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The Love Poem Andrea Gibson Wrote for Their Widow...and for You - Modern Love | Wave AI Podcast Notes

The Love Poem Andrea Gibson Wrote for Their Widow...and for You

Wed Nov 05 2025

Andrea Gibson was the poet laureate of Colorado and a giant of the spoken word poetry scene. This past July, Gibson died of ovarian cancer, leaving behind their devoted fans, friends, family and longtime partner, the poet Megan Falley. For the last year of Gibson’s life, a film crew followed Andrea and Megan as they navigated countless treatments and moments of triumph. In the darkest of times, their connection grew. Their deeply moving love story is the focus of a new documentary, “Come See Me in the Good Light.” On today’s episode of Modern Love, Megan Falley talks with our host Anna Martin about falling in love with Andrea Gibson and loving them through their cancer diagnosis and eventual death. Falley reckons with what it’s like to be a 37-year-old widow, and how despite Andrea being gone, they are very much still with her. The song Megan talks about in this episode is called “Hold Down The Fort.” Megan Falley’s newsletter is called “Things That Don’t Suck.” Here’s how to s...

Summary

Modern Love Podcast Summary

Episode: The Love Poem Andrea Gibson Wrote for Their Widow...and for You
Host: Anna Martin
Guest: Megan Fowley
Date: November 5, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of Modern Love centers on the profound, playful, and poignant relationship between poets Megan Fowley and the late Andrea Gibson, who passed away from ovarian cancer in July 2025. Anna Martin invites Megan to share stories of loving, losing, and remembering Andrea—exploring how poetry, humor, intimacy, and mortality shaped their partnership. Through heartbreak and gratitude, Megan reveals how Andrea's legacy—and their love—continues after death, culminating with the reading of Andrea’s poem, “Love Letter from the Afterlife.”

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Grief, Language, and Unanswerable Questions

On being asked, “How are you?” after losing Andrea
- Megan expresses discomfort with the standard condolence (“How are you?”), saying it “feels like a thimble at the mouth of a river" trying to contain overwhelming grief.
  - Notable Quote (03:36):
    
    “How are you does not feel like an adequate container for the answers… it feels like a thimble at the mouth of a river.” — Megan Fowley
Preferred approach:
- Megan suggests instead: "Tell me a story of something that’s happened in your life recently that feels like it… grazes some part of what you’re experiencing." (04:25)

2. Meeting and Falling in Love: “The Gay James Dean”

Travel back to their first spark:
- Megan recalls meeting Andrea “on the dance floor” at the National Poetry Slam.
- An unconventional, electric moment: Andrea licked Megan’s sweat in a club, signaling playful desire (07:42–08:28).
- Megan shares honest insecurity about her body, believing Andrea (“the gay James Dean”) wouldn’t choose her—until she did.
  - Notable Quote (11:56):
    
    “After that moment, there has not been a day in my life where I have not spent a majority of the day thinking about Andrea… It really rearranged, I think, a lot of my ideas about myself.” — Megan Fowley

3. The Relationship: Creativity, Play, and Goofiness

Behind the scenes:
- Their bond thrived on play and laughter: living room dance shows, parody songs, inside jokes, and even Andrea literally peeing their pants from laughter (14:10).
Loving gestures:
- Meaningful, poetic exchanges:
  - Megan gives Andrea 40 birthday gifts (“one for every year that they missed” at age 40).
  - Andrea stitches poems into pillowcases, makes mix CDs (15:24–16:54).

4. Hardship, Crisis, and Recommitment

Before diagnosis:
- The couple struggles: pandemic isolation, personal numbing, and distance nearly end their relationship.
- Upon Andrea’s diagnosis (ovarian cancer), Megan becomes resolute about staying (“I’m not going anywhere,” 19:43–21:35).
  - Notable Quote (21:41):
    
    “Even through our hardest times, I always held this image of us that I felt like already existed on the horizon… just didn’t know how we got there.” — Megan Fowley
After diagnosis:
- Overnight, their relationship transforms—falling “more in love than ever” with renewed intimacy, awareness, and presence (23:18–24:00).

5. Facing Mortality & Intimacy Redefined

Andrea’s approach:
- Andrea forgoes typical bucket-list urges in favor of “living with an open heart… without worry, fear, and blame” (26:51).
  - Notable Quote (27:00):
    
    “I am doing what has always been on the top of my bucket list… to live with an open heart and to live without worry and fear and blame… I’m doing exactly what I’ve always wanted.” — Andrea Gibson (as relayed by Megan Fowley)
Intimacy during illness:
- Physical intimacy flourishes in new ways as Andrea’s body changes through chemo, with Megan highlighting an “increased depth” rooted in vulnerability and love beyond the physical (29:03–32:35).
  - Notable Quote (30:34):
    
    “It wasn’t just sex, but a real understanding of touching into eternity in two very mortal bodies… The vulnerability… there’s a vulnerability there that I never actually acknowledged.” — Megan Fowley

6. Hope, Optimism, and the Struggle to Stay Light

Megan’s optimism:
- Megan describes herself as relentlessly hopeful; this sometimes made Andrea feel alone with their own despair, a dynamic Anna highlights (33:27–35:36).
The pressure of enlightenment:
- Once Andrea reached a “moment of grace and awakening,” it became a barometer—prompting disappointment when reality didn’t match that high.
  - Andrea’s desire: “I just want to be in the palm of God.” (35:36)
Processing feelings:
- Megan questions the difference between denial and true presence, believing she was “just living” and not wasting time on anticipatory grief (38:15).

7. Loss, Ritual, and Carrying Andrea Forward

Andrea’s passing:
- Andrea’s last days were marked by unexpected silence (sedation) before death; Megan receives a song (“Hold Down the Fort”) with lyrics Andrea wrote—a parting message (44:37).
  - Memorable Lyric:
    
    “Hold down the fort, ‘cause I’ve got to go. Light on the water will carry me somehow… I had it all, I had you.” — Lyrics by Andrea Gibson
After death:
- Megan describes sleeping on Andrea’s side of the bed, spreading some ashes at a writers’ retreat, and realizing:
  
  “Maybe it’s not about finding Andrea everywhere I go, but bringing them everywhere I go.” (48:47)
On identity:
- Megan doesn’t want “to be separated from this story.” Andrea, and their love, are “stitched into my spine…my new genetic makeup” (51:11).

Poetic Legacy: “Love Letter from the Afterlife”

[53:02] Megan reads Andrea Gibson’s poem, written for her and anyone grieving.

The poem’s voice assures:

“Dying is the opposite of leaving… I am more with you than I ever was before.”
It offers comfort:

“Why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive?”
Closing thought:

“One day you will say it too. I can’t believe I ever thought I could lose you.”
Megan’s reflection:
- “It was written for you… for anyone who’s lost somebody to be able to give voice there.” (56:52)

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

“How are you?” as a “thimble at the mouth of a river” — Megan Fowley [03:36]
“I’m not going anywhere. We are meant to do this together.” — Megan Fowley [21:35]
Redefining the present moment and denial:

“I don’t necessarily know the difference between being in denial or just being in the present moment.” — Megan Fowley [38:15]
On bringing Andrea everywhere:

“Maybe it’s not about finding Andrea everywhere I go, but bringing them everywhere I go.” — Megan Fowley [48:47]

Key Segment Timestamps

[03:14] Megan on why “How are you?” fails to capture grief
[07:42] First spark with Andrea (“the dance floor” story)
[14:10] On their private silliness and shared creative life
[19:43] Relationship crisis and diagnosis
[27:00] Andrea’s bucket-list philosophy
[30:34] Intimacy, sex, and vulnerability through illness
[35:36] Andrea’s search for enlightenment (“palm of God”)
[44:37] Receiving Andrea’s last love song, “Hold Down the Fort”
[53:02] Reading “Love Letter from the Afterlife”

Tone and Final Reflections

The conversation is raw, honest, and often joyfully irreverent, marked by poetic language, humor, and deep affection. Megan’s reminiscences are both heartbreaking and luminous, full of gratitude for a once-in-a-lifetime love. The episode offers listeners solace, hope, and a vision of how the dead are carried forward in our lives—and how poetry can give voice to what’s often unsayable.

End of Summary

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Transcript

Narrator/Announcer (0:00)

Mont Blanc invites you to use life's quiet moments to pause, reflect, and put pen to paper.

Anna Martin (0:06)

Chapter one. Oh, no, no, no, no. Part one.

Megan Fowley (0:10)

Mmm.

Mont Blanc Voice (0:11)

Perfect.

Megan Fowley (0:11)

The mountains are impressive. Oh, I wish you were here to see them.

Anna Martin (0:16)

Dear diary, meet my new writing companion, the Meister.

Narrator/Announcer (0:21)

Stuck for every journey, the perfect companion awaits Mont Blanc. Let's write. Visit montblanc.com for exquisitely crafted writing instruments, leather goods, and more.

Anna Martin (0:33)

Hey, everyone, it's Anna. Look, Thanksgiving is coming up already. I can hardly believe it. You can hardly believe it, but it's around the corner. And for a lot of people, Thanksgiving means seeing your family, which can be wonderful, but it can also be tricky. So if you're going to see your family this holiday season, we want to help. Is there anything you could use some advice on? Like, for example, is there always a fight that comes up and you want to avoid it this year? Or maybe someone's passed away and it's going to be tough without them and you'd like tips on how to navigate that. Or maybe you're bringing home a new partner and you're afraid it's going to be awkward. If you're looking for advice on any of these questions or other questions about dealing with your family, send us a voice memo explaining your situation and asking your question. You can send it to modernlovepodcastytimes.com that's modernlovepodcastytimes.com we look forward to hearing from you. Love now and did you fall in love last?

Andrea Gibson (voice or referenced) (1:32)

Just tell her I love her for.

Megan Fowley (1:33)

Love, but stronger than anything for the.

Anna Martin (1:36)

Love love and I love you more than anything.

Narrator/Announcer (1:39)

There's to love love.

Anna Martin (1:45)

From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This is Modern Love. Today I'm talking to Megan Fowley. Fowley is known as an award winning poet and is the partner of the poet laureate of Colorado, Andrea Gibson. This past July, Gibson died after four years of living with ovarian cancer. And I distinctly remember the day Andrea passed. My social media was flooded with all of these heartfelt tributes to them. People reposting their poems, talking about what those poems meant to them, how they helped them, and really dark times. It was so clear how much people felt this loss. And that made sense. Andrea Gibson was all about feeling things and feeling them deeply. They even sold merch that said things like feelings are not the enemy. And in their time together, it seems like Andrea Gibson and Megan F. Explored just about every emotion two people can have together. Andrea and Megan's deeply moving love Story is the focus of a new documentary called Come See Me in the Good Light. And even though by the end of this movie I was really in tears, what hit me was just how much joy these two poets radiated. On today's episode of Modern Love, I talk with Megan about what it was like to love fiercely, even when she knew she was going to lose, and how, despite Andrea's passing, they are very much still here. Megan Fowley, welcome to Modern Love.

Megan Fowley (53:02)

Let me pull it up. Okay. Love Letter from the Afterlife, my love. I was so wrong. Dying is the opposite of leaving. When I left my body, I did not go away. That portal of light was not a portal to elsewhere, but a portal to here. I am more here than I ever was before. I am more with you than I ever could have imagined. So close. You look past me when wondering where I am. It's okay. I know that to be human is to be farsighted. But feel me now, walking the chambers of your heart, pressing my palms to the soft walls of your living. Why did no one tell us that to die is to be reincarnated in those we love while they are still alive? Ask me the altitude of heaven and I will answer, how tall are you? In my back pocket is a love note with every word you wish you'd said. At night I sit ecstatic at the loom, weaving forgiveness into our worldly regrets. All day I listen to the radio of your memories. Yes, I know every secret you thought too dark to tell me and love you more for everything you feared might make me love you less. When you cry, I guide your tears toward the garden of kisses I once planted on your cheek. So you know they are all perennials. Forgive me for not being able to weep with you. One day you will understand. One day you will know why. I read the poetry of your grief to those waiting to be born and they are all the more excited. There is nothing I want for now that we are so close. I open the curtain of your eyelids with my own smile. Every morning I wish you could see the beauty your spirit is right now making of your pain, your deep seated fears. Playing musical chairs, laughing about how real they are not my love. I want to sing it through the rafters of your bones. Dying is the opposite of leaving. I want to echo it through the corridor of your temples. I am more with you than I ever was before. Do you understand? It was me who beckoned the stranger who caught you in her arms when you forgot not to order for two at the coffee shop. It was me who was up all night gathering sunflowers into your chest. The last day you feared you would never again wake up feeling light hearted. I know it's hard to believe, but I promise it's the truth. I promise one day you will say it too. I can't believe I ever thought I could lose you. Oh my God. Thank you for reading that.