Modern Love Podcast Summary: "Reneé Rapp on Blurring the Line Between Bestie and Lover"
Episode Release Date: July 23, 2025
Host: Anna Martin
Guest: Reneé Rapp, actress and singer
Podcast Series: Modern Love by The New York Times
Introduction
In this heartfelt episode of Modern Love, host Anna Martin welcomes renowned actress and singer Reneé Rapp. Best known for her portrayal of Regina George in the Broadway musical Mean Girls and its movie adaptation, Rapp delves deep into the intricacies of friendship and love, particularly within the queer community. The conversation is enriched with personal anecdotes, musical insights, and a poignant reading of a Modern Love essay.
Reneé Rapp’s Musical Journey and Friendships
Rapp begins by discussing her two albums, Snow Angel and Bite Me. While Snow Angel explores the depths of heartbreak and unreciprocated love, Bite Me shifts focus to the complexities of both romantic and platonic relationships. She emphasizes the importance of friendships, describing them as emotionally significant as romantic partnerships.
Notable Quote:
Reneé Rapp [01:56]: "Her first album, Snow Angel, looked at the intensity of heartbreak. [...] In her new album, Bite Me, Renee shows just how seriously she takes all her relationships, not just the romantic ones."
Influence of Girl Groups on Female Friendships
Anna and Reneé engage in a nostalgic conversation about iconic girl groups like Destiny’s Child, Pussycat Dolls, and Spice Girls. Contrary to popular belief that such groups promote catty behavior, Rapp shares her perspective that these idols were likely genuine friends behind the scenes.
Notable Quote:
Reneé Rapp [04:43]: "I don't know. The way that it was always presented to me was like, oh, girl groups are so catty. [...] But the only thing I ever really really heard conversations about were people being like, oh, girls are so hard to work with."
Rapp passionately defends female friendships, stating that her own relationships with women are deeply supportive and free from unnecessary drama.
Exploring Modern Love Essay: "This Is What Happens When Friends Fall in Love"
Rapp introduces the essay by Sammy Sasse titled "This Is What Happens When Friends Fall in Love." The essay narrates the emotional turmoil of transitioning a deep friendship into a romantic relationship, highlighting the challenges and vulnerabilities involved.
Reading Excerpt:
Reneé Rapp [06:02]: "We met working on a TV show, like, that is literally how we met."
Anna Martin [07:00]: "So clearly you don't feel this way anymore. It seems like."
Personal Reflections and Emotional Insights
After reading the essay, Rapp shares her own experiences with intense friendships, particularly within the queer community. She discusses the blurred lines between platonic and romantic feelings, and the profound emotional connections that often accompany queer friendships.
Notable Quote:
Reneé Rapp [26:38]: "Every single song on my album has to do with, like, the deep homoerotica of friendships. [...] I value my friendships in the same way I value my partner."
Rapp poignantly addresses the pain of unreciprocated romantic feelings within a friendship, emphasizing that such experiences can be as devastating as romantic breakups.
Navigating Friendship Dynamics
The conversation shifts to practical aspects of maintaining deep friendships. Rapp recounts moments of vulnerability with her best friend, Aaliyah, and the challenges of communicating emotional needs without disrupting the friendship's balance.
Notable Quote:
Reneé Rapp [31:28]: "You haven't done anything wrong. You and her have such a tight relationship. You just can like call her, by the way, and be like, I love you, I miss you."
Rapp highlights the importance of open communication and the courage it takes to express deeper emotional needs within friendships.
Community and Support within Friend Groups
Rapp describes her vibrant and supportive friend group, emphasizing the sense of safety and acceptance they provide. She shares memorable moments where friends express their love and support in heartfelt and genuine ways, reinforcing the strength of their bonds.
Notable Quote:
Reneé Rapp [34:10]: "She's being so cute. That's a circular thing. You can be who you are, and whoever you are, that's who you are underneath."
These interactions showcase the profound intimacy and unconditional support that define her friendships, particularly within the queer community.
Conclusion: Embracing the Uncertainty of Relationships
As the episode wraps up, Anna and Rapp reflect on the essay's conclusion, which speaks to the uncertainty and evolving nature of friendships that flirt with romantic boundaries. Rapp acknowledges that while friendships inevitably change, the key lies in understanding one's needs and maintaining open lines of communication.
Notable Quote:
Anna Martin [34:31]: "Neither of us know how to do this."
Reneé Rapp [35:08]: "I don't think I have a blueprint. But I do know exactly what I want and what I need."
Rapp concludes with an empowering message about embracing change and actively shaping the dynamics of her relationships to ensure they remain fulfilling and authentic.
Final Thoughts
Reneé Rapp's episode on Modern Love offers a deep dive into the complexities of queer friendships and the delicate balance between platonic love and romantic desire. Through personal anecdotes, musical reflections, and the poignant essay reading, Rapp eloquently captures the emotional turbulence and profound connections that define her relationships, providing listeners with both empathy and insight into the nuanced world of love and friendship.
Produced by: Emily Lang
Edited by: Davis Land and Lynn Levy
Mixed by: Daniel Ramirez
Special Thanks to: Mihima Chablani, Jeffrey Miranda, Kathleen O'Brien
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