Modern Love — "The Secret to True Romance"

Podcast: Modern Love (The New York Times)
Host: Anna Martin
Episode Date: February 11, 2026

Episode Overview

This Valentine's Day edition of Modern Love explores what "true romance" means to people, focusing on both grand gestures and tender, everyday acts of love. Host Anna Martin shares a series of listener-submitted stories about their most romantic experiences, ranging from memorable kisses to small acts of consistent care. The episode culminates with an interview with Ann Bolger Witherspoon and her husband Lonnie Anderson—known locally as the "Queen and King of Valentines"—who, for 30 years, have taken elaborate, public displays of love to new heights.

Key Themes & Insights

What Is Romance, Really?

• Anna Martin sets the tone by questioning what romance actually means to different people.
• Listeners were recently asked to submit their most romantic stories for Valentine's Day.
• Submissions reveal that romance takes many forms, from grand gestures to quiet acts of care.

Quote:
"What's the kind of romantic gesture you keep talking about years later?"
— Anna Martin (00:59)

Listener Love Stories: Highlights & Memorable Moments

1. Iconic Kiss & Shouting Stranger

• A listener recounts being kissed on a busy street corner as a stranger on a passing trolley yells, “He loves you! He really, really loves [you]!”
  (03:07)

2. The Foot Rub Routine

• One woman’s late husband, her biggest cheerleader and running partner, would rub her tired feet every night—"my gnarly, ugly running feet"—as the ultimate act of tenderness.
  (03:55)

3. The Mamoul Cookie Tradition

• A series of dates where a partner remembered her love for mamoul (a Middle Eastern date cookie) and presented one on every date, culminating in a sweet ritual of care and attention.
  (04:36–05:08)

4. Small Acts, Big Heart

• Accommodating a partner’s partial deafness by always choosing the table seat where she can best hear the group, without being asked, so she feels included.
  (05:37–06:39)

5. The Midnight Sweatshirt Rescue

• A partner wordlessly helps her remove a stuck sweatshirt in the middle of the night, showing care even in half-asleep states.
  (06:39–08:00)

6. Knock on Wood—A Superstition Met with Empathy

• A partner builds a portable “knocking block” to help with a lifelong bedtime superstition, embracing even the quirks that might otherwise embarrass.
  (08:00–08:57)
  Quote: “It showed me what it feels like when even the least impressive parts of you are welcome.” — Listener (08:55)

7. Body Acceptance Through Constellations

• A partner turns freckles into constellations, tracing them gently and reframing body insecurities as something beautiful.
  (09:03–10:31)
  Quote: “Maybe if we connected the dots ... we could find all the constellations.” — Listener’s boyfriend (10:19)

8. The Bouquets of Truce

• After a big fight, both partners independently buy matching bouquets as an apology and symbol of moving forward.
  (10:31–11:24)

9. Tire Trouble Turned Tenderness

• Despite being busy and on a work call, a husband shows up to fix a flat tire, simply and competently, making his wife feel cared for.
  (11:24–12:32)

10. Wardrobe Love

• A partner organizes and irons all her clothes, noticing her needs before she does.
  (12:32–13:06)
  Quote: “He didn’t even think it was that big of a deal that he did that for me. Whereas I think it’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever experienced.” — Listener (12:57)

11. Dream House Dinner Surprise

• A boyfriend arranges a romantic Italian dinner on the porch of a house his girlfriend loves, having secured the owner’s permission, showing deep thoughtfulness.
  (14:09–15:23)

12. Random Act of Community Love

• Two elderly women secretly pay for a young couple’s fancy Valentine’s dinner, showing that romance can come from unexpected places—and sometimes, from strangers.
  (15:23–16:18)
  Quote: “I think sometimes romance can be found so deeply in community as well, and the small actions by the people around us.” — Anna Martin (16:20)

Main Feature: Ann Bolger Witherspoon & Lonnie Anderson, the King & Queen of Valentines

Their 30-Year Valentine Tradition (21:16–41:42)

How It Started:

• Lonnie, living in Portland and dating Ann long-distance in Albuquerque, creates a life-size gameboard in her apartment for their first Valentine’s together.
  (24:41–26:22)
  Quote: “He had converted the living room into a game board… as you moved through the game board there would be various questions or various activities. ... It was the beginnings of our courtship and so there was discovery to be had.” — Ann (25:38–26:22)

The Grand Gestures Over the Years:

• Lonnie has organized:
  • Planetarium shows spelling out “I love Ann” in the stars.
  • Projected Ann’s name and Valentines on a 20-story building.
  • Lined her commute with “I Love Ann” signs and ended with a mural.
  • Turned their home into a restaurant with top chefs.
  • Rented a theater and had the symphony play just for them.
  • Created crop circles with her name.
    (22:28–24:41)

On Repeating & Reinventing Romance:

• Ann initially wondered if the big gestures were “over the top” or a kind of “show off,” but has come to appreciate their enduring, evolving meaning in their relationship.
  (26:26–27:35)

Collaborative & Community-Built Love:

• Over time, the tradition has become a community affair, with friends and neighbors helping set up, family members DJing at recreated proms, and even strangers contributing.
  (32:08–34:53)
  Quote: “There is a passion behind it. ... But it's the smaller, more subtle moments that I do love about the process.” — Ann (32:20)

Balancing Public and Private:

• Ann admits to being more private, at times struggling with their romance becoming a local spectacle.
  • Ultimately, she sees it as a gift not just to Lonnie but to the wider community—a way to promote “universal love.”
    (37:11–38:33)
    Quote: “There came a point where I really sort of said, this isn’t about Ann anymore ... it has moved from the more quiet, intimate ... towards larger and more inclusive and grander.” — Ann (38:01)

This Year's Surprise (Revealed to the Audience but not to Ann) (39:00):

• Lonnie, with the help of a local nonprofit and people with disabilities, plans to essentially give Ann an entire historic candy store.
  • A giant window sign made of jelly beans spelling her name, custom candies, and the whole front window filled with hearts from helpers naming their loved ones. (39:00–40:17)
    Quote: “Instead of giving her a box of Candy. We are going to give her an entire candy store ... all of these people that helped ... put the person that they love their name on a little heart ... the window ... is filled up with all of these people. ... It to me is just beautiful.” — Lonnie (39:10)

The Joy of Surprises:

• Ann relishes the surprise each year and tries not to discover details ahead of time, in order to be fully present for the moment.
  (41:05)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:46 – Start of listener submission stories
• 03:07 – Trolley car “He loves you!” story
• 03:55 – Husband’s nightly foot rubs
• 04:36–05:08 – Mamoul cookie tradition
• 08:00 – Knock on wood superstition story
• 10:31 – Flower bouquet truce
• 14:09 – Neighborhood dream house dinner
• 16:18 – Community pays dinner check
• 21:16 – Interview with Ann Bolger Witherspoon & Lonnie Anderson begins
• 22:28 – Lonnie’s grand gestures explained
• 24:41 – The first gameboard Valentine’s
• 32:08 – Community and family join the process
• 34:08 – Are these gestures essential to their marriage?
• 36:02 – The move from private to public romance
• 39:00 – This year’s “entire candy store” surprise revealed

Notable Quotes & Reflections

• “It showed me what it feels like when even the least impressive parts of you are welcome.” — Listener (08:55)
• “Maybe if we connected the dots ... we could find all the constellations.” — Listener’s boyfriend (10:19)
• “I think sometimes romance can be found so deeply in community as well, and the small actions by the people around us.” — Anna Martin (16:20)
• “You can’t make someone love you, but you can love them... I’m not in charge of how much Ann loves me, but I am in charge of like, that I love her.” — Lonnie Anderson (27:49)
• “There came a point where I really sort of said, this isn’t about Ann anymore ... it has moved from the more quiet, intimate ... towards larger and more inclusive and grander.” — Ann Bolger Witherspoon (38:01)
• “It to me is just beautiful. We have this whole community, and they’re going to give her an entire candy store.” — Lonnie Anderson (40:15)

Tone & Takeaways

• The episode mixes nostalgia, humor, tenderness, and awe, highlighting that romance does not have a single “correct” form.
• Both the listener submissions and the Andersons’ story reinforce that love is expressed in everyday attention, acts of service, and the courage to be publicly devoted.
• The largest gestures often stem from years of “small” moments and a willingness to invite others into the circle of love.

For those short on time:

If you want to understand “the secret to true romance”, listen to the stories at 00:54–16:18 and the Andersons’ interview at 21:16–41:42.
The heart of the episode is not flashy gifts, but consistent, authentic, and attentive acts—often shared, celebrated, and elevated by community.

End of Summary