Modern Love – "I Cashed Out My 401(k) to Build a Women’s Only Retirement Community"

Host: Anna Martin (The New York Times)
Guests: Robin Urian and Cheryl Huff
Release Date: December 17, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode explores what it means to age and retire on your own terms through the story of Robin Urian, who cashed out her 401(k) to build the Bird’s Nest, a women’s-only retirement community in Texas. Joined by her friend and first resident Cheryl Huff, Robin discusses the genesis, evolution, and daily realities of the Bird’s Nest, and together they reflect on women’s experiences, empowerment, and why more women should consider alternative approaches to aging together.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Creating the Bird’s Nest (02:13, 02:27)

• Robin envisioned a communal, supportive environment—originally not gender-specific.
• They built the community from scratch: "When we lived here, we first moved out here, I mean, there was nothing. And just the two of us and we just went to work…" — Cheryl (02:31).

Visual Tour:

• 10 tiny homes, outdoor kitchen, green spaces, friendly dogs (01:59).
• "My dogs think this is. Every house here is theirs. So they're always on somebody's deck." — Cheryl (02:16).

2. Transition to an All-Women’s Community (03:23, 04:40)

• Cheryl hosted a "learn to use power tools" workshop for women; the group quickly bonded.
• The idea of a women-only space grew organically: “And we had so much fun…And I said, what if we did this all women? And it was like, yeah, yeah…” — Cheryl (04:05).

3. The Power and Freedom of Female Community (05:37–08:29)

• Ease and Authenticity:
  • "There’s an ease…you don’t have to guard what you say or how you say it or what you look like..." (05:50, Cheryl)
  • “We change when men are around,” Cheryl observes (06:14).
• Vulnerability and Shared Experience:
  • Sharing of taboo or embarrassing topics fosters camaraderie:
    • “I pee when I sneeze.” — Robin (07:21)
    • “Nobody’s judging you for it. Can you imagine saying that in front of men?” — Cheryl (07:51)

4. Empowerment and Self-Sufficiency (08:38–11:20)

• Both guests emphasize gaining new skills and the pride of handling tasks alone:
  • “You might have to work harder, but you don’t have to depend on a man for everything.” — Robin (09:59)
  • "If I have to, I'll take that jar and slam it on the ground and pick out the glass." — Cheryl (11:03)
  • Creative workarounds: Robin built a lever and pulley system to compensate as physical strength declines (12:00).

5. Mutual Aid Without Expectation (13:29–14:56)

• Illnesses and health episodes are faced together, yet “with no expectation.”
• “Robyn does not keep track...you do it when you feel like doing it, and you feel like doing it because you’re not expected to do it.” — Cheryl (14:28)
• Their children have their own lives; thus, the community takes on care roles.

6. Facing Aging & the Future (16:01–17:52)

• Attitude toward aging is pragmatic and optimistic:
  • Not over-planning, but trusting in their ability to manage challenges:
    • "Some people over prepare and that's where they get their comfort from. I get my comfort from knowing whatever it is, we're gonna work it out." — Robin (17:02)
  • Hope that the environment ("fresh air and joy") keeps them healthier for longer.

7. Averting Nursing Homes, Seeking Dignity (19:03–19:49)

• Strong aversion to institutional care:
  • “All I ever hear is, you go to a nursing home to die…if you can stay in your home, that's everybody's dream, right? To die in your own bed.” — Cheryl (19:07)
  • The Bird’s Nest offers the chance to stay home, with friends.

8. Everyday Joys & Emotional Resilience (20:00–21:28)

• Residents find happiness in small moments:
  • “I smile every time I see my house. It's just so little and cute.” — Robin (20:00)
  • “Despair…just doesn't get in my body…I'm just grateful for everything that I have here.” — Cheryl (20:38)
• Support system tempers pessimism:
  • "I'm a pessimist with hope…I know I'm gonna be okay because I'm strong enough and I, you know, now I have this support system.” — Robin (21:03)

9. The Need for Models Like the Bird’s Nest (22:04–25:38)

• Addressing isolation and the lack of clear societal in older women's roles:
  • "What is the worst thing that you can think of?...it’s being all by myself in a time of strife or, or in it where I’m scared." — Cheryl (22:05)
• Many older women face financial insecurity and social isolation post-retirement or divorce (24:01–25:38).
• Bird’s Nest provides purpose and community beyond prescribed roles.

10. Redefining Purpose and Role in Later Life (25:49–26:46)

• At the Bird’s Nest, roles are emergent, based on kindness and agency:
  • “Our role is to help, to be a good person. Help when you can, do what you can on your own, maybe bring a little joy to somebody else's life.” — Robin (25:49)
  • “But at the end of the day, what I try to tell everybody is we can only control and take care of our little part of the world…and do what we can for the community…I want my role to just be happy.” — Cheryl (26:08)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Community Bonding:
  “It was more like a feeling that, gosh, look at what in one day or two days of these 12 women working together, laughing together, eating together…instant best friends.”
  — Cheryl Huff (04:40)

• On Authenticity Among Women:
  “It's like being in a slumber party that you can talk about the things that are embarrassing…and when somebody brings it up here. Oh, yeah. Oh, me too.”
  — Cheryl Huff (06:18)

• On Empowerment:
  “I validated that to the nth degree doing what I've done here…you just have to be persistent.”
  — Cheryl Huff (08:38)

• On Facing Physical Limitations:
  “If I have to, I’ll take that jar and slam it on the ground and pick out the glass.”
  — Cheryl Huff (11:03)

• On Mutual Non-Obligation:
  “You do it when you feel like doing it, and you feel like doing it because you’re not expected to do it.”
  — Robin Urian (14:45)

• On Resilience and Support:
  “I'm a pessimist with hope…I know I'm gonna be okay because…now I have this support system.”
  — Robin Urian (21:03)

• On Isolation and Aging:
  “That’s what this community does for each other. I think that more women should do this and spend that money. Spend that money. Don’t wait.”
  — Cheryl Huff (23:38)

• On Purpose in Community:
  “Our role is to help, to be a good person. Help when you can do what you can on your own, maybe bring a little joy to somebody else's life.”
  — Robin Urian (25:49)

Important Timestamps

• [01:59]: A visual description of the Bird’s Nest
• [04:40]: Origin of the all-women’s community
• [07:21]: Example of vulnerability among women (“I pee when I sneeze”)
• [08:38]: Self-sufficiency and empowerment in daily life
• [14:45]: The ethic of care without obligation
• [16:01]: Attitudes toward aging and practical planning
• [19:07]: The desire to avoid nursing homes
• [20:00]: Sources of joy at the Bird’s Nest
• [22:05]: Fears of isolation and aging alone
• [23:38]: Encouragement for other women to consider similar communities
• [25:49]: Redefining purpose and role in an aging community

Episode Tone

Conversational, warm, honest, and reflective—often lightly humorous and deeply empathetic, with a persistent sense of hope and practicality.

Summary

This heartfelt conversation reimagines what aging can look like for women. By founding the Bird’s Nest, Robin and Cheryl have built more than a retirement community; they’ve created a space for empowerment, honest connection, and everyday joy, where mutual aid arises naturally and life’s burdens and victories are truly shared. Their story challenges prevailing narratives of fear, isolation, and dependency in old age, instead offering a vision of freedom, resilience, and solidarity among women. Their guiding lesson: don’t wait—create the community and happiness you hope for, together.