like the media's effect on men. Like working class men like John Travolta.

[Mia Lee]

Well, I mean, 16 year old, you might not have, you know, heard of the New York Times, but I mean, now you work here and you've created a really iconic part of it. You are the founder of Modern Love. Eighteen years ago, you started the column and I want to thank you, Dan. And I also want to thank you, Mia, for trusting me with a little part of it.

[Dan Jones]

Thank you, Anna.

[Unknown]

Yeah, welcome, welcome.

[Mia Lee]

Thanks so much.

[Anna Martin]

When we come back, I share the song that taught me about love when I was 16. Stay with us.

[Estee Lauder Ad]

Support for this podcast comes from Estee Lauder. They really duped beauty sleep. Estee Lauder's Advanced Night Repair Serum helps your skin look like it got eight hours of beauty sleep. Even if you didn't in just one sleep. See immediate radiance and a reduction in fine lines. It really is beauty sleep in a bottle. Get ready to glow with Advanced Night Repair serum@estee Lauder.com friends. Don't let friends miss a good beauty sleep dupe.

[Sam Sanders]

This podcast is supported by the Sam Sanders show from kcrw. Should the Oscars even exist? Have streaming apps made music bad? Can pop culture predict a recession? Each week, Sam and his guests ask big questions and offer hot takes about the entertainment we're obsessed with. Join comedians, journalists and celebrities as they make sense of the zeitgeist, or at least make fun of it. Catch the Sam Sanders show wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube.

[Anna Martin]

When we first aired this episode, I didn't talk about my own song. So I'm going to do that right now. When I think about the song that changed me as a 16 year old, I'm thinking about Just the Way you Are by Billy Joel.

[Unknown]

Don't change the color of your hair.

[Anna Martin]

My dad would always play a Billy Joel greatest hit CD in the car. I started off barely tolerating it, asking him to turn it off, to change it to like the pop radio station or whatever. But after many listens, I got hooked. I became a Billy convert. And this particular song, Just the Way youy Are, Billy sings that his lover doesn't need to change her hair or her clothes or impress him with clever conversation. And the thing that drew me to the song is like I tried all of those things at age 16. I'd straightened the hell out of my hair. I'd gotten bangs. I tested out all these different looks to try to piece appeal to different guys. I was constantly shape shifting, attempting to impress. And in this song I felt like Billy was saying to me, you do not need to do all that. I couldn't love you any better. I love you just the way you are. I still need to be reminded of that sometimes, even today. So thank you Billie. Okay, as I said at the top, this episode is a two parter. Next week we'll hear your stories stories from listeners on the songs that taught them about love. It's a playlist with some real heartfelt bangers. You will not want to miss it. This episode of Modern Love was produced in 2022 by Julia Botero and Hans Buteau and edited by Sarah Saracen. Additional production and editing by Sarah Curtis and Lynn Levy Production management by Christina Josa. This episode was mixed by Sonia Herrero with studio support from Matty Masiello. The Modern Love theme music is by Dan Powell. Additional music in this episode by Dan Powell and Amin Sahota Digital production by Mahiba Chablani and Des Ibaqua and special thanks to Ryan Wegner at Autumn the Modern Love column is edited by Daniel Jones. Mia Lee is the editor of Modern Love Projects. If you'd like to submit an essay or a tiny love story to the New York Times, we have the instructions in our Show Notes. I'm Anna Martin. Thanks for listening.

[Unknown]

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