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Host
Hello, friends. Welcome back to the show. My guest today is Sam Morell. He's a stand up comedian, writer, and a podcaster. America is a strange place full of quirky customs and bizarre rituals, from tipping practices to unconventional dating trends. So I figured I'd ask one of my favorite comedians how to navigate this odd land. Expect to learn how long it really takes to adjust to living in New York City. Why Sam felt like a medieval country bumpkin for a while, the surprising stats behind American passports. Why Spanish supermarket pineapples are a dating hotspot. What Sam thinks about Lizzo's weight loss journey, whether the Kelce Brothers podcast fame will continue, and much more. But now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sam Murrel.
Sam Morrell
This is delicious.
Host
You haven't decided whether.
Sam Morrell
I know I don't like it. I don't think.
Host
But you keep drinking it.
Sam Morrell
I keep drinking it.
Host
God damn it.
Sam Morrell
I keep drinking and I'm like, I don't think I like it, but I've had like 10 sips and I'm like, maybe I do. I don't know.
Host
How long does it take to get accustomed to New York City?
Sam Morrell
I mean, I don't know cause I've lived here my whole life. But you picked like the worst strip. This is a really bad block. I mean, it's like all the people just selling fake bags. Who the fuck thinks these are real bags? I mean, if you're a tourist, are you not like, you're like, oh yeah, the guy who hasn't showered in three days and smells like B.O. that's, that's a real Louis Vuitton.
Host
Reputable stalker retailer of. Come on, who's buying luxury items?
Sam Morrell
Yeah, just buy a fucking bag that's cheap, that's actually not going to break the second you buy it.
Host
I don't know, this place feels really hard to adjust to as someone who's not from here. Yeah, I feel like a, a medieval country bumpkin going to the big city or something to have to speak to the baron or whatever. And I come in, I'm like, just over loaded. It's so loud, noisy, everything smell. And then it's also energizing. But yeah, it's just, it's odd to adjust to. And people that live here are just like, oh, it's just what life is.
Sam Morrell
That's exactly my point. I can't drive, but I can tell you which subway gets you to like, Brooklyn. I'm you. I can't. Really can't. I can drive, but I'm bad.
Host
So you have your license But I.
Sam Morrell
It was a bull. Here's what happened. I. I took three tests. I failed the first two drivers tests. I passed the third one because I got in the car and I was like, please don't fail me. I'm terrible. And the instructor laughed. And then I hit a cone, and she was like, all right, you got it.
Host
Took sympathy on you.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
And.
Sam Morrell
But then it was like, because of that, I don't drive out of, like, respect, because I know it's a bullshit license.
Host
Oh, okay.
Sam Morrell
So I, like, never drive.
Host
Probably for the best.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. I did it the other day, but it was like, six blocks.
Host
Jesus Christ. Yeah. Well, another thing. Do people raise children here? Yeah, because everyone.
C
Well, I don't know.
Host
I just never. They don't look like they're going to school. Why do they go to school? Little kids, Underground, like, subterranean children, Kindergarten area.
Sam Morrell
You see the little kids with the rolly bags and the going to. Yeah. They look like businessmen. It's great. They're already jaded. They're already like, fuck, I gotta go to school today. This is terrible. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Got a spelling test. Yeah. They're miserable.
Host
My teacher's being a dick.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, dude. No, they're. They're kids. I was a kid here. I mean, we grew up here. It's. But it's definitely an energy. Like, I. When people are like, this city's terrible, I'm like, I can't argue with you. There's a lot of problems. Like, the amount of. I feel like every building's always falling apart. There's always, like, people drilling. You just walk around, there's people just drilling on the side of buildings to make sure loose bricks don't fall out and land on someone.
Host
You're kidding.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. It's called Section 11 law. So they will have to drill on the side of your bill. So if you're like. It could be like, we could be doing this podcast, and there could be a guy just, like, right outside the window, just, like, drilling.
Host
And what's he doing?
Sam Morrell
He's making sure the bricks don't fall out.
Host
By weakening the bricks? By checking.
Sam Morrell
I don't know enough about it, but I know. I know that's what they're doing.
Host
Yeah. I think I've heard you describe New York City as you're in a constant state of irritation, but you're always grateful.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, It's. Well, that's life. It's like, every day for me is like, I'll bump a stranger, and I'll be like, what the. I fucking. I hope this guy dies for bumping me. But then, like, I go to bed every night and I'm like, good day. That's like, my energy is like. I'm angry, but I'm. I am grateful. Yeah. I. Yeah. This city is a constant state of irritation. But then, like, sometimes I think. Sometimes I think life is that way. But then maybe it's just because I'm a New Yorker, but I travel so much for work that, like, you know, I'm an airport after airport. So travel is a constant state of irritation. I'm always frustrated.
Host
What about when you go. You go to Montana or whatever and you just. This down regulation and you hear these birds. I've heard stories about people that live in cities not being used to silence. Is that, Is that a real thing? If you ever.
Sam Morrell
I have to put on like a noise maker. I put on like white noise I can't sleep with. Just. Well, also, though, if you're in a hotel, like, I need the, like, just.
Host
The sounds of the couple next door.
Sam Morrell
Arguing or whatever, the housekeeper, they're just having a conversation from one room to the other. And you're like, do you think this is a good idea at 8:30 in the morning? But.
Host
But on top of that, you also need this sort of ambient volume because of.
Sam Morrell
I need something. But is that. So you don't need that. That's a New York thing.
Host
Yeah.
Sam Morrell
Okay. Yeah.
Host
Not at all.
Sam Morrell
I needed.
Host
Which is pretty wild to think. Well, I guess it's just whatever you get used to. But yeah, man, I. Coming here, the energy is fantastic. But living here must be a trip. Must be an absolute trip.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, I guess I'm away enough to be grateful. I'm away enough to, like, you know. But then you always, no matter where you live, you're excited to go home. I think. Correct. You know, I think that movie up in the Air all the time, that Clooney movie where he's just always just staring at the, the flights and you're like, well, that's the life of a comedian. So whenever I land, I'm just like, fuck, yes. And then you get home and it's miserable. But you're like, but this is my misery. You know, this is the. This is the misery I'm comfortable with.
Host
Whitney taught me something where she said that in order for art to imitate life, you have to live a life.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
And it kind of brought on why comedians and other artists, if they start to get more successful, they start to spend more time on the road, and then the only things that they have to talk about are airports and dinners.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
Backstages and stuff. Because that's. Their life is just infused with that. So. Yeah.
Sam Morrell
You don't want to be that comedian where after every show a guy walks out. You're like. A guy came up to me after a show and he said, and, like, that's your whole act. And you're like, no, you got to have, like, real stories. Yeah.
Host
Speaking of Montana, I went to my first pbr professional bull riding.
Sam Morrell
I thought that was Pabst Blue Ribbon Ribbon or whatever. The beer.
Host
I went to a. I went to a professional bull riding thing. Have you ever been to one of those?
Sam Morrell
I hear it's fine.
Host
Dude, it's wild. So my favorite part of the whole thing. The bulls themselves have walkout songs.
Sam Morrell
They don't pick them.
Host
I don't know. I mean, it was. It's all associated with. And they've got highlight reels of, like, their best rides ever. And there's, you know, this bull trampling on a Brazilian man. And this. It's like he hasn't been ridden in four years. And this thing comes out, and it's just super. But it's got. When it first comes out, it's fully dolled up and it's got, like, flowers around it. Then the next time it comes out, it's got this. They tie this stuff under its stomach. That irritates it. That's why it keeps doing the booking thing. It's got this stuff tied underneath it. And yeah, there's always like a little Brazilian dude on the top of them. And they fuck him up and then they go off.
Sam Morrell
Are the guys little in that or are they a little bigger? Because the horse racing, the jockeys are tiny, mixed bag.
Host
A lot of the guys seemed, like, muscular, but pretty. Pretty short. I'm going to guess being tall would be a disadvantage in that. Cause he's going to get ragged around.
Sam Morrell
I've done them in the bars. The bulls and I don't last.
Host
Same thing. Yeah. And you would struggle. So. Yeah, I've been your pivot. If the comedy thing doesn't work out, pivoting into PBR might not be a good idea. But, yeah, one thing that I really love, there's a. A guy like a compare that's also a clown, had full sort of face makeup on. But a lot of your experience is mediated through this one dude because he's explaining what's going on. They only need to stay on the bowls for eight seconds, and most of them don't. So it's a 48 second periods punctuated with minute and a half long breaks while this bull is just trotting around and there's a dude with a lasso trying to get it and fuck it off into the pen so the next guy can come out.
Sam Morrell
That's. That's, that's the worst job, I think. The guy who has to bring the ball back in with the lasso. Yeah, yeah.
Host
They seem to chill out for it. Depends on how well disciplined the bulls are. But, yeah, I. The one that I did at Big sky guy, ex Navy seal, Montana. Yeah, it was sweet.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
Guy jumps out of a helicopter flying an America flag behind him, while Angelic 12 year old sings the national anthem. And fireworks went off. It's like, this is some America. This is.
Sam Morrell
Kevin Spacey tried to ride the 12 year old.
Host
Yes, yes.
Sam Morrell
He only lasted eight seconds. He didn't go that young. That's not fair.
Host
It wasn't in Hollywood. No. Everyone was of age.
Sam Morrell
I have a Kevin Spacey joke in my act right now. So I always think I have a joke about, like, I was watching a Hitler doc with my girlfriend and she goes, you know who'd be a good Hitler? Is Kevin Spacey. And I'm like, oh, yeah, I could see that. And she goes, but he can't because he's canceled. And I'm like, he can't play Hitler. That would seem fair.
Host
Well, imagine. Imagine the pipeline of canceled actors to unspeakable roles.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, but he can't. What he did isn't Hitler. He's not shittier than Hitler.
Host
Right? That's true. Did you see the. One of the actors from Friends retrospectively sort of canceled the show about a lack of diversity.
Sam Morrell
He was. That was. That was Adam Goldberg. That was a guy who was on like one episode, right. He's not one of the actors from Friends. Really, though.
Host
Somebody that was once in Friends said that there wasn't.
Sam Morrell
Look, you can have revisionist history, right? You could be like, they. It was a white fucking show. It was a very white. I was never into Friends, but like, a lot of those shows of the era were very white. Like, Seinfeld was very white. You know, he didn't he say something.
Host
About how Italians can play Jews, but Jews can't play Italians? I think he said that in the same. So there's this weird one.
Sam Morrell
I think we could. I think Jews can. My friend, my buddy's a Jewish actor. He's played an Italian. I think Jews can play Italians. For sure. I think it works both ways. For sure.
Host
That was One of his complaints that he can't play.
Sam Morrell
Maybe he's not a cool enough Jew.
Host
Maybe he's not tanned enough. Maybe Jew with a tan equals Italian. Is that the way that it works?
Sam Morrell
I think no. They were. Because they both have overbearing mothers. Jews and Italians, we can both tap into the same shit. Overbearing mother. But then like Jew. The overbearing mother is like. Like Gloria Soprano is a very different mom than my mom. But my mom was. My mom was. It was more like anxiety than aggression. Than aggression.
Host
Yeah, right, okay.
Sam Morrell
Like Gloria Soprano fucking hated her son. She was. It was all anger and resentment. My mom is more just like. Like, don't do this. Like, my dad sent me a fucking email. My dad sent me an email about an apple juice recall the other day. And I was like, I'm 38. You think. You think I'm. You think I'm pounding apple juice? Like those days, those days are over. But that's how much they worry. That's my, like, that's the Jewish. My mom. True story. We were walking on the street once and I saw a dead pigeon. And I go, ugh, dead bird. And my mom goes, don't touch it. And I was like, what do you think happens when I'm not around? Mom, I'm not going to touch the fucking bird.
Host
What were you at this point?
Sam Morrell
It's like five years ago. It's six years ago. She's like, she worries so much, dude. She's always on the road. She's like, don't, don't drink. And I'm like, I'm going to. I'm an adult. I've made my own decisions.
Host
What age do you think your mother sees you as?
Sam Morrell
I think they always see you as. As a kid, you know, I think they can't shake that.
Host
You get to.
Sam Morrell
I don't have kids, so I don't know, maybe someday I will.
Host
And they just sort of tap out at that. And you've got this man in front of you with beard who's on stage, but it just happens to be your 12 year old son.
Sam Morrell
My mom's so bummed by some of my bits. Like they. Here's the thing, they insist on coming of shows. And then I see her like horrified look in the crowd. For some reason they're always sat within eyesight. Like I had a joke, I had this long bit about going to my. It's like an old bit of mine. But I would go, I went to this girl's house cuz she was like, come over And I'm going to give you a blowjob, basically. And I was like, I'm there. And what happened was, I go, and while she's blowing me, the door swings open and a guy was there. And he like, they set me up, basically. And it's a long bit, but I remember looking at. I just turned to the crowd, I see my mom's face, and she's doing this. And I'm like, you wanted to come. This is a tape.
Host
What did you expect?
Sam Morrell
Yeah, and. But she's like, I'm your mother. And then she asked me like, is that a real story? And I was like, I could lie to you, but yes, it's all real. It's all real. And she was not happy. But, you know, I try to tell her, like, look, who's considered the greatest comic ever is Richard Pryor. And I'm sure his mom wanted to love some of his. And my mom said, well, his mom was a prostitute. I was like, I still don't think she wants to hear about her son lighting himself on fire. Free basing. I think you're still a mom. Like, some of the shit you talk about on stage is. Is regret. And you kind of. That's funny.
Host
It is kind of like hearing a public therapy session, solo therapy session.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
Regularly, like, just pulling out all of the stuff that you wish that your son wouldn't talk about anymore.
Sam Morrell
But therapy very much honed because some comics make the mistake of being like, I'm just, you know, I'm figuring some out here. And I'm like, yeah, the crowd doesn't give a. That's. You pay a therapist for that, you know, but, you know, if I. If I just tell a story. I went to a girl's house and she blew me. That's not funny. That's bragging. Or do I tell a story about going to a girl's house and I'm scared for my life because I was like, what the is a guy coming in here for? Why? You know, that's funny? Because it's weird and uncomfortable. And obviously that not just that is funny, the whole story is what made it funny. But, you know, you. We're not supposed to be winners in the end. Comics aren't supposed to win in the end of the story.
Host
One of my friends, Michael Malice, said he wouldn't be able to get away with half of the stuff that he can if he was taller than 5, 6. He's 5 6. And I kind of get the sense that it's not too dissimilar with that as well. That if you come off as too sort of perfect or braggadocious, it's just not that likable.
Sam Morrell
Who's the most famous insult comic ever? Don Rickles. Look at him, he looks like a hippopotamus. You know, I mean if he's just this like gorgeous guy on stage ripping on people, he'd be like, this guy's an asshole.
Host
Jimmy Carr's an interesting one when it comes to that.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. Because Jimmy's, Jimmy's not an insult comic. Jimmy's a one liner comic who's just really good with off the cuff heckler moments.
Host
Yeah, that's true. That is true.
Sam Morrell
Jimmy's, Jimmy's like posh on stage and he's, you know, he's distinguished. He's distinguished, but that's, that's who he is offstage too, you know.
Host
I've never not seen him in a suit. Went for breakfast. Austin, Texas. 95 degree morning walk suit.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, it's weird.
Host
Yeah. Speaking of relationships, Spanish supermarket shoppers use pineapples to search for love in a surprising new craze. Have you seen this?
Sam Morrell
No.
Host
Let me tell you. A social media trend in Spain where people are encouraged to seek out prospective partners in supermarkets with the help of pineapples has led to some chaotic.
Sam Morrell
Because it makes your cum taste better. Is that why? I mean, I don't get it.
Host
So I haven't even got into the.
Sam Morrell
Oh, so I jumped the gun there.
Host
In the city of Bilbao, northern Spain, police were reportedly called by workers after a flash mob of hopeful singles packed a Mercadona store and overwhelmed it. Singletons have been drawn to the branches of the supermarket chain where it is claimed that they can find romance if they visit between 7 and 8pm and put a pineapple upside down in their trolley. People are encouraged to go to the wine aisle to find others with the same fruit in the same position. If they like someone, they bump their trolley against theirs, indicating they are interested in chatting to them. If the feeling is mutual, they can bump back or just start talking. According to the Spanish based English language.
Sam Morrell
News website Olive Press, the Spanish are overcomplicating this. How about just going up to someone and saying, hey, I like you.
Host
No. You have this beautiful dance of upside down fruit and little carriages. That it go. Is that not so? How did you and mom meet? Oh, in the wine aisle of.
Sam Morrell
I don't think the pineapple story is great either. You think the pineapple. I flipped the pineapple. I think your kid's gonna be like, you're an upside down fruit dad. The hell I don't. I think this stuff is so complicated, especially when you have all these apps to get laid on. Just go on one of the apps. I mean, I know it's not a great story, but like, have some fun.
Host
It's quicker. Yeah. What do you make of the sort of. You're in a relationship.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
From the outside, perceiving it. What do you make of sort of the modern state of. Of dating?
Sam Morrell
Well, I sure as miss those dating app days. Those are fun. I mean, it's, it's, it's relentless. I mean, here's the thing. The grass is always greener, so I'm happy in my relationship. But I also, like, I'm like, oh, man, that was awesome. That was. You could just get laid like that. You could be a loser and still just be putting up numbers because it's just, you know, you see people just on the street, like, you know, and you're like, holy shit. This is like, like social media is addictive. This is like. The only downside is really you are. Pictures aren't everything. Right? Like, you meet someone in person, there's an energy you pick up on and it's like, it's. Pictures don't match. You can't. You don't really, you know, count for voice. And then they have that voice feature. But that always feels weird, you know.
Host
To send a voice note to somebody that you've never met. It's creepy.
Sam Morrell
Worse than a dick pic, but exclusively.
Host
Of trying to get someone to think that you're cool or sexy. And then how many times you rerecorded or changed the tone of your voice in order to be more sultry than you actually are?
Sam Morrell
I don't know.
Host
I've never used the voice note message.
Sam Morrell
Are you single?
Host
I am.
Sam Morrell
And are you cleaning up Raya right now?
Host
I spend it a little bit of time on Raya, but even that, it just feels like Pokemon trading card game, but virtual. It's like, well, you've got it. The admin of being single is so fucking arduous, dude. Like, if you've spent all day working and sending emails backwards and forwards, then going into your private life and go, you better deal with the dating admin. That doesn't exactly feel like a, I don't know, a fulfilling way to spend an evening.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. And you get caught up in the text and you have multiple. And then you have the dates and they get repetitive and boring. And I think those apps are shallow because you're leading with the Pictures. So you're going with who you find most attractive, more than most interesting a lot of the time. And then you're on the date and you're like, this. This chick's so pretty.
Host
But yeah, I don't care.
Sam Morrell
You're coming from, like, you know, podcast therapy. Then you go on a date, you're like, I gotta carry this too. I gotta bring the heat on the date. The hell? I'm tired.
Host
Well, that's. I think that's definitely a byproduct of growing up that getting a little bit older as a guy that girls that are pretty but not that interesting, like, I can't do this. I can't.
Sam Morrell
You're tired.
Host
I can't do this. I can't do it doesn't really matter how pretty you are because it's mind numbing.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
If there's nothing, if there's nothing else, that's why me.
Sam Morrell
Everyone wants to meet in person, but the apps are just so addictive. But yeah, meeting in person is better always because you get to know somebody. I've a couple of relationships I've been in, we kind of got to know each other over FaceTime because it was just someone I kind of knew a little bit before and they lived in another state. So we talk on FaceTime. So I really got to know them before we even had sex. Which I was like, holy shit. This is so different than what I'm accustomed to. But maybe that's why.
Host
Just like my grandfather did.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, but I mean, I mean, I jacked off on FaceTime to him a few times, but, you know, I didn't. I didn't, I didn't. It was. It was wholesome.
Host
It's. It's strange to think about the, like, I think that there's a market for a dating app that's just video messages. So you don't have a profile, you don't have anything else, and you just get to see a video video message backward and forward because within the space of 60 seconds, you can work out whether or not this person is someone that you're bothered about. It's not just the voice note thing. You're right. Within two minutes of being on your date, you go, I should have bailed out.
Sam Morrell
Well, that's why. That's why the dinner first date is a terrible move because if you're not vibing with the person locked in and then they're like, I'll have this appetizer, this main course, we're sticking around for dessert, and you're like, fuck, yeah. I really don't like you. Yeah, but no, you got to do drinks or coffee or whatever you do.
Host
But walking date is highly recommended, apparently. Is it? Yeah, because you side by side and that means that there's less sort of intensity like this. And also you can get away with a 15 minute, you know, 30 minute. We'll just test the water. But then I wonder whether you do.
Sam Morrell
Seem cheap though, if you're like, we should take a walk. And she's like, are you homeless? Why the fuck are we walking? You know, I don't know.
Host
Yeah, that is true. I do. I do wonder whether the subtext of going for a walking date is. I'm really unsure about whether or not I can deal with spending more than 20 minutes around you. So let's do something that I can. Oh, I, I must. I. I have to get a grapefruit or two from the supermarket. I'll see you later on, you know what I mean?
Sam Morrell
Gotta get a pineapple and flip it.
Host
Upside down to find someone Spain with it. Yeah, yeah.
C
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Host
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C
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Host
Another news story that I noticed this week. Americans with a passport, yeah, in 1990 4% had a passport and now still less than 60% do. So it's like but 4% in 1990. 4% in 1990.
Sam Morrell
That's crazy.
Host
Yeah. I don't know. I don't know whether it's the fact that it's such a big country that you basically have 50 countries inside of one continent, so people don't feel the need to travel, but it's kind of not surprising that America sees itself as the center of the world given that most people. For most people who live here, it is the center of the world. I don't know how many people have ever traveled, even the ones with a passport. You would assume that at least 50% has never left this country.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
Which is pretty wild.
Sam Morrell
Well, that is pretty. Look, I love America. It's always gonna. I'm always gonna live in New York, but that is, that's. 4% is kind of a sad number. I mean, don't you want to get out of here? I guess. You know, some people have stuff keeping them back. It's expensive to travel. But shit, man, that's.
Host
There's an awful lot of world outside of 50 states.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, dude. I mean, I guess it also depends what state you're in, right? Cause if you're in Texas, Mexico is pretty easy. If you're up north, Canada's pretty easy. But yeah, shit. Where's your favorite place to travel?
Host
I love Italy.
Sam Morrell
I've never been. I tried to. I'm doing a Euro tour and I tried to add it, but I couldn't add Germany and Italy to this one and the two that I've never been to and I really wanted to go.
Host
So good. I went to Venice for the first time a couple of weeks ago. My thing is history and culture and tours. I want some dusty 55 year old ex academic woman to who knows all of the history of a place with big jugs. With big jugs to slap a headset on and walk me around telling me unpronounceable surnames of an architect. That's.
Sam Morrell
I could smell that is nice.
Host
The rest of my life doing that. And Venice was just obscene. These tiny little streets that are not that much wider than you are. Rickety buildings. All the buildings are held up by bits of wood so they don't fall over because the ground shifting below that.
Sam Morrell
It's crazy.
Host
I was, I was in love. So that was awesome. Florence, kind of similar but less water. Awesome. And then Rome, Similar but bigger.
Sam Morrell
So yeah, my girlfriend was born in Rome. She's. She grew up in America, but she's born in Rome and she's, you know, her mother's Italian. So she has this incredible.
Host
That's the Italian Jewish connection.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
Make it work.
Sam Morrell
We make it work. Yeah, yeah. I love, I don't know, for some reason Italian. I mean, mob movies were such a thing for me growing up because my brother was obsessed with Goodfellas and Godfather's like this iconic American movie. So there was this Italian. It sucks that I'm reducing Italian culture to mob movies for this point.
Host
It's pizza and mob movies.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. But pizza is also very important to me.
Host
So we had a problem. So this drink thing that we made, we.
Sam Morrell
And I love Negroni, so we tried.
Host
To recreate it in the US I've heard a rumor that the same problem we encountered, which was the hardness of the water, has got something to do with. Why is it pizza or pastries or something?
Sam Morrell
Pizza.
Host
Pizza.
Sam Morrell
New Yorkers will. We will tell you, your water is not good enough. Is that true?
Host
Is that legit?
Sam Morrell
I don't know. I've heard people say it's not true. I mean, look, they've got. They figured I've had good pizza in la. It can't be just, you know, because of the water. Yeah, but New York. Yeah, we have good. We have good water here for sure. I mean, you and I should go to Flint, Michigan and try the pizza. Then we gotta figure it out. We gotta crack it.
Host
It's got a lead lined crust on the outside.
Sam Morrell
I'm like, I'd still try it.
Host
What do. You're a big sports guy.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
What do football fans think about the Kelce brothers? It's the first time in as long as I've ever sort of paid attention to American sports where you've had an acting top flight athlete, two multiple athletes with so much other public facing stuff.
Sam Morrell
Well, podcasts, public relationship.
Host
I mean, what's that? Is there a purist out there in the sports world that thinks that?
Sam Morrell
No. Cause he's still performing. I think if he was an athlete who, who lost a step and then, you know, was like, I'm podcasting. I think when you, when you're playing like shit and you're podcasting, your teammates are probably like, maybe stop the broadcast.
Host
Super Bowls back to back.
Sam Morrell
Like he, he's a phenom. His brother was a great lineman and he retired. But Travis Kelce is in the conversation for best tight end of all time and he's still unguardable and he's got the best quarterback. So, I mean, they're, they're unreal. A lot of people are convinced that Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift were Put together by, like, you know, Democrats to be like, you know, like, it's an. It's not a real relationship. They're both Democrats. They're using them to get votes, which is. I'm like, well, then get two fucking Republican celebrities. Get Kanye and Caitlyn Jenner to date. That's getting you some votes. That's more eyeballs. But my thing. My thing is, like, his performance hasn't slipped with this Taylor Swift thing either. That's the other thing. Like, we're talking about, like, your pod, his podcast and his performance. His, like, like, it's funny how much shit he's getting because every athlete Kim Kardashian started sleeping with just started to suck. And he's still good, you know.
Host
Do you think sleeping with Taylor Swift is a performance enhancer?
Sam Morrell
No, no. I think. I think someone that famous is probably draining you a little bit, but he's probably got endless stamina. He's a. He's a world class athlete. Yeah. No, I think just being around that level of celebrity, I'm sure there's parts where he's like, fuck, I should probably be lifting right now or doing some training. And I. I got to put on.
Host
Invading the paparazzi or whatever it is I do. Sacrifice child blood at the full moon for a pentagram on the floor with people in hoods.
Sam Morrell
I have to dress like a sailor at the US Open. I should be lifting weights. But, you know.
Host
Can you imagine if that. If that was the truth? If it is a Democrat conspiracy or Pfizer or whatever gave. Gave them both an unlimited amount of money or something. But you get the call. It's like, Mr. Kelsey, you have been called up to do the duty for not only your political party, but the future of your country. It's like, all right, well, I guess, you know, I kind of always wanted to serve in one form or another. What is it that you need me to do? It's like, we need you to bang Taylor Swift.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. Not awful.
Host
There's worse jobs.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. I think Katie Holmes got the same call, but from Tom Cruise's people. We need you to do a duty. We need you to protect an American movie star. You need to help him pretend he's not gay. Will Smith. Same call to Jada Pinkett and so on down the line.
Host
The Will Smith arc is fascinating. Yeah, absolutely fascinating. I remember this video of his where he was on a treadmill and there was a dude next to him on a treadmill, and they were going to have a competition to see who would quit Last. And Will say something along the lines of, either I'm going to pass out or I'm gonna beat you. You know, when Will was kind of. He had this sort of almost Tony Robbinsy, motivational sort of era, or at least this was part of it. I remember a bunch of different videos. I was like, huh? Like, I really like that. This is before Goggins and Jocko and kind of that world of like, you either win or you die stuff came through.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
I was like, huh.
Sam Morrell
Will's like a kind of a shredded guy.
Host
Masculine hero. I am legend. He's jacked. He's done, like, a bunch of movies. What was that one, Hancock, where he was the drunk superhero.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
But really charming, kind of unique, complex, slightly complex characters that could have been so much better.
Sam Morrell
That one. A great premise.
Host
Yeah. And then you just look now and I don't know. So, you know Danny and Ryan from the Boys cast. They're both big Will Smith fans, and they're really worried, like, unironically. This is not a joke. Worried about Will Smith. And it's just such a weird arc to kind of see what's happened. And then there's these weird videos of him behind the scenes. She's got this. I've told you not to record me. Do you see that one?
Sam Morrell
No.
Host
Where this is my life and you're sort of. And it's her. It seems like sort of berating him a little bit, or it's really. It's really, really uncomfortable to watch. It's obviously just in the house or something, and this guy just looks broken, dead behind the eyes. Such a weird arc.
Sam Morrell
Isn't it amazing that you're so envious of some of these people's lives? It's only natural when you see how much someone has going on, you're like, wow. And then they're often miserable. I mean, he really seems like an unhappy guy. It's almost like being that famous for what, almost 40 years? It's not healthy.
Host
What other outcome could there have been after being famous for that long?
Sam Morrell
I think he's pro. My guess is he's probably. Probably gay. I don't know. I mean, could I get sued for this? All right.
Host
Allegedly gay.
Sam Morrell
Allegedly. Well, it's like, the marriage is definitely bad. You don't just slap someone in the face after they make a joke about your wife because things are stable at home. That's not. It's just not what you do. You know, Someone makes fun of my girlfriend, I'd be like, hey, don't you know, just don't do that. I'm not. Or if it's an award show, I'd probably be like haha. And then just fake it, you know. But you don't be like, keep a name out of my mouth and then slap a guy on live. It's crazy. It's crazy behavior. Something's not right at home. I mean, she was publicly talking about having an affair. Right. I wouldn't. I would probably wouldn't stay with someone who did that. I don't know what the divorce looks like. I don't know what the prenup situation is.
Host
I mean she. She seems like a absolutely psychopathic person. Yeah, she seems like a legitimate crazy person.
Sam Morrell
I. I can't imagine someone. I'm sure he around too. Lord knows with who. Maybe women, maybe with guy don't know what they're doing. But. But if someone cheated on me and then went on a book tour talking about cheating on me, I'd be like, probably time to wrap this up.
Host
I mean, she say something was to do with rappers too? Didn't. Who was it that she said that she was the muse for?
Sam Morrell
Don't you just hate someone who fucking.
Host
Huh? Tupac.
Sam Morrell
Was she.
Host
Apparently that was part of the tour.
Sam Morrell
She might be good then. I mean, dude, she's responsible for Will Smith and Tupac. All Eyes on Me, Me against the World and Men in Black in the ninet. Go Jada. She might be good.
Host
One of the things, even with the Kelsey Taylor Swift situation that I think about, and I guess Will Smith's one as well, is how difficult it is to have a relationship normally and then how difficult it is to have a relationship with a few hundred million or a few billion people's eyes on you as well. I didn't think mercifully almost no one's ever going to really. No matter even like someone like Rogan. Like his relationship, his marriage is just not any part of anybody's conversation. No one really gives a fuck. He's done a very good job of. He's compartmentalizing his private life and keeping it private, which I think is.
Sam Morrell
I think it's crazy. He's married to a Filipino boy. But he's done a great job and good job. Joe.
Host
I just. Navigating a relationship that's that public must be essentially.
Sam Morrell
No, it's, It's. It's gotta be hard. I mean. But famous. You're talking about these people. Their spouse is also famous. So when you're dating a famous person, people are fascinated with it, I guess. And I mean, look at Ben Affleck and JLo. It's. You know, what's.
Host
They're currently about to break up or breaking up.
Sam Morrell
I thought they broke up. I don't know.
Host
Right. Okay. There was a. I saw.
Sam Morrell
I mean, it must be addictive. Like, Ben Affleck's got the addiction thing, so it must be addictive to make what you know is a bad choice and her is a bad choice for him. Clearly, it keeps ending. Right. But he's got to be like. It must be like a drink.
Host
Oh, do they keep breaking up and getting back together?
Sam Morrell
Well, they were dating like. Like 20 years ago, remember? Yeah, like 20 years ago they dated.
Host
And now back and now broken up again.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's clearly not working, but it's like. It is like a. It's a beautiful thing if that works out. You're like, I guess it was you all along. And then.
Host
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a nice story. The one relationship Jay Z and Beyonce just seem like. I don't know. That's the one that appears to just.
Sam Morrell
Be moving smoothly, but everyone's got problems. I don't buy that.
Host
Like, not Rihanna, Chris Brown problems.
Sam Morrell
That was. Oh, yeah. I was gonna say that wasn't a problem. That seemed to be very smooth cut and dry. And yeah, he. Man, he really bounced back from that, huh? Some people have really stayed canceled who have done way less bad shit.
Host
Have you ever checked out the Chris Brown Reddit?
Sam Morrell
No.
Host
It is cult.
Sam Morrell
Like, people love him so much.
Host
It is. It's a real force of nature to see. And if you see any.
Sam Morrell
Would you say that they have a toxic relationship with him?
Host
I don't know.
Sam Morrell
I think they probably do.
Host
I don't know. It's very obsessive. I don't know what it is. I need to do a deep dive on it. I've seen a couple of videos that kind of break it down, but if there's ever any criticism, it's kind of this swarm. Presumably it maybe appears on the subreddit or some other channel of some kind. But yeah, Chris Brown's a uniquely sort of positioned. Did he. Is it Chris Brown that did the super bowl this year? Is it him?
Sam Morrell
No, no. This year's Kendrick Lamar.
Host
Kendrick Lamar. That was it.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
But, yeah, just. Wow. Very, very obsessive fan base. So don't get on the wrong side of them, I think. Don't do a Chris Brown joke. That'd be a bad idea for you.
Sam Morrell
I've done so many.
Host
Have you?
Sam Morrell
Of course. How could you not? It's like he was like, he was like the insert domestic violence joke guy for a while.
Host
Role model for domestic violence.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. I mean, you had to like post.
Host
A child for domestic violence.
Sam Morrell
You had to throw him in. I don't know. I feel every comedian has made a Chris Brown joke.
Host
It's like talking, sprinting without talking. Usain Bolt.
Sam Morrell
You can't exactly, don't fucking. Don't beat up Rihanna. And if you're not going to expect comics to make jokes about you, you know.
C
In other news, this episode is brought to you by Shopify. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify, which is why they are the global force behind gymshark and Skims and Allo and Nutonic. When it comes to converting browsers into buyers, they are best in class. Their checkout is 36% better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms. And with shop pay, you can also boost conversions by up to 50%. Best of all, their award winning support is there to help you every step of the way. Look, you're not going into business to learn about how to code or to build a website or do backend inventory management. Shopify takes all of that off your hands and allows you to focus on the job that you came here to do, which is designing and selling an awesome product. Upgrade your business today and get the exact same checkout that we use at Nutonic with Shopify. Head to the link in the description below to sign up for a $1 per month trial period or go to shopify.commodern wisdom or lowercase, that's shopify.commodern wisdom to upgrade your business today.
Host
Staying in New York. One of the guys came on to breakfast the other day and said that he'd just seen Ryan Reynolds walking his dog.
Sam Morrell
Oh, nice.
Host
I'm like, ryan Reynolds seems to be pretty much like the perfect dude that he's just funny and his relationship's great and he buys a football club and he does stuff for charity and he builds billion dollar businesses.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, the gin, the aviation gin. That's what Mark and I are trying to do with our whiskey. You know, tell me about that. We have our own bodega cat whiskey and we're, we're getting state in the states. You need to get distribution state by state. It's, it's a tedious process. So Mark and I, you know, Mark Norman and I start our own whiskey bodega cat and it's, you can get on bodegacatwhiskey.com but you know, we're going through 15 cases a week at the Comedy Cellar right now. It's great. We're at the Strip House, the steakhouse on 12th street, which is my favorite steakhouse. We're at the Stand, the other comedy club. New York Comedy Club. We're. We're. Comedy clubs are at the country right now. Just, I think, started up at the Comedy Store. The improv. Gotta get. We gotta get the mothership in Austin too. But we're on it. We're moving. And it's. It's a long process, man. Liquors, some mob run shit.
Host
Really?
Sam Morrell
Still. Oh, dude, it's crazy. Just the rings you have to kiss and. You know, it's been a process, but.
Host
Well, we did taste testing and stuff for productivity drink. But I imagine that the taste testing for getting a whiskey right is a little bit more.
Sam Morrell
We didn't know we're supposed to spit it out. We got fucking hammered.
Host
You're kidding.
Sam Morrell
Usually, but when you're sampling whiskey, you're supposed to. But we were just like, you know, aggressively got better.
Host
It's like, weird. The last ones that we try are always the best ones.
Sam Morrell
These are. This is smooth. Yeah, we were. We were pretty up, but we went with one that was like. It's. Everyone has a bourbon. We're like, let's do rye. It's a little.
Host
It's a little difference. Whiskey connoisseur.
Sam Morrell
Oh, it's more rye. It's. It's. You know, I mean, bourbon is a little naturally more sweet. Like makers is more sweet than like, say, like a rye is typically a bit more spicy. Our rye is not that spicy. It's got like. It's kind of got like a caramel vanilla type flavor. It's got a little spice. Perfect for a Manhattan. It's my favorite drink. I like a Manhattan, a Negroni, a martini, Anything with anything. I like the classics. They try to. Paper Plane's a good cocktail if you never had it.
Host
What's that?
Sam Morrell
It's whiskey, aperol, Amaro, Nonino, and lemon juice in equal parts. It's fucking great.
Host
Manhattan's the one that's got nothing in it that isn't alcohol. Right. There's no mixer.
Sam Morrell
I think it's a good drink. A martini's the same way.
Host
That's true.
Sam Morrell
But you do. Yeah. It's a Manhattan. Is whiskey sweet, Vermouth, a touch of bitters, and a maraschino cherry there that doesn't have alcohol in it. The cherry fruit.
Host
It's a fruit salad. Glorified fruit salad.
Sam Morrell
It's easy.
Host
Yeah.
Sam Morrell
Although by the time you have it, it has some alcohol in it because you dunk it in.
Host
It's funny that people end up creating products that are built around the thing that they do. So for me, I wanted something that I could have before a podcast that would be good. So I do this. A lot of comedians drink.
Sam Morrell
I got an alcohol because it was open bars. I was like 18. I was like, I get to drink for free here. I'll be a comedian. That was literally what I mean. And then you were like, oh, shit, I have to work hard. But at the time, I was like.
Host
The thought process was free drinks.
Sam Morrell
Oh, my parents were terrified. Remember, they came to a show and I was like, blackout drunk on stage. I just was like, I get to drink for free. I was young. I couldn't control myself, you know?
Host
Secret Service accidentally included the 911 hijackers in a tribute post to the victims this year. In a post on X marking the anniversary of the attacks, the Secret Service included the terrorists in the death toll. So the flag hang in our headquarters is a solemn reminder of 911 and its mission's purpose. Testament to freedom and sacrifice. Donners All 2996 lives lost, but the actual correct number of victims is 2,977. They had to amend it and get rid of the 19 hijackers.
Sam Morrell
A lot of people lost their lives that day. So let's not. Let's not just, you know, you got to throw the terrorists in there too.
Host
I didn't know. It kind of does make sense. You don't want to honor exactly the hijackers, but if you're going to cite how many people died that day, like, are we talking demographically accurate here, or are we talking in terms of tribute?
Sam Morrell
I've always said that terrorists and comedians have a lot in common, because we both get bummed when not enough people make it to a gig, you know, Because I feel like terrorists would be like three people on a bus. This is fucking bullshit. You know, I guess I'll do it.
Host
I'll go tomorrow.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, yeah. But. Yeah, that's insane, man. That's.
Host
Geez, you must have been here during that.
Sam Morrell
I was, yeah.
Host
Can you recall the day?
Sam Morrell
Of course, yeah. It was like, you know, people had cell phones, but no one had service. So I remember New York's an amazing city because everyone, by the way, in school the morning. The morning we f. The. The planes hit, I had a Spanish teacher we all did not like, and she decided to give us a pop quiz. And we're like, we're under attack. You've given us a fucking pop quiz. And then she was like, yep, you should have studied.
Host
Not. Not only from the Middle east, but.
Sam Morrell
That'S so true. I mean, I was like. I was like. She's like, you should have studied. And I'm just like, I'm gonna fail a test because, you know, I should have studied, but. And then I got out. I think on the test I wrote, you suck because I didn't study. And I was like, I'm just gonna take the L here. And then. And then we got taken out of school. My dad was like, let's line up to donate blood because they might need blood at the hospital. So we went to a.
Host
How far away were you. Were you able to see.
Sam Morrell
No, my dad saw it from his office. My dad worked in Times Square, so he saw the second plane hit from his office and was like, jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. And then he went to pick me up at school. We lined up to donate blood. Every hospital we went to, they were like, we're good. Unless you have this blood type, we're good.
Host
Because so many people had done it too.
Sam Morrell
So many people. Yeah, that's how New Yorkers are. We'll say fuck you to you in the street, but when shit gets serious, we will donate blood. We'll help out.
Host
But how old were you?
Sam Morrell
Geez, I was 15. Uses a 15.
Host
Can a 15 year old give blood?
Sam Morrell
Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Host
It's a nice, youthful.
Sam Morrell
I had aids, but I didn't tell them that, you know, they didn't know that. But, yeah, no, I. Yeah, I. We all lined up, my whole family, but. Crazy day. Crazy fucking day. And I was in New Orleans for Katrina so bad shit's following me.
Host
You.
Sam Morrell
It might be. God might be trying to send me a message. Yeah, yeah, no, it's. It's wild.
Host
What was the subsequent few? I don't know, month, couple of months in New York, like, after that?
Sam Morrell
It was. It was. There was a bit of tension, I think there was definitely some. Looking back, there was definitely some Islamophobia, which is really unfortunate. And I think there was. Everyone in the city knew someone who lost someone, you know, and 3,000 people. That's great.
Host
Well, enough to touch a couple of people.
Sam Morrell
Don't forget the terrorists. Yeah, but it was crazy. It was. It was terrible. It was a terrible thing. But, you know, it's a. It's a resilient city.
Host
It's a wild thing. I watched. Was it recently, the 25th anniversary documentaries started coming out and to look at.
Sam Morrell
Just doesn't feel right to call it a 25th anniversary. That's what they called it. 911 to 25. Buckle up guys, come back tour. I went on, I went on a one of the planes years. It was like two years ago. It was the 20 year anniversary they did. It was, it was. You're going through security. And I said, 9 11, never forget. I'm like, I'm going through airport security. I can't forget what I'm going through. Fucking. Maybe don't remind me of a plane crash when I'm at the airport.
Host
Yeah, it was going on a Boeing.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. Oh my God. Fucking. That's a. That's another one. Alaska Air. Talk about. You look online and they're like, we're having a discount. The flights you go on, Expedia, all the Alaska airs are like 500 bucks cheaper.
Host
As a man that spends a lot of time on planes, I imagine that's something you might pay a bit of attention to.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. If a girl, if it was a girl, I'm not that serious about, I'm like, I'll fly in on Alaska Air.
Host
You might make it, you might not.
Sam Morrell
Who knows?
Host
Yeah. I mean how many times does Boeing want to face plan? They've got the astronauts that are stuck in space as well. It's like not only.
Sam Morrell
Although given how things are going in our country right now, they might be better off.
Host
Chill out.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
But yeah, whether it's intercontinental or transatlantic or fucking interplanetary, they're able to sort of fail at each different step of the way.
Sam Morrell
Have you ever been on a plane where you're like, this is going down.
Host
The worst turbul turbulence I've ever had was on a flight, a 17 hour flight from Johannesburg to Atlanta. And that I was laid flat trying to get some sleep and I was lifted off a complete like absolute free fall air.
Sam Morrell
That's how much like Exorcist level fucking levitating. Yeah.
Host
And then Christmas this year, flying back to the uk, tons of delays, taking off out of Austin and the pilot came over and said, I know that we've been nearly two hours in being delayed for takeoff, but don't worry because the jet stream, Gulf stream is really strong at the moment, so we'll make the time up in the air.
Sam Morrell
By the way, that's not a thing. We'll make the time up. It's the same distance.
Host
But he's able to go faster.
Sam Morrell
I don't buy it.
Host
He managed to get us into like going down one of those water park slide chute things with a pressure hose behind us. But the entire journey, I would have happily arrived two hours later and not been dishwashered for the entire journey. But those, those were the two that come to mind. And when you're in a really big plane, when you're in a little plane, you're like, okay, this is probably. There's a bit of me in the back of my mind that thinks, yeah, but it's like a ping pong ball, you know, it gets blown around a lot by the wind. Yeah. But if you're in a absolute monstrosity with 500 people in it, in order for this to actually get shaken around a lot, I don't get that nervous. But those are two times where I sort of.
Sam Morrell
I've been, I've been in the little one where I was. We. My friend Gary and I, it's so funny. I saw this, I saw a comedian, Jim Norton, at the Comedy Cellar, and he goes, oh, where you are this week? Where are you this week? And I said, I'm in, I'm in Rochester. And he goes, oh, I hope you're driving. I hate that flight, that little plane. I was like, no, I'm flying. It's a long drive from New York. Yeah, it's like a six hour drive from New York. But he's like, I hate it. We're on the plane, Gary and I, we booked tickets sitting next to ourselves, or we're on the flight, Gary and I, we booked tickets sitting next to each other. And some woman, like, is like, I'm sitting here and I'm like, oh, no, we booked it. But then I just looked at him like, it's a 40 minute flight. Like it. Just give her the seat, who cares? And then we're in the worst turbulence ever. It's like shaking. We're going down. And the instructor, like, he doesn't even speak. He's just. I'm like, oh, we're about the German wings. This, this guy's about to kill us. We're freaking the out. We. I look at him. The woman who is supposed to be sitting next in the back row starts going. And there was a moment we were like looking at her like, you, you, if you die, we won't be that upset. But. But then he just like top gunned it. So we just, we're going down, just flew. And we were like, what is he? It's like, is he with us? Is this like some cruel joke? And then it turned out like 10 minutes later it comes on the speaker like, sorry, guys, it was too windy to land. I had to, I don't want to get on the thing. I had to focus. So I want to get us around. But then the guy picking us up at the airport, like, man, one of those planes top gunned it. We're like, that was us. Do that.
C
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Sam Morrell
There's a movie, I don't know if you ever saw this Argentinian movie called Wild Tales. It's great. It's a bunch of really dark, short like shorts basically. And one of the shorts is everyone's on a flight and they start. Two people start chatting and it turns out they have a connection to each other. And they're like, that's weird. And then a person behind them is like, did you say you know this person? And they all kind of turns out everyone in the flight knows each other. And then it's a guy who got them all on a flight and kills them all.
Host
Oh, it's some sort of vengeance.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
Thing.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
That's cool.
Sam Morrell
It's. It's a good one. The whole movie is great. I. I spoiled one for you. I'm sorry. But it's worth. The last one at the wedding's the best one. It's incredible.
Host
So people watch that.
Sam Morrell
I'm. I'm sure you can just stream it, like where you rent movies.
Host
What's it called?
Sam Morrell
Wild Tales. It's from. It's from like, 10, 15 years ago. It's. It's awesome.
Host
That's sweet.
Sam Morrell
Every. Every one of them is good.
Host
Yeah. I wonder, you know, when you think about the media that gets loaded onto planes. So many movies have got plane crashes in, but there's no way. There has to be some sort of limitation of what you can put on that. You can't put movies that have got really extreme plane crashes in because it's.
Sam Morrell
Because if you're sitting next to one, you're like, I don't want to see that shit.
Host
Right? Yeah, for sure. There's a.
Sam Morrell
You ever watch, like a weird. I remember they had the movie secretary on my flight once. And I'm just watching this and it's like a lot of bdsm. It's James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. There's a secretary that he's really sexually inappropriate to. I mean, it was preemie too. It's very dicey where he's just making her do crazy kinky shit as a secretary. And I'm just watching this and there's just like, people next to me like, what the fuck are you? You could tell. They're like, this is not okay, but fun movie.
Host
There's a cool insight around airplanes where people that sit in economy have to walk through business to get there. There's a nine times increase in passenger agitation. So the number of incidents where somebody gets logged as being disruptive or whatever, it's increased by nine times if the people in economy have to walk through business class. So it's called the poverty parade. That basically everyone that's. Everyone that's really nice has already sat on. They've got their champagne or their orange juice or whatever. And then everyone else has got to sort of traipse past with their eyes down. Does the proletariat have to go into their blood and feces and straw point.
Sam Morrell
What I do, I think for years. I think flying coach for so many fucking years, every weekend. Like, cheapest flight possible. I think it fucked my neck up because I would just. I'm six three. I would just fall asleep like, like. And I was like, I think I have neck problems. But, you know. Yeah, it doesn't make a lot of sense. You see a lot of incidents. I mean, people. That woman had a whole career made. That woman who had like a meltdown on the plane. This is what we do with celebrity Motherfucker.
Host
There is not real.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. And she's like, got a following now of people. It's so funny how People, instead of us being like, that person's clearly mentally ill, we're like, oh, we should continue to lift this person up.
Host
Yeah. She was the supernatural Hock tour, wasn't she?
Sam Morrell
She was. Hock two is a big one.
Host
Well, I mean, the meme I've been something I've been totally obsessed by over the last three months. All of this summer. The speed of memes and news. You know, we went from Hock tour to Biden Senile to Trump's shot in the ear to Kamala Harris Coconut season to Brat Girl Summer to, you know, it. And every single one erased all of the ones that came previously. No one's talking about Trump being shot. No one is being. Is he got shot in the. Or it was a piece of glass or whatever. Two months ago. Yeah. And everyone's already. I'm way over it. That's old news. Yeah.
Sam Morrell
That was two months ago. The assassination attempt. 13th of July.
Host
What'd you say? 14th of September or something like exactly. Almost exactly two months ago.
Sam Morrell
You know, it's interesting. Andy Warhol used to say, everyone will be famous for 15 minutes, but he didn't have this type of social media when he was around. Like, you can parlay this into maybe a lifetime of hawk to have missed.
Host
It with without monetizing on Only fans. That was the pivot.
Sam Morrell
But then. But that she's so young that I respect her for not doing that because she could have done that. She could have been like, I'm just going to get naked and be a. But clearly she's like, no, I wanted. I want to do some other cash.
Host
Me Outside Chick did pivot into it. I think she's one of the top creators on OnlyFans now.
Sam Morrell
Oh, my God. I think there was a Cash her finger in herself. Yeah.
Host
Outside there was a breakdown of businesses, their revenues, and the number of employees that they have. I think OnlyFans has less than 60 employees, and its revenues are in the billions.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
Per employee.
Sam Morrell
More than pro sports, they say.
Host
Yeah. Yeah. All of every NBA player put together is less than the revenue of only fans.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. Which is weird because who's only fans? LeBron. Who's like, the biggest pay person?
Host
I don't know. I don't know. Let me see if I can find out. Top, this is gonna. I'm gonna be pixeled for the rest of my time by searching. Top.
Sam Morrell
I've never done it. I've never, like, subscribed to someone on Only OnlyFans creators.
Host
I mean, this has gotta be pixels, by the way.
Sam Morrell
It's so funny to call them creators. Just some chick getting drilled on her couch. She's a creator creative.
Host
Erica mena. Monthly earnings 4.5 million.
Sam Morrell
Not bad.
Host
Bad baby. There's a lot of Hs in that.
C
4.33 million.
Host
Tana Mong. Mong.
Sam Morrell
Who are you jacking off? You. Honey, it's not what you think. It's a bad. Baby, I was jacking off to a bad.
Host
Well, they have a pornhub a really great. Their data science team. This sounds like a re. This sounds like the dog ate my homework excuse for watching pornhub. But the data science team at pornhub is actually really, really great. And they'll tell you what the top trends are and the top searches and. And what's changed year on year. And, you know, this particular one state has got a foot fetish.
Sam Morrell
Is that like Napster, though, for porn stars now? Because they're not paying them.
Host
Oh, yeah, that's a good point. But so I'm friends with a adult actress in the uk and she said that the whole job of pornhub now, for most, at least women, maybe guys too, is it's the front end of the funnel that drives the traffic into.
Sam Morrell
So it's like YouTube for comedians.
Host
Is Pornhub for more like Instagram, where you've got your little short clips and that's what will go up on pornhub. You get to watch, you know, five.
Sam Morrell
Just her sucking a cock. Subscribe to my actual channel.
Host
Honestly. Yeah. To watch the full video. See below. Yeah, you get to see it in 360p, but the full 4K surround sound experiences available on my website. Yeah. I don't know, man. It's. I mean, it's. It's absolutely fascinating.
Sam Morrell
But I used to have a joke about I would look at so much porn that it would, like, funnel into my. Because on the dating apps, you can choose, like, what kind of ethnicity you would want on some of them. So I'd be. You know, I'd watch so much porn that it would funnel into it. I'd be like, Asian milf, neighbor. Hand job. Yeah.
Host
Yeah. I do wonder what the future is going to end up being. Whether we look back on this period as like an odd.
Sam Morrell
Every period's odd.
Host
But yeah, that is true, I suppose. You look back at the Victorian era, it's like, you showed too much ankle there, Melinda. How could you? You know what I mean? Like, that's a little bit.
Sam Morrell
Well, dude, everyone is in their own world right now. Everyone. Like, it's like that thing like, you know, the meme bitch thinks he's the main character. You know, something like that. But you'll see a guy on a bike riding by. I almost got hit by a guy on a bicycle a few days ago because he's filming himself like talking for some vlog and I'm like some idiot. He could, he could have gotten like badly hurt. I could have gotten maybe hurt, but he's like, it's all for content, man. And he probably got me at the end being like, fuck you. Like I'm angry, but like that's all.
Host
Part of the Morrell in the background of that guy's cycling vlog.
Sam Morrell
That's what I love about this city. I saw a woman scream at a guy going the wrong way in a bike zooming by and she goes, asshole. And I'm like, oh, I love an angry old lady in this city. They're fun.
Host
Well, those E bikes because I haven't.
Sam Morrell
Been in, they're fast and people are wearing helmets, dude.
Host
Absolutely. It must be at least 20 miles an hour, maybe more that those. They're able to go more I think dedicated cycle lanes.
Sam Morrell
Same with the scooters.
Host
Yeah, it's hard.
Sam Morrell
That's. Dude, I. I learned to drive in here. I'm a bad driver. But like I can drive in Manhattan, which I think is like one of the hardest places to drive because so many things are happening. Like it's.
Host
Yeah, you need to be one of those waymo cars, but you need that for your head. You've got eyes wrapped all the way around your back. I don't know, there's. I'm still very much in. Even I've spent, I don't know, a total of a month in the city across my life. There is a confidence that New Yorkers walk with. It's like a rhythm, self assured vibration that they move through the city with that if you're not, if you haven't been indoctrinated, you just do not have.
Sam Morrell
I haven't got the people have the right of way over the car. So it's like we're more confident. Like Colin Quinn is like the quintessential New Yorker to me.
Host
Who's that?
Sam Morrell
He's a great comedian, Colin Quinn. He's got a Netflix special called New York Story. It's the one of the greatest standup specials ever, I think. And I love Colin and he has a joke about how like people will be driving like, oh my God, I almost got hit by that person. You know, because we walk with so Much confidence. But it is. It's the truth. We. We feel like we run the city. You. And as when you are driving, you're kind of like, what the fuck is wrong with that guy? Like, I could have hurt him. You know, do.
Host
So if you're a New Yorker, if you're a, you know, domestic born and raised New Yorker, do you walk everywhere? Do you take the tube? Or is it sort of a. A choice based on your preference for whether you cycle?
Sam Morrell
I don't bicycle. I don't. Like, my dad never taught me how to ride a bike. I'm worthless, dude. I'm more. I'm talking. I'm like, holy. I have no abilities, no motor skills.
Host
Just say rude thing.
Sam Morrell
That's all I got.
Host
Yeah.
Sam Morrell
My dad once took me to ride a bike in Central park and just let go of me and I went down a hill and I crashed into a tree and was like, we're done with that. And that was it. He was just like, I give up, Bailey now. Yeah. And so I've, I've ridden during COVID I was. When we didn't know what was going on. I rode the bike a couple times downtown, but I was getting wiped out a couple. I sucked at it. And no, I don't do this.
Host
I thought the tube was basically just a homeless fight permanently happening 24 hours a day that you.
Sam Morrell
No, that's the media. Like, there, look, there's crazy shit happening on there. But they love when it does because it's like New York's falling apart. I ride the subway everywhere, okay? I, I'm a walker. I walked here. I, I, I like the subway. But when I take, if I do take a car, I try to always make it a yellow cab because, you know, they over the yellow cabs of city, they, the medallion's worthless. So I try to.
Host
But did they not just pivot to becoming Uber drivers? Is that not.
Sam Morrell
Well, the problem was if you have a medallion, that was kind of an investment, and you would. The medallion so you can get the cab.
Host
Expensive.
Sam Morrell
Yeah. They would retire on them. They would send them, sell them for like over a million dollars, you know.
Host
So it was because there's a limited number of taxi spots available.
Sam Morrell
Yeah.
Host
Right.
Sam Morrell
So it's a scarce resort.
Host
It's like the original bitcoin. It's a bitcoin of the, of the taxi world.
Sam Morrell
But then they just let Uber people, oh, you have a car. You can be an Uber driver. So that fucked them over completely. So I try to stay loyal to the cabs. Look, Every once in a while you regret it, because in a world with no ratings, you don't know what you're walking into sometimes. So, like, I'll be in there. And the guy's like, oh, this guy's an asshole. He's. You know. But I try to stay loyal to the Cavs.
Host
What's your advice for people flying into and flying out of New York? Because for the first time ever, I flew into Newark coming here. That's pretty sweet.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, well, you have options. You take cab. You could also take the train. You could take Amtrak in, which is kind of nice. And then, you know, the subway, you got that jfk, you got the. You can take the subway if you want to go public transit. But JFK is a tough. That's a bad airport, which is wild.
Host
Because it must be one of the busiest airports in America.
Sam Morrell
Well, look at lax. That's a terrible fucking airport. And that's it.
C
I've never had any bad experience.
Host
I mean, I hate the get on the bus to get to the cab to get to the city. That is.
Sam Morrell
It's insanity.
Host
Very painful.
Sam Morrell
It's like, you look like you're in, like, a detention camp. It's insane.
Host
Yes. Yeah, that is true. You're one of the Uyghurs just waiting to be it dropped off somewhere. Yeah, that's funny. Ah, where else have I been to. That was intro. Atlanta is a wild airport. That thing's a city that just exists.
Sam Morrell
As a. Oh, you. It's three miles to get to where you need to get an Uber. It's fucking crazy.
Host
Yeah. And there's that big loop train thing now.
Sam Morrell
Now we're doing what I said I should do as a comedian.
Host
Why are we talking about trap airports all the time?
Sam Morrell
Everyone listening right now is like, I'm gonna fucking put a gun in my mouth.
Host
What else is coming up for you?
Sam Morrell
Well, I got this special on Prime Video called you've changed. I'm proud of that one. It's got some really good jokes in it. Spent a couple. Spent like over a year and a half touring with that. So I felt. I feel pretty good about that hour. It's got a really. It's called you've Changed. Because there was a bit in it where it's a true story. A woman tried to cancel me. I had a trans joke in a special, in a Netflix special, and it was actually a really positive joke. It was a fun joke. It was very positive about trans people. And it went viral. And all these trans people started weighing in, like, you know, hell yeah. One of them was like, this is how you do it. I was like, I'm a good guy. I guess the next trans person was like, this is our person now. And I was like, oh, you know, this could back. Like I support, but you don't want to be the voice of the movement. And then the next trans person was like, this is my least favorite comedian. And yes, I know his work. And I was like, who the is this person? So I start clicking on the profile and as someone who tried to cancel me in 2013 and. And she hated my jokes. And he used to be a she, which I don't give a shit about. Like, it's your life. Do whatever the hell you want. But every post that he writes about me now is fuck Sam Morrell. He made bad jokes in 2013. So I finally responded. But you know that people can change.
Host
Very clever.
Sam Morrell
So that's. The special is called you've changed. And it's a fun special. It's on Prime Video. I think it's like hard jokes top to bottom. I got the rights back for my Netflix special. So that's on my YouTube channel that's called same time Tomorrow. I've got. I got this, which is a special I self produced on YouTube in 2020, which I'm proud of that one too. But then I'm on tour. I'm announcing a new theater tour starting, I believe, first week of February, doing the tour bus and the whole thing. And I'm coming literally everywhere. This is probably coming up after my Euro tour. So I got Spokane. I'm doing a weekend at a club in Spokane, Washington. October 24th through 26th. I'm doing a weekend in Cleveland at Hilarity's, one of my favorite clubs. November 21st through 23rd, I believe be popping up all over just to work on the material before we go back to theaters. And I'm coming to every American city, truly every city. So sam.com and hit tour and I. I'll be coming to your city and I post my on punchup Live. Sam. Because they don't send to me. My friend Danny Frankel started an app. He used to work at Facebook. The issue for me at. At Facebook and Instagram is I'm sure you deal with this.
Host
They.
Sam Morrell
They bury any post that has anything problematic in it. And guess what? They decide what's problematic.
Host
It's becoming incre. Strict. I put a. I was wearing a very like, loud pair of track pants yesterday that looked like what a karate teacher from the 90s would wear. So I put can't wait to roundhouse kick someone in the face wearing these bad boys. Within 30 seconds. My account had a warning and I had to go through a bunch of things because it had been auto detected that I was inciting violence.
Sam Morrell
It's insane. Wow, that's really, it's getting dangerous, dude. And it really. For jokes, like you know, sometimes, sometimes you say something sarcastically, sometimes you're. And but guess what?
Host
If you're sarcastic horror comedian says thing that he doesn't really mean.
Sam Morrell
Exactly. But then you, they read that some robot that can't detect sarcasm sees that as like a threat or like something that's hate speech. But you kind of have to look at a person's track record and what they actually believe. I'm not going to actually say what I believe all the time, but if you know who I am, you know what I believe.
Host
So what's the punch up?
Sam Morrell
Punch Up Live. And he's got an app now for punch up. But Danny's become my good friend. He left Facebook because he loves comedy and he, you know, I think he did really well over there. But now he wants to, he wants to take down Ticketmaster essentially because he thinks they're taking so much. I mean, you see what the government, what is it? It's, it's a play, it's many things. It's a place where you can see uncensored comedy.
Host
Like, like YouTube, like specials.
Sam Morrell
Sure, you can put anything on there. I put, I put a lot of clips on there that are comedians basically. But I just asked for your email inst of your money because I just want your email for when I tour. So yeah, I post clips up there that will get flagged by Instagram and I'm not super provocative, but these are just going to get flagged, you know. So I post clips there and I post all my dates there and I collect emails there so I can. And I don't spam you, I just want to, you know, have your email. So when I'm coming to your city, I'll tell you it, it's geolocated. So you give me your zip code and I will be like, hey, come to your city this week or something. But I love what he's doing. It's nice to have like a free speech platform that's not run by a right wing lunatic. Because then just like we're like, it's free speech. And then you log on some of these and it's just like the N word and you're like, this isn't really what I wanted.
Host
Hot dogs and Jew jokes.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, all the way down. Yeah, I. And guess what? I got a lot of Jew jokes too. And they're not hateful, so they're a little hateful, but they're about me. Self hating Jew.
Host
Different samaril, ladies and gentlemen. Dude, thanks for having me. Appreciate the heck out of you. Thank you.
Sam Morrell
Yeah, you too, man. This was fun.
Modern Wisdom Podcast Episode #860: Sam Morril – Travis Kelce, OnlyFans & New York Chaos
Host: Chris Williamson | Guest: Sam Morril | Duration: Approximately 57 minutes
In this engaging episode of Modern Wisdom (#860), host Chris Williamson sits down with renowned stand-up comedian Sam Morril. They delve into a wide array of topics, including the quirks of living in New York City, the complexities of modern dating, celebrity relationships, and personal anecdotes from Sam’s life as a comedian. The conversation is peppered with humor, insightful observations, and memorable quotes that offer listeners both entertainment and enlightenment.
Adjusting to the Big Apple
Sam Morril opens up about his lifelong experience in New York City, describing it as an environment that can make anyone feel like a "medieval country bumpkin" initially. He humorously critiques the prevalence of fake luxury bags on the streets and shares his struggles with driving in such a hectic metropolis.
Sam Morril [01:20]: "I feel like a medieval country bumpkin going to the big city or something to have to speak to the baron or whatever."
The Constant State of Irritation
Sam reflects on the city's relentless pace and noise, comparing it to life itself. Despite the daily frustrations, he expresses a sense of gratitude fueled by frequent travel and being away from home.
Sam Morril [04:16]: "This city is a constant state of irritation. But then, sometimes I think life is that way."
Challenges of Driving in NYC
Sam recounts his futile attempts to obtain a driver’s license, highlighting his fear of driving and subsequent reliance on public transportation. His humorous take on failing driver’s tests underscores the chaotic driving culture of New York.
Sam Morril [02:39]: "I keep drinking it and I'm like, I don't think I like it, but I've had like 10 sips and I'm like, maybe I do."
Subway Insights
Navigating the subway is another topic Sam touches upon, emphasizing the efficiency yet inherent chaos of the system. He humorously notes the disconnect between public perception and the reality of handling the subway as a seasoned New Yorker.
Sam Morril [62:51]: "I try to stay loyal to the cabs. Look, Every once in a while you regret it, because in a world with no ratings, you don't know what you're walking into sometimes."
Innovative Dating Methods
Chris introduces a quirky social media trend from Spain where singles use pineapples in supermarkets to find potential partners. Sam critiques the complexity of such methods, advocating for more straightforward approaches to dating.
Sam Morril [15:19]: "The Spanish are overcomplicating this. How about just going up to someone and saying, hey, I like you."
Critique of Dating Apps
Both hosts discuss the addictive nature of dating apps, the superficiality they often foster, and the fatigue that comes with endless swiping and repetitive dates. Sam reminisces about the simpler times of traditional dating and expresses nostalgia for more genuine connections.
Sam Morril [17:03]: "The grass is always greener, so I'm happy in my relationship. But I also, like, I'm like, oh, man, that was awesome."
Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift
Sam analyzes the public fascination with the relationship between NFL star Travis Kelce and pop icon Taylor Swift. He dismisses conspiracy theories suggesting political manipulation behind their pairing, instead focusing on Kelce’s outstanding athletic performance despite the relationship’s scrutiny.
Sam Morril [26:50]: "His performance hasn't slipped with this Taylor Swift thing either. We're talking about, like, your pod, his podcast, and his performance. His, like, like, it's funny how much shit he's getting because every athlete Kim Kardashian started sleeping with just started to suck."
Will Smith’s Turbulent Arc
The conversation shifts to Will Smith’s complex public persona and tumultuous relationship with Jada Pinkett Smith. Sam expresses concern over the pressures of fame and its impact on personal relationships, highlighting the difficulties of maintaining a healthy relationship under constant public scrutiny.
Sam Morril [31:38]: "It's almost like being that famous for what, almost 40 years? It's not healthy."
Surviving 9/11 in New York
Sam shares his vivid memories of the September 11 attacks, recounting the chaos and the resilient spirit of New Yorkers during that tragic time. His personal story provides a poignant backdrop to the discussion, emphasizing the city's enduring strength.
Sam Morril [43:03]: "We all lined up, my whole family, but. Crazy day. Crazy fucking day."
Comedian Life and Touring
The hosts discuss the demands of a comedian’s life, including constant travel, performing, and the challenges of maintaining material quality on the road. Sam mentions his upcoming theater tour and the meticulous effort involved in producing his stand-up specials.
Sam Morril [65:43]: "I'm a walker. I walked here. I, I like the subway. But when I take, if I do take a car, I try to always make it a yellow cab because, you know, they over the yellow cabs of city, they, the medallion's worthless."
Launching a Whiskey Brand
Sam discusses his entrepreneurial venture with co-founder Mark Norman, aiming to produce a unique rye whiskey. He humorously describes the challenges of distribution and the complexities of the liquor business, drawing parallels to mob-run operations.
Sam Morril [38:12]: "We have our own bodega cat whiskey and we're, we're getting state in the states. It's a long process, man."
Stand-Up Specials and Platforms
The conversation also covers Sam’s recent stand-up specials, including his Prime Video special "You've Changed," which addresses his journey as a comedian and the evolution of his humor. He highlights the importance of authentic storytelling in comedy.
Sam Morril [65:42]: "The special is called you've changed. And it's a fun special. It's on Prime Video."
Navigating Social Media Platforms
Both hosts express frustration with social media censorship, particularly on platforms like Facebook and Instagram. Sam introduces "Punch Up Live," an app developed by his friend Danny Frankel, designed to support free speech for comedians free from algorithmic restrictions.
Sam Morril [67:52]: "They decide what's problematic. I'm not going to actually say what I believe all the time, but if you know who I am, you know what I believe."
The Future of Content Creation
The discussion touches on the impact of social media on content creation, emphasizing the need for platforms that allow comedians to express themselves without undue restrictions or censorship.
Sam Morril [68:19]: "Punch Up Live. And he's got an app now for punch up. But Danny's become my good friend. He left Facebook because he loves comedy and he, you know, I think he did really well over there."
As the episode wraps up, Sam shares his excitement about upcoming performances and projects, including a new theater tour across various American cities and the release of his self-produced specials on YouTube. He emphasizes the importance of connecting with audiences directly and nurturing free speech in comedy.
Sam Morril [69:13]: "It was a good one. The whole movie is great. I. I spoiled one for you. I'm sorry. But it's worth. The last one at the wedding's the best one. It's incredible."
Sam Morril [04:16]: "This city is a constant state of irritation. But then, sometimes I think life is that way."
Sam Morril [31:38]: "It's almost like being that famous for what, almost 40 years? It's not healthy."
Sam Morril [65:42]: "The special is called you've changed. And it's a fun special. It's on Prime Video."
This episode of Modern Wisdom offers a humorous yet insightful exploration of life in New York City, the intricacies of modern dating, the pressures of celebrity relationships, and the challenges faced by comedians in the digital age. Sam Morril's candid anecdotes and sharp observations provide listeners with a nuanced understanding of navigating personal and professional landscapes in a bustling metropolis. Through laughter and thoughtful dialogue, the episode underscores the resilience required to thrive amidst chaos and the value of authentic connections in an increasingly complex world.