Baseball, Screens, California | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-24-25

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast Summary
Hosted by All Things Comedy - July 24, 2025
Episode Title: Baseball, Screens, California | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-24-25

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Introduction: Battling Jet Lag

Bill Burr kicks off the episode by sharing his experiences with jet lag after returning from Italy. He humorously describes his struggle to adjust to west coast time, emphasizing the challenges of changing time zones westward versus eastward.

[00:45] Bill Burr: "You can't do it going west to east. It's way easier going east to west because you just stay up than trying to make yourself go to sleep."

Sports Rant: The Red Sox and Baseball Frustrations

A significant portion of the podcast is dedicated to Bill's first Red Sox game of the year. He vents about the team's performance, trading Raphael Devers, and the frustration of watching a game where his team is trailing.

[05:30] Bill Burr: "There's something great about the dog days of baseball, just sitting there watching your team down, fighting five to nothing... I think it was four innings."

Bill recounts dramatic moments from the game, including a grand slam that reignites hope but ultimately leads to an exhausting 11-inning loss. He criticizes the Phillies' fan behavior during home runs, mocking the eagerness to catch souvenirs.

[14:48] Bill Burr: "You brought a glove. That means you care... those chicks, guys come out... trying to get you whatever section you're in."

Family and Parenting: Teaching His Daughter to Drive

Shifting gears, Bill shares a heartfelt story about teaching his eight-year-old daughter to drive a truck. He reflects on the challenges and joys of parenting, highlighting the bond formed during this learning experience.

[22:25] Bill Burr: "She was nervous at first, overcorrecting... but then it was nothing. So I'm gonna start doing that."

Technology and Security: The Simplisafe Advertisement

An advertisement segment for Simplisafe briefly interrupts the podcast, promoting their proactive security systems. Bill humorously extrapolates the ad's message to envision a future where AI robots defend homes.

[26:17] Bill Burr: "I'm so sick of fucking. People trash Americans trashing states because they watch 24-hour news networks... And so on."

Living in New York: Observations and Nostalgia

Bill expresses nostalgia for the New York City of his past, lamenting the changes he's observed over the years. He critiques the evolving urban landscape, the disappearance of original local vibes, and the impact of rising real estate prices.

[39:42] Bill Burr: "I remember when I first lived here... It just felt like Sacramento or something, not like New York."

Listener Interactions: Addressing Audience Questions

The podcast features interactions with listeners, where Bill and co-host Nia Renée Hill respond to audience questions and comments. These segments showcase their comedic chemistry and provide relatable humor on various topics, including banking frustrations and relationship advice.

[74:45] Listener: "Buying a car and being asked for a thumbprint was hilarious."

Relationships and Age Differences: Listener Case Study

A listener shares a personal story about being in a significant age-gap marriage. Bill and Nia offer comedic yet insightful advice, touching on themes of insecurity, midlife crises, and relationship dynamics.

[91:11] Listener: "Our age difference was never an issue until the last year or so."

[94:44] Nia Renée Hill: "It seems like the power dynamics have shifted... you might be having a midlife crisis."

Concluding Remarks: Embracing Aging and Final Thoughts

Bill wraps up the episode by reflecting on aging and societal changes. He humorously contemplates the future of technology, such as microchipping, and its implications on personal freedom and privacy.

[82:48] Bill Burr: "Why the fuck do you need my fingerprints as a fucking airline? Who the fuck are you?"

He ends on a playful note, interacting with his co-host and family members, highlighting the podcast's informal and spontaneous nature.

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Notable Quotes

• "You can't hide. Ready or not." — Bill Burr [00:01]
• "The great thing about baseball is it takes a little while so you can jump in at 4 to nothing. You have no idea what's gonna happen." — Bill Burr [08:26]
• "They don't have a problem with it... they're so fucking stupid." — Bill Burr [26:58]
• "When you come back from it, there's a first pitch hit." — Bill Burr [11:12]
• "It's just greed and power completely 100% out of control." — Bill Burr [80:25]

Key Takeaways

• Jet Lag Struggles: Personal anecdotes about adjusting to different time zones.
• Sports Enthusiasm: Passionate rants about baseball, particularly the Red Sox's performance and fan behaviors.
• Parenting Insights: Heartwarming and humorous stories about raising his daughter.
• Skepticism of Technology: Critical views on advancing security technologies and corporate overreach.
• Nostalgia for New York: Reflective thoughts on how NYC has changed over the years.
• Relatable Listener Stories: Engaging with audience experiences and offering comedic advice.
• Aging and Society: Contemplating the effects of aging and societal shifts on personal life.

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This episode showcases Bill Burr's trademark humor and candidness, blending personal stories with sharp social commentary. Whether ranting about sports frustrations or sharing heartfelt moments with his family, Bill delivers an engaging and relatable listening experience for fans of the Monday Morning Podcast.

Transcript

[Bill Burr]

All right, Ready or not, here I come. You can't hide. Ready or not. Heads up. Gamers become an elite SWAT commander and bring order to chaos. Ready or not is now officially available for PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series Xs. After earning a loyal following on PC, it's finally making its console debut with full cross play across all platforms. So whether your friends are on a PC, Xbox or PlayStation, you can all jump into the action together at launch. The game includes a wide range of single player and online co op missions with up to five players working as a team. And on top of that, two brand new missions are dropping on day one as part of the free Stories from Los Suenos dlc. Available on both console and PC, this game is all about immersive, high pressure gameplay where strategy, teamwork and communication really matters. You'll have full control to customize your squad, plan your approach, and take on each mission however you want. It's a big moment for fans of the game and a great time to jump in. If you're new, Download Ready or not today for PlayStation, Xbox or PC. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. Whoo. How's it going? Ah, Jesus Christ. It's 3:45 and then 3:45 in the morning. Oh, Billy, jet lag. Billy, jet set Billy over here now. He's over there. Oh, Billy, what are you doing up there? I thought I beat it. I thought I beat it. The jet lag. Flew back from Italy, stayed up the whole fucking way, connected in Atlanta and I was just like, I'm just not gonna go to sleep. I landed, you know, we left the hotel at 7 in the morning, arrived back at my house at 9pm or something like that. Fucking west coast time. Then I just passed out and I woke up the next day at like 6:30 and I was like, I, I did it. Look at that. I beat this jet lag shit. You know, you can't do it going, going west to east. You know, it's way easier going east to west because you. It's way easier to just stay up than it is to not be tired and try to make yourself go to sleep. You know what I mean? It would be like, you know, like trying to just shit on command. It's like, I just, I don't have to do this right now. Oh God, I'm getting, I'm getting in my lazy comedy years right now. I'm just I got nothing. I'm going right for the shit joke. The old shit joke. The old shit joke. She ain't what she used to be. Yeah, that's gonna be me playing C grade casinos. Don't you see this? Did you see this in the news today? I mean, it's all in the papers. Some poor fucking 40 year old kid dragged to the show by his parents. Looking at his parents like, what's a paper? The fuck is a paper? Anyway, I watched my first Red Sox game of the year last night. No, what a dandy it was, you know, I know we were ripping it up right before the all break, won like 10 in a row or some shit. Then we came out all sluggish. We basically, we dealt Raphael Devers to San Francisco and everybody's like, what the fuck did they do that for? And then only won 10 in a row. Like, you know, dude, I was saying, dude, I was saying that made a lot of sense. I mean, the guy didn't want to take grounders at first or third during spring training. The fuck, dude, let's get him out of here and let's get some other fucking prospects. And then we started, you know, slumping again. So anyway, anyways, I, I watched the game yesterday. I put it on, right? Five to nothing, no, four to nothing. And I'm like, ah, well, you know, what are you gonna do? And I've always liked the Phillies, you know what I mean? I liked them way back when. Pete Rose in 1980, Steve Calton, Mike Schmidt and I fucking loved the National League. They played on AstroTurf in those multi purpose stadiums and the game just looked faster, was hit and run, people were stealing and everything. The Phillies had a really cool, cool uniform. I was actually thinking yesterday, last night that you could argue that Philly, if you look at all four of their sports teams combined in the early 80s, I mean, I don't think you had a city that had four teams that collectively had better uniforms than that, you know, I mean, the Eagles, yeah, it was all right, but the Flyers had a great uniform, the Creamsicles, before they, they lost their way years later before they went back to it, they had the Creamsicles, right? Then they had the Phillies, had that cool blue with the maroon. And then the 76ers, I mean, I still maintain the 76ers warm up tracksuit, whatever the you call it during the Dr. J. Mo cheeks, Andrew Toney years. I don't know, I would put that up there, I would put that up there against anything trying to think of Another city that, like, four teams, all four teams. I mean, the Patriots, when we had Pat Patriot, when we had Paul Revere. Look at this guy driving down the street with this. I'm sitting in my truck, by the way. Guy driving down the street with his fucking roll bar with the lights on. On top. Is that what the fuck I'm looking at? I don't know. Oh, no, that's some sort of rent a cop. To rent a cop. Dude, dude, dude, you don't have to give him your license. I'm on Best Buy property. I had to do it. Nah, dude, you fucking pussied out. Anyway, so it was four to nothing. But, you know, the great thing about baseball is it takes a little while so you can jump in at 4 to nothing. You have no idea what's gonna happen. Then it becomes five to nothing. I'm like, yeah, what the fuck? You know, there's something great about in the dog days of baseball, as a fan, just sitting there watching your team down, fighting five to nothing after four or five innings. I think it was four innings, right? I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna keep watching this shit. Well, wouldn't you know it, the top of the fifth, I think it was. Some kid goes up. I don't know anybody's name on the team. Some kid comes up, he hits a fucking double. Well, there you go. Look at that. Then there was a walk. And somewhere in the middle of all of this, they interview the Phillies manager and they're talking about the kid who's pitching for the Phillies. And I guess he had his wife gave birth at 3:30 in the morning. That's funny. I'm doing this podcast at 3:30 in the morning. It's a little apropos, wouldn't you say? I don't even know what that means. There's a little serendipity. There's so many of those expressions that I've just kind of, you know, smiled and nodded at. You know, for the longest time, when somebody said he was lucid, I thought that meant he was like fucking drooling and was. You're not paying attention. I use that word wrong. I didn't use that word a lot. Oh. But when I did, I was the most interesting man in the room because everybody was like, I don't know what the fuck this guy's talking about. So there was a lot of furrowed brows. He's saying, this guy's out of his fucking mind. I thought he was firing on all cylinders. He was firing all cylinders. Well, not according to the bald ginger in the corner. He just called him lucid. No, wait, then they would understand how I meant it. Whatever.

[Nia Renée Hill]

It's fucking 3:30 in the morning.

[Bill Burr]

What do you want from me? So anyway, they fucking. It's five to nothing and whatever, the fucking manager, they talk to him and they go, well, yes, his wife gave birth to his first child 3:30 in the morning. And I said to him, you know, what do you want to do? You know you do. You want to take the night off? He's like, no, no, Skip. I want to pitch. Right? Great story. He comes out, he's fucking dialed in. He's mowing us down. They're up five to nothing. What a great way to invite your first kid. I believe he had a baby. Believe he had a baby boy. He had a baby boy. His fucking wife did. Shut up, bitch. Anyway, right after they interview that guy, the fucking kid lets up a double. Then there's a walk, then he walks another guy. There's fucking two outs somewhere along the line. He walks in a run, it's five to one. Here comes the tyrant run of the plate. Walks in another run, four straight pitches. I think it was Duran. He walked. And then the guy who hits after Duran comes up, it's five to two, there's a shot to left field, this guy, fucking grand slam. Grand Islam. Now it's six to five. And I'm like, would you look at that? There was a guy used to play for the Yankees long time ago named Yogi Berra. And he told all of us, it ain't over till it's over. That's all. Baseball fans know that expression, it ain't over until it's over. And that's not true. It ain't over until your team comes back five to nothing and goes up six five. And then you're sitting there like a fucking fat, dumb orange cunt, going, this game is fucking over. Six to five after six, six to five after seven. Here we go, top of the eighth, we don't get nothing. Six outs away. And the second I started counting outs, I'm like, don't count outs, Bill. Don't count outs. There's a fucking shot to straightaway center. Phillies tie it up 6 to 6. We go into extra innings, top of the 10th, Red Sox score a run to go up 7 to 6. And I'm like, all right, come on, what are you doing? You know, I talked to my wife for half a second. Next thing you know, there's a guy standing on third for the Phillies. I'm like, what the fuck happened? Every time. Every time we come back from commercial, there's a first pitch hit. This guy just hit a triple. He did not. He hit a double. Then there was a bach or some shit. He goes over to third and there's one out. And the guy announcing the game goes, that doesn't matter, man. What the fuck you mean, it doesn't matter? The fuck do you mean, it doesn't matter?

[Nia Renée Hill]

How could you say that?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, no, that was that one. Sorry, I got ahead of myself there. I don't know what the fuck happened. It was 7 6. And then the Phillies tied it up. Bottom 10th, 7 to 7, right? No, that was what they did. They got the guy over to fucking third, bottom of the tenth. That's what it was. So it's seven to seven. And now I'm thinking like.

[Nia Renée Hill]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

Now we're at the top of the 11th. There's something about baseball after the 11th. I'm rooting for my team. I'll root for my team through 11 innings. After 11 innings, I just root for everybody. Somebody hit a home run, end this fucking thing. It's a goddamn work night there. Ah, geez. People gotta go to work. Anyway, we end up going up, I think we had a home run, a two run shot. We came out with a double right after the commercial break. We go up nine to seven, and then we get one out. Then they get somebody on base, and I'm like, this fucking game's never gonna end. And it ended up ending after 11 innings, 9 to 7. I can't tell you who was pitching on either side. I can't tell you who did what. I don't know who's shot. I don't know who's not, right? And that was my first Red Sox game of the year. And get used to that. And even more in depth baseball coverage right here on the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast, um, there was one home run that the Red Sox hit during all of that that, you know, the Phillies reviewed. They were like, oh, my God, I want to fucking see. I want to see that again. Because I don't think that was a home run. And it never, like, fails to, like, blow my mind. When you just have fans at baseball games and the way that they reach out for foul balls and home runs with no clue of the score. It's like you knew the score until you saw that ball coming at you. And just your instinc. You know, did you learn nothing from that poor fucking bastard? Out there with the Cubs. I mean, that kid had to move. He had to move. And what killed me about that was there was a whole bunch of people reaching for that fucking foul ball. And he was the poor bastard that had hit. He was the poor bastard that it hit, you know. And then what happened? He fucking disappeared. Then years later, they won the World Series and then they tried to make it up to him. I will say one of the worst things ever was when I watched the documentary on that, the fucking local disc jockeys, the DJs, they gave out the guy's fucking name and address. So a bunch of deadbeat dads, degenerate pieces of, could go over there and harass this person who the would do. I could see if you got a kid who got the time to do that. How many years do you not win the World Series before you realize it's the organization, not the Dungeon and Dragons kid in the crowd? So anyways, the. The ball, the ball coming down. Red Sox goes to hit the, you know, hits a fucking home run. And there was two Red Sox fans that reached out and grabbed it. Okay? That's what they were looking at. But there was a Philly fan in there too, some lady. And she had a fucking glove. And once you have a fucking glove on, when you go to a bread sock, a baseball game, you're not a fucking woman anymore. You're a baseball fan.

[Listener]

All right?

[Bill Burr]

You're not just there because your husband's there. You know what I mean? You're not there to get fucking attention. Tying off the back of your T shirt into a fucking knot. So when you sit and you lean forward to look at something, they see the top of your booty crack. You're not fucking there for that. You brought a glove. You brought a glove. That means you care maybe a little too much. Maybe a little too much. You may be keeping score, taking your glove off between fucking fly balls to right field or left field. Like Jim Abbott. Remember that guy? The one handed pitcher keeping score, right? Or maybe you're right handed. I guess a lot of people are like that. Yeah, because then we'll be on the opposite hand. All right, forget the Jim Abbott reference. But you brought a fucking glove. That means you give a shit. And this chick fucking reached out to try to catch the fucking home run. Why don't you try to knock it back into the field to play? They don't. Everybody gets excited about a souvenir. And that's, I'll tell you right now, when you finally realize that you're Entering your curmudgeon years is when you go to a sporting event and I don't give a fuck what comes flying into the stands from the field to play. You don't give a fuck. You don't stand up. Those chicks, guys come out, those overly excited musical theater kids come running out on a basketball court, you know, eyebrows up, eyes real wide, you know, doing that Tourette fucking shake with their head, holding the T shirt up. Zoinks, right? Who wants it? Zoinks. You know, trying to get you whatever section you're in. Who can yell the loudest when you don't give a fuck what computer game they have going on on the jumbotron that your section can fucking root for so you can get a free Dairy Queen sundae at your local participating locations. When you stop giving a fuck about that and start looking at that jumbotron for what it is, crowd control to get everybody looking at the screen because they're staring at their fucking cell phones watching a little game, going to the Jumbotron. And what it. What, what happened? There's no more class clowns at games. There's barely any fights in the stands. Don't let Instagram and all those things fool you that there's a bunch of fights in the stands. There's 30 games and 30 games. There's 15 fucking games a night on average. I haven't done any research. Whatever. There's a lot of fucking games every night in baseball, all right? 30,000 people at each fucking game. That's like fucking three, four fucking million people. It's like four and a half fucking million people on average a night watching baseball. I don't know, a million to four and a half million, depending on how it's fucking depending on whether they let them use steroids or not. Because I'll tell you right now, you fucking so and so's when baseball. Remember that fucking Michael Rappaport documentary when the Garden was eaten about the Knicks in the early 70s, 52 fucking years ago, but for some reason, ESPN, every year you still have to fucking watch the Knick fans talking shit. Espn. Like everybody doesn't know they're not going to win the championship, but every fucking year they got to show them. Oh, what are these crazy. You know, those New Yorkers. It's a lot of bravado. Oh, geez. There fucking just the, the, the, the New York bias when it comes to sports is never more exposed than, than in basketball season. All right, I get it with the Yankees. They, they've won the most, okay? I Get it? All right. I get that it's a big market. You know, Giants have won. Jets never. Fuck, they never really go to jets fans. You know what they do with jets fans? They just show a compilation of them booing people at the NFL draft. But whatever, they get a ton of fucking attention. And never is it more obvious how fucking stupid it is then every goddamn night you gotta watch. Nick fans, you know, jumping up and.

[Listener]

Down.

[Bill Burr]

In this orgy of overconfidence. Jumping up and down like they're standing behind a rapper in a video. In the early 2000s, remember that rappers would always go to their neighborhood to let everybody know that they're still fucking in the neighborhood and, you know, they're still keeping it real and all of this shit. And they didn't really buy a fucking mansion, New Jersey, but everybody knew that they did. When it came time to do the video, you went back to your fucking block and the whole fucking neighborhood showed up to jump up and down behind you. Remember that? I remember that in Houston, when they have all the rappers were coming out of Houston, everybody would be fucking. You know, I liked when it was the Southern rap, and everybody would be in, like, the fucking rural area and went from all these fucking shots in Brooklyn or shots outside LA or in Houston. Then all of a sudden they would just, what was that guy? Oh, North Carolina, come on and raise up, you know, and they just fucking standing outside of 7:11 next to a Winn Dixie. Not quite the fucking scenic views of the major cities. You know, I talked about that for so long, I forget what I was talking about. Oh, the bias of New York teams, right? Like, I remember, there was a time Red Sox, I think in 2007, the Red Sox won the World Series. And ESPN gives us our props and then immediately goes, reaction in the Bronx. And now for the reaction in the Bronx, remember, because George Steinbrenner, you know, he was always had to issue a statement. George Steinbrenner, convicted felon. Convicted felon gets pardoned by Ronald Reagan. Those fucking billionaires. They. The politicians have been looking out for the billionaires forever, for fucking ever. And my people will never fucking know them. They'll never pay attention to it because they don't give a fuck because it's white on white crime, and that's fine. See myself in there, you know, getting Yankees tickets. I see myself in there fucking bribing a politician. You know, she get somebody brown, just out there working on a farm. Get him the fire storming the US Capitol. I'll give him a pardon that's fine. That's fine. You know, who hasn't put on a buffalo head and fucking kill the cop Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is I watched my first fucking Red Sox game. All right? So anyway. Oh, I had a big day yesterday. I went for a ride in my old truck, right? So it's got the bench seat. So I say to my lovely daughter, go, hey, you want to take a ride?

[Nia Renée Hill]

Let's just go ride around.

[Bill Burr]

Ride around the neighborhood. So we go to get in the truck, she goes, dad, I want to sit right here, which is, you know, the middle seat or whatever, because, you know, I was away on the plate.

[Nia Renée Hill]

For a long time.

[Bill Burr]

She's eight years old, you know, she missed her dad, so she wants to drive down the street. And I said, I was hoping you were gonna say you wanted to sit right there. And she said, why? I said, cuz, you're gonna steer. I'm gonna. I'm gonna think. She goes, dad, I want to do that. Come on. She goes, dad, why you. Why do you want to teach me how to drive so bad? I'm only eight years old. I go, you start early, you start. My dad started me. Or I could drive a fucking stick shift by the time I was like 12, 13 years old. So she's gonna do the same thing. This thing shifts three on the tree, right? So I go, you know, all you got to do is stare. So she goes, I can't do it. I go, yeah, I can't. I bought you that little fucking but of this little. You know, those electric cars that they got kids. She's too big for it now, you know. Got her this little Range Rover and.

[Nia Renée Hill]

We used to play.

[Bill Burr]

We used to play Target and I used to make her back into the parking spot. I put a couple hockey sticks down and I'd have her do a three point turn, whatever. Not three point turn. I do the little fucking pull out, look over your shoulder, back into the spot, right? It was just a game to her, but I was like, I'm. You know, this is good muscle memory. So anyway, we drive down the street, have this great conversation. We go to this neighborhood and there's nobody around. And, you know, I just got the pedals and she's got the fucking steering wheel. Same way you learn how to fly a helicopter. They give you one control at a time. And we ended up having a great time. And she was like, nervous at first, you know, overcorrecting, like you're going on the other side of the street, come on back the other way. Hand over hand. What are you doing? What are you doing? We're gonna hit the curb now. We're gonna hit the curb, dad. And I was just, I gotta get the brakes. Look at, I stopped. Turn it. Blah, blah, blah. Then she'd get nervous when other cars were coming by, and then it was nothing. So I'm gonna start doing that. And in the meantime, we just shoot in the breeze. She goes to me, she goes, dad.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Guess what my favorite store is?

[Bill Burr]

She goes, I'll give you seven guesses.

[Nia Renée Hill]

I'm like, oh, my God.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know. Gamestop? Nope. That Pokemon store went, Nope. The comic book? Nope. She goes, you're never gonna guess it. That's three. I'm like, 7 11. No, she told me it was IKEA. I go, why do you like IKEA? She goes, I just like going in there and like seeing all the different ideas for rooms and stuff. I was like, you know what, you're right. I never would have guessed ikea. Speaking of Ikea, did you see, you know, there's an Ikea in the valley near Burbank Airport. And near it is an In N Out burger. And evidently the head of In N Out left California to move to Tennessee. And she said the reason why she did it, she said, California is a really difficult place to run a business and try and raise a family. So I did a little fucking research on this person who said that. I'm thinking, like, it's a difficult place to run a business. There's a fucking line down the street at every in and out. Like, what is difficult about that? You. All your locations are crushing it. I looked it up. It's a lady who, she took over the business. In and Out Burger. Family run, business run the right way.

[Listener]

Right?

[Bill Burr]

She, she took over the business at 27, becoming one of the youngest billionaires. She's a fucking billionaire at 27. It's a hard place to raise your kids when you're a fucking billionaire. There's no hard place to raise your kids to. A hard place to run a business. Fuck out of here. I'm so sick of fucking. People trash Americans trashing states because they watch 24 hour news networks. And these fucking networks are pulling this goddamn country apart. You don't fucking hate a state, you idiot. They're on you. They're on your team.

[Nia Renée Hill]

So fucking dumb.

[Bill Burr]

Maybe a sports analogy if you guys would start realizing, just look at every state, like they're a player on your team. Have you played organized sports? How many players cannot like the other player on the fucking team before. You're not going to win anything. So fucking dumb. You're fucking billionaires. You really hard place to run a business and raise a family. Oh gee. Well, I hope you. I hope you have better luck in Tennessee, you fucking billionaire billionaires. The worst. All right. Simply safe. She's talking about the taxes. That. That's not California's fault. California didn't bring us into fucking Iraq and make us stay there for 25 fucking years. That's not. That's why you don't have any money. That's why the taxes are that fucking high. Jesus fucking Christ. It's good. Gavin Newsom. Oh, is that what it is? All right. I don't even know. I don't know anything about Gavin Newsom. All I know, that's not his fucking fault. This sid. This fucking state has no goddamn money. You fight a never ending fucking war and you never leave for a quarter of a century. Hey, you're gonna run out of money. Alright? Simply safe. Let me ask you guys a question. How long could you go on vacation on the other side of the world before you. Before you ran out of money? Simply safe. What does feeling safe at home really mean to you? For a long time I thought it was enough to have good locks and maybe an alarm that would, you know, make a lot of noise if someone actually broke in. But after people close to me were broken into, I've realized that true security takes more a system that works to prevent that break in, that violation of your space from ever happening in the first place. That's why I trust Simplisafe to protect my home and family. It's about security that is proactive, not just reactive. Most security system only take action after someone breaks in. It's too late over there. Simplisafe's new active guard, outdoor protection. 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That's simplisafe.com bird S I M P L I S E There's no safe like simply safe, you know, someday in the near future, you know, part of simply safe, I'm gonna guess that you'll actually be able to have an AI robot version of you that goes down and confronts the criminal and does all the things you don't have the balls to do. Like basically the action hero movie version of you comes downstairs, you know, looks just like you, but it's not you. You're upstairs controlling it with a remote control and you confront the fucking the burglar like it's a video game. And you get to say cool shit, cuz it's not you. So you're not afraid of getting your ass kicked to dying. You can be like, looks like you picked the wrong address, right? With your fucking. Like it's. And it's gonna be like anatomically correct. Your dad bodies, your fucking B cup, boobies and all of that, you know, open robe with boxes with your left nut hanging out, slippers and dark socks. Looks like this house isn't gonna get breaking in broken into. It's gonna be your skull, you know, whatever dumb. You wanna put down that glass cutter or should I shove it up your ass like all those 80s glass that looks like that glass cutter is gonna become an ass cutter, right? Next thing you know, you're rolling around in the shrubs, you got all this video of it. And then when the cops show up after the burglar's been subdued, you know, you, you know, you bang your head into a door so you have a mark on your face. You can pretend it was you. And the cops play along, you know, Cause you give to their fucking policeman's ball every fucking year. But everybody knew it wasn't you. You fucking cowardly. You know. And then the game for people that rob houses, burglars, their game is, can I rob enough fucking houses that I can afford to have the AI version of me robot fighting the AI version of this guy, this fucking dad bod motherfucker, right? And then that becomes the game, right? And then Comedy central picks it up, rebooting BattleBots. This time they're trying to break into your House, right? Look at that. See, that's why I am successful in show business. I just came up with that wonderful show right off the top of my head. Or maybe this is AI Bill. All right, Ready or not, here I come. You can't hide. Ready or not. Heads up. Gamers become an elite SWAT commander and bring order to chaos. Ready or not is now officially available for PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series XS. After earning a loyal following on PC, it's finally making its console debut with full cross play across all platforms. So whether your friends are on a PC, Xbox or PlayStation, you can all jump into the action together at launch. The game includes a wide range of single player and online co op missions with up to five players working as a team. And on top of that, two brand new missions are dropping on day one as part of the free Stories from Los Suenos dlc. Available on both console and PC, this game is all about immersive, high pressure gameplay where strategy, teamwork and communication really matter. You'll have full control to customize your squad, plan your approach and take on each mission however you want. It's a big moment for fans of the game and a great time to jump in. If you're new, download Ready or not today for PlayStation, Xbox or PC. All right, that's it. That's the podcast, everybody. Thank you for listening to Billy Jet lag. Oh my God, I got off that fucking plane full of all that. All that shit food. I ate shit airline food the whole goddamn way. Would you like one? I absolutely send it my way, but I'm back on it. Anyway, here's a good stretch for you. This is for all the old people on the show. Everybody else can just fucking hang up and act like you're not going to get old and act like because you're young, you shouldn't be doing this right now. You take a broom handle, right, and you just fucking, you know, widest grip you can, and then bring it all the way back, you know, to basically where you would have it all the way down, right? You go backwards all the way down to your waist, you know, so the bar is now like parallel with your lower back where you would get a tramp stamp if you were a who. And then you bring it back up again and then you know, the widest grip you can possibly do. And that'll be easy because you'll have that sort of range of motion. Then you bring your grip in a little more and you try to do it again all the way down to your tramp stamp waist and then back up again. And you just keep doing, you know, and, you know, you hold the stretch or whatever slowly, and you keep bringing your hands closer and closer together because I've been doing that. And, you know, so much of your life is internal rotation driving, sitting down at a computer, and your shoulders, like, roll in. It's a great way to combat that and expand. And plus also a lot of fucking people from my generation, generation X, you know, we're still all about what can you bench. Doing curls and everything. Your front part of your torso gets stronger than the back half, which is another thing that pulls your back. Sorry, your back half. Your back, and it pulls your shoulders forward. So I found that that's a great fucking stretch. It actually improves my mood when I do it. So give it a shot. Improve your range of motion. You know, you're all, dad, like me. It makes it easy to slap your kids in the back seat. I'm kidding. I would never hurt my kids, but I will make them laugh. I will make them laugh by reaching back and grabbing it like, what did.

[Nia Renée Hill]

You say to me?

[Bill Burr]

You know, kids don't like anger, but pretend anger to them is the funniest ever. All right, anyway, that is. That is the podcast. Psyched to be back here in the States and psyched to have, you know, nothing to do. And I'm going to try to do that for a while before I have a bunch of shit to do. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. Enjoy the music. Musical interlude picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Thelas, followed by a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend.

[Listener]

You c.

[Nia Renée Hill]

It.

[Child]

There is a crack in the sky as there ain't a darkness in the blink of an eye Tears so that you'll never be coming back the man in the dark will bring another attack yeah Mama told you that you're not supposed to talk to stranger look in the mirror tell me do you think you're nice in danger no more tears no more.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, July 24, 2017. What's going on? How are you? I got to keep my voice down. I got. My little. Little one here is sleeping in the next room. I am in New York City. I got a little acting gig here on a little movie in a little city called New York City. For the next week, I'll be doing that shit. So I'm acting during the day and night, whenever the hell they have me doing it, and then I'm looking. I come home and I look at the scripts that we're working on for efforts for family, and I don't know, that's become my life here. I actually did one spot this weekend, though. I went over to the Gotham Comedy Club.

[Listener]

Hadn't been there in fucking years.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Went over there, had a great time and try to maybe pop in and do another spot maybe next weekend or something just to, you know, so I don't forget all my fucking jokes. But. Jesus Christ, has New York changed? I can't believe it. Like, everybody lives in Brooklyn now. I don't know. I mean, there's a bunch of people still living in Manhattan, but, like, I don't know. Manhattan's weird now. Like, they. They took it too far. Like, I remember when I first lived here, like, Manhattan was. It was scary. Like, you were always kind of, you know, being aware of people around you. I remember buying, like, a jacket, a hat, trying to look tougher than I really was. Just trying anything you could do to, you know, keep that fucking thing off you. And. And even then, I guess it was way better, obviously, than it was in the 70s and the crack 80s and everything. Giuliani had just taken over, but somewhere along the line, man, they. They. They just took it too far. I felt like I was in, like, Sacramento or something, you know? Not saying there aren't dangerous parts of Sacramento. There's dangerous parts of it. It just felt like it. It didn't feel like New York. Like there was just no. There was no vibe. I guess it was kind of cool, you know, like families and shit. It kind of just. It's starting to feel like a theme park. I know it's a weird thing to complain about that it's. It's like, too safe, but it's just. I don't know. I'm probably just a grumpy old man. It's definitely not the city I remember. So I was out in Brooklyn, you know, rehearsing some of the shit that I gotta do for next week and just going through there. Oh, my God, all the high rises. Oh, my God, all the high rises and shit that they're building over there, and it's. It's just not. I remember I used to date this woman that fucking lived off the G train like, fucking 15 years ago. And it was like. It was like going to another fucking world.

[E]

And.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Now you go, I don't know what the fuck's going. I don't know.

[Listener]

I'm just an old man. Going, this isn't the way it used to be. You know, I went over there, and it's like, we're all, like, the hipsters, but even. Everybody's so anti hipster that even hipsters don't dress like hipsters anymore. But you can still see them, you know? Now the new vibe is you sort of like, you have, like, the Conor McGregor haircut with the Good Charlotte tattoos and clothes, you know, so you kind of look like, does this guy build custom motorcycles or does he ride a tricycle with a giant front wheel? You know, is he making his own brew? His. You know, does he work at one of those fucking breweries? You know, it's none of that. You know, the Michael Jackson pants that don't quite make it down to your fucking sneakers or shoes or whatever the fuck they are. So I don't know, like, Brooklyn's like.

[Nia Renée Hill]

It's, like, nice now.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know.

[Listener]

It's fucking. It was.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Jesus Christ. What I want to know is, where did all those people go when they white it all up? Like, where. Where do all the rest of the people go? Where do all those restaurants go? Where does that vibe go? All that culture? Where the fuck does it go? Everything just looks like a fucking forever 21 now, and everything's just a giant glass luxury fucking apartment building. Who the fuck has all this money? I thought these fucking millennials were broke. They were coming out of college with all this college debt, and there were no fucking jobs. And all they do, you know, I don't know what's going on. If you're trying to buy a house right now, it's like, if you don't have, like, you try to buy a house and there's some Chinese guy or guy from the Middle east or a Russian guy that just comes in and just fucking bids. All cash.

[Listener]

I think this is my fucking conspiracy theory that Russia, China, and the Middle east are in cahoots with each other. And they're like, look, well, we can't, like, just go over and start bombing those guys, you know, The United States have nuclear weapons, and as we saw in World War II, they will use them not once, but twice, right? So they know they can't do that. So I think what they're doing now is they're just gonna fucking just slowly buy as much as they can and put a Chinese guy, a Russian or an Arab in all of those. And then they'll be. They'll have infiltrated our country, then they'll run for office, and then they'll Just switch the whole fucking thing. Do I sound like that guy talking about bodily. Our precious bodily liquids or fluids in Dr. Strangelove? I don't fucking know.

[Nia Renée Hill]

I think this is a part of being my age where, like, you live long enough that you remember how it.

[Listener]

Used to be, and now you're seeing it changing. It's kind of freaking you out. Maybe that's what it is.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Maybe I'm just one of those guys being like, wow, you know, when I die someday, like, no one's gonna give a fuck and this is just gonna.

[Listener]

Keep going, isn't it? I guess I'm not that important.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Anyways. I'm fucking. Got my handheld goddamn recorder here. Cause. Yeah. Cause I'm on the road and I didn't have any room to bring all my podcast shit because I got the kid now. And that's a fucking trip, huh? Packing up all your stuff, all the.

[Listener]

Stuff you need for the kid.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know.

[Nia Renée Hill]

It's not that bad. You just pack it all up and then you just go to curbside, hand somebody at 20 and just be like, yeah, just shove all this under the plane. Then that's it. Then you get one of those giant.

[Listener]

Wheelie things when you land, you just wheel it out and you throw it all in a cab, right?

[Nia Renée Hill]

Then you yank it out. And then you got the guy at the hotel, you.

[Listener]

He puts it on a wheelie thing.

[Nia Renée Hill]

It's really not that bad. Everybody acts like they have to carry it and fucking hold it in their lap on the plane ride. You don't just pay the extra money.

[Listener]

Shove it under the fucking plate and be done with it.

[Nia Renée Hill]

But my daughter did great on the plane. You know, I guess kids before, they're like 1 years old, like, the. The air pressure stuff doesn't quite bug them as much. I don't know why maybe their Eustachian tubes are so small. I don't understand why.

[Listener]

It wouldn't.

[Nia Renée Hill]

But people claim that it doesn't, you know, and for those of you who don't understand that ear popping thing, which I didn't. It's just, you know, when you take off the air inside your ear, on the other side of your eardrum is that pressure, as you ascend becomes higher than the pressure on the other side of your eardrum. The outside part, right, that leads to the. The little escape hatch on the side.

[Listener]

Of your head, right?

[Nia Renée Hill]

So there's that difference in air pressure. And we all know high pressure always goes to low pressure. And it takes the most direct route, which is you know, pushing against your fucking eardrum. And then when you land, it's the exact opposite. So when you're going up, your eardrum is getting pushed out because the pressure is higher there. And then when you land, it becomes the opposite. I believe that's correct, right? Yeah, that's right. Because as you go back down again, the pressure becomes higher outside your ear. That's all that's going on. And you can't explain that to a baby.

[Listener]

I was barely able to explain it to you. So, anyway, she did great on the plane.

[Nia Renée Hill]

She slept a lot. And then when she wasn't, you know, I just got up and I was walking over around with her. And, you know, flight attendants loved her. I mean, who doesn't love a baby, right? And fortunately, my daughter's, like, really cool. She's got this thing where she just kind of. Like, she's met so many people already that she's not freaked out by people. So when she meets someone new, she just, like, you know, borderline, in a.

[Listener]

Rude way, just stares at them. And it takes her, like, a good, like, three minutes. And then eventually she's like, all right, I get who this person is. And then she smiles and then turns away into your chest. She gets a little shy. Oh, would you look who's here? Would you look who's here? And she gives me a wave, and there she goes. You gonna come back out?

[Nia Renée Hill]

All right? Yeah. So we were able to do that. It wasn't that bad. And this is kind of cool. Like, I'm back in New York with the whole family. Makes doing the road way better, I can tell you that. Now I just have to convince my wife to come along with me with our daughter when I go to, like, the not fun places.

[Listener]

I've always given her shit about that, you know, she's always good to support me, you know, when I go to a fun city, you know. But when I go to, like, fucking Jacksonville, fucking Florida, I'm on my own, you know, which is really bullshit because I have a lot of fun in that town, you know, Eat a little bit of alligator.

[Nia Renée Hill]

You go to a gun range.

[Listener]

Why not?

[Nia Renée Hill]

Anyways, let's try to bring the energy up here. This is a fucking hard one to do. Tired of doing. I got to keep my voice down, you know? Anyways, so I'm totally back into my New York vibe, you know, I really missed what I lived in the. Since living on the west coast is I really miss the yes network.

[Listener]

When.

[Nia Renée Hill]

I lived here 10 years ago. Can't fucking believe that I've been out in LA for 10 years. I used to always, you know, I would watch the yes Network and root against the Yankees. That was like my shit. I never watched the Mets. I could never get into the fucking Mets. But that's what I would do. I would watch almost every single Yankee game, as many of them as I could. Or I'd watch the replays when I got home, and I would just sit there and I would just root against them. But I mean, you had to watch them. They were like this $200 million juggernaut. And I used to always go to Yankee Stadium. I'd go by myself because I lived on the east side. You could just jump on the fucking. What is it? The 4, 5, 6, take it right up to the Bronx, Old Yankee Stadium, which was actually renovated old Yankee Stadium. And I would sit in like the fucking upper deck for like 12 bucks.

[Listener]

And I keep score like an old man.

[Nia Renée Hill]

And I used to watch Clemens and. Was it Mike Musina? That whole era. But I remember, like in 1998, you know, the 1998 Yankees, I got to go to a couple games that year.

[Listener]

Knowing full well that I was watching what looked like was going to be one of the great teams of all time. And you know, 20 years later, I still believe that.

[Nia Renée Hill]

And. But I used to fucking root against them, especially Clemens. I used to root against that guy hard. And. But so if I lived here, once again, I would be going to games because now they got Aaron Judge and I. Jesus, Nady.

[Listener]

You'Re looking good. Thank you. Anyways, I used to always go up.

[Nia Renée Hill]

There and I would just root against them, but now they got Aaron Judge, and even a Red Sox fan, you got to give it up to the fucking Yankees. They're the greatest franchise of all time as far as spotting talent. Do you realize for basically the last 80 out of 100 years, that'd be a century, Neil. 100 years is a century.

[Listener]

You understand that? Huh? Okay. Why are you clamming up? Where you going right now?

[Nia Renée Hill]

To see about the baby. Okay? For the last 80 out of the last 100 years, they have scouted and picked the guy. There's no other fucking franchise out there that can say it. They fuck. Okay? They bought Babe Ruth, all right? The Red Sox fucking owner was so goddamn pussy whipped, he had to keep his fucking wife quiet. And she wanted to fucking. I don't even know what the play was, you know? But he needed to finance her fucking Broadway play to just shut her the fuck up. And he sells Babe Ruth. No excuse for that. It's not like we didn't know who the fuck he was. The guy was winning Cy Young awards and hitting a fucking zillion home runs. And we still get rid of him because this fucking lady had to get a little tap dance Farsi going, right? So they don't get credit for that one. That was a dumb move by the Red Sox. And everybody knew that Babe was the. However, this is what they've done for the last 80 years, all right? From their farm system, they went Lou Gehrig to Joe DiMaggio to Mickey Mantle, right? Then they had a little dip. George Steinbrenner comes in. You know, the Oakland A's don't want to pay anybody. He buys the Oakland A's. They went to championship championships, all of that. Then he buys Dave Winfield, all of that. It's a bad 20, 25 years in there. Okay? Then Derek Jeter, I forgot. Oh, wait, I forgot. What's his face? Don Mattingly. The only reason why people don't look at him like he's one of the greats is because he never won a fucking World Series. But Don Mattingly to Derek Jeter to Aaron Judge. You can argue with me on Don Mattingly. He wasn't quite one of the greats of the greats. But like, there's fucking Aaron Judges. It's like Paul Bunyan's coming up to the plate. Six foot seven just. Did you see that home run he had against Seattle the other night? He almost fucking hit it out of the stadium. You're not supposed to be able to do that. He hit it so hard, so fucking far, they. They couldn't measure it. I think they said like 440ft, which, you know, I've heard of shit going farther, but it's like that's just because the stop top of the stadium stopped it. Jesus, those Seattle pitchers get lit up, don't they? Do you ever see that one McGuire hit off of Randy Johnson? He almost put a hole in the roof of the fucking Kingdome. Yeah, that was a brutal combination of like a. Like a hundred mile an hour pitch meeting. Fucking Androstein, whatever the fuck he was on.

[Listener]

If you're old enough to remember what it was like to watch a roided up professional athlete hitting baseballs and watching that fucking laser show that those guys put on, I don't think you can argue that steroids definitely should be in the game.

[Nia Renée Hill]

They're gonna be like, all they gotta do is just work on the side effects and just get it down. Just like weed, you know, where you got the vaporizer. Just if they can like vaporize like steroids. Can you imagine that? You pull a muscle or whatever the fuck you're feeling like an old man.

[Listener]

You just breathe in that mist, your.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Fucking muscles repair like a goddamn X man.

[Listener]

And every day feels like the first day of spring. Oh, my God, am I swinging? Tony Bennett? Every. If I ruled the world, every day would be like the first day of spring.

[Nia Renée Hill]

So they've done it. Like with Aaron Judge. I just have. That's. That's the greatest fucking franchise of all time. As far as their ability to see the guy, know the guy is the guy, and somehow sign him before anybody else. I don't know how the fuck they do it. Like, how does everybody else miss out on Aaron Judge? I could see missing out on Derek Jeter, you know, I could definitely see that he was a kid, you know, another 6, 3, 64 fucking guy. I mean, there's a zillion of those. But a six foot seven guy coming up there like the fucking Jolly Green Giant. Like, how do you miss that guy? Somehow everybody does. I know there's probably some people out there arguing for the Lakers. Now. I got to give respect to the Lakers as far as in my lifetime, from 1968 until now, the Los Angeles Lakers have won more championships than anybody else in my lifetime, believe it or not. It is the Lakers. They won. Let's see, they won like one in the 70s, five in the 80s. That's. That's six. And then they won. They won five with Kobe and a thousand fucking free agents. So that's 11. And the only person that comes close to that in my lifetime would be the Canadians, where they won at 68, 69, 71, 73, 76, 77, 78, 79, 86, 93. They won 10 anyways, but I don't count like the Lakers. Like, the real story of the Los Angeles Lakers is fucking free agents.

[Listener]

You know, like when they always.

[Nia Renée Hill]

They always try to get someone to join and become part of the history of the great Lakers centers.

[Listener]

And every one of them is a fucking free agent. Except for the first giant white dude that George whatever the fuck his name was. I almost said Mira san. What the fuck was that guy's name?

[Nia Renée Hill]

I don't know. He looked like a giant science teacher. He actually played with Minneapolis. Mikin. The fuck was his name? I can't remember. Anyways, then you got Kareem. He was a Milwaukee buck, right? Shaq, like, they're all just fucking, you know, Wilt they're all just from someplace else. So I have a bad feeling that fucking LeBron James is going to go.

[Listener]

Out there and that the Lakers are eventually, you know, despite whatever Danny Ainge does. I just think it's inevitable that the.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Lakers will pass the Celtics as far as number of championships, because for the simple fact, we cannot offer what the Lakers can offer.

[Listener]

I've said this before. Like, this is our pitch. Hey, you know, do you want to come to racist Boston with shitty weather and bang sixes, or do you want to go to racist fucking Los Angeles movie stars and feel like you're in.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Hawaii with the weather?

[Listener]

You know what I mean? We can't fucking compete with that. We can't compete with that.

[Nia Renée Hill]

So that's. That's it now, you know, and then, like, our colors, you know, our fucking mascots. A goddamn leprechaun. I mean, we just can't get any whiter.

[Listener]

The Lakers have like, you know, you know, the colors of somebody that has no money, but they want. They want to fucking look like they're doing something. That's what the Lakers colors are with the gold and the purple, you know, The Lakers just scream new money. Like, you ever remember you used to watch those MTV Cribs and you'd watch some idiot, you know, with a giant. He'd have, like a fish tank in his fireplace, you know?

[Nia Renée Hill]

Yet the fire still works, son.

[Listener]

You know, like those. You look at that, you're like, this guy's gonna go broke in. This guy's gonna go pro. Look, he's got, like 20 people hanging out in his house. This guy's gonna go broke. That's. When I look at the Lakers uniform, that's what I see. Especially those old road ones, those purple ones. I don't know. I always thought their. Their uniforms were a little silly. I like the. The home ones, but the road ones always look really silly to me. But anyways, and us were just like, you know, green and white. We got a fucking.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Oh, top of the morning to you, fucking mascot.

[Listener]

I mean, I can't imagine what Danny Ainge has to say to people to try to get them to come to Boston.

[Nia Renée Hill]

No, no, no, no. The N word that was shouted at.

[Listener]

A Red Sox game this year, not at a Celtics game, maybe. It's fucking brutal. Having said that, though, I feel like the cops in LA beat the shit out of black people way more. I don't know. It's a push as far as, like, the racism. It's a real. It's a push, you know, People always sit there and they try to act like all the racism is in the south and in Boston.

[Nia Renée Hill]

But you go out to la, it's fucking ridiculous. They got all the black people quarantined, you know, in this little area that's, coincidentally enough, final approach for fucking lax. They got goddamn jets flying over their fucking heads every day.

[Listener]

Fucking 500ft off the fucking ground. Four runways all day long. People just landing on final fucking approach. You know, that wouldn't make you fucking be in a certain mood. I know it would with me.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Anyways, let me read a little bit of advertising here. I know my stomach is grumbling here. This always happens when I have the fucking recorder here. So I'm on my fucking. I have acting work diet, so I don't. I go 12 hours without from the last time I ate, and ate about 10 o' clock last night. So you're not to deal with the rumbling and the grumbling here. All right? Oh, Jesus. Look who's back, everybody. Oh, my God, it's our old friends.

[Listener]

Old zip.

[Nia Renée Hill]

I know what the fucking problem is. I usually have my headphones on. That usually helps with the comedy. If you can hear yourself, I don't know what it is. You kind of need to hear yourself. Hang on a second, I gotta hit pause here. All right, there we go. Oh, now I'm back. Now I can hear myself. Okay, now the comedy's on fucking now. Now here comes the fuck. Here comes the comedy. Did I read everything yet? Oh, doll. Oh. Darless Shave Club. Darless Shave Club, dude. Darla Shave Club. It's this smarter choice. You'll get a great shave at a great price, conveniently delivered right to you. Do it. You no longer have to schlep to the store. Oh, look at that. Using Yiddish. Now.

[Listener]

Buy a cheap disposable razor that give.

[Nia Renée Hill]

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[Listener]

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[Nia Renée Hill]

Else to talk about.

[Listener]

Too busy stressing out, getting picked up by the sad van. The sad van that always takes you to the set. It's a bare bones van. It's always white with either gray or black vinyl interior. And you just get in there and you just like.

[Nia Renée Hill]

I don't know. I find it very stressful, this acting shit, you know what I mean? Because I, I never can just focus on the day. I always look at it like, I'm always looking at the entire shoot, like I've already thought, like, you know, you know, this time next week I'll be done, you know, rather than trying to enjoy it. So I learned a long time ago. Well, I can't say I learned it because I'm still stressing about it, but I've just kind of learned to be like, okay, you know, I am just going to just fucking deal with today when it comes to these acting gigs and just be like, we're doing this scene and I've gonna make these choices and this is what I'm gonna do. And I'm going to listen to the fucking director. If he wants it this way, I'll do it that way, and then that'll be it. And then I'll go home and then I'll memorize the lines for the next day and then I'll just fucking do that. And I just. Rather than fucking looking over the horizon, just dealing with that fucking day, you know, I know that sounds fucking weird, but that's how I have to do it. Because if I don't do it that way, then I, I, you know what I mean? It's the kind of thing that stops you from fucking looking at your taxes, you know what I mean? If you're incorporated and you play like quarterly taxes and, you know, or if you don't pay quarterly, you got like the end of the years, I, I end of every month, I get my receipts together, I get everything. It sucks, but only sucks for like an hour, you know what I mean? As opposed to waiting the entire year. And it takes like three days to get through the. It also lets me know what the fuck I'm spending and. And all of that type of shit. So did that make any sense? Because it didn't even make sense to me. All right, why don't I just get out of this and I'm just going to read a few of these questions. A couple of these questions.

[Listener]

All right, on the.

[Nia Renée Hill]

All right, for those of you who listen to this podcast religiously or maybe caught the last one, I was asking, like, how that explains expression came about, because I brought it up in the writers room I used for efforts for family. I was talking about it's on the arm. And there was a number of people that had never heard that expression. And I said, well, it means. Yeah, it means it's free. You don't have to pay for it. And then when I was looking it up, trying to figure out where it came from, it said it was a. It came from, like, law enforcement or whatever.

[Listener]

But evidently I was wrong because someone else went to another part of the Internet and they came up with this. It said, bill, here's what the Internet said about on the arm, or here's what you found that it said. Because what I found that it said was about. It was from. Came from the fucking law enforcement. This person says to show their respects to the mafia boss who protected their neighborhood or fear of being extorted, the store owners would not allow them to pay for items. Well, if you're afraid that you're going to be extorted, I don't think that, like bowing down to somebody, you should make them fucking pay for it, I would think. But anyways, the store owners would take their right hand and brush it against their left arm as a way of saying, forget about it. No charge free. All right, well, where I looked at it, that it came from law enforcement. The cops wouldn't pay for stuff.

[Nia Renée Hill]

I don't know. Who the fuck knows? It's the Internet. You don't know what's true, you don't know what isn't right. How far did you look? How far onto the Internet did you go? I'm going to see how far it took me to get okay on the arm. Here we go. On the arm origin. Come on, man. Come on. Internet work for me on the arm. Any idea to his origin? Is it that the police might have threatened with his gun?

[Listener]

I doubt it, but I'm just trying to figure out.

[Nia Renée Hill]

This is what I get. That's the first one.

[Listener]

The first one is just one of these.

[Nia Renée Hill]

What are these chat rooms, by the way? And who. And who are these people in them? Where are these things? How do you chime into these things? You got to sign in on. I'm on, like, wordreference.com. and this guy just writes. This woman writes, hi there. I heard the phrase on the arm in the movie Donnie Brasco about a mafia guy.

[Listener]

Al Pacino as an undercover policeman, parentheses. Johnny Depp.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Is the movie that old? He could have just said fucking Donnie Borrasco. People know who's in it.

[Listener]

I learned that it's police lingo for free of charge. Any idea as to its origin? Is it that the policeman might have threatened with his gun? I doubt it, but I'm just trying to figure the arm in there. Like, why would you present a theory and then doubt your own theory?

[Nia Renée Hill]

Here was what the people's response was. Okay, dictionary reference. Somebody has this.

[Listener]

You click on this arm, the upper limb of the human body, especially part extending from the shoulder. This is serious. The upper limb from the shoulder of the elbow, the forearm, the limb, the vertebrates. Any arm, like attachment, an administrative or operational branch of an organization. An arm and a leg is a great deal of money. Arm in arm, arms linked together at arm's length on the arm. Slang, free of charge. An investigation of policemen who ate lunch on the arm. Put the arm on to solicit or borrow money from. She put the arm on me for a generous contribution to force or use violence on you. Strung up.

[Nia Renée Hill]

You know what? I don't even give a shit. This is what happens by the time I get to this part of the Internet. I said, I don't fucking care.

[Listener]

And there's usually something I can click on in the side like, oh, look at Tyson. Keep it real. Keep it Tyson. Check them out. I guess it's some sort of fucking lunch meat luxury now. What about me? Fucking. I guess because it's on the arm, like, they think somebody wants a free sandwich. Catch it at a store near you, some giant fish. Oh, word of the day. Highfalutin. That's a word. I thought that was just something you. You sent him a sandwich. Say dag burn. Highfalutin, varmint. Dominic was at the back, at a back Table talking to a suited man in the sombre. In the somber, highfalutin English he put on for people of stature. Oh, it's like Madonna. In this case, probably the noodle salesman. I have no idea what that sentence meant, and I probably mispronounced most of it. Madonna puts on the fake accent, you know, why does she not act like she's just some white trash chick from Detroit? She's got that stupid English accent now. Borderline. Still love that song. All right, solution to dude's girlfriend with the gross teeth. Oh, my God, will this fucking story ever end? Hey, Billy Gingervitis, that's a clever one. I found a real easy solution for the dudes. That's. That's dating the girl with gross teeth. Yes. So did I dump her? All you got to do is when you're sitting down to watch a movie, just happen to put on Austin Powers. There's a couple of different scenes where the woman Austin is trying to bang hints that Austin needs to brush his gross fucking teeth. This would be a good subtle way for a girl to realize that maybe she should take care of her own teeth, because believe me, she knows they are disgusting.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Who walks around knowing that they stink?

[Listener]

Wouldn't you do something about that?

[Nia Renée Hill]

And plus, I don't think that, you.

[Listener]

Know, if you're with somebody who's overweight.

[Nia Renée Hill]

If you put on the clumps, you know, the nutty Professor, I mean, I think it'll just make them feel self conscious and bad about themselves and make.

[Listener]

The overweight person want to go binge eat more. I don't know what the gross tooth person does, like, go eat some fucking head cheese with, I don't know, some onions. I don't know. Anyways, he said you could maybe even say something during the scene like, yeah, why do British people have gross teeth? He goes, I don't know. Probably won't work, but it's worth a try. Is this everybody just shits on their own theories? Yeah, dude, this won't work. You know it won't work, but it was worth it for your Billy Gingivitis there. Also, Bill, have you been doing any grilling or smoking this summer? I recently did some smoked chicken wings, and they were the best wings I've ever ate, hands down. Thanks. And go yourself. No, my.

[Nia Renée Hill]

My, my grill, my big green egg and my flat top grill have been like, you know, if they were a car, I'd have them up on blocks right now. I just been so swamped with work, you know, and I got the kid and it's just like, I don't know, occasionally I will crank the thing up and I get into it. But I spend super, super fucking busy writing, writing and writing. But I gotta tell you something, man, I actually really enjoy writing. Like, I hate the notes part and having to pull it apart, I get frustrated with that, but that really is part of it. And people always goes, well, you know.

[Listener]

What they say, writing is rewriting. I always want to be like, yeah, is that what they say? You know, like, whatever the fuck you do for a living. Can you imagine if you just fucking, if you put in floors and you put in all the floors and then somebody comes in and tells you to rip up most of it, you know, and you're like, really? Yeah. You know what flooring is? Flooring is refloring. Wouldn't you want to just take the board and just fucking smash your own head in with it until you just weren't conscious so you wouldn't have to live that life anymore? Well, that's the life of a writer.

[Nia Renée Hill]

But I actually, I really found that I like doing it. And I think just by hanging out with all of these writers that have been doing it for so long, obviously they're way better at it than I am, but you just kind of start to absorb how to write stories and shit like that, which was always my problem. I could always write dialogue, but I just couldn't get the story from the beginning to the end. Like, my brain just didn't work that way. I could write scenes. I think that's why I became a comedian, because I, I bits like, oh, look at that. That's a funny joke. That's a funny little scenario. And done. I don't have to take the ball from the one yard line all the way to the end zone. Like, like writers have to, you know, I was on special teams.

[Listener]

I was a wedge breaker. That was it. That was the fucking level of ah, that I was doing there. What am I up to here? 41 minutes. Ah, Jesus Christ, Bill. 41 minutes of mediocrity. All right. Microchipping.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Oh, God, don't even get me started on this. I, I just cannot. But like, I, I just can't believe this. Do you know Delta Airlines wants to start using people's fingerprints as a way for you to get on the fucking plane? And do you know that most people won't have a problem with it? They're so fucking stupid. It's like there's so many people out in the world, it's almost like, you know what dude, why don't you just become a fucking slave? Like, how much are you going to give to these people? How underpaid are politicians that they will not stand up to these people? These corporations, I swear to God, they're sitting there wasting all this fucking time with ISIS and all this other bullshit. These fucking corporations, the shit that they're doing to their own goddamn countrymen, which they really don't have because they're fucking global. They don't give a shit about anything, about just trying to make more fucking money. And dude, they. They're going to start microchipping people. This was Wisconsin company to implant mike, implant microchips in employees, and like, like five people already agree to it. They're going to take something foreign that's not natural to your body, and they're going to stick it underneath your skin. They're going to know where you are at all times. And all these dopes.

[Listener]

Well, hey, you know, if you're not doing anything wrong, what's your problem?

[Nia Renée Hill]

Here's the problem, okay? Just because you're a dope doesn't mean the rest of the world is okay. I think it's safe to say that me and everybody else listening to this thing, for the most part, was not as smart as fucking George Washington.

[Listener]

Right? Fair enough. Okay, well, here's the deal.

[Nia Renée Hill]

If George Washington was microchipped and all his fucking buddies were microchipped, this fucking country wouldn't exist because they would have known where he was. They would have gone over there and they would have fucking killed him. And that would have been the end of the fucking rebellion. So what you're doing is, is you're having faith that these fucking people at the top who have not even remotely demonstrated on any fucking level at any point in history that they give a flying fuck about anybody other than themselves are gonna. You're gonna turn over that level of power. You're gonna get fingerprinted by Delta fucking Airlines like you've committed some sort of a fucking crime. A fucking airline is gonna have your fucking fingerprints. Who in the fuck did they think they are? Do you know, when I went to buy my car, they asked for my thumbprint? I was like, I'm not getting my fingerprints to her. You're a car dealership. They go, this is to protect you. No, it isn't, you douche. You're gonna sell this to somebody? It's part of my profile.

[Listener]

I think.

[Nia Renée Hill]

They're just. They're collecting. They're all sharing information about you. What you buy, where you live, what Your Social Security number is your fingerprints. They're gonna get it all the way down to your DNA. It's, it's. I don't know. And these politicians will not push back on any level because The President makes 500 grand a year. That's the highest paid political office is 500 fucking grand a year. And they need $100 million to get the job. I don't have 100 million. You don't have 100 million. Corporations do. And that's who they owe it to. So they just look the other fucking way. And what do they do? They sit there and they shit on fucking comedians constantly going after. Do you hear what he said about Caitlyn Jenner? And they look the other way with pharmaceutical companies handing out fucking opiates like they're giving out flyers to some sort of jam band. And now we got this heroin fucking problem. They don't give a fuck. They don't say anything about it. Sorry, I know I'm fucking losing my shit here. But like, what they've done to the food supply. What the fuck. What the bankers have done, left all these people upside down in their own fucking houses. What they've done to the water supply. Fracking causing earthquakes in parts of the world that never had fucking earthquakes, fucking up the drinking water, you know, they got to send a fucking pipeline out of the fucking Native Americans land. I mean, like, like we haven't done enough to those fucking people, you know? Do you hear any politicians talking about that? Nah, nobody talks about that shit. But God, for fucking bit, you do a fucking joke in a strip mall and they're fucking all over it, then that becomes like some big goddamn story. This is fucking horrific. And it makes me happy that I'm 49 years of age. The fact that I think I'm gonna maybe get to live half a century without a fucking airline having my fingerprints and me walking around with a goddamn microchip, you know, I love that I lived 50 years before the fucking.

[Listener]

Oh, Jesus, she's up.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Huh? I love that I got to live 50 years before robot showed up. It's just. It's just greed and power completely 100% out of control. And I hate. Like, this is. I'm reading this. This is Eyewitness, ABC News. So these guys are all bought and paid for. CNN's bought and paid for. FOX News is bought and paid for. They're all fucking bought and paid for. Because the same people I just brought up, they advertise on their fucking networks so they have to watch what they Say, because they don't want to lose the ad money because that's how they get paid, right? So they always have like the. Oh geez, this is a little unsettling. You know when they always come back from it.

[Listener]

When they show some fucking robot you've ever seen that you watch like the local news or they show somebody getting microchip and they always come back to the anchors and they kind of do that, that's kind of. And then they just move on to the next thing. But some fucking old lady who makes her own jam, like that's supposed to make you feel better at the end of the newscast, or some puppy that they thought was lost and fucking sniffed its way back to the station wagon three towns away, right? Whenever the fuck they leave you on.

[Nia Renée Hill]

No, corporations are completely out of control. They've been out of control my entire life. And now it's, it's reaching a level that it's like you're watching a bad sci fi movie. I think it's fucking insane. Why the fuck do you need my fingerprints as a fucking airline? Who the fuck are you? You're not the FBI, you're not the government, you're a fucking airline. Your fingerprints. And this is the thing, people will do it. People will do all of this so they don't have to stand in a line. They'll let them scan their retina.

[Bill Burr]

They'Ll.

[Listener]

Give them a baby just so they can be pre checked. That's all you got to do.

[Nia Renée Hill]

You just hold a little cookie out and the average mouth breathing moron. But you know something? I go, I swear to God, I mean, this is really cynical, but I, you walk around and I forgot half the fucking people should be microchipped. You should know where these fucking idiots are.

[Listener]

I'll never forget that guy galloping sideways on that Trump rally, screaming at all these stupid liberals going fuck political correctness. Build the wall, build the wall. As he's fucking galloping like, like that was gonna make his life better. Like that was what was holding him back. I swear to God, like I don't give a fuck how dumb you are. You have to know as a white dude, if you were born in the United States of America, okay, you're not going to get a better starting block than that, all right? And if you can't figure out some sort of game, I mean if you're.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Going to fucking blame anybody, why are you going to look down, you got to go up. That's what's fucking you over. Democrats and Republicans fucking you over. I Just don't get how people don't see that. But I'm like most people. I feel like my ideas are right and no one else has a good point. Unreal. This fucking car dealership. Can we get your thumbprint? It's like, yeah, no, you guys sell cars. Do you understand that? You guys lie for a living. Other salesman who lie for a living, turn the other way. Turn the other way. When they see a car salesman, you're like that. You're like the bottom of the barrel fucking salesman. I'm giving you my fingerprint.

[Listener]

You know why they said they wanted my fingerprint? They go, just in case somebody comes in and tries to is an imposter and pretends that they're you and tries to buy a car. And I just looked at the guy and I was like, you know what? I'm going to take my chances on that. The guy literally goes, and this is what killed me. He goes, you're the first person we've ever have say no to that. Now I hope he's just being a car salesman and he was lying to me and that was his last ditch effort to try to convince me. But the other part is he's actually telling the truth. It's just like, then what happens is.

[Nia Renée Hill]

What, what this is how they do it, is most people are dopes, so they don't think. And then what happens is, becomes a herd mentality. And all they got to do is get most of the herd to start running over the cliff. And you, you have to do it too, because if you don't, then you're just going to be sitting there all by yourself like, hey, I'm not going to have a cell phone. Hey, I'm not going to have this, I'm not going to have that. And then your life, the way you're going to lead it becomes extremely limited.

[Listener]

And next thing you know, you're fucking.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Half naked walking around your backyard trying to like, trap squirrels so you can eat that day because you're not doing what everybody else is doing. And.

[Listener]

It'S just, you know what's going to be the worst is when they try to convince.

[Nia Renée Hill]

When they try to.

[Listener]

Convince people to do it right, there's going to be some politician getting it with that fucking smile on his face where he's like, I don't want to.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Do this, but I have to do this.

[Listener]

I have to do this so I can go on the post president fucking, you know, $70 million speaking tour where I go out and I give speeches to the same people that put me into office like the hero of all hero presidents Obama is about to do.

[Nia Renée Hill]

He just. He has.

[Listener]

That motherfucker has $69 million worth of gigs on the books coming up. You know, I will never for the life of me understand why that guy. People look like liberals. Look at that guy like he fucking did something for him. I will never get that.

[Nia Renée Hill]

It's like that guy had his face in the pig trough just like everybody else. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what it is.

[Listener]

I think it's because he's sandwiched between two of the worst public speakers of all time, Bush and fucking Trump. You know what I mean? I think if he came after Clinton where Clinton wasn't the greatest, but I don't know, the women fucking loved him. I will never get that either, how much women love that fucking big fucking Baby Huey looking goofball. Jesus, Bell, are there any presidents that you like? But, yeah, I didn't mind the first George Bush fucking war hero. And I liked. I liked Jimmy Carter anyways. All right. B of A outage. Hey, banker Bill. I work for B of A. And from the customer service side, that outrage was very stressful, if you haven't already mentioned it. Slash found out the outrage was a result of.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Listener]

This guy works for the bank. He's gonna.

[Nia Renée Hill]

He's gonna tell me what happened. He can't even spell the words right. I don't. I don't. You wrote half a word here, buddy.

[Listener]

S E V E R A sever reboot. Is that supposed to be a severe reboot? Is sever a word? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. I was told from my boss, my boss's boss, in passing, when he was leaving work, one of the tech guys managing the server ran a program to check for viruses and shit. Okay. This guy manages your money check for viruses and shit. Oh, God, he talks like me. And the program made.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Jesus Christ.

[Listener]

The program made that one particular server to shut down, causing the rest of our online products to not work. That's a sentence by a guy who works at a bank. The program made that one particular server to shut down. To shut down. The program made that one particular server shut down.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Is that what you mean?

[Listener]

Causing the rest of our online products to not work? The bank had to restart all the servers to sync that tech crap up, resulting in the six hour delay from the call center side. We could still see all the balances and account information. Clients themselves just couldn't process any maintenance. Nothing made My day more enjoyable than apologizing to client after client for our system error. Had a few people in the situation you mentioned on Thursday.

[Nia Renée Hill]

What were they?

[Listener]

Stuck outside the country with no money. Oh, had a few people in the situation you mentioned on Thursday where they are stuck outside the country.

[Nia Renée Hill]

This guy is a fucking.

[Listener]

This guy who should have been in summer school next to me. Totally agree. You need to have backup plans when it comes to accessing your money, whether it be multiple bank accounts or stuffing some cash underneath the pillow where you rest your bald, freckled dome at night. Keep doing what you're doing and go fuck yourself. Yeah, I've never met a banker that believes in the banking system. If you really talk to them about it, they're nervous too. I don't know. Anyways, was that supposed to make me feel better? I mean, I guess it's good that no one hacked into your system. You guys just kind of were running something. Something got fucked up, but he agreed with me. Yeah, have a little money here, a little money there, a little money there. Don't have all your eggs in one basket. We all know that, right? Because then everything's going to be on the arm with the fucking one flew of the cuckoo's nest. All right, much older man.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Okay, here we go. How much time have I done? Oh, 56. Okay, I'm in there, I'm in there.

[Listener]

All right, much older man.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Bill Burr, how are you?

[Listener]

I've been listening to your part. Oh, this is from a lady. I love it. I love when the ladies write in. You guys don't do it enough. I've been listening to your podcast for a little over a year, basically since the day I discovered them and have seen all your specials. Hope to catch you live one of these days. Well, thank you. So here it goes. I've been living for eight years and married for four of those years to a man who was 21 years older than me. Yeah, we met when he was 45 and I was 23 and we have been together since. Nia, can you do this one or no? You can.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Okay. All right. We have a two year old son and I am now 31 and he is 52. Okay.

[Listener]

I know many think that when they.

[Nia Renée Hill]

First heard my husband, that my husband.

[Listener]

Is well old enough, is well old enough to be my father, that it's some sort of sugar daddy situation, which honestly is not the case at all. Our lives are quite simple. We live in a four bedroom house. I own two soccer. We own two soccer mom type vehicles. The only Expensive piece of jewelry to my name is my wedding ring. And one would not find a pair of red bottom shoes in my closet. But I digress. Only so folks don't get the wrong picture. For the past year or so, it seems like he has aged mentally in a drastic way. Our age difference was never an issue until the last year or so.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Oh, look who's here.

[Listener]

Hey, buddy.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Hey, buddy. How you doing? How you doing?

[Listener]

You're making a lot of racket out there, aren't you? This is called a podcast. Anyways. So anyways, Neil, here's the deal. This.

[Nia Renée Hill]

This lady is married to this guy.

[Listener]

He's 21 years older. What's going on? Yeah, these are headphones. He's looking at me like, what is this? What is this? So if you're going to keep looking at me with that cute little smile, how do I do this, huh? All right, so yeah, she was 23, he was 45. So I guess he's 22 years older when they met.

[E]

23 and 45.

[Listener]

Yeah. And now she's 31 and he's 52. I don't know, somehow he was 22 years older. Now he's only 21. Must be when their birthdays are. But anyways, she said it wasn't a sugar daddy thing. They don't really have a lot of money, just living a basic lifestyle. Oh, you gotta stop smiling, kid. I'm totally losing my train of thought here. You're just too adorable. You're too adorable for me to do this. Yeah, I know. That's what my listeners are doing. Can you get through this, please? So basically she said the only expensive piece of jewelry she has is her wedding ring. She doesn't have any red bottom shoes. She just basically really loves the guy. Okay, so. But for the past year or so, it seems like he has aged mental, mentally, in a drastic way. Our age difference was never an issue until the last year or so. He seems to be almost bitter that I am in my 30s and he's beginning to become beyond insecure that I will decide I want a younger man out of nowhere one day. I'm all over the place with this. She said, it seems like you're pretty focused. Sorry. Anyways, his constant insecurity and vastly changing behavior is really causing issues in our marriage that I believe may never go away. Being that our age difference is not going away anywhere, obviously was hoping for some of your wise input on my current situation. Or tell me I'm a dumbass for marrying an older man. Older man than My father, like my mother does. Have a good one. And of course, go fuck yourself. So what do you think, Nia?

[E]

Yeah, he was probably too old for you, because now that's just too much of an age of it. He's older than your dad. Do you have daddy issues? Maybe. Well, regardless, it seems like the power dynamics have shifted. So before you were young, you know, impressionable thing, and he was the older, wiser, more in control. Now he's getting older, he's becoming aware of his mortality. And you're in your 30s. You're, like, you're towards your peak now as a woman. Like, that's when you really peak. And you're actually in your 40s, but you're getting there. You're probably still hot. You're smarter than you were before. You're on top of your game. So, yeah, he's feeling some type of way. So I don't know if he's having a midlife crisis. Yeah, I don't know if he's having a midlife crisis and you're gonna end up being collateral damage or what's going on, but you guys should probably have, like, a frank discussion about it. But, yeah, if he's afraid of you leaving him, he might be having some kind of a midlife crisis.

[Listener]

All right, let's have the frank discussion for her. I'll be the guy.

[Child]

All right?

[Listener]

Or you want to be the guy?

[E]

No, you be the. You be the guy. Because you're the. You're an actual older guy in our relationship, so.

[Bill Burr]

I know.

[Listener]

I just figured that's just like, too on the nose casting.

[E]

No, it's okay. We can.

[Nia Renée Hill]

We can.

[E]

We can do it that way. All right, so you're the older guy, and I'm the hot, young, nubile wife.

[Listener]

Okay, well, you're gonna go out.

[Bill Burr]

Where you going?

[Listener]

You're going out. No, I gotta be older. I got some. Just don't. You gonna go out and wear that? Where are you going?

[E]

I'm going out with my girlfriend. I told you that. Do you not remember?

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, I remember that.

[E]

Okay, well, I'll be back soon.

[Bill Burr]

Where did you tell me?

[E]

I told you last night that I was going out with my girlfriend tonight.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Where are you going?

[Bill Burr]

Out.

[Listener]

Wearing that?

[E]

I'm going out with my coat. I'll bring you back something.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Bye.

[E]

Goes to have an affair with my young lover.

[Nia Renée Hill]

What do you think she should do?

[E]

Just have a talk with him. And if he's like. What is that noise?

[Listener]

That's the sound a dump truck makes when it backs up before it dumps the load out the back.

[E]

She's married the guy. She shouldn't just, like, completely jump ship. But if it's like, if he's becoming unbearable and, you know, difficult to live with and he won't make any strides to work it out, then why doesn't.

[Listener]

He take, like, those legal roids that. Those old guys that are all shredded, you know, they jump in the pool and then they come out, and all those. Those women who were sitting in the pool, like, look at that old guy. And then he comes out of the pool, and they're like, oh, wait a minute.

[E]

Right.

[Listener]

I think I'll bang that grandpa.

[E]

Well, maybe, too, because they live, like, just a very, like, modest lifestyle. He's feeling even more insecure that he doesn't have anything to, like, offer. So even if he wanted to get out of it to, like, go back to a younger girl or something, like, younger than her, he wouldn't have anything necessarily to offer. So it's.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Yeah, this guy's an idiot. I wouldn't have married a girl that younger.

[Listener]

I remember time before I met you, Nini.

[E]

Yes.

[Listener]

I was like, what was I, 35 or something when I was 35?

[E]

I was 25. You were 35.

[Listener]

All right, so I was like, whatever, 34, 35. And I met this woman, right? She was like, 22. 21. 22. And she said the first night we hung out, she goes, where is this going?

[E]

I remember you told me this story.

[Listener]

Yeah. And I said, where's it going? I go, nowhere. I go. When you're 30, it would be, like, 106.

[E]

Yeah.

[Listener]

So this isn't going anywhere. So I won't say what I said next, but it worked out well. All right, that's the. That's the pocket you. This is her new thing. She just grabs. You got such a grip. That's my forearm hair. That you just grab a whole handful of. All right, I want to hang out.

[Nia Renée Hill]

With her before I have to go to work, so I got to get.

[Listener]

Off the thing here. Yeah, you're just fascinated with anything that's technology. There's no screen on it, so that's boring. Right?

[E]

It's got a light on it.

[Listener]

It's got a light on it.

[Nia Renée Hill]

Oh, it's got a light on it, doesn't it? Huh?

[Listener]

I always think you can't get any cuter. Then you get cuter, huh? All right. Okay, cool. Hang on a second. I'll hang out with you in a minute. All right. That's the podcast my daughter's here. Go F yourselves and I'll check in.

[Bill Burr]

On you on Thursday.

[Nia Renée Hill]

There.

[Child]

Another day passes as the night closes in the red night goes on to say it's time to begin.

[Listener]

I.

[Child]

See see the man around the car I'm waiting getting to you I close my eyes and wait to hear a sound that someone's breathing here now what tears Here no one tears it's just a sign of the time going forward in reverse still being who that is Just a hand in the bush make the most of the night kiss before I leave you this way your lips are so cold I don't know what else to say I never wanted it to end in this way My love my darling and leave me when I say to you in love I think I'm falling here now more tears now more tears no more tears Jam.

[Bill Burr]

Just.

[Nia Renée Hill]

A hand in the bush in the boss in the boss in the boss in the bush in the boss.

[Bill Burr]

In.

[Nia Renée Hill]

The boss in the boss in the boss.