Modern Love Podcast Episode Summary: "Lucy Dacus Might Not Text You Back"

Release Date: March 12, 2025

In this compelling episode of Modern Love, hosted by Anna Martin, indie rock sensation Lucy Dacus delves deep into the intricacies of love, communication, and personal growth within relationships. Drawing parallels between her music and the Modern Love essay "How the Dining Dead Got Talking Again" by Molly Pascal, Dacus offers an intimate exploration of maintaining connections amidst life's inevitable changes.

Introduction to Lucy Dacus and Her Musical Journey

Anna Martin opens the episode by highlighting Lucy Dacus's evocative songwriting, particularly her raw and diary-like lyrics that capture the essence of love's complexities. She references Dacus's 2018 song "Night Shift," noting its vivid portrayal of intimacy:

Lucy Dacus [01:02]: "The first time I tasted somebody else's spit, I had a coughing fit."

Martin commends Dacus for her ability to translate personal experiences into relatable art, emphasizing her collaboration with the Grammy-winning trio Boygenius and her forthcoming album, Forever Is a Feeling. This new record marks a significant shift towards exploring queer love, commitment, and the challenges of sustaining long-term relationships.

Casting Call for the "Best Guess" Music Video

At [02:22], the conversation shifts to Dacus's interactive engagement with her fans through a TikTok casting call for her new song "Best Guess." Martin quotes Dacus's invitation:

Anna Martin [02:22]: "...you're looking for... people who are smooth or suave or can pretend to be. Maybe you're a hot mask. Maybe you're simply willing and able and not afraid to be unique on camera."

Dacus explains her inspiration behind this inclusive approach:

Lucy Dacus [02:54]: "...this is my first, like, overtly little gay time in a song... it was like a bachelor party for me."

The casting call garnered over 5,000 entries, reflecting a diverse and supportive response from her fanbase. Dacus shares heartwarming feedback and the emotional impact of seeing representation in queer media:

Lucy Dacus [04:25]: "People were crying on set and it was really nice."

Embracing Specific Pronouns in Songwriting

Dacus discusses the emotional significance of using specific pronouns in her lyrics, a departure from her previous tendency to keep them ambiguous. At [05:39], she reflects:

Lucy Dacus: "I haven't written that many love songs in general... I thought about changing this lyric to keep with that principle, but I was like, I don't know. I'll give him one. I'll give me one."

This choice not only personalizes her music but also resonates with listeners seeking authentic representation.

Reading and Reflecting on the Modern Love Essay

In a heartfelt segment, Dacus reads Molly Pascal's essay "How the Dining Dead Got Talking Again," which narrates a couple's struggle with dwindling conversations and their journey to rekindle their connection through shared experiences in nature. The essay poignantly captures the fear of emotional disconnection:

Molly Pascal (Essay): "We read body language. Was one of us asleep before the other?... We were so tired... We need to talk."

Discussion on Communication and Disconnection

Post-reading, Dacus connects the essay's themes to her own experiences and observations. She expresses concerns about the silent drift that can occur in long-term relationships:

Lucy Dacus [23:05]: "It's like, why aren't you curious about me? Why am I not satisfactory to you?"

Martin and Dacus explore the challenge of maintaining meaningful dialogue amidst life's demands, emphasizing the importance of intentional communication.

Navigating Expectations in Relationships

The conversation delves into the concept of expectations as potential sources of resentment. Dacus echoes a profound insight shared during the episode:

Anna Martin [25:48]: "Expectations are premeditated resentments."

Dacus expands on this, highlighting how unmet expectations can strain relationships and advocating for accepting others as they are:

Lucy Dacus [25:57]: "If someone is not meeting your expectations of them, you can resent them for that... that's your business that you came up with expectations in the first place."

Exploring Communication Styles: Texting vs. In-Person

Dacus candidly discusses her struggles with texting, contrasting it with her preference for in-person interactions. She reveals:

Lucy Dacus [28:11]: "I'm a bad texter... I think you want texting more than the in-person. And that's actually okay if that's real for you. It's just not compatible."

This honesty offers listeners a relatable perspective on modern communication barriers within relationships.

Deep Dive into "Talk" – Dacus's New Song

The episode highlights Dacus's new song "Talk," which intricately portrays the fear of disconnection. She explains:

Lucy Dacus [31:00]: "This song is about... feeling alone while we were together."

The lyrics reflect anxieties about emotional intimacy and the struggle to maintain a connection, resonating with the essay's narrative.

Commitment to Long-Term Relationships

Concluding the discussion, Dacus shares her optimistic view on enduring relationships. She likens long-term partnerships to rich, evolving narratives:

Lucy Dacus [36:10]: "The characters of my life only get richer as I know them... what a way to notice that you're still alive, that you're changing and growing."

This perspective underscores the potential for growth and deepening love over time, aligning with the essay's message of rekindling connections.

Closing Remarks

Anna Martin wraps up the episode by promoting Dacus's upcoming album Forever Is a Feeling and tour, while also acknowledging the heartfelt conversation shared. The episode leaves listeners reflecting on the delicate balance of maintaining love through open communication and mutual growth.

Notable Quotes:

• Lucy Dacus [02:54]: "This is my first, like, overtly little gay time in a song... it should be enough."

• Lucy Dacus [05:39]: "I thought about changing this lyric to keep with that principle, but I was like, I don't know. I'll give him one. I'll give me one."

• Anna Martin [25:48]: "Expectations are premeditated resentments."

• Lucy Dacus [36:10]: "The characters of my life only get richer as I know them... what a way to notice that you're still alive, that you're changing and growing."

This episode of Modern Love expertly intertwines personal storytelling with universal themes, offering listeners both a window into Lucy Dacus's artistic mind and a mirror to their own relational experiences.