Podcast Summary: Modern Love – "How an Off-Script Moment Changed Jay Duplass’s Life"

Host: Anna Martin (The New York Times)
Guest: Jay Duplass
Date: September 24, 2025

Overview

In this powerful episode of Modern Love, host Anna Martin chats with director, actor, and writer Jay Duplass about how embracing life’s “off-script” moments transformed his artistry and personal journey. Jay discusses his new film, The Baltimorans, which centers on serendipitous human connection, improvisation, and the courage to confront vulnerability. The episode features Jay’s reading of Hilary Stone’s Modern Love essay, “The Dentist Who Treated My Divorce,” and a heartfelt exploration of how moments of surrender and authentic connection—in places as unexpected as the dentist’s chair or a film set—can change a life forever.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Improv Comedy & Truthful Filmmaking

• Jay’s perspective on improv: Jay explains his nuanced appreciation of improv comedy, emphasizing its fundamental value beyond laughs.
  • “When it’s funny, it’s such a win, but it actually doesn’t need to always be funny to be valuable.” [02:45, Jay Duplass]
  • The “tightrope act” of improv: Audiences watch not just for humor, but for the willingness of performers to risk failure and be present, which brings vulnerability and authenticity.
• Goal-based improvisation in directing:
  • Jay fosters an environment where actors know their characters’ goals but can go off-script to achieve the most genuine moments—a process he calls “goal-based improvisation.”
  • “What I call it is goal based improvisation, which is you're not here to be funny...You know what your character is trying to achieve in this scene, and I want you to get it by any means necessary.” [07:21, Jay Duplass]

2. The Heart of The Baltimorans

• Plot & character summary:
  • Two strangers, Cliff (a sober sketch comedian) and DeeDee (a workaholic dentist), are unexpectedly thrown together on Christmas Eve.
  • Stuck together, they embark on a spontaneous, healing adventure through Baltimore—a vehicle for exploring vulnerability and support.
  • “They are an odd couple who are trying to make something out of this day...they each end up helping each other explore the single scariest thing that both of them can imagine.” [04:34, Jay Duplass]
• Organic romance and enduring connection:
  • Anna draws parallels to real life, likening the movie’s extended night to moments when you never want a special date to end.
  • The film’s narrative, rooted in continuing to “yes, and” life and each other, mirrors the improvisational principle.

3. The “Yes, And” Principle as Life Philosophy

• Improvisation, recovery, and relationships:
  • Jay highlights “yes, and”—the improv comedy axiom—as a metaphor for resilience, sobriety, creativity, and love.
  • “All relationships are yes ands...I don't know how this is gonna move forward...but I love you, and yes, and I'm in.” [11:37, Jay Duplass]
• Navigating uncertainty: The more you “yes, and” life, Jay asserts, the more authentic and fulfilling it becomes, especially as challenges grow with age.
  • “The more we can say yes to the scary, wonderful things, the more that we will be led to...a more authentic life.” [13:03, Jay Duplass]

4. Vulnerability and Healing: The Dentist’s Chair

• Essay reading: Jay reads “The Dentist Who Treated My Divorce” by Hilary Stone—a raw, poetic account of the author’s pain after divorce, her complex dental history, and an unexpected moment of solace in her dentist's empathy.
  • Memorable quote from the essay (read by Jay): “It hurts, I said. Everything hurts.” [16:47, Hilary Stone]
  • The dentist shares his own devastating loss, giving empathic advice, and breaking down patient/doctor barriers:
    • “Listen to me. My wife left me and our sons when they were 2 and 4. Then she died.” [21:22, Hilary Stone]
    • “You need to get on something. This year will be the hardest, but it will get you through.” [22:10, Hilary Stone]
  • Healing unfolds gradually for Stone—mirrored by methodical dental work—as she accepts both pharmaceutical and relational support.

5. Surrender and the Off-Script Moment

• Jay’s pandemic surrender:
  • Personal parallel: Jay shares about his own moment of surrender during the pandemic, confronting his inability to protect his son from COVID, and ultimately accepting the need for antidepressants—a decision made with the same vulnerability and acceptance as Stone’s essay.
    • “I think the word surrender comes to mind. I've had this exact moment of surrender, honestly, at the same time frame during the pandemic.” [28:28, Jay Duplass]
    • “I did. And did it help? Yes...I would recommend to anybody who's just being resistant. Try it.” [29:41, Jay Duplass]
• The uniquely intimate dentist’s office:
  • Both Jay and Anna discuss why the dentist’s chair is such a tender space—one marked by powerlessness and intimacy, which can allow deep, unexpected connections to happen.
  • “You're absolutely powerless.” [30:34, Jay Duplass]
  • The film’s origin: Jay had long wanted to make a film set almost entirely in a dentist’s office, recognizing the dramatic opportunity inherent in enforced stillness and vulnerability.

6. Breaking Out of Roles: Jay’s Personal Off-Script Moment with Salma Hayek

• A transformative exchange:
  • Jay recounts a pivotal, unplanned encounter with Salma Hayek on the set of Beatriz at Dinner, at a time when he was struggling with the transition away from collaborating exclusively with his brother, Mark.
    • “She says, ‘I don't know you and I don't know your brother, but you need to do your thing because you are a star and you need to shine and you need to do it for yourself and for your children. And that's all I know. I'm sorry.’ And then she ran away.” [37:18, Jay Duplass]
  • This "oracle-like" off-script intervention gave Jay permission to pursue solo work and ultimately led to the making of The Baltimorans.
    • “She was an oracle, straight up oracle. I think she could just tell that...there was some very primal, deep...unexpressed energy in me at that moment.” [40:06, Jay Duplass]
• Healing his partnership: Jay clarifies that stepping into his own creative voice was not a rejection of his brother, but an act of self-truth that ultimately benefited both—and that Mark produced and supported the new film.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On sketch/improv comedy:
  • “You're watching a tightrope act that's also funny sometimes...there's a lot of heart in it.” [02:20, Jay Duplass]
• On truth in acting:
  • “If you're going for the highest level of truth, you have to be honest about what's actually happening.” [06:39, Jay Duplass]
• On improvisation as life’s metaphor:
  • “Are you yes-ending this moment or are you no-butting this moment?” [12:10, Jay Duplass]
• On surprise improvisational moments on set:
  • “It hits her face in a way that never could have happened if it was scripted...that was also Michael Strassner telling Liz Larson, ‘I like your face a lot.’” [09:13, Jay Duplass]
• On the “yes, and” ethos:
  • “You kind of move into the mystery of, like, living out of a place of love and possibility.” [12:45, Jay Duplass]
• On a transformative encounter with Salma Hayek:
  • “She just had this energy come through me and I thought you needed to hear this message.” [38:21, Jay Duplass]
  • “Thank you for telling me that weird shit on top of a cliff in the year 2018 because you knew a deeper truth that I didn't even know. And you were serving a purpose that was bigger than we both even knew.” [44:01, Jay Duplass]
• On partnership and change:
  • “We're two individuated grown ass men who are not afraid to say what we want and to ask for help in achieving it.” [43:09, Jay Duplass]

Important Segments & Timestamps

• Improv, Comedy, Truth & Filmmaking – [01:36–07:57]
• The Baltimorans Plot & Improvisation – [03:41–09:13]
• “Yes, And” as Life Philosophy – [10:08–13:21]
• Reading: “The Dentist Who Treated My Divorce” – [16:47–26:15]
• Discussion on Vulnerability, Surrender & Healing – [28:23–32:29]
• Dentist’s Office as Dramatic Space – [30:34–32:29]
• Jay’s Off-Script Moment with Salma Hayek – [33:29–41:46]
• Reflections on Support, Collaboration, and Growth – [41:46–44:45]

Tone & Style

The conversation is candid, playful, and emotionally resonant. Anna mixes gentle humor and curiosity with genuine empathy, while Jay brings openness, warmth, and the occasional comedic aside. The episode strikes a balance between laughter, vulnerability, and deep personal insight—mirroring both Jay’s filmmaking ethos and the themes of the Modern Love project.

Conclusion

This episode of Modern Love explores how “off-script” moments—whether born out of pain, chance encounters, or the willingness to say “yes, and”—can catalyze growth, healing, and profound connection. Through film, essay, and personal story, Jay Duplass and Anna Martin invite us to embrace vulnerability, seize the unscripted, and find the courage to risk truly being seen.