Modern Wisdom Episode #869 - Dry Creek Dewayne: Life Lessons From A Modern Cowboy

In this compelling episode of Modern Wisdom, host Chris Williamson engages in an in-depth conversation with Dry Creek Dewayne (referred to as "B"), a seasoned cowboy, horsemanship instructor, and father of seven. Dewayne shares his journey from an aspiring cowboy to a modern-day mentor, delving into profound life lessons centered around self-control, communication, relationships, and fatherhood. This summary captures the essence of their discussion, highlighting key insights and notable quotes with timestamps.

1. Early Life and Upbringing

Dewayne's Aspirations and Family Background

Dewayne opens up about his childhood ambitions and upbringing. From a young age, he aspired to be a cowboy, a dream he never outgrew.

[01:11] B: "I wanted a cowboy. That was it. Every little boy in this country at a certain age wants to be a cowboy when they grow up. The only difference for me was I never outgrew it. That's all I ever wanted to do."

Despite his steadfast dream, Dewayne was raised in a solid, patriarchal family in central Kentucky. His father, a Baptist preacher, frequently relocated for work, limiting Dewayne's opportunities for farm or ranch life until visits to his grandparents allowed him to pursue his passion.

[01:28] B: "I was raised in a very close-knit, very solid, very country, patriarchal family. You know, just very old school. Kentucky."

2. Becoming a Cowboy and Life Lessons from Horses

Transitioning from Factory Work to Cowboy Life

At 26, Dewayne made a pivotal decision to leave his unsatisfying factory job in Alpine, Tennessee, to chase his lifelong dream. This bold move involved selling his possessions, purchasing saddlery gear, and hitchhiking to Idaho to work at an elk hunting lodge.

[04:14] B: "I just, you know, I'm going to take the jump. I'm doing it. I'm going to go chase the dream that I've had since I was a child."

This initiation into cowboy life was fraught with challenges, including financial struggles and isolation, but it set the foundation for his future endeavors in horsemanship and mentorship.

Life Lessons from Horses

Dewayne emphasizes the profound lessons learned from working with horses, highlighting how these animals mirror human emotions and behaviors.

[13:00] B: "I learned from him [Buck Brannaman] that your horse is just a mirror of you. They're just a reflection of you. Any problem with your horse is just a reflection of a problem inside you."

This understanding led Dewayne to develop greater self-awareness and emotional control, crucial traits for both personal growth and effective horsemanship.

3. Personal Transformation and Overcoming Anger

The Catalyst for Change

A critical moment in Dewayne's life was experiencing a heart attack, which served as a wake-up call to reassess his self-perception and lifestyle.

[09:30] B: "I came to a place in life where I just didn't like me anymore. I will not spend the next 50 years with this guy."

This realization prompted him to adopt healthier habits, reduce stress, and reconnect with intellectual pursuits like reading poetry and Stoic philosophy, significantly transforming his demeanor and relationships.

[10:20] B: "I lay there in bed and I felt it come on. I went to sleep... I woke up next morning... I can't continue to live like this."

The Importance of Emotional Control

Dewayne discusses the detrimental effects of unchecked anger, particularly in roles like law enforcement, where emotional regulation is paramount.

[11:46] B: "There's no benefit to anger. It doesn't fix anything, even when you're in a fight."

This insight underscores his commitment to self-improvement and maintaining composure in all aspects of life.

4. Communication: With Horses and Humans

Understanding Non-Verbal Communication

Dewayne explores the complexities of communication, both with horses and humans. He highlights that effective interaction with horses relies heavily on body language and emotional state.

[21:44] B: "Communication is our biggest weakness. Working with horses and humans is much more complex than many give it credit for."

By learning to calm himself, Dewayne was able to foster better relationships with horses, which in turn taught him valuable lessons about patience and humility.

Translating Lessons to Human Relationships

The conversation shifts to human relationships, where Dewayne emphasizes the importance of making others feel valued and understood without relying solely on verbal communication.

[78:15] B: "If we become the person that we like, I have recently come to the play and this drives people crazy... I like me and it's enough."

This philosophy extends to his approach in relationships, advocating for genuine understanding and respect.

5. Balance: Strength and Softness in Men

Navigating Type A and Type B Personalities

Dewayne and Chris discuss the necessity of balancing assertiveness with empathy. Dewayne criticizes the overemphasis on hustle culture, advocating instead for a balanced approach where men can be strong yet emotionally available.

[43:25] A: "There's a pendulum swung too far towards hustle culture... young men need to know that it's okay to sit down and relax."

This balance is essential for mental well-being and maintaining healthy relationships, a theme central to Dewayne's teachings.

Small Personal Victories

They also delve into the significance of minor, everyday successes, such as maintaining composure or making thoughtful decisions, which contribute to overall personal growth.

[16:10] A: "More language around being gentle with yourself and appreciating small victories is probably something good."

Dewayne echoes this sentiment, using a mathematical analogy to illustrate how small improvements prevent major setbacks.

[16:23] B: "Getting from a negative five to a negative four is a victory."

6. Fatherhood and Legacy

Dewayne's Role as a Father

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around fatherhood. Dewayne shares his stringent approach to parenting, emphasizing honesty, discipline, and the paramount importance of being a role model.

[101:51] B: "Your word is your bond. Don't lie. Be respectful to others."

He recounts how he ensured his daughters were raised with strong values, setting clear boundaries and expectations.

Impact on Society

Dewayne believes that strong fatherhood is foundational to a healthy society. He argues that the decline in paternal roles contributes to broader societal issues, underscoring the need for men to embody integrity and responsibility.

[96:27] B: "This country is a failure today because the fathers and the husbands have failed."

He stresses that a good man serves, protects, and provides not just for himself but for those within his sphere of influence.

7. Final Thoughts

Self-Respect and Personal Growth

As the conversation draws to a close, Dewayne emphasizes the importance of self-respect and continuous personal development. He advocates for men to cultivate a genuine liking for themselves, which in turn fosters healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.

[76:47] B: "I like me. I like me in spite of my understanding and the reality of my weaknesses and my warts and my scars and everything. But, you know, all in all, I'm a pretty good dude."

Legacy and Modern Challenges

Dewayne reflects on modern challenges faced by men, including the pressures of masculinity and the need for balanced role models. He highlights the importance of teaching young men to navigate these challenges with integrity and self-awareness.

[87:00] A: "There has been a lot of talk about the crisis of masculinity... the unseen fatherlessness epidemic."

Notable Quotes

• Dewayne on Personal Change:
  "I came to a place in life where I just didn't like me anymore."
  [09:30]

• On Communication with Horses:
  "Your horse is just a mirror of you. They're just a reflection of you."
  [13:00]

• On Small Victories:
  "Getting from a negative five to a negative four is a victory."
  [16:23]

• On Fatherhood's Societal Impact:
  "This country is a failure today because the fathers and the husbands have failed."
  [96:27]

• On Self-Respect:
  "I like me. I like me in spite of my understanding and the reality of my weaknesses and my warts and my scars and everything. But, you know, all in all, I'm a pretty good dude."
  [76:47]

Conclusion

In this episode, Dry Creek Dewayne offers a wealth of wisdom drawn from his extensive experience as a cowboy, father, and mentor. His insights into self-control, effective communication, balanced masculinity, and the critical role of fatherhood present a roadmap for personal and societal improvement. Dewayne's authentic and grounded perspective serves as a valuable guide for listeners seeking to navigate the complexities of modern life with integrity and resilience.