Modern Love – Episode Summary
Podcast: Modern Love, The New York Times
Host: Anna Martin
Episode Title: For Her 70th Birthday, She Hired an Escort
Date: October 1, 2025
Guest: Gail Rice, Writer and Therapist
Episode Overview
In this candid and insightful episode, host Anna Martin sits down with writer and therapist Gail Rice to discuss her unconventional 70th birthday celebration—hiring a male escort for an erotic experience. The conversation navigates themes of aging, desire, autonomy, disappointment, self-discovery, and the complexities of seeking pleasure later in life. Gail’s honesty and humor make for a conversation that's both raw and empowering, challenging stereotypes about older women's sexuality and the expectations placed on intimate experiences.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Facing the Fear of Aging and Fading Away
- Gail describes how the existential dread of turning 70 motivated her to seek something that would make her feel alive in her body.
- “It was a sense of time running out. I lead a very sort of full, happy life, but I felt I could feel it ending.” (05:09)
- Seeking a "body jump"—something to wake up her senses—became her goal.
- “How can I get my heart jumping? My battery needed a jolt.” (05:51–06:02)
2. The Dating App Experience and Turning Toward an Escort
- Gail quit dating apps at 65 due to frustration with men her age, feeling disengaged:
- “Can they walk around the block? ... Do they at least show some capacity to pay for the drink or the coffee? ... Very low bar.” (07:13–07:42)
- Anna connects, sharing similar frustrations, revealing the universality of such experiences.
3. The Search for the Right Escort
- Initial online searches surfaced mostly much younger men who didn't appeal.
- Gail sought someone closer to her age, conveying the importance of psychological safety and maturity.
- She landed on “Mitch” (name changed), whose website and video presentation made him seem warm and trustworthy.
4. The First Experience: Discomfort, Disappointment, and Self-Doubt
- Gail describes her anticipation, nerves, and awkwardness upon meeting Mitch—beginning with a transactional elevator ride that shattered any fantasy.
- “That journey up the elevator just felt like, what am I doing in this elevator with this stranger? And we are talking about the weather.” (13:13)
- Instead of intimacy, they spent almost an hour in an interview-like conversation.
- “What I felt was, fuck, I’ve just spent $550 interviewing this guy.” (16:03)
- The encounter moves to an awkward and unsatisfying physical interaction. Mitch failed to take charge or make her feel desired; the massage was “not even a good massage... it was like someone was patting my tummy and my arms with a bit of oil.” (19:14–20:16)
- Emotional aftermath: Gail cycles through self-blame, anger, and eventually, assertion.
Quote Highlight:
“I wanted someone for once in my life to give me pleasure without me having to… be the nice girl… be the person that's always concerned about how he feels. I wanted to have it all about me, which is what I thought I was buying.” (21:25)
5. Confrontation, Reflection, and Refund
- Gail speaks up to the escort mid-session: “This isn’t working.” (22:32)
- She writes Mitch a frank letter, comparing their respective roles as service professionals meeting people’s intimate needs, and expressing her disappointment.
- Mitch responds with empathy and a full refund, which gives Gail closure and a sense of vindication, though also sadness for both parties.
6. Public Response and Renewed Determination
- After her essay is published, she receives both supportive messages and offensive comments, especially from men criticizing her age and the situation:
- “What did you expect? The poor guy, look what he had to work with – a post-menopausal woman. You've got to be kidding. Get a dog.” (29:12)
- These comments rekindle Gail’s determination to keep advocating for her right to pleasure and further her journey.
7. Second Escort Experience: Growth and Satisfaction
- Guided by advice from female readers, Gail is referred to a highly recommended escort, "Chris," whose policy is “I guarantee satisfaction. I don’t take payment until after the fact.” (30:08)
- She approaches the encounter with more self-awareness, preparation, and with explicit intent not to take control.
- “The key difference for me was I did not interview him... I just let him take charge, even with the conversation.” (31:54)
- Chris provides a competent, attentive experience; she feels present, safe, and ultimately achieves what she set out to do: “Long story short, I got two orgasms.” (33:40)
- The transaction is positive, empowering, and leaves her feeling revitalized:
- “I came out of that feeling like I am a sensual, sexual person at 70... that gives me energy.” (34:27–35:00)
- “I got the jump... I got what I wanted, and I was right.” (34:27)
8. Looking Forward: Autonomy, Pleasure, and New Possibilities
- Gail vows to keep novelty and excitement in her journey: “If I’m gonna do it again, it has to be new and exciting... a new person, a new hotel, a new jump.” (37:52)
- She expresses interest in possibly hiring a woman next time—or trying a new adventure.
- The conversation ends on a high note of empowerment and anticipation for continued growth and adventure—physical and emotional.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On aging:
“It was a sense of time running out… I needed something I was kind of scared of because I was scared of turning [70]… I needed a body jump…”
– Gail Rice (05:09–05:51) -
On being let down by dating:
“I've got three things now I look for in men. Can they walk around the block? ... Have they asked me anything about myself? ... Do they… show some capacity to pay?”
– Gail Rice (07:11–07:42) -
On the failed first experience:
“Fuck, I’ve just spent $550 interviewing this guy.”
– Gail Rice (16:03)“I wanted someone for once in my life to give me pleasure without me having to… be the nice girl… be the person that's always concerned about how he feels.”
– Gail Rice (21:25) -
After asserting her needs:
“This is my birthday. This is the gift, really. My voice. I just got my voice. I got her loud and clear.”
– Gail Rice (24:32–24:42) -
Second try and triumph:
“Long story short, I got two orgasms.”
– Gail Rice (33:40)“I felt very proud of myself… I came out of that feeling like I am a sensual, sexual person at 70… that gives me energy.”
– Gail Rice (34:27–35:00) -
On the years ahead:
“I want to die knowing that I did everything I could do to keep myself alive and alert in the time I've got… I don't want [old protections] in the next 20 years.”
– Gail Rice (36:44–37:20)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 04:20 – Motivations for hiring an escort; existential dread about turning 70
- 07:02 – Disappointment with dating apps and low standards for dating
- 09:25 – How she searched for an escort and what she was looking for
- 13:13 – Awkward hotel meetup and realizing the reality isn’t sexy
- 16:03 – Realization of wasted money on an interview, not an intimate experience
- 20:16 – Description of the un-erotic massage
- 22:32 – Gail finally asserts herself, admits it isn’t working
- 24:32 – Finding her voice after the failed night
- 30:08 – Finding the second escort through a recommendation from another woman
- 31:54 – New approach: giving up control, letting the escort lead
- 33:40 – Success: “I got two orgasms”
- 35:00 – Reflections on pride and rediscovering sensuality
- 36:44 – Looking ahead: “I want to die knowing that I did everything I could…”
- 37:52 – Commitment to seeking new experiences and adventure
Episode Tone and Takeaway
The episode is frank, relatable, and laced with humor, candor, and a hard-won sense of optimism. It celebrates sexual agency at any age and spotlights the importance of advocating for oneself, learning from disappointment, and never settling for less than one seeks. Gail’s willingness to reflect, try again, and share her journey will resonate deeply with anyone who’s navigated the choppy, often unsatisfying waters of love and desire, especially when society tells you it’s too late.
For readers interested in more, the essay that inspired this conversation is linked in the episode’s show notes.