Modern Love Podcast Summary: "To Share or Not to Share? How Location Sharing Is Changing Our Relationships"

Release Date: June 25, 2025
Host: Anna Martin
Guest: Arlen J. Staggs

Introduction to the Episode

In this compelling episode of Modern Love, host Anna Martin explores the nuanced role of location sharing in contemporary relationships. Drawing inspiration from real-life stories submitted by New York Times readers, the episode delves into how the ability to share one's whereabouts impacts trust, intimacy, and boundaries among family members, partners, and friends.

Listener Stories: The Impact of Location Sharing

Anna begins by sharing various listener experiences, highlighting both the positive and negative facets of location sharing.

Positive Experiences

1. Parental Care and Safety
   Anna recounts her father's nightly ritual of checking the "Find My Friends" app to ensure that she and her siblings are safely at home:

   "Ah, my three little chickadees at home in their nests." (00:36)

   She emphasizes how this simple act fosters a sense of love and security within the family.

2. Facilitating Daily Logistics
   A listener shares how location sharing aids in daily coordination:

   "On multiple occasions, my mother has called me to say, 'I'm lost. How do I get to wherever it is she was going?'" (02:00)

   Another listener praises location sharing for helping find their way during a hiking mishap:

   "I was so, so grateful that we had the tracking device available to us because I don't think I would have found my way back." (03:00)

Negative Experiences

1. Invasion of Privacy and Jealousy
   One listener narrates how mutual location sharing among friends led to insecurity and jealousy:

   "She started just obsessively checking our locations... So I had to end the friendship basically over that." (04:55)

2. Obsessive Behavior Post-Breakup
   A college student describes how location sharing became a source of anxiety after a breakup:

   "I started very obsessively checking her location at all hours... I need to stop. I want to feel free." (05:07)

Anna summarizes that while some find location sharing enhances their relationships, others experience it as a source of tension and discomfort.

In-depth Interview with Arlen J. Staggs

The episode transitions to an intimate conversation with Arlen J. Staggs, a Modern Love essayist, who shares his personal journey with location sharing amidst family tragedy.

Arlen's Background and Early Life

Arlen recounts his childhood in rural Alabama during the 1980s, characterized by freedom and familial bonds:

"Whatever you picture of a boy growing up in rural Alabama, that's exactly what it looked like in the '80s." (07:27)

He describes the close-knit yet chaotic environment with his brothers and the loving, albeit intrusive, presence of his mother.

Decision to Share Location with His Mother

Upon moving to California to embrace his identity and independence, Arlen initiated location sharing with his mother at her request:

"She would be like, 'Can you turn on your location on your phone so that we can see you?'" (11:02)

Initially, this was a means to provide peace of mind to his mother, allowing her to follow their daily progress:

"It was kind of fun for her to see how far we got each day." (11:53)

Family Struggles: Brother's Mental Health

Arlen discusses the deepening family challenges following his brother Paul's struggles with mental health:

"He was diagnosed with cannabis-induced psychosis... things got worse." (20:40)

Paul's paranoia and eventual disappearance heightened the emotional stakes of location sharing within the family.

Father's Passing and Its Impact

In 2022, Arlen's father unexpectedly passed away during a routine heart procedure, compounding the family's grief:

"At Dad's funeral... I prayed that God would show us where he is." (25:14)

The dual grief of losing both his father and later his brother added layers of complexity to his relationship with his mother.

Re-establishing Location Sharing Amid Grief

Four months after Paul's disappearance, Arlen learns of his death in Las Vegas and returns home to inform his grieving mother. This pivotal moment leads him to reinstate location sharing:

"I needed it. And I almost felt like... being a little boy again." (31:05)

Arlen reflects on how location sharing became a source of comfort, symbolizing a return to a sense of safety and connection.

Reflections on Boundaries and Relationships

Arlen contemplates the intricate dance between maintaining boundaries and navigating grief:

"We're also talking about this dance between boundaries and grief and how the two interact." (31:55)

He acknowledges that setting boundaries is not merely a technical decision but deeply intertwined with emotional healing and familial love.

Conclusion: The Complexities of Location Sharing in Modern Relationships

Anna and Arlen conclude that location sharing transcends a simple technological feature—it embodies the complexities of love, trust, and personal boundaries in relationships. The episode underscores that while location sharing can be an act of love and protection, it also requires thoughtful consideration of each individual's comfort and autonomy.

Arlen's heartfelt narrative serves as a poignant reminder of how digital tools intersect with our deepest human connections, especially in times of joy and tragedy.

Notable Quotes:

• "Ah, my three little chickadees at home in their nests." – Anna Martin (00:36)

• "I want to feel free." – Unnamed College Student (05:07)

• "I needed it. And I almost felt like being a little boy again." – Arlen J. Staggs (31:05)

This episode of Modern Love offers a profound exploration of how technology shapes our most intimate relationships, inviting listeners to reflect on their own practices and the balances they strive to maintain.