Modern Love Podcast Summary
Episode: He Saved Me. Now It Was My Turn to Save Him.
Release Date: November 13, 2024
Host: Anna Martin
Guest: Laura Cathcart Robbins, Modern Love Essayist

Introduction

In this deeply personal episode of Modern Love, host Anna Martin engages in a heartfelt conversation with Laura Cathcart Robbins. Laura shares her tumultuous journey of divorce and overcoming a severe Ambien addiction, highlighting the unexpected bond she formed with Scott, a fellow rehab patient. Their story explores themes of vulnerability, recovery, and the transformative power of unexpected relationships.

Laura's Life Before Rehab

Laura's marriage, seemingly perfect from the outside, concealed deep personal struggles. Her husband was a successful movie and TV director, leading a glamorous Hollywood lifestyle. However, Laura felt compelled to maintain a facade, engaging in activities she despised just to fit into her high-profile environment.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [01:34]: "I might not be the right person to be in it, you know, and every single day that went by, I discovered more things about myself that didn't align with where I was."

Facing Addiction and Divorce

Sixteen years ago, Laura made the difficult decision to ask her husband for a divorce while simultaneously grappling with an escalating Ambien addiction. Initially taking Ambien occasionally, her dependence grew to five or ten pills nightly, compounded by alcohol use as she sought to amplify its effects. Concerned about maintaining custody of her children, Laura realized she needed to seek help.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [03:14]: "Most important thing to me at that point in my life were my children. I wanted to keep and maintain that connection with them."

Entering Rehab and Meeting Scott

Laura checked into a 30-day residential rehab program in Arizona, feeling utterly broken as her divorce proceedings commenced. Upon arrival, she was overwhelmed by anxiety and despair, leading her to attempt an escape. However, an unexpected encounter with Scott S.412, a fellow patient with a history of four DUIs, altered her path.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [04:33]: "It was like a reckoning with what my situation actually was. I gotta get out of here."

Despite initial annoyance, Scott's calm demeanor and persistent presence gradually became a source of comfort for Laura.

Developing a Relationship in Rehab

Rehab rules prohibited direct interaction between men and women outside of structured meetings, yet Scott's constant, adoring gaze captured Laura's attention. Their sporadic eye contact evolved into a deep emotional connection, compelling Laura to seek solace in his presence amidst her struggles.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [14:09]: "These looks from him, these flirtations that we shared, made me feel good at a time where I've never felt worse."

Their bond solidified when Scott comforted Laura during a particularly distressing moment when she had to say goodbye to her children during a visit.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [19:50]: "He just let me cry. I don't know for how long, but it felt like a long time. And my grief felt less heavy."

Overcoming Challenges Together

As rehab progressed, Laura and Scott supported each other's sobriety. Despite the challenges, including Laura’s ongoing battle with Ambien addiction, their mutual support system helped them navigate the hardships of recovery together.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [20:46]: "He did not get caught. He was waiting there, and I left with my jacket."

After Rehab: Supporting Scott

Upon completing rehab, Laura returned to Los Angeles amidst intense emotions and the looming divorce mediation. Witnessing Scott's struggle back in Utah, facing potential relapse and personal chaos, Laura felt compelled to help him maintain his sobriety. She took significant steps to support his recovery, including booking him a plane ticket to LA and securing a sober living arrangement for him.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [30:43]: "I did. I had to bring him out. I didn't feel like I had a choice. I could not leave him there."

Mediation and Divorce Process

Contrary to Laura’s fears, her ex-husband did not seek to take their children away during the divorce mediation. Their mutual respect and lingering love led to a cooperative mediation process, allowing Laura to maintain her relationship with her children without the added stress of custody battles.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [32:49]: "He didn't want to go after me. He didn't want our kids to suffer."

This amicable agreement provided Laura with the stability she needed to continue her recovery and nurture her relationship with Scott.

Long-term Relationship and Sobriety

Sixteen and a half years later, Laura and Scott remain together, their relationship grounded in mutual respect and a shared commitment to sobriety. They prioritize their recovery and their families, establishing a balanced life where their personal well-being comes first.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [35:37]: "We were ready. We had been these other people in other relationships and been performative in different ways throughout our lives, and we were just ready to stop doing that."

Their bond is characterized by authenticity, with Laura no longer feeling the need to play a role, unlike her previous marriage. This genuine connection fosters a supportive and loving environment for both.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [37:33]: "I don't ever feel like I'm playing a role in this relationship."

Reflections and Insights

Laura credits Scott for saving her life multiple times during rehab and acknowledges their exceptional relationship as a rare success story in recovery settings. Their decision to prioritize sobriety and mutual support over immediate romantic involvement allowed their relationship to flourish organically and sustainably.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [37:26]: "We are exceptional. ... We made it possible for us."

Conclusion

Laura Cathcart Robbins' story is a testament to resilience, the importance of support systems in recovery, and the unexpected ways love can manifest during the most challenging times. Her journey from a façade of perfection to authentic self-acceptance and genuine love offers profound insights into navigating personal struggles and fostering meaningful relationships.

Laura Cathcart Robbins [38:35]: "What this has meant to me. And thank you so much for having me."

For a more in-depth understanding, listen to the full episode of Modern Love or read Laura's essay, "Marriage Made an Actor out of Me," and her memoir, My Life in Hiding, available through the New York Times.