Monday Morning Podcast – "Bears, Open Carry, Salmon"
Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast | 10-16-25
Host: Bill Burr
Release Date: October 16, 2025
Overview
This episode showcases Bill Burr at his best – riffing relentlessly on everything from playoff baseball, irrational bear phobias, and American gun culture, to relationship gripes, nutrition rants, and the emotional turmoil of attending modern sporting events. Besides the classic solo Burr, the episode contains his banter-heavy NFL picks segment with Paul Virzi, Andrew Theles, and “Jake the Snake,” where friendly roastings and sports-nerd tangents abound.
Main Topics & Discussion Points
1. Baseball Playoffs, Mariners Fandom, and Sports Nostalgia
- Bill admits he’s become a low-key Seattle Mariners fan thanks to playoff fever. He riffs on the Mariners' historic futility and his spontaneous adoption of new favorite teams.
- “I have low key. Become a Seattle Mariners fan. Hear the rhyme of the Ancient Mariner. That's what I would be playing before the games.” (00:22)
- Sports history and team origins: He digs into quirky trivia about the Seattle Pilots becoming the Milwaukee Brewers and reflects on how such arcana doesn’t help in life.
- Recaps the latest playoff games and emotional roller coasters, with tangents about why he dislikes the Blue Jays (and Geddy Lee in particular) more than the Yankees.
- “I kind of hate... I don't like the Blue Jays more than I don't like the Yankees, which doesn't make sense. But it all comes from Geddy Lee... Getty Lee, the rock star, I have no problem with. But Getty Lee, the baseball fan, like, you know, he ever comes to Fenway and I happen to be there, we're gonna have words.” (03:39, 05:31)
2. Big Bear Vacation & Bear Phobia
- Bill describes his family trip to Big Bear, California, expressing comical paranoia about bears and mountain lions.
- “I have fears in life. Some of them irrational. One of them is bears. And we're staying in a place called Big Bear. So I'm nervous...” (06:18)
- Hilarious retelling of his encounter: Bill’s wife FaceTimes him with a bear in the backyard while he’s lost trying to find the rental house with coffees. This quickly devolves into a marital miscommunication and a Scarface reference.
- “I go to her, I go open the door, right? And she looks at me like, what the...Because, you know, she's a woman. It's in the backyard. The bear is in the backyard, right? ...What if it has a friend in the front yard or cubs or some shit?...Open the fucking door.” (09:16–10:25)
3. Open Carry, Gun Culture, and Firearm Fetishism
- With his trademark irreverence, Bill rants about semi-automatic weapons, American gun laws, and his fascination with revolvers.
- “Machine guns or semi automatics are for people who suck at shooting. You know what I mean? ... We should go back to that... everywhere you go is open carry. But all you're allowed to have is a six shooter.” (13:11)
- Reference to watching YouTube gun vs. traffic cone tests, paralleling the escalation of American firepower.
4. Diet, Eggs, and Fish Rants
- Fresh from a doctor’s visit, Bill vents about contradictory health advice around eggs, processed foods, and the environmental detritus in fish.
- “You know, the eggs are like the Jeff George of breakfast foods. You know, what are we getting here?...Eggs are great for you, then they're bad for you, and everybody's eating egg whites. And then they became good again, and now they're fucking bad again.” (21:01)
- Slams man-made (“frankenfish”) salmon:
- “If you're making man-made salmon, is there a reason you can't make it in a healthy way? ... How is that not terrorism? How is that not treason?” (25:17)
5. NFL Gambling Theories & Picks
- Bill explains his latest gambling “theory” for Thursday night division rivalry games – take the points, especially with teams on short rest and banged up veterans.
- “Thursday night game, division rivalry, take the points...The Thursday game elevates the worst team and brings down the better team.” (17:38)
- Intro to the regular “Anything Better” NFL picks segment with Paul Virzi, Andrew Theles, and Jake the Snake, marked by trash talk, degenerate-gambler confessions, and inside jokes.
Notable Exchange (NFL Picks):
- Paul: “I'm reeling is an understatement. But you know what? We got a lot of time left. I'm not quitting just yet.” (104:03)
- Bill: “I got a new theory, everybody. A new Thursday night theory. When it's a division rivalry game, they got four days...I just feel like you just take the points.” (109:48)
6. Modern Pro Sports Spectator Experience
- Bill gives a detailed, darkly comic breakdown of going to games (Tennessee Volunteers, Atlanta Falcons)—from using StubHub apps and dealing with loud, overproduced stadium experiences, to being bombarded with tragic charity reminders at what’s supposed to be fun events.
- “It was one of the most depressing... there was like nine minutes left in the first quarter. And in case you missed the veteran running out with one leg, they fucking showed that again.” (52:05)
- “Caring is a great fucking thing, but how about you pick a cause rather than...I mean, I left with like five minutes left in the second quarter...I've been reminded that I'm kind of being selfish because people have way bigger sadness than I do.” (62:51)
- Tied together with his classic, “I felt like they should have just had my eyes taped open as they're selling me our foreign policy...” (64:51)
7. Pop Culture – Watching Narcos, Comedians, and Stand-Up Life
- Bill discusses finally getting into “Narcos” on Netflix and shouts out Ian Edwards as a must-see comic.
- “You got to see that guy. It's just there's something wrong with our fucking business that more people don't know who that guy is.” (35:18)
- Reflects on brutal stand-up memories, the camaraderie among comedians, and the importance of enduring public humiliation to get better at comedy.
8. Listener Questions
- Bill answers mailbag questions, including:
- Did everyone in Hollywood know about Harvey Weinstein?
- Dealing with a neighbor threatening her dogs: “Go down to the spy shop and get some cameras...Get a lock on my fence, okay, that he can't get past.” (97:27)
- Dating in Asia (“Beautiful, boring Asian girls…”), being heckled by a veteran comic at an open mic, discovering a spouse’s shoplifting habit, and more. Each response combines blunt advice with peppery self-deprecation and side rants.
Notable Quotes & Moments
-
Geddy Lee/Blue Jays Rant:
“But Getty Lee, the baseball fan...if he ever comes to Fenway and I happen to be there, we're gonna have words. Hey, Getty, why don't you say something. What's the matter? You're not near a Timmy Horton. So all of a sudden you fucking got no balls anymore.” (05:31–06:18) -
On Bear Paranoia:
“One of them is bears. And we're staying in a place called Big Bear. So I’m nervous, you know, not only is it a bear, it’s a big bear. That’s redundant. Bears are big. But the fact that you then have to call it Big Bear, these must be like...corn fed bears up here.” (06:18) -
Modern Stadium Experience:
“Sam Jackson starts fucking screaming at everybody to get up. Something about the heartbeat. You know, we gotta fucking do this. First of all, it's like, Sam Jackson, you're from New York. When did you start giving a shit about the Falcons?” (54:31) “It was one of the most depressing...dude, there was like nine minutes left in the first quarter. And in case you missed the veteran running out with one leg, they fucking showed that again.” (52:00–62:00) -
NFL and Corporatized Caring:
“Caring is a great fucking thing, but how about you pick a cause rather than...I left with like five minutes left in the second quarter...I've been reminded that I'm kind of being selfish because people have way bigger sadness than I do.” (62:51) -
On Eggs and Health Advice:
“You know, the eggs are like the Jeff George of breakfast foods...Eggs are great for you, then they're bad for you, and everybody's eating egg whites. And then they became good again, and now they're fucking bad again.” (21:01) -
On Being a Fun Parent:
“Why don't you guys listen to me? She goes, because you're the fun parent. Everybody knows that. Fun parent, read crushing. Need to be liked. Overriding the job that I need to be doing.” (28:40) -
Philosophy on Stand-Up Humiliation:
“That's what you're signing up for...as you're going through it, you just get seasoned, and then you're just literally on stage going through some of the worst humiliation of your life while thinking, I can't wait to tell this to my buddy when I get home, or whatever.” (91:40)
Episode Timeline Highlights
| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |-----------|-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:02 | Opening riff, Mariners fandom, baseball playoff tangents | | 03:39 | Blue Jays/Geddy Lee rant | | 06:18 | Big Bear tales, bear paranoia | | 09:16 | Bear in backyard dramatics, marital communication fail | | 13:11 | Firearms/gun culture musings, YouTube gun tests | | 17:38 | NFL gambling theory, Thursday night games | | 21:01 | Health/eggs/oatmeal & toxins rant | | 25:17 | Man-made salmon, food terrorism joke | | 35:18 | College games, traveling alone as a comedian, stadium reviews | | 52:00 | Atlanta Falcons stadium, modern sports sadness overload | | 62:51 | “Caring” as NFL branding; moral fatigue | | 72:01 | Listener questions: Weinstein, shoplifting spouse, Asia dating | | 109:48 | NFL Picks segment - banter & breakdowns with Paul, Andrew, Jake | | 115:43 | John Candy / Jonah Hill / Nick DePaolo bonus stories |
Tone & Style
Classic Bill Burr: irreverent, stream-of-consciousness, self-deprecating, rant-prone; at times philosophical, at others exasperatedly funny without losing the core warmth that keeps the cynical edge in check. When joined by Virzi/crew, the tone shifts toward high-energy sports-jab banter reminiscent of degenerate gamblers at a diner at 2am.
Conclusion
This episode is quintessential Bill Burr: a deeply funny, wide-ranging set of personal rants and observations, equal parts confessional and combative, with side helpings of pop culture and real-life advice. It’s highly accessible entertainment for regular listeners and solidifies why “Monday Morning Podcast” is still a go-to for those who love unfiltered honesty, sharp sports analysis, and laughter about the craziness of modern adulthood.
Recommended especially for:
- Fans of no-holds-barred sports comedy
- Listeners who love sideways life advice
- Anyone wanting to experience the surreal intensity of modern pro-sports events from the comfort of Bill's irate, hilarious perspective