Modern Love Podcast Summary Episode: Myha’la’s Relationship Advice? Get in a Fight.
Release Date: September 25, 2024
Host: Anna Martin
Guest: Maihala Mihala
Producer: The New York Times

Introduction to Maihala Mihala and Her Character

[00:31] Host Anna Martin introduces today's guest, Maihala Mihala, an actor renowned for her role as Harper Stern in the HBO series Industry. Harper Stern is depicted as a banking prodigy, one of the most ruthless characters in the finance-driven drama.

Maihala Mihala shares insights about her character, highlighting the stark contrast between Harper’s ruthlessness and her own warm and kind demeanor. She reflects, “Harper is like an alternate universe version of me had I not been raised by a Virgo. So I'm an Aries, bossy and fiery, but because my tempered mother was like, you can't be an asshole just because you think you're right. [...] the easiest way to get your point across or get what you want is to be kind” ([01:53]).

The Intersection of Personal Life and On-Screen Persona

Maihala discusses how playing Harper Stern has influenced her understanding of herself, emphasizing the power of choice in maintaining kindness over ruthlessness. She credits her mother’s teachings for her ability to choose a compassionate approach in both her personal and professional life.

Maihala's Love Story with Armando Rivera

[03:50] Anna Martin transitions the conversation to Maihala's personal life, congratulating her on her recent engagement to Armando Rivera and inquiring about how they met.

Maihala Mihala recounts their first encounter through a journalism class assignment, where Armando was tasked with interviewing a celebrity. Amid the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic, Armando reached out to her via Instagram with encouraging messages ([04:19]). Intrigued by his confident approach, Maihala agreed to a Zoom interview, which unexpectedly extended from the planned 10 minutes to 40 minutes due to Armando’s genuine interest and engaging questions. She shares her immediate attraction: “I was like, aw, you are so nice and cool, man. Hot” ([05:12]).

Their connection swiftly progressed from online messaging to an in-person meeting on Armando’s roof, leading to a deep and fulfilling relationship. Maihala describes their bond as “better than any food and any sex that I've ever had” ([06:07]).

Reading and Reflecting on Laura Pritchett's Essay

Maihala reads the essay “No sound, no fury. No Marriage” by Laura Pritchett, which narrates the dissolution of a long-term, conflict-averse marriage. The essay explores the emotional toll of silence and the absence of open conflict in sustaining a relationship.

[10:06] After the reading, Maihala reflects on the essay’s themes, recognizing parallels in her relationship with Armando. She emphasizes the importance of expressing oneself to prevent resentment: “If you've got big feelings or opinions about something, especially in relationship, and you just don't address them, they'll fester” ([09:11]).

Navigating Conflict in Maihala and Armando’s Relationship

[23:54] Anna Martin delves deeper into Maihala's personal experiences with conflict, referencing an interview in W Magazine where Maihala mentioned that significant disagreements often occurred over Bear Burger meals.

Maihala Mihala explains that while the location itself holds no special significance, the context of sharing a meal provided a conducive environment for meaningful, emotional conversations. She notes, “I don't think it has anything to do with it. I was going to say. Wait, you haven't had any conflict in your relationship, so you don't need to go to the bear burger anymore, but...” ([24:56]).

Armando Rivera adds that their early relationship years were pivotal in building a communication language, allowing them to express needs and emotions effectively. This foundation has made their current interactions more streamlined, though Maihala still grapples with her desire for more expressive confrontations: “When you just keep talking, keep talking, just keep talking” ([30:43]).

Balancing Emotional Expression and Calm Communication

Maihala discusses the dynamic between her fiery nature and Armando’s calm, supportive demeanor. She expresses a yearning for more passionate exchanges to address unresolved feelings: “I need the energy to be raised in the room so that I can get something out” ([26:42]). Conversely, Armando emphasizes a supportive presence, encouraging her to express her feelings without escalating conflicts: “I'm here. Whatever you need” ([27:00]).

[27:35] Maihala acknowledges the disarming effect of Armando’s approach, highlighting the sustainability of calm communication but also her occasional frustration with the lack of fiery confrontation.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Maihala and Armando reflect on their journey, acknowledging the hard work invested in building their relationship’s communication foundation. Maihala appreciates how their early efforts have streamlined their interactions, allowing for deeper understanding and mutual support.

[30:54] Maihala emphasizes the continuous evolution of their relationship: “There is no limit to what you can know about the other person, and that's ever evolving” ([30:54]). The conversation concludes with gratitude towards Maihala for sharing her candid insights into balancing conflict and harmony in a loving relationship.

Key Takeaways

• Expressing Conflict: Open communication is crucial to prevent resentment and maintain a healthy relationship.
• Balancing Personalities: Navigating differences in emotional expression can strengthen relationship bonds.
• Building Communication: Investing time in developing a shared communication language enhances understanding and support between partners.
• Personal Growth: Relationships evolve as individuals grow, requiring ongoing effort to maintain connection and harmony.

Notable Quotes

• Maihala Mihala: “Harper is like an alternate universe version of me had I not been raised by a Virgo. So I'm an Aries, bossy and fiery...” ([01:53]).
• Maihala Mihala: “I was like, am I in love with a stranger? This is weird.” ([06:04]).
• Maihala Mihala: “If you've got big feelings or opinions about something, especially in relationship, and you just don't address them, they'll fester...” ([09:11]).
• Maihala Mihala: “I need the energy to be raised in the room so that I can get something out.” ([26:42]).
• Armando Rivera: “I'm here. Whatever you need.” ([27:00]).

Produced by: Reeva Goldberg, Davis Land, Emily Lang, and Amy Pearl
Edited by: Lynn Levy, Reva Goldberg, Davis Land
Executive Producer: Jen Poyant
Theme Music: Dan Powell
Original Music: Marian Lozano, Pat McCusker, Rowan Nemisto, Dan Powell, Diane Wong
Mixed by: Daniel Ramirez
Studio Support: Maddie Masiello and Nick Pittman
Digital Production: Mahima Choblani and Nell Galogli
Column Editor: Daniel Jones
Modern Love Projects Editor: Mia Lee

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