Modern Love Podcast Summary: "My Brother Has Schizophrenia. This Is How I Love Him"

Release Date: April 2, 2025
Host: Anna Martin
Guest: Jamie Shandro

Introduction

In this poignant episode of Modern Love, host Anna Martin delves into the heartfelt story of Jamie Shandro and her relationship with her brother, Tim, who was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Drawing from Jamie's deeply personal essay, the conversation navigates the complexities of familial love amidst mental illness, loss, and personal health battles.

Sibling Relationships: Jamie and Tim

Jamie Shandro introduces her family dynamics, highlighting her roles as the middle sister between her older brother, Adam, and younger brother, Tim. Growing up in the 1980s, Jamie recounts the close bond she shared with Tim, who was passionate about skateboarding, biking, and art.

Jamie Shandro [00:42]: “Jamie Shandro is a middle child. Growing up, she had an older brother named Adam and a younger brother, Tim. Jamie and Tim spent a ton of time together.”

Their shared activities, such as building skateboarding ramps and reading comics, fostered a deep connection. Jamie fondly remembers Tim’s creative spirit, despite sometimes feeling overshadowed by his artistic talents.

Jamie Shandro [01:23]: “He was always coloring and drawing, and it was a little bit irksome as an older sister because sometimes we'd do art, and his were always really good, and mine were always clearly not.”

Berlin Trip and the Onset of Tim's Mental Illness

The narrative takes a critical turn when Tim, at 23, travels to Berlin for an international art show with his girlfriend. Upon his return, Jamie notices alarming changes in his behavior, characterized by what's known in medical terms as pressured speech—a rapid, frenzied manner of speaking.

Jamie Shandro [07:01]: “Tim is 23 and his girlfriend got to go with him. I mean, dreamy 23-year-old Tripp. The plan was, I was gonna pick him up when they came.”

Tim’s erratic behavior upon returning—disjointed conversations about magical connections involving his pet dog, Paris—raises Jamie's concern about a possible mental health crisis.

Jamie Shandro [07:22]: “...he's speaking with what we call pressured speech in medicine, like just sort of a nonstop stream.”

Seeking Help and Hospitalization

Recognizing the severity of Tim's condition, Jamie grapples with how to intervene. Drawing on her medical training, she attempts to guide Tim towards seeking professional help. Their attempts to reach their mother for support highlight the family's reliance on Jamie as the de facto caregiver.

Jamie Shandro [10:58]: “As soon as I called her, I was like, I don't really know where to start. I said, Tim is not right, and I don't know what else to do right now.”

Despite their efforts, the initial hospital visit does not yield immediate answers, leaving Jamie feeling overwhelmed by the limitations of the healthcare system.

Jamie Shandro [16:21]: “...there's a list of clinics. And I have this moment where I realized we're no better off than when we first walked in the door.”

Returning Home and Diagnosis

Ultimately, Jamie and her mother decide to return to Boise, Jamie's hometown, where Tim receives antipsychotic medication that temporarily stabilizes his condition. However, over the next few months, Tim’s symptoms escalate, leading to a definitive diagnosis of schizophrenia.

Jamie Shandro [21:53]: “...over the next year to two, his diagnosis was confirmed as schizophrenia. That was when it really sort of hit all of us.”

Life with Tim Post-Diagnosis

Living in Boise, Tim experiences periods of stability interspersed with severe episodes where his creativity becomes both a solace and a source of distress. Jamie describes how Tim's artwork evolves, reflecting his internal struggles, and how she strives to maintain their connection despite the challenges.

Jamie Shandro [26:12]: “The part that amazes me is the creativity that stays. Even when he is suffering most from psychosis and these voices in his head, he's still always producing art.”

Their interactions become more subdued, with Jamie visiting Tim's apartment to share moments of genuine connection amidst his battles with psychosis.

Jamie Shandro [29:06]: “He's usually actually out waiting. So he's out on the front porch. He lets me give him a hug, which I think is great, and we sit there and we talk a little bit.”

The Passing of Adam and Its Impact

Tragedy strikes when Jamie's older brother, Adam, dies suddenly in an accident a few years after Tim's diagnosis. This loss compounds the family's grief and underscores the fragility of life, especially as they continue to support Tim.

Jamie Shandro [30:14]: “...when we came up with a plan to get him back home.”

Jamie’s Own Cancer Diagnosis

Adding to her burdens, Jamie is diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. This revelation intensifies her sense of responsibility towards Tim and her family's future, as she contemplates the possibility of becoming Tim’s primary caregiver.

Jamie Shandro [31:44]: “...I'm not sure that I can just assume that I will get to take care of him. I would like to be that person, you know, that's what I'd like to do for my family and for my brother, but...”

Reflections and Ongoing Relationship

Throughout the episode, Jamie reflects on the enduring essence of her brother Tim. Despite his mental illness, Tim’s creativity and the bond they share remain constant pillars of their relationship. Jamie emphasizes the importance of being present and supportive, even when words fall short.

Jamie Shandro [34:01]: “...something could happen at any time, you know, like, yes, I have cancer now, and yes, it will probably unfortunately shorten the life that I was hoping to have, but I've had years that are really pretty amazing.”

Jamie shares snippets of Tim’s lyrical expressions, showcasing his unique blend of creativity and humor, which serves as a testament to his resilient spirit.

Jamie Shandro [35:35]: “Yeah, let me read some. I need space, like all of it...”

Conclusion

The episode concludes with a heartfelt musical piece by Tim, symbolizing the ongoing connection between the siblings. Jamie's narrative offers a profound exploration of love, resilience, and the unbreakable bonds that sustain families through unimaginable challenges.

Jamie Shandro [37:03]: “Mag Mag calling I'm thrusting peach colored ducks Peach colored ducks that rock with the soul.”

Key Takeaways:

• Resilience in Love: Jamie's unwavering love and commitment to her brother Tim illustrate the profound strength of familial bonds in the face of mental illness.

• Navigating Mental Health: The episode sheds light on the complexities of diagnosing and treating schizophrenia, highlighting both systemic challenges and personal struggles.

• Enduring Creativity: Tim’s continuous artistic output, despite his condition, underscores the enduring nature of creativity as a form of self-expression and coping mechanism.

• Facing Personal Adversity: Jamie's battle with breast cancer adds another layer of vulnerability, showcasing her remarkable ability to support her family while confronting her own life-threatening illness.

For those interested in experiencing Jamie Shandro's full story, her Modern Love essay is available in the show notes.